# Considering Rehoming



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

This is all going to sound so selfish, but I really need some guidance and support. 

At least once a week, it crosses my mind that our life would be so much easier without Ben. I don't enjoy walking him because of his dog aggression. I can barely look after myself at the moment and just feel he would be better with someone who has the motivation for his behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months. 

I have been posting on here about how down I feel, maybe Ben is the issue? I think about what if he wasn't here, I could join the gym again and get fit and feel good about myself, me and hubby could go to the cinema and for meals. We seem to have lost touch with eachother and argue about Ben. 

Then I think, my life revolves around that dog, I love him. 

I shouldn't feel this way if I truly wanted him tho should I?


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## Mumtomaddog (Sep 17, 2013)

I know that you have been having problems with Ben, i havent really replied because i really dont know what to say in all honesty and so many more people can give some great advice.
The very fact that you are writing means that you do really want him. I think maybe you have got yourself in a rut with him though. Please dont take offence, i'm only saying how i actually feel with Max too. 

You say that you can barely look after yourself and talk about joining a gym if you didnt have him. Are these issues that you need or want to work on or are you just thinking of what you could do if you didnt have Ben? 
Its easy when we feel low to attach it to areas that are not really the cause but we feel that if this or that wasnt happening then other things would be great, its rarely so though. 

I feel for you, i really do. Its obvious that you do love Ben, and even considering rehoming for Bens good, doesnt mean that you dont love him. Sometimes we have to put our feelings aside. Sometimes if we really love someone or some animal, but we know that they would definitely be better off elsewhere, its the kindest thing to do... acting selflessly.

I'm not saying you should rehome him, and i'm not saying youre bad for feeling like this but you do need some help somewhere. Is there any way you could have someone look after Ben while you and hubby have a bit of quality time together for a meal etc? Maybe if you and hubby arent always arguing about him, you may feel more relaxed about him. I dont know. I do wish you all the best though and hope you can find some solution.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

You may be feeling low but you can't blame your dog for this. If you really wanted to go to the gym you would make time & surely if you need/want more exercise then what better way to get it than going for a brisk walk with your dog? 

If it's aggression that is the problem then why not start back trying to address his issues? As he makes progress it will spur you on. Take a look at meting up with people, on here, through training clubs, etc the more progress you make the more your confidence will improve.

Also, in all honestly who is really going to want to rehome a dog who has problems? I'm not being harsh, just realistic, there aren't enough homes for friendly dogs so ones such as ben will find it difficult. 

Ben is your responsibility & as challenging as it can be at times (I know this as Roxy was a nightmare when we first got her), he relies on you & I think you are using him as an excuse for your problems


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## tinaK (Jun 12, 2010)

Clover my older dog is reactive around other dogs, and in loads of situations very nervous. 

Yes it's blinking hard work at times, but no way will I give up on her. 

Sometimes I get annoyed and wish for a more settled dog like my younger one. But Clover is my responsibility issues and all.

No way would I re-home cos she's often difficult to walk/be around.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

What about going for a walk together? all three of you?



Any dog means that time must be devoted to him...or her..
and imagine:children!


yet couples survive..argue..but survive..


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## Fluffster (Aug 26, 2013)

I also think it wouldn't do him any harm for you and your husband to go to the cinema or out for a meal once in a while and leave Ben at home. I know we love our dogs and hate the thought of leaving them, but you and your husband need to have your own lives too and leaving Ben an evening a week for a couple of hours isn't going to do him any harm, and will do the pair of you a world of good, and just give you both a break.


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> This is all going to sound so selfish, but I really need some guidance and support.
> 
> At least once a week, it crosses my mind that our life would be so much easier without Ben. I don't enjoy walking him because of his dog aggression. I can barely look after myself at the moment and just feel he would be better with someone who has the motivation for his behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months.
> 
> ...


It would not be easier, it wouldn't be, take a look at the people who are heart broken losing their dog, either through circumstances out of their control, or because of death  I'm sure each one of them now would give anything to have their dog back.

I'm going to be blunt (nothing new) and correct me if I'm wrong have not rehomed a dog before? Was it for the same reasons, you said that time it broke you correct in another post?

You can go to the gym he's not stopping you, you can work with him and that would give you something to do with him bond if you like through training.

If you really don't want to do any of these things, then rehome him, it won't be easy tough all round really Shi*tty for your dog, but why keep him if you don't care?

BUT don't a few weeks or months down the line decide you miss a dog and get another. With dogs you get out what you put in, if you don't put the time in to train and help your dog with his issues you are going to be letting him and yourself down.

Sorry blunt as always..


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

If you can't get the motivation to the walk the dog, how are you going to go down a gym?
You could take him for a nice long walk/jog, wear him out, get yourself fit at the same time, and then when he's tired and sleeping, you could both go and do what you want to do.
Or you could both take him out and play a game with him.

Maybe you should join in the 'What are you working on?' thread, you'd get some good advice, see that you're not the only one with dog issues, and maybe that would help motivate you.

Sometimes you just have to force yourself to get on with something.
He won't improve if you're not bothering to train him though his issues.

It's not the dog stopping you from doing what you want, it's you.


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## paddyjulie (May 9, 2009)

Life would be so much easier if we had the perfect dog , but the truth is not many of us do. 

Why pay to go to a gym when you have a lovely dog that you can walk for free  there's nothing like a good walk early morning to set you up for the day.


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## Milliepoochie (Feb 13, 2011)

cheekyscrip said:


> What about going for a walk together? all three of you?
> 
> Any dog means that time must be devoted to him...or her..
> and imagine:children!
> ...


This this ^^^^^^

Me and hubby walk together once a day - Everyday.

Its become 'our time'.

To talk about our day etc

Its now a solid a part of our routine as having dinner ) Its very much possible to have dog time and OH time at the same time 

We both went to the cinema Sunday Afternoon to 

If you want it to work it will but it needs you BOTH working towards the goal and behind it.

Not really sure what else to say


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## Jp kp (Mar 14, 2013)

Rather than going to the gym, how about jogging with your dog? Get fit and the hound might like it. Both get some hi viz gear and make an event of it?


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## Canine K9 (Feb 22, 2013)

Just wanted to say if you do rehome, realistically how many homes are lined up for a DA dog?


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## StormyThai (Sep 11, 2013)

Do what I did...Find somewhere that other dog owners don't venture too, or find a time when it isn't dog walking rush hour and then....bingo...you have enjoyable walks with your dog and you can work on your fitness and your bond with your dog 

In the mean time, kick yourself up the backside and crack on with helping your dog overcome his aggression and drag your OH out for walks and training time so you get to spend time as a family...


Job done :sneaky2:


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## paddyjulie (May 9, 2009)

StormyThai said:


> Do what I did...Find somewhere that other dog owners don't venture too, or find a time when it isn't dog walking rush hour and then....bingo...you have enjoyable walks with your dog and you can work on your fitness and your bond with your dog
> 
> In the mean time, kick yourself up the backside and crack on with helping your dog overcome his aggression and drag your OH out for walks and training time so you get to spend time as a family...
> 
> Job done :sneaky2:


Me too...tis very quiet up them fells


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## lilythepink (Jul 24, 2013)

BenBoy...........Your post made me really mad.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

Milliepoochie said:


> This this ^^^^^^
> 
> Me and hubby walk together once a day - Everyday.
> 
> ...


but that is for OH and I "our time"..when we go with Scrip...
now and then we left kids with big sister and went together...

now sometimes we leave them (when the lil ones sleep..but the oldest does not..in case..to call us..) and have a walk close...but it really gives us time to talk (without kids listening!)....

the thing is: one cannot have a cake and eat it...


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

Dog walking is one of my releases I love walking with OH, and it's easy to go to places where you don't bump in to many dogs.

My old GSD was scared of other dogs on lead, and he was BIG, but I still walked him and two Rottweilers, because I worked on it, he didn't get over his fear I just managed it and I enjoyed the escape of walking and this time of year is even better as not many people will be out in the shitty weather...

Does anyone from PF live near you who can help out?

Dog walking is a GREAT way to lose weight... 

Don't blame the dog for the wrongs in your world, only you can change how you feel not your dog..............


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## Fluffster (Aug 26, 2013)

Also, I think a dog is one of the best ways to get fit! That was one of the reasons we got a dog, to force us to get out and about and it certainly has! You might have to go a bit further afield to find places that aren't too busy, but me and my OH have "us" time at the weekend by taking Daisy out for a walk, we get to stroll enough and chat and spend time together, and Daisy gets to have fun sniffing around, it's a win-win situation 

I can guarantee that you will always find an excuse not to go to the gym! As others have said, it's easy to project your unhappiness onto one aspect of your life, but if you did get rid of Ben, you'd probably still find yourself lacking in motivation as THAT is the real issue and it's stopping you enjoying Ben as you should.


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## tiatortilla (Oct 1, 2012)

cloversmum said:


> Clover my older dog is reactive around other dogs, and in loads of situations very nervous.
> 
> Yes it's blinking hard work at times, but no way will I give up on her.
> 
> ...


This exactly.

I've just had a big old rant in WAYWO (bet everyone's going to go and look at that now ), Tia stresses me the hell out at times but she's also the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love her more than anything in the world. No matter how stressed I feel occasionally, rehoming her has never crossed my mind.
If you don't feel that strongly about your dog then maybe he should be rehomed to someone who will feel that strongly about him, but I think if you really love him then you should put the work in.

He isn't stopping you from doing any of the things you mention in your post? You can still join a gym with a dog... although walking him more would be far better for both of you! You don't have to be with him 24/7, there's no harm in going out for a meal or to the cinema with your husband. I don't really understand how you've come to the conclusion that rehoming him would benefit you in any way tbh.


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## StormyThai (Sep 11, 2013)

cheekyscrip said:


> the thing is: one cannot have a cake and eat it...


Lies......Lies I tell you.......

Please tell me it is all lies? :sosp:


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## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> This is all going to sound so selfish, but I really need some guidance and support.
> 
> At least once a week, it crosses my mind that our life would be so much easier without Ben. I don't enjoy walking him because of his dog aggression. I can barely look after myself at the moment and just feel he would be better with someone who has the motivation for his behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months.
> 
> ...


How about spending less time on here? That would give you *loads* more time to focus on your dog's behaviour programme AND getting fit.

.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BB as one of your triplets I have to say I'm surprised at you.

Only you can make the decision, but as others have said, DA dogs find it hard to get new homes - it's not as though the rescues centres have waiting lists for every dog that comes in. Your dog walking time is your opportunity to get fit, share time with your OH and bond with Ben - take him out early if you want to avoid other dogs.

Yes dogs are hard work - I've often wondered what possessed me to get dogs -(or a husband, cats and kids for that matter), but it's like anything worth having - it's worth working for.


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## Julesky (Feb 10, 2012)

No one has a perfect dog- mine is lead reactive sometimes although less and less after extensive work

Has had a stand off/handbag with some other males

Has had recall issues

He is and will always be a work in progress, but aren't they all? aren't we all? (so deep )


What's the issue? Do you want him to be dog friendly?- He clearly doesn't want to be, so manage as best you can to get him to focus on and with you- it is hard, it's only hard because I do believe it's us not the dog that has to have their head in the game to make it work and so many times we fail because we're only human.
Can you not avoid dogs? 

Walk him earlier start watch me /distraction exercises etc.

What are his drives- get a toy he likes/special treat- he ONLY gets this when he is out on walks/passing a dog

How old is he? Have you done classes etc? Is it defo full blown aggression or reactivity (can look just as bad but in actual fact can be easier to remedy) is it fear based?

Joining a gym - why bother, you have a four legged mental and physical one right there.


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## Hanlou (Oct 29, 2012)

Milliepoochie said:


> This this ^^^^^^
> 
> Me and hubby walk together once a day - Everyday.
> 
> ...


Same here exactly xx  xx

We love walking our dogs together. No distractions, just us and the dogs. Round here there are some places you know there'll be a lot of dogs and other places that are generally very quiet - it might be worth doing a bit more research in your area to find some quieter places to walk.


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## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

Walking is one of the best exercises....and fresh air is really good for you and your mental wellbeing.
You could even try cycling with your dog too.
I manage to swim 3 times a week as well as walking the dog and working! If I can do it so can you!


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## shirleystarr (Mar 22, 2009)

you say behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months. 
Why not ?
Getting rid of the dog wont solve your problems I don't see why you cant go out with your OH how is the dog preventing you from doing that?
You want to go down to the gym the dog is not stopping you doing that either
I don't think the dog is the issue here there is something else going on


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## Sarah1983 (Nov 2, 2011)

Why does having Ben stop you from going to the gym? Why does he stop you going out for a meal or to the cinema or to the pub for a few hours with your OH? Is Ben really the issue here or is it your lack of motivation? Me and my hubby go bowling once a week despite having a dog. We go to the cinema whenever there's something on we want to watch. We go visit friends, go out for drinks on occasion. Having a dog shouldn't stop any of that.

I've been in way over my head with a dog and seriously considered rehoming. Not to make my life easier but to give him the chance of a better life. Rupert was extremely dog aggressive, killed and ate other animals at any opportunity, wasn't keen on children and it would honestly be quicker to tell you what he wasn't afraid of than to list his fears. I never rehomed him. For one thing I loved him and couldn't bear the thought of him possibly being passed from pillar to post because he wasn't an easy, take everywhere, love everyone sort of dog. For another, homes for a dog like that just don't grow on trees. Chances are he'd have ended up put to sleep or spending his life in a cage at the shelter. No way I was letting him end up that way. 

Rupert taught me a lot. Ben will teach you a lot too if you let him.


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## Owned By A Yellow Lab (May 16, 2012)

There are times when the stress of having a reactive dog or a DA dog, can be overwhelming. So honestly, I do understand and relate to some of what you're feeling.

I think you need to be brutally honest with yourself: is it really Ben that is causing all of these feelings, or are there other issues going on...? No idea what they may be, just posing the question 

My first two years with Dex were incredibly hard. I used to return from walks trembling with nerves and sometimes in tears. But I will also be honest and say that although sometimes I felt so very weary, I never considered rehoming Dex, because I cannot imagine not being with him.

So I think you have to also ask yourself how strong your bond is to Ben and whether you can perhaps improve it, either by training or by doing some more enjoyable things together. I know you muzzle him - would he be able to cope with and enjoy agility, or tracking, for instance.....?

*One other thing I find helpful:* we go out walking or to the park SIX times a week. But one day a week, we 'rest'. It's good for Dex's hips to have one day off and it's good for my nerves  because even though my boy is sooooo much better, he's still reactive and I still have to watch him like a hawk and pre-empt any reactivity.

Take some time and space to think things through. Also, why can't you go to the gym??? Sorry I'm not understanding how Ben is stopping you from doing that?


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

Why can't you go to the cinema etc, can he not be left alone?

Rupert got funny with other dogs for a while to the point where we couldn't meet any at all. We got past it but he's still not 100% happy with them on lead and I doubt he ever will be.

Walking him was immensely stressful but I always feel better (used to be relieved) when we got back and it hadn't been too dire. You just have to make yourself do it. If you feel low you WILL feel better the times you come back and its been OK.

Walk at silly o'clock if you have to.

If you rehome Ben, are you going to have a void needing to be filled by another dog/animal? What if they develop problems? I think part of being a pet owner is taking the bad with the good. Rupert and I are a pair and I suppose (weirdly!) its a bit like a marriage. In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer :laugh:


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## Dogless (Feb 26, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> This is all going to sound so selfish, but I really need some guidance and support.
> 
> At least once a week, it crosses my mind that our life would be so much easier without Ben. I don't enjoy walking him because of his dog aggression. I can barely look after myself at the moment and just feel he would be better with someone who has the motivation for his behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months.
> 
> ...


How about running with him? Or cycling? Or just power walking or doing training where the handler sprints and runs about a lot?

I do very much know how it feels to have a challenging dog (Kilo currently can't be in the vicinity of another dog) and how it feels to have to plan so much around them. I also feel that such insecure dogs would do very badly away from the person who provides love and stability. I cannot imagine a challenging dog either doing well in a rescue centre or being snapped up when there are dogs without issues also looking for a home.


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

I'm sorry as I'm really not sure what sort of response you were expecting?

I'm sure many of us would find things "easier" without our dogs at times ..... and I can honestly say there was many a day when I though "OMG what have I done?" and balled my eyes out after Maisie arrived 

We just didn't click - she had no idea what she was doing with me or what she was supposed to do .....

She is a predatory chaser (pretty much anything that moves ) and is absolutely _obsessed_ with birds and I couldn't let her off lead or she was OFF  and I really struggled to give her enough exercise on lead 

It took a LOT of hard work, 3 steps forwards & 4 back  BUT she's now the most wonderful companion 

I can now let her off lead in a variety of places - but obviously have to be careful and there's some places that she's just a PITA so we rarely go (dense woodland etc)

Did I ever thing I'd done the wrong thing? - frequently 

Am I glad I didn't give up? - totally 

Hope this is just a blip ......


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

I do sometimes think how much simpler life would be without Tango. she's dog - reactive, people shy , sometimes has accidents when left ( SA) , steals the cat's food ..... 
But beyond that she's sweet, affectionate, adores me ( it's mutual ! ) and is the best company in the world !!


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

This is probably going to sound harsh but I believe it's also true - most people are not going to want to adopt a DA Labrador. Most people looking to get a Labrador want one because of their laid back personalities and good natures. Same sex/dog aggression is a bit more 'accepted' in some breeds whereas in Labs it should be non-existent, so it will unfortunately put people off. 

ALL of our lives would be easier without dogs. Likewise all of our lives would be easier without some of our family, friends, jobs and other responsibilities. Sometimes everything goes tits up, but I think we owe it to our dogs to try our best and persist through the crappy times and not give up at the first hurdle. Yes it sucks when your dog has a problem and I know it can feel like you are the only one, but you are really not - trust me.

Sometimes just taking a step back, getting it in perspective and re-thinking how you manage the dog makes the world of difference.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> This is all going to sound so selfish, but I really need some guidance and support.
> 
> At least once a week, it crosses my mind that our life would be so much easier without Ben. I don't enjoy walking him because of his dog aggression. I can barely look after myself at the moment and just feel he would be better with someone who has the motivation for his behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months.
> 
> ...


You are human  Honestly don't be too hard on yourself over Ben and for my part, and I hope PF doesn't hang me out to dry, but there have been days and still are sometimes when I look at old holiday photos and miss those times. But I also know that at every opportunity I'd be nagging my OH for a dog. But I'll be honest, your words could have been written by me last year.

If it helps, me and my OH had an awful year. Molly was lead aggressive (we still have to be careful) and we went nowhere and we argued all the time. I can't wave a wand, I wish I could, but I don't feel that, reading your posts about how much you love Ben, that rehoming him is what you really want anymore than I'd have done that with Molly. But the dream of an easy dog and then getting a dog with issues can be a real shock can't it?

I think you make the most of what you have. Get the report out and perhaps share it on here and get some help. Some of the contributors to the What are you working on thread were so generous with their help. Facebook has a Daily Dog Training Challenge group where you can share ideas. I also bought some books and wrote out a training plan that fitted in with us. I got the OH to do some lessons with our behaviourist so he knew what to do too and nothing got lost in translation. Maybe go back to the behaviourist to get a plan sorted out.

How you feel about you means so much. Successive IVF treatments and subsequent depression have thrown my health all over the place, physical and mental. Only you can motivate that, but I bought some trail shoes and we all go out for a walk at least three times a week as a family. I run when it's not too muddy as well. I tend to find that just a bit a day makes a big difference to my mindset.

And you _can_ go out. I'm terrible for leaving Molly now I work at home  But I've been better lately, we have a once a week lunch without our dog since money is tight. But each Wednesday morning Molly gets a long run with my OH whilst I'm at uni and she gets a 'home box' of stuffed kongs whilst we meet up during my lunch break at our local.

I think the more you can blend the Pre Ben life with the With Ben life to find a compromise the more balance you'll get but it takes time to adjust.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Mumtomaddog said:


> I know that you have been having problems with Ben, i havent really replied because i really dont know what to say in all honesty and so many more people can give some great advice.
> The very fact that you are writing means that you do really want him. I think maybe you have got yourself in a rut with him though. Please dont take offence, i'm only saying how i actually feel with Max too.
> 
> You say that you can barely look after yourself and talk about joining a gym if you didnt have him. Are these issues that you need or want to work on or are you just thinking of what you could do if you didnt have Ben?
> ...


Thank you for the lovely post, I probably should have added that part of me thinks maybe I am just not cut out for dog owning and Ben would be better off with a more experiences dog owner and one who doesn't have mental health issues.



Cleo38 said:


> You may be feeling low but you can't blame your dog for this. If you really wanted to go to the gym you would make time & surely if you need/want more exercise then what better way to get it than going for a brisk walk with your dog?
> 
> If it's aggression that is the problem then why not start back trying to address his issues? As he makes progress it will spur you on. Take a look at meting up with people, on here, through training clubs, etc the more progress you make the more your confidence will improve.
> 
> ...


Maybe I am using him an excuse for my problems, I rushed into getting him because of problems and I thought he would be a good focus. That seems selfish in itself doesn't it? I met up with SLB and Leanne77 from here and Ben was as good as gold so maybe continuous positive experiences with other dogs will help him. I do put the training into place, but not as much as I probably should.



Meezey said:


> It would not be easier, it wouldn't be, take a look at the people who are heart broken losing their dog, either through circumstances out of their control, or because of death  I'm sure each one of them now would give anything to have their dog back.
> 
> I'm going to be blunt (nothing new) and correct me if I'm wrong have not rehomed a dog before? Was it for the same reasons, you said that time it broke you correct in another post?
> 
> ...


No need to be sorry for being blunt. I did rehome my female lab and it did break me, they were fighting and Ben had to be sedated for stiches. I did it for them both. I do care about him, but finding the motivation to even get myself dressed it like this big mountain to climb, so how is it fair on Ben to have half measures?



Gemmaa said:


> If you can't get the motivation to the walk the dog, how are you going to go down a gym?
> You could take him for a nice long walk/jog, wear him out, get yourself fit at the same time, and then when he's tired and sleeping, you could both go and do what you want to do.
> Or you could both take him out and play a game with him.
> 
> ...


You make a good point about motivation to go to the gym. I have a knee injury and when I walk fast or for long periods I am in agony and this makes me miserable couple with being on edge because of his aggression, I just don't find it enjoyable. I know I need to force myself, its hard.



cheekyscrip said:


> What about going for a walk together? all three of you?
> 
> Any dog means that time must be devoted to him...or her..
> and imagine:children!
> ...


We do walk together, we did this morning and this evening.



Jp kp said:


> Rather than going to the gym, how about jogging with your dog? Get fit and the hound might like it. Both get some hi viz gear and make an event of it?


Knee injury re the jogging and I had a bad experience with some young lads when I last tried jogging



lilythepink said:


> BenBoy...........Your post made me really mad.


I am sorry my post made you mad



Meezey said:


> Dog walking is one of my releases I love walking with OH, and it's easy to go to places where you don't bump in to many dogs.
> 
> My old GSD was scared of other dogs on lead, and he was BIG, but I still walked him and two Rottweilers, because I worked on it, he didn't get over his fear I just managed it and I enjoyed the escape of walking and this time of year is even better as not many people will be out in the shitty weather...
> 
> ...


I am not blaming Ben, I am blaming myself. Maybe its not a coincidence that I had two aggressive Labradors. Maybe I am just one of those that should have a goldfish.



dougal22 said:


> How about spending less time on here? That would give you *loads* more time to focus on your dog's behaviour programme AND getting fit.
> 
> .


Ben is currently sleeping while I am on here



lostbear said:


> BB as one of your triplets I have to say I'm surprised at you.
> 
> Only you can make the decision, but as others have said, DA dogs find it hard to get new homes - it's not as though the rescues centres have waiting lists for every dog that comes in. Your dog walking time is your opportunity to get fit, share time with your OH and bond with Ben - take him out early if you want to avoid other dogs.
> 
> Yes dogs are hard work - I've often wondered what possessed me to get dogs -(or a husband, cats and kids for that matter), but it's like anything worth having - it's worth working for.


I would never sell him or anything like that, I would go to a Labrador rescue and explain all his problems, I have seen DA dogs on the website before and they have found understanding homes. But you are right.



Julesky said:


> No one has a perfect dog- mine is lead reactive sometimes although less and less after extensive work
> 
> Has had a stand off/handbag with some other males
> 
> ...


He is two in January and full blown aggression I would say. I think its fear, he has to get in there first.



shirleystarr said:


> you say behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months.
> Why not ?
> Getting rid of the dog wont solve your problems I don't see why you cant go out with your OH how is the dog preventing you from doing that?
> You want to go down to the gym the dog is not stopping you doing that either
> I don't think the dog is the issue here there is something else going on


I think you are right.


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## bearcub (Jul 19, 2011)

Ben is 21 months going by your sig. Very young still, bless him. 

Please, for his sake, make the decision sooner rather than putting it off for later. Either commit to him now or give him up. 

If you do not work on his aggression and then another year down the line do decide to rehome him for whatever reason, he could be at a far worse state by then and almost impossible to rehome. There are very, very few homes out there for aggressive dogs. 

I think you do have it in you but it sounds like you're at a very low point at the moment. Maybe you should consider making an appointment with your GP if you're barely managing to look after yourself.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Lilylass said:


> I'm sorry as I'm really not sure what sort of response you were expecting?
> 
> I'm sure many of us would find things "easier" without our dogs at times ..... and I can honestly say there was many a day when I though "OMG what have I done?" and balled my eyes out after Maisie arrived
> 
> ...


Roxy had numerous problems when she came to live with us, it seemed as if the list of Roxy's Issues got longer each day. I can laugh about it now but I think I cried nearly every day for the first 6 months - sounds pathetic but I was so out of my depth with her, she was nothing like my Toby who is so laid back & friendly.

We have worked hard but she will never be like Toby, will always be a bit wary of other dogs, will never be the sort of dog where I can let my guard down with, I will always have to watch her to make sure she doesn't kick off or resort to her old bullying ways 

But ... she is much better now, I love her to bits & we even went on a dog holiday together this year, something I NEVER thought we would ever be able to do


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

it may sound unpopular...but if you have big problem with handling a big dog with DA...
maybe a muzzle is sort of temporary solution?
evenjust for a walk there and back in more crowded areas..before you can take it off?

there are soft ones that are better than the traditional, awful ones..
so what that you may get some "looks"?


my brother uses one for his totally inoffensive large dog..but such is the law in that country...and people who are scared of those dogs feel better...


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## tinaK (Jun 12, 2010)

Benboy dogs are really hard work, especially for those of us with mental health issues.

Every morning I wake up in physical pain and feeling like crap mentally. I think I really can't take the girls out - sometimes I cry at the thought. 

But I have to force myself. I'm all my girls have. I owe it to them to not give up, to keep fighting, to look after them.

You can do it.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Cleo38 said:


> Roxy had numerous problems when she came to live with us, it seemed as if the list of Roxy's Issues got longer each day. I can laugh about it now but I think I cried nearly every day for the first 6 months - sounds pathetic but I was so out of my depth with her, she was nothing like my Toby who is so laid back & friendly.
> 
> We have worked hard but she will never be like Toby, will always be a bit wary of other dogs, will never be the sort of dog where I can let my guard down with, I will always have to watch her to make sure she doesn't kick off or resort to her old bullying ways
> 
> *But ... she is much better now, I love her to bits & we even went on a dog holiday together this year, something I NEVER thought we would ever be able to do*


That's so lovely 

I sat in the outdoor cafe at Felbrigg Hall this year in tears as Molly was asleep and there were four other dogs in the place.  For all the problems we've had, the breakthroughs make it all worthwhile.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Sarah1983 said:


> Why does having Ben stop you from going to the gym? Why does he stop you going out for a meal or to the cinema or to the pub for a few hours with your OH? Is Ben really the issue here or is it your lack of motivation? Me and my hubby go bowling once a week despite having a dog. We go to the cinema whenever there's something on we want to watch. We go visit friends, go out for drinks on occasion. Having a dog shouldn't stop any of that.
> 
> I've been in way over my head with a dog and seriously considered rehoming. Not to make my life easier but to give him the chance of a better life. Rupert was extremely dog aggressive, killed and ate other animals at any opportunity, wasn't keen on children and it would honestly be quicker to tell you what he wasn't afraid of than to list his fears. I never rehomed him. For one thing I loved him and couldn't bear the thought of him possibly being passed from pillar to post because he wasn't an easy, take everywhere, love everyone sort of dog. For another, homes for a dog like that just don't grow on trees. Chances are he'd have ended up put to sleep or spending his life in a cage at the shelter. No way I was letting him end up that way.
> 
> Rupert taught me a lot. Ben will teach you a lot too if you let him.


Just after I posted this thread, Ben came and sat next to me (yes on the new sofa) and rest his head on my shoulder. I don't know why I get myself in such a state. if I did rehome him, I would be wondering and worrying about where he could end up even going through a rescue



Owned By A Yellow Lab said:


> There are times when the stress of having a reactive dog or a DA dog, can be overwhelming. So honestly, I do understand and relate to some of what you're feeling.
> 
> I think you need to be brutally honest with yourself: is it really Ben that is causing all of these feelings, or are there other issues going on...? No idea what they may be, just posing the question
> 
> ...


The gym thing is more of having the time I think that anything else, I have quite an intense job on the phones all day and after walking Ben in the evening, I just wanna chill on the sofa.



Dogless said:


> How about running with him? Or cycling? Or just power walking or doing training where the handler sprints and runs about a lot?
> 
> I do very much know how it feels to have a challenging dog (Kilo currently can't be in the vicinity of another dog) and how it feels to have to plan so much around them. I also feel that such insecure dogs would do very badly away from the person who provides love and stability. I cannot imagine a challenging dog either doing well in a rescue centre or being snapped up when there are dogs without issues also looking for a home.


Cycling is a good idea, that would be low impact for my knee, thank you



cheekyscrip said:


> it may sound unpopular...but if you have big problem with handling a big dog with DA...
> maybe a muzzle is sort of temporary solution?
> evenjust for a walk there and back in more crowded areas..before you can take it off?
> 
> ...


Ben wears a muzzle at all times, I can handle him physically


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## Dogless (Feb 26, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Cycling is a good idea, that would be low impact for my knee, thank you


The WalkyDog attachment is great .


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## Dimwit (Nov 10, 2011)

I am sorry you are struggling but agree with others that having a dog should not stop you from doing other things. A year ago I was really struggling with my dog, who was lead reactive and aggressive towards any dog or person who approached him. I used to drive home from obedience classes in tears because he was so anxious there that he wouldn't do anything, which my instructor just told me was my fault. I used to, and still do, think that he would be better off with someone who knows what they are doing, but he is my dog and I love him, and I wasn't going to give up on him. 
Find a good behaviourist - it has made a huge difference to me and my dog. Thanks to my behaviourist he has made so much progress this year, he is not and never will be perfect, but he is so much better than he was. I have learnt to accept that I will never change some things about him, but I now have a better idea how to manage him, and we can still have lots of fun.


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

I honestly think you will be in a worse state of mind if you do re-home him....


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

,i have always adopted da dogs that have been in kennels,they made our life really hard at times,but I wouldn't change a thing I have done.i will get shot for this,i think you should surrender him to lab rescue,dont sell him like elsa.i don't think you are "cut out"for dealing with him,maybe in a way you make him worse.you need to concentrate on yourself.if I could I would have took him in a heartbeat.im sorry to say this as I like you,its just my opinion.lab rescue will work with him and find a home for him.


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## Malmum (Aug 1, 2010)

You shouldn't be a slave to your dog and I don't really understand why you are. Is Ben so bad that you can't even leave him at home for a couple of hours to go to the gym or the cinema? I've had loads of dogs and even here with five and baby gates because of an aggressive one we can still all be out of the house for a few hours if our shifts collide. It just seems impossible to believe that you can't leave just the one dog and do things you want to do. 

If you really are whacked out dealing with his issues then perhaps another home could be an option, one where you write a contract that should that home fail, Ben is to go to no one else but you, a home where you keep in touch for the next few years as friends until you are sure it was the right choice. A home where you can offer support and any advice/information on how you have dealt with Ben and also where you failed, in order to try and ensure the owners have as much help as possible in dealing with Ben. Perhaps even offer to take him now and then if the family go on holiday. I think you'd need to do all of this in order to feel right about re homing him because although it seems it may be for the best, when you see him walk out of your door for the last time it will very likely break your heart and you'll think about the 'what if's' for a very long time - I know I would. 

Having a dog who is aggressive to all of mine I think I understand what you are saying, most days are great but just the occasional day I think how lovely it would be for us to move freely around the house but would it have been best for her? That's the reason I haven't done it and eight years on still opening and closing gates, lol. 
Flynn is now over five years old and has been SUCH a handful and with only me in my late fifties to deal with him, been hard and shed many many tears but he's more than worth any aggro he throws at me and when he's good I brim with pride - for both of us. He's hugely dog reactive and he gets that from me so I try to 'lead' him so as he doesn't have the job. 
Both of mine have made my life so much harder than ever before but they have also made me stronger and made me see what I CAN achieve as well as handle what I can't. 

Think hard before re homing because if its not truly for 'Bens benefit' only you will know and it could very well come back to haunt you for many years to come.
In the meantime, go out, close the door and see what happens. Give him a frozen kong and make the first outing short. I still can hardly believe you can't leave a dog on its own for short periods, I would say that maybe I've always had good dogs but with the two I've mentioned that's definitely not the case and yet I can even leave those two 'little darlings'.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Malmum said:


> You shouldn't be a slave to your dog and I don't really understand why you are. Is Ben so bad that you can't even leave him at home for a couple of hours to go to the gym or the cinema? I've had loads of dogs and even here with five and baby gates because of an aggressive one we can still all be out of the house for a few hours if our shifts collide. It just seems impossible to believe that you can't leave just the one dog and do things you want to do.
> 
> If you really are whacked out dealing with his issues then perhaps another home could be an option, one where you write a contract that should that home fail, Ben is to go to no one else but you, a home where you keep in touch for the next few years as friends until you are sure it was the right choice. A home where you can offer support and any advice/information on how you have dealt with Ben and also where you failed, in order to try and ensure the owners have as much help as possible in dealing with Ben. Perhaps even offer to take him now and then if the family go on holiday. I think you'd need to do all of this in order to feel right about re homing him because although it seems it may be for the best, when you see him walk out of your door for the last time it will very likely break your heart and you'll think about the 'what if's' for a very long time - I know I would.
> 
> ...


Me and hubby both work full time so I feel bad going out in the evenings and at weekends without Ben. He isn't destructive at all. He has a dining room to himself with the old sofa and his crate in.


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## Picklelily (Jan 2, 2013)

Hi Ben boy

we all get those days where if we could wave a magic wand and make the dog disappear we would especially when they are young. Even when you have the perfect dog and my last dog was perfect, if you have health issues it sometimes takes courage to get out of bed let alone take the dog out.



I think you could do with a be kind to yourself day, its horrible at the moment so walk the dog when its raining once you are out its lovely because you meet nobody. Then come home have a nice long bubble bath with a book and pamper yourself.

Then plan a weekend walk with OH and Ben stop somewhere for a coffee or a bag of chips. We went to Carsington water at the weekend it was lovely and there were lots of spots to sit just you two and the dog it was lovely. 

Yes there were lots of dogs at the start but with careful planning we could have missed that bit out. Beauvale priory is a nice walk and coffee spot or just put two cans and biscuits in a back pack and walk. Romance and fun don't have to be large exciting events.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

princeno5 said:


> ,i have always adopted da dogs that have been in kennels,they made our life really hard at times,but I wouldn't change a thing I have done.i will get shot for this,i think you should surrender him to lab rescue,dont sell him like elsa.i don't think you are "cut out"for dealing with him,maybe in a way you make him worse.you need to concentrate on yourself.if I could I would have took him in a heartbeat.im sorry to say this as I like you,its just my opinion.lab rescue will work with him and find a home for him.


this has shocked me to be honest, don't really know what to say


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Just wanted to post to say thanks to everyone who has posted on this thread, it has really given me much needed perspective


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## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> this has shocked me to be honest, don't really know what to say


Not sure why you're shocked? Asking opinions on an open forum, you're bound to get a range of replies. You say you're considering rehoming Ben, yet when someone suggests 'yeah, go for it' you're shocked 

I'll probably get slated for this, but reading this thread, you sound just like another member; one who you don't particularly seem to like.


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> this has shocked me to be honest, don't really know what to say


why,maybe the way you feel is affecting ben.its just my honest opinion,i didn't mean to offend you.my point is you keep him,realise it isn't what you want,the dogs older so harder to rehome,da doesn't go away,it needs hard work all the time.just thinking about your health and bens welfare,but I always think about the dog.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

dougal22 said:


> Not sure why you're shocked? Asking opinions on an open forum, you're bound to get a range of replies. You say you're considering rehoming Ben, yet when someone suggests 'yeah, go for it' you're shocked
> 
> I'll probably get slated for this, but reading this thread, you sound just like another member; one who you don't particularly seem to like.


Not shocked at the suggestion, shocked at the member, we know eachother from another forum so apologies that wasn't made clear.

Tinks doesn't even have a dog does she?


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

princeno5 said:


> why,maybe the way you feel is affecting ben.its just my honest opinion,i didn't mean to offend you.my point is you keep him,realise it isn't what you want,the dogs older so harder to rehome,da doesn't go away,it needs hard work all the time.just thinking about your health and bens welfare,but I always think about the dog.


Maybe my negativeness could be affecting him


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## Paula07 (Aug 23, 2010)

Stick it out lass.

Nicky was a nightmare when I got him, I rarely stayed on my feet on our walks, he was so reactive to everything(dogs, people, carrier bags..you name it) could never be off lead, pulled like steam train and my hands are scarred from trying to stop him scratching at his face when he saw another dog. Would my life have been easier without him? Definitely, but I don't for a second regret it. 

Fast forward 4 years and he can still be reactive towards dogs sometimes, is off lead the majority of the time and his pulling is no where near as bad. He can still be hard work sometimes but the progress he has made has made it all worth it. What we have been through has made our bond even stronger and im glad i stuck it out. 

I know its hard, but please don't give up on Ben. I've learned so much from Nick, the most important thing though, unconditional love. I believe our dogs are sent to teach us and you will learn a lot from Ben, just give him time. 

It'll be worth it in the end, im here if you need to talk.


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## Pupcakes (Jun 20, 2011)

BenBoy said:


> This is all going to sound so selfish, but I really need some guidance and support.
> 
> At least once a week, it crosses my mind that our life would be so much easier without Ben. I don't enjoy walking him because of his dog aggression. I can barely look after myself at the moment and just feel he would be better with someone who has the motivation for his behaviourist programme. I don't think I have looked at the report for months.
> 
> ...


I used to think how much easier my life would be without my 2. Or I would wish I had "normal" dogs, every day I was always looking for a "cure" for all their "problems". I was forever buying books, watching videos online, posting on PFs ofcourse  and doing all sorts to try and "fix" them, then I thought, then we can be normal.

I never used to enjoy walking my 2, at one point it was a chore, get out, get back and hope no drama kicked off in between. I'd count the minutes til we got to the back gate, I'd lie awake in bed in the early hours thinking over and over again, how awful the walk will be, how shall I walk them? Where will I walk them? How long for? Over and over until I was too anxious to eat my breakfast before hand, then I'd gulp it down, feel sick, get all panicky and rush to get them walked and get in.

Take today for a total polar opposite! We went out for over 2 hours, all off lead (bar the walk way leading up to the field) Dotties re-call is improving, Charlie is doing well, less re activity from both dogs and the less I care about other dogs, it seems they do too.
We walk in big open areas where I can scan the horizon, I take a rucksack full of "tools" for a variety of situations (treats, favourite toys, long lines, flexis, head collars etc) it seems like a lot but I am always prepared and that gives me confidence too.

I know its REALLY easy to say, but try and look past Bens issues, hes still a dog at the end of the day, hes not an alien, hes still an incredible canine who has a whole array of amazing skills and talents, dont let his aggression define him, its just a small part of him. I have learnt this (over 4 years) and now I dont fret over everything my 2 do (or dont do!)

I suffer from depression and some days I just didnt have the nerves to walk them, face the stares, the nasty comments and looks, but I now think positive (that old line!) and stopped caring what others think of my dogs, they are still DOGS! Amazing, fantastic dogs! I was once told (when I was very depressed) to re-home Dottie to someone who could be her "Pack Leader" and give her the life she needs on a farm. Needless to say I was very upset and cried like a baby all the way home and needless to say, despite all we've been through, I've kept my little Dot' 

Why dont you and your partner have at least one night for just you two? I am guilty of involving my dogs in everything in my relationship and sometimes I think my OH would just like to go out for a meal and cinema not a big long dog walk once in a full blue moon!

Try and look past his aggression and see the wonderful dog he is  if you ever wanna chat, just PM xxx


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Paula07 said:


> Stick it out lass.
> 
> Nicky was a nightmare when I got him, I rarely stayed on my feet on our walks, he was so reactive to everything(dogs, people, carrier bags..you name it) could never be off lead, pulled like steam train and my hands are scarred from trying to stop him scratching at his face when he saw another dog. Would my life have been easier without him? Definitely, but I don't for a second regret it.
> 
> ...


Thank you, he is very special to me, I don't want anyone to think he isn't



Pupcakes said:


> I used to think how much easier my life would be without my 2. Or I would wish I had "normal" dogs, every day I was always looking for a "cure" for all their "problems". I was forever buying books, watching videos online, posting on PFs ofcourse  and doing all sorts to try and "fix" them, then I thought, then we can be normal.
> 
> I never used to enjoy walking my 2, at one point it was a chore, get out, get back and hope no drama kicked off in between. I'd count the minutes til we got to the back gate, I'd lie awake in bed in the early hours thinking over and over again, how awful the walk will be, how shall I walk them? Where will I walk them? How long for? Over and over until I was too anxious to eat my breakfast before hand, then I'd gulp it down, feel sick, get all panicky and rush to get them walked and get in.
> 
> ...


Ben is VERY well behaved apart from the DA and I need to be thankful for that, he makes me smile everyday and is so loving.


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## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Not shocked at the suggestion, shocked at the member, we know eachother from another forum so apologies that wasn't made clear.
> 
> *Tinks doesn't even have a dog does she*?


Having a dog is irrelevant. I said you 'sounded' like another member. You don't need to have the same type of pet(s) to come across like someone else


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## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Ben is VERY well behaved apart from the DA and I need to be thankful for that, he makes me smile everyday and is so loving.


There you go BB anything that makes you smile everyday is worth hanging on to. We all have moment when maybe life would be easier if.... But i know i wouldnt be without Bubba even though he is a pain in the butt sometimes. this site is great for support keep strong.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

dougal22 said:


> Having a dog is irrelevant. I said you 'sounded' like another member. You don't need to have the same type of pet(s) to come across like someone else


I think I have bigger concerns that if I sound like Tinks! Wheres the need to even say that! :bored:


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## Paula07 (Aug 23, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Thank you, he is very special to me, I don't want anyone to think he isn't


I don't doubt that at all .


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## Julesky (Feb 10, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Thank you, he is very special to me, I don't want anyone to think he isn't
> 
> Ben is VERY well behaved apart from the DA and I need to be thankful for that, he makes me smile everyday and is so loving.


I remember taking mine to class and when I thought I had the most work to do- finding out that other dogs destroyed the house, were people aggressive, ate stuff that was seriously dangerous for them- gave me a heap of perspective.

The lady in my street has the 2 most best behaved dogs I have ever seen- you know the ones who dutifully follow their master, respond to her every whim. Steady, settled dogs... well we walked past as she opened her boot to let them out- holy hell broke loose...

One of the dogs went berserk- aye she said, the car is hers, she's always been like this, only with the car-

They all have their wee things.


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## paddyjulie (May 9, 2009)

dougal22 said:


> Not sure why you're shocked? Asking opinions on an open forum, you're bound to get a range of replies. You say you're considering rehoming Ben, yet when someone suggests 'yeah, go for it' you're shocked
> 
> I'll probably get slated for this, but reading this thread, you sound just like another member; one who you don't particularly seem to like.


Like two peas in a pod :blink: :blink:


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Read this

http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-training-behaviour/152536-hooligan-oscar-help.html

Oscar is pretty much fine now. The odd kick off but in the main fine. It is solvable.

Just been away without either of mine. It was wonderful not having them to worry about for a few days but I was glad to get home and wouldn't change them for the world.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

paddyjulie said:


> Like two peas in a pod :blink: :blink:


If you haven't got anything constructive to add, don't comment


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## Pinktoxicalien (Sep 4, 2013)

Claire,

I don't use this forum very often but I've come on here tonight and seen this thread. PLEASE PLEASE do not slip into the same old routine as the last forum. Ben is your dog, and your dog only. There is no problem with Ben wearing a muzzle, he is used to his muzzle, and again you are referring to his feelings as human emotions. He loves my two, and this is also coming from a dog aggressive owner in Roxy. She is not at the point of wearing a muzzle but this was down to sticking to a routine with our behaviourist and working through it. Who would of imagined we would be able to welcome in an 8 week old puppy to our household without any glitches. 

Like people have suggested, get off here, get your trainers on and go power walking up that bloody big hill you live on. Why pay £20=£30 for a gym membership when you have an incentive to get out and shift a few pounds if you are worried about your weight. 

PLEASE PLEASE try and give yourself a kick up the backside, otherwise I will, and it wont be pleasant!!


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

Oh dear Benboy.
I cant really relate to the aggression problem you have with your dog, my lads are not in the least aggressive, quite the opposite, but the other issues, well the way I see it is that they're something that goes with owning a dog.
I'm almost at my three score years and ten. Six thirty this morning it was chucking it down, I'd have been very happy to have another hour under the duvet but, unfortunately for me my lads are early risers who care not a jot about the torrential rain or the gale that was blowing, they need to go out. Consequently I got soaked, not for the first time, and certainly not the last. I get aching backs and knees, it goes with the aging process and I accept it in much the same way that I accept the fact that I took the dogs on so I have only myself to blame for the frequent soakings, the wet towels and the damp smell that my wife says fills the back of the car.
We had another soaking this afternoon, the lads were covered in mud which needed the attentions of the hosepipe and I got hit on the head by a falling branch. ( No damage.) But, after a really crappy day, my lads are dry, combed through, and happy, and, as I type this, curled up at my feet, contended, settled and snoring gently. And Benboy, do you know what, regardless of the little problems they may bring to my life the pleasures are much greater, Perhaps you should take a step back and view your life and your relationship with your dog before you make a decision you may come to regret.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Pinktoxicalien said:


> Claire,
> 
> I don't use this forum very often but I've come on here tonight and seen this thread. PLEASE PLEASE do not slip into the same old routine as the last forum. Ben is your dog, and your dog only. There is no problem with Ben wearing a muzzle, he is used to his muzzle, and again you are referring to his feelings as human emotions. He loves my two, and this is also coming from a dog aggressive owner in Roxy. She is not at the point of wearing a muzzle but this was down to sticking to a routine with our behaviourist and working through it. Who would of imagined we would be able to welcome in an 8 week old puppy to our household without any glitches.
> 
> ...


Oh no in trouble with best friend
Off to hide :ihih:


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## Hanlou (Oct 29, 2012)

springerpete said:


> Oh dear Benboy.
> I cant really relate to the aggression problem you have with your dog, my lads are not in the least aggressive, quite the opposite, but the other issues, well the way I see it is that they're something that goes with owning a dog.
> I'm almost at my three score years and ten. Six thirty this morning it was chucking it down, I'd have been very happy to have another hour under the duvet but, unfortunately for me my lads are early risers who care not a jot about the torrential rain or the gale that was blowing, they need to go out. Consequently I got soaked, not for the first time, and certainly not the last. I get aching backs and knees, it goes with the aging process and I accept it in much the same way that I accept the fact that I took the dogs on so I have only myself to blame for the frequent soakings, the wet towels and the damp smell that my wife says fills the back of the car.
> We had another soaking this afternoon, the lads were covered in mud which needed the attentions of the hosepipe and I got hit on the head by a falling branch. ( No damage.) But, after a really crappy day, my lads are dry, combed through, and happy, and, as I type this, curled up at my feet, contended, settled and snoring gently. And Benboy, do you know what, regardless of the little problems they may bring to my life the pleasures are much greater, Perhaps you should take a step back and view your life and your relationship with your dog before you make a decision you may come to regret.


A truly lovely post Pete xx  xx


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## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Oh no in trouble with best friend
> Off to hide :ihih:


Sounds like a great best friend to me


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## Malmum (Aug 1, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Me and hubby both work full time so I feel bad going out in the evenings and at weekends without Ben. He isn't destructive at all. He has a dining room to himself with the old sofa and his crate in.


Then keep him, forget about feeling guilty because I bet he'd sooner wait for you to come home than go live with a stranger. Of course you have to work but you still need some leisure time, not much of a life without. If Bens anything like this lot, a good walk then an ever gooder  kip afterwards. I have to wake them up to eat because a walk knackers them - and they don't even go off lead. Lazy fat sods, lol. 

Stop feeling negative about how you handle him and think of what you do FOR him instead. He sounds like a lovely boy indoors and I don't know if you've done what I've done with Flynn, let him get away with things cos he so adorabłe indoors, then when he's out he acts the little brat, lol - pushing the boundaries because he knows he can get away with things indoors, so why not here? I've def done this with Flynn. Had a brat fest today over the field, his lordship decided on a few occasions he wasn't going to walk where I wanted but pull back and bucking broncho (like a child stamping it's feet ) so I had to bellow 'YOU CAN TURN THAT IN NOW!' lose a bit of my rag and he behaved like a saint. I know its my fault and don't blame him, they're chancers and will try their luck.

You'll miss him you know, don't kid yourself it would be even slightly easy. Stick with him and even if you can never socialise him around other dogs, so what? Just avoid them because the time you spend out with him is only a small part of your whole time together and that's priceless. Truly priceless.


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## bearcub (Jul 19, 2011)

Earlier this year my OH's father died and we needed time to get our heads together. The dogs went to my mum's for a week and it allowed us to concentrate on what we needed to. 

It helped enormously to not have to worry about them but my god it was good to get them back after the funeral. 

Not a comparable situation, I know, but just shows when you're in a difficult situation, a break, however brief, can really help.


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## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> If you haven't got anything constructive to add, don't comment


You can't pick and choose who posts on a thread. Tinks didn't get a say in who posted on hers. It's not compulsory to add constructive comments to any thread as you well know; but hey, this could be constructive in that it's highlighted you post like a certain member.

Hell, I know I'd want to know if I did that :lol:


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

Hanlou said:


> A truly lovely post Pete xx  xx


Thanks, but it's just how I feel, for sure dogs do bring a few life changing issues, but we surely know this when we get them. Forty years or more I've shared my life with dogs, I've had a few bad moments like we all do, but in the main they've given me far more than they've taken.


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## LolaBoo (May 31, 2011)

Our Apple is a right royal pain in the ar$e when walking her, to be fair i actually dred walking her , whereas Lola is a total star to walk, its been really hard going with Apple harder then i ever thought, but then there are days when i see a breakthrough and am like yesss, no matter how hard it gets theres no way i could give her up

I understand that you have been low and everything getting to you and i dont doubt you love Ben, you need to make time for yourself and your OH, as others have said the best sorta exercise is walking and what better way to do it then with a dog, maybe try go places at times when there isnt going to be many dogs so its a more relaxing walk for you and for ben 

You know where i am if you need a chat


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Malmum said:


> Then keep him, forget about feeling guilty because I bet he'd sooner wait for you to come home than go live with a stranger. Of course you have to work but you still need some leisure time, not much of a life without. If Bens anything like this lot, a good walk then an ever gooder  kip afterwards. I have to wake them up to eat because a walk knackers them - and they don't even go off lead. Lazy fat sods, lol.
> 
> Stop feeling negative about how you handle him and think of what you do FOR him instead. He sounds like a lovely boy indoors and I don't know if you've done what I've done with Flynn, let him get away with things cos he so adorabłe indoors, then when he's out he acts the little brat, lol - pushing the boundaries because he knows he can get away with things indoors, so why not here? I've def done this with Flynn. Had a brat fest today over the field, his lordship decided on a few occasions he wasn't going to walk where I wanted but pull back and bucking broncho (like a child stamping it's feet ) so I had to bellow 'YOU CAN TURN THAT IN NOW!' lose a bit of my rag and he behaved like a saint. I know its my fault and don't blame him, they're chancers and will try their luck.
> 
> You'll miss him you know, don't kid yourself it would be even slightly easy. Stick with him and even if you can never socialise him around other dogs, so what? Just avoid them because the time you spend out with him is only a small part of your whole time together and that's priceless. Truly priceless.


That made me cry a little bit 
Thank you, he does get away with things a little bit in the house, but your right after a good walk he is fine to sleep. When I get up, he cries for his dad to come down, and if dad gets up he cries for me at the bottom of the stairs


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

dougal22 said:


> You can't pick and choose who posts on a thread. Tinks didn't get a say in who posted on hers. It's not compulsory to add constructive comments to any thread as you well know; but hey, this could be constructive in that it's highlighted you post like a certain member.
> 
> Hell, I know I'd want to know if I did that :lol:


I don't care to be honest! I am just me if you don't like it, bog off!


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## paddyjulie (May 9, 2009)

BenBoy said:


> If you haven't got anything constructive to add, don't comment


On yer bike


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## bearcub (Jul 19, 2011)

Regardless of what goes in general chat, this as far as dog chat is concerned, is a member asking for advice, and taking it on board by the sounds of it. 

Can we leave the haranguing just for once?!


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## Hanlou (Oct 29, 2012)

springerpete said:


> Thanks, but it's just how I feel, for sure dogs do bring a few life changing issues, but we surely know this when we get them. Forty years or more I've shared my life with dogs, I've had a few bad moments like we all do, but in the main they've given me far more than they've taken.


And it's that experience (and the straight-but-tactful way you phrase it!) that makes you such a valuable forum member. 

We had a muddy dog here today too lol. I'm soft though and used warm water to wash her down!


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

Having owned a male aggressive 9 stone Malamute boy I know how stressful it can be, but no way would I have given up on him, I miss him dearly. He was my responsibility and I took it seriously as I was really all he had. The options for DA dogs are slim to none and tbh he was so much more than not liking males, you work round it.

Also, sorry to be blunt but don't hide behind being mentally ill, im Bipolar and my animals have gotten me through some of my darkest days and made me smile when I thought it was time to end it all. They gave me a reason to live and to hope (still do!).

There are classes, agility, cani cross, hiking, rigging, weight pulling, so many things you can do with your dog for the both of you. We all have hard days but a dog should be for life, they give you theirs.


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## Pupcakes (Jun 20, 2011)

springerpete said:


> Oh dear Benboy.
> I cant really relate to the aggression problem you have with your dog, my lads are not in the least aggressive, quite the opposite, but the other issues, well the way I see it is that they're something that goes with owning a dog.
> I'm almost at my three score years and ten. Six thirty this morning it was chucking it down, I'd have been very happy to have another hour under the duvet but, unfortunately for me my lads are early risers who care not a jot about the torrential rain or the gale that was blowing, they need to go out. Consequently I got soaked, not for the first time, and certainly not the last. I get aching backs and knees, it goes with the aging process and I accept it in much the same way that I accept the fact that I took the dogs on so I have only myself to blame for the frequent soakings, the wet towels and the damp smell that my wife says fills the back of the car.
> We had another soaking this afternoon, the lads were covered in mud which needed the attentions of the hosepipe and I got hit on the head by a falling branch. ( No damage.) But, after a really crappy day,* my lads are dry, combed through, and happy, and, as I type this, curled up at my feet, contended, settled and snoring gently. And Benboy, do you know what, regardless of the little problems they may bring to my life the pleasures are much greater,* Perhaps you should take a step back and view your life and your relationship with your dog before you make a decision you may come to regret.


I've said it once and I'll say it again...

True dat Pete!

My back is aching and I am aching all over, I'm 26, does this class as old?


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

bearcub said:


> Regardless of what goes in general chat, this as far as dog chat is concerned, is a member asking for advice, and taking it on board by the sounds of it.
> 
> Can we leave the haranguing just for once?!


THANK YOU, my point exactly


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## Milliepoochie (Feb 13, 2011)

To be honest BB on other sections of the forum you come across as such a confident person.

This thread has really shocked me and it sounds like there's so much more going on than Ben.

Maybe a break from the craziness of PF would help?

Concentrate on yourself - on Ben and your OH.


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## tiatortilla (Oct 1, 2012)

bearcub said:


> Regardless of what goes in general chat, this as far as dog chat is concerned, is a member asking for advice, and taking it on board by the sounds of it.
> 
> Can we leave the haranguing just for once?!


Very much agreed - dog chat is actually a nice place to be, we don't need another general chat!


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Pupcakes said:


> I've said it once and I'll say it again...
> 
> True dat Pete!
> 
> My back is aching and I am aching all over, I'm 26, does this class as old?


I am 27 and ache too lol


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## Howl (Apr 10, 2012)

Hard work goes a long way but have you also reconsidered the range of equipment out there. 
Some of the things that help me are traffic leads (much more control) and if its that or no walk I know my dogs are better with a short lead. 
Long lead, control in areas where there could perhaps be another dog. It opens up some great places you might not have considered walking your dog. 
Yellow jacket saying I need space. 
Head collar and or a harness MY HEAVENS this made such a difference. 
Crate, I used to hate these and most of the kit above, until I needed it. Crates can be a brilliant training aid for anxiety and giving you a break (when used with a tasty kong of course!!).
Classes, I found these useful for pushing myself to get my dog to behave and focus on me. It gives you a time and a day where you have to improve. 
Dog walker? I am suggesting this because if labs are anything like my lot they can and will walk all day. Maybe if the dog walker does the first walk and you take him on a second walk then you are dealing with a dog that is tired much easier. The downside to this is that its hard to find a walker who has experience and is going to work to your training methods. 

Re:the knee and the mental health, give yourself a break, you don't need to walk a marathon, you don't need to be the best trainer. Promise youself a simple 20 mins walk at a quiet time, I am sure when you get on the walk you will find yourself wanting to go further. 
*in a chipmunk voice* "You can dooo it!!"


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

Hanlou said:


> And it's that experience (and the straight-but-tactful way you phrase it!) that makes you such a valuable forum member.
> 
> We had a muddy dog here today too lol. I'm soft though and used warm water to wash her down!


I don't know about my value to the forum, I'm just a bloke who spends more time with his dogs than with people, but thanks anyway.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

springerpete said:


> I don't know about my value to the forum, I'm just a bloke who spends more time with his dogs than with people, but thanks anyway.


You are a value, your post was very much appreciated


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

Pupcakes said:


> I've said it once and I'll say it again...
> 
> True dat Pete!
> 
> My back is aching and I am aching all over, I'm 26, does this class as old?


I don't really think so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


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## Leanne77 (Oct 18, 2011)

I know I have only met Ben once, but to be perfectly honest, I did not see an aggressive dog. I saw a dog that wanted to play, and yes perhaps he got overexcited and maybe that is why it sometimes spills over into 'aggression'. He never once challenged any of mine or Aimee's dogs, I think more positive experiences with dogs, and the opportunity for him to learn from other dogs - what is and is not acceptable - would benefit him a great deal.

This is going to sound critical but it's not meant that way. I'm not sure how long or far you normally walk Ben but the walk we did, IMO, is not enough exercise for a young Lab. I have just read that you have a painful knee so not quite sure how much you are physically able to give him.

It's so easy for us to focus on the negatives, without actually realising how much progress we have made, or how brilliant our dogs are at other times. I can frequently walk my dogs and an altercation between Flynn and another dog can occur, but I deal with it and move on, I no longer allow it to to ruin the walk. It's perhaps 30 seconds out of 2 hours, why should I dwell on such an insignificant amount of time? If I shrug it off then my dogs are more likely to shrug it off.


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## bearcub (Jul 19, 2011)

tiatortilla said:


> Very much agreed - dog chat is actually a nice place to be, we don't need another general chat!


Don't get me wrong, I love gc too 

I just think forums work better taken on a thread by thread basis, can't understand the need to follow certain members about just to criticise.


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## babycham2002 (Oct 18, 2009)

springerpete said:


> Oh dear Benboy.
> I cant really relate to the aggression problem you have with your dog, my lads are not in the least aggressive, quite the opposite, but the other issues, well the way I see it is that they're something that goes with owning a dog.
> I'm almost at my three score years and ten. Six thirty this morning it was chucking it down, I'd have been very happy to have another hour under the duvet but, unfortunately for me my lads are early risers who care not a jot about the torrential rain or the gale that was blowing, they need to go out. Consequently I got soaked, not for the first time, and certainly not the last. I get aching backs and knees, it goes with the aging process and I accept it in much the same way that I accept the fact that I took the dogs on so I have only myself to blame for the frequent soakings, the wet towels and the damp smell that my wife says fills the back of the car.
> We had another soaking this afternoon, the lads were covered in mud which needed the attentions of the hosepipe and I got hit on the head by a falling branch. ( No damage.) But, after a really crappy day, my lads are dry, combed through, and happy, and, as I type this, curled up at my feet, contended, settled and snoring gently. And Benboy, do you know what, regardless of the little problems they may bring to my life the pleasures are much greater, Perhaps you should take a step back and view your life and your relationship with your dog before you make a decision you may come to regret.


I've said it before and I'll say it again. Lady Rose is a lucky lucky girl.


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

babycham2002 said:


> I've said it before and I'll say it again. Lady Rose is a lucky lucky girl.


I've tried to convince her of that for years, without too much success


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## Julesky (Feb 10, 2012)

Leanne77 said:


> *I know I have only met Ben once, but to be perfectly honest, I did not see an aggressive dog. I saw a dog that wanted to play, and yes perhaps he got overexcited and maybe that is why it sometimes spills over into 'aggression'. He never once challenged any of mine or Aimee's dogs, I think more positive experiences with dogs, and the opportunity for him to learn from other dogs - what is and is not acceptable - would benefit him a great deal.*
> 
> This is going to sound critical but it's not meant that way. I'm not sure how long or far you normally walk Ben but the walk we did, IMO, is not enough exercise for a young Lab. I have just read that you have a painful knee so not quite sure how much you are physically able to give him.
> 
> It's so easy for us to focus on the negatives, without actually realising how much progress we have made, or how brilliant our dogs are at other times. I can frequently walk my dogs and an altercation between Flynn and another dog can occur, but I deal with it and move on, I no longer allow it to to ruin the walk. It's perhaps 30 seconds out of 2 hours, why should I dwell on such an insignificant amount of time? If I shrug it off then my dogs are more likely to shrug it off.


This is why I asked earlier about if it was true aggression- mine acted like a wally around other dogs but it was OTT excitement/boisterousness, not actual aggression.

It's still a major thing to deal with of course but learning if your dog is frustrated, under stimulated or over stimulated (like mine appeared to be) really will help you focus on what to do.


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## babycham2002 (Oct 18, 2009)

springerpete said:


> I've tried to convince her of that for years, without too much success


probably the wet dog smelling car and numerous muddy towels that have done that


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## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

bearcub said:


> Don't get me wrong, I love gc too
> 
> I just think forums work better taken on a thread by thread basis, can't understand the *need to follow certain members* about just to criticise.


For the record, I don't feel the need to follow anyone. I don't ever recall posting on one of Benboy's threads before, but after reading the first post and being aware that BB spends quite some time on the forum as GC is full of her posts and arguments with a certain member, it raised the initial thought that spending less time on here and more time with said dog would be beneficial. Nothing more sinister than that initial thought I assure you.

I'm not interested in following anyone. I have a life


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Leanne77 said:


> I know I have only met Ben once, but to be perfectly honest, I did not see an aggressive dog. I saw a dog that wanted to play, and yes perhaps he got overexcited and maybe that is why it sometimes spills over into 'aggression'. He never once challenged any of mine or Aimee's dogs, I think more positive experiences with dogs, and the opportunity for him to learn from other dogs - what is and is not acceptable - would benefit him a great deal.
> 
> This is going to sound critical but it's not meant that way. I'm not sure how long or far you normally walk Ben but the walk we did, IMO, is not enough exercise for a young Lab. I have just read that you have a painful knee so not quite sure how much you are physically able to give him.
> 
> It's so easy for us to focus on the negatives, without actually realising how much progress we have made, or how brilliant our dogs are at other times. I can frequently walk my dogs and an altercation between Flynn and another dog can occur, but I deal with it and move on, I no longer allow it to to ruin the walk. It's perhaps 30 seconds out of 2 hours, why should I dwell on such an insignificant amount of time? If I shrug it off then my dogs are more likely to shrug it off.


Thanks Leanne, perhaps your right that his excitement gets too much. He has drew blood on dogs a few times and jumped on several in an aggressive way, a trainer saw it first hand and my friend on here (pinktoxicalien) has witnessed it.

The walk we did was long for me to be honest, Ben gets around 20-30 mins in the morning and about 30 mins in the evening on a weekday, he isn't destructive during the day and snoozes all evening. Wouldn't he be bouncing off the walls if he wasn't exercised enough or perhaps a little fatter?! Appreciate you commenting on this as I have wondered in the past.


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## Hanwombat (Sep 5, 2013)

Don't give up. Ben seems like a good dog  You can still do all those things, Ben isn't stopping you, you just have to work around it. You can still go to the gym, why not go in the morning before you start work at 12?

Cinema dates at the weekend, see it can all be done


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## Leanne77 (Oct 18, 2011)

Julesky said:


> This is why I asked earlier about if it was true aggression- mine acted like a wally around other dogs but it was OTT excitement/boisterousness, not actual aggression.
> 
> It's still a major thing to deal with of course but learning if your dog is frustrated, under stimulated or over stimulated (like mine appeared to be) really will help you focus on what to do.


All he did was try to play with our dogs, he took correction well from my bitch when she didnt appreciate his invitations and he actually ignored other dogs that we passed, even off lead. On that walk, he did very well, but of course it's easy for me to say as thats all I have seen.

I found that regular social walking helped my dog immensely as he was very insecure around other dogs and tended to give lots of verbal, chased them off etc if they tried to engage or got too near. Now he is quite happy to walk in a group, even with strange dogs (ok, he may still feel the need to tell some dogs to keep away) and maybe thats what Ben could benefit from.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

dougal22 said:


> For the record, I don't feel the need to follow anyone. I don't ever recall posting on one of Benboy's threads before, but after reading the first post and being aware that BB spends quite some time on the forum as GC is full of her posts and arguments with a certain member, it raised the initial thought that spending less time on here and more time with said dog would be beneficial. Nothing more sinister than that initial thought I assure you.
> 
> I'm not interested in following anyone. I have a life


Eh? I think I have like two posts in GC, if that and one in health! Not sure what you mean by full of my posts. I think this thread was my only one started today, yes it was!


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Not enough exercise certainly was the link between Molly pushing her boundaries, just as Leanne said. 

I keep a photo and a diary of drawings to look back on, I suggest you do the same. If you feel low about life it's so easy to focus on the negatives. The challenges faced weigh heavier on the mind and it's too easy to forget the way you solved them and the great things like a great recall return, a cuddle moment or a positive report as Leanne has said are lost.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

dougal22 said:


> For the record, I don't feel the need to follow anyone. I don't ever recall posting on one of Benboy's threads before, but after reading the first post and being aware that BB spends quite some time on the forum as GC is full of her posts and arguments with a certain member, it raised the initial thought that spending less time on here and more time with said dog would be beneficial. Nothing more sinister than that initial thought I assure you.
> 
> I'm not interested in following anyone. I have a life


Might you live your life elsewhere so we can help Benboy please?


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

MollySmith said:


> Not enough exercise certainly was the link between Molly pushing her boundaries, just as Leanne said.
> 
> I keep a photo and a diary of drawings to look back on, I suggest you do the same. If you feel low about life it's so easy to focus on the negatives. The challenges faced weigh heavier on the mind and it's too easy to forget the way you solved them and the great things like a great recall return, a cuddle moment or a positive report as Leanne has said are lost.


Think I will increase his walks
*goes to locate knee support bandage*


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## sbonnett76 (Apr 6, 2010)

It's so hard to get stuck in a negative rut and not see the wood for the trees. 

My God, if I had a pound for every time Roxy (btw, there seems to be a theme with dog aggressive / naughty Roxy's! Maybe if I change her name, she'll become a dream girl overnight?!) has reduced me to tears or made me question what the hell we can do with her. Only a few months ago, I had to call upon people on here to support me through the hardest time we've ever had with her after she attacked a terrier and shook it like a rag doll until I managed to get her to release it. Thankfully, the lovely little thing survived, but I had no idea where we went from there. 

But, with the support of a behaviourist and weekly training classes along with lots of personal research, we have moved on. We still own an incredibly unpredictable dog (only around other dogs and nothing else), but we really try and remind ourselves of her good points, of which she has many. 

I find that if we're going through a challenging time, I only do stuff with Roxy that makes me happy. I know that sounds selfish, but by playing with her and spending time doing fun stuff e.g. training new things, we reconnect and I forget the crap bits and focus on the good bits. I'm often up at our local rec with Roxy attached to a concreted down bench on a long line doing recalls, find its, hide and seek etc. People must think I'm mad, but we have fun and that's what owning a dog should be about. There's absolutely no point in trying to work through something if you're stressed or unhappy because the dog will pick up on it. 

I remember being told by the lady who runs the rottie rescue where we got our second from and where we spend every Sunday at socialisation classes that they often recommend to first time rottie owners that they get a bitch because they're not as strong as boys and don't tend to have as many issues. She quickly added that we'd well and truly got the exception to that rule with Roxy. Brilliant!

Luther, our second, puts Roxy to shame around other dogs, but you can't leave any food near him because the big dustbin will have it. I've left a plate with a steak on it, at Roxy height, told her to leave it and walked out and returned to find it all in one piece! Now that behaviour makes me proud and I forget about the fact that she might have acted like an arse around a dog earlier on in the day. 

Try writing a list about stuff that's annoying or upsetting you and then put next to each thing what you want to do to fix it. It doesn't have to be done immediately, some things could be goals for the future. 

I work full time, don't get home until 6.30pm, get to my body combat class for 7pm and would often walk the dogs with hubby when I got home. We call those our family walks. It's hard and it's tiring, but we made a promise to both dogs when we took them out of kennels that we'd look after them and that's what we will do, however hard things are. If you've got a kid that's being a stroppy brat, you can't just get rid of it, however much you might want to! 

Chin up, take a reality check over what are Ben's bad bits and what are bits that you might be blowing out of proportion and do stuff with him that makes you all happy. 

Xxx


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## JessIncaFCR (Oct 1, 2012)

As others have said, we all have our issues. I haven't issues with dog aggression, but I have a dog who mouthes people, jumps up and has very selective hearing. That presents huge problems and we have to be careful where she goes off lead and when people come around to our house - she limits us in many ways. While I can't relate to dog-aggression, I can relate to feeling like giving up. Jessie's hard work and we constantly have to be "one step ahead" as it were. It's all of the other things she does that make her such an amazing dog and companion - it's easy to feel like giving up, but focus on the positives  

I don't know whether it's something you've ever considered, but why not have a go at agility  Lots of dogs with aggression problems train and compete in agility. It would be a fantastic outlet for his energy, give him something to focus on and would give you an opportunity to get fit  Plus, it will give you opportunities to socialise him around other dogs  

Cycling is another option that is fantastic. Get a harness, hook him up to a bike attachment and away you go - an excellent way of exercising him and you - something you could also do with your OH  

There are fun things you can do with Ben that will strengthen your bond, help him to gain exposure around calm dogs and give you an opportunity to exercise 

x


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## Leanne77 (Oct 18, 2011)

BenBoy said:


> Thanks Leanne, perhaps your right that his excitement gets too much. He has drew blood on dogs a few times and jumped on several in an aggressive way, a trainer saw it first hand and my friend on here (pinktoxicalien) has witnessed it.
> 
> *The walk we did was long for me to be honest, Ben gets around 20-30 mins in the morning and about 30 mins in the evening on a weekday, he isn't destructive during the day and snoozes all evening. Wouldn't he be bouncing off the walls if he wasn't exercised enough or perhaps a little fatter?! Appreciate you commenting on this as I have wondered in the past*.


Maybe I am judging that walk based on what I usually do. For both mine and Aimee's dogs, that walk was just warming up! But you could easily argue that our dogs get too much exercise...

Obviously dogs get used to what we give them but on the walk we did, he did seem to have lots of energy that needed to be burned off and didnt appear to be tired at the end. It's just my personal feeling that 2 x 30 mins walks isnt ideal but only you know how much you can give him, or how much you can manage.

But like I keep saying, I saw just a small snippet of you and Ben's life so I cant really judge anything based on that. I havent seen him on a bad day.


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## Freddie and frank (Mar 26, 2012)

I've read all the thread and don't really know what to say 

Stick with him though and try to work things out. I understand it's hard, but the good walks and times we share with our dogs must outweigh the bad experiences. 
A few weeks ago, we took all three out to a lake and it was quite busy. My three just misbehaved all the time. Frank nearly took a lady out with his long line, freddie ignored me and ran over to another dog, and bella was just being hyperactive.I was so so embarrassed. I was in tears by the end of it. 
I won't go there again on a warm day now cause I'm not going to put them in a situation that could get out of hand, resulting in crappy walks. 
I stick to what I know will give us a positive experience now, having realistic goals....almost like not setting ourselves up to fail. 
There's no reason for them to mix with lots of other dogs, or for frank to be off lead everywhere. I've learnt this through mistakes I've made and just accept the fact that they are what they are. It's easier to manage when you can accept them for being what they are. 

I too have other issues to deal with, and feel so flippin low sometimes, but the dogs depend on me and I know sometimes I really don't feel like doing anything but I force myself to get up early, take them out and then do my full time work...and more sometimes. 
Once you've forced yourself to get up and go, you feel so much better. Think of it as an achievement and set yourself small but realistic goals each day.

Crikey, for someone who didn't know what to say there's a bit down there. 

Ben is very handsome btw and I hope my post makes sense. 
Have you thought about hydrotherapy? I take mine just for a fun swim where I can get in with them and they absolutely love it. Just a thought


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Think I will increase his walks
> *goes to locate knee support bandage*


Scent work is good activity too and demands more effort for the dog, it's about brains as much as physical work too. Can you do tuggies too using 'drop' and 'wait' and some other games that would help with impulse control, it might help with his overexcitement? That helps to tire out Molly and tuggies changed how we interacted so much, for the better.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Take a deep breath and re-group Benboy. 

Take all the positive advice and ignore the negative. 

I'm sure you'll get back on track soon. 

Can't really add anything to all the good points that most people have put forward but certainly hope that tomorrow is a better day


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Thanks everyone.

I am on a late shift tomorrow so I think I will get up and take Ben for a nice LONG walk, come back and do a little plan for activities we can do with him. 

I have considered hydro, but its just so expensive. There is a river where we take him to swim and fetch sticks, its normally deserted so that's nice. I should try and do that at least once a week as its does tire him out a lot and he loves it! 

The bike thing could be a possibility. I would imagine you would need to train for that? I just have visions of him pulling me off a bike if he didn't stop when I did! We don't have bikes either but could get second hand ones. 

Agility is a good suggestion, I would worry about him being off lead training with other dogs around, or could he wear his muzzle? He has really good wait control and knows the command 'over'


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## Freddie and frank (Mar 26, 2012)

Ooh, I 'hide' treats in the garden and bella goes to 'find' them. It gets her brain working....mental stimulation....and it was something that the behaviourist recommended that we did. In fact, all three love 'find it' games.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

MollySmith said:


> Scent work is good activity too and demands more effort for the dog, it's about brains as much as physical work too. Can you do tuggies too using 'drop' and 'wait' and some other games that would help with impulse control, it might help with his overexcitement? That helps to tire out Molly and tuggies changed how we interacted so much, for the better.


Oh yes he loves his tug games and hide and seek in the garden


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## Leanne77 (Oct 18, 2011)

BenBoy said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> I am on a late shift tomorrow so I think I will get up and take Ben for a nice LONG walk, come back and do a little plan for activities we can do with him.
> 
> ...


If there was an iffy dog in the class (and they were usually BC's!) we would all stand out of the way whilst that dog was running the course. Quite often, the agility equipment is enough focus for the dog if they enjoy it, and they dont care about anything else at that point. All you would need to do is explain to the trainer the concerns you have.

As for the bike, i'm not silly enough to attach mine, they all run freely as I feel far safer that way! But you can get special attachments that keeps your dog at the side of the bike.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> I am on a late shift tomorrow so I think I will get up and take Ben for a nice LONG walk, come back and do a little plan for activities we can do with him.
> 
> ...


Agility or a training class is a good idea. Maybe ask for recommendation in your area, & speak to some trainers. If you tell them your concerns they can give you advise as to what class you should attend & how you can manage Ben.

Roxy does agility & we always keep a distance between her & other dogs, but when it comes for her turn she is concentrating so much on what she is doing that the other dogs don't matter.


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## Malmum (Aug 1, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> That made me cry a little bit
> Thank you, he does get away with things a little bit in the house, but your right after a good walk he is fine to sleep. When I get up, he cries for his dad to come down, and if dad gets up he cries for me at the bottom of the stairs


See, he's a little angel really. Tell you a secret - the hardest to handle are the best ones. Right Flynn?


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## Julesky (Feb 10, 2012)

Leanne77 said:


> All he did was try to play with our dogs, he took correction well from my bitch when she didnt appreciate his invitations and he actually ignored other dogs that we passed, even off lead. On that walk, he did very well, but of course it's easy for me to say as thats all I have seen.
> 
> I found that regular social walking helped my dog immensely as he was very insecure around other dogs and tended to give lots of verbal, chased them off etc if they tried to engage or got too near. Now he is quite happy to walk in a group, even with strange dogs (ok, he may still feel the need to tell some dogs to keep away) and maybe thats what Ben could benefit from.


Love this- mine is still a pest onlead, but I reckon he feels less secure, but managing that carefully by walking him onlead with dogs he knows, not making him face up to big busy doggy areas when onlead and stopping to chat to dog owners , even across the street whilst letting him get more confident in the lead thing. But have to look at how far we've come, at over 1 year when we got him he didn't know what a lead was, so trying to teach good walking AND about dogs/cats/horses/bikes/children- everything that was a wonderment- nightmare!

Even then he is fine with most dogs after the initial sighting, to the point where he will ignore them as we walk- ones that have humped him etc. will get told off!!

Off lead he is really good- he tells dogs off for being too much and equally takes a telling- he has squared up to another dog (that squared up to him too)- but came away when told to and has only ever been handbaggy in that respect. He is gentle with smaller dogs (I actually think he worries more about them).

Oh and he is a great loose lead walker now without any sign of his old gentle leader- so that's a massive WIN!


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## Dogless (Feb 26, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> I am on a late shift tomorrow so I think I will get up and take Ben for a nice LONG walk, come back and do a little plan for activities we can do with him.
> 
> ...


The WalkyDog thing has a strong spring in it and prevents the dog from getting under your wheels. Rudi walks well but the spring does absorb any attempts to pull out to the side and he's about 45kg. A decent "on by" helps when cycling or running.


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## Owned By A Yellow Lab (May 16, 2012)

I do also think that age can be key. Young Labs are often far from the placid, easy dogs that many folk imagine them to be. Dex didn't begin to calm down until he was two and a half.

Also perhaps fun has gone out of your relationship with Ben - it can easily happen when there are behavioural issues, I think. Maybe find some new games to play, even if it's just in the garden at home.

You do sound low - if this is ongoing PLEASE know that there is a lot of help available. I speak from experience.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Just looked at the agility training most local to me and there is this note 

*To qualify for entry into the Beginners Course, or any other class all handlers are invited to bring their dogs to undergo an assessment to ensure that they have the necessary control, fitness and socialisation.*


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## Leanne77 (Oct 18, 2011)

BenBoy said:


> Just looked at the agility training most local to me and there is this note
> 
> *To qualify for entry into the Beginners Course, or any other class all handlers are invited to bring their dogs to undergo an assessment to ensure that they have the necessary control, fitness and socialisation.*


Dont let that put you off!


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Just looked at the agility training most local to me and there is this note
> 
> *To qualify for entry into the Beginners Course, or any other class all handlers are invited to bring their dogs to undergo an assessment to ensure that they have the necessary control, fitness and socialisation.*


You could still phone up & ask.

It might be that hey would like you to have a few training classes with them to assess Ben before attempting with agility. That's what they do at the classes I attend


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

I think that's a good thing, I'd much prefer to have a chat with someone first than go straight into a class, it's as much your chance to ask them about it all too. It's their business to make sure you get as much from it as possible


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Now to talk hubby round :ihih:


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## 2Hounds (Jun 24, 2009)

Not sure where in Notts you are but i found these trainers good Dog Training Nottingham | Wendy Hill Dog Training | Dog Trainer/Puppy Classes/Puppy Training/Dog Obedience Classes/Canine Behaviour Classes/Dog Agility Classes. Wendy is very friendly to discuss what is best course of action for you.


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## DollyGirl08 (Dec 1, 2012)

Definitely don't give up. 
My foster staffy was a complete bumhole when she came in April, she would have killed a dog if she was able to, and she also has referred aggression where if she can't get to the other dog, then she will turn to whatever is closest (one of our dogs and once even mike's leg!)
But 6 months down the line she is much better and one look of me makes her think twice about kicking off. I do have to keep her muzzled at all times though. 

Also my labs get at least 1 hour of walking and swimming a day, 2-3 if possible though. Even little Sidney needs a good 90 minutes-2 hours to drain his energy, so even if you sat down and played fetch with Ben it would help. 

You must must must get him around other dogs as much as possible. You can't teach him how to behave around dogs unless
YOU are around them. This is what I had to do with the staffy, to desensitise her in a way I guess.

Even the best dogs have bad days.


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## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> The walk we did was long for me to be honest, Ben gets around 20-30 mins in the morning and about 30 mins in the evening on a weekday, he isn't destructive during the day and snoozes all evening. Wouldn't he be bouncing off the walls if he wasn't exercised enough or perhaps a little fatter?! Appreciate you commenting on this as I have wondered in the past.


My whippet is almost the same age as Ben and that it the amount of walking she gets (half offlead) so that is nowhere near enough for a lab of the same age.

A young lab should be getting 2 hours plus per day in my opinion.

Some dogs don't bounce off the walls and destroy things, sometimes they vent their lack of exercise in other ways, such as aggression towards other dogs. Every dog reacts differently to lack of exercise.

I am in Nottingham too and would be more than happy to meet up with you and Ben with my Pixie (who is completely in love with all other dogs, the flirt) and they can have some offlead time together perhaps? I have 2 fully enclosed areas near me as well so you wouldn't have to worry about him. 

I hope you don't have to give him up. I would give yourself a very set routine which also includes an exercise video 3 times per week (in the house, so not leaving Ben) and a date night once per week. And 2 hours of walking on a week day, hopefully with an hour of that offlead which means you don't need to do the extra hour of walking as he can run like a mad man and you can use a ball thrower so your knee shouldn't suffer.


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## Guest (Oct 21, 2013)

Hrm... something that hasn't been mentioned, but I'm not convinced Ben is truly dog aggressive. He played fine with other member's dogs and you've posted before about him playing with another dog he just met. When they did scuffle (over a ball if I recall - totally predictable) there was no real physical harm done. 

To me, a DA dog is one who will seriously injure/kill another dog under unusual circumstances. Not one who is quick to scuffle over predictable triggers. If it's the latter, then most dogs I know are DA 

The more effort you put in to a dog, the bigger the pay off. It's worth the work in training. Really. Even if Ben is never a happy-go-lucky, get along with everyone dog (and what dog is?), you will still have a dog who you know better, who's triggers you can predict, who's behavior you can better control. 

As for the motivation/commitment part. It's cliché, but it's true: if it's important to you, you'll find the time. I get up at 4:30 every morning and walk/jog with the dogs from 5 to 6 every day. It seems insane, but it's important to me. I find time to get online pretty much daily, yet somehow I can't seem to get the laundry folded and we're constantly wearing clothes straight out of the dryer  Go figure.


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## Guest (Oct 21, 2013)

Considering the way your other half likes to 'cuddle' your dog, it may be a good idea i think...


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## Owned By A Yellow Lab (May 16, 2012)

Dex is what I'd call a medium energy Lab - but he still needs at least 90 minutes a day. If we're doing lead walking, it's less but that's just because of his HD. Our off lead visits to parks and so on are usually a good two hours.

When one is feeling really low, it's so hard to summon energy and enthusiasm. So it's not surprising that walking and training feel like an effort to you now. 

I really wish you could have seen what Dex used to be like when he was on lead and he saw another dog. It's taken consistent work and practise but the changes have been dramatic - so please take that on board because honestly, there were days when I NEVER thought we'd get there!!!


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## Malmum (Aug 1, 2010)

jon bda said:


> Considering the way your other half likes to 'cuddle' your dog, it may be a good idea i think...


Noooo - look at his spine  that is not good and I'd never dream of allowing anyone to do that to my Mals knowing how delicate spines can be. Why the need? 😟

Don't allow this kind of treatment, it must be painful and even if not is dangerous, only takes a disc to blow and you could have a paralysed dog. What's wrong with some men? this is in no way macho!


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Considering the way your other half likes to 'cuddle' your dog, it may be a good idea i think...


Crikey have u got nothing better to do than dig out my photos ! Ben was sleeping on hubby in that position and hubby stood up!



Malmum said:


> Noooo - look at his spine  that is not good and I'd never dream of allowing anyone to do that to my Mals knowing how delicate spines can be. Why the need? 😟
> 
> Don't allow this kind of treatment, it must be painful and even if not is dangerous, only takes a disc to blow and you could have a paralysed dog. What's wrong with some men? this is in no way macho!


Thank you as I said above Ben was sleeping like that so surely he wouldn't put himself in that position if it was painful? Macho is certainly the wrong word to describe my hubby he collects colourful tissue paper for wrapping up present off choc boxes !

Will tell him not to stand up if Ben decides to drape himself over him again but this was a one off but your right about being careful


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

good morning,how do you feel today.i think the thread went a bit off topic yesterday,it wasn't so much bens da as you not spending time with other half.dogs can come between people as can children.hope you can work out a compromise,for your sake and bens.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

BeauNoir said:


> My whippet is almost the same age as Ben and that it the amount of walking she gets (half offlead) so that is nowhere near enough for a lab of the same age.
> 
> A young lab should be getting 2 hours plus per day in my opinion.
> 
> ...


That's a lovely offer, where abouts are you in Nottingham? Ben likes flirty females  A date night is a good idea, on a Saturday evening perhaps, so I am with Ben all day having fun 



ouesi said:


> Hrm... something that hasn't been mentioned, but I'm not convinced Ben is truly dog aggressive. He played fine with other member's dogs and you've posted before about him playing with another dog he just met. When they did scuffle (over a ball if I recall - totally predictable) there was no real physical harm done.
> 
> To me, a DA dog is one who will seriously injure/kill another dog under unusual circumstances. Not one who is quick to scuffle over predictable triggers. If it's the latter, then most dogs I know are DA
> 
> ...


Maybe he isn't truly DA, the reaction of owners when he has one of his moments is pure terror though.

4.30? Is that even a time  I am hoping my GP will adjust my medication so I will start to feel better and have more motivation.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

princeno5 said:


> good morning,how do you feel today.i think the thread went a bit off topic yesterday,it wasn't so much bens da as you not spending time with other half.dogs can come between people as can children.hope you can work out a compromise,for your sake and bens.


Morning, I am feeling ok thank you for asking. The thread did go off topic but I think that's a good thing as I wont be rehoming my baby boy


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

im glad about that,i did suggest it as its not the 1st time its come up,re rehoming.i hope it all works out,try and involve hubby as much as possible.go out for me time,ben will be ok(saying that I never leave these I get s a).join the gym with hubby,go swimming,most importantly get to the doc and change your meds.is it a possibility of you working part time,you have more me time and ben time in the day.hubby time in the evening.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

princeno5 said:


> im glad about that,i did suggest it as its not the 1st time its come up,re rehoming.i hope it all works out,try and involve hubby as much as possible.go out for me time,ben will be ok(saying that I never leave these I get s a).join the gym with hubby,go swimming,most importantly get to the doc and change your meds.is it a possibility of you working part time,you have more me time and ben time in the day.hubby time in the evening.


Working part time would be a dream come, its isn't possible unfortunately especially if I am doing agility and extra things, all costs money!


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

Pets in general are a huge commitment, dogs are not all text book obediant, well mannered etc., etc.. They do need training and take up a lot of time.

Have you thought about having an enjoyable walk by walking where there are fewer if no other dog walkers.

Duke will get between me and hubby when we have a kiss and cuddle, Duke is very much don't forget me - we always include him.

We do go out for the occasional meal or to the cinema. Most of the time we try to find places to go where we can take him.

My lad is fine with most dogs but he can be reactive, it depends on the other dog.

There are times when I come home cold wet through because of the rain, to a lovely warm house, the last thing I want to do is go out again for an hour or two but its part and parcel. I look at the positives, when its horrible weather I never meet another sole walking their dog(s).


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

we joined the national trust,have walked in some beautiful places,holidays include dogs,we eat out in the summer,just sit in the gardens,hubby isn't a dog person at all,but we have compromised,he loves fishing,we all go,there are things you can do together.book a break away,have a rest just the 3 of you.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

sskmick said:


> Pets in general are a huge commitment, dogs are not all text book obediant, well mannered etc., etc.. They do need training and take up a lot of time.
> 
> Have you thought about having an enjoyable walk by walking where there are fewer if no other dog walkers.
> 
> ...


I think with my knee, if I walk longer it tends to flush it out in a way. Its like at work when I sit for a long time then get up it really hurts so I think movement is the best thing for it. Will have to take some pain killers before a walk and suck it up!

Cinema is so expensive nowadays isn't it? Especially on a Saturday, there is a pub nearby that allows dogs so perhaps a few drinks in there one evening after a walk would be nice. Without looking at the dessert menu


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## Malmum (Aug 1, 2010)

Glad you're feeling okay today and glad that pic was a one off, Ben does look very sleepy so that explains it. 

I've had the same reactions from other owners as you because even as a pup Flynn looked big and older than he was, as you say you can't blame them though. It doesn't do much for their socialisation when people shy away but they're not to know what's really going on eh? 
You may find that he's not actually DA (even though he sounds like it when he goes off on one) but more fearful and doesn't know how to greet, be greeted by another dog. In assessments Flynn has been deemed fear reactive but it sounds like aggression when he mouths off, Ben sounds similar. 

I'm sure hell settle down more as he matures and you'll have a lovely, well even lovelier boy than you have already. Hang in there.


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Malmum said:


> Glad you're feeling okay today and glad that pic was a one off, Ben does look very sleepy so that explains it.
> 
> I've had the same reactions from other owners as you because even as a pup Flynn looked big and older than he was, as you say you can't blame them though. It doesn't do much for their socialisation when people shy away but they're not to know what's really going on eh?
> You may find that he's not actually DA (even though he sounds like it when he goes off on one) but more fearful and doesn't know how to greet, be greeted by another dog. In assessments Flynn has been deemed fear reactive but it sounds like aggression when he mouths off, Ben sounds similar.
> ...


I remember on occasion we met a female bull dog, ben was lying on his back playing with her all excited then the next minute he bites her face. This was before his muzzle days. Instances like this, I just don't understand him. Maybe the bulldog pushed boundary I wasn't aware of.

He is still very young as you say, sometimes I wonder whether I should have kept him intact as he might have had more confidence then, but I was naïve and did what the vet said when he was 6 months old.

I have left a message for an agility training club


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## foursmith (Oct 11, 2012)

I have not read every thread but get the general idea, glad to read your not reforming and just wanted to say he is absolutely beautiful......I hope you get all your problems sorted so its the best result for all of you


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

I'm really glad that you're going to keep him, and that you're taking positive action .

I went to a dog show last year and there were two dogs snapping at other dogs and giving the owner a really hard time...it then turned out they were like the main stars of the agility display.
So definitely don't let yourself be put off!


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Gemmaa said:


> I'm really glad that you're going to keep him, and that you're taking positive action .
> 
> I went to a dog show last year and there were two dogs snapping at other dogs and giving the owner a really hard time...it then turned out they were like the main stars of the agility display.
> So definitely don't let yourself be put off!


I mentioned it to hubby this morning, he was like "no" but I will talk him round. I think its just the money really but hopefully it wont be too expensive for a lesson. They do private lessons as well so maybe that could be an option to start with.


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## Milliepoochie (Feb 13, 2011)

BenBoy said:


> I mentioned it to hubby this morning, he was like "no" but I will talk him round. I think its just the money really but hopefully it wont be too expensive for a lesson. They do private lessons as well so maybe that could be an option to start with.


You shouldn't have to 'talk hubby round' - :-(  Think of this as an equivalent to the gym cost?

Was going to suggest just that re private lessons.

Private lessons would enable you to concentrate in a relaxed environment on Ben without worrying about other dogs.

I would of thought a trainer would suggest this initially until they know you both anyway as you are concerned about possible DA.

When Millie joined our current agility club we had a 20 minute 'meet' with the trainer before hand - prior to joining a class for him to meet me / Millie.

Agility is excellent exercise for dog and owner.


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## shirleystarr (Mar 22, 2009)

This may sound a bit off the wall but her goes
Do you have a large garden as one of my friends has a dog that's sounds very much the same as Ben
She was scared to take him to agility at first so she built her own in the garden cheap stuff not expensive
Started with a dvd on agility and then took him into the garden and started
I can remember her telling me most of the time she did nothing but laugh at the dogs antics 
After a few months she invited a couple of other dogs belonging to friends to come along too
Then signed up for agility classes and bingo it went like a dream


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

shirleystarr said:


> This may sound a bit off the wall but her goes
> Do you have a large garden as one of my friends has a dog that's sounds very much the same as Ben
> She was scared to take him to agility at first so she built her own in the garden cheap stuff not expensive
> Started with a dvd on agility and then took him into the garden and started
> ...


This is my garden


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## Julesky (Feb 10, 2012)

One thing i'll also add is re: when you said other owners look terrified


Please try to remember you may think other owners look terrified and trust me coming form an owner of an SBT handful- you can get worried and paranoid about what other owners think etc.

BUT

Hard as it is you need to leave that behind you- focus on your dog, don't worry about how it looks- the vast and overwhelming majority understand that dogs are dogs- they bark/growl and act out- the even bigger majority will be impressed you are working on it/ walking a dog that is a handful-I know so many 'handful' dogs who don't get exercised as often as they should because the owners can't be ar*ed with the hassle.

Also- when the lady with the small terrier crosses the road to avoid you- DON'T assume it's your dog's behaviour- maybe hers is reactive too and she'd rather avoid.

or maybe she's owned/trained a big exhuberent dog previously and is trying to do you a favour so you can focus on your dog without having to do the avoiding!

Besides if you can really see terror on other dog owners faces- you're not paying enough attention to the dog


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## JessIncaFCR (Oct 1, 2012)

Glad you're feeling a bit more positive 

There are a couple of dogs at my agility training that would go for another dog if approached, but with careful training etc, the dog becomes so into agility, it often distracts them totally from their surroundings.

I have seem some dogs training in muzzles. Some people don't agree with it, but as long as it's not a fabric muzzle, talk to the trainer 

This is a good list of trainers

Clubs A-Z

Why not get yourself some garden equipment like a few jumps and a tunnel if your garden is big enough?  You can still have a go and not be worried about other dogs. There are tonnes of resources online for beginning agility 

There is one dog also at my club that is a bit iffy with other dogs. He is generally very playful, but being a belgian, he's a big dog, and his approach often triggers a scuffle with others. His handler (who has done such a good job with him despite all of the issues he has) will sometimes keep him on the lead, and other times, in small groups, work him off lead - we just stand away in a corner and tell him to go away if he comes near - it works 

You could (it would be more expensive, but may help build your confidence) see if you could do some private lessons to see if you both take to it and work him without other dogs around for a bit. Then, with the trainer's help, gradually integrate him into a class with multiple dogs 

As for cycling, I use this for mine and think it's fantastic 

DogRunner - Cycle Mount | Free P&P on orders £25+ at zooplus!

It has a good spring in it which absorbs a lot of the shock should they pull 

You CAN work through this


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Good morning Benboy

I wondered how you were this morning and it's great to 'feel' the positivity in your words. You've got all my support and best wishes.

Can I second what princes says about The National Trust (although I'm being antsi with them over allowing badger culling on their land and voting against it). We've been members for a while. Dogs aren't welcome in all the properties but in the main most are on lead only where allowed. It means that we've no errant off lead dogs running up to Molly and as they are large open spaces we can control the distance. Some of the cafes have outdoor seating so you can find a quiet spot to sit down.

Have you read Grisha Stewart's BAT book? Official Behavior Adjustment Training (BAT) site: humane help for aggression, frustration, and fear in dogs, horses, and other animals.

We've based all of our work on this principle and it's been so helpful to have this book in our growing library of dog reading!


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

cloversmum said:


> Benboy dogs are really hard work, especially for those of us with mental health issues.
> 
> Every morning I wake up in physical pain and feeling like crap mentally. I think I really can't take the girls out - sometimes I cry at the thought.
> 
> ...


Same here CM

I haven't read the whole thread but I think maybe a talk with your GP is in order BB - if you're not already taking some medications or aids then perhaps you could consider it - I never wanted to but when I've needed them I have done and honestly it helped tremendously - If you're not keen on prescriptions then there are lots of nice herbal things out there to help such as 5-HTP etc which you can get from Holland and Barrett that may help your mood  x


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

If push comes to shove perhaps you could find things when you're on walks. 
There aren't any agility clubs near me, so I use walls, backless benches for them to jump over, there's a random climbing frame with a ramp that they go up, they jump onto and run along logs, anything really.

I'm sure if your husband could understand that it would make life better for everyone, he would agree to it.


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## Sarah1983 (Nov 2, 2011)

On the exercise side, remember it doesn't all need to be physical exercise. Spencer gets between 1 and 3 hours of walks most days but for him (2 year old Lab) the mental exercise is FAR more important. He's happy with a 15 minute walk providing he gets his mental needs met. Doubt he'd cope with that long term and it wouldn't be fair to expect a young, healthy dog to only get that amount of exercise but it does mean that on a bad day I can drag myself out with him for a short walk and as long as we do some training he'll be fine. 

I have to say that I agree with Ouesi. My dog aggressive dog did not play nicely with others. He did not simply get into scuffles over obvious triggers and resources. Rupert caused a hell of a lot of damage in a very short space of time. There is no way I could have simply taken him to meet a group of other dogs and not had an incident or ten.


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## KellyNelly (Sep 26, 2012)

Milliepoochie said:


> You shouldn't have to 'talk hubby round' - :-(  Think of this as an equivalent to the gym cost?
> 
> Was going to suggest just that re private lessons.
> 
> ...


I've read through the whole thread and am so pleased you've decided to keep Ben. It sounds as though you really want to work through everything and love him to pieces, so even though you will have difficult days, just try to focus on the positives.

Agree with Milliepoochie about private lessons. I have private agility lessons with Nell because she is totally obsessed with other dogs, so my plan is to get us confident with what we're doing and then join a class, so that hopefully by that time she will be focused on the equipment and not the other dogs!

I really wanted to do agility with her as a form of exercise, but also to improve our bond.

It is expensive, so I only have the lessons every two to three weeks, but in between we have quite a lot of homework to be practising, also by having an hour of private agility lessons you tend to progress quite quickly as you have the whole hour to yourselves (which can also be very tiring!)

I think it's definitely worth looking into!


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Phoolf said:


> Same here CM
> 
> I haven't read the whole thread but I think maybe a talk with your GP is in order BB - if you're not already taking some medications or aids then perhaps you could consider it - I never wanted to but when I've needed them I have done and honestly it helped tremendously - If you're not keen on prescriptions then there are lots of nice herbal things out there to help such as 5-HTP etc which you can get from Holland and Barrett that may help your mood  x


I am on ADs but have an appointment with my gp on fri maybe I just need a higher dose during the winter months


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

MollySmith said:


> Good morning Benboy
> 
> I wondered how you were this morning and it's great to 'feel' the positivity in your words. You've got all my support and best wishes.
> 
> ...


exactly why we joined nt,dogs are allowed on lead only,great for nervy dogs.we have had some lovely times at their places with our da dogs


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## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Will def look into NT maybe in the spring time!


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

great,most have rivers etc ,ben can swim,cafes for lunch,we take a picnic.if you decide to go,join them,dont pay on the gate,the parking is expensive aswell,if you join free parking and entrance all year.they have places all over,we go to Houghton mill every week,they have a campsite aswell.piece of heaven that place.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

princeno5 said:


> great,most have rivers etc ,ben can swim,cafes for lunch,we take a picnic.if you decide to go,join them,dont pay on the gate,the parking is expensive aswell,if you join free parking and entrance all year.they have places all over,*we go to Houghton mill every week*,they have a campsite aswell.piece of heaven that place.


Oh goodness me, so do we! At Wimpole. We're hoping to go to Ickworth after half term and explore Flatford Mill at some point.

Although you can't go into Anglesey Abbey with a dog, there is a lovely walk up the lode behind the Abbey grounds, PM me if you ever want the details.


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## princeno5 (Jun 5, 2010)

I used to live opposite wimpole,was a regular there.we have been up the lode behind the abbey.wicken fens ok,we tend to walk the other side through all the fields.the actual fen is boardwalks,not good on their paws and b slippy. wonder if we have seen you on our wonders.houghtons my fave,ben loves the weirs there,we end up in the water when its hot.


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## DogLover101 (Oct 22, 2013)

My boy socks is aggressive with other dogs all the time when we are out. He likes to bark at them and growls. I have found that introducing him to other dogs I know on mutual ground is slowly beginning to help!
He also likes to bark and jump at people as they walk past whilst we are out walking which I haven't quite sorted out yet.. Lol!

You shouldn't give up on your dog just because he takes up a lot of time mine both take up all my time but I love them and I have found that the more I leave them indoors together for short periods of time the better behaved they have started to be!
You could leave him indoors whilst you go to the gym and I'm sure he would be fine


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> I think with my knee, if I walk longer it tends to flush it out in a way. Its like at work when I sit for a long time then get up it really hurts so I think movement is the best thing for it. Will have to take some pain killers before a walk and suck it up!
> 
> Cinema is so expensive nowadays isn't it? Especially on a Saturday, there is a pub nearby that allows dogs so perhaps a few drinks in there one evening after a walk would be nice. Without looking at the dessert menu


What we used to do weather permitting was I would take Duke for his evening walk to a a little village on the outskirts of Leeds, that had a pub where they supplied water for the dogs, took me just over 2 hours. Hubby used to meet me there, we would have a long soft drink have a chat to some of the locals and then me and Duke would jump in the car home.

I will be honest I couldn't believe the price of a cinema ticket - I'm sure it was over £8.00 each. I kicked off, I've come to watch a film not hire the room. A little tip take your own treats in too £4.00 for a bag of sweets - I don't think so.

I have six pets I do sometimes wonder what the hell I'm doing. If like Sunday when we went to a karate tournament, doors open at 9:30am we have to get to the venue, so I'm up early enough to clean the cats and feed them, feed Duke, clean the cats outdoor litter tray. Then clean and feed the rabbits. Walk Duke, have my breakfast, hubby cooked breakfast, then get myself ready to go. When we return I have it all to do again but most of the time I love looking after them.


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