# Struggling with French bulldog



## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

New member here.

Massive dilemma. longest post ever. Please help.

Family of 4, Myself aged 35, partner 28, our 8 year old boy. and 15 Month old daughter.

My son has been asking for a dog since he was 4, he has been obssesed for years. He loves dogs.

I never had a dog before, and I can't say I was particularly fond. My partner has been around dogs growing up, but never as an adult.

Every birthday or Christmas list had a dog on it since my son was 4. We told him we would look again when he was 8. The baby has been on her feet for about 5 months, and is very steady. she likes dogs also and tends to chase them about.

My partner has gone back to work part time since maternity leave. 2x 12 hours shifts a week. One Day one night. I work full time, but generally aim around on a morning till 7.30/8 and I'm home about 5/6, We thought now would be as good a time as ever regarding working situation.

So after research we bought a french bulldog. Ronnie. We got him at just over 8 weeks. He is a fawn boy. With good pedigree. We have all the certificates etc.

First few days, were tough. It was a weekend, so I was home for both days. He pooed in the house, wee'd all over the house, and cried lots during the night. We took turns on the sofa to help him through first few days. First two nights he soiled his crate.

Since then there has been a marked change. We have a decent routine and we have had few days without any accidents. Take him to the garden when he wakes, when he has eaten (ten mins after) and when he sleeps during the day, straight after he wakes. Also other times we can see him run to conservatory, so we know he needs to go out.

He is now sleeping through on a night. no accidents in his crate since the second night. He cries for maximum 5 minutes then that's it till the morning. ON the night time/toilet routing I don't think we could have expected any better.

Regarding the kids, and particularly the toddler. He is fairly good. She was a bit cautious at first, wanting to be picked up when he approached her, but fine to approach him. This has subsided now and she basically has no fear. If anything she flusters the dog sometimes and he goes to his crate for peace and quiet. She constantly wants to play with him. Shouting DOG DOG while he sleeps and trying to pass him his toys through his crate while he sleeps. The only thing I'm uneasy about is that the ronnie likes the babys toys and the baby likes the ronnie's toys. Oh and if she falls, ronnie is wanting to lick her face, which she doesn't like. It's the only time she has any fear.

My son has become very attached. He plays with him lots, although is struggling a bit with the responsibility. He hates when he is in the garden and trying to eat stones and twigs and grass. He is constantly taking stuff out of his mouth. ronnie lays on him and sleeps and they seem to have a good bond. If my son is on the sofa, ronnie barks for him to get down with him, even if just to lay with him. They play tug of war, football and a game where ronnie jumps over him and tries to lick him!

My partner hasn't really bonded. She is starting to resent "the dog". She feels he takes up far too much time and effort that should be spent with the toddler. She doesn't feel comfortable with him around and feels like she is constantly stopping the toddler play. When she takes him out for a wee, the toddler wants to be there, and cries to be out with him.

She hates leaving ronnie, he normally cries for few minutes when we first leave, she feels like she can't do things that she would normally do, and she never expected it to be this hard. I feel she has had a negative attitude since the start, but she says she is trying her best. To be fair, it's her who has him during the day on her own.

We've had ronnie 10 days now.we had a completely accident free 3 days, then today he has had 3 wee's inside. Partner is really struggling, mopping up after him whilst the 15 year old is trying to play with the ronnie.

In my opinion we couldn't have asked for better. settled well, Sleeping through, getting on well with few accidents, and great with the kids. But it's not me who looks after him. My partner has text multiple times today saying she can't handle it any more. We had warned my son on about day 4 that it was a trial. He got really upset,and since then his behavior towards us have been really bad.

It's looking highly likely that we aren't going to be keeping ronnie, but I'm really concerned on how my 8 year old will handle this. He is an extremly smart 8 year old, but he is very sensitive, and it's looking like he may be quite sentimental (like me) as he grows older.

Firstly, is there any advice for us?? Is it going to get easier?? IF not, how do we handle this with our Son??

We haven't even took him for his first walk yet :-(

It's easy to say give it more time, which is what I'm saying to my partner, but she can't see it getting any better and I'm concerned on how sad she is becoming.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

Also worth adding, I enjoy ronnie being around also. He seems to like me as much as my son!!

I have never been a fan of dogs and I was definitely the most skeptical..


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Ask the breeder to take him back asap so he can settle in a new home.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

Lurcherlad said:


> Ask the breeder to take him back asap so he can settle in a new home.


I think thats what is going to happen to be honest. Although I still hold out hope things can improve??

But what about telling my son, it's going to be a massive blow to him. Not just this particular puppy, but the fact we will never have a dog.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Did you tell the breeder that it was a trial or is this something you have just decided because it's a bit difficult ?(& tbh he sounds like he's doing really well compared to alot of other pups).

If you are all struggling after such a short space of time then please take the dog back to the breeder now & don't get another.

Also, it may be difficult but do not let the toddler bother him so much that he has to take himself away from her & she should not be allowed to bother him in his crate particularly if that where he's going to get away from her.

Sorry if I'm blunt but am not sure what you expected......


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

Cleo38 said:


> Did you tell the breeder that it was a trial or is this something you have just decided because it's a bit difficult ?(& tbh he sounds like he's doing really well compared to alot of other pups).
> 
> If you are all struggling after such a short space of time then please take the dog back to the breeder now & don't get another.
> 
> ...


We never agreed this with breeder. It was purely between the family. I agree, he is doing far better than I could ever have imagined. To be honest, I thought I would be the one saying it was too much. I had the kids and ronnie all weekend this weekend while my partner was away. It went really well. But admitedly my son helps out, taking him out for wee, or playing with his sister while I sort ronnie etc

Regarding his crate, we had a little cushion type house for him in the living room, that he retreats to when tired, and thats fine when we both here to keep the toddler occupied. We are tending to close the kitchen door now to stop the toddler disturbing him in his crate.

It's only really my partner who is struggling.


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## Burrowzig (Feb 18, 2009)

It's best for the dog to go back to the breeder if he's gong to be resented and unwanted by your partner. Your son will be upset, but get him a present to sugar the pill - something he can spend a fair bit of time and energy on. And it's not necessarily that you'll NEVER have a dog. The time is not right just now with a toddler, but in about 5 years the situation will be very different, and an older dog (not a puppy that needs cleaning up after all the time) could well fit in to the benefit of all of you.


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

Pup sounds like he's a breeze to some other pups at a similar age. Honestly, a little bit of hard work and perseverance now will pay dividends once the dog is mature. But sounds like your partner isn't willing to commit any further?

As mentioned above, your toddler shouldn't really be allowed to pester the pup whilst he's sleeping in the crate. That should be his peace & quiet totally undisturbed. He sounds like a sensible pup to take himself off when it's all getting to much.

In regards to returning him to his breeder or rehoming him, my parents did exactly the same thing when I was 8 years old with a Cocker Spaniel bitch they bought for exactly the same reasons as you did. I was 8, my sister 4, and my mum was left home each day caring for the pup & two young kids. My dad would return home from long shifts and be to tired to walk the pup which ultimately made the pup more stir crazy and naughty inside. I adored her! When my parents decided they was going to rehome her I cried for days and even had time off school. Resented my parents for a while too. But as with most kids, it was short lived. We visited our pup in her new home once when she was about 6 months old and somehow that seemed to clarify things and I never asked after her again.

It's a tough decision to make, but if the pup is to suffer through your partners resentment and eventually lack of time paid to him etc, then it's probably for the best. Especially whilst he's still very young and adaptable. Your son will recover. But it's an important lesson, as it was for my parents, to not buy a puppy just for your kids.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

Burrowzig said:


> It's best for the dog to go back to the breeder if he's gong to be resented and unwanted by your partner. Your son will be upset, but get him a present to sugar the pill - something he can spend a fair bit of time and energy on. And it's not necessarily that you'll NEVER have a dog. The time is not right just now with a toddler, but in about 5 years the situation will be very different, and an older dog (not a puppy that needs cleaning up after all the time) could well fit in to the benefit of all of you.


thanks for advice so far. His behavior has been horrendous and totally out of character since we floated the idea it was a trial. Partner has said she will never have a dog after this. So think that one is dead in the water. He is too smart to be bought by a present sadly :-(


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

Things absolutely could improve. However ALL the family need to be on board with spending time training, and educating the dog, and quite clearly your OH isnt on board with this AT ALL (I'm not sure why she agreed to get a dog in the first place/ what she was expecting from a puppy!!!).
Take the dog back to its breeder so he can get into a home with a family who do want him, and have time to care for him.


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## Burrowzig (Feb 18, 2009)

anthandsam said:


> thanks for advice so far. His behavior has been horrendous and totally out of character since we floated the idea it was a trial. Partner has said she will never have a dog after this. So think that one is dead in the water. He is too smart to be bought by a present sadly :-(


It's not being bought, but something to take his mind off the loss. Maybe not much of a substitute for the grief of loss he'll feel, but a gesture.


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## Sled dog hotel (Aug 11, 2010)

Making it work or not is going to take time and patience, and as your partner is there most of the time its mostly going to be down to her I'm afraid. Once he has had his vaccinations and can go out, then you can help by taking him out for a walk in the morning and evening which will blow off some excess energy and that tends to help quite a bit. Being a Frenchie though and still a growing puppy you have to be careful he isn't over exercised, and being a brachycephalic breed they don't tend to do well being exercised too much when hits hot and humid.

At around 9/10 weeks he wont be reliable on the toileting front for a good while yet. They don't always recognise the need to go far in advance and can often get short and have accidents, they do need to be taken out regularly and consistently and after drinking eating, playing and sleeping, and they need to be praised and rewarded when they do toilet in the right place. They usually don't have great capacity to hold large amounts for long periods, all that gets better with age and toilet training.
If he can go through the night at the moment its a result as most his age do tend to have to be let out once or twice still at this age.

You do also have to teach your 15 month old and eve your son, that the puppy isn't a toy, and should be left in peace to sleep and have his own space when he needs it. She needs to learn this and stop chasing him about and bugging him when he is trying to rest or takes himself off.

Pups tend to have periods of activity followed by periods of sleep and rest. So he does need a space away from the kids where he can relax and self amuse and sleep. You can give him things to self amuse and wind down like puppy safe chews, and you can also give him stuffed kongs which are hollow hard rubber toys that they have to work to get the food out of. If he is on wet food you can give him some of his food allowance in the kong. If he is on dried food you can get kong wobblers which you fill with the kibble and they have to work to get it out. Or the Busy buddy twist and treat is another good food orientated toy to keep them self amused. By giving the dog periods when he has his own space and something for self amusement, it also means that your daughter can play in bothered too. Its really a matter of committing and getting a routine going.

Bottom line though is if your partner will get on board and is happy to do all the things needed to raise and occupy a puppy properly. If she cant or wont make the effort then its going to be pointless and things will probably get even more difficult.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

anthandsam said:


> thanks for advice so far. His behavior has been horrendous and totally out of character since we floated the idea it was a trial. Partner has said she will never have a dog after this. So think that one is dead in the water. He is too smart to be bought by a present sadly :-(


Am not surprised though, poor kid, you got him a dog & now because there is a slight bit of work involved you've gone back on your word. It is unfair on him, the dog & the breeder who you have not been honest with.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

What a sad story, I really fee for you and for your son and would like to give your partner a bloody good talking to. What on earth was she expecting? Do you think there is any point in having a proper sit down and talk through of what she is finding difficult and coming up with a plan for managing that? If you wanted to take a pup on trial you really should have discussed that with the breeder and come to an agreement first, poor pup is now going to have the confusion of being returned to the breeder (and his mum I assume) then wait for a home and have to start all over again with another family. Most new puppy/dog owners get the blues, its normal, they are overwhelming - I'm on my 10th/11th dogs now and each time I swear never to get another and ask my OH why he let me do it (he always tries to say no but gives in to my whining ) but please please tell her it does get better. I can't even believe she would do that to your son who is already bonded and attached to his dog  Expect him to be very distressed.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

Thanks so much.

I feel so sorry for everyone.

My partner, She is really struggling, and she is eating herself up over the effects on my son.

My son, short term I appreciate it will be bad, but I'm worried long term.

Ronnie. He has been so good and settled so well.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

When I was breeding, I would never let a pup go to a home where the woman of the house wasn't keen. Of course, both Partners should be on board, but invariably, it's the woman who ends up doing the lion's share of puppy care.

It sounds as though your Partner has made up her mind, in which case, it's never going to work.

Such a pity though. Your little Boy is going to be very upset indeed and will be feeling a lot of resentment.

I find it sad that your Partner isn't prepared to make the effort with the pup, if only for the sake of your Son.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

The trial wasn't planned. This was my partners idea to soften the blow for my son if we were really struggling.

We've had the talk, and she doesn't know why she feels like she does. But the main thing is she feels like the babies life is worse for the dog. She feels like she cant leave ronnie and feels like the time she should be going out places with the baby. Also that she is constantly telling the baby off for trying to play with the dog and trying to eat his toys! It seems really petty in text. 

To be honest I don't really understand it myself. I couldn't be happier with the dog and how he is fit in, I'm enjoying spending time with him and teaching him etc. I volunteered to stay down with him first few nights even though I'm up for work next day. I'm certainly not scared of putting the hard work in.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

Yes sweety. That is what is disappointing me most. She says she is trying. I don't feel like she is.

regarding the breeder, my partner was very keen. I'm not familiar with dogs and have never been comfortable until now. At the viewings she was hands on and picking him up etc. Whereas I was stand offish


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

be prepared for your son to remember this forever and to hold it against you, possibley have trust issues and maybe behavioural ones too, as he may well think that he will never know if you might give him/his sister away if s/he misbehaves
Im 56 now and until the day my father died I still resented the fact that, at around 6-8, he promised me my first pet,We went to, of all places, Brick lane and I chose a, rather rare then, golden hamster
My little brother ( 4-5 then) held itwhilst at the stall and it bit him, of course he started crying, then screaming whenever he saw the hamster, so my dad said sorry but no
Now obviously Im a parent now and completely understand where he was coming from, 
but, at the time and for many years later, boy did I take that to heart,
it made the relationship between my brother and I volatile for many years and, as he was disabled, it made my mum's life difficult
when my mum had my sister I actually asked my dad if I screamed when I saw her, would he take her back too

children arent the little accepting angels we like to think they are
so be prepared and be prepared for a long time, for him to apportion blame and hatred


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

With more careful management & a routine in place there should be no reason for the baby to have to miss out or have to keep being told off etc. Toys cleared away after use and put out of reach, no approaching the pup's crate, and there should be no reason she can't pop out for a couple of hours to do stuff with your baby whilst Ronnie is sleeping in his crate. It is initially tough. All puppies are, and the life changes do take some getting used to, but once your past that stage your reap the rewards. In some sense, persevering with the pup will teach your son an important life lesson of not giving up when things get to be to much trouble. But that depends on your partner.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

anthandsam said:


> The trial wasn't planned. This was my partners idea to soften the blow for my son if we were really struggling.
> 
> We've had the talk, and she doesn't know why she feels like she does. But the main thing is she feels like the babies life is worse for the dog. She feels like she cant leave ronnie and feels like the time she should be going out places with the baby. Also that she is constantly telling the baby off for trying to play with the dog and trying to eat his toys! It seems really petty in text.
> 
> To be honest I don't really understand it myself. I couldn't be happier with the dog and how he is fit in, I'm enjoying spending time with him and teaching him etc. I volunteered to stay down with him first few nights even though I'm up for work next day. I'm certainly not scared of putting the hard work in.


Sorry if this seems a bit personal but do you think she might be a little jealous of the bond you and your son clearly have with Ronnie? Is she feeling a little left out? If only she could see that once Ronnie can go out for walks she will be able to take him and your toddler to the park together etc etc. She feels she can't leave him at home in his crate while she takes the toddler out but she could hand him back and deal with the fallout from your son?? Its all a bit irrational.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

dog lover, I've used that exact phrase.

I've said that I think we are teaching a terrible life lesson on giving up when things get tough.


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

Oh wow, you've only had him for 10 _*days, *_I thought it was going to much longer as he sounds like he's quite an easy puppy.
If she's really not in it for the long haul, then as others have said, the pup needs to go back to the breeder ASAP. Although I honestly don't think you've had him long enough to be talking about giving up.

Things always get better when they can go for walks and they're more tired. You could get a crate cover so your toddler can't see him and would maybe leave him alone while he's resting.
There's lots of mentally stimulating toys, Kongs, Busy Buddy, Nina Ottosson, food balls, that would keep a puppy entertained for a while in the garden or a seperate room from the toddler, so your partner would have a break for a little while.

The puppy stage doesn't last long, and he sounds like he could grow into a really sensible little dog. Your son could take him to training classes, fun dog shows, etc.
Teaching your toddler how to behave around dogs would be good anyway, so that she doesn't run up to strange dogs in public.

I know a few people who had dogs taken away from them at a young age, and they didn't get over it...but if the puppy isn't going to have a good quality of life because he's not wanted/resented, then he needs to be the priority and given back while he's young enough to be rehomed, but don't expect to get the money back.


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## JRB123 (Jun 22, 2017)

I'm a new pup owner and mostly the one who does all the work too! I've had the puppy blues too and feel a little housebound! Also we mostly got the puppy as my daughter wanted one for years- it wasn't on my agenda!!! However it's been hard work plus he's a fussy eater and had some health issues. It seems non stop worry!
However I've got to say the love for him we feel is amazing and every day there are small steps of progress that make it better! Some people even say the first year is hell and then it gets better! So I keep the hope! And of course I knew when we got him that whatever happens we're keeping him! 
We've had all that puppy stuff too of poo, wee, eating stones etc so can even relax in the garden. So I understand the stress! But it won't be forever and it's just the dogs way of learning. 
I did puppy classes that helped and I find the bond between all of us and the puppy grows every day! And it is amazing! Every day he gets sweeter and you get to know each other's ways! 
I hope your partner will give it longer but I imagine it's hard with a toddler as my kids are teenagers now. 
Could you find a dog day care or dog sitter ( in their home) who could take the dog a few days a week so your partner gets a break? 
The separation anxiety gets better too! I found it hard to leave my puppy at all but now he's 5 months I can go out for an hour or so and he's fine. 
He does sound like a lovely dog and he deserves a happy life! It'd be great if you could offer that but if not then hopefully he will find one. 

It will be tough on your son- there's no way around that! Prob best just to be as honest as possible and explain why. He might not understand now but he will when he's older. There are schemes where you can donate to adopt a dog or other wild animal - where you don't look after them but you fund their care and get updates etc - or help out as the RSPCA etc to still be involved with dogs. Maybe your son could do that? But it will be a very sad time and there will be a grieving process. 
Hopefully it'll all work out in the end for the dog and for the family


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

I tell her all this, re going out for walk etc but its falling on deaf ears. Don't think there is a jealousy issue. I've caught her a few times smiling at how well my son is bonding.

She is happy for the dog to sleep on her leg etc, and is making sure she is fed and exercised and has toys, there is no neglect issue. It does seem a bit irrational. She is an extremely caring person. I honestly don't know where this has came from. IT started almost instantly when we picked him up. She got upset we were taking him from his mother.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

anthandsam said:


> I tell her all this, re going out for walk etc but its falling on deaf ears. Don't think there is a jealousy issue. I've caught her a few times smiling at how well my son is bonding.
> 
> She is happy for the dog to sleep on her leg etc, and is making sure she is fed and exercised and has toys, there is no neglect issue. It does seem a bit irrational. She is an extremely caring person. I honestly don't know where this has came from. IT started almost instantly when we picked him up. She got upset we were taking him from his mother.


Well, I tell you that, by the time a litter of pups is eight weeks old, their Mother is only too happy to see the back of the pestering little blighters.

Trying to feed from her with sharp teeth and claws, climbing on her when she's trying to sleep, biting at her ears to try and get her to play.

It's perfectly natural for pups to leave their Mum and she certainly doesn't pine for them.


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

Sounds like a case of the puppy blues then. You often like an emotional wreck, that you can't even leave the room without disturbing the pup etc and you feel very tied initially. All those feelings do pass! Routine is the key IME.

Perhaps she would feel better to read the responses here, or sign up herself to receive some support? I know there is a puppy support thread running currently, and it may help for her to realize she's not alone.


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## JRB123 (Jun 22, 2017)

Also ps: I sent my husband a few texts saying things like - the dog is driving me nuts or I just can't do this ( when it got too stressful) but it was just having a vent!! I didn't mean it always! It was more letting off steam aka having a moan!! So are you sure your partner means it? Maybe it was just a bad day! 
I've learnt that everything takes time and it's lots of repetition with a puppy but you get there in the end! 
Really have a good think about it between you all


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

that is another huge positive for me. No eating problem whatsoever, we are feeding a per the guidelines, he always finishes and you can almost set your watch by his poo's. We have a kong which he spends a good while playing with, plus a bull horn that he really likes.

We have a really busy life, my son has football training 3 times a week. This will be easier once we can take ronnie out, but at the moment, we are having to leave him for couple of hours every time he has training.

We did plan for my son and partner to take ronnie to training, I'm thinking if we can hold out to this then that will be a big milestone. But I really don't know. Feel bad on my partner for pushing her to try harder.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

again worth noting he is never upset or has soiled when we return after leaving him for a couple of hours.

Even the school run is hard for my partner, he cries as they leave, but is fine when they return.


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## Baskervillle (Feb 3, 2016)

It sounds like between the puppy and a baby, your partner is just exhausted and overwhelmed. Being responsible for children all day is quite an emotional load for anyone, it seems like maybe she underestimated how stressful having a puppy would be, on top of childcare and household duties. 

From what you've said, it seems like she feels trapped by the puppy because she feels like she has lost a bit of independence. 

When ronnie is older, a dog walker or daycare may be an option. It just sounds like your partner feels a bit spread thin at the moment, which is understandable. 

Do you have a friend or relative who might be able to look after ronnie for a day or two whilst she thinks about whether a puppy is right for her? I think raising puppies and children together is a lot more work than people initially think; they think of a puppy cuddling a baby and cute Facebook posts but maybe forget or didn't anticipate the reality. Having a short break from the puppy may give her the clarity she needs to think whether she can continue or if it would be in ronnies best interests to go back to the breeder. 

I think it will get a lot easier as the kids and the puppy get older, but it's just the question as to whether your wife is able to cope with that in the meantime. 

Good luck, anyway. It can't be easy on any of you


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

anthandsam said:


> again worth noting he is never upset or has soiled when we return after leaving him for a couple of hours.
> 
> Even the school run is hard for my partner, he cries as they leave, but is fine when they return.


Why is it hard for her?

The pup cries a little, then settles down and is calm and happy on their return?

Perfect - if only all pups were as good.

I get that your Partner has decided she doesn't want the pup, but that sounds like a flimsy excuse to me.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

The puppy blues is quite common, even people who have had dogs all their lives and raised many pups have it. Some of our long serving dog veterans on PF have experienced this. Whether or not your pup is relatively easy compared to others experiences doesn't change the fact that your wife is finding things difficult for her.

Puppy blues seems to often kick in a week or so after welcoming the puppy into the home. I think the work involved, responsibility for another life to take care of as well as the level of care and supervision needed by a young pup as well as the mess all combine to give a "what was I thinking" moment.

It sounds like your wife as main carer both for the children and the pup is having puppy blues quite understandably. A young pup is as time consuming as a toddler and she has suddenly had to go from looking after one young child to another (albeit with fur).

Like many puppy owners she may well have been up for the idea of having a puppy but the enormity of the responsibility and care needs wasn't anticipated. She is now trying to manage looking after the family plus the needs of the pup for long periods on her own as well as supervise the interactions of both to make sure all is ok.

I think you and your wife need to have a frank and honest chat with each other. Forget for a moment how the keeping or rehoming of the puppy affects your son. At the end of the day as responsible adults it comes down to whether you and more especially your wife can manage keeping the pup.

From comments on petforums puppy blues does dissipate in a few weeks and things get much easier, routines develop and the pup settles in to the house and learns the house rules.

However although you are likely to find things much less stressful soon at the end of the day your wife in the main has to cope with until the stress lessens.

One of our members @jamat and his wife experienced exactly the same issues. Happily they managed to work through it and their dog Alfie is a happy and well adjusted member of their house. Perhaps @jamat can offer some advice. (sorry cant find his thread)

Also I suggest you and your wife look at the puppy support thread as there are currently lots of pet owners going through similar issues. Please let your wife know that these feelings are not at all unusual even for the most experienced dog owner and do pass.

http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/puppy-support-thread.448113/

If you and your wife decide that it would be best to rehome your pup please contact the breeder. I would suggest though you also consider getting a puppy sitter or friends or family to come and take care of your pup for periods to give your wife a break in the first instance to see if this helps. Even neighbours may be happy to pup sit for a bit and allow your wife to get a bit of a break. I know if my neighbour wanted a periodic pup sitter I would jump at the chance


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

Thanks for your help. It's really appreciated. I will keep you posted. 

As for Ronnie, how much would an extra couple of weeks at ours harm his development?? His next immunisation is booked in for Monday, so I'm thinking we could take him out the following week?


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

You can take him out in your arms or in a carrier / covered pram from now onwards. The more experience he gets to watch the world go by the better. He ca also mix with vaccinated dogs in a garden. Just avoid putting him down where there are lots of dogs regularly walking and doing their business. Have a look at the puppy plan. It gives you a good idea about how to socialise your pup and what the breeder should already have done...

http://www.thepuppyplan.com/

He doesn't need to get too close to the things he is to experience just sitting on a bench watching the people, traffic, birds, animals etc is ok.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

anthandsam said:


> Thanks for your help. It's really appreciated. I will keep you posted.
> 
> As for Ronnie, how much would an extra couple of weeks at ours harm his development?? His next immunisation is booked in for Monday, so I'm thinking we could take him out the following week?


If you are planning on getting rid of him why wait another couple of weeks? Either you are keeping him or you're not .... he is not a toy!!


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

anthandsam said:


> Thanks for your help. It's really appreciated. I will keep you posted.
> 
> As for Ronnie, how much would an extra couple of weeks at ours harm his development?? His next immunisation is booked in for Monday, so I'm thinking we could take him out the following week?


If you don't plan to keep him, the sooner he goes back to his Breeder the better.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

anthandsam said:


> Thanks for your help. It's really appreciated. I will keep you posted.
> 
> As for Ronnie, how much would an extra couple of weeks at ours harm his development??


I think you are asking the wrong question. 

The question you need to discuss is can you and your wife do anything to make caring for the pup less stressful so that she can cope. If yes then implement that. If not then it is better to rehome the pup asap.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

I'm thinking and hoping things might improve in the coming weeks. I don't want to get rid of him.

Its all down to my partner and how she feels. If I had my way we would be 100% keeping him. I'm not sure if it's came across that I don't think we should keep him?? That iss not how I intended it to come across.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

from the advice above, it seems like puppy blues may pass. In my opinion if there's any chance things can get better for my partner then we should try that.

Don't think it's as black and white as "either you are keeping him or you are not..."


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

anthandsam said:


> I'm thinking and hoping things might improve in the coming weeks. I don't want to get rid of him.
> 
> Its all down to my partner and how she feels. If I had my way we would be 100% keeping him. I'm not sure if it's came across that I don't think we should keep him?? That iss not how I intended it to come across.


I think you have come across very well to be fair and I've totally understood that you want to keep him as does your son. It must have taken some guts to post this thread knowing you or more specifically your partner will get a good deal of criticism but its clear you do want to work through the problems and support your partner. If only she would see how much better things will be given a bit more time. I hope she comes to her senses before it is too late.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

anthandsam said:


> I'm thinking and hoping things might improve in the coming weeks. I don't want to get rid of him.
> 
> Its all down to my partner and how she feels. If I had my way we would be 100% keeping him. I'm not sure if it's came across that I don't think we should keep him?? That iss not how I intended it to come across.


No, I'm sorry, it isn't all down to your Partner.

She agreed to buying the puppy in the first place but has now decided she made a mistake.

It isn't all about her and what she wants, you have to consider what is best for the puppy and for your little Boy.

If the pup isn't staying, he needs rehoming as soon as possible and for your little boy, if he's going to lose his pup, the longer you prolong it, the worse it will be for him.

I understand that your Partner is struggling to cope and has changed her mind about the puppy but that is not a reason for her to be completely selfish.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

anthandsam said:


> I'm thinking and hoping things might improve in the coming weeks. I don't want to get rid of him.
> 
> Its all down to my partner and how she feels. If I had my way we would be 100% keeping him. I'm not sure if it's came across that I don't think we should keep him?? That iss not how I intended it to come across.


I am sure things will improve in the coming weeks but your partner needs to be on board to give it a go. Ask her what you both could do to make life easier for her. If she doesn't feel supported and feels pressurised in having to cope when she is finding it difficult to this will lead to lots of resentment which the pup will pick up on.

If she doesn't feel that she can look after the pup then as others have said you need to consider the pups welfare (and your sons feelings) and rehome the pup asap.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

I've had dogs most of my life ( I'm 66) and had them all from puppies and without fail I get the puppy blues every time. It's the sudden and to a degree the unexpected responsibility that comes with the pup. It seems wonderful at first, all the planning, buying all the stuff, choosing the name, gazing at the photos, then suddenly it's here and you've got to look after it.

We are both now retired yet when we bought Isla home four years ago I was the one that looked after her all day, hubby cleared off upstairs to the office and did Other Things which were apparently Very Important. I can remember feeling resentful and sometimes deeply unhappy that my personal feedom had vanished. Not that I had frenetic social life, but that freedom to do something else, be it read a book, gardening, or just nothing really. The puppy took up most my life from the moment I got up until I went to bed. She wasn't one for sleeping very much during the day and her chewing and biting were pretty relentless, I wondered if we had done the right thing.

After a few weeks we both began to settle into a routine , she slept a little more especially after we started going for mini walks, my personal freedom began to return and I felt less resentful.

I wonder if your wife is feeling the same way? She obviously has more to do then I do these days with two children to care for, but there is a loss of freedom when you first have a puppy. The good side is that puppies grow up faster then children and life becomes easier and easier so much quicker.

On the other hand if your wife is really so dead set against having the puppy, then consider returning her sooner rather then later. A gentle word though, if your son does find out that his mum was the one responsible for not wanting to keep the dog he may become very resentful towards her and find it hard to forgive especially as he so wanted a dog


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## steveshanks (Feb 19, 2015)

I'll confess to not reading the complete thread, but it does sound like your partner has the puppy blues. I'd read about it before you give him up.


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

i'm sorry but what a complete mess. feel terrible for the poor puppy.
think it's best you return him to the breeder, sooner, rather than later.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

thanks for the constructive responses. really helping.

im in the fortunate position where my work is fairly flexible. i took a day off friday to try and help and also ive been finishing early. im hoping that if i help out a bit more in these early stages it might take a bit of the pressure away.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I'd dump the missus and go with the kid and the dog.

JOKING!!! I think you need to figure out if your partner is ever going to accept the dog. It's a difficult thing to work out, but if she isn't going to, then the puppy needs going back asap.


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## Vanessa131 (Nov 16, 2014)

If I had a 15 month old baby to care for there is absolutely no way I would add a puppy into the mix, I also would never expect my partner to be looking after a baby and a puppy at the same time. A baby needs freedom to explore to learn, as does a puppy so it's a difficult mix, an older dog that has been well trained would go far better with a baby. 

I think the puppy needs returning, you need to focus on the baby you already have and wait until all of your children are a bit older, then you need to take time off work during the first couple of weeks if you decide to get a puppy in the future.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Vanessa131 said:


> If I had a 15 month old baby to care for there is absolutely no way I would add a puppy into the mix, I also would never expect my partner to be looking after a baby and a puppy at the same time. A baby needs freedom to explore to learn, as does a puppy so it's a difficult mix, an older dog that has been well trained would go far better with a baby.
> 
> I think the puppy needs returning, you need to focus on the baby you already have and wait until all of your children are a bit older, then you need to take time off work during the first couple of weeks if you decide to get a puppy in the future.


Look at the little boy's face, do you seriously think its fair to wrench that puppy he has waited years for away from him now?


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## Vanessa131 (Nov 16, 2014)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Look at the little boy's face, do you seriously think its fair to wrench that puppy he has waited years for away from him now?


Yes, because a puppy shouldn't be in an unsuitable home and a baby shouldn't be missing out on babyhood as OPs partner is being left to look after the baby and the puppy. A childs sad face doesn't come before the needs of a puppy.


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## Guest (Jun 27, 2017)

Honestly sounds like a dream puppy and a very classic case of the puppy blues. 
Maybe if your partner understood that this is a very normal reaction to a new puppy, and that these negative feelings will indeed pass that might help.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Vanessa131 said:


> Yes, because a puppy shouldn't be in an unsuitable home and a baby shouldn't be missing out on babyhood as OPs partner is being left to look after the baby and the puppy. A childs sad face doesn't come before the needs of a puppy.


The mental welfare of the older child is just as important and sorry I don't believe the toddler (not baby) will miss out on anything because of a puppy other than during the first few weeks until pup can get out and about with them. Plenty of parents manage to do both perfectly well although I got my current rottie from rescue because of a similar situation but that was the parents not being able to cope with an 8 week old puppy and a newborn baby.


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## Vanessa131 (Nov 16, 2014)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> The mental welfare of the older child is just as important and sorry I don't believe the toddler (not baby) will miss out on anything because of a puppy other than during the first few weeks until pup can get out and about with them. Plenty of parents manage to do both perfectly well although I got my current rottie from rescue because of a similar situation but that was the parents not being able to cope with an 8 week old puppy and a newborn baby.


I know we are all different, but there is no way I would sacrifice any time with my baby, obviously others would and do. I also wouldn't be willing to leave a dog (or other animal) in a suitable home, it isn't something an actual animal lover would support. If every parent avoided things that make a child sad, every child in existence would be a spoiled brat.

If you want to see actual welfare problems not a returned dog, come and see some of the children I work with.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Look at the little boy's face, do you seriously think its fair to wrench that puppy he has waited years for away from him now?


This.

My family think I'm unfeeling sometimes but that little boy with his pup made me emotional.

I couldn't break his heart easily. I would move Heaven and Earth to not do so.

I would not want that on my conscience.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Vanessa131 said:


> I know we are all different, but there is no way I would sacrifice any time with my baby, obviously others would and do. I also wouldn't be willing to leave a dog (or other animal) in a suitable home, it isn't something an actual animal lover would support. If every parent avoided things that make a child sad, every child in existence would be a spoiled brat.
> 
> If you want to see actual welfare problems not a returned dog, come and see some of the children I work with.


Oh no.

My Sons grew up with seven dogs. They didn't sacrifice anything and, in fact, remember with a lot of fondness their childhood surrounded by dogs

A child who grows up with a dog is not necessarily a neglected child.

It isn't about one or the other, or shouldn't be, it's about balance.


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

Sweety said:


> Oh no.
> 
> My Sons grew up with seven dogs. They didn't sacrifice anything and, in fact, remember with a lot of fondness their childhood surrounded by dogs
> 
> ...


Whole heartedly agree..my son had just turned a year when we got our first dog...who had just as much needs as a puppy...he didn't miss out on a thing...

I didn't sacrifice a thing, and stages of development will tell you that with young children of 15 months if it wasn't the child being told not to touch the puppy it would be something else, to keep them out of danger.


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## Guest (Jun 27, 2017)

Vanessa131 said:


> I know we are all different, but there is no way I would sacrifice any time with my baby, obviously others would and do.


I find this a rather harsh statement the way I read it, don't know if you intended it that way or not.

I had twins and four dogs (and horses). When the babies hit the toddler years, one of our dogs was elderly, incontinent, and very grumpy and had to be kept away from the kids or carefully supervised. I don't consider the time I spent caring for our elderly dog and cleaning up after him time sacrificed from the children. If anything they learned a good lesson in compassion and responsibility as they both still remember our old guy and how I used to have to put puppy pads on his bed and he would sometimes miss. 
Later when a puppy came and took up a lot of my time, they learned from that too. They learned to forgive chewed toys and smacked faces from a big tail, they learned that the puppy has needs that need to be met. Same thing when we rescued an older dog with issues. Again, they learned to care for someone in need, to be patient as the dog learned to trust, and all sorts of wonderful lessons in empathy and selflessness that they would not have learned without these opportunities.

Dogs don't take time away from kids, they enrich our time with them.


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## rottieboys (Jan 16, 2013)

Poor Ronnie, He is only a baby as well...


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Vanessa131 said:


> I know we are all different, but there is no way I would sacrifice any time with my baby, obviously others would and do. I also wouldn't be willing to leave a dog (or other animal) in a suitable home, it isn't something an actual animal lover would support. If every parent avoided things that make a child sad, every child in existence would be a spoiled brat.
> 
> If you want to see actual welfare problems not a returned dog, come and see some of the children I work with.


Sorry I don't follow your last statement - if you mean what I suspect you mean I think you know I worked for social services for years and used to take minutes at child abuse case conferences as well as supervise carers going in to volatile family situations so I do understand welfare problems of both children and dogs but I fail to see the relevance. Plenty of families manage pups and children together are you suggesting all babies are neglected if there is also a dog? I don't support leaving a dog in an unsuitable home (thanks for suggesting I'm not an animal lover ) but I dispute this isn't a suitable home and agree with the majority of posters that Mum has puppy blues and with some extra support through the next few weeks I believe she will get through them.


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Sorry I don't follow your last statement - if you mean what I suspect you mean I think you know I worked for social services for years and used to take minutes at child abuse case conferences as well as supervise carers going in to volatile family situations so I do understand welfare problems of both children and dogs but I fail to see the relevance. Plenty of families manage pups and children together are you suggesting all babies are neglected if there is also a dog. I don't support leaving a dog in an unsuitable home (thanks for suggesting I'm not an animal lover ) but I dispute this isn't a suitable home and agree with the majority of posters that Mum has puppy blues and with some extra support through the next few weeks I believe she will get through them.


Thank you for this post...I have seen some horrific things too...but I never saw the relevance either.


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

anthandsam said:


> thanks for the constructive responses. really helping.
> 
> im in the fortunate position where my work is fairly flexible. i took a day off friday to try and help and also ive been finishing early. im hoping that if i help out a bit more in these early stages it might take a bit of the pressure away.
> View attachment 316177


You could also give your son specific tasks to do for the dog to help out. Feed, poo pick, groom, play with etc


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

Lexiedhb said:


> You could also give your son specific tasks to do for the dog to help out. Feed, poo pick, groom, play with etc


My eldest fed the dogs for years...it started when he was about 10 because he asked to do it..and lasted till he went to uni! My other son got lumped with the dishwasher duties!


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

it may not necessarily be ''puppy blues'' it could actually be a mixture of postnatal depression and ''puppy blues'' if there is a young baby in the mix. if the OP's wife/partner is getting more upset/irrational etc than usual, may be worth a trip to see GP.


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## anthandsam (Jun 27, 2017)

my son has played a big part. he is quick to take him out side to the toilet. seems to spot even before we do. he also collects the poo. as for feeding him. that may be something we can get him to do as his last feed the morning and datmytime out of question with school.

we have had a family chat tonight. very upsetting but it seems like the main problem is weekday daytimes. this weekend i had both kids and the dog. although it was a challenge i enjoyed it. but and itd a a big but. my son was able to either help out with the baby or ronnie. during the day with myself at work and son at school its basicaly one adult and two babies and this i think is where she feels like the toddler is missing out and she feels like she is trying to spread herself too thin. she isnt in my opinion. life hasnt got worse for either of the kids. the toddler loves playing with the dog. she is obssesed.

post natal depression seems unlikely i would say. partner suffered with pnd when the oldest was born. terrible time for my partner and myself to some extent. it is part of the reason we have such an age gap between our children. things have been a lot better this time round though and knowing how things were last time i would say its not an issue.

weve decided to really give it a go and no more talk of handing puppy back for a few days to see if things get better.


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## Mccjen (May 10, 2017)

10 days isn't long - and it sounds like your pup is a dream! Bless him x 
I think with a good routine that is agreed upon by you all - this could work out. 
You obviously care about the pup and it sounds as though your son particularly cares for him.
I think it's a shock to the inexperienced owner when you first get a puppy. Perhaps have a look at the puppy support thread. It sounds like your wife has the puppy blues. 
Once he's fully vaccinated and you are able to take him out and about for walks it might not feel so isolating and confining for your wife. 
I hope it works out for you all x


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## applecrumlin (Mar 8, 2015)

What a sad and difficult situation.
Does your partner truly believe that her feelings are based in logic, and your daughter is actually missing out?
If so, would it help to point out that many children of your daughter's age have new babies in the house? Some of your friends might have a toddler and a baby. I really don't mean that to come across sounding like "if they can cope, you should be able to cope too"; rather to acknowledge that your daughter's situation is not uniquely difficult - learning to share her mum's attention with Ronnie is a natural progression for her.

Also, he really does sound like a super little pup. Have your family and friends met him? It might help your partner to feel invested in him if she hears other people admiring him. That sounds shallow I know but if she feels ground down and overwhelmed, she might need a bit of outside help to see and appreciate how good he is - nothing wrong with that.

I really do hope that things work out. Of course your son will be heartbroken if Ronnie goes, but your partner might be heartbroken if he stays.


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