# Romanian Rescue - help needed!



## DWR1990 (Jun 1, 2019)

Just a heads up, this is going to be a long one!

Last Sunday (26th May), me and my partner adopted a Romanian rescue dog called Mia. We’d been to the kennels several times to meet her and she was very, very timid but we fell in love.
The owner told us she’s been shipped here from Romania a few weeks ago, and they didn’t know much about her, other than she was fine with people and dogs but scared of men at first.
Her two sisters also came with her (Tiggy and Tye), and they got adopted the same week.

After a lot of thought, we decided to go for it and bring her home.

Day one, me and a friend picked her up and she was fine. Got home, had a sniff and basically slept all day!
She ate her food straight away, took some treats and even fell asleep on me.
Then my other half came home from work and she was back to the dog we’d seen in the kennels, hiding in corners, cowering etc.

Day two I took her on her first walk and she was fine. Barked at other days which was annoying as we were told she was fine, but didn’t pull too much and was happy to be out.
Our house has a flight of stairs leading up to it and she was a bit hesitant to come back up though.

The day after that, I was back at work and it was my partners turn. He really struggled - she wouldn’t go near him, he couldn’t get her outside all day so she was messing in the house (is currently weeing inside but anything else outside). It really upset him and he doesn’t feel attached to her.

From there she’s only got worse. The more he’s around the more she dislikes him. 
I’ve had to take more time off work and she’s not okay to be left alone yet and it’s taking its toll on me too.

She just paces all day. She doesn’t know how to play and is scared of all the toys we’ve bought. She sleeps in the conservatory which is really hot in the day, and even though she’s clearly too hot and panting, won’t come out unless I make her.

She will not take treats! We’ve treat everything we can get our hands on and the only thing she’ll go for is cheese, and even then it’s hit and miss. 

She’s only just started to sleep on her bed.
We’ve tried crate training but she’s scared of that too.

We tried to bathe her tonight for the first time and she went insane.
We took her for a walk a few hours later and she was so badly behaved.
She was pulling, trying to run off and kept jumping. She also got something stuck to her foot and almost snapped at my partner and myself when we tried to remove it.

She’s only 1 and a half and has never lived in a house, so we knew it would be a struggle but not this hard.
I’ve cried nearly every day due to the stress and I can’t even leave the house for a bit to escape.

We’ve had her less than a week but we honestly don’t think we have the time to fully commit to this pup.
I love her to bits but my partner is so worn out (and he’s not even been putting the work in that I have).

Obviously we’ve spoken about returning her as it may be better for al involved but we mentioned remaining as her foster parents until a suitable owner is found due to the state she was at the kennels.

I’ve had dogs all my life and I’m a huge animal lover, and it breaks my heart to consider this, but as she’s not earning to my boyfriend, I’m really struggling to do everything myself.

Can anyone please offer any help/ guidance/ wise words?!


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## Guest (Jun 1, 2019)

This is not my area of expertise and someone who knows more will hopefully be along soon but I think you need to slow down! Like you say, you’ve had her less than a week, shes never lived in a house, she’s had a huge upheaval and she will be scared, stressed and confused. 

Just let her be for a bit. Don’t try to get her to play, don’t do big scary things like bathing her, let her sleeps where she feels comfortable, if she doesn’t want treats don’t force the issue. To be honest, I wouldn’t even be walking her, other than for toileting purposes if required or very, very quiet short walks if you think she needs to get out. Just let her find her feet.

Your partner needs to utterly and completely ignore her. Every time he tries to interact in any way will reinforce her fear at this stage. I know it will be hard but he should give her a wide berth if possible and leave her completely alone. In time she will come to realise that he’s not a threat to her, but she needs to learn that herself, he can’t force it. He should also ‘check’ himself to make sure he’s not unconsciously doing scary things e.g. making loud or sudden movements, ‘looming’, walking heavily etc. Of course he won’t feel attached to her at this stage. Give it time.

Only you know what you can handle. If you think you are completely out of your depth and it can’t possibly work, then it’s probably better to make that decision sooner rather than later. However, if you can be patient and in it for the long haul, you just might get an incredible dog out of her. We often talk about new owners getting ‘puppy blues’ once the reality of a puppy hits home. I think there’s a good chance you’re going through ‘rehome blues’.


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## Linda Weasel (Mar 5, 2014)

DWR1990 said:


> Just a heads up, this is going to be a long one!
> 
> Last Sunday (26th May), me and my partner adopted a Romanian rescue dog called Mia. We'd been to the kennels several times to meet her and she was very, very timid but we fell in love.
> The owner told us she's been shipped here from Romania a few weeks ago, and they didn't know much about her, other than she was fine with people and dogs but scared of men at first.
> ...


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## Linda Weasel (Mar 5, 2014)

Everything @McKenzie says.

You obviously had no idea what you were taking on.

If you know nothing about her background then you can assume the worst; she's never been in a house, most of her interactions with people have been negative ones, she has lived by her wits and survived by trusting nobody.
Are you surprised that she 'went insane' when you gave her a bath? Somebody she doesn't know or trust grabbed her and tried to do something to her that terrified her.

She doesn't know that you mean her well, and isn't 'grateful' or even knows that you gave her a second chance.

You don't rehome/rescue these dogs; you rehabilitate them, and you're expecting way too much, way too soon. Crate training, for example, even for a well-balanced dog, takes longer than a week. Leaving a dog alone, particularly one who's probably been living in a pen with several other dogs, takes ages.

She needs to build a bond with you, and trust you, before you can sensibly walk her. Otherwise, as far as she's concerned, she needs to look after herself and you forced her to be in places she was scared of with things she may have never seen before. Of course she was badly behaved. She wanted to run and keep herself safe, but was restrained from doing so by someone who'd stuck a lead on her.

If you want to keep her, and are honestly prepared for the really long haul, then I would find a good, positive- based behaviourist; I think you'd get a lot from this and it would really help. You need to be able to get inside her head to be able to help her.

There are people on here with Rommie rescues I think, who will be able to help and will also tell you how hard it is and how much commitment it takes.


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## DWR1990 (Jun 1, 2019)

A few bits I forgot to mention;

The rescue told me to get her straight out for walks and to try the crate.
And she has been enjoying them up until last night.

We have been leaving her alone and waiting for her to come to us.

The rescue have heard from the sisters adopters who say they have been fine. They were able to bathe them without any problems so suggested we try too.


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## Silverpaw (May 8, 2019)

Hi,I'm sorry but not surprised to hear how difficult things are for little Mia and yourselves.The first thing I would say,having had my beautiful Rommie rescue,Maci,for six years,is that you need to slow right down,as per the good advice given in the previous reply's.Mia is terrified and traumatised and,if you do decide to commit to helping her through this to develop into the dog she was meant to be,it will,from my experience,take a long time.There are no short cuts,any expectations you have of how a dog should settle into a new home where all the thing's she's never had are being provided,need to be put to one side.Mia is trying to do what life has taught her she needs to,survive.If such a thing is possible,I think it's in these dogs dna to keep as far away from people as they can,especially men (the notorious dog catchers and cruel people in the so called public shelters are usually men).My guess is that Mia has spent her short life trying to be invisible in order to stay alive.All of a sudden she is in full focus having all kinds of things thrown at her.She can't be grateful and she can't learn while she's in this terrified state.It's very hard to assess how a traumatised dog is likely to react in a different setting when they are in rescue.It's an enormous transition to suddenly be placed in a domestic setting,no only is everything very scary but you're prevented from following your instincts to run from danger.My dog was 7/8 years old when he arrived,so I have seen this first hand.It's been a long journey but so rewarding and he is a wonderful little dog.There will always be trust issues with people he doesn't know and he is still reactive with some dogs.He is extremely intelligent and has learnt so much by being allowed to go at his own pace,to watch things happening from the (distant) side-lines.He has never really be interested in toys,he never had a puppyhood to develop such luxuries.There is lots of information on line about the situation regarding dogs in Romania.If you're not familiar with it,it might help you to see where Mia is coming from if you did a bit of research.Be prepared though,it doesn't make easy reading.Make sure any behaviourist you use has knowledge /understanding of Rommie dogs,aswell as using positive methods etc.These dogs don't and can't be expected to react in the same way as most dogs do.Sorry I've gone on for so long,Maci's story would fill several books.Good luck in making the right decision for both you and Mia.


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## Silverpaw (May 8, 2019)

Sorry,just seen comments re advice from rescue.From my experience,these dogs are likely to have all been in shock when they arrived in their homes.Maci was extremely compliant for his first few days here,although we took things very slowly,didn't allow anyone to meet him for a time etc etc.As he started to settle,his behaviours,reactions started to show.


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## Silverpaw (May 8, 2019)

Cont. It could be that Mia's siblings will start to react once they settle.I don't think the fact that one dog has coped/tolerated a situation means that it should be imposed on another dog who clearly isn't coping.


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## Guest (Jun 1, 2019)

Silverpaw said:


> Cont. It could be that Mia's siblings will start to react once they settle.I don't think the fact that one dog has coped/tolerated a situation means that it should be imposed on another dog who clearly isn't coping.


Exactly. It doesn't really matter what the rescue says she is 'supposed' to be like - you have the dog you've got.


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## DWR1990 (Jun 1, 2019)

Silverpaw said:


> Cont. It could be that Mia's siblings will start to react once they settle.I don't think the fact that one dog has coped/tolerated a situation means that it should be imposed on another dog who clearly isn't coping.


 Thanks for the reassuring words.

I've read up a lot on the situation in Romania, it's absolutely terrible, which is the main reason we wanted to help!


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## 3dogs2cats (Aug 15, 2012)

Although not from Romania I have homed a dog that was very anxious and nervous I can only echo what has already been said you need to slow right down and give her time.

I will be honest and say my girl was never entirely normal, she was not one we could take anywhere ( although she had lots of holidays with us) and she needed management but she grew to be a gentle, loving, funny, happy and very quirky girl. You can get there with Mia but you have to be in this for the long haul, you have to be very patient and maybe rethink your expectations, how your previous dogs have behaved might never be how Mia behaves. Like my girl your Mia may always live her life a little differently, but if you can accommodate that, seeing her blossom will be so worth it.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

My smaller Rommie was very fearful when she arrived, it took 4 months for us to even handle her, she was that shut down.

It took her longer to get over her fear of my other half, but fast forward 6 years & she is pretty much 'his' dog, she loves him that much.

Time & patience is the key, you've only had her a few days.

Trust me, you will eventually reap the rewards, if you ever need to have a chat just drop me a PM & I'll give advice if I can, I had very many 'what have we done?' moments in the early months.


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## Ian246 (Oct 27, 2018)

I suspect the answer is 'no', but do the Romanian Rescue folks offer any worthwhile advice? I doubt they will - their advice and views fom what you say have been pretty worthless so far. They don't really sound as if they know what they're talking about. (The fact her sisters are 'fine' is irrelevant - and I doubt it's wholly true, to be frank.) 
I agree with all the above: Mia needs time to settle in. Try and imagine how her life - whatever it consisted of - has been turned upside down, and she is disorientated, confused and frightened. When dogs are frigheteed, if they can see no way out, it can turn to degrees of aggression. That's not to put you off, just to prepare you; you need to treat her gently. So, I would take things VERY slowly. Essentially, let Mia do what she is comfortable with - within reason! If she wants to come to you, fine; if she doesn't just leave her be for the time being. If she doesn't want to play with toys, OK; if she doesn't want treats (I'm sure she will eventually fine - just leave one or two where she can get to them easily if she wants to.) Make yourselves as appaealing as possible to her - so lots of light, friendly voices. If she messes up (ie, messes in the house), make NO fuss, just clear it up. 
Ref your partner, it isn't unusual for stray/rescue dogs to be afraid of men in particular - often it's blokes who've been dishing out the worst treatment; if nothing else, our voices, being lower, can often seem less appealing (even more frightening) than women's voices. So, it's really important that he contains any frustration or anger with her - even if he feels frustrated she is likely to pick up on body language, etc.
If she's not happy going out, don't force her for now - let her settle into a routine. And if you do go out with her and she's not comfortable with other dogs, keep her away from them - if other owners let their dogs near yours (the good old, "it's OK, my dogs really friendly") just tell them firmly that your dog is a rescue, is not comfortable with other dogs and please take yours away. You may not make many friends with folks who don't understand dogs, but a few willunderstand what you mean.
If you've not registered at a vets, please do so - and get her checked over once she's had chance to settle down a bit; it's worth just making sure she has no issues. 
You've taken on a responsibility here - you are now Mia's guardian and you really do need to give her a fair chance. It was never going to be easy - despite what the rescue folks might suggest; I know that even (British) dogs which have been living in a rescue home can behave very differently once they are rehomed, so unless the Rescue has been using a proper behaviourist to assess the dogs (and even then it's tricky), they really cannot predict how a dog will be, based on a few weeks or months in a rescue centre. So, be good to her and give her a chance.
One last thing: you mention about being out at work and leaving Mia on her own. How long is she going to be left alone? Even well adjusted dogs should not be left for long periods of time on their own - it can lead to seperation anxiety and I suspect Mia will be prone to that once she starts to latch on to you - she is bound to feel quite insecure for some time. Moreover, any dog, frequently left alone for long periods can suffer and withdraw into themselves. Do you both work full time? If so, what arrangements are you making to have someone come into to see Mia and/or let her out?
I wish you luck with Mia - but it's going to take effort and understanding on the parts of you and your partner. If you can put in that effort, there is no reason why Mia should not be a lovely friend to both of you. However, if you feel you cannot put in that effort, the best thing would be to speak to the Rescue folks explain and say she will have to go back. That would be awfully confusing for Mia; if you can foster her, that would be better, obviously, but you will still be left with a disturbed dog whch will need a lot of care and attention. 
Good luck anyway, and do please let us know how you get on. (I may be jusdging the Rescue folks, but I am certainly not judging you. If you do feel you cannot cope with Mia, but still want to adopt a dog, I'd strongly suggest finding a suitable charity that can offer proper support, and find a dog that suits your circumstances / capabilities.)


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## DWR1990 (Jun 1, 2019)

Ian246 said:


> I suspect the answer is 'no', but do the Romanian Rescue folks offer any worthwhile advice? I doubt they will - their advice and views fom what you say have been pretty worthless so far. They don't really sound as if they know what they're talking about. (The fact her sisters are 'fine' is irrelevant - and I doubt it's wholly true, to be frank.)
> I agree with all the above: Mia needs time to settle in. Try and imagine how her life - whatever it consisted of - has been turned upside down, and she is disorientated, confused and frightened. When dogs are frigheteed, if they can see no way out, it can turn to degrees of aggression. That's not to put you off, just to prepare you; you need to treat her gently. So, I would take things VERY slowly. Essentially, let Mia do what she is comfortable with - within reason! If she wants to come to you, fine; if she doesn't just leave her be for the time being. If she doesn't want to play with toys, OK; if she doesn't want treats (I'm sure she will eventually fine - just leave one or two where she can get to them easily if she wants to.) Make yourselves as appaealing as possible to her - so lots of light, friendly voices. If she messes up (ie, messes in the house), make NO fuss, just clear it up.
> Ref your partner, it isn't unusual for stray/rescue dogs to be afraid of men in particular - often it's blokes who've been dishing out the worst treatment; if nothing else, our voices, being lower, can often seem less appealing (even more frightening) than women's voices. So, it's really important that he contains any frustration or anger with her - even if he feels frustrated she is likely to pick up on body language, etc.
> If she's not happy going out, don't force her for now - let her settle into a routine. And if you do go out with her and she's not comfortable with other dogs, keep her away from them - if other owners let their dogs near yours (the good old, "it's OK, my dogs really friendly") just tell them firmly that your dog is a rescue, is not comfortable with other dogs and please take yours away. You may not make many friends with folks who don't understand dogs, but a few willunderstand what you mean.
> ...


Thanks for the helpful response ☺

We do work full time but I've taken some time off while she settles.
Our plan was to arrange a dog walker when we're both back to work properly.
She's been left on her own once so far (just for an hour or so), and so far she's not destructive but just gets a little panicked for the first five minutes or so.

As I say, she's almost fine with me but it's juat my partner!

I see everyone is saying take it slow which I completely understand, but she enjoys going for a walk with me.

I'm fine to just let her pace round the house, but she seems bored and I just want to do anything I can to help her!


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## Ian246 (Oct 27, 2018)

If she seems to want to get out, then certainly do exercise her - I'd sort of presumed (misread?) that she was a bit edgy when you took her for a walk. And, sorry, when I say 'take it slowly', I really mean, let her dictate the pace - so if she seems happy doing something, by all means continue with it.

If your partner is upset with Mia she'll undoubtedly pick up on that. She won't know why he's upset, of course, but I can see that that will just add to her anxiety. So, what really needs to happen is that your partner rises above it. If she's not happy with him, try and work around him for the time being; don't force the issue. However, he MUST try and be relaxed, cheerful (basically, non-threatening) whenever he's around her (and she around him). I'm not suggesting he's giving her a hard time, it's just what she interprets, and dog's are hugely tuned into body language as I'm sure you know. If he's tense, she'll most certainly be aware of that. Most likely, she's decided you're the one she can trust (I believe it's quite common for rescue dogs to latch onto one person - my rescue Sprocker did exactly that). You're the lucky one!  Beyond that, she probably learnt in Romania that human beings were best steered clear of - and (as I said before) especially men. She will most probably come round but it will take time - and I mean it could be months. So, like I say, if she won't relate to him, he just has to ignore it and get on with life. I realise that makes things harder for you, but the more of a fuss that is made when she won't go for a walk with him, for example, the more anxious she is liable to become. I hope that makes sense.

PS, great news on the dog walker, etc - I'm glad you are taking this seriously.  Obviously, make sure the walker (when time comes) understands Mia's background and what her 'issues' are (if any.)


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## Guest (Jun 1, 2019)

DWR1990 said:


> I see everyone is saying take it slow which I completely understand, but she enjoys going for a walk with me.
> 
> I'm fine to just let her pace round the house, but she seems bored and I just want to do anything I can to help her!


Thinking from her perspective, I doubt she's pacing because she's bored. More likely because she's anxious and feeling trapped.

She probably does want to go out, but it's not because she wants to go for a lovely walk - that will be a totally foreign concept to her, more likely it is because being outside feels more natural to her.

By all means take her out if you think she enjoys it, but I would keep walks very calm and walk her in a very quiet spot. She will be on edge and you don't want to contribute to her stress.


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## Silverpaw (May 8, 2019)

Totally agree with above comments.Given time,I bet Mia will be devoted to your partner.I used to tell people that they had to be patient (and do things my way) for the sake of their long term relationship with Maci.Think they thought I was a bit over the top but they knew it was none negotiable.I'd protect my dog with my life and people who knew me accepted that.Behaviour that appears difficult is a window to the dogs past.It's not just by chance that they react as they do.If Mia enjoys her walks with you,let her continue to do so but be prepared for things to change as she adapts/processes things.Maci was very reactive to people,dogs etc on the street but couldn't go to the park because he freaked out if he saw another dog.I used to walk him at the crack of dawn and late at night to avoid as much as I could for him.He wouldn't walk on grass (he came from a town in Transylvania).If you feel you can offer Mia what she so desperately needs,do as others have said and go at her pace.The other thing that I would say is learn to read her body language (there are people on this forum who are very good in this area).Maci is brilliant at giving clear signals,I always say that he is extremely honest,he may feel he needs to defend himself but he always says so first!Please try and relax a little (I know what a big ask this is) let your girl relax and be led by her on the pace of things.Rome definitely wasn't built in a day,but with good foundations,it will stand the test of time.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

This chart is useful to help read dog body language - I prefer the title "ladder of anxiety" though.

Watch for the subtle signals she gives and don't push her into situations that make her anxious.

She will learn that you're listening and to trust you.










Time and patience.


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## DWR1990 (Jun 1, 2019)

Lurcherlad said:


> This chart is useful to help read dog body language - I prefer the title "ladder of anxiety" though.
> 
> Watch for the subtle signals she gives and don't push her into situations that make her anxious.
> 
> ...


Thank you, that's actually really helpful!


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