# Cat scared of my hands



## MissFluffy (Nov 27, 2019)

Hello everyone,
I'm currently having my very first attempt at socializing a (probably) feral youngster and could really do with the insights of people with more experience, because I just don't see the advice I've found on taming younger kittens (systematic hand-feeding, wrapping in a towel and enforcing contact…) working on this one.
I took in the little guy about 3 weeks ago after my neighbors discovered he'd been eating the food they leave out for the resident community cats and, as he still seemed fairly young, trapped him and had him checked and neutered. He's about 8-10 months according to the vet and still a tiny thing, probably due to months of underfeeding, but otherwise healthy, alert and well-groomed. I named him Munchkin. Obviously we don't know much about his past, he could have been born to a feral queen somewhere in the woods at the back or dumped with or without his mum when he was still young, but it's likely he's had to fend for himself for a good while.
Luckily my new friend seems quick on the uptake and soon decided that a room out of the cold and full bowl were a turn for the better. He still tends to hiss when I arrive but once I sit down he comes to me within a minute out two, purring, and parades in front of me to be stroked with his favorite fluff-on-a-stick toy. He's also always happy to play and is getting more and more relaxed around me.
The only thing is, he will absolutely not be touched by human hands or even come anywhere near them unless heavily distracted. Yesterday I tried enticing him with some bits of boiled chicken placed in a bowl between my two closed fists and he eventually came and ate them – after running around the room meowing in frustration like a complete maniac.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm aware that given his age he's by no means a tough customer and I'm certainly not complaining, but I'm intrigued by the fact that he seems perfectly comfortable, happy and even affectionate in many ways, yet recoils from direct contact.
Is it just a matter of giving him time or does it point to bad experiences in the past?
Any suggestions to help him get over his fear? I tried offering him treats and that worked exactly once before the cunning little rascal figured out he could just as well bat them out of my hand. What I'm trying now is having him eat right next to me, stroking him with the toy and then by hand, but the second he notices he takes a leap backwards.
Any insights would be much appreciated…


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hello @MissFluffy and welcome 

It is wonderful that you have taken this little guy in and given him a good home.  But he has only been with you 3 weeks after living maybe months as a stray and probably having little (or no) contact with humans. I think you are expecting rather too much of him, too soon.

The fact he already allows as much interaction as he does is a very positive sign and means it's doubtful he is a true feral. At some time in his history, (perhaps in the first months of his life) he probably had contact with humans.

If he was a genuine feral kitten, at 8 to 10 months old you wouldn't be able to get anywhere near him and he would be absolutely terrified of you. We have had rescued feral kittens in the Shelter, younger than your little guy and believe me they are like scared wild animals, with zero trust of humans.

Rescued kittens (or cats) who have been strays and had little direct contact with humans for a long while can take months to trust humans again. I have rescued a number of stray cats over the years, some I kept, some I took to the Shelter for rehabilitation and eventual rehoming. With my last rescued stray (an un-neutered male of about a year old) it took 3 months before he would let me touch him. Now he is the most friendly affectionate fellow.

Just take things slowly and let your kitten set the pace. You have all the time in the world, there is no need to rush things. 

There is a good foundation to build on - he is friendly to you, he is eating (and using a litter tray? ) So he has already learned to trust you a bit..

Play with him a lot using arms length toys such as the Purrsuit Fishing rod toys, or encourage him to chase ping pong balls you throw for him. Play is what builds trust between human and kitten.

There are other things you can do to help him relax more and start to trust you. e.g. do not try and feed him by hand. Let him eat on his own, without you in the room. Or if you need to be in the room, sit quietly and ignore him when he is eating.

Place his bowl above the floor on a surface e.g. a table or a shelf; if the floor is the only suitable place then put his bowl where he can be facing the room when he eats, not have his back to the room.

Litter trays - at least 2, and they should be open trays, not covered ones. He needs to be able to see out all around when he is toileting. A fine granular clumping litter is best.

Provide several high up resting places e,g. ceiling high cat trees, so he can be away from you on his own when he wants to be. Shelves fitted on an incline up a wall to the top of a cupboard are also good. [Put a fleece on top of the cupboard for him to sleep on.]

If you plan to allow him outdoors at some stage I would leave it until you have a firm bond of trust with him. And have first trained him in 'recall' in the house.

Good luck.  A photo of the little guy would be nice, if you have one to share.


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## MissFluffy (Nov 27, 2019)

Thanks for your reply chillminx.  This is him… don't be fooled by the candy floss look, there's a good dash of spice in there when you least expect it 

I've been going back and forth on the really feral or not thing. I agree he's been coming around really fast, which is certainly an argument for some degree of previous socialization. The vet judged him "pretty wild" though, and initially I was inclined to agree (but my experience is limited). During the first few days, which he spent in a large crate, he stayed as far from me as possible and would throw himself at the bars hissing and spitting in full agression mode when something set him off. He still lashes out sometimes, mostly in the first 5 minutes after I arrive, but calms down in seconds when I talk to him or get out the stroking toy. Also the fact he weighed as much as a kitten half his age when he got here gives me the feeling that if he's ever had a home it can't have been for long. And the neighbor asked around a fair bit before trying to trap him and striking as he is, nobody seemed to have even seen him around - and that's another thing, he only came out at night, running around crouched close to the ground like a wild animal. The only reason she noticed him at all was because so much food was disappearing she decided to put out a camera at night. And then really, who would throw out such a cutie? But I guess we'll never know for sure…

I'm certainly not trying to rush things and if time is all he needs, then that's what he'll get. But I'm trying to understand why he is like he is, because he does sort of send out mixed messages. He's perfectly happy to sit right in front of me with his back turned, to eat, use the litterbox, wash or flop down on his side while I'm in the room. He'll come and lie at my feet purring when I'm sitting at the window looking out at the birds. He clearly loves attention and affection, just not if it comes from my hand. And, well, that baffles me a bit. Then again, he's a cat


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

@MissFluffy - what a great photo! He is gorgeous!  xx He looks quite big for a 10 mth old kitten, how much does he weigh now? I'd have guessed him, from his appearance, to be about 14 mths old. But perhaps the photo is deceptive in terms of his size. 

I am surprised he managed to keep his lovely fur in a decent state as a stray (or a feral) . Was his coat full of matts when you rescued him? Having a longhaired cat myself I know how important daily grooming is to keep the coat looking good. If even a day is missed a matt can develop in my cat's coat.

As he seems so at ease lying by your feet, using his litterbox, and eating his meals in front of you, he is much less scared and skittish that I had thought. So it is just the fact that he doesn't like you touching him that is a concern.. Some cats are like that anyway, even when they have not been strays and are not feral. So maybe it is just a quirk of his, or maybe he is just not used to being touched.

It is impossible to know if he will be ever be comfortable being touched. A stray cat I rescued years ago (now gone to Rainbow Bridge) took over a year before I could touch her, and even then she would only let me stroke her tail and her head, briefly. No more than that. It was the same all the time she lived with me. My OH loves cats and is great with them, but that cat never allowed him to touch her. Who knows what her history was... She was a lovely companion to me though. x


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## MissFluffy (Nov 27, 2019)

Yes, all pics of him are deceptive as to size, because he's small but perfectly proportioned and all that fluff does make him look bigger. The vet's estimate was based on his teeth though and I trust her expertise; he was a bit under 5 pounds at the time, 3 weeks ago. I dare hope he's been putting on weight since… he's certainly been trying hard to stuff himself as much as possible 
As far as I'm aware the fur was in pretty good shape save for some clingy plant things (I only saw him after the vet took care of him, so she might have given him a bit of a brush), but I think this is still his kitty coat. I have an elderly Norwegian forest cat as a point of comparison and Munchkin's fur has a lot less potential for matting at the moment (I do get a feel now and then while I stroke him with the toy and he isn't looking my way LOL). But yes, it's another question mark and I'd been wondering as well. All I know for sure is he was in the area for 2-3 weeks or more before he was caught.
Then again, I've got two undomesticated adult cats hanging around the garden (dumped there as kittens before my time, but somewhat used to people because they've always been fed - one enjoys a stroke once in a while, the other can't be approached) and their fur coats are absolutely magnificent, short but very thick at this time of year. The ones that survive – I was told they come from a batch of 12 – learn to take care of themselves.
Anyway, I'll keep gently trying to show him my hands mean no harm. I don't want to rush or force him, but eventually he'll need another trip to the vet for vaccinations and chipping and I'd rather that didn't require a net, full body armor and sedation.


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## MissFluffy (Nov 27, 2019)

Well, we're making progress. Munchie has decided I'm worth claiming and has started rubbing himself against my slippers, my knee, my elbow and, yes, even my hand as long as it doesn't move.
Annoyingly he's also increasingly dashing at my hands and feet (no clawing or biting so far, just a jack-in-the-box type thing) instead of just hiding somewhere when I walk around to refill his bowls, clean his litter box, etc. I'm not sure if it's fear, annoyance at things not going the way he wants or as fast as he wants, or his idea of a new game. Luckily as soon as I sit down he's all purrs again.


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## MissFluffy (Nov 27, 2019)

And a month later, here we are…


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