# My beautiful Mini



## Storrrm (Sep 17, 2013)

I had my beautiful cat Mini put to sleep on Sunday. She was 14 and in pain with her teeth. Because of this she wasn't able to eat for the last few days. She also had hyperthyroid which was proving difficult to control. The vet wouldn't operate on her teeth until the thyroid was under control, but even though her tablet dose had been increased four times it still wasn't working well enough. She was very underweight too. But she was still my Mini. Still went out, played, greeted us at the door. 
I feel so guilty. I couldn't afford to keep paying the vet fees. I couldn't see a way she was going to get better and I knew her quality of life wasn't good. But I miss her so much and I feel like the worse person. I can't forgive myself. I just cry and cry. Who am I to decide if she lived or not? My poor Mini. I'm sorry.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I am so sorry to hear about Mini. You are quite normal feeling guilty, we all do when we have to make the awful decision to have our pets put to sleep, lots of questions go round and round in our heads as to whether we could have done anything different to keep them alive. I've lost two cats this last four months and felt exactly the same. 
When you say 'who are you to decide whether she lives or not' sadly for all of us pet owners, it is for us to decide as we are totally responsible for them in the good and bad times. I think you have hit the nail on the head which shows that you made the right decision "her quality of life wasn't good". At the end of the day, that's what it all comes down to which forces you to make a decision and she was obviously in pain and discomfort. I think if she could tell you, she would say she doesn't blame you and you did the kindest thing for her. You will feel better I promise you but grief takes time. You could always talk to a pet bereavement counsellor if you feel the need, the Blue Cross are very good. Hope this helps.

If it should be that I grow week
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle cant be won

You will be sad, I understand
Dont let your grief then stay your hand
For this day more than all the rest
Your love for me must stand the test

Weve had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears
Youd not want me to suffer so
The time has come, please let me go

Take me where my needs theyll tend
And stay with me until the end
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me
Although my tail, its last has waved
From pain and suffering Ive been saved

Please do not grieve, it must be you
Who has this painful thing to do
Weve been so close throughout the years
Dont let your heart hold back your tears


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## brucekrausse (Sep 9, 2013)

This was really a touchy poem mate, I love it


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## JuneSimons (Sep 17, 2013)

I feel so sad for you at your loss of Mini. For various reasons, lots of people who lose their pets feel as you do. With my little cat who I lost 18mths ago, I felt guilty that I hadn't realised that she was in pain. With my darling little dog who I lost a year ago, I now think that I should have done it sooner and felt guilty that I didn't. I can now look back and see what a lovely life they had with me and know that I did my utmost best for them. 
You gave Mini a lovely life and loved her. As she was an old lady you may have to ask yourself if would have been fair to put her through so much treatment and then anaesthetic to have her teeth removed. She may not have stood for that any way. You saved her that. Read that lovely poem again and don't feel so guilty, just remember the joy that you gave each other.


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## Storrrm (Sep 17, 2013)

Thank you both for your replies. Believe me when I say that it has helped. I'm still trying to come to terms with the thing I did and keep looking round for her, thinking that only a few short days ago she was sitting on the sofa with me. Now i'll never see her again. I was blessed to have her in my life and can't help but feel that I let her down at the end when she really needed me. I can only hope that wherever she is, she can forgive me and that this pain I feel will one day lessen. 

Thank you again.


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## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

God forbid that we keep our furbies going on and on as we do with old folk, to the point where there is no quality of life, no dignified end, where we have to have our bums wiped for us and can only take in liquidised food, and we dont know anyone from our family or past, medical progress? sometimes its not a good thing and for a cat or dog even worse, you cant explain to them whats going on, they cant understand, doing right by them isnt always what we want but its what we sign up to as owners (aka staff usually)

Mini is safe now


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## JackelynManjarrez (Sep 9, 2013)

I was hoping if you post some pictures up here.


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## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

So sorry for your loss hun, we've all experienced it and know that horrible pain you feel.

Only time heals, so if you need to cry then cry - nothing anyone says will comfort you only the fact that we all know you did what is best for Mini and you should never feel guilty about that. xxxxx


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## Storrrm (Sep 17, 2013)

Mini tolerating us dressing her up for our amusement 

Almost a week has gone by without her. I'm very thankful to all of you who took the trouble to reply to my post, it really has helped me to come to terms with the loss of her and to realise that I was acting in her best interest. I still feel heartbroken but that's to be expected I suppose. I'm very grateful that she chose to spend her life with us, she was one of a kind.


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## JuneSimons (Sep 17, 2013)

I'm glad that you are not beating yourself so much and coming to terms with losing your beautiful girl. It will take time but time does help with the healing. I love your pic of her, one for you to treasure. I wish there was an icon to give you a hug, but I do.


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## Hanwombat (Sep 5, 2013)

I'm very sorry you lost her, my childhood cat was PTS back on March 2009, it was horrible and after 14 years too... I now have a cat of my own who has helped me as Arnie (my cat who died) showed me how much I loved cats and that is why I got another in March this year.


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## Catloverbearsden (Aug 20, 2013)

I know how you feel. We had to put our cat Chico to sleep nearly 6 years ago. It was late on a Sunday night when she suddenly started crying and was limping. We took her to the emergency vets and they told us that she had blood clots that had travelled down both of her back legs and that there was nothing that they could do. She wouldn't be able to walk or run as she was paralysed in the back. She was a keen hunter and on advice from the vet we made the decision to let her go, however we felt guilty afterwards - was there anything else that we could have done?

She was only 8 years old and too young to go.

RIP Chico 1999 - 2007


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## JonandSarah (Sep 20, 2013)

Im sorry to hear of your loss and heartbreak at the decision that you had to make.
We had to put our adorable cat, Snowy, to sleep on Thursday. He was hit by a car right outside our house on Monday night whilst we were on holiday. 

The vets called to give us the bad news. Initially the vets were worried about bruising and swelling which may obstruct his airways and internal bleeding. They said his left eye was gone and that the right eye was badly swollen and bloody. He had a fractured skull, a fractured jaw and a fractured palet. We asked the vet for her opinion as to whether it was best to put him to sleep there and then but she said he had a chance of survival and that in terms of keeping himself alive the next 48 hours were critical. After that, it would be down to whether his right eye would recover and how extensive the brain damage would be. We adopted him from our next door neighbour but his year or so of mal-treatment had meant he was a free spirit and had spent a lot of time fending for himself. He was an outdoors cat through and through and the vet therefore questioned if it would be fair for him to live on if he recovered from his injuries but was left completely blind. There
was also the question mark over neurological damage and whether this would be
irreversible or not and what sort of timescales were involved. The question of
neurological damage was one that the vet simply could not answer, not now, not
in a week, not until a recovery did or did not happen. 

Snowy survived those first 48 hours but the hope was a false dawn, his eye showed no signs of improvement although this wasn't terminal, just that the vet 'would have expected' improvement by now. Snowy developed complications: a fever and a terrible smell emanating from his palet  which the vet said was probably rotting
tissue which had had the bloody supply cut off. This was probably due to splintered bone from his nose or palet and would probably mean irreversible
damage to his palet and nose which would probably lead to a loss of sense of smell and a leave him open to infections (he was already at risk of this as our neighbour had clearly not had him vaccinated as a kitten). 

The vet advised us that it was probably best to put him to sleep so we gut wrenchingly took her advice. It seemed right at the time - he would need a miracle to regain his eyesight and retain his sense of smell and even if he did or didn't he may be brain damaged and suffer from frequent infections in the nose/palet - bad enough for a fully sighted cat but surely too much for a totally blinded cat.
But in the cold light of day maybe we didnt give him enough of a chance. Maybe we were too quick to decide - and there were so many probablys and shoulds from the vet -* his eyesight could have recovered, given time; his neurological damage may not have been severe and he could have recovered from this; and the damaged tissue was only probably caused by splintered bone so maybe he would not have lost his sense of smell etc - our little baby was a
born fighter and proved it by keeping him self alive against the odds maybe he could have been a miracle cat, he had his whole life ahead of him and we feel guilty that we took it away from him.
We are 30 minutes short of one week since he decided to dart out in front of that car. How I wish we had never gone on holiday and how I wish he just had not made that decision. 

But Reading the forum has helped though, I guess it's human nature that we will question our selves when we 'act like god', and I guess guilt is part of grieving and 
I just want to say I understand how you're feeling and hope that everyone is right, and that time is a good healer. 
For now though I look at the stars every night and have a little chat to Snowy before bed; we've lit a candle every night for him and we've made a collage of our favourite pictures and have some printed and put in a photo frame. 
Forever in our hearts, our first pet. Taken too young and before we ever had a chance to give him that real home that he deserved.


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