# Saying No to potential new owners



## Maistaff (Dec 27, 2009)

We have just had to say no to a family for the first time. They were going to have one of our kittens however as the weeks have gone on neither my mum nor myself are happy so we have had to decline the family.

They have two children and both have never been around or had an animal in their lifes. When they came to visit they were scared of all the cats but we gave the family the benefit of the doubt and encouraged them to visit on a weekly basis. Despite this things have not got any better and although the kids will now touch the cats they keep them at arms length and are still very skittish around them. 

The kids think that our red boy looks like a lion and will attack them :001_rolleyes: 

So for the sake of our kitten and finding the right home we have decided to say no to the family as we feel that in a few weeks we would get the kitten back and we are not prepaired to do that to him as he is such a loving little guy full of confidence and cheek as kittens should be.

One of our main concerns was that should the kitten nibble or catch them with his nails as kittens often do the kids will take that as a sign of aggression and be even more fearful than they are already

It was a tough thing to do but we know we have made the right choice.

Its such a shame for the children but years of a family culture and up bringing have taught them that all animals are dirty and evil and although the parents now wish to correct this we just can't take the risk with one of our kittens. 

have any of you ever had to do this for perhaps different reasons ?


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## Clairey1234 (Apr 3, 2012)

i've never been in that position as i don't breed.
i just wanted to let you know that i agree with your decision


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## colliemerles (Nov 2, 2007)

_If you feel this family isnt right for one of your kittens then i think you have done the right thing, im sure the right family will show up for your kitten, ._


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## kitiara (Apr 9, 2012)

Hi!

Two years ago there was a family who was interessted in one of my kittens. The boy (~8years?) was afraid too of cats, because had been bitten some years ago.

He played with an "fishing" toy, long distance away from the kittens.

4 weeks later I received a picture where both of them slept together.....

So you see, can be an happy end too, but it is your decision, and you must belive in your choice.

br,Chris

(P.S ~3 weeks after he left the kitten did get a cat-friend too)


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> have any of you ever had to do this for perhaps different reasons ?


Never at the point where I've let them visit repeatedly, I weed most 'unsuitables' out on the phone and only once had a situation where a potential buyer got as far as the house before I had to say no. This one really can't have been easy.


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## Maistaff (Dec 27, 2009)

havoc said:


> Never at the point where I've let them visit repeatedly, I weed most 'unsuitables' out on the phone and only once had a situation where a potential buyer got as far as the house before I had to say no. This one really can't have been easy.


We had no idea of the situation before hand, the mother was very very nice on the phone and we could not fault her. It wasn't until they arrived that we realised the issue. We did try to help by them visiting but even with weekly visits lasting up to two hours no change and if there was a change it was very small

It was very hard


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## Maistaff (Dec 27, 2009)

kitiara said:


> Hi!
> 
> Two years ago there was a family who was interessted in one of my kittens. The boy (~8years?) was afraid too of cats, because had been bitten some years ago.
> 
> ...


I am so pleased this had worked out for you and that there was a happy ending

These girls had never had any bad experience at all. It was their culture which had brought about the fear more than anything bad happening. They had been brain washed that all animals were evil.

it was such a horrible thing to do and not nice but for us our heart was saying we had to do this for the sake of our kitten.


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## Steverags (Jul 19, 2010)

we've never had to decline a pospective owner foe those reasons thankfully, but know how you feel as there is a young girl around here that's never had pets that won't come near our cats as she is afraid of them.


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## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

I believe that if children are taught correctly then both pet and human learn a trusting bond in a gradual, rather than rushed way.

Personally I would rather a cautious hesitant child, than one who lunges after a kitten. 

My son was very reluctant to touch the kittens at first, and I chose to tell him everything about looking after them, but never forcing him to touch or play with them. After all, they have 15years+to love each other. As a result both Furbies and my son will quietly play together, or the Furbies will both stretch out and sleep whilst watching him play. Often if he sleeps on the sofa, they cuddle up around him. He chooses when to play with them but never forces himself on them, so as a result they trust him. 

When giving up your beloved kittens it is right to trust your instinct, but how sad these children were not given the chance to love a pet just because they were scared. The whole relationship could have been different when they were in their own home.


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## kodakkuki (Aug 8, 2011)

Lumboo said:


> When giving up your beloved kittens it is right to trust your instinct, but how sad these children were not given the chance to love a pet just because they were scared. The whole relationship could have been different when they were in their own home.


Blame the parents, not the breeder though...

Don't breed kittens, but has had a few litters of YT pups; there was one homing that my mum agreed to that I was unsure of because of the kids reactions to the pups... On the first visit one was very forceful upon the pups and the other was swatting eery now and then when they came near- which my mum didn't see. I wasn't there for the 2nd visit, where a deposit was placed and paperwork signed. I learned a few months later (after having difficulty gettin in touch with them) that my lil man is now short one eye because of a 'mishap' in the home.

Go with your gut and to heck with non-potential owners feelings!


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## gskinner123 (Mar 10, 2010)

That must have been a difficult decision. It's quite odd that, apparently, the children had been brainshed culturally that all animals are evil. You'd imagine the parents, who are obviously keen to have a pet at home, would have much the greater influence on their own childrens' perception.

Must be honest and say that, on sitting and thinking back, I have let kittens go to families on a few occasions where the children have shown a fair degree of trepidation about interacting in any way with my cats/kittens. Both were families who had never owned a cat previously (though the parents had grown up with cats at home) and had no extended family who owned a cat. I took the childrens' reaction as being quite natural really. I have, however, twice refused to sell kittens to homes where small children were over confident to the point of persistently trying to handle the kittens like they were stuffed toys... and more crucially with a less than half hearted attempt by the parents to stop them.


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## Maistaff (Dec 27, 2009)

Lumboo said:


> When giving up your beloved kittens it is right to trust your instinct, but how sad these children were not given the chance to love a pet just because they were scared. The whole relationship could have been different when they were in their own home.


I do agree it is such a shame it really is BUT i feel that it is the family and parents to blame for their childrens way of being. Had they taught their children to respect not fear animals things may have been so different.

I was bitten once as a child by a rescue GSD that we had, i nearly lost my eye. Had my parents reacted and pulled me away from every dog and not had a dog after the incident i would have eneded up as a child and adult scared of dogs. Thankfully my parents went out their way to ensure that i had no fear of dogs despite what happened.

I do feel for these kids but i still feel we did the right thing


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## Maistaff (Dec 27, 2009)

gskinner123 said:


> That must have been a difficult decision. It's quite odd that, apparently, the children had been brainshed culturally that all animals are evil. You'd imagine the parents, who are obviously keen to have a pet at home, would have much the greater influence on their own childrens' perception.
> 
> .


The family were Asian. The parents brought up in Kenya and had animals but had never looked after them themselves as they had "Help". So they had no idea how to look after an animal but this we were ok with as we were always their to help.

The children, well having experienced an Asian family through a family member being married to one and the way their family and friends brought their children up around animals i totally understand why the kids are the way they were.

I once had an argument with my family members Asian relative through marriage. He thought it was not the place of any parent to educate the children about animals and the way to be around them but that it was the responsibility of the School and teachers. My response was that it was the parents that should educate their own children and that teachers were their to teach reading, writing etc etc and not to educate someone children about animals etc just because the parents could not be bothered. Needless to say i walked away from this guy who was so infuriating as it was like talking to a brick wall !!


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> I do feel for these kids but i still feel we did the right thing


I hated having to say no to the people who got as far as visiting me. I felt awful. Best advice came when OH said 'how would you feel if they were leaving with a kitten right now?' Made me realise I hadn't been horrid or unreasonable.


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## Ingrid25 (Oct 1, 2011)

as a kid i was never brainwashed because i absolutely love animals, i am 11
i think it is because the parents have warned them about an animal and they see one 'biting' (most probably a lick) makes them scared.
A girl down the road from me came over one day and was scared of our cuddliest guinea pig!!!!!!!


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## OrientalSlave (Jan 26, 2012)

Ingrid25 said:


> as a kid i was never brainwashed because i absolutely love animals, i am 11


You might have been brainwashed into liking them. 

BTW if you are really 11, you are still a kid and will be one for some time to come.


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## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

Sorry, what I meant was that the children were scared of the cat, but they were not rough with it like some over enthusiatic kids can be. We all know kittens should be given time to come round and trust its family so perhaps this was a better approach. Also some kids are really weird in other peoples houses, no matter how lovely the stranger/host - a bit like cats not showing their true personality in rescues.

Not sure what the parents were like, but maybe they decided that instilling a little fear was a better approach with their kids as then the children would learn to love the pet gradually rather than force themselves on it and think any kind of play was OK.

I think your decision was 100% right as gut feeling beats all else, but I also think that cautious kids are better than rough ones, and people adapt their cultures. A kitten would have been a good starting point for the next generation to learn how to care for a pet, as the parents obviously wanted one and they would be the main carers for now, and it doesn't mean that the pet would automatically get neglected and be unloved.

My son was *really* disinterested when we went to CP, and one could have thought he wouldn't care for our new additions. However, he just didn't like being there and once we were home he still exercised caution around them for ages as he thought they were too small. If you saw him you may have thought he didn't care, but he did. A result of his caution meant he paid better attention to proper care advice for the cats, as we knew after his Show and Tell when he informed his open mouthed teachers that neutering was when balls are cut off to prevent kittens.

Some rescues must have had the same preception as you did, which is why some didn't even give me the time of day when I told them I had a 5 year old, which I found really sad.

Your case is totally different though, but I just wanted to state the above as I personally think fearful kids is better than ones that think a pet is the new toy for the moment, treated with LOADS of enthusiam and then nelgected when the novelty wears off.


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## Maistaff (Dec 27, 2009)

Lumboo said:


> Sorry, what I meant was that the children were scared of the cat, but they were not rough with it like some over enthusiatic kids can be. We all know kittens should be given time to come round and trust its family so perhaps this was a better approach. Also some kids are really weird in other peoples houses, no matter how lovely the stranger/host - a bit like cats not showing their true personality in rescues.
> 
> Not sure what the parents were like, but maybe they decided that instilling a little fear was a better approach with their kids as then the children would learn to love the pet gradually rather than force themselves on it and think any kind of play was OK.
> 
> ...


Hi there

I wouldn't say these children were cautious more erratic. e.g they walked in to the house , our kittens free run as they are part of the home. First thisng they did was one jumped on the chiar by the window and squeeled at the top of her voice an dthe other jumped up on to the seat by the window.

When shown the kittens the first thoughts were that a 4 week old kitten will hurt them  When shown that they wouldn't the younger one was better ish ! the older one whm this kitten was a gift for was still acting erratic and preffered the safety of both feet standing on the sofa's

Touching the kittens was odd, they were acting like i was asking them to touch a a snake about to attack them.

If it was like your son perhaps it may have been different but they were so odd.

The parents were lovely BUT neither knew the first thing about looking after animals. They had always have i guess servents in their home to do the looking after so this to would be the first pet they actually had to care for !

I do feel that gut instinct won over and we did the right thing


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## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

Sigh...wish I had servants to do everything other than look after the cats for me....

Good decision!

No, this is different to my son. For one, he doesn't jump on _our _sofa, let alone on someones elses. 

Secondly, he was simply deattached, not melodramatic. I can't cope with melodrama in kids. I must be getting old....(it is my birthday today so I really AM getting old!)


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## yeahuloveme (Mar 30, 2012)

happy birthday


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Lumboo said:


> Sigh...wish I had servants to do everything other than look after the cats for me....
> 
> Good decision!
> 
> ...


Happy Birthday !!!!!

I also don't allow my kids to stand on the sofa, never have and I even ask other people's children to get off my sofa when they climb over then (or used to when the kids were younger etc). I do understand that the other situation was different but even so I would have asked them to get down (cos I'm cruel I am)

As for expecting teachers to teach EVERYTHING to children - why not just hand them over from birth - I'd do it (as a teacher ) normal babysitting rates for 18 hours a day plus individual tutoring rates for 6 hours a day, so (16 x£5) + (6 x£30) = £260 a day plus food, heating, washings etc - say £15 a day - parents to still supply clothes toys etc. So £275 a day - over the year £100,375.00 - yep, I'll do that!


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## Misi (Jul 13, 2009)

Yay! Happy birthday 

I think you made a really tough decision. There is so much to be said about gut instinct and I think you'd be constantly worried if you let this family have your kitten, no matter how sincere their intentions seemed. The kids sound like a nightmare. It's not up to you to educate either them or their parents, your kits are far too precious for that. I think you did the right thing.


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## Sashadog (Jan 4, 2012)

Maistaff said:


> I am so pleased this had worked out for you and that there was a happy ending
> 
> These girls had never had any bad experience at all. It was their culture which had brought about the fear more than anything bad happening. They had been brain washed that all animals were evil.
> 
> it was such a horrible thing to do and not nice but for us our heart was saying we had to do this for the sake of our kitten.


You did the right thing. I walk past a catholic school for girls with my dog every day on the way to the park, and in this school there are more of a culture like the one you speak of than there are English students. I am in no way racist etc, obviously there are a few of this culture who love to see my dog every day and are lovely people - however, I have seen some worrying things as i walk by. I have seen them throwing stones at a dove and killing tiny frogs as they tried to escape the pond they have on site. Any insect seen inside will be killed as soon as it's spotted. 
The child of a friend of mine goes to this school; she loves animals and has a cat herself. Her mother told me that she often comes home in a rage after seeing a incident like this. 
One day she brought a picture of her cat to show some freinds of hers. Apparently her friends thought she was adorable, but other passing by told her how much they hate cats and throw stones at every cat they see....

some of them (most often the ones raised here) would love a pet, but their parents won't let them near anything. And the look on some of their faces as I go past!! It's as if i'm walking the most terrible, disgusting thing on earth. :frown5: it's just such a shame. I understand that where they come from some animals are dangerous etc, but they have to learn that there is no danger here. When they see an animal their immediate reaction is _'kill it._' no matter what it is.


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## Maistaff (Dec 27, 2009)

Lumboo said:


> Sigh...wish I had servants to do everything other than look after the cats for me....
> 
> Good decision!
> 
> ...


Happy birthday


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

When in doubt, don't. You may feel bad, but the welfare of the kittens comes first. If hatred and fear of animals is that ingrained in the kids, then I have doubts that there will be a happy outcome. Perhaps when they are older. I know we all have to be very PC and respect different cultures and blah-de-blah-blah (and this is coming from a person who lives in a country of VERY diverse cultures). To my mind, and I will probably be shot for this, there must be something wrong with a "culture" which teaches children to hate and fear innocent animals. I don't think it is "culture" at all. Buddhists respect and revere all creatures and the Prophet M.. (not sure if I am allowed to use that word?) was an unabashed cat lover. 
I know a very poor uneducated black man who lives in a squatter community, i.e. a shanty town. He had two cats, Michelle and Whisky, who he absolutely lived for. He had hardly any food for himself, but he ensured he got help for his two cats for sterilisation and food and medicine. When they were killed by other people, he was totally devastated. I have never seen a grown man cry like he did. A cultural thing? I don't think so. A culture that hates and fears innocents must be a morally bereft one indeed. What an empty and dismal life they must lead.


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## Misi (Jul 13, 2009)

Aaaah, okay... Lumboo with the birthday. Got it. Happy birthday, Lumboo :biggrin5:


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

Happy Birthday, Lumboo!!!!


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## Taylorbaby (Jan 10, 2009)

Always go with gut feeling, its always right  I normally dont let people visit if I have a 'feeling' it could be about anything if something isnt right they normally dont get pass emails or phone calls, I dont like to be nasty so I normally just say that all the kittens are reserved, some people say the strangest and awful things, I dont know if they realise that they are saying it or its just how they are!?

Try not to worry too much it happens to everyone at some point!
I had a family visit a few years ago, I had spoken to the husband on the phone and instantly made a connection and really liked him, he came over the next afternoon with his wife & 2 kids, drove for about 2hours. Only one kitten was available, they were all running round playing and I invited them to the kitten room, all of a sudden there was a high pitch scream! :huh: I was like oh my god whats happened?! And I looked at the wife who was shaking screaming there is a dead rat on the floor! The husband and kids literally taking no notice of her!! I looked on the floor and saw a white da bird toy (if anyone knows the one Im on about) that is tiny and in no way shape or form looks like a dead rat,  I picked it up, for her to scream again, and said this is a toy and she was like oh my god oh my god! (quite funny now wasnt at the time!!) 

So! We got on to the kittens sat on the floor, husband was like they are gorgeous, kids were very gentle, I thought to myself oh I really like them, but a niggle feeling about the lady, then she said what one is available is it that one? Pointing to one, I said oh no his gone this little girl is available and the husband held her and she didnt move, she played in his arms with him didnt cry and fell asleep, all the while she was playing with the other one saying Oh cant we just swap the collars I like this one, just tell the other owners its the same kitten I tired to make light of it but was like erm no his reserved and they are the same colour so she will look just like him she was getting really huffy, and started to sulk! hmy: Saying that she wants him and the others arent as cute! At that point I just though no in my mind, thinking what can I say to them? Then the husband was like I really like the girl she is lovely what do you think shall we get her? to his wife she replied whatever with a shrug. hmy:

At that point I just said Well she isnt the kitten for your family maybe you need to look elsewhere so you have a better reaction like you did to the other kitten so you know thats its the one for you the husband just gave me a look like I understand! Like he had heard it all before, felt quite sorry for them the kids were really upset, but happy that they left! 

He actually texted me later on saying he was sorry for any inconvenience caused and that they were all gorgeous, I just said good luck on your search!


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## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

Taylorbaby said:


> Always go with gut feeling, its always right  I normally dont let people visit if I have a 'feeling' it could be about anything if something isnt right they normally dont get pass emails or phone calls, I dont like to be nasty so I normally just say that all the kittens are reserved, some people say the strangest and awful things, I dont know if they realise that they are saying it or its just how they are!?
> 
> Try not to worry too much it happens to everyone at some point!
> I had a family visit a few years ago, I had spoken to the husband on the phone and instantly made a connection and really liked him, he came over the next afternoon with his wife & 2 kids, drove for about 2hours. Only one kitten was available, they were all running round playing and I invited them to the kitten room, all of a sudden there was a high pitch scream! :huh: I was like oh my god whats happened?! And I looked at the wife who was shaking screaming there is a dead rat on the floor! The husband and kids literally taking no notice of her!! I looked on the floor and saw a white da bird toy (if anyone knows the one Im on about) that is tiny and in no way shape or form looks like a dead rat,  I picked it up, for her to scream again, and said this is a toy and she was like oh my god oh my god! (quite funny now wasnt at the time!!)
> ...


Blimey I feel sorry for that husband and kids - not because you quite rightly said no, but to live with the likes of her!


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## Rraa (Apr 15, 2008)

Good grief, what a performance that wife made ...  there was no other way of dealing with it, TaylorBaby.


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## yeahuloveme (Mar 30, 2012)

lol if she is scared of a dead rat thats whole why is she even thinking about getting animals, I have had to clear mouse guts of my bed, blood of the carpet, my dog got a pigeon then promptly bit its head off and left feathers every where (in my dogs defence this bird had been annoying her for MONTHS) I have cleaned up more poo/ wee/sick than I care to admit. 
one whole mouse would not fase me in the slightest


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## caela (Apr 13, 2012)

I love this thread lol, especially the screaming woman and the 'dead rat' toy! You guys are so right, I always felt slightly over-protective about who I re-homed the kittens too but I'm happy with my decisions now. I still worry about them and it's been like a year, I sometimes drive past their new homes and see if they're about! I saw one of them sitting in the window and just starting cooing at it like when it was a baby lol my boyfriend thought I was mad. 

Think about it this way, you're not re-homing these cats for yourself. They're not your kittens. They're your cat's kittens, but they can't re-home them and talk to new owners. So you are doing a very important job for them and if you had to explain to your cat and assure her you did your best and her babies are fine, would you be happier saying you turned down a home and upset someone (for which your cat wouldn't care lol) or saying you gave them to someone you had doubts over (to which your cat would be endlessly upset). People need to be at the right point in their lives to get a cat- we're not turning them down because they're bad people and maybe they would make great cat owners, we're turning them down because we only want the best for the kittens and their future and until we can be convinced of that, we can't part with them. So don't feel guilty, there are plenty of kittens and if they want a different one, they can easily get one. When it comes to re-homing, be sure, not sorry. :biggrin5:


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## Lunabuma (Dec 12, 2011)

You must trust your instincts. You will have done the right thing. 

As a breeder I think you have the right to decline the sale of any of your kittens, on any basis you want (other than discrimination or prejudice). 

You shouldn't feel bad about it.


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## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

Maistaff said:


> We have just had to say no to a family for the first time. They were going to have one of our kittens however as the weeks have gone on neither my mum nor myself are happy so we have had to decline the family.
> 
> They have two children and both have never been around or had an animal in their lifes. When they came to visit they were scared of all the cats but we gave the family the benefit of the doubt and encouraged them to visit on a weekly basis. Despite this things have not got any better and although the kids will now touch the cats they keep them at arms length and are still very skittish around them.
> 
> ...


I totally agree with you. If they have taught their kids that animals are dirty and evil, they have absolutely no right to expect anyone to allow their animals to be used to correct this. I find this disgraceful, quite frankly.

If they ever believed that about animals, enough to teach it to the kids, their attitude will not have changed to the extent of giving any pet a proper family life. I dread to think what sort of life it would have with idiots like this.

One scratch and this kitten will be out the door, to a rescue or even pts because they have decided it is vicious. They will not return the kitten to you, because they will think you have sold them a nasty creature.

The sad thing is, they can probably go out and get a moggie from anyone advertising. People with this sort of attitude should never be allowed anywhere near an animal, in my opinion.


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