# Struggling to cope without my beautiful boy Lewis



## Elaine Sharples Wright (Nov 17, 2019)

I had to make the most hardest decision of my life Tuesday (12th November 2019). Lewis was my beautiful cocker spaniel who I'd had for nearly 13 years, I have no children and I centred my whole world around him. I would never have treated him any differently, I told him every day I loved him, he'd had a heart condition for over 3 years but I got him on the right medication and we soldiered on. He was a very happy boy, always loved his food, walks, cuddles and sleeping on my bed every night. For over 10 years it was just me and him until my partner came along, my partner loved him probably as much as I did (if that were possible). 2 weeks ago Lewis came down with a very nasty sickness bug it was awful to watch, I took him to the vets twice and they said it could be a sickness bug or a mass in his stomach. She told me I had to think about what I wanted to put him through (he was 14 as I'd had him as a rescue dog), anyway we tried anti sickness meds and injections and then he had very bad diarrhoea we tried to treat that also. Then he just started to go off his back legs so I took him to the vets Tuesday night and the vet said the kindest thing to do is let him go. So I held him until he had gone, my partner was there also, and my mom. I feel so lost, empty, sad and don't know I can go on without him. I have another dog who has lived with Lewis for 4 years, he's missing him as well. I loved Lewis more than life itself and don't know how to move forward, I feel like I can't. Please if anyone can give any advice I'd really really appreciate it.


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## ttaylor45 (Jan 3, 2011)

Elaine Sharples Wright said:


> I had to make the most hardest decision of my life Tuesday (12th November 2019). Lewis was my beautiful cocker spaniel who I'd had for nearly 13 years, I have no children and I centred my whole world around him. I would never have treated him any differently, I told him every day I loved him, he'd had a heart condition for over 3 years but I got him on the right medication and we soldiered on. He was a very happy boy, always loved his food, walks, cuddles and sleeping on my bed every night. For over 10 years it was just me and him until my partner came along, my partner loved him probably as much as I did (if that were possible). 2 weeks ago Lewis came down with a very nasty sickness bug it was awful to watch, I took him to the vets twice and they said it could be a sickness bug or a mass in his stomach. She told me I had to think about what I wanted to put him through (he was 14 as I'd had him as a rescue dog), anyway we tried anti sickness meds and injections and then he had very bad diarrhoea we tried to treat that also. Then he just started to go off his back legs so I took him to the vets Tuesday night and the vet said the kindest thing to do is let him go. So I held him until he had gone, my partner was there also, and my mom. I feel so lost, empty, sad and don't know I can go on without him. I have another dog who has lived with Lewis for 4 years, he's missing him as well. I loved Lewis more than life itself and don't know how to move forward, I feel like I can't. Please if anyone can give any advice I'd really really appreciate it.


I know just how you feel I lost my two darling boys last year within 6 months of each other Rusty the taller one in the photo had a growth near his liver and as he was in pain and also aged 13 and a half we had to do the kindest thing and let him go that was in May 2018 and then after being poorly for nearly two years with anaemia kidney disease and losing his sight due to cataracts and glaucoma we had to say good bye to Pepe as well in November 2018 aged 12 and 4 months I can't help but wonder whether Pepe's problem started after he had his lepto 4 injection as he was fine before then. Like you it was the most heartbreaking decision I had to make. It is obvious how much you loved Lewis as I did my two it is very hard so give yourself plenty of time and hopefully you will then be able to think of all the good times you had it is still very early days for you yet. I still miss my two gorgeous boys very much but am hoping to get a new dog puppy from the same breeder as it gives me comfort to think it will be related to Rusty and Pepe. Your Lewis will have known how much you loved him and that you did your very best for him.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Very sorry for your loss but give yourself time to grieve.

It might not seem so at the moment but it will get easier.


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## Ochre (May 27, 2019)

My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel. The unbearable searing and relentless pain of loosing a beloved dog. It absolutely hurts like hell. But do be gentle on yourself. You gave Lewis the best life and he knew he was loved. He was a lucky boy to have you. Time will make it easier, but hold those precious memories close and allow yourself time to grieve xx


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## Elaine Sharples Wright (Nov 17, 2019)

ttaylor45 said:


> I know just how you feel I lost my two darling boys last year within 6 months of each other Rusty the taller one in the photo had a growth near his liver and as he was in pain and also aged 13 and a half we had to do the kindest thing and let him go that was in May 2018 and then after being poorly for nearly two years with anaemia kidney disease and losing his sight due to cataracts and glaucoma we had to say good bye to Pepe as well in November 2018 aged 12 and 4 months I can't help but wonder whether Pepe's problem started after he had his lepto 4 injection as he was fine before then. Like you it was the most heartbreaking decision I had to make. It is obvious how much you loved Lewis as I did my two it is very hard so give yourself plenty of time and hopefully you will then be able to think of all the good times you had it is still very early days for you yet. I still miss my two gorgeous boys very much but am hoping to get a new dog puppy from the same breeder as it gives me comfort to think it will be related to Rusty and Pepe. Your Lewis will have known how much you loved him and that you did your very best for him.





ttaylor45 said:


> I know just how you feel I lost my two darling boys last year within 6 months of each other Rusty the taller one in the photo had a growth near his liver and as he was in pain and also aged 13 and a half we had to do the kindest thing and let him go that was in May 2018 and then after being poorly for nearly two years with anaemia kidney disease and losing his sight due to cataracts and glaucoma we had to say good bye to Pepe as well in November 2018 aged 12 and 4 months I can't help but wonder whether Pepe's problem started after he had his lepto 4 injection as he was fine before then. Like you it was the most heartbreaking decision I had to make. It is obvious how much you loved Lewis as I did my two it is very hard so give yourself plenty of time and hopefully you will then be able to think of all the good times you had it is still very early days for you yet. I still miss my two gorgeous boys very much but am hoping to get a new dog puppy from the same breeder as it gives me comfort to think it will be related to Rusty and Pepe. Your Lewis will have known how much you loved him and that you did your very best for him.


I'm so very sorry that you lost your 2 boys within 6 months of each other, that must have been utterly devastating. It is awful having to make that decision, for me I wanted Lewis to live for as long as I do, but I had to put him first which meant letting him go. At least we put them first as heartbreaking and painful as it is. I am so very sorry, and I appreciate your lovely message thank you xx


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## Elaine Sharples Wright (Nov 17, 2019)

Lurcherlad said:


> Very sorry for your loss but give yourself time to grieve.
> 
> It might not seem so at the moment but it will get easier.


Thank you so much for your kind message, I just feel so guilty that I have to move forward without him in my life. He will always live on in my heart, I just don't know how to be at the moment every day is a struggle. Thank you again xx


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## Elaine Sharples Wright (Nov 17, 2019)

Ochre said:


> My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel. The unbearable searing and relentless pain of loosing a beloved dog. It absolutely hurts like hell. But do be gentle on yourself. You gave Lewis the best life and he knew he was loved. He was a lucky boy to have you. Time will make it easier, but hold those precious memories close and allow yourself time to grieve xx


Thank you for your lovely message and I'm sorry you have suffered a loss also. The only thing I can console myself with is I have no regrets with how I cared for him, he had cuddles every day, lovely holidays, we never went anywhere without Lewis. I told him I loved him every day, even right at the end when he was in my arms. He was such a beautiful boy inside and out. Thank you again xx


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Lewis. You are still in shock, please be gentle with yourself. 

There's no getting around the grief of such a loss, because you love so big, you hurt just as huge.

You gave him such a wonderful happy loving life and at the end you did the most brave courageous kindest loving thing ever, you set him free from suffering and pain. He is with you still in your heart, and in spirit. If you are open to it he may come to you in dreams or you may feel him near you at times.

Just be easy on yourself now. All your feelings, whatever they are, are normal. xxx


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## Bugsys grandma (Aug 3, 2018)

I'm so sorry you are going through this.,
Most of us on PF have been through this horrendous experience in the past, I have myself many times over the years. 
Lewis was one of the lucky ones, he had a good long life, with people who clearly loved and respected him very very much, sadly not all dogs get that. 
To let an animal go in a dignified way when they are clearly suffering, is a sign of how much you loved and respected this beautiful boy. And I have always felt it is the last, best thing we can do for our dogs who give us do much during their time with us.
I understand only too well how totally broken you must be feeling at the moment and sadly there are no magic words to make you feel better, only time will do that. 
You absolutely without a shadow of doubt did the right thing by him. 

As I've said many of us on here have been in your position, and I guarantee we all felt as you do now, all felt that we would never get past this, never move on, never be happy again, but we are, we are all still here.

You never get over losing someone you loved, and nor should you, but with time you will learn to live with the loss and you will continue to live your life, ever changed but still living. And you will be happy again I promise. I know it doesn't feel like that now but in time you will.,

It's very early days still, be kind to yourself. 

The blue cross do a really good bereavement service, you can call them and talk in person or you can email them. I've used them myself in the past and I know of at least one other PF member who found them very helpful. 

Feel free to post on PF whenever you want. We do understand. 
Sending you a hug. X


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