# very clingy new kitten please help!



## esa (Jan 19, 2014)

Hi, I bought what I was told was an 8 week old kitten a week ago but after taking her to the vet discovered she was only 7 weeks. Its obvious she was too young to leave her mum, we had to teach her to go to the toilet etc. She is very demanding the wee thing and we love her to bits but we are having a terrible time when we are at home and go to another room and shut the door. We can't have her in the bedroom as my husband has allergies so trying to get ready for work is awful she yowls like she's in pain so I rush to her to comfort her....but then she promptly nuzzles me looking for a teet and falls asleep on my lap. My question is this- should I just ignore the yowls? It pulls at my heart strings terribly but am I making it worse by pandering to her? Any advice greatly appreciated thanks!


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## ForeverHome (Jan 14, 2014)

Hi Esa,

Many years ago kittens often went to their new homes at 6-8 weeks. Thank goodness now they get nearly twice as long to be socialised and taught by mum. 

That said, a kitten should know how to use a litter tray at 7 weeks. We had 3 kittens when I was a child, separately, and all were fully toilet trained by 6 weeks. I had one who was kept back 3 days longer because she wasn't weaned - well she still wasn't weaned and I hand fed her for the first few days, but she was litter trained. 

If she is too young to leave her mum and her litter mates, is it surprising that she cries when you walk away and close the door? She's just a baby, she's been taken away from everyone she loves and everything she knows, and in this strange and scary new place she will need lots of attention and affection. Apart from anything else she needs to be socialised, which means lots and lots of handling and cuddles and play - with you!

As for crying and falling asleep on you, she has never slept alone before, she has always had the warmth of her mum and gone to sleep to the sound of her heartbeat, breathing and purring. It's a great honour that she feels safe enough with you to ask for that from you. You have the beginnings of a wonderful bond. Such a pity you can't have her in the bedroom with you, I think it would help her no end and she may grow to want her own bed soon without you. 

I'm sorry but I have to ask if your husband has allergies that can be triggered by a cat ... why did you get a kitten? 

I know the advice is to start as you mean to go on but sometimes we go with our heart against advice and it can be the right thing. I know I did with my Misha and never regretted it. We were so close, and she was a secure and loving cat with a feisty but devoted character. I brought Misha to bed with me every night until she was ready to sleep elsewhere, and as an adult she would come for a cuddle in bed then leave as I fell asleep. I'm not advising this but if I was in your shoes I'd be shutting the bedroom door for your husband and sleeping on the sofa with the cat for a couple of weeks!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Excellent post from ForeverHome:thumbsup: 

I agree it is very unusual to have a kitten that is not litter tray trained by 7 weeks and therefore I suspect she is younger than that, more like 5 weeks old. It's impossible for a vet to be accurate within a week or so from an examination. 

Her very young age would explain why kitty is so bereft, missing her mum and siblings so badly and so desperate to be comforted by you. So please, please I beg you NEVER ignore her cries, and also please don't shut her away from you at any time, as it will frighten her and make her withdrawn. 

It is really important now that you take on the role of surrogate mother to her for the next few weeks until she has settled in and feels a little more confident being on her own. 

It is important she is not left alone at night right now, and if she can't be allowed in the bedroom because of your OH's allergies, then I agree with FH's sensible suggestion you should make up a bed for yourself on the sofa, (or a spare room if you have one) and sleep with kitty for the next few weeks. I am sure your OH will be understanding, and won't find it too much of a sacrifice to sleep on his own for a while. 

I also hope this little mite is NOT being left alone all day, as she is too young for that. Hopefully there is always someone there with her. Apart from anything else she will need feeding every 3 or 4 hours at that age. A good wet (canned) food diet - not dry food, which will dehydrate her and risk giving her bladder problems. 

Lots of loving and patient attention is what is required now, in the form of play, cuddles, strokes etc


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

As above ^^^^^ 

She is very little and needs love and reassurance - ideally with you 

I also wonder why you got a cat if your OH has allergies - how is he going to manage this around the rest of the house?


If she really can't sleep with you / you in with her, then I would suggest a warm hot water bottle (not boiling hot, but nicely warm), wrapped in something like a fleece blanket / towel and popped in her bed

That way she can snuggle up and get heat and the movement of the water inside the bottle is a bit like when they were with mum & her tummy moved - it's very reassuring for them


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

Agree with all the fab advice given so far 
If kitten has a bed then a warm hot water bottle and a small cuddly toy similar to her own size may help her settle.
When I first got Dexter I shut him in the lounge at night and could hear him crying his little heart out when I went to bed :sad: I used to go back down to him and we would have a cuddle and watch a film.... goes without saying I didn't get much sleep for the first few days but luckily I had time of work.
Within about 3 days I gave up and let him upstairs at night and he has slept on my bed ever since. If this isn't possible in your situation long term you may have to try and sleep where kitten has access to you at night because it really does sound like she is too young to be left alone


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## ForeverHome (Jan 14, 2014)

Hot water bottle's fine for kittens with tiny claws but not for adult cats who might be able to pop it, there are also microwave heat pads specially for pets which are also limited to how hot they get.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

ForeverHome said:


> Hot water bottle's fine for kittens with tiny claws but not for adult cats who might be able to pop it, there are also microwave heat pads specially for pets which are also limited to how hot they get.


Good point  I recommended a bottle as I thought OP might have one to hand for tonight


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## sante (Oct 4, 2013)

ForeverHome said:


> Hi Esa,
> 
> Many years ago kittens often went to their new homes at 6-8 weeks. Thank goodness now they get nearly twice as long to be socialised and taught by mum.
> 
> ...


Excellent post foreverhome :thumbup:

I don't know what else to add as it has already been added to this thread except the kitten is probably missing its mum and looking to you to give it warmth, attention and affection.


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## sante (Oct 4, 2013)

I agree with everything that has been said so far on this thread :thumbsup:


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## esa (Jan 19, 2014)

Hi everyone, thanks for all the replies but there has been many misunderstandings here! First off, my husband and I have both taken a week off work and spent every waking minute cuddling and playing with our kitten. She is in no way neglected. She is absolutely fine at night, I already made her up a very cosy cat bed which I put a warm hot water bottle in every night and she doesn't cry at all during the night she's quite happy. I am a very light sleeper I would hear her! The only time she cries is when I have to go to the bedroom and she has seen me go in, she's quite happy playing with her multitude of toys if she doesn't see me go in another room. 
She was litter trained when I got her, we just had to wipe her bottom for her (as advised by oir vet) to help her poop. She was just getting used to her surroundings. I had cats for years growing up I know I need to spend a lot of time with her, I just wanted a bit of advice but thanks all for being so judgemental.


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## ForeverHome (Jan 14, 2014)

I apologise Esa I went by what you wrote and thought I was answering what you were asking - I was wrong. I'm sorry you feel you've been judged, that was certainly not my intention and I'm certain it wasn't anyone else's either. In our defence it seems we all came to the same conclusions so perhaps in fairness your post may not have been as clear as it could have been. But I for one apologise for getting it so wrong, and for causing offence.


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## esa (Jan 19, 2014)

Thank you, yes it does seem I was unclear on my question but I just want to be clear that my kitten doesn't want for anything she is very loved and I would never want her to be upset, which is why I posted the question as I had read similar threads where people recommended ignoring the cries but that seemed harsh to me so wanted a second opinion.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

esa said:


> Hi, I bought what I was told was an 8 week old kitten a week ago but after taking her to the vet discovered she was only 7 weeks. Its obvious she was too young to leave her mum, we had to teach her to go to the toilet etc. She is very demanding the wee thing and we love her to bits but we are having a terrible time when we are at home and go to another room and shut the door. We can't have her in the bedroom as my husband has allergies so trying to get ready for work is awful she yowls like she's in pain so I rush to her to comfort her....but then she promptly nuzzles me looking for a teet and falls asleep on my lap. My question is this- should I just ignore the yowls? It pulls at my heart strings terribly but am I making it worse by pandering to her? Any advice greatly appreciated thanks!


Sorry but I don't think any of the replies given to your original post were judgmental or wrong in any way, just answering the questions you asked in your original post. All good advice given and I hope your kitten settles well from here. 
Still unsure about your husbands allergy, if he is OK cuddling the kitten then maybe it can be managed with an anti histamine?


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

I hardly think you need to start calling us judgemental!

In your OP you stated you had problems getting ready for work but now you've said you've both been off 

If you can't have her in the bedroom because of OH allergies, how can he cuddle her


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

esa said:


> Hi, I bought what I was told was an 8 week old kitten a week ago but after taking her to the vet discovered she was only 7 weeks. Its obvious she was too young to leave her mum, we had to teach her to go to the toilet etc. She is very demanding the wee thing and we love her to bits but we are having a terrible time when we are at home and go to another room and shut the door. We can't have her in the bedroom as my husband has allergies so trying to get ready for work is awful she yowls like she's in pain so I rush to her to comfort her....but then she promptly nuzzles me looking for a teet and falls asleep on my lap. My question is this- should I just ignore the yowls? It pulls at my heart strings terribly but am I making it worse by pandering to her? Any advice greatly appreciated thanks!


Your post came across pretty much as a desperate cry for help. One example is you said you're having "a terrible time when we are at home". You sounded despairing and rather at the end of your tether. All of us responded with compassion to that tone we read in your post.

It was my intention to be supportive to you. As I understood it you were asking for advice on how to meet the needs of your very young kitten. It did not seem to me you were just asking whether you should ignore her cries. I responded with appropriate advice, which I trust I expressed in a kindly manner, as that is always my intention.

Advice is by its very nature instructive. If you are objecting to being given the kind of well meaning advice you got from all of us, then I am really not sure what you expected, and I am left feeling confused and misjudged.


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## Cookieandme (Dec 29, 2011)

esa said:


> my husband and I have both taken a week off work and spent every waking minute cuddling and playing with our kitten. She is in no way neglected. .


Which suggests the poor wee kitten will be left alone when you go back to work


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