# Just adopted two kittens and I can't cope!



## Tibby37 (Sep 6, 2019)

So, I am an experienced cat owner who has had cats my entire life, and I love cats, but I adopted two 3 month old kittens last week and I am genuinely so miserable that I feel I just can't do this anymore, like I don't want to have a pet again.
They are a brother and sister and I have had them now for just over a week. They were rescued after having been dumped and then spent some weeks in a foster home whilst they were dewormed and given their first injections. They seemed okay at first, though wouldn't let me anywhere near them, so I was giving them time and patience, but then they started getting quite feral. The charity foster mums have helped bring them back around to what they were when they first arrived, but I'm just so miserable, depressed and having so much anxiety I feel like I'm gonna burn out. I honestly just feel empty when I have to interact with them. Even when I've messaged to hold one of them for a while, I feel nothing but dead inside. I keep waiting for some glimmer inside myself of positive feeling, but I cannot say I've had a single moment of such since they arrived. I feel so guilty about that, but so much more for the desperate desire I have to contact the charity and call it quits.
Am I being too selfish? Am I being a horrible person because I just can't get over this? Should I try and give it more time to see if I can get over my anxiety attacks? Help.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hello @Tibby37 and welcome 

I am very sorry to hear you have been going through a difficult time with your two new adopted kittens. It sounds as though it is hard to make a relationship with these kitties and that is maybe why you feel depressed and anxious?

You say they started getting "quite feral", but can you elaborate on this, e.g. do you mean they are hiding from you, or running away when you approach them, or even attacking you?

Do you know what age the kittens were when rescued? If they were actually dumped (as opposed to being abandoned by their mum) it doesn't sound as though their mother was feral. But the kittens may not have had a lot of contact with humans while they were with their mum, in which case they will not have had the chance to be well socialised by humans.

If I understood you correctly the the charity's foster carers have taken the kittens back and have managed to socialise them again?. So this would seem to indicate the kittens are not feral, but timid and perhaps very lacking in self-confidence.

Socialising timid, anxious kittens can be a big challenge. Not everyone has the time or inclination for dealing with this kind of challenge. No-one should judge you for being frank and saying you do not feel up to having these kittens back. You are an experienced cat owner, and you feel strongly these kittens are not for you. There is nothing wrong with feeling that - you know your own mind, and I feel in the circumstances it would not be right for anyone to try and talk you round.

I don't think you are being selfish or horrible. Anxiety attacks are very unpleasant to experience, and your anxiety will be sensed by the kittens. Cats are very sensitive to the moods of the humans they live with, and are affected by them.

I believe it's probably better for the kittens to go to someone who feels equipped for the challenge of socialising them. Things may possibly improve gradually change over time if you were to persevere with the socialisation. But such things can take time - we are talking months or even as long as a year, for a real bond to form. In view of how you low and upset you feel at present, I think it might be better for you, and for the kittens if they stayed with the foster carer until they can be re-homed.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

There is no shame in returning these kittens, to give them a chance at a home with someone who can cope with them. It's a brave thing, to admit it isn't working. Contact the rescue right away, sooner they are back the better.

THEN, don't berate yourself and call yourself bad things for doing what is best both for them and for you. Lesson learned and move on.

Maybe some day you'll want a pet again. Perhaps an older cat looking for a peaceful quiet home to retire in.


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## Bertie'sMum (Mar 27, 2017)

I love kittens (don't we all !) but I do know that at my age (73) I couldn't cope with them so my current fur baby came to me age 8 - young enough to still have a long life ahead of him, but old enough to be past the 'kitten' stage 

As the others have said there is no shame in admitting that these two are not the right "fit" for you and it would be better for them and for your own mental health to return them to the rescue - no-one will think less of you for putting their welfare first.


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## KittyNat (Jan 16, 2019)

I 'adopted' one of my cats at 6 weeks old - she was free to a good home as the owner just wanted rid of all her kittens. I must admit that I really didn't like her for the first few months! She was an adorable kitten, but I had completely forgotten what having a kitten was like (my other cat was 8 at the time). In time though, it did get better. I think I got used to her and she got used to us.
If you really can't cope and would like to return them to the place you got them - do not feel guilty! You need to do what is best for you and only you know what that is. I am sure that the rescue centre would be happy to have them back and re-home them elsewhere.
If you do decide to keep them - just give yourself time. Remember, they are just young yet.
Whatever your decision - sending you lots of love x


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