# So I want to return my puppy...



## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

I have my puppy about 3 days now and I am really considering giving her back to the breeder. I was really nervous and anxious prior to getting her and this hasn't gone away. I know I need to give it longer than a couple of days and i will, but I just feel like i am not ready for this type of commitment. I have contacted dog trainers as well to help. 

I love dogs and always have but the last time I had a puppy I was too young to understand and my mother raised the dog. Now this time it's my dog, and i knew it would be hard work but i guess reality is much harder. I feel terrible for even feeling this way and so selfish but I feel like i would be more suited to an older dog. At this minute in time I can't see it getting any easier. As I am typing this I am in tears I don't know what to do. 

I know this is all so new to the puppy being separated from her mother and litter too and I feel awful. Shes an adorable little pup.


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

This feeling is normal, it's called the puppy blues, even very experienced dog people can have the 'what have I done?' feelings.
What is happening that is making you feel like this? Maybe we can help?
Just take each day, each hour at a time and as you develop a routine and things start to settle, I'm sure you'll start to feel better.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

I think you need to give it longer than a couple of days. It's perfectly normal to feel completely overwhelmed and like you have made a mistake. They are hard work and suddenly your world has to revolve around them. I'm more suspicious of those who say they love the puppy experience, I never have LOL! 

It WILL get easier. That I guarantee. They don't stay puppies forever, in fact they grow up incredibly quickly. Your current feelings will also subside if you give it time, that I also guarantee. 

If you would like any help or advice on specific things we can assist, fire away!


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

What is it she is doing that you are finding so overwhelming?


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## DaisyBluebell (Apr 14, 2017)

If it hadn't been for my husband, I would have given our Emma back within the first two weeks, I spent most of that time crying & wishing I had never taken this commitment on, I didn't even like her very much, so I kept telling myself! Thank God I joined this forum & the Puppy Support thread, & learned about Puppy Blues!!
Now, 4 months later, I'd give you my husband before I gave you Emma!
I might add Emma is the 8th dog have owned but the first puppy so I'm not a newbie owner by any means!


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

I've had dogs most of life, I'm 66, yet when I bought my latest dog home as a puppy I was all set to give her away to the nearest person. Even though I knew what to expect and had prepared everything I still came down with a dose of the puppy blues and found her hard to cope with.
But within a few weeks the light appeared at the end of the tunnel and I got through it and she turned into a most wonderful dog who is a pleasure to live with.

Can we help you in any way? Often having a good moan and unloading your problems will help enormously


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

If you are certain, then sooner rather than later ..............


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2017)

Do try to relax, as she will pick up on your anxiety, and it may interfere with your bonding. I was ready to give my Clo away to anyone who understood Collies, because I felt EVERYONE was a better dog owner than me. That was a year ago, though, and now I get separation anxiety if I am away from her too long!!!


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## kirksandallchins (Nov 3, 2007)

I've had Bonnie a month and there are still days I regret getting her - but only for a few minutes when I'm cleaning up poo or stopping her from doing something else naughty. Then I look at her wagging tale and I know I couldn't part with her.

I felt like this hours after getting her - if you don't feel the same bond, maybe you should return it to the breeder. If you want to keep the pup, think that the next few months of hell will soon pass


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

I can't pin point what exactly it is that is over whelming me. I think just everything in general, that this little lady is completely dependant on me. I find the nights the hardest as she won't settle and I am now currently sleep deprived!


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

Lexiedhb said:


> What is it she is doing that you are finding so overwhelming?


I can't pin point what exactly it is that is over whelming me. I think just everything in general, that this little lady is completely dependant on me. I find the nights the hardest as she won't settle and I am now currently sleep deprived!


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## MiffyMoo (Sep 15, 2015)

Where is she sleeping? If she’s not near you, it’s horribly lonely and scary for her. If you haven’t done so, move her into the bedroom with you


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

MiffyMoo said:


> Where is she sleeping? If she's not near you, it's horribly lonely and scary for her. If you haven't done so, move her into the bedroom with you


Yeah I'm going to move her back to my bedroom tonight & might try leave the crate door open.


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2017)

yes, I felt like you do, "what on earth have I done" and "oh no, she will be with me for 15 years" !! Now I look back and laugh, honestly, because all the things I worried about have passed. I thought I could never leave her - now I work for 4 or 5 hours a day, and she is often home alone, I thought she would never go for a walk - now she will actually leave the house and go out for a nice walk, we do agility, we meet other dogs without eating them. It's all good. Give it your all now, and you will be rewarded later.


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## cbcdesign (Jul 3, 2014)

Ashleymua said:


> Yeah I'm going to move her back to my bedroom tonight & might try leave the crate door open.


Good idea. Trying to force a puppy who has been taken away from her mother and is now dependant on you to sleep in her crate separated from you is going to be frightening and upsetting for her. She will want to feel safe and loved, not caged up and separated. Its not difficult to imagine how she may be feeling at night if you think about it.


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

As much as it breaks my heart I think I’m going to contact the breeder tomorrow morning to see if she will take the puppy back. 

I just think I’m not able for a puppy, I was used to an older dog and this is just so much different. 

Also the older dog was used to being on her own for 8 hours a day with no issues and it’s unfair to the puppy to expect the same. The older dog didn’t need to be let out during the night etc. 

I really want a bulldog in my life, the companionship etc but I also want what’s best for the dog. I just feel I cannot handle a puppy single handily. I think I would be suited to an older bulldog. 

I feel awful. She is only 10 weeks tomorrow so I know the breeder will have no trouble selling her on. I could give it more time but she has already started bonding with me and following me everywhere. 

Where I live there is no option for dog walkers or that. My sister is currently on maternity leave and could come check on her during the day for a short amount of time but with a newborn baby she has enough on her plate. I work 3 x 12 hour shifts - day or night. My mother works four days 9-5. And father should be home at lunch time for an hour or so. The older bulldog was well able to entertain herself/sleep while still getting exercise in the evening but this Isn’t possible with a puppy, she’s too energetic & needs too much time.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

I think the sooner she is back with breeder the better.

I'm not sure what you were expecting though


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

Lurcherlad said:


> I think the sooner she is back with breeder the better.
> 
> I'm not sure what you were expecting though


I know. I thought I was ready, I really did. I done all the research etc but reality is dawning on me that this might not be the best place for her. I suppose I was always thinking of what the older dog was like I forgot how the puppy needs more time.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Ashleymua said:


> As much as it breaks my heart I think I'm going to contact the breeder tomorrow morning to see if she will take the puppy back.
> 
> I just think I'm not able for a puppy, I was used to an older dog and this is just so much different.
> 
> ...


It is shame you did not consider the logistics of fitting a puppy in with work etc before you bought her, but you are correct in saying that your breeder should not have much of a trouble in rehoming her at that age.

You must live very rural for there to be no dog walkers at all that cover your area, most areas are overrun with them.

Can I just point out that if you do decide to rescue an older dog, not all will be comfortable with being alone for 8 hours every day. In fact many will need training to be left alone as you would with a puppy.


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

I don’t think I would rehome a dog in the near future. I think I should wait for a better time in my life.

I’m also not based in the uk. I’ve looked for dog walkers/day care etc but there is nothing within a 40-50 mile radius which isn’t practical. 

I thought the puppy would adjust to being on her own but after having her around me the last few days I can see she wouldn’t be ok on her own.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Ashleymua said:


> I don't think I would rehome a dog in the near future. I think I should wait for a better time in my life.
> 
> I'm also not based in the uk. I've looked for dog walkers/day care etc but there is nothing within a 40-50 mile radius which isn't practical.
> 
> I thought the puppy would adjust to being on her own but after having her around me the last few days I can see she wouldn't be ok on her own.


I think you sound very sensible waiting for a better time.


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

I feel ashamed and guilty about this. What will people think


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## Blitz (Feb 12, 2009)

Ashleymua said:


> I feel ashamed and guilty about this. What will people think


They will think you did not do enough research or think it through but are big enough to admit it and do what is best for your puppy. Does that sound fair.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Ashleymua said:


> I feel ashamed and guilty about this. What will people think


No need to feel ashamed or guilty. Far better to recognise that it isn't going to work now when the puppy will quickly adapt than further down the line. We all make mistakes.


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## DaisyBluebell (Apr 14, 2017)

Don't feel ashamed, you have made a mistake, realised it & are going to do the best for the puppy, so the sooner you do it the better for the both of you. We look forward to having you back on the forum in years to come when the time and situation is right for both you and any potential dog you get, but I would suggest you look at getting a rescue rather than a puppy.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

The sooner the pup is back with the Breeder, the better.

The older she gets, the more difficult it will be to rehome her.


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## WillowT (Mar 21, 2015)

It’s a shame you wasn’t able to work it out. But it is good You was able to recognise it quite early on. Returning it will be best at this age. 
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your only human.


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2017)

You are doing the right thing for her. Don't feel bad, we all make mistakes, how many of us just press on and compromise? I wish I didn't have to work in the mornings, and I am lucky that my dog doesn't mind, but it would be completely different if she did. I also have to consider the family's movements all day, every day, so that I know somebody is about in the afternoons, so I can even just go to the shops, because now I have a thing about not letting her be on her own in the afternoons. You are very brave admitting that it was the wrong time for you, don't beat yourself up.


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

I’m in absolute bits at the thought of having to return her. I feel like such a failure and she’s such a lovely dog. I should have thought it through more. I just wish it could work out.


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## WillowT (Mar 21, 2015)

Ashleymua said:


> I'm in absolute bits at the thought of having to return her. I feel like such a failure and she's such a lovely dog. I should have thought it through more. I just wish it could work out.


I think you are bound to feel like this at the moment. If you didn't it would be a bit worrying. It will take some time to get over.


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2017)

The only way you would be a failure is if you kept the puppy, she became frustrated and naughty, untrainable and a difficult dog to have around. You are doing the right thing.


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## Jocky San (Jun 3, 2017)

Mate, you are big enough to admit these feelings and reach out for advice and support - not the actions of a selfish person. 
I am at the end of month 4 of my first dog and first puppy. It is pure hell.
Only as she starts (slowly) to grow up and the training works, do I see what I originally thought.
You can do *all the research in the world* - like I did, and you might still find the experience completely different.
My only advice would be to stop feeling guilty and get out of that rut, it makes you think wrong, and just give it a bit more time. You might change your mind, you might not.
If you do decide to give her back, then at least you can take a bit of time to find a good new owner - that's looking after the dog's interests.
Don't worry about it, you achieve nothing beating yourself up!


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## Ashleymua (Sep 27, 2017)

How do people who work full time manage? Both my sisters have King Charles who are easily left for 10 hours a day. The same when I look at neighbours. I know they are all older dogs but they were once a puppy too.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Ashleymua said:


> How do people who work full time manage? Both my sisters have King Charles who are easily left for 10 hours a day. The same when I look at neighbours. I know they are all older dogs but they were once a puppy too.


Some people work from home, some work opposite shifts, some use dog walkers to break the day up etc.

I don't know what country you are from, but in the UK most people probably wouldn't leave their dogs for 10 hours a day without making provisions for them.


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2017)

Most people who work full time that I know don't have dogs, or share day-care with their other halves. Some say that they would like a dog but it wouldn't be right. Sorry, but there it is. You do work rather long hours, it has to be said.


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## Jocky San (Jun 3, 2017)

I note you said you're sleep deprived as she's not settling and that's keeping you awake. Anyone who's had kids will tell you that if you can get the sleep you can cope with anything, if you don't then you can't.
It's not nice when they whine and won't settle, but it's not that big a deal. They are quite tough little animals, they normally grow up in the wild remember, so I would say as long as she's fed and watered, in a cosy warm snug place, then the whining is just normal slight distress at changing circumstances.
Put that bit out of your mind and get some sleep. A few days or a week and she'll stop it. Toys in the crate, plenty of in-and-out of crate practice, and get a routine at night - drawing curtains, lights off, crate open, sort her blanket, throw some treats in. It'll come.
But don't stay awake thinking "oh no, she's so unhappy...." because she's not. Just getting used to her new home, which is different from what she was used to.


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