# Please help



## MrsLen

Hello all

I am brand new to this forum and this is my first ever post. I apologise in advance as its going to be a long one  I have a lot to say.

It is now 4 days since our beloved dog Molly had to be put to sleep and I am really struggling to cope. My family got Molly as a tiny baby when I was about 17 and I am now 33. She was a white collie-cross (we always struggled to keep her clean!) with a very distinctive face as she had one blue eye and one brown eye. She was beautiful in every way and I adored her and I cant believe shes gone. She was the family pet but when I lived with my parents I did everything for her and I walked her every night so she was mostly mine. She saw me through some of the toughest times in my life and I will forever be grateful to her for that.

I moved out of my parents house about 6 years ago so Molly would have been about 10 at the time and I feel such guilt about this because it seemed like she went downhill after I left home. Whether this would have happened if I was there or not, Ill never know but I feel horrible about the timing. I moved into a rental property with my boyfriend (now my husband) and I wasnt allowed pets. I probably could have got my landlord to agree to Molly moving in with us but I didnt feel it was fair to uproot her from the home where she had always lived, plus my husband and I work full time so she would have been alone all day whereas there is always someone in at my parents house. Pretty much as soon as I moved out, Molly started to go blind then gradually she went deaf too. Over the last 12 months she has deteriorated more and more and lost loads of weight because everything she ate or drank just went straight through her so at the end she was pretty much skin and bone.

On Thursday just gone, my mum rang me to tell me that it was time. Molly had had enough. She was very very old and had no quality of life any more. Even the vet was shocked at how old she was because apparently its very rare for a big dog to live that long. Mum and I took her to the vet where they put her to sleep and I have been distraught ever since and feel like this grieving will never end. I always had a feeling that it would come to this  I had hoped that she would just pass away in her sleep but I guess it just wasnt meant to be. It is a testament to how strong our baby was that she had lived this long.

I feel so many things  guilty, bereft, selfish. I just dont know what to do with myself.

I feel guilty because the decision should have been made months ago. I left this up to my mum and dad because I didnt want to be the one to make the decision to have Molly put to sleep but now I regret this because I know in my heart this should have been done at least 6 months ago and she has been suffering all this time. I wish now Id had the courage to step up and make the decision. I hate myself for allowing her to suffer for so long. My mum is also beating herself up because she knows it should have been done months ago and I have tried to comfort her but my grief is completely overwhelming me at the moment.

I feel guilty because my poor baby had no idea that her time was about to come to an end and I hate having had that power over her. Even though everyone keeps telling me it was the best thing we could do for her, I still feel like a murderer. I also feel guilty because Im worried that she was in pain at the end. The vet had to put a catheter in her paw to administer the medication (which we left the room for thank God) and her paw looked a bit bloody. Then when the vet actually put the medication in, Molly reacted briefly and I cant stop thinking that this caused her pain. It was very very quick  any one of you has been through this will know how quick it is  but it still kills me inside to think that she might have been in pain, however briefly and I cant stop replaying the scene over and over in my head.

I feel bereft because I cant believe shes gone. I hate the fact that death is so final and Im never going to see her or hold her ever again. My baby is gone and I feel like Im all alone in the world. I have been crying on and off ever since Thursday morning and it is now Monday lunchtime nearly and I feel like Im cracking up or something. I feel all alone in my grief because I can tell that my husband is starting to think its time for me to get over it now and I cant. So Im crying all the time and I cant talk about why Im upset. And now Im at work and I cant just sit here crying all day so I have to hold it all in and pretend Im OK when all I want to do is howl and scream about how much this hurts and how unfair the whole thing is.

My head knows that Molly has gone to a better place and shes at peace now but nothing is helping me feel better. I know all about Rainbow Bridge etc but its too painful for me to read at the moment because  selfishly, I know  I want Molly here with us. 

Is it normal for me to be feeling this way? I keep telling myself that its early days yet and after having her for 16 years its bound to take a while to get over it but the way my husband is being towards me is making me think otherwise. Am I over-reacting? Is there anything I can do to speed up this process?

Any advice would be very gratefully received.

Thank you for listening.

xxx


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## smokeybear

Have a look here, this might help you

Society for Companion Animal Studies


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## Sled dog hotel

I am so sorry to hear of Mollys Passing. Ive been through it 3 times so Know how you feel, plus I have a 14 1/2 year old now too, so know there is going to come a time when I have to face it all again. Its one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do and takes time to get over.

You did the best thing for Molly not uprooting her from all she knew when you moved it wouldnt have been fair to her especially as you were both working all day, having had someone there for the first 10 years of her life, she may well have not coped with being alone for such long hours in a strange place, so what you did wasnt selfish you did the best thing for Molly at the time.

Do not beat yourself up about you leaving being the cause of her blindness and deafness, it would have likely happened anyway being a collie cross you can get deafness and eye problems in the breed. So due to her age as well at the time, it would probably have happened anyway, making it even harder for her to adjust in a new home and being left for long periods, so it was the right thing leaving her where she knew and was familiar.

She was a very old lady and once they reach great years you will see them start to get health problems some we can treat and manage others we cant and when that happens and they havent any quality of life anymore we have to do the last and only thing that we can do to prevent their suffering and pain and let them go.

Ive wished all three time that mine would drift off peacefully in their sleep too,
but unfortuantely that very rarely happens. Although it is very destressing they do drift off peacefully and it is very quick with the aid of the medication.

You will go through many emotions, terrible sadness and loss, guilt that you had to do what you had too, and distress that you may have got it wrong, and even fraustration and anger and helplessness that you could do nothing to make her better this time. Its all very normal and something we all go through.

Molly was a big part of your life for a major part of the years you have lived and its only natural that you will miss her. In time though it does get better and you learn to cope. You will never forget her and she will always remain in your thoughts and memories. In time you will realise that you did the best for her by setting her free from any pain and suffering.

The Blue cross and Society for companion animal studies do run a pet bereavement support service, they give confidential support understanding and information for grieving pet owners. You can contact the support line on
0800 096 6606 or e-mail [email protected] You can also if you want to in time create a memorial at www.bluecross.org


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## Summersky

Everything you are feeling is prefectly normal, and all part of the grieving process. Your leaving didn't make her go deaf or blind. It would have happened anyway, but you probably noticed the deterioration more, not having daily contact with her. She was a very old dog.

Molly was a member of your family, so you are bound to grieve heavily. If you feel swamped, do contact a pet bereavment service. They really will understand.

For now, just take a day at a time. Gradually, it WILL get easier. You will never forget Molly, and eventually you will be able to look back with fond memories instead of sadness.


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## welshjet

Hugs to you xxx

Run free Molly, nows your time to be a guardian angek to your family from afar xxx

I can only echo what sled dog & summersky have said.

I had suki when i was young. i moved away and lived abroad for a fair few years.

When i had settled, as much as i would have loved her to have been with us, i felt it wouldnt be fair as she was so old.

Im not going to lie , i hurt like hell and cried at the drop of a hat and still do cry, but now, i think i cry because i do miss her and would give anything to have her back.

Shes in my garden as near to me now as she can be, shes in a raised area with all flowers tbat attract butterflies and she would have loved it.

I feel tearful, i go and sit on the wall area where shes by, and have a chat

Yes i miss her, and it still hurts, but theres nothing i can do, but i am so grateful that i had thr most fantasic 22 years which i know she loved with her xxx


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## SheilaMac

Hi, I know exactly what you are going through. As others have said you will feel all sorts of different emotions, and the grieving process takes a different time for everyone. There was nothing you could have done about your lovely dog's illnesses, she was just getting to be a lovely old lady - I had a border collie a small one who live to be 14 and she was my whole world. It is 10 months since I lost her and I still miss her terribly. I put a post on here about it and the people here have been lovely replying to my post, they know exactly what you are going through having been there themselves. I contacted the Blue Cross bereavement help line by phone once and then several letters back and forth and now email, they are just so helpful and it helps to re-read their replies when you are down. A book called "Goodbye Dear Friend" by Virginia Ironside is very helpful too. This grieving process will take however long it takes for you, everyone is different. Cry if you want to, when you are able to of course. Take care xxx


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## MrsLen

Thank you so much for all your kind words. Today is the 5th day since Molly passed and I am still struggling but I know from experience that things will get better in time. I just wish I could fast-forward!!

I know that we did the best we could for her right to the end and I know that I will love her forever, which means that in a way she will live forever. And I believe that she will be waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge when it's time for us to meet again.

I wish I could stay at home and just cry and cry until there are no more tears left but unfortunately, life goes on. I will post again in a few days to let you all know how I'm getting on. 

Lots of love
xxxxx


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## Guest

No matter whar the cause, when we love and lose, we feel immense guilt. Guilt we are alive, guilt we could not prevent something, guilt we didn't know, guilt we knew and could do nothing. Guilt that we could not hold and stop the hands of time. Even when we know we could do nothing.

I always feel that the greatest comfort is in saving another animals life. I always get one or two animals that were going to die, and whilst I am still shattered, I get a huge comfort from seeing those animals start to recover, and blossom. I also rehome, so these animals may be temporary, but through me, they leave physically well, and far calmer and happier, and I endeavour to find them a home better than me. 

I always get comfort from saving an animal in memory of my loved animal. Perhaps you could donate for an animals operation, at a rescue, or donate food, in your dog's name. It gives great comfort. and I always think my loved animals would be moved and be happy with such a gesture.


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## Summersky

I think that to do something in Molly's memory is a great thing to do - but do be careful not to take on another pet too soon, as they can never take Molly's place. Wait at least a few months for that. 

Perhaps you could share some photos here- we would love to see them. 

Molly will ALWAYS be in your heart.You shared great times together, and no one can take that away for you - ever. I lost my one and only dog a long time ago, but I still remember him as clear as it was yesterday.

For now, keep busy, with whatever works for you. Grief can't be hurried, and we all have to take our own path. But people DO understand, so you are not alone.


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## Calvine

MrsLen said:


> Hello all
> 
> I am brand new to this forum and this is my first ever post. I apologise in advance as its going to be a long one  I have a lot to say.
> 
> It is now 4 days since our beloved dog Molly had to be put to sleep and I am really struggling to cope. My family got Molly as a tiny baby when I was about 17 and I am now 33. She was a white collie-cross (we always struggled to keep her clean!) with a very distinctive face as she had one blue eye and one brown eye. She was beautiful in every way and I adored her and I cant believe shes gone. She was the family pet but when I lived with my parents I did everything for her and I walked her every night so she was mostly mine. She saw me through some of the toughest times in my life and I will forever be grateful to her for that.
> 
> I moved out of my parents house about 6 years ago so Molly would have been about 10 at the time and I feel such guilt about this because it seemed like she went downhill after I left home. Whether this would have happened if I was there or not, Ill never know but I feel horrible about the timing. I moved into a rental property with my boyfriend (now my husband) and I wasnt allowed pets. I probably could have got my landlord to agree to Molly moving in with us but I didnt feel it was fair to uproot her from the home where she had always lived, plus my husband and I work full time so she would have been alone all day whereas there is always someone in at my parents house. Pretty much as soon as I moved out, Molly started to go blind then gradually she went deaf too. Over the last 12 months she has deteriorated more and more and lost loads of weight because everything she ate or drank just went straight through her so at the end she was pretty much skin and bone.
> 
> On Thursday just gone, my mum rang me to tell me that it was time. Molly had had enough. She was very very old and had no quality of life any more. Even the vet was shocked at how old she was because apparently its very rare for a big dog to live that long. Mum and I took her to the vet where they put her to sleep and I have been distraught ever since and feel like this grieving will never end. I always had a feeling that it would come to this  I had hoped that she would just pass away in her sleep but I guess it just wasnt meant to be. It is a testament to how strong our baby was that she had lived this long.
> 
> I feel so many things  guilty, bereft, selfish. I just dont know what to do with myself.
> 
> I feel guilty because the decision should have been made months ago. I left this up to my mum and dad because I didnt want to be the one to make the decision to have Molly put to sleep but now I regret this because I know in my heart this should have been done at least 6 months ago and she has been suffering all this time. I wish now Id had the courage to step up and make the decision. I hate myself for allowing her to suffer for so long. My mum is also beating herself up because she knows it should have been done months ago and I have tried to comfort her but my grief is completely overwhelming me at the moment.
> 
> I feel guilty because my poor baby had no idea that her time was about to come to an end and I hate having had that power over her. Even though everyone keeps telling me it was the best thing we could do for her, I still feel like a murderer. I also feel guilty because Im worried that she was in pain at the end. The vet had to put a catheter in her paw to administer the medication (which we left the room for thank God) and her paw looked a bit bloody. Then when the vet actually put the medication in, Molly reacted briefly and I cant stop thinking that this caused her pain. It was very very quick  any one of you has been through this will know how quick it is  but it still kills me inside to think that she might have been in pain, however briefly and I cant stop replaying the scene over and over in my head.
> 
> I feel bereft because I cant believe shes gone. I hate the fact that death is so final and Im never going to see her or hold her ever again. My baby is gone and I feel like Im all alone in the world. I have been crying on and off ever since Thursday morning and it is now Monday lunchtime nearly and I feel like Im cracking up or something. I feel all alone in my grief because I can tell that my husband is starting to think its time for me to get over it now and I cant. So Im crying all the time and I cant talk about why Im upset. And now Im at work and I cant just sit here crying all day so I have to hold it all in and pretend Im OK when all I want to do is howl and scream about how much this hurts and how unfair the whole thing is.
> 
> My head knows that Molly has gone to a better place and shes at peace now but nothing is helping me feel better. I know all about Rainbow Bridge etc but its too painful for me to read at the moment because  selfishly, I know  I want Molly here with us.
> 
> Is it normal for me to be feeling this way? I keep telling myself that its early days yet and after having her for 16 years its bound to take a while to get over it but the way my husband is being towards me is making me think otherwise. Am I over-reacting? Is there anything I can do to speed up this process?
> 
> Any advice would be very gratefully received.
> 
> Thank you for listening.
> 
> xxx


Poor you. 16 is a great age, really it is. My Bloodhound was 12 and the vet told me I was "doing well to get him into double figures". One of my cats is now 15.5 years and is starting to look slightly frail...have had him since a kitten, he is not in pain, eating well, still being a total drama queen but just a bit wobbly when he walks. He tells me (in no uncertain terms) when he wants to use his tray and as yet we have managed to help him to use it. He spends much of his time in his bed and he purrs all the time so I am leaving it at that. As long as my baby is not in pain he will stay here with us...me and his feline friends.


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## springerpete

Everyone of us on here will know what you're going through and will be able to empathise with how you're feeling, we've all been through it, some of us, myself included, on too many occassions. It never is easy to say goodbye to a loved companion, but I promose you. it will get easier and the day will eventually come and you'll be able to look back and cherish the memories of your dog with fondness rather than grief 
Take care,


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## northnsouth

Perfectly normal feelings, Molly was clearly loved a great deal.

Here you will find lots of us who understand. You have come to the right place to share your emotions. I hope it will help you.


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## MrsLen

Thank you all so much. Today is the 6th day and I had a little cry on my way to work this morning and I have a lump in my throat now but so far so good. Day by day it's getting a little easier to bear.

I got in touch with the Blue Cross pet bereavement service yesterday and received a lovely email from a lady named Wendy who said some very comforting things. She said the reason I am not coping is because my grief is being overshadowed by misplaced guilt but that there is no guilt to feel. She said that Molly deserves to be remembered with a smile and she is absolutely right so that is what I am going to work towards. My husband says that I should mourn Molly but also be happy for her because she is now happier than she has been in a long time so that is what I will try to do.

I am trying so hard to be brave and to be positive. I just pray that Molly wasn't aware of what was happening to her, but I hope that she knew we were with her and that she was surrounded by love. 

I am quite angry about the experience that we had at the vet because I felt the staff were not sympathetic at all. I don't think I mentioned in my original post that just after Molly passed we had to wait at the desk to pay the bill and I could hear them shaking out a body bag. I felt that that was completely disrespectful and wished they had waited until we left.

Anyway, today I have made a small donation to the Blue Cross. I also love the idea of donating some food or something to our local animal shelter in Molly's name, and I am also thinking I might create a lasting memorial somewhere - my garden maybe so that I can go and remember her in my own way. This is all for the future though of course as I am far too raw to organise this now.

I feel at the moment that I will never get another pet as long as I live. I don't ever want to go through this again. Plus, I'm hoping to start a family soon and I would never want to put any child of mine through something like this. 

Thank you all again for helping me through this. Can anyone tell me how I can post some photos please?

xxxxx


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## Sled dog hotel

Im glad that you dound the Blue cross beravement service a help and are coping a little better now.

I was bad how the vet handled it I must admit and certainly didnt help with your grief and am so sorry you had to go through that and it was very disrepectful. How the vets handle things can make the situation even worse or dealt with in the right way easier. So you do have a right to be angry the way it was handled. Mine dont make you pay when it happens they send a bill later even though for other treatment you have to pay on the day, so that was bad. When one of mine was PTS at home they took her back after but brought a pink soft blanket to wrap her in. So with a little thought they could have made things at least a bit easier for you.

It might help for you to write to the practice manager and complain that you were not happy with the way the situation was handled and the things they did, its not going to make the situation better granted, but you may find it will release some of the anger if you make your feelings felt. It may also ensure in Mollys memory that other people in the same situation dont be subjected to the same treatment and help you at the same time to release the anger and anguish of what you went through at the time.


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## MrsLen

I have thought about writing to them to tell them what they did was wrong but I didn't know if I was just angry because of what has happened, or if I was right to think that they were disrespectful.

I think I will write to them but anonymously as I don't want to enter into any kind of correspondence with them and at the end of the day there's nothing they can do to make things better for me. All I can hope for is that they learn from it so that, as you say, no one else has to experience what we did.

xx


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## Sled dog hotel

MrsLen said:


> I have thought about writing to them to tell them what they did was wrong but I didn't know if I was just angry because of what has happened, or if I was right to think that they were disrespectful.
> 
> I think I will write to them but anonymously as I don't want to enter into any kind of correspondence with them and at the end of the day there's nothing they can do to make things better for me. All I can hope for is that they learn from it so that, as you say, no one else has to experience what we did.
> 
> xx


You do seem to go through anger and fraustration anyway often as part of the grieving process probably because there is nothing this time that you do to make them better. But the way it is handled by the vets as I said can make things easier or harder still. From what you say they could well have made it easier not as though its something that can be made easier as such, but the way its dealt with can make a difference. It may just help get it off your chest though if you made your feelings felt, sometimes thats better then trying to bottle everything up inside. xx


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## Sled dog hotel

MrsLen said:


> I have thought about writing to them to tell them what they did was wrong but I didn't know if I was just angry because of what has happened, or if I was right to think that they were disrespectful.
> 
> I think I will write to them but anonymously as I don't want to enter into any kind of correspondence with them and at the end of the day there's nothing they can do to make things better for me. All I can hope for is that they learn from it so that, as you say, no one else has to experience what we did.
> 
> xx


You do seem to go through anger and fraustration anyway often as part of the grieving process probably because there is nothing this time that you do to make them better. But the way it is handled by the vets as I said can make things easier or harder still. From what you say they could well have made it easier not as though its something that can be made easier as such, but the way its dealt with can make a difference. It may just help get it off your chest though if you made your feelings felt, sometimes thats better then trying to bottle everything up inside. xx


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## jill3

I am so sorry for your loss of molly.
I think what Sled Dog Hotel said is very true.
We once had very bad treatment from an emergency vet and sadly our Molly Perkins our British cream cat died the next Day.
What he said to me played on my mind for months. 9 months later I rang and complained about him.
I know it was such a long time but I felt so much better and I did it for our Molly. She deserved so much more.

What your vets did was very disrespectful at the very least they should have waited until you had left and also they could have arranged to take your payment later when you were ready to.

R.I.P Molly and run free at Rainbow Bridge where one Day you will all meet up againxx


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## Big bully

Bless you. (((((( hugs)))) from the slobbering duo. Xxx


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## MrsLen

I've been thinking about it overnight and I'm going to write to them today. Our baby deserved the best and I don't feel that she got it. The more I think about it, the more unhappy I feel about the way we were treated and I want to try and prevent it happening again. I don't think they understand that their job is not only to look after the animals but to look after the people who love them too and there is so much they could have done to make the experience a little easier for us. 

I have to say I am finding this forum so helpful and I am so grateful to you all for helping me through this experience. Even though your kind words bring me to tears every time, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've said. I'm crying again now!

I can't believe a whole week has passed since our baby went to Rainbow Bridge. The loss of her physical presence is still killing me but the thought of Molly running free, young and strong again, is bringing me some comfort and each day is getting a little easier.


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## Sled dog hotel

The loss of them physically not being there is one of the hardest things to get used too. Especially when they have been such a big part of your life for so long. It is the most awful sad feeling, but in time you do adjust, and accept they are gone, although when you are going through it, it does seem that you will never be able to get over it and used to the loss.

She will always be with you in your heart and memories, and in time instead of thinking of her with sadness and loss, eventually you will find that you will remember her and realise you have a smile on your face at the memories instead.

She had a lovely long life with you, although of course however long we have them it is never long enough. Im sure though that she had a wonderful life with you and knew she was much loved.


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## Sampuppy

I am so sorry to read of how distraught you feel because of your loss. I can only agree with what other people have said and tell you that my thoughts are with you at this sad time.


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## MrsLen

I hope she did know how much I loved her and I hope she can see now how much I miss her. 

xxx


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## Sled dog hotel

MrsLen said:


> I hope she did know how much I loved her and I hope she can see now how much I miss her.
> 
> xxx


Im sure she did, and with the experience with the ones Ive lost I really do believe that when things have gotten too much for them and the quality of life isnt there anymore, they are almost relieved and want to go as well.

I have lost several family members after terminal illness and seeing the pain and suffering, and with humans we dont have a choice but have to go on with it until naturally its time maybe in a way we should be glad that with our dear beloved dogs we dont have to let them linger and suffer like we do and they dont have to go through it, and instead we can set them free from that pain and suffering.


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## 1966 kerry

Im so sorry for the pain you are feeling, I had to put my beloved dog down in July it was sudden and he was only six, Its a horrible decision we all have to make and its heartbreaking when we do, My heart goes out to you as i know the pain and guilt you are feeling, we will always question our decisions and beat our selves up about it, dont hurry your grieving . Try to think of the good times at what a fabulous age she was. My heart goes out to you take care


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## MrsLen

Hello all

Well, it is 2 weeks today since our beloved Molly was put to sleep. I have cried every day without fail and my heart constantly aches because I miss her so much but I just wanted to let you all know that I am doing much better than when I first posted here. For any of you that are grieving, I want you to know that it DOES get better and you WILL be able to move forward, I promise. During those first few days I thought I would never be able to stop crying and that I would never get over the loss of our lovely old girl but I'm happy to report that I am doing OK. I am still hurting but I am moving on.

Loving Molly has enriched my life in so many ways and I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have known such a beautiful creature. She deserves to be remembered with a smile for all that she has given me - and I hope that wherever she is, she will be do the same for me.

I once read somewhere that a great love is one that changes you and I would say that the human/dog bond is definitely a great love. Molly will always be a part of who I am. I wish we could have kept her with us always but I know that she is with me in spirit and I will love her for the rest of my days.

xxxxxx


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## Calvine

I can't believe they wanted to be paid on the day that Molly was put to sleep, mine wait a couple of weeks and then send you a bill with a letter of sympathy. I think that was very insensitive of them. That cannot have made you feel any better. You should write to them and tell them they should change the way they handle things.

i hope things are getting better for you.

xx


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## MrsLen

Calvine said:


> I can't believe they wanted to be paid on the day that Molly was put to sleep, mine wait a couple of weeks and then send you a bill with a letter of sympathy. I think that was very insensitive of them. That cannot have made you feel any better. You should write to them and tell them they should change the way they handle things.
> 
> i hope things are getting better for you.
> 
> I know, the whole process was horrendous to be honest. I wonder if it was because it wasn't our regular vet so they didn't want to let us go without paying. Or maybe they are just heartless.
> 
> I did end up writing to them but I didn't give them my name and address. I suggested that their staff brush up on their people skills and that in future they should think about maybe creating a separate waiting area for people who are their to have their pet put to sleep. I also suggested that in future they take the payment upfront before the procedure so that afterwards people can leave immediately, as we would have liked to.
> 
> They'll probably just chuck my letter in the bin but at least I got it off my chest.


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## dexter12

i need to stop coming on here whilst at work i end up sitting at my desk crying lol glad your feeling better my westie got put down 10 years ago now and i still stugle to look at pics of him without crying. 
xx


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## MrsLen

Oh no, poor you. I have cried at work so much these past couple of weeks that no one even takes any notice any more! 

I don't think it ever really goes away does it? You learn to cope and you have no choice but to move on because that's just life, but you never really get over the loss of a pet.

xx


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## LittlePaws AnimalRescue

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and know how you feel.

I rescued a cat from a shelter in 2006, I was told he was so ill he would only live 6 months at the most. Well he lived with me for 4 1/2 years and he was my little shadow, slept in my bed with me and had everyone wound round his little paw.
He took over our lives and our hearts from day 1.
Then in october 2010 he got so ill we knew it was time to let him go. When I picked him up he just looked into my eyes and then laid his head on my shoulder as if to say 'it's ok mum, I'm ready to go'
The shelter's vet where we got him from had treated him up til then so we went there for his final journey.
I have to say that day was the most upsetting of my life. I held him as he went to sleep for the last time and thought my heart would break there and then 
He was 22 years old.

I'm in tears writing this now!
I still miss him so much and it's almost been 2 years.

It does get easier and the pain goes away mostly but I dont think we will ever forget those animals that were so special to us.


----------



## LPC

I add my condolences. It is very painful when a beloved pet passes over. But you will meet again in due course, be sure of that.

Warmest best wishes to you!


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## sharonchilds

Ive only just read your post, how heart breaking it is to lose our furbabies.
I think most of us understand and have been through such pain that we never really get over it but just learn to live with the big hole in our hearts and in time the good memories will help us cope.

Im so sorry for your sad loss. x


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## Summersky

I hope you are doing OK. It's still such early days.

Your experiences will help you to help other people in similar situations - another gift and legacy from Molly.

You were treated shabbily by your vets. Ours are much more sympathetic. When our cat was put to sleep a few years ago, we stopped to pay, but were told there was absolutely no need at that point. we were given all the time we needed in the surgery, and everybody - vet, assistant, receptionist, could not have been kinder. If they know, they also leave a double appointment, so nothing is rushed, and there is time for a proper goodbye.

Our vets also send a hand written "sympathy" card afterwards, which is lovely, especially because each one is personalised - they know some of our pets very well!

I am glad you wrote to yours, and I hope it makes them think, and that they change what they do for others. I just wonder if the bereavement people you contacted have any info/advice for vets,on supporting people,that they could send out to your vets. 

Never be frightened to put your name to something another time though - had you got an unsatisafactory reply to your comments, you could have then gone through the proper complaints channel with the RCVS. 

take care


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## MrsLen

Maybe I should have given them my name and address. I did think about it but there is nothing they can do or say to make me feel better and I really didn't want to enter into a correspondence with them because it's all far too painful at the moment. I'm happy that I've said my piece and what they do with it is up to them.

I managed not to cry yesterday but then as soon as I read all your kind words on here I am in tears again! I wonder how long it will be before I can stop crying at the drop of a hat!

x


----------



## Sled dog hotel

MrsLen said:


> Maybe I should have given them my name and address. I did think about it but there is nothing they can do or say to make me feel better and I really didn't want to enter into a correspondence with them because it's all far too painful at the moment. I'm happy that I've said my piece and what they do with it is up to them.
> 
> I managed not to cry yesterday but then as soon as I read all your kind words on here I am in tears again! I wonder how long it will be before I can stop crying at the drop of a hat!
> 
> x


The grieving process takes time, and everyone has different ways with dealing with it, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Although you keep crying at times, try to look on it as a release of your sadness, although it doesnt seem like it now, in time you will remember her with smiles instead of tears xx


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## SheilaMac

Hi, everyone on here has posted such kind words and support. When I posted on here recently, I received such kind words and support too. Grief is a process we all have to go through when our loved animals go and it takes different times for all. I lost my loved border collie Tess end October last year, she was 14 and I we had been together since she was six months old, and almost a year on I still miss her terribly, talk to her, have her things round and although have got a bit better just cannot seem to move on properly. Blue Cross suggested that I make up a memory box for her with some of her things in, which I will do when ready. She died suddenly after having a bad tummy for a week, though I had taken her to the vets about it, they thought that she had had poss a tumour that had suddenly burst. A year on I still have an ache in my chest and like you say can cry anytime. The book Goodbye Dear Friend by Virginia Ironside is such a help as well. This forum is great and people's words mean so much. Sheila x


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## Summersky

Dear Mrs Len, and all others who have recently lost a dear friend - I hope today is kind to you, and along the way, you find something to smile about. It's OK to smile awhile, and not something to feel guilty about, even when you are gireving - our friends are forever in our hearts, and nothing can take that away.


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## MrsLen

SheilaMac said:


> Hi, everyone on here has posted such kind words and support. When I posted on here recently, I received such kind words and support too. Grief is a process we all have to go through when our loved animals go and it takes different times for all. I lost my loved border collie Tess end October last year, she was 14 and I we had been together since she was six months old, and almost a year on I still miss her terribly, talk to her, have her things round and although have got a bit better just cannot seem to move on properly. Blue Cross suggested that I make up a memory box for her with some of her things in, which I will do when ready. She died suddenly after having a bad tummy for a week, though I had taken her to the vets about it, they thought that she had had poss a tumour that had suddenly burst. A year on I still have an ache in my chest and like you say can cry anytime. The book Goodbye Dear Friend by Virginia Ironside is such a help as well. This forum is great and people's words mean so much. Sheila x


This forum has been an absolute life saver for me and I am so incredibly grateful for the help and support I have received. It is just so comforting to be able to pour my heart out and know that people understand exactly how I feel. I can't actually talk about Molly without dissolving into tears so I have been a bit withdrawn since it all happened. I can't talk about her to my husband because I really don't think he would understand - he doesn't even know that the Blue Cross helped me (another amazing organisation). And I don't have many close friends at work either, plus I'm afraid that if I mention how I'm feeling someone may actually utter the dreaded phrase "it's just a pet" and I wouldn't be able to handle that.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Tess. 14 years is a very long time isn't it and I'm not surprised at all that you still ache for her, especially when she passed away so suddenly. A memory box is a lovely idea for when you are feeling stronger. I visited my parents a week ago last Friday and it was the first time I had been back since Molly passed away and all her things were gone. Mum and Dad are a lot stronger and more resilient than I am and I completely understand why they have thrown everything away so quickly - because they want to move on - but it was still awful and I was in floods of tears again. It's just something else for me to feel guilty about. The only things I have now are photographs and thank God I had the presence of mind to take some while Molly was still with us. I have one in a frame by my bed at the moment just so I feel that she is near me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MrsLen

Summersky said:


> Dear Mrs Len, and all others who have recently lost a dear friend - I hope today is kind to you, and along the way, you find something to smile about. It's OK to smile awhile, and not something to feel guilty about, even when you are gireving - our friends are forever in our hearts, and nothing can take that away.


Thank you so much. Aren't we so very lucky to have known such beautiful creatures in our lives, even if they were with us for too short a time? Even as I'm crying because Molly is no longer with us, I'm smiling because I love her and will be forever grateful to have had her in my life.

xxxxxxx


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## Summersky

I am glad that you have your photos, but please don't think for a second that that is all you have - you may not have much tangible, such as her collar and lead, but you have something far more precious - you have and will always have Molly in your heart, and the memories of your growing up - and for her, growing old together. One way to preserve those memories, as well as on here, is in a little book, when you are ready - just little jottings - places you used to go - her funny ways - include the photos too. You will be surprised how many little things will come back to you.

I am sure that your parents are missing her too, they are just dealing with it in a different way. Getting rid of the daily reminders is probably one of their ways.

You are right in thinking that not everyone will understand - even those close to us, sometimes - but remember, you are the lucky one - you had, loved and were loved by Molly. 

and don't be surprised, if, when you least expect it, you feel that she is with you - she will be. And that is a precious feeling. XX


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## MrsLen

Summersky you always know the right thing to say! Even if you do make me cry every time!

I don't know if I've already mentioned this but a friend of mine is a big believer in the 'white feather' theory - where, if you see a white feather, it means that your deceased loved one is trying to tell you they are OK and thinking of you. My friend lost her father a couple of years ago who she was very close to and now she sees white feathers everywhere. I'd never experienced anything like that but the day after Molly passed away, I was on the bus on my way to work - crying my eyes out - and a little white feather flew onto the window and stayed there for a little while. I like to think it was our Molly trying to let me know that she is OK and not to worry. 

xxxxxxxx


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## Summersky

Oh dear - never meant to make you cry!!

I am quite a sceptic, but I have had my own personal experiences, and I KNOW them to be true -so I would say trust your instincts on this one. She will still be around, just out of reach for now. XX


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## SheilaMac

Hi, everyone deals with grief differently. Almost a year on I still miss Tess my small wonderful border collie dreadfully. I still have her lead hanging up, her balls on the floor, her box of ashes on my bedside table and occ find myself talking to her, though I still always say goodnight and good morning to her, hug her fluffy bed that is always on my bed - I obv cannot move on at the moment. I live on my own, so as I have said prev on another post, I guess Tess meant a lot more to me because of this in some ways. It is awful when our pets die and it feels like a there is a great big hole in our hearts and we can cry at any time. I wish they could live as long as we do and be with us till we die, but I know that is selfish! Best wishes to all x


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## MrsLen

I'm having a bad day today. Yesterday was pretty bad too. 

I can't believe how much I'm struggling still. I was doing so well too. 

:sad:

xx


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## Kiwi

My heart goes out to all of you suffering this type of grief. Not sure it helps but I truly believe that nature is incredible and that we are all 'prepared' (if that makes sense?) for our departures - especially animals who are closer to nature. It is a journey that we all have to make and even with our loved ones behind us (they suffer the worst) but we all make it alone, without pity or regret. It is a natural closure to one part of our existence and love makes it easier because we are never 'lost' in the process. We become a shared part of those we leave behind. Whatever happens before your pet dies, it does not detract from the love shared which endures beyond physical death. At least that's what I choose to believe...


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## xxlaylalooxx

Bless your heart!! blubbering while writing this, we lost our yorkie when he was 16 and i remember not wanting to move for weeks i missed him so much still do! it will take time, cry as much as you want, better out then in as i see it. Thinking of you xxx


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## Calvine

MrsLen said:


> I'm having a bad day today. Yesterday was pretty bad too.
> 
> I can't believe how much I'm struggling still. I was doing so well too.
> 
> :sad:
> 
> xx


Some days it suddenly comes back and hits you and you feel awful again. There are days when you need to grieve for them again. My neighbour had her little Cindy (cat) for 18 years and Cindy died five years ago. If I suggest to her that she might foster for the charity I foster for she gets totally tearful and says she thinks it would be disloyal to Cindy for whom she is still grieving. It was just the two of them since Cindy was a kitten so they are like family. But I would like her to take a foster cat (or two kittens as a) I think it would snap her out of her depression and b) I know the kits would be spoilt to bits.


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## LPC

MrsLen, if you ever want a sympathetic ear, you are welcome to contact me via PM or my website (see profile).


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## Summersky

So sorry you are having a bad spell - that is so sadly normal. There are reminders everywhere, aren't there. and sometimes, it is easy to forget - then, suddenly you have to face the realisation of loss all over again.

Be as kind to yourself as possible - keep busy, treat yourself, help someone, volunteer, enjoy the sunset - or a sunny day, if one ever comes - , marvel at the lovely autumn colours..... All the tiny things will help you through. 

Have you made a little memory box? 

And don't be afraid to talk to her either.

Hang on in there.


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## Summersky

Hi Mrs Len,

I hope today was a better day for you.


----------



## Staysee

Just read this and shed a few tears, silly us lot ey?


Please dont listen to anyone if they ever say 'Its just a pet' or if they tell you to get over it, loosing a pet is just as painfull as loosing a human family member, cos its still death or someone you loved dearly, so thats why we grieve so much for them!

I've lost 3 cats in my life....first cat toffee to a car, he was 2 years old, but i was too young to understand grief, i cried a bit but got on with it....but now 15 years later i can cry my eyes out thinking of him.

Smokey our rescue persian, she had cancer the vet told us, she got ill and we went on for a month trying to find out what was wrong with her, trying to hand feed her...thinking every morning we'd wake up and find her dead, she had to be pts on the operating table, it was kindest. We felt bad, just like you did cos we let her go on altho she was ill, but we were trying to help her, if we knew from the word go it was cancer we woulda done something sooner and stopped her suffering, but we couldnt know and neither could you, i still bawl over her.

And then Lewis who we lost at the start of the olympics to a car, thats still very painfull to think about and its been 2 months now. During the olympics i cried at every medal we won, didnt help another of our cats was seriously ill either, he's hopefully ok now tho!



You and your parents gave molly and fantastic life filled with love and joy, or else she wouldnt of gotten to the age she did. You all loved her dearly and altho you may kick yourself for not acting sooner, whats done is done now and she is at peace at the bridge, theres so many other dogs up there for her to play with, lots of pet forum dogs who she can become friends with.

It will take a long while to "get over it" as i guess you could call it, days, weeks and even months as someone posted about her neighbour....years! You just do as you see fit, come here and post whatever you want, i sure did following the days of losing Lewis. Use the blue cross, use us to speak too aswell cos we all fully understand what your going through and will help you in anyway we can.

Remember molly as a puppy, remember her quirks, any little noises she used to make that were unique to her, these little things may make you cry, but they will also make you smile and dont feel bad about smiling or laughing when remembering her, cos she had a great life and thats to be celebrated.

*huge hugs!!!!*


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## little blublu

:frown:Singing::sad::sad::sad:


MrsLen said:


> Hello all
> 
> I am brand new to this forum and this is my first ever post. I apologise in advance as its going to be a long one  I have a lot to say.
> 
> It is now 4 days since our beloved dog Molly had to be put to sleep and I am really struggling to cope. My family got Molly as a tiny baby when I was about 17 and I am now 33. She was a white collie-cross (we always struggled to keep her clean!) with a very distinctive face as she had one blue eye and one brown eye. She was beautiful in every way and I adored her and I cant believe shes gone. She was the family pet but when I lived with my parents I did everything for her and I walked her every night so she was mostly mine. She saw me through some of the toughest times in my life and I will forever be grateful to her for that.
> 
> I moved out of my parents house about 6 years ago so Molly would have been about 10 at the time and I feel such guilt about this because it seemed like she went downhill after I left home. Whether this would have happened if I was there or not, Ill never know but I feel horrible about the timing. I moved into a rental property with my boyfriend (now my husband) and I wasnt allowed pets. I probably could have got my landlord to agree to Molly moving in with us but I didnt feel it was fair to uproot her from the home where she had always lived, plus my husband and I work full time so she would have been alone all day whereas there is always someone in at my parents house. Pretty much as soon as I moved out, Molly started to go blind then gradually she went deaf too. Over the last 12 months she has deteriorated more and more and lost loads of weight because everything she ate or drank just went straight through her so at the end she was pretty much skin and bone.
> 
> On Thursday just gone, my mum rang me to tell me that it was time. Molly had had enough. She was very very old and had no quality of life any more. Even the vet was shocked at how old she was because apparently its very rare for a big dog to live that long. Mum and I took her to the vet where they put her to sleep and I have been distraught ever since and feel like this grieving will never end. I always had a feeling that it would come to this  I had hoped that she would just pass away in her sleep but I guess it just wasnt meant to be. It is a testament to how strong our baby was that she had lived this long.
> 
> I feel so many things  guilty, bereft, selfish. I just dont know what to do with myself.
> 
> I feel guilty because the decision should have been made months ago. I left this up to my mum and dad because I didnt want to be the one to make the decision to have Molly put to sleep but now I regret this because I know in my heart this should have been done at least 6 months ago and she has been suffering all this time. I wish now Id had the courage to step up and make the decision. I hate myself for allowing her to suffer for so long. My mum is also beating herself up because she knows it should have been done months ago and I have tried to comfort her but my grief is completely overwhelming me at the moment.
> 
> I feel guilty because my poor baby had no idea that her time was about to come to an end and I hate having had that power over her. Even though everyone keeps telling me it was the best thing we could do for her, I still feel like a murderer. I also feel guilty because Im worried that she was in pain at the end. The vet had to put a catheter in her paw to administer the medication (which we left the room for thank God) and her paw looked a bit bloody. Then when the vet actually put the medication in, Molly reacted briefly and I cant stop thinking that this caused her pain. It was very very quick  any one of you has been through this will know how quick it is  but it still kills me inside to think that she might have been in pain, however briefly and I cant stop replaying the scene over and over in my head.
> 
> I feel bereft because I cant believe shes gone. I hate the fact that death is so final and Im never going to see her or hold her ever again. My baby is gone and I feel like Im all alone in the world. I have been crying on and off ever since Thursday morning and it is now Monday lunchtime nearly and I feel like Im cracking up or something. I feel all alone in my grief because I can tell that my husband is starting to think its time for me to get over it now and I cant. So Im crying all the time and I cant talk about why Im upset. And now Im at work and I cant just sit here crying all day so I have to hold it all in and pretend Im OK when all I want to do is howl and scream about how much this hurts and how unfair the whole thing is.
> 
> My head knows that Molly has gone to a better place and shes at peace now but nothing is helping me feel better. I know all about Rainbow Bridge etc but its too painful for me to read at the moment because  selfishly, I know  I want Molly here with us.
> 
> Is it normal for me to be feeling this way? I keep telling myself that its early days yet and after having her for 16 years its bound to take a while to get over it but the way my husband is being towards me is making me think otherwise. Am I over-reacting? Is there anything I can do to speed up this process?
> 
> Any advice would be very gratefully received.
> 
> Thank you for listening.
> 
> xxx


----------



## little blublu

I sent you a very nice long message but it looks like it has been lost on here so sorry for your loss think happy thoughts of your Molly in time you will feel better Molly wouldn't want you to be sad would she....take care we are so soppy arnt we for our animals It was upsetting for me writing this to you having read your story of molly I do hope you feel better soon you take care.... Xx


----------



## tashax

I too know exactly how you are feeling. My old girl meg had cancer and i still think i should have made the decision earlier than i did. My vet was brill, he hugged her and talked to her whilst it happened as did i. After she was gone he carried her like a baby into the back. He didnt even charge me for out of hours call or having her pts. 

This helped me a lot when meg died 

I'm Still Here

Friend, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, friend, I'm everyplace!

Author Unknown


----------



## MrsLen

Hello again everyone.

Thank you - as always - for your support. I really do appreciate it.

It's the strangest thing. I woke up on Sunday morning thinking about the exact moment poor Molly left us and all of a sudden it was like it was happening all over again. As I've said before, I know it was the best thing for her but I hate the fact that we had that power over her. I keep torturing myself thinking about how she must have felt and what actually happened to her. The more logical part of me knows that she was fed up and that she was ready to leave but I still feel horribly guilty about it. My head knows we did the right thing but my heart doesn't seem to want to catch up! 

I finally broke down in front of my husband the other night and when he asked me what was wrong the answer was simple; I miss Molly. I think I am also traumatised by the whole experience too. Plus I am exhausted because all I want to do is cry all the time and it is so tiring having to hide how I feel. My husband doesn't really understand, bless him, because he doesn't know the full story. He doesn't know what it feels like to watch someone precious die, and he doesn't know about the horrible experience we had with the vet. I will tell him one day but not right now. I still can't talk about things without crying.

I haven't made a memory box or book yet, I just can't. I definitely will do so in the future but just not yet. I guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time.

Thank you again guys. Your support means a lot to me.

xx


----------



## MrsLen

Summersky said:


> So sorry you are having a bad spell - that is so sadly normal. There are reminders everywhere, aren't there. and sometimes, it is easy to forget - then, suddenly you have to face the realisation of loss all over again.
> 
> Be as kind to yourself as possible - keep busy, treat yourself, help someone, volunteer, enjoy the sunset - or a sunny day, if one ever comes - , marvel at the lovely autumn colours..... All the tiny things will help you through.
> 
> Have you made a little memory box?
> 
> And don't be afraid to talk to her either.
> 
> Hang on in there.


I get upset every time I go to my parents' because I keep forgetting she's not going to be there. I guess though after 16 years it will take me a while to get used to that!

xx


----------



## MrsLen

Staysee said:


> Just read this and shed a few tears, silly us lot ey?
> 
> Please dont listen to anyone if they ever say 'Its just a pet' or if they tell you to get over it, loosing a pet is just as painfull as loosing a human family member, cos its still death or someone you loved dearly, so thats why we grieve so much for them!


Thankfully no one has uttered that dreaded phrase to me yet! Probably because I've been keeping my feelings to myself. I hate to think what I would do or say if anyone did say it! In my book, grief is grief - I lost my nan a few years ago to cancer and I can honestly say that the grief I feel now is no different to how I felt then.

xx


----------



## MrsLen

tashax said:


> I too know exactly how you are feeling. My old girl meg had cancer and i still think i should have made the decision earlier than i did. My vet was brill, he hugged her and talked to her whilst it happened as did i. After she was gone he carried her like a baby into the back. He didnt even charge me for out of hours call or having her pts.
> 
> This helped me a lot when meg died
> 
> I'm Still Here
> 
> Friend, please don't mourn for me
> I'm still here, though you don't see.
> I'm right by your side each night and day
> and within your heart I long to stay.
> 
> My body is gone but I'm always near.
> I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
> My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
> as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
> 
> I'll never wander out of your sight-
> I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
> I'll never be beyond your reach-
> I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.
> 
> I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
> and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
> I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
> The clear cool water in a quiet pond.
> 
> I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
> The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
> I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
> and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.
> 
> When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
> you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
> I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
> and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
> 
> I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
> and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
> I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
> Just look for me, friend, I'm everyplace!
> 
> Author Unknown


Your vet sounds AMAZING! That's how it should be! And thank you for the beautiful poem. I love the part where it says 'when you think no one loves you, you can talk to me through the Lord above you'.

xx


----------



## Staysee

MrsLen said:


> Thankfully no one has uttered that dreaded phrase to me yet! Probably because I've been keeping my feelings to myself. I hate to think what I would do or say if anyone did say it! In my book, grief is grief - I lost my nan a few years ago to cancer and I can honestly say that the grief I feel now is no different to how I felt then.
> 
> xx


Exactly, its still loosing someone you love so for anyone to ever think it isnt, well they have no heart.

A pet is not just a pet, they become family no matter how long or short a time they are with you and the feelings when they go are just as strong as when loosing a human family member, maybe it may feel worse cos they couldnt tell you they were hurting or tell you it was time to go. Thier lives are entirely in our hands and if something like this happens, you are wracked with so much guilt in what you could of done or should of done that it makes it ten times worse.

Sorry if that made you feel bad again, but my point is its ok, cry...be angry, be frustrated, be quiet....do whatever you want to help yourself. She is fine now and i bet she has already made dozens of friends up on rainbow bridge and she is having a blast!

She got a good long life with you and your parents, that will eventually come through and you'll remember her with happier tears, just when your ready 

Please feel free to pm me if you wanna chat some more


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## Staysee

Worth a listen, from me to you


----------



## delca1

I have just read through this for the first time, I am so sorry you have lost your beloved Molly.

It's been 7 months since I had Jaz put to sleep, I can now talk about her with dry eyes and remember her with a smile. It will get easier time does heal, huge ((((hugs)))) to you 

RIP Molly, run free at the bridge xxx


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## Summersky

I think that grief is such a lonely lonely road, even with people to talk to, and there is no fast route - but you will get through it. We recently lost a family member, but everybody seems to be at different stages at different times, and the tiniest things trigger memories. 

I think that sleep helps you forget awhile, but then when you wake up, it can be that sudden realisation that is so horrible. That might be what happended to you. Gradually that does fade. 

I find that keeping busy helps - then I can deal with things in small bursts. Busy can be anything - just keeping the mind occupied. I find it easier to be around people too, cos you have to put a face on. Bit of an act really, but sitting around thinking makes me worse.

Dear Mrs Len, hang on in there. Not everyone will understand, but there are plenty that will. This will pass, and you will then have your happy memories.


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## MrsLen

Keeping busy is definitely the key! I couldn't face going to work today - bit naughty of me, I know, but I am just too exhausted. I knew I had to keep busy though to keep my mind occupied so I cleaned my whole house! I cried all the way through but the house is now sparkling ha ha. 

xx


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## tashax

MrsLen said:


> Keeping busy is definitely the key! I couldn't face going to work today - bit naughty of me, I know, but I am just too exhausted. I knew I had to keep busy though to keep my mind occupied so I cleaned my whole house! I cried all the way through but the house is now sparkling ha ha.
> 
> xx


I lost my nana last monday. Thankfully i have the 7 cats, dog, ferret and 4 hand rear kittens to keep me busy. My mum, sister, her husband and my brother have all learnt how to knit and crochet since my nana died, just trying to keep busy


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## MrsLen

Staysee said:


> Worth a listen, from me to you


This is lovely, thank you so much xx


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## delca1

Good for you, work will keep  I was fine at work, it was a great distraction but if someone was too nice to me the flood gates opened. Luckily for me most are pet owners and were so caring and kind.


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## MrsLen

There is only one woman at work who understands how I feel and she has been really lovely but I find myself trying to avoid her because, as you say, as soon as she is nice to me the floodgates open!! 

xx


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## MrsLen

tashax said:


> I lost my nana last monday. Thankfully i have the 7 cats, dog, ferret and 4 hand rear kittens to keep me busy. My mum, sister, her husband and my brother have all learnt how to knit and crochet since my nana died, just trying to keep busy


Bless them! They must make quite a picture all sitting there knitting!!

I'm sorry about your nana.

xx


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## tashax

MrsLen said:


> Bless them! They must make quite a picture all sitting there knitting!!
> 
> I'm sorry about your nana.
> 
> xx


I will admit walking into my mums, they were all sat round the table, knitting needles in hand watching tutorials on youtube, was the first time since my nana died that i actually laughed


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## MrsLen

Brilliant! Laughter through tears is one of the best emotions. 

xxx


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## tashax

MrsLen said:


> Brilliant! Laughter through tears is one of the best emotions.
> 
> xxx


And talking like this, just about life and laughter will help you through this

xx


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## Calvine

MrsLen said:


> Hello again everyone.
> 
> Thank you - as always - for your support. I really do appreciate it.
> 
> It's the strangest thing. I woke up on Sunday morning thinking about the exact moment poor Molly left us and all of a sudden it was like it was happening all over again. As I've said before, I know it was the best thing for her but I hate the fact that we had that power over her. I keep torturing myself thinking about how she must have felt and what actually happened to her. The more logical part of me knows that she was fed up and that she was ready to leave but I still feel horribly guilty about it. My head knows we did the right thing but my heart doesn't seem to want to catch up!
> 
> I finally broke down in front of my husband the other night and when he asked me what was wrong the answer was simple; I miss Molly. I think I am also traumatised by the whole experience too. Plus I am exhausted because all I want to do is cry all the time and it is so tiring having to hide how I feel. My husband doesn't really understand, bless him, because he doesn't know the full story. He doesn't know what it feels like to watch someone precious die, and he doesn't know about the horrible experience we had with the vet. I will tell him one day but not right now.  I still can't talk about things without crying.
> 
> I haven't made a memory box or book yet, I just can't. I definitely will do so in the future but just not yet. I guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time.
> 
> Thank you again guys. Your support means a lot to me.
> 
> xx


I am so sorry you are still having such bad days. I have not contacted this lady myself, but was recommended by a friend. She is called Pea Horsley and the site is animalthoughts.com. She can (supposedly) communicate with animals who have passed over; she also can help in locating missing animals. As I said, this is not a personal recommendation from me, but a sensible friend was astounded by her gift. Take a look at the website anyway, and think about it. Sorry you are still so distraught. xxx


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## Summersky

Personally, I think you will feel and know when Molly is with you, and won't need anyone else. She will be around.

As regards work, I can hold things together until, like you say, people are nice - then I crumble - so I just ask people just to carry on as usual, and I find that really helps.

Glad the house is ***** and span -thank Molly for that!

Once you get some decent sleep, you will feel more able to cope with work, and once you are there and occupied, it will give you a little respite. Gradually, you will probably find that you have a certain time of day - or in a particular place - when you think of Molly; then it will become easier for you to cope with day to day life.

If you feel that things are really beginnig to overwhelm you, do contact one of the pet bereavment services. They will understand.

Loved the song by the way.


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## sharonchilds

Staysee said:


> Just read this and shed a few tears, silly us lot ey?
> 
> Please dont listen to anyone if they ever say 'Its just a pet' or if they tell you to get over it, loosing a pet is just as painfull as loosing a human family member, cos its still death or someone you loved dearly, so thats why we grieve so much for them!
> 
> When my Rosie died i had 5 others cats, someone said to my husband..Well she has 5 others
> I think i would of punched them if they had said it to me, Rosie was only 8 and i miss her so badly even after 9 weeks.
> 
> Like you, MrsLen, i still cry everyday. Its the silly things i miss


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## MrsLen

Some people are so stupid aren't they? As if having 5 other cats makes up for the fact that one has passed away! You would be perfectly justified in punching them in my opinion. 

While I don't enjoy crying every day, I tell myself that every tear that falls is testament to my love for Molly. 

I think at first I was in too much of a rush to try and speed up the grieving process but now I realise that it takes time to move on so I'm just going to roll with the punches. I reckon that's all any of us can do. And at least we all have this forum to help us.

xx


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## Staysee

How you been doing hun?


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## MrsLen

Staysee said:


> How you been doing hun?


Much better, thank you. Still having a little cry every now and then and I think about her all the time but I'm doing OK 

xxx


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## Colliebarmy

MrsLen said:


> Oh no, poor you. I have cried at work so much these past couple of weeks that no one even takes any notice any more!
> 
> I don't think it ever really goes away does it? You learn to cope and you have no choice but to move on because that's just life, but you never really get over the loss of a pet.
> 
> xx


Dear MrsLen, Im a 58 year old bloke, ex-miner, taxi driver, 6ft tall, and i still have a sob over our Sadie, had her 12 years, lost her in 2001 (October 18th), we had 5 kids and she had 7 in our time together, if you didnt care that would a tragedy, but your dog was loved and will live on in your heart, the pain does subside, but never goes away totally, remember your dog on her good days.....


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## MrsLen

Colliebarmy said:


> Dear MrsLen, Im a 58 year old bloke, ex-miner, taxi driver, 6ft tall, and i still have a sob over our Sadie, had her 12 years, lost her in 2001 (October 18th), we had 5 kids and she had 7 in our time together, if you didnt care that would a tragedy, but your dog was loved and will live on in your heart, the pain does subside, but never goes away totally, remember your dog on her good days.....


I will, thank you. It's crazy the effect our pets have on us isn't it? I don't think I'll ever be able to talk about her with shedding a little tear!

x


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## Summersky

You will - in time ....... and the memories of the times you shared will be good.

It will just take a while.

Like you say, you can't rush it, just go with it.


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## Colliebarmy

it is odd that ive shed far more tears over my old dog than over my own mum who died july last year, maybe im just a doggy-person


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## MrsLen

Colliebarmy said:


> it is odd that ive shed far more tears over my old dog than over my own mum who died july last year, maybe im just a doggy-person


I've been thinking quite a lot about this because when my nan died a few years ago, I was very upset as you can imagine but I bounced back a bit quicker than I seem to be doing at the moment. I think this is because animals - and dogs in particular, I think - are so pure and innocent that it hurts more when they have to leave us. Molly only ever looked at me with pure trust and love, she never judged me, was always pleased to see me, was completely loyal and was generally happy with her lot in life. However much we love them, I don't think we can say the same for humans. Human love is a little bit more complicated!


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## thorex

I know how you feel right now, my darlings (two brothers) Thor and Rex have been at the Rainbow Bridge for nearly two years and I tell you know -it never gets easier-,they took a piece of my heart with them and I will never get it back.
I have their ashes at home and many people tell me I should let the ashes go, but I can't :nonod: :crying: that is the only thing left on my babies.

Don't feel bad because you are upset, because you feel a constant pain in your chest, because you want to scream your lungs out....it is normal.
Just remember your baby is waiting for you and sooner or later you will be together again.. that is what keeps me going...
*Until we all meet again.*


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## Staysee

My mum admitted to feeling more sad loosing our Smokey [cat] then loosing her own father....sure both were as painfull as hell, but loosing the cat seemed worse.

I think what makes it worse is that they totally rely on us, they cant say "my belly hurts" "i have an ache" "it hurts when i swallow" etc so they rely on us to make sure they were well and not suffering and when it comes to that time when you have to make a decision, your making a decision on that animals life, this one that has trusted you with its life....well now its life is well and truly in your hands. Obviously the kindest thing to do is to let it go to rainbow bridge, but it cant tell you its hurting to make your choice easier, it cannot truly express in ways were understand [well we kinda do] how its feeling and being the one who has to take care of it, earn its trust and love, then to be the one to decide to ends its life....its wrong. But it comes with having pets....atleast with a human they can spea, say thanks, say they are hurting etc but an animal cant....i think thats why its worse.


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## MrsLen

thorex said:


> I know how you feel right now, my darlings (two brothers) Thor and Rex have been at the Rainbow Bridge for nearly two years and I tell you know -it never gets easier-,they took a piece of my heart with them and I will never get it back.
> I have their ashes at home and many people tell me I should let the ashes go, but I can't :nonod: :crying: that is the only thing left on my babies.
> 
> Don't feel bad because you are upset, because you feel a constant pain in your chest, because you want to scream your lungs out....it is normal.
> Just remember your baby is waiting for you and sooner or later you will be together again.. that is what keeps me going...
> *Until we all meet again.*


This is exactly how I feel actually - like Molly has taken a bit of me with her and I am no longer the same person.


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## MrsLen

Staysee said:


> My mum admitted to feeling more sad loosing our Smokey [cat] then loosing her own father....sure both were as painfull as hell, but loosing the cat seemed worse.
> 
> I think what makes it worse is that they totally rely on us, they cant say "my belly hurts" "i have an ache" "it hurts when i swallow" etc so they rely on us to make sure they were well and not suffering and when it comes to that time when you have to make a decision, your making a decision on that animals life, this one that has trusted you with its life....well now its life is well and truly in your hands. Obviously the kindest thing to do is to let it go to rainbow bridge, but it cant tell you its hurting to make your choice easier, it cannot truly express in ways were understand [well we kinda do] how its feeling and being the one who has to take care of it, earn its trust and love, then to be the one to decide to ends its life....its wrong. But it comes with having pets....atleast with a human they can spea, say thanks, say they are hurting etc but an animal cant....i think thats why its worse.


I think you're absolutely right Staysee. Never again do I want to have to make a decision as hard as this has been.

Sorry for the delayed response, I've been on my hols. I thought I'd leave all my troubles behind but I was wrong! I had a few little cries on my sun lounger ha ha.


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## koolchick

When you feel ready another dog may help of course no dog can ever replace one you lost but it can give you something positive to focus on. In July I was in a serious car accident and lost my dog in it out of 4 dogs I've lost this has been by far the most upsetting. I still sometimes get upset over him but I've now got a Boarder Terrier pup that is helping me. 

Of course only get another dog when you feel ready and its probably best to get a different breed or colour dog to the one you lost so you don't try comparing them. My last dog was Boarder Terrier cross Jack Russell black and tan so now we he a brown Boarder Terrier well will be brown.

There are things he does that my last dog did and I find it comforting. There is a few things that I wantmy pup to copy my other dog with. Jumping into my arms is 1 but he's too small yet and temperament which is main thing. My other dog was the best temperament I've ever known in any dog. Up to now my pup seems same but can't tell because he can't have walks til next week, but he sniffed at another dog in vets and no aggression at all so good start.


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