# Adoption regret - how do you know if you've made a mistake?



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

Hello everyone, this is my first post on this forum - I'm hoping to get some advice about my cat adoption-regret.

I adopted two 5-year old British Shorthairs just a week and a half ago, and while I think they have adjusted to living with me quite happily, I'm having serious doubts about whether I want to keep them. I'm a first-time pet owner, and Rocky and Teddy are pretty much everything I thought I was looking for in cats - they're affectionate, well-behaved, and indoor-only.

The trouble is, I'm finding my flat really claustrophobic with them in it - I'm used to being by myself, and I didn't realise that cats would disturb my equilibrium in the way they have. I just can't imagine them being here permanently, and the flat feels far too small (although, as I've said, they themselves do seem happy with it).

I've been in touch with the rescue I adopted them from to let them know that I may need to re-surrender them, but I don't want to jump the gun if it is just a matter of me needing more time, as I've wanted cats since I was little, and I do really like Rocky and Teddy (I just keep wishing that they'd live somewhere else!)

Has anyone experienced any similar serious doubts and got over them? I can't imagine feeling any differently with more time, but then, this is a new experience for me.

Thanks in advance for reading/responding.


----------



## OrientalSlave (Jan 26, 2012)

It is a big change in your life - you have to feed them, scoop their trays, groom them, play with them and generally organise your life around them. However I'm not sure less than 2 weeks is enough to decide.


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

Thanks for your reply OrientalSlave - I think (although it's hard to know for certain!) that I was prepared for the big change to my life. My issue, as I see it, is more with sharing my limited space with the cats, and it's something that I definitely wasn't expecting to feel so negatively about.

(I feel like I should reiterate that the cats are indeed lovely, and it's definitely a clichéd 'it's me, not you' situation!)


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

I think you need to give it a lot longer before you decide! It's a shock to the system and so many changes need to be made at home but you hopefully will soon get in a regular routine and everything should settle down. How long did it take you to make the decision to adopt?


----------



## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

It is a major change and I'm sure many a new pet owner, has got home and thought 'Oh my goodness, what have I done?' I've even thought it when I've brought in a new cat that didn't settle straight away.
Give Rocky and Teddy a little longer and you'll soon be wondering what on earth it was like without them


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

I agree with the others, you should perhaps give it longer. I understand it can take a bit of getting used to having a cat (or cats) sharing your space if you are used to living alone. 

It sounds as though Rocky and Teddy are friendly, very well behaved and respectful of your home, which is lovely.  . Could we see some photos of them perhaps?


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

I'm going to go slightly against the others here.
I honestly think if you are feeling at this stage that you have possibly made a mistake then it may be better for all concerned that you return the cats to the rescue before they become too settled.
I'm a firm believer in "gut instinct" so if you feel like this now the chances are that in time you are going to resent them invading your space.
Perhaps taking on 2 cats as a first time pet owner you are asking too much from yourself.
I wish you well in whatever you decide .


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

buffie said:


> I'm going to go slightly against the others here.
> I honestly think if you are feeling at this stage that you have possibly made a mistake then it may be better for all concerned that you return the cats to the rescue before they become too settled.
> I'm a firm believer in "gut instinct" so if you feel like this now the chances are that in time you are going to resent them invading your space.
> Perhaps taking on 2 cats as a first time pet owner you are asking too much from yourself.
> I wish you well in whatever you decide .


I actually did think that just one cat would have been a better option.


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

*Buffie* and *Soozi* - yes, I think one cat might have been better for me (I went for two as I was concerned about a solo being lonely while I was out at work).

I hear what you're saying, *buffie*, about it being better to move them before they get too settled - that's partly why I want to make a decision soon. However, they have settled very quickly with me, so I'm hopeful that they would do so again in another home if I decide not to keep them.

Thanks for all your thoughts, everyone - I've been talking the ears off friends and family so it's good to get extra impartial advice.

(And I'll try to post some photos of Rocky and Teddy later - they are adorable, so I want to show them off for as long as I do have them )


----------



## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

I am going to be honest and say I am struggling to understand the issue that you have and why you didn't anticipate it.

You say they are affectionate settled and well behaved (I think you have been very lucky in that regard!) so what are they doing that disturbs you? are they sitting in your favourite chair. are they wanting to sleep on your bed, are they demanding attention when you are trying to eat? is there more time involved in caring for them than you anticipated? even older cats who sleep more do require a fair amount of your time for feeding, litter changing, playing with etc. I would guess we would usually take a pet into our home as a companion, to become a member of our family (even if there is just you and the cat!) but also on the understanding that they are sharing our space, our home is their home, I feel sad that you are viewing them as guests who have outstayed their welcome.

I hope I am not coming across as being critical or negative, I am just trying to understand what you thought life was going to be like with the cats and what the reality has turned out to be!


----------



## 1CatOverTheLine (Apr 17, 2017)

I have to throw in with the majority, though for a different reason. Buffie's remark about, "gut instinct," is, I think, quite right - but you _initial _instinct was to adopt two beautiful cats. You've not shared your reasons for adopting them with us, but something said to you, "get a couple of cats; it'll be fun."

As to the rest, it _will_ be fun, given some time and a bit of adjusting. We often read posts about cats needing time to acclimate; people - first time pet owners, especially - need time to adjust as well. It's the same with a new motorcar, a new telephone, or a new cheaper brand of peanut butter you've bought because the cats cost so much to keep; give it some time, and soon or late, you'll be shifting Rocky's gears smoothly, and making long-distance calls on Teddy as though by second nature.

Of course, you can't drive a British Shorthair, nor send texts from them either, but as for being Loved by cats, it's the easiest thing in the world - and the Love they give is boundless, and not offered in the miserly fashion of your fellow Humans. Shown even the faintest trace of affection, a cat will Love you completely and unabashedly. If ever you find a better deal than that, don't hesitate to take it. Nothing in Life has more value than having once been Loved completely.

.


----------



## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

I'm inclined to agree that 2 cats could be too much for you. The 2 you have seem to have a strong bond with each other so being quite independen of you, is that right ? 
My advice - take them back , think about what you want from a cat and then consider adopting an older cat who just wants to snuggle up and keep you company.
My brother made the mistake of replacing his docile old cat with a one year old spitfire - he couldn't cope at all !


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

Elaine b37 said:


> I am going to be honest and say I am struggling to understand the issue that you have and why you didn't anticipate it.....


Hi Elaine,
No - you're not being too critical at all - your questions are all very reasonable. Honestly, I hadn't anticipated the issue because I realise that I'm having quite an irrational reaction. I didn't adopt on a whim, and did put time into considering space and time issues etc, and wanted them to become part of my family, so this has come as a complete surprise. I also feel really sad that I'm not enjoying being their owner - I _want_ to want them to stay.

That's really why I posted the question - to see if other people have had the same (admittedly bizarre) feeling, and whether it's surmountable.


----------



## Gwen9244 (Nov 10, 2012)

It is a huge change suddenly having to look after two cats - we got Tilly and Tara in November 2012. It was a massive shock to have two tiny creatures to feed, pooper scoop, play with and just generally look after but, it is the best decision we ever made. They give so much back - they make me laugh every single day with their antics and kitty cuddles are the absolute best. I would say that if you don't see yourself adjusting to the changes then it might be better to rehome them but don't give up on them too quickly.


----------



## Babyshoes (Jul 1, 2016)

My instinct is to say give it another week or two - but don't keep questioning yourself constantly in that time as there will obviously be ups and downs, just get on with the day to day stuff and set yourself a reminder on your phone or calendar to check on your feelings at that point.

As others have said, any completely new experience feels alien at first, but in a while you get used to it and come to enjoy it. It's probably harder to deal with when it's so unexpected, as you obviously thought about this carefully before going ahead and were probably all excited about them coming home... 

From the cats' point of view, as long as they went elsewhere as a bonded pair, they would probably settle in fairly easily again - it sounds like they are a lovely laid back pair of cats. 

Oh, and ditto on the request for photos!


----------



## Emmasian (Aug 22, 2015)

Prior to getting Freya and Teddy I'd lived happily alone for a couple of decades, not responsible for or to anyone. All of a sudden I had these two babies who were dependent on me to basically keep them alive, and who shared the space I once occupied alone. It seemed like every minute I wasn't with them I felt guilty, but I was feeling so stifled by putting it on myself that I should be with them constantly, that I was desperate to get away from them. Until we settled down into a proper routine I actually felt slightly unhinged by their presence and like I'd made a terrible mistake that I couldn't reverse without everyone judging me.

I'd taken 3 weeks off to get them settled, and it was only when I went back to work and established a proper routine and realised I could balance my life again, that I started to adore them and have fun with them. I got so keen we added Rafa to our family shortly after and 18 months on I couldn't imagine being without them and would happily add a couple more.

Give yourself time, establish a routine, and try to enjoy them. Get a flying frenzy and watch them charge about after it - hilarious. Good luck xxx


----------



## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

buffie said:


> I'm going to go slightly against the others here.
> I honestly think if you are feeling at this stage that you have possibly made a mistake then it may be better for all concerned that you return the cats to the rescue before they become too settled.
> I'm a firm believer in "gut instinct" so if you feel like this now the chances are that in time you are going to resent them invading your space.
> Perhaps taking on 2 cats as a first time pet owner you are asking too much from yourself.
> I wish you well in whatever you decide .


I agree.

I could perhaps understand if the cats were a nightmare settling in, but they sound like they are very easy going and no trouble at all, so perhaps it was just a bad idea in the first place.

Better for the cats to go back sooner rather than later because it will be very unsettling for them and they may miss the opportunity of a suitable forever home in the meantime.

If you do return them I would think very long and hard if even a single cat would be advisable. It's a huge commitment and you need to be sure.

Perhaps get some fish? After my cats passed away and before I was in a position to get my dog I had some goldfish in one tank and cloud minnows in another. Whilst they aren't cuddly  it's just nice to have something alive in the house if you are alone. They are relatively easy to look after (but do have specific needs) compared to cats or dogs.


----------



## Tigermoon (Apr 2, 2013)

Some first time parents experience similar feelings because one minute its just you and your partner doing whatever you please, whenever you please then suddenly BAM! there is another person muscling in, demanding food, demanding interaction, demanding cleaning, all at the most inappropriate moments! Although cats don't need quite the same amount of 'hands on' aid as a baby suddenly you have to remember to feed them, brush them, play with them and sort out their litter. Anyone who has had a cat pass away will tell you that there is a sudden yawning gap in their lives, because the mere presence of another living being, which is unable to do things for itself living with you, does create a 'shift' within the household dynamics.

To be fair until you've owned a cat you will be unaware of the things that cats do that the rest of us take for granted. I can honestly say I have never bought a cat home and then felt it was the wrong thing to do. However I think before you rush to return these cats, think carefully about what it is that you find odd/disturbing about them being there. For example, do you find the way they look at you unsettling (my aunt still hates it when her cat sits staring at her and she's had cats her entire life)? Do you not like the way they move? Do you find the look or smell of their food unpleasant? Sit down and carefully write your feelings down. Some things you may well get used to (as all us Cat Chatters have), others you may be able to change, and of curse there will be some you can't do anything about.


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

@Willower you have received some really great advice with differing opinions but all constructive. I do hope you make the right decision as it's a big commitment and one you need to be completely happy and comfortable with to be able to move forward with or without the cats.


----------



## Bilai (Jun 3, 2015)

I think that when we first got Milo as a first time pet owner who had only recently begun enjoying my own home, I also went through a teeny bit of what you're going through, though not quite to the same extent.

For me it was the shock of suddenly not doing things as freely as I once did - having to close doors to diff parts of our apartment at night whereas before we always had all doors open, he played a lot at night which would wake me up, I felt a little trapped as I thought we couldn't go out as much because we had him...

But in truth these were just adjustments to be made - both for us and for him. He's older now so all doors except the kitchen are open, he tends to sleep through the night now and with a timed feeder for dinner we're also now just as social as we always have been. 

I can honestly say that there is no way I can imagine my life without Milo - perhaps if you give yourself a little time, you'll feel the same about Teddy & Rocky too.


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

Thanks again for all your advice everyone - I'm not going to try not to make any hasty decisions, but I'll be keeping Rocky and Teddy's welfare strongly in mind (I agree that I don't want to keep them too long if I am eventually going to surrender them).

Here are Rocky and Teddy (Teddy is the dark grey, Rocky the light one). Apologies if these come out massive - wasn't quite sure how to insert pictures!


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

Willower said:


> Thanks again for all your advice everyone - I'm not going to try not to make any hasty decisions, but I'll be keeping Rocky and Teddy's welfare strongly in mind (I agree that I don't want to keep them too long if I am eventually going to surrender them).
> 
> Here are Rocky and Teddy (Teddy is the dark grey, Rocky the light one). Apologies if these come out massive - wasn't quite sure how to insert pictures!
> 
> ...


Oh my goodness! I just couldn't give those two boys up! They are an absolutely handsome pair. Aside from everything you are feeling at the moment if you haven't completely fallen in love with them then it might be better to give them a chance with people who will really love and care for them. They deserve it.


----------



## urbantigers (Apr 13, 2014)

Rocky and Teddy are lovely (and I love their names)

I kind of know what you mean. I have 2 indoor cats in a small flat and they are THERE. Evrywhere. They dominate the space. If they aren't visible (or making a noise) their stuff is there. Everywhere. I love them to bits and wouldn't have it any other way but I understand what you mean by it being claustrophobic. It's really hard to know whether this will pass or not but I do think they deserve a bit more time so that you can find out. I have active, in your face cats and one, in particular, can bear quite needy and sometimes I just want to be left alone! But mostly I don't want to be left alone and love having them around. If they are not there, at a Cattery or the vet, the place seems so empty without them. I lived alone before I had cats and I never considered myself lonely but now I can't imagine the place without them.

BSHs are fairly laid back cats I think? Give them a bit of time to become part of the furniture and I'm sure you'll find yourself missing them when you're out of the house. If not, then at least you know you gave it a good try. After all, like others have said, you took them on in the first place because you wanted them and the rescue must think you can give them a good home.


----------



## Reets (Feb 19, 2014)

What incredibly handsome boys. They just need a little loving


----------



## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

Oh my word :Cat They are absolutely gorgeous


----------



## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

My goodness they are lovely cats!!
I always think that 2 British are better than one British if you go to work.
We have 3 and work from home. We started off with one cat when we first got married. Then we had two and now for the last I don't know how many years we have had 3 cats.
I think you get use to them being a round and if they are like mine we are never alone in the bathroom or bedroom there is always one.
They are absolutely gorgeous cats and I do feel a little sad for them.
Maybe in the future you could move to a bigger flat? x


----------



## Orla (Sep 16, 2015)

Oh wow, they are beautiful. I think the analogy earlier regarding first time parents is a good one to keep in mind. It is a big adjustment, suddenly having dependents like that, but every single day across the world, people are successfully navigating the transition to parenthood, whether that be to human babies or to furry companions. Sometimes for some people it just takes a little longer than others. I certainly had those 'what have I done' thoughts when my boy cat came to join the household, and I already had 1 furry living here. But if you asked me now to give him up, there is no way I could, and he hasn't even been here 4 months yet. 

I think I would be tempted to give them a little longer and see how you feel when a month is up.


----------



## AmsMam (Nov 25, 2014)

I thought I knew what having a cat was like before I adopted Ams, I'd grown up with cats and couldn't wait to bring her home. It still took us a bit of time to adjust to having _her_ - but she's very much part of our family now.


----------



## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

I have probably had moments of panic over each and every cat I have ever brought home....but then I have done it so many times that I know to interpret those worries as just part of my tendency to over think things.
You come across as a very level headed and clear thinking person, not someone who seems to be struggling with insecurities or anxiety ( I could be wrong there of course) so I am inclined to agree with @buffie and suggest that you do return them to the rescue.
They are two stunningly beautiful cats and should attract another owner pretty quickly so you should not feel guilty ( but don't expect the adoption fee back either! ) I don't see the point in you stressing yourself to try and feel more attachment or enjoyment in these cats...it is not in either your interest or theirs.
Perhaps if you lived in a bigger property with cats who had outside access then you might not feel so crowded in by the presence of two animals, but your circumstances are what they are and it seems that your feelings are unlikely to change.


----------



## Bertie'sMum (Mar 27, 2017)

I second the "they are gorgeous" comments ! 

I have recently adopted a pretty little tabby following the passing of my Harrycat (18 years old). I'm having similar doubts about keeping Missy but for completely the opposite reasons to yours ! She is totally self-sufficient and doesn't want my company at all, nothing like any of the other cats I have had in the past ( and there have been quite few in the last 65+ years). She's been here nearly two months now and I hardly know she's here; the only time she approaches me is when she wants feeding or someone to play with her - she definitely is NOT a lap-cat, doesn't like being touched at all and even if I just speak to her she gets a huff on and walks out of the room with a swish of her tail. Mind you it's a completely different story when there is a man about (workman, gardener etc) then she goes into extreme "flirt" mode - THEY get all the headbutts and roll-over tummy displays !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Add to the mix that she came to me with health problems (unknown at the time) and I find myself in a position where I don't think I can cope, emotionally, with another long term sick cat (I nursed my Harrycat through 3 years of CKD, Pancreatitis and severe arthritis before he was PTS at the end of February). But at the same time I feel guilty even thinking about returning her to the rescue centre.


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Hi and welcome.

I am very sad to hear what you are going through.

I think the advice to give it a bit more time (another week or two) is perhaps the best for the moment. Rocky and Teddy sound adaptable enough that they should settle quickly again IF that is ultimately what happens. And I'm sure they would be snapped up quickly as they are sooo beautiful.

I do think going from no pets to pets is a big change in your life and if you don't cope well with change then it's bound to be a bit stressful. Personally I think you would feel the same if it were just the one. They would probably "need" you more and be more demanding of your time and attention. Also if you go to work it really isn't fair on having on one being alone all day.

I can't remember who said it but I do think you should sit down and write a note of what is it exactly that you don't like about having them in the flat. Is it that they are time consuming? Or you don't like them waking you up? Or that it's irritating having to feed them or play with them? Or you don't like the smell of the litter tray? Or having to vacuum more often.......Really try to pin point what the issues are. Some things may be helped with advice from the forum some things there may not be an answer.....

Seeing the various things written down may help to clarify the points that are bothering you.

Then for the next week try to focus only on Rocky and Teddy's good points. Having their company. Being affectionate towards you. Making you smile when they play. Bringing down your blood pressure by stroking them etc etc.

One other thing - have you got plenty of toys and scratching posts for them to keep them occupied and stimulated? Couldn't see from the photos...

Give it another week or two then see how you feel. Hopefully you won't even need to look at that piece of paper but if you still do then it probably means cats aren't for you.


----------



## Gwen9244 (Nov 10, 2012)

Wow they are absolutely gorgeous.


----------



## claire8234 (Mar 8, 2013)

Hi. This is a sad situatuion for you and the cats. Did you not realise what having cats in a flat would be like? I dont mean that nastily at all, just wondering what exactly you were expecting from having them thats all. If you are having these feelings after only a week then to be honest I dont see what is going to change to make this work. I would contact the rescue and ask to return them - stressing it is no fault of the cats and not look at getting another cat. These look like such gorgeous cats and tgey deserve a home that will adore them and want them to be part of the family/household.


----------



## crystalwitch (Mar 27, 2017)

Willower said:


> Hello everyone, this is my first post on this forum - I'm hoping to get some advice about my cat adoption-regret.
> 
> I adopted two 5-year old British Shorthairs just a week and a half ago, and while I think they have adjusted to living with me quite happily, I'm having serious doubts about whether I want to keep them. I'm a first-time pet owner, and Rocky and Teddy are pretty much everything I thought I was looking for in cats - they're affectionate, well-behaved, and indoor-only.
> 
> ...


Hi. You say that you've wanted cats since you were little, and I think that may be part of your problem. Did someone you know have cats, and you loved from a distance? Or did you have an idealised vision of what a cat in your life might be like? I think that something you want for a long time can get built up in your mind to such an extent that the reality can never match the dream. I always used to think of myself as a dog person, and the first cat that I had, around twenty years ago, was because my daughter begged me for a kitten from the vet/animal shelter she had a Saturday job at. I agreed on condition that she cared for it and for the first couple of weeks was not at all sure that this was a good idea but the kitten settled in well, and a couple of months later was joined by another young cat who also settled well. Twenty years and seven cats later, I cannot imagine being without cats in my life and having been miserable for months, following the passing of my last fur baby, have just adopted two 11 year olds who have settled in really well. I think maybe you are a little overwhelmed because you haven't had pets before and if you are really struggling to share your space with them, then it would be kinder for all of you to surrender them but if there is even a small part of you that looks forward to seeing them when you get home from work, it might be worth persevering. They are certainly gorgeous, but then, I think all animals are! Good luck whatever you choose to do.


----------



## Erenya (Jul 22, 2014)

I have a bit of a different view point again. Before I met my OH I lived alone in a flat. It took me a while to adjust to living alone as I never had before, but I did adjust and soon loved it - I liked the peace and quiet and the freedom to do what I wanted and the fact that the space was all mine and there was no noise or stress, just me chilling in my own happy little bubble.

When I used to visit my sister (married with three kids), I actually used to get overwhelmed by the noise and the motion and all the frantic activity - I used to manage about 2 hours and then they'd drive me NUTS! I lived in the centre of Bristol and when friends used to ask to stay over after a night out I'd agree, but by about 10am the next day I wanted them gone! - I felt like they were invading my space. 

I'd gotten so used to my own little bubble that I didn't like it being 'Invaded' by other people.

when I met OH, neither of us were looking for a serious relationship, so we were taking it slow, just hanging out, and so we were only staying over at each others places once in a while - I had an adjustment time to get used to him being in my life before he moved in permanently a year later

I don't know if think your situation is the same as mine, but it does seem to me that maybe you haven't that that adjustment time - and I know we're talking about cats in your space as opposed to humans, but I think the effect could be the same. You've gone from having your own happy, quiet little bubble to having two other living, breathing creatures that are ALWAYS there, demanding food, filling litter trays, needing grooming and playing. They're on your bed and on your sofa and under your feet. Filling your space with their needs and noises and motion.

I think you could adjust - I did - but your environment has altered immeasurably and if you're someone who's always felt very comfortable in that environment that it may take a while for you to adjust to that. 

I will be honest even now I do tend to spend a lot of time on my own, I cook/bake a lot in my kitchen on my own and I'll happily snuggle up on the bed on my own with a book - doesn't mean I'm antisocial, it just means that I like my own space and some peace and quiet. By the time the cats came into our house I was more adjusted about sharing my space and it wasn't such a leap - plus ours have outdoor access so they're not constantly around and it's a three bed house so there's more space to loose yourself in.

I do however think that you need to give it a deadline so that you're not dragging it out - decide in your head how long you want to try for, but I would seriously give it at least 3 weeks if not a month. 

I do hope it works out, they're super cute


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

*Erenya*, you've basically hit the nail on the head there with how I feel about my living space! It is reassuring to hear that people similar to me in that way have managed to adjust.

I also think *Crystalwitch* may be right in that I built up an idealised view of having cats, not having had personal experience of living day to day with them before. I did consider the practicalities, but I think it would have been hard to genuinely understand what impact they were going to have before getting them - I agree I may have been naïve, but I don't think I could have done anything that much differently.

I emailed the lady at the rescue yesterday to say that I may be re-surrendering them, and I've decided to give it until at least this weekend to make a decision (that'll be two weeks, but I may give it three - I want to balance giving myself enough time with minimising disruption to Rocky and Teddy). In the meantime I'm giving them lots of affection, so rest assured they're not going unloved while I'm doing all this dithering!


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

I never intended to be a cat slave. Charlie-girl (the black with white splodges girl in my avatar) came to me unexpectedly several years ago from a couple I knew when their new landlord changed his mind about allowing them to take their cats. Admittedly, I knew her in advance and we got on very well, and also I had experience with my best friends two cats staying with me for a week when she moved house. My house is tiny (open plan downstairs and a single small bedroom and bathroom upstairs) and she was kept in for several weeks before being allowed out, so she was most definitely on top of me the first few weeks! However, she is such a quiet, self contained, loving cat it really wasn't (and isn't) a problem.

Then I made a mistake - Lorelei. Yes, I just called my second cat a mistake, and it's taken me ages to admit it, but getting her WAS a mistake. She came to me as a rescue kitten, mainly because I thought Charlie might be lonely whilst I was out at work and like a snuggle buddy, and as she lived with another cat before I assumed she might like that. And if Lori had been a quiet, respectful cat that might have worked out, but she's not - she's a zoomy, tortie, madcap, noisy hooligan of a semi-longhair mog (nothing like I was told she was, unfortunately, or I wouldn't have taken her from the rescue) with the attention span of a gnat who never learns when to leave well alone. Some of my friends will tell you how close I came to rehoming her at various points when she'd caused yet another spat with Charlie by not leaving her alone despite warning signs, and that was in spite of doing the most careful introductions possible, deploying Zylkene (Charlie is still on a high dose), Pet Remedy, repeating introduction stages etc. Crying myself to sleep was not uncommon. Three+ years down the line, and whilst I love her to bits I still sometimes need to put her outside just to get some peace and quiet for the sake of my sanity. Don't get me wrong, she is a beautiful and loving cat, I love her to bits, and we have lovely purry snuggles for hours too, but she brings a whole new definiton to clingy and persistent! She also annoys Charlie constantly wanting to play, and never learns from the various smackdowns Charlie dishes out when _really_ provoked. Lori seems to be a slow maturing type, so hopefully the next few years will improve things, and although I won't rehome her unless I absolutely have to, I do wish my house was bigger so Charlie could avoid her better (whe we go to my Mums house, which is much bigger, their relationship often improves!). And there are still times when I'd merrily strangle her for mittens! But we manage.  I even get joint snuggles sometimes these days!

I think in your case giving yourself a bit more time is key. Also, don't be afraid to do things like shut them out of your bedroom at night sometimes, or shut them in there for a bit (with the essentials, obviously) to give yourself soem space. I do, if only to get a good night's sleep from time to time! But I'm also very much an introvert and need my alone time, which is why I sometimes insist Lori goes out, or shut her in the bedroom for a bit whilst I'm trying to get something done.

Also consider what space you are providing for them - do you, for example, have a tall cat tree or a cat wall they can climb up and play on? I do, and Lori often enjoys snoozing at the very top for hours in an evening, giving me some quiet time. Likewise, Charlie has a plush bed she adores, and Cleo frame-suspended chaise long bed she loves spending hours on. The more little nooks and hidey holes you can provide, the bigger the chance of them deciding to snuggle up in a fashion that gives you some peace and quiet. A vigorous play session with wand toys to wear them out followed by food helps, too 

Anyway, I do hope you manage to adjust  I wouldn't want to be without my mogs, they're someone to come home to


----------



## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

I am another that loves my alone time. I have had cats most of my life and as an adult have owned various cats over the past 20 years plus. At the beginning of the year I lost my old girl and in the first time in ages was left with just one cat.

Being an anxious boy he really felt the loss of his sister and I was unprepared (though I shouldn't have been really) on how much more time he would want to spend with me when previously he loved his cuddles but was also content to hang out with her.

Despite having cats around for so long, having a cat now permanently glued to me all the time was to start with somewhat overwhelming and the need to have some alone time became strong on occasions. Both if us have now settled quite happily to the new situation butt it did take a good few weeks on both our parts to adjust so I can understand your view point.

I say give it a few more weeks to adjust. Having a living breathing someone there is a change to get used to when previously there was no one be it human or another animal.

I still feel the same way about visitors and even my OH at times so adjusting from being a singleton to a family with two furries is quite a step.


----------



## Gwen9244 (Nov 10, 2012)

I seriously don't pretend that they're easy. I could have an extra half hour in bed in the mornings, I wouldn't constantly be feeding, washing and wiping up food bowls. Battling with tilly and Maisy as they can still have their spats. Being a full time door man as one minute they want to go out and the next they want to come in. They have definitely curbed our holidays but, with saying all of the above, I wouldn't be without them for a second (actually this applies to me and my other half). They have brought a whole new dimension to our lives that I wouldn't trade for the world. I hope that, given time, you feel the same for your two boys because there is nothing more special than a kitty purring for cuddles.


----------



## Chellacat (Apr 28, 2017)

They are beautiful boys! You have been given some wonderful advice here and I do agree from some of my own experiences on several points. I have had cats my whole adult life. On many occasions I ended up a cat mum, purley on acciddent. I think having had cats since my teens prepared my at least a little for being a parent. They take time, energy commitment, both financially and emotionally. But the joy they bring more than balances out. For the most part over the years my cats became like furniture in my home, I could almost forget some days they were even there, especially when my kids came along I was so busy and tired. However, when my last fur baby died, there was a deep chasm, an emptyness that everyone in our home felt that just could not be filled. I was very hesitant to make that commitment again for many reasons, not the least of which being that I felt I had not given the most patient, loving, loyal cat in the world all the affection he deserved in his last years. I had taken him for granted, thinking he would be around forever, it was a shock to find out that he was so sick with cancer that he couldn't be saved. But my children begged for another cat and I missed having one so badly that I gave in. When we got Sasha, it was wonderful, but a few weeks in he was driving me crazy, and not because he was a kitten, but because he wouldn't leave my side, everywhere I went, he went. I had no space at all, he followed my everywhere, all day, every day, cooking, cleaning, toilet, shower, bedtime, chattering away and chirping at me and trying to help in his own kitten way. It was like having a toddler constantly around my feet. This was a new experience for me, all my other cats had sort of just settled in and snuggled when they felt like it when I was sitting down and other than that had their own little lives and their own favorite places to sleep and sit. After about a month I got used to the constant presence at my side, but I really did think for a minute there that I had made a mistake getting a Maine Coon and not realising just how accurate he would be to his breed discription, they really will follow you everywhere, even into the shower. I adore Sasha, he's 14 months and going through his teenage phase, he's not as much of my shadow anymore, but instead of him following me around, I'm following him, or looking for him when I realise he's wandered off without me! Change takes time, but I think the biggest part of getting used to this type of change is creating a strong bond of affection and love, that will see you through any challenge. I got used to Sasha's constant presence simply because even though I felt like my life wasn't my own anymore his antics and affection seemed to make up for it all, in short, I fell in love again. Let yourself fall in love with your cats and I promise you'll feel less crowded.


----------



## spotty cats (Jul 24, 2012)

There's a lot of threads in dog chat about 'puppy blues' when taking on a new dog, many cat owners go through the same but don't seem to talk about it as much. 

Hopefully you just need time to adjust and all will work out for you.


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

Hello everyone,

Just a quick update to say that I've decided to give Rocky and Teddy back to the rescue at the weekend. I'm beating myself up that maybe I haven't given it long enough, but when it gets down to it, I think that the primary issue was about space, and my flat is just too small for me and two cats who don't go outside. I thought about keeping them for longer, but I honestly can't see my thoughts on this issue changing, and it would just get harder to give them up, even though it's for the best.

I'm sure Rocky and Teddy are going to find a loving, permanent home very soon, but I'm seriously moping right now. I do still want to be a cat owner, but I have to give some serious thought to whether that's a good idea. I _think_ I might be more comfortable with a single cat who does go outside (I live on the ground floor, but can't have a cat flap, so the cat would have to be in or out, which was one of the reasons why I was keen on an indoor cat in the first place), but I'm certainly not going to rush into anything - I've learned a valuable lesson with Rocky and Teddy.

Thanks again for all your input - I'm pretty gutted I'm not going to be a cat lady after this weekend, and I'm going to miss R+T despite the fact that I can't be their owner, so any advice on how to get over my mope would be much appreciated!


----------



## Babyshoes (Jul 1, 2016)

That's a tough decision you've had to make, I'm sorry it's not working out for you. I'm sure they'll be re-homed pretty soon though. 

Perhaps if space is an issue, a smaller furry pet might suit better to start with? As you can tell from my avatar, I'm a ferret person. They can make great pets for small spaces (we've had 5 in a 1 bed flat, currently have 3 plus a kitten), but they do need a lot of time and attention too - pop over to the ferret section if you want to learn more! They are quite different to cats in many ways, but have some of the same endearing qualities in that they play like kittens, but are usually a bit less cuddly and of course they don't purr. Rats are also lovely, intelligent pets which being smaller than ferrets take up less space, but they don't live very long at all. Then there are all the other types of small furries which you can cuddle, if that's your main aim of pet ownership.


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

@Willower I'm sorry that you've come to this decision but if it's going to affect you like this by having R&T around then it's for the best that they go to another home where they will be really loved, wanted and part of a family. I'm just not sure that you are ready to take on any cat yet but who knows in the future your situation might change. I think after they go back you need to draw a line under it and move on try to keep busy. You tried but it wasn't to be. Good luck to you.


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

@Willower ,I think you have made the correct decision for you ,Rocky,and Teddy , it cant have been easy to admit , even to yourself that it wasn't working as well as you had hoped.
There is always the option ,if you think it might work , to volunteer with a cat rescue either to care for those in the rescue centre or as a short term fosterer.
I have no idea what , if any, cat experience they may require but if you felt it was something you might like to do you could always contact them and talk it through,it just might help you work out whether or not actually living fulltime with a cat is the right thing for you.


----------



## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Wow! What a gorgeous pair of boys: my guess is that they won't be waiting long for another home. I feed a beautiful BSH for a friend of mine, absolutely adorable nature; I'm always tempted to bring her home with me, I feel such a heel leaving her!. Her mum says she is ''the best thing she ever acquired in her adult life''. She is too.


----------



## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

well I am sad to hear that, I just hope another potential owner will take them both and they are not split up


----------



## crystalwitch (Mar 27, 2017)

Willower said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> Just a quick update to say that I've decided to give Rocky and Teddy back to the rescue at the weekend. I'm beating myself up that maybe I haven't given it long enough, but when it gets down to it, I think that the primary issue was about space, and my flat is just too small for me and two cats who don't go outside. I thought about keeping them for longer, but I honestly can't see my thoughts on this issue changing, and it would just get harder to give them up, even though it's for the best.
> 
> ...


It's a shame, but feeling the way you obviously do, it's probably for the best. I was going to suggest that volunteering at a cat rescue centre might be a way to have the occasional company of cats without the commitment of sharing a home but Buffie beat me to it. You would have the added advantage of getting to know all sorts of different breeds, temperaments, etc and maybe at some point in the future, your circumstances may change and you might have more space or just a bit more experience of the sort of cat/s that you would be happier to have, or as Babyshoes suggests, a different kind of pet might suit you better.. I think it took a lot of soul searching and courage to come to this decision, and I wish you luck in the future.


----------



## Smuge (Feb 6, 2017)

This is sad to hear  they are stunning cats so hopefully they wont have much trouble finding a new home.

I live in a two bed flat, we literally have two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a small hall and a kitchen/diner. I would have loved to get second cat from my breeder but just dont think we have the space for two


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

Elaine b37 said:


> well I am sad to hear that, I just hope another potential owner will take them both and they are not split up


I'm sure they won't be (they were originally 'advertised' as having to go together, and they are obviously bonded).


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

Thank you for that idea buffie and crystalwitch, I might look into short term fostering or another way to volunteer - I don't want to give up the cat dream, but I realise that cat(s) in this flat full time just might not work for me.


----------



## ZoeM (Jul 16, 2015)

Stunning cats. I feel for you and think you're very brave and sensible to do whats right for you, which will eventually be whats right for the cats.

Best wishes to you and good luck R&T x


----------



## Willower (May 3, 2017)

I just wanted to post an update on this thread as I received such helpful advice a few months ago.

After a great deal of thought, I decided that I wanted to try again with one cat this time, and I gave myself plenty of time to prepare, both mentally and in terms of 'equipment'!

So, a couple of weeks ago, Hazel came to live with me! I feel completely different to how I did with Rocky and Teddy, so I definitely made the right decision in giving them back to the rescue centre. Hazel is a crazy kitten, and I'm definitely still having moments of anxiety, but I'm generally feeling very relaxed about having him at home, and slowly getting used to being a cat owner!


----------



## Gwen9244 (Nov 10, 2012)

Hope that everything works out this time. Hazel is a little cutie!


----------



## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

He's a little beauty. Good luck. Don't leave us, we want to see more photos as he grows and know how you're getting on.


----------



## Lisa2701 (May 15, 2010)

Hazel is beautiful! I wish you all the best and hope things turn out well this time. 'Moments' of anxiety are normal at the beginning, as long as the 'most' of the time your happy. Congrats. 

As others have said stick around, there's so much help and advice on this forum that it's an invaluable resource to have, especially if your new to everything.


----------



## blkcat (Jun 28, 2017)

You remind me a little bit of my Dad. He loves cats, he really does. But he's not prepared to make changes to his own routine or environment for them. It makes him very resentful. Fortunately he doesn't have a cat now, but when had one when I was a child.

If making those sort of changes makes you feel trapped, you've made the right decision. A kinder decision. You don't want to be resenting them and not giving them your all in the future because of that.

Perhaps you can find a way to be around cats without owning one in the future? Looking after others cats or fostering is an option. So it's less permanent and claustrophobic.

Wishing them luck and hope they find their forever home soon.


----------

