# Will Dexter ever like my husband!



## Guest (Oct 7, 2014)

Hi there.

We have a gorgeous, cute 5 month old Bengal Kitten which we got from a breeder when he was 13 weeks old.

He is fine with me and my 10 year old son but doesn't seem to like my husband 

My dh is very tall so not sure if that has something to do with it and Dexter will leg it every time he goes near him.

As it was my husband who collected him from the breeder he seems to think that's why he doesn't like him. Sort of bad association being taken away from mum sort of thing.

I'm not so sure and think it's more to do with dh being at work all day and not interacting enough with him although I understand that's difficult if Dexter won't let him near him!

Any ideas how we can get them to make friends? We did have a cat years ago who didn't like women and ignored me but loved my dh


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

I think you're probably right, Dexter is wary of your hubby because he doesn't see him as much as he sees you and your son. Also if your husband does not play interactively with Dexter, or feed him any of his meals, then Dexter is getting little chance to get to know him. 

Really it is up to your husband to get more involved with the kitty if he wants to have a good relationship with him. If your OH hasn't had a cat before then he may need you or your son to show him how to play with Dexter, e.g. 
with the Flying Frenzy, Da Bird or laser light, or even just pulling a piece of string along the floor. Dexter will soon respond. Interactive play is how you build bonds with a kitten. 

I'd also suggest your OH sits on the floor when playing with Dexter as that way he will be less intimidating than if he stands up, or sits in a chair. He might like to read to Dexter in a gentle tone so kitty gets used to the sound of his voice. Anything will do - a newspaper, or even the phone book! 

If Dexter plucks up the courage to approach your OH then he should give him treats as a reward. 

I would also suggest your hubby feeds Dexter one of his meals every day, so kitty associates him with good things. Perhaps he could give Dexter his supper at bedtime?


----------



## Sophiebee (Jul 9, 2013)

I do think small kittens can be a bit wary of men, they are tall and tend to be abit heavier with their movements as well as having loud deeper voices, it can all be abit overwhelming for them especially if they arent used to men. Loki much preferred me to my OH when he was smaller but his preference is more equal now (although im still the favourite - duchess is a total daddys boy though ) Chilliminxes suggestions are brilliant, a little effort to play and interact with him will work wonders, a few hand fed treats (something special that he only gets from your OH) may help convince him too!

Edit: the reading suggestion is good too, we used this when duchess came to us as she was very nervous, i found fairy tales/childrens stories really good as you naturally read them quite gently.


----------



## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

chillminx said:


> I would also suggest your hubby feeds Dexter one of his meals every day, so kitty associates him with good things. Perhaps he could give Dexter his supper at bedtime?


Defo agree with this :thumbup1:
And from experience, you will probably find that in time Dexter falls in love with your hubby and you won't get a look in - a lot of cats I have known do this


----------



## Guest (Oct 8, 2014)

Thank you lots of good ideas there.

Will try and get dh to interact with him more. Problem is he works long hours and all he wants to do when he gets in is relax in front of the TV for a couple of hours.

We have the weekends though so will give it a go! Hopefully he will slowly get used to dh and in time won't be so afraid. If only Dexter knew what a big softie dh is.


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

If your hubby is a big softie then you are three quarters of the way there, and it is just a matter of 'introducing' him and Dexter to each other gradually.  As moggie14 says though, don't be surprised if the two of them end up best pals and you get less of Dexter's attention.


----------



## Jellypi3 (Jan 3, 2014)

Deffo get him to feed Dexter. When we got Dante my OH was put out because Dante would follow me everywhere and cuddle me but not him. So I told him to feed Dante one of his meals a day, which he did and Dante quickly learned to love him  Now he feeds them their night time meal, and also does one of their play sessions a day. In fact I do all the bad stuff like grooming, bathing, and cleaning them!


----------



## Guest (Oct 8, 2014)

Awww sounds lovely.

Dh makes out it doesn't bother him but I know it does and I'd love to see them as good pals as I know dh would enjoy it.

I think it definitely has something to do with his size too and it's a bit like 'Fi Fi Fo Fum' when he comes in from work as he's so tall lol!


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Get your OH a nice soft cushion so he can sit in the floor and rest his back against a chair for the moment, then his height won't be a problem for Dexter Once Dexter trusts him the height will no longer be an issue. 

Affection from a cat is wonderful for the soul! I am sure he will love it!


----------



## Ely01 (May 14, 2014)

Bengalmum said:


> Hi there.
> 
> We have a gorgeous, cute 5 month old Bengal Kitten which we got from a breeder when he was 13 weeks old.
> 
> ...


I don't know at all, but I collected Oleg from the breeder and he's well fine with me 
Could perhaps your husband be the one feeding him for a while, to make peace?
My flatmate feeds Oleg when I'm away and says Oleg is "nicer" with her when she's feeding him than when I am. Not that he's not usually "nice" with her, he often sits on her lap or fishes for cuddles etc, but the feeding function seems to create an extra bond.


----------



## Ely01 (May 14, 2014)

chillminx said:


> I would also suggest your hubby feeds Dexter one of his meals every day, so kitty associates him with good things. Perhaps he could give Dexter his supper at bedtime?


Sorry, hadn't seen this. Yes.


----------



## Delirium (Nov 3, 2012)

I hope it's going better for you, I completely sympathise.

I've been watching this thread as having a similar problem but it's me that's not being accepted. Our new to us, 18 month old rescue cat cuddles in to my partner, purrs and lets him pick her up etc. But I get a swipe if I try to touch her. She was ok when we brought her home but as she gets closer to him she's rejecting me more. A problem when it's me that's around most of the time!


----------



## Guest (Oct 11, 2014)

Delirium said:


> I hope it's going better for you, I completely sympathise.
> 
> I've been watching this thread as having a similar problem but it's me that's not being accepted. Our new to us, 18 month old rescue cat cuddles in to my partner, purrs and lets him pick her up etc. But I get a swipe if I try to touch her. She was ok when we brought her home but as she gets closer to him she's rejecting me more. A problem when it's me that's around most of the time!


Awww I am sure she will come round. Who does the feeding? If it's dh or shared maybe you should do it all although I guess if you are at home all the time you do that anyway.

Maybe she had a bad experience with women in the past. For all I know the same could have happened with Dexter with men.

Also we had a female cat who absolutely loved men. She would literally fling herself at them when they walked into the house! She would roll around fluttering her eyes at them lol. She looked like she was on heat (she was spayed) she used to act that way with men all the time.

Me, she wouldn't have anything to do with me but she was such a character I got used to it and didn't mind in the end.


----------



## Delirium (Nov 3, 2012)

We share the feeding. He usually does morning, I do evening. But she'll sit and take treats off me then swipe me straight after :/

Yes, past experience is what I think it is. The previous owner was a divorced man who loved her but didn't have a clue how to care for her. She was in a bit of a state. But who knows, there may have been a woman about too who mistreated her. But, she was fine with the women in the rescue centre and with me for the first couple of days, so it's odd. Our other cat really gravitates to me, so they seem to have picked a team each!


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

I agree with the other posts get OH to engage in play time and feed him once a day. I feel kittens prefer high voices! My OH talks to Liddy in a high girlie voice which is hysterical but she does respond to it! Just go to another room to have a good giggle when he does it! x


----------



## Guest (Oct 11, 2014)

Soozi said:


> I agree with the other posts get OH to engage in play time and feed him once a day. I feel kittens prefer high voices! My OH talks to Liddy in a high girlie voice which is hysterical but she does respond to it! Just go to another room to have a good giggle when he does it! x


Ha ha ha that's so funny. My dh was saying to me though that Dexter must have been brought up with a gang of women . I'll have to get him to talk like a girly then 

He is trying and fed him some food today and stroked him etc. Dexter had to go to the vets today and hid underneath the kitchen cupboard. He absolutely refused to budge for dh and after ages I shouted to him once and he came out immediately!

So still some way to go.


----------



## Torin. (May 18, 2014)

I don't know whether it's different with Bengals (only ever met a couple), but when I'm trying to get newly met moggies to like me I do the playing and the food as sugested, but I don't do stroking for quite some time. Instead I get the cat happy in my presence (due to food and playing) and let them know they can come up to me and rub their scent all over me. But without any sort of potentially unwanted/ unexpected contact initiated by me. Only once they're less stressed by my general presence and voice do I add in person-initiated stuff.

But as I say, I've very limited experience with Bengals, and both of those were adults too!


----------



## Guest (Oct 11, 2014)

Torin said:


> I don't know whether it's different with Bengals (only ever met a couple), but when I'm trying to get newly met moggies to like me I do the playing and the food as sugested, but I don't do stroking for quite some time. Instead I get the cat happy in my presence (due to food and playing) and let them know they can come up to me and rub their scent all over me. But without any sort of potentially unwanted/ unexpected contact initiated by me. Only once they're less stressed by my general presence and voice do I add in person-initiated stuff.
> 
> But as I say, I've very limited experience with Bengals, and both of those were adults too!


I read a lot about Bengals before we got one so knew what to expect. They do tend to pick one person and bond very strongly to that one person so maybe this is the case with me.

He is the most adorable kitten, very gentle and although totally boisterous never gets his claws out at me at all. I don't have one scratch mark! He is unlike any kitten I've ever had before.

If that's the case it's fine. We have another cat Muskey (he is 14 now) and he prefers dh over me so I guess we've got a cat each!


----------



## Delirium (Nov 3, 2012)

Ooh that's interesting about the bonding and Bengals. It's been suggested by a few people that our other cat could be part Bengal and she's close to me. Possibly not helping the new one take to me.


----------



## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Bengalmum said:


> Thank you lots of good ideas there.
> 
> Will try and get dh to interact with him more. Problem is he works long hours and all he wants to do when he gets in is relax in front of the TV for a couple of hours.
> 
> We have the weekends though so will give it a go! Hopefully he will slowly get used to dh and in time won't be so afraid. If only Dexter knew what a big softie dh is.


So tell him to relax on the floor, with a box of toys to throw for Dexter to chase. No effort has to be put out at all, that way. 

If your husband is motivated, he will make the effort.


----------



## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

Bengalmum said:


> Thank you lots of good ideas there.
> 
> Will try and get dh to interact with him more. Problem is he works long hours and all he wants to do when he gets in is relax in front of the TV for a couple of hours.


How about if your OH uses a fishing rod toy to play with during the ad breaks or between programmes. If you use a long handled toy or make it longer by attaching a cane to it then your OH can stay on the sofa to enjoy his mid week tv watching and not have to stretch over your cat and look intimidating.

Sitting on the floor for play at the weekends and also feeding a meal regularly should help too.

With the feral cats and kittens i took in I used to read out loud and also use the fishing rod toy to slowly encourage them closer till they were able to come close to and finally run / jump over my legs. Having very smelly treats (sardines in tomato sauce, strong smelling cheese and ham) also helped.


----------

