# Heartbroken to have let my girl go



## Jacqueline McGregor (Nov 11, 2018)

I had my precious girl put to sleep at home Although it broke my heart, it was selfish of me not to let go It’s been seven weeks, but after Molly was sedated, she became so disoriented, and when we said our goodbyes and the final injection was given, she let out a loud howl like screamShe was sick, deaf, blind and 12 and a half, but I can’t help feeling she was telling me she wanted to stay The guilt I feel is awful! Is this noise common from dogs xxx


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear this . Please don,t feel guilty . You did the kindest thing and not let her suffer. 
Run Free , Molly.


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## Mary Ackroyd (Dec 22, 2018)

I know exactly how you feel. We had to have our much loved yorkie put to sleep on the 20th Dec (2 days ago). She had a stroke 3wks ago & slowly deteriorated over the last week. She stopped eating & then she couldn't even hold water down, she was confused & just looked desparately sad. Our vet came out to the house & put her to sleep but she fought it . I can"t sleep for thinking that we should have tried for longer even though the vet said that she was suffering & it was the right thing to do.


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## Finleysmum (Jan 1, 2019)

Dear Jacquline,

I know your pain. I had to put my little boy Westie to sleep yesterday and the guilt is unmeasurable even though it was the right and only option other than to let him suffer. I know we both will get to a point that the pain starts to numb and in it’s place fond memories of our babies. It doesn’t matter how many times people tell you it was the right thing, the guilt is terrible. You can’t help but feel like you let them down but in reality you did the bravest and best thing for your baby... to let them have a dignified and peaceful exit from this world to go to the next. I am in tremendous pain, my heart feels broken. I hope that if you feel you need someone to talk to, that you can feel comfortable reaching out, I am always here. Your baby will be waiting for you when it is your time, to greet you and show you a beautiful world where no suffering exists. 

Xx


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## ttaylor45 (Jan 3, 2011)

Finleysmum said:


> Dear Jacquline,
> 
> I know your pain. I had to put my little boy Westie to sleep yesterday and the guilt is unmeasurable even though it was the right and only option other than to let him suffer. I know we both will get to a point that the pain starts to numb and in it's place fond memories of our babies. It doesn't matter how many times people tell you it was the right thing, the guilt is terrible. You can't help but feel like you let them down but in reality you did the bravest and best thing for your baby... to let them have a dignified and peaceful exit from this world to go to the next. I am in tremendous pain, my heart feels broken. I hope that if you feel you need someone to talk to, that you can feel comfortable reaching out, I am always here. Your baby will be waiting for you when it is your time, to greet you and show you a beautiful world where no suffering exists.
> 
> Xx


I know exactly how you feel I lost my darling Rusty the taller one in the picture last year May 2018 and my darling Pepe in November 2018 and still feel heartbroken but like you know it was definitely the right thing to do, Rusty had a growth near his liver and was in pain and Pepe had kidney disease as well as being virtually blind with cataracts and glaucoma. I try to think of the lovely lives they both had and the great times we shared together but it is so hard as I loved them so much. I hope the pain will ease in time.


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## Finleysmum (Jan 1, 2019)

ttaylor45 said:


> I know exactly how you feel I lost my darling Rusty the taller one in the picture last year May 2018 and my darling Pepe in November 2018 and still feel heartbroken but like you know it was definitely the right thing to do, Rusty had a growth near his liver and was in pain and Pepe had kidney disease as well as being virtually blind with cataracts and glaucoma. I try to think of the lovely lives they both had and the great times we shared together but it is so hard as I loved them so much. I hope the pain will ease in time.


I'm so sorry for your loss of your babies. My Finley was 18, and over time his back legs weren't what they were before, then he lost a lot of weight. Saturday night he went outside and fell over, resulting in his front left leg being injured and he couldn't walk. We took him to the vets Sunday morning, where he had xrays, blood work etc done. We went to collect him later that day, the vet said they were sending his xrays off for analysis, and that he could go home although he was in pain killers like Morphein and that he had to return the following morning. I didn't sleep that night, the pain killers were wearing off, the painkillers I was given for him didn't last long when I gave them to him and he would be back to whining, trying to get up, uncomfortable, he probably only slept 30 mins that whole night. We took him back for his appointment yesterday, wrapped in his blanket. He was so still and seems the pain was so bad he had zoned out. The vet said that the X-ray came back and he potentially had a mass beginning to form in his elbow, that he had also fracture his leg, and to top it off his kidneys were failing. He hadn't been to the toilet or wee'd in 2 days even though he was drinking water and his bladder was full. He wasn't well and the vet basically said it would only get worse, and without saying it she said to maybe think about letting him rest. My poor boy. I have never felt a feeling like that, having to sign paperwork, to hold him knowing he was about to go. He didn't struggle, he was in my arms, I was kissing him and telling him he's such a good boy, I love him and I was sorry. His death was literally seconds, I heard his breathing get heavy, he did one big breath and his head rested against my chest, and he was gone. My hand was on his heart and I felt it slow to nothing, I knew before the vet knew. She checked and said he has gone, and that he went before she had finished administering the shot. I feel so heart broken, so so tourmented. I haven't stopped crying. I just hope he wasn't scared or in pain, and that he knew I was there with him. I love him so much. X


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## ttaylor45 (Jan 3, 2011)

Finleysmum said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss of your babies. My Finley was 18, and over time his back legs weren't what they were before, then he lost a lot of weight. Saturday night he went outside and fell over, resulting in his front left leg being injured and he couldn't walk. We took him to the vets Sunday morning, where he had xrays, blood work etc done. We went to collect him later that day, the vet said they were sending his xrays off for analysis, and that he could go home although he was in pain killers like Morphein and that he had to return the following morning. I didn't sleep that night, the pain killers were wearing off, the painkillers I was given for him didn't last long when I gave them to him and he would be back to whining, trying to get up, uncomfortable, he probably only slept 30 mins that whole night. We took him back for his appointment yesterday, wrapped in his blanket. He was so still and seems the pain was so bad he had zoned out. The vet said that the X-ray came back and he potentially had a mass beginning to form in his elbow, that he had also fracture his leg, and to top it off his kidneys were failing. He hadn't been to the toilet or wee'd in 2 days even though he was drinking water and his bladder was full. He wasn't well and the vet basically said it would only get worse, and without saying it she said to maybe think about letting him rest. My poor boy. I have never felt a feeling like that, having to sign paperwork, to hold him knowing he was about to go. He didn't struggle, he was in my arms, I was kissing him and telling him he's such a good boy, I love him and I was sorry. His death was literally seconds, I heard his breathing get heavy, he did one big breath and his head rested against my chest, and he was gone. My hand was on his heart and I felt it slow to nothing, I knew before the vet knew. She checked and said he has gone, and that he went before she had finished administering the shot. I feel so heart broken, so so tourmented. I haven't stopped crying. I just hope he wasn't scared or in pain, and that he knew I was there with him. I love him so much. X


I held both mine and it was also very quick Pepe like your little dog didn't struggle at all with Rusty he had been sedated for xrays that morning so he still had the cannula in his leg although he had been brought round he did seem very agitated but it was still very quick for him as well. I too am crying reading your post and writing this but try to console myself that they knew I was with them at the end.


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## Finleysmum (Jan 1, 2019)

ttaylor45 said:


> I held both mine and it was also very quick Pepe like your little dog didn't struggle at all with Rusty he had been sedated for xrays that morning so he still had the cannula in his leg although he had been brought round he did seem very agitated but it was still very quick for him as well. I too am crying reading your post and writing this but try to console myself that they knew I was with them at the end.


It's clear to me how much you loved Pepe and Rusty, just by how you speak of them. I really hope they meet with my Finley, and that they are all running around like puppies and having all the fun. I am always here if you need to talk, as I don't think a lot of people understand how extremely distressing this can be for a person, to go through what we went through. Remember that they are always around you, and you will meet them again one day, they'll be waiting for you.

Here's a poem I saw on here which has helped;

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak 
And pain should keep me from my sleep, 
Then will you do what must be done, 
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won. 
You will be sad I understand, 
But don't let grief then stay your hand, 
For on this day, more than the rest, 
Your love and friendship must stand the test. 
We have had so many happy years, 
You wouldn't want me to suffer so. 
When the time comes, please, let me go. 
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend, 
Only, stay with me till the end 
And hold me firm and speak to me 
Until my eyes no longer see. 
I know in time you will agree 
It is a kindness you do to me. 
Although my tail its last has waved, 
From pain and suffering I have been saved. 
Don't grieve that it must be you 
Who has to decide this thing to do; 
We've been so close -- we two -- these years, 
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown

Xxx


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## ttaylor45 (Jan 3, 2011)

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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Jacqueline McGregor said:


> I had my precious girl put to sleep at home Although it broke my heart, it was selfish of me not to let go It's been seven weeks, but after Molly was sedated, she became so disoriented, and when we said our goodbyes and the final injection was given, she let out a loud howl like screamShe was sick, deaf, blind and 12 and a half, but I can't help feeling she was telling me she wanted to stay The guilt I feel is awful! Is this noise common from dogs xxx


It isn't rare for a dog to howl or make noise as the injection begins to take effect.

It wasn't because your dog was in pain or because she 'wanted to stay'. Dogs are not aware that they're being put to sleep so cannot make that connection.


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## ttaylor45 (Jan 3, 2011)

Finleysmum said:


> It's clear to me how much you loved Pepe and Rusty, just by how you speak of them. I really hope they meet with my Finley, and that they are all running around like puppies and having all the fun. I am always here if you need to talk, as I don't think a lot of people understand how extremely distressing this can be for a person, to go through what we went through. Remember that they are always around you, and you will meet them again one day, they'll be waiting for you.
> 
> Here's a poem I saw on here which has helped;
> 
> ...


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## ttaylor45 (Jan 3, 2011)

Thank you so much for the kind words and indeed the poem. You are quite right only people who have been through it and loved their dogs like we did understand. What a fantastic age your little Westie lived to Rusty was 13 and a half but Pepe was only 12 and a quarter. Poor old Pepe had not been particularly well the last 2 years starting with a problem with his white blood cells which were successfully treated with several weeks of antibiotics he then developed anaemia which were treated with steroids over a period of 10 months during which time he injured the pad on his left front paw allowing grit to enter and cause infections which recurred many times and so poor old chap had his paw lanced several times and of course more antibiotics and he never complained. The anaemia finally cleared up and then he developed cataracts and we were referred to Optivet eye specialist some 42 miles away. They were going to remove the cataract from his left eye the following week but he developed glaucoma so they couldn't do it. He was treated with eye drops to keep the pressure under control so we used to take him regularly to Optivet in Havant to check the pressure. We live in West Sussex so it was an 84 mile round trip but he was so worth it. It was then discovered he had kidney disease as well which despite treatment and many visits to our own vet is what we lost him to in the end. I hope my two meet up with your little chap and are indeed well again bless them.


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## ttaylor45 (Jan 3, 2011)

Finleysmum said:


> Dear Jacquline,
> 
> I know your pain. I had to put my little boy Westie to sleep yesterday and the guilt is unmeasurable even though it was the right and only option other than to let him suffer. I know we both will get to a point that the pain starts to numb and in it's place fond memories of our babies. It doesn't matter how many times people tell you it was the right thing, the guilt is terrible. You can't help but feel like you let them down but in reality you did the bravest and best thing for your baby... to let them have a dignified and peaceful exit from this world to go to the next. I am in tremendous pain, my heart feels broken. I hope that if you feel you need someone to talk to, that you can feel comfortable reaching out, I am always here. Your baby will be waiting for you when it is your time, to greet you and show you a beautiful world where no suffering exists.
> 
> Xx


sorry I seem to be having problems posting for some reason


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## Finleysmum (Jan 1, 2019)

ttaylor45 said:


> Thank you so much for the kind words and indeed the poem. You are quite right only people who have been through it and loved their dogs like we did understand. What a fantastic age your little Westie lived to Rusty was 13 and a half but Pepe was only 12 and a quarter. Poor old Pepe had not been particularly well the last 2 years starting with a problem with his white blood cells which were successfully treated with several weeks of antibiotics he then developed anaemia which were treated with steroids over a period of 10 months during which time he injured the pad on his left front paw allowing grit to enter and cause infections which recurred many times and so poor old chap had his paw lanced several times and of course more antibiotics and he never complained. The anaemia finally cleared up and then he developed cataracts and we were referred to Optivet eye specialist some 42 miles away. They were going to remove the cataract from his left eye the following week but he developed glaucoma so they couldn't do it. He was treated with eye drops to keep the pressure under control so we used to take him regularly to Optivet in Havant to check the pressure. We live in West Sussex so it was an 84 mile round trip but he was so worth it. It was then discovered he had kidney disease as well which despite treatment and many visits to our own vet is what we lost him to in the end. I hope my two meet up with your little chap and are indeed well again bless them.


It sounds like you did everything you could to keep him happy, I'm sure he was grateful for everything. Sounds like he had been in the wars the poor boy. At least they can all rest now and be happy xx


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## Laura C (Jun 8, 2018)

I'm so sorry for you loss. I still remember when I was 16 and we had to put our westie asleep. It was awful I blamed my parents, shouted and screamed and couldn't bring myself to say goodbye which I now regret. I was upstairs while they were doing it and he yelped and cried and I can still hear his cry now 8 years on. Its an awful thing to go through but if they were suffering its the right thing for them.


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## Laura_&_Cats (Mar 2, 2019)

I was in floods of tears reading this thread! (see my post about my Domino).

I really feel for you. This was my first time making the decision to put a pet to sleep, and I found it incredibly difficult and did feel like I was giving up on him too. 

The vet explained that it is our natural instinct to try and do everything we can to 'save' them, but it's about quality of life. We humans are constantly being told to be more 'mindful' and 'in the moment', but that's exactly how our pets are - if they are in pain, all they know is the pain. They can't think back to happier times, or look forward to when the treatment is over like we can. My Dom was diagnosed with cancer, and humans find cancer treatment difficult enough, even when they can think things like 'if I make it through this, I can see my grandchildren grow up'... Our pets can't think that way.

My vet said that as pet owners, we should actually hope that we are able to end their lives in this way before they suffer. It is the absolute best way. If you hadn't done this for Molly, she could have died alone and in pain, and you saved her from that, it is a great kindness.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with the actual process. I think I was very lucky, as my vet was an end-of-life specialist and was incredibly sensitive, even down to when he checked for a heartbeat afterwards and said 'everything's fine here' instead of something like 'he's gone' which might have broken me. I did seem to notice my Dom open his mouth wide at the time of the injection, but the vet turned his head away briefly so I didn't see his face, I guess from that they can show a reaction though, so what you experienced is probably normal. The vet assured me that they don't suffer at all. It is just like an anaesthetic, but they just go deeper and deeper until the heart stops. Your Molly had the nicest possible end to her life you could have given her.

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤ Please take comfort in knowing you did the right thing for her, even at the end when it was hardest. x


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