# Guilt!



## Lina1981 (Aug 10, 2015)

Please help me.... My beloved furry baby who was only two years old was assuming my hit by a car and I found her under a neighbor bush- took her to the vets expecting to hear she had simply damaged her leg- to be told she had broken her pelvis... 
My husband is a firm believer in not having any animal suffer- as you cannot explain to the animal why they are suffering or offer the premise of recovering. Our options were to cage rest her for 6-8 weeks, with the possibility of not being able to go to the toilet unassisted, or surgery and then cage rest... Despite my strong desire to do anything I could to keep her with me- my husband made the final call to euthanize her. It's been three days now and I have not stopped sobbing- I feel guilty and feel we rushed the decision.... Whereas my husband still stands by it that he couldn't see her suffer.... Should we have waited?


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through.
Everyone is going to be different in the way they handle things.
Your Hubby did what he thought was the right thing to do. I think that your Hubby should have talked this through with you and took into consideration of what you wanted to do as well.
Have you told him how you feel? and that you are Heart broken?
Try not to beat yourself up about it as you said that you wanted to keep her and unfortunately it was taken out of your hands.

Sending you a Hug.xx


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## Lina1981 (Aug 10, 2015)

Thank you for being thoughtful... He knows how I feel and part of me does agree that she shouldn't have been kept in any pain.... But I do feel I was rushed into the decision. However- being angry with him will not change things so I keep remembering that... I just feel so awful...


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

It's one of those really difficult calls. I, like you, would have been prepared to put in the work and time and money to keep her as comfortable as possible as she healed - but at the same time I can totally see things from your husband;s perspective too - animals can't understand why they are ill, they find being incapacitated difficult to cope with (you can't tell a recovering cat not to leap about - when she thinks she can, she will, and to hell with the consequences) and helping her toilet could have bee painful for her and immensely distressing for the three of you.

I would urge you not to feel guilty - I think it's a natural response, but it serves no purpose other then to make yourself feel dreadful. Your cat is now beyond pain, and the deed is done, whether it was the best thing or not - and TBH, it's one of these calls that you never know whether the alternative would have been better or worse, because you can't get to try both out. 

Mourn her - you will never stop loving her. However, the day will come when you can let her go emotionally (though she will always have a corner of your heart). One day you may be ready to share your life with another cat - and whether that happens in 10 hours or in 10 years, it is a tribute to her and the love you shared. Let go of your guilt, allow yourself to grieve - and remember not just those last terrible hours, but the two wonderful years you had, and all of her lovely little ways.


My prayers are with you.


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## Lina1981 (Aug 10, 2015)

I really can't thank you enough for your wonderful words.....


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## Lina1981 (Aug 10, 2015)

As the day has gone on I have managed to convince myself that we should have saved her, and I have become so angry now at my husband.... I am hoping this is just a normal stage of grief... 
My heart breaks for my beautiful little furry baby and I just can't stop crying. I feel sick with the grief.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Lina1981 said:


> As the day has gone on I have managed to convince myself that we should have saved her, and I have become so angry now at my husband.... I am hoping this is just a normal stage of grief...
> My heart breaks for my beautiful little furry baby and I just can't stop crying. I feel sick with the grief.


Anger is indeed a normal stage of grief - (see stages 2 and 3, here http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html) - it is natural for us to want to blame something or someone when awful things happen. Of course you are sick with grief - there would be something the matter with you if you weren't. Maybe (to you) your husband doesn't seem so upset, and this, along with him taking the decision out of your hands, is triggering your anger towards him. If this is so, try to remember that some people just don't show emotion as openly as others do - it doesn't mean that they don't feel it.

It may be, too, that he decided to let the cat go because he thought it would be too distressing for you as well as her. Perhaps he saw you in bits over her injury and was worried that you would make yourself ill (maybe) blaming yourself for allowing her to go outdoors, for not looking for her sooner, for not realising the seriousness of her injuries (not that you could have done anything about them) - guilt knows no common sense and we blame ourselves for all sorts of things that are out of our control.

All of this is speculation, of course, but perhaps if the day comes when you are ready for another animal companion, you could have a talk with your husband and explain how distressed you are, and that when the time comes to let the next one go (hopefully at the end of twenty happy years), it is a decision you will make together with the vet's advice, rather than one of you unilaterally insisting on a particular course of action. It may have been that had you had a day or two longer to prepare yourself for your loss, you would have been able to accept it more easily (though it would still have torn the heart out of you).

I hope you can both be patient with, and supportive of, each other - it is not an easy time for anyone.


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## candy1567 (May 4, 2015)

we had our dog pts back in march, Fred was everything to me, he was my dog, he was my velcro dog lol
He got arthritis in his spine and back legs and was in so much pain, it was heart breaking, i finally made the decision to ease his pain and suffering.
ppl say he was only a dog, but he was more than that to me, i was so angry at first, especially when my husband talked about getting another dog, i didn't want one, i just wanted Fred back, but unfortunately life goes on it cant stop, so it gets better each day.

Grieve for you beloved pet, take comfort that you gave them a good life, some pets dont get that and remember that memories dont die, they are yours to keep forever.

JUliex


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## Natalie Strudwick (May 21, 2015)

I am so sorry to hear that. If I were in that case of course I would do everything not to give him up. You should have talk to your husband about the things you wanted to happen. Euthanize for me is not always the best option. If I could still do something for my dog then I'll do it no matter what. I'm really sorry for what happened to your furry baby. I have lost a dog too and it's really painful.


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## Lina1981 (Aug 10, 2015)

Having had a chance to talk it through I realise I was clutching at straws... I can't honestly say I would want to put my girl through the painful times that she faced with the other options... I think I hit the anger stage of grief and needed to vent.... My husband was patient and listened to me, let me rant, and then cuddled me while I sobbed.... There will always be what ifs but if it meant my girl was in pain then I must take comfort in the fact that she isn't any more....
I am currently looking into fostering cats so some goodness can come from this devastation... Thank you all for your time and your kind words. There are no right or wrong answers in these situations... Only what you feel needs to be done in situations... I must make peace with that now and not torture myself with the guilt and what ifs....


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Lina1981 said:


> Having had a chance to talk it through I realise I was clutching at straws... I can't honestly say I would want to put my girl through the painful times that she faced with the other options... I think I hit the anger stage of grief and needed to vent.... My husband was patient and listened to me, let me rant, and then cuddled me while I sobbed.... There will always be what ifs but if it meant my girl was in pain then I must take comfort in the fact that she isn't any more....
> I am currently looking into fostering cats so some goodness can come from this devastation... Thank you all for your time and your kind words. *There are no right or wrong answers in these situations... Only what you feel needs to be done in situations..*. I must make peace with that now and not torture myself with the guilt and what ifs....


This is exactly right.

You will come to terms with your loss - I know it's a cliche, but time really is a great healer.

(hugs)


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## CuriousKathryn (Aug 11, 2015)

I see lots of animals come through the vets to be euthanised, and sure its very difficult for the vets but even more so for the owners. I think that from the info you've given us, your husband made the right decision. There are only two options to choose from in that situation, and its not fair on the animal to um and ah over what could be. Keeping the cat in pain would be a cruel thing to do, no matter how emotionally painful it is for the owners.


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## Britt (May 18, 2014)

So sorry for your loss. Your husband made what he thinks what's best for your cat. I don't know what I would do if it happened to me. I would be devastated, that's for sure


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## kitkatchunky (Aug 18, 2015)

I think animals slip quietly into the afterlife, your baby is fine and well now and your grief is a reflection of your love for her. Be kind to yourself x


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## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

Your husband is right in many ways, but so are you, overall its probably a kindness to end suffering, its ironic we can do it for an animal in agony but not for another human being............


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