# Cat too scared to come home



## Stix123 (Jun 3, 2017)

Hello

I am in desperate need of advice & help.

6 months ago, a feral who I had been feeding for 3 years decided to pluck up the courage & come in, he is the most affectionate cat I have ever experienced & gets on with all my other cats except for my eldest one.
His 'bullying' of my eldest boy has got so bad that my eldest is now too scared to come in (he doesn't even stay in our back garden as the new cat could be out there), he has been living in neighbours gardens for the past couple of months since & only comes to me 3 times a day for his food.
I try to keep him indoors but it stresses him out so badly that I have no choice but to let him back outside (he has a heart murmur so I don't want to put him under more stress).
Now you are probably thinking I should just rehome the feral but it isn't that easy, as mentioned before, it took him 3 years to trust me and he is petrified of people (if a guest comes around - he bolts out of the house). When I go on holiday, I have to put him in a cattery as no one can stay at my house with him (he sits on the doorstep crying but won't come in) & he just sits under the bed for the whole week literally shaking constantly so he will not be able to go to someone else, he will simply run away.
I am unable to use Feliway as the 'victim' won't be inside to get the effects so I guess I need to use a calming tablet or something like Bach's remedy perhaps that will make him more relaxed at home or is there anything specific that will work on conflict between animals out there?
I also have a fully open planned house over 3 floors with no doors to kitchens/lounges etc so he is unfortunately unable to have a safe room to himself, I am actually considering moving home to provide this for him.
I miss my eldest boy terribly and need to sort this sooner than later & will try anything.
Does anyone have any similar experiences that can share their hints & tips with me please? I will be forever grateful!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hello @Stix123 - you have a serious territorial issue going on between your eldest boy and your 'feral' cat. Things have got so bad that it's now very unlikely your boy will come back into the house as long as the 'feral' is there. Even if you give your boy sedative calming supplements it is unlikely it will give him the confidence to take back his territory from the invader.

Basically the feral cat has pushed him out of his territory. This is what happens with cats. They are in competition for territory and resources and the boldest cat wins. Competition doesn't always involve fights, and sometimes the resident cat is driven out by the newcomer by their subtle intimidation and sheer persistence. The 'loser' is then obliged to give up their territory and leave. That is cat etiquette for you .

IME cats who have been strays are often very determined to drive out a resident cat if they are lucky enough to find a good home to move into. I have taken stray cats in over the years, but will never do so again as long as I have resident cats. The stray cat too often becomes a bully or sprays indoors to establish their ownership of the territory. Not always, but often enough.

However I do still rescue stray cats if I see them hanging around all the time and they are hungry, thin or neglected looking. Having gained their confidence over a period of time by feeding them outside, I nowadays hand them over to a Rescue for rehoming well away from my area. I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear but this is what you need to do with your feral.

He will not have been entirely feral or you would have never tamed him. We have a number of ferals at the Shelter who roam around freely. We feed them and give them dry places to sleep but no-one can get near them, not even after years. If they need a vet we have to trap them in humane traps just like wild animals. These are cats who were born to feral mothers and the window of opportunity for socialising them as kittens, was lost. So they will always be feral. Sometimes true ferals can be rehomed to live in stables. But there is shortage of such suitable places so mostly they would stay round the shelter.

Your cat was a stray who probably once had a home. As so many un-neutered young males do, he likely wandered off in search of a mate and could not find his way back home. So he lived rough for a long time, hunting and scavenging to get by. These poor cats get chased away by humans and some get injured by having stones thrown at them, so they become very scared of humans. But with patience and kindness they can be re-tamed. Just as you have done with your stray cat.

The reason I am saying this is to reassure you that your cat could adapt to living with someone else. It would take time, and would need a very patient owner, and I would recommend him being an only cat in a quiet home. But the fact he can be placed in a cattery when you're away says a lot in his favour for being rehomed. A true feral could not be placed in a cattery, they would be so distressed and petrified of people they would not eat.

If you had a house (not open-plan) you could divide into two completely separate areas, say upstairs and downstairs, with dividing doors, then you could try your own boy in one half and your rescued stray in the other half. Your other cats could have access to both halves (through a microchip cat flap) as they get along with both cats. Access to outdoors would have to be on a time-share basis, between the two cats. Which may be hard as your stray may expect to come and go when he pleases and get very stressed if he has to be shut indoors whilst your boy goes out. I have been there with that scenario! 

Running two separate households within one home is not easy and I do not recommend it having done it myself. It is hard work keeping everyone happy and you need to be at home a lot of the time. But if you are determined to do it you would either need to move house to the right kind of building or have some semi-permanent alterations done to your present home.

However if you were to decide to move house or alter your present home to accommodate the cats' needs, it is going to take time and meanwhile your poor boy is being forced by your stray cat to live outdoors in all weathers in your neighbour's garden, only returning for his food.! It really is not fair on him. And the longer this situation continues the harder it will be to get him to come back home. But if you rehome your stray (or give him to a Rescue) your boy will probably come home of his own accord and stay.

You can try adding a supplement called Zylkene to your boy's food, but I honestly can't see it making much difference to the situation when things are so bad. if your boy had stayed home and held his ground maybe there would be a chance. But it is not in his nature to stand up for himself like that. Not all cats are that confident.

Please note that Zylkene is not a drug but a calming supplement. But when I gave it to my stressy boy it made him laid back and quite sleepy. It may do the same to your boy which is better than him being distressed and miserable, but still may not give him the 'oomph' of confidence he would need to stand up to your rescued stray. The fact is you will not change his basic nature.

Anyway the dose is : contents of one 75mg capsule a day (for a cat weighing up to 5 kg, double that for a cat over 5 kg). Mix well with food.

http://www.petsathome.com/shop/en/pets/zylkene-75mg-for-cats-and-small-dogs-20-capsules-(online-only)


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## Stix123 (Jun 3, 2017)

@chillminx Wow, thank you so much for such an in depth response. You obviously understand the situation very well from personal experience.
You've even sussed his bullying tactics as he doesn't physically fight with him, he blocks him at the door so he can't come in/blocks him when he's trying to eat/hides & then jumps out at him etc.
It's strange as he gets on well with my others (all boys). The vet thinks he was feral when he neutered him but of course he could very well have had a home at some point, no one will know and yes we also used a humane trap to catch the poor thing, Cats Protection were amazing with their support for him.
And yes, you're right, not the answer I wanted at all as it's now been almost 4 years that I have looked after him (he literally lived in my back garden for over 3 years) so I don't just look at him as a cat I rescued 6 months ago, he has been part of our lives longer than my 2 youngest cats!!
He doesn't really eat in the cattery, he just stays under the bed, even to go to the toilet the poor thing 
With regards to moving in to a more cat friendly house, the 'feral' is rarely outside anyway, he would happily be an indoor cat now, in fact he only really goes out to chase my poor eldest boy out the door but I like your idea of separating the house/cat flap etc. Naturally selling and buying houses can take forever and as you say, time is of the essence so I was thinking of providing temporary accommodation for my eldest boy with my mother until I have a more suitable property (she lives 3 hours away so I would miss him even more though!!) but after living blissfully with her for months and months, he is probably going to be even more distressed moving back in with me and seeing his arch enemy again after all that time so probably not a great idea.
Thanks for recommending Zylkene - I have seen this and wondered if it would be suitable - typically he is 8.5kg so I will need 2 a day so hope that they taste nice or he won't come home at all if he hates the food!! 
If you don't mind me asking, you mention it making your boy sleepy, just to add to my worries about him being out, I live on a very busy road which he likes to frequently cross, I would be concerned that if it makes him too drowsy, he will lose his road sense (he's already a bit of a klutz in his old age) - what are your thoughts on this? Is it too risky? If so, is there any less drowsy ones you are aware of that work (as a general consensus, I know there's always mixed reviews)
I will try anything!!!

Thanks so much, you have been really very helpful indeed!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Sorry, no I really would not recommend any of the calming supplements for a cat who crosses a busy road.!!  . Far too risky. It could affect his judgement adversely.  . By their very nature products/supplements which calm are going to make the cat more relaxed. Not what you want in the circumstances. He needs to have all his wits about him not be sedated.

I am very sad to hear he is a senior cat who has been driven out of his home.  That is even more unfair.  Senior cats need special care and attention, and IMO they deserve as many home comforts as possible. I could not allow any of my oldies to be driven out by anyone.

It sounds like a good idea to send him to live with your mother but I would leave him there for good. There is no way I would allow him to settle with your mum and then cause him all the upheaval of bringing him back to your home. Particularly as you are not planning to re-home your rescued stray.

Your old boy needs some stability and calm in his life. He does not need all the upset and stress he is trying to cope with at present. This is a situation where you need to put his needs first, and this may mean you being unselfish and making a personal sacrifice in no longer having him live with you.

I am sorry if this sounds rather harsh, but I am thinking of what is best for your cat, and your mum's home sounds ideal for him as he was happy there.


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## Stix123 (Jun 3, 2017)

I did think as much re:calming supplements, he's such a dozy old thing, I'd probably see him sat having a wash in the middle of the rd!
I wouldn't re-home my eldest permanently (even to my mum!) I would definitely re-home my 'feral' first even if it means also trying him with my mum - he can't be in the same room as her at my house though so not sure how it would happen at hers, I would probably have to move in myself for a month to get him settled.
I think I'm holding out for a miracle that probably won't happen!
Thanks again for your advice.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

I am really sorry I can't be more positive or hopeful about your current circumstances. I really do hope you can find a solution that makes your old boy happy though. 

Good luck.


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## Stix123 (Jun 3, 2017)

Me too, it's heartbreaking. Thanks again


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