# Rehoming our dog is breaking my heart.



## oliverjwild (Jul 4, 2016)

Hi all, 

I'm very new to this forum and so am still finding my way around. I joined due to needing some guidance and reassurance from those of you who have re-homed your dog in the distant or near past. We are rehoming our beautiful boy Bandit due to his aggression towards my 4 year old brother and I can't stop crying with the guilt that is consuming me. 

Will he remember? Will he wonder why I no longer love him? Will he find someone who will love him more than I do now? What if he thinks he's been abandoned?

All questions that are keeping me up at night. He's being collected on Saturday so I have this week with him before he goes. I am unable to stop crying and imagining the worst. Any help/reassurance/guidance would be hugely appreciated! 

Many thanks, 

Oliver 

(19, South Coast UK)


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Have you rehomed him yourself or is he being rehomed by a reputable rescue? I say that as I hope the owners have been fully informed of the aggression issues etc.....?

Dogs are remarkably adaptable and tend to move on quickly provided all their needs are being met.


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

So sorry to hear the situation that you are all in and you have to rehome your dog. Dogs are not like us they don't think in the waty we do, they live in the present.Your dog will adjust to his new home, you mustn't feel guilty none of it is your fault ,it is one of those situations that you have to do what is best for your little brother and also bandit. You wouldn't want the situation get so bad that your little brother gets badly hurt and then you will have to have your dog put to sleep. I know that it is hard for you,. Is there any way that you can keep in touch with the new owner so you can go and see bandit every now and then ? Try to not get upset


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## oliverjwild (Jul 4, 2016)

labradrk said:


> Have you rehomed him yourself or is he being rehomed by a reputable rescue? I say that as I hope the owners have been fully informed of the aggression issues etc.....?
> 
> Dogs are remarkably adaptable and tend to move on quickly provided all their needs are being met.


He is being rehomed by the rescue we got him from. I have made sure that potential adopters are informed about his behaviour as I don't want anyone else to end up in this situation, a year down the line. I hope that he moves on quickly, I really do.


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## oliverjwild (Jul 4, 2016)

Jackien4 said:


> So sorry to hear the situation that you are all in and you have to rehome your dog. Dogs are not like us they don't think in the waty we do, they live in the present.Your dog will adjust to his new home, you mustn't feel guilty none of it is your fault ,it is one of those situations that you have to do what is best for your little brother and also bandit. You wouldn't want the situation get so bad that your little brother gets badly hurt and then you will have to have your dog put to sleep. I know that it is hard for you,. Is there any way that you can keep in touch with the new owner so you can go and see bandit every now and then ? Try to not get upset


Thank you so much for your reassurance as reading that message brought me some level of peace. Sadly not allowed to have any contact with the new owners per the contract that I signed when I got him. I didn't hesitate to sign as I didn't think there was anything in the world that would prevent me from keeping him. I'm going to miss him so much and really don't know what life is going to be like without him. He truly is my best friend and I just don't know how I'm going to cope. I think this week will be harder purely due to the fact that I know I'm on borrowed time. I know that we're counting down until he's gone and I hate that level of knowing that I have to make every action count. A whole week of knowing is making this much harder.


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

oliverjwild said:


> He is being rehomed by the rescue we got him from. I have made sure that potential adopters are informed about his behaviour as I don't want anyone else to end up in this situation, a year down the line. I hope that he moves on quickly, I really do.


At least he will go to a good home,and not just to anyone. How long have you had him?


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## oliverjwild (Jul 4, 2016)

Jackien4 said:


> At least he will go to a good home,and not just to anyone. How long have you had him?


Since the start of this year. His aggression has always been an issue but I wanted to ensure I worked with him and did the best I could by him rather than just giving up. I really can't explain the grief I'm feeling.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

oliverjwild said:


> Thank you so much for your reassurance as reading that message brought me some level of peace. Sadly not allowed to have any contact with the new owners per the contract that I signed when I got him. I didn't hesitate to sign as I didn't think there was anything in the world that would prevent me from keeping him. I'm going to miss him so much and really don't know what life is going to be like without him. He truly is my best friend and I just don't know how I'm going to cope. I think this week will be harder purely due to the fact that I know I'm on borrowed time. I know that we're counting down until he's gone and I hate that level of knowing that I have to make every action count. A whole week of knowing is making this much harder.


Can't you try and make the most of your last week with him? I know it's sad, but your stress is likely to rub off on him a little. Try and enjoy your time with him.


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

You have us all on here to talk too, to try and help you get through it .


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## Firedog (Oct 19, 2011)

Make sure if you haven't done already to get some photo's.


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

oliverjwild said:


> Since the start of this year. His aggression has always been an issue but I wanted to ensure I worked with him and did the best I could by him rather than just giving up. I really can't explain the grief I'm feeling.


The grief you feel is probably like when you lose your dog in death, so can understand to a degree what you must be feeling. Is there any other way that you can get round this , without having to rehome him?


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## Blitz (Feb 12, 2009)

I am surprised a rescue will rehome an aggressive dog. Not sure it is fair on the rehomers or the dog as he will be backwards and forwards all his life till he eventually harms someone and is pts .


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

Blitz said:


> I am surprised a rescue will rehome an aggressive dog. Not sure it is fair on the rehomers or the dog as he will be backwards and forwards all his life till he eventually harms someone and is pts .


May be he is just aggressive to young children. So they will rehome him with a home with no children.


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Jackien4 said:


> May be he is just aggressive to young children. So they will rehome him with a home with no children.


But how could they be sure he'd never come into contact with any or it won't escalate?

My mum & dad rehomed a failed working dog (from a very well known organisation) & they were told she just hadn't made the grade.

After being aggressive with me (which I gave the benefit of doubt to - I was a stranger in her eyes & the 1st one up & thought she was maybe protecting her house), she was then aggressive to neighbours kids 

They eventually admitted she had been failed due to her aggression & thought it would be ok as my folks live in the middle of nowhere & they'd never run into people! Disgusting!


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

Lilylass said:


> But how could they be sure he'd never come into contact with any or it won't escalate?
> 
> My mum & dad rehomed a failed working dog (from a very well known organisation) & they were told she just hadn't made the grade.
> 
> ...


its called management, many dogs never come into contact with kids because their owners ensure they dont


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Lexiedhb said:


> its called management, many dogs never come into contact with kids because their owners ensure they dont


Yes I realise that - it's a lot of trust for a rescue to give to someone, generally that they don't know from Adam, though


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

Jackien4 said:


> The grief you feel is probably like when you lose your dog in death, so can understand to a degree what you must be feeling. Is there any other way that you can get round this , without having to rehome him?


Have you thought about your dog going to a foster home? Then may be at some time in the future you can have him back


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

Lilylass said:


> Yes I realise that - it's a lot of trust for a rescue to give to someone, generally that they don't know from Adam, though


Thats true, but without knowing the dog, or what the OP is classing as "aggression" it is very difficult to tell the extent of the dogs issues. I imagine that they are not "extreme" and the rescue believes they could be worked on, or they have someone experienced who can properly assess the dog.


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## Blitz (Feb 12, 2009)

Lexiedhb said:


> its called management, many dogs never come into contact with kids because their owners ensure they dont


Exactly. They have already rehomed the dog once to a home that was not suitable for it. Of course there are a few people that will take on an aggressive dog and make sure it does not harm anyone but they are few and far between and no one can guarantee anything.

Think I did the wrong quote. I do not think management is enough for most owners - it just does not happen.


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

Blitz said:


> Exactly. They have already rehomed the dog once to a home that was not suitable for it. Of course there are a few people that will take on an aggressive dog and make sure it does not harm anyone but they are few and far between and no one can guarantee anything.
> 
> Think I did the wrong quote. I do not think management is enough for most owners - it just does not happen.


I guessing that the OP's definition of aggression and the rescues/ experienced owners definition are probably worlds apart. Very careful, close management can and does happen in the majority of homes IMO. The rescue i got mine from now asks that new owners retain their dogs on leads in public places to try and help ensure this management, but of course they can not police that.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Blitz said:


> I am surprised a rescue will rehome an aggressive dog. Not sure it is fair on the rehomers or the dog as he will be backwards and forwards all his life till he eventually harms someone and is pts .


Oh for goodness sake Blitz why don't you make the lad feel worse than he already does? He has already said the rescue are well aware of his issues so its entirely up to them to decide whether those issues can be worked with and whether its safe to re home the dog. They may well stipulate only to a home without children or visiting children. Believe it or not there are plenty of people who are prepared to take on dogs with issues like this and manage to keep everyone safe.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Does OP know why his dog was in a rescue to start with? It's a very sad situation.


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Oh for goodness sake Blitz why don't you make the lad feel worse than he already does? He has already said the rescue are well aware of his issues so its entirely up to them to decide whether those issues can be worked with and whether its safe to re home the dog. They may well stipulate only to a home without children or visiting children. Believe it or not there are plenty of people who are prepared to take on dogs with issues like this and manage to keep everyone safe.


Well said. This young lad is being responsible ,and doing this because of his little brother. It is breaking his heart doing this. It's up to the rescue now to home the dog, it's not up to us to decide what will happen. He has come on here for some guidance . We don't want to make him feel more upset then he already is.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Oh for goodness sake Blitz why don't you make the lad feel worse than he already does? He has already said the rescue are well aware of his issues so its entirely up to them to decide whether those issues can be worked with and whether its safe to re home the dog. They may well stipulate only to a home without children or visiting children. Believe it or not there are plenty of people who are prepared to take on dogs with issues like this and manage to keep everyone safe.


Completely agree. We meet many on our walks who struggle with children and are in very loving adult homes and the dogs are well managed and content.

Any dog with issue like this would be welcome in our home. We don't have children, rarely see them on our walks as Molly is walked during school hours and any dog would be easily managed if little ones popped around- crates, doors, baby gates and leads..!

As it is Molly loves children but this is an example of how it's possible to manage.

I hope that's of some reassurance @oliverjwild and you feel able to come back to talk to PF and get some support. I can't imagine how painful it must be.

Perhaps those less than supportive, can find another thread or create their own. It's not at all fair to this poor chap whose surely going through enough without an extra guilt trip. I suspect he has thought of all you have said already anyway.


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## oliverjwild (Jul 4, 2016)

I want to thank you all for your kind words and reassurance. For those of you who disagree with what I'm doing, please know that I have considered every possibility regarding my dog and would never do anything to make his life or future less enjoyable or short. The issues he has with aggression are fear based due to him being a Romanian stray before we rescued him. It's not due to me being too lazy to keep him or not wanting to help him. I've spent hundreds of pounds, spent hours of every day trying to make his life easier and work with the aggression and make it go away. Unfortunately after months of trying, it's just beginning to become unsafe and my parents are no longer prepared to have him around my brother. His aggression is concerning, yes, but the rescue are adamant that he will be living with a professional trainer and will not be rehomed until he's worked on these issues. He will never be rehomed to a family with children or cats as he just isn't suitable. 

Thank you to those of you who have been supportive and shared your stories or guidance with me. Being 19, this is a huge choice that has left me racked with guilt and sadness so your kind words are helping me more than you could imagine.

Oliver.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

oliverjwild said:


> I want to thank you all for your kind words and reassurance. For those of you who disagree with what I'm doing, please know that I have considered every possibility regarding my dog and would never do anything to make his life or future less enjoyable or short. The issues he has with aggression are fear based due to him being a Romanian stray before we rescued him. It's not due to me being too lazy to keep him or not wanting to help him. I've spent hundreds of pounds, spent hours of every day trying to make his life easier and work with the aggression and make it go away. Unfortunately after months of trying, it's just beginning to become unsafe and my parents are no longer prepared to have him around my brother. His aggression is concerning, yes, but the rescue are adamant that he will be living with a professional trainer and will not be rehomed until he's worked on these issues. He will never be rehomed to a family with children or cats as he just isn't suitable.
> 
> Thank you to those of you who have been supportive and shared your stories or guidance with me. Being 19, this is a huge choice that has left me racked with guilt and sadness so your kind words are helping me more than you could imagine.
> 
> Oliver.


I have to say you come across as very wise for your years.

Stay strong, if you believe you are doing the right thing by him, I'm sure it will work out.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

MilleD said:


> I have to say you come across as very wise for your years.
> 
> Stay strong, if you believe you are doing the right thing by him, I'm sure it will work out.


Couldn't have put it better.

@oliverjwild I am so sorry and just wish I had something useful to add. I left two dogs with my ex many years ago and in someways though I miss them still, it was the best option and time - however trite it sounds - does help to sooth. Make sure you get support at home with your parents too.


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## Kimmikins (Apr 9, 2016)

I know exactly how you're feeling, as before my dog's issues peaked I had got him a spot in a rescue and he was all ready to go. I had only days left with him, and I spent a lot of time just being with him. Taking photos, snuggling, playing and just enjoying what time I had left.

You are doing the best thing for him. Part of getting on top of his issues is to manage his environment, and this would mean him not being around your brother while you worked with him, and that's obviously not possible. You have given him the ultimate gift; the gift of another chance, and not every dog with aggression issues gets that. That takes incredible strength.



rottiepointerhouse said:


> Oh for goodness sake Blitz why don't you make the lad feel worse than he already does? He has already said the rescue are well aware of his issues so its entirely up to them to decide whether those issues can be worked with and whether its safe to re home the dog. They may well stipulate only to a home without children or visiting children. Believe it or not there are plenty of people who are prepared to take on dogs with issues like this and manage to keep everyone safe.


Totally agree with this. Not every dog with aggression issues is destined for a life of bouncing around until being PTS. There are people out there, as long as the issues are laid out right from the beginning, like the OP is ensuring.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

@oliverjwild if it helps this is my last rottie Mabel, she was given up by a teenage boy who was heart broken to part with her. She had a bite history, was aggressive towards joggers, cyclists and other dogs. We took her on from a rescue knowing that and on the understanding she must not be with children or visiting children. She spent 3.5 years with us until she died, safely managed - the only people she ever bit were me and my husband and then nothing serious. In the photo I am holding her paw with an open hand as a proper paw hold was a trigger for her to bite. I'm showing you this hoping it might reassure you that there are good homes out there for dogs with issues. I loved her with all my heart.


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## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

So sorry Oliver you find yourself in this position


oliverjwild said:


> I want to thank you all for your kind words and reassurance. For those of you who disagree with what I'm doing, please know that I have considered every possibility regarding my dog and would never do anything to make his life or future less enjoyable or short. The issues he has with aggression are fear based due to him being a Romanian stray before we rescued him. It's not due to me being too lazy to keep him or not wanting to help him. I've spent hundreds of pounds, spent hours of every day trying to make his life easier and work with the aggression and make it go away. Unfortunately after months of trying, it's just beginning to become unsafe and my parents are no longer prepared to have him around my brother. His aggression is concerning, yes, but the rescue are adamant that he will be living with a professional trainer and will not be rehomed until he's worked on these issues. He will never be rehomed to a family with children or cats as he just isn't suitable.
> 
> Thank you to those of you who have been supportive and shared your stories or guidance with me. Being 19, this is a huge choice that has left me racked with guilt and sadness so your kind words are helping me more than you could imagine.
> 
> Oliver.


Sometimes Oliver we have to admit defeat rest assure Bandit will go to a home more suited to his need's,I have 4 dogs who are scared of kid's and would be aggressive towards them hence me taking them from the rescue as they do not have any contact with children.Thank you for being a responsible dog owner and putting Bandit's needs before your own,I hope in time you will find a dog who will fit into your family life.


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## fernlady (Feb 27, 2013)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> @oliverjwild if it helps this is my last rottie Mabel, she was given up by a teenage boy who was heart broken to part with her. She had a bite history, was aggressive towards joggers, cyclists and other dogs. We took her on from a rescue knowing that and on the understanding she must not be with children or visiting children. She spent 3.5 years with us until she died, safely managed - the only people she ever bit were me and my husband and then nothing serious. In the photo I am holding her paw with an open hand as a proper paw hold was a trigger for her to bite. I'm showing you this hoping it might reassure you that there are good homes out there for dogs with issues. I loved her with all my heart.


That's a lovely story. Thanks for sharing x


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## oliverjwild (Jul 4, 2016)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> @oliverjwild if it helps this is my last rottie Mabel, she was given up by a teenage boy who was heart broken to part with her. She had a bite history, was aggressive towards joggers, cyclists and other dogs. We took her on from a rescue knowing that and on the understanding she must not be with children or visiting children. She spent 3.5 years with us until she died, safely managed - the only people she ever bit were me and my husband and then nothing serious. In the photo I am holding her paw with an open hand as a proper paw hold was a trigger for her to bite. I'm showing you this hoping it might reassure you that there are good homes out there for dogs with issues. I loved her with all my heart.


That story and photo have warmed my heart. I just hope Bandit finds a family who will love him the way you so clearly loved Mabel.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Blitz said:


> Exactly. They have already rehomed the dog once to a home that was not suitable for it. Of course there are a few people that will take on an aggressive dog and make sure it does not harm anyone but they are few and far between and no one can guarantee anything.
> 
> Think I did the wrong quote. I do not think management is enough for most owners - it just does not happen.


Based on what, exactly? Max has bite history - fear and pain based, pretty intolerant of kids because they're more likely to ignore his calming/warning signs.

Luckily for him, he lives with me and not my brother and his 3 kids. The kids are hardly ever around mine (fairly sure my 1y/o niece has NEVER been to mine as I tend to visit them at theirs instead), so what do you base your statement on?

There are plenty adult-only homes out there. Can the rescue guarantee that there will never be visiting kids? Of course not! But then you put the dog in a bedroom or somewhere and keep the kids out of that room.

OP, would the rescue keep you updated as to his progress? So that, even if you can't see him, it might reassure you that he's being well looked after.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

oliverjwild said:


> For those of you who disagree with what I'm doing,


@oliverjwild: I'm fairly sure that as animal lovers, none of us would disagree with what you are doing; on the contrary, we know exactly how you feel having to give up a much-loved pet. But you are doing the only thing possible...If Bandit had actually bitten your brother and badly, he would not be getting another chance which is what you are now giving him.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

Blitz said:


> I am surprised a rescue will rehome an aggressive dog. Not sure it is fair on the rehomers or the dog as he will be backwards and forwards all his life till he eventually harms someone and is pts .


I'm reading this as Blitz questioning the rescue centre who rehomed the dog in the first place to kids, which was my first thought and I agree.
OP, dogs live in the moment so to speak so he will settle with another home and hopefully an adult only home.


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

Well done for putting safety first no matter how hard it is for you. 

There are quite a few people out there will to take on dogs with known issues, many on this site have done just that.

Ask the rescue if they can keep you updated, and while you might not be allowed to have direct contact with the new owner maybe you can ask the rescue to pass on your details and then it's the new owners choice.

Enjoy your time with him, make new memories xx Such a hard but brave thing to do....


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