# We have ALL suffered loss...



## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

I just wanted to post that EVERYBODY on this forum has suffered a loss of loved ones or pets.... at some point in their lives.

Certain members on PF are up front and tell everyone of that loss, which is fine...And open about their daily lives and what goes on! I choose not to...

I for one am a private person, and not open about my private life! I want to say, I have also suffered losses of loved ones in the past and have battled illness...I just choose to keep the details private. Certain members do don't have the monopoly on the feeling of sadness and loss......


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## Classyellie (Apr 16, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I just wanted to post that EVERYBODY on this forum has suffered a loss of loved ones or pets.... at some point in their lives.
> 
> Certain members on PF are up front and tell everyone of that loss, which is fine...And open about their daily lives and what goes on! I choose not to...
> 
> I for one am a private person, and not open about my private life! I want to say, I have also suffered losses of loved ones in the past and have battled illness...I just choose to keep the details private. Certain members do don't have the monopoly on the feeling of sadness and loss......


It's a personal choice whether to post about losses of loved ones or pets, of illnesses or life choices. I for one would not dare to think that anyone has the monopoly on the feelings these provoke, we have all been through 'the mill' in one way or another - that's life


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Classyellie said:


> It's a personal choice whether to post about losses of loved ones or pets, of illnesses or life choices. I for one would not dare to think that anyone has the monopoly on the feelings these provoke, we have all been through 'the mill' in one way or another - that's life


I agree, its down to personal choice!


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I agree, its down to personal choice!


I agree with that too.

There are certain things I will talk about, but there is so much that goes on that I wouldn't ever talk about to anybody. Whilst I will divulge things about myself, I've not had a choice in the past about it and been able to detach myself from it in ways.

I don't think I've been through anything that the vast majority of people haven't, I tend to refer to things more in that I've been through similar situations to other people and found this helped etc.


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## Classyellie (Apr 16, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I agree, its down to personal choice!


Just because someone always seems upbeat and happy on the forum doesn't mean that I would dare to presume that they hadn't suffered loss in their lives though


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## nutmeg (Sep 13, 2009)

Classyellie said:


> Just because someone always seems upbeat and happy on the forum doesn't mean that I would dare to presume that they hadn't suffered loss in their lives though


Thats very true.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> I agree with that too.
> 
> There are certain things I will talk about, but there is so much that goes on that I wouldn't ever talk about to anybody. Whilst I will divulge things about myself, I've not had a choice in the past about it and been able to detach myself from it in ways.
> 
> I don't think I've been through anything that the vast majority of people haven't, I tend to refer to things more in that I've been through similar situations to other people and found this helped etc.


Your private like i am ! 



Classyellie said:


> Just because someone always seems upbeat and happy on the forum doesn't mean that I would dare to presume that they hadn't suffered loss in their lives though


Exactly!


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

Yes we have to remember everyone has/will suffer loss at some point in their life  downside of being a human I suppose...

I've never had a problem sharing. There are some things I've never told anyone but other than that I am an open book.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

sequeena said:


> Yes we have to remember everyone has/will suffer loss at some point in their life  downside of being a human I suppose...
> 
> I've never had a problem sharing. There are some things I've never told anyone but other than that I am an open book.


I've lost alot of pets and two loved ones recently this year. I like to share it with everybody as I find it helps me to tell people on here.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

danielled said:


> I've lost alot of pets and two loved ones recently this year. I like to share it with everybody as I find it helps me to tell people on here.


And that's fine. It's cheaper than a therapist anyway


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

sequeena said:


> And that's fine. It's cheaper than a therapist anyway


Yes it is definatley cheaper.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

sequeena said:


> Yes we have to remember everyone has/will suffer loss at some point in their life  downside of being a human I suppose...
> 
> I've never had a problem sharing. There are some things I've never told anyone but other than that I am an open book.


On that note (tip toeing)... I thought you had 3 dogs and a cat...Only see 2 dogs in your siggie.....


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

danielled said:


> I've lost alot of pets and two loved ones recently this year. I like to share it with everybody as I find it helps me to tell people on here.


Hello Daniel, thank you for posting! Don't you feel some of the younger members (teenagers) reveal too much info on themselves? After all the internet is a very dangerous place for children.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Hello Daniel, thank you for posting! Don't you feel some of the younger members (teenagers) reveal too much info on themselves? After all the internet is a very dangerous place for children.


I think sometimes they can reveal too much info on themselves. You need to be careful on the internet. The internet is a dangerous place after all.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> On that note (tip toeing)... I thought you had 3 dogs and a cat...Only see 2 dogs in your siggie.....


I tried to find a pic that said I love my mutts but gave up and just settled with I love my mutt :laugh:


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

sequeena said:


> I tried to find a pic that said I love my mutts but gave up and just settled with I love my mutt :laugh:


Phew, so you still have 3 healthy dogs!!!


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Phew, so you still have 3 healthy dogs!!!


Yes all mine are still alive and kicking  Even though I do feel like killing them at times! :laugh:


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Hello Daniel, thank you for posting! Don't you feel some of the younger members (teenagers) reveal too much info on themselves? After all the internet is a very dangerous place for children.


Can I ask what kind of info you mean, like personal things or their identity etc?


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Can I ask what kind of info you mean, like personal things or their identity etc?


Both really! More so identity though....


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Can I ask what kind of info you mean, like personal things or their identity etc?


I think the identity thing is a no no. Personal stuff like where you live, even what you are up to but i also think it is quite dangerous for young people to show emotional vulnerability online.

It's just worth bearing in mind you have no idea who a person is on the internet  There are people who create online personas to prey on young people .


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> I think the identity thing is a no no. Personal stuff like where you live, even what you are up to but i also think it is quite dangerous for young people to show emotional vulnerability online.
> 
> It's just worth bearing in mind you have no idea who a person is on the internet  There are people who create online personas to prey on young people .


Couldn't agree more Rainy!! I have noticed a couple of "older" members on here take too much interest in the younger members (and befriend them VERY quickly) and it scares me. I have also warned a few of the young ones about the info they have put on this forum, but I reckon they think I am just a kill joy!!!!


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Both really! More so identity though....


Thanks, wasn't quite sure 



RAINYBOW said:


> I think the identity thing is a no no. Personal stuff like where you live, even what you are up to but i also think it is quite dangerous for young people to show emotional vulnerability online.
> 
> It's just worth bearing in mind you have no idea who a person is on the internet  There are people who create online personas to prey on young people .


True enough! I think it is the 15 and under's most, when you get to my age (17) you aren't half as honest


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## Ladywiccana (Feb 24, 2008)

RAINYBOW said:


> I think the identity thing is a no no. Personal stuff like where you live, even what you are up to but i also think it is quite dangerous for young people to show emotional vulnerability online.
> 
> It's just worth bearing in mind you have no idea who a person is on the internet  There are people who create online personas to prey on young people .


*I think there is a link at the top of the page about Internet Safety for Children, They really are too too trusting, and hope they are careful and sensible enough whilst they are online, thank you for bringing this up Tillysdream, we can never have enough reminders about Internet Safety for our younger members :thumbup1: :aureola: :thumbup1:*


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

ladywiccana said:


> *I think there is a link at the top of the page about Internet Safety for Children, They really are too too trusting, and hope they are careful and sensible enough whilst they are online, thank you for bringing this up Tillysdream, we can never have enough reminders about Internet Safety for our younger members :thumbup1: :aureola: :thumbup1:*


Your welcome! Was waiting for my knuckles to be rapped lol.... Some of the younger ones are far too trusting...


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Thanks, wasn't quite sure
> 
> True enough! I think it is the 15 and under's most, when you get to my age (17) you aren't half as honest


:thumbup1:

I think it's a sad fact of the internet that people just have to be aware.

Have fun, enjoy but just remember that lovely 16 year old who thinks you are amazing could be some nutter sat there in his wifes undies 

Personally i think this site is pretty safe and any regulars that were behaving inappropriately would soon get spotted  but there is always a risk.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> Have fun, enjoy but just remember that lovely 16 year old who thinks you are amazing could be some nutter sat there in his wifes undies


I am laughing at the above comment, but I shouldn't, cos it is a sad fact it happens!


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## Ladywiccana (Feb 24, 2008)

*Whilst were on the subject of youngsters, has anyone seen Jess about lately ive not seen her for a while?????? I hope she's ok???*


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

ladywiccana said:


> *Whilst were on the subject of youngsters, has anyone seen Jess about lately ive not seen her for a while?????? I hope she's ok???*


She came back on briefly, to talk about her new puppy saying how busy it was keeping her...But then disappeared again!


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

All i am going to say is i hoipe this wasn't aimed at me after having a conversation with Danielle on here last night.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

ladywiccana said:


> *Whilst were on the subject of youngsters, has anyone seen Jess about lately ive not seen her for a while?????? I hope she's ok???*


I saw her when she came back on to talk about her puppy but I haven't seen her since. She dissappeared and I haven't seen her since she quickly came back on and dissappeared again.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> All i am going to say is i hoipe this wasn't aimed at me after having a conversation with Danielle on here last night.


We had a good chat last night and you helped me alot so thank you.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Indie said:


> All i am going to say is i hoipe this wasn't aimed at me after having a conversation with Danielle on here last night.


I never saw your conversation with Danielle  Haven't a clue!!! I tend to say away for the younger members threads!


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I never saw your conversation with Danielle  Haven't a clue!!! I tend to say away for the younger members threads!


We talked last night as I was feeling very down.


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## waterlilyold (Aug 28, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> :thumbup1:
> 
> I think it's a sad fact of the internet that people just have to be aware.
> 
> ...


Haha that is so funny, I had a real visual then 
It's so true we get an image of what someone is like and it's easy to start trusting and start blabbing info that is a privacy threat. People are not always as they seem.:frown2:


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

danielled said:


> We had a good chat last night and you helped me alot so thank you.


Your welcome i'm always here to chat if you ever need it. Shame i can't have conversations like that with my own kids lol.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

waterlily said:


> Haha that is so funny, I had a real visual then
> It's so true we get an image of what someone is like and it's easy to start trusting and start blabbing info that is a privacy threat. People are not always as they seem.:frown2:


I like to think most people are genuine but it's good for people to be aware :thumbup1:


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

tillysdream said:


> I never saw your conversation with Danielle  Haven't a clue!!! I tend to say away for the younger members threads!


it wasn't really a younger members thread it was a thread about 09. xx


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> Your welcome i'm always here to chat if you ever need it. Shame i can't have conversations like that with my own kids lol.


I need to have another conversation with you again today as it helps me.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Indie said:


> it wasn't really a younger members thread it was a thread about 09. xx


Yeah, just checked your age and Daniells, both of you are adults!!! So even more confused lol....


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Yeah, just checked your age and Daniells, both of you are adults!!! So even more confused lol....


Don't worry I have had to do that before now.


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

I don't no how old Danielle is but why the need to check?


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> I don't no how old Danielle is but why the need to check?


I'm 23. You do now.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Indie said:


> I don't no how old Danielle is but why the need to check?


Because of what you came on this thread and said... I wrongly assumed you were a youngster lol!


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I tend to say away for the younger members threads!


Just out of nosiness, can I ask why?


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## waterlilyold (Aug 28, 2009)

danielled said:


> I'm 23. You do now.


Thats the kinda info you don't have to tell anyone  But I thought you were older,


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

danielled said:


> I'm 23. You do now.


lol the internet is sooooo strange i had it in my head you were 14,15, 16 lol


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

waterlily said:


> Thats the kinda info you don't have to tell anyone  But I thought you were older,


Hahahahahahahaha i thought she was younger.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> lol the internet is sooooo strange i had it in my head you were 14,15, 16 lol


Don't worry I get alot of people that think I'm 14. I look younger than 23.


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## waterlilyold (Aug 28, 2009)

danielled said:


> Don't worry I get alot of people that think I'm 14. I look younger than 23.


I thought you were in your 50's or about that generation


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Just out of nosiness, can I ask why?


Just cos I am in my thirties...lol! No bad reasons......


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

tillysdream said:


> Because of what you came on this thread and said... I wrongly assumed you were a youngster lol!


PMSL awww i wish i was i tell you especially come Feb.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> Hahahahahahahaha i thought she was younger.


Somebody on here once thought I was 10 I'm used to it. I don't mind.


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

As long as the youngsters keep them selves safe there is no reason why everyone shouldnt chat and post together i chat or speak to anyone, having the young ones around is nice.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

haeveymolly said:


> As long as the youngsters keep them selves safe there is no reason why everyone shouldnt chat and post together i chat or speak to anyone, having the young ones around is nice.


I don't ignore them if they post on one of my threads and their opinions/views are just as valid. I just don't seek them out or befriend them  is a better way of putting it!

If I had children, I would be very unhappy that they had adult friends on the internet, and would also question why adults would want such young members as close friends!


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I don't ignore them if they post on one of my threads and their opinions/views are just as valid. I just don't seek them out or befriend them  is a better way of putting it!
> 
> If I had children, I would be very unhappy that they had adult friends on the internet, and would also question why adults would want such young members as close friends!


Oh ye i wasnt suggesting you were ignoring them wasnt actually directing the post at anyone just saying they have to be carefull and also thinking that its nice to have young people on the forum important that they gain as much knowlege as they can about animals, i dont seek them out but make them feel welcome if i do come across their threads half the time i dont even know they are young havnt a clue on anyones age t.b.h, it doesnt matter to me.


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## lauren001 (Jun 30, 2008)

I think you have to remember that not only this community sees the posts, it is open to the whole web. It is very easy to assume that conversations are just between members but that isn't the case.

Other people may not be able to post or send pms or view profiles but that doesn't mean they cannot fathom out exactly who a person is by their posts if they reveal a lot about themselves.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

lauren001 said:


> I think you have to remember that not only this community sees the posts, it is open to the whole web. It is very easy to assume that conversations are just between members but that isn't the case.
> 
> Other people may not be able to post or send pms or view profiles but that doesn't mean they cannot fathom out exactly who a person is by their posts if they reveal a lot about themselves.


Great point!!! There is usually far more "guests" on here than "members"! And all the guests see the info you are putting on here as well! Scary really! Hence why I keep all my personal details private, and give VERY little info out about myself! And I am an adult, and i worry!


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## Miss.PuddyCat (Jul 13, 2009)

I lost another family member to cancer here, one that I will admit I didnt like and that I didnt speak to. My grandmother is srsly ill and is about to kick the bucket most likly. I dont speak to my fathers side of the family out of personal choice and same goes for my mothers side.

I have had to give up several pets in the past and this past summer had to give up my baby Eddie (bird) to a rescue. 

I have on another forum posted a photo of myself and people were shocked because I look nothing like what they thought I did. I have said what province I live in but thats it. I have met a few people online who live or used to live near me but I doubt I'll ever meet them.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I don't ignore them if they post on one of my threads and their opinions/views are just as valid. I just don't seek them out or befriend them  is a better way of putting it!
> 
> If I had children, I would be very unhappy that they had adult friends on the internet, and would also question why adults would want such young members as close friends!


I had befriended a young member on here, a 17 year old and myself being 52.
This is what I like about the internet, people of different generations can and do actually communicate, something that would rarely happen in real life.
There is nothing sinister in our friendship, just a shared interest in the natural world
However I can and do realise that not all communication over this medium is as innocent.
Some of those befriending the younger members may also be totally innocent and just making an effort to include them in the forum.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

rona said:


> I had befriended a young member on here, a 17 year old and myself being 52.
> This is what I like about the internet, people of different generations can and do actually communicate, something that would rarely happen in real life.
> There is nothing sinister in our friendship, just a shared interest in the natural world
> However I can and do realise that not all communication over this medium is as innocent.
> Some of those befriending the younger members may also be totally innocent and just making an effort to include them in the forum.


Hi Rona...I was thinking more the under 16's...  Children....


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## Miss.PuddyCat (Jul 13, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Hi Rona...I was thinking more the under 16's...  Children....


Is this in refernce of a certain member ?:001_huh:


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Miss.PuddyCat said:


> Is this in refernce of a certain member ?:001_huh:


God, will you get off my case!  You seem to follow me around lol, I must smell nice! 

No, it is not referring to a certain member  its referring to the "children" and hoping "they" stay safe online! Yikes....


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## Miss.PuddyCat (Jul 13, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> God, will you get off my case!  You seem to follow me around lol, I must smell nice!
> 
> No, it is not referring to a certain member  its referring to the "children" and hoping "they" stay safe online! Yikes....


I am not on your case and I am not following you around. I thought this was a good discussion and I am sorry I joined. I just asked because of what happened with another member on her under the age of 16

So I was like, I wonder if it has anything to do with.

Sorry I bothered you in asking ffs. Wont reply or ask again.


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

I do think in comparison that this is a much safer place than most internet chatsites that are available to young people.


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## lauren001 (Jun 30, 2008)

I think it is impossible to say how old any member is in reality unless they are personally known to many members.

I am sure you get people pretending they are children and children pretending they are adults and "old folk" taking a bit off their age to appear "cooler" and young folk perhaps adding a few years to make them seem more experienced than they are.

I think some members do feel a bit paternal/maternal toward very young members and it is a shame if it is now seen by some to be "grooming".
It is a sad reflection.

I must say I don't think I have been ever felt uncomfortable at any time re older/younger member conversations on here, but it could go on via pm, I suppose.


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

lauren001 said:


> I think it is impossible to say how old any member is in reality unless they are personally known to many members.
> 
> I am sure you get people pretending they are children and children pretending they are adults and "old folk" taking a bit off their age to appear "cooler" and young folk perhaps adding a few years to make them seem more experienced than they are.
> 
> ...


I agree we do feel a little protective towards them as it wasnt long ago a thread was made saying just that and we had to be aware of the content of threads started as there were members under 16.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I think in recent months there has been more younger members joining the forum for which the most part has not been a problem...I think its nice to have a variety of members although sometimes I have to think about what im saying  there could be suspicion with many members saying who they are not just their age....thats the reality of being on an internet forum...I try not to think about it too much as otherwise it takes the enjoyment out of the forum I know for a fact I have made some genuine friendships on here u have to use your judgement


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Just cos I am in my thirties...lol! No bad reasons......


I actually thought you were more of the younger persuasion, tillysdream
Just to put my 2p's worth in, I would worry about my children putting pictures of themselves on this, or any, forum & agree that children can be way too trusting, but so can vulnerable adults & not-so-vulnerable adults


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

simplysardonic said:


> I actually thought you were more of the younger persuasion, tillysdream


Thank you, I often get mistaken for being in my twenties!!!! What can I say..I am vain and look after myself, and have good genes!


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

Its strange how we get a picture of how old someone is,what someone looks like and if they are male or female, it can only be how they write and what they write about as we never or very rarely see a picture of anyone, its quite strange really.


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

I think alot of people get caught up in just chatting and forget that anyone at all can read their comments. It can be hard sometimes to tell someones age, unless they mention homework or zimmer frames!! I have to admit I do feel abit 'icky' if I realiese I have been talking to a kid! 
Some are just as trusting in person though. During the summer I was in the park with my teeny pooches and a little girl came up and wouldnt leave me alone. She kept trying to grab my hand and eventually said she wanted to come home with me!! I was soooooo scared and there was no responsible adult around to protect me!! LOL


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

haeveymolly said:


> Its strange how we get a picture of how old someone is,what someone looks like and if they are male or female, it can only be how they write and what they write about as we never or very rarely see a picture of anyone, its quite strange really.


Agreed! Its strange and hard to judge sometimes....and a surprise!


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I just wanted to post that EVERYBODY on this forum has suffered a loss of loved ones or pets.... at some point in their lives.
> 
> Certain members on PF are up front and tell everyone of that loss, which is fine...And open about their daily lives and what goes on! I choose not to...
> 
> I for one am a private person, and not open about my private life! I want to say, I have also suffered losses of loved ones in the past and have battled illness...I just choose to keep the details private. Certain members do don't have the monopoly on the feeling of sadness and loss......


Everybody has im sure had a rough time in there life and we have ALL had our own problems and issues we have had to deal with in life.

It may be the case that people like to come on a forum like this one to confide in things because they havent got any family or friends that they can talk too. 

We dont know everybodys individual circumstances regarding there lives, as far as the younger members go they do need to maybe pm someone that they trust on here.


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

Thinking about it, I have given away too much on the internet before, but I also believe specific adults were very unfair and cruel to me during that time.

I've said on here already I had to be in court for something and basically it was an incredibly hard time and I reached out on this forum for help (not petforums, a different one), being 15 at the time and stuck in a very irrational frame of mind. The admin bless her heart, created a private room that I could talk about things in detail in and only people I selected could view it. It was so good because I could even talk in detail about court and with people who could advise me more with their experiences and such.

Anyway, one member in particular on there was quite cruel, and a good few others followed suit. Basically, I didn't put her name down on the list to go into the group because she hadn't posted on any of my threads asking for advice, so I thought it was logical not to include people who didn't seem to want to know.

But anyway, I got a shed load of hateful PM's from her, she was a married woman with an 18month old son and was just really mean, she upset me so much incinuating I lied and was a horrible person and an attention seeker. A lot of people posted on a thread similarly, and to this day I've not gone back to that forum since and was so hurt by them, grown women who I thought could spare me a little cr*p.

They have since jumped ship onto a new forum all of them, and there are about six people who I am very good friends with, they are fantastic people, aged between 30-65 and I get on with them so incredibly well, but due to the few who were a bit mean I daren't go back now.

But in hindsight I was very naive giving away what I did, I think I was accused of things unfairly considering the nature of what I said had happened and what I needed help with.

I learnt my lesson anyway, don't divulge ANYTHING unless you can cope with it being used to upset you!

I joined petforums shortly after I left that one, and I have to say I like it more here, people are more open minded and just kinder I think, there was a big witchunt lead by this woman and a few others on that forum and they did nothing about it.


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## Jazzy (Apr 15, 2009)

Indie said:


> All i am going to say is i hoipe this wasn't aimed at me after having a conversation with Danielle on here last night.


Yes as one of the 'older' members, I feel a bit annoyed by this. 
I befriend anyone on here, young or old. I have three children myself ages 18, 17 and 8 and certainly don't befriend anybody on the pretence of anything else but friendship or helping with any animal problems if I can.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Thinking about it, I have given away too much on the internet before, but I also believe specific adults were very unfair and cruel to me during that time.
> 
> I've said on here already I had to be in court for something and basically it was an incredibly hard time and I reached out on this forum for help (not petforums, a different one), being 15 at the time and stuck in a very irrational frame of mind. The admin bless her heart, created a private room that I could talk about things in detail in and only people I selected could view it. It was so good because I could even talk in detail about court and with people who could advise me more with their experiences and such.
> 
> ...


A great post! And talking from experience! Hope the younger members see your advice  You post very maturely, and would never have guessed your age!

What I highlighted in red is unfortunately true, not only on forums, but in real life!

And sorry to hear you have had it tough lately! And hope your life is on the up! x


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Thinking about it, I have given away too much on the internet before, but I also believe specific adults were very unfair and cruel to me during that time.
> 
> I've said on here already I had to be in court for something and basically it was an incredibly hard time and I reached out on this forum for help (not petforums, a different one), being 15 at the time and stuck in a very irrational frame of mind. The admin bless her heart, created a private room that I could talk about things in detail in and only people I selected could view it. It was so good because I could even talk in detail about court and with people who could advise me more with their experiences and such.
> 
> ...


Sorry that happened to you . There is something very wrong with an adult who would treat a teenager like that :frown2:

I think adults have a duty to support younger people on the internet so that if anything improper occurred the youngster would have someone to go to.

I actually think this site is pretty good at it :thumbup1:

There have been times on the internet when i have doubted the truth of an individual but why persecute someone even if they were lying (which you obviously weren't).

If i thought someone was making things up i would just stop contributing to their threads.


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## Jazzy (Apr 15, 2009)

rona said:


> I had befriended a young member on here, a 17 year old and myself being 52.
> This is what I like about the internet, people of different generations can and do actually communicate, something that would rarely happen in real life.
> There is nothing sinister in our friendship, just a shared interest in the natural world
> However I can and do realise that not all communication over this medium is as innocent.
> Some of those befriending the younger members may also be totally innocent and just making an effort to include them in the forum.


Good post Rhona and exactly how I feel. I'm not too sure how old people on here are to be honest, it's very hard to tell sometimes but young or old I like to talk to them and have a laugh just like I do with my own daughter. It would be sad if the older members aren't allowed to talk to the younger members on here for fear of being classed as perverts.


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## KarenHSmith (Apr 20, 2008)

I agree.I think it depends on the time of person you are, and if you like to keep things personal about yourself and family, then it's fair enough - some people on here, have trust and one forum I use to go on, we use to call each other up etc.. we were like a family. I found out what they were all like - sadly, in a way that I didn't want too know :frown2: Some forums have a nice sense of humour, like this one and I like coming on here and having a few laughs, like I do on other forums :thumbup1:


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Agreed! Its strange and hard to judge sometimes....and a surprise!


Ye ive met a few of the members and they were nothing like i imagined


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## canuckjill (Jun 25, 2008)

ladywiccana said:


> *I think there is a link at the top of the page about Internet Safety for Children, They really are too too trusting, and hope they are careful and sensible enough whilst they are online, thank you for bringing this up Tillysdream, we can never have enough reminders about Internet Safety for our younger members :thumbup1: :aureola: :thumbup1:*





tillysdream said:


> Your welcome! Was waiting for my knuckles to be rapped lol.... Some of the younger ones are far too trusting...


Very True Thank You for the reminder for our younger members.
And tillysdream you are right many of us probably all of us have suffered some kind of tragedy, I myself do talk about it on here sometimes, and because of this I was given two very important links in my life that have been a tremendous help. To those members I Thank you and to the rest including tilyysdream who has talked to me many a night with Free Spirit Thank you also. On that note I need to catch up on this thread:thumbup1:Jill


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

Jazzy said:


> Good post Rhona and exactly how I feel. I'm not too sure how old people on here are to be honest, it's very hard to tell sometimes but young or old I like to talk to them and have a laugh just like I do with my own daughter. It would be sad if the older members aren't allowed to talk to the younger members on here for fear of being classed as perverts.


Yes its funny that you and rona have posted these as i was just thinking i hope this doesnt have the wrong effect and ends up members young or older being a little scared to post in fear of being misjudged or though of as having the wrong intentions, glad you have brought this up.


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> A great post! And talking from experience! Hope the younger members see your advice  You post very maturely, and would never have guessed your age!
> 
> What I highlighted in red is unfortunately true, not only on forums, but in real life!
> 
> And sorry to hear you have had it tough lately! And hope your life is on the up! x


Bless you thanks 

I wrote that all as a post because originally I thought well I've never done anything like that etc, but in hindsight I sure did! I didn't give away my identity or anything to do with where I lived, more personal circumstances, but still that was too much to have done with the people on the old forum.



RAINYBOW said:


> Sorry that happened to you . There is something very wrong with an adult who would treat a teenager like that :frown2:
> 
> I think adults have a duty to support younger people on the internet so that if anything improper occurred the youngster would have someone to go to.
> 
> ...


This is it though, because I was 15 and 'very eloquent', I couldn't get away with saying I make mistakes etc because I shouldn't anymore, according to those people.

After the incident on that forum, I have always promised myself that no matter how much I doubt someone, if they are asking for help I will always be there and never turn them away. No matter how much I doubt them, I will also always give them the benefit of the doubt, I would far rather be proved a fool and have given personal information etc in the hope it would help, than put someone in a worse place than they were in to begin with.

I haven't been on here all that long or posted too much, but I have to say, the vast majority of you guys on here are so supportive and genuine, you are all a credit to Petforums :thumbup1:

I want to end with this:

When I was 15 I wanted to be taken seriously so much, and for people to treat me like an adult. In hindsight when was treated like an adult, it was worse and I would have far rather they let me be because I was still young etc. I have no problem disclosing my age on here because I know that if I post on a topic, it is because I think I can say something relevant to it.

Despite how much us younger ones (even younger than me!) may want to be treated like an adult, it probably is good to humour us, but when push comes to shove, we aren't as mature at coping with things as we would like to be, despite how eloquent/well spoken or mature we may seem (for me anyway!)


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

canuckjill said:


> Very True Thank You for the reminder for our younger members.
> And tillysdream you are right many of us probably all of us have suffered some kind of tragedy, I myself do talk about it on here sometimes, and because of this I was given two very important links in my life that have been a tremendous help. To those members I Thank you and to the rest including tilyysdream who has talked to me many a night with Free Spirit Thank you also. On that note I need to catch up on this thread:thumbup1:Jill


Your such a sweetheart, and am sorry you found my thread so upsetting! x

I will give this nugget of info out...My gran had a firework thrown at her on bonfire night and died of a heart attack as a result, many years ago. I hate bonfire night, and believe strongly that it should be banned, for the harm it causes pets/wildlife and human life. So this week has been hard for me...But chose not to mention it!


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## canuckjill (Jun 25, 2008)

Bless you no wonder you dislike bon fire night, we don't have it here...Thinking of you Jill
PS This thread is turning out to be very interesting and informative for young and old alike.....Jill


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## KarenHSmith (Apr 20, 2008)

tillysdream said:


> Your such a sweetheart, and am sorry you found my thread so upsetting! x
> 
> I will give this nugget of info out...My gran had a firework thrown at her and died of a heart attack as a result, many years ago. I hate bonfire night, and believe strongly that it should be banned, for the harm it causes pets/wildlife and human life. So this week has been hard for me...But chose not to mention it!


Sorry to hear about what happened to your Gran


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

Jazzy said:


> Yes as one of the 'older' members, I feel a bit annoyed by this.
> I befriend anyone on here, young or old. I have three children myself ages 18, 17 and 8 and certainly don't befriend anybody on the pretence of anything else but friendship or helping with any animal problems if I can.


sorry didn't mean to upset you i just wondered.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Bless you thanks
> 
> I wrote that all as a post because originally I thought well I've never done anything like that etc, but in hindsight I sure did! I didn't give away my identity or anything to do with where I lived, more personal circumstances, but still that was too much to have done with the people on the old forum.
> 
> ...


You are very wise for your years


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

I must admit at first i thought it was having a go because of last night, i was just trying to help and it has made me think twice now.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Indie said:


> sorry didn't mean to upset you i just wondered.


I don't think it was you, Jazzy was upset with!


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Indie said:


> I must admit at first i thought it was having a go because of last night, i was just trying to help and it has made me think twice now.


You shouldn't think twice. Helping someone in need is a lovely thing to do. The day we all stop doing that we are doooomed :frown2:


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## FREE SPIRIT (Jul 8, 2009)

canuckjill said:


> Very True Thank You for the reminder for our younger members.
> And tillysdream you are right many of us probably all of us have suffered some kind of tragedy, I myself do talk about it on here sometimes, and because of this I was given two very important links in my life that have been a tremendous help. To those members I Thank you and to the rest including tilyysdream who has talked to me many a night with Free Spirit Thank you also. On that note I need to catch up on this thread:thumbup1:Jill


Jill you really are a sweetheart and we loves ya loads. 
I know you have been through some real bad times but im just glad you found some comfort in coming on here and being able to talk about it with your friends. I also think it helps others who are going though similar things so they dont feel like they are so alone. I hve a great deal of respect for you...xxxx  



tillysdream said:


> Your such a sweetheart, and am sorry you found my thread so upsetting! x
> 
> I will give this nugget of info out...My gran had a firework thrown at her on bonfire night and died of a heart attack as a result, many years ago. I hate bonfire night, and believe strongly that it should be banned, for the harm it causes pets/wildlife and human life. So this week has been hard for me...But chose not to mention it!


So sorry to hear that, that is awful. 
I know your'e a private person as i am and i respect that. I do think however by telling people certain things about yourself, not only helps others but it helps others to understand you and the pain that you are going through.....xxxx


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> I must admit at first i thought it was having a go because of last night, i was just trying to help and it has made me think twice now.


Rainybow is right you shouldn't think twice. You were helping me and what you did by having a chat with me was a great thing for you to do. You wanted to help me.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Your such a sweetheart, and am sorry you found my thread so upsetting! x
> 
> I will give this nugget of info out...My gran had a firework thrown at her on bonfire night and died of a heart attack as a result, many years ago. I hate bonfire night, and believe strongly that it should be banned, for the harm it causes pets/wildlife and human life. So this week has been hard for me...But chose not to mention it!


There are some truly evil people in this world


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

tillysdream said:


> I don't think it was you, Jazzy was upset with!


Oh right oh well that's a relief.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

FREE SPIRIT said:


> So sorry to hear that, that is awful.
> I know your'e a private person as i am and i respect that. I do think however by telling people certain things about yourself, not only helps others but it helps others to understand you and the pain that you are going through.....xxxx


I just don't like giving out details of life however small...It makes me feel uncomfortable lol... Even now, I am regreting posting about my poor gran... Its just me...private to a fault lol....  I understand where you are coming from though, it means people never see my soft vunerable side...And see me as a hard sod lol...


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

danielled said:


> Rainybow is right you shouldn't think twice. You were helping me and what you did by having a chat with me was a great thing for you to do. You wanted to help me.


I did and hope i was a little bit of use. I have never been through parents splitting and thinks like that so haven't got 1st hand experience, but my husband has been through hell as a child so from his experiences and conversations with him i try to help if i can.


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## FREE SPIRIT (Jul 8, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I just don't like giving out details of life however small...It makes me feel uncomfortable lol... Even now, I am regreting posting about my poor gran... Its just me...private to a fault lol....


I can understand that but it gives people chance to understand where you are coming from. xxxx  
Yes it does show people you are human...lol..xx


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> I did and hope i was a little bit of use. I have never been through parents splitting and thinks like that so haven't got 1st hand experience, but my husband has been through hell as a child so from his experiences and conversations with him i try to help if i can.


You helped me alot. You were alot of use and I have already had my sister saying to me today "Danielle in the words of take that, stop being so hard on yourself."


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## Indie (Nov 6, 2007)

danielled said:


> You helped me alot. You were alot of use and I have already had my sister saying to me today "Danielle in the words of take that, stop being so hard on yourself."


Lol good on your sister xxxxxxx


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Indie said:


> Lol good on your sister xxxxxxx


I've had a few people tell me that. A few of my friends on here have said that to.


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## Little Missy (Aug 3, 2009)

_Basically all I can see you telling the younger members to stay away from adults on here because not all adults on the internet are trustworthy.

I need to say that my judgement is quite good and I know that many adult friends on here are good people. I do not at all feel like I'm being groomed ect. And I've had my adult friends telling me what I should and shouldn't post about myself. A few of my friends are Moderators so why should I be wary of them? You can't look at an older member and say: "I'm not going to befriend you as you're over 23" or something.." Or the other way: "I'm not talking to you because your younger than me.." You just don't do it!

Infact, I think you can be friends with anybody on here and not be at risk. - because nobody can do anything to harm you unless you give them the material to do so (i.e. Full name, email address.. ect.)

As previously said: I think this communitiy is alot safer than other online sites.
Basically the internet is safe as long as you don't reveal to much about yourself. 
I think threads like this 'warning' everybody takes the fun out of the forum, and as somebody has already said; a mix of age groups on here is good. 
And some younger members may learn more about animal care by being on here.

What you have to understand is not every child on here is going to give out really personal information ..

Rant over.

_​


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

good post missy


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## Jazzy (Apr 15, 2009)

Yes I agree, good post.


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## Jo P (Dec 10, 2007)

Please dont take this the wrong way Mods  - Little Missy just because someone is a Mod doesnt mean they are trustworthy, any more than any of the other members of a forum. Caution should always be taken online and as always if you dont like a thread or agree with it then you dont have to post on it


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

I don't mean to alarm anyone but there ARE other ways to get to you, your IP address for example. An IP address doesn't give your exact address but it does give your area.

Food for thought!


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## Badger's Mum (Mar 23, 2009)

Jo P said:


> Please dont take this the wrong way Mods  - Little Missy just because someone is a Mod doesnt mean they are trustworthy, any more than any of the other members of a forum. Caution should always be taken online and as always if you dont like a thread or agree with it then you dont have to post on it


Sorry mod's but good advice jo:thumbup1: I alway's tell little missy If she's not shaw about something as she's 11 show her Mum or Dad


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## sarybeagle (Nov 4, 2009)

I agree completely with Missy. 
I do keep email and DOB from any forum as thats far to private and could lead to identity theft. I often get shocked on FB with how many people have their full DOB and mothers tagged on their profile page with access to maiden names and areas they live in!! :shocked:


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## Jazzy (Apr 15, 2009)

sarybeagle said:


> I agree completely with Missy.
> I do keep email and DOB from any forum as thats far to private and could lead to identity theft. I often get shocked on FB with how many people have their full DOB and mothers tagged on their profile page with access to maiden names and areas they live in!! :shocked:


My daughter keeps deleting me never mind tagging me.


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## sarybeagle (Nov 4, 2009)

LOL oh dear  my fb is in nickname so hard to find me and all private 

My son is on there but again nicknames and private and only allowed on with me near by


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## Jazzy (Apr 15, 2009)

sarybeagle said:


> LOL oh dear  my fb is in nickname so hard to find me and all private
> 
> My son is on there but again nicknames and private and only allowed on with me near by


I must admit I do worry about all the photos that her and her friends have on there but there isn't much I can do as she is nearly 18 although she is very mature for her age (more mature than me sometimes.) and quite clued up.


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## Colsy (Oct 3, 2008)

Never trust a Mod


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## FREE SPIRIT (Jul 8, 2009)

Colsy said:


> Never trust a Mod


LOL...So true  :001_tt2:


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## Ladywiccana (Feb 24, 2008)

*As me dear old dad used to say, god rest his soul was ..........

"Dont trust anybody, Keep your mouth shut, and eyes and ears open" That will be my motto from now on i can tell you  hehe xxxxx

You never really know who to trust until the time comes, no matter how well hatched the plot...........................*


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## Badger's Mum (Mar 23, 2009)

Colsy said:


> Never trust a Mod


Lol none of us ment it like that


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Colsy said:


> Never trust a Mod


Colsy I don't think they meant it like that.


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## FREE SPIRIT (Jul 8, 2009)

ladywiccana said:


> *As me dear old dad used to say, god rest his soul was ..........
> 
> "Dont trust anybody, Keep your mouth shut, and eyes and ears open" That will be my motto from now on i can tell you  hehe xxxxx
> 
> You never really know who to trust until the time comes, no matter how well hatched the plot...........................*


Very true Karen.


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## Colsy (Oct 3, 2008)

I know you didn't bless your hearts :thumbup1:


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Colsy said:


> I know you didn't bless your hearts :thumbup1:


So hows you Colsy?


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## FREE SPIRIT (Jul 8, 2009)

Colsy said:


> I know you didn't bless your hearts :thumbup1:


I know you didn't mean it.


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## Colsy (Oct 3, 2008)

danielled said:


> So hows you Colsy?


Working my way through a box of famous names,hair of the dog and all that.
After last nights drinking lol


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## Ladywiccana (Feb 24, 2008)

FREE SPIRIT said:


> Very true Karen.


 :thumbup1:  



Colsy said:


> I know you didn't bless your hearts :thumbup1:


*awwwwwwww hehe, we know lol............:aureola:*


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2009)

Colsy said:


> Working my way through a box of famous names,hair of the dog and all that.
> After last nights drinking lol


By the way I've done another thread tonight.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Little Missy said:


> _Basically all I can see you telling the younger members to stay away from adults on here because not all adults on the internet are trustworthy.
> 
> I need to say that my judgement is quite good and I know that many adult friends on here are good people. I do not at all feel like I'm being groomed ect. And I've had my adult friends telling me what I should and shouldn't post about myself. A few of my friends are Moderators so why should I be wary of them? You can't look at an older member and say: "I'm not going to befriend you as you're over 23" or something.." Or the other way: "I'm not talking to you because your younger than me.." You just don't do it!
> 
> ...


And that is your opinion Little Missy...I have mine! If you were my daughter, I would not be happy with all the older friends you have on here...Just my opinion...I noticed that you didn't mention that I had tried to warn you by pm, about drawing attention to your age on threads and to watch out for groomers...Guess I am just a "kill joy"  And I am sorry you felt the need to "rant" at me!



Jo P said:


> Please dont take this the wrong way Mods  - Little Missy just because someone is a Mod doesnt mean they are trustworthy, any more than any of the other members of a forum. Caution should always be taken online and as always if you dont like a thread or agree with it then you dont have to post on it


Couldn't agree more, sound advice...Even Policemen can be "bad men"....



Badger's Mum said:


> Sorry mod's but good advice jo:thumbup1: I alway's tell little missy If she's not shaw about something as she's 11 show her Mum or Dad


There you go advertising your "friends" age!!!! Such a wrong thing to do....A sensible/responsible adult with Little Missy's interests at heart wouldn't have done that!!!!

IMO if it means anything....I believe the dates of birth on the profile page should be scrapped, and the under 16's told not to disclose their ages publically...Just my 2 pence worth. Anyone see the documentary on TV a few weeks ago and about groomers??? They ARE everywhere on the net, and NOWHERE is safe. Dangerous talk indeed to say somewhere is safe....



ladywiccana said:


> *As me dear old dad used to say, god rest his soul was ..........
> 
> "Dont trust anybody, Keep your mouth shut, and eyes and ears open" That will be my motto from now on i can tell you  hehe xxxxx
> 
> You never really know who to trust until the time comes, no matter how well hatched the plot...........................*


Exactly...We NEVER truely know who our friends are! There are alot of manipulative people out there, who will use you to their own ends...Especially, if they see your are a trusting person and give people the benefit of the doubt! 

Your father was a wise man..You must miss him so much.... x


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## billyboysmammy (Sep 12, 2009)

I think for alot of regular posters you would be quite suprised at the amount of into that you unthinkingly give out.

Ive just searched one member...

I know

Birthday
town
regular places she walks her dogs
what time she walks her dogs in the winter months
where she buys her grocerys
an incident that happened which would be in the public record
photo of herself
photos of her pets
holiday destination
bank they use!
internet provider
mobile network
and even!!! a photo of the front of her house - slightly indistinct but still its there!


Now... i found that through just one little search on one regular prolific poster, I know all this about them! Before i did the search i wouldnt have said they were very revealing in their posts, however all the little tiny snippets make a much bigger picture!

That information could be used and abused. From identity theft, robbery, and fraud to internet grooming! Let alone the psycho who will lie in wait on one of her regularly walked paths at the times she walks! 

Its a scary world out there and on a public forum you need to be careful about what you reveal. I'm going to take some of my own advice on this too!


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

I think all we need to do is direct them to the sticky on this page for young internet users and leave it at that, i feel now all this thread is doing is insulting some of the younger members inteligence by going round in circles and also feel that its getting a little personal a few posts looks to me like slander, accusing members of being not what they seem . . . . . . wrong/dangerous if you ask me.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Yip!!! BBM couldn't agree more...I feel I know, waaaayyy too much about some members on here....And if I was a bad person, could quite easily seek them out and do harm...


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

haeveymolly said:


> I think all we need to do is direct them to the sticky on this page for young internet users and leave it at that, i feel now all this thread is doing is insulting some of the younger members inteligence by going round in circles and also feel that its getting a little personal a few posts looks to me like slander, accusing members of being not what they seem . . . . . . wrong/dangerous if you ask me.


I think this is an important topic! And should be allowed to run a bit longer...Even the mods have posted on it...And only members who have something to hide would take it personally...Members with good intentions, have nothing to worry about or to take personally imo.....


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

I don't think this thread is insulting to the younger members 

It highlights an important and very real problem with the internet but to be honest i think parents need to take more responsibility to ensure they know who their children are talking to online and what information they are giving away rather than treating the PC as an unpaid babysitter.

And as BBM pointed out it's not just our younger members, in general people give away far too many details but it would be a shame if everyone felt they had to "hold back".

If a child of mine was on a forum i would like to think they would be looked after by the older community there rather than avoided though and yes i would want someone to point out if they thought they were giving too much away or forming unhealthy friendships.

I had a real dilema a few weeks ago on Facebook . I have my niece and nephew on mine and i noticed my 11 year old neice had joined a group. This group was "i love biting". It was very adult and had a heavy sexual content. 

My neice is very grown up and i talked to her about the site and the sort of people who might be on there and she agreed, she had just seen it as a silly site. I am glad i stepped in as she could have been exposed to all sorts on there and in my eyes she is still a child.

It's not about being patronising or insulting its about having a duty of care.


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

Hopefully The parents are watching what thier children are doing on the interent. I know my parents didnt as we got interent many many yrs ago at around me being 12 so 13yrs ago ish? and it wasnt as well known about grooming e.t.c then Now me and oh are even thinking about internet safety for our children and they are only 4 and 5 lol but they use the ceebies website regulary sadly in this day and age i will be watching/checking on what they are doing while on the net and any concerns will be mentioned to the police


Theres people on here and on another site i go on that i can see right through but people lick thier bottoms thinking they are the bees knees. Ive notice one doesnt come on here much because of being questioned as things didnt add up!


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> Yip!!! BBM couldn't agree more...I feel I know, waaaayyy too much about some members on here....And if I was a bad person, could quite easily seek them out and do harm...


We only want the younger members to be safe. We all know the internet is a scarey place these days.


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## deb53 (Jun 4, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> And that is your opinion Little Missy...I have mine! If you were my daughter, I would not be happy with all the older friends you have on here...Just my opinion...I noticed that you didn't mention that I had tried to warn you by pm, about drawing attention to your age on threads and to watch out for groomers...Guess I am just a "kill joy"  And I am sorry you felt the need to "rant" at me!
> 
> Couldn't agree more, sound advice...Even Policemen can be "bad men"....
> 
> ...


Well said Tillysdream...



billyboysmammy said:


> I think for alot of regular posters you would be quite suprised at the amount of into that you unthinkingly give out.
> 
> Ive just searched one member...
> 
> ...


Thats real scarey and just shows how easy it is.....not that I would know where to start!!...Well done for making everyone aware


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> And that is your opinion Little Missy...I have mine! If you were my daughter, I would not be happy with all the older friends you have on here...Just my opinion...I noticed that you didn't mention that I had tried to warn you by pm, about drawing attention to your age on threads and to watch out for groomers...Guess I am just a "kill joy"  And I am sorry you felt the need to "rant" at me!
> 
> Couldn't agree more, sound advice...Even Policemen can be "bad men"....
> 
> ...


Completely agree with you!



RAINYBOW said:


> I don't think this thread is insulting to the younger members
> 
> It highlights an important and very real problem with the internet but to be honest i think parents need to take more responsibility to ensure they know who their children are talking to online and what information they are giving away rather than treating the PC as an unpaid babysitter.
> 
> ...


And agree with you too! I've literally only just come out of the younger era, and I have to say I disagree bigtime that this causes more insult than good.

Little Missy, I agree with your post too, but the bit about talking about this takes the fun out of the forum, it is only one thread of many and people are trying to look out for us younger ones, I really do think its a good thing.

I'm not saying I wouldn't feel a tad insulted, but I would realise this is being done proactively. I have genuine experience of things like this and I think it a hell of a lot better to go into threads like this and irritate people a little bit to make them more aware, its surprising how many people will have read this thread and not posted.

I think the fact we all had such wide variations in estimations of the age of each other says how easy it is to think you know somebody


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

Tinsley said:


> Completely agree with you!
> 
> And agree with you too! I've literally only just come out of the younger era, and I have to say I disagree bigtime that this causes more insult than good.
> 
> ...


Very wise words from a mature young adult, who knows all to well the bad side of the internet. And has drawn on her experience to post advice earlier on the thread for the younger members! 

And your words that I have highlighted in red...Couldn't agree more!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I agree to some extent that members under 16 should be a lot more "aware" of situations and friendships they make ....and yes we as older members should also be more cautious but ultimatley its the parents of those children that need to take responsibility and ensure they are always aware of what sites their children go on and monitor their activity.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> I agree to some extent that members under 16 should be a lot more "aware" of situations and friendships they make ....and yes we as older members should also be more cautious but ultimatley its the parents of those children that need to take responsibility and ensure they are always aware of what sites their children go on and monitor their activity.


I agree with the point you are making! But some children have parents who don't give a stuff what their kids are upto, and don't particularly care... Maybe parents, work all the time, have alcohol or drugs problems, going through divorce...etc. etc. So some children do indeed have to watch out for themselves, Social Services are full to bursting with cases of neglect...Parents just don't always do the right thing by their kids... A sad, cold, and hard fact.


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## CarolineH (Aug 4, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> I agree to some extent that members under 16 should be a lot more "aware" of situations and friendships they make ....and yes we as older members should also be more cautious but ultimatley its the parents of those children that need to take responsibility and ensure they are always aware of what sites their children go on and monitor their activity.


Absolutely! But as we know too well, parents are not always bothered about their own children and some are just wayyyyyyyyy too trusting!  Hardly a few weeks goes by with some youngster being searched for because they have sneaked off to meet a 'boy' they met on the internet after giving out far too much information about themseves! Often the 'boy turns out to be a fully grown adult with ulterior motives.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tillysdream said:


> I agree with the point you are making! But some children have parents who don't give a stuff what their kids are upto, and don't particularly care... Maybe parents, work all the time, have alcohol or drugs problems, going through divorce...etc. etc. So some children do indeed have to watch out for themselves, Social Services are full to bursting with cases of neglect...Parents just don't always do the right thing by their kids... A sad, cold, and hard fact.


True Tillydream there are a lot of parents who dont give a stuff...there are also a lot of parents who are not aware of ALL the sites their children go on because children can be very sneaky.....especially when they get to the teens its a tough situation that there is no real answer to other than we as adults be responsible on here ...


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

CarolineH said:


> Absolutely! But as we know too well, parents are not always bothered about their own children and some are just wayyyyyyyyy too trusting!  Hardly a few weeks goes by with some youngster being searched for because they have sneaked off to meet a 'boy' they met on the internet after giving out far too much information about themseves! Often the 'boy turns out to be a fully grown adult with ulterior motives.


I agree Caroline it is very scary.....but does that mean that every adult here on the forum has an ulterior motive with being friends with younger members?....


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> I agree Caroline it is very scary.....but does that mean that every adult here on the forum has an ulterior motive with being friends with younger members?....


I would not say every member who has children as friends has an ulterior motive, not at all!!! Say, for example for every 99 members there is 1 rotten apple...That 1 rotten apple IS the danger...Having 1 or 2 younger members as friends on here is not a crime, and am sorry if people are taking it that way. I would however question certain members who almost exclusively seek out all the child members/ or vunerable adults as friends!

I myself chose not to befriend child members, thats just my choice! I prefer to chat with older members more my age. I will however reply to child members on my threads, or other threads of discussion. I do not ignore them as they have valid points to make just like the adults.


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## CarolineH (Aug 4, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> I agree Caroline it is very scary.....but does that mean that every adult here on the forum has an ulterior motive with being friends with younger members?....


No of course not.  But all adults should remember to take extra care when communicating with younger members, keeping conversations public with them rather than private wherever possible so that nothing can ever be misinterpreted.  It is a sad fact that we, as a society, are becoming quite paranoid and I have seen people hounded mercilessly because of something they were meant to have said online to someone elses child. Keep it public, keep it safe.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tillysdream said:


> I would not say every member who has children as friends has an ulterior motive, not at all!!! Say, for example for every 99 members there is 1 rotten apple...That 1 rotten apple IS the danger...Having 1 or 2 younger members as friends on here is not a crime, and am sorry if people are taking it that way. I would however question certain members who almost exclusively seek out all the child members/ or vunerable adults as friends!
> 
> I myself chose not to befriend child members, thats just my choice! I prefer to chat with older members more my age. I will however reply to child members on my threads, or other threads of discussion. I do not ignore them as they have valid points to make just like the adults.


Im the same really I dont actively go out to befriend young members but will converse and have a laugh with them.....I remember not long ago there was a member who was only a teenager on here who had massive respect from most of the older members and was in contact with some via other methods than the forum...this was "accepted" because of their knowledge in animals..but with all due respect it doesnt mean that they were capable of getting involved in all adult conversations.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

CarolineH said:


> No of course not.  But all adults should remember to take extra care when communicating with younger members, keeping conversations public with them rather than private wherever possible so that nothing can ever be misinterpreted.  It is a sad fact that we, as a society, are becoming quite paranoid and I have seen people hounded mercilessly because of something they were meant to have said online to someone elses child. Keep it public, keep it safe.


Totally agree with this advice!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

CarolineH said:


> No of course not.  But all adults should remember to take extra care when communicating with younger members, keeping conversations public with them rather than private wherever possible so that nothing can ever be misinterpreted.  It is a sad fact that we, as a society, are becoming quite paranoid and I have seen people hounded mercilessly because of something they were meant to have said online to someone elses child. Keep it public, keep it safe.


Its a shame really but like u say a sad reality of the world we live inxx


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

It is interesting to think about what the internet means.

In "the old days" we taught our children not to ever talk to strangers but now they seem to be happy to divulge all their personal details to the world.

Children have lost that waryness that was programmed into us.

The Internet brings so many positive things to their lives with more access to people and information than ever before but we are allowing these "strangers" in to their lives and their homes.

Even if an adults intentions are not sinister they could inadvertently be stopping a child from seeking "real" help with a problem, but on the flip side they may be the only person that child can discuss a problem with. It's a double edged sword i suppose.

If a child was being abused at home and divulged it to a member, what would you do ?? Would you know how to react so as not to prejudice any criminal proceedings, would you know who to inform, would you inform anyone against the childs wishes ?? Food for Thought


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## rottiesloveragdolls (Nov 2, 2007)

*wonderful post Rainybow  given ya rep 

The other thing i feel here is we dont always know who is a child and who is an Adult  Lets face some Adults Act like children and some children act like Adults *


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## Jazzy (Apr 15, 2009)

rottiesloveragdolls said:


> *wonderful post Rainybow  given ya rep
> 
> The other thing i feel here is we dont always know who is a child and who is an Adult  Lets face some Adults Act like children and some children act like Adults *


Yes I find that too. I don't know the ages of anyone really on here. I know Baby Bordie is young and Jess but I think that's about it.
I find it hard too that we don't know who is male or female. All the other forums I have ever been on usually has something to tell you whether the person you are speaking to is male or female.


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

rottiesloveragdolls said:


> *wonderful post Rainybow  given ya rep
> 
> The other thing i feel here is we dont always know who is a child and who is an Adult  Lets face some Adults Act like children and some children act like Adults *


....or adults pretending to be children, and children pretending to be adults!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tillysdream said:


> ....or adults pretending to be children, and children pretending to be adults!


Yeah but really any of us could be lying about who we are and what age we are, we could lie about our whole life....I see this forum as a little community really and feel that after a year on here I know most of the people I regularly talk to ....I guess we can never know 100%  its good to be a little bit wary but then on the other hand this can also hold u back from making genuine friendsxx


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## tillysdream (Sep 23, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> its good to be a little bit wary but then on the other hand this can also hold u back from making genuine friendsxx


Pmsl...Thats why I don't have many on here! 
I am far to wary!  x x x Good point Suzy!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tillysdream said:


> Pmsl...Thats why I don't have many on here!
> I am far to wary!  x x x Good point Suzy!


LOL u are getting therexx


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

tillysdream said:


> I think this is an important topic! And should be allowed to run a bit longer...Even the mods have posted on it...And only members who have something to hide would take it personally...Members with good intentions, have nothing to worry about or to take personally imo.....


I know we have nothing to hide ime just a bit concerned that newbies or young members coming on might think reading a thread like this there could be more to it thats all, when it was said that you would be unhappy if you was a parent having some of the friends someone has on here it just sounded a bit iffy


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> I don't think this thread is insulting to the younger members
> 
> It highlights an important and very real problem with the internet but to be honest i think parents need to take more responsibility to ensure they know who their children are talking to online and what information they are giving away rather than treating the PC as an unpaid babysitter.
> 
> ...


Yes i know there has been a lot of problems with facebook i know the importance of internet safety and due to my job i talk to children about the subject i just felt it was going on and on and ime sure the youngsters on here have got it now.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

haeveymolly said:


> Yes i know there has been a lot of problems with facebook i know the importance of internet safety and due to my job i talk to children about the subject i just felt it was going on and on and ime sure the youngsters on here have got it now.


Facebook is shocking  That site my neice signed up to was seriously adult


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## lauren001 (Jun 30, 2008)

I think we all have to be aware of our safety on the internet and it is not only a youngster problem.
It is easy to get carried away and tell all your mates on here and on other sites of every aspect of your life, but not only mates see it and the fact _you are 25, live alone, go to the park every morning with your two Westies in Alderley Edge and live next door to the local pub, _makes you very findable and perhaps "interesting" in all sorts of ways, not all nice, for anyone who wants to_._ 
(I made that profile up so if it fits anyone then purely coincidental. )


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## Little Missy (Aug 3, 2009)

Daynna said:


> good post missy


Thanks. 


Jazzy said:


> Yes I agree, good post.


Thanks.



Jo P said:


> Please dont take this the wrong way Mods  - Little Missy just because someone is a Mod doesnt mean they are trustworthy, any more than any of the other members of a forum. Caution should always be taken online and as always if you dont like a thread or agree with it then you dont have to post on it


Good advice, but surely some Mods are nice? 


sequeena said:


> I don't mean to alarm anyone but there ARE other ways to get to you, your IP address for example. An IP address doesn't give your exact address but it does give your area.
> 
> Food for thought!


Crikey!
What's an IP Address? ? ? 



Badger's Mum said:


> Sorry mod's but good advice jo:thumbup1: I alway's tell little missy If she's not shaw about something as she's 11 show her Mum or Dad


Yep. :yesnod:


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2009)

Little Missy said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> ...


I have been told what an IP address is. Every computer has one but I can't remember exactly what they are.


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## thelioncub (Feb 9, 2009)

lauren001 said:


> It is easy to get carried away and tell all your mates on here and on other sites of every aspect of your life, but not only mates see it and the fact _you are 25, live alone, go to the park every morning with your two Westies in Alderley Edge and live next door to the local pub, _makes you very findable and perhaps "interesting" in all sorts of ways, not all nice, for anyone who wants to_._
> (I made that profile up so if it fits anyone then purely coincidental. )


Uh! How did you know so much about me!?  Just kidding.. It's good to be reminded that the Internet isn't the cosy warm place we might want it to be. So easy to forget that when you feel amongst friends.


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2009)

danielled said:


> I have been told what an IP address is. Every computer has one but I can't remember exactly what they are.


your ip address can be used for loads of things.. example: for someone who really knows there computers and software they could hack into your pc give you viruses.. ect ... but you can also change you ip i cant remember how to, but yes people ca find out what area your from.

its safe 99.9% of the time but theres some people out there who are pathetic enough to do things like that to people.


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2009)

lionhead-lover said:


> your ip address can be used for loads of things.. example: for someone who really knows there computers and software they could hack into your pc give you viruses.. ect ... but you can also change you ip i cant remember how to, but yes people ca find out what area your from.
> 
> its safe 99.9% of the time but theres some people out there who are pathetic enough to do things like that to people.


Now I remember thank you for the reminder and explaining that.


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2009)

danielled said:


> Now I remember thank you for the reminder and explaining that.


tis okay!

all admin on here can view our ip addresses, so those people who say get banned come back with a different name then the ip address can then be banned. =]


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2009)

lionhead-lover said:


> tis okay!
> 
> all admin on here can view our ip addresses, so those people who say get banned come back with a different name then the ip address can then be banned. =]


Technology is very clever me thinks.


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2009)

gosh of course it is...

i used to have a few forums so thats oly reason i know so much about ips n stuff otherwise i would be non the wiser lol!


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