# I don't want to rehome my rescue cat



## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hello,

As some of you know, Candy and Molly, our new rescues, don't get on.

Things probably didn't get off to the best of starts as on the advice of the RSPCA (from which we homed them) we kept them together in the cat room - we'd been told they were 'getting on like a house on fire'. 

That said, they did seem quite contented in the cat room, if not best buddies.

Then I got sick and had to go into hospital so the cats ended up in the cat room for longer than we'd intended. By the time I was able to interact with them again Candy was starting to stalk and pounce on Molly, who would hiss and swipe.

We tried settling them in the house but Candy kept on stalking and pouncing on Molly and Molly kept on hissing and swiping. In spite of Molly telling her off, Candy kept on coming back for more - she's younger than Molly and quite active, and she also had a companion in her last home with whom I think she must have played. Molly's reaction to Candy has escalated and now she growls and yowls at her and the RSPCA think Molly needs to go back. :frown:

I really love my Molly and she took so long to home - she's 7 and appears very shy and was rejected by several families before we took her. But Candy as a sore on the back of her neck which I think is a scratch from Molly. 

I've looked into Feliway but seen on US sites that they are a fire hazard.  Molly is currently residing in the cat room most of the time but I intend to re-intoduce them tomorrow when the kids are at school and the house is quiet.

What can I do to improve the chances of this going smoothly?

Thank you!

Toublecat.


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

I don't like to leave my Feliway plug in turned on when I am out of the house, just in case.
Oh, I really feel for you with this difficult situation....but I REALLY hope you manage to sort it out and keep them both.
Am I right in thinking they are both still being kept inside as they are new arrivals? Hopefully things will settle once they can have outside access and a little more space to stay apart.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thanks, Paddypaws.

I wouldn't feel safe leaving a Feliway plugged in at night or while we are out, and I don't know if a few hours during the day is enough?

Yes, they are indoors at the moment. We've got another 2 weeks before they can go out.


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## Guest (Feb 6, 2011)

I believe they are only a fire hazard once the liquid has gone which is the same as any of the plug-in air freshner type things, the refils last around thirty days so I set an alarm on my phone for 25 days after I plugged it in so I could check and keep an eye on it.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thanks, GreyHare, I will look into that. I'm not a fan of air fresheners so haven't used plug-in things before.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Just thought I'd post an update.

We had both cats together briefly yesterday and they ignored each other, but Candy did go and pee in the litter tray in the room where Molly sleeps.

Downside is that the sore on Candy's neck is worse and I need to take her to the vet. I can't see how she got it unless it was a bite from Molly - it's too big to be a scratch. Of course it's itching her so she's scratching it which makes it worse. If it is down to Molly that does make me more wary of trying to re-introduce them.

My OH would prefer to get Molly back to the RSPCA asap even though he likes her - can't say I blame him as he's had to do everything whilst I've been sick in spite of being ill himself. He's happy for me to carry on trying but only if neither cat is getting hurt.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Another update: scabby thing on Candy is dermatitis, not a fight wound.  Not fleas though so the cause is a bit of a puzzle.

I have a plan at the moment to have both cats out together and play with them, give a little cooked chicken as a treat etc so they associate lovely things with each other. Then Molly can go back to her favourite place (the cat room - she doesn't like to come out for long) and Candy can have the run of the house.

I intend to increase the amount of time we do this for each day until during the day both cats have equal access to the house.

They will be able to go out in 2-3 wks.

How does that sound?


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2011)

Once you allow them out they may well be more tollerent of each other, growing we had three cats that didn't like each other and if cooped up in one room would hiss and spit but given the run of the house and outside they tolerated each other, but I think you have to make the decision before you let them out if they are staying or not as I think it would be unfair to allow the cat freedom outside for a few days or weeks then decide that it's still not working and for the cat to have to go back to a cage/pen, sorry if thats harsh but I think you have to commit one way or the other.


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## Aurelia (Apr 29, 2010)

Felifriend would be more appropriate in you case I think. Feliway is more for stressful situations, so new home, coming home from the vet etc. Felifriend is for strengthening bonds that already exist but are under strain.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Greyhare, I agree totally, no way would I let Molly out in a fortnight unless she and Candy were showing signs of settling down together. Apart from it being unfair on her, if they are not settled then she won't have orientated herself to the house properly.

Thank you, Aurelia, I'm not sure that Candy and Molly have any kind of bond but certainly neither of them look stressed.

We tried to get them together again last night - result was more pouncing, hissing, yowling, not only at each other but at my OH. Candy peed on Molly's tray so Molly peed on the floor. :frown:

I think we have two very strong-willed cats and although I'm happy for them not to be best buddies I am not sure they will ever really tolerate each other. :frown: Every time I think of Molly going back I cry. :frown::frown:


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

I have three boys, two are 3 years old the other is 2 years old and they get on really well together.

I believe cats need their own space. The only time I cannot offer them their space is through the night, they are restricted to one room. My lads sleep in crates (xlarge dog cages) on a night.

Hopefully the two of them will be fine now.


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## Aurelia (Apr 29, 2010)

troublecat said:


> Greyhare, I agree totally, no way would I let Molly out in a fortnight unless she and Candy were showing signs of settling down together. Apart from it being unfair on her, if they are not settled then she won't have orientated herself to the house properly.
> 
> Thank you, Aurelia, I'm not sure that Candy and Molly have any kind of bond but certainly neither of them look stressed.
> 
> ...


Hun you might need to go right back to the beginning and start a very slow introduction like they have never met before.

Do you have a crate or a cat carrier you can use?

It involves one of your kitties being put in it for short periods of time when you're at home. Let the other kitty wander around and sniff about. Do it regularly, nightly at least. Only when they stop hissing or trying to bat each other through the bars do you attempt to let them have one on one contact. Even then, initially that would have to be in short bursts to try and avoid any aggression. It helps to swap their bedding around daily too, let them get used to each others scent.

I've got a terrible migraine so I'm logging off shortly. Hopefully someone else can come and give you some tips on doing it in more detail ... (Miss you Tje )


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

Aurelia: Very good advice, I used a crate to introduce my two sibling kittens to Duke our dog and again to introduce Bellini to the DSH brothers and Duke.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thanks for the advice, Aurelia - I don't have a crate although my OH has a friend who breeds spaniels so he probably has.

The vet couldn't come up with any ideas, he just said 'give them a little longer'. 

I've made contact with an animal behaviourist who believes in allowing animals to sort things out naturally - she doesn't believe in confinement. She's advising me for free but whether I try what she suggests is another thing! :scared:

I really want this to work out. At least we still have them both at the moment.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

troublecat said:


> Thanks for the advice, Aurelia - I don't have a crate although my OH has a friend who breeds spaniels so he probably has.
> 
> The vet couldn't come up with any ideas, he just said 'give them a little longer'.
> 
> ...


That sounds like she actually doesn't know what to suggest!!! Whilst I agree that they do need to 'sort themsolves out' to a degree she should also be giving you constructive advise reagrding how you can help them, what if things go worng, how or when you should intervene, etc.

I had similar comments from a dog behaviourist which didn't address any of my problems with my new dog 

Would agree more with Aurelias suggestions & take things slowly from the beginning again.

I really hope things work out for you all


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi, Cleo,

I haven't actually got the behaviourist's advice yet - I've just let her know what the situation is and I'm waiting for her to get back to me, but I know her approach is based on non-confinement.  

We are taking things slowly, I'm trying to give each cat lots of treats when they are together as well. I do have a pet carrier that I can use, is that as good as a crate or too small?

Thanks again for your help, this forum is great!


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## Aurelia (Apr 29, 2010)

No that's fine hun. You're not going to be putting either of them in there for long (max of 30 mins) so it's fine.

I've just got a couple of things to sort out and then I'll come back and explain a bit better.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thank you, Aurelia! 

I can forsee one problem - Molly is virtually impossible to pick up, let alone get in a pet carrier! I might ask around to see if I can borrow a baby gate to put across the doorway, although I am a bit concerned that Candy could clear it.

I've been reading lots of good advice on about.com and elsewhere and it seems that the RSPCA idea of putting two unfamiliar adult cats together unsupervised after just an hour or two of socialisation at the centre was pants, not least because adult females are the most likely to be jealous of each other - especially a yound adult like Candy! 

I've just been in with two of the children for some Molly quality time so we should have her scent on us. I can't swap bedding over as Candy refuses to sleep on anything soft (put a blanket down in her favourite spot and she'll refuse to sleep there!) so will have to try rubbing with a towel.

Not helped by my chest being tight again - although the pneumonia has gone I now have bronchial inflammation and I get out of breath just feeding them.


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## Aurelia (Apr 29, 2010)

Rubbing down the difficult one with a towel is a good idea! Then just leave your other kitties bedding in the room. I'm sure she'll have a sniff of it, even if she doesn't sleep on it. If they play with any fabric toys swapping those around might help as well.

It's really quite easy to do a slow intro, it's just that it can take time and perseverance. Leaving one kitty out of the main household can weigh heavy on your heart and the temptation is there to let her in and see how it goes. In truth though it will probably just set you back.

I did a slow introduction when we brought Rilly home as a kitten with her and Bella the dog. Bella hadn't ever seen a cat so we thought it best to take it as slow as possible.

Every night when Chris was home from work we would pop Rilly in her crate and let Bella come into the room for 10 mins to start with. We gradually increased the time up to 30 mins over a couple of weeks. We did that a couple of times every evening.

Once we got to the point where Bella laid down next to Rilly's crate and Rilly started reaching through the bars to try and touch Bella, purring ... we knew it was the right time to let her out.

We were very pleased that the first thing she did was run around the door to Bella, tail high and purring then flopped down right in front of her. She thoroughly enjoyed the wet nose prodding she got. Since then they have been the best of friends. I've often caught Rilly sitting up in front (between her front and back legs) behind Bella when she is laid on her side ... she massages her  well it's padding really, but the grumbling noise Bella makes when she does it means she obviously enjoys it. So cute!

So long as you do it slowly, and are prepared for it taking up to a few weeks there's no reason why it can't work  Just don't be tempted to let them be together in the same room until you're sure they are both over their aggression towards each other.

A Feliway plugin may well be a good bet. If you get one to plug in at the start of introductions it should be well and truly working by the time it comes to them meeting eye to eye. So hopefully it will take the edge off any stress.

I've seen a kitten introduced to 3 adult cats. Carrier open, kitten wandering the house bumping into adult cats. There was only a tiny amount of hissing but otherwise I was very happy with how it went. So I've seen both sides of things. With two adult cats I can imagine it's a lot more difficult.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Aww, that's a lovely story, Aurelia! 

As I've posted on my other thread, my husband went to spend some time with Molly and she swiped at him - not sure whether it was misdirected play, over-enthusiasm or aggression. Poor Molly, she keeps on blotting her copybook with my OH and he's worried about whether she'll be okay with the kids. I've never had any cause for concern with her though.

Right, I'm going to have a rub down later with a towel, and do a bit of swapping about with beds and stuff. 

I also read today that swapping the cats about can be a good plan, allowing the new cat to familiarise themselves with the house so they are less stressed at intro time whilst the established cat chills in their room getting used to their scent - only for half an hour or so at first. 

Thank you so much for taking the trouble to help, I do appreciate it! :thumbup:

I so wish I'd read/knew all of this before they'd come home. :frown:


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## catzz (Apr 8, 2010)

Not sure if it's any help but a friend of mine has two cats that formelry hated each other even thogh they had always lived together before she got them. She kept one up stairs and one downstairs for ages until both cats had calmed down and happy. Then she started letting them meet for a few minutes at a time until they were happy to be in the same room together. They don't exactly love each other now and infact the upstairs one mostly stays upstairs and the other one downstairs but they do at least tolerate each other and are so much happier in themselves as they've each got their own established territory


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thanks, Catzz. I think that our two have almost figured that out for themselves; Molly much prefers the 'cat room', and when we gave her the run of the house one night she spent the whole time miaowing to go back in, whereas Candy likes to be in the thick of household life and doesn't even flinch when the vacuum cleaner is on!

I don't expect them to be mates, all I want is for them to ignore each other rather than have a fight every time they meet! 

The advice from the RSPCA was for me to let them to get on with it and sort themselves out, unless they really fought badly. Maybe I've made things worse by getting anxious and they would have got a pecking order established by now. :frown:


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

whatever is done is done, you cant go back now! just try starting from scratch and using all the advice you've been given  did you look into other calming remedies? x


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

I'm going to try Rescue Remedy as I have that in the house, and a G&T for me. 

I'm going to have another go tonight. One thing that has struck me is that cats are reward-led, and when there is any sign of aggression from Candy the cats get separated (as per instructions from RSPCA) and Molly goes back in the cat room, hence Candy gets her reward. So every time I've been trying to get them together I've probably been re-inforcing the negativity!

If I try crating one of them it'll have to be Candy as I can't really handle Molly yet and don't want to stress her out. Will that mean that Candy will associate Molly with even more horrid things so she wants rid of her totally? Mind you, I think Candy wants rid of Molly anyway, she seems very happy as an only cat, whereas I don't think Molly cares one way or another.

I've found a local pet behaviourist who will come round and assess the cats and come up with a plan for £140. I will have a hard job selling that to my OH!

Thanks for your support!

Troublecat.


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## GeordieBabe (Apr 7, 2009)

hi sorry your having trouble with your cats getting on, may have missed it but how long have you had them? were they together in the rescue? my daughter got Enya first and as she had Meg, Meg would go for Enya,i mean full blown fights Enya wasn't even doing anything,they would be fur flying all over,this went on for 5 days,my daughter was worried about Enya and didn't think it was fair on her so i took her,Monty didn't do anything to her but due to what Meg had done to her she hissed at Monty for a few minutes,and he just left her alone,week later she hissed at him again,a month later they are great,not sure if youv'e seen photos of her cleaning Monty but quite sweet. I don't believe in seperarting cats either,They will either get on or they won't,If it's anything like ive described about Meg and Enya,They may never get on, but giving time I'm sure they could,but its a risk to take
Though it can take some cats a little longer then some to get on,give it time,then again some never get on 

hope it works out for you hun


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi, Geordiebabe, we've had them a month but not in normal circumstances - we had them home a couple of days and then I ended up in hospital with pneumonia!  I've been back and forth to hospital since and during the first weeks the cats were in the cat room together, but getting on okay. It was when they had been home a while that we saw Candy going for Molly, which was when we decided to try them in the house, and when Candy really started to have a go at Molly, who hisses, yowls and swipes back. I think that both cats could give as good as they get and if it came to a full-blown fight it could get nasty.

So separating them has really been the only coping strategy that we've had, given how sick I've been and that my OH has been doing 3 kids, me and work on his own.

Candy has seriously got her paws under the table, she is such a confident cat and used to domestic life. Molly prefers it quieter but she still likes playing with the children and I think she'll make such a lovely pet, I don't think she lacks confidence so much as just prefers to be out of the way. She'd been at the RSPCA for quite some time too, as she's a bit older and seems shy when you first meet her.

I'll keep everyone posted!

Thanks again!:thumbup:

Troublecat.


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## GeordieBabe (Apr 7, 2009)

troublecat said:


> Hi, Geordiebabe, we've had them a month but not in normal circumstances - we had them home a couple of days and then I ended up in hospital with pneumonia!  I've been back and forth to hospital since and during the first weeks the cats were in the cat room together, but getting on okay. It was when they had been home a while that we saw Candy going for Molly, which was when we decided to try them in the house, and when Candy really started to have a go at Molly, who hisses, yowls and swipes back. I think that both cats could give as good as they get and if it came to a full-blown fight it could get nasty.
> 
> So separating them has really been the only coping strategy that we've had, given how sick I've been and that my OH has been doing 3 kids, me and work on his own.
> 
> ...


sorry you have been ill hun, so sounds like Candy want's to be the dominant cat as Molly is older so sounds like she will tolerate Candy,like i said hun it will take time, I know you may not have a choice,but maybe seperating them all the time is making it a little worse,just as ive said and also the RSPCA just leave them to it,as long as its not full blown fight let them get on with it,they will soon give up on the fighting and tolerate each other :thumbup:


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## mrswoodwoose (Jan 23, 2011)

catzz said:


> Not sure if it's any help but a friend of mine has two cats that formelry hated each other even thogh they had always lived together before she got them. She kept one up stairs and one downstairs for ages until both cats had calmed down and happy. Then she started letting them meet for a few minutes at a time until they were happy to be in the same room together. They don't exactly love each other now and infact the upstairs one mostly stays upstairs and the other one downstairs but they do at least tolerate each other and are so much happier in themselves as they've each got their own established territory


I was just thinking along the same lines: cats like to move things along at their own pace, and both are probably a bit stressed due to new home, RSPCA before that etc, so need time, space, peace and calm to get their own heads together before dealing with another cat. In the wild adult cats have a large personal range that overlaps with other cats in places, but our urban life forces their personal "zone" to become much smaller than they would choose.

Also, if you are, however kind hearted and with good intentions, putting some focus and energy in their direction by trying to help them get along, this can possibly stress them out more. Animals sense this and it can make them uncomfortable: you know, like when you're trying to do a difficult task and someone is at your shoulder checking every move, and you're thinking "just give me some time and space and let me get on with it in my own time" ?

I'm also think that once they can go out things will improve: one will be indoors perhaps while the other is out investigating and there will be more places to call their own and more things to occupy the younger cat.

I would let them sleep in separate rooms for sure. My rather long two cents worth! good luck.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hello, MrsWood!

I guess it is hard for me to remember that both cats are still stressed, Candy in particular is showing no signs of stress at all and has taken to sleeping on her back at full stretch - to my eye she appears to be the most chilled cat ever! Molly is still a bit stressed still, because she goes a bit mad with the cheek rubbing when she sees us, and she'd been at the RSPCA for ages. :frown:

Candy has the run of the house and Molly has the cat room which is actually my work annexe - we also live in a village and back onto the cricket pitch at the back and farmland at the front so potentially they won't need to see much of each other at all! But I'm loathe to let Molly out until I'm sure she is staying. I really, really want this to work but it has to be for her good as well as mine. I think I will work towards letting them be together when someone is around and separate them at bedtime and when we are out for the time being. Hopefully it won't take long.

I think that they can get on because when they were first in the cat room together as per the advice we'd had, we'd often go in and find them peacefully sleeping - not together, but not stressed or fighting. I'm not sure what triggered the aggression off to be honest, unless it was me getting ill.

Many thanks! 

Troublecat.


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## mrswoodwoose (Jan 23, 2011)

troublecat said:


> Molly is still a bit stressed still, because she goes a bit mad with the cheek rubbing when she sees us, and she'd been at the RSPCA for ages. :frown:
> 
> Candy has the run of the house and Molly has the cat room which is actually my work annexe - we also live in a village and back onto the cricket pitch at the back and farmland at the front so potentially they won't need to see much of each other at all! But I'm loathe to let Molly out until I'm sure she is staying. I really, really want this to work but it has to be for her good as well as mine. I think I will work towards letting them be together when someone is around and separate them at bedtime and when we are out for the time being. Hopefully it won't take long.


Hello,

Poor Molly - she must just be delighted that someone loves her - please do think again about returning her to the RSPCA, I feel that if they were ok at first, things can settle down again. When you were ill it may have meant that all the humans in the house were stressed and upset and animals pick up on these vibes very quickly,. They of course, didn't know the reason, they could only feel the effect, and you know how the "vibe" of a place can make you feel instantly at home or on full alert or uncomfortable or whatever.

I still think that in letting both cats out you stand the most successful chance of them settling down and getting along better and the less focus is placed on them (they will feel uncomfortable being "watched") the better it will work out. Poor Molly may not have another chance of a forever home and deserves more time - my new boy has taken 8 months to settle in and he's still improving.

Here's rooting for all of you!:thumbup:


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi, MrsWood,

I agree, I love Molly and if the decision were just mine to make she'd be the one to stay should rehoming one become necessary - but it isn't just mine, sadly. :frown:

My big issue right now is that the behaviourist that I have spoken to has picked up on the fact that Candy peed on Molly's tray and that Molly preferred to pee on the floor rather than pee over it. She says this is a sign that Molly is really stressed by Candy and I don't know if that is fair to her. :frown:

But, I am hanging onto the fact that they did get on once and should be able to do so again. My little girl is off with a chest infection right now so letting them have the run of the house hasn't been easy, but we still have Molly, and so there is still hope!

Thanks for the advice and the positive vibes, so many people are rooting for these cats to get on I am sure it will work! 

Troublecat


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## mrswoodwoose (Jan 23, 2011)

troublecat said:


> My big issue right now is that the behaviourist that I have spoken to has picked up on the fact that Candy peed on Molly's tray and that Molly preferred to pee on the floor rather than pee over it. She says this is a sign that Molly is really stressed by Candy and I don't know if that is fair to her. :frown:
> ..........
> Thanks for the advice and the positive vibes, so many people are rooting for these cats to get on I am sure it will work!
> 
> Troublecat


Hello,

Do you have more than one litter tray? Sounds like it, are near to each other or in different parts of the house?I had 3 cats once and 2 of them got on, one was afraid of one other, two others tolerated each other. They found a way around this by occupying different parts of the house and garden and the more I stopped interfering the better they got at it 

I don't suppose we can predict how this will turn out. I'm also wondering why you wish to keep Molly indoors only until you are sure she'll stay - would it be so bad if she did go out now and had to be rehomed later? At least she will have enjoyed some freedom, fresh air, the sun on her back (in February? LOL) and get to investigate new sounds and smells, in short - do what cats love to do. They live in the moment, so why not let her enjoy what time she has with you - if she ends up in a cattery again at least she will have had some outside days.

Just my opinion.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi, MrsWood, yes we have two trays and two feeding stations - one is by the back door and Candy uses this, the other is in Molly's cat room.

With regards to letting the cats out, it is still a bit soon for both of them yet. I do get your point about Molly making the most of her time here - and I think I see the sun trying to break through the clouds!

I guess all of life is impossible to predict - maybe we should take a lesson from cats and live in the moment as well!


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## mrswoodwoose (Jan 23, 2011)

How long have you had them?


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hello, MrsWood, I've replied on my other thread about how we are doing (iI got a bit panicky and started too many threads!)

They've been here four weeks now. Candy went out very briefly yesterday although I was intending to keep them in until 6 wks. Both of them spend ages watching outside, I fear for the birds that we have in our garden. 

I'm cautiously optimistic right now. Thank you so much for all your help and the good wishes - it has all made a massive difference! :thumbup:


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