# Struggling with adopted cat



## Sashka (Jan 30, 2019)

I am an experienced cat carer and have had older cats. My last beloved cat was feral and took time to settle. That being said. I adopted a cat from a shelter - first time getting a cat from a shelter - who had been returned twice. I’ve had her for 5 weeks and she is still hiding. She only comes out when I go to bed - I hear her racing up and down the stairs. 

Over the period, I have given her space, hidden treats for her to find when she comes out, but on the 3 occasions that I have offered my hand for her to smell, she has biffed me with her claws out. 

I don’t want to return her (I’m beginning to feel nervous approaching her), so would appreciate some advice please. What can I do to help her feel more at ease?

Thank you


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## ChaosCat (Dec 7, 2017)

Hello and welcome to the forum!

Thanks for adopting a challenging cat and rather seeking advice than just returning her! 

She does sound very shy, poor thing! It can take months or even years to get over such a shyness. But when you do it’s the most rewarding thing.

Let her live her life and live your own alongside her, as if you didn’t care. Talk a lot. All the time, commenting on what you’re doing, like 'I‘ll make supper now, need these carrots and some rice...'. Also sit in the same room as her and read aloud. She‘ll get used to your voice and your presence. Place treats far away from yourself, close to her hidey hole. If she ventures out to get them move them closer to where you are gradually over many days.

Don’t try to touch her before she shows she is ready for it. Let her decide for herself when she has gained enough confidence to trust you. It can be tiny steps forwards and leaps backwards. Don’t be discouraged! Even if she is shy and hiding away her life with you now is so much better than on the street, in the shelter or being adopted and returned all the time.


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## tyg'smum (Aug 14, 2018)

Do you know anything about her background? This sounds very familiar to me: over 40 years ago I had a rescue cat who'd been badly treated (in her case, she'd been deliberately shut in a cupboard for some weeks). It took six weeks for her to come out from under the bed to say hello, and physical contact had to be strictly on her terms. She had hangups about cupboards for the rest of her life, but she was the most rewarding cat I've ever owned, and it didn't take very long before I was Mum and the centre of her existence.

Your little girl is making progress, if she's coming out and racing up and down stairs at night. ChaosCat has given you excellent advice, to which I'd only add don't approach her (the cat, I mean, not ChaosCat !). Let her come to you. You've got a poor little traumatised soul here, but well done you for giving her a chance.

Please don't give up on her. It will be nard, and it may take a long time, but it'll be worth it in the end, I promise.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Sashka said:


> I have offered my hand for her to smell, she has biffed me with her claws out.
> 
> I don't want to return her (I'm beginning to feel nervous approaching her), so would appreciate some advice please. What can I do to help her feel more at ease?


Of course you don't want to return her. I'm so glad she is with you now.

Stop offering a hand to her. She has told you she doesn't like it. The more you respond to her signals, and respect her boundaries, the more she will being to trust you. Let her live in her safe spot during the day and race around at night if that's the way she wants to live.

Go about your business and let her get used to the routines in her own time. Talk to her as you do. Tell her how happy you are to give her a home, that she has a forever home, you will never abandon her, and that you will do all you can to be the human she needs and wants.

Tell her when she's ready there will be a warm lap and loving arms, but only when she's ready.

Building trust takes time. An adult cat who has been abandoned numerous times has no reason to trust any human. You will be the one to show her she can, but let her do it in her own time.. Five weeks is a very very short time. xx


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## Bertie'sMum (Mar 27, 2017)

Instead of offering her your hand (obviously in her world hands spelt "danger") try offering her a wand toy and see if she'll play. Play is a good way of building trust, especially if treat are on hand at the same time. You want her to associate only good things with you.


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