# Will my cat ever be very affectionate again?



## LauH27 (Aug 20, 2015)

Hi,

I have a four year old cat, Mog who is my baby and is (was) very affectionate and cuddly. Always got in the bed covers with me for a cuddles, trotted around following me, waited outside the bathroom for me and got on my lap at every possible moment. She she especially liked naps together.

We got a 4 month old kitten in August (Toby) who she is now used to. She gives him taps on the head and occasionally growls at him but they can exist in the same room and eat together. 

The problem I have is that Mog is not at all like she used to be with me, she occasionally gets on my lap for a couple of minutes and once every now will get on the bed but she mostly sleeps in the hallway and does not follow me around anymore.
Also she used to be very vocal and always make little noises which she Hardly does now. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Will she ever go back to how she was? I really miss her and we've had Toby 5 months now.

Thanks for reading!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

5 months may seem a long time to you, since you got Toby, but it may seem like no time at all to Mog if she does not want the kitten in her home. If Mog is still growling at Toby at times then it is apparent she is not relaxed about his presence and is only putting up with him because she has no choice in the matter. Her behaviour to Toby and to you indicates she is not a happy cat. 

How long did you take over the introductions? If Mog was forced to share her territory with the kitten before she was ready to, she will have seen this as you betraying her trust. You changed the dynamics by bringing in Toby and it is possible Mog will never feel as happy again as she used to. That is the sacrifice you make sometimes when you bring another cat into the home.

When I read that your cats can now 'exist in the same room' it does not sound like a harmonious atmosphere and I feel sad for poor Mog. The cats are in different social groups (one member to each group) and they need to have their own separate resources. For example, the cats should not have to eat in the same room, but should have their own separate feeding stations in different rooms. There should also be water bowls at each feeding station.

If your cats are indoors then there should be multiple litter trays spread around the home. At least 4 or 5 in the circumstances.

There should be several scratching posts, lots of scratching pads and mats, several to every room. Plenty of high up places to sit, e.g tall cat trees, shelves, tops of cupboards (with safe routes up and down), lots of cat beds and also quiet hidey holes e.g. igloo beds behind the sofa or armchair etc.

Mog should have a room she can go to when she wants to, that Toby cannot go into. Mog must not be shut in, so ideally it would have a microchip flap on the door, so Mog is free to come and go as she pleases. In her room she would have a litter tray and a water bowl, a cosy bed and she would eat her food in there. It can be a room she shares with a human, but not with Toby.

Or better still you could have given Toby his own room from the start and put him there to eat at meal times, as well as for set periods of the day so Mog had the rest of the house to herself. This would have been a satisfactory way of protecting her resources for her. 

I would even at this stage, keep the two cats separate at night. Settle Toby at night in one room, with his supper, water, litter trays and cosy bed and close the door and let Mog decide where she wants to sleep. She may decide eventually to sleep on your bed with you..

As you are a major resource to the cats, you need to ensure they have a fair share of your time and attention. Play with Mog when Toby is asleep and vice versa. Give Mog daily grooming sessions using a soft brush so it will be soothing. When the moulting season starts in the Spring you can use a comb. (I am assuming she is short haired). Be gentle and give her treats during the sessions. It will give you and Mog some focused time together and enable her to start feeling bonded with you again.

If you can do the above, there is a chance that Mog may in time feel more content, and become her old affectionate self again.


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## LauH27 (Aug 20, 2015)

Hi, thanks for the reply.

We followed the introduction guides on the Internet and slowly introduced Toby to Mog. He also had his own room so Mog had lots of time on her own away from him.
We kept them seperate at night for around 3 months but decided to let Toby out when he started to cry and bang the door at 5am every day. 
She didn't seem to mind at first and would sleep with me in the covers with Toby also on the bed. But now she sleeps downstairs every night.
She had also for the last 2 months ish been playing with Toby, chasing and hiding in a box and poking her paws through, no growling or aggressiveness but the last week or two she has stopped and really distanced herself from him and us. She isn't playing at all anymore. 
She just dosnt seem to enjoy being made a fuss of and even growls at me.
It seems a bit like its gone backwards and I don't really know why. 

I feel awful as its my fault for making her unhappy


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Ah well, OK I didn't realise her behaviour had only recently changed, or my advice would have been different.

If she was OK with Toby and then suddenly stopped, it could be an indication she doesn't feel well. The fact she is distancing herself from you and is even growling at you makes it even more likely she feels unwell.

How are her litter tray habits? Is she pooing and peeing as normal? Is she going to the tray frequently and not passing little or not urine (could indicate cystitis) or straining to defecate (could indicate constipation).

Is her appetite the same as usual? Does she have any problems eating ? (could indicate a tooth or gum problem)

If Mog is an outdoor cat, perhaps she has injured herself e.g. pulled a muscle, when outdoors. Has she perhaps been in a fight with another cat and been bitten? Check thoroughly through her fur for any sign of an abscess.

Whether or not you find anything I would take her to the vet as soon as you can for a checkup.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

Is Toby neutered?


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Good point @moggie14.


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## LauH27 (Aug 20, 2015)

Sorry I should have said she had changed recently.
She wasn't totally happy before, a bit grumpy but she totally changed now.
As she's an outdoor cat I don't know if her toilet habits are normal but she is eating fine. 
I will take her to the vets this week, thank you for the advice. 

And yes Toby has been neutered

thanks


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## Mary Adam (Feb 15, 2016)

My cat is around 15 years old. When she was younger I could not keep her at bay, she kept playing and purring with everyone. As the years have gone by, so has the love dwindled. Now she occasionally comes at me for a pet or to keep her in my arms, but other than that she stays in her corner sleeping or meditating. I like to think that my cat has a lot of inner thoughts and she is trying to solve them. I think there is no real solution for your problem because as people change, so do cats. You could try doing the things that she loves more and maybe try to keep her busy once in a while.


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