# Grief stricken and wondering what happened?



## muffinsmum

Glad I have found this site as I would welcome some support over the loss of our darling Muffin.
She was 13 last month and doing well - slight personality changes (probably more than slight if I am honest with myself) but doing well none the less.
On Friday my husband left home at 3.30pm to pick me up from work - she was lying on the floor stretched out but he did not notice anything unusual. He thought she was feeling the heat and enjoying the cool wooden floor on her tummy.
we arrived home at 4.40pm and she was in the hall with my other dog ( Lhasa Apsos) Both were happy to see us - Muffin's tail was wagging like crazy but she did not move towards us. I said to my husband there is something wrong. We then noticed stools and urine in the hallway. I lay on the floor with her and asked what's wrong sweetheart? why are you not getting up? I was filled with terror and had a terrible feeling. My husband (possibly in denial) again said she's hot because the heating is up high. He brought her water bowl to her and she drank an excessive amount of water.
She then stood up (or tried) and managed to wobble to the toilet a few feet away. She lay down again and seemed a bit restless. She then faced the wall and I went and lay with her again. Possibly only 15 minutes had passed from us getting home. Her tongue was out and I felt her breathing was laboured. She seemed slightly unresponsive but not much. I called the vet who told me to bring her (10 minutes away) .
In a short time she seemed more unresponsive. My husband wrapped her in a blanket and we drove to the vet. She was definitely deteriorating in front of our eyes for some reason. At the vet the assistant looked at her and immediately took her from my husbands arms commenting on her breathing, and rushed her in the back. I was utterly frantic, terrified and helpless. I knew it was bad but was not ready to believe it.
the vet called us eventually in what seemed like an eternity and took us to a back room where she was lying on her side under a blanket and with an oxygen mask. she barely acknowledged us. She said there was no pulse in her back legs, her hind paws were cold and she probably had a blood clot which had stopped the flow of blood. I asked if she was actively dying and she said she was. I asked to take her home and she said I could but if she got in to distress I would need to find an emergency vet. As the seconds were ticking past she was obviously very sick and getting more and more unresponsive. Her front paws were now cold. stomach seemed swollen, her gums were white and she couldn't lift her head. I was so upset, and we were both crying - aware of the decision we now had to make. We obviously couldn't take her home like this, we also needed the security of being at the vets. We held her in our laps and spoke to her, telling her we loved her and I just kept saying I'm sorry I'm sorry - I felt I had let her down.
So she was then sedated and put to sleep. This happened on Friday night - less than two hours after coming home to the happy tail wag she was gone. It is now Monday and I am struggling to come to terms with things. Mainly could I have saved her,. I feel I have let her down and she is lying all alone in the vets ( which she hated) waiting to be cremated. (its new year and wont happen for a few days)
I am inconsolable and don't know what to do with myself. I have had lots of loss in my life and I feel the same as I did when I lost my mother and father - grief stricken and sobbing. My husband has gone in to his man cave ( I know he is suffering) and my grown up children are distraught.
We have known her since she was growing in her mothers tummy, seen her every day from her birth, and brought her home at 5 weeks and 5 days. much loved.
The staff in the vets were fabulous, I could not fault anything they did, they were wonderful.
Any words of comfort and advice will be gratefully received, especially answers to my questions - could I have prevented this blood clot, was it really her time to go? was it treatable? could she have been saved?
Many thanks
LH - Muffins Mum


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## Lurcherlad

Honestly, it sounds like she suffered a major stroke and I doubt there was anything that could be done tbh

It's desperately sad, but take comfort that it all happened quite quickly and you were able to send her to sleep without suffering.

There really is no point in "what if's" you can't change anything.

Remember the happy years you had together and the loving home you gave her as well as the peaceful passing with the people she loved.

So sorry for your loss


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## muffinsmum

Lurcherlad said:


> Honestly, it sounds like she suffered a major stroke and I doubt there was anything that could be done tbh
> 
> It's desperately sad, but take comfort that it all happened quite quickly and you were able to send her to sleep without suffering.
> 
> There really is no point in "what if's" you can't change anything.
> 
> Remember the happy years you had together and the loving home you gave her as well as the peaceful passing with the people she loved.
> 
> So sorry for your loss


Thank you for the prompt reply. Yes I did wonder if it was a stroke. I just miss her already...
Thanks again


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## Lurcherlad

muffinsmum said:


> Thank you for the prompt reply. Yes I did wonder if it was a stroke. I just miss her already...
> Thanks again


Of course, they leave a massive hole 

I'd does get easier, I promise


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## kittih

A similar thing happened to my cat but I arrived home too late before she died so I understand something of what you are going though. When I spoke to the vet he said there was nothing I could have done even had I arrived earlier. Pets are good at hiding illness and sometimes, as in humans, strokes and clots can come out of the blue.

If it is possible, to take comfort in the fact that you were there in her last moments, she had you both there with her there with her giving her love and comfort. Letting her go was the last kindness you could have given.

If it helps to talk to someone (everyone handles grief differently) then I understand that the pet bereavement service can be very helpful)...

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support


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## Mirandashell

I recently lost my old boy as quickly and for a similar reason. There is nothing you could have done and nothing you did caused it. It's one of those horrible things that happens. It's a shock and it's a huge loss and it hurts like hell. But you were with her at the end and she knew she was loved. She's now at the Rainbow Bridge and she's out of pain.


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## Matrod

I'm so sorry for your loss  I honestly don't think there could have been anything you could have done with a blood clot. I lost one of mine recently, like you she deteriorated rapidly & I had to let her go.

This horrible stage you're going through right now will pass, be gentle on yourself x


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## Guest

Be gentle to yourself. That is the hardest decision we have to make.


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## Jackie C

I'm very sorry for the loss of your lovely Muffin, she looks like she was such a sweet little darling. 
It really does sound like it happened very quickly, and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent this or predict it. Our beloved companions are a member of our family, and we feel the pain of losing them very hard. 
When you see someone every day, and they bring you so much joy, laughter and happiness, they leave a massive empty space when they're gone. 

Remember the lovely times you had, the way she made you laugh, the happiness and love she gave you. No one loves you unconditionally like a dog or cat. I honestly do believe they love us in their own way. 

Goodnight, Muffin. x


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## Kidlington

Could you not bury your pet instead - if that is distressing you, then is that not an option? Then you are more in control and can have the body back and can say good bye properly? Some people need that space. 

K


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## Caroline Bell

hi muffins mum.so sorry to read the very sad events leading to beautiful muffins passing.i know it happened very quickly and this happened to me.we lost our beautiful dog jake in march.if you look back in the forum my story is under the heading heartbroken and devastated.the hardest thing is to lose our pets very close to us.i was in shock for a long time after and felt as if my heart had torn in two.the feelings were overwhelming and it has been so difficult as the house feels empty ,as time goes on it is very hard without them.time does help but you never forget them.i still cry a lot as we were so close.life has been hard without him.but take each day at a time and you will get through it but in your own time . we havent .got another dog.you will go through lots of different feelings of grief.so sorry again as its so hard.please let us know how you are getting on caroline xx


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## Kittynanna

So very sorry for your loss, it is an absolutely awful decision and responsibility we have with our pets.

You did the right thing for your little one, the huge level of grief you feel demonstrates the tremendous love you have for your darling Muffin.

Take care x


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## dogsbestfriend

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful Muffin. It sounds like she was loved dearly by her family and I am sure you all miss her terribly. I am not surprised you feel the same as when you lost your parents - our dogs are our family, our children and letting them go is heartbreaking. I lost my dog a few months ago, I loved her so much and felt terrible guilt after her death and overwhelmed myself with "what if" as well as the "should haves" and "could haves". I believe you done everything you could for your Muffin, if she wasn't demonstrating that she was in pain or in distress in her last months/days then how could you have known? Be gentle on yourself and take comfort in knowing you were with her in those last moments to comfort her and show her how loved she was. It is best that you let her go in peace than prolonging what would have only distressed her. Don't feel you have let her down; her soul is with you, not in your vet, and when you get her remains back I don't doubt you will feel her all around you and you will feel more at ease having her with you in your home again.

Again, so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your lovely Muffin. Take care x


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## lizasfur

I'm happy i found this site too - First of all my apologies for my English, i'm not a native speaker. I lost my dog Ruby in December 2018. She was a Beagle and passed away at only 10 years old. She died of cancer, we did start a a treatment plan but i soon realized Ruby was too sick and most of the time just miserable, that's when we decided to have her put to sleep.



muffinsmum said:


> especially answers to my questions - could I have prevented this blood clot, was it really her time to go? was it treatable? could she have been saved?


I know Beagles can get 15/16 years old so i wondered what i did wrong. Was it the nutrition, did i not give her enough attention? I read many articles and consulted friends, it took me months to accept that i did what i could and that she was just unlucky. I now believe i took care of her the best i could and that i gave here a good life. Of course i have doubts sometimes, but most of the times i feel happy with the life we had together and wouldn't want to change a thing.

What i'm trying to say, Muffinsmum, don't blame yourself, think of the happy times you had together and cherish the good memories! They will always be there


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## Jackie C

lizasfur said:


> I'm happy i found this site too - First of all my apologies for my English, i'm not a native speaker. I lost my dog Ruby in December 2018. She was a Beagle and passed away at only 10 years old. She died of cancer, we did start a a treatment plan but i soon realized Ruby was too sick and most of the time just miserable, that's when we decided to have her put to sleep.
> 
> I know Beagles can get 15/16 years old so i wondered what i did wrong. Was it the nutrition, did i not give her enough attention? I read many articles and consulted friends, it took me months to accept that i did what i could and that she was just unlucky. I now believe i took care of her the best i could and that i gave here a good life. Of course i have doubts sometimes, but most of the times i feel happy with the life we had together and wouldn't want to change a thing.
> 
> What i'm trying to say, Muffinsmum, don't blame yourself, think of the happy times you had together and cherish the good memories! They will always be there


I'm very sorry for your loss, lizasfur. x


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## lizasfur

Jackie C said:


> I'm very sorry for your loss, lizasfur. x


Thanks a bunch Jackie!!

I'm doing better lately, i spent a couple weeks looking at Beagles and thinking it was my Beagle from a distance, which sounds ridiculous. Did anyone else have this? Is this part of the grieving process? Something else i wanted to share: i had some ashes of Ruby turned into a Ruby (red) diamond ring from Heart in diamond in the UK, i am not allowed to post their website here somehow, but you can look them up. I now wear the diamond on a necklace. I just wanted her close to me and having the ashes around me all day in an urn felt uncomfortable somehow. Not sure if this makes me sound crazy, but i did read this trend of turning ashes into jewellery is becoming bigger. I can recommend it, but understand it's not for everyone.


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## niamh123

So sorry for your loss I am at the same point as you at the moment my girl was PTS on 2nd of April she would of been 2 in May,she died of Kidney Failure I blame myself for not getting her earlier veterinary care although I know she showed no symptoms until 3 weeks before she passed


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