# Advice needed - 10 month old maine coon mix



## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

Hi all

think it is just a tabby actually

I need your advice. I went with my family and got a cat, above description, for my family (7 and 4 year old)

When we picked up the cat she was lovely, if understandably quiet and nervous. She was in a cat carrier in the house. (House ramshackle, almost a farm and family fairly rough looking/chaotic)

She has been home now 9 days and is terrified of us. All day under a cupboard or behind something and shies away from contact or stroking

The more I think about it the more I think I was totally foolish to buy the cat. The house was like a farm, and since I have found out that the cat was in a cage with her parents and sister the whole time. There were barking dogs (extremely loud) nearby. Understandably this cat must be A totally unused to human contact and B traumatised

This is all fine, we are treating her like a rescue cat, it is better she is with us in a loving family and nice home than outside in a cage..

Think she will come around? How long might it take? She has made very little change since arrival..

Although I am sure she is happer she must miss her family.

I know no one can say for sure.. Anyone had similar experiences to this and can put my mind at rest? I feel bad for my kids and want to reassure them that she will start to be a little more warm to human contact soon..

THanks for any of your help/advice


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## Chris13 (Feb 15, 2020)

That is so sad for her and thank god u saved her from what sounds like an awful place 

She will come around in her own time it will probably be when the kids are in bed and things are quieter but when she does don't go to stroke her let her come to you and take it slowly


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

Thank you. SO you think she may well never want to be sociable with the children?


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## Maurey (Nov 18, 2019)

If she hasn't been, isolate her in a room that's relatively small, low traffic, but large enough that you, with or without your children, can go in there, and sit there quietly, without looking directly or trying to touch the cat. She should have her bowls, scratching post, litter box, and a toy or two that's safe for solo-play.

She's only getting increasingly stressed when kids, who, at a young age tend towards being loud, and rambunctious, keep trying to touch her, which will only make an already uncertain cat even more uncertain. Imagine being small, unsure where you are, and creatures you don't know that are five to ten times your size you don't know the intentions of keep trying to touch you.

Get her isolated, leave things in there for her to scent like a blanket, or a kitty bed, or even some soft toys, and leave some things that smell like you or your kids lying around -- not too many, though. Give her half a day to adjust to her new surroundings, and don't disturb her. Then, just you, come in. Sit there for 10-15 minutes on your phone, or with a book, see how she reacts. If she starts relaxing at least a little or coming out, start reading or talking aloud quietly so she might get used to your voice. Do this until she's comfortable enough to come out when you're in the room within a minute or two, and approaches you willingly to sniff you, or maybe even scent marks you. Keep talking to her, and don't touch her unless she initiates it. Once you've achieved a truce and she seems relaxed around you, talk to your kids, and explain how important it is to be gentle and quiet around kitty because she's nervous, and how they shouldn't touch her unless she, herself, initiates it. Do the same process with one child at a time (getting the child to sit next to you -- the cat trusts you, and you're trying to show her that you trust your kids, that your kids aren't scary), getting her used to the older one, first, as they tend to find being calmer around animals easier, even when they're really excited to meet and interact them. She'll let you know when she's ready to start exploring the house. Juma just walked out of the room I was introducing her in the evening I brought her home right after me, as I was leaving the room to give her some space. Needless to say, she slept in my bed that night, though it took her another week to really get used to the flat. The name of the game is patience, pretty much -- don't force it. She may take a while to come around, as it sounds she has been overwhelmed since you brought her home.

She may grow to like the kids, she may not -- if the kids keep trying to touch her and keep pushing her our of her comfort zone, she almost certainly will not, and will keep avoiding them. If you take it slow, give her time to understand that they're not scary loud things that are giant and might do things she doesn't like, she may grow to tolerate, and even like them. Cats are much like people, in that they're individuals. Some like kids, some tolerate them, and some avoid them. You can definitely nudge this all in the right direction if you handle introductions correctly.

Good luck!


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

Thanks Maurey I have followed all of your advice. She has been in a large room all day and I have bought a scratch post for her. I have left food and her litter tray in there. We'll open her door at nights so she can roam around if she wishes, and keep this routine going (just her room, no one visiting in groups etc, everyone in there v quiet) until necessary

Any other advice also welcome.. any reassurance also would be appreciated! I hope she becomes a little more sociable.


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## Bertie'sMum (Mar 27, 2017)

In the rehoming centre where I volunteer we often get very shy/ traumatised young cats that have not be been socialised - we follow similar procedures as @Maurey has outlined above and find that just sitting quietly in the pen with the cat whilst reading a book quietly out loud works well. It can take 2 - 3 weeks before puss starts to feel less threatened but they do usually come round. We've also found that playing classical music quietly (Mozart for some reason seems to work well) can take the "edge" of their fear.

"slowly, slowly catchee monkey" as the old saying goes and it's pretty much the same with a frightened cat (do you know how old she is and if she's been neutered yet ?). If she won't eat during the day try leaving food down at night, she's more likely to come out to eat/explore/use her litter tray when the children are in bed and house is really quiet.

It's hard when you know your intentions are all good, but she (unfortunately) only sees you as a threat at the moment - patience (bags of it) is the key.


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## Maurey (Nov 18, 2019)

Honestly, I'm sure she'll come around! Just take it slow. She might take a week, might take a month, but she'll eventually realise you and your family aren't a threat! Jum still does the 'must hide' routine whenever anyone unfamiliar comes over, even when she's comfortable in her territory -- she takes a long time to warm up to strangers, but when she does, she's the most affectionate little thing c:


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

its been nearly 2 weeks.. got classical music on in there now !


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## Maurey (Nov 18, 2019)

Consider her being isolated your new starting point for the situation, so day 0. She's getting a new perception of her situation now, a real chance to relax and adapt. I'm sure she'll come around soon, now that she has a chance to experience her new space on her terms (more or less).


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

Hmm.at night she came out and is now refusing to budge from under the cupboard in the hall upstairs. Do I just leave here there? Trying to move and she growls,,


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

Should I no longer allow her out of the room at night time? I thought it would be good to allow her to roam..


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## Maurey (Nov 18, 2019)

Until she comes out willingly and quickly while you're there, and follows YOU out, I wouldn't let her out to roam, to avoid this exact situation. Let her hide in the room she's isolated in for a week. If she doesn't start making progress and coming out on her own, slowly start blocking off places where she can hide when you're in there.


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

OK, done. She is back in there, this is day dot.


Maurey said:


> Consider her being isolated your new starting point for the situation, so day 0. She's getting a new perception of her situation now, a real chance to relax and adapt. I'm sure she'll come around soon, now that she has a chance to experience her new space on her terms (more or less).


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

hmm she's busted out and is roaming again! She is just scared in the day. This house, admittedly, is not and never will be, a quiet house.


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## Maurey (Nov 18, 2019)

How is she getting out? If the door is somehow weak and doesn't close properly, is there another place you could put her? If she's just bolting out when you open the door, I'm afraid you'll just have to be more careful -- nothing else to be done. 
She'll eventually get used to the noise and settle in, but her breaking out and eventually hiding in a small space that you then have you pull her out of against her will is only setting your relationship back. 

To clarify, not blaming you at all, as tone over text isn't exactly clear. More commiserating with both you and kitty, as the situation isn't ideal.


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

haven't got a clue how she got out. Jumped and opened door handle?!

will put her back in there but am reluctant to grab her to haul her.. need to wait until she is in there for food.


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

mcmutley said:


> haven't got a clue how she got out. Jumped and opened door handle?!


My cat learnt to depress the door handle and gain access to the only room closed to him. I got a friend to put in a hook and eye to stop him.


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

Hi

So you guys recommend these cat pheromone plugs? Feliway


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## Maurey (Nov 18, 2019)

They don't always work, but they don't hurt to try. Considering your situation, I don't think they're necessary to resort to quite yet, as she's not had much of a chance to be isolated and adapt in a single room, as is recommended for cat introductions. That said, using Feliway won't set her back, even if it's not necessary.


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## mcmutley (Mar 31, 2020)

she just doesn't like being in that room, she likes to be on landing where she can keep eye on whole apartment..

I bought a pheromone thing and it is next to her.


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