# Spanking children is it sometimes necessary?



## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

Ok i don't want this to become an argumental debate - and this isn't a thread about people being bad parents etc so please please please don't take any offence or whatever in this thread being posted ok? and no arguments please - a nice friendly debate will do nicely 

OK, the topic is do you think it is necessary *sometimes *for a child to be spanked? I know spanking is really not the best way to deal with things and i normally wouldn't encourage it at all.

But this morning, just before i got into work i went into WHSmiths to pick up my copy of Dogs Today and two books (i'm such a bookworm lol). Anyway this poor dad ok, was trying to manage his 6 year old daughter. So he put her down so he could pay for something. This child goes and takes a creme egg and hides it in her hand - Dad sees and grabs her and tries to take the egg out of her hand, dropping his wallet etc while trying to handle his child - and all this time the little girl thought 'ooh this is funny what a nice game' and started giggling while poor Dad was trying to deal with her. He managed to get the creme egg out of her hand and popped it on the counter nd just dragged his giggling child out of the shop.

My thoughts at that point were 'my god why don't you just spank the child, she seems to think this is funny' or at least take a pushchair out with you and use that as a time- out method, you know what i am saying. Don't worry i didn't say it out loud its not my place to tell a stranger how to raise his child lol

Now i don't know if he was a single dad or what, but i really do feel for single parents after seeing that poor guy.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Well there's a difference between a small smack to 'shock' the kid out of bad behaviour (which is what my rents did to me) and beating a kid isn't there? But I think the line is completely blurred and now if you so much as look at a child the wrong way you're either beating them or you're a peodophile (sp). I don't see anything wrong with a small smack to shock them, it doesn't even hurt.
x


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## celicababe1986 (Jun 22, 2009)

ad_1980 said:


> Ok i don't want this to become an argumental debate - and this isn't a thread about people being bad parents etc so please please please don't take any offence or whatever in this thread being posted ok? and no arguments please - a nice friendly debate will do nicely
> 
> OK, the topic is do you think it is necessary *sometimes *for a child to be spanked? I know spanking is really not the best way to deal with things and i normally wouldn't encourage it at all.
> 
> ...


because if you gave a child a smack on the bum you would be arrested for child abuse!!

All I know is I had a fair few smacks from my mother and to this day I respect her and it taught me to behave myself.

I have a 5 yo who can sometimes push and push me, she knows how to wind me up and I do feel like giving her a tap on the backside!! timeout for her doesnt work, she is extremly intelligent and attention seeking!! ( i do love her though)


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

ad_1980 said:


> OK, the topic is do you think it is necessary *sometimes *for a child to be spanked?
> .


.... definitly no :nonod:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Yes I think it is - there is a huge difference between a spank and physical abuse of a child.


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

celicababe1986 said:


> because if you gave a child a smack on the bum you would be arrested for child abuse!!
> 
> All I know is I had a fair few smacks from my mother and to this day I respect her and it taught me to behave myself.
> 
> I have a 5 yo who can sometimes push and push me, she knows how to wind me up and I do feel like giving her a tap on the backside!! timeout for her doesnt work, she is extremly intelligent and attention seeking!! ( i do love her though)


I didn't say smack on the bum - more like on the hand or something.



> Originally posted by Stephny691: Well there's a difference between a small smack to 'shock' the kid out of bad behaviour (which is what my rents did to me) and beating a kid isn't there? But I think the line is completely blurred and now if you so much as look at a child the wrong way you're either beating them or you're a peodophile (sp). I don't see anything wrong with a small smack to shock them, it doesn't even hurt.


Exactly. A small smack compared to a full on beating isn't child abuse.


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## tafwoc (Nov 12, 2009)

The last i read it is legal in the Uk to smack a child, as long as there are no marks left, not allowed in scotland though. I was smacked as a child, and to be fare to my parents i sometimes deserved it.


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## Milly22 (Sep 15, 2008)

Nope not ever.

I was spanked but it's not good for children and there are others way to go about things. I cannot say I have never been tempted but that would mean me losing control of the situation.


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

ad_1980 said:


> Exactly. A small smack compared to a full on beating isn't child abuse.


a smack is there to intend to scare the child and to give it pain, the amount of pain is irrelevant, the comparison to abuse is not a good one.

To teach a child good behaviours or to stop bad behaviours by inflicting pain is not acceptable imo, regardless of how u dress up the word "smack" to make it sound better or make it more excusable to use ...


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## dingal2000 (Oct 18, 2009)

I tell you something the law has become stupid, when i was a child i had a good few slaps on the bum and across the back of the legs, never done me any harm and i can almost garantee it kept me out of trouble, because you knew what you had to look forward too if you done something wrong, and i believe it taught all children a lesson, apart from maybe a handful.

BUT if you notice now, since the law come in that your not allowed to give your child a smack, there are more child criminals now then there ever has been.

That short sharp shock was enough to put you off getting in to trouble,

when my dad was alive God rest his soul, he used to tell me stories of when he was a child, he do something wrong in school and get the belt, then the school told his mum, then she would give heim a belt when he got home, the she would tell his dad who again would give him a thrashing when he got home from work. 

And the fact my dad was the oldest child, he would also get a slap if any of his siblings done anything wrong as he was supposed to set an example.

Now that i always found extreme, but thats how things used to be. and all the generations of kids from that time, 90% of them turn out fine, is it any wonder crime was a lot less then.

And mum told me a story from when she was a young teen, how she was being nosey through someones window, and a police officer told her off, and when her Mum found out about it, gave her a smack, and mum never did anything wrong ever again.

So no i dont think giving your child a small smack on the bum would hurt at all.


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## tafwoc (Nov 12, 2009)

Sorry to take over the thread, but what do people think of washing your mouth out with soap and water if a child swears? This used to happen to me all the time


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## kaz_f (Mar 8, 2009)

I think there's a difference. I'm not a parent so I may think differently if I was but I think there's a fine line between a quick - short sharp shock tactics spank and full on bum smacking.... 
That said I don't hit my dog who absolutely tests me to the limit at times so I seriously doubt I would ever spank a child. As a child I had a few spanks and I was a good kid and I learned there are boundaries. The problem is that in so many cases 'these days' - hark at me lol! there is a serious lack of boundaries as to what is right and what's wrong behaviour for children and very often children are taught they can have everything and do everything they want. I'm sure there are other ways to teach boundaries than smacking but I think in many cases they simply aren't being taught.


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## celicababe1986 (Jun 22, 2009)

dingal2000 said:


> I tell you something the law has become stupid, when i was a child i had a good few slaps on the bum and across the back of the legs, never done me any harm and i can almost garantee it kept me out of trouble, because you knew what you had to look forward too if you done something wrong, and i believe it taught all children a lesson, apart from maybe a handful.
> 
> BUT if you notice now, since the law come in that your not allowed to give your child a smack, there are more child criminals now then there ever has been.
> 
> ...


My great nan said back in her day everyone used to smack each others children,, eg she threw eggs at a mans car and he gave her ' the cane' (even know he didnt know her) which was acceptable in those days.


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

mellowma said:


> Nope not ever.
> 
> I was spanked but it's not good for children and there are others way to go about things. I cannot say I have never been tempted but that would mean me losing control of the situation.


exactly, smacks happen when the parent looses control of the situation or its temper or doesnt know how to deal with the situation differently or simply is pushed to the limits. Its not a tool to teach something ....


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## thedogsmother (Aug 28, 2008)

I have smacked my son once, he is autistic and I did the whole green cross code bit over and over again, he broke free of my hand one day and ran straight in front of a car which stopped thank god, I ran to him and smacked him hard on the bum, he cried then it was forgotten within minutes, it didnt teach him that roads were dangerous it just taught him that mummy might hit him if shes mad and I still remember it to this day. I constantly get compliments about my childrens behaviour and they are lovely people to be with most of the time. If I had been the parent of that child in WHSmith I would have involved her in the purchase by getting her to hand the purchases over or hand the money over so she wasnt bored then I would have bought the creme egg and kept it and encouraged her to earn it with good behaviour and no way would I have smacked her. I dont need to smack my animals and I dont need to smack my children.


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## celicababe1986 (Jun 22, 2009)

tafwoc said:


> Sorry to take over the thread, but what do people think of washing your mouth out with soap and water if a child swears? This used to happen to me all the time


My mother did this to me once when I called her an f**king s**g, that was the only time I ever swore at her, and to this day (I am 23) I wont swear in front of her. I still remeber the taste rrr:


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

No, not at all.


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## tafwoc (Nov 12, 2009)

celicababe1986 said:


> My mother did this to me once when I called her an f**king s**g, that was the only time I ever swore at her, and to this day (I am 23) I wont swear in front of her. I still remeber the taste rrr:


I clearly NEVER learn't, usually once a week i had that bar stuffed in my mouth.


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

tafwoc said:


> Sorry to take over the thread, but what do people think of washing your mouth out with soap and water if a child swears? This used to happen to me all the time


Oh god i remember when i was in primary school in the late 80s the school headmistress had this punishment - anyone who had said a bad word or anything would get their mouth washed with soap and water. Now i don't know whether it was a scare tactic or whether it actually did happen, but its what did teach me to behave at school - which i did....70% of the time. Hey i got better when approaching secondary school lol


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## Nicky10 (Jan 11, 2010)

No never it's a parent losing control and is cruel in my opinion. How can you tell a child stop hitting another kid by hitting them? I hate the washing your mouth out with soap thing too it's just as bad


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

OMG are you seriously saying under those circumstances you thought the child should be Hit AD 

If my children were playing me up (and they ALL do from time to time) and some stranger suggested i should "spank" them you seriously would not want to be on the recieving end of what i would say to you 

You are talking about administering physical punishment to a child !!!

Now i have had this debate on here before and made my views quite clear on where i stand on smacking children and i refuse to judge a parent on how they discipline their child (unless it is abusive, and i am really not about to get into where discipline ends and abuse begins because thats way to complex for this sort of discussion meduim) BUT woe betide anyone who interferred with me dealing with my child in whatever way i felt was appropriate. 

I would never smack a child for simply playing me up A) It's ineffective and B) There are easier ways of dealing with it. 

OK her Dad could have handled it better and to be honest had he not been being stared at and judged by a load of onlookers he might have been firmer with his Daughter but there is nothing worse for a parent than having a really bad day with your child when you are out and random joe public commenting on it 

Next time try having a bit of sympathy for the poor guy. 

sorry end of rant


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

Nicky10 said:


> No never it's a parent losing control and is cruel in my opinion. How can you tell a child stop hitting another kid by hitting them? I hate the washing your mouth out with soap thing too it's just as bad


i never said it was good lol!


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

I am old school I suppose, I was raised getting a clip around the ear, by parents, teachers, and neighbours lol not all at the same time mind, but my mum and dad gave permission to their close neighbour(my friends parents) that if I was naughty I was their responsibility and treat me like their own, tha included a smacked bottom or hand, I had respect for these people without being frightened, I was rarely smacked, but knew that if I was naughty the "possibility" I would get a slap always kept me out of trouble. I did however notice a difference with my younger brother, things changed in the schools whereby a teacher was not allowed to punish a pupil, parents were made aware they could get into trouble with the law if they dealt out punishment, my brother and his peers played on this no end, and was always in trouble. I guess nowadays its all totally different to how it was then, but I had no lasting scars and look back fondly to my childhood. edited to add I never smacked my daughter who is now 26 but she was an only child and actually I spoiled her, she turned out ok though lol

mo


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> OMG are you seriously saying under those circumstances you thought the child should be Hit AD
> 
> If my children were playing me up (and they ALL do from time to time) and some stranger suggested i should "spank" them you seriously would not want to be on the recieving end of what i would say to you
> 
> ...


Rain! I was being sympathetic! I felt awful for him, but at the same time i ws thinking that child clearly isn't learning anything, just giggling away there. Exactly what would teach her that she'd done wrong and Daddy wasn't playing?

I never said hit. I said a tiny smack on the hand! Thats nothing compared to what i went through as a child. I got more than just a smack on the hand believe me - and lets just say the way mum handled me in my opinion was not the best way!


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## dingal2000 (Oct 18, 2009)

Maybe in some and i do mean SOME cases it may be lack of control, but when you have truely done something wrong, and you got a slap, you knew yu got it for doing something wrong, and you knew your parents were in full control of the situation, and was not done in temper. but that was back when i was a child, and alot of the older members will know exactly what i mean


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

dingal2000 said:


> Maybe in some and i do mean SOME cases it may be lack of control, but when you have truely done something wrong, and you got a slap, you knew yu got it for doing something wrong, and you knew your parents were in full control of the situation, and was not done in temper. but that was back when i was a child, and alot of the older members will know exactly what i mean


Thank you that's what i meant too!


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## tafwoc (Nov 12, 2009)

I also think there is a difference between a controlled smack and a parent flying off the handle. Which i have had both, and the latter from a adult man, is fecking scary! So if i had kids i wouldn't smack them, but i don't go against people who choose to as long as its a controlled punishment.


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## dingal2000 (Oct 18, 2009)

I also remember doing something one once, i think i was playing around with someones dorr handle on a car outside mums house, my god she marched me dwn to the police station, to get a telling off LOL funny now, but scared me half to death, and that taught me a lesson i can tell ya ..LOL


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## Jowan (Dec 14, 2009)

Yes ...I was smacked as a child for serious wrong doings but I can count on one hand the amount of times it happened. There is no deterant these days for kids to not be naughty. I remember once my mum was looking after her 6 year old grandchild about 12 years ago now. She was being naughty and my mum threatened her with a smack if she didnt behave. She said ..."If you smack me I will ring child line" She carried on being naughty so my mum smacked her leg then passed her the phone.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I was often tapped by my parents when younger - not for just acting up or messing around but for Serious things - it never harmed me in the long run -I loved them to bits and still do -I do agree that if parents lose control of a situ then its not the best option and I dont think u should instantly smack a child for misbehaving - talking to them and communicating is always the best way forward - however I do think in some extreme cases a tap can be acceptable - a lot of kids in todays society know the laws and use it to thier advantage - a bit more strict discipline is whats needed imo - If i was really naughty my mum would say right wait till your dad gets home!!! and I would be shitting it!! now i dont think thats unhealthy! I think sometimes we need to have a bit of fear for the consequences of our actions - we need to make our children question what they have done - sometimes simply telling them that its wrong is not enough.


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

dingal2000 said:


> I also remember doing something one once, i think i was playing around with someones dorr handle on a car outside mums house, my god she marched me dwn to the police station, to get a telling off LOL funny now, but scared me half to death, and that taught me a lesson i can tell ya ..LOL


lol I remember being frightened I would be sent to prison for any mis behaving the police threat was always a good one from my parents lol, nowadays little kids have no respect for the police as we did then, my husband teaches 16+ age group and although he gets on pretty well with them, they all seem to have lack of respect for anyone in authority, why is that?

mo


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

if someone intends to punish their child in a controlled manner why not do it then in a kind but consistant way rather than just giving it a smack?  Unless the smack is the easier and quicker way of course ....


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## GillyR (Nov 2, 2009)

Just out of curio - those that spank/smack their kids. Do they punish there animals in the same way.


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

I think smacking a child, in some circumstances, is a good way ro discipline him or her.Spanking out of anger is definatley not okay. 
Growing up, I was occasionaly spanked. I was always warned before, and when I delibarately disobeid my parents, I got my punishment. It hardly hurt physically, but it injured my pride and I always opted for obeying my parents over being disgraced.



Natik said:


> a smack is there to intend to scare the child and to give it pain, the amount of pain is irrelevant, the comparison to abuse is not a good one.
> 
> To teach a child good behaviours or to stop bad behaviours by inflicting pain is not acceptable imo, regardless of how u dress up the word "smack" to make it sound better or make it more excusable to use ...


Children don''t have as much control over their actions as older people do, and it's sometimes neccessary to give them that little pain/uncomfort to put them back on track. In some ways, it's the same as when you train animals. For example, you could soak a cat in water if it's in the habit of bighting you. It's extremely annoying and uncomfortable to the cat, but it does it no harm and the cat will only learn from the punishment.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

GillyR said:


> Just out of curio - those that spank/smack their kids. Do they punish there animals in the same way.


Ha, don't say that you can't compare kids to animals


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

Natik said:


> Unless the smack is the easier and quicker way of course ....


It probably was a quick and easier way of dealing with the matter in hand, I know my mum and dad worked long hard hours, spending a lot of time with us kids(who were actually treated as kids and not their peers) was not an option, a quick clip, let me know I was out of order,I stopped what I was doing, they could get on with what they had to do, without having to explaine why I was wrong, I KNEW I was wrong, it was short to the point and no need to be analyzed. I will point out the clips I got were totally different to the full out abuse I got when my father had had a drink, he was an abusive aggressive man, and would lash out at my mother an us kids in drink I KNEW the difference

mo


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## tafwoc (Nov 12, 2009)

GillyR said:


> Just out of curio - those that spank/smack their kids. Do they punish there animals in the same way.


I'd hope not, kids know what rules there are, and they push them. You can't talk to a dog like you can a child. Again im not for or against smacking, but animals aren't children.


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## archielee (Jan 30, 2009)

I do not believe in spanking children


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## Nicky10 (Jan 11, 2010)

GillyR said:


> Just out of curio - those that spank/smack their kids. Do they punish there animals in the same way.


Well no I mean you have much better ways of punishing dogs choke chains/prong collars/shock collars.


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## Mese (Jun 5, 2008)

Its gotten so ridiculous these days , no wonder children are walking all over us and laughing themselves stupid while they do it
You hear of OAP's being mugged by kids ... would those same kids be doing that if they'd been taught respect and discipline from an early age.

when I was young I was taught anyone older than me deserved my respect , gawd forbid if I wasnt polite to someone , if my parents found out id been rude id have had a smack , and tbh would have felt id deserved it

edited: I did smack my Daughters hand or backside , depending on how naughty she was 
the way I see it is my Daughter knows right from wrong , she had one warning , if she continued her bad behaviour then she knew the consequences (she's 25 now by the way , lol)
I dont smack my dogs .... they are far more intelligent than most humans , and if they are naughty simply giving them a look or saying their name works just fine , lol


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## reddogsX3 (May 18, 2008)

i have been at both ends of this one on the same day and in the same high street and in fact the same people were involved. 
my oldest when he was younger and in the prime of adhd was always jumping running round shouting etc and i got looks from people as if to say 'you should control your child, or that child needs a smacked bum' when i got to another shop he decided that he would lay down in the doorway so by this time i had enough so i grabbed hold of his harm and got him up and out of the door way and the same people that looked at me as if i couldn't control my child had the look that i was almost abusing him.

i never saw the point of smacking and if mine ever did get one they knew that they had pushed me beyond my limit and i think that has only happend twice per child and they are 13 (adhd) and 16 (very mild ADD) now.

wendy


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

Natik said:


> if someone intends to punish their child in a controlled manner why not do it then in a kind but consistant way rather than just giving it a smack?  Unless the smack is the easier and quicker way of course ....


Being kind and consistent is not always enough. Beleive me, my parents where very kind and consistent, but on a few occasions, they had to go ahead and punish me.



GillyR said:


> Just out of curio - those that spank/smack their kids. Do they punish there animals in the same way.


I don't think you can compare kids to animals- they are very different.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

I can guarantee a lot of these 'thugs' who go round being a nuisiance etc get a beating from their parents. I don't think smacking has anything to do with it but I agree I don't they have been taught how to respect people - or themselves.


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

Exactly.

A lot of children are walking over their parents or anyone with an authoritive figure because of lack of discipline etc

read this interesting article from the Daily mail - pretty much sums it up in a way.

Modern parents avoid discipline for fear of upsetting their children | Mail Online


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

Mese said:


> Its gotten so ridiculous these days , no wonder children are walking all over us and laughing themselves stupid while they do it
> You hear of OAP's being mugged by kids ... would those same kids be doing that if they'd been taught respect and discipline from an early age.
> 
> when I was young I was taught anyone older than me deserved my respect , gawd forbid if I wasnt polite to someone , if my parents found out id been rude id have had a smack , and tbh would have felt id deserved it


The kids of today are so undisciplined and yet their parents insist that they are raising them correctly.


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## Broxi_jim (Mar 30, 2009)

I've smacked our kids, and I've threaten to smack them again if they misbehave !! 

Now all I need to say is put your xbox / wii / ds etc etc...in my computer room, and you'll get it back when I think your behaving ! Usually after 2 - 7 days !! They also get their mp4 players, and dvds removed as well.

To got out and assualt your kid, for the slightiest thing is wrong.

But to go back to when I was growing up. All my mum had to say was wait till your dad gets home !!! :crying:
That was me...behaved for a day or two..then do something else 

A smack isn't a full on assualt !! And all this do-goody crap is whats making Britain what it is today. A country were our laws are flawed and kids no that. So they keep pushing the boundaries !

And out of everyone that posted !! How many have kids ??


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Natik said:


> if someone intends to punish their child in a controlled manner why not do it then in a kind but consistant way rather than just giving it a smack?  Unless the smack is the easier and quicker way of course ....


Because being Kind (pussyfooting) around children who constantly go against what you say who constantly undermine you and abuse your trust etc need to be reprimanded imo - treating all situations as softly softly is not the answer either as kids can manipulate many situs too! this attitude is why the kids of today sometimes turn out the way they do becasue they have no conecption of what is right and wrong -


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

sequeena said:


> I can guarantee a lot of these 'thugs' who go round being a nuisiance etc get a beating from their parents. I don't think smacking has anything to do with it but I agree I don't they have been taught how to respect people - or themselves.


The beating sthey get are very, very different to that of a kind and concerned parent.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't have *experience* in this.


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

sequeena said:


> I can guarantee a lot of these 'thugs' who go round being a nuisiance etc get a beating from their parents. I don't think smacking has anything to do with it but I agree I don't they have been taught how to respect people - or themselves.


Sorry I think its the opposit, I was given beatings by my father when he had a drink, it did not make me be a thug or any of my brothers and sisters either. I think its the fact that they get away with so much nowadays that they push the boundaries IMO.

Mo


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Under the circumstances given i would have got down on the childs eye level and told the child in no uncertain terms that if they continued with this behaviour there would be a consequence.

The consequence would have been removal of a priviledge of some sort and my kids would absolutely have known by my manner and tone of voice that they were NOT to push me any further.

I do not smack my kids for bad behaviour so the threat is not a physical one but they would do as they were told because they have always been given clear measured consequences for their actions and i always follow through.

In general i have very well behaved kids 

In my opinion there is no need to "smack" "tap" "shock" or "remind a child physically" to get them to behave themselves under those circumstance given 

I can guarantee had he smacked her, he would have felt awful, someone else would have tutted at him and he just would have had a screaming child on his hands to drag out the shop.


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Summer1098 said:


> Children don''t have as much control over their actions as older people do, and it's sometimes neccessary to give them that little pain/uncomfort to put them back on track. In some ways, it's the same as when you train animals. For example, you could soak a cat in water if it's in the habit of bighting you. It's extremely annoying and uncomfortable to the cat, but it does it no harm and the cat will only learn from the punishment.


its not just uncomfortable to the cat, its scares the cat to the point its not going to do it again. And u cant hardly take the cat by its hand and show the cat what u want from it lol 

And inflicting pain on a child, again regardless of the amount of pain, is wrong imo.

U want a child to respect u by listening to u and behaving appriopriate ... the child needs to be respected as well, and by inflicting pain u build up a authority for sure but not respect. Respect needs to be earned and not forced!

Most children getting smacked dont learn how to deal with difficult situations and are often too young to understand the smack and resort themselves to smacking other children at a very young age.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

Summer1098 said:


> The beating sthey get are very, very different to that of a kind and concerned parent.


Where do you draw the line? These kids are still being smacked so why are they still acting up? 

I think they need to be taught how to respect themselves and other people. They don't need to be hit.

Like broxi jim said take away their privileges. It happened to me and I was grounded too, it worked well enough for me but you have to be consistent


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

moboyd said:


> Sorry I think its the opposit, I was given beatings by my father when he had a drink, it did not make me be a thug or any of my brothers and sisters either. I think its the fact that they get away with so much nowadays that they push the boundaries IMO.
> 
> Mo


If they're being smacked then they're not getting away with anything, unless I've missed something 

I have to agree though that when years ago you would get the cane off the teacher etc kids were much more well behaved. Teachers can't do that now so a lot of kids take advantage of it.

It all comes down to respect for me


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

sequeena said:


> If they're being smacked then they're not getting away with anything, unless I've missed something
> 
> I have to agree though that when years ago you would get the cane off the teacher etc kids were much more well behaved. Teachers can't do that now so a lot of kids take advantage of it.
> 
> It all comes down to respect for me


sorry I mis read your statement"I can guarantee a lot of these 'thugs' who go round being a nuisiance etc get a beating from their parents. I don't think smacking has anything to do with it but I agree I don't they have been taught how to respect people - or themselves" I thought you were indicating that if they got a beating it made them go out an be thugs.

Mo


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

Natik said:


> its not just uncomfortable to the cat, its scares the cat to the point its not going to do it again. And u cant hardly take the cat by its hand and show the cat what u want from it lol
> 
> .


My cat knows the meaning of "no", and only when he disobeys me, do I punish him.



> And inflicting pain on a child, again regardless of the amount of pain, is wrong imo.


That is your opinion and I respect your right to have your own opinion
I personally don't beleive that.



> U want a child to respect u by listening to u and behaving appriopriate ... the child needs to be respected as well, and by inflicting pain u build up a authority for sure but not respect. Respect needs to be earned and not forced!


As a child, I respected and loved my parents more than any other kid did, and the spanking they gave me was part of the reason I learnt to respest them.



> Most children getting smacked dont learn how to deal with difficult situations and are often too young to understand the smack and resort themselves to smacking other children at a very young age


I only beleive in smacking kids who fully understand in advance that they will be smacked for breaking certain rules.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

moboyd said:


> sorry I mis read your statement"I can guarantee a lot of these 'thugs' who go round being a nuisiance etc get a beating from their parents. I don't think smacking has anything to do with it but I agree I don't they have been taught how to respect people - or themselves" I thought you were indicating that if they got a beating it made them go out an be thugs.
> 
> Mo


Lol no I didn't mean that at all 

But it does make me wonder. I lived on a very typical estate. A lot of the kids who have turned into thugs come from homes where the parents hit them (everyone knows everyone here) but the parents themselves weren't err... that great (excessive drinking, being a nuisance themselves etc).

Okay I'll leave this bit drop for now as I've forgotten what I'm trying to explain :lol:


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

sequeena said:


> Lol no I didn't mean that at all
> 
> But it does make me wonder. I lived on a very typical estate. A lot of the kids who have turned into thugs come from homes where the parents hit them (everyone knows everyone here) but the parents themselves weren't err... that great (excessive drinking, being a nuisance themselves etc).
> 
> Okay I'll leave this bit drop for now as I've forgotten what I'm trying to explain :lol:


Aw seq 

Do the best to explain hon


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

sequeena said:


> If they're being smacked then they're not getting away with anything, unless I've missed something
> 
> I have to agree though that when years ago you would get the cane off the teacher etc kids were much more well behaved. Teachers can't do that now so a lot of kids take advantage of it.
> 
> It all comes down to respect for me


Exactly Sequeena  Im not advocating just lamping your kid one for misbehaving there has to be rules etc put in place - the lads have a 3 strikes rule when they are at ours - - and tbo that is all thats needed! I can count on my hand the times my OH has actually had to smack one of them and if he has had to its for something they have done whilst at home with their mum !! ie trying to light a fire in the bedroom!! something they would NEVER have contemplated doing at ours because they know the rules and respect them .


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Summer1098 said:


> My cat knows the meaning of "no", and only when he disobeys me, do I punish him.
> .


i have 2 cats, none of them have to obey me :huh: they are cats.... and we live in perfect harmony :wink:


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## GillyR (Nov 2, 2009)

I was smacked as a child... think most of my age were.
I do not think it done me any harm, but it did not do anything to control my behaviour. So it didnt work. I got immune to the pain, and my sister and i would actually pretend to cry, but laugh really.

My husband was beaten, and i do think there is a difference.

In society it was acceptable at one time to beat your kids, that saying spare the rod, spoil the child. It was also at one acceptable for husbands to give the wife a slap to put her back in line. 
Thankfully with the more we understand human behaviour, the more we change our views. 

I really hate seeing a child being smacked. I would never smack anyone, you wouldnt smack an adult, so i do not see any difference in smacking a little person. 

But does it make a bad parent? i dont think so. But i dont think it works, just makes them naughtier.


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

sequeena said:


> Where do you draw the line? These kids are still being smacked so why are they still acting up?
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

Natik said:


> i have 2 cats, none of them have to obey me :huh: they are cats.... and we live in perfect harmony :wink:


lol my cat(now12 years old) only learnt the word dinnertime, everything else she ignors, she is a law unto herself, I am only the food giver lol.

Mo


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

GillyR said:


> I was smacked as a child... think most of my age were.
> I do not think it done me any harm, but it did not do anything to control my behaviour. So it didnt work. I got immune to the pain, and my sister and i would actually pretend to cry, but laugh really.
> 
> My husband was beaten, and i do think there is a difference.
> ...


there is a big difference, an adult would most likely smack back... a child is defensless and helpless

i also dont think those who have smacked are bad parents, it happens, we all loose control sometimes, but its still not an excuse to use smacking as a tool of preventig bad or unwanted behaviour...


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

Natik said:


> i have 2 cats, none of them have to obey me :huh: they are cats.... and we live in perfect harmony :wink:


One of the laws of nature is that we obey our cats, and our kids obey us- that is perfect harmony


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

I see a lot of children in shops nowadays throwing tantrums to get something, ususally the parents are only quite young too, and instead of repremanding in any way shape or form they give in and let the child have the toy/sweet, what is that teaching a child? if I behaved like that the threat of a clipped ear would have shut me up in 2 seconds.

mo


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

moboyd said:


> lol my cat(now12 years old) only learnt the word dinnertime, everything else she ignors, she is a law unto herself, I am only the food giver lol.
> 
> Mo


... so am i lol soo true lol


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

moboyd said:


> I see a lot of children in shops nowadays throwing tantrums to get something, ususally the parents are only quite young too, and instead of repremanding in any way shape or form they give in and let the child have the toy/sweet, what is that teaching a child? if I behaved like that the threat of a clipped ear would have shut me up in 2 seconds.
> 
> mo


they taught their child that this behaviour gets them something, instead of guiding the child to behave appriopriate, give it a task in the shop and reward it with the sweety it wanted afterwards....
no need to threaten with punishment :smile5:


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

Natik said:


> there is a big difference, an adult would most likely smack back... a child is defensless and helpless


I think most of us here are talking about _controlled spanking_, where the child isn't really hurt, but mainly disgraced.

If there is a law that you will be sent to prison for drunken driving, and someone gets caught doing that and gets taken to prison, would you call him "Defenceless and helpless"?


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## London Dogwalker (Oct 27, 2009)

A few years ago I would have said yes a little smack is ok, however the more and more I learn about human behaviour and psychology the more I question how smacking a child _really_ teaches them anything positive. 

How can you tell a child it's not ok to hit when you hit them? 
How does physically laying your hands on another human being ever become acceptable?
Why should adults be allowed to assault children just because they're their parents?

Children who are brought up well understand what they should do and what they shouldn't, instill good ground rules in them and there is no need for physcial punishment, ever. You can explain to a child what they've done wrong, you can explain consequences and then carry them out.

From my own experience I find it quite laughable that not smacking children is seen to be responsible for 'Broken Britain'! Do these people not think a lack of good parenting has a teeny bit to do with it? 

The behaviour of the children I know who's parents don't smack them, (but they have consequences like time outs and priveleges removed) and the behaviour of the chidren who's parents who do smack them is remarkably different, and the better behaved children are the ones who aren't physcially punished. Draw your own conclusions.

I can't imagine physcially hurting the most important thing in my life, and I'd personally like to see better parenting and less physcial domination of kids.

I had a bit of a rough childhood (didnt we all ) and I'd never, ever want my child to feel terrified like I did. :nonod:


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Summer1098 said:


> I think most of us here are talking about _controlled spanking_, where the child isn't really hurt, but mainly disgraced.
> 
> If there is a law that you will be sent to prison for drunken driving, and someone gets caught doing that and gets taken to prison, would you call him "Defenceless and helpless"?


are u saying a spank doesnt hurt? why not just tap the child on the shoulder then to get its attention 

If a spank wouldnt hurt, it wouldnt have the effect :wink:

i dont understand ur comparison to drunk driving tbh :huh:


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

I hate wishy washy parenting, not my style at all. Trying to pleade or coax or bribe a 3 year old into behaving is a recipe for disaster as is ignoring unwanted behaviour (or as i call it non parenting) 

BUT

It is simply not necessary to smack a child to discipline them effectively. 

Alot of people on here have said they were smacked and it made no difference so what is the smack achieving that couldn't be achieved more effectively with non punitive measures.

I disagree with the suggestion that if you don't smack then you aren't disciplining your child effectively :wink:

My kids are proof of that :wink:


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

ad_1980 said:


> Aw seq
> 
> Do the best to explain hon


I will think on it and come back later as I have to go to the bank now. Joys!!!


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

Natik said:


> are u saying a spank doesnt hurt? why not just tap the child on the shoulder then to get its attention
> 
> If a spank wouldnt hurt, it wouldnt have the effect :wink:
> 
> i dont understand ur comparison to drunk driving tbh :huh:


I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt, what I'm saying is that the main aim is to humiliate the child.

With the drunk driving- You are warned that you will be punished if you do something wrong. You do that wrong thing, and it's only right that you should be punished.


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## Kinski (Apr 4, 2009)

tafwoc said:


> , not allowed in scotland though.


When did that happen, I must have missed that one.
I don't see anything wrong with a quick smack if all else has failed, I did it to my children and they have all grown up to be well adjusted adults three of them are now also parents.

Terri


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Summer1098 said:


> I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt, what I'm saying is that the main aim is to humiliate the child.


... ok hmy:


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## noogsy (Aug 20, 2009)

its not ok to hit kids
its not ok to hit anyone.
nor wash anyones mouth out with soap
we tell louis that we will remove his technology
he knows we mean it.
we are consistent with him.
its a shame for him cos we are old parents.....lol
noogsy x


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Summer1098 said:


> I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt, what I'm saying is that the main aim is to humiliate the child.


Why on earth would you want to humiliate a child 

Can you clarify what age range you feel this would be approapriate for and how humiliating a child helps them understand what they have done wrong


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## Nicky10 (Jan 11, 2010)

I thought we had moved beyond bullying and humiliating children


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## PoisonGirl (Oct 24, 2008)

I haven't read the whole thread (yet)

But I will just say I don't agree with rough parenting, where I use to live the kids round the corner got smacked all the time if they were 'bad'.

But having a 4yo (nearly 5) I do know that sometimes you have to.
I have given my son a slap around the back of the legs for deliberately kicking the cat (after months of trying to teach him not to be rough handed) cat was on the way, he kicked her and he has never done since.
I've given him a flap on the bum because he continuously ignores my rule of no jumping on the furniture, making him go to the naughty step then having to sit on his own wee plastic chair just does not work. I had visitors at the door (my cousin) and as soon as my back was turned he was jumping on the couch so I leaned in and just gave him a flap. He was shocked, and it has stopped him doing it, sometimes he just thinks I am jokinh when I tell him off.

But apart from that, my punishment steps are if at home (or someone elses house) he goes to sit on a step, if in town at OH work he has to sit in the kitchen or if the car is behind the shop he gets put in the car. I actually left him in the car when we went to view the house as he smashed his toy into the seamstress and refused to apologise, even after I warned him that if he didn't he got sent out and would have to stay in the car. Drives me mad sometimes! haha


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

IMO Children who are humiliated regularly will have low self esteem, children with low self esteem go on to be adults with low self esteem, adults with low self esteem are more likely to enter abusive relationships, suffer from substance abuse, suffer from depression etc.


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> IMO Children who are humiliated regularly will have low self esteem, children with low self esteem go on to be adults with low self esteem, adults with low self esteem are more likely to enter abusive relationships, suffer from substance abuse, suffer from depression etc.


Which is why you shouldn't spank kids often. A spanking now and then will do the child no harm. Besides, if you are a very loving and caring parent, your child will be less like;y to have a low self- esteem.


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## Clare7435 (Dec 17, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> IMO Children who are humiliated regularly will have low self esteem, children with low self esteem go on to be adults with low self esteem, adults with low self esteem are more likely to enter abusive relationships, suffer from substance abuse, suffer from depression etc.


Excelant post, and I couldnt have put it better myself.
It;s ok people saying it doesnt hurt a child, but the humiliation felt time after time with each and every smack ...the harsh words to go with it....the teaching our kids that it's naughty to fight but then that its ok for mum or dad to hit....mixed messages, humiliation, low self esteem and no confidence....this is why many adults end up in therapy after years of depression nowadays....
Not going on any more....just my opinion.
Clare xx


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

When I am talking about humiliation, I'm talking about slight embarrasment that the child feels, which will induce him or her to obey their parents in order to avoid it- not heavy humiliation which will depress a child or lower his or her self-esteem. Some parents go to the extreme of overly humiliating their children (eg, punishing them in front of friends or siblings, or making them feel low), which I disagree with. These are the kids who usually grow up being depressed. Children who where spanked appropraitely grow up to be controlled and responsible adults.


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## SpringerHusky (Nov 6, 2008)

All i can say i've been walloped with a hand, belt and slipper and i'm surviving just fine. I've even been bitten by my mother after I bit my brother, I learned not bite him again 

Sometimes it is called for yes but I have to agree that there is different between a smack to being beaten to the ground. In truth other kids did more harm to me than my own mother ever did.


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

SpringerHusky said:


> All i can say i've been walloped with a hand, belt and slipper and i'm surviving just fine. I've even been bitten by my mother after I bit my brother, I learned not bite him again
> .


Wowhmy:



> Sometimes it is called for yes but I have to agree that there is different between a smack to being beaten to the ground.


I agree.


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## Clare7435 (Dec 17, 2009)

Parents and children who give each other equal respect very rarely get to a situation where smacking is needed, teach the respect from an early age and it prevents future problems....it's not really that hard.
xx


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## GillyR (Nov 2, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> IMO Children who are humiliated regularly will have low self esteem, children with low self esteem go on to be adults with low self esteem, adults with low self esteem are more likely to enter abusive relationships, suffer from substance abuse, suffer from depression etc.


Excellent post !!!


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## deb53 (Jun 4, 2009)

Ok..here goes..

There is a big difference to "spanking, beating etc" than a tap on the hand for a defient child.

When mine were really young I admit I on the very very odd occasion given them a tap on the hand. Maybe this is wrong but they grew uo knowing that when I meant No I meant No. They grew up to be good respectable adults whome I am very proud of.

I'm not saying that the tap did this but they were taught to respect their parents, other people and property.

I feel many kids of today do not have the discpline and end up going of the rails. I know someone who is having a dreadful time with their 15 year old daughter, drinking etc and they discipline through taking away her "priveleges" ie phone, computer etc. This has been going on for over a year now. I truely beleive and meybe this is wrong that if the child was taught to respect her parents, whether that takes a tap on the hand as a small child they would not dare disrespect her parents through what may happen.

This maybe classed as fear but i disagree. 

What gets me is hearing mothers, young or old, screaming in shops etc " if you don't behave la la la etc you will get a smack" The child and I mean young child knows they are not going to get smacked and that eventually if they play up enough they will get bought a toy or something to shut them up! Rewarding the bad behavior.

I was able to take my children out into a public place and my parents too without having to worry about behavior. I could take them to a restayrant without having to worry about putting other diners off their meals. I'm not saying that this was because of the occasional tap on the hand but they knew if they did misbehave then they would get one. Many happy family outings happened because they knew how to behave but also knew a tap on hamd would happen if they misbehaved.

Sorry to waffle but..
No to spanking 
Yes to a small correction tap on back of hand if the child refuses to listen and continues bad behavior.


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## deb53 (Jun 4, 2009)

SpringerHusky said:


> All i can say i've been walloped with a hand, belt and slipper and i'm surviving just fine. I've even been bitten by my mother after I bit my brother, I learned not bite him again
> 
> Sometimes it is called for yes but I have to agree that there is different between a smack to being beaten to the ground. In truth other kids did more harm to me than my own mother ever did.


That is disgusting i'm afraid in my eyes


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## SpringerHusky (Nov 6, 2008)

deb53 said:


> That is disgusting i'm afraid in my eyes




Maybe so but i'm perfectly well mannered and respect my mother.

I don't act out, smoke, drink, get myself pregnant or act badly in any way.

I went out in public, we went to various places and my mum managed to raise both me and my brother with no real issues.

My brother on the other hand has taken drugs, smoked, almost got a girl pregnant, stolen from my mum, had alcohol poising 3x times under age. Although this is more due to blame for no father figure apparently.

When I was in school from the age of 5 I was bullied, and this continued till i was 19. I was psychically bullied as well as mentally including many visits to the hosptial, days off school etc. I was a depressive kid because of being bullied so heavily. My mum was probarlley the only person who gave a damn, so maybe the way she raised me is not good in your eyes but I turned out fine.


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

SpringerHusky said:


> Maybe so but i'm perfectly well mannered and respect my mother.
> 
> I don't act out, smoke, drink, get myself pregnant or act badly in any way.
> 
> ...


Same with me - surprisingly lol


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## deb53 (Jun 4, 2009)

SpringerHusky said:


> Maybe so but i'm perfectly well mannered and respect my mother.
> 
> I don't act out, smoke, drink, get myself pregnant or act badly in any way.
> 
> ...


O Hun I really sympathise with you regarding the bullying etc and all credit to you becoming the person you are...but belts, biting etc i'm sorry is totally wrong in my eyes.

xx


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Natik said:


> they taught their child that this behaviour gets them something, instead of guiding the child to behave appriopriate, give it a task in the shop and reward it with the sweety it wanted afterwards....
> no need to threaten with punishment :smile5:


Yeah doesn't that just teach the kid that if they do what you want they get a reward? For an animal that's great, but kids should know how to behave without being bribed to behave.

Skinner (a psychologist) found the the chance of a reward/punishment increased/decreased behaviours more so. 
So if a kid knows if he does something good he'll get a reward everytime, the good behaviour will actually decrease. Whereas if he thinks there's a -chance- of punishment for misbehaving, it can decrease the bad behaviour. And the other way round, if there is a -chance- of a reward then the behaviour is increased.
My parents smacked me about 4 or 5 times in my whole life, and i can guarantee when they did, it wasn't because they 'lost control' or because they weren't being consistent, it was because I had been seriously naughty and taking my gameboy off me for a few days wasn't going to cut it.
I still think my parents are awesome regardless of the couple of times i got smacked. 
x


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## SpringerHusky (Nov 6, 2008)

deb53 said:


> O Hun I really sympathise with you regarding the bullying etc and all credit to you becoming the person you are...but belts, biting etc i'm sorry is totally wrong in my eyes.
> 
> xx


Another thing that shows times have changed, I had a mark on my arm, my teacher asked had I bit myself again (I had a habit of doing that out of bordem 'cause I liked the marks :lol: think it's a bi polar thing ) I said no my mum bit me the teacher said to me why did your mum bite you? I replied 'cause I bit my brother. The funny thing was she just shrugged it off and went back to work (I was about 8 at the time).

I defiantly don't condone the methods she choose but I feel some people over react to a child getting a slap on the butt and the calling the child permanently marked.

One thing I will say that has give my quite a dislike is my dad's wife grabbed my hair and dragged me along the floor because I refused to have a shower, i can say it almost went to court had my father not pleaded and offered to pay more child support. Since then although I was young I have never got on with her since. What she did I felt was wrong.


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## Miss.PuddyCat (Jul 13, 2009)

I dont agree with any negative physical contact with a child, even a light slap.

My mom told me when my brother and I were kids she would often have to chase my dad who would be chasing my brother trying to give him a smack.

The big thing in my house was verbal abuse and still is sometimes. I have forgotten the countless times my dad has yelled at me telling Im dumb, stupied, wont be going places in life, amng several other choice words I wouldnt dare to repeat. 

Having your parent yell at you at the top of their lungs is beyond frighting. And have your parent slam the door and leave an young teen by themselves crying their heart out for their parent is horrible. Many times I thought it was my fault that my dad was mad at me. I hate it when I hear people yell even if its not at me. 

My mom has never hit me or my brother. She sits us down when something is wrong and we talk about it. She has never grounded us either. If I was in serouis trouble I would go to my mom first before my dad and even then I may not even tell my dad.

I havent even told my dad that me and my ex broke up because I know excalty what he will say and I unhonestly dont want to or need to hear it from him.

I'm a very respectfull adult. I got my first job at the age of 16 and I paid and still pay for everything (makeup, clothes, sports, animals, educational supplies and other activites I take part in (movies, going out for dinner)) I pay my own bills as well. I never ask my mom for money. I dont pay rent at the moment so I do alot of chores around the house so when my mom isnt working she can relax. I am very shy when it comes to people and dont really talk to anyone. And I also have a bad lack of trust even with friends.

I do wish I was closer to my dad, we do have our good moments togeather but they dont make up for past bad experiences.


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## Milly22 (Sep 15, 2008)

tafwoc said:


> Sorry to take over the thread, but what do people think of washing your mouth out with soap and water if a child swears? This used to happen to me all the time


Try it with Mustard. My nan done this. Yeuch!


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Stephny691 said:


> Yeah doesn't that just teach the kid that if they do what you want they get a reward? For an animal that's great, but kids should know how to behave without being bribed to behave.
> 
> Skinner (a psychologist) found the the chance of a reward/punishment increased/decreased behaviours more so.
> So if a kid knows if he does something good he'll get a reward everytime, the good behaviour will actually decrease. Whereas if he thinks there's a -chance- of punishment for misbehaving, it can decrease the bad behaviour. And the other way round, if there is a -chance- of a reward then the behaviour is increased.
> ...


no, it doesnt, it makes the kid feel being involved in the shopping process...
obviously u wont say if u behave like this and this i will buy u this, thats not the way to go obviously.

But just like u would involve ur kid in cleaning the house for instance, u would combine it with something fun and pleasure, and not threaten ur kid to smack her one if she doesnt help.

U turn it into a fun - educational game... and the kid will learn and understand it that way alot easier and will feel pretty much proud of being involved in the tasks.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Oh lord I'm sorry but the bit about your mum biting you made me chuckle. My OHs mum bit his ear once, cause he bit hers. It shocked him so much (she didn't do it hard) but it shocked him so much he never did it again. He just couldn't believe that mummy would do that! she tried the whole, on his level, tell him not to do it, because it hurt and it wasn't nice and you shouldn't do that to people and he found that plain funny, so he did it more, so she turned round and bit him back. I think her words were 'See? Not nice is it? Now are you going to bite me again?' and he said no =]
x

(I've been told that story a couple of times)


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## Milly22 (Sep 15, 2008)

Kinski said:


> When did that happen, I must have missed that one.
> I don't see anything wrong with a quick smack if all else has failed, I did it to my children and they have all grown up to be well adjusted adults three of them are now also parents.
> 
> Terri


No it's not illegal to smack them, yet. Children1st and Chinline/Parentline are looking for this to happen.

At the moment a small smack, not out of anger is not illegal in Scotland.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Natik said:


> no, it doesnt, it makes the kid feel being involved in the shopping process...
> obviously u wont say if u behave like this and this i will buy u this, thats not the way to go obviously.
> 
> But just like u would involve ur kid in cleaning the house for instance, u would combine it with something fun and pleasure, and not threaten ur kid to smack her one if she doesnt help.
> ...


Yeah I freaking hated cleaning as a kid, and still do. i never found it fun, no matter what music mum played or game she made of waving a duster around.

Of course you don't threaten to smack your kid if they don't help. But if my kid kicked my cat after being told repetedly not to, that kid would get nothing but a smack. Sorry, but that's the way it is. 
I never thought 'oh mum smacked me, so I can go into school and smack someone else' I knew it was because I had done something bad, and that getting a smack was a -possible- consequence of misbehaving. 
x


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Stephny691 said:


> Yeah I freaking hated cleaning as a kid, and still do. i never found it fun, no matter what music mum played or game she made of waving a duster around.
> 
> Of course you don't threaten to smack your kid if they don't help. But if my kid kicked my cat after being told repetedly not to, that kid would get nothing but a smack. Sorry, but that's the way it is.
> I never thought 'oh mum smacked me, so I can go into school and smack someone else' I knew it was because I had done something bad, and that getting a smack was a -possible- consequence of misbehaving.
> x


well, it worked for me when i was working with kids :wink:

what about asking the child first why it kicked the cat in the first place?


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## SpringerHusky (Nov 6, 2008)

Stephny691 said:


> Oh lord I'm sorry but the bit about your mum biting you made me chuckle. My OHs mum bit his ear once, cause he bit hers. It shocked him so much (she didn't do it hard) but it shocked him so much he never did it again. He just couldn't believe that mummy would do that! she tried the whole, on his level, tell him not to do it, because it hurt and it wasn't nice and you shouldn't do that to people and he found that plain funny, so he did it more, so she turned round and bit him back. I think her words were 'See? Not nice is it? Now are you going to bite me again?' and he said no =]
> x
> 
> (I've been told that story a couple of times)


Haha yes that was quite simular to my story, it give me quite a shock my arm hurt for a while but I never bit my brother, myself or anyone ever again :lol:


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

mellowma said:


> No it's not illegal to smack them, yet. Cildren1st an Chinline/Parentline are looking for this to happen.
> 
> At the moment a small smack, not out of anger is not illegal in Scotland.


I read a story about the woman who set up childline (think it was childine). They have these awards or something for kids that have done good out of bad situations, and she basically went up to this kid and hugged him to congradulate him. Then she got told how innapropriate her behaviour was, and how bad it was because she HUGGED A CHILD, and it caused quite a stir, like she had done something dirty.
There is protecting children (which I agree with whole heartedly, because in this day and age there is no excuse for children living in poverty, or being abused in anyway) and there is taking the p*ss. 
There are kids that have been bought up badly, and they go out and do awful things. They then get let off or get very lenient sentances because the courts just blame it on the parents (fair enough) but then they still receive no punishment! And all it teaches kids is that yeah, go out, misbehave what's the worst that can happen, you'll get an ASBO? Score. 
Sad thing is most of these kids parents either don't care or don't know how to manage any other way, because they don't know how to be consistent and they don't agree with smacking (not all thugs are beaten) and so, they end up with no form of punishment whatsoever.
And I'm sorry (I say that a bit cause I actually don't want to offend anyone) but I don't agree with children being rewarding for not doing bad things. The misbehaving kids in my school, if they went a week without misbehaving they got a treat. Whereas the rest of us had gone 2 or 3 -years- without misbehaving but we didn't even get a pat on the back. I've got no problem without positive reinforcement at all (it's much more fun for everyone concerned) but I have a huge problem with trouble kids getting rewards for simply doing what the rest of us manage to do everyday. 
Sorry for the long post.
x


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Natik said:


> well, it worked for me when i was working with kids :wink:
> 
> what about asking the child first why it kicked the cat in the first place?


Because if they say it's fun how do you tell them it's -not- fun, it's really nasty, if they actually find it fun? 
If time out doesn't work, is taking all priviliges away doesn't work, if talking to them doesn't work and they still kick that cat. Sod it, I'm kicking 'em back.
x


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

SpringerHusky said:


> Haha yes that was quite simular to my story, it give me quite a shock my arm hurt for a while but I never bit my brother, myself or anyone ever again :lol:


=]
As i said, she didn't even hurt him! It was just the sheer shock of it that stopped him doing it again. I was told 3 or 4 times to not rock on my chair as a kid, and I did, I fell backwards grabbed the tablecloth and pulled all the dinner straight onto the floor. I got a smack for that and to this day, I keep all four feet of a chair on the ground 

Ok, I'm taking over with posts, so I'm gunna stop for a bit. 
x


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

My kids usually get a sweet at the end of a long Tesco shop. They don't get it to MAKE them behave they get it BECAUSE they behave.

It's not a bribe, it's a reward. They have learnt over the years if they behave well when we are out they are likely to get a reward (not always though) but if they play me up lifes just not as nice for them.

They are intelligent enough to work that out and coupled with a healthy dose of "the wrath of Mum" if they play me up which doesn't involve smacking but believe me is no walk in the park seems to work well.

I have smacked my kids, and yes there is a distinct difference between a smack and a beating but i do not use smacking as a general "disciplining" tool for my children when they are just acting up.

Maybe because it has been on very very few occasions (i think 2 or 3 times for my son and once for my daughter) they realise the significance of them and they were worth the guilt i felt afterwards. On each occassion their actions were potentially dangerous to themselves or others.


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Stephny691 said:


> Because if they say it's fun how do you tell them it's -not- fun, it's really nasty, if they actually find it fun?
> If time out doesn't work, is taking all priviliges away doesn't work, if talking to them doesn't work and they still kick that cat. Sod it, I'm kicking 'em back.
> x


there are different approuches to explain things to children.... but kicking them back aint one of them them ...

Its just beyond me that adults who have the knowledge, the understanding and who are the careres for the ones needing protection see no other ways to solve a problem than inflicting pain or humiliating a child who is helpless and depends on u.


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## Emmiiee (Jan 3, 2010)

It also depends on the age of the child!! if the child is say 2 and under, the child dosen't always know right from wrong so smacking a child that young is pointless, because they don't know what they have done, trying to explain to them what and why it's wrong for them to do it is far more affective, a small smack on the hand of a child who is say 4 or 5+ is okay aslong as they know its wrong to do it x


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## Inca's Mum (Apr 9, 2009)

I was never spanked (of what I know) and I don't think it is necessary ever in my own view, but I can't speak from the side of the parent.


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

Well mine have had a few smacked legs in their time i can tell you, mostly my eldest and its never done them any harm.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Ahhhhhhhhhhh but the question isn't if it did them any harm it is did it do them any good, well any more good than removing a priviledge for example


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

T.B.H my boys are now 19 and 22 and they havnt been any trouble whatsoever yes they got a smack leg when they needed it but they have grown into well adjusted young men that are considerate, caring and through their teenage years never brought me any trouble, its a case of striking a balance i never beat them they would be talked to to told it was wrong whatever they were doing but a smack leg i hate it when kids are hit around heads, the odd smack does no harm whatsoever.


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

I don't know what I would do as I'm not a parent, but I wouldn't go into parenting with the idea that smacking is OK.

I got a bit of a whack and so did my brothers, I remember one time my Dad said my brother could go to the cinema if he let him punch him. Brother said OK (thinking it would be a light tap) and Dad full on pelted him in the top of his arm 

I think I felt worse for my brother that day than I ever have, my dad could scare the hell out of you with his voice he didn't need to use force very often at all!

I think blackmail is the way  Be naughty and you don't get to go and do whatever it is you wanted to :laugh:


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## xxsarahpopsxx (Sep 30, 2009)

I have smacked my nephew on his hand. He is 2 and a half and still learning not to touch hot things such as the oven and cups of tea etc. We told him over and over again not to touch the cup as it was burny and would be sore. Well he went to touch it again so i pulled him back and smacked his had. He has never went to touch it since.

I would much rather he had a wee smack than actually touch it and burn himself horribly. Reasoning and bribing a young child is no good in those sort of situation


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## jenniferx (Jan 23, 2009)

I'm in two minds in that my own experience tells me that a smack was actually quite an effective way of preventing bad behaviour with me as a young child. It didn't really hurt, you might play a hand slapping game harder than any smack I was ever given, but it left me feeling suitably chastised! 

On the other hand my rational brain tells me that it must be confusing for a young brain to experience being struck- but then be told that it's something they must never do to another person? It's hypocritical and confused. Leading by example is what I will try and do! But god knows what it will actually be like to be a mother!


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## vet-2-b (Sep 25, 2008)

RAINYBOW said:


> Ahhhhhhhhhhh but the question isn't if it did them any harm it is did it do them any good, well any more good than removing a priviledge for example


ahhhhhhhhhhhh good point


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## PMW50 (Jan 14, 2010)

I was occasionally given a smack by my parents but the majority of the time when I misbehaved I would be sent to my room, which worked well for me.

I'm not a parent but I do believe that all children respond differently to different forms of discipline. The more wild (by wild I mean unruly not just hyper) the child tends to be the less likely it seems that time out actually works, especially with older children.
A minute per year of your age?
I don't think so, if my parents locked me in my room for 8 minutes when I was 8, well, I would have loved that punnishment. If I was sent to my room it was a good couple of hours, possibly more depending on offense, before I was aloud out again.

I was only ever really smacked for shock or attention. Only ever one smack on my butt or legs, never a full on, over the knee spanking.
However, my dad would always threten me with that, and that was enough to deter my bad behaviour.

Some children just simply need to be spanked in my opinion. If it's administered correctly and just leaves a sting for a while and no bruising then i see nothing wrong with it.
As our parents and grandparents would say "It never did me any harm", and actually, they're right.
Infact kids now-a-days are out of control because you can't even grab your childs arm to stop them running without it being abuse.
Children back in the day seemed to be more respectful and better behaved on the whole and why? Because spanking would have been the most common form of discipline.


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

vet-2-b said:


> ahhhhhhhhhhhh good point


It certainly hasnt done them any harm, ime not talking about beating ime talking about a slap on the leg i can never ever remember them even crying so thats how hard it was but it certainly made them realise they were doing wrong. Ive got to say we have an excellent relationship with our boys (well men now) so no harm done.


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## mollymo (Oct 31, 2009)

haeveymolly said:


> It certainly hasnt done them any harm, ime not talking about beating ime talking about a slap on the leg i can never ever remember them even crying so thats how hard it was but it certainly made them realise they were doing wrong. Ive got to say we have an excellent relationship with our boys (well men now) so no harm done.


I agree with you,mine had a few smacked legs aswell and never did any harm.
Grown up to a lovely lad of 25 and repects myself and his dad and never brought home any trouble growing up.


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

mollymo said:


> I agree with you,mine had a few smacked legs aswell and never did any harm.
> Grown up to a lovely lad of 25 and repects myself and his dad and never brought home any trouble growing up.


Glad to hear it, i was beginning to think i was going to be had up for child abuse.


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## Kinski (Apr 4, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> IMO Children who are humiliated regularly will have low self esteem, children with low self esteem go on to be adults with low self esteem, adults with low self esteem are more likely to enter abusive relationships, suffer from substance abuse, suffer from depression etc.


My dad used to hammer me regularly, he also did it to my brother, my sister and he was also abusive to my mum, everything that went wrong was my fault including the time my mum walked out after being belted by him.
I have never had low self esteem, I have never been in an abusive relationship ( been with my oh for well over 30 years ), I have never suffered from substance abuse, I have never suffered from depression ect. please don't tar everyone that has been the victim of abuse with the same brush, some will have problems but I'll bet the majority of us don't.

Terri


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

Kinski said:


> My dad used to hammer me regularly, he also did it to my brother, my sister and he was also abusive to my mum, everything that went wrong was my fault including the time my mum walked out after being belted by him.
> I have never had low self esteem, I have never been in an abusive relationship ( been with my oh for well over 30 years ), I have never suffered from substance abuse, I have never suffered from depression ect. please don't tar everyone that has been the victim of abuse with the same brush, some will have problems but I'll bet the majority of us don't.
> 
> Terri


Thats awfull, thats abuse and bullying very different from a slapped leg. No you are right not everyone suffers fron the negative effects many do you have to be very strong not to


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

IMO smacking means you as a parent have lost control. 

Ive smacked my children, I dont like doing ive done it when ive had enough, when ive not stopped to think of a better way of dealing with there behaviour e.t.c 

When ive smacked them, i have always explained why i smacked them even if i tapped them on the hand as young toddler (i.e no cooker hot ouch burn you! type thing) now they are older they get a proper explanation to why i felt a smack was needed


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## Guest (Feb 25, 2010)

I wasnt going to comment on this as we have already had a thread on here before but i am going to anyway. 

I have and will give my boys a small smack on there legs if they are really naughty, and are NOT listening. It has done them no harm and believe me will not grow up to be abusers!!! Druggies!! or Depressed!!! 

Once again this thread has been taken completely out of perspective and is completely exaggerated. 

I had the ODD smack on the back of the legs when i was younger but also have been in an abusive relationship, have had dealings with drugs and have also had depression but BELIEVE ME when i tell you that had absolutely NOTHING to do with my mum or dad smacking my legs when i was younger. 

I am angry that i have had to tell you lot so much of my life but it upsets me when i read people making statements like this and tarring everyone with the same brush.


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

It's not exaggeration. To me a smack is a smack no matter how you look at it.

I'm sorry I'm not conforming lol


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## SamP (Jan 24, 2010)

This question goes backto the year dot!!!! Firstly i dont think it should be answered by people that dont have children as far as i am concerned its like asking a priest for marraige guidance!!!! 
As a mother to 3 children ranging from 16 to 5, i have found that each of my children respond to different correction. My first child would have been given a smack or two, 2nd child worked well with time outs, 3rd child works on timeout and has been given a smack. My children i the best in the world i adore them. People who connect abuse with smacking i find have often still got issues from their own childhood!!! 
I would have recieved smacks from my parents i dont resent them because of it. But unfortunatly you do have people who cannot control them selves & end up haring their children. Here in Irland its not against the law to smack its punching or marking a child that sets off the alarmbells.
Being realistic we are on a site askin question about our animals.....................Would u beat an animal.............NO but u would correct it. I always say peope who are kiNd to animals are good to humans, hence why they use animals to rehabilate people!!!! 
YOU CANNOT SPOIL A CHILD WITH LOVE!!!!


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

SamP said:


> This question goes backto the year dot!!!! Firstly i dont think it should be answered by people that dont have children as far as i am concerned its like asking a priest for marraige guidance!!!!


We may not have kids, but we've been kids and have been through the smacking/not being smacked thing and therefore we have just a valid opinion, so I feel that is a ridiculous statement, sorry.
Also preists may not marry, but that doesn't mean they don't understand the respect/love that should be shared between people in a marriage and you'll find a lot of religious people will still go to a priest for advice on many things, including marriage, that's just an aside.
x


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

Sorry but I will comment, seeing as I'm one of the cases Rainy has written about (though lacking the abusive relationship you'll be glad to know )


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

i wasnt aware that people who dont have children arent suitable to determine if smacking a child is right or wrong but those who have children are  lol
Maybe those who have never seen the need to smack their child arent entitled to comment either 

I worked with children and i have seen the results of smacking on a daily basis...


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## lauz_1982 (Dec 14, 2009)

I was spanked when I was younger but we were always warned before so it was only when we were very naughty which wasn't really that often as we did behave and respect our parents.

My stepson has time out on the naughty step and he's hardly ever on it now. He has a warning and that is often enough. The same way spanking was for us really. I've never raised a hand to him and never would.

Sometimes I think when I see Supernanny or a really cheeky naughty child out and about I think to myself that child could do with a spanking but then if the parent had been stricter at the start and not allowed it to get out of hand then it wouldn't have got so bad. 

I don't mean just a temper tantrum either - they all have them. 

I was shopping with my Mum once and my stepson and he wanted something I said no and he threw it down (he was about 4) and then threw himself down and started bawling and thumping the floor with his fists. My Mum was mortified and went to rush to console him but I told her no and just left him. I walked into the next aisle (yes I got some really filthy looks) and as soon as I went round the corner he stopped and followed me. I asked him if he was going to behave and he said yes. I told him to go and put the item back and then give me a cuddle and we got on with the rest of the shopping. Tantrums in my eyes are the kids way of getting what they want - it never worked with me and he's never cheeky and tells everyone that will listen how much he loves me! 

Laura


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Natik said:


> I worked with children and i have seen the results of smacking on a daily basis...


You may have seen some terrible cases, but please, don't make it sound as if every child that has ever had a tap/smack/slap/whatever off their parents is going to turn into a druggie/manic depressant/abuser of other people, because that simply isn't true.
Children are incredibly resistant (which doesn't give people an excuse to abuse them), but it takes a hell of a lot to "ruin" (for lack of a better word) a child forever. They may need more guidance later in life, but being slapped on the back of the legs once or twice as a kid is not going to ruin your life!
x


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Stephny691 said:


> You may have seen some terrible cases, but please, don't make it sound as if every child that has ever had a tap/smack/slap/whatever off their parents is going to turn into a druggie/manic depressant/abuser of other people, because that simply isn't true.
> Children are incredibly resistant (which doesn't give people an excuse to abuse them), but it takes a hell of a lot to "ruin" (for lack of a better word) a child forever. They may need more guidance later in life, but being slapped on the back of the legs once or twice as a kid is not going to ruin your life!
> x


where did i say a child being spanked becomes a druggie or abuser  
and where did i say that one tap will cause anything?


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

Can I ask, and I don't mean to step on anyone's toes (well unless you're a full on child abuser) how do you know how it's affecting your kids mentally? They may understand they've been naughty etc and my mum who I love dearly has given me a few smacks and I did NOT expect it from her and it crushed me. I expected it from my Dad but not from her and it changed my view towards her for a long time.

I hope you can all see it as a valid question not an attack


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

Natik said:


> i wasnt aware that people who dont have children arent suitable to determine if smacking a child is right or wrong but those who have children are  lol
> Maybe those who have never seen the need to smack their child arent entitled to comment either
> 
> I worked with children and i have seen the results of smacking on a daily basis...


Ive also seen the results but not from smacking i have never met a child that has suffered from having a smack. Hit, thumped, beaten, yes. I do think some have different ideas of what a smack is. Ive smacked mine and the only reaction i ever got was a shocked look never anything more.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

All they way through, it's the general 'feel' of the whole thread like a tap will send someone into a fit of depression forever or something. 
I didn't mean that as a personal attack, I think it was just the bit where you said you've seen the 'results of spanking' bit, I took it the wrong way =]

I used to work with children and there was another woman who worked there that would literally have let the kids do anything they want rather than hand out any form of discipline (I mean she wouldn't even do time outs and removal of toys for crying out loud) because she saw it as being mean and unfair. We got into a bit of an arguement one day and it got to the point where I said my mum smacked me once or twice, and she turned around and said that explains why 'I am the way I am' and that my mum isn't a very good mum, well.... it didn't go down very well at all. So I think I'm just overly sensitive to the whole subject. Sorry again if it came across as bitchy, I didn't mean it to.
x


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

haeveymolly said:


> Ive also seen the results but not from smacking i have never met a child that has suffered from having a smack. Hit, thumped, beaten, yes. I do think some have different ideas of what a smack is. Ive smacked mine and the only reaction i ever got was a shocked look never anything more.


The effects are often easy overlooked and often not associated with spanking as alot of parents dont see it as something which can cause harm and every child reacts individually and some children might be as lucky and wont be affected by smacking at all....

But then there are those kids who have difficulties concentrating, those who confronted in difficult situation with other children react with hitting them, those who react shy in certain situations etc etc its not as simple as pointing at a druggie claiming he must have been beaten. :nonod:


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

sequeena said:


> Can I ask, and I don't mean to step on anyone's toes (well unless you're a full on child abuser) how do you know how it's affecting your kids mentally?


Because there is a balance, If you have health well adjusted children, who are spoken to give reasons, explinations e.t.c to why they have had a smack, why would that effect their mental health

As long as they home life is health and balanced then i dont think it would effect them, if they have some who is abusive with pysically or mental or emotionally then yes it would effect them

Ive worked with children from all back grounds ive seen children effective by abusive, its very different from children who are smacked occasionally


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

Stephny691 said:


> All they way through, it's the general 'feel' of the whole thread like a tap will send someone into a fit of depression forever or something.
> I didn't mean that as a personal attack, I think it was just the bit where you said you've seen the 'results of spanking' bit, I took it the wrong way =]
> 
> I used to work with children and there was another woman who worked there that would literally have let the kids do anything they want rather than hand out any form of discipline (I mean she wouldn't even do time outs and removal of toys for crying out loud) because she saw it as being mean and unfair. We got into a bit of an arguement one day and it got to the point where I said my mum smacked me once or twice, and she turned around and said that explains why 'I am the way I am' and that my mum isn't a very good mum, well.... it didn't go down very well at all. So I think I'm just overly sensitive to the whole subject. Sorry again if it came across as bitchy, I didn't mean it to.
> x


i said beore smacking a child once or twice doesnt make a parent a bad parent, its only human to overreact in stressfull situations, but there are parents who believe smacking s the way to discipline their children and use it as a tool for allsorts o bad behaviour and if the child refuses to listen....

ps... its ok, i just didnt realise u could interprete so much into one sentence lol


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

Daynna said:


> Because there is a balance, If you have health well adjusted children, who are spoken to give reasons, explinations e.t.c to why they have had a smack, why would that effect their mental health
> 
> As long as they home life is health and balanced then i dont think it would effect them, if they have some who is abusive with pysically or mental or emotionally then yes it would effect them
> 
> Ive worked with children from all back grounds ive seen children effective by abusive, its very different from children who are smacked occasionally


Thanks for answering and not going off at me :lol:

I just wondered as I was terrified when my mum hit me though I fully accept that my past before that probably had a lot to do with it.

To this day I can't tolerate loud noises and hate anyone tickling/touching the back of my neck.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Natik said:


> i said beore smacking a child once or twice doesnt make a parent a bad parent, its only human to overreact in stressfull situations, but there are parents who believe smacking s the way to discipline their children and use it as a tool for allsorts o bad behaviour and if the child refuses to listen....
> 
> ps... its ok, i just didnt realise u could interprete so much into one sentence lol


It's pretty much my biggest flaw =], my mind runs away with me it really does. 
x


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## CharleyRogan (Feb 20, 2009)

I think there is a big difference between abuse and a smack, and smacking a child on the hand lightly isn't going to mentally scar them!

I would only smack a child as a last resort. If they were being extremely naughty, and persisting, and not listening. I would ask a child to stop repeatedly before it came to it. I wouldn't just smack a child for no reason. What do you do if you try every sort of punishment and it doesn't work, let the child get away with it? 

I was smacked when I was little, and I was taught to respect my parents and others around me. Children need stricter parenting. Its kids these days that 'know their rights' who are pains, and ruin everything for the rest of us.


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

sequeena said:


> Thanks for answering and not going off at me :lol:
> 
> I just wondered as I was terrified when my mum hit me though I fully accept that my past before that probably had a lot to do with it.
> 
> To this day I can't tolerate loud noises and hate anyone tickling/touching the back of my neck.


lol No worries

It does totally depend on the child as well, as a parent you know the best way to get your point across they have done something wrong, mine are better with havin things taken away or being sat outside in the hall way then they are smacked with is why i dont tend to do it, it doesnt work for us so there is very little point.

I was smacked as a child, i was scared of my mum but she got respect and me and my sisters never brought any trouble to the door and our all very goody two shoes i guess because we knew she'd go loopy But more so that she and dad would be so so disapointed with us. i felt guilty and very naughty when i got pregnant even tho i didnt live at home!!


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## Fuzzbugs!x (Jan 18, 2010)

If you wanted to gain respect from someone in the street would you smack them one? I was hit as a child and believe me there is a very very fine line between a small smack to completely losing the plot. You have to earn my respect and smacking me about won't do it, sorry. I don't respect the people who hit me as a child. If they hit me now, i'd get them done for assualt . I'm well mannered, hard working and a i try to be a good person. It had nothing to do with being hit, it's because thats the kind of person i want to be. I don't like seeing kids being hit or pulled about or screamed at. I love how parents spoil their kids rotten then complain when they aren't angels lol . Btw i don't even like kids lmao . xx


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

Daynna said:


> lol No worries
> 
> It does totally depend on the child as well, as a parent you know the best way to get your point across they have done something wrong, mine are better with havin things taken away or being sat outside in the hall way then they are smacked with is why i dont tend to do it, it doesnt work for us so there is very little point.
> 
> I was smacked as a child, i was scared of my mum but she got respect and me and my sisters never brought any trouble to the door and our all very goody two shoes i guess because we knew she'd go loopy But more so that she and dad would be so so disapointed with us. i felt guilty and very naughty when i got pregnant even tho i didnt live at home!!


oooh bless!!

My mum is literally bouncing off the walls waiting for her next grandchild  It's been 10 years since the last one was born


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

sequeena said:


> oooh bless!!
> 
> My mum is literally bouncing off the walls waiting for her next grandchild  It's been 10 years since the last one was born


aww fingers crossed it happens soon 

my parents only have my two so they are spoilt rotten by them, and the kids have them wrapped around their fingers lol dont think she'll eve get kids out of my eldest sister and my middle one is trying so hopefully that happen soon coz im getting broody lmao!


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## nic101 (Jun 8, 2009)

ive had a few good smacks in my time and rightly deserved them!!

im not against smacking when deserved but A smack. and somewhere thats cushioned.


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## frags (Feb 5, 2009)

When my daughter got in trouble (age 12) with the law for shoplifting we had to go to the police station, while there one of the officers said i bet you got a nice smack? Leila looked at me then at the officer and he replied, dont worry about hiding it, its still legal to get a slap from you mum you know.
Yes she got a smack, no its not something i do often as generally my children are well behaved (except for this 1 time lol) but if my toddler is being a little toad and wont behave after other punishments i will smack.

I wont be told that im wrong to my children, i was smacked alot more than my children was when i was younger and ive done OK so i hate it when people say you shouldnt smack! I reply, If they was your children id listen, but there not so bugger off


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

OK Clarification required - 

I said HUMILIATING a child leads to low self esteem not the occassional smack and my post was not meant to mean EVERYONE who was abused will go on to have low self esteem but sorry the statistics and professionals do agree that alot will and if they don't receive the help the need it will have a massively negative impact on their lives.

Smacking a child does not make you a bad parent, i have said that several times now BUT i was angry that it was considered acceptable to smack a child under the circumstances given in the original post when there are far more effective ways of dealing with that sort of behaviour without resorting to violence (and any sort of tap smack swipe or wallop is violence no matter how you look at it)

Surely if there is an alternative route to take it should be taken, smacking should never be the first resort and unfortunately in some households it is and IMO that is wrong


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## sarybeagle (Nov 4, 2009)

Ive not read all replies so just answering the op. 
Would I smack my son for doing what the 6yr old did? No! Why she was just wanting a egg wasnt she? And why should she be confined to a buggy?? my god mums get enough grief off people for taking buggies in shops why prolong it lol??

Smacking imo is loss of control on the parents behalf. Ive smacked jord twice in his 11 yrs. 1st time when he got hold of his nannies medication she left out (gggrr) and i grabbed him and smacked his hand to get tge out of it. Secondly when he almost stepped out in the road aged 4ish and again i grabbed him and smacked his hand. Both times i acted on impulse and fear and it hurt me more than him. 

There are many other ways of disipling your child. I live next to 4 kids who are smacked for wearing the wrong shoes outside and other minor issues but the mum no longer knows how to deal with it other than beat. Her parents where the same with her and her 4 siblings-i went to school with her. And all her siblings smack their kids even in the playground  im guessing their kids will follow suit. X


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

Ive smacked my children. Never for being naughty but more things like touching something hot after being told no or running off by a road. They are my children so its my choice... each to there own imo


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

*Snacking a child does not mean the parent has lost control,imo..Years ago not only would you have got a clip of your teacher or worse still the slipper or caine,but when your parents found out you'd get another clip too.The same would happen with the local bobby.We as kids didn't recent our parents,teachers or the bobby we respected them.Now kids rule their parents and theirs no respect.Good old days? they sure were.*


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## Summer1098 (Jun 20, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> *Snacking a child does not mean the parent has lost control,imo..Years ago not only would you have got a clip of your teacher or worse still the slipper or caine,but when your parents found out you'd get another clip too.The same would happen with the local bobby.We as kids didn't recent our parents,teachers or the bobby we respected them.Now kids rule their parents and theirs no respect.Good old days? they sure were.*


Sometimes the old-fashioned way is best


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## classixuk (Jun 6, 2009)

I can't say I have read all 16 pages of replies, so this may have already been covered, but...

If you watch any wildlife programmes, or even watch your own dog with her puppies, good behaviour is rewarded with grooming and food etc. Bad behaviour is rewarded with a roar, growl or even a paw swipe, quick bite etc. There is balance.

Humans however, have collectively decided that such ways of reinforcing or correcting behaviour are for the less evolutionary advanced species only.

Up here at the top of the chain, it is deemed to be better practice to either ignore bad behaviour and reward only for the good, or to do things like "ground the child for 2 weeks" (which in my experience only ever lasts 3 days before the parents give in).

As to my opinions, they vary. But as to my observations, I can safely state that nowadays we have a generation of young people who are disrespectful, fearless, demotivated, insecure and depressed.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

classixuk said:


> I can't say I have read all 16 pages of replies, so this may have already been covered, but...
> 
> If you watch any wildlife programmes, or even watch your own dog with her puppies, good behaviour is rewarded with grooming and food etc. Bad behaviour is rewarded with a roar, growl or even a paw swipe, quick bite etc. There is balance.
> 
> ...


And do you honestly believe that is because they haven't been spanked 

The children i am in contact with in general aren't like you describe BUT i agree there are issues with our young children but it has nothing to do with how the have or haven't been punished and has everything to do with the consumerist media driven world they live in constantly bombarding them with stuff they "must" have to be happy, cool, accepted ie the right body shape, clothes, gadgets, earnings.

The media has instilled in children and young adults that they are all going to earn shed loads of money and they won't actually have to do much for it. THAT IMO is what is wrong now compared to before.

Children and young adults are not being taught the value of working hard, doing an honest days work for an honest days pay and contributing to society and how it works by us all doing the jobs that need doing and not everyone is a friggin entrepreneur


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

RAINYBOW said:


> And do you honestly believe that is because they haven't been spanked
> 
> The children i am in contact with in general aren't like you describe BUT i agree there are issues with our young children but it has nothing to do with how the have or haven't been punished and has everything to do with the consumerist media driven world they live in constantly bombarding them with stuff they "must" have to be happy, cool, accepted ie the right body shape, clothes, gadgets, earnings.
> 
> ...


*As much as i agree to a certain point,the bottom line is,it is down to the parents 1st and foremost to teach their kids.In todays society parents seem to want everyone else to sort their kids out for them,and then when it goes wrong they still want to pass the buck.*


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## deb53 (Jun 4, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> *Snacking a child does not mean the parent has lost control,imo..Years ago not only would you have got a clip of your teacher or worse still the slipper or caine,but when your parents found out you'd get another clip too.The same would happen with the local bobby.We as kids didn't recent our parents,teachers or the bobby we respected them.Now kids rule their parents and theirs no respect.Good old days? they sure were.*


Totally agree Janice. Great post.

A lot of kids DO rule their parents now and do not know the meaning of respect.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

JANICE199 said:


> *Snacking a child does not mean the parent has lost control,imo..Years ago not only would you have got a clip of your teacher or worse still the slipper or caine,but when your parents found out you'd get another clip too.The same would happen with the local bobby.We as kids didn't recent our parents,teachers or the bobby we respected them.Now kids rule their parents and theirs no respect.Good old days? they sure were.*





classixuk said:


> I can't say I have read all 16 pages of replies, so this may have already been covered, but...
> 
> If you watch any wildlife programmes, or even watch your own dog with her puppies, good behaviour is rewarded with grooming and food etc. Bad behaviour is rewarded with a roar, growl or even a paw swipe, quick bite etc. There is balance.
> 
> ...


BOTH GREAT POSTS


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

My children rspond much better to a loss of priviledges & extra chores for bad behaviour, I wasn't smacked as a child but I think people should discipline their children how they see fit, not how the nanny state sees fit. Making smacking illegal isn't going to cut then number of children beaten, or murdered as a result of domestic violence- those that have that kind of temperament are still going to do it


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

RAINYBOW said:


> And do you honestly believe that is because they haven't been spanked
> 
> The children i am in contact with in general aren't like you describe BUT i agree there are issues with our young children but it has nothing to do with how the have or haven't been punished and has everything to do with the consumerist media driven world they live in constantly bombarding them with stuff they "must" have to be happy, cool, accepted ie the right body shape, clothes, gadgets, earnings.
> 
> ...


You are right to an extent - but imo it all boils down to parenting - now just spanking a child is not the solution I think u take it out of context when someone says they spank their child - but its not just about that - a lot of parents do not DISCIPLINE their children in any way! they cajoole and bribe them - if you be good I will get you such and such - well isnt this blackmail?? isnt this just as bad as spanking?? we are encouraging children to only do something for reward not because its the RIGHT thing to do and thats what is wrong with a lot of kids of today they dont know right from wrong.


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> we are encouraging children to only do something for reward not because its the RIGHT thing to do and thats what is wrong with a lot of kids of today they dont know right from wrong.


u need to teach a child first what is right to expect that sort of behaviour ... and the best way of teaching a child is if it involves fun or some sort of reward


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

I agree to an extent Suzy, as i have said i can't stand wishy washy parenting that is all about almost pleading with a child to get them to behave but i do agree with Natik and reward children (NOT BRIBE ) for good behaviour then the behaviour becomes the norm.

My kids have never played me up in Tesco, they always see it as a reasonable ok thing to do, they know it has to be done and generally it's fun and they help me find stuff and if it all goes swimmingly they get a small pack of sweets at the end.

With the best will in the world though ALL kids play you up at some stage and will need some sort of disciplining but smacking just shouldn't be the first thing a parent resorts to. 

You will not meet a better behaved child than my little boy, he has almost a fear of doing the wrong thing, now my daughter on the other hand, well she is a minx. They have both been brought up with the same parenting skills and neither have ever been smacked for general naughtiness. I just handle my daughter differently. Age also plays a factor


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## classixuk (Jun 6, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> And do you honestly believe that is because they haven't been spanked
> 
> The children i am in contact with in general aren't like you describe BUT i agree there are issues with our young children but it has nothing to do with how the have or haven't been punished and has everything to do with the consumerist media driven world they live in constantly bombarding them with stuff they "must" have to be happy, cool, accepted ie the right body shape, clothes, gadgets, earnings.
> 
> ...


As I said, as to my opinions, they vary. I could only state my observations.

Whilst I agree with the observations in your post that we live in a "consumerist media driven world.....constantly bombarding [us] with stuff [we] "must" have to be happy, cool, accepted ie the right body shape, clothes, gadgets, earnings.", and I do feel that exposure to such advertising drives young people to want these things, I cannot agree that this is a new phenomenon.

At the beginning of the last century, the Victorians and Edwardians truly mastered the art of advertising. Victoria and Albert were the Posh and Becks of the time, influencing our choices to this day of how we decorate our homes at Christmas and even how we breed our animals.
Advertising was everywhere and guides on "how to be a better person" were very popular, e.g. Mrs Beeton.
Come the Edwardian era, normal families were even bombarded with the message that living in a rented room was not exactly "climbing the social ladder" and that anyone who is anyone buys their very own house in the suburbs! Nevermind the new fangled radios, electric washing machines, refrigerators and all the other lastest must-haves you would need to make you happy.

So there have always been the same pressures of young people from the media, and yet, no "uprising" until these modern times.

I was quite lucky in that when I started school, corporal punishment was still in practice. At nursery I was rolled tightly in my blanket, or strapped to the teacher's desk if I did anything wrong. In infants and juniors I recall being hit with a ruler across my hands, clipped around the ear and the odd blackboard duster being thrown in my direction when I stepped too far out of line.
Once I was in seniors, this was all outlawed. Instead, detention became common practice, resulting in being put on "report" if you were exceptionally troublesome - a piece of white card that you handed in at the beginning of every lesson and teachers would comment how well behaved you had been.

What I do recall is that being wrapped in a blanket, or clipped around the ear not only physically hurt me, but it emotionally bruised my ego (temporarily of course) as well. It didn't feel nice.
When I was put "on report" though, it was deemed as a 'cool thing' by my peers, and me too.
I doubt that being spanked in front of a classroom of fellow students would have done my credibility as much good though!

And now we have a generation of kids who grew up only ever knowing punishments such as "being put on report", and the result? They call their dogs "Asbo", walk around with one leg of their trackies lifted to show whether or not they have a prison tag on today (i.e. my peers know I did that burglary, and look...they can see I haven't been caught for it because I am such a clever rebel).

This is the Britain we have become...










Would they be saying the same if an ASBO stood for "A Short Belting On_your_bare_bum" I wonder?

I guess we only need to look at Singapore for the answers.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Natik said:


> u need to teach a child first what is right to expect that sort of behaviour ... and the best way of teaching a child is if it involves fun or some sort of reward


Yes that is true but a lot of parents dont! they just bribe their children for an easy life - I have seen it with my own eyes - its just a lazy way of parenting which is probably the same as parents who just spank instead of communicating with their children.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

RAINYBOW said:


> I agree to an extent Suzy, as i have said i can't stand wishy washy parenting that is all about almost pleading with a child to get them to behave but i do agree with Natik and reward children (NOT BRIBE ) for good behaviour then the behaviour becomes the norm.
> 
> My kids have never played me up in Tesco, they always see it as a reasonable ok thing to do, they know it has to be done and generally it's fun and they help me find stuff and if it all goes swimmingly they get a small pack of sweets at the end.
> 
> ...


Of course, I reward the boys when they have been good etc - im not saying dont ever reward just not to use it as a form of discipline - thats the difference for me - IF you have done something wrong - you shouldnt be given the chance to get a reward if you then start behaving correctly cos it just defeats the object imo - that said like u say I dont think resorting straight to a smack is the correct thing to do either - its a balance really of good communication and strong discipline - my OH is very strict with the boyz and doesnt have to resort to smaking now but they know how far to push him and that they "could" get a smack when my OH has smacked it has been for something extremely serious and he always sits them down afterwards and explains why he did it and that he still loves them etc - like I say its balance


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

classixuk said:


> As I said, as to my opinions, they vary. I could only state my observations.
> 
> Whilst I agree with the observations in your post that we live in a "consumerist media driven world.....constantly bombarding [us] with stuff [we] "must" have to be happy, cool, accepted ie the right body shape, clothes, gadgets, earnings.", and I do feel that exposure to such advertising drives young people to want these things, I cannot agree that this is a new phenomenon.
> 
> ...


*haha your post brought back memories of my childhood.Which i might add i wouldn't swap for today.Kids knew their place and we also knew what to expect if we thought we knew better.*


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> Of course, I reward the boys when they have been good etc - im not saying dont ever reward just not to use it as a form of discipline - thats the difference for me - IF you have done something wrong - you shouldnt be given the chance to get a reward if you then start behaving correctly cos it just defeats the object imo - that said like u say I dont think resorting straight to a smack is the correct thing to do either - its a balance really of good communication and strong discipline - my OH is very strict with the boyz and doesnt have to resort to smaking now but they know how far to push him and that they "could" get a smack when my OH has smacked it has been for something extremely serious and he always sits them down afterwards and explains why he did it and that he still loves them etc - like I say its balance


LOL - We agree  We are both saying the same thing just in slightly different ways


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## peachcj (Feb 24, 2010)

Quite simply, when I was a kid, I bit my sister (hard) on the arm. She ran and told mum and my mum came in and bit me! Sounds awful but I NEVER bit anyone again!! :blush:


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## Natik (Mar 9, 2008)

i went to both also ... a kindergarden and a school where smacking was permitted and to several schools were smacking was a big no no and tbh it took me 2 years to realise after i changed school that i actually was allowed to behave like a child and enjoy school. My grades all shot sky high after that and the bond with the teachers became that strong that even after i left school i knew that i could always approuch them if i was faced with difficulties. And still today if faced with any problems i know they would still be there for me.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

classixuk said:


> As I said, as to my opinions, they vary. I could only state my observations.
> 
> Whilst I agree with the observations in your post that we live in a "consumerist media driven world.....constantly bombarding [us] with stuff [we] "must" have to be happy, cool, accepted ie the right body shape, clothes, gadgets, earnings.", and I do feel that exposure to such advertising drives young people to want these things, I cannot agree that this is a new phenomenon.
> 
> ...


This is not the sort of children i have dealings with or who live where i am. I am not saying they don't exist but they are not the product of good parenting IMO.

Usually the type of children you are referring to have been walloped by their parents regularly or non parented to the point of them being allowed to become feral but good consistent firm but fair parenting does NOT produce this sort of young adult.

There is a big difference between effective parenting that does not involve smacking your child regularly and non parenting.

The problem with non parenting is that yes in the past others would instill the discipline in children via school, local police etc, the old clip round the earole or caning you talk about.

That is no longer accepted or allowed as it is open to abuse and noone wants children abused do they.

Which means all parents have to step up and discipline their children properly which IMO if done correctly from an early age does not have to include a regular wallop 

I would love to have seen the response to this thread if the OP had stated that they had seen someone in the park whose dog was playing them up and why didn't they just give it a good smack on the legs


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> This is not the sort of children i have dealings with or who live where i am. I am not saying they don't exist but they are not the product of good parenting IMO.
> 
> Usually the type of children you are referring to have been walloped by their parents regularly or non parented to the point of them being allowed to become feral but good consistent firm but fair parenting does NOT produce this sort of young adult.
> 
> ...


oh my god Rain, i never said people should use smacking as a form of discipline, esp all the time. I just said i think in SOME cases it is necessary.
It doesn't mean i'm going to slap my kid when i have one, everytime it messes up!


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

ad_1980 said:


> oh my god Rain, i never said people should use smacking as a form of discipline, esp all the time. I just said i think in SOME cases it is necessary.
> It doesn't mean i'm going to slap my kid when i have one, everytime it messes up!


But AD you suggested that was the way this Dad should have dealt with his daughter. It is exactly what you said hun 

You described the situation which seemed pretty "normal naughtiness" to me, nowhere near extreme and your solution was she needed a good smack


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

RAINYBOW said:


> LOL - We agree  We are both saying the same thing just in slightly different ways


Yep I think we are


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## ad_1980 (Jan 28, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> But AD you suggested that was the way this Dad should have dealt with his daughter. It is exactly what you said hun
> 
> You described the situation which seemed pretty "normal naughtiness" to me, nowhere near extreme and your solution was she needed a good smack


Well yes in a sense she should've got a smack. She was giggling while dAddy was trying to discipline her and doing everything to get away from him. She wasn't taking him seriously at all poor guy.

that being said that doesn't mean i am saying all children deserve a slap up the backside every so often.

I can't explain myself any better than that, i'm sorry if it makes me a horrible person!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

ad_1980 said:


> Well yes in a sense she should've got a smack. She was giggling while dAddy was trying to discipline her and doing everything to get away from him. She wasn't taking him seriously at all poor guy.
> 
> that being said that doesn't mean i am saying all children deserve a slap up the backside every so often.
> 
> I can't explain myself any better than that, i'm sorry if it makes me a horrible person!


I dont think it makes you a horrible person  at the end of the day every parent disciplines in a different way and it is their decision and right to do so -its a topic that will always be heatedly debated but is a good one to see all varying views  xx


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

ad_1980 said:


> Well yes in a sense she should've got a smack. She was giggling while dAddy was trying to discipline her and doing everything to get away from him. She wasn't taking him seriously at all poor guy.
> 
> that being said that doesn't mean i am saying all children deserve a slap up the backside every so often.
> 
> I can't explain myself any better than that, i'm sorry if it makes me a horrible person!


*Truth be told AD even if the dad think she deservrd a smack he wouldn't have done it because of the nanny state we now live in.*


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

ad_1980 said:


> Well yes in a sense she should've got a smack. She was giggling while dAddy was trying to discipline her and doing everything to get away from him. She wasn't taking him seriously at all poor guy.
> 
> that being said that doesn't mean i am saying all children deserve a slap up the backside every so often.
> 
> I can't explain myself any better than that, i'm sorry if it makes me a horrible person!


But AD ALL children behave like that at some point, they all get out their tree or play you up, normally when they think you can't do anything about it BUT the little girl might have well been dragged round the shops bored out of her mind and had had enough, shopping isn't exactly a child friendly activity 

To a 6 year old who is bored this may just have been her way of getting her dads attention, her way of saying "i have had enough now". As an adult if we are bored we can just go home, kids can't do that.

Now having said that sometimes kids need to know that they have to do boring stuff because that's life and as i said i wouldn't have accepted the childs behaviour but smacking is just unneccesary in that instance IMO 

It doesn't make you a horrid person and i am sure if it was your child you would have dealt with her behaviour alot sooner and it may not have escalated. I am just trying to explain to you that there are other ways he could have dealt with it  You can't "time out" a 6 year old in a pushchair either, they are way too old 

Surely AD you can equate this to Mika.

There must be times you could just tear your hair out and lose it but you don't, you find a different way of correcting his behaviour


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> *As much as i agree to a certain point,the bottom line is,it is down to the parents 1st and foremost to teach their kids.In todays society parents seem to want everyone else to sort their kids out for them,and then when it goes wrong they still want to pass the buck.*


Ive got to say ive never agreed with anyone more than i agree with you posts on this, exactly right, parenting has changed and so have the children beyond belief.

The losing control comments, well ive smacked mine and never done it because i had lost control. what worries me is as parents we all know how trying and testing children can be they can drive the most easy going mild mannered parent to distraction and for a parent that doesnt or doesnt feel they are allowed to smack will be pushed over the edge when they have tried everything else they know, this then can come to losing control and what scares me is that when a parent has lost it they will smack/hit out harder and do more damage than if the child had got a smack before it come to that.


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