# Don't know where else to turn



## trist (Jan 4, 2009)

Hello,

This is my first post here - I feel that I need some support. 

Advice needed - my dog was put down this morning. The vet said that there was nothing to do. He was an elderly dog, and was just in excruciating pain.

I have three children, (my husband's away working), and the younger two, boy age 7 and girl aged 4 stayed with their grandparents as a treat last night. The eldest, aged 14 is here with me. I've told my eldest daughter that our family dog had to be put down and she was of course devastated, as was I. We've had a cuddle and put things right, but I have no idea how to break the news to the youngest two. I've told my mother but she hasn't told them. I'll be picking them up after lunch. Do you have any advice on how to break it to them gently? Anyone who's ever had a dog will know that it's deeply upsetting to lose them, because he was a member of our family.

The sweetest thing was, when I was cradelling him in the vet's surgery, he was still helplessly trying to give my a little lick on my cheek. Sorry, I'm just trying to get some support 

There are so many reminders going to be about the house - the dog bed, his toys, his leash etc. I just don't know what I'm going to do with them...what would you say?

My mother told me that the best way to get over a loss is to get a puppy of the same breed. But, at the moment, I can't imagine trying o replace our dear old dog 

Please help a deeply upset owner


----------



## Rraa (Apr 15, 2008)

First , let me say I send my condolencies and am sad to read this distressing news. Even though I am not a dog owner, I have lost furbabies and the feeling is terrible to lose a much loved family member, however old. You did the kind thing and notwithstanding your own emotions, you were kind enough to release your poor dog from continuing pain. 

Each person grieves in their own way and its really difficult to know what to say. I suppose the children will understand when you tell them your dog was elderly and in constant pain and that the vet gave you advice etc. Do be honest with the kids. They will be sad but they will value the honesty and of course the hugs of consolation that you can give them. 

Some people need time to pass between "losing" a much loved dog and considering offering a home to another pet. It is often said that the word "replace" is not quite right as each fur-child is unique. However, some people do find it difficult to cope without a pet and need to offer to share their home with another pet quite quickly. Have a chat with the family once you can cope with discussing it. Sorry that this year begins on a sad note but hopefully, you and your family will have more joy to come.


----------



## Izzie999 (Nov 27, 2008)

Hello Trist,

I am so sorry you have had to go through this pretty much on your own. Do the children know he was poorly? I would just gently sit them down and tell them that he has gone to sleep because he was very tired and he is not in any pain anymore. Children are much more perceptive than we often give them credit for. I think you will find they will give you a great deal of understanding and comfort at this awful time. 

I think your Mum is right about a puppy but you need time to mourn and remember your lovely dog. Remember all the good times. I would put his things away when you are good and ready, take your time,you will know when its right to move on both for yourself and your kids. 

My thoughts are with you at this awful time.

love

Izzie


----------



## jilly40 (Oct 22, 2008)

aww hun im sorry off your loss as sugested i would just sit them down & gently tell them he was very poorley & has gone 2 rainbow bridge where he will be happy & healthy wagging his tail & in no more pain,waiting :001_wub: you will in time want another dog when the time is right for you all if that helps the smallest one just say in time.i hope that helps a little ,i will be thinking of you xx


----------



## Topsy (Dec 29, 2008)

Our thoughts and prayers for you all at this time

Our Patchy passed away Christmas morning and I told our son who is 9 when he woke up.

I can't say the best way to tell a child. Each child will be different.

Rest in peace for your beloved dog. What was his name??



Adele Adrian and Terence


----------



## trist (Jan 4, 2009)

Thanks so much for your kind responses and advice. Sorry to hear of your own experiences of loss also.

I told my two yungest and they were devastated. My youngest daughter was wailing in my embrace for a while and she found some of his hair stuck to my jumper :sad:. My son took the news a bit lighter but he has been very quiet this afternoon. My youngest daughter upset my eldest daughter by asking if we could have another dog. My eldest doesn't want our old dog to be replaced but of course, the young ones don't yet understand that sort of way of thinking. 

I'm starting to think that a new puppy or even young adult dog would be a good idea sooner rather than later because the house feels so empty. Can anyone advise me further on this? Do you think a young adult is a good idea? And in terms of breed, I liked our Welsh Springer Spaniel, so I don't know whether to stick with the same breed or not.

In the mean time, I've already framed a picture of our old Smot (a Welsh variation on 'Spot') and put all of his stuff in his bed. We have some videos of walks and trips to the beach and so forth which we'll watch as I think the children will find it comforting.


----------



## u-look-like-a-hamster (Aug 17, 2008)

thats what i do get another (for example) hamster When tinkerbell died i got tidley~wink the same day 

it gives you somthing to concentrate on instead of sitting their thinking

youll have a new member to play and hug

its not replaceing it would be just your way of coping with the loss 

i still feel an empty space because jeffrie had left his cage toys etc to another hamster but i havent got one yet its hard not having 9 smiling eyes looking at you at night !

xxxx


----------



## KarenHSmith (Apr 20, 2008)

So sorry for your loss. When I was coming home from school. I was told that my german shepherd had died (in 2007)... My nan (who told me) said, there was some bad news... She told me and I just burst out crying.. I hope your Children are OK and you xxx


----------



## shelli21457 (Apr 17, 2009)

Iam so very sorry for your loss. I went through this loss in August. The pain is still deep, I had my Darla for 16 years. I got my grandkids some flat rocks and colorful acrylic paint, and they made "memory stones". We put them in an area (in the garden) where Darla loved to dig. This was very theraputic for them. You must have been a very loving family for your pet. My heart goes out to you.


----------



## foxxy cleopatra (Nov 18, 2008)

thats so sad 
since i lost my bestest friend Georgie, i would never get another cat, he is buried in his favorite place  and we have got him a personalised plaque 
it made me feel better to write him a letter about how amazing he was, i put it in with him when we buried him, i also included a photo of all of us when we were all together, maybe get the children to write to him, you can put them on ballons...to send to doggie heaven


----------



## CreativeLC (Aug 13, 2008)

foxxy cleopatra said:


> thats so sad
> it made me feel better to write him a letter about how amazing he was,


Thats what i do and it does really help, i did that today to remember my rabbit who died a year ago today.


----------



## Tigerneko (Jan 2, 2009)

foxxy cleopatra said:


> maybe get the children to write to him, you can put them on ballons...to send to doggie heaven


That's a really nice idea 

I think you should wait until you and your children have had a little time to grieve properly, and then maybe discuss with them whether they would like another. Remind them that you're not replacing Smot, you're doing what he would want you to do, which is to let another dog live with you and have the lovely life that he had with you. You'll know when you're ready for another dog 

RIP Smot x


----------



## Shazach (Dec 18, 2008)

This original post was at the beginning of jan, don't think the op has been on since?


----------



## lisaspoon (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my lovely english springer last week and it still hurts to know that he won't be at my parents house when we next visit - wagging his tail and barking away! 
We lost our first dog, afghan hound, when I was about 7 years old. I don't remember much now. All I remember is him getting taken to the vets and my dad not returning with him! We just got told he died as I don't think we understood the concept of "being put to sleep". I pestered my dad to get another dog after that - took him 7 years to give in! (I think it was partly money though that he waited that long).....

When Skye was put to sleep, I was devestated, as were my parents. He was 13 years old and very much a part of the family. My parents told me they have thrown everything out of his, toys etc. I think thats just their gut reaction as a memory was too painful. We still have some lovely photos though, and memories.

I hope your children are ok, and I hope in time you do get another dog. I know I will as I think dogs are fantastic animals for children to grow up around  You'll know when you're ready 

RIP Smot xxxxx


----------



## Hunnyb22 (Mar 15, 2009)

Hi...So sorry to hear about your loss, it must be even more devastating for your children? However, children are more resilient than we give them credit for. Give it a few months and you'll all be ready to take in another dog.

My dog Bruno is a 13 year old mongrel, we don't know how long we'll have him for but we've recently taken on a black Lab (Barney). Not to replace Bruno in any way but we'll have another dog to focus on when the inevitable happens.

Rest in the knowledge that you've done your best for Smot and given him a loving home.


----------



## WENDY517 (Nov 26, 2008)

dear trist
Im really sorry to hear that you dog had passed away, Its so sad the way he died and Its hard to relay the message to young children.
You must have bonded deeply as he was a old dog and these things happen when we dont expect them to happen.
you are bound to revert back to his steps its a berievement I know its so sad and you will dearly miss him not being around your house.
but you will always hold his memorie within. at least we all know that he will be with the others at rainbow bridge bless him.
Its so hard to except but time will heal the wounds.
may he rest in peace
memories are forever


----------



## jessicarossi (Apr 19, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss, and please believe me when I say I do feel your pain; we lost two cats this week within five days - one killed suddenly on Tuesday afternoon in an RTA, only to be followed yesterday morning by another who had been diagnosed with cancer back in December, but the pain is no less. 

Very sad and lonely days, but my thoughts and best wishes are with you ...


----------



## Nina (Nov 2, 2007)

Your story brought back painful memories of putting our 13 year old GSD to sleep 13 months ago.

We were dreading going home since we knew that Zak's toys, dish etc would still be there as though nothing had happened.

Eventually I packed everything away, and 4 months later we brought Luika into our lives. Luika now has Zak's dishes and some of his toys, but I have always kept a memento from each of our pets, that the next could not have. For Zak it was his identity tag which is in his memory box.

I know you must be feeling extremely raw, but time is a great healer.

Sending you a big cyber hug xxxxxx


----------

