# RIP Tiny Baby



## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Today i found Toula's little tortie and white girl named Buttercup has sadly died.
Toula laid on her during the night and she sadly lost her fight to live.
This was my fault as Toula was feeding the babies and i laid down next to her and fell asleep, im so stupid, why did i fall asleep, if i had stayed awake just for a while longer this poor soul would still be here today.
I have failed miserably and im so weak, the past 2 days have been awful first with the stillborn baby named morgan then the little girl who was born with her insides outside her body named sparkle.

RIP my little babies, Morgan, Sparkle and Buttercup.... all rested under the red rose bush to bloom soon.

Im so sorry i have failed everybody and especially these poor babies, im so weak and sad i just cant get over this.

poor Toula has been through so much after being dumped, not settling then having babies only to have them taken away, im so sorry Toula to have failed you, the tears just keep coming, everyday is a struggle to save cats and the heartache is just too much to bear. xxx


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## tigerboo (Jan 30, 2013)

Oh my cc that is so awfull r.i.p little babies xx


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## colliemerles (Nov 2, 2007)

_CC it isnt your fault, they would all be dead if you hadnt taken them in, life is cruel,these things happen, please dont beat yourself up, everyone on here knows you do an amazing job,you are 100% devoted to them cats and kittens, 
im sending you a big hug, your a strong person CC stronger than i or alot of members on here could be,yes this will knock you back, i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better,we are all here if you need us.xxxxxx

R I P little ones XXXXXX_


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## ella (Jan 1, 2009)

Aw that's sad.

Please don't blame yourself, nature can be so cruel.... Toula could have been in a much worse state if you hadn't taken her in, and maybe even died herself.

Be kind to yourself


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## Kah (Jul 20, 2012)

So sorry to read this. Please don't blame yourself. You tried your best which is all you could do. Look after yourself and Toula. A big virtual hug from me, Kxxx


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## fierceabby (May 16, 2011)

Please don't be too hard on yourself sweetie, you are doing an amazing job xxx


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

What sad news, CC. Don't blame yourself, we all know that no-one could have done more for them than you did. Just awful luck. XXX


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## egyptianreggae (May 26, 2012)

catcoonz said:


> Today i found Toula's little tortie and white girl named Buttercup has sadly died.
> Toula laid on her during the night and she sadly lost her fight to live.
> This was my fault as Toula was feeding the babies and i laid down next to her and fell asleep, im so stupid, why did i fall asleep, if i had stayed awake just for a while longer this poor soul would still be here today.
> I have failed miserably and im so weak, the past 2 days have been awful first with the stillborn baby named morgan then the little girl who was born with her insides outside her body named sparkle.
> ...


Oh, love, you haven't failed anybody! This wasn't your fault. It could have happened to anyone and any cat at any time. You do so much to look after cats and you've saved countless lives. Where would Toula be now without your kindness and love? Do you have anybody who can help you out and look after Toula and the others for a bit so you can relax and take a bit of time for yourself? You sound so tired. Wish I lived closer so I could come and help out. Please look after yourself and try not to be so hard on yourself. The kind of work you're doing is punishing in the extreme and emotionally draining. And have a hug.


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## Alaskacat (Aug 2, 2010)

You must not blame yourself, she is a first time Mum and it one of those things that sadly can happen - and it is possible that there was an issue with the kitten and it had nothing to do with her Mum anyway, she had far from the best pregnancy.

You are someone who has rescued that girl and given her and her kittens the best chance possible, but that does not extend to lying with her every night and staying awake for the next few days/weeks in case something awful happens. You have a responsibility to all the other cats you have to be fit and well, you cannot do that if you do not get a night's sleep.

I am so sorry for the pain and loss you are feeling, but, bless the little soul, her loss is not your fault in any way at all. You have saved a life in her mother - maybe it would have been too much for Mum to have raised the whole of the litter and nature has taken her course. 

My friend rescued a girl from an awful background who was heavily pregnant and full of worms. She too had a kitten born with her insides outside her body and I'm afraid four of the five kittens passed away. The Vet said it was likely that she had been exposed to cat flu in pregnancy and there was nothing that could have been done.

The girl is now spayed and living her happy ever after and my friend, like you, did her best for her. That is all you can do, sleeping next to them and staying up all night is not going to change the outcome now and it will harm you. Just as you care for Toula, someone must care for you and tell you it is not your fault when bad things happen.

My heart goes out to you, but please don't blame yourself. RIP little ones.


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

This is really sad news but you shoudn´t blame yourself at all or feel you´ve let anyone down. These things happen even to the most careful people. Fingers and paws crossed for the surviving kitten. What is the name?


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Thankyou for all your kind words, doesnt make me feel any better but good to know i have some support.

I was going to name this baby Faith, but to be honest i now dont have any so renamed Trixie.

If Trixie does survive it has been arranged that Toula and Trixie will be rehomed together, it just wouldnt be fair to seperate them after all this has happened.

Ive always believed saving a cat is the most important part of rescue and any kittens being born would be an extra enjoyment, i guess i just have to be greatful that Toula is fine and just hope Trixie will survive.

Emotions are strange, ive gone from blaming myself, which i will always do, to blaming the person who dumped her and for giving her so much stress, they say a sad loss makes you stronger but it doesnt it only makes you a weaker person, ok so i couldnt have done anything about the stillborn or the other kitten but this one should have had a life, although after speaking with the vet this morning this kitten was always squarking and Toula was very upset by this. Toula seems so much more contented now with this one kitten, life is very strange and cruel, you give your heart and soul into a life only for it to be taken away.

Im worried if im not sat with Toula and i wory her if i am being too clingy to her, i guess i just need to step back and let nature take its course.

What makes it worse is i am experienced with kittening, hand rearing etc but still i failed a life, im sure along the long road there will be many heartbreaking times and each loss rips your heart out.


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## sharonchilds (Jul 7, 2011)

I agree with what the others have said, you are doing a fantastic job in a mad world.
Where would all those cats be without you, life is a s*** sometimes but no way your fault.
Massive hugs coming your way from all of us, and a special furry "hug" from Tia xxx


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Tia hugs, just what i needed. xxxx


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## we love bsh's (Mar 28, 2011)

You need some sleep cc get your strengh back together its been a rollercoaster for you this week..try get some sleep the cats will be ok hun.

Rip tiny kitten


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## monkeymummy32 (May 22, 2012)

Oh CC, I'm so sorry. You do such an amazing job of saving so many cats & kittens but even super-cat-angel (yes you are!) can't save them all no matter how much love and devotion you give them. Nature is cruel sometimes but hopefully Toula will get over this and be able to lavish all her motherly attention on Trixie and they will have a long and happy life together....all thanks to you . I hope you can get some well deserved sleep. Chin up chick, you did your best xxx


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

The lady opposite my home is going to have Toula and Trixie and give them a wonderful home when they are both ready to go, she has said she will come round in a minute to kitty watch for me so i can get 2 hours sleep.
We are going to start shift watch, she watches in the afternoon so i sleep then i do the night shift, Toula adores her so this will be better than me worrying.


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## sharonchilds (Jul 7, 2011)

That sounds like a good plan, and the lady gets to bond with them before she becomes their slave


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

Really, no matter which angle you look at things from it isn´t your fault. Now you have to look forward for mother and kitten so they can sail on to their new home.


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## petergettins (Sep 23, 2011)

Don't blame yourself at all, you're right to blame whomever dumped her in the first place. You are doing a great job, but these things do happen. As others have said none would be alive now if you hadn't taken her in in the first place. 
It's great news that your neighbour will be taking them both in and that she's helping out now as well.


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## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Oh CC I'm so sorry to hear this  sending you big (((((hugs))))) xxx

I echo what everyone else has said. Please don't blame your self, it is not your fault, you are doing a wonderful job helping all these cats and kittens and don't let anyone tell you any different.

I'm pleased to hear your neighbour is going to give Toula and Trixie a forever home and that she is going to help you out 

Get some rest/sleep and look after yourself xx

RIP little kittens, run free at the bridge xxx


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

So sorry to hear this , how heartbreaking for you 

The only person to blame in all this is the worthless, heartless scum who dumped this poor girlie in the first place. You gave her and her babies food, love and warmth and that is worth more than I'm sure anything else they would have got without you.

Mother Nature is cruel, oh so very cruel 


You have helped many and will help more I'm sure, you have given many and will give many an amazing life that they just wouldn't have without you.

Don't blame yourself you do an amazing job, and will continue to do it... and you can save more cats and babies in the name of the little ones you lost.. 

Make sure to look after yourself too though... ((hugs))


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## cats galore (Jul 17, 2012)

my heart goes out to you CC. you have had such a rough time lately, what with the theft of Blitzy and all the hard work you put into getting her home safely. then this on top of it must be so emotionaly draining for you. you have done so much for all the cats you help starting from grace and raven upto now and i'm sure you will continue to help lots more in need of love, care and safety. you are doing a wonderful job of looking after these poor cats - god knows where they would have been without you and the strength you have shown to fulfil this. anyway my daughter says you have to continue doing all this as she wants to visit you in the summer holidays and meet all the cats and your horses too

RIP little babies - run free now at the bridge xx


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

So sorry CC to hear the loss of Toula's Kittens You have had such a rough time lately life is just not fair.
I hope her remaining Kitten will continue to flourish. As your Neighbour is going to adopt Toula and her Baby you will be able to see them bond and live a Happy life together.
Without your Love and care Toula might not have made it being abandoned the way she was.
You do so much for the unwanted and strays, where would they be without you.
xx


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Im back......caught up on some sleep, vet visit to ensure Toula is ok which she is and trixie is also fine at the moment.
Have noticed Trixie did have a bigger fuller tummy than Buttercup who did dribble milk so maybe there was a problem, i will never know but still blamed myself.

Cats Galore, please do visit and tell your daughter im looking forward to meeting her but my horses stay .

Thankyou for all the support, did feel very down today but have to keep fighting for the cats and kittens, im not going to be any use if i cant sort my heart out especially with rescue. xx


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## tigerboo (Jan 30, 2013)

Bless you cc. A massive hug from me and tiger


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

No Tiger babies yet then xx


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## Treaclesmum (Sep 26, 2011)

Aw no!!! Only just seen this! She was such a beautiful little baby but perhaps she was just too perfect and too fragile for this world :frown5:

It cannot be your fault CC, you did the best thing you could do for them, but for your help they would've died a much worse death and Toula as well 

I believe that all these beautiful kittens who come into this world for such a short time will soon be born in new bodies to begin life again. I believe that my Treacle has been reborn in a brand new body which is healthier than his ever was, and I have seen photos of his young half-sister Mia who is the image of him....... I pray that all of these little babies will be born stronger next time xxxx RIP little angels xxxx


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## tigerboo (Jan 30, 2013)

catcoonz said:


> No Tiger babies yet then xx


Not yet cc shes keeping us all waiting


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

RIP tiny kitten


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

I know pm's are private but i wanted to share this with you all.
Skipperoo reminded me of Angel the white girl who came in to me, several vet visits the vet said no she is very poorly and to let her go, but everytime i looked at her for some reason my head said no, not today, we will see what she is like tomorrow.
Well everyday she has got stronger, yes she does have setbacks but each time she has come back fighting and is now off all medication and looking a fantastic girl.
This made me think that if i gave up now i would be giving up on all the cats/kittens who may need me later, if Angel can be a fighter and get stronger then i owe it to her and all the other cats/kittens to carry on fighting.

Pointless post really but if i feel like this again i can go back and read what ive written and it will help me carry on. xx


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## Treaclesmum (Sep 26, 2011)

catcoonz said:


> I know pm's are private but i wanted to share this with you all.
> Skipperoo reminded me of Angel the white girl who came in to me, several vet visits the vet said no she is very poorly and to let her go, but everytime i looked at her for some reason my head said no, not today, we will see what she is like tomorrow.
> Well everyday she has got stronger, yes she does have setbacks but each time she has come back fighting and is now off all medication and looking a fantastic girl.
> This made me think that if i gave up now i would be giving up on all the cats/kittens who may need me later, if Angel can be a fighter and get stronger then i owe it to her and all the other cats/kittens to carry on fighting.
> ...


This is so true - there may be some kittens who just need you to give them the best care they can have in their short lives, but there will also be plenty of cats and kittens who need your loving help to grow big and strong and healthy and travel to lovely new homes.  You only have to look at the pics of Gracie exploring her new cat run (and she loves it even more than the others - she is usually the last one to come in at night as she's still watching all the interesting things that only cats can see in the dark! ) She loves looking out at our solar lights near the middle of the garden. But for your help, she might still be living in a cupboard....


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## piggylove (Feb 24, 2013)

Don't blame yourself lovely! These things tragically happen all the time and no one can forsee these things. I hope you feel better soon.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

TM not a day goes by without that awful sight of poor Grace and Raven in that cupboard, i was very lucky and so was Grace that you have given her a wonderful home she looks so happy in her new run. xx


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## Treaclesmum (Sep 26, 2011)

catcoonz said:


> TM not a day goes by without that awful sight of poor Grace and Raven in that cupboard, i was very lucky and so was Grace that you have given her a wonderful home she looks so happy in her new run. xx


She is, her and Pixie were sitting out there chasing ants and flies until about 9pm tonight! It's nice they can do that in safety


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## Emmeow (Mar 1, 2012)

Sorry to hear this 

You've done so much for these cats and all the others, you should never have to feel bad about yourself. It must have been so hard for you with the loss of the other two babies and now Buttercup. You can't help caring so much.

I'm really glad you've got your nieghbour to help watch Toula and the little one. You must be exhausted!

Rip Morgan, Sparkle and Buttercup.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Thankyou, im very greatful Toula was found and is safe now even though its all heartache Trixie is doing well so far and has a very plump belly.

I still hope a bolt of lightening will strike the horrible person who dumped her pregnant by the stream.


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## Emmeow (Mar 1, 2012)

Glad Trixie and Toula are doing well.

Really can't believe some people. My kitten's mum was also dumped while pregnant, in the woods. It's just sickening


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

why people dump pregnant animals is beyond me, there is no need to do this, why cant they just take to the vet so the vet can call a rescue.
i think all animlas need to be microchipped so this problem can be solved.


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## we love bsh's (Mar 28, 2011)

catcoonz said:


> why people dump pregnant animals is beyond me, there is no need to do this, why cant they just take to the vet so the vet can call a rescue.
> i think all animlas need to be microchipped so this problem can be solved.


You would think so but they just have to turn round and say 'oh i sold that animal on'.

The way to go is to make it so that you have to prove you sold the pet a reciept of some sort maybe.


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## Jansheff (Jan 31, 2011)

I'm sorry you lost little Buttercup. I know part of grief is beating yourself up, but there's no way you can be blamed for this. Sleep is one of life's basic needs, like food and shelter - you can't go on without it - as you found, your body takes over and demands sleep. 

At least Toula doesn't sound distressed and hope she and the remaining baby continue to thrive.


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## Isabellej (Jan 21, 2013)

Please don't blame yourself, you do a wonderful thing for all these cats! It's so sad that not all the kittens made it, but Toula and the remaining kitten have been so lucky in having you to look after them. At least the kittens were loved in their short lives, which they wouldn't have been without you!

Hugs, 

Isabelle


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Toula and Trixie are doing very well this morning, no sound from either of them all night.


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## sharonchilds (Jul 7, 2011)

Thats really great news CC


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Please don't be hard on yourself. The baby probably would not have made it anyway, regardless of what you did. Sometimes they fail to thrive and there is nothing anyone can do: nature can be very harsh. None of them may have survived including mom, if you hadn't taken them in.
Keep up the good work.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Thankyou, maybe there was already a problem with the other kitten and i just couldnt tell, i guess a mum cats instinct knows alot more than me.
Toula is doing great, we dont need to watch her and she doesnt leave the baby unless its asleep then she is back purring with Trixie and very happy.


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## fierceabby (May 16, 2011)

Maybe be she knew - our dog had a litter of two - one still born and one runt. Maisie (mum) wanted nothing to do with it and kept trying to take him down the garden, so I spent a very exhausting week with our vet's support hand rearing him but then he died at around 1am, despite no obvious problems. I think Maisie knew that from the off. 


These things just happen I'm afraid but it is good news that she has settled with the baby and both are doing well. I hope you are catching up on some rest yourself now!


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Thats so sad.


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## Treaclesmum (Sep 26, 2011)

I think if the kitten had a smaller belly then that can mean it's not very strong, I have noticed that with kittens. (Treacle was very thin when I brought him home and always seemed weak in certain ways, whereas his chunky brother Pipsqueak is now a healthy cat...)  Very sad but it really wasn't your fault xxx


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Poor little mites....
I can understand how devastated you are, and I can see why you blamed yourself, being weak and exhausted from the incredible effort you have put into Toula and all your other cats....

But this was not a very healthy litter, due to Toula's privation during pregnancy, and you are perfectly right little Buttercup probably wasn't well at all. I think Toula intended to put her out of her misery and concentrate on her one heathy kitten.

You did - and do - everything you can for Toula and her babies, and for all these other cats, and however difficult, you need to accept soenm things simply weren't to be. You cannot save them all, however hard you try, some little souls wlll slip through your fingers.....

But Buttercup is free of her frail little body now, and she knew a loving home and a loving slave..... You gave her all a kitten could wish for.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

fierceabby said:


> Maybe be she knew - our dog had a litter of two - one still born and one runt. Maisie (mum) wanted nothing to do with it and kept trying to take him down the garden, so I spent a very exhausting week with our vet's support hand rearing him but then he died at around 1am, despite no obvious problems. I think Maisie knew that from the off.
> 
> These things just happen I'm afraid but it is good news that she has settled with the baby and both are doing well. I hope you are catching up on some rest yourself now!


My friend fostered a pregnant and rather poor and sickly cat which gave birth to three, one of which still born and one clearly touch and go. In the morning she had bitten the head off the runt...obviously she knew that she would be wasting her time (and milk) by feeding it. The third one survived and thrived. Yes, they do know what's the best thing to do.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Calvine....thats exactly what Toula was trying to do, every few minutes i had to get the kittens head out of her mouth, should have let nature takes its course thinking about it but i just couldnt do that.
This kitten is perfect, quiet, feeding, nice and plump and sleeps, Toula and trixie are very content now. Just how its meant to be, so im more relaxed now.


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