# Partner wants to rehome dog, help



## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Hi everyone, 

I really need some help. Last year my partner and I rescued a 1 year old lab/lurcher cross. She is a lovely, bouncy dog full of energy but recently my partner has decided he doesn't have time to look after her. I feel absolutely heartbroken. We rescued her together (she came from a home where they had allergies) and she is super well behaved but does need a LOT of walking and running as she has so much energy. 
As we both worked full time at the time, he was able to take her to work (as he works for himself) so he did. I have since then changed jobs but he has now decided he has too much on to look after her and doesn't have the time. I really don't know what to do. 
On my days off, I am in the middle of setting up a business (or trying) but struggling to look after her on my own and make this work - my office isn't in the house. I'm also looking to start a masters degree. She is allowed into my office but there are other dogs there and when she sees other dogs she just wants to run like crazy and can sometimes bark and growl so I'm worried about taking her in. He is now really unsupportive and just doesn't want to help as he's too busy and says he has just realised this now. He wouldn't have got a dog if I hadn't have loved them so much and says he felt pressured into getting one (so its my fault).
I could keep her but worry that she won't be getting all the walks she needs if we do. She is fine to be left on her own for about 5 hours at a time and I could maybe try leaving her for longer with a couple of kongs but then may not get an off lead walk.
The thought of giving her up makes me feel sick and totally breaks my heart. If I could find someone who had lots of time for her with a huge garden then I would be less reluctant to rehome her. I really don't know what to do, any advice and help would be really good. xxx


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

How about hiring a dog walker during the day to break up her day and give her the exercise she needs. The other thing you can do to tire her out is to get her to work her brain. You can do training in very short sessions eg when making a cuppa, advert breaks or doing chores. Teach things like tricks, or set up a search where she has to find her favourite toy or treats you have hidden on a room. 

If your dog is tired and relaxed perhaps your partner won't feel that the dog is such a chore.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

Also do you have any neighbours that would be prepared to take your dog out for exercise. I used to exercise a neighbours border collie. They worked long hours / had medical issues which meant the dog didn't get as much exercise as needed. I am not in a position to own a dog but really enjoyed the dog cuddles and walking.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

kittih said:


> How about hiring a dog walker during the day to break up her day and give her the exercise she needs. The other thing you can do to tire her out is to get her to work her brain. You can do training in very short sessions eg when making a cuppa, advert breaks or doing chores. Teach things like tricks, or set up a search where she has to find her favourite toy or treats you have hidden on a room.
> 
> If your dog is tired and relaxed perhaps your partner won't feel that the dog is such a chore.


Thank you, we do do these kinds of exercises but maybe I should do more. RE: the dog walker, I can't afford this at the moment as I'd be the one paying for it.

I think what I'm finding difficult is the fact that I am being left totally alone to look after her. I wanted this to be something we've done together and do together but now its like he is angry at me for us having her. He makes comments all the time about how he doesn't want her and I find it really upsetting. I don't want to argue about her but I feel upset and frustrated about how unsupportive he has become towards her.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

kittih said:


> Also do you have any neighbours that would be prepared to take your dog out for exercise. I used to exercise a neighbours border collie. They worked long hours / had medical issues which meant the dog didn't get as much exercise as needed. I am not in a position to own a dog but really enjoyed the dog cuddles and walking.


I wish we did. Shes quite a handful and can be reactive on the lead and I wouldn't want to put in the position of looking after her incase anything happened. I did put her up on borrowmydoggy but would worry incase anything happened or people weren't experienced enough.

I just feel like he resents me for keeping her as he doesn't want her.


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## Goblin (Jun 21, 2011)

Lola90 said:


> I wanted this to be something we've done together and do together but now its like he is angry at me for us having her.


Not aiming this at you specifically but this is actually quite common. Part of it depends on who the dog gravitates towards which can lead to some jealousy. Two sides to this, one is the time you are spending away from "them" with the dog (even if all in the same room). The other, if the dog has attached to you more than them, is the simply fact the dog has attached itself to you, why not them?


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Well, I think you need to do some straight talking to your Partner.

You rescued this dog together and she is a joint responsibility. Him deciding now that he doesn't want to be bothered is bad enough, but making you feel bad for trying is totally unacceptable, in my opinion.

Stand up for yourself and your dog. If you want to keep her, make the best arrangements you can for her but don't be bullied by this selfish person.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Goblin said:


> Not aiming this at you specifically but this is actually quite common. Part of it depends on who the dog gravitates towards which can lead to some jealousy. Two sides to this, one is the time you are spending away from "them" with the dog (even if all in the same room). The other, if the dog has attached to you more than them, is the simply fact the dog has attached itself to you, why not them?


He has a hobby on the side so spends a lot of time doing that in the evenings which is why I therefore spend more time with her in the evenings. I would love for him to come spend more time with us but hes really into this hobby so I don't mind that he prefers to do that sometimes. The fact that I work less means I take her on longer walks and we spend more time together but I can tell when hes home she loves playing with him too.

I might try taking her into the office tomorrow. I've been really scared to do this as there are other dogs there and shes quite reactive on the lead when she sees other dogs but maybe I can just try and keep her away from them. I have my own room so when the door is shut it should be ok. Any tips for this?


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Sweety said:


> Well, I think you need to do some straight talking to your Partner.
> 
> You rescued this dog together and she is a joint responsibility. Him deciding now that he doesn't want to be bothered is bad enough, but making you feel bad for trying is totally unacceptable, in my opinion.
> 
> Stand up for yourself and your dog. If you want to keep her, make the best arrangements you can for her but don't be bullied by this selfish person.


Trust me, I have and its just led to arguments which I really don't want. Its really sh*t and awful if i'm being totally honest.

If I could find someone who owns a huge house with a massive garden and had lots of time to give her and was willing too I would feel ok about the decision.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

Is she crate trained ? If so you could try taking her crate to work zo she has her own safe comfortable relaxing space to hide out in away from other dogs. If not it might be worth doing some crate training. Have a look at Crate Games by Susan Garrett to make a crate the best place to be.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Let him have his hobby then. You can involve yourself with activities with your dog. Fly ball, therapy dog training, or some other kind of thing that gets you both out and active together. and keeps her stimulated in the right way.

Animals aren't toys, to get and then get tired of and get rid of. Stick to your your dog. Men come and go. Your dog will love you forever.

You need to take a good long hard look at all your plans, too. New business, and master's degree all at once? How about one, then the other? Slow down, you've got time. You don't need to have it all this minute. Fact is, you already have the dog. Something else needs to take back seat. Not her.

Stop fantasizing about the perfect home for her. She's already in her home. She was one year old when you took her on? If you "rehome" her now, that would be her third home. 3 homes and not even two years old yet. Each time she gets dumped, her chances of being a happy healthy well adjusted dog drop even further.

Stand by your dog.


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## leashedForLife (Nov 1, 2009)

.
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if he's being that awful in arguments over the dog - which U adopted as a couple - & he's guilt-tripping U over "forcing" him to get a dog, i'd be looking to re-home the BF, & keeping my dog, IMO. Like @lorilu , I think a dog, horse, cat, parrot, etc, is a more long-term relationship than many human : human transactions, especially when the other party uses emotional blackmail to get what they want. That's a rotten tactic. 
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i'd second finding activities with supportive fellow dog-owners; a training club can be great for improving the dog's reaction to other dogs. The cost can be very affordable. 
.
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sharing Ur dog with someone who can't have a dog at home [allergies in the household, lease bans pets other than fish, etc] can be wonderful -just be sure U see them HANDLE her when she's overexcited / reactive / distracted, etc, before okaying any solo walks. U can always ask them to accompany U, or U accompany them, for an unspecified while, in case something really OTT happens & either of U need backup.
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if safe restraint / force-free handling when she reacts to other dogs is a worry, get any sturdy H-harness & fit it snugly on her, then clip the6-ft leash TO * HER * CHEST - not to the above-the-spine standard D-rings. If there's no metal ring on the chest straps, no worry; buy a LOCKING carabiner at any outdoors supply, run it under the intersection of both straps on her chest, & LOCK it. Then clip the leash to the carabiner, & go. 
to release her, unclip the LEASH & leave the locked carabiner on the harness; that prevents accidents when someone clips the lead to an un-locked carabiner, it falls off, & there goes the dog!... 
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.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

LFL has a good point when she says there are other people out there that can walk your dog that can handle a reactive dog. You are right to be concerned about this but if you spend some time looking, getting to know the person and teaching them what needs to be done for your dog and their and the walker's, safety it can be done.

The dog I walked was a hyperactive dog reactive collie. We managed just fine (though I had to get all my sensible helpful advice from here on how to handle him as his owners didn't have a clue !). 

Find a dog training club. You may well find there are people there that know someone who could help with walking your dog.

Upping the training, even fun tricks will tire your dog out faster than exercise will.

I agree with the others that if you really want to keep her you are going to have to find some more time somewhere to take care of her on your own. Tough decisions about which of your plans /projects need to be put on hold for a while or adjusted might need to be taken.

There are quite a few other members on pf who are the sole carers of their dogs and their partner has little interest or spends little to no time with them. They may be able to give some advice on how to manage or at least offer some reassurance and solidarity.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Someone near me was on the point of rehoming a dog as she thought she wasn't giving it the attention it needed but then managed to find a marvellous ''sharer'' like some people do with horses. The sharer walks it every day and will live in for the weekend if the owner wants to go away for a few days. It works well.


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## steveshanks (Feb 19, 2015)

I'm sorry if this comes across harsh but he isn't wanting to re-home the dog because he doesn't have time or is busy he wants to do it coz he can't be bothered anymore......We all have to work and have our time taken with responsible things like work and looking after family etc. but a hobby isn't one of them so he needs to step up and be responsible for this living creature he has taken into his house. Again sorry if this seems harsh but recently had a women discussing how she didn't have time for her dog then proceeded to discuss about 3 hours of tv she'd watched the night before, lets just say she isn't speaking to me now......And this was followed by a woman who works 16 hours and is married to a posty, yet gave up a gorgeous spaniel coz she didn't have time. So i'm on a downer with this type of thing at the moment.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

steveshanks said:


> I'm sorry if this comes across harsh but he isn't wanting to re-home the dog because he doesn't have time or is busy he wants to do it coz he can't be bothered anymore......We all have to work and have our time taken with responsible things like work and looking after family etc. but a hobby isn't one of them so he needs to step up and be responsible for this living creature he has taken into his house. Again sorry if this seems harsh but recently had a women discussing how she didn't have time for her dog then proceeded to discuss about 3 hours of tv she'd watched the night before, lets just say she isn't speaking to me now......And this was followed by a woman who works 16 hours and is married to a posty, yet gave up a gorgeous spaniel coz she didn't have time. So i'm on a downer with this type of thing at the moment.


@steveshanks: The thought occurred to me too...he's got tired of it, possibly; maybe the novelty has worn off. OP is in a very difficult position I think.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

She also needs training but


Calvine said:


> Someone near me was on the point of rehoming a dog as she thought she wasn't giving it the attention it needed but then managed to find a marvellous ''sharer'' like some people do with horses. The sharer walks it every day and will live in for the weekend if the owner wants to go away for a few days. It works well.


Do you know how I could go about doing this? Seems like it would be a good idea. Thank you


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Calvine said:


> @steveshanks: The thought occurred to me too...he's got tired of it, possibly; maybe the novelty has worn off. OP is in a very difficult position I think.


You're both probably right but thats not what he says to me, I've always been taught that you can't give up on a dog and I hate it when people do so, so to be put in this position is really really awful because I never ever thought I'd be one of them.


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## steveshanks (Feb 19, 2015)

Whats his hobby? is it something important.


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## 3dogs2cats (Aug 15, 2012)

I`m sorry you are been put in this situation, it must be causing you so much stress.. I know a number of people who are the sole carers for their dog, one I know even has to get someone in to feed and walk the dog when she is away but her husband at home, he really does absolutely nothing with the dog at all. However in these cases although not interested in the dog they do not resent it either. If your partner is saying he has no time for your dog but is not actually saying he no longer wants her at all then unfortunately what happens next is going to be down to you and how much you can manage to care for her with all your other commitments and work plans.

Of course he should take responsibility but you can`t enforce that and right now trying to do so is causing rows and resentment. I think you need to really explore all the options given here and presume for the near future at least you are going to be the sole carer for her. Unfair as that may be it does seem likely that is the reality you are facing.
Best of luck I do feel for you.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Have you heard of 'Borrow My Doggie' ? It's a network of dog owners and dog lovers, you can match yourself with someone local who can walk your dog , dog sit, whatever you want basically.

https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

I have put her on borrowmydoggy but shes such a handful that I would worry about her being left with someone as she can sometimes be reactive. 

I bought her in to the office this morning and she was ok but then as other people arrived she started barking at every noise she heard so in the end I had to take her home as security told me off.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

Re finding a sharer I would speak to your local vets surgery and see if they can put the word out. 

Just make sure you spend time getting to know the person, get a reference from their vet is a good idea and make sure they are happy to follow your instructions. 

If I lived near you I would be more than happy to have a an arrangement like this. 

Also consider there may be someone who is at home during the day and whilst they may not be able to take her out might be more than happy to play ball or other games with her.

Borrow my Doggy is also an option.

If you have a local college that does animal management, dog courses etc there may be some students there that would be interested too. 

I think first you need to find out whether your partner is willing to go along with the plan that you take full responsibility for the dog. If this issue is more complex than this then getting someone to share or help you put won't work.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

You would need to get someone experienced, most borroweres have been dog owners, and introduce them gradually until you felt confident. You obviously need some help so may have to compromise a bit.


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## Laney_Lemons (Mar 23, 2016)

I am so sorry this is happening to you, you must be under a great amount of stress and very hurt and disappointed with your OH and the situation he has left you in. 

I am a great believer in once getting a dog, they are with you for life, through thick and thin and you cant just re-home when it is not convenient anymore and cant be bothered. I understand this is not what you want and are trying to find a solution so well done for coming on here. 
Is your OH taking absolutely nothing to do with him anymore, i.e. feeding / walking / toilet trips/ vets etc? 

Do yous have any family close by to help you? 

What about dog day care even for 1 day a week? or walk in morning & even nip home at lunch to take him a quick walk?

What times do you work? 

Sorry if i sound nosy just trying to get a picture of your lifestyle


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

How is she reactive OP ? 

The collie I walked was a gobby whirling dervish when he saw other dogs and had very little training. We did OK once I learnt what to do. I agree that finding the right person who is sensible and listens to you and implements things the way you tell them to might be hard but there are sure to be people out there. Half of pf it seems have reactive dogs  so people do exist that are OK.

Have a chat with your local vet and dog training school (if they use positive reinforcement techniques) and see if they can recommend anyone. There are people that are between dogs or are currently not in a position to get another dog that might miss the walks and doggy hugs who might like to help out.

Who knows over time your OH might actually decide owning a dog is actually a good thing and come round to taking a bigger role.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Lola90 said:


> She also needs training but
> 
> Do you know how I could go about doing this? Seems like it would be a good idea. Thank you


@Lola90: in the example I quoted, neighbour literally saw an ad in a shop window. Someone posting saying they were recently widowed and dog recently died and desperately wanted a ''walking companion'' having been used to going out each day ... they met up, she was introduced to the dog and went on a few accompanied walks until owner was happy she could cope (she was well able to) and it has continued from there.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Elaine2016 said:


> I am so sorry this is happening to you, you must be under a great amount of stress and very hurt and disappointed with your OH and the situation he has left you in.
> 
> I am a great believer in once getting a dog, they are with you for life, through thick and thin and you cant just re-home when it is not convenient anymore and cant be bothered. I understand this is not what you want and are trying to find a solution so well done for coming on here.
> Is your OH taking absolutely nothing to do with him anymore, i.e. feeding / walking / toilet trips/ vets etc?
> ...


He's actually leaving work early today to make sure he is in this afternoon while i am at the office. My family all live about 5 hours away and have their own issues going on so wouldn't be able to come stay or help out at the moment. I've spoken with my dad about this and he said he would love to take her but he just can't. I work part time so its a different rota all the time  and on either side I go into the office but haven't been able to do that the past couple of weeks.

He is a little but it has come to the point where it feels like its me and her and then him on his own who doesn't want to spend time with us.

I think I will contact my vet about sharing and the idea of college/uni is quite good so i will contact them too. I work quite far from home so wouldn't be able to nip home to walk her at lunch but I take her out super early in the morning and evening when I've been at work. 
If he is at home for the day and she is too then sometimes he doesn't take her out or if he does then something will happen which will make him say he doesn't want her again and blows up into another argument. I'm so tired of arguing about it. 
I know that if my parents were close they would help out but they aren't


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

So maybe if you can get someone to help and you can also work on her reactivity then if she becomes an "easier" dog in his eyes he might me more interested in interacting /walking her.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

What is she reactive to OP. Is he scared or just excitable and a frustrated greeter. Is she reactive to both digs and humans ?


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

Lola90 said:


> He has a hobby on the side so spends a lot of time doing that in the evenings which is why I therefore spend more time with her in the evenings. I would love for him to come spend more time with us but hes really into this hobby so I don't mind that he prefers to do that sometimes. The fact that I work less means I take her on longer walks and we spend more time together but I can tell when hes home she loves playing with him too.
> 
> I might try taking her into the office tomorrow. I've been really scared to do this as there are other dogs there and shes quite reactive on the lead when she sees other dogs but maybe I can just try and keep her away from them. I have my own room so when the door is shut it should be ok. Any tips for this?





kittih said:


> Is she crate trained ? If so you could try taking her crate to work zo she has her own safe comfortable relaxing space to hide out in away from other dogs. If not it might be worth doing some crate training. Have a look at Crate Games by Susan Garrett to make a crate the best place to be.





Lola90 said:


> She also needs training but
> 
> Do you know how I could go about doing this? Seems like it would be a good idea. Thank you


Try setting up a crate in the office and have her go in there with a stuffed kong to chew on. To address the barking, you could teach her a 'quiet' command as well. You could do this with a clicker at first which makes it easier to mark the behaviour you want. To start with do this at home so you can control the environment (maybe step things up with a noise CD containing barking dogs or people noise) you may have to encourage her to bark by teaching a speak command, then give the quiet command. When she's quiet instantly click and treat.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

kittih said:


> What is she reactive to OP. Is he scared or just excitable and a frustrated greeter. Is she reactive to both digs and humans ?


She is lead reactive to other dogs - barks, lunges, growls, gets up on her back legs. But off the lead she just wants to play.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Wiz201 said:


> Try setting up a crate in the office and have her go in there with a stuffed kong to chew on. To address the barking, you could teach her a 'quiet' command as well. You could do this with a clicker at first which makes it easier to mark the behaviour you want. To start with do this at home so you can control the environment (maybe step things up with a noise CD containing barking dogs or people noise) you may have to encourage her to bark by teaching a speak command, then give the quiet command. When she's quiet instantly click and treat.


I would have to train her barking at home first because there is no way I can bring her back here if she continues her barking. I would need to teach her the quiet command first. We have a kong but if she hears a noise she will still bark so really really need to stop this.


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## kittih (Jan 19, 2014)

OP if you pop another post on the forum Re the lead reactivity I am sure you will get lots of helpful advice about how to help her with this. 

Perhaps if you can work on getting her reactivity to be less severe your OH might decide having a dog is OK after all .


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## Laney_Lemons (Mar 23, 2016)

what about getting a behaviorist out to try and help? it might be worth the money in the long run 

If she becomes a calmer dog in the house and then training her to chill in the office it might help the stress levels for both you and your OH 

Dogs do put a strain on relationships, my daily txts everyday if its not 'what do u want for dinner' is 'have you fed the dog, have you walked the dog, are you about for the dog today' without help I would struggle, 

What about even giving the rescue you got her from a quick ring .. they might support available and even dog walkers that would be able to help you


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

It sounds to me like she could benefit from some training to stop her lead reactivity and stop barking anyway, so if you can deal with that, taking her to the office sometimes could be an option.

Perhaps she gets too much exercise so what you have is a super fit dog that can't settle? 

As she can be left happily now for around 5 hours, perhaps she can be built up to fit round your work hours? My lurcher happily snoozes most of the day, even if I'm here, and I sometimes have to force him out to the garden for a wee! 

If you got her from a rescue, ask if they can help - maybe volunteer walkers would help out for a donation to the rescue? (Someone I know is thinking of doing this and the proceeds to go to the horse sanctuary she volunteers at.)

If you live near a Greyhound Walk, maybe you could make connections with other owners? 

You have the dog, so IMO your plans need to accommodate her - sorry if that sounds harsh, but she deserves it 

Exclude the OH from the arrangements for the dog, so you know she is catered for, irrespective of what mood he happens to be in on any given day. Maybe the dog isn't really his issue?


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## Muttly (Oct 1, 2014)

Lola90 said:


> Trust me, I have and its just led to arguments which I really don't want. Its really sh*t and awful if i'm being totally honest.
> 
> If I could find someone who owns a huge house with a massive garden and had lots of time to give her and was willing too I would feel ok about the decision.


Really? So as long as you can find someone with a big house and garden, you would be ok with giving her up??

I think you need to man up and tell your partner that she is staying and you both take some responsibility. Yes dogs sometimes do take to one more than the other and not nessecarily the one home more with the dog.
For whatever reason she bonded to you more and I hope you can get taking her to your office work for you.

If he is happy off doing his hobby then great! I wish my OH had a hobby. I am Muttly's sole carer, yet I am at work full time while OH works from home and does the bare minimum for Muttly. That's fine with me, but he is massively jealous of the time I dedicate to Muttly. 
Meh.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

@Muttly: This is likely not awfully relevant to your post, but anyway: a while back, my neighbour told me she was going up to Glasgow with the girls for half term, husband was very busy at work and would not be back until really late. Could I take the dog out at some point during the day. Yep, I agreed to and on the Monday went along there; I was surprised to see the lights were on, even more surprised that the door was not locked. Imagine my shock when I waltzed in to be confronted by husband sitting at the table working on his laptop. He was working from home...and continued to do so every day but did not once offer to take the dog out. He was saving two hours a day by not travelling to the City every day, and I imagine he took a break for lunch but it was obvious that the dog was the wife's responsibility, even when she was away.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Lurcherlad said:


> Exclude the OH from the arrangements for the dog, so you know she is catered for, irrespective of what mood he happens to be in on any given day.


Right @Lurcherlad: or (in other words): if you want something done, be prepared to do it yourself...if you do then unexpectedly receive help/support, it's a bonus.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Lurcherlad said:


> It sounds to me like she could benefit from some training to stop her lead reactivity and stop barking anyway, so if you can deal with that, taking her to the office sometimes could be an option.
> 
> Perhaps she gets too much exercise so what you have is a super fit dog that can't settle?
> 
> ...


Thank you, some really good advice here. It doesn't sound harsh at all, its exactly what I've always thought about people who are in my situation but this time I'm in their position which doesn't feel great. :/

To be honest, (and i know that it was OUR decision to get her) but I also kind of wish the rescue had been better when we adopted her. I was obviously very happy to get her but there was no real checking. They asked us a couple of questions and that was it. There was no home visit, no trial, no walking her first. When I think about it now, its crazy! Theres another shelter down the road who do a house check, a day trial at the centre then a 2 week trial with the dog etc etc etc.

Anyway, thats not the point. I think I'm going to buy a clicker tonight and see if I can do something about the barking.

I doubt the rescue would help as I called them a few months back when I was having some difficulties and they couldn't help me.

Feeling more positive as we've had a chat and he said we won't rehome her and that he doesn't want to but he I think he's feeling bad because he doesn't have the time to look after her as much. Its made me feel better because at least I know we aren't going to go down that route. We just need to figure out a plan where she is getting enough exercise and we can train her together.

Feeling more positive tonight!


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Muttly said:


> Really? So as long as you can find someone with a big house and garden, you would be ok with giving her up??
> 
> I think you need to man up and tell your partner that she is staying and you both take some responsibility. Yes dogs sometimes do take to one more than the other and not nessecarily the one home more with the dog.
> For whatever reason she bonded to you more and I hope you can get taking her to your office work for you.
> ...


Thanks for your words but nothing that you have said here is helpful - only judgemental and making me feel even worse about the situation. What I was asking for was advice and seeking help from people. Its probably best that you don't comment on posts like this unless you're going to offer some words of help and advice like the others have.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Lola90 said:


> There was no home visit, no trial, no walking her first.


@Lola90: It's a pity, tbh, and I am surprised there was no home visit at least. But you must bear in mind that many small private rescues depend almost entirely on volunteers who willingly and freely give of their time and their own money to help needy animals; many work full-time. They do the best they can. Most private rescues are stretched to the absolute limit, not just financially, but crying out for volunteers to foster and do home checks. I do know this from when I fostered cats. And it gets worse about now when they are inundated with females (cats and dogs, both) about to give birth.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Lola90 said:


> only judgemental and making me feel even worse about the situation


I think your comment is unbelievably unfair, @Lola90: most of the comments were genuinely trying to help and I would have thought that many were helpful. I really give up now, truly I do...I'm out.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

Calvine said:


> I think your comment is unbelievably unfair, @Lola90: most of the comments were genuinely trying to help and I would have thought that many were helpful. I really give up now, truly I do...I'm out.


@Calvine - that was only a reply to @Muttly , not you.

The other posts are welcomed and have been very helpful.


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## Muttly (Oct 1, 2014)

Calvine said:


> @Muttly: This is likely not awfully relevant to your post, but anyway: a while back, my neighbour told me she was going up to Glasgow with the girls for half term, husband was very busy at work and would not be back until really late. Could I take the dog out at some point during the day. Yep, I agreed to and on the Monday went along there; I was surprised to see the lights were on, even more surprised that the door was not locked. Imagine my shock when I waltzed in to be confronted by husband sitting at the table working on his laptop. He was working from home...and continued to do so every day but did not once offer to take the dog out. He was saving two hours a day by not travelling to the City every day, and I imagine he took a break for lunch but it was obvious that the dog was the wife's responsibility, even when she was away.


That's quite shocking! Even if he walked the dog around the streets for half hour, not a lot to ask really, christ 
To be fair to my OH, he will step up if needed. I hurt my arm and was off work for a week, he walked Muttly for a couple of days I was in loads of pain, then I came out on walks, but he held the lead. I also went away for 2 days to my sister's wedding and he looked after and walked him. But man was I checking in constantly lol


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## Muttly (Oct 1, 2014)

Lola90 said:


> Thanks for your words but nothing that you have said here is helpful - only judgemental and making me feel even worse about the situation. What I was asking for was advice and seeking help from people. Its probably best that you don't comment on posts like this unless you're going to offer some words of help and advice like the others have.


Sorry Lola, I wasn't actually trying to be judgemental.
I was kinda using a tough love approach. 
Like I had to do at home as I had/have a similar situation. Our situation is much better now that my OH accepts that it is what is is with Muttly and noone is changing that.

Never mind.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

We've had a chat and all is ok now. She is staying with us. He explained that he was feeling guilty because he doesn't have enough time for her and worries she doesn't always get the exercise she needs. However, she is happy with us and thats the main thing. We need to get some schedules and routines together etc and need to fit some training in but she is a good dog (despite her reactive behaviour sometimes). 

Any tips on stopping dogs from jumping up? She doesn't do it all the time but it really needs to stop because its not good for when we've got guests. Sometimes when we are in the park she will run over to someone and if they bend down to pet her, she sees that as a queue to jump on them and lick them! So need to get this to stop I think!


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

I'm glad you have sorted it all out. I'm sure she will be just as happy with you, her family, even if occasionally she gets a bit less walking/training/attention than you would like. Nothing is perfect, after all. 

Out in public you need to maybe keep her on a harness and long line while you strengthen her recall. She shouldn't be running up to strangers. Also, be very firm with people not to pet her unless all four paws are on the ground. IME people often don't help and say "oh, I don't mind" etc. but the dog needs consistency so it's up to you to be in charge! 

At home, you can leash her when visitors come and give her time to settle before being allowed to greet them. If she gets ignored when being silly, and fussed when calm she will eventually get it. Teaching a Stay will also help.

Look at positively.com for some training tips.


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## Lola90 (Oct 24, 2016)

I think its hard because people say dogs need 2/3hours walking a day and sometimes we don't have time for that but we always have a play in the garden and a 45minute walk at least. 

I'd say its 80% of the time her recall is great, its not very often that it happens. Its like she gets this confidence from somewhere after we've been out for a while and will fancy her chances. But yes, I'll get a long line to go with the harness we have for her. 

Thanks for the advice


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Lola90 said:


> I think its hard because people say dogs need 2/3hours walking a day and sometimes we don't have time for that but we always have a play in the garden and a 45minute walk at least.
> 
> I'd say its 80% of the time her recall is great, its not very often that it happens. Its like she gets this confidence from somewhere after we've been out for a while and will fancy her chances. But yes, I'll get a long line to go with the harness we have for her.
> 
> Thanks for the advice


She doesn't need 2/3 hours walking a day.

You can walk a dog too much and end up with a super athelete who can't switch off and relax.

Glad you've managed to sort this out.


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## bowwowwoof (Jan 27, 2017)

A 45 minute walk and a play will be absolutely fine for most dogs.


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## Laney_Lemons (Mar 23, 2016)

Some days my dog could get 2 hours walking and the next it could be only a quick 20 mins scoot around the park .. 45 min walk and play is perfect  defo doesn't require hours each day.
start teaching him to settle at night as well , I'm currently doing this.. Walk / play and it's rest and sleep time while I watch my scandal or grey anatomy .. We totally ignore him and tell himself settle and he soon gets the picture 

I'm so glad everything is working out, I think and we have all been here he just took a bit of a wobble and lashed out.. Keep talking and communicating ..i went from care free 20 something last year with no commitments to a pup and it was bloody hard and still now we argue but they are worth it


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## Laney_Lemons (Mar 23, 2016)

P.s I do think we need to see a photo ....


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