# I don't like my puppy



## Oki1234 (Nov 19, 2015)

We've had our puppy for two weeks so he is nearly 11 weeks old. People told me I'd be 'hit by love' but that really hasn't happened. He's cute when he's being good but I don't feel anything more for him than I do for a cute dog I see in the park. And now today he's started jumping up and growling/lunging at me with his mouth open and I'm actually scared of him. 

I can't imagine feeling about him how other people feel about their dogs. Will it ever come? Otherwise the next 12-15 years are going to be hard.


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## FrenchieCarla (Oct 13, 2015)

Why get a puppy in the 1st place then?


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## Oki1234 (Nov 19, 2015)

My partner wanted one. I thought I'd learn to love him like other people do but I don't see how that will happen.


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## Sarah1983 (Nov 2, 2011)

Lots of people don't like puppies. Lots get a puppy then struggle with the land shark they seem to have acquired. Most do end up bonding with the pup, some don't.

What do you actually do with the pup? It takes work to create the bond, it doesn't just happen for the most part.


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

FrenchieCarla said:


> Why get a puppy in the 1st place then?


Erm, that really isn't helpful! 

@Oki1234 what you're feeling is very natural and what is termed as the 'puppy blues'. I was in tears the first few weeks after bringing my youngest home and it took many months before I felt real love for him. Up until then I only liked him, but didn't feel an emotional connection to him. He was a much longed for puppy so I was surprised by my reaction to be honest.

Puppies are a real shock to the system and much like having a newborn, in the sense your whole routine is up in the air and you can suffer from sleepless nights and general anxiety. Mouthing, nipping, and general puppy OTT behaviour are all normal behaviours and are not signs of aggression so I wouldn't worry that he's being nasty or out of control etc. Usually redirection and time-outs work pretty well, but I'm afraid it is something you have to stick with and be patient about, and can last some months. Some pups are worse than others for this. Do you crate train him?

Things that you an do to help improve your bond are short training sessions throughout the day ( this will also help with excess energy ) and the thing I found really helped me was establishing a routine as quickly as possibly. Once our days were more planned out, the more I felt myself relax and enjoy my puppy.

Have you got him signed up for puppy training classes at all?


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## Jackien4 (May 16, 2015)

Hopefully you will grow to love him. It might be because puppy's can be hard work . But once he gets trained and he will become part of the family. As dogs get older they quieten down. And seem to lay around more . And they can be funny and good company too


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## Katalyst (Aug 11, 2015)

How does your partner feel about him? Does he help out much with him? 
Out of interest, did you go and pick the puppy together? How did you feel about him then? 
What is puppies name? Are there any occassions you enjoy his company? E.g when playing ball/doing brain training/playing tug of war with a toy/sitting on the sofa and cuddling? Basically is there any thing you can build on anywhere?


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

Puppies are hard work and they need to have cute faces as they are demons that turn your life upside down, rob you of sleep and pee all over your house, I'm sure you will possibly build up a bond if *you* want to.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Puppies can be very hard work and tiring and can really test your patience.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to bond with a pup and it definitely does take time.

The behaviour you're describing, the jumping at you and biting, isn't aggression, it's perfectly normal 'mouthing' and all pups do it.

What breed is this pup and is your Partner helping out?


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## tinaK (Jun 12, 2010)

FrenchieCarla said:


> Why get a puppy in the 1st place then?


Not an helpful response


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

FrenchieCarla said:


> Why get a puppy in the 1st place then?


This is not helpful.

Some people can be overwhelmed by a puppy and need support.


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## FrenchieCarla (Oct 13, 2015)

Dogloverlou said:


> Erm, that really isn't helpful!


Was simply asking a question so calm down love. At least now we know it's her partners dog eh


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

FrenchieCarla said:


> Was simply asking a question so calm down love. At least now we know it's her partners dog eh


Hopefully that will help with the advice you're going to offer, it's all probably very helpful and as constructive as @Dogloverlou 's comprehensive one. Looking forward to reading what you have to say.

I felt much the same with our rescue dog as @Oki1234 and I can't offer much more than what has been suggested. Keep talking to the group, so many of us have been through this, my grand had 12 puppies and it's hard to feel loved with the little critters thinking your hands are sausages but it will get better. I found it helped to keep a diary of the things we did together with photos. I started to see the small steps and the fun. I also agree with puppy training, if only because you'll meet others who are feeling the same and you can share support. I go to a sociability class with @Dogloverlou and @Dimwit and it often feels like good therapy with tea, biscuits and mardy dogs!


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

FrenchieCarla said:


> Was simply asking a question so calm down love. At least now we know it's her partners dog eh


So, what do you suggest?


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

I have never been 'hit with love' with any of mine instantly. I think they are cute, gorgeous, sweet etc in the way that puppies tend to be, but the actual bond bit comes later with time as you grow and learn together.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

I've had a number dogs over the years all from puppies, so you would think I would be prepared. Yes she was a gorgeous little pup, but oh boy was she hard work at first. I was always glad to go to bed at night to get away from her for a few hours. 
Time passed, she stopped biting me and being a nightmare and I started to fall in love. 
It does take time especially when they get to the nippy stage and it does feel awful, but it does get better and I do hope you become more reconciled to your pup


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

Siskin said:


> I've had a number dogs over the years all from puppies, so you would think I would be prepared. Yes she was a gorgeous little pup, but oh boy was she hard work at first. I was always glad to go to bed at night to get away from her for a few hours.
> Time passed, she stopped biting me and being a nightmare and I started to fall in love.
> It does take time especially when they get to the nippy stage and it does feel awful, but it does get better and I do hope you become more reconciled to your pup


I sometimes still feel happy to get to bed....and peace for the night!


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

OP as others have already said not everyone falls instantly in love with a new pup/dog. I don't actually like puppies very much and hope I never have another one, much prefer the adult version as I find all the messing about waiting until they can go for decent walks etc frustrating. I've only had one I really didn't bond with for some months though and that was my fault for getting him too soon after my previous dog died and then comparing him to the previous dog all the time. Luckily a friend gave me a talking to and I started to concentrate more on doing things with him and enjoying training him. Then the bond and love just came.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

How sad that one person is trying their hardest to derail this thread especially as I said in another thread that I thought other posters had handled this well, which they still are.
To the OP. Apologies for someone who is being deliberately provocative. Please continue to post and we will help and support you the best we can.


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## Colette (Jan 2, 2010)

Horace is my dream puppy, my one and only life goal. Many people on here know how much I love the breed, how desperately he was wanted, and how much I adored him even before I knew which pup would be mine.

But a couple of weeks into having him and I was really struggling. Puppy blues hit me like a train. I was constantly stressed and on edge, he was definitely not an easy puppy and I was so worried that we didn't have a bond and maybe never would. Fortunately the feeling doesn't last - puppy blues and the general culture shock is very common and most people come through it just fine.

I do think its a twofold issue. For one thing pups can be hugely stressful. The lack of sleep, loss of freedom and constant vigilance are very wearing! Puppies do some awful things, messy, painful, destructive things. They are extremely hard work.
At the same time, while its possible to have 'love at first sight' I think a real bond takes time. You and pup need time to get to know eachother, to trust eachother, to just be together. 

My suggestions are pretty much the same as everyone else's. Try to relax, do what you need to do to look after yourself and keep your stress levels in check. Remember the crazy bit doesn't last forever!
Where pup is concerned try to do stuff together -cuddles, play, fun training etc. And keep note of all the good stuff, focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Every new cue learned, every pee outside, every cute face or funny behaviour.

And don't be too hard on either of you


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## melannie (Sep 4, 2015)

Oki1234 said:


> We've had our puppy for two weeks so he is nearly 11 weeks old. People told me I'd be 'hit by love' but that really hasn't happened. He's cute when he's being good but I don't feel anything more for him than I do for a cute dog I see in the park. And now today he's started jumping up and growling/lunging at me with his mouth open and I'm actually scared of him.
> 
> I can't imagine feeling about him how other people feel about their dogs. Will it ever come? Otherwise the next 12-15 years are going to be hard.


@Oki1234 , if your still viewing your thread here, let me tell you that I have been in your shoes plenty times and right now after having a pup for nearly 9 months it really doesn't seem to get much better, certain things do and some things don't, I guess a lot of it is down to which breed the dog is and their natural behaviour, but yes most pups/juniors act like crazed little things at least some of the time.

I am still at my wits end with the barking/growling like a mad dog and giving little cheeky nips etc, sometimes enough to break the skin, but I know and understand all these things are him trying to get some attention or played with or his chest scratched or maybe slightly stressed and needing took out etc, but I fully understand you in that you say "*I don't like my puppy*".

As for the odd person on websites that quickly turn around and say things like you shouldn't have bought the dog or even get rid of it etc, just ignore them as that is just out of order in my eyes, it is you and your dog that matter at the end of the day, no one else's, they are just stupid saying things like that and will only make you feel even worse, ignore anyone like that.

Your dog is going to be a bit of a long hard slog I have to say, if you can just try and remain as calm as you can possibly be and just go from day to day you will eventually get somewhere, also to have a lot of patience is of great importance too because it does wear you down, as I said, I am going through the same thing and its nearly 9 months, your only at 11 weeks.

All you can really do that I found quite useful was read read read lots and lots of websites such as this one and the rest and also another very good thing is Youtube, for basically every single problem you may be having there will be lots of great videos suggesting ways to help train the dog, the sooner you start the easier it will get, but you will find that you need to keep at it all the time as much as you can, you will get there in the end if your willing to try, if not then the dog wont be able to train himself, he needs your guidance as he see's you as the pack leader and you need to stand up to that roll being the pack leader, even though mines is still extremely *boisterous *he knows that I am the boss, but it still doesn't stop him chancing his luck, LOL

I fully sympathise with you, I really do, mines is bad, yours may be worse, I don't know but all of them are pretty much the same as far as I know.

I know it feels like a never ending nightmare, it really does, I know, you can only try, that's all, don't beat yourself up about it, I did, I still do every day, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel too and I also love the times when my dog is nice and calm/cute and acting great and funny etc, and then he will start up again with the same old barking/nipping/jumping and all that stuff and I think arghhhhh :Banghead is this ever going to end, lol, I just take each day at a time and try and learn myself to learn the dog, as I say, he wont learn himself, but, and this is a huge but, if you just cant take any more then yes you can always give the dog up but I personally feel that at the age of 11 weeks you are way to early to be thinking like that, try and focus on positives rather than negatives, it will be hard, that is for sure, it is hard, but you will win the battle and the dog will be excellent, if you have the patience you will see, I am sorry I cant be of much help but I only wanted to say you have my full sympathy. :Angelic

p.s, I have no idea if your interested in dog training classes, you should be able to get one quite close to you that you can attend regularly, some are very cheap, some are very expensive, depends of what money your willing to pay, you may even find a free one, could call citizens advice and ask if they know some, if you have enough money you could even get private training too (they even come out to your own house if preferred ), that's another option.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

I am sorry to hear you're still struggling @melannie , I am sure that some of the advice on here will be useful to you as well.

@Oki1234 if you would like to post your rough location or county then someone might be able to recommend a trainer for you. Alternatively there is a sticky in the training and behaviour thread that gives advice on how to find someone who is part of various accredited groups. Avoid anyone who recommends cruelty, dominance, pack theory or tries to put a shock collar on your dog. I am sure it won't take long but do rope in your partner, dogs are a shared responsibility, if you can keep the diary together, train together you have the added benefit that you'll be consistent with your pup. If you are tired, take a few turns for lie ins and early nights as well. Oh and crate training is good too, there's a few threads on that lurking around here too and I think the poster called smokeybear has published some links to resources for that along with lots of other pearls of wisdom.

And also speaking about it on here, joining PF should help too. It's a very brave admission. I found PF about the same time I found a brilliant, life changing trainer and have had so much support here.

Do post some photos and introduce your pup when you're ready. Take good care of you.


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

Oki1234 said:


> We've had our puppy for two weeks so he is nearly 11 weeks old. People told me I'd be 'hit by love' but that really hasn't happened. He's cute when he's being good but I don't feel anything more for him than I do for a cute dog I see in the park. And now today he's started jumping up and growling/lunging at me with his mouth open and I'm actually scared of him.
> 
> I can't imagine feeling about him how other people feel about their dogs. Will it ever come? Otherwise the next 12-15 years are going to be hard.


Many people in this forum have felt the same as you, its overwhelming, scary, tiring your life is turned upside down but it does get better, plenty of people on here know exactly how you are feeling.

@FrenchieCarla I can only hope you find having a pup plain sailing because even those who couldn't wait to get their puppies home, who loved them whole heartedly before they got the home, found themselves struggling and doubting their feelings and decision to get a puppy a few weeks in, and even those with vaste experience in having pups have had those puppy blues with at least one of their dogs.. There by the grace of God and all that. ...


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## Oki1234 (Nov 19, 2015)

Hi everyone, 

Thanks so much for all your encouraging responses. To be honest I wrote that message after two solid hours of jumping, biting, generally being round the twist and it really was post that message or post a message asking someone to take him away from me! But he's chilled out now. 

Yes, chose him with my partner. She adores him, I've never seen her happier. This is why I will persist whatever else happens. He's not a bad dog - a labradoodle so not exactly a ferocious breed - just full of beans. I guess the two things I'm worried about are:

1) This natural feeling of adoring dogs that people seem to have. I've never had a dog before, but just assumed it would be the same for me once he arrived. Like when people have babies and they just love them instantly! I'm worried that maybe I'm not a dog person. Maybe I just can't LOVE a dog. 

2) How long he will be so hyper for. I think I thought that come the evening we could sit and watch TV and he'd sit and doze by the fire or something. At the moment (I know it's early days) if we let him out of his pen in the evening he goes absolutely crazy, eating everything, chewing everything, clmbing up things etc. Have to follow him around the house taking things off him 100% of the time. Can't take your eyes off him for a second. So we end up putting him back in his pen after a while of blowing off energy. Maybe it will be better when we can take him for walks? (Hasn't had 12 week jabs yet)

Enrolled in puppy school - starting in two weeks. I just think the problem is more me than him!


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

At around sixteen weeks old, he'll begin changing his teeth. This only takes a few weeks and then, the biting will become a lot less.

Also, once he's had his vaccinations, you'll be able to walk him and he will be much calmer.

We have a Staffy pup right now. She's seven months old and the difference in her from when she was ten weeks old is huge.

Once your pup is older and you can get into a routine of walks, playtime and then time to relax, it will all fall into place.

Right now, you do need patience and remember, this is just puppyhood, it doesn't last forever.


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

Oki1234 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> Thanks so much for all your encouraging responses. To be honest I wrote that message after two solid hours of jumping, biting, generally being round the twist and it really was post that message or post a message asking someone to take him away from me! But he's chilled out now.
> 
> ...


I think a lot of people feel the same about their babies in that often it isn't instant love but it's hugely taboo and many people won't say it out loud.

It will get immeasurably better once you can get out and about walking him but you will find it will come and go in waves, as once you've gotten over one horrible phase of behaviour they find another way to push your buttons but it honestly gets better once they are house trained and have passed through the land shark bit.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

I longed for a dog for 30 years, OH not so much ! Finally wore him down 3 years ago and got Tango, 9yo rescue Dachshund. I have to say the first few weeks were hard, constant puddles and poos on the carpet, raging separation anxiety, Terrified of everything and everyone. This forum was my lifeline and after a few weeks when I could see her responding to training, affection and healthy diet and excercise we were in love ! Trust me, you'll get there !


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## caju (Jan 3, 2015)

Oki1234 said:


> How long he will be so hyper for. I think I thought that come the evening we could sit and watch TV and he'd sit and doze by the fire or something. At the moment (I know it's early days) if we let him out of his pen in the evening he goes absolutely crazy, eating everything, chewing everything, clmbing up things etc. Have to follow him around the house taking things off him 100% of the time. Can't take your eyes off him for a second. So we end up putting him back in his pen after a while of blowing off energy. Maybe it will be better when we can take him for walks? (Hasn't had 12 week jabs yet)


Oh god, I remember that well. With my first puppy (previous dog had been a rescue) I kept thinking "dogs usually spend so much time asleep, what is wrong with this dog?", and it was so stressful having to CONSTANTLY find some way to occupy him. If he wasn't asleep, he needed full attention. Very difficult.

I wouldn't say I didn't feel love for him but he tested my patience to the very limit. Many times I found myself screaming "I wish we'd never got him", and then feeling guilty later when he curled up asleep on my lap.

One piece of advice I have is, try to remain calm and not to blame the dog. The puppy is like a baby, he doesn't know that what he's doing is wrong. You are the adult and you have to teach him how to behave, and that will take time. Trust me, he will calm down and he will learn to curl up by the fire in the evening and your feelings toward him will change. It just takes time.


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

Yes, once getting out and about you will find it perhaps easier. If you're not doing so already though, you can take him out and about in your arms or for short car journeys to help socialise him. You'll also find in the beginning this will mentally exhaust him which will help him settle on your return. 

Labradoodles are not exactly known for their calm behaviour to be honest, so you may find his energy levels are always high....especially if you over stimulate him. Puppy crazies at night are totally normal and its always when you want to settle down fir the evening and watch TV  You could try giving him a Kong to work at for times you wish him to be more settled. I freeze my youngster's so it takes longer


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## Hanlou (Oct 29, 2012)

Am with @Meezey and so many other replies...... Although I have to say there was that instant bond / love for my puppy Teddy (now 3 years old!) there was also a massive amount of self-doubt and lots and lots of "what have I done?! I can't do this!" moments too!

It really helped sharing puppy problems on here (there were a few of us with pups at about the same age) but I do remember Googling 'when will my puppy stop biting me?' quite a few times! 

As others have said, don't try and feel that you 'should' be feeling x, y and z..... Just give yourself time xx  xx

Oh - and pics please!


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## Sarahliz100 (Jan 5, 2014)

Normal - both your reaction and pups behaviour!

It was me that desperately wanted a dog, but even so I had "what have we done" moments when he was a pup. Their behaviour can be pretty horrid at times. You just have to accept its all normal puppy stuff, he's not a horrible dog, he's not doing it out of spite etc. I imagine that as you do more stuff together, particularly if you get involved with training etc a bond will form. He's not too young to start some basic training - using treats as rewards you can start on teaching some basic commands which is a good way to tire them out mentally, useful for the future, and a way to work on your bond. 

Dogs do often (but not always, some are proper live wires) settle by the fire while you watch TV - just not when they're puppies! My boy is now 2 and a half and it's probably only the last 6-12 months that he's learnt to just relax in the evening and we've been able to watch a film in peace. Prior to that he was a right nuisance. Our evenings and meal were disrupted for a long time as we spent time teaching him how we expected him to behave (lying quietly whilst we eat etc) but it's paid off in the long run and now we can enjoy a relaxing meal while the dog chills out on his bed or watch a film with the dog snoozing on the sofa or chewing on a chew toy.


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## tinaK (Jun 12, 2010)

When I got my dog Clover I was totally overwhelmed. I desperately wanted a dog, but puppies turn your life up side down.. a lot like new born human babies do. I remember on more then one occasion phoning my friend and begging her to "come and get this puppy as I can't cope" 
It does get easier as you do some basic training, play time, etc. i really didn't bond with Clover until she was 6 months old. Good luck, and remember what you're feeling and what your puppy is doing is normal


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## Sarah1983 (Nov 2, 2011)

Evening seems to be the time most puppies go a little bit mad lol, I wouldn't expect to be settling down watching tv with pup snoozing at your feet for a while yet. My last 2 dogs have been adolescents when I've taken them on so past the mad puppy stage and into the grotty teenage stage and I found a crate and a stuffed and frozen Kong worked a treat with Spen to give us time to just chill out without him pestering us. Over time he did learn to just chill out on his own and is fantastic now. If you go with a Kong don't start out with it too difficult though or pup will get frustrated and lose interest.


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## jamat (Jun 3, 2015)

I have to admit we got Alfie for my daughter who loves animals. I fell in love with him within days but my wife just couldn't.

It got to week four and I was on here asking for advice as we were so close to giving him away. My wife had puppy blues and I thus suffered wife blues.

My daughter was great through it all she got up at night to tend him but things had to change I couldn't let an 11 year old take the strain.

The advice here was great and within weeks we had a good solid routine set up that worked for all of us.

In a few weeks Alfie will be 1 and he's grown into himself and our hearts and my wife adours him. All because our routine has spread the strain of having a dog evenly over the three of us.

It will get better but it will take hard work. 

To tell you how much it has changed my wife has suggested we start looking for another one for my daughters 16th birthday in 5 years time


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

Not a puppy, but I really didnt like my dog very much AT ALL for probably the first year I had him. He was a Gobby , reactive ,humping , excessive energied :Inpain, PITA :Mooning and despite hundreds of pounds being spent noone seemed to be able to help me with him.......... However I DID love him, which helped me put on some big girl pants, and deal with him, manage him the best I could, find ways to make him more like the dog I had always wanted, which included nutrition, training, a reduction in physical exercise and management strategies. I would have LOVED to have had the option of having this boy from a pup, and being able to mold him into a GREAT dog.

I have now had the Uber wally dog coming up 5 years, he still can be a PITA - but its just a personality trait.  and I wouldnt really change the goofy eejit for the world.... mostly :Happy

If the pup is overwhelming, get some help, some support, go to training classes, learn how to redirect unwanted behaviour (I had a year old staff X jumping face height to bite the back of your arms!!!!!). Look at what you are feeding, look at how you are playing, read books, get the OH on side to help (I didnt have this cos my ex is a knob), find others in your area with dogs, seek them out for help. Oh and remember no matter what happens.............. its NOT the pups fault - never get angry


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

To be fair, Poodle crosses do seem to be like hyperactive chipmunks on speed, and they are pretty overwhelming.

I'm always going on about these toys, but they've helped us through nearly 6 years with our hideous little monster.
http://www.vetuk.co.uk/dog-toys-rubber-dog-toys-c-439_699/busy-buddy-chuckle-p-5536
http://www.vetuk.co.uk/dog-toys-rubber-dog-toys-c-439_699/busy-buddy-twist-n-treat-p-5533
http://www.vetuk.co.uk/dog-toys-rub...sy-buddy-kibble-nibble-dispensing-ball-p-5534
http://www.viovet.co.uk/Kong_Wobbler_Dog_Toy/c7171/


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## Rach&Miko (Oct 28, 2015)

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I adore and love Miko (11wks old and owned for 8days so far) and wouldn't be without him but the bond is different... Until I know implicitly he's not going to run off and will listen to me I don't think I'll have it.

I have my times when I want to throttle him for chewing the carpet up, peeing, biting us, just generally causing stress and the stress causing arguments but I know the hard work and perseverance will pay off and I'll have that bond and a best friend for as long as he will live.

My current lifesaver for a bit of peace and quiet is one of those huge dried bone things with meat and stuff on... I keep it in the 'extension' to stop it stinking the place out but god he loves its... £2.90 odd from Pets at Home but you can't put a price on being able to eat your dinner in peace lol xxx


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

Rach&Miko said:


> I can totally understand where you're coming from. I adore and love Miko (11wks old and owned for 8days so far) and wouldn't be without him but the bond is different... Until I know implicitly he's not going to run off and will listen to me I don't think I'll have it.
> 
> I have my times when I want to throttle him for chewing the carpet up, peeing, biting us, just generally causing stress and the stress causing arguments but I know the hard work and perseverance will pay off and I'll have that bond and a best friend for as long as he will live.
> 
> My current lifesaver for a bit of peace and quiet is one of those huge dried bone things with meat and stuff on... I keep it in the 'extension' to stop it stinking the place out but god he loves its... £2.90 odd from Pets at Home but you can't put a price on being able to eat your dinner in peace lol xxx


Please please please please do not feed those huge dried/ cooked bones, they splinter horribly and are really quite hazardous, especially if being fed unsupervised...... try a nice RAW knuckle bone instead


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## XemzX (Dec 23, 2013)

I cant give in any advice in regards to the stress of a puppy as we chose to skip the puppy stage and adopt an adult dog. One of the reasons being exactly what you are describing. Too hard work for us!  lol
But I can tell you a bit of our, in particular my partners, experience of taking on a dog as it sound very similar to yourself. For years I had wanted my own dog and this year we were finally able to. My lovely partner, like yourself, went along with it to please me. He has never had dogs but like yourself thought he would have a natural adoration of it. That wasn't to be, however. At first he really struggled. We have had our dog for about 3 months now and only recently, to my joy, has he started to fully bond with and become close to the dog. 
You will get there, it may just take time and a lot of patience. 
I shall also add, if your anything like my partner and went ahead with getting a puppy for your partner then shes lucky to have you as a partner. I know I am for having my guy.


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## XemzX (Dec 23, 2013)

Something else I will add too - the bloody dog now prefers my partner over me! Despite me wanting him forever, buying all his food, treats and toys, bragging about him on this forum!  I'm just happy though that my partner now has that connection and beginning of a bond with the dog.


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## Rach&Miko (Oct 28, 2015)

Lexiedhb said:


> Please please please please do not feed those huge dried/ cooked bones, they splinter horribly and are really quite hazardous, especially if being fed unsupervised...... try a nice RAW knuckle bone instead


Not unsupervised at all you misunderstand we are eating in the same place just not being climbed all over whilst doing so.

Sadly raw knuckle was not readily available when I was looking for it as it was a preference.


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

Rach&Miko said:


> Not unsupervised at all you misunderstand we are eating in the same place just not being climbed all over whilst doing so.
> 
> Sadly raw knuckle was not readily available when I was looking for it as it was a preference.


You'd need to go to a butchers for raw knuckle.... the cooked bones are never worth the risk IMO.


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

Morrisons sell some rather fabulous marrowbones in the meat section


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## Rach&Miko (Oct 28, 2015)

Thanks Gemmaa I'll check that out xxx


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## MiffyMoo (Sep 15, 2015)

I suspect more people have been in your shoes than you would expect. I haven't had puppies, but when I got Dexter from Battersea, despite having near enough stalked him for two months, as soon as I got him home I panicked. I knew that I was meant to love him, but in reality I was scared of this foreigner in my home. We had to learn to live together and learn each other's likes and dislikes. I feel lucky that I had a fully grown dog who had already been trained; you have to go through the training and the socialisation, so of course it will be daunting and will strike you more as hard work than the lovely picture you probably envisaged of lots of fluffy cuddles and playing in the garden.

You will start to bond (don't forget, it has only been a couple of weeks, which in the scheme of things, is the blink of an eye) and enjoy each other. Of course there will be tough times, but isn't there with everything that is worth it? 

Good luck!


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## colliemerles (Nov 2, 2007)

_I think after reading the replies, that a lot of people understand how you feel , some have had the same feelings, my young whippet was a nightmare puppy ,but as he reaches his first birthday he has calmed down and is actually a real pleasure to own now, but it was tough at times when he was young. We would love to see a picture of your pup, if he sits still long enough for you to take one._


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## Guest (Nov 20, 2015)

Rach&Miko said:


> I can totally understand where you're coming from. I adore and love Miko (11wks old and owned for 8days so far) and wouldn't be without him but the bond is different... Until I know implicitly he's not going to run off and will listen to me I don't think I'll have it.
> 
> I have my times when I want to throttle him for chewing the carpet up, peeing, biting us, just generally causing stress and the stress causing arguments but I know the hard work and perseverance will pay off and I'll have that bond and a best friend for as long as he will live.
> 
> My current lifesaver for a bit of peace and quiet is one of those huge dried bone things with meat and stuff on... I keep it in the 'extension' to stop it stinking the place out but god he loves its... £2.90 odd from Pets at Home but you can't put a price on being able to eat your dinner in peace lol xxx


Don't feed cooked bones whether you supervise or not. They are very very dangerous and if they splinter which they do you could be rushing to the vets to have a big bit that is stuck removed.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Another one who's had those "what have I done?" Moments. Milly was an adolescent rescue and the times I was just minutes away from picking up the phone to a rescue were incalculable, especially in the early days... Weeks .... Months... Lol.

Despite being a young dog, but past the puppy stage, Milly didn't have any training when I brought her home, and as I didn't have anyone to help me with her training, it was daunting, exhausting, frustrating hard work.

Fast forward 4 years and while she's still a monumental PITA at times she's also been a ray of sunshine in a bleak period of time for me and my family and has the ways and means to make me laugh... Whether she intends to be a clown,or just happens to be one is debatable lol.

Hang in there! What you're feeling is entirely normal, as you've found out from the majority of your replies. I still think of Milly as a pita at times, and yes, me trying to relax in front of the TV seems to be an invitation to Milly to misbehave or practice a.lurcher wall of death round the living room,  but I could no sooner rehome her than cut off my own arm.

As I tell myself many many times, yes, she's a PITA, but she's MY PITA, and I love her to the moon and back (well.... Back might be pushing it   ) despite her faults.


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

My What Have I Done moment lasted nearly two years with libby. I adopted her when she was 18 months and she has a knack for trouble , she was not housetrained and thought indoors was the toilet, , she ate my very expensive hearing aids because I didn't realise that she could fly from the sofa to the table , the postman sued me , ( I'm not blaming her for anything, only myself ) but I love that little dog so much sometimes I want to eat her .

There are books the Op can read about dogs , Puppy School and perfect puppy by gwen baily recommended by many people though I havent read them myself. .
I have How to handle living with your dog by Winkie Spiers and that is good a good book .


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## SingingWhippet (Feb 25, 2015)

To be honest I think it's probably more common to have the "puppy blues" than not, especially when it comes to first puppies. No matter how much you've read and researched nothing really prepares you for just how relentless it can be when your puppy is doing wall of death around the room for the umpteenth time and all you want to do is go to bed.

Two of our pups were reserved for us long before they were even born. We'd had two puppies previously, one from the same breeder, so we were as prepared as it was possible to be. We _still_ had those moments of thinking "What on earth have we done?! We've made a terrible mistake!!" :Joyful

I found it harder to bond with our most recent puppy than I had previously, partly because I'd actually fallen in love with another one in the litter who we couldn't have. I was gutted that we couldn't have her instead (we have a bitch who isn't keen on other bitches so there was no way we could have made it work) and it took me a while to get over her and to fall in love with the boy we did bring home. It happened though, these days I adore him just as much as our other dogs and I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever that we got him and not his sister.

Our youngest has just turned two years old and he's utterly fabulous now and we've got a lovely little doggy family going. It is so, so worth it once you get past the puppy horrors!!!


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## melannie (Sep 4, 2015)

well well well, mines just took a full scale hard bite out of my leg this morning before I could even get out the garden gate, he was on lead as usual because he would run if let off, anyway, he got his walk, done his things required and then home and back into the crate for him to cool down, doesnt rain but it pours eh, hmmmmmm.....9 months old date is very quickly approaching, I would say he is getting worse, much worse before getting better.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

SingingWhippet said:


> To be honest I think it's probably more common to have the "puppy blues" than not, especially when it comes to first puppies. No matter how much you've read and researched nothing really prepares you for just how relentless it can be


This is spot on for me. I had to wait 7 years before we were in the position to be able to get a pup, I read, I researched, I prepared and yet it was nothing like I expected it to be once she arrived. It was a major shock to the system.


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## Rott lover (Jan 2, 2015)

*A puppy Poem*

Don't smell crotches,
Don't eat plants.
Don't steal food or underpants.

Don't eat my socks,
Don't grab my hair...
DON'T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR!

Don't eat those peas!
Don't touch that bush!
Don't chew my shoes...
What IS that mush?

Eat your cookie,
Drink your drink,
Outta the toilet!
Outta the sink!

AWAY FROM THE CAT BOX,
IT'S FOR THE CAT!
(And MUST you kiss me after that???)

Yes, raising a puppy,
Is not for the lazy!
Though puppies are funny,
They're also crazy.
But don't despair,
Though toil and strife.
After 3 years, you'll get back your life!

So, let's go for "walkies",
You can "do your thing"
(And perhaps I'll get back my DIAMOND RING!)

Puppys are not easy and puppys are not fun.Puppys are lots of hard work.
But they grow up quick and become a dog and before you know it youve fallen in love


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

You've been given a lot of good advice. My dog died recently but when we got her 16 years ago, like you, I had never had a dog in my life before, only cats, but my OH had always had dogs and wanted one and, as I love most animals, I wasn't averse to having one. She was a rescue dog and wasn't really a puppy, she was about a year old, but being my first dog something quite alien for me to deal with. In time though as I grew to understand what dogs are all about, I grew to love her more than I can say and I now miss her immensely. I think when you've never had an animal before, its a bit daunting and takes longer to form a bond because you have to learn what dogs are all about and sometimes love takes a while but it will creep up on you one day. Your partner is obviously very relaxed with him and they've already formed a bond. You've only had him two weeks so he has to learn to understand you and you him. A puppy is double the work I would imagine, especially if he's only able to be active in the evening. Take him to training classes so he learns the right discipline. Don't lose heart, I'm sure things will work out and you will learn to love him as he grows, it may just take a little longer than you expected.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

It's great to hear from you again - bless you, I think a saint would be hard pushed not to be rowningrowning :Banghead after two hours. As you can tell you're perfectly human to not completely fall in love. You're human  If you don't immediately love the dog then don't worry too much. Pups are all teeth, poo and wee really and the adverts only show the cute one with the toilet roll being all cute.

I saw this link, scroll down and there's some puppy training videos that might help. Mental stimulation is as good as physical for make a dog tired. Maybe some can correct me but you might be able to let him into the garden on a long line for a potter? I'm sure a PF with more recent pup experience can tell you. Going out and doing things, putting a great training plan together will help to tire him out. As you progress maybe look at scent work which is really good at tiring dogs and it's fun for you all too.
https://www.youtube.com/user/kikopup


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

How are you getting on today @Oki1234 ?


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## Sacrechat (Feb 27, 2011)

I find it is the looking after/taking care of an animal's needs that helps to forge a bond of love between pet and human, it isn't something that necessarily happens instantly, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.


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## CavObsessed (Sep 19, 2015)

As everyone else has said, it's completely normal to feel this way. I have anxiety and get very, very stressed so having a puppy was a nightmare for me. He was 6 or 7 months old before I felt that real bond with him. He's 1 now, and I can't put into words how much I love him. I watch him sleeping in awe like a new parent does with their newborn! It was a different story when he was young, he drove me nuts and I couldn't wait to go out to meet friends or go to work to get some peace but I knew it was just a phase that would pass (although it feels never-ending at the time).

Doodles tend to be pretty hyper in my experience so if it's a super calm dog you are after then you may need to wait a while, but my dog certainly calmed down immensely from about 7 months onwards. He sleeps most of the day tbh, although I do still have to watch him occasionally for chewing. He is no bother at all though and has enriched my life so much, I honestly think the feelings will come in time. Training will help a lot, you will teach him things and when it clicks and he does what you ask it is the proudest feeling 

And guess what, we are getting another puppy in 3 weeks' time! So if I can do it TWICE, you can too! Our trainer said that you have the initial 'oh my god what have I done' when pup first comes home, then they improve slightly, then you go through the teenage months and think 'oh my god what have I done' all over again, and then when they're past that stage you will want another!


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## Oki1234 (Nov 19, 2015)

It's ok today I suppose. I know everything is just normal puppy behaviour...it's just it feels like one long never ending chore. Standing in the rain at the crack of dawn, picking up poo, chasing him around stopping him eating things. I'm just not seeing the reward for all this. Not at the moment anyway. I miss our old life.


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

Oki1234 said:


> It's ok today I suppose. I know everything is just normal puppy behaviour...it's just it feels like one long never ending chore. Standing in the rain at the crack of dawn, picking up poo, chasing him around stopping him eating things. I'm just not seeing the reward for all this. Not at the moment anyway. I miss our old life.


Yeah with pups it's very much a one sided relationship initially IMO. However, as the pup matures, begins to learn the routine and rules of your house and you begin bonding, you do start to reap the benefits of your hard work. The older a dog gets the more intense and developed that relationship becomes. My oldies are nearly 13 and 10 now and just so wise and full of life experience. And I love my youngster to bits too, but our relationship took longer to get there this time around.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Dogloverlou said:


> Yeah with pups it's very much a one sided relationship initially IMO. However, as the pup matures, begins to learn the routine and rules of your house and you begin bonding, you do start to reap the benefits of your hard work. The older a dog gets the more intense and developed that relationship becomes. My oldies are nearly 13 and 10 now and just so wise and full of life experience. And I love my youngster to bits too, but our relationship took longer to get there this time around.


Your relationship with Cash was so lovely to see the other week but yes, I remember your posts from the early days. It is hard work.

@Oki1234 I hope your partner is sharing the load and I hope the next two weeks before puppy training speeds past so you can get some 'real life' support.


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

MollySmith said:


> Your relationship with Cash was so lovely to see the other week but yes, I remember your posts from the early days. It is hard work.
> 
> @Oki1234 I hope your partner is sharing the load and I hope the next two weeks before puppy training speeds past so you can get some 'real life' support.


Aww, thank you that's very kind of you. I think I just felt immensely guilty more than anything else which just put a huge dampener on relationship building initially.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Dogloverlou said:


> Aww, thank you that's very kind of you. I think I just felt immensely guilty more than anything else which just put a huge dampener on relationship building initially.


Bless you, yes I agree.

I think training classes help though don't they? It helped to have someone else say 'your dog is clever' or can do such and such. Stuck with a mad dog or exhausting pup, it can feel so lonely. It helped so much when we met Cath, you and other people who were able to say that Molly isn't a bonkers biting off lead hooligan (well most of the time!). Anyway I think you have a fab relationship, he was so careful to watch you - reminded me of your interactions with Ty


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

MollySmith said:


> Bless you, yes I agree.
> 
> I think training classes help though don't they? It helped to have someone else say 'your dog is clever' or can do such and such. Stuck with a mad dog or exhausting pup, it can feel so lonely. It helped so much when we met Cath, you and other people who were able to say that Molly isn't a bonkers biting off lead hooligan (well most of the time!). Anyway I think you have a fab relationship, he was so careful to watch you - reminded me of your interactions with Ty


Yes, it really does help when others notice your improvements and can offer reassurance and support. I mean, this forum in itself is a support network that I really appreciated having during my most negative days.


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## 3dogs2cats (Aug 15, 2012)

[QUOTE="Oki1234, post: 1064378286, member: 1432091

Yes, chose him with my partner. She adores him, I've never seen her happier. This is why I will persist whatever else happens. He's not a bad dog - a labradoodle so not exactly a ferocious breed - just full of beans. I guess the two things I'm worried about are:

1) This natural feeling of adoring dogs that people seem to have. I've never had a dog before, but just assumed it would be the same for me once he arrived. Like when people have babies and they just love them instantly! I'm worried that maybe I'm not a dog person. Maybe I just can't LOVE a dog.
[/QUOTE]

Hi Oki1234 Regarding your above comments it is possible you may never come to love this dog and while you obviously are hoping to get that rush of love other people seem to have please don`t fret or think there must be something wrong with you if those feeling just don`t develop.

My first dog was a much wanted puppy, a lovely dog pretty much perfect in every way, I found out from having her I just don`t like or enjoy puppies, Despite all the activities we did together, because I really disliked her as puppy, I never bonded with her or even particularly loved her, but it was fine she was well looked after all her needs seen to and was adored by my children so certainly didn`t miss out on any love or affection. We have taken on many adult dogs ( I will not have a young puppy in the house) and I have bonded and adored them all except for one I currently own.

Me and her have very little bond she is my husbands girl through and through. Again just like my first dog I see all of her needs are met and some, believe me her needs are sooooo met!!!!! I don`t begrudge any of the time and money her little ways are costing us at all but I just don`t feel the love rush for her. I wouldn`t say I don`t love her because I do but I am not totally in love with her, Just the way it is not something that can be forced I`m afraid. I don`t concern myself about this at all, I don`t believe for one minute her life is in anyway made miserable by the fact I am not besotted by her, I am fairly certain she could not give two hoots about my opinion 

The reason I am telling you this is because I honestly don`t think you should worry about it, if the love rush happens excellent. if not so long as your partner loves him that is enough. As long as you can accept him, not upset your partner by moaning about him and be prepared to take at least some responsibility for seeing to his needs, then even if you never particularly feel much for him beyond feeling happy that he makes your partner happy you and he will get along fine without you having to declare your everlasting love for him!


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## ladyisla (Apr 19, 2014)

I can remember feeling so envious of people I met who had calm dogs completely not realising they were grown up dogs and I just had a baby. Mine wasn't a particularly crazy puppy but during the nipping, chasing feet and weeing all the time stage I really thought I had made a mistake. Fast forward six months and things had calmed down and a year on we were in a routine like I was envying other people so much for. 

It is really, really tiring and a big shock to the system and I don't want to bring up a puppy again for a loooong time. But this stage is temporary and it won't always be like that. It just takes time. I think perhaps I was lucky that I never felt like I hadn't bonded with my pup, although I did resent the sleepless nights and the poosplosions. Again though that may just take time. Good luck


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## Oki1234 (Nov 19, 2015)

I think if I can get to 3dogs2cats' level of acceptance then that's the best I can hope for. Right now I'm just wondering if I can go on living in this house.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Oki1234 said:


> I think if I can get to 3dogs2cats' level of acceptance then that's the best I can hope for. Right now I'm just wondering if I can go on living in this house.


How is it going?

Are you taking him out of the house daily?


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## Oki1234 (Nov 19, 2015)

No he's not had his second lot of jabs yet so can't go out. Just feels like we're going backwards. I'll spend an hour in the garden with him waiting for him to wee/poo and he'll just bite my legs and growl at me constantly. I give up, put him back in his pen, he'll start thrashing about then poo and wee all over it!


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## MiffyMoo (Sep 15, 2015)

I can only imagine your frustration and heartache. Please hang in there; if there's anything we've learned from this thread, having a puppy is tough, but it will get better.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Oki1234 said:


> No he's not had his second lot of jabs yet so can't go out. Just feels like we're going backwards. I'll spend an hour in the garden with him waiting for him to wee/poo and he'll just bite my legs and growl at me constantly. I give up, put him back in his pen, he'll start thrashing about then poo and wee all over it!


I don't mean for formal walks, but for socialization trips etc? you can most certainly take them out before they have their second jabs, you just need to be careful about it, avoid places with other dogs etc.


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## Doggiedelight (Jan 27, 2015)

Oki1234 said:


> No he's not had his second lot of jabs yet so can't go out. Just feels like we're going backwards. I'll spend an hour in the garden with him waiting for him to wee/poo and he'll just bite my legs and growl at me constantly. I give up, put him back in his pen, he'll start thrashing about then poo and wee all over it!


Using his crate like this is teaching him that his crate is punishment rather than a safe place :/ 
I would start with basics. Be in the room with him playing and use his crate for fun things as well but always with the door open, even pop his food in there at meal times to retrain his mind intk thinking his crate is a good place and not a punishment.
I think your frustration is transferring to him. I know its all easier said that done. 
Positive methods of training are better than scolding. Also distraction techniques when doing something wrong.


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## Oki1234 (Nov 19, 2015)

I don't use it as punishment, it's just where he has to go when we can't be watching him. He gets plenty of time out of it, and doesn't seem to mind it in there, it's got his bed and toys in there. He just seems too busy eating leaves/digging in the garden to get on with pooing so waits till he's back in there!


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

Oki1234 said:


> I don't use it as punishment, it's just where he has to go when we can't be watching him. He gets plenty of time out of it, and doesn't seem to mind it in there, it's got his bed and toys in there. He just seems too busy eating leaves/digging in the garden to get on with pooing so waits till he's back in there!


Keep him on a lead in the garden stay out there for about 20 mins using your chosen command, then praise and reward when he does, if he is peeing and pooing in his crate your timing is off. He doesn't know where is right in humans to toilet until you teach him  Don't put him in the crate when you get back in just watch him like a hawk and if he shows signs of going just take him out again.

Have you taught him leave? If he is biting and growling offer him a toy to bite and growl at. You can take him out now, even if its carrying him, new sights and sounds are exciting and mentally tiring,


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## Phad088 (Nov 10, 2020)

Oki1234 said:


> It's ok today I suppose. I know everything is just normal puppy behaviour...it's just it feels like one long never ending chore. Standing in the rain at the crack of dawn, picking up poo, chasing him around stopping him eating things. I'm just not seeing the reward for all this. Not at the moment anyway. I miss our old life.


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## Phad088 (Nov 10, 2020)

Oki1234 said:


> It's ok today I suppose. I know everything is just normal puppy behaviour...it's just it feels like one long never ending chore. Standing in the rain at the crack of dawn, picking up poo, chasing him around stopping him eating things. I'm just not seeing the reward for all this. Not at the moment anyway. I miss our old life.


Hi, I found your post and it's exactly how I'm feeling now. Our puppy is 11 weeks, we've had her for nearly 3 weeks now and I just cannot bond with her. She's super sweet, hyper at times but generally fine. But I cannot bear to be near her and find her so irritating. Feel very very guilty for feeling this way and the more I feel I should love her the more distant I feel. Your post is from a few years ago. Did things get better for you?


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## Blitz (Feb 12, 2009)

This post is from 5 years ago and the poster is no longer a member as far as I know. Why not start your own thread and then you will get more replies. I think there is a pinned post for new puppy owners. A lot of people find it very hard work and seem to pretty much hate their puppy for a while and feel so guilty about it. Puppies grow up quite fast though and it does get better.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Phad088 said:


> Hi, I found your post and it's exactly how I'm feeling now. Our puppy is 11 weeks, we've had her for nearly 3 weeks now and I just cannot bond with her. She's super sweet, hyper at times but generally fine. But I cannot bear to be near her and find her so irritating. Feel very very guilty for feeling this way and the more I feel I should love her the more distant I feel. Your post is from a few years ago. Did things get better for you?


Hi. Welcome to the forum. 

This is a very old thread and a lot of members are no longer active. You could post a new thread yourself, by I'd also recommend you take a look at our Puppy Support Thread.


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