# Please tell me it gets better :(



## catmadclaire (Nov 24, 2009)

I lost my Millie on Sunday and I still feel devastated and can’t stop crying she was my best friend and my soul mate and always was with me. She knew when I was upset and never left my side.
It was a long road to diagnose that she had lung cancer, so it was about 5 weeks of her being sick and trying different medications, so now I feel guilty that I didn’t take her to specialist sooner but I am not sure it would have made a difference but i still feel awful about it she was 12 and a half and the sweetest cat I’ve ever owned, so special so I’m missing her like mad and I know I didn’t let her suffer because as soon as she got the diagnosis I knew what to do, her face told me when she got back from the vet hospital she had had enough so she got put to sleep at home on her favourite blanket on her favourite sofa by a very kind vet. I didn’t cry as I think I felt instant relief for her, she wasn’t suffering anymore and I did the kindest thing but... I feel so many emotions right now and I’m just so sorry I couldn’t make her better. She’s gone too soon and not sure what I’m going to do without her. When does it start to feel less raw and not hurt so much


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Very sorry for your loss 

Yes, it does get easier with time, in my experience.

Give yourself time to grieve and try to remember the happy times.

Take solace in knowing you were able to save her from suffering.


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## catmadclaire (Nov 24, 2009)

Lurcherlad said:


> Very sorry for your loss
> 
> Yes, it does get easier with time, in my experience.
> 
> ...


Thank you for replying. I think it is just too raw for me at the moment. She was such a happy and affectionate cat so I feel like a part of me has died too because she made me so happy. I'm sure in months and years to come I will be able to look back and remember the fond memories and smile. I just miss her face and her company so much it hurts


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## Guest (Feb 10, 2021)

It’s going to be raw for a while Claire but she’s in a better place and you did your very best. It’s going to take time. I’m afraid the grief can’t be rushed. But you learn a lot about yourself in the process and one day the clouds will clear, I promise. Hugs. Xx


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

Im sorry to hear about Millie.  Its natural to feel grief and guilt. It gets easier with time.


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## Dreamiesburglar (Jan 23, 2021)

It's normal to feel like that at this stage. Take all the time you need to grieve and don't hold back any emotions you're feeling. That's important. 
Cry and cry if you feel like that and get all that pain out. To feel better you need to do that. It will get easier with time. It's a cliché but time really does work wonders and makes pain easier to deal with. 
The pain of a loss never truly goes away but with time you'll be able to think of her without automatically bursting into tears. Time is the cure for everything. 
She knows she was loved very much and you freed her of pain. Take comfort in knowing that wherever she is now she's now happy again and not suffering. You did a wonderful thing for her and put her wellbeing first. 
I know what you mean by feeling relieved... You go through so many conflicting emotions but you need to feel each one of them so that the grieving process can do its thing. 
I wish you the best and take care of yourself.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so very sorry for your loss. You did your very best for Millie, so please don't feel guilty. 
It will take time for you to come to terms with her passing. Hopefully soon her memories of her will make you smile again.
They always leave paw prints in your Heart xx


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Millie. The amount of pain is relative to the amount of love. Allow yourself to grieve, you have had a devastating loss. In time you will feel better than this, but it can take a long time so be gentle with yourself.

If you're open to it she might visit and let you know she's okay. Often by way of your dreams, or you'll get a glimpse of her in a favorite sunny spot or might feel her jump up on the bed just as you fall asleep. I always take great comfort in these visits, but not everyone does.

One example: I lost my Tolly Sweet Pea to cancer when he was just past 12. 19 days from first symptom, then he was gone. A few nights later I dreamed about him, he was in a room absolutely filled with other ginger cats. Tolly just loved other cats. It made me happy to think of him cavorting with other cats to his heart's content.


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## catmadclaire (Nov 24, 2009)

Thanks all so much for your replies. They made me I appreciate all your kind words and support. It's been just over a week and I still have overwhelming sadness which I know is normal. I loved her so much. We bought a rose bush and planted it on a beautiful pot and scattered her ashes in there so we always have a reminder of her in beautiful rose form as she was so gorgeous and her eyes were so bright orange/yellow and the roses will be too

And @lorilu i am definitely open to signs of her visiting and letting me know she is okay. We've had a few signs already I think which is comforting for me. I just miss her so so much it hurts.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

catmadclaire said:


> And @lorilu i am definitely open to signs of her visiting and letting me know she is okay. We've had a few signs already I think which is comforting for me. I just miss her so so much it hurts.


Oh that's lovely. Some of mine have done quite a lot of visiting, especially at first. My Jennie, lost to cancer January 2019 (how can it be 2 years already?), I often used to wake up to feel her sleeping in my arms, when she was first gone. And Mazy cat took to sleeping in Jennie's bed, but only on half. It was clear the other half had Jennie in it. 

I used to 'see' Tolly during Games. He loved to play with the other cats, and as I got on the floor for Games, I would suddenly 'see' him rise from the chair and jump down to join us.

Ootay would flit by, waving her bushy tail against my leg, when I least expected it.

And you know, even now, I moved into my own house (after 22 years in one place) in August. One day I saw Jennie, who of course was never here, sitting in the evening sun patch on the kitchen floor! I was surprised and thrilled. My friend was here on Thanksgiving and told me she thought she saw Jennie curled up behind the computer! Then she looked again and didn't see anything. That was when I told her about seeing her in the sun spot on the kitchen floor. Jennie loved to sit in indirect sunlight in the evening.

By contrast another friend was dreaming about her departed beloved cat and it upset her so much. I told her he was just visiting and wanted to let her know he was okay. She said she was glad he was okay but she didn't want to dream about him, it hurt too much. I suggested she tell him that and she did, and he stopped coming. Now though, 4 years later she wishes he would come to her dreams.

I know that missing. You just miss her so much! Everything in life is tainted with it, and will be for a long time. xxx


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## catmadclaire (Nov 24, 2009)

lorilu said:


> Oh that's lovely. Some of mine have done quite a lot of visiting, especially at first. My Jennie, lost to cancer January 2019 (how can it be 2 years already?), I often used to wake up to feel her sleeping in my arms, when she was first gone. And Mazy cat took to sleeping in Jennie's bed, but only on half. It was clear the other half had Jennie in it.
> 
> I used to 'see' Tolly during Games. He loved to play with the other cats, and as I got on the floor for Games, I would suddenly 'see' him rise from the chair and jump down to join us.
> 
> ...


Thanks so much for your reply. weirdly after you said this I did dream of Millie last night, she visited me in my dreams and it was lovely. Although in the dream I was calling her to come in from outside and she ignored me and walked on by but it really was it was like she was trying to tell me she's okay and don't be sad but I miss her company and strokes and love so much. There won't be a day that I won't think of her. Her sister Meggie is pining a little too which makes me sad as they had been together for nearly 12 years.

I loved hearing all your stories about your cats and seeing them etc. It gives me hope that I will have the same as we were so bonded. Xx


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

@catmadclaire: It's nice that you have had a visit from Millie. had a very vivid dream about Gatsby when he passed so young from kidney failure. In the dream, the vet handed him to me an said it wasn't as bad as they thought and he was fine; I could actually smell him when I held him, really strange and really vivid. And another couple of times I've heard what sounded like his distinctive cry. It's odd; I never had anything like this when either of my parents died, maybe because he had been such a big part of my life every day for the last few years which my parents were not (I'd left home when I left school). It does get better with time, then I see a post like yours and it brings back how devastated I felt at the time and how sad you must be feeling. And in this case, it was the fact that he was the youngest; I had one who was 17 with a few age-related problems. Had it been him, it would have been sad but would have been the normal order of things. With Gatsby it just seemed so unfair. I had some of his grey fur made into a memory bead which I always wear. XX


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## catmadclaire (Nov 24, 2009)

Calvine said:


> @catmadclaire: It's nice that you have had a visit from Millie. had a very vivid dream about Gatsby when he passed so young from kidney failure. In the dream, the vet handed him to me an said it wasn't as bad as they thought and he was fine; I could actually smell him when I held him, really strange and really vivid. And another couple of times I've heard what sounded like his distinctive cry. It's odd; I never had anything like this when either of my parents died, maybe because he had been such a big part of my life every day for the last few years which my parents were not (I'd left home when I left school). It does get better with time, then I see a post like yours and it brings back how devastated I felt at the time and how sad you must be feeling. And in this case, it was the fact that he was the youngest; I had one who was 17 with a few age-related problems. Had it been him, it would have been sad but would have been the normal order of things. With Gatsby it just seemed so unfair. I had some of his grey fur made into a memory bead which I always wear. XX


Aw thanks so much for your reply. Yes I've had a few vivid dreams now and they confuse me a little but I love seeing her in my dream. I still cry daily and considering she was only 11 it makes me sad that she had so much life left in her and I wish I'd known she was getting poorly before it got so bad too  also I worry it's something I did that gave her lung cancer, I've never smoked in my life and she's never been around it so who knows but it makes me question everything
I have some of her hair in a little trinket box and unsure what to do with it at the moment. A bead is such a nice idea
I still feel devastated two weeks on and cry every day as I miss her so much. I'm glad to hear it gets a bit easier but I'm not sure there will be a day that goes by that I won't think of her x


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

catmadclaire said:


> A bead is such a nice idea


There's a lady called Michelle Childerley who does them (Memories in Glass); she used to be a member here on PF. She does make some pretty things. Nothing you did would have caused Millie to end up with cancer; I think it's just the luck of the draw sometimes. Our Gracie died of a liver tumour when she was almost seven and I, like you, questioned everything I had done and anything she had been given. She'd had to have all her teeth out and been left with dreadful gum problems even after the extractions and as a result she was constantly on medication and the liver problem started very suddenly afterwards . . . she died within a week of my taking her to the vet and saying she had been lethargic for a couple of weeks. I felt awful that she had gone through the pain and stress of a full dental, then the dreadful sore gums (she would scream in the middle of eating and fly out through the cat flap) only to die of cancer so young. Then with hindsight you start to think that _if you had known _what was going to happen, how much kinder for her it would have been to be put to sleep even before having the dental (which did absolutely nothing to help her; all the vet said about that was that well, sometimes the dental didn't help with the gum problems) so she didn't have weeks more pain. xx


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## catmadclaire (Nov 24, 2009)

Calvine said:


> There's a lady called Michelle Childerley who does them (Memories in Glass); she used to be a member here on PF. She does make some pretty things. Nothing you did would have caused Millie to end up with cancer; I think it's just the luck of the draw sometimes. Our Gracie died of a liver tumour when she was almost seven and I, like you, questioned everything I had done and anything she had been given. She'd had to have all her teeth out and been left with dreadful gum problems even after the extractions and as a result she was constantly on medication and the liver problem started very suddenly afterwards . . . she died within a week of my taking her to the vet and saying she had been lethargic for a couple of weeks. I felt awful that she had gone through the pain and stress of a full dental, then the dreadful sore gums (she would scream in the middle of eating and fly out through the cat flap) only to die of cancer so young. Then with hindsight you start to think that _if you had known _what was going to happen, how much kinder for her it would have been to be put to sleep even before having the dental (which did absolutely nothing to help her; all the vet said about that was that well, sometimes the dental didn't help with the gum problems) so she didn't have weeks more pain. xx


Thanks so much for your kind reply I am definitely going to have a ring made with her hair that's such a lovely idea thanks for the info. I've been on her website, such a lovely idea.
Yes I am at the angry grief stage at the moment where I'm just sad and angry that she's been taken before her time and I also still can't believe she's gone. I still expect to see her everywhere so I'm still struggling and miss her terribly. 
So sorry to hear about your little cat. So sad to hear she went through so much too. Millie just kept being sick and the vets thought ibd and we did too so I was in total shock when the specialist called to say they found a mass on her lungs. She was snuffly but she always has been a bit so I didn't take much notice and now I feel guilty and just terribly sad that she had to suffer at all poor thing. I just wish we were able to make her better and she was here with me now x


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

I save the fur when I comb them and after they leave me I make little pillows stuffed with their fur, from a scrap of their favorite blankie.. In this one case the pillow came out shaped like a cat, in fact the pose matches a framed picture I have of him. It wasn't intentional, when I make these things I just put the fabric together and start sewing and see what happens, but I was thrilled when I saw how it came out.. This little cat is stuffed with Tolly's fur and I use it to store whiskers when I find them.


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## jasmine2 (Apr 30, 2019)

catmadclaire said:


> Thanks all so much for your replies. They made me I appreciate all your kind words and support. It's been just over a week and I still have overwhelming sadness which I know is normal. I loved her so much. We bought a rose bush and planted it on a beautiful pot and scattered her ashes in there so we always have a reminder of her in beautiful rose form as she was so gorgeous and her eyes were so bright orange/yellow and the roses will be too
> 
> And @lorilu i am definitely open to signs of her visiting and letting me know she is okay. We've had a few signs already I think which is comforting for me. I just miss her so so much it hurts.


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