# Hardly see my cat anymore- very upset!



## hollyhollytree

Hi fellow pet lovers. I'm having a bit of a problem with my cat and it's making me very upset. My cat is nearly a year old and I've had her since she was a kitten. She is a lovely cat, very friendly and loving and up until now I've had very few problems with her. She is spayed and has been going outside since 6 months old.

A couple of weeks ago I went away for a few days and my neighbour fed her. It's not the first time I've left her alone for a few days as I have family that live far away and I visit them occasionally.
But I have barely seen my cat for the last two weeks and I'm convinced that she's staying in someone else's house.

She is very friendly and all my neighbours love her. If she's inside and she hears someone pass by the house she jumps out of the cat flap to see who it is and lies down in front of them. I constantly hear cooing noises outside my house as everyone makes a fuss of her. I'm on speaking terms with a few of my neighbours and they've also noted that they haven't seen her around much over the last few weeks.

I have asked some of my neighbours not to feed her or let her in their house and I trust them not to do so. Most of my neighbours have cats or dogs so I don't know why she'd rather stay with someone else.

I had a cat a while ago when I was still living with my parents who moved out because she didn't like the other cats in the house. My friend's cat also moved in with neighbours when she had a baby. But I can't see any reason why my cat would want to live somewhere else! I know it's a bit pathetic, but I do feel really hurt. I've provided a lovely home for her. It's just me and her, no other animals, no small children. I do work full time but I give her plenty of attention and feed her well. 

She goes outside but I keep her shut in at night. She would always come running in if I shook her treat box and she never went far away from the house. Now she won't even come back in at night.

I'm really upset and I don't know what to do. When she does come in she's very loving towards me because she wants food, then she buggers straight outside again. If I try to keep her in she bangs on the catflap continuously. If I do manage to get her to stay in she doesn't come near me and goes to sleep on the stairs.

I feel like it's my fault because I went away but I have to have a life! Does anyone have any tips or experiences like mine? Thanks.


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## ForeverHome

Sorry to read this and you're not being pathetic or silly, of course it's upsetting. Unfortunately it is also the way of a few cats, that they just want something different to what you're providing - and if your girl had her nose out of joint because you were away maybe that is when she found someone else to share her time with. 

I've been on the other end of a cat's house move. Henry decided he was moving into our house despite being fearful of us! But our resident cat accepted him and his owners shrugged and said he's a cat he will decide and we're not surprised because our house is noisy and he likes peace!!! So we got Henry. And 3 years later he brought his friend Purdy. And now Purdy is getting old he is actively recruiting another cat to move in so when she goes he will still have a friend. He's a little sod and he wants to live with at least one other cat.

I don't know what to suggest, to be honest, because I take much the same attitude as Henry's previous humans.


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## Polski

Yes, kind of agree with ForeverHome. You never own a cat, they choose to stay with you or move on but I wouldn't go down without a fight or without finding out who the other folk are.

When I say fight I mean bribery, spoiling them rotten and letting them know what they'll be missing. I did this with Puss, kept him in for a few days spoiled him rotten then let him out and choose where he wanted to be. He chose me but I would have let him go if he hadn't have. I knew where his other home was so I would have spoken to them and made sure they were up to the job. Yes, I would have been absolutely gutted but better that than a miserable cat. 

Keep her in for a couple of days, spoil her absolutely rotten with food, fuss and toys...she may forget her other place or may just decide you're not so bad after all.


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## georgypan

I agree with the others. It's so upsetting and I can quite understand how hurt you are, but try to take comfort in the fact that she does occasionally put in an appearance so she hadn't disappeared completely, and that she is alive and is happy and being cared for wherever she has decided to pitch her tent. Think how awful it would be if she just disappeared and you had the terrible worry of never knowing what had happened to her.


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## Soozi

This is a very sad situation you have found yourself in! I am so sorry to hear your cat is finding company elsewhere! As Georgypan says at least she does show up so she's not rejected you and you know she is safe, she just seems to want more human company! What I call a people cat! Our previous next door neighbours cat used to be waiting to come in to our house every morning and when his owners did come home at night he was reluctant to go home! we would put him on the adjoining garden wall as soon as we heard them call him but before we could get back in our house he had beat us to it! We never fed him or even gave him water as we knew he had access to both in his own house. he just wanted to be with "someone" when they were out. You do have to have a life and so does your cat but maybe if you could keep your visits away to a minimum for a while at least. You could also ask the neighbours you are on speaking terms with to ask other people in the area not to feed your cat or allow it access into their home. I had an Aunt who actively encouraged a neighbours cat to stay with her and she continually feed him and gave him treats I told her it was wrong to do this but she got her way in the end and the cat eventually moved in! I was furious! watch out for someone who may be doing this too.


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## georgypan

Talking of actively encouraging a cat to leave its owners, last night we were having a BBQ and my 15 year old granddaughter and her two friends (boys) joined us. One of the boys said that they had tried to steal a cat for her because she wants one. You can imagine my reaction to that! I read him the riot act and told him exactly what I would do if I ever heard of him stealing a cat from its rightful owner. He was one very chastened boy by the time I'd finished with him. I think he was simply showing off and being macho, but he didn't look very macho when I was done.


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## Soozi

georgypan said:


> Talking of actively encouraging a cat to leave its owners, last night we were having a BBQ and my 15 year old granddaughter and her two friends (boys) joined us. One of the boys said that they had tried to steal a cat for her because she wants one. You can imagine my reaction to that! I read him the riot act and told him exactly what I would do if I ever heard of him stealing a cat from its rightful owner. He was one very chastened boy by the time I'd finished with him. I think he was simply showing off and being macho, but he didn't look very macho when I was done.


My Aunt knew better but all the same it still amounted to stealing in her case!
Glad you put your grandkids straight!:wink:


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## Quinzell

Have you tried putting posters up for your "missing cat". It might also be worth adding a break-away collar the next time you see her with a tag that says "do not feed".

It seems that so often people see a cat for the first time and assume its lost because it hasn't been seen in that area before. 

Is she micro-chipped? If not, I would also recommend having this done and then register her with local vets as missing. 

It sounds like its quite possible that she has another home and these people may be completely unaware of that fact. If you do the posters, and register her with the vets as lost (you can explain the situation to them) hopefully, you might find the person who is looking after her.


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## Soozi

The tag "do not feed" is a very good idea! You could include your phone number too!


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## chillminx

Holly, as others have said, I would not give up yet. Your cat is young and impressionable, and her sense of loyalty is not yet as strong as it will be when she is a bit older. But at the moment there is a risk she will give her loyalty to the person who has taken her in, unless you take action to prevent this.

As has been mentioned that person may not even realise your cat already has a home. Perhaps she was hanging around outside their house a lot whilst you were away, and was assumed to be a stray.

I would do as LouiseH has said, and blitz the area with "Missing" posters with your cat's photo on, and put flyers through the doors in your street, and any adjacent streets.

Also, a "Please Do Not Feed" safety collar with your phone number is a good idea too.

Please Do Not Feed Me Collar Blue: Amazon.co.uk: Pet Supplies


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## hollyhollytree

Thanks for all the replies everyone!

The past couple of days have actually been a bit better. On the night that I posted this thread I went to bed at midnight and she still wasn't in. But when I woke up in the morning she was in the house which I was very glad about.

I've kept her locked in a little longer in the mornings and at periods during the day if she comes in so I can pay her lots of attention and feed her loads of treats!

She is already microchipped, has a collar with her name, my number and my address on it and she seems to be a very well known cat around my estate. There's no way she could be mistaken as a stray and I don't think I'd go as far as to put missing cat posters up when she is hanging around somewhere near!

I really think I'm going to put a little tag on her collar to say that she comes from a loving home, please don't feed her or let her in your house!

I was just worried as she never used to stray far from the house. At night I'd shake her box of treats and I'd hear her little bell on her collar jingling as she dashed back in the house. Now when I do that it seems she's too far away to hear. Maybe she's just getting brave and venturing further away. 

I'm going to try the tag on the collar idea and continue with the bribery and hopefully it will get better  xx


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