# A whole year has passed already



## MrsLen

Hi everyone

Well, on Friday just gone it was a whole year since our Molly went to Rainbow Bridge. Some of you may remember my first post on here and what a desperate state I was in. This lovely forum kept me sane for those first few awful months afterwards - I will forever be grateful for that - but I haven't posted here for a while. As much as I want to comfort others as I was comforted, I was just finding it too painful to read about others losing their beloved pets.

I am feeling much stronger than I was originally. I literally cried on a daily basis up til Christmas and I still cry an awful lot now but I am slowly coming to terms with my loss and moving on with my life. I am a changed person in this respect because prior to losing Molly I very rarely cried and now I cry at the drop of a hat! 

I still have so many regrets and guilt. I should have done better, been better, while Molly was still with us but I was selfish. All I can do is hope that wherever she is, she knows how much I love her and forgives me my shortcomings. I so wish we had taken her to the vet that had always looked after her before instead of taking her to the nearest one. We really thought we were doing the right thing by her because her usual vet was quite a distance away and we didn't want to put her through a long car journey. If I had the chance again, I would change this but I guess hindsight is a beautiful thing! If any of you read my original post you will know how badly we were treated by the vet. I did complain but anonymously and now I wish I had had the courage to put my name and address. Things were just too raw at the time though. 

My mum held Molly during her final moments - I wish I had held her too. I wish I had said something but I literally couldn't speak. I just pray that Molly knew we were with her.

Anyway, I'm rambling. What I want to say is that things do get better, you do start to come to terms with things and you can move on. You may never be the same again but life and love do go on (love never dies after all). I think the following quote sums up perfectly what I would like to say to Molly:

This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go."

Thanks for listening.
xx


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## delca1

Hello!
A whole year has gone by, the pain eases little by little. I hope you don't feel any guilt now, you did nothing to feel bad about. Many years ago I left home leaving my dog behind (she was really a family dog) and she adjusted no problem as I'm sure yours did.

Last year I had my old GSD pts, it hurt me so much but now my memories are all good and very rarely do I get a tear in my eye even though I still miss her.

Molly will always be in your heart x


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## Colliebarmy

We didnt have the "luxury" of having our last dog PTS and helped easily to the rainbow bridge, she took almost half an hour convulsing in my arms due to a seizure/stroke, in a terrible panic, terrified with nothing I could do for her, I hope to avoid that when the time comes for these three loonies sitting on my bed now

Bless all


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## jonb

time is a great healer,I do like the quote
I`d love to say thank you to Sophie and Taz for all the great,mad memories and times we all recall................


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## bay20

MrsLen said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Well, on Friday just gone it was a whole year since our Molly went to Rainbow Bridge. Some of you may remember my first post on here and what a desperate state I was in. This lovely forum kept me sane for those first few awful months afterwards - I will forever be grateful for that - but I haven't posted here for a while. As much as I want to comfort others as I was comforted, I was just finding it too painful to read about others losing their beloved pets.
> 
> I am feeling much stronger than I was originally. I literally cried on a daily basis up til Christmas and I still cry an awful lot now but I am slowly coming to terms with my loss and moving on with my life. I am a changed person in this respect because prior to losing Molly I very rarely cried and now I cry at the drop of a hat!
> 
> I still have so many regrets and guilt. I should have done better, been better, while Molly was still with us but I was selfish. All I can do is hope that wherever she is, she knows how much I love her and forgives me my shortcomings. I so wish we had taken her to the vet that had always looked after her before instead of taking her to the nearest one. We really thought we were doing the right thing by her because her usual vet was quite a distance away and we didn't want to put her through a long car journey. If I had the chance again, I would change this but I guess hindsight is a beautiful thing! If any of you read my original post you will know how badly we were treated by the vet. I did complain but anonymously and now I wish I had had the courage to put my name and address. Things were just too raw at the time though.
> 
> My mum held Molly during her final moments - I wish I had held her too. I wish I had said something but I literally couldn't speak. I just pray that Molly knew we were with her.
> 
> Anyway, I'm rambling. What I want to say is that things do get better, you do start to come to terms with things and you can move on. You may never be the same again but life and love do go on (love never dies after all). I think the following quote sums up perfectly what I would like to say to Molly:
> 
> This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go."
> 
> Thanks for listening.
> xx


it has also been just over a year since my Murphy got run over outside the house at only 10 months old and i relate to the guilt you feel about how you were and wish you had been at times. the grief in the start was overwhelming (especially as i am fantastically lucky and have never lost a family member, still have all 4 grandparents at nearly 30) and so this was as close to my own family grief as i had come. so pleased to hear you are doing better and it is true that time is a healer and its does get easier. I now have my wonderful puppy (at least i know hes in the back garden) who i love with everything i have but a little piece of me will with stay with Murph


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## MrsLen

Just a few days after posting this, I found out that I am having a baby. Perhaps I'm being silly but I like to think it was a gift heaven-sent from Molly to make me feel better.

I dreamed about Molly last night and unfortunately woke up crying this morning. I dreamed that she was still alive - even though I knew she wasn't -and then eventually my mum told me that Molly had passed away in her sleep. I woke up thinking of that horrid moment when the vet injected her and I have not stopped crying since. It's horrible the tricks your mind plays on you sometimes isn't it? My first thought was that she SHOULD have died in her sleep, that would have been a much better death than the one she had. She deserved better.

Grief is so very cruel sometimes. It's almost like it sees you getting on with your life, being happy, so decides to tap you on the shoulder just to remind you that it's still there. The cruellest thing of all is that I know Molly wouldn't want me to be upset like this and yet I can't help it. I miss her. I wish she could have told me how she was feeling and I wish I could have told her that I loved her at the end. Having said that, I tell her almost every day out loud and in my head so I'm sure she knows how I feel about her!

I guess I'll never get over this. I'll just learn to manage it and hopefully one day I won't shed any more tears. I just wanted to come here and share because it really is the only place I can talk about Molly without feeling self-conscious.

As always, thank you for listening. 

xx


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