# Taking A Kitten Back



## kittykatty83 (Apr 11, 2013)

I have a situation where I personally think I have no ground to stand on. I am hoping some of the breeders here might give me some tips or share your experience with me. 

Have you ever taken back a kitten where the owners are not at all abusive and there is nothing really wrong with the kitten but just somehow do not seem 100% happy with your kitten? I am considering offering them the price they paid for him if they will give him back to me. However, I have a feeling that this will just alienate them. They will probably be so angry that I will never get kitten updates anymore. I just feel like my kitten could be happier (who lives a good live now but is perhaps a little lonely) with people who are 100% happy with it. Not sure how to broach this though, I know I am being emotional and I should just leave it be.


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## Alaskacat (Aug 2, 2010)

I think a polite offer to buy the kitten back worded along the lines that you understand they have issues with the kitten and you'd like to give them the opportunity to find a different breed that maybe suits their lifestyle more. I don't think you ever have a legal right to take a kitten back whatever the circumstances. 

I have had a kitten back in similar circumstances and he is happy in his new home elsewhere now. I think how ever much you prepare people their expectations are not always realistic. Some people just can't overcome a hatred of cat hair in their home no matter how much you prepare them for it.

You can't always avoid emotion though. I once received a kitten update for a newly arrived kitten that was a list of complaints. She had travelled a long way and would now only eat wet food apparently. They told me they had resorting to penning her and sent a series of photos of my beloved kitten in a dog cage. I responded from the heart and told them what I thought of them subjecting an unsettled kitten to a cage rather than considering she might need a bit of time. 

I then received a hugely apologetic update that in fact the kitten was only penned at meal times, I had misunderstood and a lot of photos of her cuddled up on laps. 

It is a difficult one, most of the time the homes are just perfect but just occasionally it doesn't work out - or worse you get no updates!!! 

Write down what you want to say and get someone to check it and then you can respond with the right tone. If they are unhappy you may get kit back, if not they may reassure you that they are happy and that kitten is much loved really.

Good luck


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## gskinner123 (Mar 10, 2010)

kittykatty83 said:


> I have a situation where I personally think I have no ground to stand on. I am hoping some of the breeders here might give me some tips or share your experience with me.
> 
> Have you ever taken back a kitten where the owners are not at all abusive and there is nothing really wrong with the kitten but just somehow do not seem 100% happy with your kitten? I am considering offering them the price they paid for him if they will give him back to me. However, I have a feeling that this will just alienate them. They will probably be so angry that I will never get kitten updates anymore. I just feel like my kitten could be happier (who lives a good live now but is perhaps a little lonely) with people who are 100% happy with it. Not sure how to broach this though, I know I am being emotional and I should just leave it be.


Do you know why they aren't apparently completely happy with the kitten? I guess they've discussed some concerns or problems they've had with you?


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## spotty cats (Jul 24, 2012)

Have they complained about the kitten, said they're unhappy? From you saying they might be angry if you want the kitten back is sounds like they love the kitten? 

If I were approaching someone, when they've not said anything and asked for a kitten back I would of course offer a refund.


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Like the other said - how do you know? If it's just you thinking that that is the case I think you will alienate the owners and lose contact very quickly. If they themselves have come to you with concerns then that's fine. And if he's a little lonely only then suggest that they get a second cat to keep him company. How old is the cat? How long have they had him?


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## kittykatty83 (Apr 11, 2013)

They have had the kitten for a year now. I am sure they do love him but always seem a bit too worried and come across as having negative feelings for him. It is possible that I am merely being defensive and emotional because I bred him. 

Their complaints are he only eats wet food (this could be true as I fed them wet+raw food until the week before the kittens left and then fed a mixture of wet and kibble so the families could have the convenience of kibble if required. If it matters I know all my kittens from that nest eats kibble now but always possible), is not at all active, does not eat very much (he is huge though), is shy (possible. I do not think he is shy but he is not an extroverted cat. He did always sleep next to us and always purred when we touched him etc.) etc. Because of this, they suspected he had some kind of inherited condition (HCM) but he comes from tested parents and when they sent him to get tested, he was negative for it. 

My point is, it is like they are looking for faults and something is somehow preventing them from really being happy with him. This is my understanding from this all- HOWEVER, as I said I am probably not being objective and just feeling upset that my kitten isn't making them ridiculously happy  To be fair, they do love him, he is certainly spoiled with things (expensive toys, food, accessories), and at least I know they are willing to spend on medical care.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Alaskacat said:


> I think a polite offer to buy the kitten back worded along the lines that you understand they have issues with the kitten and you'd like to give them the opportunity to find a different breed that maybe suits their lifestyle more. I don't think you ever have a legal right to take a kitten back whatever the circumstances.
> 
> I have had a kitten back in similar circumstances and he is happy in his new home elsewhere now. I think how ever much you prepare people their expectations are not always realistic. Some people just can't overcome a hatred of cat hair in their home no matter how much you prepare them for it.
> 
> ...


Alaskacat: Good point! What you say about the right tone is exactly what I was going to say, it's easy to go a bit over the top where your babies are concerned. As long as they think you are helping and NOT criticising, you should be ok.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

kittykatty83 said:


> They have had the kitten for a year now. I am sure they do love him but always seem a bit too worried and come across as having negative feelings for him. It is possible that I am merely being defensive and emotional because I bred him.
> 
> Their complaints are he only eats wet food (this could be true as I fed them wet+raw food until the week before the kittens left and then fed a mixture of wet and kibble so the families could have the convenience of kibble if required. If it matters I know all my kittens from that nest eats kibble now but always possible), is not at all active, does not eat very much (he is huge though), is shy (possible. I do not think he is shy but he is not an extroverted cat. He did always sleep next to us and always purred when we touched him etc.) etc. Because of this, they suspected he had some kind of inherited condition (HCM) but he comes from tested parents and when they sent him to get tested, he was negative for it.
> 
> My point is, it is like they are looking for faults and something is somehow preventing them from really being happy with him. This is my understanding from this all- HOWEVER, as I said I am probably not being objective and just feeling upset that my kitten isn't making them ridiculously happy  To be fair, they do love him, he is certainly spoiled with things (expensive toys, food, accessories), and at least I know they are willing to spend on medical care.


Difficult situation...if they are being negative about him, maybe just say that if 'for any reason' they have to give him up that you would like first refusal that way it doesn't sound as tho' you want him but that you would be happy to take him if necessary. I've just taken a foster cat back after four months and I was half expecting it. I rang a few times to ask how she was and just got 'Yes, fine, fine, eating fine, drinking fine, sleeping fine' etc etc and I just deep down sussed that all was not well. So I rang back and said if the cat was not settled in a couple of weeks I would take her back if that was what they wanted. No she was fine fine oh so fine. So I heard nothing within two weeks and I took in two more needy cases. After two more months they said she was not as fine as they thought so I had to take her back. Had they told me originally that they were not keeping her I would not have taken the other two as it is pushing it a bit. Anyway, she's staying with me now unless a good home presents itself, am not putting her on the website.


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Ah, now in that case, I think you have a reason to ask them if they aren't entirely happy with him, looks like they would prefer a more boisterous breed. Not sure about offering back full refund after a year. But that's me being too Yorkshire (picked up off my husband) - how about offering them a new kitten in exchange and them picking the liveliest of the litter. Personally, what I say I would do if a kitten/cat comes back is that I will keep it until rehomed again and the old owners get whatever the new owners pay - that's often less than kitten price. But that's what I was taught to do by one of my breeder friends (not Soupie) - so a kitten would be a good swap. 

Just approach it sensitively say you seem to be picking up feelings that they aren't really that happy with him, and you are prepared to take him back if that's what they would like. Make it like you are just looking out for the best for them.


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## kittykatty83 (Apr 11, 2013)

I don't really want to give a full refund because I had lost a large amount on that nest and am not really in the position where I can afford to buy him back for full price but I suppose if I eat rice and beans for a month or two, maybe. I thought by offering a full refund, they would feel less obliged to keep him (because maybe they think they're losing money that way). I am also not in the position to offer a new kitten as I will not be having a new litter for another year and I am afraid of the same thing happening. Perhaps it is just not the right breed for them. Or perhaps they just do not trust me nor my kittens, I don't know. 

My interpretation of why they are not happy is:

1. This is their first BSH cat. They had moggies before this. BSHs are not the most active of cats.

2. Kitten is alone (I do not usually place kittens alone but in this case, dad works at home and mum does not work)

3. The last cat they had (moggie) died over 10 years ago and they have been catless since. My point is (I'm just speculating), they probably had kids and a job (out of the house) then so had less time to look at a cat all day long.

4. Just have high standards (they have reserved and cancelled kittens before they settled on mine and they did lose their deposits when they cancelled). 

The family has said many times that they are happy with him (but always with some complaints). I really do not want to alienate them as I really want to know how the kitten is doing but it does iritate me a little because that particular kitten is really quite a stunner, easily a show cat, good character etc. I'm being a Mama Bear, am I not?


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## Quinzell (Mar 14, 2011)

Perhaps you could privately share some extracts of the new owners emails with some of the breeders on here to get their POV based on the tone of the emails? It might help make a decision based on their unemotional points of view? Obviously, do this on PM not on this thread


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

SOunds like they just don't understand the breed. Maybe suggest they get a moggy kitten to keep him company?


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## kittykatty83 (Apr 11, 2013)

That is certainly possible. They had done a lot of research (telling me about breed standards, genetics, took a year to find the 'perfect' kitten) so I thought it was alright. 

I'll be happy to paste some emails in a PM for anyone who's interested. It would be nice to have an objective pair of eyes.


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

I'll have a look = problem is you need 25 posts before you can PM and you only have 4 - I'll see if I can PM you and you might be able to reply.

EDIT: nope not possible - you will just have to post lots. Or find my email address via my website link


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## kittykatty83 (Apr 11, 2013)

Spid: Sent PM


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## gskinner123 (Mar 10, 2010)

kittykatty83 said:


> Their complaints are he only eats wet food... is not at all active, does not eat very much ...shy... because of this they suspected he had some kind of inherited condition (HCM) but he comes from tested parents and when they sent him to get tested, he was negative for it.


Just picking out the above bits that I've quoted, it sounds to me like someone in that household is a huge worry guts. It's quite unusual, I think, for an owner to go to the lengths of getting a cat tested for HCM just on the basis that the cat doesn't eat a huge amount and isn't very active.

It sounds more to me like (unfounded and unnecessary) worrying which they're expressing (or you are taking as, and I don't blame you) as complaint. My guess is that they love him and he has a nice home... but they need to calm down a bit and accept him as he is.

I've owned/bred BSH for a very long time. Many of them are couch potatoes and not very active; many not wildly keen on strangers. Shy? More 'reserved' I would call it which is so often a feature of their temperament. I'm not entirely sure what they expected, considering they'd researched the breed.


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## Alaskacat (Aug 2, 2010)

Agree with the above. Also, they might be fearful of getting hurt by losing him if he had an illness or inherited condition. If they have waited 10 years since losing their last cat it could be that the pain of the loss was so great that they have struggled to risk having another cat again in case they lose that one too and get hurt. 

You can read it both ways, they may be reluctant to fully love him as they perceive his nature as a sign of a problem, maybe he is similar to the way their Moggie was at the end. I expect they have seen him settle down after being neutered and he is no longer a boistrous kitty. Some people are extreme worriers and it could be they are seeing everything he does as a sign he is fatally ill.

Anyone who spends a year choosing a cat and letting deposits go left right and centre is someone who looks deeply at everything and wonders "what if?" they don't seem to be "live for the moment" sort of people to be fair.

maybe invite them back to yours to see his parents - if you have them and be in your house at the 2pm sleeping session and they might see it is normal. It would give you a chance to have a chat with them and settle their fears. It does sound as if they love him but are maybe a little afraid of worshipping him in case something happens and he passes. Some people are slow burners.


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## gskinner123 (Mar 10, 2010)

Alaskacat said:


> Anyone who spends a year choosing a cat and letting deposits go left right and centre is someone who looks deeply at everything and wonders "what if?" they don't seem to be "live for the moment" sort of people to be fair.


Very true, I'd forgotten that part. A very kindly worded description in that they don't seem to 'live for the moment'  It all sounds terribly anxious, doesn't it... now, and in the past with a number of deposits being returned, etc, etc.


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## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

The owners sound like 'glass half empty' kind of people. The cat however sounds like the perfect cat 

I wonder if they'd be interested in a straight swap for the naughiest, most destructive Oriental on the planet


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## kittykatty83 (Apr 11, 2013)

Thank you so much for your replies. I think you are right about them being worrywarts. 

I am so glad I posted here first before sending a semi-grumpy e-mail back to their latest escapade. I believe they do love him deeply and I should be happy that at least, they are willing to go all the way if he is ever ill.


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## Lucy1012 (May 23, 2010)

Some people are natural complainers... was the kitten sold with a contract?? By the sounds of it the cat is loved and well cared for and the fact they have notified you of their worries is a good indicator that they would adhere to tye terms of said contract.. you could try and find a way to get a new copy to them highlighting your policy about taking kittens back, I.e do you ask for proof of neutering you could incorporate the contract in to that


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

I think the idea of inviting them round to yours, or popping in to see them is a great one.I would try offering encouragement to them....'oh, how wonderful that you are feeding wet food, because of course you know how much better it is for them than dry' 'not everyone is as careful with the cat's diet as you are' etc
To me it just sounds as if they are great worriers and hopefully with _even more_ ( you sound a very supportive breeder) support and positive re-enforcement, they can just enjoy him a bit more


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## Cookieandme (Dec 29, 2011)

dougal22 said:


> T
> 
> I wonder if they'd be interested in a straight swap for the naughiest, most destructive Oriental on the planet


Or how about a naughty, distructive and highly energetic BSH 

I am not a breeder, so really shouldn't have an opinion, but if you think they aren't happy with the cat, perhaps you could offer to take him back but not raise the issue of a refund. If I was unhappy with my cat after 12 months a refund wouldn't be the first thing on my mind.

Maybe they are uncomfortable raising the subject.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

kittykatty83 said:


> They have had the kitten for a year now. I am sure they do love him but always seem a bit too worried and come across as having negative feelings for him. It is possible that I am merely being defensive and emotional because I bred him.
> 
> Their complaints are he only eats wet food (this could be true as I fed them wet+raw food until the week before the kittens left and then fed a mixture of wet and kibble so the families could have the convenience of kibble if required. If it matters I know all my kittens from that nest eats kibble now but always possible), is not at all active, does not eat very much (he is huge though), is shy (possible. I do not think he is shy but he is not an extroverted cat. He did always sleep next to us and always purred when we touched him etc.) etc. Because of this, they suspected he had some kind of inherited condition (HCM) but he comes from tested parents and when they sent him to get tested, he was negative for it.
> 
> My point is, it is like they are looking for faults and something is somehow preventing them from really being happy with him. This is my understanding from this all- HOWEVER, as I said I am probably not being objective and just feeling upset that my kitten isn't making them ridiculously happy  To be fair, they do love him, he is certainly spoiled with things (expensive toys, food, accessories), and at least I know they are willing to spend on medical care.


Probably they are just chronic complainers. Some people are like that. I'm glad the kitty only likes wet food, he knows what is better for him. 

Your thread makes me realize that updates can be double edged. I don't work in rescue or foster nor do I breed, but I can see that updates have the potential to cause a lot of stress for the one who is concerned about the cat's ultimate welfare.


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