# Husband wants to get rid of cat! Need advice please.



## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

Hi, I need your advice please forum members!

We have recently moved house and have one cat and a 1 year old. My husband (whose idea it was to get our cat 6 years ago) has decided he doesn't want to keep him and is trying to persuade me he won't have a good life in our new home. We have taken on a project and will have new furnishings (carpets, sofa etc). The reasons he thinks we should get of our cat are these:
- He will claw and ruin the new furniture
- He has bought dead animals in and left a bloody mess all over our sons playmat and he doesn't want mess in the new house either
- we have had problems with fleas in the past however he is regularly treated and hasn't had them for a couple of years
- the stairs in our new house go straight up from the living room so we won't be able to keep him shut downstairs ( we could keep him confined to our kitchen/dining room area when we are out as this can be shut off and just let him in the living room when we are there and stop him if he tries to go upstairs)
- in the summer when we leave our window open he sits outside at the bottom of it and whines to be let in

Quite a list!! I feel like the cat is part of the family and it is good for our son to have a pet to learn how to look after them and be kind to animals. I do not want to get rid of him, but he is making it so difficult saying he won't be allowed in the house and we'll have to keep him outside and buy him one of those cat 'kennels'. It upsets me whenever I think about getting rid of him and he is not backing down or being reasonable in my view. 

I have been advised to buy scratching posts/ keep off cuts of carpet for him to scratch. Also you can apparently buy some spray for furniture that stops them scratching. If we don't install a cat flap he won't be able to bring animals in at night but might miaow outside our window to be let in which we don't want. 

Please does anyone out there have any advice for me? Or ever been in a similar situation? It's starting to really get me down and stress me out. TIA.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Yes.

Tell your Husband what he can do in no uncertain terms.

You cannot keep an animal for six years, then get rid of it because it no longer suits.


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

I know this isn't a realistic response to your problem but if it were me,your husband would be the one about to find himself standing in the "homeless" queue


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## The Wild Bunch (Jul 16, 2014)

I would get rid of your husband. 
I would recommend buying plenty of scratching posts etc for your cat. As you say, if you don't have a catflap, he won't bring dead animals in. The other thing you could do is keep him in at night so that he doesn't hunt as actively, cats are far more prolific with their hunting at night. What is his scratching of furniture like now? I would imagine if he isn't a bit scratcher then there is no reason why he would turn into one overnight when you move. I don't think any of your husband's 'reasons' are valid really. It saddens me that after 6 years he wants to just get rid of him


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## Greyhound Skivvy (Sep 5, 2016)

Simple solution - rehome the husband!


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## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

keep the cat get rid of the husband


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## loroll1991 (Apr 11, 2015)

As above, keep the cat and get rid of the husband. I won't go on with the rest of my thoughts.

How can he even contemplate getting rid of a cat you've had for 6 years.....


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

daisysmama said:


> I would get rid of your husband.
> I would recommend buying plenty of scratching posts etc for your cat. As you say, if you don't have a catflap, he won't bring dead animals in. The other thing you could do is keep him in at night so that he doesn't hunt as actively, cats are far more prolific with their hunting at night. What is his scratching of furniture like now? I would imagine if he isn't a bit scratcher then there is no reason why he would turn into one overnight when you move. I don't think any of your husband's 'reasons' are valid really. It saddens me that after 6 years he wants to just get rid of him


Thank you for some sensible suggestions daisysmama. We did come across an old scratching post from when he was a kitten just before moving house and he had started to use that more. He was using things like the edge of the skirting board and carpet on the stairs (if he managed to escape through the door to get up there). I did want to avoid having to get a litter tray to be honest, as with a1 year old I'm not too keen on having cat faeces lying around.

Oh the other reason was we are moving next door to family and he doesn't want him doing his business in their garden! 
It saddens me too


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

Thanks for your replies. Although you may disagree I'd like to keep both  so looking for some sensible suggestions on what I can say to persuade him and measures I can take to give him (the cat that is) a happy life but stop some of these behaviours. Thanks.


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## The Wild Bunch (Jul 16, 2014)

RubyWaterman said:


> Thank you for some sensible suggestions daisysmama. We did come across an old scratching post from when he was a kitten just before moving house and he had started to use that more. He was using things like the edge of the skirting board and carpet on the stairs (if he managed to escape through the door to get up there). I did want to avoid having to get a litter tray to be honest, as with a1 year old I'm not too keen on having cat faeces lying around.
> 
> Oh the other reason was we are moving next door to family and he doesn't want him doing his business in their garden!
> It saddens me too


I know what you mean about litter trays. They are one of the necessities of card though unfortunately and if you get a really good clumping litter, not the fillers earth stuff, it can be very easy to just scoop out the clumps. Is there a utility or downstairs loo that you could use to put it in away from your baby? Cats like to pee and poo in privacy as they are at their most vulnerable from predators whilst toileting so it would benefit everyone. Have a look online at zooplus for scratching stuff. They do very reasonably priced cardboard scratcher that mine find irresistible. You can also get sprays from Amazon and pets at home I think. Hope you can find a solution that keeps everyone happy


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Scratching posts, barrels, flat scratchers, especially near the stairs and new sofas. You will need at least one in all the main rooms. 
A couple of deep covered litter trays (take the front door off) and use clumping litter so that you can remove faeces and wees whenever they are used. 
Keep his flea and worming up to date. 
A cat flap that can be locked and you can keep him in at night so that you don't wake up to any dead stuff (and he can't whine at you window) and look at making the window secure for him so that he can't get out though.
Plenty of toys to keep him occupied indoors.


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> Scratching posts, barrels, flat scratchers, especially near the stairs and new sofas. You will need at least one in all the main rooms.
> A couple of deep covered litter trays (take the front door off) and use clumping litter so that you can remove faeces and wees whenever they are used.
> Keep his flea and worming up to date.
> A cat flap that can be locked and you can keep him in at night so that you don't wake up to any dead stuff (and he can't whine at you window) and look at making the window secure for him so that he can't get out though.
> Plenty of toys to keep him occupied indoors.


Thank you for some helpful advice. Are there any particular toys you would recommend? I always seem to buy cheap rubbish that fall apart or doesn't keep him entertained for long?


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

daisysmama said:


> I know what you mean about litter trays. They are one of the necessities of card though unfortunately and if you get a really good clumping litter, not the fillers earth stuff, it can be very easy to just scoop out the clumps. Is there a utility or downstairs loo that you could use to put it in away from your baby? Cats like to owe and poo in privacy as they are at their most vulnerable from predators whilst toileting so it would benefit everyone. Have a look online at zooplus for scratching stuff. They do very reasonably priced cardboard scratcher that mine find irresistible. You can also get sprays from Amazon and pets at home I think. Hope you can find a solution that keeps everyone happy


Thanks I will take a look at zooplus then. Our cat hasn't had a litter tray since he was trained as a kitten as we had a cat flap in the old place and he used to come and go as he pleased. There isn't really anywhere out of the way to put one that I can think of.


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

Does anyone have any experience of using the outdoor cat houses? If we locked him out at night and got one of these at least he would have somewhere to go to curl up and sleep. How do you stop other cats from going in?


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I would sit your hubby down and try and talk to him. Tell him how much your cat means to you. Show him how up set you are . He is not being very fair to you or your cat.
Turn on the tears. I know that is an old one but sometimes it does work. Do not give in to him. 
If you let him then this will be a sauce of arguments in the future. You will not be able to forgive him.


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## SpringDance (Mar 18, 2016)

If he doesn't have a litter tray, of course he will go in other people's gardens... Mine comes in to use it (Cats best litter is great).

Cat proofing the garden (see sticky thread) will keep him out of other people's gardens and can limit hunting.

Keep him in at night to limit hunting.

Scratch boards everywhere. Scratching is inbuilt - they have to do it - if you don't provide something suitable, then don't complain if he scratches where he shouldn't.

My cat has the run of the house, so I don't understand the keeping him shut in (others will).

HOWEVER

If you must rehome (and I think less of people who do actually change their minds) DO IT PROPERLY. Having been involved with (very sick) animals who have been kicked out, I think that that is even worse. Take him to Cat's Protection so they can find a family who will look after him for life.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

The best one is the flying frenzy or da bird or Purrs do a similar one..they are great for excersise, just make sure the wand is put away safely when you are finished to keep him safe.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=pets&field-keywords=flying+frenzy

Lots of cats love cat nip/ valerain or silvervine stuffed kicker toys and you can find these in pet shops, ebay and etsy.

Another good one is the hex bug (kids toy)


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## SpringDance (Mar 18, 2016)

RubyWaterman said:


> Does anyone have any experience of using the outdoor cat houses? If we locked him out at night and got one of these at least he would have somewhere to go to curl up and sleep. How do you stop other cats from going in?


He's a pet cat, not a feral cat.

How will he cope in the winter: snow/ gales/ freezing temperatures.

How will you keep him safe from other cats/ wild animals.


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## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

RubyWaterman said:


> Does anyone have any experience of using the outdoor cat houses? If we locked him out at night and got one of these at least he would have somewhere to go to curl up and sleep. How do you stop other cats from going in?


Please don't do this, if you lock him out at night he might get run over, attacked by other animals or even sick humans, an outdoor cat house isn't going to save him if you can't or won't be firm with your husband I think it would be kinder to find another home for the cat


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## Jonescat (Feb 5, 2012)

If you lock him outside at night, and only let him use a small part of the house, don't give him a litter tray and tell him off for scratching I would expect that he will vote with his little furry paws and find another home. If you care about him rehome him responsibly rather that have all your neighbours pitying him, and talking about you. 

Locking him outside at night increases his chances of being a traffic casualty, and increases the amount of wildlife he will catch. It also almost guarantees he will use the neighbours gardens as a toilet, catch "their" birds and use their catflaps.


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Sorry guys I'm out


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## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

oh and good luck with trying to keep your new furniture and carpets looking brand new when your one year old becomes a toddler, you could try pointing this out to your husband!


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

If mine ever get locked out accidentally, they make the most astounding racket and actually scratch paint off the door...they can actually bang the door and the big one stands up on his hind legs and rattles the door knob!


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## SpringDance (Mar 18, 2016)

Why? Am I missing something? (Being naive?)


buffie said:


> Sorry guys I'm out


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## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

Calvine said:


> If mine ever get locked out accidentally, they make the most astounding racket and actually scratch paint off the door...they can actually bang the door and the big one stands up on his hind legs and rattles the door knob!


hmm my sons do this when they come home from a night out and have forgotten their key!


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

SpringDance said:


> Why? Am I missing something? (Being naive?)


Possibly not , but TBH I cant be bothered arguing the toss with folks who can't/don't want, a cat to be allowed to be a cat.


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## loroll1991 (Apr 11, 2015)

I really hope you do not go ahead with the absurd thought of keeping the poor baby locked out at night? If you're not willing to treat your cat properly, I really do think you should look to rehome him (using proper processes not gumtree or facebook) with someone that will be able to give him the love and care he needs..

sasha's dad?


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## Sacrechat (Feb 27, 2011)

I'm sorry but I have no advice to offer. Hearing what your husband wants to do and reasons why he wants to do it makes my blood boil. If my husband ever seriously suggested this, he would be picking his teeth up off the floor. Whilst others suggestions that you kick him out May to you seem unhelpful and unrealistic, believe me that is exactly what would happen in this house. He values his life too much to even contemplate it.

It sounds to me like your husband is quite set on dumping your cat now it's become an inconvenience, so all the suggestions given I doubt will do much to change his mind. It's time for you to grow a backbone and tell the heartless creep to go **** himself. If you aren't prepared to do that then you are as bad as he is.


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Sacremist said:


> I'm sorry but I have no advice to offer. Hearing what your husband wants to do and reasons why he wants to do it makes my blood boil. If my husband ever seriously suggested this, he would be picking his teeth up off the floor. Whilst others suggestions that you kick him out May to you seem unhelpful and unrealistic, believe me that is exactly what would happen in this house. He values his life too much to even contemplate it.
> 
> It sounds to me like your husband is quite set on dumping your cat now it's become an inconvenience, so all the suggestions given I doubt will do much to change his mind. It's time for you to grow a backbone and tell the heartless creep to go **** himself. If you aren't prepared to do that then you are as bad as he is.


Thank you for saying exactly what I am thinking


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## Happy Paws2 (Sep 13, 2008)

A toddler can do more damage to your home than a cat.


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

Wow.

Six years and he suddenly wants to get rid of the cat in case it messes up the new house?

Does he know what toddlers are capable of???

Get some scratching posts, or cardboard scratchers. Even front door mats just for the cat (my lot love those).

Put a tray where the baby can't go without you, if you dont intend to install a catflap so the cat can come as go as it is used to.

My D knows that the only reason I would ever even comtemplate getting rid of the Munchkins, would be if his life was in danger if they stayed!
He knows suggesting it would also put his life in danger 

Good luck - I hope your husband sees sense and is happy that the WHOLE family, including the cat, will be starting on a new adventure in a new home!


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## Lyracollie (Mar 20, 2014)

We had a friend visit with their 2 year old last week and within 20 minutes our house was trashed, so if your husband honestly wants to get rid of your cat because it MIGHT scratch your furniture then he may as well re-home the kid while he's at it.

I'll never understand why people adopt/buy animals and then complain when they behave like an animal, what do you expect will happen? You can't just take on a cat for 6 years and suddenly get offended when they behave like a cat.


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## urbantigers (Apr 13, 2014)

Happy Paws said:


> A toddler can do more damage to your home than a cat.


That's exactly what I was thinking. You have a one year old and your husband's worried about your cat destroying your home?

There's no reason he should scratch furniture excessively if you provide plenty of scratching posts with different surfaces (sisal, carpet, cardboard). You can get double sided sticky strips to stick on furniture which help deter scratching.

It would be better to keep him in at night than shut him out.

You may feel that comments about getting rid of the husband to be harsh but frankly your husband isn't exactly sounding like a great catch right now. Will he want rid of your son after 6 years? He seems to need a lesson in responsibility imo. However, if you can't get him to see sense it might be better if you rehome your cat. He deserves to be wanted and cared for by someone who doesn't consider a nuisance.


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## RubyFelicity (Aug 26, 2013)

I can imagine how stressful this is. Moving house is bad enough. You said your husband wanted the cat. Well he's got one and its a commitment for life. Is wrong in every level to bring a cat into your life/home then get rid. I'm sure you wouldn't have got one if you knew he would do this .


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## Sacrechat (Feb 27, 2011)

I can't help wondering if we are dealing with a troll. It is a newbie after all.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

@RubyWaterman - your cat has been a loyal and affectionate companion to you and your family for 6 years. He needs and deserves a loving home where he is welcomed as a valued member of the family and is allowed to express his natural feline behaviour. He is not going to feel welcomed or loved if he is constantly shouted at for scratching carpets etc and shut out of the house all night with his only shelter an outdoor cat house. 

It sounds as though in your old house your cat was allowed to get into a very bad habit of scratching your furniture, carpets etc. That is because you did not train him as soon as you got him to use scratch posts and scratch pads.

A cat has to scratch, it's natural cat behaviour, - to scent mark his home (from the pads in his paws) and to keep his claws trim. If you don't provide lots of scratch posts and pads for him to use, all around the house, then of course he will use your carpets and furniture. 

Now you want him to stop scratching your home, but he is not going to stop unless you give the time to re-train him. It IS possible to do this, but it needs the trainer to be well motivated, patient and kind. You sound like a reasonable person and you may have the required qualities in abundance, but if your husband is going to be harsh, impatient or mean with your cat whilst you are trying to re-train him, then you are on a non-starter.

A cat does not learn to do what you want him to if he is anxious and stressed. He learns because you direct him to what you want him to do repeatedly and patiently until he has got the idea.

Why you can't fit a microchip cat flap to the back door, or in an outside wall, and leave it open all day so the cat can toilet outside?. At night shut the cat indoors in the kitchen/living room with his food, water, bed and litter tray and lock the cat flap so he can't get out. Your toddler is in his bed at night so a litter tray overnight in the kitchen, removed in the morning, is not going to be a problem for him.

Use a plastic storage box for a litter tray - the type with a removable lid - intended to fit under the bed. It will be deep enough for a tray and the sides are low enough for the cat to jump in and out easily. The boxes are very cheap to buy at £5 from Tesco. Every morning scoop the tray, put the lid on it and put it away out of reach of your toddler until bedtime. No smells, no hassle.  .

As someone else has pointed out, if your cat is shut indoors a night he can't bring in wild life and leave it mangled on the floor.

If you are willing to give the time to re-train your cat, first of all you need to buy lots of scratching posts and scratch pads, enough for every room. Cardboard pads are popular and so cheap to buy from Zooplus UK you can have several to a room. Scratch posts are also cheap to buy from Zooplus UK. .

http://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/cats/scratching_posts/scratching_pads/scratching_mat/101907

http://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/cats/scratching_posts/scratching_posts/281653

(Cardboard pads need replacing every couple of months once the surface has been shredded)

Once you have the new pads and posts all around the home, rub them all daily with powdered cat nip. Then wait until you see your cat go to scratch carpets, furniture etc and immediately go calmly to him, pick him up and carry him to the nearest post or pad and _*gently *_paddle his front paws up and down on it a few times mimicking the movements he makes.

Remember this is a training exercise, so please do not ever tell him off for scratching where he shouldn't - just calmly pick him up and direct his attention to where you want him to scratch.

You will need to be consistent and do the training every single time he goes to scratch in the wrong places. If you are not consistent you will allow him to think you are not serious and then it will be harder to train him. You should see some improvement in a week or so, but it will take a month to complete the training in full. If he has a slip up after that you just remind him for the next few days until he is back on track again.

I can tell you I have successfully trained every cat companion I've ever had over the years, using this method. That's a lot of cats, and they have been a mix of kittens, rescued adult cats, older cats, strays and semi-ferals. I never accept that a cat is too young, too old, or too stubborn to learn.

However, if your husband is not prepared to permit the allowances I have mentioned above and to
to be patient and kind with the cat whilst you retrain him, then it would be kinder to find the cat a new home. If you do decide to do this, I beg you, please do a proper home check of any potential adopter.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

@chillminx: excellent helpful post; but, sadly, I fear you may be ''wasting your sweetness on the desert air'' (unquote). Another consideration is that if the cat becomes stressed as a result of husband's behaviour and attitude towards him, he may well begin to urinate in inappropriate places (the cat, not the husband) which would really give him something to complain about.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Sacremist said:


> I can't help wondering if we are dealing with a troll. It is a newbie after all.


@Sacremist: had my doubts too, but the reason I gave this the benefit of the doubt was that it was so well-written; most of our (recent) ones have been almost illiterate (or pretended to be) to the point that on occasions I could not make arse nor tail of what they were going on about. Let us see how this pans out. OP has not answered recent posts...


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

I think the cat would be better of being rehomed, through a proper rescue, to be honest.

Don't get any more animals, ever. They really deserve better. 

Learn to stand up to your husband for the future challenges you will face in life, not least bringing up a child.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

Sounds a bit like Belinda to me.


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## Brrosa (Mar 21, 2016)

Can we see a few photos of your cat?


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## SpringDance (Mar 18, 2016)

It may or may not be a troll, however the answers are still helpful. Some day they may help someone who doesn't post on here, yet stumbles upon this thread via Google. It's not always a waste of time answering threads like this as long as posters don't over-invest themselves.


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## Blaise in Surrey (Jun 10, 2014)

Lurcherlad said:


> I think the cat would be better of being rehomed, through a proper rescue, to be honest.
> 
> Don't get any more animals, ever. They really deserve better.
> 
> Learn to stand up to your husband for the future challenges you will face in life, not least bringing up a child.


Completely agree with this: the cat deserves better. I do hope, OP, that this issue is not just a microcosm of others you are facing in your marriage. If is it, please get some help.


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## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

Your husband seems to be quite adamant about getting rid of your cat. It sounds to me that finding him a good loving home might be the best solution as I don't think he will have a particularly happy life and he deserves a lot better. A cat should be part of the family not banished to a life living in the garden.


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## Elsiebea (Apr 24, 2015)

Just read all of this. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but I just don't buy it. Sorry but this crazy post needs to end.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Will your husband want to rehome the child if he vomits on the new carpet, smears ketchup or whatever on the new sofas or breaks some precious ornament? 

Because kids do that. 

In chronological order of destructive capabilities to anything new or 'nice' the list goes:

Toddlers

Puppies

Kittens

Adult cats & dogs


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

SpringDance said:


> It may or may not be a troll, however the answers are still helpful. Some day they may help someone who doesn't post on here, yet stumbles upon this thread via Google. It's not always a waste of time answering threads like this as long as posters don't over-invest themselves.


Well put! 

I'd rather give the benefit of the doubt when I am uncertain if it is a genuine request for help or not. And as you say, our answers may help someone else reading the thread one day


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Do you know, I really empathise with the original Poster here. I am very much older than most of you and have a husband with a similar mindset (although he's nuts about our two cats) and when he gets a bee in his bonnet he's so unreasonable there's just no argument that will sway him. These people cannot be 'sat down and talked to' because they have legs and feet and they know how to walk away. You either do what they want or you do what you want - furniture, dead mice, litter trays, cat flaps - whatever, and put up with it, you have to stick to your guns if this your decided option and be strong.
Just ignore him and don't ever be drawn into an argument or discussion about it. YOU have made up YOUR mind and thats that! As Prince Charles said - its NOT negotiable!


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

moggie14 said:


> Sounds a bit like Belinda to me.


@moggie14: I think Belinda was before my time (or I missed her). I keep reading her name on PF so assume she was a notorious troll.


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## Elsiebea (Apr 24, 2015)

I suppose I Find it strange that someone who has looked after a cat for as long as 6 years without a complaint can use a new house and new furnishings as an excuse to get rid.. Very odd.
Perhaps the op isn't telling us everything


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## sophiacole553 (Jul 26, 2016)

give its own place and Fenced in


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## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

Elsiebea said:


> I suppose I Find it strange that someone who has looked after a cat for as long as 6 years without a complaint can use a new house and new furnishings as an excuse to get rid.. Very odd.
> Perhaps the op isn't telling us everything


especially with such a young child in the home, in six months time those lovely new furnishings will be awash with Ribena and sticky little finger marks, unless the poor soul is confined to a play pen in the garden of course, you can encourage 'acceptable' behaviour of course but if you share your home with a pet and/or children, the important word to remember is 'share'


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## OrientalSlave (Jan 26, 2012)

simplysardonic said:


> Will your husband want to rehome the child if he vomits on the new carpet, smears ketchup or whatever on the new sofas or breaks some precious ornament?
> 
> Because kids do that.
> 
> ...


Where would teenagers fit in?


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## Elsiebea (Apr 24, 2015)

My brother is the fussiest neat freak I know. His house is kept in perfect condition but even he has a cat (plus two little kids)


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

OrientalSlave said:


> Where would teenagers fit in?


Hmm, I'd say somewhere between toddlers & kittens at best, but at Number One above toddlers at worst, depending on what mood they're in....


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## The Wild Bunch (Jul 16, 2014)

I am very houseproud. I Hoover daily, clean my bathroom and kitchen every other day and change my bed every 3 days. It's just the way I am. I have two cats and two kids. My son learnt to write his name and proceeded to write his name over and over again on my walls! We redecorated once he had got out of the habit of doodling. I know what I was like as a teenager and the amount of mess (and vomit ) I produced from drinking white lightning on the school fields. My mum must have despaired!


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## diefenbaker (Jan 15, 2011)

daisysmama said:


> the amount of mess (and vomit ) I produced from drinking white lightning on the school fields. My mum must have despaired!


I think you have stumbled upon the answer to the OPs problems. At least a couple of 3 litre bottles of White Lightning every night. Once you have been sick over him and crapped the bed a few times your husband will stop thinking about any issues with the cat.


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## spotty cats (Jul 24, 2012)

RubyWaterman said:


> Does anyone have any experience of using the outdoor cat houses? If we locked him out at night and got one of these at least he would have somewhere to go to curl up and sleep. How do you stop other cats from going in?


Might be a tight squeeze, I'd upsize him to a large dog kennel myself, but most men I know enjoy roughing it camping, a nice snuggly sleeping bag and a few beers each evening he should be ok out there.


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

spotty cats said:


> Might be a tight squeeze, I'd upsize him to a large dog kennel myself, but most men I know enjoy roughing it camping, a nice snuggly sleeping bag and a few beers each evening he should be ok out there.


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## loroll1991 (Apr 11, 2015)

spotty cats said:


> Might be a tight squeeze, I'd upsize him to a large dog kennel myself, but most men I know enjoy roughing it camping, a nice snuggly sleeping bag and a few beers each evening he should be ok out there.


This!!!!


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

Elsiebea said:


> I suppose I Find it strange that someone who has looked after a cat for as long as 6 years without a complaint can use a new house and new furnishings as an excuse to get rid.. Very odd.
> Perhaps the op isn't telling us everything


It happens. I was asked to collect a GSD to rehome and asked the reason and the owner said they had bought an expensive new carpet and the dogs claws were damaging it , they shut it out of the room but it kept whining so it had to go .


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## loroll1991 (Apr 11, 2015)

kimthecat said:


> It happens. I was asked to collect a GSD to rehome and asked the reason and the owner said they had bought an expensive new carpet and the dogs claws were damaging it , they shut it out of the room but it kept whining so it had to go .


I just cannot understand some people sometimes :'(


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## minari (Jun 30, 2016)

_'I do not want to get rid of him'_
'_It upsets me whenever I think about getting rid of him and he is not backing down or being reasonable in my view.' _

I honestly can't comprehend why such phrases were used repeatedly by OP. I found it very disturbing.
People who can't keep their pets for sound reasons would do their best to REHOME them, however such intention was never expressed or even acknowledged by OP when many others have suggested so, 
I hope this is NOT a true story. œ


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## minari (Jun 30, 2016)

EDIT: double posting.


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## Emmatron (Jun 14, 2016)

We own our flat but it's leasehold. We only found out a few weeks ago that the lease actually says no pets (we clearly skimmed past this bit! Yikes!). Our concierge noticed when we brought the boys out in cat carriers on the way to the vet and let us know. He's an awesome guy and just reminded us that we aren't allowed pets but that he wouldn't tell anybody. The easy solution would be to re home the cats. Honestly though, we'd rather go to court, accept possible fines and move house. We've only had our boys 4 months and would rather sell our flat than lose them. How he can feel nothing after 6 years is worrying.

I do suspect this is a troll though...


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## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

OP Has not looked in since yesterday morning so I think the thread is now dead.


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## Pappychi (Aug 12, 2015)

My ex mentioned getting rid of all of my cats.

I got rid of my ex.

Problems were all magically solved.


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

Soozi said:


> OP Has not looked in since yesterday morning so I think the thread is now dead.


To be honest, though, if I were a genuine new poster with a genuine dilemma and I'd gone back to read my thread hoping for constructive advice and instead been faced with some of the opinions voiced here, I wouldn't have bothered coming back again either.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Emmatron said:


> just reminded us that we aren't allowed pets


@Emmatron:Make sure you keep him sweet and give him a couple of bottles at Christmas.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

kimthecat said:


> they had bought an expensive new carpet


You see this on Gumtree quite often ...''Mum bought a new white carpet so the cat has to go''... I have honestly seen that. This plus the new baby or the allergies.


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)




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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

One helpful person has suggested I post a couple of pictures to prove I am not a troll, so above are a couple of my beautiful cat, Thai. He is a cross between a Siamese and a tabby.

I would like to thank those of you who have actually responded with some useful and practical advice to what was a genuine request for help with a genuine problem. Despite what some people have written, I do have a backbone and I do have a heart and love my cat dearly, hence writing this post in the first place. If I didn't care then I would have just got rid of him, would I not?? Yes, my husband is being unreasonable but no one is perfect, and quite frankly I value my marriage so the comments suggesting I throw him out are just pointless and not helpful. I am sure I am not the only one facing a similar battle and I thought this community may be able to help me deal with it in a way that will keep everyone on side and happy.

I have grown up with cats and would never, ever see one maltreated or uncared for. People are very quick to judge, as I have now realised. Maybe my wording was not thought through, as I do not want to stop my cat behaving in its natural way, I was just looking for some advice to help us all to live harmoniously as I thought there may be things I hadn't thought of, such as the deep box with lid for a litter tray as suggested by one helpful poster - THANK YOU.

Does anyone have any advice if I am to shut my cat in at night and he starts to whine at the door (he can be very loud) what I can do to stop him from doing this?

Thanks.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Has he always stayed indoors at night?


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## minari (Jun 30, 2016)

However much I want to believe that you truly care about your cats, it is just not coming through for me.
For 6 years you did not buy him any scratching post/board.
He is not allowed to go upstairs.
He cries to be let in because he wants to be with you but you don't feel sorry for making him cry.
You want to shut him out at night, no concern for coldness or dangers.

Your husband maybe right in saying that your cat won't have a good life in your new house. Because he is clearly not welcomed and definitely not been treated as part of the family.
He is a stunning cat and I'm sure many out there would happily take him on and provide proper resources like scratching post and litter tray, a safe and warm place to live, and give him the attention and love that he deserves.


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## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

Thai is just beautiful! I am sorry but I can foresee lots of problems ahead with trying to change Thai's habits he may or may not adapt and although cats cope well with lots of changes it will take time and lots of patience so try to make your husband understand that. If things get to breaking point the best and kindest thing you could do for Thai is rehome Thai where he can be himself. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes it's an awful and sad situation.


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## loroll1991 (Apr 11, 2015)

I am sorry if you feel you haven't been supported but peoples (including me) cats are their lives and to read what @minari has pointed out below is a very valid point. I feel if your husband can think this way, and you're contemplating letting him be locked out and even now when he cries to be let in and you don't let him or even feel bad, you should look to rehome him somewhere that can give him the attention he is desperate for. A cat should be allowed to be a cat. Any pet should be allowed to be a pet.



minari said:


> However much I want to believe that you truly care about your cats, it is just not coming through for me.
> For 6 years you did not buy him any scratching post/board.
> He is not allowed to go upstairs.
> He cries to be let in because he wants to be with you but you don't feel sorry for making him cry.
> ...


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

RubyWaterman said:


> One helpful person has suggested I post a couple of pictures to prove I am not a troll, so above are a couple of my beautiful cat, Thai. He is a cross between a Siamese and a tabby.
> 
> I would like to thank those of you who have actually responded with some useful and practical advice to what was a genuine request for help with a genuine problem. Despite what some people have written, I do have a backbone and I do have a heart and love my cat dearly, hence writing this post in the first place. If I didn't care then I would have just got rid of him, would I not?? Yes, my husband is being unreasonable but no one is perfect, and quite frankly I value my marriage so the comments suggesting I throw him out are just pointless and not helpful. I am sure I am not the only one facing a similar battle and I thought this community may be able to help me deal with it in a way that will keep everyone on side and happy.
> 
> ...


I'm glad you're still here posting with us 

Lovely boy! If he has Siamese in him, then he's going to have a lot of energy and personality, but is probably also quite bright and able to learn, so you need to put a lot of thought into keeping him entertained and active.

When you move, you're going to have to keep him in for several weeks anyway, until he gets used to the new house being home - if you let him roam withint he first month or so, he may try and find his way back to his old territory and go missing. So you'll have plenty of time for him to get used to being in overnight. It also means that out of the blocks you are going to need to provide him with litter trays, scratching posts and a lot of entertainment so he doesn't start to engage in the behaviours you don't want, and you need to be ready for that! Keeping him on one room (a spare bedroom, perhaps) for a few days at first may help him settle in.

You'll probably find it worth investing in a good big cat tree in addition to the scratching posts/barrels. Cat's love to climb, and a tall cat tree is a good way to keep them climbing something allowable rather than your own furniture or curtains. I have a Tigga Tower as their granite bases were the only way I was going to get a lot of height in my tiny house, but they are VERY expensive and there are plenty of other options if you have a bit more space - there are plenty to be had on zooplus, and some people buy German brands too as they tend to be really solid and last for years with very little wear. It will also give him a safe place to retreat to out of reach once your baby (congratulations!) becomes a toddler  as quite a lot of them have numerous beds, platforms and hidey holes. If hubby gripes about the cost of all the cat furniture, you can gently remind him that he is the one who is worried about the cat damaging the new human furniture and carpets, and the best way to prevent damage is to provide alternative outlets for scratching and play. Putting throws over furniture helps too!

Interactive toys have already been mentioned, and the Flying Frenzy is good for big rooms - some shorter wand toys and stick toys are good for smaller spaces too. Also things like straws, springs, ping pong balls, toys stuffed with catnip or valerian (if you can stand the valerian pong!) to throw around and chase - one of my cats loves to play fetch with smaller toys!

Food is also important. A lot of mainstream cat foods (Whiskas, Felix, Royal Canin, Iams, James Wellbeloved, Hills, other supermarked bought foods) have a lot of grain and sugar in, which can cause hyper behaviour and very smelly poos. Switching to grain free wet food (and ditching dry food completely if possible) will help a LOT with that.

I won't beat around the bush, you're probably going to have to put a lot of work in with him, and you might not succeed in all areas. If hubby isn't prepared to pitch in with that, then finding him a new home may be the best option. But if you're willing to give it a go, there's no reason why things can't work out


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

minari said:


> However much I want to believe that you truly care about your cats, it is just not coming through for me.
> For 6 years you did not buy him any scratching post/board.
> He is not allowed to go upstairs.
> He cries to be let in because he wants to be with you but you don't feel sorry for making him cry.
> ...





loroll1991 said:


> I am sorry if you feel you haven't been supported but peoples (including me) cats are their lives and to read what @minari has pointed out below is a very valid point. I feel if your husband can think this way, and you're contemplating letting him be locked out and even now when he cries to be let in and you don't let him or even feel bad, you should look to rehome him somewhere that can give him the attention he is desperate for. A cat should be allowed to be a cat. Any pet should be allowed to be a pet.


Oh, give over a bit you lot...

Not buying a scratching post doesn't mean someone doesn't care about their cat, just that they have a bit of learning to do - people can think needing a scratching post a kitten thing, not a lifetime requirement. Pretty sure my Charlie never had one for five years in her previous family, and the cats weren't allowed upstairs there either. They were happy enough, they had fields and woodland to roam over 24/7 and live trees as scratching posts  My girls get shut out the bedroom if I'm very tired and need an unbroken night rest, or when Mum visits as she doesn't like sharing a bed with animals. If I hadn't needed the extra height to ease tensions with Lori, I probably still wouldn't have a cat tree either. If I hadn't found this forum (or if I'd been told when I arrive I was an uncaring owner for not knowing stuff already and decided not to stay) I'd still be feeding Felix and tesco dry food, and I'd probably only have one litter tray for both cats, too.

Lets face it, people like the majority of us Cat-chatters, with our multiple scratching posts, cat beds and litter trays plus more toys than your average playgroup etc. are more the exception than the rule. Yes, a cat should be allowed to be a cat - so, how many of you are going to pop down to Pets at Home tonight and buy a few live mice for them to hunt?  I'm guessing not many - but then, we all have different boundaries, don't we?

TL:DR version: We have a newcomer who wants help to better care for their cat in a difficult scenario. Perhaps we should consider trying education before condemnation?


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## Laney_Lemons (Mar 23, 2016)

Really sad thread... a little kitty welcomed into a family 6 years ago and then after their lifestyle changes and they get a nice house the cat is shipped off and moved out in case it scratches the new furniture  ...

If its advice you are looking for, try and make it work by doing all the things people suggested... have you talked to your husband at how upsetting this is to you? Surely if he knew how upset you are he wouldn't consider re-homing ?? ?? 


If you do go ahead with the re-homing please never get another pet again, they are a lifetime commitment not just for the time being, my dog is currently de-fluffing my £700 sofa and i have to put provisions in place to try and stop this but never once does re-homing come into it.. 

i do understand animals need re-homed due to circumstances, but I find your husbands reasons pathetic to be honest


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## Gwen9244 (Nov 10, 2012)

We have 4 cats and although there are a few scratches on the sofas (usually from when they are chasing each other) they have never willfully set out to destroy our sofas. They have a selection of scratchers/cat trees which they happily scratch away on. We have all covered litter trays and use OKO plus litter but (I hope I haven't gone nose blind) they don't smell. Well their poos can be a bit wiffy when first done! If you are willing to put in the time to help to reeducate Thai it will be so worthwhile.


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

Jesthar said:


> Oh, give over a bit you lot...
> 
> Not buying a scratching post doesn't mean someone doesn't care about their cat, just that they have a bit of learning to do - people can think needing a scratching post a kitten thing, not a lifetime requirement. Pretty sure my Charlie never had one for five years in her previous family, and the cats weren't allowed upstairs there either. They were happy enough, they had fields and woodland to roam over 24/7 and live trees as scratching posts  My girls get shut out the bedroom if I'm very tired and need an unbroken night rest, or when Mum visits as she doesn't like sharing a bed with animals. If I hadn't needed the extra height to ease tensions with Lori, I probably still wouldn't have a cat tree either. If I hadn't found this forum (or if I'd been told when I arrive I was an uncaring owner for not knowing stuff already and decided not to stay) I'd still be feeding Felix and tesco dry food, and I'd probably only have one litter tray for both cats, too.
> 
> ...


Thank you Jesthar. I feel it is not really worth replying to some comments on here as all I get is negativity and judgemental comments in return. Thai did have a scratching post as a kitten but seemed to stop using it as he was allowed to come and go as he pleased and we had an old tree stump in our back garden that he used to use, as well as other natural sources I am sure. He also had a cat bed and plenty of places up high to hide without us having to buy a cat tree. We had a big open field behind our old house where he loved to roam about. Unfortunately the area we are moving to is nearer a main road but that is the price we had to pay for moving to a bigger home for our family. Surely I am not alone in setting some boundaries for my pets? I love my little boy my human son!) to the moon and back but that doesn't mean I am going to let him do exactly as he pleases all of the time. my cat will only occasionally whine at our window, if he did it every night then he obviously isn't happy and we would have to do something. My son may also whine because he wants a particular toy and I won't buy it, will I stand my grand, yes I will. I guess like you say, we all have different boundaries and have to agree to disagree on some points.


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

I'm just stepping in here to say I know we have had several trolls recently and it makes everyone wary of new members, especially those posting something that is out of the ordinary or goes against what many on here perceive to be 'normal' cat ownership (ownership by cats not of cats ) Suggestions that the OP should ditch her husband may have been tongue in cheek, some of you may have meant it, but you need to consider that, in reality, that isn't genuinely an option for most people - mine won't let me buy new carpets, curtains, sofas etc because the cats will only wreck them and to be honest I can see his point, even though I provide a wide variety of toys, scratch posts, climbing trees etc, etc. 


RubyWaterman said:


> Does anyone have any advice if I am to shut my cat in at night and he starts to whine at the door (he can be very loud) what I can do to stop him from doing this?


If you give him a good meal as you go to bed it will help to settle him at night. Leave him some interactive toys to play with if he does wake - Catit ball tracks are good imo.
You really need to discuss with your husband how upsetting his suggestion to rehome Thai is and find a strategy that works for all of you.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hi @RubyWaterman - I'm pleased you came back.

Your cat is gorgeous - a real beauty.  If he were mine I would not be allowing him out at night for fear he might wander off and someone steal him!  Let alone the trouble he could get into fighting with other cats. And of course there is now the proximity of the main road to consider too.

I think it will be very much in Thai's best interest to keep him in at night. Yes, he probably will object, and I understand that with him being a Siamese-cross he has a loud voice, bless him! :Arghh It may even be a case of you needing to wear earplugs at night for a few nights.

But cats can and DO adapt to changes in routine as long as you persevere and are consistent and patient. 

If Thai has been used to going out all night he probably sleeps a lot in the day, so you'll need to get him gradually to alter this with changes in his routine so he becomes more active in the day times & evenings and will be more prepared to settle down at night and sleep. I stress he is unlikely to be content to be indoors all night unless he has had plenty of activity to compensate in the day time. He is still a young cat so he no doubt has lots of energy.

I appreciate with a baby you are kept busy in the day time, but when the baby is napping you could play with Thai. Same in the evenings after baby has gone to bed, you can encourage Thai to interact with you rather than sleeping.

If Thai goes out in the evening and comes back obediently when you call him in for a tasty supper of wet or raw food, then he will get used to the idea it's worth coming home then. 

Once he's had his supper have a settling-down routine where you sit quietly with him in the kitchen/living room with the lights low and the TV off until he has finished his post prandial grooming and is settling for sleep. Leave a radio on low playing soothing classical music. Then tip toe out of the room and go to bed, closing your bedroom door, so there are two doors between you.

If Thai always has a litter tray provided for him at night he may well be less bothered anyway about going outdoors at night, especially once the cold wet UK weather comes along in about a month's time!


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## clairescats (Feb 13, 2014)

Regards to cat litter and trays, would you have an option outside to cover an area over so he can have trays out there? I have done this for my cats and they go outside to use them no problem. Just tying to think of a way to remove the worry of the tray and your baby getting near it.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

He is a lovely-looking boy; very handsome.


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## urbantigers (Apr 13, 2014)

You've received some good advice and some you probably didn't want but nobody wants a situation where your lovely boy is effectively on probation and one false move means he's out the door. It's important that your family as a whole wants to have him in your home and is prepared to deal with whatever lies ahead. My concern is that you will rub along ok for a while then something will happen, a UTI for example resulting in him peeing on the carpet, and it will be the final straw. Circumstances do change and if you don't all feel able to offer him a home for life, unconditionally (barring the unexpected) then the bravest thing is to admit it now and rehome him while he's young enough to adapt. 

I can tell you care for him and maybe you didn't express your husband's feelings very well, but I think everyone on here is just concerned for your cat.


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## RubyWaterman (Sep 10, 2016)

Sweety said:


> Has he always stayed indoors at night?


No we had a cat flap in our last house so he has always been able to go out and come back in when he pleases. We kept him confined to the kitchen and living room and have not had a litter tray since he was a kitten as he just goes outside. He was very happy and would on,y occasionally whine outside our bedroom window. The only issue with this is that he does obviously bring in living and dead animals, which is something we didn't mind before our little boy came along. We were worried about him picking up something if we hadn't spotted it (mice can get anywhere and everywhere!) and the mess has ruined some of things including the playmat. I don't honestly know how he would take to being kept in over night, I suspect he might not be too keen as he hasn't been used to this. Do you have any advice on how else we could prevent the dead animals being brought home if we were to install a cat flap so he can continue to come and go as he pleases?


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## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

RubyWaterman said:


> No we had a cat flap in our last house so he has always been able to go out and come back in when he pleases. We kept him confined to the kitchen and living room and have not had a litter tray since he was a kitten as he just goes outside. He was very happy and would on,y occasionally whine outside our bedroom window. The only issue with this is that he does obviously bring in living and dead animals, which is something we didn't mind before our little boy came along. We were worried about him picking up something if we hadn't spotted it (mice can get anywhere and everywhere!) and the mess has ruined some of things including the playmat. I don't honestly know how he would take to being kept in over night, I suspect he might not be too keen as he hasn't been used to this. Do you have any advice on how else we could prevent the dead animals being brought home if we were to install a cat flap so he can continue to come and go as he pleases?


I really don't think you will be able to stop a cat bringing home its prey it's an inbred instinct. Lots of changes are possible but it is not possible to change a cat into something it isn't. The first thing to try is keeping Thai in at night as this is the most likely time he will be in hunting mode.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

I'm afraid the way to stop him bringing in alive or dead prey is to shut him in at night.

I understand you do not wish to impose any restrictions on Thai's movements and like him to be free to come and go 24/7 as he
pleases. .My friend and neighbour who has had cats all her life is the same. During the night her cats are shut in the kitchen from where they can access the cat flap. Yes, they bring in mice, voles, even a frog once, but as the kitchen has a tiled floor my neighbour finds it easy enough to clean up.

Like me she has a humane trap for any live mice the cats bring in, and these traps are very effective at coaxing the mice inside with a bit of cereal or chocolate, and then one can put them outdoors safely the next morning to live another day..

Thinking laterally, one suggestion I have as an alternative would be to build him an outdoor pen to use just at night, along the lines of the pens we have at the Shelter. It would have an open area and a cosy dry enclosed sleeping area which you would heat in the winter. In Thai's case you'd of course need a microchip cat flap in the door of the pen so he can go out into the garden, but no other cats can get into his pen and spray it.

Outdoor pens are not too expensive to build, if you use aviary panels. My OH built one for my two female cats to use in the evenings as they are not allowed out after dusk, but they love sitting oudoors watching flying insects and listening to mice and hedgehogs rustling in the undergrowth. .In their case my cats can't get out. I am sure they would happily sleep in it at night if I let them, at least in warm weather..

To keep Thai's food fresh in his night pen I would buy him a Sureflap feeder.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

Thai is absolutely beautiful. 
The main road might be a problem. How far is it from your new house ?
He will not be use to busy roads if you lived in a quieter area and with field.















Also he might not find too much prey if you are more in a built up area.
An enclosure is a good idea. My Hubby made one for our cats. Although we have a fully cat proof garden our little ginger boy still manages to get out. So if I go out for an hour or more I pop him in the enclosure if the weather is nice. I have put a couple of pictures on here to show you. It now has artificial grass down now.

About litter trays. You can buy an outdoor one from www.zooplus.co.uk They are about £25.


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## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

jill3 said:


> Thai is absolutely beautiful.
> The main road might be a problem. How far is it from your new house ?
> He will not be use to busy roads if you lived in a quieter area and with field.
> View attachment 283577
> ...


Your outside enclosure is fab!!!


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## Sacrechat (Feb 27, 2011)

spotty cats said:


> Might be a tight squeeze, I'd upsize him to a large dog kennel myself, but most men I know enjoy roughing it camping, a nice snuggly sleeping bag and a few beers each evening he should be ok out there.


Lol! Lol! Lol!


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## Sacrechat (Feb 27, 2011)

ExD said:


> Do you know, I really empathise with the original Poster here. I am very much older than most of you and have a husband with a similar mindset (although he's nuts about our two cats) and when he gets a bee in his bonnet he's so unreasonable there's just no argument that will sway him. These people cannot be 'sat down and talked to' because they have legs and feet and they know how to walk away. You either do what they want or you do what you want - furniture, dead mice, litter trays, cat flaps - whatever, and put up with it, you have to stick to your guns if this your decided option and be strong.
> Just ignore him and don't ever be drawn into an argument or discussion about it. YOU have made up YOUR mind and thats that! As Prince Charles said - its NOT negotiable!


I wouldn't be too sure that you are a lot older than many here, there are quite a few of us who have Waved goodbye to our youth, however, I firmly believe that whilst growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional. .

My hubby is quite a bit older than me and he too can be unreasonable a lot of the time, but I'm a strong woman and I've never taken any if his doodah. He had never had cats in his life until after we married and I rolled up with two kittens. He asked me if the kittens would live in the shed. I told him no, you are, there's a camp bed in the garage; the kittens are coming to bed with me. I forgave him his ignorance because he didn't know better, but after 29 years of marriage he knows my passions. Quite frankly, even if he didn't, he could be as unreasonable as he likes, I will still do what I want to do. At the end of the day, he just wants an easy life and an easy life means letting me make all the decisions, because I'll just argue, argue and argue till he gives up and accepts defeat.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

First. Who gets new stuff having one year old?

Insane. 

Two . Cat run outside solves the dead animal problem unless something is caught indoor. 

I believe in keeping maybe some rooms closed ( think toddler on the run).

Your child will benefit from your cat's company in many ways. It provides so much educational and entertainment values.
Point that to your OH.

Tbh in my case if my OH wanted to get rid of ours it would mean he does not care about my feelings and needs more than he cares about a sofa.

Then time to think if I want such man in my life at all.

If he cares about you then he would listen.

Anyhow you have my sincere sympathy.

People who put inanimate objects above their spouse, their family and pets are lacking something important.
Heart?

Wonder what happens to your baby if it ruins new sofa....


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## Shrike (Jun 25, 2015)

Jill3 - that's a nice run, but I feel its a little antiseptic? My cat loves prowling through undergrowth to find insects to chase about and likes to nibble on bits of grass.


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## OrientalSlave (Jan 26, 2012)

Shrike said:


> Jill3 - that's a nice run, but I feel its a little antiseptic? My cat loves prowling through undergrowth to find insects to chase about and likes to nibble on bits of grass.


It at all possible an enclosed garden is a better solution and depending on your garden, existing fencing & DIY skills it can be cheaper than a run.


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## loroll1991 (Apr 11, 2015)

RubyWaterman said:


> Surely I am not alone in setting some boundaries for my pets? I love my little boy my human son!) to the moon and back but that doesn't mean I am going to let him do exactly as he pleases all of the time. my cat will only occasionally whine at our window, if he did it every night then he obviously isn't happy and we would have to do something. My son may also whine because he wants a particular toy and I won't buy it, will I stand my grand, yes I will. I guess like you say, we all have different boundaries and have to agree to disagree on some points.


I only meant that I cannot understand that if your cat is whining at the window, wanting to come in, why would you leave him outside? Clearly, he is doing it, everyday or on the odd occasion, at that moment in time he wants to come in. Of course you set boundaries. Everybody does.

Anyway, Thai is gorgeous and I hope you are able to resolve your issue with the amazing advice from amazing people on here  x


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

loroll1991 said:


> I only meant that I cannot understand that if your cat is whining at the window, wanting to come in, why would you leave him outside? Clearly, he is doing it, everyday or on the odd occasion, at that moment in time he wants to come in. Of course you set boundaries. Everybody does.
> 
> Anyway, Thai is gorgeous and I hope you are able to resolve your issue with the amazing advice from amazing people on here  x


I believe Ruby said he only does this occasionally, but she would like to _prevent_ it becoming a regular thing. Which, of course, keeping him in at night would achieve.

On the flip side, I didn't let Charlie-girl in last night when she first asked, but that was because I was doing something I didn't want to expose her to health wise. Usually when that happens, though, I've fallen asleep on the sofa...


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

Shrike said:


> Jill3 - that's a nice run, but I feel its a little antiseptic? My cat loves prowling through undergrowth to find insects to chase about and likes to nibble on bits of grass.


These photos are of it before the enclosure was finished. It is only for when I have to go out for an hour or so to keep Ollie safe has he can still get over the cat proof garden and I am worried about what could happen to him. The other two are fine and they don't get over the fence. We have also done a tunnel now for when we go on Holiday they can still have a bit of the outside but we can go away knowing full well that they are safe. Has you see they do have some nice things in the garden too.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

OrientalSlave said:


> It at all possible an enclosed garden is a better solution and depending on your garden, existing fencing & DIY skills it can be cheaper than a run.


Yes we have had to have both!! Still safety for our little ones are the most important thing.


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## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

jill3 said:


> These photos are of it before the enclosure was finished. It is only for when I have to go out for an hour or so to keep Ollie safe has he can still get over the cat proof garden and I am worried about what could happen to him. The other two are fine and they don't get over the fence. We have also done a tunnel now for when we go on Holiday they can still have a bit of the outside but we can go away knowing full well that they are safe. Has you see they do have some nice things in the garden too.


It's wonderful!! Cats safe and in cat heaven!


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## Elaine b37 (May 25, 2014)

RubyWaterman said:


> One helpful person has suggested I post a couple of pictures to prove I am not a troll, so above are a couple of my beautiful cat, Thai. He is a cross between a Siamese and a tabby.
> 
> I would like to thank those of you who have actually responded with some useful and practical advice to what was a genuine request for help with a genuine problem. Despite what some people have written, I do have a backbone and I do have a heart and love my cat dearly, hence writing this post in the first place. *If I didn't care then I would have just got rid of him*, would I not?? Yes, my husband is being unreasonable but no one is perfect, and quite frankly I value my marriage so the comments suggesting I throw him out are just pointless and not helpful. I am sure I am not the only one facing a similar battle and I thought this community may be able to help me deal with it in a way that will keep everyone on side and happy.
> 
> ...


Ruby - when you say 'get rid of' as your husband wants to do, is he talking about rehoming Thai or having him put to sleep?


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Thai is beautiful.
Being part siamese, he will have a loud and persistent holler, I bet. My Connor is like that. Whenever he comes home, he will be heard from 4 gardens down till the moment he is next to our chairs or our bed 
He is a menace, but I wouldn't have him any other way.

I think that in time your hubby will realise that making your house cat proof will be far easier than - and probably a very good training for - making it toddler proof. The problem is keeping him happy until that realisation sinks in. It sounds to me like this entire move is stressing him out and he is seeing obstacles everywhere, even if they only exist in his own mind. It might be worthwhile to get to the root of his worries about this move and get this out of the way. I have a distinct feeling the cat is a scapegoat for a much deeper anxiety he may not even be aware of. It may have to do with the new house, the move itself, or even with the responsibility of being a young dad...

Quite apart from the fact that you took responnsibility ofr Thai when you adopted him, you have quite a few other good arguments to keep him on. Use them calmly, wisely and without antagonising him. In fact, your toddler is one of the main arguments in favour of Thai's presence.
Children benefit from the presence of pets in so many ways. Not just socially, but also where their physical health is concerned. Their immune system requires training, just as much as their muscles, and contact with the relatively harmless germs in the general environment, especially playing outdoors and being in contact with other children and pets, from an eary age makes for a much healthier immune system.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

Husbands can also whine but will have to come to terms that cannot always have their ways.

Boundaries must be set.

Told my OH about your predicament.
He said it is horrible to even consider.

You see? Took me twenty years of training but was worth it!


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## Jasmine1290 (Jun 4, 2016)

Bit late to this thread but - please don't 'get rid' of your cat unless you have tried everything and his behaviour is actually a danger to your child. From a relationship standpoint alone, I would be furious with my partner if he wanted to re-home our cat Penny, knowing how much I love her (luckily he does too so this is not an issue). If he is able to 'get his way' with this unreasonable request I worry it may leave him with the impression that he can get whatever he wants. I don't have children myself and I can only imagine how stressful a one year old and new home can be, and therefore how it may be tempting to just 'keep the peace'. However, if you love your cat as much as I love mine you will regret this I'm sure. Plus, there are positives to having him around your child that perhaps your husband hasn't considered? I grew up with a cat, and playing with him is one of my earliest memories. Animals can teach children so much and can be their best friends in early years!

There are things you can do that a lot of posters more experienced with cats have already said, but scratch posts are a must. My cat will scratch everything in sight especially when we get home (not sure what this is all about?! It's as if she's trying to show off...) and a few big scratch posts have helped enormously. You can also train them not to do this by clapping a couple of times loudly when they scratch things you don't want them to, or saying a firm 'no' ( but not screaming at them!). This must be done at the time otherwise your cat will not associate this with scratching your sofas.

With regards to fleas - sounds like this is a non issue but treat your home with Indorex flea spray just in case, it only needs to be done once a year. I made the mistake of moving into a rented home without treating it first and although Penny is regularly treated there were fleas in the home, I now have an ongoing battle - a month free and just had a bite this morning!

Please do not go with the outdoor pen. One of the reasons I keep Penny inside is that I am worried she will be taken as she is a cross between two pedigree breeds. Your cat is beautiful and may be a target for horrible people as well as other animals.

I have no advice re shutting him in the kitchen as I don't know the layout of your home - we let Penny wander everywhere as she is an indoor cat but will often just lie quietly on the floor or windowsill when we go to bed - is this an option? I know some people don't allow pets in their bedrooms though. I agree that he will adapt if you keep him shut in at night, although no doubt there will be some initial protesting especially due to his breed. I would say keep him in the biggest room of your home at night with lots of things to keep him entertained. Penny loves this: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Catit-Desi...F8&qid=1473851246&sr=8-3&keywords=catit+track

She can play with it by herself and it keeps her entertained! I also second recommendations for 'da bird' - they love it! If you tire him out before bed he may be more inclined to just relax at home rather than be crying to go out.

Hope it all works out for you


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