# New cat advice please...



## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

Hello, this is my first post on here and my apologies to cut through the introductions but im looking for some advice.

We had our first boy cat in January and he was shy and nervous at first but soon settled and since being allowed outside has totally transformed into a lovely cat, he was nine months old when we had him from cats protection.

We then decided that it would be nice to get him alittle friend to keep him more amused in the daytimes when we are not here, we returned to the cats home and spoke with them, they pulled out the record and made suggestions and we settled on another boy cat, whom is 1 year 3 months.

We kept them apart for the first part of the day, the new cat kept in the house and the other was let outside which it loves.

We let them see each other and for the first couple of days they got along fairly well, since then it has been going downhill abit, we have had the new cat six days now. we have one upstairs and one down at night, they dont fight over food and share bowls no problem.

However, the new cat likes to wee in his litter box and poo in the old cats, which sends him into a rage where he will chase him because of it, 

sometimes one cat goes to sniff the other and then gets attacked for no real reason, its like one day they are fine, the next the old cat wants to be friends but the new doesnt, then its like the old cat has accepted the new cat and the new cat isnt interested and starts a fight.

Tonight is the first time it has really gone off and we have separated them, to which the old cat is moaning as if he misses the new cat.

.....

i know ive waffled on abit here, and if anyone can make sense of my gibberish 
then that would be great, let alone any advice you might have.

the long and short of it is, the new cat which is supposed to be used to other cats doesnt seem to want to play ball, 

should we separate them and start again. im at abit of a loss here and have a horrible feeling we have pushed them together to soon.

Thanks for reading and any advice you might be able to provide.


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Hi and welcome to the forum.You are not alone in finding introducing cats is not as easy as it might sound.I dont have any personal experience but it is said by many experienced members on here that it is something which needs to be done very slowly.Have a read of this link it has some really good advice Introducing your cat to other cats and dogs .If you need to ask questions,want bit of moral support or just need to have a rant ,feel free there is usually someone around who even if they cant help will at least listen and sympathise with you. There is another link which i tried to post but the site seems to be having problems.


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

for the sake of updates our first cat is white, and our new cat is black.

i cant seem to understand why they are fighting, we let them back in our living room together about a hour ago a they were fine for a while, shared some cat milk and some treats and was playing with them both in very close proximity to each other, they wernt playing with each other however, just in turn with myself. but no trouble, 

not much later the white cat is chasing the black, the black cat is only backing away and defending when backed into a corner, my other half shouts when they fight which i keep telling her not to, (is this right??)


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

I really am kind of out of my depth here,sorry.I had hoped that someone with some experience would have been along by now.All I can say with any real confidence is that if you try to get them together before they are ready then it will take a lot longer.I would do what is suggested in the link I posted and give the new cat his/her own room and start by swapping scents ect.Try not to make the resident cat feel it is being threatened by an intruder,keep its routine ect as normal as possible.


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

i fear its to late, (6 days lol)

could we start over again, split them up for a week and swap scents as the guide says, the problem with the internet is that there is so much information out there my head spins trying to take it all in.

thank you for that link however, i hadnt read that page,


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

Hi. Sorry to hear you're having problems with your cats getting along together. If they are eating together and happy to be with each other sometimes then I don't think there is too much cause for concern.
I'm not sure that separating them and starting again would make much difference. I would however suggest that you invest in a Feliway plug in to calm the atmosphere. 
You are right in telling your OH not to shout if they are fighting. It will only disturb them more. Only intervene in the fights if they look really serious. Cats play fight all the time and it can look quite nasty but so long as there is no fur flying they are probably okay.
Good luck with them and let us know if you are still having problems with them


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

thanks for the reply lyn,

so your suggestion would be to carry on as normal, they are fine when they are outside in the garden, we call them in when it starts to get dark and feed them together, then after about a hour the (first) white cat will chase the other, I dont know if its to attack or to play, but the new black cat is wary of it and puts up a paw to fend him off. Not with claws thou might I add.

Its just later in the evening they are fighting, and im almost certain its not play as hairs raised, and there is howling.

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When they fight, what is the best action to take? separation?

I read somewhere that you should pick up the instigator of the fight and fuss him to show he is the top cat. _as i said earlier there is so much information online you don't know whats right and whats wrong._

again thank you both for your replies to date  its good to have somewhere to come to speak with real people with real experience in cats.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

If when you think that they are fighting you could have a small spray bottle of water handy. Just one quick squirt on them and they will stop and they also won't know that it came from you.

They could be sorting out the pecking order and this might take some time.

Also when you think that they might go into a fight you could start to play with them both or share a few treats out.

The litter tray problem. I would try and stop the new cat going in the other ones tray if you can. I think that is a dominance thing as well.

When we had our latest kitten Chloe she had a little pink litter tray and Harley who is a very big boy would always manage to go for a wee in it and nearly flood it. The look on the kittens face use to make us laugh.


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

Hi...i recently got my another kitten called Indy...It was a challenging first wk...but things have settled down now...if they are eating out of the same bowl at time...they cannot hate each other that much 

My two are 7 mths and 11 wks...they use each others litter trays....they still fight..they cuddle...they wind each other up..taking in turns with who starts it !!

But...still look for each other when they cant see each other 

If your two are older it could take a little longer...but all the signs are really good.....the trouble is..when they play fight it is rough to watch sometimes....try not to let OH shout...i normally use a distraction to get them apart...or i smooth them at the same time and talk to them in a really stupid voice 

Feliway plug ins are good...showering them both with as much affection as possible and keep swapping scents

keep us posted ...it will get better 

kelly xx


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

Yes, I agree with the litter tray thing - I missed that in the first post 
Distraction is a good idea when they start fighting - clapping your hands even can help. If distracting them doesn't work and you have to separate them be very careful of getting in the way of sharp claws  I would give them both lots of fuss so as not to cause any further jealousy or reinforcement of 'bad' behaviour from the more dominant of the two.


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

thanks again for the replys,

i think we will invest in a plug in as you mention, the cats are both about one, and seem to take it in turns chasing each other, only once or twice have they really had a fight where they go at it, usually they kind of soft claw (punch) at each other

they are both as bad as each other to be fair.


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

we knew that this wasnt going to be easy but its almost heartbreaking sometimes. our first cat it seems wont go to my other half anymore, when she stokes him he doesnt purr and always comes to my lap for love, which is upsetting her.

it seems that our first cat is more accepting but the new cat to what i have observed stares at him, and doesnt often chase but when approached will attack.

again they have had to be separated, i had our first cat on my lap earlier and when the new cat came and sat by the chair started to bite/attack my hand quite hard.

i know its only been over a week but its upsetting our first cat, he is very different now, and hides alot and seems to have lost his confidence. im growing to really like the new cat and really dont want to resort to having to return him to the homing centre, but our first cat is our priority at the end of the day.

days like today make me feel we have made a very big mistake. i wish we could sit them both down and give them a talking to. :'(


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

hi...i am sorry you are feeling so down about the situation at the moment.

Honestly...i think the signs are still really good...your older cats behaviour is quite normal i think in terms of affection.

When we got our second kitten Indy...Honey stopped going up for cuddles with my OH on the sofa...she almost took on the mother role to the small one...after.. over a week of getting used to each other !!

It was almost like she was saying you have to have the cuddles now i am the mature one !!

However nightime is different ...after 5 wks of having our first kitten Honey she started sleeping with us and has done ever since...this is her serious cuddle time and i wouldnt change it for the world....Indy is down in playroom at night like Honey was for her first weeks with us and even though i would like to have her up with us as well...she gets plenty of cuddles during the day and would not like Honey to stop being with us at night because she felt pushed out...Indy is very pushy for her age ..this may change in the months to come but at the moment they are still getting used to life with each other.

It is hard when your existing cat changes its behaviour because you feel responsible...but look at it from both of their points of view....they will have companionship for a very long time to come..they may not want it at the moment but it is very rare for it not to happen in time.

Its like adults building a friendship...for trust to be there it takes time to get to know each other.

Try and seek out as much time with your older cat when you can...Indy seems to be everywhere we are..like Honey was..but Honey is getting older now and sometimes Indy will annoy her..so she will sneak off for some quiet time and i will find her and give her a cuddle.

Honey and Indy like cuddling up to each other when we are not around but will not snuggle up to one of us together...so we try to give them individual attention 

You may find the feliway will help....when Indy arrived at our house i saw a feral side to Honey which really upset me ..but she was only acting how cats are meant to act.

I think its far too early to think about rehoming the new kitten if ever...you have obviously bonded with the new kitten as the kitten has bonded with you..i know your exisiting cats feelings are important...i felt that way about Honey.....but your new kitten has trusted you now and you are its parents.. and as parents to our fur babys...there will be ups and downs and we will worry about everything......but that is what this forum is all about..providing support and help to each other when we need it 

You are still in phase one of a long journey...and it will get better...try playing abit with the two of them together...dangly toys etc....currently my two loving playing hide and seek with each other in empty cereal boxes

Keep us posted and chins up 

xx


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Please don't consider rehoming at this stage. One week is a very short time. I have had a new cat in the house for a month now and this morning was the first time she left her room and there were no fights or unpleasantness. Keep at it, it will get better, I promise.


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

Hi...hows it going with your little kitties ?


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

well been swapping the bedding alot more frequently and it seems to be getting better (always speaking to soon) they seem to be slowly getting on better but when they do fight now it is worse, more intense than before. Since the weekend has been quite interesting with the clocks going back and them being allowed out for longer, alot more of the resident cats in the garden.

Our first cat, the younger white one is the one that will approach the other neighbourhood cats while the older black one will stand off and retreat the house.

when the cats first meet each day there have been times where they brush against each other like they would against your leg which is brilliant. and we have had nose to nose sniffs with no sign of aggression or hissing, sometimes one of the cats will go in for a sniff to which the other will thump the other on the head.

-----

one thing that we have both noticed is out first cat seems to have lost weight alittle, but is eating the same amount of food. could this be stress related?


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## Crazy_about_cats (Mar 30, 2011)

Hi, I am a complete newbie and this is my first post.

Stitch is an 8 week old kitten that we brought home last Saturday; we thought he would make an excellent companion to our playful 2 year old indoor cat, Tabby. Introductions are going well so far, a bit of growling and hissing from Tabby at the start, but that has now stopped. 

Stitch has his own room, which we are keeping him in (until he is vaccinated this weekend). Since she has stopped hissing, we leave the door open when either of us is playing with Stitch. She has started to come in, but she sits by the door watching him intently and doesnt interact when we try and get her to join in and play. If we approach her she runs and hides. Tabbys behaviour has changed, we have tried to spend equal amounts of time with them both by giving fusses and playing with them. However, Tabby has stopped playing/ coming to us for fusses, even hissing at us on occasion and hides.

We are a bit stuck on what to do next, we would like to start taking Stitch downstairs during the day, since he cries sometimes when we come downstairs and leave him, but I am worried this could set things back if Tabby doesnt like him in her space yet? I know it is early days still but, any help on this would be great?


Many Thanks


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

hi and welcome...just didnt want to read and run...and also wanted to touch base with eheadache...running to daughters swimming lesson...will post later


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

eHeadache said:


> well been swapping the bedding alot more frequently and it seems to be getting better (always speaking to soon) they seem to be slowly getting on better but when they do fight now it is worse, more intense than before. Since the weekend has been quite interesting with the clocks going back and them being allowed out for longer, alot more of the resident cats in the garden.
> 
> Our first cat, the younger white one is the one that will approach the other neighbourhood cats while the older black one will stand off and retreat the house.
> 
> ...


hi...all signs are sounding good...the play fighting will always exist..mine still do it..normally initiated by the youngest one i might add !!!

but the affection is there as well.....they are getting there 

as for the weight thing..i would of thought your cat may have to be eating less..to lose weight and you would of noticed...try to weigh him at home...if you are unsure about anything i would take your cat to vets to give him a little check over and the vet will weigh him and give you some advice...

pls let us know how they are getting on..i love happy endings x


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

Crazy_about_cats said:


> Hi, I am a complete newbie and this is my first post.
> 
> Stitch is an 8 week old kitten that we brought home last Saturday; we thought he would make an excellent companion to our playful 2 year old indoor cat, Tabby. Introductions are going well so far, a bit of growling and hissing from Tabby at the start, but that has now stopped.
> 
> ...


Hi crazy about cats and welcome to the forum..congrats on your new fur baby.....myself and another forum member have recently got 2nd kittens and have had a few ups and downs...we were given great support on this forum and i think you would really benefit from reading through mine and chesca13 threads on introducing our kittens 

mine is called "indy is home with us"...go back to page 16 of cat chat thread and chesca13 is called "new cat fighting with kitten " page 3 of cat chat thread

pls let us know how you are getting on

ps..we would love some piccies of your cats xx


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

not going well any more im afraid, 

our new cat has seem to settled and does not really make the approach to attack any more, but the youngest first cat behaviour has taken a turn for the worse,

he seems to constantly be on the prowl for the other cat, and the fights now are intense, its claws and blows to the face, fur flying and will not seem to settle with the other cat anywhere near.

the problem definitely lies with out first cat not seeming to accept the situation.

the only time they dont fight is when we feed them, which we are doing almost next to each other, other than that, things are defiantly getting worse.


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

eHeadache said:


> not going well any more im afraid,
> 
> our new cat has seem to settled and does not really make the approach to attack any more, but the youngest first cat behaviour has taken a turn for the worse,
> 
> ...


hi...how long has it been now ?...sorry i lose track...i was told it could take up to 4 weeks for them to settle together.

As i type now..mine are scrapping on the cat tree 

Have you tried the feliway plug ins ?..i kept mine on for the first 3 weeks of them being together...i know its hard but you are doing all the right things...swapping their beddings...someone told me to wipe new kitten over with a clean towel and then rub it over other kitten..i tried everything.

Try to play with them as much as possible together..i know this process can be draining but stick with it...its very unusual for it not to work

keeping everything crossed for you x


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

had the new cat a day over two weeks,

is it usual for things to get worse before they get better, what is the best method to stop the cats fighting,

_hands up now_, i lost my temper the other day and hurled a soft teddy at the pair of them, to which they both scarpered and fighting ceased for a good few hours. effective but im unsure if that is the right thing to do.

we tried to find a feline plug in but was told they dont do them any more and are only available from the vets, is that true? aka if i walk into a decent pet store like pets at home will find one? how much am i expecting to pay.

thank you for your on going support, ill get some pictures over this weekend.


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

eHeadache said:


> had the new cat a day over two weeks,
> 
> is it usual for things to get worse before they get better, what is the best method to stop the cats fighting,
> 
> ...


hi there...dont blame you about the stuffed toy at least it stopped them for a while 

no its not true...you can buy it in pets at home, vets and online...it is alot cheaper online though...just google feliway and you will get lots of places to get it....vets and [email protected] it will set you back about £30 plus.......online sometimes as little as £ 17.50 !

Try and keep calm..knows its hard but a soft teddy is better than shouting 

yes it sometime can get worse before it gets better.....are they with each other for majority of the day ?

sometimes the fighting can seem really vicious..but you have to let them get on with it to a certain extent....as i was told if my eldest kitten would of wanted to seriously hurt my youngest one she could of done many times...if they really hurt each other the noise would be alot different and not very nice to hear.

try and distract them when they fight with toys etc..do not separate them unless the above happens....the feliway might make a real difference for you

our fur babies send us through the ringer ..dont they...keep positive and keep me posted

kelly xx


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

purchased a plug in today so we will see what difference it makes, (if any).

Took some pictures earlier of the boys in the garden when they was getting along for a short while...

Satan (white) and Lucifer.





































if only they could get along all the time...


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

Hi...they are both gorgeous.....hopefully the periods of them getting on will increase and you will start to feel better about the situation. To be honest its only the last week i have started to feel totally comfortable about my twos relationship and they seem to be at such ease with each other now and my older kitten Honey seems to be more relaxed as well....it really is an ongoing process...i think the feliways will help to calm them...and i am keeping my fingers crossed they will turn that corner for you 

let me know how it is going

kelly x


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## loz83 (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi, I've always found getting a younger cat than the one you've already got helps. I had a tom from being a kitten, and when his brother died I wasn't going to get another. He got so depressed being on his own i decided on another cat, but went for a kitten instead, so that my older boy wouldn't feel threatened by another tom, and the kitten is always used to having another cat about. This has always worked well for me, so not sure what you can do with having an older cat, sorry about lack of advice there :001_smile:


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Keep at it, things will improve. I have had the new rescue female for over three weeks now and the first violence-free day was yesterday.


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

hi...just wondering how it was going with your fur babies ?


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## missye87 (Apr 4, 2011)

This has been a really good read, since we will be bringing home a kitten to our 15-yo soon. 
Sooty grew up with a MC and was very attached to him. He has always been a social cat, and whereas the MC was dominant, he was very very calm. I'm hoping Sooty will have learnt those traits for when it's his turn to rule the roost (as if he doesn't already!). They used to eat from the same bowl, sleep curled up next to eachother and play together, doing what I called the wall of death around the flat.
Sooty didn't do well with females, funnily enough, he was qute a bully towards them, but got on with males, so we have decided to go for a male. Sooty is a very happy-go-lucky kitty, but he will mark his territory and I'm prepared that I might not be comfortable with the hissing etc, but accept it would be a part of the process. 
I've read through the links and have already started planning it in my head, to make sure it goes slowly and there is no pressure, but I'm hoping Sooty will quickly appreciate having a companion again. He did miss Franklin so much, he howled for months afterwards, but finally accepted he was by himself. 
Many people say cats behavior changes after losing a companion and get used to being alone, and suddenly come out of their shell, however Sooty has always been a happy outgoing and big character, even when he was the submissive one out of the two, so he hasn't had to come out of his shell at all. As I've been Sooty's for 15 years, I'm going to assume my OH will become the kittens hooman? 
x


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## eHeadache (Mar 23, 2011)

well a little update.

the plug in has seemed to ease the tension between the two cats, one thing that we no longer do is stop them having what im going to call a "wrestle".

I think I have been mistaking play fighting as fighting and have been intervening more often than is necessary, I watched some videos on you tubes of cats playing and it is very similar to what our cats do. They still have a hiss and a moan at each other but things are getting better. 

They seem to like to chase each other around the house, have a little scrap, and then its the others turn to chase.

As I write they are having a bit of a heated "argument" but as I mentioned we just leave them to it. I dont think we are near the stage where we could leave them in the one room when we go out, and they are still going to be sleeping apart for a while but I think the days of thinking "oh god what have we done the new cat might have to go back to the home" are over.

Its been three weeks yesterday, and although they are not exactly grooming each other and cuddling its no where near as bad as things were.

Im going to try and capture a video of them scrapping/wrestling/fighting so you can see for yourselves and let me know what you guys think.

The only one thing regarding out first cat the white one is when they play/fight he malts everywhere! its like the wild west some days if you have air passing through the house, but cat hair tumble weeds.


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## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

eHeadache said:


> well a little update.
> 
> the plug in has seemed to ease the tension between the two cats, one thing that we no longer do is stop them having what im going to call a "wrestle".
> 
> ...


woot woot...all sounding good...i know what you mean about the play fighting..really only now nearly 5 wks down the line...do i not give my two a second glance when they are fighting....its all part of it.

Hoping you will see some loving soon as well 
So pleased you are now at the stage where you wouldnt consider rehoming your new cat...it feels great when you begin to breath again

Hoping it continues to get better...and you are right...let them get on with it

Kelly x `


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