# Struggling to cope with our loss - any advice?



## Berthie (Sep 22, 2015)

Hi, 

We got two kittens (sisters), Peggy and Joan, a few months ago, and very sadly lost one of them yesterday. We took them in for spaying and Joan didn't make it. The vet said she most likely had an undetectable heart condition and couldn't cope with the operation and/or reacted badly to the anaesthetic. It's very rare so seems such terrible, sad luck.

We're all so devastated, as they'd become a huge part of the family and were also inseparable at all times. As well as struggling with our own grief, it's very hard for our children (primary age), who are extremely upset, and we're also worried about Peggy as she's never been without her sister and they were so close. 

I can't stop crying and feel so sad and heavy. Does anyone have any advice that might help us through?

We also don't know whether to get another kitten in the near future. The vet said it would be good for Peggy, as she's used to company, but I worry that it won't be the same and she might reject another kitten.

Thank you in advance.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm really sorry about poor little Joan, its an awful shock to lose one so young. I know how sad you all are, its only just happened and your grief is raw at the moment but it will ease with time. The best thing is to be a comfort to each other, especially the children, and to make a lot of fuss of poor Peggy to make her loss more bearable too. You could get the children to make a memory box of Joan's things or photobook of pictures and you could get a little memorial stone or statue for the garden if you have one, it all helps ease the pain. I think another kitten when you all feel ready would be a lovely idea, I would suggest getting one already spayed so you don't have the worry it may happen again. Peggy is young enough that I'm sure she will accept another kitten with the right introductions and, whilst you will never forget Joan, it will bring smiles and happiness back to the house I promise.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss of Joan. Loosing any pet is devastating but loosing one so young is very very sad.
It is a very upsetting for Adults but for small children must be worse. What Charity has suggested is a good idea with the memory boxes.
I do also thing that it will be a good idea to have another Kitten not just for Peggy but for all of you.
I did this and although the cat's relationship with the new one is not the same, they have company and playtimes together.
It was good for us too.
You will never forget Joan, she will always be in your Heart.

R.I.P Little Joan and enjoy playtime at Rainbow Bridge xx


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## Berthie (Sep 22, 2015)

Thank you both for your lovely and thoughtful replies. It made me cry (more), but in a good way! As you both said, losing any pet is awful, but seems so sad when they're so young. 

I love the memorial ideas. I think what would work well for us and the kids would be to put together a photo frame with some photos of Joan and also pictures the kids can draw of her, maybe with some memories written on too. I love the garden idea too, and I think we might get a small tree to plant in the garden in her memory.

So so sad right now 

I think we'll definitely go ahead with getting a new kitten, and not leave it too long. A few weeks so that the pain is less raw, but then sooner rather than later while Peggy is still young herself. Do you have any advice about how to introduce her to Peggy (I may post on other threads to ask about this too)? 

Many thanks again for your care and comforting words - it really means a lot.


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## Berthie (Sep 22, 2015)

Joan and Peggy when they were little.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

So dreadfully sorry for your loss, you must feel awful. What makes it even sadder is that her untimely death was not the result of something you had not done, or something you had done wrongly...to die while she was having a routine procedure for her well-being is doubly sad.((XXX)


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## Berthie (Sep 22, 2015)

Thank you for your sympathy, Calvine. I've had moments of guilt, thinking if we hadn't got her spayed she'd still be here. But it was for her own health and own good, and even if we hadn't had her spayed, her underlying condition/reaction means it would have happened sooner or later anyway, when she had any health issues. I'm scared to get a new kitten spayed, if we get one, but we'll just have to be strong and go through with it. Highly, highly unlikely to happen to us again (I hope!). So sad.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

Berthie said:


> Thank you both for your lovely and thoughtful replies. It made me cry (more), but in a good way! As you both said, losing any pet is awful, but seems so sad when they're so young.
> 
> I love the memorial ideas. I think what would work well for us and the kids would be to put together a photo frame with some photos of Joan and also pictures the kids can draw of her, maybe with some memories written on too. I love the garden idea too, and I think we might get a small tree to plant in the garden in her memory.
> 
> ...


When the time is right, I would get a kitten to suit Peggy. What i mean by that is that you don't want a Bossy one if you can help it.
The breeder should be able to tell you what each kitten is like in personality.
Introducing kittens should not be too much of a problem. How ever I recommend a large cage. You can get them from pets at home or maybe borrow one from a friend.
That way they can see each other and slowly introduce them. This is what i have done in the past and it works very well.
Here is a picture of Baby Chloe and Harley. Harley was 2 years old at the time.


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## Polly G (Apr 30, 2013)

So sorry for your loss - that must have been a terrible shock for you and your family. Definitely get another kitten to keep Peggy company when the time is right. RIP baby Joan xx


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

jill3 said:


> When the time is right, I would get a kitten to suit Peggy. What i mean by that is that you don't want a Bossy one if you can help it.
> The breeder should be able to tell you what each kitten is like in personality.
> Introducing kittens should not be too much of a problem. How ever I recommend a large cage. You can get them from pets at home or maybe borrow one from a friend.
> That way they can see each other and slowly introduce them. This is what i have done in the past and it works very well.
> Here is a picture of Baby Chloe and Harley. Harley was 2 years old at the time.


What a gorgeous pair, Jill! Harley is such a pretty colour.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

Calvine said:


> What a gorgeous pair, Jill! Harley is such a pretty colour.


Thank you Calvine. Harley is the cream Boy. Sadly we lost him to saddle back thrombosis at the age of 3. Memories never fade x


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## Berthie (Sep 22, 2015)

Thank you for the sympathy, Polly. I think we're feeling a little brighter than we were at the beginning of the week, but it's going to take time. 

Jill, thank you for the sound advice. We still have a cage from when we got Peggy and Joan, so that would be a very good idea. I'm hoping that they'll take to each other well, with both being young. Your cats are gorgeous, and I'm so sorry for the loss of Harley  xx

We actually visited a litter nearby yesterday and picked out a gorgeous baby girl  I thought it might feel too soon, but it feels right for us all. The advert only went on and it all fits in perfectly, so maybe Joan is sending her to us  She'll be ready in two weeks, and is (deliberately) different colouring to Joan. The place, people and the mother cat were all great, so I'm hoping things will go well. You can never replace, but I'm sure the new addition will bring much happiness too. 

Thank you, all x


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

The advice wilk be there for you on Car Chat..scent swapping etc..and hopefully new kitten settles quickly.
You did what you should..it just happens. I lost kitten suddenly once for no apparent reason...
Do not blame yourself and best wishes for new arrival.


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