# Noisy/needy/stressed(?) cat and general advice please - new owner



## Vegas (Jun 12, 2010)

Hi everyone,

Please brace yourselves, this may be a long one. I want to outline a few things about how things stand with my cat, and because I've never owned a cat before and seriously need some help, I don't want to miss out any information that might be relevant.

My girlfriend and I recently acquired a 3 year old male house cat, he's been "done", and he's had all his injections etc. He was my girlfriend's best friend's cat originally, and was adopted as an abandoned kitten, taken away from his mother too young I suppose. Because he didn't get on with her other cat, he given up to somebody else - and was subsequently passed around several people, perhaps 3 or 4 different & unsuitable owners, probably for a total of 2 years before we got him. I was originally supposed to look after him for 2 weeks or so, but have ended up with him for about 6 months now. 

Here is my experience of the cat. I took him in to look after him "for a couple of weeks" 6 months ago, having no experience of/particularly positive feelings towards cats previously. He didn't eat much - one pouch at night and biscuits during the day, he hid under the bed all the time and was hard to coax out, and was generally very quiet. As we got used to each other we'd play a bit and we'd have a little lie down on the couch. 

Then, I moved in with my girlfriend and the cat seemed to love his new house. He was very comfortable wandering round and it seemed like he had found his new home. I taught him to use his scratching post. He became more vocal. He was eating more - we've bumped his food up to the recommended three quarters of a can a day. He likes to potter round the back garden, but is too unskilled to jump the fence. He got into the whole kneading thing on my belly with his front paws. He'd constantly want to be on my lap and follow me round wherever I went in the house like my best friend.

All very cute, but now it's getting a bit much. Now he's really vocal. I don't mean this to sound wrong, but he seems to be constantly whinging for attention. He meows to be let out, then back in. He meows for food, gets it, then meows again. He meows to be stroked, rolls onto his back, and if his belly doesn't get stroked, he just keeps going, but more, well, whingey. He'll meow to be played with, then I'll play with him, he'll play for a bit and then not be interested and wander off. And meow. And meow again. He's stopped sitting on my lap. He doesn't follow me any more. 

I've read some things about this, like ignore him and he'll learn to be quiet, and give loads of attention when he's quiet. But if he's never quiet, how can I do this? I've tried spraying water. I've tried clapping at him. Yelling obviously doesn't work - but I'm afraid to say it has happened in moments of stress. I am human after all. 

There is also a female cat next door - could this be bothering him?

I'm a complete amateur at looking after this cat, and I need some help, because I really don't know what to do. He is annoying me so, so much. I do want him to be happy, but I also want to remain sane. 

Please, if there is anybody out there who knows what I should be doing to keep this cat happy but quiet, could you give me some advice. I'd really, really appreciate it. And please - don't take this the wrong way - if anybody feels like patronising me about how I shouldn't be owning a cat if I don't like the noise, or if I don't know what I'm doing I shouldn't either, or anything like that, that really won't be a helpful suggestion. 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, sincerely. I hope somebody can help me, and obviously, my cat. 

Cheers.


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## Cat Detective (May 18, 2009)

Vegas said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> Please brace yourselves, this may be a long one. I want to outline a few things about how things stand with my cat, and because I've never owned a cat before and seriously need some help, I don't want to miss out any information that might be relevant.
> 
> My girlfriend and I recently acquired a 3 year old male house cat, he's been "done", and he's had all his injections etc. He was my girlfriend's best friend's cat originally, and was adopted as an abandoned kitten, taken away from his mother too young I suppose. Because he didn't get on with her other cat, he given up to somebody else - and was subsequently passed around several people, perhaps 3 or 4 different & unsuitable owners, probably for a total of 2 years before we got him. I was originally supposed to look after him for 2 weeks or so, but have ended up with him for about 6 months now.


one word - confused - no wonder he did not settle, how old was he when he left his mum - the recommended is about 8 weeks.



> Here is my experience of the cat. I took him in to look after him "for a couple of weeks" 6 months ago, having no experience of/particularly positive feelings towards cats previously. He didn't eat much - one pouch at night and biscuits during the day, he hid under the bed all the time and was hard to coax out, and was generally very quiet. As we got used to each other we'd play a bit and we'd have a little lie down on the couch.


he seems to have finally found someone to trust and somewhere to call his own......



> Then, I moved in with my girlfriend and the cat seemed to love his new house. He was very comfortable wandering round and it seemed like he had found his new home. I taught him to use his scratching post. He became more vocal. He was eating more - we've bumped his food up to the recommended three quarters of a can a day. He likes to potter round the back garden, but is too unskilled to jump the fence. He got into the whole kneading thing on my belly with his front paws. He'd constantly want to be on my lap and follow me round wherever I went in the house like my best friend.


 he saw you as his 'mum' really, saw you as safe and secure, his provider if you like. 


> All very cute, but now it's getting a bit much. Now he's really vocal. I don't mean this to sound wrong, but he seems to be constantly whinging for attention. He meows to be let out, then back in. He meows for food, gets it, then meows again. He meows to be stroked, rolls onto his back, and if his belly doesn't get stroked, he just keeps going, but more, well, whingey. He'll meow to be played with, then I'll play with him, he'll play for a bit and then not be interested and wander off. And meow. And meow again. He's stopped sitting on my lap. He doesn't follow me any more.


Well changes of circs can unsettle a cat, also have you been to the vet to rule out anything medical? Have you seen a marked change in eating / litter tray habits etc? Rule that out first, and remember he is probably not getting all your attention now as he did before - he may well settle down once he understands the new routine. 


> I've read some things about this, like ignore him and he'll learn to be quiet, and give loads of attention when he's quiet. But if he's never quiet, how can I do this? I've tried spraying water. I've tried clapping at him. Yelling obviously doesn't work - but I'm afraid to say it has happened in moments of stress. I am human after all.


 honestly doing all that water / clapping etc is only increasing his stress levels, your making it worse ! Stick to and inforce routines, he will soon learn - plus speak to your vet about getting him onto Zylkene for a couple of weeks to break this habit, its a natural sedative, milk based and inhibits something in the brain. The vet will know more. 


> There is also a female cat next door - could this be bothering him?


Yes, if she is un-neutered and on heat !



> I'm a complete amateur at looking after this cat, and I need some help, because I really don't know what to do. He is annoying me so, so much. I do want him to be happy, but I also want to remain sane.
> 
> Please, if there is anybody out there who knows what I should be doing to keep this cat happy but quiet, could you give me some advice. I'd really, really appreciate it. And please - don't take this the wrong way - if anybody feels like patronising me about how I shouldn't be owning a cat if I don't like the noise, or if I don't know what I'm doing I shouldn't either, or anything like that, that really won't be a helpful suggestion.
> 
> ...


Hope some of that helps !


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## Vegas (Jun 12, 2010)

That's a great response, thanks for taking the time - it's much appreciated. I do think he probably is just confused, and because we're getting stressed here (we have stressful jobs _plus_ getting stressed at his noise), it hasn't been a great environment for him recently I suppose. We've been inconsistent with him - mixed messages. Confusion and stress breeds confusion and stress, right?

I agree about the whole water spraying lark and making it worse. Been more consistent the past couple of days and just trying to pay proper attention to him and he seems happier. Been on my lap again yesterday and today, he seems to have got his home back and is more relaxed. He's probably got some abandonment issues through being passed round so much too, and flat out _needs_ somebody he can trust who won't give up on him.

Never knew cats were so much like people. A cat with issues - never knew I had it in me to care. Kind of nice to know I'm his mum. Weird, but nice.

Thanks again. Cheers.


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## lillylove (May 4, 2010)

Oh bless him. 
Do you know if he is good with other cats?
I have to say that my male cat spent a couple of years of his life with another cat, who later died and then he would behave like you have described because he was lonely. It may sound like more hard work getting another cat, but cats do get lonely and there is only so much attention you can give - and perhaps it just isnt enough for him sometimes - that another cat would maybe give him. 
It might not be plain sailing to start I just wondered if having something else to love and spend time with might make him very happy. But only if you can put the work in with another cat and its what you both would want too.... 

I think you sound like a lovely cat owner, yes we are human and get annoyed - I know I have lost my temper and told off a cat or two in my time lol! He obviously loves you a lot.


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## e-maria (Jun 17, 2010)

First: Sorry for my english, I am not a native. 

It was really pleasant to read about your dedication towards this cat. I also think that logical behaviour is the key to success. You could also try to give the cat "quality time". I mean that if you spend for an example 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes in the evening every day with the cat it knows when to expect your attension. By "quality time" I mean cat training, agility, playtime etc. 

I also have to agree with former writer. Sometimes getting a nother cat is the best thing you can do. Most of the times it doesn´t meen more work, it meens less. 

I wish you all the best with your pet!


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## Vegas (Jun 12, 2010)

Thanks a lot for your replies. e-maria - don't worry about your English, your language is absolutely fine, believe me.

I have been playing with him for a good few sessions when I get in from work, so there is some quality time. Good idea though, but it's already being done.

I do agree about another cat, it could help solve the problem. He could be lonely.

A few developments of late. He seems to be permanently "complaining" about something, even more so than usual. He's just wandering around now wanting attention and meowing. Also, he's taken to just, ahem, defecating in the back garden where he now spends pretty much all of the time when we're home from 5pm-late (because it's summer, we're leaving the back door open to get some fresh air in and he just kicks about outside).

I've read in places about litter tray avoidance being a bad thing - does this qualify? Is it a bad thing?

I think he wants to be an outside cat as well, but we can't trust him not to get run over. As I've stated in a previous post, he also can't jump fences. We can't get a cat flap either, as it's a rented house and I don't fancy paying out for a new door. He's just meowed again as I'm typing - and again, as it goes. Really stuck here. Is there anything we can do _without_ getting another cat?

Thanks a lot for the help - though I'm still confused and a total amateur, the advice is, nevertheless, helping us.

Cheers.


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