# My little man Spencer



## adidaz (Jun 20, 2013)

Hi everyone

I had to make the hardest choice I've had to make in my life ever on the 20th June. 
We had Spencer for 10 years he was a mongrel (cross Jack Russell and west highland terrier) we got him on the 20/2/2003 and had the best 10 years of my life with him always the there for us no matter what always happy to see us when we got home and when we get up in the mornings with great excitement and joy. 
Spencer got sick on Monday 17th June when his mammy got home from work when with excitement he had a seizure only lasted about 30 and he was ok so we went to the vets that day who did some test and took a blood sample and told us it wasn't his heart or lungs and to come back the next day when the results would be back that night Spencer had 2 more seizures.
Got the results all was good but a slightly high liver enzymes levels nothing to bad and he was given some meds and we were told to put him on a liver friendly diet so got some new food but when we got home over the course of that day he seemed a little under the weather but no more seizures that day or night all seemed ok. 
Wednesday he seemed a little bit more lethargic and not his usual self Wednesday night he got worse and worse had more seizures so we took him back to the vets who did some more tests and it turns out it was his pancreas and there nothing they could do but see if they could manage the pain they gave him a injection of a pain killer and see how he does on that and to come back that night and that if it worked we could try tramadol.
We took Spencer home but he never got any better he still wouldn't eat not even his favorite food bacon and wouldn't sleep just lay on the floor crying in pain we then knew that we were about to make the hardest choice we've had to make in our life be we had to do what was best for Spencer like we had always done for him so at 6:40pm Thursday the 19th June we said goodbye to our little man and thanked him for the best 10 years off our life and for the privilege of having him in our life, it broken my heart doing it but we couldn't see him in any more pain and it was only going to get worse.
Today is the hardest I've ever had all I've done is cry out in pain with grieve and loss and my partner Claire is just numb with grieve and it feel like we will never get over it, it harder and more painful then when I lost my sister to cancer 4 years ago it like I've lost a child and all I can think of is all the times I've chowed at him and told him to get down go away because I was watching something on tv or playing a game and all he wanted was to lay with me or give me kisses. 
People say it will get easier but I don't ever see it getting easier I will miss him forever and feels like I will never stop crying for him and everything reminds me of him still got all his toys and blankets around the house but don't want put them away because the would seem like we are rubbing him out off our lives and that just seems wrong.
I just hope he's at peace now and we did it because we loved him and he knows how much we did love him (a bit too much and more then I knew I could or anyone could love a dog but to me he wasn't a dog he was my little boy my child my friend) so goodbye my friend my son my Spencer William love you and sweet dreams buddy


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

So very sorry for your loss. Its one of the worst times in our lives to lose our friends who have been such great companions to us. I know your pain is raw at the moment. Sleep in peace Spencer.


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## denflo (Apr 29, 2011)

I'm so sorry to read this and I totally understand what you are going through. It is the hardest thing to do, but we all know that it is the price we pay for loving them so much. I am not going to tell you it gets easier, or it goes away, as since losing my best friend last October, I can honestly say that the pain is still with me, just as much as it was on that awful day, but what happens is that you learn how to deal with it. It is almost a year since Den was first poorly, I think of him every day, I cry regularly (still), but I am also starting to remember the good times we spent together over his 13 years rather than just those last few months. 

You will learn to deal with it, it takes time, often a long time. Your pain is still very raw, the wounds are deep, just allow yourselves to grieve for Spencer in your own way, it takes as long as it takes. 

RIP Spencer, play free at The Bridge until you all meet again.


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## Debbie on behalf of EGLR (Mar 14, 2013)

Your little. An spencer will always be with you as he will never leave your heart,


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## dogandbone (Apr 21, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss, I feel your pain. What a beautiful little boy, RIP Spencer xx


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss of Spencer.
What lovely photos you have of him. I hope that these photos will help bring back the Happy memories of Spencer.
I really do understand how you feel. The pain is unbearable and is like loosing a child. To me it is the same.
Let your tears flow and have some quiet time with claire. Together you will help each other.
People do say the pain eases I think we just learn to live with the loss.
There is a site on the internet called GoneTooSoon - Create a free online memorial / obituary as a lasting tribute | GoneTooSoon.org there is a section for pets. When you are ready you can put a tribute on there for him and light a candle. I have my cats on there and it does help.

R.I.P Spencer and have fun at Rainbow Bridge. xx


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

So sorry to hear your heartbreaking news...what a cute little dog, no wonder you loved him so much. 
You loved him enough to let him go which is something we all have to face at some time.

RIP little Spncer.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

denflo said:


> I'm so sorry to read this and I totally understand what you are going through. It is the hardest thing to do, but we all know that it is the price we pay for loving them so much. I am not going to tell you it gets easier, or it goes away, as since losing my best friend last October,* I can honestly say that the pain is still with me, just as much as it was on that awful day, but what happens is that you learn how to deal with it*. It is almost a year since Den was first poorly, I think of him every day, I cry regularly (still), but I am also starting to remember the good times we spent together over his 13 years rather than just those last few months.
> 
> You will learn to deal with it, it takes time, often a long time. Your pain is still very raw, the wounds are deep, just allow yourselves to grieve for Spencer in your own way, it takes as long as it takes.
> 
> RIP Spencer, play free at The Bridge until you all meet again.


This is very true. You will never forget your beautiful boy, and nor should you. As you say, he was your child, it doesn't matter that it was a cross-species adoption - you loved him like a baby and he loved you and looked to you for protection and love. Your family was complete.

One day the pain will seem a little less, and one day you will not think of him the first moment you awake. You will feel like you have betrayed him, but you haven't - you are just learning to cope with your pain. You will be able to remember the good and joyful times as well as the pain of his last days.

Talk about him; comfort each other thinking of all his wonderful little ways and how much loved you shared. I can tell you now, that you will see him - perhaps clearly, perhaps in the shadows and out of the corner of your eye. He will be with you to comfort you until he feels that you are ready to move on a little.

You performed the greatest act of love anyone can - you did a very difficult thing for the sake of your beloved Spencer. It would have been easier to keep him alive for your own sake, but you had the courage and compassion not to.

His photos are lovely. What a little charmer you had in your arms and hearts.
And who knows - one day perhaps you pain will be lessened enough for you to offer that love to another little boy or girl. You will never replace him and you would not want to, but there is always room for more love in the world.

I am a Christian, and I believe that all of God's creatures go to heaven. I will pray for you and his mammy. I don't need to pray for Spencer, because he is already in God's arms.


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## Silver Jill (Mar 22, 2011)

Hi from me and my fur babies too, and like many people have said already here, you will accept in time that your little fur baby, Spencer has gone over The Rainbow Bridge, but he will be waiting for you and your partner on the other side. Most people who post on these boards have lost fur babies, and we carry on in our great love and devotion of animals, and we enjoy the greatest of happy times with them. When my OH and I lost our two Yorkie boys within 5 months of each other, we were truly devastated, and we never thought that we would get over their loss. We now have 2 rescue boys, and they need lots of love and care, and we love them to bits. Please take good care, in the knowledge that people on P F really do care for you. RIP Spencer. SJ X


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## scosha37 (Feb 24, 2008)

1st what a lovely wee guy, at this moment you will be feeling the worst sadest pain in your heart but it will get better beleive me, like all us with pets we know how you feel right now, soon you will be able to look back and think of all the good times he gave you thats why he came into your lives and vice versa.


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## adidaz (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you all for all your kind word they really do help some make us teary eyed not in a bad it's nice to know that there are still kind people out I there just wish they were more.

The pain it's still raw I still cry myself to sleep and seem to wake up crying and I know Spencer wouldn't like that he never liked it when we cried and would trot over and give us kisses and lick the tears away and help us get our mind of what was making us sad.

And it's reassuring to know there is light at the end off all the darkness last night was horrible it was the first time I was alone in the house for 10 years I had to stand outside for a hour before I had the strength to go in.

Today the guilt of putting Spencer to sleep seems to have gone because I know from reading this forum and your posts that we did the right thing by Spencer and we're now starting to remember the good thing.

Thank you all again xxxxxx

Darren and Claire


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## adidaz (Jun 20, 2013)

Hi little baby man it's been 10days now and it's no easier little guy I miss you more every day that passes hope your having fun at the rainbow bridge.

Love you the mostest+1

Daddy


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

adidaz said:


> Hi little baby man it's been 10days now and it's no easier little guy I miss you more every day that passes hope your having fun at the rainbow bridge.
> 
> Love you the mostest+1
> 
> Daddy


You need to give yourself time, although its been 10 days you will be still grieving, it will get easier but not over night. Everyone is different and deals with grief differently.

You loved him and you made the right decision, as hard/difficult as it is.

You will start to remember the good times and look back with fond memories. If it helps put lots of photos on the forum showing us things like him playing with his his first toy or favourite toy, the walks you went on, playing in the garden, being mischievous.

RIP Little fella


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## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

You cant have a companion 10 years unless there is a special bond, we had our last girl 12 years and lost her 12 years ago, she had 1 litter (by accident) and our kids all grew up with her, I was out of work almost 1 whole year in 2000 and she was by my side day and night, "paw prints on your heart" doesnt even come close


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## victoria171168 (Apr 8, 2013)

so sorry for your loss

sometimes time doesnt help as I still mourn my boy I lost last july but you do learn to deal with it.

all we can do is remember the happier times eventually and know we did our best for them


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## LPC (Jul 22, 2012)

I add my condolences. What a handsome doggie! You shared many happy years together, and try to concentrate on happy memories of your time together. Please remember that he is out of pain now. That is very important.

You clearly had a very strong bond with him. Be sure that, as you loved each other so much, he will be "waiting" for you at the Bridge. I put "waiting" in quotation marks, as time as we know it does not exist on the astral. So when you in your turn pass over (may that be long in the future!), it will seem to him that you have just returned from a brief trip to the shops.

Spencer would not wish you to be sad. You will meet again in due course!


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## adidaz (Jun 20, 2013)

Hi little man daddy still not feeling any better yet but we were as one you and me our souls where connected as one every thing I did you did with me like my shadow you were there with me through all the tuff times and the good times and I was always there for you too. 

But now I have to walk alone your mammy is no longer there to support me when I cry I cry alone now she seem to be over you now and getting on with life and seem to be happy with her new furbaby Gilbert but I'll tell you this little man I have no connection with this furbaby yet my grief for you its still to strong for me to love another furbaby just yet.

Hi thank you all for your kind supporting word's there the only support I have now and I appreciate ever one of them Thank you all again.


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## Debbie on behalf of EGLR (Mar 14, 2013)

I am so very sorry you have lost little spencer what a character he looked, you have spent many happy years together and this is really something special,keep spencer close to your heart and he will never be far away. The emptiness you feel from Spencer's death is understood by those who have owned and loved their dogs, not many human relationships last for 10 years these days.
Thinking of you xxxl


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## adidaz (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you for all your support.

The rollercoaster ride off my grief get no easier some day start good then get bad or start bad and stay that way, I come to the conclusion that life on earth is the Hell we must live before we get to go to heaven. I miss you more every day that passes I know one day it will get easier but I'm in no rush because every day I grieve for him it's another day I remember him I know I'll never forget him but right now I just want to remember him.

Love You The Mostest Mostest Mostest Mostest Mostest Mostest Mostest Mostest+1 Little Baby Man

Your Daddy or as you say My Daddy

Thank you all


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