# My heart is shattered



## x_Bruno_x

My beautiful boy Frankie passed away in my arms at 6pm on 18th november. He had a recurring blocked bladder that just couldnt be fixed anymore, he was very poorly and we believe it was poisoning him in the end. My heart is broken as i made the hard decision to send him to heaven... 
He has been my best friend for 6 years so i feel so lost that now i no longer have him.

My vet has charged me the earth to have him put to sleep, cremated and returned to me  but i would do anything for my boy.... Im so lost.







I took this 4 days ago.... he seemed so healthy again.


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## Cromford

I know only too well how utterly distraught you will be. 

So sorry to hear your terrible news. I hope you can find some consolation in the years of happy memories.


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## Jansheff

I'm so sorry. RIP Frankie


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## sharonchilds

I am so so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Frankie.
Poor you, and as cromford said, i too know that feeling. 
Frankie is free of any pain and i send you big hugs at this awfully sad time. xx


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## Luz

So sorry. Sending hugs and best wishes.


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## happysaz133

I'm so sorry for your shock and loss, he looked a gorgeous boy.


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## Knightofalbion

So sorry to hear about your beautiful Frankie. My heart goes out to you...


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## Colliebarmy

Condolences, a stunning feller.

So like our own 7 year old too, could be twins...


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## jonb

so sorry RIP frankie good looking cat


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## Summersky

I am so sorry for your loss. Your Frankie looked beautiful.

You did the right thing - he would have felt very, very poorly.

Give yourself time to grieve, and things will get better - I promise you.

Take care.


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## delca1

I am so sorry, RIP Frankie, run free at the Bridge xx


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## x_Bruno_x

Hes coming home today. My parents payed for his ashes to come home to me. They couldnt bare the thought hed just be scattered somewhere he didnt no, so hes coming home to me and hes going pride of place in my glass cabinet with a teddy and picture of him. 
That way i no where he is and i no hes safe... Oh how i miss my boy. Im trying not to cry much anymore. I have dont nothing but for 2 days. He would want me to be happy not sad. 

Is it mad that i *talk* to him. I no hes not here but make me feel better and i makes me hope his spirit will return with his ashes... Sounds deluded doesnt it


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## Cromford

x_Bruno_x said:


> Hes coming home today. My parents payed for his ashes to come home to me. They couldnt bare the thought hed just be scattered somewhere he didnt no, so hes coming home to me and hes going pride of place in my glass cabinet with a teddy and picture of him.
> That way i no where he is and i no hes safe... Oh how i miss my boy. Im trying not to cry much anymore. I have dont nothing but for 2 days. He would want me to be happy not sad.
> 
> Is it mad that i *talk* to him. I no hes not here but make me feel better and i makes me hope his spirit will return with his ashes... Sounds deluded doesnt it


No it isn't mad.

Our boy is watching over us from his spot in our garden. Last thing I do at night is to say goodnight to him when locking up. First thing I do in the morning is say hello.

They have become part of us and you can't simply forget their existence.


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## x_Bruno_x

I just cant believe hes gone. I feel so sad without him. I have my daughter i need to focus on but the evenings when my partner is at work and my daughter is in bed was when hed come in and wed cuddle. I just miss his presence even the naughty things he used to do lol I hoped my daughter wouldnt notice as shes still very young, but she crawled in the kitchen yesterday pointed to his bed and looked around for him came out and pointed at his picture as to say, wheres he gone mum. 

I dont think iv ever explained what he meant to me... hope you dont mind me getting this out, i hope itl help me. 

I got frankie at the begining of my marriage in jan 2007, he rolled out his cage a 6 week old ball of fluff with massive eyes. I loved him instantly. Id had a miscarriage a month before so decided i wanted a cat, something to love. My husband was in the forces and was being deployed in the march of that year so frankie was my rock. We had 6 months just us. He did everthing with me, came sat on the bath with me, came to bed with me, ate with me. Everything. I kept him as an indoor cat as i didnt want him to get lost. I suffered another mc just before my husband went to afghan, again frankie was my rock. He knew i was hurt.
in jan of 2008 he had his first episode. I noticed he wasnt right the vets said he had cystitis. Few meds and food would make him all better.... and it did. 
A year later the same happened again, this time he nearly died. I found him in a pool of blood lightly breathing. Luckily they saved him but it cost over £1500, i didnt care tho he was my baby. They said he had a lifelong illness that meant his body made to much protein and it clogged his bladder. He stayed on his meds and food for 18 months after that and he was perfect. He was a, couch potato moody grumpy old man lol Just the way i loved him. 
In july 2010 my marriage broke down. I took nothing but frankie. In that time i had lost 6 pregnancies and he was my rock. He was my child, i treated him like one.
For a year he lived with my sister and i would visit as my mum had 2 dogs that would eat him. 
October 2011 i finally went and got him back as i had moved out with a new partner. Only problem was i was 7 months pregnant. He didnt take well to my daughter and started playing up. Being naughty, wrecking things. He was stressed i no he was. i tried everything to include him. Took months for him to come round to the idea of a baby. 
Brings us to 2 weeks ago... his final battle. He had a flare up, his heart was irregular, bladder fit to burst, he was very poorly. They once again fixed him up said he should get back to normal but hed need medicated food for life now. 
For a week after he was a different cat, he sat with my daughter he let her pull his ears, his wiskers everything. something hed never done. He showed me more love than he has in a year. He was amazing, then on saturday he turned, he became lethargic, distant, poorly after seeing the vet sunday i was given the decision. Use the last 800 i had in the world to clear his tubes and see how he went but would have nothing left for the next problem which she said would happen, as he was on everything he should be and still ill... so i made the very hard decision to PTS. He was 6 for christ sake, but he let us! he knew and yet he let us do it. he didnt even fight it. took 20 seconds for him to go... 
I cant help but feel like i should have tried once more, but the vet thinks we did the right thing. by all the signs he looks like he had toxemia, and the good week was his mending bridges and saying goodbye. 

He really was my night in shinning armor. Eveyone is telling me he was sent to me in my hour of need. I was never meant to have children so he was sent to me to guard me untill i was ready, and now i had my family his job was done. As much as that is a beautiful idea he was my family aswel so he didnt have to leave me. I had as much love for him as my daughter  


Sorry for all that i just had to get it out.


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## kateh8888

I am so sorry for you loss.

Take time to grieve. 

Have lots of fun at the bridge Frankie. xx


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## x_Bruno_x

Hes home <3 I can sence him. I heard him.


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## Knightofalbion

x_Bruno_x said:


> Hes home <3 I can sence him. I heard him.


How lovely. Pets who have passed over often do come back in spirit to visit their owners. And cats especially are very psychic animals, they certainly know their way around the spirit realms.

Wisdom says the dear thing has picked up on your sorrow and he has come back, hoping you will sense his presence, so as to let you know 'Look, I'm still here. I'm okay. Don't be sad.'

Animals have souls just as we do. When your 'time' comes, all those you have loved and who have loved you (who have passed over) will be there to greet you.
There is a lovely NDE account further down the column. That particular one concerns a man and his pet dog(s), but the great spiritual truth behind that applies to any animal 'bound' to a human by the love bond.

Take heart.


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## jill3

I am so sorry for your loss.
You have had a very rough time over the last few years with loosing your babies and Frankie's illness.
I think you did the best thing for him.
When ever we have a pet put to sleep we always wonder if we could have done more. It is quite natural.
Now he is back with you in pride of place. It isn't mad talking to him.
I do just the same thing!
Maybe one day you might like to rescue another little one for you to love and care for again.
They are good for your soul and your health.

R.I.P Frankie and run free at rainbow bridge xx


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## koekemakranka

So sorry for your devastating loss. May time heal your pain and only the good memories linger


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## Lulus mum

your post was so moving and so from the heart.

We lost 1 of our cats Dougal in May and our dog with dementia,Buster 6 weeks ago,so I can understand how you feel
but your loss is in a way worse as both of mine were 15 and I have also never gone through the trauma of a miscarriage.
You are a very brave person and my thoughts are with you

Busters ashes are on the mantle piece and I take them up to bed every night.
Dougal and our other dog Lulu who died suddenly Jan 2011 are both buried in the garden and I talk to them as well.They both have a solar light on their grave 
Lulu has a little cross and Dougal a little cat statue
You are NOT being mad talking to Frankie-he is still with you and the love you have for each other has not changed.

A few weeks after Lulu died I was in such a state all the time and asked her to show me something to help me know that she was still here.
One night lying in bed awake I put my hand out as I used to when she slept beside it and I felt her fur and stroked her.
It wasnt a dream and it was very comforting .

I had the same feelings as you re.Buster and Dougal-should I have tried something else?
I knew in my heart that I was thinking about myself and not them.
I held them both while they fell asleep ,I stroked them and told them how much we loved them.

Please carry on posting any time you feel that you need to talk as we are all here for each other especially in times of sadness.
God bless
BIG HUGS
Maureen

I can picture Frankie at Rainbow Bridge with my Dougal,Buster and Lulu-all free from pain and watching over us with love.


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## Summersky

You and Frankie had a very, very special bond, and was there for you when you needed him most. In turn, you were there for him. 

He came into your life for a reason, and I truly believe that that last special week, when you saw healthy, happy Frankie again, really was his parting gift - right down to his acceptance of your little one. 

Right now, he really is free from all pain, and you are right - he is still with you - why wouldn't he be? So talk to him when you need to. 

If you had had limitless money, you would still have had to make that awful, last decision we make for our pets. Maybe, after one more treatment, maybe not. 

Don't blame yourself -you didn't give up on Frankie - you did what was right - what a loving owner who wants the very best for their beloved friend does. It was his time - far too early, I agree, but his time nonetheless.

And I agree, he came to you when he was needed most, and he moved on when his job was done.

Take care.


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## x_Bruno_x

Lulus mum said:


> your post was so moving and so from the heart.
> 
> We lost 1 of our cats Dougal in May and our dog with dementia,Buster 6 weeks ago,so I can understand how you feel
> but your loss is in a way worse as both of mine were 15 and I have also never gone through the trauma of a miscarriage.
> You are a very brave person and my thoughts are with you
> 
> Busters ashes are on the mantle piece and I take them up to bed every night.
> Dougal and our other dog Lulu who died suddenly Jan 2011 are both buried in the garden and I talk to them as well.They both have a solar light on their grave
> Lulu has a little cross and Dougal a little cat statue
> You are NOT being mad talking to Frankie-he is still with you and the love you have for each other has not changed.
> 
> A few weeks after Lulu died I was in such a state all the time and asked her to show me something to help me know that she was still here.
> One night lying in bed awake I put my hand out as I used to when she slept beside it and I felt her fur and stroked her.
> It wasnt a dream and it was very comforting .
> 
> I had the same feelings as you re.Buster and Dougal-should I have tried something else?
> I knew in my heart that I was thinking about myself and not them.
> I held them both while they fell asleep ,I stroked them and told them how much we loved them.
> 
> Please carry on posting any time you feel that you need to talk as we are all here for each other especially in times of sadness.
> God bless
> BIG HUGS
> Maureen
> 
> I can picture Frankie at Rainbow Bridge with my Dougal,Buster and Lulu-all free from pain and watching over us with love.


I cant tell you how touching your post was. Thankyou. Iv had a good day. I think about him always, but knowing hes here makes me feel so much calmer. Whenever i feel down i come and talk to him.

My partner was googling cats last night because i never new what kind of cat he was, he was always just my gorgeous boy. Anyway we were talking if we ever got another one again how id never get one who looked like frankie as id compare them. Well OH was reading about cat breeds and said he was reading about a cat called the chantilly breed and how they sounded so perfect for me. Something drew him to it so he went on images and there on the screen was hundreds of pics of cats the image of my boy. He said out of every cat why was he pulled to that one...

I think of all the great times we had, but they make me sad that he isnt here to do it anymore.


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## lisa0307

So sorry hun  thinking of you. 
R.I.P. Frankie darling. x


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## missRV

run free Frankie


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## x_Bruno_x

So today is my first day back at work since he left us. I seriously woke up with dred. I never wake up like that for work as i enjoy my job, but the thought of leaving the house and him behind all day makes me feel really ill and very uncomfortable  I think im losing my marbles. i feel totally fine when im home, the second i leave i feel all panicky if i cant get back in a certain time.. 

Everytime i close my eyes i see his face so perfect. I just just i could touch his face.


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## Yourgifts Ourgifts

So sorry to hear you news..sending a big hug from Sky..


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## Summersky

Could you get a little locket with a photo in, that you could wear out of the house -something to feel and hold might make you feel a little calmer.


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## Lulus mum

Thinking of you and sending a big hug..

We are all here for you.

I suddenly felt very sad last night when I logged on here -and went straight to the Dog section and it hit me that we didnt have a dog any more -for the first time in 42 years.
I have our 2 remaining cats though so the house isnt entirely empty
God bless
Maureen


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## LPC

x_Bruno_x said:


> I never wake up like that for work as i enjoy my job, but the thought of leaving the house and him behind all day makes me feel really ill and very uncomfortable  I think im losing my marbles. i feel totally fine when im home, the second i leave i feel all panicky if i cant get back in a certain time..


I only just saw this thread. Unfortunately, there are a lot of demands on my time these days. I add my sincere condolences.

You most certainly are not "losing your marbles". You will have good days and bad days. It's quite normal and part of the adjustment process.

Try to concentrate on the many happy times you had together - and to remember that your separation is only temporary. Frankie is watching you from the Bridge and loves you just the same as before. One day, you will reunited for ever. Love is eternal.

Warmest best wishes to you!


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## Colliebarmy

x_Bruno_x said:


> Hes home <3 I can sense him. I heard him.


On our first night without our last dog (of 12 years) we both felt her get on our bed in the night as she had for 12 years almost, just the once and never again...

condolences for your loss.


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## tanglewood3

My heart goes out to you. Because Frankie helped you so much when you had your miscarriages, I wonder if you were able to cope with them better by concentrating on him. Now that he has gone it's possible that your grief for the loss of your babies is now coming out in force, mingling with your grief for him. If I were you, i'd visit your doctor to see if there is someone you can talk to about it. I wish you the best of luck, but don't let it overwhelm you; please get help.
Linda


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## tanglewood3

Further to my last message , don't beat yourself up becauseyou couldn't afford more treatment. 
These days, especially when so many animals are insured, I think sometimes treatment goes way past the stage when we should say, 'I love you so much that I'm going to let you go and stop your suffering because that's what's best for you'.
Linda


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## Prinkess

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is very hard with recurring illnesses.
Sleep peacefully beautiful boy. x


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## x_Bruno_x

Well it's been over a week now. I'm a lot better. I've had to get n with things or my daughter. It was a hard few days but I'm healing. My partner wants to get a kitten in the new year. I'd love to but think its best to wait a while. 

Thank you for all your kind words
Xxx


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## fluid

I,m really sorry for your loss I know how your feeling my dog I had to put to sleep her name was Poppy on the 24th of november, she is being cremated and returned in a ern to us.
Its our and i'm sure your way of saying our beloved pet has come home, the pain is awfull, my dog was 8 years old.
for me is the second time I've had a dog die before its time, its very hard to cope with.
But time does heal, I know from experence, there is no set time for your heart to heal, but it will ease, and of course you never forget them.
Have strength and faith, a part of them will always be close to your soul.


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## Vickie1

He looks like our Biggles who went to sleep last night. God bless you and god bless all our beloved animals.

The pain will subside in time. But your thoughts and memories will live forever and i truly believe in the rainbow bridge and i truly believe we all eventually meet everybody who we've ever loved again in the not too distant future.


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## x_Bruno_x

I have this really strong feeling to get another pet/family friend to love. I feel like there's a major void in the family now. Nothing can ever replace my boy but I feel the need for a fur baby. My partner refuses point blank tho. Says not until our daughter is older. Frankie was my best friend, I brought him ith me into our relationship so he doesn't quite nderstand the void I think.


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