# Alcohol - Management, Sobriety or No Issues?



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

This year I decided I would do Dry January as I felt my drinking was getting out of control, especially after my mum's death. I was never drunk but every night I would have a couple of (very large) G&T's. I told myself it was fine as it was only a couple, I didn't get drunk, I didn't crave a drink but deep down I knew I did have a problem with alcohol as I drank every day & couldn't contemplate not drinking. I 'needed' a drink to help me cope with things & to block out the grief & guilt I felt about my mum although couldn't admit this.

Also I had to try really, really hard when I was out to control my drinking as I just don't have an off switch. I always had to be 'on guard' & monitor my consumption as if I didn't then I would end up drinking too much, make a [email protected] of myself & have a black out.

Last year an old friend of mine died of multiple organ failure due to her drinking. It was such a shock, she was my age, always seemed so sorted in life but the restrictions of Covid lead to her depressions spiralling out of control & the only way she thought she could cope wit everything was to drink 

But even that didn't stop me for long, it just added to everything & the guilt (why didn't I realise?, why couldn't she tell me?) so I continued. Dry January was a chance to stop & really assess my drinking. I am so glad I did. I joined a group (Bee Sober - A wellbeing company with a difference. (beesoberofficial.com)) listened to the podcasts which are hilarious but very thought provoking, listened to some audio books about how alcohol affects our bodies both physically & emotionally (absolutely terrifying!). My sister was similar so am so lucky in that we have begun our sober journey together & can talk about days when we want a drink if things are rubbish or days when we talk about how much better we feel.

I can honestly say that I have now done 55 days without a drop of alcohol & it is the best thing I have ever done, I just wish I had done it sooner.

Anyway, just wondered what everyone else was like with the booze ... are you very controlled, do you drink too much at times, do you not drink? Alcohol is so prevalent in our society & wondered how everyone else was with this. No right or wrong answers at all, just interested in everyone else's habits


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

My family is rife with alcoholics, I don't touch the stuff for fear I would be one of them. My late older sister and my youngest sister are both alcoholics. My other sister drinks, she likes a couple glasses of wine at night, and we talk about it all the time, she worries about it and stops sometimes, but usually goes back to it. Me, I'm just too afraid of it to even get started. 

My brother is like me, he doesn't drink any more because of fear of alcoholism.

I do sometimes wish I had something to take the edge off at night. Still waiting for my state to get it's act together regarding marijuana dispensaries. I've shown myself in the past to be quite responsible and controlled in that area.


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## Beth78 (Jul 4, 2019)

I have been a big time binge drinker for many years to block out what is going on in my head, I would drink a bottle of Vodka in the afternoon, black out and wake up sick and shakey the next day.

I realised how much this behaviour was hurting me and my family.

I have now been t total for over 3 months and feel much better for it.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

lorilu said:


> My family is rife with alcoholics, I don't touch the stuff for fear I would be one of them. My late older sister and my youngest sister are both alcoholics. My other sister drinks, she likes a couple glasses of wine at night, and we talk about it all the time, she worries about it and stops sometimes, but usually goes back to it. Me, I'm just too afraid of it to even get started.
> 
> I do sometimes wish I had something to take the edge off at night. Still waiting for my state to get it's act together regarding marijuana dispensaries. I've shown myself in the past to be quite responsible and controlled in that area.


I am an all or nothing person with far too many things & I think with alcohol so many people are. My dad was an alcoholic so you'd think that would have put me off but it didn't. I suppose I used it to help with anxiety in social situations initially then it became a habit. I tried cannabis a while ago (when i smoked) but hated the feeling it gave me.



Beth78 said:


> I have been a big time binge drinker for many years to block out what is going on in my head, I would drink a bottle of Vodka in the afternoon, black out and wake up sick and shakey the next day.
> 
> I realised how much this behaviour was hurting me and my family.
> 
> I have now been t total for over 3 months and feel much better for it.


Wow, 3 months is amazing!! Do you have any support @Beth78 ?


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> I am an all or nothing person with far too many things & I think with alcohol so many people are. My dad was an alcoholic so you'd think that would have put me off but it didn't. I suppose I used it to help with anxiety in social situations initially then it became a habit. I tried cannabis a while ago (when i smoked) but hated the feeling it gave me.


I'm that way about sugar, I can't keep sweets in the house, and I fear I would be that way about alcohol too, given my genetic disposition. I have found that I don't have a problem with other drugs, for instance with addictive pain meds, much to my relief. My former doc had me on hydrocodone for years, but I went off it without a hitch when I got fed up with taking it.

I was a 70s child pot head and still toke when given a chance which isn't often, because I don't know anyone to buy it from locally (until dispensaries open, it's legal now, but the kinks aren't ironed out apparently). I have a friend who loves it and does have a problem regulating herself on it, but the times she's given me some to take home (she's very generous with it) I've always been able to regulate myself with it and I can make a small amount last for months. One hit in the evening is all I need. I sleep so much better, all my stress goes away.

Well done on giving up the alcohol, I bet it wasn't easy. xx


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## Beth78 (Jul 4, 2019)

Cleo38 said:


> Wow, 3 months is amazing!! Do you have any support @Beth78 ?


Thank you. No I've done it myself, I did join afew online meeting via Smart recovery but I didn't find it helpful.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Well, let's put it this way: A dentist once called me boring. :Hilarious:

I drink just enough to say I'm not teetotal. Right now, I've got a bottle of Amaretto that I bought just after Christmas for the purpose of New Year's Eve. I've got about 1/3 of it left. Once it's gone, I could easily go the rest of the year without a drink.

But I've always been like this. I've never been a big drinker, and seeing what it does to the general public, not to mention certain family members, I have no intention of starting.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

I rarely drink alcohol not because of a fear of getting addicted, I just have no need to drink. When out I will have something like a spritzer or a G&T usually just one, but I rarely have one at home. I’ve always been like this and my family is the same, that need for alcohol isn’t there in our makeup. Food is my downfall and although you can cut down you can’t cut it out. 
OH likes a tot of single malt each evening and every now and again will cut it out for several days
Some friends were regularly having wine in the evenings which they have done for years. They realised that glass of wine had turned into a bottle of wine, then a bottle each. It’s surprising how it sneaks up on you


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## Beth78 (Jul 4, 2019)

My drinking got worse with the year of trauma therapy I have just done, I think it bought alot of buried things to the surface with was very hard to deal with. I have just finished the therapy and although I will need more in a years time I feel like alot of things have been resolved.
I will have to watch myself when I restart.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Beth78 said:


> Thank you. No I've done it myself, I did join afew online meeting via Smart recovery but I didn't find it helpful.


Well done you.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Beth78 said:


> My drinking got worse with the year of trauma therapy I have just done, I think it bought alot of buried things to the surface with was very hard to deal with. I have just finished the therapy and although I will need more in a years time I feel like alot of things have been resolved.
> I will have to watch myself when I restart.


((Hugs))


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

Oooo am like @LinznMilly drink enough occassionally to not be a real teatotaller. Though had gone years without a drop of alcohol. I did buy Bailey's at Christmas which I do every year but this year I enjoyed a drink. Most year I tell my son he can have it


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## Beth78 (Jul 4, 2019)

LinznMilly said:


> Well done you.


Thank you. There have been alot of positive changes in my life as a result such as family relationships, health and on my bank account. It hasn't been easy though I'll tell you that but with every day that goes by without drinking it is getting easier.


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

For as many addictive and obsessive traits that I have, and as many alcoholics that are in my family it's surprising that alcohol is the one thing I have zero issues with.
I got throwing-up drunk one time, hated it and never did it again. I don't drink at all, mainly because I don't like the taste of wine or beer and I'm too cheap to spend stupid money on a mixed drink when I'm happier with a glass of water or tea anyway.

One of my character flaws is that I have very little tolerance for destructive alcoholism and addictions in general. I'm sure it's unresolved issues from my own childhood and a lifetime working with kids who's parents loved their addiction more than their children.
The flip side of course is that I have tremendous respect for those who recognize they were on a dangerous path and had the courage and fortitude to step off of it.


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## tyg'smum (Aug 14, 2018)

Well done Cleo and Beth. I too have struggled with alcohol over the years - although I do still have the occasional tipple, I haven't had a problem for some years now (there is a half bottle of Shiraz in the kitchen left over from Christmas, which is used for cooking - I've had no temptation to pour myself a glass). I used to be a heavy drinker, and I'm sorry to say that I was no stranger to the Lost Weekend. But alcohol is not an easy thing to kick (Eric Clapton once said he'd beaten both booze and heroin - although he no longer had any desire for drugs, there wasn't a single morning when he woke up and didn't think "I need a drink") and anyone who's addressed the problem has nothing but my admiration.


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## Dimwit (Nov 10, 2011)

I have never been a big drinker. Even as a teenager I was fairly boring, it helps that I have a borderline phobia of being sick so usually managed to stop myself before I got to that point. I know from my behaviour with food that I am an emotional eater and I didn't want to go down the path of using alcohol to cope, although I think that with my MH problems if I wasn't living with my (very judgemental) sister that I probably would have.
Now I rarely drink, I am on medication that shouldn't be mixed with alcohol and TBH I don't have any friends so nobody ever invites me out anyway.
Plus, a few night-time first aid shifts in Cambridge city centre is enough to put you off alcohol!

Well done @Cleo38 and @Beth78 for giving up


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## StormyThai (Sep 11, 2013)

I used to be an "everyday drinker"
After work I always opened a bottle of wine to have a glass or two to chill out after a hard day...but I couldn't put a half finished bottle back in the fridge so that was an excuse to drink the whole bottle, which then became two bottles and then 3!

I was able to function perfectly well during the day with a very physical and stressful job (yard manager for a polo team) so as far as I was concerned everything was fine.
I grew up with adults that had serious drinking issues...they wouldn't think twice about leaving their young children to go to the pub for the night, and I lost count how many sick piles I had to clean as a teenager...and one day it just hit me that I was making the same mistake...I was using alcohol as my crutch to fit in.

I gave up all alcohol around 10 years ago now and I honestly don't miss it..the habit was harder to give up than the actual drink tbh.
It was interesting to see all the people that used to hang around the party girl suddenly disappear tho.


Well done for giving up


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## £54etgfb6 (Dec 25, 2020)

*Just want to include a trigger warning on my post that it includes mentions of sexual assault. Please do not read if this is a triggering subject for you.*

I do not drink as, like a few others on this thread, I cannot control my drinking. I am the type of person who does not want the party to end and will do everything I can to keep having fun. I also couldn't say no to anyone when offered a drink. I never drank at home alone, it was all about the confidence it gave me in public. I began drinking as a teenager and every time I drank I would blackout. I was waking up in households I didn't recognise, attending classes still under the influence, being ditched by friends on nights out and left alone, etc. I cannot recall the entirety of any night I drank, there are always missing pieces. I didn't recognise any issue with this until I experienced SA for the second time while drunk. I was so scared of what would happen next that I spoke to a counselling service for help. I haven't drank in three years now. I attended a meal with colleagues not too long ago where everyone drank but myself and while it felt odd, I came home that night feeling happy. Happy that I would make it home safe, wouldn't make a fool of myself or start an argument, would remember the night, and would wake up in my own bed tomorrow feeling well-rested instead of waking up in the afternoon, feeling like death, and trying to piece together fragments of the night.

I don't think I will ever drink again as I'm still too impulsive and lack self-control. Also, there's no need for me to drink now as I am learning that I don't need to become a different person in social settings. I'm trying to learn to love myself for who I am and not rely on the drunk version of me. I lost friends through my decision but I gained my life back and was able to focus on my studies. I was able to heal myself mentally without alcohol constantly pushing me two steps backwards.

Wishing everyone here on the journey of sobriety the best. It really is very difficult and a lot of people don't appreciate this. Be kind to yourselves and stay strong


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

From the age of 16 to my late 20s I drank a lot. I was a party girl. I’d regularly binge until I was sick, always felt rough and embarrassed the next day. I didn’t drink everyday but at least 4 or 5 nights. The weekends would be boozy. Then two things happened;

I started running and slowly stopped drinking so I could have a good run in the morning. 

I realised I was skint and my life was going no where. I took on an extra job, joined the open university and retook my GCSEs with the intention of becoming a teacher. I no longer had time to drink. 

Now I have boxers so get up early everyday. I go months without a drink. If I do it’s a glass of wine with dinner. I don’t really enjoy it prefer a brew.


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## DanWalkersmum (Mar 21, 2019)

lullabydream said:


> Oooo am like @LinznMilly drink enough occassionally to not be a real teatotaller. Though had gone years without a drop of alcohol. I did buy Bailey's at Christmas which I do every year but this year I enjoyed a drink. Most year I tell my son he can have it


The best use for Baileys is .... bread and butter pudding. I discovered this by accident last year and now my son asks for it when he visits, I haven't been able to replicate the first one though had fun trying


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

@Beth78, you should feel so proud of yourself! It's not easy at all especially as alcohol is so freely available & we are almost encouraged to drink. On the Bee Sober FB group we were discussing how many Valentine meals deals included a bottle of wine/other alcohol but rarely were there non=-alcoholic options. During January I wasn't buying booze in my shop so Tesco 'kindly' sent me some vouchers for money off gin & beer 

Not sure if it's your thing or not but I found their podcasts really useful as well as being really funny!!!

I was very similar in my 20's/30's @bmr10. I had so many blackouts, injuries, etc & sleeping with people I shouldn't (or had no idea who they were), waking up or finding myself in places I had no idea where I was or who I was with. It is terrifying in some ways. I was going to say i was lucky in that nothing terrible happened to me but tbh if it had I probably wouldn't have had a clue anyway.

I think there are many forms of alcoholism & I seemed to think that just because I didn't binge drink anymore or put myself a t risk like I used to then my drinking was fine. I never really craved alcohol (like I did with nicotine when I smoked) but I couldn't stop when I started or would find it very difficult. . I

Well done @tyg'smum & @Boxer123 for recognising your problem & making changes. It isn't easy at all

@StormyThai, I think telling my friends will be a big deal in some ways as alcohol always featured heavily in our nights out. I am due to go out on Saturday night (first night out since Dry January ended) & I know that I will get a few comments from one person in particular ... I already have my answers prepared 

Thanks for the replies, it really is interesting to read how we are similar but different ... if that makes sense!!!


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

And @Dimwit you are officially invited out when @simplysardonic & I have our next day out!! No booze but maybe coffee & cake at local nature reserve. we just need to sort a date


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

I'm probably what would be called a 'binge drinker', I can go weeks or months & not drink, but when I do I tend to pack it away like it's going out of fashion

When I was younger I drank more & like @Cleo38 took risks I'd not entertain nowadays.

Well done to everyone who has recognised their drinking is becoming an issue & taken steps.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> And @Dimwit you are officially invited out when @simplysardonic & I have our next day out!! No booze but maybe coffee & cake at local nature reserve. we just need to sort a date


That sounds like an excellent idea!


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

Cleo38 said:


> @Beth78, you should feel so proud of yourself! It's not easy at all especially as alcohol is so freely available & we are almost encouraged to drink. On the Bee Sober FB group we were discussing how many Valentine meals deals included a bottle of wine/other alcohol but rarely were there non=-alcoholic options. During January I wasn't buying booze in my shop so Tesco 'kindly' sent me some vouchers for money off gin & beer
> 
> Not sure if it's your thing or not but I found their podcasts really useful as well as being really funny!!!
> 
> ...


Just be aware when your out people will sometimes put an uncomfortable amount of pressure on you to drink. I normally drive and don't entertain the conversation.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Boxer123 said:


> Just be aware when your out people will sometimes put an uncomfortable amount of pressure on you to drink. I normally drive and don't entertain the conversation.


Yes & the people who have so far both have severe issues with booze so I wasn't surprised tbh. Although I never pressurised any friend to drink (I don't think) I did not like to go out with non-drinkers on boozy nights out (if I'm really honest) as they tend to remember too many things like what a knob I was!

My sister & I were laughing at how boring we both are now; no booze, no late nights, healthy eating, etc .... my big excitement at the weekend was realising I had 2 episodes on The Archers to catch up on!!!

My treat for the weekends are now Stella Zero alcohol beers, they are amazing! I can't believe how good they are.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

My OH adores the Adnams very low alcohol beer and he’s fussy over his ales


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## Magyarmum (Apr 27, 2015)

I used to smoke a good 30 cigarettes a day and get through at least half a bottle of wine every evening. Five years ago almost to the day I was rushed into hospital with a perforated stomach ulcer where. after undergoing an emergency op I spent the next 10 days not being allowed anything to eat or drink. 

The first thing I told my son when he took me home was that I'd decided never to touch cigarettes or alcohol again. About 3 months later I decided to become a vegetarian. Can't say I miss any of them.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Magyarmum said:


> I used to smoke a good 30 cigarettes a day and get through at least half a bottle of wine every evening. Five years ago almost to the day I was rushed into hospital with a perforated stomach ulcer where. after undergoing an emergency op I spent the next 10 days not being allowed anything to eat or drink.
> 
> The first thing I told my son when he took me home was that I'd decided never to touch cigarettes or alcohol again. About 3 months later I decided to become a vegetarian. Can't say I miss any of them.


How awful, must have been very scary. I used to be a 'proper' smoker as well. 20 day or probably double that on a boozy weekend. It honestly makes me feel sick thinking about it now. I gave up smoking 15yrs ago & have never touched one since. Funny, I've never even craved one either.. Wish I had given up the booze as well then but better late than never I suppose.

@Siskin, this weekend treat is a bottle of non alcoholic Doom Bar beer. I had the alcoholic version years ago in Cornwall (where it's brewed) & it was lovely. Am not expecting it to be exactly the same but hopefully it's quite nice


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## tyg'smum (Aug 14, 2018)

Cleo38 said:


> I think telling my friends will be a big deal in some ways as alcohol always featured heavily in our nights out. I am due to go out on Saturday night (first night out since Dry January ended) & I know that I will get a few comments from one person in particular ... I already have my answers prepared


Stick to your guns, girl, and keep telling yourself that real friends don't pressure you. And come back on Sunday to tell us all about your night out!


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

Teetotal here. Never found a form of alcohol I like enough to bother drinking. Japanese plum wine was about the nicest, and I still wouldn't go back for seconds. Saves me a small fortune


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## Nonnie (Apr 15, 2009)

I view alcohol as a massive waste of money.

Probably been well over 10 years since i had any. Most alcoholic drinks are vile too. Never even tried red wine. The sugar content of some products is shocking.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Magyarmum said:


> I used to smoke a good 30 cigarettes a day and get through at least half a bottle of wine every evening. Five years ago almost to the day I was rushed into hospital with a perforated stomach ulcer where. after undergoing an emergency op I spent the next 10 days not being allowed anything to eat or drink.
> 
> The first thing I told my son when he took me home was that I'd decided never to touch cigarettes or alcohol again. About 3 months later I decided to become a vegetarian. Can't say I miss any of them.


My mum smoked 40 cigarettes a day until she was in her 60's when she had a bad dose of flu. After 3 weeks she realised she hadn't smoked at all so stopped there and then and never went back to it. How she didn't get lung cancer is a mystery the amount she was getting through.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Nonnie said:


> I view alcohol as a massive waste of money.
> 
> Probably been well over 10 years since i had any. Most alcoholic drinks are vile too. Never even tried red wine. The sugar content of some products is shocking.


I bloody love alcohol (obviously or I wouldn't have a problem with it!!) I think it's more the feeling it initially gave me in social situations that made it so appealing. I get very anxious/stressed especially meeting new people, etc but alcohol seems to take all that away & made it so much easier. It really was the best thing as I felt much more confident, more chatty, funnier, etc but too much & it is the complete opposite only by that stage the drunk person doesn't realise.

It is interesting reading about people's experiences & I really wish I was one of those who wasn't fussed


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## bunnygeek (Jul 24, 2018)

I used to drink more, but I have strict rules for myself now. These have become even more stringent since my husband is now almost 7 months sober and struggling with it, he was drinking far too many beers.

My rules are no booze Monday - Wednesday. No day drinking. No drinking before 7pm or after 11pm. I tend to stick to white wine, the occasional gin. Husband only ever drank beers, not a fan of wine, so at least that's easier on him. I would stop entirely BUT due to IBS I would literally only be able to drink water - I can't drink lots of juices, fizzy drinks don't agree with me, and neither do artificial sweeteners. He at least can enjoy a fizzy pop as a treat. 

Alcoholism runs strong in my family though, so I understand the struggles.


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## Dimwit (Nov 10, 2011)

Cleo38 said:


> I think it's more the feeling it initially gave me in social situations that made it so appealing. I get very anxious/stressed especially meeting new people, etc but alcohol seems to take all that away & made it so much easier. It really was the best thing as I felt much more confident, more chatty, funnier, etc


Snap! I have bad social anxiety and alcohol does help hugely in those situations. I remember when I was doing my PhD my lab was across the road from a pub and we would often go over for a few drinks to avoid the rush hour on the tube but we were all poor students or postdocs so couldn't afford to get too drunk!

Excessive drinking is such a huge part of our culture, it's scary - especially when you see the situations that young women get themselves into. I am genuinely not judging or blaming anyone anyone I just seem to deal with an awful lot of drunk people at the events I do first aid at (including the poor girl on NYE who had had her drink spiked) and they are usually women. It is scary to see how vulnerable they are and how totally unaware they are of that (which is why I volunteer - if we can get these people home safely then we have done a good job, and not just by keeping them from going to A&E).


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## Nonnie (Apr 15, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> social situations


I use avoidance, which is just as unhealthy tbh and very isolating.


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## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

I joined the Salvation Army when I was at university, and worked for them for two years afterwards, although I haven’t been for a while. I still wouldn’t choose to drink and no one has ever tried to pressure me to do so. It’s the not participating in raffles (I donate instead) that people find more odd as they don’t see it as a form of gambling.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Jobeth said:


> I joined the Salvation Army when I was at university, and worked for them for two years afterwards, although I haven't been for a while. I still wouldn't choose to drink and no one has ever tried to pressure me to do so. It's the not participating in raffles (I donate instead) that people find more odd as they don't see it as a form of gambling.


It's funny when things are normalized to such a n extent that people sort of forget the realities. When I lived in Brighton ,my BF & I used to go to the sea front & pier alot. There were so many fruit machines & e played occasionally but all of a sudden I completely got why some people played them for hours & lost a small fortune. The saddest thing was a woman we saw several times who sat in between two machines whilst her young child in his school uniform slept next to her


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## Mrs Funkin (Mar 12, 2018)

I love a drink. I can drink one beer and be happy or I can go all out and just get hammered. I had many months during 2020/2021 where I only drank once a week - which was a bottle of Prosecco on a Saturday night. I don't drink every day now, I don't drink at all if I'm at work the next day.

I used to be a "party girl" (for want of a better way of describing it), driving up and down motorways to raves and clubbing several nights a week, so obviously didn't drink then.

I rather like the feeling of being drunk. I think that's the problem - if I didn't like it I wouldn't do it. But I do. I think I have more issues with food to be honest than drink.

Well done @Cleo38 and @Beth78 for taking control of it.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Mrs Funkin said:


> I love a drink. I can drink one beer and be happy or I can go all out and just get hammered. I had many months during 2020/2021 where I only drank once a week - which was a bottle of Prosecco on a Saturday night. I don't drink every day now, I don't drink at all if I'm at work the next day.
> 
> I used to be a "party girl" (for want of a better way of describing it), driving up and down motorways to raves and clubbing several nights a week, so obviously didn't drink then.
> 
> ...


I love the feeling of being 'pleasantly p*ssed'. The sort of relaxation, the loss of inhibition (although that could also be a bad thing!), feeling more confident, more lively .... until it tipped over the edge. And my hangovers were so bad. really, really bad & I haven't got time to waste days being ill.

My friend & I were talking about dog training the other day (as we usually do) & emotions, feeling in the moment with your dogs, etc & also about learning to cope with different emotions (us & the dog). I explained for many years I don't think I did learn to cope with certain emotions but drank to dull them. Not dealing with them & cancelling them out with alcohol meant I was never going to learn how to deal with them either. Probably some difficult times ahead as I will have to learn now .

If anyone is interested then these are the Bee Sober podcasts that I found helpful (as well as very funny) Bee Sober Podcasts - A funny and honest account to self-discovery (beesoberofficial.com)

And I listened to Alcohol Explained on Audible (link below) which was interesting yet scary at how much alcohol affects our bodies, something I completely ignored for years.

Alcohol Explained Audiobook | William Porter | Audible.co.uk


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Siskin said:


> My mum smoked 40 cigarettes a day until she was in her 60's when she had a bad dose of flu. After 3 weeks she realised she hadn't smoked at all so stopped there and then and never went back to it. How she didn't get lung cancer is a mystery the amount she was getting through.


My nan & grandad used to smoke 60 a day ... each! That was many years ago when cigarettes weren't as expensive but still 120 **** a day in their small bungalow. It must have been difficult to see some days


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## Oof (12 mo ago)

My aunt and uncle used to get me drunk on vodka and white lightning. The first time I remember being blind drunk I was 11. 

Used to party at the weekends as soon as I turned 18, but I had kids young so the partying soon stopped! Luckily I never had an addictive personality when it came to substances.

I wouldn't describe myself as a teetotaller, just because in my head I naturally associate it with someone being against alcohol, period (that's my own weird hang-up, i know lol)... but I don't drink much at all. I think I last drank at Christmas, and that was a couple of beers. 

Diagnosed ocd, gad, cptsd... all the acronyms! And alcohol isn't a friend to it. Husband pointed out that upto a week after I'd drink I'd be very sad. Snappy. More anxious, so I'm mindful of that.


I read through everyone's posts and I think you're all amazing. This society doesn't make it easy (or acceptable) to be a non-drinker, and I think it takes a lot of courage to swim against the current.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

In my 20’s I was a social drinker on night’s out but wasn’t that bothered otherwise.

I did get quite p*ssed at parties, etc. but thankfully, never out of control, although extra loud and gregarious!

Around 30 I decided that the drunk feeling and the hangover the next day, just weren’t worth it tbh.

Other people struggled with that though and would always try to get me to join them 

For many years now I haven’t drunk much alcohol at all really. GP never believes me when they ask how many units a week and my answer is “less than one” …. apparently, they usually double what everyone says, cos they assume we are all lying.

A glass of Prosecco with Xmas lunch and a shot of Tia Maria in a coffee around New Year was the last alcohol I had.

Alcohol was never a problem for anyone in my family either, thankfully.

Well done any of you who have taken control of alcohol if it was a negative force in your life.


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

I love the early mornings too much to indulge in drinking. I have however been hitting the wine a little too much for 2-3months due to I believe might be stress and illness. I don't really like the taste of it! 
Will have a break from booze now until the hot weather, when I'll buy quite a few bottles of my favourite pale ale. It's actually the only drink I like the flavour of, and it goes down very well on a hot afternoon. Never have more than two in any day though


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

I drank heavily in my late teens and early 20s. Lots of "lost weekends". I grew out of it by the time I was 27 (I had some female health problems leading to hysterectomy, then never really went back to the destructive partying), and by the time I was 30 I realized about the alcoholism in the family I mentioned in my earlier post.

If only I could get the sugar cravings off my back. It's relentless.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

rona said:


> I love the early mornings too much to indulge in drinking. I have however been hitting the wine a little too much for 2-3months due to I believe might be stress and illness. I don't really like the taste of it!
> Will have a break from booze now until the hot weather, when I'll buy quite a few bottles of my favourite pale ale. It's actually the only drink I like the flavour of, and it goes down very well on a hot afternoon. Never have more than two in any day though


Ohh I loved a cold beer on a hot day. Especially after mowing the lawn. But I'm too scared to start anything.


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

I drank a fair bit between the ages of 13 to 18 mainly coz I lived in a tiny village and there wasnt anything else to do! Im lucky though in that I never really liked the taste of alcohol and am socially anxious enough that I didnt want to risk embaressing myself in public being drunk! Nowadays I just treat myself to a few fruity cocktails at christmas and am teetotal the rest of the year.
My job would put me off if nothing else did TBH. Over 20yrs looking after people with alcohol problems and you see some really horrible and terribly sad things. We even get people in their early thirties in liver failure who are going to die soon because they have spent the last 20yrs drinking. But alcohol is still seen as a socially acceptable drug most places so it does sometimes sneak up on people.
(not that I have no bad habits! Food is my drug of choice and my emotional crutch. I could def be much healthier!):Shy


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

I am so moved by some of the posts here. @Cleo38 thank you for opening this conversation which isn't easy.

I had issues with alcohol when I was trying to come to terms with childlessness, I drunk a lot and got out of control. Working through my grief and understanding I have PTSD, and trying to forgive myself helped a lot but it's taken 12 years to be able to have alcohol in our house and not view it as a prop. It doesn't help that my husband likes drink, my attitude is now unkind to the booze but no good came of it. The last time I went to a party I was sexually assaulted because I was tipsy and my husband in a beer tent wasn't around, sadly the first party I went too after I felt I'd forgiven myself. So I'm always sober at parties. That does not always help, at my brother's wedding when I would see my wider family with their babies, I had a careful plan with my husband not to drink and for him to look out for me and my uncle said he pitied me. Oh well... 

It's not the fault of beer but my attitude towards it as I mistakenly thought I was a better person for it, despite my uncle's misguided opinion which says more about him, I'm proud of my ongoing efforts.


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## Jaf (Apr 17, 2014)

I've never had more than a sip, I just can't get past the taste. I would really like to know what I'm like drunk, but will never know. It's probably a good thing though as I do have addictive tendencies, just like my family. 

I do wonder if alcohol would have helped me with social anxiety and stopped me becoming a hermit.

On the other hand, in my experience, most drunk people are so abnoxious, boring, repetitive, dangerous! Can't have a decent conversation you'll get told that "a fish is not an animal". They're loud, slobbery or asleep hugging the toilet. Or getting in fights. Always saying to warn them that they're getting drunk, but get cross when you tell them. Having one more for the road when they're already an hour late for the agreed time (I was always the driver, of course). 

I don't know anyone that manages moderation. They seem to think that they do, but forget the weekly allowance is 14 units...or 1 glass of wine a day.

When younger I did get told I was boring for not drinking. Not really the best argument to persuade me so I'd dig my heals in.


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## Pawscrossed (Jul 2, 2013)

My mother was a secret drinker. I must've about 8 years old when I found whiskey and tried it, thinking I'd be like mum. Was horribly sick and never again. Same as smoking, it made me sick and I missed a hockey match which I loved so never again. I swore of both until much like many of us @lorilu and @MollySmith i had women's problems and complications and briefly entertained smoking and boozing my way out but my mum passed, I had enough saved up to by my home and spent my time learning how to fix it. Cannot climb ladders under the influence.


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## LittleFox (12 mo ago)

While I have addictive tendencies (as so many of us do), alcohol isn't one of them. I was never really a partying teenager. I did drink throughout my 20s and early 30s, but not really to excess. Like @Dimwit I have a phobia of vomiting so that helped!

When my stroke was diagnosed a year ago, I decided I didn't want to kill any more of my brain cells. I've almost stopped drinking completely - the only exceptions being 1 glass of wine with dinner on special occasions.

I'm not high and mighty about not having a problem with alcohol because my drug of choice is food.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

I think some of the posts are missing from this thread following the server outage yesterday.

Anyway, thanks everyone for posting. Alcohol (problems, issues, etc) is something I have never really thought about tbh, mainly as it was an area I didn't want to go to & because it is so acceptable in our society. We celebrate by having a drink we drown our sorrows with alcohol, we get so drunk we act in a way we never would sober, we forget things, put ourselves, at risk, etc but it's all ok because it's booze. If any other drug did that it would not be acceptable. I am not saying everyone is like this at all, some people are able to drink in a sensible way but many of us can't.

It's funny that out of all the people I know who don't drink it's mainly younger people. I don't know many people my age who don't. Am currently listening to Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget by Sarah Hepola on Audble atm. It is a very difficult listen in places as it is so familiar, the shame of piecing together some incidents, things I have done that I wished I hadn't, situations I have been in ....

But at least I am making changes. I went out Saturday evening for dinner at local pub & had a coke & a Peroni AF beer. I had one comment fropm the person I expected it from but had my sarky answer already which meant she didn't bother with any more. It was nice we had a such a laugh; caught up on gossip, talked about dogs, etc. It wasn't a boozy one anyway as we all had training the next day


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## StormyThai (Sep 11, 2013)

Oof said:


> My aunt and uncle used to get me drunk on vodka and white lightning. The first time I remember being blind drunk I was 11.


I used to have this, except it was my mum and stepdad...I remember being blind drunk at a very early age and all of the adults around me thought that it was hilarious 
The situations that I got myself into at an early age due to alcohol are horrifying as I look back on them!

As a general thought: I actually view alcohol much more dangerous than some of the drugs that are illegal...granted, you can have substance abuse no matter the substance but I find alcohol so destructive, yet we don't do anything about it because it is socially acceptable to be blind drunk to the point that many hold it up as a badge of honour


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

Cleo38 said:


> it is so acceptable in our society. We celebrate by having a drink we dorwn our sorrows with alcohol, we get do drunk we act in a way we never would sober, we forget things, put ourselves, at risk, etc but it's all ok because itps booze. If any other drug did that it would not be acceptable.


It's interesting when you're able to step back you see how odd it is that alcohol and all the problems it causes is still so acceptable when if it was an opiate or amphetamine it would be viewed as the problem it is.

Saying you need to have a glass of wine or a beer to unwind after a long day is fine. But with any other drug that would be considered a problem.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> It's interesting when you're able to step back you see how odd it is that alcohol and all the problems it causes is still so acceptable when if it was an opiate or amphetamine it would be viewed as the problem it is.
> 
> Saying you need to have a glass of wine or a beer to unwind after a long day is fine. But with any other drug that would be considered a problem.


 Agreed! Even watching on TV I now notice just how ingrained in our society this is. It is so normal that we can't even see it. I drank alcohol for many reasons; I like the initial "hit" you get, the feeling of being more relaxed, the lack of inhibitions, the confidence boost, etc after the initial couple of drinks but then that's when the problems starts as I wanted to maintain that & obviously alcohol wears off & you start feeling dreadful so you need to top it up to keep that euphoric feeling but it still doesn't work like that.

And the past year I had been drinking to numb certain emotions as I didn't know how to cope with them, I still don't tbh but I realise that alcohol wasn't helping but making it all so much worse. One of my friends has been going through a really sh*tty time & is drinking way too much. It is so easy to see how alcohol makes everything so much worse when it's someone else. I hope she comes through it & can see for herself as I don't want to be preachy juts because I have now seen the light.


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## Ringypie (Aug 15, 2012)

I can take it or leave it. I used to go out clubbing with my friends stone cold sober so I could drive home and be up for the horse the next day. Had some awesome nights dancing on tables and getting up to mischief . I get so annoyed by how people look at you when you say you aren’t drinking. ‘You don’t drink?!!!’ Said in horrified tones like I’d just said I like eating kittens or something equally awful. 
I don’t mind the odd drink now and then but I much prefer a nice cuppa!


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

Ringypie said:


> I can take it or leave it. I used to go out clubbing with my friends stone cold sober so I could drive home and be up for the horse the next day. Had some awesome nights dancing on tables and getting up to mischief . I get so annoyed by how people look at you when you say you aren't drinking. 'You don't drink?!!!' Said in horrified tones like I'd just said I like eating kittens or something equally awful.
> I don't mind the odd drink now and then but I much prefer a nice cuppa!


Now a brew I could not do without!


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## Ringypie (Aug 15, 2012)

Boxer123 said:


> Now a brew I could not do without!


Me too! Nothing like a nice cup of tea!


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Boxer123 said:


> Now a brew I could not do without!





Ringypie said:


> Me too! Nothing like a nice cup of tea!


Me three. I've become a tea snob. I was brought a tea subscription from Brew Tea in Manchester a while back. If they stopped their Everyday Tea I'd honestly cry.


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

MollySmith said:


> Me three. I've become a tea snob. I was brought a tea subscription from Brew Tea in Manchester a while back. If they stopped their Everyday Tea I'd honestly cry.


For me any tea works it's like a big hug in a mug.


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

I could do without Oolong tea, I'll drink it but I don't enjoy it. Or green tea. Just tastes like dirty water. 
Every other tea? Love 'em all, hot or cold! 
Cold chai tea in the summer with honey and mint fresh from the garden? Oh! Heaven!


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## Oof (12 mo ago)

O2.0 said:


> I could do without Oolong tea, I'll drink it but I don't enjoy it. Or green tea. Just tastes like dirty water.
> Every other tea? Love 'em all, hot or cold!
> Cold chai tea in the summer with honey and mint fresh from the garden? Oh! Heaven!


Green tea is lovely providing you get the good stuff. Otherwise you're drinking a hot laxative.

I'm definitely a coffee drinker. And speaking of addictions, a couple of years back I found out I was 'worryingly' anaemic. Had to have weekly blood tests etc. When discussing it with a doctor, I casually mentioned eating half a bag of coffee beans a week on top of drinking copious mugs of it :Bag. Caffeine is definitely addictive!


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Boxer123 said:


> For me any tea works it's like a big hug in a mug.


Some of it can taste a bit off, I can't place it. I tend to drink tea black with lemon but it's like the milk is off, even if I don't have it.

Oddly tannin upsets my stomach so I can't drink it on an empty stomach. Any excuse for a biscuit.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> I could do without Oolong tea, I'll drink it but I don't enjoy it. Or green tea. Just tastes like dirty water.
> Every other tea? Love 'em all, hot or cold!
> Cold chai tea in the summer with honey and mint fresh from the garden? Oh! Heaven!


I don't usually like fancy teas but do enjoy the occasional lapsang souchong tea if I go somewhere posh. 
I had proper green tea when I was in Japan & my BF & I were suddenly invited to an old man's house where we had a sort of impromptu tea ceremony. I was really worried I wouldn't like it (my face usually says it all!) but it was actually really nice.

Personally i like builders tea best; Yorkshire tea, with (rice) mile & 3 heaped tea spoons of sugar .... bloody lovely!


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## Dave S (May 31, 2010)

I have read most of these replies and found them really interesting, and sad in many cases.
Now I am no different from anyone else I suppose, a few addictive tendencies, try to be nice to everyone etc but I have not had an alcoholic drink for many years, and I mean many. Entirely due to needing a driving licence for my work and really not bothered about drinking tea, coke or J2O at parties or other social functions. I was always the one driving people home anyway.. 

However, we have a wedding in the family at Easter, my son and his partner and there is a problem. 
Partners mother has gone beyond alcoholic and is now alcohol dependent. 
She was on a rehab course with Librium recently, finished those tablets and is now back on the drink as the other tablets "do not work". 
Yes, she will drink herself to death, hopefully not before the wedding.

She is painfully thin, bow legged, memory loss, unkempt, in a daze, hardly eats anything etc. and she is coming to the wedding! Could be an interesting day.
(In fact I am giving her daughter away to my son and then bringing her into the family). 

This is the caring mother who put her two daughters into care at an early age as she preferred the bottle, she has been in an alcoholic haze for over 30 years.
The girls were brought up by a grandparent, (both seem to be pretty sensible).
The girls father, her husband, disappeared very early on, in the military and had a woman in every air station in seems.

So, I can see at first hand how badly alcohol can affect people and their families and am really glad (but not in a smug way) that I did not go down that route, (although I used to enjoy a few drinks in my teens). I must admit though that at times I wish I was more adventurous with what I do drink. 

In the meantime, strange how it is now a cup of tea thread, as I sit here with another mug of PG tips.


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## urbantigers (Apr 13, 2014)

Some interesting replies and I admire anyone who has faced addiction and managed to deal with it. I grew up in a teetotal household, starting drinking casually in late teens and then at uni. Don’t drink much these days but have no problems with alcohol. Can have a glass or 2 and stop easily. I go months without any alcohol and then might decide to open a bottle at the weekend which will last me 3-4 days. I’m usually driving when I go out anywhere so that rules out drinking. It’s a bit of a pain not being able to drink if I go out as I hate soft drinks and juice (too sweet) so just sip water all evening (at least I’m a cheap plate).


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Dave S said:


> I have read most of these replies and found them really interesting, and sad in many cases.
> Now I am no different from anyone else I suppose, a few addictive tendencies, try to be nice to everyone etc but I have not had an alcoholic drink for many years, and I mean many. Entirely due to needing a driving licence for my work and really not bothered about drinking tea, coke or J2O at parties or other social functions. I was always the one driving people home anyway..
> 
> However, we have a wedding in the family at Easter, my son and his partner and there is a problem.
> ...


Wow, that is so sad. I really hope the day goes without any dramas from her. Do you have aplan in case there is?

I think there are so many forms of alcoholism & whilst I don't dispute it is an addiction I do think we can still make choices (to a degree). My ex BF's mother sounds very similar to this woman. She loved a drink & chose that over her 4 children. When in her 'care' they suffered neglect & abuse either from her or one of her many (drinking) partners. My ex remembered that the only time it stopped was when the man either ran out of money to support his mothers drinking oir they hit her. In the end his grandparents stepped in & took the children away to bring up.

It sounded awful & regardless of a dependency she made choices & they all revolved around what was best for her. Similar with my dad, he drank & too out his frustrations & anger on us. Looking back now (& discussing with my sister) I think he maybe had (undiagnosed) Asperger's & felt social anxiety but that's not an excuse at all. He also did have some sort of control over who he directed his anger at as it was never people that could either sack him (at works parties for example) or would stand up to him, so he was a typical bully. He ruined so many social events for us all & I never forgave him for it

He died several years ago of an alcohol related illness & whilst my sister went to see him I never did & I don't regret it.


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

Cleo38 said:


> I don't dispute it is an addiction I do think we can still make choices (to a degree).


Liked for this part, not about your father.

And I so agree. People may not have a choice about their individual body chemistry and how alcohol affects them, or how addictive it is, but with all the help available to alcoholics - free help, and available even in the most rural of areas, there really is no excuse for choosing to not get help and work yourself out of the addiction.

I don't have any patience or sympathy for alcoholics who choose their addiction over their children and families. That's 100% a choice. And right along with them I don't have any patience for enabling family members who keep the addiction going, that's a whole 'nother can of worms. 
But anyway, those are my issues and this thread is about people who make the courageous choice to get help and get better and that I do admire.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

MollySmith said:


> Oddly tannin upsets my stomach so I can't drink it on an empty stomach. Any excuse for a biscuit.


Is that what it is, the tannin? I've never been a big tea drinker, (except on my honeymoon in London!) but now and then someone would make me a cup of tea when they were having one. A few years ago I discovered it now upsets my stomach so I have to decline. There are lots of things I've developed an intolerance to over the years, not just tea. Tea I don't miss, but I do miss rice.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> Liked for this part, not about your father.
> 
> And I so agree. People may not have a choice about their individual body chemistry and how alcohol affects them, or how addictive it is, but with all the help available to alcoholics - free help, and available even in the most rural of areas, there really is no excuse for choosing to not get help and work yourself out of the addiction.
> 
> ...


Yes, I agree. It's so complex tho. When I was at my worst (behaviour wise) I wasn;t hurting anyone except myself & thought I was having a good time .. & in some ways I was. It wasn't all bad so I honestly didn't think I had a problem. I suppose all my friends at that time were similar so it was normal for me.

Last year although my drinking was no where near what it was previously but it was constant, every day drinking & I was using it numb feelings I had. I also stopped running, felt so ill & tired all the time (depression) but didn't seek help really as I felt I deserved to feel like that. I honestly wasn't wallowing in it (as I didn't really tell anyone how I felt) but felt I didn't deserve any more time/money spent on me by the NHS (or anyone else) as I'd been lucky enough to have some previously & should be able to cope.

I also think that some of the support groups seem so pious & really not for me. In one of the audio books I've been listening to they discuss AA & no way would it be suitable for me at all. I don't want to talk about my problems like that, if at all some times. I want to understand practical things *& management techniques. For some people it's obviously a great help but I wasn't at that sort of stage anyway .

The Bee Sober group has been great for me, so much so that a few of us are going to meet up soon. Am already worrying tho as they all look normal rather than a shabby country bumpkin/mad dog lady like me who only mixes with other country bumpkins or mad dog people !!!


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## Babyshoes (Jul 1, 2016)

I used to binge drink quite frequently in my late teens (at the weekend so it doesn't impact school, but I spent many Saturdays and Sundays nursing a bad hangover) and continued at uni. 
After one particularly bad binge and drunken adventure which could have ended very badly, that nearly cost me some close friendships, I decided to stop drinking entirely for a few months, mostly to prove to myself that I could...
After that, I went back to more moderate social drinking, with far fewer totally drunk binges. Once I had my first proper job, that tapered off significantly.

These days we drink very little, usually a glass or two of wine once a week when we have supper with our friends - we share a bottle between 4 people, and the person driving that week will have one small glass early on, then stop. We might have a beer or cider at the weekend, but not every week. 

Special occasions are when we might drink a little more, but I can't actually remember the last time I actually felt drunk - perhaps my brother's wedding about 3 years ago? I was certainly very tipsy - enough to enjoy myself but not drunk enough to puke or black out. 

I also feel like the doctors don't believe me, I think they are confused by someone who does drink, but doesn't either binge at the weekend or drink most days...


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Babyshoes said:


> but I can't actually remember the last time I actually felt drunk - perhaps my brother's wedding about 3 years ago?


Your comment here triggered a memory. It was years ago now, when I was still going to family holiday dinner things. My sister had champagne on the table because her brother in law and his fiance where there and announcing their engagement. I hadn't had a drink in years, but I took a sip of champagne and it was lovely and ended up drinking two glasses of it. Then I had a 2 hour drive home. It wasn't until I got behind the wheel of the car and started driving that I realized I was drunk driving.

I didn't learn to drive until I was 35, and had already given up drinking alcohol for reasons stated earlier, so I never had the experience of drinking and driving before! It was very scary. I mean I wasn't falling down drunk or anything, but I definitely was feeling it. I should have turned around and gone back but it was late and I wanted to get home and take care of the cats. I ate the salty snacks I had with me and sobered up after a while, I hadn't had all that much. But still, it was scary.


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

Cleo38 said:


> Yes, I agree. It's so complex tho. When I was at my worst (behaviour wise) I wasn;t hurting anyone except myself & thought I was having a good time .. & in some ways I was. It wasn't all bad so I honestly didn't think I had a problem. I suppose all my friends at that time were similar so it was normal for me.
> 
> Last year although my drinking was no where near what it was it was constant, every day drinking & I was using it numb feelings I had. I also stopped running, felt so ill & tired all the time (depression) but didn't seek help really as I felt I deserved to feel like that. I honestly wasn't wallowing in it (as I didn't really tell anyone how I felt) but felt I didn't deserve any more time/money spent on me by the NHS (or anyone else) as I'd been lucky enough to have some previously & should be able to cope.
> 
> ...


The Bee Sober group sounds awesome. Go be your awesome country bumpkin self! 

Yes, it's complex for sure. And honestly, we all have unhealthy coping mechanisms, and life is full of ups and downs and there are times when we're doing better than others. I like the seasons analogy - life is seasonal, sometimes it's spring and you're growing and blooming, sometimes it's summer and things are easy as you enjoy the fruits of your previous work, other times it's autumn and things are falling apart and dying, and yup, there's also winter where everything is dead and quiet and you just need to huddle under the blankets and hibernate.

But - here's the big caveat, we have to still fulfill our responsibilities even during a fall/winter season. I see way too many adults who shirk their adult responsibility (like to be a parent to a small child) and cry "addiction" as if that excuses abandoning the child. It doesn't. We all have 'addictions' of some sort. And we all have demons to fight.

And I know I sound harsh and uncaring, and I know I'm very jaded on this topic. But I do feel strongly about people who choose their addiction over their children. And I do feel strongly that it is a choice to do so.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> The Bee Sober group sounds awesome. Go be your awesome country bumpkin self!


Thanks, am really looking forward to it but quite nervous. Am also worrying about what normal people talk about. This will be the first non dog group of people I have been out with in years!!


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## Dimwit (Nov 10, 2011)

> The Bee Sober group has been great for me, so much so that a few of us are going to meet up soon. Am already worrying tho as they all look normal rather than a shabby country bumpkin/mad dog lady like me who only mixes with other country bumpkins or mad dog people !!!


I'm sure they will all also be worrying for a number of reasons. I'm sure you will all find lots to talk about and there are worse things to be known as then the mad dog lady


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## Ringypie (Aug 15, 2012)

Boxer123 said:


> For me any tea works it's like a big hug in a mug.


Me too as long as it's strong and milky!


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## golfchick (Mar 18, 2010)

I was just about to type way too milky when I saw you say you like it milky.

I'm completely T total, I've never found anything I can abide the taste of. Growing up my parents never drank a drop, they do have wine now in the evenings, I think not seeing the habit of drinking meant it didn't enter my radar much. I grew up with not a normal social life as a kid, I played 4 musical instruments so my evenings consisted of practice and concerts so I dont think there was any of that pressure. I've never been drunk, only once have I been tipsy and I was assaulted and the fact that I was tipsy altered my handling of the situation in my mind. For this reason people who drink actually freak me out and scare me so I avoid any situations like that unless I trust the person. I do find the social handling of not drinking quite frustrating and judgemental. So often people at work etc. say 'well at least you can have a drink tonight'. I generally correct people to tell them I dont drink and more often than not I get the 'why not' response, like it's normal to drink and everybody should drink and you're judged for not doing so.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

lorilu said:


> Your comment here triggered a memory. It was years ago now, when I was still going to family holiday dinner things. My sister had champagne on the table because her brother in law and his fiance where there and announcing their engagement. I hadn't had a drink in years, but I took a sip of champagne and it was lovely and ended up drinking two glasses of it. Then I had a 2 hour drive home. It wasn't until I got behind the wheel of the car and started driving that I realized I was drunk driving.
> 
> I didn't learn to drive until I was 35, and had already given up drinking alcohol for reasons stated earlier, so I never had the experience of drinking and driving before! It was very scary. I mean I wasn't falling down drunk or anything, but I definitely was feeling it. I should have turned around and gone back but it was late and I wanted to get home and take care of the cats. I ate the salty snacks I had with me and sobered up after a while, I hadn't had all that much. But still, it was scary.


I know, I have had similar. I remember ages ago having one glass of wine when I was out. I was driving but it was a small glass so knew I would be under the limit but I think the combination of feeling so tired& that I wasn't feeling great anyway made me feel as if I had had more than one lass. I had a coffee then drove home making sure I was extra careful. I never drank even one glass of wine again after that if I was driving. I think there is so much variation of how alcohol affects us.



Dimwit said:


> I'm sure they will all also be worrying for a number of reasons. I'm sure you will all find lots to talk about and there are worse things to be known as then the mad dog lady


True! I mentioned to one of the women the same & then it turns out she has recently gotten a rescue dog after waiting years to have her first dog. Turns out she has loads of questions & is now worrying she will bombard me .... made me feel so much hearing that so at least another dog nut there 



golfchick said:


> I was just about to type way too milky when I saw you say you like it milky.
> 
> I'm completely T total, I've never found anything I can abide the taste of. Growing up my parents never drank a drop, they do have wine now in the evenings, I think not seeing the habit of drinking meant it didn't enter my radar much. I grew up with not a normal social life as a kid, I played 4 musical instruments so my evenings consisted of practice and concerts so I dont think there was any of that pressure. I've never been drunk, only once have I been tipsy and I was assaulted and the fact that I was tipsy altered my handling of the situation in my mind. For this reason people who drink actually freak me out and scare me so I avoid any situations like that unless I trust the person. I do find the social handling of not drinking quite frustrating and judgemental. So often people at work etc. say 'well at least you can have a drink tonight'. I generally correct people to tell them I dont drink and more often than not I get the 'why not' response, like it's normal to drink and everybody should drink and you're judged for not doing so.


I think I have been guilty of being wary on non-drinkers in the past purely because I know they will remember everything especially what a dick I was!

But you are so right, it is fine for people to get so drunk they are a danger to themselves or others, etc but to not drink is somehow weird. I know that it's obviously a cultural thing as my ex BF lives in New York now (has done for approx 10yrs) & he says it is so much easier to not drink there, no one questions it or thinks it's odd. It's only when he comes home that he gets comments.


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## Kaily (Feb 8, 2020)

I have ummed and ahed about writing in this thread and if so what. It is such a huge subject for me. What I have decided to do is copy and paste my post I made on another forum on my first year anniversary. In my experience once addiction really takes hold it is definitely no longer a choice. I am now 3.4 years sober.

*A year on from a bottle of vodka everyday.*
I joined SR halfheartedly back in 2014. I was totally lost but apparently not done with drinking yet. I made multiple attempts but was barely getting more than a day and not very often at that.

I would post intermittently pleading for help as my alcoholism continued to get worse and worse. I went to my GP, local drug and alcohol team and even to A&E. I couldn't get a detox because I live alone yet I was constantly being told not to stop drinking but to taper. Well that for me was impossible.

I attended AA for many months but it just didn't suit my sensitive introverted personality.

My intake had by then increased to 700ml of vodka a day, some days a litre. I often drank beer or wine on top as well. Sometimes I would look myself in the eye in the mirror and laugh at what I had become. A drunken bloated mess.

September last year something changed. I started to really fight the beast. It was do or die. My health was declining, I had liver pains and my blood pressure was rising, it was so high that I was on 3 different medications to bring it down but they weren't working. My average reading was 180/101. There was absolutely no pleasure left in alcohol but still a desperate need. It was my crutch for life, my companion and my medication to keep difficult feelings and emotions away.

At 56 and having been drinking since I was 13 it was never going to be easy to stop.

Somehow my mindset changed. The realisation that the only way I was going to stop was to actually stop today, not tomorrow, next week, or sometime never. I joined the October class but had a couple of slips so went on to join the November class. From there on in the days became weeks and the weeks became months. Today the months became a year.

I like to say the stars aligned.

Slowly sober is becoming my new normal. I will never take it for granted and I am constantly vigilant and know my limitations. I keep myself safe as I can.

The insidious irritating AV still reminds me its there. My life hasn't miraculously changed (yet?). But I am no longer drowning in a sea of vodka. Life is better but far from perfect. Loneliness, isolation and dealing with past traumas are still big factors.

I for one didn't think I would ever do it, I believed I was a lost cause.

But bad as it got, I never gave up trying.

Thank you Sober Recovery.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Kaily said:


> I
> 
> Somehow my mindset changed. The realisation that the only way I was going to stop was to actually stop today, not tomorrow, next week, or sometime never. .


Thanks so much for posting, I really do think that it's so difficult for some people. The bit of your story I have quoted is so true, like so many things we need to be in the right mind set. Sometimes we find that place on our own but sometimes we need help in finding it but that really is the key to starting to change.

Well done in your achievement & staying sober. It is not easy when alcohol is so ingrained in our culture.

I've not been so bad that i needed to join a weekly group or talk about my issues with booze but I have found the FB group to be very supportive & helpful in recommending books that might help. Understanding how my body is affected by alcohol has been so beneficial to me to as it's interesting as well as scary.

I am meeting some of the others from the group who live locally soon & am looking forward to it. I hope you continue to do so well, you must e proud of yourself for getting to this stage


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## Kaily (Feb 8, 2020)

Thank you @Cleo38 . Yes I am very proud, I fought and continue to fight so very hard. Addiction is so insidious. I am always on my guard and never take sobriety for granted. If I were to ever even have a sip I know I wouldn't find the strength to stop again.

Congratulations to you too, you have made a very wise decision before things progressed. I hope you have a great time when you meet with your group. Mocktails all round.


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## Mrs Funkin (Mar 12, 2018)

Wow @Kaily thank you for posting that, it was very brave of you. Thank you so much for sharing.


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

Kaily said:


> I have ummed and ahed about writing in this thread and if so what. It is such a huge subject for me. What I have decided to do is copy and paste my post I made on another forum on my first year anniversary. In my experience once addiction really takes hold it is definitely no longer a choice. I am now 3.4 years sober.
> 
> *A year on from a bottle of vodka everyday.*
> I joined SR halfheartedly back in 2014. I was totally lost but apparently not done with drinking yet. I made multiple attempts but was barely getting more than a day and not very often at that.
> ...


Amazing job well done that can't have been easy.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> I don't usually like fancy teas but do enjoy the occasional lapsang souchong tea if I go somewhere posh.
> I had proper green tea when I was in Japan & my BF & I were suddenly invited to an old man's house where we had a sort of impromptu tea ceremony. I was really worried I wouldn't like it (my face usually says it all!) but it was actually really nice.
> 
> Personally i like builders tea best; Yorkshire tea, with (rice) mile & 3 heaped tea spoons of sugar .... bloody lovely!


Yes!

Proper, unfussy builders tea is the best, but without the sugar (there was a time I couldn't drink tea without it, but now I can't stand it!) in mine.

I do like a chai latte (either hot or iced) with any of the plant milks (except horrible soya).


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## Leanne77 (Oct 18, 2011)

There are issues with alcoholism in my family, on both parents side. However, I grew up in a household that never had any alcohol in it, and my parents hardly ever drank.

Personally, alcohol doesnt interest me. It wouldn't bother me if I never touched a drop again. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a gin liquer, a Glayva or a fruity cider but it's rare for me to consume any. I never touch alcohol when I'm out as I'm always driving and since my job relies on it, I'd never risk it. I only ever drink at home.

The thing I struggle with, and this applies to anything, is if it's there, I have to consume it asap, I can't save anything. So I open a packet of biscuits and have to eat them all, I cant just have one or 2. I'm the same if there is some alcohol in the house - it gets drunk quickly. But once it's gone, I'm not bothered about any more.

So, I'm not tea total but it's rare I drink and I never even come close to being pissed. I honestly dont understand society's obsession with alcohol.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

simplysardonic said:


> Yes!
> 
> Proper, unfussy builders tea is the best, but without the sugar (there was a time I couldn't drink tea without it, but now I can't stand it!) in mine.
> 
> I do like a chai latte (either hot or iced) with any of the plant milks (except horrible soya).


I tried cutting down on sugar but I can't . Anyways I figure with most of my bad habits now stopped sugary tea really can be allowed. Hahahaha, this is how wild I am nowadays a cup of tea with sugars 



Leanne77 said:


> There are issues with alcoholism in my family, on both parents side. However, I grew up in a household that never had any alcohol in it, and my parents hardly ever drank.
> 
> Personally, alcohol doesnt interest me. It wouldn't bother me if I never touched a drop again. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a gin liquer, a Glayva or a fruity cider but it's rare for me to consume any. I never touch alcohol when I'm out as I'm always driving and since my job relies on it, I'd never risk it. I only ever drink at home.
> 
> ...


I am terrible for finishing up everything. But then I am the sort of the person who would eat my packed lunch at the start of a journey as I couldn't save it


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## tyg'smum (Aug 14, 2018)

Cleo38 said:


> I am terrible for finishing up everything. But then I am the sort of the person who would eat my packed lunch at the start of a journey as I couldn't save it


I'm the same. And I daren't buy a bag of Pascal's marshmallows, because I'll literally eat myself sick on them. Only Pascal's though - I don't like anyone else's.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Leanne77 said:


> The thing I struggle with, and this applies to anything, is if it's there, I have to consume it asap, I can't save anything. So I open a packet of biscuits and have to eat them all, I cant just have one or 2


I am exactly the same. There are no snacks or sweets in my house because I would simply eat them all up at once. If I buy ice cream, or chocolate bars or any kind of sweet or snack, it is with the intent to eat them all at once. I never try to kid myself by saying well this time I'll make it last. I know I won't.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Today was the day I met up with some other women from the Bee Sober group. I was worrying yesterday & debating whether to make my excuses & maybe go to the next one ... but it was only 20 minutes from me so though I needed to pull myself together & go.

I am so glad I did. It was such a beautiful day so we decided to meet up at Brandon County Park then walk one of the trails through the forest. We had such a laugh, everyone was so friendly & we chatted non stop. Really enjoyed it & am definitely going to the next one.


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## Mrs Funkin (Mar 12, 2018)

That sounds so positive @Cleo38 good on you for being brave enough to go


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Mrs Funkin said:


> That sounds so positive @Cleo38 good on you for being brave enough to go


It was great. A few dropped out but I suppose that's always the way. But in some ways that made it easier for me as it was a smaller group. Such lovely weather, we were very lucky. A stroll in the forest is such a great way to spend a few hours rather than cooped up indoors.

This is the FB group if anyone else would find it useful: Bee Sober - Support Group | Facebook


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself @Cleo38 it sounds really positive.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

Congratulations for you all.
Occasional drink on my side but I like it less and less so usually cheat with tonic solo.

Just to say great effort!


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## DogLover1981 (Mar 28, 2009)

I don't drink at all. A bunch of ancestors and deceased relatives of mine were really bad alcoholics going back to the 1930s to the 1990s. One was very abusive towards his children and I've heard some awful stories him and the others over the years. There's thought to be a genetic link and I don't want to risk it. O.O


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## margy (Dec 9, 2018)

I have read this thread with interest and only just seen it. I do like a drink G&T mainly and have felt sometimes I drink too much. My son had alcohol problems that he overcame, thankfully. My husband's dad was a functioning alcohol, he was a rep in the 70s for a well known drinks company travelling around pubs and drinking on his job how he didn'tget done for drink driving is a mystery. My husband doesn't drink at all because of his dad. My daughter has adopted a little girl whose birth dad was an alcoholic and the birth mother admitted drinking wine. So now we have FASD hanging over us. We won't know for sure until she starts school although so far she has reached all milestones and is bright. But it's still a worry. I think there should be more education about alcohol especially for young girls especially drinking in pregnancy.


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

margy said:


> I have read this thread with interest and only just seen it. I do like a drink G&T mainly and have felt sometimes I drink too much. My son had alcohol problems that he overcame, thankfully. My husband's dad was a functioning alcohol, he was a rep in the 70s for a well known drinks company travelling around pubs and drinking on his job how he didn'tget done for drink driving is a mystery. My husband doesn't drink at all because of his dad. My daughter has adopted a little girl whose birth dad was an alcoholic and the birth mother admitted drinking wine. So now we have FASD hanging over us. We won't know for sure until she starts school although so far she has reached all milestones and is bright. But it's still a worry. I think there should be more education about alcohol especially for young girls especially drinking in pregnancy.


It's more common or just my area that FASD is getting more common. 20 plus years ago I never worked with any child with it, that I can remember. More recently when I was working, more and more came through the system. Usually in similar situations as your granddaughter.
So I definitely agree that more information on drinking in pregnancy is needed.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

lullabydream said:


> It's more common or just my area that FASD is getting more common. 20 plus years ago I never worked with any child with it, that I can remember. More recently when I was working, more and more came through the system. Usually in similar situations as your granddaughter.
> So I definitely agree that more information on drinking in pregnancy is needed.


That's so sad. Having never been pregnant I don't know what the advice is, I would assume to avoid it completely. I know years & years ago I know my sister was told she could have a Guinness or stout as it was full of iron .... which sounded like BS tbh


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> That's so sad. Having never been pregnant I don't know what the advice is, I would assume to avoid it completely. I know years & years ago I know my sister was told she could have a Guinness or stout as it was full of iron .... which sounded like BS tbh


 I think it chops and changes on advice @Mrs Funkin will know! I avoided alcohol as at that time I was told to do so, though I don't really drink. Hadn't drunk for years then did have Bailey's at Christmas and went out for my birthday and tasted vanilla vodka it was lovely so bought some of that but only had one since buying it


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## margy (Dec 9, 2018)

I'm sure the advice now is to avoid it completely as soon as you start trying for a baby. The trouble is some people don't plan pregnancy and don't even know they're pregnant when they're out clubbing.
It's heartbreaking to read that FASD is completely avoidable.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

I honestly don't understand women who would carry on drinking & smoking once they realised they were pregnant.

I realise that in the past there wasn't so much advice or information but there is now. It might be very judgemental of me but....


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## Jaf (Apr 17, 2014)

My mum got me drunk at 4 days old. She went to a party, had a lovely time, but didn't think about her milk! Apparently I slept for 2 days. She drank and smoked through pregnancy, but thankfully not to exçess and nothing worse.

There's no excuse now for would be parents, but they really did give out some terrible advice. Including brandy in babies bottles as late as the 40s.


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## Beth78 (Jul 4, 2019)

I saw an article not long ago where parents of atiny baby were prosecuted for giving him watered down vodka, filming it and laughing. Evil people.

In the old days mothers used to give thier babies laudenum from poppies so they would sleep all the time, many died from starvation as they were too sleepy to feed.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> Today was the day I met up with some other women from the Bee Sober group. I was worrying yesterday & debating whether to make my excuses & maybe go to the next one ... but it was only 20 minutes from me so though I needed to pull myself together & go.
> 
> I am so glad I did. It was such a beautiful day so we decided to meet up at Brandon County Park then walk one of the trails through the forest. We had such a laugh, everyone was so friendly & we chatted non stop. Really enjoyed it & am definitely going to the next one.


That took a lot of gumption. Well done.


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## Mrs Funkin (Mar 12, 2018)

Well the guidance during pregnant now is no alcohol at all. Of course pre-conception is more difficult if you’re not actively trying for a baby.

The thing with FAS is that we know now that it can be caused by consistently drinking alcohol at a much lower level than we used to think. I wish I could tell you about a case I had but obviously can’t. That was hard. Sadly many people are just not prepared to change their behaviour - be it related to smoking/eating/drinking/taking drugs. Nothing we discuss will change some woman’s minds. 

As for Guinness, there is a tiny amount of iron in it - certainly not enough to be a therapeutic dose though!


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## LittleFox (12 mo ago)

lullabydream said:


> It's more common or just my area that FASD is getting more common. 20 plus years ago I never worked with any child with it, that I can remember. More recently when I was working, more and more came through the system. Usually in similar situations as your granddaughter.
> So I definitely agree that more information on drinking in pregnancy is needed.


FASD is the great pretender - it presents as so many other things. I'm sure it's been around since the dawn of alcohol but just not diagnosed as such.

Unfortunately (and sadly) there's a whole lot of social issues that can play into women drinking while pregnant, it's not just as easy as an individual choice that a woman makes. But more education around the dangers of drinking while pregnant (or drinking in general!) would never go amiss.


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## bluesunbeam (Oct 21, 2021)

Beth78 said:


> In the old days mothers used to give thier babies laudenum from poppies so they would sleep all the time, many died from starvation as they were too sleepy to feed.


 The Gripe Water that contained 4% alcohol was only outlawed in the UK in 1992- i wonder if that stuff could have set some folk on the path to addiction at psychological level or even at a physical level by stimulating the switch to flick on certain genes?
This whole thread is at the same time sad, fascinating and sometimes uplifting.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Jaf said:


> My mum got me drunk at 4 days old. She went to a party, had a lovely time, but didn't think about her milk! Apparently I slept for 2 days. She drank and smoked through pregnancy, but thankfully not to exçess and nothing worse.
> 
> There's no excuse now for would be parents, but they really did give out some terrible advice. Including brandy in babies bottles as late as the 40s.


OMG, but am sure there were many babies that happened to then.



lorilu said:


> That took a lot of gumption. Well done.


Thank-you, I was so nervous & nearly cancelled several times but am so glad I went.



LittleFox said:


> FASD is the great pretender - it presents as so many other things. I'm sure it's been around since the dawn of alcohol but just not diagnosed as such.
> 
> Unfortunately (and sadly) there's a whole lot of social issues that can play into women drinking while pregnant, it's not just as easy as an individual choice that a woman makes. But more education around the dangers of drinking while pregnant (or drinking in general!) would never go amiss.


I really do agree that general information about drinking in general is needed. When I read about the effects of even one unit of alcohol has on the body I was shocked & then to learn of how the body then constantly has to try & balance against further alcohol consumption is really scary. I think because it is so ingrained in our society that we ignore the dangers because its easier to.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

I thought I would post again to see how people were doing, but only if they wanted to comment obviously 

I have been sober for nearly a year (will be on NY day) & feel like this is one of the best decidions I've ever made. I've had a couple of wobbles when I very nearly caved but this was due feeling really low at certain times & I felt I needed to numb everything .... but luckily I didn't. One time I actually got in my car to drive to the shop to buy wine, I was on a mission to get p*ssed & didn't want anyone to stop me. I didn't though, instead I got to the end of my road, stopped, thought about what drinking would achieve (nothing!) then turned back & came home.

I've been out socially & it's been fine. So many places now have great ranges of alcohol free drinks so I never feel I'm missing out. It's still difficult to think that I won't drink alcohol again but I don't think this would be a good decision for me atm so will continue to be sober.

No point to my post really but I know Christmas can be a difficult time for some for so many reasons & alcohol is such a big part of some Christmas's. Tbh tho, am actually looking forward to being alcohol free over this time & not having the constant worry of trying to pace myself with all the booze on offer throughout the day.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Great achievement @Cleo38 🙂


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

Cleo38 said:


> I thought I would post again to see how people were doing, but only if they wanted to comment obviously
> 
> I have been sober for nearly a year (will be on NY day) & feel like this is one of the best decidions I've ever made. I've had a couple of wobbles when I very nearly caved but this was due feeling really low at certain times & I felt I needed to numb everything .... but luckily I didn't. One time I actually got in my car to drive to the shop to buy wine, I was on a mission to get p*ssed & didn't want anyone to stop me. I didn't though, instead I got to the end of my road, stopped, thought about what drinking would achieve (nothing!) then turned back & came home.
> 
> ...


Well done that’s a great achievement and you have probably saved enough money for a fourth dog


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## DanWalkersmum (Mar 21, 2019)

Well done! After a few embarrassing work outings where too much alcohol spoiled the night I decided that instead of drinking I would drive, knowing that I could not be tempted. I still enjoyed the outings, perhaps even more when I could remember them. It's been a few years now and to be honest I don't miss the morning after feelings.


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

I wonder if it's this thread that did it but I've found myself noticing how ubiquitous alcohol is, particularly this time of year. 
Joe Rogan did a podcast with a man who wrote a book called Drunk about the history of alcohol. One of the things he mentioned is that it's a relatively new thing for alcohol to be so easily available, and for it to be drunk outside of special occasions. 

Another thing I read is that one of the demographics of quickly rising problem drinking is middle aged women, often mums who are having that glass of wine in the evenings to help them unwind, turning in to problem drinking. Again, no one thinks anything of that glass of wine in the evening, but for many women that's becoming several glasses every evening of the week.
Here in the US it's usually the older teenagers and young adults you think of as the problem drinkers, not the mom squad! 

I really do think a big part of the problem is how socially acceptable alcohol is, and in a way how socially un-acceptable not drinking is. So many gatherings and get-togethers are based on drinking and if you don't - for whatever reason, you tend to stop being invited.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Lurcherlad said:


> Great achievement @Cleo38 🙂


Thank you so much. I do actually feel quite proud of myself & it's not often I feel that 



Boxer123 said:


> Well done that’s a great achievement and you have probably saved enough money for a fourth dog


Hahahahaha, Kato & his love of going to the vets makes sure I never have a chance to save money   



DanWalkersmum said:


> Well done! After a few embarrassing work outings where too much alcohol spoiled the night I decided that instead of drinking I would drive, knowing that I could not be tempted. I still enjoyed the outings, perhaps even more when I could remember them. It's been a few years now and to be honest I don't miss the morning after feelings.


Thats great! My sister & I went to London this weekend & it was lovely to have a night out which we actually remembered the next day. And no travelling home the next day feeling like death, instead we were up at a reasonable time, had a leisurely breakfast & enjoyed our morning.... so different to our outing this time last year


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## Leanne77 (Oct 18, 2011)

I have found that since having Ritter, I have drunk far more than I normally would. I usually buy ready mixed cans of rum and Coke, whiskey and Coke, G&T. Whereas previously I'd just drink one, now I will drink 3 in a night.

I'm quite happy there's no problem developing as I can still easily go without but it's something I need to be aware of.

It's always really pissed me off that people's first reaction to me yawning for example, is to assume I'd had a heavy night drinking. Or when talking about where I live etc, assuming I'm familiar with the local pubs. I've never even stepped foot in my local pub. Yeah, it's always bothered me that society assumes people are drinkers and you're seen as boring or abnormal if you dont go out every weekend getting plastered. I've never been a pub goer because the whole culture holds no value for me. As for drunk people, can't bear them tbh, they're immensely annoying!


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> I wonder if it's this thread that did it but I've found myself noticing how ubiquitous alcohol is, particularly this time of year.
> Joe Rogan did a podcast with a man who wrote a book called Drunk about the history of alcohol. One of the things he mentioned is that it's a relatively new thing for alcohol to be so easily available, and for it to be drunk outside of special occasions.
> 
> Another thing I read is that one of the demographics of quickly rising problem drinking is middle aged women, often mums who are having that glass of wine in the evenings to help them unwind, turning in to problem drinking. Again, no one thinks anything of that glass of wine in the evening, but for many women that's becoming several glasses every evening of the week.
> ...


The availability of alcohol is definitely something that has changed massively since I was young. At one time you would have to go to an off license to buy alcohol & they were usually only open in the evenings. Now you can get stocked up during a weekly shop at the supermarket & it has become a staple item almost, like bread or milk.

Here there is a big push on artisan gins over the past years (which I was a sucker for). The packaging & bottles of some are so beautifully designed so very eye catching & appealing.

But ... I don't miss it. I feel angry that I fell for it all in some ways & couldn't see that I had a choice to abstain. But I'm trying not to beat myself up about everything I've done that might not have been wise & try to accept my past mistakes whilst concentrating on making better choices now.


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## Dimwit (Nov 10, 2011)

Cleo38 said:


> I thought I would post again to see how people were doing, but only if they wanted to comment obviously


That’s amazing - you definitely should be proud of yourself, especially with everything Kato has put you through this year!


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Dimwit said:


> That’s amazing - you definitely should be proud of yourself, especially with everything Kato has put you through this year!


Thank-you. One of my wobbles was the day before he was due to go back in for another x-ray to see if the infection had gone to the bone. I was convinced it was going to be bad news & he was going to have to be PTS. I also blamed myself & felt like the sh*ttest owner ever so wanted to drink to try & blot it all out.

I didn't tho I came so very close. In some ways am glad I had that wobble as it showed me I could get through a really horrible time without drinking


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## margy (Dec 9, 2018)

Well done. I often think I drink too much. I daren't tell my daughter how much I really drink. I told her a few gin and tonics when really it's far more. Sometimes I think I'm a functioning alcoholic. I have a stressful job one night dealing with someone who had overdosed on their meds and another time someone with a bag on their head wanting to commit suicide 😱 I feel I need it and have no intention of giving up.My son had an alcohol problem too but he dealt with it. I don't want to.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

margy said:


> Well done. I often think I drink too much. I daren't tell my daughter how much I really drink. I told her a few gin and tonics when really it's far more. Sometimes I think I'm a functioning alcoholic. I have a stressful job one night dealing with someone who had overdosed on their meds and another time someone with a bag on their head wanting to commit suicide 😱 I feel I need it and have no intention of giving up.My son had an alcohol problem too but he dealt with it. I don't want to.


But that's it tho, you need to want to give up. It really is pointless people telling you or trying to guilt trip you in to stopping although they mean well & worry. If you don't want to then you wont, it really does have to be your decision. I think some of my friends feel they have to justify their own drinking at times when we are out because of my choice to stop but they really don't. It really is such a personal choice. 

If you do decide to cut down or stop there is support out there. I think many people assume it will all be AA type stuff which obviously benefits some but wasn't for me at all.


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

Well done on a huge achievement @Cleo38


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## tyg'smum (Aug 14, 2018)

Cleo38 said:


> I thought I would post again to see how people were doing, but only if they wanted to comment obviously
> 
> I have been sober for nearly a year (will be on NY day) & feel like this is one of the best decidions I've ever made. I've had a couple of wobbles when I very nearly caved but this was due feeling really low at certain times & I felt I needed to numb everything .... but luckily I didn't. One time I actually got in my car to drive to the shop to buy wine, I was on a mission to get p*ssed & didn't want anyone to stop me. I didn't though, instead I got to the end of my road, stopped, thought about what drinking would achieve (nothing!) then turned back & came home.
> 
> ...


Well done you! It's never easy battling any sort of addiction, and you've done really well.

Don't feel guilty about the wobbles: the point is that you didn't cave in, and that's a huge achievement.


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

margy said:


> Well done. I often think I drink too much. I daren't tell my daughter how much I really drink. I told her a few gin and tonics when really it's far more. Sometimes I think I'm a functioning alcoholic. I have a stressful job one night dealing with someone who had overdosed on their meds and another time someone with a bag on their head wanting to commit suicide 😱 I feel I need it and have no intention of giving up.My son had an alcohol problem too but he dealt with it. I don't want to.


To some extent or another I think most of us have unhealthy coping mechanisms and ways to avoid feeling all our feelings. 
The line I've drawn in the sand for myself is what effect my coping strategies have on those I care about. If you can drink and not affect others with your drinking then how much you drink is nobodies business but your own. 

That said, I'm willing to bet good money your daughter is well aware that you drink more than you're telling her....


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

I have just finished listening to this & found it so interesting ..... 

It's about how alcohol affects our brains & our behaviour & is terrifying to hear just how low amounts of alcohol can have such serious effects on us 

What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health - Huberman Lab


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

Cleo38 said:


> I have just finished listening to this & found it so interesting .....
> 
> It's about how alcohol affects our brains & our behaviour & is terrifying to hear just how low amounts of alcohol can have such serious effects on us
> 
> What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health - Huberman Lab


Thank you for introducing me to that podcast, I had not checked him out before, but I like what I see in the episodes, and this one on alcohol is pretty good so far


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

@Cleo38 I missed your update on 5th December and wanted to thank you for sharing your story here. It stuck with me.

I was given a bottle of Pentire (just looked it up ££££ ) from a _very generous_ friend and agree, there's so much more out there now to drink for those who choose not to. J20 and Coke I detest but when I have been out, there's been some nice choices. 

I wish you all the best.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> Thank you for introducing me to that podcast, I had not checked him out before, but I like what I see in the episodes, and this one on alcohol is pretty good so far


For me, learning about how my body works & how things affect it (like food, exercises, etc) help me alot more. Same as when I read about the physical effects of depression & anxiety. I sort of like to know why & how so I can try to make changes. That's why for me, siting round talking about how I feel doesn't really help me ...... but it might do for others.

Very interesting at the beginning when he discusses how people can start to feel almost sedated by the alcohol but others still feel that initial high. I think that was me, I used to feel that high for longer than maybe other people but then crashed very quickly.

But it is so worrying how we are sold this idea that moderate drinking is ok, it really isn't at all. I think I have really had my eyes opened by so many sources regarding the damaging effects of alcohol but sort of feel I can't even mention it to others as I don't want to seem 'preachy'.



@MollySmith , thanks. Oooh, Pentire is nice. I got a couple of bottles of Lyre for Christmas which is also lovely. There are so many drinks available now & I never feel I am missing out as such. I am over a year now & on the Bee Sober group there are new members who are starting their sober for the new year. Whilst it's sad to read stories so some who have really struggled with their drinking, it is also lovely to read so many supportive messages & inspiring posts from those who have done so well.


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## Mrs Funkin (Mar 12, 2018)

I think that it's definitely my age group (well, to be fair I'm quite old now, so maybe younger!) where alcohol has just become insidious. I generally don't drink loads but I do like the way being drunk makes me feel. I do. I have barely drunk over Christmas - I had one Malibu on Christmas Day and then the 28th/29th I drank a bottle of fizz over two nights. That's it since before Christmas, which is barely anything for me. I'd like to say I feel better for not really drinking but I've got Covid so I can't determine whether I do or not  and of course we've not been out because of the lurgy. Throughout lockdown, I drank once a week, a bottle of fizz on a Saturday night with friends on zoom who did the same. I don't drink if I'm at work the next day, not even one drink. Drinking at home is such a thing now, isn't it? It certainly was rare when my parents were in their 30s maybe for a special occasion but that's all. 

I am, however, always very very glad that I don't drink wine. I can't, it luckily makes me feel very poorly. If it didn't, I'm pretty sure that I would be someone that would have a glass of wine most nights. I got to a point a few years ago (maybe twelve years ago) where I'd get home from work, stressed beyond anything I thought I could be and drink the first cold drink in the fridge, which was generally alcohol. I had to stop. I would be drinking before 4pm sometimes, which I did realise was not a good thing. 

I think it's really interesting how few young folk in our lives drink alcohol. The ones that do, though, REALLY drink a lot. There's no, "Oh let's have a G&T before dinner" and just have one or two. It's either soft drinks, or neat vodka and falling over. 

I'm sure I had a point. I'm not sure what it is though. Well done everyone who is choosing to stay away from alcohol and doing so (that sounds really patronising, I can't think of a better way to phrase it, sorry).


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Mrs Funkin said:


> I think that it's definitely my age group (well, to be fair I'm quite old now, so maybe younger!) where alcohol has just become insidious. I generally don't drink loads but I do like the way being drunk makes me feel. I do. I have barely drunk over Christmas - I had one Malibu on Christmas Day and then the 28th/29th I drank a bottle of fizz over two nights. That's it since before Christmas, which is barely anything for me. I'd like to say I feel better for not really drinking but I've got Covid so I can't determine whether I do or not  and of course we've not been out because of the lurgy. Throughout lockdown, I drank once a week, a bottle of fizz on a Saturday night with friends on zoom who did the same. I don't drink if I'm at work the next day, not even one drink. Drinking at home is such a thing now, isn't it? It certainly was rare when my parents were in their 30s maybe for a special occasion but that's all.
> 
> I am, however, always very very glad that I don't drink wine. I can't, it luckily makes me feel very poorly. If it didn't, I'm pretty sure that I would be someone that would have a glass of wine most nights. I got to a point a few years ago (maybe twelve years ago) where I'd get home from work, stressed beyond anything I thought I could be and drink the first cold drink in the fridge, which was generally alcohol. I had to stop. I would be drinking before 4pm sometimes, which I did realise was not a good thing.
> 
> ...


I agree, I think drinking habits have changed so much now & drinking at home regularly is normalised. I said in a previous post that years ago you couldn't really buy much alcohol in supermarkets (maybe the odd large store) but now it's seen a normal as buying bread & milk.

If you look at so many programmes on TV the first thing people do when they are stressed is pour themselves a drink, I was the same! I think we are almost indoctrinated in to this & thinking this is the normal reaction when it really it isn't '..... or it shouldn't be.

Am sure, as with everything, it comes down to money. Consumption of alcohol is big business so it's in everyone's interest to keep us drinking & therefore the effects of even moderate drinking are hushed up. Even on NHS guidelines it downplays the risks of moderate drinking & seems to highlight only risks of drinking more than 14 units of alcohol a week. Recent studies have shown that moderate drinking will have damaging effects, some of which can be reversed if we stop but some will cause permanent damage (as discussed in the podcast).


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

Finished the Huberman Lab podcast on alcohol yesterday and went right in to the next one about language, thank you SO much for introducing me to that podcast - a new favorite! 

The effects of alcohol really were scary! It's crazy how insidious it is in our culture. People think a glass of wine a night is no big deal but clearly it is. Really eye opening, thank you!


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> Finished the Huberman Lab podcast on alcohol yesterday and went right in to the next one about language, thank you SO much for introducing me to that podcast - a new favorite!
> 
> The effects of alcohol really were scary! It's crazy how insidious it is in our culture. People think a glass of wine a night is no big deal but clearly it is. Really eye opening, thank you!


Really interesting wasn't it? My sister recommended it to me. I found it so informative in a really non-judgemental way, just facts about what it does to our brains & how this will influence our behaviour as well as impacting us physically. I'm definitely going to listen to some more of his stuff as this was such a great listen.

My sister & I both recognised ourselves in the description of people who just keep going with alcohol. We were both always the last ones standing at the end of a night out, both would egg each other on with "Let's have another!" when out drinking & I suppose because we were both so similar we thought this was 'normal'. I now know if I had one drink I would immediately crave another, & I now understand why this happens so can make the choice not to have that initial one.

I also think we all have a different ideas of what a problem drinker/alcoholic is, I certainly didn't think I fell in to this category but I think there are many categories. I don't really crave drinking, I might have to odd pang of "Oooh, I fancy a G&T" but it's fleeting. The times I have struggled is when I have felt so low, like when I thought Kato was going to be PTS (due to the persistent infection) & I couldn't deal with the horrible feelings around this (mainly that I blamed myself for it all) but looking at my past behaviour throughout my whole life, dealing with my feelings has always been difficult. Maybe I have never really learned how to deal with them as I've always had alcohol to numb it all ... maybe alot of people are the same, I don't know.

I think now tho, I feel angry that the dangers aren't highlighted more to people. Moderate drinking is still harmful is not something that is well publicised & it should be


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## Magyarmum (Apr 27, 2015)

O2.0 said:


> Finished the Huberman Lab podcast on alcohol yesterday and went right in to the next one about language, thank you SO much for introducing me to that podcast - a new favorite!
> 
> The effects of alcohol really were scary! It's crazy how insidious it is in our culture. People think a glass of wine a night is no big deal but clearly it is. Really eye opening, thank you!


I meant to listen but then like the hairbrain I am, totally forgot. Must try harde!

Hungary has the highest number of people addicted to alcohol in the whole of Europe. Some 21% of the population compared to just under 9% in the UK. My grandmother was an alcoholic and I having lived in countries where heavy drinking was the norm, I thought I'd seen it all.

When I first came to live here, the village had a population of 65 people of whom two were known to be alcoholics. I became friends with one of them, a man in his early 40's because he spoke excellent English which was a great help to me as I was renovating the house I'd recently bought.

Before he'd become addicted he'd been a highly successful business man, living in an expensive house with his wife and two daughters. He'd been in rehab several times with no success and his wife had eventually divorced him. When I knew him he was living in squalor in a hovel of a house where he and the other village alcoholic were consuming a minimum of 6 litres of cheap wine plus whatever spirits they could get hold of, every evening.

About a year after I'd first met him his health both mental and physical, started to deteriorate rapidly. He lost weight, stopped eating, and stank to high heaven. The most disturbing aspect for me was that he developed the DT's and began hallucinating and imagining all kinds of weird happenings. He'd sometimes knock on my door in the late evening with tales about how he was being watched by strangers who were peering through his windows. He'd come to ask if I'd noticed anything similar, which of course I hadn't! 

The last time I saw him was when he came to my house saying he'd arranged to meet his sister here. As we waited he took a swig of vodka then promptly slid off the kitchen chair onto the floor. Try as I could I couldn't wake him and in the end had to call the police to remove him. After that he disappeared and one can only assume from the state he was in he didn't survive much longer

Such a terrible waste of a life.

PS I should add that the other alcoholic is a good friend of mine and I think regards me as something of a mother figure. Happily over the years although he still has binges for the most parthe's always reasonably sober. Nevertheless having known himfor so long the effect alcohol has had on his brain is fairly noticable.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

That's terrible @Magyarmum. I think there are so many stories where alcohol has ruined lives. One of my friends atm is suffering severe health problems due to her alcohol consumption. If I do talk about my sobriety I do it in a very off hand way & don't make a big deal about it, but even if I mention it slightly she is very critical. I realise this is because she knows she has a big problem but won't admit it so I don't take it too much to heart. 

My sister works for a coroner's office & has had so many cases where people have died & alcohol was the contributing factor, especially during & just after lockdown. All were ordinary people who had nice houses, held down good jobs, etc but things slowly slipped & their drinking became more & more of a problem. From what I have read with women it also far quicker for us to be physically impacted by the effects of alcohol & suffer long term damage.

Although I was no where near that bad I still wish I had been more aware of the potential damage & curbed my drinking when I was younger ..... but better late than never I suppose


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## O2.0 (May 23, 2018)

I don't know the most accurate terminology but I think there are many people who are functioning alcoholics, who don't lose their job or end up passed out on a street corner, but they can't cope without drinking. Sadly it's easy for both the alcoholic and those who care about them to dismiss this type of alcohol dependence because they are functioning. 

This is not something I think about that much since I've left home, but it's definitely an issue that is not really addressed in general. Too much money to be made! Alcohol is big business!


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

O2.0 said:


> This is not something I think about that much since I've left home, but it's definitely an issue that is not really addressed in general. Too much money to be made! Alcohol is big business!


And this is the problem. 

I was watching a TV programme about policing in Brighton (south of England city) & was shocked at how bad things were. Violence, sexual assault, injuries, criminal damage ..... all because of alcohol.

It was awful & as well as being terrible for the victims of the violent crimes committed I also wondered how much this would costs councils in policin g the streets & the hospitals who had to treat those injured.

Considering it is a criminal offence to serve alcohol to people who are drunk maybe these bars/clubs who do so should be forced in to taking more responsibility.


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## Magyarmum (Apr 27, 2015)

Until six years ago I suppose I could have been called a functioning alcoholic. I drank at least two and sometimes 3 glasses of wine a night and at weekends a friend and I could easily get through three bottle in an evening. And then I'd get up in the morning and drive to work!

Six year in March I was in hospital for ten days during which time I wasn't allowed to have any food or liquid by mouth. I'm not quite sure what happened but the day I came out of hospital I told my son I'd decided to give up smoking and alcohol. I was very lucky because I've never had any cravings for either. A couple of months later I decided to become a vegetarian! When my grandson who's also a vegetarian, came over in September he introduced me to non alcoholic beer and I now enjoy a glass in the evening.

I was reading just recently that the incidence of alcohol related liver disease in (young) women has increased enormously. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy having had to watch my younger son slowly die from cancer of the liver, caused not by alcohol but Hep C.









Alcohol and Liver Function in Women


Alcohol-related liver disease generally has been ascribed to men because men reportedly consume alcohol at an increased rate and quantity as compared to women. Recent literature has reported, however, that rates of liver disease attributed to alcohol ...




www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov




.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Magyarmum said:


> Until six years ago I suppose I could have been called a functioning alcoholic. I drank at least two and sometimes 3 glasses of wine a night and at weekends a friend and I could easily get through three bottle in an evening. And then I'd get up in the morning and drive to work!
> 
> Six year in March I was in hospital for ten days during which time I wasn't allowed to have any food or liquid by mouth. I'm not quite sure what happened but the day I came out of hospital I told my son I'd decided to give up smoking and alcohol. I was very lucky because I've never had any cravings for either. A couple of months later I decided to become a vegetarian! When my grandson who's also a vegetarian, came over in September he introduced me to non alcoholic beer and I now enjoy a glass in the evening.
> 
> ...


That's great that you were able to make such an important decision, did you feel different afterwards? I've found my anxiety has decreased massively since I stopped drinking. I always drank because of this but the alcohol was obviously fuelling it.

I don't go out much now but would have 2 or 3 G&T's of an evening. They were huge measures, which I turned a blind eye to. But when I had friends over I could easily put away a couple of bottles of wine plus a couple of beers (same for them). One of my friends in particular, we drank so much & always had a great evening but neither of us could remember much the next day & we were always so ill with terrible hangovers.

My friend who died (multiple organ failure through alcohol) I honestly don't know how long she had really been suffering for. Because of lock down we didn't really see her in person (just over WhatsApp video calls) so didnt know how bad thing's were. Its only in retrospect that we realised she was always tired when we spoke, looked slightly odd or was slightly forgetful but nothing really obvious. Her family knew that she was drinking too much but I don't think they knew how bad if was so it was quite a shock when they were told how bad things were.

So sorry about your son, how horrendous. Watching a loved one die is something I don't think anyone gets over but especially when it's your child.


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