# Help, have I made a mistake in adopting a dog?!



## Newbiedogowner

I feel awful for posting this but I could really do with some help, advice and reassurance!

We (hubby and our 2 children) have taken in a 2 year old Jack Russell x from a rescue. This is our first dog and I'm feeling totally panic stricken, can't eat or sleep for the anxiety of thinking that I've made an awful mistake and that I can't cope with having a dog. He's been with us for 3 days (not long, I know) and I feel that I have no idea at all what I'm doing. 

The rescue have been supportive and I had quite a long (and initially tearful) conversation yesterday: they gave advice that I've tried to follow, but I can't believe that it's ever going to work.

Is this normal? Will I ever feel better or do I need to call the rescue and say that we're going to give him back? Right now, I'd only feel relief if he wasn't here. Which I know is a terrible thing to be saying. I don't think he likes me at all.

I have problems with anxiety - I hoped getting a dog would help and make things better, but I just feel immeasurably worse . Will it ever get better?


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## pinklizzy

Are there any specific issues you feel you need advice on or just a general feeling of being overwhelmed?
It will take time for him to settle in and for you all to bond so please don't be too hard on yourself at the moment.
Maybe try checking out the puppy support thread on here (sorry I'm not clever enough to link it) as it's very common to have the feeling of 'what have I done' when first bringing a dog home. I know I felt it both times we had a puppy!
Otherwise I'm sure one of the far more knowledgable posters on here will be able to give you really good advice and support, take it one day at a time


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## ForestWomble

Perfectly normal 

Whether its a puppy from a breeder, or a rescue dog, whatever the age, 'the puppy blues' are real and felt by many, new and experienced dog owners alike. 

I remember bringing home my 8 week old puppy and the mix of emotions was crazy, delighted but frightened all at once. He slept very well the first night, I didn't ....... I was convinced I couldn't manage, I thought I had had a crazy moment and at the earliest opportunity I was going to contact the breeder and say I'd made a terrible mistake. 

However morning came and as soon as I saw him I knew I couldn't send him back, I worked through my own anxiety and as we got to know each other and we got into a routine and it no longer felt like I was living with a stranger, it slowly all fell into place and now, 4 years on I couldn't be without him. 

Just remember it will get better, how long that will take depends on the individual, but it will and you'll be looking back at the shaky first days/weeks as nothing more than a memory.


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## Newbiedogowner

Thanks pinklizzy and forestwomble . It's a general overwhelmed, extremely anxious feeling of simply not having any knowledge or experience of looking after a dog. I've had advice from the shelter and have been reading online, but the theory doesn't feel like it's the same as the practice, if you see what I mean. That maybe because I'm in an anxiety state just now, but being able to decide on the 'right' action and then being able to do it feels overwhelming.

Advice says I should take him out into the garden on the lead every hour. Apparently he'll wee or poo within a couple of minutes; I then give him a treat and all done. Except he seems to have a bladder if steel, we're out there for 20 minutes and nothing. But then he has wee'd and poo'd in the living room (where he sleeps and when I came down to him this morning) and then a bit later this morning I found he'd wee'd in our bedroom. We don't have a crate, should we? And/or a baby gate, so we could keep him in the living room? I thought he would settle better if he could explore his environment (is. Our house) at will but now I'm not sure that's the right approach.

The shelter have said we shouldn't take him for walks yet (we have been taking him out), until he has perfect recall off the lead! I have to confess I feel completely defeated by the thought of that; we think he recognises his name but won't come unless he's being offered a treat, so walking calmly beside me, looking to me every few seconds for leadership, just feels impossible.

Sorry, in a bit of a strung out state, thanks for reading this far.


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## ForestWomble

I understand that feeling of the theory and the practise not feeling the same. I wanted my own dog for many years, did lots of research and felt I had a good idea what i was doing, but when he arrived I felt overwhelmed and that the theory was nothing like reality. Again, this does get better, I feel that once you know each other better you can take the theory and your knoweledge of yourself and your dog and work out the best way to deal with something.

I don't understand why the shelter said you can't take him for a walk? Just don't let him off the lead in open places until he has perfect recall I wuld of thought.


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## Linda Weasel

You had no experience of raising babies/children but you did it, so I’m sure you can manage with a dog.

Try not to over-think it for the time being, until you’ve all settled in to this.

The basics to start with are; you need to keep him alive, so suitable food and water.

You need to keep him safe, so walk him on the lead until he can be recalled. Control where he goes in the house with a pen, baby gates or similar.

You need him to fit in with your family and lifestyle, so decide a routine for him, and have rules for both him and the children.

It will be nice for all of you if he’s trained and obedient, so decide on the things you’d like him to be able to do, preferably find some training classes, but if you can’t then google and YouTube ( and this forum) for how to go about it.

It’s early days yet, you don’t have to achieve everything at once. I think there’s a sticky here on house-training. Keep calling and treating him so he ‘gets’ his name and it becomes meaningful for him in his association with you.

Above all, chill out about it. I have known loads of dopey and totally inept people (and I’m not referring to you here) who’ve managed to finish up with great dogs.


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## Ian246

As has been said, he is going to take time to settle in - that's to be expected and if you think about what he has (and may have) been through, you can probably understand that. Hos whole world has been turned upside down and he needs time to adjust. Do you know anything about his background? Does he have any known 'issues'?
Right now I'd just try and let him settle in. Toilet training is clearly important - does he have to live in your living room? I'd have thought that somewhere like the kitchen might be better (assuming it's not carpeted - and accepting I know nothing about your house layout) - that way, it's easier to clean up after any accidents. While we're on the subject, you (and the rest of the family) need to avoid making any fuss if there are toileting accidents. Just say nothing, clean it up (with a suitable cleaner) and resist punsihing him or giving him a hard time - he's only doing it because he doesn't yet understand. When he 'goes' outside make a BIG fuss of him - give hm treats, praise him, make like it's the best thing you've ever seen - make sure he gets pleasure from you and he'll learn to keep doing it (outside). With effort on your parts, he'll get there. Keeping him in a smaller part of the house may actually be better for him as it will feel less overwhelming. I'd certainly keep him out of the bedroom(s). A crate may be a good idea (though it's no substitute for toilet training) - but you will need to introduce it carefully and get him to understand that it's a good place - his 'safe' place where he goes to sleep, etc. If you Google something like 'crate training', I'm sure you'll find plenty of advice on introducing him to a crate. It's a great tthing to do as the time might come when he HAS to go in the crate, so it's good if he's already used to it.
I'm intrigued that the centre is saying not to walk him until his recall is perfect off lead - that's a tall order with any terrier, in my opinion! I still think he needs a bit more time to settle in, but - to me at least - I cannot see why you cannot take him for walks on the lead (don't be tempted to let him off the lead until you know him better and you know how good (or bad) his recall is.) However, as I say, I'd give him a few days to a weekjust tolet him settle. Then be prepared - do you know how he is with other dogs? With strange people? If he's anxious that may manifest itself in what you might think is aggression (actually, if he barks or reacts, it is likely to be because he is frightened and that sense may well be exacerbated because he's on the lead and knows he cannot escape.) I mention this not to worry you, but to put your mind at rest - don't worry if he barks at anything. If he does so, just walk away from whatever it is (that applies if he shows ay signs of being unhappy about anything.)
By the way, keep giving hm treats when he comes back to you - that's precisely how to train his recall - you want him to come back because he believes he will get a treat. For the time being, keep giving him those treats - evantually his brain will do the associaton: name gets called, i go to them, it's a good thing. Like everything with dogs (especially older dogs), it will take time - be patient, be calm, persevere. Don't shout at him if he's not doing as you want - he simply doesn;t understand, so it'sup to you to find a way of getting hm to understand what you want him to do - that's the fun.
On last thing: consistency is one of the keys. It is important (not vital, but failue will make things more difficult) that you all (family members, etc) approach his training in the same way - if one person reacts differently when he does something, or if you do not set the same 'standards', he will only get confused. I hope that makes sense.
I think that's enough for now (possibly more than enough) - let us know how you're getting on and come back if you have any more questions. Don't fret and don't get anxious - everything is possible with some effort. It WILL take time and you will feel overwhelmed but with time there is no reason why you should not have a wonderful dog. Just take it all one step at a time. 
I hope that helps. 
Oh, and....GOOD LUCK!


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## Lurcherlad

Look at kikopup, positively.com and thecanineconsultants.co.uk for training tips and advice.

Ignore any advice that recommends you be pack leader.


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## Newbiedogowner

Thanks so much for the reassurance . Anxiety makes it hard for me to feel like I'm in control and to feel able to apply a consistent and regular routine. You're absolutely right, he must have been through a lot and, even though to us he seems calm and happy, there could well be a huge amount of stress and confusion going on in his little doggy brain!

The behaviour person at the shelter follows the dog listener method; if I've understood right it's all about helping a dog feel secure with their (lowly) place in the pack. They encourage 'gesture eating' and that kind of thing. I think the not going for a walk yet us part of that; the dog needs to be sure that we're in charge and will follow unquestioningly and we should stay in the 'pack den' until we're at that stage. Not being experienced I thought that must be the thing to do, is that wrong though?

I'm thinking if buying a baby gate today, to keep him in the living room (we feel that's going to work best for us, so we can get him out into the garden quickly). Or is it too late for that now, as he's been here a few days and is used to walking around the whole house?

One little success, he can be persuaded to chew a knawabone for a bit, he's only wanted to play by chasing a ball (and getting very excited and worked up in the process). I'm hanging onto that for now!

My sister suggested I look at this forum and said there are some great people with loads of understanding, experience and advice. She was right, thanks so much!


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## Newbiedogowner

Ian246 - thanks, he seems to like walks (on the lead) and enjoys sniffing about. He does pull a bit but the second that I stop walking, he stops too, the lead goes slack, then we continue. I'm hoping this is a good sign, but maybe I'm being over optimistic!

We've noticed he can lunge and bark at other dogs. If they are friendly, wag their tales at him etc then he's fine, but anything else (even just ignoring him) and he's up on his hind legs, lunging and barking. So maybe afraid or feeling the need to dominate the other dog? Is this something that needs expert help?


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## JoanneF

Newbiedogowner said:


> Is this something that needs expert help


Probably not, you can do this 

Behaviour like this is usually based in anxiety, which in his case is understandable (with the big changes).
Being on lead, he can't get away from the other dog so he wants to chase it off so he puts on a big display of 'I'm big and scary, don't mess with me'.

He will have an invisible radius of space around him where he feels secure . Find out what that is and keep him far enough away from other dogs that he is relaxed. Reward his calm behaviour. Gradually, over weeks and months, not days, work on reducing the distance. This may mean you have to be selective where you walk - choose places with good visibility so you can give other dogs a wide berth, or where you can turn and walk away easily. But - be aware that if your dog has had a stressful episode the stress hormone can stay in the body for up to 48 hours so a distance he was comfortable with the day before might be too close that day. So the safe distance can change, watch his body language.

Trainers describe behaviour like this with reference to the three Ds. Distance, as above but also be aware of Duration (your dog might be tolerant for 10 seconds, but not 15) and Distraction - how distracting the stimulus is; a calm dog might not trigger any reaction at a given distance but a bouncy one might.

Alongside that you could train a 'watch me'. As your dog looks at you, mark and reward the behaviour. Ask for longer periods of watching. Then if a dog approaches, after you have worked on the distance issue, you can get your dog to focus on you and not the other dog. BUT - some dogs find this scary as they cannot see the thing they are anxious about so you need to learn how to judge your dog.


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## Linda Weasel

If the ‘behaviourist’ at the rescue is giving you advice based on pack theory (which is what it sounds like from your last post) then he/she is desperately out of date with their learning; pack theory was debunked a good few years ago, not least by the man who drew the conclusion from the original (flawed) research.

I believe it was Jan Fennell who styled herself ‘The Dog Listener’ and she was working with what was the best available knowledge at that time; this is now old-fashioned and outdated as I’m sure she herself, and any of us who used it, would admit.

Forget ‘being in charge’. Dogs need a person who’s judgement they respect, and this is earned by you, over time. Please forget the absolute rubbish about ‘pack den’ and not taking him out...unless he is uncomfortable with going out. I’ve never heard this before, even from proponents of the pack theory brigade.

Have a look at the likes of Kikopup, Suzanne Clothier, also Sarah Whitehead and John Rogerson ( his later books as with the earlier ones he also was misled by that bad ‘pack’ research).


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## kimthecat

Im sorry you feel like this. Getting a new dog can create anxiety especially when you have to make decisions about how to toilet and crate train. Im very indecisive myself. 
Is your garden secure? I dont think he needs to be on a lead in your garden. he might prefer to toilet off the lead.
I expect the rescue meant dont let him off the lead on a walk rather than dont walk him at all.


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## kimthecat

Newbiedogowner said:


> I
> 
> We've noticed he can lunge and bark at other dogs. If they are friendly, wag their tales at him etc then he's fine, but anything else (even just ignoring him) and he's up on his hind legs, lunging and barking. So maybe afraid or feeling the need to dominate the other dog? Is this something that needs expert help?


My two can be reactive to other dogs , definitely not dominance but more like Keep away from me. 
I always have treats in my pocket to distract them .


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## Ian246

Newbiedogowner said:


> The behaviour person at the shelter follows the dog listener method; if I've understood right it's all about helping a dog feel secure with their (lowly) place in the pack. They encourage 'gesture eating' and that kind of thing. I think the not going for a walk yet us part of that; the dog needs to be sure that we're in charge and will follow unquestioningly and we should stay in the 'pack den' until we're at that stage. Not being experienced I thought that must be the thing to do, is that wrong though?


Without knowing more about what they mean, I'm loathe to comment. However, I don't go with the 'stay in the 'pack den'' thing. It's hard to use examples from 'the wild' (dogs are not wolves in disguise), but I've seen feral dog packs in Turkey and they do not stop their offspring from going out and experiencing the world. And your dog is two years old. He needs to get out and explore, I think, for his own peace of mind (as do we!) You can still show your dog that you are in charge. Let's call it 'being their for him, able to protect him', rather than being 'in charge' - so, you clearly make the decisions (some dogs feel they need to take on too much repsonsibilty and have trouble coping); if he's not happy about something (eg, another dog), it's you wo decided to walk awaywith him - you will protect him, so he doesn't need to worry. I think that's a bit different, but if you have a Behaviourist involved, I don;t want to confuse things by offering conflicting advice. You do want him to do as he's told - unquestioningly - but you can achieve that with reward; and I still think he needs to get out and it would be good to take him out (for all your sakes). Going on walks isn't just forphysical exercise (though terriers do need that), but it's also mental stimulation - let him sniff where other dogs have been, etc, etc - all these things are important for dogs. You can doo ALL that while he's under control on the lead - as long as he seems ready to go out (and it sounds, form what you've said, that he is.)


Newbiedogowner said:


> I'm thinking if buying a baby gate today, to keep him in the living room (we feel that's going to work best for us, so we can get him out into the garden quickly). Or is it too late for that now, as he's been here a few days and is used to walking around the whole house?


He should cope fine. He may not like being physically sperated at first, but he should get used to it - especially if he can still see and hear you. Additionally, it's a good idea to get him used to you and the family coming and going, so he doesn't get anxious when you have togo out and leave him. Start with short periods (no more than 30 seconds) and if/when he seems fine with that, extend the periods of time slowly. The idea is to impress on him, that he doesn't need to worry - you will be coming and going, but you will always come back. If he likes the Knawabone (not that I really know what one is!) and it keps him occupied for a while, leave him with that. He may be fine as it is, in which case you've overcome one potential hurdle - one to strike off the list! Again, physical exercise will help him settle down when there's not much going on / you have to leave him alone for a while.


Newbiedogowner said:


> One little success, he can be persuaded to chew a knawabone for a bit, he's only wanted to play by chasing a ball (and getting very excited and worked up in the process). I'm hanging onto that for now!
> 
> My sister suggested I look at this forum and said there are some great people with loads of understanding, experience and advice. She was right, thanks so much!


It's a pleasure and there are - I learn a lot from the good folks on here. 
One thing - remember, there will be ups and downs. He will have off days (just like the rest of us) and as he settles in (and relaxes a bit), you may see changes in his behaviour; don't worry!


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## JoanneF

I missed that post about pack leadership, but yes, it's the flat earth theory of the dog world. It was based on flawed conclusions of badly observed behaviours in wolves (note - not dogs) and it was simply wrong even at the start.

You can read more here https://www.whole-dog-journal.com/behavior/debunking-the-alpha-dog-theory/


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## Newbiedogowner

Thanks to all for your comments and JoanneF - that's a really interesting article! The booklet that they gave out at the shelter is all about pack leaders and how dogs try to take the role on if it thinks people aren't up to the job, which then makes it feel stressed. It seems quite kind (lots of rewards etc) but basically all about dominating the pack. I'll do more reading on the positive dog training, thanks!

We're doing our best with the house training but don't seem to be getting anywhere yet, is that normal? They said at the shelter that he'd 'just need a refresher', but he doesn't seem in the slightest bit interested in being rewarded, told he's a good boy for going outside and the things they say we should do. And continues to wee and poo in the house!

Also, is there a good way of ending playtime that helps to diffuse the energy? He would, I think, spend his whole life chasing a ball, but it makes him so giddy and he doesn't want to stop. So we then have him following us around, dropping his ball beside us and growling. Is there a way of playtime ending that doesn't end like this? I know he's only a little dog but I find the growling quite scary!

Thanks x


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## JoanneF

Ok, housetraining first - it may be that in the shelter, he wasn't used to being taken out so lacked the opportunity to toilet outside, and lost the habit. You have had good advice above but to summarise the good practice in training a puppy or older dog, you need to get him to make the ABILITY to toilet outside come together with the DESIRE to do it. So the ability side means you rule out any health problems (or in a young pup, the simple lack of muscle control) and then you work on the desire. That means it has to be worth his while to hold it. I would get a new treat, that you don't use for anything else. Something really high value, like frankfurter sausage. Take him out on lead so you are right by him and when he toilets, immediately make it rain tiny bits of sausage while going nuts with verbal praise. Lots of tiny bits of sausage seem to have greater value than one piece of equivalent size. The reward has to be immediate so he knows it is for ticketing and not for anything else. When he realises this is what happens when he goes outside, he will try to hold his toilet to earn his reward. Never scold an inside toilet, he may think you are cross with him for TOILETING as opposed to toileting INDOORS and then sneak off to do it when you aren't there. He might be doing some scent marking too so use an enzymatic cleaner and leave it down for 10 minutes to give it time to work properly.

For ending playtime, Kikopup demonstrates a great 'settle down' to teach a dog how to use his 'off' switch - to be honest I am not on my usual device and the link below doesn't look like the one I usually post but it is her, so should be ok.


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## Linda Weasel

If he likes his ball then you have a great training tool, even for the house training.

How about using a little ball game as a reward for going outside?

Don’t let ball games get too frenzied; when it looks like time to stop take possession of the ball, give him a special treat or a less precious chew toy as a ‘swap’, and let him see you put the ball away (or not, depending on how he reacts). The ball is yours and you decide on play/training time. You can use ‘gone now’ or whatever to let him know ball time is over. Don’t give in to pester power and hopefully he will shortly understand.

Just keep it calm, it may be that a game of ball was the highlight of his life, previously.

Just watch how he behaves and adjust things accordingly. Dog training is always a learning curve.


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## Newbiedogowner

Thanks for the great advice, and for introducing me to kikopup! I've been offering treats from my hand but maybe, if he's not sure about me yet, that's just adding to the stress. I'll try just dropping it instead with verbal praise, as you suggest. We have some grated cheese left over from tea, I might try that (is a bit of cheese ok?).

On the playtime, it's not easy to distract him from a ball, unless he's decided he's ready for a rest. We have his toys in a basket near his bed; would they be better put away or out of his reach instead? Is it too distracting for him having a ball to play with whenever he wants? His latest thing is picking a ball up, dropping it back into the basket and then growling at it until one of us gets it for him (or helps him get it out if the basket). I really don't like the growling, which freaks me out quite a bit, so I'd love it if we could stop that!


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## JoanneF

Ok, this growl sounds like play. But the growl is an amazingly powerful communication from your dog, never try to stop it.

You might want to learn to distinguish between a play growl and a warning growl. A warning growl should never be ignored. Dogs give a series of signals that they are unhappy, but unfortunately most people don't recognise them because they can be quite subtle. To begin with there is often wide eyes, lip licking and yawning. There is also muscular tension in the body. Then the ones we sometimes do see - growl, snarl, nip then bite. If the early signals are not seen (or, in the dog's view, ignored) he won't bother with them because us stupid humans pay no attention anyway; so he may go straight to the bite. So it's important never to ignore or dismiss a growl.


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## Newbiedogowner

Yes, I agree that the growling at his toys is playing, is it ok to ignore that? I'm worried about his other times for growling though, which is when we're eating. He particularly seems to growl when the children are eating. Earlier this evening I left the lid of his treats box when I took him into the garden to try to encourage him (unsuccessfully) to do a wee. I could smell the treats from the open box (out of his reach) so clearly he could too, and he made it very clear he wanted some. Which after a bit of fussing led to him looking at me hard and growling, which was a bit of a fright. Hubby and I both have a sharp 'hey!' and I went out of the room. He's calmed down now and us dozing in his bed, but I really don't know what to do. Growling freaks me out anyway but I'm worried it will turn into something more. Any thoughts?


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## JoanneF

Yes.


Newbiedogowner said:


> the growling at his toys is playing, is it ok to ignore that?


Yes, as long as you can tell it is "play growl " and not angry growl.



Newbiedogowner said:


> He particularly seems to growl when the children are eating


This could be a concern. Some dogs do something called resource guarding (sticky thread in the behaviour section). If food is a valuable resource, it can create stress flashpoints. Essentially if he feels his resource (food) is threatened, he will do anything to protect it - see body language info above . And that *might* transfer to other people's food.

If you think this might be happening please read the thread and nudge us here again (it's quite late where I am so I may have to reply tomorrow).


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## Newbiedogowner

Thanks JoanneF, we get the impression that he may have been fed from the table in a previous home. He's been standing at the table and looking very intently at us during mealtimes, but this has turned into growling too. He's also started growling at me when I sit on the sofa. I think he may want a treat - I had put the treat box in a drawer beside the sofa - and is growling to demand one.

I wondered if he is hungry, but he was growling at the children as they ate their meal last night, he had been fed approx an hour before. So not sure it's that.

I'm going to call the shelter today and ask for their advice. We wanted to have a dog and to help one that needed help, but a dog that is growling at us (and may suddenly snap, I don't know) isn't what I wanted. We're new to dog ownership, so don't have the experience or expertise to handle this; I'm not prepared to risk me or our children being bitten.


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## Blaise in Surrey

Ask the shelter for a behaviourist to assess him in your home.


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## Newbiedogowner

Thanks Blaise, we live a bit of a distance from the rescue (approx 50 miles) so I don't know if they could come to our home, I'll definitely ask though, that's a good suggestion.

Their behaviouralist is a 'dog listener' too so it maybe that we're told to just assert pack dominance or something like that. What worries me is that he may get worse or even bite during a period of us trying to correct it, particularly as we have no experience of this situation and very little with dogs generally .


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## lullabydream

Newbiedogowner said:


> Thanks Blaise, we live a bit of a distance from the rescue (approx 50 miles) so I don't know if they could come to our home, I'll definitely ask though, that's a good suggestion.
> 
> Their behaviouralist is a 'dog listener' too so it maybe that we're told to just assert pack dominance or something like that. What worries me is that he may get worse or even bite during a period of us trying to correct it, particularly as we have no experience of this situation and very little with dogs generally .


Dog listener and what you said about the pack theory sounds like Jan Fennell or one of her minions.. Who doesn't do a lot but give less space, box dogs in one room only give praise when settled blah blah blah definitely avoid.


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## Newbiedogowner

That's amazing lullabydream, I spoke to her (the shelter's dog trainer) earlier; she said that by growling he is trying to manipulate us and should be separated from the pack. Which when I type it sounds utterly ridiculous. Even with my total lack of experience, I find it very hard to believe that a dog is capable of manipulation, in the way that we would understand it. I think he has seen something he wants - food, treats, toys etc - and growls because he isn't well socialized or has been taught or come to believe that growling and threatening behaviour is the way to get it.

I'm not sure I'm happy with the shelter. When I told the dog trainer about the growling problem she said 'maybe that's why he was brought back'. Brought back?! At no time did the shelter mention that, nor the reason, perhaps because they knew we'd be less likely to take him if we knew? The trainer also suggested that, from our explanation, it sounds as though he's never been house-trained rather than 'just needing a refresher', which is what we were told. We were clear with the shelter from the outset that we're novices, but it now seems that there may be quite a lot that they didn't tell us. Or perhaps weren't aware of; I accept they can only know what they're told and what they observe in kennels, I don't want to be unfair to them.

We've been talking, we're going to keep trying with him. He does seem to have more complex needs than we realised though so, while we'll do our best, we'll have to see how we get in though. It could be that he'd be better off with a more experienced family, I don't know.


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## Lurcherlad

Newbiedogowner said:


> Thanks for the great advice, and for introducing me to kikopup! I've been offering treats from my hand but maybe, if he's not sure about me yet, that's just adding to the stress. I'll try just dropping it instead with verbal praise, as you suggest. We have some grated cheese left over from tea, I might try that (is a bit of cheese ok?).
> 
> On the playtime, it's not easy to distract him from a ball, unless he's decided he's ready for a rest. We have his toys in a basket near his bed; would they be better put away or out of his reach instead? Is it too distracting for him having a ball to play with whenever he wants? His latest thing is picking a ball up, dropping it back into the basket and then growling at it until one of us gets it for him (or helps him get it out if the basket). I really don't like the growling, which freaks me out quite a bit, so I'd love it if we could stop that!


I'd put that "growling" down as talking tbh 

Maybe he's actually just "asking" for whatever it is he wants?

When I first brought Jack from rescue I though he was growling but very quickly realised he was just communicating and groaning with pleasure when fussed.

I'd put this new dog behind a baby gate when you and the kids are eating to create a new boundary. Maybe give him his dinner at the same time or a filled Kong to distract him.

Your vet might be able to refer you to a good behaviourist to assess him and advise you on his temperament and the nature of these "growls".


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## JoanneF

The shelter trainer definitely sounds out of date with her theories. Would it be possible for someone to video what is happening and post it here (you might need to create a private YouTube channel and upload the video to that, then post a link).


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## lullabydream

Right let's back track this a bit... 

You have adopted a terrier. Tenacious things these terriers and can be quite content to say hey I don't like that without too much of a thought... So can grumble or growl. I had one when she got asked to get off the sofa. As she would climb in anyone's space she would be it would come with a grumble. No malice intended per se. As everyone says in context. 

No idea how big your terrier is, but people seem to think especially when these dogs are puppies that they are easy enough to pick up than train so, they do. Often when they are so happy doing behaviours they find self rewarding, OK us owners may not like our house being ripped to shreds or garden but this can make them a bit grumbly/snappy thinking they are going to be picked up. Not a problem with you because hey you know your dog has 4 legs and can use them.

Sadly loads and loads of dogs don't actually know their name. They might react a bit to a tone of voice but the last 3 dogs I rehomed it was so easy to change their name as they didn't react to the name at all. So to teach a good name association it needs to be done with rewards, kibble is what I would use. If your dog ear twitches, turns head or runs to you when you say the name then throw or give a treat. Name can be a great interrupter for single dogs and essential for multidog households. I love how my youngest comes fly through the house or in from the garden when calls. It makes me smile when we get a head tilt or movement at the vets when their names are called as if to see is that me!

Terriers are also very much easy to train, but that means also what's in it for me. Your dog might need that reassurance with a piece of kibble to know that when you call him he's comes over he's going to get reward. Everything is new to him.. He could have been called and called to be punished in the past or called for nothing worthwhile not even a good. A terrier likes to 'work' and get 'paid' and currently it's probably food that will be his choice but overtime it will be a belly rub from you I am sure will be payment.


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## Robert Galbraith

pinklizzy said:


> Are there any specific issues you feel you need advice on or just a general feeling of being overwhelmed?
> It will take time for him to settle in and for you all to bond so please don't be too hard on yourself at the moment.
> Maybe try checking out the puppy support thread on here (sorry I'm not clever enough to link it) as it's very common to have the feeling of 'what have I done' when first bringing a dog home. I know I felt it both times we had a puppy!
> Otherwise I'm sure one of the far more knowledgable posters on here will be able to give you really good advice and support, take it one day at a time


I felt like you when I 1st brought my staffie Tia into my house my nephew bought her but he & his gf have their own business so she was indoors most of the time so I thought no she'll be hard to handle & got myself into a tizzy saying will I be able to give her what she needs & deserves will we like each other but 9 month on I just couldn't imagine not having her she's my best pal yes we've still got some issues but she's my baby girl now give it time your doing better than you think & the bond you will have with it will be special don't worry it will be alright


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## Linda Weasel

I'm with @Lurcherlad on this one, although without actually seeing the behaviour it's only theory; but I was definitely thinking that this might be a dog who's learned to use a 'growl' as a way of communicating a want/need rather than as a threat.

I also don't think this growling means 'give me what I want or I'll bite you' unless it's taking place in a confrontational situation and then it would be 'please back off or I may be forced to bite you'.

Definitely find a behaviourist to look at this and please, not the one from the rescue; none of the advice given so far will help you and your dog, and some of it will just confuse your dog and damage your future relationship.


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