# Terrible guilt now that my dog has been pts



## Dotty1

It's less than 48 hrs but the guilt is increasing and so is my pain. I held him and loved him all through it. The procedure itself couldn't have been less stressful for my old dog. But I keep thinking I could have kept him going for longer and I've stolen precious time from him. He was virtually blind, deaf, really struggling to get up on his own without me lifting his back end and had double incontinence for months. He hadn't wagged his tail for a year but still loved his food.
He slept for 22 hrs a day or so it seemed. But he still liked to sniff the garden air if I was by his side.


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## Sophie17

I’m so sorry.
I know this feeling too.
People said me that guilt is a part of grief and this will be easier. 
This experince is too recent for you.
Give yourself time.


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## loroll1991

I am so sorry, you're post has really touched my heart.
I agree with Sophie, this experience is so recent for you and you need to give yourself time.

Sending virtual hugs to you from my end xx


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## lobus

Dotty1 said:


> It's less than 48 hrs but the guilt is increasing and so is my pain. I held him and loved him all through it. The procedure itself couldn't have been less stressful for my old dog. But I keep thinking I could have kept him going for longer and I've stolen precious time from him. He was virtually blind, deaf, really struggling to get up on his own without me lifting his back end and had double incontinence for months. He hadn't wagged his tail for a year but still loved his food.
> He slept for 22 hrs a day or so it seemed. But he still liked to sniff the garden air if I was by his side.


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## lobus

You did all you could and then what you had to do. Always painful even if necessary


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## Sled dog hotel

Dotty1 said:


> It's less than 48 hrs but the guilt is increasing and so is my pain. I held him and loved him all through it. The procedure itself couldn't have been less stressful for my old dog. But I keep thinking I could have kept him going for longer and I've stolen precious time from him. He was virtually blind, deaf, really struggling to get up on his own without me lifting his back end and had double incontinence for months. He hadn't wagged his tail for a year but still loved his food.
> He slept for 22 hrs a day or so it seemed. But he still liked to sniff the garden air if I was by his side.


I am so sorry for your Loss.
I know it wont help the pain, but having been through it too with 4 dogs, what you are feeling is normal, each and every time I have had to make the decision I still beat myself up and put myself through the same thing. Most of my friends have dogs and have lost them too over the years and I don't think a single one of them either has not tormented themselves with questions of one sort or another, about things they should have done, could have done, or was it really the right time.

One of the hardest things to accept is that a stage has come when with all the love and will and best veterinary treatment possible there is now nothing that we can no longer do for them and make them better this time. When the quality of life has begin to go, we can no longer control any pain, and the joy of living has begun to go from their lives its then that we have to do the only thing left to do, and that's to prevent any more pain and suffering and set them free.

It hurts like hell, and you feel you may never get through the pain of it and the loss and missing them, but you need to give yourself the time to grieve. Although you can only think of him and what you had to do with sadness and tears, in time you will be able to think of the good times again and suddenly realise you have thought of him with a smile instead.

A couple of poems that it explains it better and has helped me through the years may help you to see too, that you did the right thing for him.

*The Last Battle *
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown

*May I Go?*
May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say goodbye to pain filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and living light.
I want to go
I really do.
It's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid,
because I see your tears
I'll not be far,
I promise that, and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you
wherever you may go
Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you too,
that's why it's hard to say goodbye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you'll let me go today
_Written for a beloved pet & friend.by Susan A. Jackson

I don't know if you are aware but the Blue cross animal charity has a pet bereavement service, you can also leave a memorial on their website too if it will help.

http://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support_


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## ameliajane

So sorry you've lost your friend.
The guilt is a part of grieving. I've felt terribly guilty with some of mine. You just have to keep telling yourself that it _was _the right decision. The guilt will pass in time and you will be confident again that you did the right thing.
Take care xx


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## Dotty1

My goodness thank you all. Knowing that there are others who feel the same and have done the same helps beyond words. 
My little girl is really struggling with it too...it's so hard to stay strong. I keep looking over to where he should be and fill up again.
I feel I tricked him into death taking him outside on a lovely sunny day to lie on the grass for a cuddle and the next thing he knows is he's being injected.


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## Sled dog hotel

Dotty1 said:


> My goodness thank you all. Knowing that there are others who feel the same and have done the same helps beyond words.
> My little girl is really struggling with it too...it's so hard to stay strong. I keep looking over to where he should be and fill up again.
> I feel I tricked him into death taking him outside on a lovely sunny day to lie on the grass for a cuddle and the next thing he knows is he's being injected.


You didn't trick him, if he left this world being held and surrounded by those he loved, laying on the grass on a beautiful day, and he passed peacefully then You couldn't have done more or given him a better passing. The injection is similar to those they have when they are anaestitised that makes them just suddenly slip off to sleep when they have an operation.

When my daughter was little and lost pets, what helped her was making a special place in rememberance, going to the nursery and letting her pick out a special plant or shrub and maybe some ornamental stones or little ornament or something and helping her make the special place. That may help your daughter and maybe even you too. It can even be a plant in a nice pot with a little ornament, something that will grow and perhaps blossom this time each year so you can remember him.


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## Rafa

What you're feeling is normal and, in time, will pass. In time to come, you will be able to remember him and talk about him without that dreadful black feeling in your stomach and heart.

I've had eight dogs put to sleep over the years, all old, but after each time, I always felt like a murderer. The doubts always creep in, "could he have had longer", "he was okay, then I called the vet and now he's dead". It's a horrible, nagging voice in your mind.

In time to come, you will be able to think more clearly and know you did the right thing.

The saying "Better a day too soon than a day too late" is so true, although it's desperately difficult to let a beloved dog go. It's one of the biggest sacrifices you'll ever make, to put yourself through torment in order to give him peace.

It's very early days for you yet, give yourself time and you will begin to heal.


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## lisa0307

So very sorry for your loss hun.
We've all had to do it and it never gets any easier.
Thinking of you at this very sad time.
R.I.P.Sweetie x


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## ameliajane

No, you didn't trick him. You showed him how much you loved him and then you were brave enough to let him go so he wouldn't suffer.
He could not have wished for more.
I hope you and your daughter find some peace.
xx


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## Britt

I'm sorry for your loss. I had one of my horses and a couple of cats put to sleep because they were terminally ill and I'm still grieving (that was over ten to fifteen years ago). The pain never goes away but remember that you did what was best for him.


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## Charity

I'm very sorry you have lost your dear friend. I understand only too well your pain as our 17 year old dog has most of the same problems and I feel guilty every day that we keep her alive when she is so disabled (there are two of us so not just my decision) yet I know I will feel equally guilty when she is gone. Its a very hard decision to make but I'm sure you know in your heart that leaving it any longer would just mean he would, at some stage, have got worse and suffered more. This is what I dread. You did him a kindness by relieving his frustration and pain at losing his senses and he depended on you to do it. Please believe me when i say there is nothing to feel guilty about. Thinking of you at this sad time.


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## jill3

So Sorry for your loss. It is Heart breaking having someone you love so much put to sleep. Try and remember the good times.
Be proud that you gave him the most loving and peaceful passing that you could have given him.
You will meet up with him again one day at the Bridge xx


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## Dotty1

You are all so kind. Thank you. It helps to hear that others feel guilt to...eventhough I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I hated seeing him slipping around on the floor waiting for help and then messing himself. That's not a life for a labrador but he wasn't in a great deal of pain. This just got worse though and he began to need help nearly all the time. His only real enjoyment was food and our hugs when he wasn't sleeping. I couldn't bare the prospect of him falling when we were out and being stuck for hours. I do love him my rescue boy. Please forgive me.


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## Colliebarmy

Ive just lost my dad (93), for the last 8 weeks he was in no better shape than your old dog, if i could have given him the peace you gave your dog i would have, he wasnt going to get better, there was no quality of life, he was hoisted to the toilet then in a nappy, spoon fed what little he could consume. Your dog had a great life, do not feel guilt for doing what was best for HIM instead of what was best for YOU


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## Dotty1

Oh Colliebarmy that's terrible. I have no qualms about euthanasia human or animal and I'm an advocate of it. Thank you. You are right. I have been clinging on to him hoping he would go naturally. That's why I was so shocked by the strength of guilt I felt. I am coming to terms with it. Each day it eases a fraction. It must be so dreadful seeing your parent suffer. I can't begin to imagine.  I hope your daddy has peace now.


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## Rott lover

I have to be honest here and tell you that if you feel it was too early or you could have made another go for another day that hindsight is a complete b&%ch.I had my boy Boz for many years with so many problems that we conquered one by one.Diabetes,hip dysplasia,vertigo,epilepsy and pancreatitis.Between everything and trying to be the fighter that i am and wanting to keep things right for Boz I lost sight of something.That something was what was right for Boz.All the seizures and problems and issues and at the end i was almost force feeding him and i realized afterwards that i had kept him too long.Either way you are going to beat yourself up but just remember to ask this.Did he have a good quality of life?If the answer was no then it was time.I have had many dogs pts for many reasons and i feel for your position.It is normal to torment your self and in time you will know what you did was for the best.My thoughts and prayers go with you.


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## Dotty1

Sounds like poor Boz had a tough time poor love.x I suppose I should at least be thankful that mine had no illnesses just went off his legs and incontinent (and deaf/blind) but they were all natural ageing aspects. It's just not fair is it.

I say this every time I lose a pet but I'm feeling it again now - it's so painful that I question whether I can have another because of the prospect of going through it all again. It's knowingly putting yourself through hell again at some point in the future. I must say though that having a second dog this time has made it just that tiny bit easier as the house isn't totally dogless. That's unbareable when you go from having a dog to none suddenly.


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## Rott lover

Dotty1 said:


> Sounds like poor Boz had a tough time poor love.x I suppose I should at least be thankful that mine had no illnesses just went off his legs and incontinent (and deaf/blind) but they were all natural ageing aspects. It's just not fair is it.
> 
> I say this every time I lose a pet but I'm feeling it again now - it's so painful that I question whether I can have another because of the prospect of going through it all again. It's knowingly putting yourself through hell again at some point in the future. I must say though that having a second dog this time has made it just that tiny bit easier as the house isn't totally dogless. That's unbareable when you go from having a dog to none suddenly.


Yes boz did have a massive hard go of it.I didn't make things any easier.I have said it many many times as well but i have had time to prepare for all but one.That is the one i am recovering from currently.Our family is a one dog only family and always will be.We don't have the room for more than one and more importantly don't have the money.It was a few years after Boz passed that we could finally move on but honestly after Oliver i really don't know if i will ever properly recover.Olivers passing has ripped me apart inside and out ,up and down.Time will tell i guess.


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## Dotty1

Perhaps I should take some of my own advice here but it sounds to me like you are a very caring dog lover so going without a dog would be a great loss for some gorgeous pooch out there. And there's no doubt about it that for me, having another helps me to divert my emotions and doesn't feel like a betrayal...but I do have to have a different breed or colour so they look different otherwise it's too painful. No doubt Oliver would love you to be happy again.


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## Dotty1

And so...for those kind people who answered my cries 2 months ago, a little update.
1. To help my little girl we have some flowering lilies and a lovely solar light on his grave.
2. I have him buried outside my ensuite so secretly I say good morning and good night to him with looking like a total nutter.
3. I cry whenever I want to but not in front of the family anymore because I've never met anyone who connects with animals as totally as I do and no one really understands properly.
4. 2 weeks ago, we welcomed the most delightful bundle of energy into our lives - our little cocker spaniel. A new breed for us as I always try to steer away from following like for like when I have lost a dog as it is too upsetting. She has filled our hearts with so much joy and our other dog is having so much fun with her already.
5. And so to the next chapter. Goodbye my boy. Thank you for loving us. I'll miss you forever x


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## lisa0307

I'm sad and happy at the same time from reading this....sad because I know how you feel saying goodbye (there is a tear in my eye right now) but happy because you've welcomed another in to your life...animals are so precious and their passing leaves such huge holes in our lives.
Thanks so much for the update x


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## Rott lover

I am happy that you brought a new bundle into your life.I think it is sad that you don't personally know anyone that has that connection like you do.i know that feeling very well.No one i know connects to pets like my O H and I.At least i have her.It sounds like he has a very special spot in the yard just like he had in your heart.


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## peachpomchyna

Dotty1 said:


> And so...for those kind people who answered my cries 2 months ago, a little update.
> 1. To help my little girl we have some flowering lilies and a lovely solar light on his grave.
> 2. I have him buried outside my ensuite so secretly I say good morning and good night to him with looking like a total nutter.
> 3. I cry whenever I want to but not in front of the family anymore because I've never met anyone who connects with animals as totally as I do and no one really understands properly.
> 4. 2 weeks ago, we welcomed the most delightful bundle of energy into our lives - our little cocker spaniel. A new breed for us as I always try to steer away from following like for like when I have lost a dog as it is too upsetting. She has filled our hearts with so much joy and our other dog is having so much fun with her already.
> 5. And so to the next chapter. Goodbye my boy. Thank you for loving us. I'll miss you forever x


Great news that you have a new baby to love. But you may find that your grief is still there. I have Tewla now, we adopted her six months after Chyna passed August 26, 2014. I love our new puppy, she's a chi (Chyna was a pom), but I still cry about Chyna. She was not pts, she died in the vets office at the age of 10. So I know how you feel, it is the grief of losing a good friend. Fall in love all over again with your new baby. Your old friend will always be in your heart.


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## Rott lover

Dotty1 said:


> And so...for those kind people who answered my cries 2 months ago, a little update.
> 1. To help my little girl we have some flowering lilies and a lovely solar light on his grave.
> 2. I have him buried outside my ensuite so secretly I say good morning and good night to him with looking like a total nutter.
> 3. I cry whenever I want to but not in front of the family anymore because I've never met anyone who connects with animals as totally as I do and no one really understands properly.
> 4. 2 weeks ago, we welcomed the most delightful bundle of energy into our lives - our little cocker spaniel. A new breed for us as I always try to steer away from following like for like when I have lost a dog as it is too upsetting. She has filled our hearts with so much joy and our other dog is having so much fun with her already.
> 5. And so to the next chapter. Goodbye my boy. Thank you for loving us. I'll miss you forever x


I have learned a long time ago to NEVER say good bye.They are always in our hearts and always will be.That is like saying you are going to replace a animal.There is no replacement.No animal i will ever own will take the place of any previous animals.Not ever.It is a long road but i have made peace with most of my crosses that i bear but every animal has taken their place in my heart but not one has ever replaced another.


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