# Asking in laws for a loan..



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Oh god I need help :.(

I'm 4 months away from our wedding day. Weved paid 5k so far, have 3k left to pay. It's not physically possible to pay it off. :mad2:

We budgeted, and would of been of budget if hubs didn't have to take a lower paid job. And the friggin car didn't need major work done to it.

my lovely daddy has paid 900£ to my dress, even though he's had a stroke and not got much income.

A old friend of my mums sent me a £500 check today!! . 

My inlaws, have quiet abit of money, nice holidays, car, house, ect. We have never ever asked for a penny from them. Two months ago they offered us £90 towards wedding cake. Inlaws aren't really the caring type of parents.


But hubby is going to ask them for a loan of 2k, being paid back at £200 a month.

I really don't think they will help. We know they could afford it if they wanted too.

I feel physically sick, it's either ask for help, or the wedding gets cancelled.

I'm feeling so stressed :.( I know if my mum was still here she would of helped.

I'm not enjoying wedding planning ATM 

What would you suggest he says to inlaws?


----------



## smokeybear (Oct 19, 2011)

Why not scale your wedding down? Why get yourself in debt for no good reason?


----------



## gem88 (Jun 2, 2012)

can you not push the date back?
i cant offer advice as i've never ever borrowed money from family. i broke down in tears to my grandad during a particularly stressful time last year and i was practically forced to take some pennies and he has refused to take a repayment which makes me feel wonderfully loved and uncomfortable 
good luck xx


----------



## cravensmum (Jun 28, 2010)

Wow £8,000 on a wedding.

I'm afraid if I couldn't afford it I would be scaling it down,a lot.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

We've scaled back ALOT, we both have big close family's.

Can't push date back as people from abroad already booked plane tickets ect :mad2:

Im gutted


----------



## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

as already suggested is there nothing you can cut back on for the wedding? or put the wedding back a little bit 

there is no harm in asking the in-laws for a loan if you agree a repayment plan the worst that can happen is they say no. don't let it cause tension though.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Tbh I dont know how it's came so hight, most of venue paid off, most of photographer, everything is half paid for, so there's no chance of scaling back, tbh I may have over estimated, I think it's came upto about 6k, we've paid 4k roughly off, but still! Have no idea how people do it so cheap


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Tbh I think hubby just wanted to make it big and special so it wasn't as obv that my mums not going to be there x


----------



## smokeybear (Oct 19, 2011)

xbaileyboox said:


> Have no idea how people do it so cheap


Simple, we toddled down to the registry office and had the reception at home.

We could have afforded to spend anything we wanted to on a wedding, we chose not to.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

My 2nd wedding cost about £200 :lol: funny thing was that everyone had a good time as it was so informal. There was no pressure to hang around for hours after. In the evening we went out for a meal and had a laugh.


----------



## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

it's amazing how all the little things can easily add up. I was going to suggest cutting some of the guests back, and just having close friends and family for the ceremony and meal and then invite everyone to the reception. but then maybe that's just me being a tight arse


----------



## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

Have you ever thought about staging your own kidnap, say for a ransom demand of around 5 grand?


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

I always said, I'm not getting married in a reg office, it's not "me". Iv never had a bday party or anything so wanted something beautiful.

But now it's gettin close to cancelling, I wish I just sodded off abroad with hubs n kids and done it. But hubby won't cancel as its a waste of 5k, and he wants this wedding. Is planned around us, it's our colours, the theme New York where we got engaged, beautiful hotel, flowers are mums faves, it's just my (our) dream day. Iv been planning for two years. But we obv must of left it too late to start paying :mad2:


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Zaros said:


> Have you ever thought about staging your own kidnap, say for a ransom demand of around 5 grand?


Haha no one would pay to have me back


----------



## gem88 (Jun 2, 2012)

its easy to make a wedding cheap. i know its not for everyone though.

we spent 2 grand BUT we got married abroad and that covered the holiday, dress, suits for hubby and C, excursions and a party when we got back.

hubbys older brother spent £500 on theirs they did registry and hired a pub and the older brother spent about 20 grand !!!

i know its too late now and i dont know the circumstances but my mother wasnt at my wedding as i didnt want her there. it was a wonderful day and i didnt think of her once.
those that werent there who i wished could have been i had a little table at the edge of the room with photos of those missed on the day xx


----------



## foxiesummer (Feb 4, 2009)

Cancel it all and elope to Gretna Green. Hubby and I will be your witnesses, lol.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

gem88 said:


> its easy to make a wedding cheap. i know its not for everyone though.
> 
> we spent 2 grand BUT we got married abroad and that covered the holiday, dress, suits for hubby and C, excursions and a party when we got back.
> 
> ...


Yeah I'm thinking of doing a table for mum and Adams nana n grandad x


----------



## smokeybear (Oct 19, 2011)

How can you possibly enjoy the day if you are worrying about how to pay for it? I am afraid no fancy do is worth it to me, but of course it may be to you.

It looks like your dream day is turning into a bit of a nightmare...............


----------



## CaliDog (Jun 3, 2012)

foxiesummer said:


> Cancel it all and elope to Gretna Green. Hubby and I will be your witnesses, lol.


thats how i want to get married with a few guests


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

I want my dad there, but he can't fly, or travel


----------



## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

My God lol ..... I know I know special day and all that , bloody hell i'm not suprised your feeling dreadful ,what a place to be in , i wish you all the best honestly i do , in-laws can be funny things where money is concerned , happy to lend then moan and whinge behind your back , it really is a tricky place to go , can you not take on a short term loan (not that i advise that) is there no other way to find the cash ???? Overtime ? selling a few bits ? ... putting it on a CC (not that i advise that ) have you really explored all options ? 

eta ..... go ahead and deal with the consequences afterward , or does the cash need to be upfront


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Scale it back, do your own flowers, decs, since when do you need a 900 quid dress to look good? Start married life on love, the company of friends who don't need a fancy do to turn up, and most importantly for your relationship: with no debt! 
When I was a kid, the priest reckoned he could estimate how long a marriage would last in inverse proportion to the expense of the wedding.....


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

tincan said:


> My God lol ..... I know I know special day and all that , bloody hell i'm not suprised your feeling dreadful ,what a place to be in , i wish you all the best honestly i do , in-laws can be funny things where money is concerned , happy to lend then moan and whinge behind your back , it really is a tricky place to go , can you not take on a short term loan (not that i advise that) is there no other way to find the cash ???? Overtime ? selling a few bits ? ... putting it on a CC (not that i advise that ) have you really explored all options ?


I don't really want to go down the "major" loaning, like cc ect. Because of the interest. At least with family, you can set up direct debit and not worry iykwim?

Iv sold loads lol, DiY'd a lot lol.

I'm even scared to ask sisters to help buy bridesmaid shoes (there daughters)

Inlaws didn't even offer to pay for fil suit lol


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

myshkin said:


> Scale it back, do your own flowers, decs, since when do you need a 900 quid dress to look good? Start married life on love, the company of friends who don't need a fancy do to turn up, and most importantly for your relationship: with no debt!
> When I was a kid, the priest reckoned he could estimate how long a marriage would last in inverse proportion to the expense of the wedding.....i


We've been together 8 years lol

My dress is paid for and at my dads, my flowers are paid for, the only things that arnt are: venue, photographer, £60 left on chair covers, registrar fees!!, hair n make up, shoes, undies, dj, suits.

But all have had at least 50% paid towards x


----------



## babycham2002 (Oct 18, 2009)

You either swallow your pride and ask to borrow the money or scale back the things you can on what you can
the dress, the flowers, anything else that can be cut back at this stage. 


getting abroad is no easier, all you get then is all the fights and all the moaning about who can and cannot come.


----------



## Guest (Feb 6, 2013)

xbaileyboox said:


> We've been together 8 years lol
> 
> My dress is paid for and at my dads, my flowers are paid for, the only things that arnt are: venue, photographer, £60 left on chair covers, registrar fees!!, hair n make up, shoes, undies, dj, suits.
> 
> But all have had at least 50% paid towards x


you could do your own hair and make up , so surely that is saving some costs? i were recently charged £200 for some professional photographs to be taken (they do weddings too) but not sure where you are based and how far they travel.


----------



## kate_7590 (Feb 28, 2009)

I would have to say to either push the date back (if you explain to venue, photographer and everyone the problem they might be understanding and let you change the date.) People can change their plane tickets.
You can get creative and spend far less money, save where you can. A wedding doesnt have to cost a lot, as others have said.

If you dont want to scrimp on your wedding (I know I wouldn't personally) then you have no option but to postpone it until you have funds.

I may sound out of line but I would feel incredibly uneasy and rude if I asked anyone for money, even if they were family, its one thing if you truely needed the money, but a wedding isnt a necessity


----------



## gem88 (Jun 2, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> Inlaws didn't even offer to pay for fil suit lol


part of the party when we got back was a blessing, everyone was told to sort their own clothes. we didnt have a theme so everyone turned up in something different except for my 'bridesmaids' where we spent 9 hours trapesing round the city looking for a dresses that complimented each other :mad2:


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

I agree. Which is why I feel awful. Think il do my own hair n make up. :thumbup:


I'm going to let oh ask his mam, if she says no which I understand, I'm going to cancel. 

I don't want to postpone, because I don't want to have to keep paying loads off each much, iykwim. 


I trust hubby will sort it x


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

weddings are only expensive because you make them so

you seem to complain that the inlaws wont help, sorry but why should they, its your wedding, you should pay


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> weddings are only expensive because you make them so
> 
> you seem to complain that the inlaws wont help, sorry but why should they, its your wedding, you should pay


Because its tradition? Because its there son? There's Noway I wouldn't not pay towards my kids wedding.


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

Hope you get it sorted one way or another. 

Personally I don't think I could justify spending £8,000 on a wedding! I certainly wouldn't get into debt, or plan beyond my means for it.

I've been married 13 years this year, and our wedding cost literally pounds. My Mum paid for my outfit as my present, and paid for me to have my hair done on the day. We hired Jon's suits and bought the boys shits and trousers. My sister and Mum in law paid for the food and prepared our reception buffet, we had a garden party, with gazebos and bouncy castle up at Sister in Laws farm. Our wedding cake was kindly made by Brother in Laws Mother...The day was perfect, we had a registry office ceremony with family and people that mattered, not rellys who we never speak too year in year out. garden party was fab, close friends and family, came, and because the farm was in the middle of nowhere it just carried on from afternoon into night with people leaving and arriving as and when they wanted :thumbup: Perfect.


----------



## Guest (Feb 6, 2013)

xbaileyboox said:


> Because its tradition? Because its there son? There's Noway I wouldn't not pay towards my kids wedding.


no , traditionally was usually the brides parents that paid for the wedding.

Should I pay?


----------



## westie~ma (Mar 16, 2009)

I'd prefer my kids to ask me for the money rather than getting it elsewhere. My parents paid for the bulk of our wedding, which we both appreciated hugely. I'm fully expecting to contribute when it comes to my own children.

In our family, we help each other out, sometimes that's money, mainly it's hubby's exertise and knowledge that's needed.

I'm currently working on my mums house organising the renovation work, the amount of running around I'm doing is nobody's business but I wouldn't dream of charging her!! Hubby is dealing with the money/budget side, he wouldn't dream of charging her, she's family and that means we do for each other.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MissShelley said:


> Hope you get it sorted one way or another.
> 
> Personally I don't think I could justify spending £8,000 on a wedding! I certainly wouldn't get into debt, or plan beyond my means for it.
> 
> I've been married 13 years this year, and our wedding cost literally pounds. My Mum paid for my outfit as my present, and paid for me to have my hair done on the day. We hired Jon's suits and bought *the boys shits *and trousers. My sister and Mum in law paid for the food and prepared our reception buffet, we had a garden party, with gazebos and bouncy castle up at Sister in Laws farm. Our wedding cake was kindly made by Brother in Laws Mother...The day was perfect, we had a registry office ceremony with family and people that mattered, not rellys who we never speak too year in year out. garden party was fab, close friends and family, came, and because the farm was in the middle of nowhere it just carried on from afternoon into night with people leaving and arriving as and when they wanted :thumbup: Perfect.


For the love of god, do you have to keep bringing this angelic forum down


----------



## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Lavenderb said:


> For the love of god, do you have to keep bringing this angelic forum down


and I bet she hadnt even considered buying any of that for the big day!!LOL:scared:
You could always get a whole bunch of credit cards and put the remainder on those?? Although personally spending that much money on a family party would irk me so much I wouldnt be able to enjoy it anyways!!
You will have to post pics of the dress after the big day though (I cant imagine what 900 quids worth of dress looks like!!).


----------



## 1290423 (Aug 11, 2011)

I would suggest you both 'cut your' cloth!
Being married is not about how big the day is its about how you feel for one another!
And starting out is debt is starting off on the wrong foot!
Good Luck


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> Because its tradition? Because its there son? There's Noway I wouldn't not pay towards my kids wedding.


if you're going to bring tradition into it at least get it right, its the brides parents that pay not the groom 

fact is if OP and her soon to be hubby are having a wedding they cant afford to pay for then its their problem, no one should have to bail them out just because they wanted to be more flash than they could afford

im really of the opinion that if you are going to get married you should sit down, work out the details like how much it will cost, save and then book it but people rush it, book what they cant afford then expect others to bail them out


----------



## ozrex (Aug 30, 2011)

> You will have to post pics of the dress after the big day though (I cant imagine what 900 quids worth of dress looks like!!).


No idea but a friend of mine's daughter had a huge wedding. Her dress cost $A20,000. It looked a lot like a white wedding dress! They all do to be honest.

xbaileyboox, I hope you have a lovely wedding and all goes well for you.


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

Lavenderb said:


> For the love of god, do you have to keep bringing this angelic forum down


Sorry, I'll get me coat


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

What an awful situation. It's all very well saying postpone/cancel but I suspect most is the balance of things, so you'll lose whatever you've spent already.

If there is anything you can cut back on then obviously do that. But I think you should ask, they might surprise you.

Weddings are very expensive. Being involved in the wedding industry I know £8k doesn't go that far, so you've either done everything very cheaply or your wedding is quite small.

I hope it works out for you.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Nagini said:


> no , traditionally was usually the brides parents that paid for the wedding.
> 
> Should I pay?


And my mum would if she hadn't passed away.


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

*Sorry, but with respect i would not be wanting to start my marriage in debt to anyone.
As others have said, cut back. You will still have a fantastic day.*


----------



## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

I would agree cut back where you can - obviously if things are already part paid/deposits laid down then you will lose that money so will feel not worth cutting back, so I imagine it would be so hard late in the day

My wedding was done in a nice venue, for about £3k total, most of that was the venue! The dress was in a sale, I didnt have a big meal - just a reception with a buffet and made the wedding an afternoon wedding and provided sarnies etc in between - Only had family at the wedding (Ihave a big family, 27 cousins! so it was really only Parents, Siblings, uncles/aunties and grandparents) and everyone else at the reception! My MIL made the flower decorations (artificial flowers), creative friends made table decorations, A friend (hobby photographer) done the photography and wedding album as my "wedding present"...
It was very nice tbh; relaxed and all the home made knick knacks made it very personal and special. I also didnt bother with cars, we picked a venue with a hotel attached so I got ready there! (and all the guests got a special rate for that night!)


I would probably do the same again if i were ever to remarry.


----------



## Guest (Feb 7, 2013)

xbaileyboox said:


> And my mum would if she hadn't passed away.


if you want to get into specific's and detail in the day this happened was usually the brides father that paid for the wedding , mothers usually did all the arranging.
just because someone appears to be well off they shouldn't be expected to pay , your in laws have obviously worked at things , lending money from family isn't the right thing to do , it can often cause fall outs and family rifts.
one of my sisters got married for around £2800 just a few ago , her day was lovely , she'd purchased everything from ebay including her dress in all honesty was one of the loveliest weddings i'd ever been to , at the reception she'd hired two indian chef's serving up traditional indian cuisine to her guests , the bulk of what she spent was spent on the menu for all her guests. her food bill ran to about £1800 so it could have been done much cheaper had she wanted to.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MissShelley said:


> Sorry, I'll get me coat


I understand it must be hard caring for other kids all day but jeez Shelley, do you have to take out the profanity on us. Even 'youtube' banned your 'slender game commentary' and Jon had to issue a 'parental advisory' before he could show it on here. :scared:


----------



## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

agree with alot here - now way would I go cap in hand, the very same thing happened to me, We had a wedding planned and budgeted for around 3k, I lost my job 6 months prior, so I had to hack back the budget, big time, my dress I wanted went, and I bought a wedding dress for £60 in the Monsoon sale, I made my favours (found a huuuuge £1 in Southampton which was a god send), did my own make up, a friend did my hair, my honeymoon was in the Isle of Wight for 3 days, hubbys suit was his posh work one, dry cleaned it and was fine, just got the blokes matching ties, scale down the bridesmades fro 7 to 3, and asked for cash gifts, to help pay off the photographer - he was a bargain we had a sit down meal at £25 a head (which we did immediate family only so 25 people) and I asked him to stay an hour longer and if he did I would buy him a meal (saved my self £75 as that extra hour was £100!!), we did it in the end for £1500 (which we had already paid £900 for venue and registrar and food) x

I think actually going to your inlaws for cash is the easy option x

as you can see I hated my wedding day!!


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> *Sorry, but with respect i would not be wanting to start my marriage in debt to anyone.
> As others have said, cut back. You will still have a fantastic day.*


Hey ,hey, woman you could save her £900....if you get crocheting now, she could wear one of your creations :thumbup:

I'll crochet the bridesmaids dresses. Rona can do the photo's from a massive distance and we can all guess 'Can you see them ' and 'who the fcuk is that'? 
Jon bda can do the food, chocolate peanut butter cheesecake for the wedding cake and a few vol au vents.

Moggybaby, Mc willow and The dogsmother can do the flowers although I will take no responsibility for the rude shapes they conjure up out of gypsophilia 

Grumpy goby works in westminster so she can get a posh building for an hour :thumbup:

Simples :thumbup: :thumbup:


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

Lavenderb said:


> Hey ,hey, woman you could save her £900....if you get crocheting now, she could wear one of your creations :thumbup:
> 
> I'll crochet the bridesmaids dresses. Rona can do the photo's from a massive distance and we can all guess 'Can you see them ' and 'who the fcuk is that'?
> Jon bda can do the food, chocolate peanut butter cheesecake for the wedding cake and a few vol au vents.
> ...


Only one problem here hon, i think think the OP wants to get married THIS year.:lol::lol:


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

I wouldnt pay 8k for a wedding in this country! To get into debt feed other people and keep them entertained for the day is madness imo! 

We eloped, spent 5k on the lot including translators for the wedding certificate. 
Get everyone to come to the wedding then have a disco and a buffet :lol:


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

I didn't ask my dad to pay dress, he actually choose my dress, so it means a lot more to me. He would happily help but like I said, he's had a stroke and slight brain damage, so living on dla.


----------



## kate_7590 (Feb 28, 2009)

I dont think you can pull out the 'tradition card' really.
My best friend got married last year and she did the whole' its tradition' speech, which really annoyed me!

She had been living with her OH for 2 years prior to the wedding (not traditional!)
She had a child with her OH (not traditional!)
Plnety of other things throughout the day were NOT TRADITIONAL, but yet she expected her parents to pay for her wedding because 'ITS TRADITION' :mad2:

In any case its not tradition for the grooms parents to contribute anything anyway.


When OH and I got married last year my dad asked to pay for our venue, we told him from the very start we didnt expect him to pay for ANYTHING at all.
He put his foot down and said he was paying for the venue, which was £5,500.
OH and I paid for everything else ourselves and ended up spending £25,000.

If we couldnt afford it we would of had 2 choices- cut back and spend what we could OR not get married.


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> We've been together 8 years lol
> 
> My dress is paid for and at my dads, my flowers are paid for, the only things that arnt are: venue, photographer, £60 left on chair covers, registrar fees!!, hair n make up, shoes, undies, dj, suits.
> 
> But all have had at least 50% paid towards x


just a note to anyone looking at seat covers, they are about £1.50 each to hire but only about £3 to buy, and will sell after..

what is the photographer charging?


----------



## SammyJo (Oct 22, 2012)

I wouldn't ask my OH's mother for a penny, it depends how well you get on with them though I suppose to be able to ask for a loan. 

Personally I see a wedding as at least 10 holidays in the sunshine, I would rather the 10 holidays in the sunshine too, so im not the best one to answer on the wedding side of things


----------



## CRL (Jan 3, 2012)

we paid for everything for our wedding, which cost about £2000-3000. my mum did give the money towards the buffet, which my great auntie then made for us. that cost £300. we asked my uncle to be the photographer, he has a good camera and is great at photography, also there were plenty of people who bought there own cameras so we got about 400 photos on the day for free, my uncle did it as a wedding present. the disco cost £500, which was the most expensive part. we had to get married in a registry office as it is the only place you can get married with a certificate of approval. that cost under £100. we hired a hall for 2 days, 1 for the reception and the next day so we could clean it up, cost £160, the bar cost nothing. my dress cost £228. the shoes were from asda. husband bought a suit from matalan for £40. the bridesmaids had silk dresses £40 each. the cake cost £250. we got a hairdresser to do mine and my mums hair and makeup, cost about £100 for both of us. a friend of my great auntie took up the dress for us as a wedding present. 

you dont need a very expenisve wedding. and i wouldnt be surprised if you in laws declined to give you money.


----------



## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Lavenderb said:


> My 2nd wedding cost about £200 :lol: funny thing was that everyone had a good time as it was so informal. There was no pressure to hang around for hours after. In the evening we went out for a meal and had a laugh.


Mine didn't cost much more than that- mum-in-law did the flowers, dad's mate made an amazing cake, dress was £30, my nan's hairdresser did my makeup, OH borrowed one of my dad's suits & we hired the local hotel ballroom with a buffet.

No way was I going to get into debt over something that's just a day- it's not the wedding that matters, it's the marriage


----------



## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Colliebarmy said:


> just a note to anyone looking at seat covers, they are about £1.50 each to hire but only about £3 to buy, and will sell after..


Oh my lord!! people pay for chair covers?? you mean just having chairs for people to sit on isnt enough?.....even the furniture has to be dressed up!!!
no wonder people are blowing so much cash on weddings! (whats that saying about a fool and their money?).


----------



## CRL (Jan 3, 2012)

catz4m8z said:


> Oh my lord!! people pay for chair covers?? you mean just having chairs for people to sit on isnt enough?.....even the furniture has to be dressed up!!!
> no wonder people are blowing so much cash on weddings! (whats that saying about a fool and their money?).


aint that the truth. we dressed our tables with paper clothes that my dad got free from work


----------



## sharonbee (Aug 3, 2011)

A wedding can be as cheap or as expensive as you want to make it but you shouldn't expect family members to pay anything or to even put them on the spot by asking for a loan.
If you can't afford then have a smaller wedding.
These days parents are not expected to pay for their childrens weddings and why should they?
We had a big do because we could afford it, the reason being my mum had died and left me some inherritence so we could afford £10,000 which included our honeymoon but if only my mum had been alive I would have done anything to have had my mum instead and had a small register office and a meal with our close family members.
My sister married her husband at the register office with just me and my first husband for guests and then we went for a lovely meal afterwards, we took some photos of them of their wedding and they were as happy as anyone else who had a big posh do.
My daughter married last year and her and her husband saved and had a lovely wedding with a sit down meal and buffet later in the evening, they didn't ask for a penny from either us or his parents, my second daughter is getting married this year and is having a smaller wedding with an afternoon reception and no evening do but it will be just as nice.
I have another daughter and a son and two step daughters, if we were expected to pay for all their weddings we would be bancrupt.
If my family or in laws asked me for a loan I would tell them where to go, lending money to either family or friend is the biggest way to fall out.
All I can say is have a lovely wedding but don't go beyond your means, if you can't afford then cut back but don't expect others to give out loans just because they are well off, they have probably worked hard for their money all their lives and it is now their time to enjoy it.


----------



## CKins (Oct 14, 2011)

I am getting married in June, our wedding is looking like it is going to cost about 12k+, which obviously is a huge amount of money. Myuch more than I had expected, but I don't want to 'cut back' on anything. I'm not going OTT on anything either, shopped around venues, caterers etc. Got bridesmaid dresses and shoes in the sale and they are perfect! It's the one day you get to spend what you want, do what you want and have the people around you that you want. I've made my own invitations and will be making my own favours. A friend's band is doing the music so I've not gone over board on anything really. 

My parents and my Hubby to be's parent (both sets) have offered to contribute a fair amount which is amazing! I didn't expect them to contribute but I would have been sad if they hadn't offered IYKWIM, you only get married once so the thought that it's a combined family effort is very important to me.

To the OP - If your in-laws are 'comfortable' (even if they're not though to be honest) I would have thought they would want to contribute something, I find it sad that they haven't. And 'cutting back' shouldn't come into the equation, it's your day and if it costs that much then so be it. Plus I think you've done a pretty good job price wise!


----------



## Fleur (Jul 19, 2008)

I think everyone has different priorities and different ideas of the perfect wedding 
Personally I couldn't justify spending a few thousand pounds on one day.
However I've been to fair few 'big' weddings and have thoroughly enjoyed myself and the bride and groom seem to of as well 
If you want to spend this amount of money then it's no one elses business 
If your in-laws are happy to help then fantastic :thumbup:
But if there not then you'll have to accept that and either raise the money another way or make some cutbacks.
I personally wouldn't cancel as you've already invested so much time, love and money - I'm sure if needed you can think of ways to cut costs.

I wouldn't of dreamt to ask my parents or my in-laws to pay for my wedding 18 1/2 years ago and I've told all my kids that I'm not paying for theirs when the time comes  
But other families are more 'traditional' and I see nothing wrong in that 

I also know a lot of people say no wedding presents to those directly involved in the wedding but ask instead that they pay (or contribute towards) the costs of their bidesmaid/best man outfits, inlaws pay for button holes, parents pay for cars etc.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

CKins said:


> I am getting married in June, our wedding is looking like it is going to cost about 12k+, which obviously is a huge amount of money. Myuch more than I had expected, but I don't want to 'cut back' on anything. I'm not going OTT on anything either, shopped around venues, caterers etc. Got bridesmaid dresses and shoes in the sale and they are perfect! It's the one day you get to spend what you want, do what you want and have the people around you that you want. I've made my own invitations and will be making my own favours. A friend's band is doing the music so I've not gone over board on anything really.
> 
> My parents and my Hubby to be's parent (both sets) have offered to contribute a fair amount which is amazing! I didn't expect them to contribute but I would have been sad if they hadn't offered IYKWIM, you only get married once so the thought that it's a combined family effort is very important to me.
> 
> To the OP - If your in-laws are 'comfortable' (even if they're not though to be honest) I would have thought they would want to contribute something, I find it sad that they haven't. And 'cutting back' shouldn't come into the equation, it's your day and if it costs that much then so be it. Plus I think you've done a pretty good job price wise!


Thanks Hun! There's nowhere we can cut back , we've not got any entertainment ect apart from dj.

I'm upset that they haven't offered, not even the whole money thing but there just not interested


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

CKins said:


> I am getting married in June, our wedding is looking like it is going to cost about 12k+, which obviously is a huge amount of money. Myuch more than I had expected, but I don't want to 'cut back' on anything. I'm not going OTT on anything either, shopped around venues, caterers etc. Got bridesmaid dresses and shoes in the sale and they are perfect! It's the one day you get to spend what you want, do what you want and have the people around you that you want. I've made my own invitations and will be making my own favours. A friend's band is doing the music so I've not gone over board on anything really.
> 
> My parents and my Hubby to be's parent (both sets) have offered to contribute a fair amount which is amazing! I didn't expect them to contribute but I would have been sad if they hadn't offered IYKWIM, you only get married once so the thought that it's a combined family effort is very important to me.
> 
> To the OP - If your in-laws are 'comfortable' (even if they're not though to be honest) I would have thought they would want to contribute something, I find it sad that they haven't. And *'cutting back' *shouldn't come into the equation, it's your day and if it costs that much then so be it. Plus I think you've done a pretty good job price wise!


It's not cutting back. It's being realistic.


----------



## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> Thanks Hun! There's nowhere we can cut back , we've not got any entertainment ect apart from dj.
> 
> *I'm upset that they haven't offered*, not even the whole money thing but there just not interested


this just makes you sound like a sulky child who cant have what they want, YOU dont have the money YOU have to get over it, its not their fault, and NO they dont have to offer or bail you out gads sake!!

have you thought they are not interested because some people just are not, or they are frightened you are going to ask them for the money, you assume they have it, what in fooks name are you going to do if they dont have it????????


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

reallyshouldnotwearjods said:


> agree with alot here - now way would I go cap in hand, the very same thing happened to me, We had a wedding planned and budgeted for around 3k, I lost my job 6 months prior, so I had to hack back the budget, big time, my dress I wanted went, and I bought a wedding dress for £60 in the Monsoon sale, I made my favours (found a huuuuge £1 in Southampton which was a god send), did my own make up, a friend did my hair, my honeymoon was in the Isle of Wight for 3 days, hubbys suit was his posh work one, dry cleaned it and was fine, just got the blokes matching ties, scale down the bridesmades fro 7 to 3, and asked for cash gifts, to help pay off the photographer - he was a bargain we had a sit down meal at £25 a head (which we did immediate family only so 25 people) and I asked him to stay an hour longer and if he did I would buy him a meal (saved my self £75 as that extra hour was £100!!), we did it in the end for £1500 (which we had already paid £900 for venue and registrar and food) x
> 
> I think actually going to your inlaws for cash is the easy option x
> 
> as you can see I hated my wedding day!!


Monsoon would be my first choice over the big, overdone (to my taste) white frocks out there - for me, you look at your most beautiful when you look like yourself, that's what he fell in love with after all, not some wedding make-upped princess wearing a dress she can't walk in without help 
I think your dress is lovely, as is the look on your face


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

reallyshouldnotwearjods said:


> this just makes you sound like a sulky child who cant have what they want, YOU dont have the money YOU have to get over it, its not their fault, and NO they dont have to offer or bail you out gads sake!!
> 
> have you thought they are not interested because some people just are not, or they are frightened you are going to ask them for the money, you assume they have it, what in fooks name are you going to do if they dont have it????????


thats when Zaros's kidnap plan swings into action :thumbup:


----------



## Fleur (Jul 19, 2008)

People may not be offering to help/pay for things (such as bridesmaids shoes etc) because they don't know you want them to - they could be worried about offending you as you haven't mentioned it and seem to be organising everything on your own so well. 
Maybe if you ask the various people involved how they would feel about contributing to certain costs instead of a wedding gift as it would mean alot that they were directly involved in making your day perfect? 
The thing with money as people are embarressd to offer as much as people are embarressed to ask


----------



## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> We've been together 8 years lol
> 
> My dress is paid for and at my dads, my flowers are paid for, the only things that arnt are: venue, photographer, £60 left on chair covers, registrar fees!!, hair n make up, shoes, undies, dj, suits.
> 
> But all have had at least 50% paid towards x


Why do you need to pay for an overpriced photographer? Get a mate or 5 with good digicams to just take them themselves. :confused1: Chair covers? Don't bother? Hair and make up? Do it yourself or get a mate to do it? DJ's are a rip off, DO NOT BOTHER. I have DJd many a wedding, you poor people paying through the teeth for Come On Eileen and YMCA. F*** it, just get a laptop and make a playlist because that's all DJs do themselves these days, you're throwing your money down the toilet if you pay them to stand there doing F all.

Undies?? That's a factor?

Sorry but if this was me I'd find much better things to spend 8grand on, mortgage perhaps? My parents wedding cost less than 200quid and my mums ring was £17. They've been together almost 30 years.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Fleur said:


> People may not be offering to help/pay for things (such as bridesmaids shoes etc) because they don't know you want them to - they could be worried about offending you as you haven't mentioned it and seem to be organising everything on your own so well.
> Maybe if you ask the various people involved how they would feel about contributing to certain costs instead of a wedding gift as it would mean alot that they were directly involved in making your day perfect?
> The thing with money as people are embarressd to offer as much as people are embarressed to ask


You're not wrong there. It's been niggling me for a while now and I am really embarrassed but could you lend me £5k :arf:


----------



## hazel pritchard (Jun 28, 2009)

hope your wedding goes ok, but wow how times change,(that comment shows im an oldie !!!!, lol lol ) when i got married it didnt cost thousands, we just wanted to get married , and had a small party afterwards with close friends /family, the reason we did it like this was (a) we didnt have thousands to spend,(b) we wanted to start our new life together without debts, seems such a shame to start married life this way,


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Lol the venue I'm getting married at isn't really your crisps nd sandwiches type place. 

The chair covers are Deffo needed, and dj I have to have as its part of venue :mad2:


----------



## Fleur (Jul 19, 2008)

On a serious note although some of the replies. I feel, have been written harshly there has been some great advice 
Undies - go with out  much more fun for your new hubby 
Photographer - get some friends with decent cameras and collect in all the photos and get on photobox and create a beautiful album
Cake go to tesco's/ marks and spencer' buy their luxury fruit cakes and decorate yourself or get a friend to help, use real/silk flowers nicely arranged, I promise it'll be just as stunning as an expensive cake.
Are the chairs so mismatched they need covers - or could you do with out.
Do you know anyone - friend of a friend of a friend with - a decent car save you some money on bridal cars
Favours make your own - get a crowd of girls around and a few bottles of wine and you'll get them all done in a night and you'll have some more fab wedding memories.
Do your own (or get a friend to help) hair and makeup.



Lavenderb said:


> You're not wrong there. It's been niggling me for a while now and I am really embarrassed but could you lend me £5k :arf:


Well the thing is My parents always told me never to lend money I can't afford not to get back - so you can have 5p is that any good


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> Lol the venue I'm getting married at isn't really your crisps nd sandwiches type place.
> 
> The chair covers are Deffo needed, and dj I have to have as its part of venue :mad2:


You need to go on that 'dont tell the bride' show. Would you trust your hubby to be to choose everything how you wanted it?


----------



## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> Lol the venue I'm getting married at isn't really your crisps nd sandwiches type place.


Why can't it be though? There's nout wrong with a nice buffet, or even BBQ fare. In fact if it's a summer wedding BBQ food is ideal and everyone loves it.


----------



## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

hazel pritchard said:


> hope your wedding goes ok, but wow how times change,(that comment shows im an oldie !!!!, lol lol ) when i got married it didnt cost thousands, we just wanted to get married , and had a small party afterwards with close friends /family, the reason we did it like this was (a) we didnt have thousands to spend,(b) we wanted to start our new life together without debts, seems such a shame to start married life this way,


My brothers wedding cost about 25-30k, but he's a fool. He wanted to spend £800 on the cake and SIL got in touch with my dad and he made it for £70 instead from scratch. Brother was so proud of his '£800 wedding cake' but when he found out the real price he wasn't quite so proud. Some people only like things if they're overpriced (not you OP).


----------



## Fleur (Jul 19, 2008)

Lavenderb said:


> You need to go on that 'dont tell the bride' show. Would you trust your hubby to be to choose everything how you wanted it?


My hubby did :thumbup: I just had to find my out fit and turn up 



Phoolf said:


> Why can't it be though? There's nout wrong with a nice buffet, or even BBQ fare. In fact if it's a summer wedding BBQ food is ideal and everyone loves it.


I went to a lovely stately home wedding and they did a fab bar-b-q and hog roast - organised by the groomsmen :thumbup:


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Phoolf said:


> Why can't it be though? There's nout wrong with a nice buffet, or even BBQ fare. In fact if it's a summer wedding BBQ food is ideal and everyone loves it.


I would LOVE a BBQ! But we've had to pay drink, meal, and buffet to have the venue free x


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> You need to go on that 'dont tell the bride' show. Would you trust your hubby to be to choose everything how you wanted it?


I applied for it lol, I'd trust him 150% x


----------



## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> I would LOVE a BBQ! But we've had to pay drink, meal, and buffet to have the venue free x


Venues not really free then  

People do love to overcharge when you say the word wedding, if you don't tell florists or venues it's for a wedding you'd be surprised how different the price is. Same for DJs, say its a wedding and you're looking at hundreds, just say birthday and it's cheap as chips.

I would say this is good advice for next time, but there shouldn't be a next time. Maybe when you renew your vows in 20 years? :lol:


----------



## Guest (Feb 7, 2013)

My wedding in total cost £1500 and we had the most perfect day. Even though our wedding was a budget wedding I bet nobody would quite believe we spent so little. The most expensive thing that was bought were the flowers costing £200. Food was brought and prepared for by the inlaws, Hired a hall for 8 hours for £70. I knew a DJ so got that free. My wedding dress was actually an off white prom dress and bought in the sales costing only £50. My photographer was my dad so that was free . and we got wine & Champagne on a booze run to France. I had no bridesmaids or fancy wedding but it was a really special day and to me that is what meant the most. Who needs to spend lots of money to have the perfect day. We didn't.

This was 10 years ago nearly but I still think I could do it on the cheap without anyone thinking otherwise.


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

Fleur said:


> People may not be offering to help/pay for things (such as bridesmaids shoes etc) because they don't know you want them to - they could be worried about offending you as you haven't mentioned it and seem to be organising everything on your own so well.
> Maybe if you ask the various people involved how they would feel about contributing to certain costs instead of a wedding gift as it would mean alot that they were directly involved in making your day perfect?
> The thing with money as people are embarressd to offer as much as people are embarressed to ask


I think that's a good idea my FIL is very happy to loan money to either my OH or his sister but he'd never offer. It's not something I'd do either, offer, but if a member of my close family or friends were in the OP's situation I'd do what I could to help.

The point is if the OP was planning her wedding from scratch then yes some of these suggestions are sound. However she is where she is, she's probably paid 50% for some things and has to pay the balance. So really it's a question of does she cancel the cake/photographer/cars and lose that money or try to find it elsewhere.

We borrowed some money for our wedding, it's paid back, the sky didn't fall in and we're still married  I don't regret a single thing about our day. Other people have other priorities and make other choices. We're all different.


----------



## CKins (Oct 14, 2011)

xbaileyboox said:


> Thanks Hun! There's nowhere we can cut back , we've not got any entertainment ect apart from dj.
> 
> I'm upset that they haven't offered, not even the whole money thing but there just not interested


I feel for you, planning weddings can be really stressful, without money worries as well. I've had a fair few problems with ours, but other things have just fallen into place so easily. I really hope you manage to sort it all out and that it all goes ahead as planned. I couldn't imagine having to postpone or cancel, that would break my heart! Any luck with the in-laws..?



Lavenderb said:


> It's not cutting back. It's being realistic.


I have been 'realistic' with our wedding and tried to do as much myself and I'm over our budget. Thankfully we can afford it, but I have been saving for a few years and my family have been very generous, even my Nan who doesn't have a huge income is paying for our cake (which is being made by an old school friend as her little sideline business).

It is nice to see how everyone has a different idea of a perfect wedding day, the world would be terribly dull if we were all the same!


----------



## babycham2002 (Oct 18, 2009)

I find it extremely irritating that people expect others to contribute to THEIR day
as has been said, its not about anyone else, it's your choice to get married your choice to have it how you want (not aimed at you op just in general)

My brother (whom I have a good relaitionship with) drove me mad with his wedding, he would constantly ask my mum (who has no money) what she was going to buy and saying well so and so has done this, what are you? going to pay for (brides dad is well off) 
The first words out his mouth when they fell pregant was, what will you be buying us?!?!?!?!? But obv being my brother I tell him what for 
When he used terms like paying 80 each for 80 people to eat, I'd be like NO its your wedding, no one is making you do it!!

I dont mind what people spend on their weddings, that is entirely up to them same as I dont want people to judge how much I spend on my dogs
. But dont exp[ect others to be as excited as you are nor contribute


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

babycham2002 said:


> I find it extremely irritating that people expect others to contribute to THEIR day
> as has been said, its not about anyone else, it's your choice to get married your choice to have it how you want (not aimed at you op just in general)
> 
> My brother (whom I have a good relaitionship with) drove me mad with his wedding, he would constantly ask my mum (who has no money) what she was going to buy and saying well so and so has done this, what are you? going to pay for (brides dad is well off)
> ...


See, now we have never asked a For a penny off inlaws, never. Been when we was homeless we never asked for help. We spend £60 a month going to see them, they ome to us once a year. I love them to peices I really do.

We thought about asking tem, because we ave no one else to ask. I would ask my dad if I knew he had the money. It's a very big thing for us to have to ask for help when we have never ever done so.


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

£80 PP to eat at a wedding? what is it, the Hilton or savoy?


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Colliebarmy said:


> £80 PP to eat at a wedding? what is it, the Hilton or savoy?


Hilton was awful lol, it's a Marriott.

It's 4k for venue, but that's wedding aswell


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> See, now we have never asked a For a penny off inlaws, never. Been when we was homeless we never asked for help. We spend £60 a month going to see them, they ome to us once a year. I love them to peices I really do.
> 
> We thought about asking tem, because we ave no one else to ask. I would ask my dad if I knew he had the money. It's a very big thing for us to have to ask for help when we have never ever done so.


*Ok think of it this way. What would you do if you didn't have anyone to ask?
Trust me you would find a way to have your wedding, and you wouldn't owe anyone for it.*


----------



## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> Hilton was awful lol, it's a Marriott.
> 
> It's 4k for venue, but that's wedding aswell


OUCH.....

my wallet hurts thinking about it


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

xbaileyboox said:


> Hilton was awful lol, it's a Marriott.
> 
> It's 4k for venue, but that's wedding aswell


Im really sorry to break the news to you but....you have been robbed!

Its one day, that should be about declaring your love to the person you love most in the world...not showing off with a venue that costs the earth


----------



## Fleur (Jul 19, 2008)

I know you've probably done this already. 
But you need to write down everything left to pay for.
Divided into what you've made part payment and would loose money if you cancelled
And things you've not paid anything towards yet.

What you have deposits/part payment on can you renegotiate or downgrade?
What you haven't paid anything towards can you do it cheaper?
What things can you reasonably ask others to contribute towards instead of buying wedding gifts (as per my previous posts)

Where there's a will there's a way 

I really hope you get the day you all want and have a fabulous time


----------



## babycham2002 (Oct 18, 2009)

Colliebarmy said:


> £80 PP to eat at a wedding? what is it, the Hilton or savoy?


Nope only here
The Barnyard | Restaurant, Farm Shop, Weddings & Events


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

JANICE199 said:


> *Ok think of it this way. What would you do if you didn't have anyone to ask?
> Trust me you would find a way to have your wedding, and you wouldn't owe anyone for it.*


We didnt, we both worked as many hours as we could and cut back on our every day living..our wedding wasnt 'posh' just us on a beach with a nice evening meal..one of the best days ever :thumbup:


----------



## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

think you have been done I got married here x

Wedding and Conference Venue, Surrey | Farnham House Hotel, Surrey

(we negotiated, and got a mater of ceremonies and 1hr free bar!!) admittedly we got married on a Thursday but with 50% off a weekday wedding!!


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Lol if I had/have no one to ask, I will become an escort.:thumbup:


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> Lol if I had/have no one to ask, I will become an escort.:thumbup:


*There ya go, i said you'd find a way.:lol::lol:*


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> Lol if I had/have no one to ask, I will become an escort.:thumbup:


So when is your OH going to ask his parents? Can't leave it much longer I guess.


----------



## Firedog (Oct 19, 2011)

3 months before my wedding i wanted £250 for my wedding car so i went and got a job in a school kitchen.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Firedog said:


> 3 months before my wedding i wanted £250 for my wedding car so i went and got a job in a school kitchen.


Not possible.. I have a 3 year old son, who is autistic and wont go playschool yet.and what I need isn't 250, it's 2k.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> So when is your OH going to ask his parents? Can't leave it much longer I guess.


End of the month when they come down for Taylor bday x


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

we had 4 weddings in a 12 month period, the most expensive was £8000 including everything, but the happy couple are on £50K a year between them, even then the venue didnt cost £4K

of the others, 1 venue was £1500 and im sure 1 charged £15 PP for a good buffet


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> *what I need isn't 250, it's 2k*.


you can BUY one for that

me thinks you want too much

daughter paid £500 for 2 classic (1920's) cars

the larger one carried all the bridesmaids and page boys


----------



## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

Colliebarmy said:


> you can BUY one for that
> 
> me thinks you want too much
> 
> daughter paid £500 for 2 classic (1920's) cars


I paid a £1 for a horse last year x


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Colliebarmy said:


> you can BUY one for that
> 
> me thinks you want too much
> 
> ...


Buy what?? It's 2k to pay the whole wedding off.

Hubby just came home and told me his work are letting people go, he may lose his job.:mad2:


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> Buy what?? It's 2k to pay the whole wedding off.
> 
> Hubby just came home and told me his work are letting people go, he may lose his job.:mad2:


Oh no, when will he find out?


----------



## Fleur (Jul 19, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> Buy what?? It's 2k to pay the whole wedding off.
> 
> Hubby just came home and told me his work are letting people go, he may lose his job.:mad2:


How awful for you all How long does he have to wait to find out what's happening?


----------



## Summersky (Aug 11, 2012)

Sorry to hear about OH's job being at risk.

Basically, you are grossly overcommitted, so you have 3 choices;-

- find a way to earn the extra money and fast - if you can't work extra, do you have anything to sell?

- cut back and save on wedding expenses - look again and see where you can economise. It doesn't have to cost the earth to be a memorable day. Can you change the venue?

- borrow -but what a start - then you have to decide whether you do it through a bank or through family. But how will you repay if he loses his job?

or might any redundancy cover the wedding costs? what chance does he have of getting another job easily?


----------



## ClaireandDaisy (Jul 4, 2010)

I`m sorry but I think you should return to reality. My wedding cost under £50. I was just as married afterwards as someone who had bankrupted themselves. 
Your married life will hopefully last untill you are old. That is what is important. Not impressing relatives you will rarely see. 
Starting married life in massive debt is the quickest route to the divorce court I know.


----------



## Pointermum (Jul 2, 2010)

Have you tried phoning around the people you still need to pay to ask them if they can do it any cheaper ? 

I would also have to question how much i liked people in my family to pay £50-80 a head (hence we went to Vegas  ) We paid for the wedding ourselves and the after party back home. 

I hope your hubs to be job is safe it can't be a nice position to be in.


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

Lavenderb said:


> I understand it must be hard caring for other kids all day but jeez Shelley, do you have to take out the profanity on us. Even 'youtube' banned your 'slender game commentary' and Jon had to issue a 'parental advisory' before he could show it on here. :scared:


OH MY GOD! I make one teeny weeny tiny mistake and that's it, can I forget it! oh no, not with you around I won't  The past should stay in the past! It east you up inside when you drag stuff up from necroland 

There! that told you that did


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> Buy what?? It's 2k to pay the whole wedding off.
> 
> Hubby just came home and told me his work are letting people go, he may lose his job.:mad2:


your post read as if your car was £2000...

ok, stop spending, beg a car, find a cheap venue, ask anyone with a good camera to take it and snap away, someone will be quite good amongst your family or friends and guests


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

xbaileyboox said:


> Lol the venue I'm getting married at isn't really your crisps nd sandwiches type place.
> *
> The chair covers are Deffo needed,* and dj I have to have as its part of venue :mad2:


And what will ya do with them after the ceremony?


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

If you love someone then you dont need a big parade and a church for a backdrop, nor a coach and 6 white horses, especially if its setting you back £10K of debt, thats no way to start married life

we got married in a registry office and had a couple of pictures taken after our 6 guests had walked across town to some nice public gardens


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

MissShelley said:


> And what will ya do with them after the ceremony?


sell em on for most of what they cost = £150 saved on 100 covers


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> We've been together 8 years lol
> 
> My dress is paid for and at my dads, my flowers are paid for, the only things that arnt are: venue, photographer, £60 left on chair covers, registrar fees!!, hair n make up, shoes, undies, dj, suits.
> 
> But all have had at least 50% paid towards x


There's probably not much you can do about the venue, I'm not sure what you're having but could you possibly cut down on food which is generally the biggest chunk of the budget. I know they can be inflexible I.e. minimum numbers etc.

Could you ask the photographer to cut back on the hours I.e. just provide his/her services to the amount you have already paid.

Is the registrar coming to you at the hotel? Could you change this to a Register Office wedding and then go to the hotel afterwards?

Hair and make up do yourself.

Suits, how many people are you hiring suits for? Could you cut this down to the deposit you've already paid? My OH amd best an wore uniform, my dad and his dad just wore their own suits.

Look at the big chunks and see what you can do with those is my advice. You might have to forfeit the deposit on some items, but that's better than cancelling and losing all that you've already paid.


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

At the two family weddings where I was asked to take my camera my pics were at least as good as the £200 "final year photography student" .... my £350 camera against the students £3000 camera......

at a 3rd I wasnt asked to take my camera, and wasnt invited to the ceremony, those photos (another student) were worse than useless

the 4th was in Cyprus and we couldnt afford to go, the pro shooting there was really good, that whole wedding cost £4000

Student picture....no flash used, bad bad bad, all the gear, no idea


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

Colliebarmy said:


> your post read as if your car was £2000...
> 
> ok, stop spending, beg a car, find a cheap venue, ask anyone with a good camera to take it and snap away, someone will be quite good amongst your family or friends and guests


But she's already paid 50% for most things! What's the point of cancelling a venue she's paid 50% for and finding one at half the price?

Yes she could forfeit the photographer and lose what's she's paid, they are the choices she has to make, or negotiate downgrading the services.


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

Polimba said:


> Yes she could forfeit the photographer and lose what's she's paid, they are the choices she has to make, or negotiate downgrading the services.


what camera do you have?


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Colliebarmy said:


> At the two family weddings where I was asked to take my camera my pics were at least as good as the £200 "final year photography student" .... my £350 camera against the students £3000 camera......
> 
> at a 3rd I wasnt asked to take my camera, and wasnt invited to the ceremony, those photos (another student) were worse than useless
> 
> ...


How is this helping the OP?


----------



## Pointermum (Jul 2, 2010)

Lavenderb said:


> How is this helping the OP?


maybe they are offering their fabulous photography for free :confused1:


----------



## CavalierOwner (Feb 5, 2012)

I'd skip the wedding and go straight to the honeymoon! :ihih:

How I see it, if you didn't have anyone to fall back on you would either not get married or you would have planned a wedding that you could afford! Whether you spend £50 or 50k you're still married at the end of the day and you don't love each other less because you have spent less money.


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

Pointermum said:


> maybe they are offering their fabulous photography for free :confused1:


Its an example of what £200 spent on a photographer can result in...poor work

it isnt one of mine, only the "pro" was allowed to take pictures in the registry office before the signing of the register, and no-one could photograph the acual signing, just the couple holding pens after the signing.....der....


----------



## Guest (Feb 7, 2013)

OP will you lose the 5k you've already spent if you cancel though? Is it really worth cancelling and then losing 5 grand? It's so easy to scale back and cut costs.

A family member got married and they spent only around 3 grand.
All outfits came to £400 including the dress, registry office was about £100 (I think), family made cake, favours, invites etc. The bride's friend did the flowers for around £200, they managed to also get a photography student to take pics of the ceremony. They had their meal/reception in a hotel and that came to about £2000 (including disco with DJ). The bride did her make up herself and had her hair done at a local hairdressers for £30.

The wedding was lovely and goes to show you don't need to spend thousands on a wedding day.


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

la468 said:


> OP will you lose the 5k you've already spent if you cancel though? Is it really worth cancelling and then losing 5 grand? It's so easy to scale back and cut costs.
> 
> A family member got married and they spent only around 3 grand.
> All outfits came to £400 including the dress, registry office was about £100 (I think), family made cake, favours, invites etc. The bride's friend did the flowers for around £200, *they managed to also get a photography student to take pics of the ceremony*. They had their meal/reception in a hotel and that came to about £2000 (including disco with DJ). The bride did her make up herself and had her hair done at a local hairdressers for £30.
> ...


I think that's a fab idea! surely you ask via colleges for media students? who would be happy to take photos for a nominal fee, plus it gives them the chance to build up experience and a portfolio advertising their work


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

MissShelley said:


> I think that's a fab idea! surely you ask via colleges for media students? who would be happy to take photos for a nominal fee, plus it gives them the chance to build up experience and a portfolio advertising their work


My experience would advise against that, the results can be disappointing to say the least, students havent the experience to handle the pressure and stress of producing whats expected, a wedding is a one-chance event, its gotta be right first time, students can be backup but dont rely on them for main pictures


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

Colliebarmy said:


> My experience would advise against that, the results can be disappointing to say the least, students havent the experience to handle the pressure and stress of producing whats expected, a wedding is a one-chance event, its gotta be right first time, students can be backup but dont rely on them for main pictures


I disagree sorry. Some very very talented students out there, you cannot tar everyone with the same view. My experience has been different.

Anyway, not prepared to take someones thread off topic, apologies to the OP


----------



## Guest (Feb 8, 2013)

I agree with missShelly, I have seen some beautiful wedding photos taken by photography students.

OP; if you have a university or college near you which offer photography courses then it would be worth popping in and seeing if you could pop up a notice to attract any students who could take photos for you. I think it's a good idea if you meet them first and check out their portfolio and then maybe have a test shoot so everything is fine and dandy before the big day.

Then the students can add to their portfolios whilst you get some lovely photos at a cheaper price than a wedding photographer would charge.


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

la468 said:


> I agree with missShelly, I have seen some beautiful wedding photos taken by photography students.
> 
> OP; if you have a university or college near you which offer photography courses then it would be worth popping in and seeing if you could pop up a notice to attract any students who could take photos for you. I think it's a good idea if you meet them first and check out their portfolio and then maybe have a test shoot so everything is fine and dandy before the big day.
> 
> Then the students can add to their portfolios whilst you get some lovely photos at a cheaper price than a wedding photographer would charge.


It is a nice idea, but I think the OP said she's already paid most of the money to the photographer, it would depend on their cancellation policy how much she'd get back.


----------



## Guest (Feb 8, 2013)

Polimba said:


> It is a nice idea, but I think the OP said she's already paid most of the money to the photographer, it would depend on their cancellation policy how much she'd get back.


Sorry I must have missed that part.


----------



## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

I popped disposable cameras on the tables also, got some very wicked and funny photos, that would be missed by a photographer x


----------



## kate_7590 (Feb 28, 2009)

reallyshouldnotwearjods said:


> I popped disposable cameras on the tables also, got some very wicked and funny photos, that would be missed by a photographer x


I did this too! Really great shots from them of people just acting naturally


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

MissShelley said:


> I disagree sorry. Some very very talented students out there, you cannot tar everyone with the same view. My experience has been different.


Lucky you but for a one-hit one-off event is it worth the risk?


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

My photographer is the one thing I wouldn't get rid off, he's amazing, his pictures are artwork not just photos. Photos mean a lot to me, and toke me a long time to find what we wanted.

Chris Denner | Photography Leicester Midlands UK


----------



## kate_7590 (Feb 28, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> My photographer is the one thing I wouldn't get rid off, he's amazing, his pictures are artwork not just photos. Photos mean a lot to me, and toke me a long time to find what we wanted.
> 
> Chris Denner | Photography Leicester Midlands UK


This is how I felt, photos are there forever


----------



## CKins (Oct 14, 2011)

xbaileyboox said:


> My photographer is the one thing I wouldn't get rid off, he's amazing, his pictures are artwork not just photos. Photos mean a lot to me, and toke me a long time to find what we wanted.
> 
> Chris Denner | Photography Leicester Midlands UK


Ditto. Our photographer is not cheap, but the photos are so important to me, plus my OH is a photographer so very fussy, he would be devastated with bad photos.


----------



## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

such a shame your big day is already being ruined by money worries! Still if you are tied into paying for things then there really isnt much you can do about it......although anything you can cancel or seriously downscale now would be the time!!
This thread has been a real eye opener to me!! Not that I will ever get married but even if it had come up I still would of asked my parents to give me the money they put by for a wedding for my house deposit!! I couldnt imagine anything worse then a whole day of people staring at me!!LOL


----------



## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

no sympathy from me...I had two weddings...one for about £ 1000 (church) and one for £ 500...
both were very good....



so for that 8K I can manage to get married 16 times more!!!
really!!!!


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

Colliebarmy said:


> Lucky you but for a one-hit one-off event is it worth the risk?


I know of some god awful supposedly professional photographers, truth is you just can't be sure no matter how much money you pay.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

cheekyscrip said:


> no sympathy from me...I had two weddings...one for about £ 1000 (church) and one for £ 500...
> both were very good....
> 
> so for that 8K I can manage to get married 16 times more!!!
> really!!!!


I'm not asking for sympathy. And I'm hoping to only get married once.


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

As they say at the RAF...

*Per ardua ad astra*

(explained to me as "aim for the stars but keep your feet on the ground")


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> I'm not asking for sympathy. And I'm hoping to only get married once.


ahhhh, the innocence of youth....


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Colliebarmy said:


> ahhhh, the innocence of youth....


Explain how that's innocent?? I'm pretty sure most people who marry don't think "I could do this again". I'm sorry but in my life if something's broke we fix it, not throw it away.


----------



## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> Explain how that's innocent?? I'm pretty sure most people who marry don't think "I could do this again". I'm sorry but in my life if something's broke we fix it, not throw it away.


no-one PLANS on doing it more than once (except maybe Katie Price) but the facts are...



> Latest figures show that there were 117,558 divorces in England and Wales in 2011, down by 1.7% since 2010, the Office for National Statistics said.


----------



## Wobbles (Jun 2, 2011)

Bloody hell, I had no idea people spent so much on weddings. I could think of far better things to do with 8 grand than buy a dress I'd never wear again, and entertain people I see once maybe twice a year. I never want to get married (tied down to someone, no thanks not in a million years), but IF I did, I'd get a dress off eBay for about £20 summat I could wear to some other occasion, do my own hair with the straighteners and get me mum to do any makeup, brother could take pics and off down the chip shop for fish n chips. Wouldn't bother with a fancy honeymoon either as I couldn't leave my dog and hamsters behind.


----------



## DogLover1981 (Mar 28, 2009)

If I ever do have an OH, I have no desire to be married and have a wedding. It's just ceremony (one some people spent a lot of money on) and the divorce rates are so high now.


----------



## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

I had my weddings cheap..first one..because I just started to work and did not want to put my parents or his parents out of pocket..as the above have younger kids to think of!

my second one : even cheaper as we were much older , with our own kids and our parents retired by now...
and I would never ever ask them for money and declined the ones offered...


If you are very rich then buy what you want!!
else...the register fee..if you want to go to the office yourselves is about 100 pounds (here)..so that is all you need!

and the groom!


----------



## Changes (Mar 21, 2009)

Lot's of people on this thread have contributed with such judgmental and opinionated posts, I am surprised that anyone asks for advice on here,

Marry the man, ask the bank for a loan, dance the night away be happy xx


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Colliebarmy said:


> no-one PLANS on doing it more than once (except maybe Katie Price) but the facts are...


I do! We plan to renew our vows in the near future and if i could i would marry my oh over and over again


----------



## kate_7590 (Feb 28, 2009)

harley bear said:


> I do! We plan to renew our vows in the near future and if i could i would marry my oh over and over again


Ya soppy thing


----------



## swarthy (Apr 24, 2010)

xbaileyboox said:


> I want my dad there, but he can't fly, or travel


You will be in his thoughts I have no doubt.

My sister had to push her wedding back a few months waiting for my father to recuperate and hopefully be fit enough to travel - sadly he died - her wedding was just 4 weeks later. My mum couldn't / wouldn't go - she simply didn't feel up to it have just lost her husband and best friend of 54 years - but it didn't mean she wasn't there in spirit

Sometimes we have to compromise - we've just spent an extended weekend in Dubai predominantly courtesy of my SIL (with some top up from a long awaited upholding of a PPI complaint from nearly 6 years ago now)

Even in such an elaborate and expensive destination we discovered t is possible to be frugal if needs be - we ended up changing back half the money we took with us which paid the bulk of the dogs kennelling fees - despite this, we certainly didn't go without throughout the trip.

There must be ways to save money - change meal otpions / buffet options - get friends and close family involved in food preparation - are there things you are paying for that guests could pay for themselves?

Spending a lot of money on a wedding in this day and age seems mad to me - it's a single day and how you do it won't make one iota of a difference as to whether you go the distance or not - but going into debt to pay for it could quite easily negatively impact on how the marriage goes after that day has gone - as it really is only one day - and from what I've read, this certainly doesn't sound like a dream wedding any more - it sounds like it is potentially turning into the wedding from hell.

I know all about being in debt - and will do for a long time to come - and it's hard to get out of it as things "happen" which affect even the best laid plans.

============================

If you are having a meal and an evening function, can you reduce the number of guests for the meal, and increase the numbers for the evening function? or even scrap the evening function

Obviously without knowing what the plans are, it is difficult to say where and how you could cut back - but I am sure there was ways in which you can.

Any relationship isn't about the single day in which you get married - it's about whether you can survive the relationship ups and downs after the wedding, when frequently the features which initially attracted you to someone can be the same features that 5 years down the line irritate the hell out of you - that's when it matters the most as you find ways to adapt and compromise to changes within your relationship - not where and how you say your vows or who is / isn't there to witness them.


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> My photographer is the one thing I wouldn't get rid off, he's amazing, his pictures are artwork not just photos. Photos mean a lot to me, and toke me a long time to find what we wanted.


But you can't afford it. However blunt that sounds it's the truth, the bottom line. I know I'm going to get hammered for sounding 'judgemental' but I can see the horrendous long term consequences of not facing up to reality. You may have to cut your losses on some things but at least then you won't end up adding to a debt you can't afford to pay.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Jesus sor of you lot on here are so nasty...

Why should I go away and get married because its cheaper and not have my dad there? Family is a big thing to me. 

I don't think some of you realise it's only 4months away, everything is half paid for or more, I cannot change or cancel things to get cheaper stuff, as it wouldn't be saving me anything.


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> I cannot change or cancel things to get cheaper stuff, as it wouldn't be saving me anything


I honestly am not trying to be nasty. How are you going to continue with this if you don't have the money to pay? Some, if not all, of these suppliers will not wait until after the wedding - they expect any balance paid in advance. You won't have a wedding if you can't pay what's due. Trust me, their contracts will be watertight because they've seen it all before and the longer you leave it the more you stand to lose.


----------



## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

I dont think anyone has been nasty, just seems alot of suggestions on how to save a bit of money through our own experiances.

If everything is already half paid for then you have no choice but to get the loan or ask the in laws... and put it down to experience. 
As to what to say to them, youl just have to be honest, suck it up, and say you miscalculated and need to borrow a few grand which you will pay them off over x years. If they say no, then get down the bank on monday morning and get yourself a loan.

Personally if it were me, i would talk to the relevant services and see if it is possible to renegotiate prices - get a smaller package, or slightly cheaper service. If they say no, at least you can show you have tried when you go to the in laws.


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> I don't think some of you realise it's only 4months away


In four months you could get enough night shifts under your belt while your child is at home with dad to make at least a grand. Agencies have all sorts of evening/night casual work.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> Oh god I need help :.(
> 
> I'm 4 months away from our wedding day. Weved paid 5k so far, have 3k left to pay. It's not physically possible to pay it off. :mad2:
> 
> *We budgeted, and would of been of budget if hubs didn't have to take a lower paid job. And the friggin car didn't need major work done to it.*


I'm really sorry you've hit a rough spot with your budget but it happens and now you have to be adult enough to put it right.

I can understand you want the 'big day' but look what the cost of that 'big day' is doing to you. I wish you all the best, I really do. I'm sure something will be sorted and you still have to wait for the in laws answer yet. They may very well surprise you. Don't let a few forum opinions upset you.
You can't always budget for unforeseen circumstances as I have highlighted.


----------



## swarthy (Apr 24, 2010)

xbaileyboox said:


> Jesus sor of you lot on here are so nasty...
> 
> Why should I go away and get married because its cheaper and not have my dad there? Family is a big thing to me.
> 
> I don't think some of you realise it's only 4months away, everything is half paid for or more, I cannot change or cancel things to get cheaper stuff, as it wouldn't be saving me anything.


Who's being nasty? I said I'm sure your dad will be there in spirit.

My sister wanted my mum and dad at her wedding - she even moved it back to give my dad recovery time to enable him to travel *sadly he died  4 weeks to the day of her wedding * -

My mum just wasn't up to any of it so close to losing her husband and best friend of the last *54 years *. I sobbed through most of the ceremony and the speeches -and I know my sister struggled to maintain her composure many times.

We BOTH wanted BOTH my parents there - it meant a lot to both of us - sadly one was no longer with us and the other just didn't feel they were up to it - do you think the situation gave either of us any pleasure?

We had a friend in to care for the dogs as it was a very long day for us, took loads of photos and rushed, still in our "wedding outfits", straight back to my mums to show her the pictures. (my sister lives a 500 mile round trip from us)

If things are "partially" paid for and there are cheaper alternatives, then of course you may be able to change things. Four months is ample time for them to find alternative work - telling them a month before however wouldn't be and then they would expect full payment.

I'm not really sure what you expect people to say - your OH is prepared to ask his parents for a loan and had agreed a payment reschedule - if that's an option and having everything you want "as is" for the wedding then *just do it *.

I bought a house just before my daughter went into her last year of private school (primary), and had a rude awakening when I realised I wouldn't be able to afford her final years school fees.

My partner sold his house a year later, the idea being to keep my daughter in private school (I would have cleared my mortgage by now if we had stayed put) - but she wanted to go to my old school - so we sold both houses and moved across town into the catchment area.

In the meantime, I borrowed the final years school fees from my parents and paid them back

When I needed a new (second-hand) car, I borrowed the money from my parents and paid them back along with a low level of interest - in both instances to compensate for any loss of pay outs from the premium bonds they withdrew to help me out.

==============================

After all that - I still hold with the belief that the wedding is just one day and in the great scheme of things, insignificant compared to the prospect of spending the rest of your life with the person you love.

I think you mentioned you have kids etc - are you being married in church? if you are - I assume the whole family are regular church-goers?

Maybe I'm unromantic, but I certainly don't see why anyone would pay out thousands of pounds for a wedding they can't afford - if that makes me harsh then I apologise - but it remains the rest of your life which is important - not the one single day when you say your vows -

In my experience of weddings, the are often held in front of friends and relatives you only ever see / speak to at weddings and funerals


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

grumpy goby said:


> I dont think anyone has been nasty, just seems alot of suggestions on how to save a bit of money through our own experiances.
> 
> If everything is already half paid for then you have no choice but to get the loan or ask the in laws... and put it down to experience.
> As to what to say to them, youl just have to be honest, suck it up, and say you miscalculated and need to borrow a few grand which you will pay them off over x years. If they say no, then get down the bank on monday morning and get yourself a loan.
> ...


Exactly this ^

I do feel the OP's frustration in some respects, a lot of the posts are irrelevant to her situation, even though a lot were well meaning. I had to read the original post about six times to make sure it wasn't me reading it wrong :confused1:

I think you have three choices:

Ask for the loan
Negotiate with suppliers to downgrade
Get a loan from elsewhere

I hope you can get things sorted.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Just tried applying for Barclays loan.. Nope no chance lol.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Seem to forget, I could afford it all, when we booked/paid half of everything, we had the funds there to pay everything


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

Nobody has suggested you couldn't ....................... but you can't now so you have to deal with the problem. I can imagine the panic and huge disappointment. You said early on you weren't enjoying the arrangements, nobody would in your situation. You're halfway to a solution by acknowledging the problem instead of sticking your head in the sand as many would.


----------



## dancemagicdance (Sep 27, 2012)

have you had a look at credit cards? If think you can be disciplined enough to pay it off in time then it's worth looking at ones with interest free on purchases, if you've not paid it off by the time the interest free is up, then find one with interest free on balance transfers etc etc


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

dancemagicdance said:


> have you had a look at credit cards? If think you can be disciplined enough to pay it off in time then it's worth looking at ones with interest free on purchases, if you've not paid it off by the time the interest free is up, then find one with interest free on balance transfers etc etc


I can't get anything :.(


----------



## Guest (Feb 10, 2013)

dancemagicdance said:


> have you had a look at credit cards? If think you can be disciplined enough to pay it off in time then it's worth looking at ones with interest free on purchases, if you've not paid it off by the time the interest free is up, then find one with interest free on balance transfers etc etc


i'm sure i read somewhere that OH could be facing redundancy? debt of any kind isn't the way to start married life.



xbaileyboox said:


> I can't get anything :.(


OP i don't see what you can honestly do other than to push the date back a little until your more financially secure, or completely write off what you've already paid in (we've all had to do it at some point) and go for a registry office wedding which are just as lovely, you could always renew your vows in church at a later date should you wish when you do have the money. if you can't get bank loans or credit cards then surely there must be debts that haven't been paid somewhere along the line?:confused1:


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Which is why I'm asking inlaws, because I don't want to cancel our dream day. Why should we when we can ask, all they can say is yes or no, if its no then we will have to cancel.


----------



## SandyR (Oct 8, 2011)

I don't think getting married in a church is anymore expensive charges wise unless you decorated the whole place in flowers etc. I got married in a church and it was no more expensive then a register in a registry office. I'm sure there are a few money grabbing churchs around maybe taking advantage of bring very pretty but if its your local parish they generally are very welcoming and inexpensive.


----------



## Fleur (Jul 19, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> Which is why I'm asking inlaws, because I don't want to cancel our dream day. Why should we when we can ask, all they can say is yes or no, if its no then we will have to cancel.


I hope your in-laws can help - I think you and your OH just need to be honest and fingers crossed there is something they can do to help.

If you and your OH have applied for a bank loan and a credit card and been turned down, don't keep applying for things as if you do it will make you look credit hungry and the more you apply for the more you'll be declined.


----------



## Cockerpoo lover (Oct 15, 2009)

If you have 50% deposit paid on things and that close to the wedding then the options really are limited.
Ask the inlaws for a loan or maybe see if you have family & friends who can pay for things instead of getting you a present i.e the photographer.

Double check to see if any of suppliers still to pay has any way of extending payment...doesn't hurt to ask.


----------



## sashski (Aug 14, 2011)

Your wedding day should be special, especially if you only intend on doing it once!
For me personally _*IF*_ I ever get married it'll be a very small and quaint affair, I don't like being in massive crowds!

I understand you can't cancel/change/cut back on things but have you thought of asking those who you still need to pay the balance to if they would accept a monthly direct debit payment plan? If they won't then you've exhausted all options bar your in laws.

Hope it all works out for you.x


----------



## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

Have you both thought about getting a part time job in a bar or part time cleaning job that you can do in the evenings and weekends, or even a takaway delivery driver (only until you have enough money for the wedding). Next month people need their gardens tidying up especially the elderly neighbours. Five gardens each at £10 an hour £100.00 you would be both finished by 13:00pm. Just a thought.

Whilst you assume your in laws are comfortable they may not be affluent, it may be that they choose to buy luxuries for comfort but not much in the way of spare cash (money they can afford to throw away).

When family _loan money_ to family 99% of the time they never get it back, one reason is they know it will leave their offspring short, two they don't like asking for it back. The offsprings can also have the attitude - it doesn't matter they can afford it. They know the position we are in etc., etc..  I have been there, done that and got the T-shirt.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Fleur said:


> I hope your in-laws can help - I think you and your OH just need to be honest and fingers crossed there is something they can do to help.
> 
> If you and your OH have applied for a bank loan and a credit card and been turned down, don't keep applying for things as if you do it will make you look credit hungry and the more you apply for the more you'll be declined.


Yes agree you mustn't keep applying for loans, credit cards etc as it will affect your credit rating everytime you get turned down and that will have a knock on effect on future credit purchases.

I still say don't give up on the inlaws.


----------



## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

I know you want to wait until the end of the month but this is obviously really stressing you out. Would it not make more sense for your oh to make a phone call, explain the situation and ask for the loan now rather than dwelling on it for another three weeks? The worst they can say is no, and you know you should only be asking them for the loan if you can respect their decision if the answer is no, so why wait? 

The other good thing about a phone call, is it gives them a bit of emotional distance to be able to put the phone down after the call and discuss the pros and cons before making a decision. 

Whatever happens with this and looking for other ways to sort this out I hope this doesn't ruin the run up to your big day, deal with it ASAP and then you can put it behind you.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Aurelie said:


> I know you want to wait until the end of the month but this is obviously really stressing you out. Would it not make more sense for your oh to make a phone call, explain the situation and ask for the loan now rather than dwelling on it for another three weeks? The worst they can say is no, and you know you should only be asking them for the loan if you can respect their decision if the answer is no, so why wait?
> 
> The other good thing about a phone call, is it gives them a bit of emotional distance to be able to put the phone down after the call and discuss the pros and cons before making a decision.
> 
> Whatever happens with this and looking for other ways to sort this out I hope this doesn't ruin the run up to your big day, deal with it ASAP and then you can put it behind you.


I agree, why wait and put yourself through more anguish when you could have the answer tonight and know for sure where you stand. At least if the answer is no, you buy yourself a bit more time to find a solution.


----------



## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

My first wedding in 1977 was the bees knees I haven't a clue how much as my parents paid the lot. Church wedding, followed by the reception at the now Ramada Jarvis, hotel limos for the bridal party, Ushers, Toast master one of the top photographers the biz.

Divorced 10 years later, re-married in 1993 cost us £3,000 including the honeymoon we went to Majorca all inclusive. We had a church wedding, used our own cars threw white sheets over the seats artificial flowers on the back shelf and white ribbon tied to the front of the cars. The children were the Bridesmaids and Pageboys (I had to buy them an outfit so made sense for them to be part of the bridal group, it made them feel part of it too).

The venue (the local pub's back room, hired out for private functions) they allowed us to buy our own champaigne/sherry reception as it was cheaper than to buy it from them. A friend of a friend made us a beautiful cake at mates rates. The DJ was also a friend of a friend so mates rates. 

As it was our second marriage I wore a cream skirt suit the jacket was like a sailors type jacket but in lace across the back and shoulders cost £80.

I had a lovely day.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Aurelie said:


> I know you want to wait until the end of the month but this is obviously really stressing you out. Would it not make more sense for your oh to make a phone call, explain the situation and ask for the loan now rather than dwelling on it for another three weeks? The worst they can say is no, and you know you should only be asking them for the loan if you can respect their decision if the answer is no, so why wait?
> 
> The other good thing about a phone call, is it gives them a bit of emotional distance to be able to put the phone down after the call and discuss the pros and cons before making a decision.
> 
> Whatever happens with this and looking for other ways to sort this out I hope this doesn't ruin the run up to your big day, deal with it ASAP and then you can put it behind you.


He wants to ask them face to face, I agree with the phone call but he doesn't want to x


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

You need to sit down and work out exactly what can be economised on. Can the photographer do a smaller package for a lesser amount,

It would be silly to cancel and lose 5K. So either get a loan from the PILs or a bank.

Ring everyone you still owe money too and see if they will take instalments after the wedding - if you can afford 3200 a month to pay back the PILs you should be able to afford to do that. Or if the worst comes to the worst op it ona credit card and pay that off as much as you can monthly - there are a lot of cards that offer 0% for the first 18 months etc (that's how we bought our Mac) have a look around and see if you can get one of those.

Find The Best Credit Cards & Exclusive Deals | moneysupermarket.com a lot of these are balance transfer cards, but that's easy just pay on a normal credit card and then transfer it onto one of these and get up to 24 months 0% interest. You just make sure you don't use it for anything else and use it purely as a loan. Set up a direct debit. or standing order for £200 a month and it will be paid off in 10 months, or use the 24 months and pay only £83 a month. Simples.


----------



## Guest (Feb 10, 2013)

xbaileyboox said:


> Just tried applying for Barclays loan.. Nope no chance lol.





xbaileyboox said:


> I can't get anything :.(





spid said:


> You need to sit down and work out exactly what can be economised on. Can the photographer do a smaller package for a lesser amount,
> 
> It would be silly to cancel and lose 5K. So either get a loan from the PILs or a bank.
> 
> ...


she's already said she can't get anything.

OP is best off hoping for the best and preparing for the worst with the PIL.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> Jesus sor of you lot on here are so nasty...
> 
> Why should I go away and get married because its cheaper and not have my dad there? Family is a big thing to me.
> 
> I don't think some of you realise it's only 4months away, everything is half paid for or more, I cannot change or cancel things to get cheaper stuff, as it wouldn't be saving me anything.


maybe you should have thought about that before you booked everything


----------



## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> maybe you should have thought about that before you booked everything


I would guess that she booked and budgeted as she did because it was a while ago, and her OH had to change jobs for less money hence the new money problems.

If she could afford it at the time, and expected to be in a similar position wrt finances; as most of us would, then they would get all they felt they could afford for their special day. I can understand that.

Sadly, unforeseen circumstances come and ruin things sometimes. you just have to improvise when it happens.


----------



## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Sounds like you already paid for exactly the wrong things....
The flowers could have been economized on, and can be arranged relatively close to the actual date, but have been ordered and paid.
The venue needs to be booked way in advance but has not been paid for...

On the other hand, the venue arrangements consist of several things: location, dinner, drinks, music, there must be some things that can still be toned down to save money. 

You could book a less grand dinner for fewer people and put a limit to the number of bottles of wine and champagne to be opened and select some more affordable wines. You could tell them the reception drinks bill is not to exceed a certain amount, and they should not serve extremely expensive drinks, and maybe have 1 waiter at the reception serving drinks instead of 3, so all in all, fewer drinks will be served...

They will prefer having a less grand and expensive do to losing the booking altogether.....


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Nagini said:


> she's already said she can't get anything.
> 
> OP is best off hoping for the best and preparing for the worst with the PIL.


Sorry - in between my writing it up, and dealing with the family I missed a couple of pages. It was worth a shot. I tried.

It's always worth going to your own bank and asking them - book an appointment and see what they say. Our bank has been marvellous like that. That way you don't damage your credit score either but constantly trying to get loans.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Jiskefet said:


> Sounds like you already paid for exactly the wrong things....
> The flowers could have been economized on, and can be arranged relatively close to the actual date, but have been ordered and paid.
> The venue needs to be booked way in advance but has not been paid for...
> 
> ...


I can't as iv gave final numbers which can't be changed and people are invited, I can't uninvited people!


----------



## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

My son is getting married this May. He and his fiancee have organised and are paying for the wedding and I do not know what their budget is at all. They both have good jobs - his pays very well - but anything could happen to change that. Only last week there was a round of redundancies where he works because the American owned company was cutting 500 jobs worldwide.
My husband and I haven't offered to pay for anything, not because we're not interested and not because we wouldn't or don't think we should. If however circumstances did change and my son thought there was no other way to pay for the wedding we would lend them some money or we would offer to pay for something.
If there is anywhere you can cut back then do so but if not then you need to go to your future in-laws and ask them. You don't know the answer without asking the question and the sooner you find out if they can help or not the better. They must be aware that their son has had to change jobs and is on a lower salary now. For goodness sake, get him to speak to his parents as soon as he can.


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> I can't as iv gave final numbers which can't be changed and people are invited, I can't uninvited people!


Can you ask everyone to not buy you gifts but to give you cash? Explain what has happened (it's still 4 months away so most won't have bight anything yet) and then set up a separate bank account for them to pop money into. My sister in law did her honeymoon that way. She got a fantastic one because we all popped a little bit of money in before the wedding - with a lovely message - and she went for 2 weeks in Thailand. It was a small wedding with only 50 or so guests. I gave her £30 - all I could afford at the time - I'm sure most gave more - but even at £30 x 50 people - that got her £1500

So you have a large family - what? about 150 guests? If they all gave £15 you'd have your costs covered. I'm sure people (especially those who have already booked accommodation or flights / transport etc) would rather the wedding went ahead and you were solvent at the end of the day.


----------



## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

xbaileyboox said:


> I can't as iv gave final numbers which can't be changed and people are invited, I can't uninvited people!


But you could still try to change the dinner and wine arrangements to a less expensive deal by choosing a cheaper option for the same number of people, and they are very likely to accept that, in view of the circumstances.


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Jiskefet said:


> But you could still try to change the dinner and wine arrangements to a less expensive deal by choosing a cheaper option for the same number of people, and they are very likely to accept that, in view of the circumstances.


This is true - you could have cheaper wine and have a closed bar - I don't mind paying for my own drinks at a wedding. Maybe 2 bottles of wine per table and then after that they have to buy their own? For example. Don't bother with favours, or silly boxes for cake, use napkins. There are ways to keep what you have but just make it a little less expensive. The venue would rather they didn't lose the booking and will probably do all they can to help you if you talk to them.


----------



## Wobbles (Jun 2, 2011)

Why do people think asking in-laws for money is a good idea? Especially thousands of pounds? Never get into business or money with friends and family, or you won't have those "friends" long. If things go wrong you feel terrible about not being able to keep to your side of the deal for people you like, they feel bad taking off a struggling friend/relative, the whole thing gets awkward, and suddenly you don't have so many on the Christmas card list. Nowt like money to make people show their true colours.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Jiskefet said:


> But you could still try to change the dinner and wine arrangements to a less expensive deal by choosing a cheaper option for the same number of people, and they are very likely to accept that, in view of the circumstances.


We have the cheapest option lol x


----------



## SandyR (Oct 8, 2011)

Sounds like you only have two options then. Cancel everything you haven't paid in full and lose all you money paid for these things, which would probably mean cancelling the whole wedding as you won't be able to book anything else with no money. Or option two borrow money from family or friends. 

I know my opinion is of no use to you now but if you had to confirm numbers four month before the wedding you should of made sure you had the funds saved by then just to be safe. When I got married we only confirmed a couple of weeks before. 

Not sure what anyone else can say. Seems like everything everyone says is of no use to you.


----------



## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

SandyR said:


> Not sure what anyone else can say. Seems like everything everyone says is of no use to you.


 applause x


----------



## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

bb just incase you're nearish Nottingham my little sister is a makeup artist and although I'm not 100% I think she's done a few weddings. She's hoping to go to make up school and does it mostly for experience if you want someone cheap and don't want to do it yourself. I would probably pay for a make up consult/makeover and then do it yourself though


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Guess you don't like the money as gift option then? 

In which case you either borrow from the PILs (whether they will help is another matter) or cancel. That's all that can be done.


----------



## Pointermum (Jul 2, 2010)

I can't believe NO cuts can be made and 50% deposit is paid on everything, just sounds like you don't want to cut your cloth to your means as you want your perfect day at all costs


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

What first sets in is the panic and that could be what the OP was feeling when she first started the thread. As it's gone on I don't think the situation is nearly as bad as she thinks. As I've understood it they can find £200/month spare as that's what they could pay back on a loan. Four months to go at £200/month is £800 of the problem sorted. An evening or night job cleaning/waitressing/bar work or anything even for two or three nights a week would probably see off the remainder.


----------



## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

I didn't want my parents to pay too much for my wedding, so I 

kept it small (100: these would be the closest family and friends. It isn't my job to feed and entertain the entire family tree);
a morning wedding, so only champagne served and breakfast buffet (also put off those people who only attend weddings to get drunk and be vile)
Had a simple wedding dress made by a friend's mother. 
Got another friend's mother to do the flowers: simple summer posies: she got the flowers from the market
No band (morning wedding) but got a friend to "DJ"
Ceremony took place at the reception venue: no need for limos etc, chruch fees, drivers etc
Wedding took place in a country estate so stay over by bride the night before was included in the rate: no need for limos etc
The venue was classy and the simplicity of the wedding made it beautiful
Photographer was a friend
I had one matron of honour. Her mom made her dress
Did my own hair and makeup
My parents just paid for the buffet/venue, and the flowers 
I paid for my dress, the cake (single layer, white with small roses: very simple, a real cake and made by another mom of a friend) and the invitations. My OH paid for his suit and the honeymoon.
It was a beautiful and stylish wedding, I felt. No drunk lecherous uncles making disgusting comments, and no kids were allowed (best of all). And no hangovers.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

havoc said:


> What first sets in is the panic and that could be what the OP was feeling when she first started the thread. As it's gone on I don't think the situation is nearly as bad as she thinks. As I've understood it they can find £200/month spare as that's what they could pay back on a loan. Four months to go at £200/month is £800 of the problem sorted. An evening or night job cleaning/waitressing/bar work or anything even for two or three nights a week would probably see off the remainder.


borrowing the 2k, would still leave us with 1.5k to pay off.

hes going up tomorrow after work on his own x


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

I don't understand why you're ignoring the possibility of earning some money to pay for this. It would either pay off a loan faster or reduce the amount you borrow from the start.


----------



## sashski (Aug 14, 2011)

havoc said:


> I don't understand why you're ignoring the possibility of earning some money to pay for this. It would either pay off a loan faster or reduce the amount you borrow from the start.


I don't mean this to sound solely aimed at you, but have any of you tried to get a part time job recently, or even a job at all for that matter...?

I have, despite being employed full time I want to leave to go part time so I can pursue my ADI (driving instructor) career. I have applied for a lot of jobs yet I have been unsuccessful so far. So as for suggesting this as a quick solution to the OP's dilemma I think it is totally out of the question.

My 2p's worth.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

I don't have child care. Oh works nights and days, I could do evening work, but there's no saying which weeks I could work due to oh work pattern. Also there's no jobs at all.


----------



## sharloid (Apr 15, 2012)

I think it's beyond cheeky to ask them to pay anything towards it. If they offer, then fair enough but to expect them to is bad!

Spending £8k on a wedding that you can't afford seems like a stupid idea to me.


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

There's *always* work. May not be the sort of work you envisaged doing but there's *always* work.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

sharloid said:


> i think it's beyond cheeky to ask them to pay anything towards it. If they offer, then fair enough but to expect them to is bad!
> 
> Spending £8k on a wedding that you can't afford seems like a stupid idea to me.


we could afford it!!!!!! And i havr never said i expect it!


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

So why not sort it out for yourself? There's supposedly no work where I live and there are certainly no jobs I'd expect anyone to take if they need something full time and permanent. The jobs which do exist are few hours, antisocial hours and unskilled - exactly the sort of casual thing which can bring in extra cash when needed.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

havoc said:


> So why not sort it out for yourself? There's supposedly no work where I live and there are certainly no jobs I'd expect anyone to take if they need something full time and permanent. The jobs which do exist are few hours, antisocial hours and unskilled - exactly the sort of casual thing which can bring in extra cash when needed.


i already have a part time job that i do thurs and friday which is very good money. i couldnt afford childcare for other days


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

Ah, I obviously got confused by post 98 which gave the impression you can't leave your son during the day.


> _3 months before my wedding i wanted £250 for my wedding car so i went and got a job in a school kitchen._
> Not possible.. I have a 3 year old son, who is autistic and wont go playschool yet.and what I need isn't 250, it's 2k.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

havoc said:


> Ah, I obviously got confused by post 98 which gave the impression you can't leave your son during the day.


i cant, my job is from home, and my son goes to ny sister while.i work. not tjat i have to.explain myself, my son is very gussy with who.hes left.with.


----------



## Guest (Feb 11, 2013)

can i just ask , what on earth your going to do if your inlaws say okay and your OH gets left with no job? 

or

what you going to do if they say no?

i think with 4 months to go you have to be realistic.


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Nagini said:


> can i just ask , what on earth your going to do if your inlaws say okay and your OH gets left with no job?
> 
> or
> 
> ...


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

I have to say I'm flummoxed as to what you want people to say. I know you don't know me, because I don't often come into general chat, but this maybe gives me a bit of distance and perspective. SO this is what comes across.

I think you want us to say that your PILs SHOULD give you the money, that that is what is traditional and right, and that they are wrong not to have already offered. They have holidays and 'stuff' and therefore must have spare cash and you should be given it. 

What strikes me here is, my parents were always accused of being rich because we lived in a nice house - the fact that the mortgage was huge and my father did ALL the work needed (as he always bought wrecks - the only way to afford the size house we needed) and my parents scrimped and saved to take us on holiday a few times in my youth, was irrelevant. Outwardly they seemed affluent. But they weren't. SO, maybe, your PIL, who have worked for their money, and probably sacrificed for their child/ children as they grew up, are actually now beginning to have a little extra cash and feel they are deserving of having nice things and a holiday. 

Secondly, it's traditional for the brides family to pay (though this is a really outdated idea) and so maybe they just haven't thought about it at all, even knowing your circumstances. It's also traditional to wait until marriage to move in together, to have sex and therefore children. Not that long ago a woman was considered the chattel (property) of her father and was 'sold' to her husband via the marriage ceremony. SO you haven't exactly been traditional, maybe they assumed you were continuing along that vein. 

Thirdly, and I understand you don't know me, but you have twice ignored my suggestion of guests giving money as a gift. Surely you have most things household wise that you need anyway as you already live together. I got £300 in cash when I got married (20 years ago) and it paid for a removal van to take my stuff from Suffolk to Northumberland where we were setting up home - very romantic - not. But it was very well received, as we needed to spend that money anyway. 

So if you won't consider money as a gift, and you can't get a credit card or loan, and neither of you can take on extra shifts (and I understand child care for an autistic child is hard - have you thought about taking in ironing? It's about £10 an hour and you can do it from home?) I really don't see what you want people to say. 

Unfortunately not everyone is going to agree with you, and many people have given different ideas - which for various reasons you have rejected (not in a bad way - just explained why). But this thread is now going in circles and you seem to be getting more and more frustrated at a lack of agreement with you or a lack problem solving skills. 

I understand that this is a time when the last thing you want to do is worry. You should be looking forward to your big day, rather than worrying about possibly cancelling it. However, you need to get a handle on this. YOu have been given advice and sympathy, and I really, really hope you get this sorted. Hopefully the PILs will come up with the goods and all will be well. I do wish you the best.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

spid said:


> I have to say I'm flummoxed as to what you want people to say. I know you don't know me, because I don't often come into general chat, but this maybe gives me a bit of distance and perspective. SO this is what comes across.
> 
> I think you want us to say that your PILs SHOULD give you the money, that that is what is traditional and right, and that they are wrong not to have already offered. They have holidays and 'stuff' and therefore must have spare cash and you should be given it.
> 
> ...


sorry hun, didnt see the gift idea,this was ny second option, but id feel more embarssed asking aunts n uncles ect im not close top.

how do i do the iorning tjing? sounds ideal x


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Okay for the gift idea I'm sure that everyone will understand. Aunts and Uncles would much rather give you something that is useful to YOU than see you lumbered with debt or have to call the wedding off.

Take it along the lines of - 'Dear everyone, due to a) the recent financial climate (soon to be hubby's hours being cut) and b) we already have a lot of stuff and don't want to duplicate we have set up an account (give details) in order to be able to fully fund this wonderful party of ours. We obviously will appreciate any contribution no matter how small.' SOmething like that. I know I was really impressed with my step sister when she made it easy for me to not have to choose something she might not like. As I said previously she and hubby got enough money for a two week holiday in Thailand. She had 50 guests and I gave £30 - so if you have a large wedding and everyone gave £15 you could very easily hit the £2k mark. (150 guests x£15 = £2250! And of course many people will give more than £15. Honestly, people would much rather their money wasn't wasted - I mean they would expect to bring a gift anyway - and it's better it's something you want.

FOr the ironing - I have a friend with an autistic son (4 years old) and she collects and delivers ironing of an evening - whilst hubby watches the child, and delivers it back a couple of days later. She just emailed and put flyers printed off her computer though doors. She charges £10 a hour - which is a reasonable amount of ironing. You could always ask people to drop the ironing off with you. You only need five loads a week and you could make £200 a month. 


Personally I couldn't do it - I HATE ironing with a vengeance. But it worth it even if just for a short time to help with the finances.

Hope that Helps.


----------



## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

I can understand to ask for a loan like that if you need a deposit to rent a house or buy one...you need a roof over your heads!!
but asking for money for a party?
why the BIG day must be that BIG?


beats me.!!!

the more that you have a family already....

honest opinion...if my DIL to be asked me to fork out extra money for their wedding ..I would insist my son reconsider his choice very, very seriously...!


it is like asking for maoney for a holiday?...something that you need not to have if you cannot afford...

why this silliness about one day?

marriage has nothing to do with it..and marriage is all that matters..not good to start it with debts ? or pressing your PILs?

very bad omen...


----------



## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

I don't think you will listen to any suggestions because you have your heart set on the wedding you have arranged and you aren't going to change it, I would maybe think about your relatives and consider if they are the sort to contribute toward a wedding because I couldn't and wouldn't give money for wedding present/to pay for the wedding but that might be because I'm odd but I wouldn't even give my brother money towards his honeymoon that they asked guests for (they didn't want or have a gift list because they had been together 10 years and had 2 kids and a house) I will always buy a gift but I just won't give money as it just doesn't seem right or traditional.

It's just one day though and £8000 for one day seems crazy to me and I'm no skinflint and like to slurge at times but it's just one day


----------



## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

okay just a small tangent, your son is 3 and entitled to 15 hrs free childcare a week, this childcare can be used in a nursery, preschool or an accredited childminder. contact your local FIS and they will be able to find something that suits you and your son, including his needs, I worked as a SENCO for 7 years at my preschool before becoming a childminder. Autism can cause many restrictions - however its also vital to get him used to other carers and a different routine - as this will assist you when her starts school x Has your son been statemented, and if so where on the spectrum? - if so your LA will also help with travel to get him to the right place if its not in your immediate local x


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

The thing is peeps, the wedding is already booked and 50% deposits on everything paid. It's pointless saying you wouldn't pay that much for one day - I wouldn't either - but . . . it doesn't help anyone. It's a case of finding the money somehow or cancelling. So she needs ideas. When she booked everything they could afford it, circumstances have conspired that now they have less income and can't. 

Personally I would much rather give a gift (even if that gift is money) that is wanted rather than inflict my rather dodgy taste on someone I don't really know that well. Which the OP has alluded to in it's a big wedding and aunts and uncles she's barely met etc.

I hope it all gets sorted.


----------



## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

Where I live when child gets a diagnosis of autism parents are given a form for DLA to complete as part of the support package. There is also lots of support available, so worth finding out more. Try the national autistic society for advice. I'm not suggesting the money from DLA is used for the wedding though and it depends on his level of need whether you think he requires it.


----------



## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

smokeybear said:


> Simple, we toddled down to the registry office and had the reception at home.
> 
> We could have afforded to spend anything we wanted to on a wedding, we chose not to.


Same here. We spent within our means, it was a great day and I recall it 16 years later. It makes married life so much more fun when you keep a sense of perspective. You marry the person you love not the day and all the bills that come with it or a desire to impress.

OP - did you do a budget plan for this and get quotes? Can you ask for favours? Is there anything that you haven't booked yet or not paid in full that you can cancel? So you lose the deposit but you will save the balance. Do you need a photographer - do you have a friend who can film it or take nice photos? Or just have the photographer for a small part of the ceremony and ask everyone to send in their photos to you. Is a party necessary really? Do you need a band or DJ? Can you just compile music on an ipod? Can you save money on invites or stationery by doing them yourself or setting up a free website through Moonfruit for anything like directions or stuff. Can you do your own make up and hair?

I think you have to prepare some sort of logical cut back in case the loan isn't forthcoming, it's not in the bag and take this as a lesson in keeping better control of your pennies - both of you. My friend found she was pregnant whilst wedding planning and went from a big venue to a civil ceremony and a small party in her parent's garden as the money was better spent on the baby and she had nobody to ask for money. It was a perfect day.

Honestly take it from me, the day will pass in a blur and all anyone cares about is that their two friends or relations are married not the size or the scale, it gets forgotten about so fast. It's not worth getting into debt over, it's just 24 hours and you'll have the rest of your lives to celebrate.


----------



## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

I think you have been given great advice. I think it is now up to you to make the required cutbacks. Speak frankly to the service providers and see if you can negotiate something. It is in their interest to not lose the business, even if they get less in the end. You would be surprised how helpful friends and family can be if asked. Get them to pitch in with whatever talents they have: photography, DJ'ng etc. You may be surprised - everyone loves helping at a wedding.
As the great philosopher Sheryl Crow says, what is important is not getting what you want but wanting what you get.
Good luck with your special day.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

He's gone upto ask, I feel physically sick. He's never ever asked his mum for help.


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

xbaileyboox said:


> He's gone upto ask, I feel physically sick. He's never ever asked his mum for help.


If he's never asked before then hopefully they will see that it has to be important for him to do so now. Good luck!


----------



## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> He's gone upto ask, I feel physically sick. He's never ever asked his mum for help.


Good luck


----------



## LolaBoo (May 31, 2011)

Ive just read all of this post and im now knackered so going to have a lie down:Yawn::lol:

But id just like to say no matter how big or small your wedding is the important thing is your getting married to your soulmate so just remember that is the most important part of your marriage not how big and flash it is


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

His mum said yes his dad said Noway, at all. So the wedding is being cancelled x


----------



## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> His mum said yes his dad said Noway, at all. So the wedding is being cancelled x


Dont do anything yet. Let mother work on father


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

xbaileyboox said:


> His mum said yes his dad said Noway, at all. So the wedding is being cancelled x




Are you absolutely sure there is not something you have paid a deposit for you can't cancel, even if it means losing the deposit?


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> Dont do anything yet. Let mother work on father


He's like Adam, stubborn and won't move an inch. Adam was physically and mentally abused by his dad growing up, he's a bully.


----------



## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

If you have outfits, rings, a church/registrars and a photographer you can easily get married. I would take some time, reread the suggestions and then go ahead with it. Relatives can come to see you get married and you can have a big party to celebrate when you can afford it. It depends if the actual ceremony of being married is the most important part to you or if it is all the bits that are associated with it.


----------



## Tamsin W (Sep 18, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> His mum said yes his dad said Noway, at all. So the wedding is being cancelled x


I'm sorry, but I really don't understand your response to all this. You've been provided myriad suggestions on how to cut costs, and make adjustments to your existing plans to ensure the day can still go ahead - but the only option you seem in any way willing to consider is "hand out from the inlaws"?

Several people have suggested contacting the companies / individuals to whom you still owe money and asking if you can arrange a payment plan for the outstanding amounts - given that you've already paid deposits (presumably - or if not there wouldn't be an issue), and given that you've stated you're able to pay back your inlaws on a monthly basis, I don't see why this isn't a viable solution? The vast majority of sensible businesses will be willing to work with you to assist you in making payment - ultimately, it's in their best interests, as it ensures they still receive full payment, as opposed to partial.

Secondly, several of the items you had oustanding to pay for were definitely optional - cars, underwear (!), make-up, etc. Even if the above were to only partially solve the problem, there's no way you can't simultaneously cut your outstanding debts and at least make the problem significantly more manageable.

I really don't understand what response you were looking for from this thread, to be honest - forgive me if I'm wrong, but it sounds a lot like you were after people to agree that it's your ILs' responsibility to provide the money, and that you're unwilling to entertain any solution that may sound less desirable.


----------



## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

Well if its definatly a no, I would personally just cancel the "big" stuff, try and get some of the money back thats paid (obviously you will lose deposits, but you may get some excess back) and just have a registry office wedding which can be done for <1k

surely the marriage > the wedding


----------



## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

xbaileyboox said:


> He's like Adam, stubborn and won't move an inch. Adam was physically and mentally abused by his dad growing up, he's a bully.


Why would you want his money? I'd have thought it would taint the whole day. My parents are well off and gave my sister money towards her wedding, but a gift made from love is worth something.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

I already have my dress, bridesmaid n Adam n dexters suits paid for, I'm going to book register office for ASAP. I just wanted nice pictures but obv can't now, oh well. I want to be Adams wife.


----------



## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> I already have my dress, bridesmaid n Adam n dexters suits paid for, I'm going to book register office for ASAP. I just wanted nice pictures but obv can't now, oh well. I want to be Adams wife.


You can still have nice pictures  Do you know any amateur photographers in your group of friends/relatives? All my photos were by a mate who done them as his gift to me


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

Tamsin W said:


> Secondly, several of the items you had oustanding to pay for were definitely optional - cars, underwear (!), make-up, etc. Even if the above were to only partially solve the problem, there's no way you can't simultaneously cut your outstanding debts and at least make the problem significantly more manageable.


This exactly ^

There were some big items in the outstanding balances I gave suggestions for, which I won't waste my time suggesting again.

I'm frustrated you see this as an all or nothing. OK without specific figures it's hard to see the exact costs and what can be cut or reduced,but I don't believe it can't be done.


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2013)

xbaileyboox said:


> I already have my dress, bridesmaid n Adam n dexters suits paid for, I'm going to book register office for ASAP. I just wanted nice pictures but obv can't now, oh well. I want to be Adams wife.


As you already have a lot of the wedding items (i.e dress, suits etc) then I say go ahead with the wedding. As you said, you want to be Adam's wife. 

I personally think that a wedding is beautiful whether £500 or £50000 is spent on it.


----------



## Pointermum (Jul 2, 2010)

I can't believe you have had to give confirmed numbers to the venue 4 months in advance (most people haven't even sent the invites out at this stage)?? Cut your guest list down to the venues minimum , surely a smaller wedding is better than no wedding , i'm sure that would cut the bulk of the cost !


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

Pointermum said:


> I can't believe you have had to give confirmed numbers to the venue 4 months in advance (most people haven't even sent the invites out at this stage)?? Cut your guest list down to the venues minimum , surely a smaller wedding is better than no wedding , i'm sure that would cut the bulk of the cost !


i tried to change the menu a while ago, but because i signed contract, and gave a "number", they wouldnt allow me.

its stupid i know.

x


----------



## LolaBoo (May 31, 2011)

I understand you would have loved a big wedding 
Myself and my OH got married 2 yrs ago yes fair enough was both our 3rd marriages, but we did it on a shoestring a register office, 2 friends as witnesses and a meal at a harvester button holes and my flowers 50 quid, my dress and his suit came in at under 100 for both it was the happiest day of our lives photos were just done by the 2 friends and the register took some for us and our cake was 35 quid 
I hope you have a fantastic day watever happens 

Our wedding day 








Our cake and my flowers


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2013)

I don't know if this has been mentioned but have you thought about having a small wedding now & maybe a renewal of vows in a few years where you can have the big do?


----------



## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

Glad you're still going ahead with it. You can still have nice photos. I'm sure your day will be very special.


----------



## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

Hold on, don't start cancelling everything yet. Sleep on it first, then ring your venue and tell them what's happened. Ask them what THEY can do and how THEY can help. You never know, sometimes you just have to get the right person on the right day, don't give all this up and throw away money you have already spent without a fight.

You don't necessarily need to spend more, but you should be able to salvage things on what you have already paid for and what you can save in the run up. Just remember, it feels like a huge deal now but in the grand scheme of things it isn't.


----------



## we love bsh's (Mar 28, 2011)

You could do with doing what we did;Wait till SIL wants to get marrid wait till everything is paid for by her dad/grandad 3 course meal for everyone ,then say hey can we make it a double wedding  alls i had to do was buy my dress.Cars,photo bloke,meals,hotel,night do all paid for already.:001_tt2:I was 5 months pregnant too was a looong day.

We dropped on lucky hes a few pics of our double wedding.
me left,SIL right. 







me left,SIL right







my hubby left,me,BIL,SIL.....CAN YOU SEE MY BABY BUMP? 







All family







Me and OH.


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

Aurelie said:


> Hold on, don't start cancelling everything yet. Sleep on it first, then ring your venue and tell them what's happened. Ask them what THEY can do and how THEY can help. You never know, sometimes you just have to get the right person on the right day, don't give all this up and throw away money you have already spent without a fight.
> 
> You don't necessarily need to spend more, but you should be able to salvage things on what you have already paid for and what you can save in the run up. Just remember, it feels like a huge deal now but in the grand scheme of things it isn't.


Absolutely agree. Sorry if I sounded harsh, but I'm sure there is way around this.

Believe me some of the things you think are essential wont ruin the day if you don't have them.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

iv just emailed venue, to stay if i changed wedding time to 4/5, hat would happen with food/price. would i be able to only have evening meal instead of breakfast n evening.

iv emailed photographer, to ask if we could pay most off now and rest after wedding.

the suits are best man and dads left to pay, im going to ask if they will help pay half.

my dress is obv going to have to be paid

flowers n decoration already paid for.

i need shoes, which il get somewhere cheap. 

registrar fees are £400.

i would just run away, but i really really want my family there, espesh my dad.

dj is 250.


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2013)

xbaileyboox said:


> iv just emailed venue, to stay if i changed wedding time to 4/5, hat would happen with food/price. would i be able to only have evening meal instead of breakfast n evening.
> 
> iv emailed photographer, to ask if we could pay most off now and rest after wedding.
> 
> ...


The bit I've bolded about the registrar, are you getting married outside of a registry office then? I know that getting married in a registry office is much, much cheaper (I think around £100 for a 45 minute ceremony - however can be cheaper for a shorter ceremony). Another way to cut the cost.


----------



## emmaviolet (Oct 24, 2011)

Words fail me really.

I would have thought with children you would have more perspective. The things you can do with that money, but it is being thrown on one day and now you want someone else to foot the bill. Well I never understand why everyone needs to waste so much money when you can have a great weddimg without going into debt.

You needed everything for nice pics? You can have great pics at a reg office.

I wouldnt even take the money from a friend of my mothers. Its you who booked this, you who has to pay for it.

Also your post that they offered just £90 for the cake and are not caring is a bloody cheek. No wonder they dont want to give you two grand. It was a nice offer and maybe all the spare cash they have. People may have nice things, it doesnt mean they have endless cash.


----------



## Pointermum (Jul 2, 2010)

xbaileyboox said:


> iv just emailed venue, to stay if i changed wedding time to 4/5, hat would happen with food/price. would i be able to only have evening meal instead of breakfast n evening.
> 
> iv emailed photographer, to ask if we could pay most off now and rest after wedding.
> 
> ...


I thought your dress was already paid for by your dad 

I'm sure the photographer would do some deal , like take the photos but not the prints until you can afford to pay for them.


----------



## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

xbaileyboox said:


> iv just emailed venue, to stay if i changed wedding time to 4/5, hat would happen with food/price. would i be able to only have evening meal instead of breakfast n evening.
> 
> iv emailed photographer, to ask if we could pay most off now and rest after wedding.
> 
> ...


Looking at your list I think it's all doable, tomorrow follow up your emails with phone calls, be really nice and as charming as possible - you'll get further actually talking to the people, it's too easy to read an email on a busy morning and just trot out a bog standard response. You want them to like you enough to root for you.


----------



## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

emmaviolet said:


> Words fail me really.
> 
> I would have thought with children you would have more perspective. The things you can do with that money, but it is being thrown on one day and now you want someone else to foot the bill. Well I never understand why everyone needs to waste so much money when you can have a great weddimg without going into debt.
> 
> You needed everything for nice pics? You can have great pics at a reg office.


Her only option now is to cancel the wedding and lose what she has already paid or do what she can to salvage the day, adding as little extra money to what she has paid already. Whatever we all think of what's happened, it's done now and it can't be changed.


----------



## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

I can't believe you seriously think your OH's family should foot the bill.

Not even if it is a loan.


----------



## tinaK (Jun 12, 2010)

I think it's sad that a day that should be about love and commitment had became a day worrying about money.

The best wedding I ever went to was a wedding on a tight budget, and it was a lovely relaxed day.. and all about the happy couple


----------



## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

cloversmum said:


> I think it's sad that a day that should be about love and commitment had became a day worrying about money.
> 
> The best wedding I ever went to was a wedding on a tight budget, and it was a lovely relaxed day.. and all about the happy couple


Sadly I genuinely get the impression some weddings are all about the gifts and the honeymoon and not about committing to someone for the rest of their lives


----------



## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

grumpy goby said:


> You can still have nice pictures  Do you know any amateur photographers in your group of friends/relatives? All my photos were by a mate who done them as his gift to me


In fact, it makes the photos extra special if a good friend makes them, we didn't have an official photographer either, all our wedding photos were made by our friends, and we had the most gorgeous album.


----------



## fierceabby (May 16, 2011)

In the earliest parts of this thread you come across as bratty because you feel that others (your in-laws) should pay for your dream day that you won't budge on - even though you can no longer afford it.

Then reading on I do feel a bit sorry for you because you booked it when you could manage to afford it and sh!t happens - it's not like you set out to be in this predicament - but you are in it now so you need to rethink it all and deal with it sensibly and quickly.

At least you have started to ring round the suppliers and renegotiate things. You volunteered this story on here and people _kindly_ offered well meaning helpful suggestions, you have shot more of them down than you have said thanks - so yeah I'm sticking with bratty.


----------



## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Please also bear in mind that your insistance on spending the money has put your poor OH ina horrible position: having to beg a loan from his parents. I might be old-fashi9oned, but this is not a nice experience for any man. He swallowed his pride and did it out of love for you. Please consider the emotional costs of having an OTT wedding as well. It is only one day. Honestly. I have been happily married for over 20 years and I don't look at the wedding photos anymore. I have had even nicer days since.


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

So hubby got a phonecall the evening from his mum.

She said she thought Adam wanted her to get a loan for him (she would of got the picture if they hadn't laughed at him)


Anyway, his mums giving us our wedding gift (£400!) early, and giving all her kids £1000 from the sale of Adams grandmas house, which obv we can use on anything. Hopefully money will be cleared before wedding.

Very happy and thankful. Going to do a few car boots in the next few months for extra money. Iv cancelled hair n make up, which tbh I'm totally gutted about but can't afford. Also cancelled chocolate fountin, which wasn't a big thing anyway. I'm going to ask my dad if he will pay for his suit. So we have 900 ish left to find, but I'm sure we will do it, fingers crossed.


----------



## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

maybe your Dad can borrow a suit instead? or use an old one?
tO make you feel better: I did my hair and make up myself.....20 min before the wedding Dad came in to the kitchen where i was helping the cook and told me..that maybe it is time to get changed.....
and I did!...


----------



## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

Places like clinique do free make up sessions.


----------



## we love bsh's (Mar 28, 2011)

cheekyscrip said:


> maybe your Dad can borrow a suit instead? or use an old one?
> tO make you feel better: I did my hair and make up myself.....20 min before the wedding Dad came in to the kitchen where i was helping the cook and told me..that maybe it is time to get changed.....
> and I did!...


Me too


----------



## xbaileyboox (Apr 26, 2012)

cheekyscrip said:


> maybe your Dad can borrow a suit instead? or use an old one?
> tO make you feel better: I did my hair and make up myself.....20 min before the wedding Dad came in to the kitchen where i was helping the cook and told me..that maybe it is time to get changed.....
> and I did!...


He hasn't got one, and can't borrow as he's a big bloke. He also needs it pinned as being in a wheelchair, although if he doesn't want to wear one that it totally fine x


----------



## 1290423 (Aug 11, 2011)

cloversmum said:


> I think it's sad that a day that should be about love and commitment had became a day worrying about money.
> 
> The best wedding I ever went to was a wedding on a tight budget, and it was a lovely relaxed day.. and all about the happy couple


agree with you 200%


----------



## Kitty_pig (Apr 9, 2011)

Its never too late to cut a budget down. Our wedding came to about £3k and we thought that was expensive enough. Our wedding was a big family do, had a buffet instead of a sit down meal, bridesmaid dresses and all accessories from ebay and they were beautiful. Mum did flowers but similarly priced ones again on ebay in any colour. We dropped from a full album package to disc only with photographer. Cake from marks and spencers cost under £80 including pillars. And you know what everyone said it was the best wedding theyve been to for ages! x


----------



## moggy57 (Jan 29, 2011)

I, personally would scale it down BIG time or cancel the whole thing altogether . Me, personally, would not pay a gr8 deal on a wedding having had 2 and almost onto my 3rd :001_unsure:. Live without men and have cats instead


----------



## 1290423 (Aug 11, 2011)

moggy57 said:


> I, personally would scale it down BIG time or cancel the whole thing altogether . Me, personally, would not pay a gr8 deal on a wedding having had 2 and almost onto my 3rd :001_unsure:. Live without men and have cats instead


Yep!i'd do do that mate!


----------



## Wobbles (Jun 2, 2011)

I wouldn't pay a ton of money for a wedding to a guy who might run off with my best friend less than a year or so later. No way, think what you could do with 8 grand. Cancel the wedding and like Moggy57 says, live without men. Get a rabbit instead - much cheaper:ihih: :ihih: .


----------



## 1290423 (Aug 11, 2011)

Wobbles said:


> I wouldn't pay a ton of money for a wedding to a guy who might run off with my best friend less than a year or so later. No way, think what you could do with 8 grand. Cancel the wedding and like Moggy57 says, live without men. Get a rabbit instead - much cheaper:ihih: :ihih: .


yep! i'll agree with the rabbit!
one of the deal websites have the amaing rabbit on offer today for just twenty quid!

Bargain or what!


----------



## Wobbles (Jun 2, 2011)

DT said:


> yep! i'll agree with the rabbit!
> one of the deal websites have the amaing rabbit on offer today for just twenty quid!
> 
> Bargain or what!


There ya go! You'd have £7,980 change left too. Satisfaction in _every_ way:devil:


----------



## Kitty_pig (Apr 9, 2011)

*innocent* For a minute there I thught you meant a bunny. I sat here all proud going "Ive got a bunny". Then reality hit.......time for bed me thinks :lol:


----------



## we love bsh's (Mar 28, 2011)




----------



## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

I'd rather stab myself in both eyes with a hot poker (sorry unnecessarily graphic) than ask the in-laws for a loan.. especially for a wedding.. They'd probably pay me off to leave him though  :devil:


----------



## lols82 (Oct 14, 2012)

Not cheap huh, hope you got it sorted without reading this all the way through. 

The average wedding these days cost £36,000  think of all the nice clothes you could get with that


----------



## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

And wow... how did you manage to spend that much?!!! 

Mine will be: Plymouth Registry Office ... Staff are really really lovely.. the room is quite nice and it overlooks this:










It has a nice place to take photos after... I took the photos for my mates wedding so I'm sure I could find a friend / family member to do it (or perhaps my little sister - Studying photography at uni could do it!!)

Then for a reception.. I'd either use my mums house/ garden or go to a pub with a free function room.. I'd probably do a buffet rather than a sit down meal.

As for car hire.. I'm lucky enough that my OH and his dad are into restoring old vintage cars.. So I'd probably have one of those... or I'd find a mate with a nice BMW or a Merc to take me... hire a bus / coach from registry to reception for family.

Wedding dress... A mate got hers from ebay (made for her) from China.. and believe it or not it was the most gorgeous thing EVER. She's skinny though.. I'm the opposite end of the scale quite literally so maybe I'd spend out a bit more... OH looks fit in a suit 

To me a wedding is just about the two of you and nobody else.. it lasts a day so why spend the next several years either paying it off or struggling because of it...

I'm more interested in what happens after :devil:


----------



## Polimba (Nov 23, 2009)

lols82 said:


> Not cheap huh, hope you got it sorted without reading this all the way through.
> 
> The average wedding these days cost £36,000  think of all the nice clothes you could get with that


I'm glad the OP managed to get some sort of solution.

Just to add to some comments I really don't think she is having an 'OTT' wedding. From what I can gather she's getting married in a hotel with a sit down meal and a disco in the evening. She's hardly hiring exclusive use of Blenheim Palace for a weekend. To have that sort of traditional wedding for £6K (I think that's about right, is good going).

When we started to look at getting married I was horrified by how much it cost. There seemed little ground between having close family only and going for a meal afterwards to spending £0,000s.

To some extent I think it depends on the venues in your area. I used to go on a wedding forum and people would find a village hall for £60 and get food for 100 people at £5 per head. I used to be in touch with people in my area on that forum and none of us would find anything close to that in this area.


----------



## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

Polimba said:


> I'm glad the OP managed to get some sort of solution.
> 
> Just to add to some comments I really don't think she is having an 'OTT' wedding. From what I can gather she's getting married in a hotel with a sit down meal and a disco in the evening. She's hardly hiring exclusive use of Blenheim Palace for a weekend. To have that sort of traditional wedding for £6K (I think that's about right, is good going).
> 
> ...


I agree I think it's up to the individual on how they wish to have there special day.. but 6k would give my OH a coronary!

My OH is a cheapo (unless it involves cars or other ridiculous things  )
I'm a money saver / worrier.. I do admit to having the taste for finer things in life.. I was born in the wrong family I think


----------

