# My boyfriend keeps telling me to get rid of the dog....



## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

And it's really starting to upset me, I love Ben to bits and I would never ever ever get rid of him like he's some sort of toy. My oh is weird, one minute he loves him and plays with him the next minute he's saying we should send him back. 

He always says it when Ben's done something wrong or when he's in a bad mood. Like this morning he was going crazy at the fact that Ben had chewed his shoe which was my oh's fault because he left it somewhere he could get it, he knows when you come into the house you put your shoes in the shoe box so Ben can't chew them! 

He ends up shouting at me like it's my fault when Ben does something wrong when he's both of ours. He told me that if that dog is still here when he gets back from work he will be taking him back to the dogs trust himself.... I DON'T THINK SO! 

I don't get it, I've tried to talk to him and told him to stop saying things like that but he doesn't, he's been saying it ever since we got him, he said it on the second day of bringing him home and I was like you b**tard lol. I get kind of worried for Ben because it can't be nice to not know where you stand with someone, sometimes he's best friends with him and sometimes he wont even go near him and acts like he hates him and I know dogs pick up on negative energy. 

I'm just worried it will effect Ben really.


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## owns the beast (Mar 21, 2013)

Easy for me to say I know, but I'd get rid of the boyfriend!!!


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## catseyes (Sep 10, 2010)

I think id be getting rid of the boyfriend not the dog!


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## astro2011 (Dec 13, 2011)

I'd also get rid of the boyfriend!


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## Bloodraine5252 (Jan 13, 2013)

I agree with those above!!


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## astro2011 (Dec 13, 2011)

If my boyfriend EVER said to me to get rid of the dog I would tell him to go bolt! If he kept saying it I'd tell him where to go!


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## Guest (May 30, 2013)

clothes in a bag on the doorstep with a note saying come back when you've grown up sweetheart x


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## rose (Apr 29, 2009)

What will happen if you have a child and it writes all over the wall, or wets itself.......................


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

Me too! 

Double quick too - if he's like that with the dog, he will turn on you or if you have kiddies on them whenever the mood takes him. Never kept a bloke in my life that didn't like animals.

The on/off affection he is using is just a tool, mainly to wind you up methinks, he probably doesn't really give a hoot for you any more than he does the dog.

Ditch the buggah while you still can, it's a good job you found out sooner rather than later, your better off alone than with the likes of him. 

Good luck! Be Happy!


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

rose said:


> What will happen if you have a child and it writes all over the wall, or wets itself.......................


I've been thinking about that a lot lately too....


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## Guest (May 30, 2013)

Add me to the list who would get rid of the boyfriend. 

TBH, this doesn't sound like it's about the dog at all. I would bet good money that if you got rid of the dog this guy would find something else to bitch about. Just the sense I get from your post...


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a depressing thought....


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## tiatortilla (Oct 1, 2012)

Have you told him that you won't be getting rid of the dog? Or does he actually think it's a possibility...? I'd be seriously worried that I'd go out and come home to my dog being gone with a boyfriend like that tbh! Have to agree with the above, if my boyfriend ever told me to get rid of my dog, he'd be straight out and he knows it. (eta: Not that he would, he loves her too)
I understand being worried for him not knowing where he stands too, poor thing, must be very confusing for him.


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## Goblin (Jun 21, 2011)

The amount of times I've heard of people getting rid of a dog to please their OH. Never heard of a single occasion where after the dog has gone the relationship lasted.

On the other side, whilst you expect a puppy to chew, I wouldn't be happy with an adult dog (assuming it is) chewing things it shouldn't.


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

tiatortilla said:


> Have you told him that you won't be getting rid of the dog? Or does he actually think it's a possibility...? I'd be seriously worried that I'd go out and come home to my dog being gone with a boyfriend like that tbh! Have to agree with the above, if my boyfriend ever told me to get rid of my dog, he'd be straight out and he knows it. (eta: Not that he would, he loves her too)
> I understand being worried for him not knowing where he stands too, poor thing, must be very confusing for him.


Yeah I have told him that under no circumstances would I ever get rid of Ben but even though I've said that I still think somehow he believes it might be a possibility.


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## Labman (Sep 20, 2011)

Why are you with someone like this? 

For me loving animals and certainly my pets is a huge part of the attraction , this kind of behaviour would send huge alarm bells ringing in my head, i can not and will not ever have a relationship with someone who doesn't love animals the way i do.
I know its easy for us to say dump him,and you may have a lot in common aside from this,but this is a huge issue imo this isn't he picks his nose or leaves the toilet seat up this is a fundamental part of who he is and from the sounds of it i don't like it nor where it may end up.


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## SammyJo (Oct 22, 2012)

put a mesh dog run in your garden, stick your boyfriend in it and padlock it shut... sorted 

Nah - seriously - no one would come between me and my dogs. As others have said, I would bin him off


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## GingerRogers (Sep 13, 2012)

Royoyo said:


> I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a depressing thought....


Not as depressing as staying with someone who you are halfhearted about anyway


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## Bloodraine5252 (Jan 13, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a depressing thought....


I was faced with this sort of decision before, is moving in with your parents more depressing than being unhappy in your own house?

I had to give up my house after my ex moved to LA. I done everything to try and keep it but couldn't get much help but depending on your circumstances you may be entitled to help. I moved in with my best friend. We've now been together for 3 years. Things can work out, you just have to take the plunge


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## Sarah1983 (Nov 2, 2011)

Another in the "get rid of the boyfriend" brigade I'm afraid. I had an ex who wanted me to get rid of mine. After Shadow died (no way I was giving him up!) he just found other things to moan about and try to stop me having/doing. It had nothing to do with the dog really, it was all about control.


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

GingerRogers said:


> Not as depressing as staying with someone who I am halfhearted about anyway


True but the only reason i'm 'halfhearted' about him is because of this, everything else is good apart from the dog situation. I think mainly he says it out of anger which isn't good obviously but I keep thinking maybe he's just saying it because he's angry and he doesn't really mean it  people say things they don't mean when they're angry but not over and over again I suppose.


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

Royoyo said:


> I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a depressing thought....


If your parents will let you move back in then GO!
There's more to life then a controlling boyfriend believe me...it's the dog now but he's sure to find fault in other things in the future...don't ruin your life...take your dog and go...


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## astro2011 (Dec 13, 2011)

I'd rather be with my parents than with someone who keeps telling me to get rid of the dog. He needs to know that its you and the dog, you come as a package, or he can leave.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

If he's saying things about the dog that he knows upset you he's not being sensitive to your feelings. This is just one aspect of your life together he's latched onto. As others have said , if the dog was gone, what would be next ? No, no matter what the alternative, BF has got to go ! You can't live under his control.


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## tiatortilla (Oct 1, 2012)

Labman said:


> For me loving animals and certainly my pets is a huge part of the attraction , this kind of behaviour would send huge alarm bells ringing in my head, i can not and will not ever have a relationship with someone who doesn't love animals the way i do.


This is so true, I realised my boyfriend was a keeper pretty early on when he gave my mum's cats little kisses on their heads when we went over 

ETA: oops sorry OP didn't notice your response! I think if it's really just this one thing then maybe you just need to have a very serious talk with him, but as you pointed out you don't say something over and over again unless you mean it, which to me is worrying. I don't feel like it's really our place to judge whether you should stay or not over a forum but at the least he needs to change his attitude towards the dog.


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a depressing thought....


In the long run, I think you'll be a whole lot more depressed if you stay with him, than you will going back to your parents until you get sorted.

C'mon be brave - you know it makes sense.


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## Labman (Sep 20, 2011)

.............


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

Goblin said:


> The amount of times I've heard of people getting rid of a dog to please their OH. Never heard of a single occasion where after the dog has gone the relationship lasted.
> 
> On the other side, whilst you expect a puppy to chew, I wouldn't be happy with an adult dog (assuming it is) chewing things it shouldn't.


The chewing is probably the dogs way of saying "If I get rid of this idiots shoes, maybe he will take the hint and go"

The chewing could also be the dog expressing anxiety, poor thing doesn't know where he is if this fellah is turning his loving on and off like a tap. I'd feckin chew living in that atmosphere. That I would!


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## PoisonGirl (Oct 24, 2008)

Ok from my side of view... I was with a controling OH, just couldn't see it at the time. Thought things were 'ok'... people on here kept telling me to ditch him but I didn't (for the kids sake more than anything) and stuck at it.
Now I have left him I wish I HAD listened to what people were telling me, it was never going to work.

He tried to put a stop to me helping needy dogs, and while I cannot do that at the moment because I am in temp acomodation, I will be able to once I get my own place. 

But it wasn't just this that he controlled me with, he used things to upset me, whether he did it on purpose or not: when we lost Xiva lurcher at just 14 months old, he promised me I could have another puppy when the time was right. Then when it got to the point I felt I was ready to open my heart to another puppy, he said he didn't want a 3rd dog! He made me feel so bad that I had had this to 'look forward to' when I was grieving for my girl, then tried to take it away from me. He hated Chase when I first got him too. But soon stopped hating him. It did affect things and I wish I had left a long time ago but I am slowly getting back to the person I used to be  

It was a big move, but worth it.


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

PoisonGirl said:


> Ok from my side of view... I was with a controling OH, just couldn't see it at the time. Thought things were 'ok'... people on here kept telling me to ditch him but I didn't (for the kids sake more than anything) and stuck at it.
> Now I have left him I wish I HAD listened to what people were telling me, it was never going to work.
> 
> He tried to put a stop to me helping needy dogs, and while I cannot do that at the moment because I am in temp acomodation, I will be able to once I get my own place.
> ...


You're an inspiration hun...well done you :thumbup:


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

Once he's got rid of the dog how long before he wants rid of you.


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## hutch6 (May 9, 2008)

Was it a joint decision to get a dog?

Who chose the dog?


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## 8tansox (Jan 29, 2010)

I'm not going to say ditch the boyfriend, what I am going to say is this, take a long good hard look at the situation, be honest with yourself and see if there is any give and take between you, if there is, fine, then this dog situation can be sorted out amicably, if there isn't, well, the choice is yours, either a life-time of treading on egg-shells to please/pacify him, or doing what you consider in your own heart, to be the best thing for yourself and your dog.

Don't listen to what people say on this forum, they're not in your shoes, they don't know the whole story, sit back, think hard and long - then make your decision. Talk, talk and talk more.... it's the ONLY way things will ever get sorted one way or another.

Everyone's situation is different and we can all say, well I did this or that, but honestly, you need to have a good long chat and explain how you feel, see if he is interested in your side of things and go from there really.


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

hutch6 said:


> Was it a joint decision to get a dog?
> 
> Who chose the dog?


Yeah it was a joint decision, we both chose the dog but he has never had one before.


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## hutch6 (May 9, 2008)

Royoyo said:


> Yeah it was a joint decision, we both chose the dog but he has never had one before.


Well giving him the benefit of the doubt I'd say he just didn't think it was going to be tough and had a "Disney" dog in his head.

Then again he won't have had a kid before and you can't really take those back either if that situation arises.

I think there might be underlying issues elsewhere and the dog just adds to them and as he could take the dog back it is the easiest solution as I don't think he can't "take" his other issues back. I could be wrong. Worth having a sit down chat with him and seeing what the issues are.

Have you agreed on the house rules for the dog?


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## BessieDog (May 16, 2012)

8tansox said:


> I'm not going to say ditch the boyfriend, what I am going to say is this, take a long good hard look at the situation, be honest with yourself and see if there is any give and take between you, if there is, fine, then this dog situation can be sorted out amicably, if there isn't, well, the choice is yours, either a life-time of treading on egg-shells to please/pacify him, or doing what you consider in your own heart, to be the best thing for yourself and your dog.
> 
> Don't listen to what people say on this forum, they're not in your shoes, they don't know the whole story, sit back, think hard and long - then make your decision. Talk, talk and talk more.... it's the ONLY way things will ever get sorted one way or another.
> 
> Everyone's situation is different and we can all say, well I did this or that, but honestly, you need to have a good long chat and explain how you feel, see if he is interested in your side of things and go from there really.


This is excellent advice. What is the concern is how much does he care for you when he disregards your feelings over your dog? If its only the dog and there's more give and take in other things then you'll have to decide what your priorities are.

But only you know all the ins and outs of the situation.


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

8tansox said:


> I'm not going to say ditch the boyfriend, what I am going to say is this, take a long good hard look at the situation, be honest with yourself and see if there is any give and take between you, if there is, fine, then this dog situation can be sorted out amicably, if there isn't, well, the choice is yours, either a life-time of treading on egg-shells to please/pacify him, or doing what you consider in your own heart, to be the best thing for yourself and your dog.
> 
> Don't listen to what people say on this forum, they're not in your shoes, they don't know the whole story, sit back, think hard and long - then make your decision. Talk, talk and talk more.... it's the ONLY way things will ever get sorted one way or another.
> 
> Everyone's situation is different and we can all say, well I did this or that, but honestly, you need to have a good long chat and explain how you feel, see if he is interested in your side of things and go from there really.


And if you think talking is going to cure what is obviously a fundemental flaw in a persons character, then I think you're mistaken.

Someone who loves animals, does not use them to score points in a relationship. If Royoyo is to be believed (and there is no reason to think otherwise at this juncture) this bloke is not worth passing the time of day with, never mind building a home and family and future with.

You can't change people's natures by talking, Royoyo's fella sounds a right royal selfish git and she needs to ditch him pronto.


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## Labman (Sep 20, 2011)

8tansox said:


> Don't listen to what people say on this forum, they're not in your shoes, they don't know the whole story,


Irony-writing on a forum to tell people not to listen to people on a forum

".....................


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Royoyo said:


> I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a depressing thought....





GingerRogers said:


> Not as depressing as staying with someone who you are halfhearted about anyway


I find this totally depressing too. Maybe he realises you feel like this? It's likely he does. Doesn't make using the dog to hurt you any more mature or pleasant, but it's quite possible he's feeling a lot more hurt about your lack of feelings towards him than you realise.


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## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

Royoyo said:


> I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a depressing thought....


that's no reason to stay with someone though, often when people move in with each other they find they are no longer compatible, no point staying with someone so you have your own place you will both end up miserable.

however I am not with the leave your boyfriend brigade, because that is easier said than done, I think you should sit your boyfriend down and have a good long talk about why he is being the way he is with the dog, and is it purely just the dog upsetting him, could he be stressed out or unhappy about something else and taking it out on the dog? I would be very clear with him that the dog is not going anywhere, yous made a commitment to the animal and you have to stick with it, also new dogs can be stressful if you've never had one before, your not used to things being chewed or ruined so it can take a little while to settle into a routine and once the dog is fully trained things might seem lots better maybe let him know there is a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak


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## 8tansox (Jan 29, 2010)

Supasilvfoxy said:


> And if you think talking is going to cure what is obviously a fundemental flaw in a persons character, then I think you're mistaken.
> 
> Someone who loves animals, does not use them to score points in a relationship. If Royoyo is to be believed (and there is no reason to think otherwise at this juncture) this bloke is not worth passing the time of day with, never mind building a home and family and future with.
> 
> You can't change people's natures by talking, Royoyo's fella sounds a right royal selfish git and she needs to ditch him pronto.


BUT, talking is needed to understand what's in store and where the main problem lies. I'm not suggesting for one moment that talking will clear and iron out problems, but it's no-one's place here to suggest "ditch the boyfriend" either, you have no more idea of what's going on in this house-hold than me. 

Once people have talked to one another then they can begin to make good, informed and realistic decisions rather than making them blindly and wondering what if's etc. Talking doesn't do any harm whatsoever, it might not make everything right, but the OP needs to explain her side of things, and listen to their partner's.


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## Labman (Sep 20, 2011)

8tansox said:


> BUT, talking is needed to understand what's in store and where the main problem lies. I'm not suggesting for one moment that talking will clear and iron out problems, but it's no-one's place here to suggest "ditch the boyfriend" either, you have no more idea of what's going on in this house-hold than me.
> 
> Once people have talked to one another then they can begin to make good, informed and realistic decisions rather than making them blindly and wondering what if's etc. Talking doesn't do any harm whatsoever, it might not make everything right, but the OP needs to explain her side of things, and listen to their partner's.


"...........


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## 8tansox (Jan 29, 2010)

I quite agree, mine was an alternative option.


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## Pupcakes (Jun 20, 2011)

Bye bye boyfriend. The dog will enjoy your space in the bed.

Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.


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## Owned By A Yellow Lab (May 16, 2012)

Royoyo said:


> I have been seriously thinking about getting rid of the 'boyfriend' but we moved in together not long ago, so I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own, would mean I would have to go back to Manchester with my parents at 23 which is kind of a *depressing thought..*..


Far more depressing to waste years of your life on such a git, frankly.

I too would be really scared about coming home and finding the dog gone...


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## Catz1 (Sep 19, 2011)

I would ditch the bf for shouting at me when angry, never mind the whole dog situation! 

My ex was like that, blamed the dog and me for everything that went wrong with his life and couldn't control his temper. Nothing we did was good enough, either Biggy was too well trained and a robot or a disobedient PITA who deliberately defied him 

I was 19 when I left the house we had got together and moved home to my parents. We were together for 5 years and nothing changed during that time no matter how hard I tried. He only grew more and more controlling and used my love for that dog as a weapon during our arguments. 

I'm with someone new now, he loves the dogs and has never raised his voice to me in anger or otherwise. Life is so much easier and happier knowing I won't have to deal with his moods or be yelled at for no reason. 

You don't have to put up with someone who doesn't respect you. Yes, its horrible having to move home but in the long run you are saving yourself so much hardship in the future. 

This guy is telling you who he is, listen and decide if that's the person you want to be with. If this is how he deals with stress what will it be like for you when you have kids, a mortgage and other life worries?


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

Catz1 said:


> I would ditch the bf for shouting at me when angry, never mind the whole dog situation!
> 
> My ex was like that, blamed the dog and me for everything that went wrong with his life and couldn't control his temper. Nothing we did was good enough, either Biggy was too well trained and a robot or a disobedient PITA who deliberately defied him
> 
> ...


You said it so much nicer than me.


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## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

I'm with the 'talk it through' folks. I'm the animal lover in our house, my hubby would never see the need for any pets and he has always made comments about the mess/smell/inconvenience of having them. However, when he thinks I'm not looking he's sneaking them treats, giving them affection and generally being a big old soft touch. He was upset for a couple of weeks after our last rabbit died.

Point is, some blokes say stuff they don't mean and don't always realise how much it genuinely upsets you. The only way you'll find out if he genuinely doesn't want the dog or is just winding you up is if you sit down and talk to him about it. 

Some things to consider though: Do your friends and family like him? Does he try and curtail your freedom in any way? If it is honestly just the dog issue and you're happy other than that then it's surely worth a conversation? Ultimately, though, if you're unhappy and it can't be resolved, there are worse things than going back to your parents for a bit.


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## chissy 15 (Mar 13, 2013)

Maybe send oh back where you got him Is oh jealous of the bond and love you have for Ben?


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

chissy 15 said:


> Maybe send oh back where you got him Is oh jealous of the bond and love you have for Ben?


Maybe, i'm not to sure. I'm going to have a serious conversation with him tonight when he gets home.

I would just like to say as well that I am not just with him so I don't have to live at home with my parents. I would not move in with someone who I didn't obviously love but the arguing over the dog causes such a rift between us that it makes us both end up disliking each other really. I don't think I could leave him over this it's not that simple but when you're constantly arguing with someone it's kind of hard to not start to dislike them or the way they're acting, that's why it makes me doubt my decision to be with him. We're going to have a good talk tonight about everything and hopefully sort things out.


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## MyMillie (Jun 17, 2012)

chissy 15 said:


> Maybe send oh back where you got him Is oh jealous of the bond and love you have for Ben?


Good point! ..... lets face it some men are even jealous of their own new born babies, especially the first born, when the mother has to pay all their attention on them...... it's a sad fact it happens and all you can hope is that they "grow up" one day.... 
so could this be the case here like chissy 15 said?


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

I react to stuff like this without thinking - though I know I shouldn't

I was in an abusive relationship way back in the 1960's and stuck out same until my daughter was four. All the talking in the world didn't put things right. We'd done the Marriage Guidence bit for months and I'd talked till I was blue in the face He was abusive, physically when his football team lost and mentally all the time. Everyday he chipped away at my self-confidence, if it wasnt how dirty the house was, or how bad I was as a mother, or how many times I'd slept with the milkman (all the above were untrue of course) it was how my affection for the dogs irritated him. I couldnt win. To remain sane and for my daughter to remain safe I had to leave him. 

I didn't go running back to my parents, they lived a 160 miles from me anyway. I got myself a living in job in a kennels, took my daughter and my dogs. Best thing I ever did. That relationship soured me for a very long time, it was around my daughters sixteenth birthday that I met, learnt to trust and married my present hubby. 

It might sound a bit patronising/arrogant but I think I'm now old enough and wise enough to counsel younger women than I on relationships, lifes too short to go wasting it on a no hoper, like the OP has. Best cut the cord and move on.


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

Royoyo said:


> We're going to have a good talk tonight about everything and hopefully sort things out.


Wishing you all the best....I hope you get things sorted either way and please don't get rid of your dog ....let us know how it goes...hate it when there's upset in relationships...life's too bloody short...will be thinking of you x


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## Catz1 (Sep 19, 2011)

Royoyo said:


> Maybe, i'm not to sure. I'm going to have a serious conversation with him tonight when he gets home.
> 
> I would just like to say as well that I am not just with him so I don't have to live at home with my parents. I would not move in with someone who I didn't obviously love but the arguing over the dog causes such a rift between us that it makes us both end up disliking each other really. I don't think I could leave him over this it's not that simple but when you're constantly arguing with someone it's kind of hard to not start to dislike them or the way they're acting, that's why it makes me doubt my decision to be with him. We're going to have a good talk tonight about everything and hopefully sort things out.


Set some boundaries for yourself and make sure they are respected. If it upsets you when he says "get rid of the dog" then make it clear that he is not to say it again and it won't be tolerated.

It is fine to not agree on something but you should be able to talk about it calmly like adults and not be yelled at. If this is your first major disagreement then use it as a chance to set out how you will deal with stresses in the future.

Relationship inevitably go through rough patches and you don't want to be arguing like this every time things get tough.


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## Cockerpoo lover (Oct 15, 2009)

If your BF has never owned a dog he may just be feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all.

I would suggest a heart to heart chat and see if his inexperience is behind his outburst to get rid of the dog, especially if this is not how he would normally react. If it is plan things you can do together with the dog to build bridges and maybe get him to read up on dog ownership etc...

If everything else is good in your relationship, then it's worth a heart to heart to sort this out and try and work together raising the dog in a loving home. Only you know if this relationship is right for you, so be honest with yourself.
Hope it all works out well for you and Ben


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

I hope you can get things sorted out, but in the grand scheme of things, 23 is still very young and there would be absolutely no shame in going home to your parents.

There are more princes than frogs out there .


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## Picklelily (Jan 2, 2013)

The question is are you happy apart from this? If the answer is no then get rid of the boyfriend if its yes get some help for him as he is very insecure.

TBH I would be looking at his background what was his childhood like? Did his family treat him like this?

There seems to be massive insecurity here is he testing you?

Is he so insecure his subconscious is saying if I tell her to get rid of the dog because she loves it a lot and she does get rid of the dog will she eventually get rid of me?


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## astro2011 (Dec 13, 2011)

I hope you manage to talk things out


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## moggiemum (Mar 28, 2013)

hi ,i know im a stranger but it sounds like maybe your bf has some underlying problems,could u possibily try to approach this with him sensitivly as 
you must care about him in order to be with him, i fully agreed its not good that he s behaving like this and your dog and relationship will suffer, i do hope it gets resolved soon, best wishes

sorry i just had another thought , maybe with your permission and encouragement he could come on here and talk about his feelings and get some advice also,,,, dont give up too soon x


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## Superash (Aug 23, 2011)

send him back to live with his mummy for a few weeks and see hw he copes then!


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## shirleystarr (Mar 22, 2009)

No wonder the dog is going to be confused one minute he loves the dog next minute hates it and ignores the poor thing, this dog may have had a bad start in life if he was in the Dogs Trust.
Sounds to me that you need to ask him what the heck is going on with his anger as this is not fair on you or the poor dog
I was married to a guy just like this one got jealous when I gave love to my animals inventually I realized he was insecure and no matter how I tried to tell him Love for an animal was different In one fell swoop one day while I was in the bathroom he opened the kitchen window and in temper threw my little dogs out of the window and it was cowering behind the dustbin The lights went on in my head at that moment I got the dog in packed his bags and told him to leave or I would call the police so he left end of husband and the beginning of the rest of my life The man I am married to now and have been for 20 years adores our rescue dogs would do anything for them and for me too Best thing I ever did was to get rid of the ex
If your b/f has issues over the dog because he had never had a dog before then he needs to get himself sorted out asap
He must have known that a rescue dog will have issues after being in the dogs trust
If you decide you cant work it out and cant afford to say there on your own how about getting a flat mate to help pay the rent one of course that is a dog lover


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## Dan1234 (Dec 3, 2012)

I'm interested to know where all the ladies who find "Animal caring" men attractive are. I always think I'm doing well until i mention my various pets, they look at me like I've just sprouted a second nose...

Maybe there should be a dating section on this forum :thumbup:

OT: I don't think I'd make any rash decision's, a good stern talking to should be on the cards though!


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## penguin (Jan 2, 2013)

I had a boyfriend who had a dog, I got rid of him and kept the dog


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## Galadriel17 (Jan 22, 2012)

Another one who'd get rid of the boyfriend over the dog!!


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## doggilover (May 29, 2013)

love that comment, sounds the best thing to do in my opinion too.


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## jonb (Nov 15, 2012)

shame for poor Ben
if me and my other half fell out over what the dogs or cats had done we`d be rowwing all the time:biggrin5:
Meg is always chewing something she shouldn`t
Mollie is always being an ASBODOG
and the flipping cats keep bringing in animalswe have a live mouse living in the kitchen cos they didn`t kill it before they let it go


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

jonb said:


> shame for poor Ben
> if me and my other half fell out over what the dogs or cats had done we`d be rowwing all the time:biggrin5:
> Meg is always chewing something she shouldn`t
> Mollie is always being an ASBODOG
> and the flipping cats keep bringing in animalswe have a live mouse living in the kitchen cos they didn`t kill it before they let it go


My greyhound used to get rid of the live mice that the cat brought in in one gulp.....straight down the hatch, I could never get to them first, I did try - let it be noted.


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

Royoyo said:


> True but the only reason i'm 'halfhearted' about him is because of this, everything else is good apart from the dog situation. I think mainly he says it out of anger which isn't good obviously but I keep thinking maybe he's just saying it because he's angry and he doesn't really mean it  people say things they don't mean when they're angry but not over and over again I suppose.


I'm glad you are having a heart to heart talk and I hope it goes well. But make sure you get the focus of the talk right - because from what you've said so far the business about the dog seems like a symptom of something else being wrong rather than the _cause_ of what is wrong. People who care about their other half in the relationship don't behave this way over one issue.

Talking is good, but you both need to be honest. He needs to tell you how he is feeling about everything (not just the dog) and you need to let him know - calmly and rationally - how it makes you feel when he behaves the way he does, and let him respond to that.

Only then will you be in a position to decide whether it's the boyfriend or the dog.


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## Dogless (Feb 26, 2010)

I absolutely agree with Spellweaver's post. Spot on.


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## Velcro (May 20, 2013)

It's probably already been said, repeatedly, but I'd be getting rid of the boyfriend!

When I got with the boy he wasn't really an animal of any kind person, but I soon converted him, now he wants a house full of cats and dogs.


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## DollyGirl08 (Dec 1, 2012)

I hope you get things sorted, can't be a nice situation for any of you. 

I'll always put my animals before any man. They were here first and won't be going anywhere.


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## nutty (Feb 17, 2013)

He doesnt sound a very caring person. I wouldnt want someone like that in my life and it certainly is not a recipe for a healthy happy relationship. Will it affect your dog? Probably. It will also affect you....


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## moggiemum (Mar 28, 2013)

jonb said:


> shame for poor Ben
> if me and my other half fell out over what the dogs or cats had done we`d be rowwing all the time:biggrin5:
> Meg is always chewing something she shouldn`t
> Mollie is always being an ASBODOG
> and the flipping cats keep bringing in animalswe have a live mouse living in the kitchen cos they didn`t kill it before they let it go


me too i rescued a living baby mouse off my cat in the early hours last nite bf dosent mind but its not his flat


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## RachRubyx (Jan 23, 2013)

Some people just aren't animal lovers which is fine but I personally wouldn't be with someone who didn't love animals like myself. By the sounds of it you love animals especially your dog. A pet especially dog is a good test for how a couple will cope when having a child as its about sharing responsbility even when things go wrong like chewed shoes and arguing who walks the dog or who gets up early to let it out.

If he can't cope with a dog and wants to give it back like an unwanted gift then I doubt he could handle children (not sure if you have children already)

I understand its annoying when dogs are naughty especially when your tired and stressed and can cause you to snap at one another but it shouldn't be constant and depressing you.

Am lucky my boyfriend loves dogs and very good with mine. He even lets her give him smoochies in the morning and walks her alot for me. I even call him my dogs daddy lol saying "wheres daddy" to her and she runs looking for him lol.

Don't stay with someone because of a bad situation move back in with your parents if you can they will understand save some money up and get yourself a small place just for you. Maybe even get your name down on a housing list if you struggling for money may take a year or so to get a place and you and your dog can be happy.

So true for me anyway haha


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## Malmum (Aug 1, 2010)

Isn't it funny how when they're naughty they are 'yours' and disowned but when they're good they're 'ours'! 

I used to ask my OH if he'd help me decorate the house, his reply 'What so your kids can ruin it?' The front of my house was covered in overgrown ivy, I asked him if he'd help me take it all down, his reply 'What to keep your neighbours happy?'

I put up with that for decades and finally had enough. Got shot of him, decorated the entire house on my own, laid a lawn and took down all the ivy. His comment 'You couldn't do that while I was here could you?'

Too friggin right I couldn't while he did naff all. Haven't spoken to him for years now, surrounded by my lovely kids and dogs and have never been happier. 

Don't let decades pass, put your foot down to these threats or get rid. You can cope, I did with four young kids and three dogs and have never looked back.


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## Nicky10 (Jan 11, 2010)

If someone I was with asked me to get rid of something that meant that much to me I couldn't be with them. They don't have to love animals but they have to accept them.


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## Lyceum (Sep 25, 2009)

Love me. Love my dogs. Simple. I'm in the get rid of the BF brigade. 

If someone threatened to get 'rid' of one of my dogs they'd not set foot in my house again. The dogs would win every time. 

I'm one of those people though who adores all animals. I don't understand people who don't love animals. So I'd never even entertain the idea of being in a relationship with someone who wasn't as crazy about animals as me.


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## Buzzard (Aug 10, 2012)

I'm sorry to say but I would be getting rid of the boyfriend. Speaking to you like that is un acceptable for one thing, and to give up and get frustrated with a dog so soon makes me wonder what he would be like with things in the future.


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## nutty (Feb 17, 2013)

Nutty came in to my life after my ex husband left me in the lurch. He has seen me through tough times. When I finally felt ready to start dating again, one of the first criteria was that they must totally accept (not just tolerate) Peanut. I met guys who were ambivilent. They were no good. I met a guy who said he liked dogs, but in reality he meant he didnt mind him being around but did not enjoy the usual pursuits that accompany dog ownership. So he was no good. Finally met Mr Right in 2010. He totally adores Peanut and has virtually adopted us. Peanut goes to work with him out on site, meets the other boys (site workers) and has a rare old time whilst I go to work. OH picks up after Peanut and will walk him and he enjoys the same pastimes as me. Yes there is the odd moment when Peanut lets the side down but OH totally accepts it as going with the territory. 

My Q to the OP is regarding your home situation. Is this your place, is it jointly owned or tenanted, or is it your boyfriend's home? That may colour your view on what you do next, but if it is your BFs place and you love your dog, which it seems you do, then you may need to start to look around for alternative living arrangements. That may be scary but if you at least make preliminary enquiries you can at least make plans. If it is your joint home then perhaps you feel slightly under the control of your BF or feel the need to appease him. That isnt a recipe for a good relationship either.


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## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

You know the answer, don't you? Why are you wasting time talking to him and trying to reason with him? He sounds like a spoilt brat who cannot cope with anything not perfect.

A friend of mine got a new puppy when her old dog died. Her husband said: either he goes or I do, so she packed his case for him and told him the dog was staying. The best thing was that he left behind a really expensive camera, so she sold that a bought another puppy to keep the first one company.

Are you really going to live with not knowing if you are going to come home one day and find your dog gone? You don't need a man, nobody does, especially one like this.


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

Royoyo said:


> And it's really starting to upset me, I love Ben to bits and I would never ever ever get rid of him like he's some sort of toy. My oh is weird, one minute he loves him and plays with him the next minute he's saying we should send him back.
> 
> He always says it when Ben's done something wrong or when he's in a bad mood. Like this morning he was going crazy at the fact that Ben had chewed his shoe which was my oh's fault because he left it somewhere he could get it, he knows when you come into the house you put your shoes in the shoe box so Ben can't chew them!
> 
> ...


tbh if you are a dog lover and your boyfriend isn't then imo you are not a compatible couple.

If you got the dog before the boyfriend then for me there would be no question about it, boyfriend's bags would be packed.

If you got the dog while you have been together then it is up to the boyfriend to either put up and shut up or clear out. I would accept any attitude, I'm very much love me love my pets.


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## Tigerneko (Jan 2, 2009)

Okay, usually I don't like it when everyone says "get rid of the OH" or "just move out" because it really isn't as easy as people make it sound - where do you get the money from for your own place if you don't already have it? how easy will it be to find rented accommodation (if you want to take that route) that will allow Ben to be with you? How would your parents react to you bringing Ben with you to live with them? Since you and your OH already live together, it's obviously not as easy as just telling him to sod off as you will have this house to sort out, whether it's bought or rented.

What I will say though, is that you really need to monitor the situation and your OH's behaviour. I was with someone last year who blew hot and cold to the extremes on things, small things would set him off, one minute he'd like something, the next he'd hate it, one minute he liked my animals and the next minute he couldn't stand them... I even took him to Crufts with me and he was the same there - literally he'd be really enjoying himself and be enthusiastic about dogs, and the next moment he'd be walking around saying he was sick of it and it was stupid and that he didn't even like dogs. In the end, his moods started getting more and more personal to me and at one point he actually got physical towards me... now of course, I am not saying that your OH is like this, but just with you saying he changes his attitude so quickly and irrationally, it just really struck a chord with me and took me back to being with him. If you were to rehome Ben, I have a strong feeling he'd soon shift his feelings onto something else, it sounds to me like he is trying to control you.

I would personally tell you to get out of the relationship but of course the actual process of splitting up and finding alternative accommodation isn't easy and takes a lot of guts. However, i've done it - I split up with that idiot in April last year, I now have my own home (bought, not rented) and couldn't be happier to be single


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## Burrowzig (Feb 18, 2009)

Sarah1983 said:


> Another in the "get rid of the boyfriend" brigade I'm afraid. I had an ex who wanted me to get rid of mine. After Shadow died (no way I was giving him up!) he just found other things to moan about and try to stop me having/doing. *It had nothing to do with the dog really, it was all about control*.


This. Big warning bells are ringing. Get out while you still can. There's nothing wrong with a 23 yr old being with parents, or you could house-share with NICE people.


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## Guest (May 31, 2013)

I'm another who would get rid of the BF. No it's not easy at all - in fact it's bl00dy hard. But that's not the right reason to stay with someone.

As others have said, it's controlling, manipulative behaviour which rings HUGE alarm bells for me.


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## Pixieandbow (Feb 27, 2013)

My ex husband used to be all enthusiastic about animals...until we got them. I had cats when we met and at one point he kicked one across a room. He wanted a puppy...then complained when it behaved like a puppy. He wanted a tank of marine fish...without any understanding of what was involved, when I tried to teach him about it (he was the one who wanted them) he told me it was all stupid.

When we separated and I ended up going to women's aid because he was abusive towards me they did a risk assessment. One of the questions was 'have you ever known him to harm an animal'. They use this question as a way to assess if they pose a danger or not.

I'm not saying your OH is a danger to you, you know your situation better than any of us obviously, but its just something to consider...especially since he shouts at you and uses this as a way to hurt you.


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## samuelsmiles (Dec 29, 2010)

Come on Royoyo, the tension's unbearable; I've taken a day off work to keep up with this drama.

Have you ditched the poor sod yet?


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

Thanks for the advice everyone, we had a talk and things aren't that great. He said a few things that I understood. Most of you were right it's not just about the dog. He said that he doesn't see why we're putting ourselves under so much stress when we don't need to, we have no children together, we don't HAVE to live with each other and he doesn't see why we are if it's causing so much stress, which I do understand to be honest.

He also said it's stressing him out living with someone and that he likes his own space, he hates that he can't do what he wants to do when he wants, apparently I even stop him from going to the gym which is a load of poop might i add! He hates that we cant go out together as a couple on a Friday or a Saturday anymore because one of us has to be home with Ben or we have to come home early because he can't be left for hours, which confused me because he wants his own space yet he wants to be able to do things as a couple 

He also said he still wants to be with me but just not living together but I don't think I want to be with him now that all this has happened. What happens in the future when we have to live with each other? it probably wont work. Why would I want to be stuck in a relationship that isn't going anywhere.

We are currently renting and I work part time he works full time which I think might be making him resentful because I'm not putting as much money into the bills, but then I never moan about the cleaning or buying the food or cooking him dinner or washing his clothes and I don't mind doing it because I know I only work part time. 

I don't really know what he thought it would be like living with someone but he obviously didn't expect it to be like this. So I am going home to Manchester tomorrow and I'm taking Ben with me, thankfully my parents don't mind! I'm supposed to give 2 weeks notice with my job but I can't so I don't know what will happen there... Even though I'm sad I'm thankful that he was honest with me, means I don't have to waste anymore of my life!

I just don't see how you can be with someone for 2.5 years, think you know each other, move in together and it's like you don't really even know each other at all!


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## GingerRogers (Sep 13, 2012)

Awe, really sorry to hear that, thats rough!

But as you say better to know and realise now than further down the line. 

Glad you have your parents as back up. Re the job, can you not manage for two weeks as it will look better for future work prospects if you dont drop them in it but then it might be the sort of job where they can cope anyway, but plus it gives you both time to mull over whats been said and done without being hasty 

Hope you are OK!


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## Bloodraine5252 (Jan 13, 2013)

Wow!

You've made such a brave decision and its good that you did talk to him about it before it escalated or you were even more unhappy. Men can be confusing sometimes and I don't think they always know what they want. I was with my ex for 5 years, bought a house and he decided he didn't want to be with me any more.

You don't have to stay with your parents forever just get back on your feet and enjoy being single, it really does feel good when you've been restricted for so long!

Big hugs xxx


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## astro2011 (Dec 13, 2011)

Sending you some hugs from Astro and I


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Well, now you know for sure. It's good that this has happened before you were more heavily committed, but sad all the same. Better in the long run, though it must hurt now.
Wishing you luck for the future, and sending virtual hugs !

What an amazing forum this is ............ !!!


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## Jugsmalone (Apr 11, 2011)

So sorry hun it hasn't worked out for you. At least you know where you stand now.

Wishing you and Ben all the best for the future. Hugs.


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## nutty (Feb 17, 2013)

As others have said...it is really sad for you, but in the longer run this is probably for the best. You have good parents who are welcoming you back. You will get back on your feet again...

...just as an aside, when my ex husband upped and left one night, He left me high and dry with little income, and, I later discovered, no roof over my head. Who ever you finally decide to build a relationship with in future, make sure you can stand on your own two feet financially, and maintain your financial independence. I have mine back now, but that was 5 years in the making. Take care x


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## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

That's a shame but it's good that you talked it out so you know that you're making an informed decision. I'm glad you turned down him down when he wanted to date but not live together. Partly because that's very 'have your cake and eat it' of him and partly because there'd be no future in it for you. 

Some companies take wages in lieu of notice if you quit suddenly, there should be something in your contract of employment. If you talk to your boss they may very well be sympathetic, anyway.

Good luck to you and Ben and good on your parents for welcoming you back and being willing to take on a dog


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## Buzzard (Aug 10, 2012)

Royoyo said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone, we had a talk and things aren't that great. He said a few things that I understood. Most of you were right it's not just about the dog. He said that he doesn't see why we're putting ourselves under so much stress when we don't need to, we have no children together, we don't HAVE to live with each other and he doesn't see why we are if it's causing so much stress, which I do understand to be honest.
> 
> He also said it's stressing him out living with someone and that he likes his own space, he hates that he can't do what he wants to do when he wants, apparently I even stop him from going to the gym which is a load of poop might i add! He hates that we cant go out together as a couple on a Friday or a Saturday anymore because one of us has to be home with Ben or we have to come home early because he can't be left for hours, which confused me because he wants his own space yet he wants to be able to do things as a couple
> 
> ...


Hey I honesyly think you have made the right decision. I spent 5 years with someone before realising he was no good and we weren't right for each other. We split, 6 months later I met my now Husband of 13 years who is the best! Best of luck for you and Ben.


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## we love bsh's (Mar 28, 2011)

Chin up and remember plenty more fish in the sea.

Good luck for your move back home with ben,let your parents dog sit for you and get yourself out for the night and have a nice time,what a strong minded person you seen hats off to you.


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Why did you move in with him? Was it perhaps in part to get out of your parent's house? That often is fatal and I have seen many relationships start that way and flounder early. My mother always said never trust a man who doesn't like animals and it is true. The anti-dog thing is just a symptom of a deeper underlying nastiness that no amount of talking or fighting is going to cure. You haven't been with him too long, so get out now before things get more complicated.
Good luck.
EDT Oh I see you made the decision. Well done, it was brave of you. Best of luck for the future.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

rose said:


> What will happen if you have a child and it writes all over the wall, or wets itself.......................


Exactly what I was thinking!

Your dog will give you a lot more reliable love than any bloke.


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## foursmith (Oct 11, 2012)

Good luck, I think it's the right choice for you and Ben,you are really very level headed by the sound of things,a wise women.

Let us know how you get on.


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## owns the beast (Mar 21, 2013)

I'm really sorry that things didn't work out but it sounds to me like he just isn't good enough for you anyway!!!

I really hope things work out in the future xx


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## Supasilvfoxy (Apr 6, 2013)

Though my gut reaction in my first reply to you was for you to run while you still could. I'm glad you talked and cleared the air and found out where you stand. You've made a very brave decision and a very sensible one. 

Some good has come from this as you now know for sure what you don't want in a partner, in time you will meet someone who is worthy of you and who loves animals as much as you do. This I promise.

Bless your mum and dad for taking you and Ben in and giving you a chance to start again, when push comes to shove parents are really good at that.


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

Thankyou for the support everyone, it means alot xx


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

I think you have made the right decision and although it may seem hard at first, in a few months down the line you will be thanking your lucky stars that you were brave enough to end it when you did.

Enjoy being single for a while - let your mum pamper you - and you'll soon be wondering what you ever saw in him.

You are a very brave person and I wish you and Ben all the luck in the world (((((hugs)))))


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

Brave girl ...you're young and have many great years of finding Mr right.

I had a friend many moons ago and she lived with a bloke for far longer then you have and they had a child together which she thought was very much wanted by both of them and when it arrived he was dead jealous of that child....he hated her breast feeding it or paying it any attention and would throw hissy fits at the drop of a hat just to get her attention...needless to say the relationship didn't last and she left...she now has a loving husband and two more children and they live abroad so happy endings all round....not sure what happened to her ex but then again, who cares...to be jealous of a child is just ludicrous. 

Thinking of you and Ben x


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## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

lisa0307 said:


> Brave girl ...you're young and have many great years of finding Mr right.
> 
> I had a friend many moons ago and she lived with a bloke for far longer then you have and they had a child together which she thought was very much wanted by both of them and when it arrived he was dead jealous of that child....he hated her breast feeding it or paying it any attention and would throw hissy fits at the drop of a hat just to get her attention...needless to say the relationship didn't last and she left...she now has a loving husband and two more children and they live abroad so happy endings all round....not sure what happened to her ex but then again, who cares...to be jealous of a child is just ludicrous.
> 
> Thinking of you and Ben x


A lot of men are though. I have heard no end of times some bloke whining that his wife has no time for him since the baby came along, usually too tired for him to get his leg over if truth be told. But he doesn't lift a finger to help, so serve him right.

I think the poster has already found Mr Right - his name is Ben and he has four legs and a tail! My Ferdie is the only fella I would ever want.


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## Velcro (May 20, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone, we had a talk and things aren't that great. He said a few things that I understood. Most of you were right it's not just about the dog. He said that he doesn't see why we're putting ourselves under so much stress when we don't need to, we have no children together, we don't HAVE to live with each other and he doesn't see why we are if it's causing so much stress, which I do understand to be honest.
> 
> He also said it's stressing him out living with someone and that he likes his own space, he hates that he can't do what he wants to do when he wants, apparently I even stop him from going to the gym which is a load of poop might i add! He hates that we cant go out together as a couple on a Friday or a Saturday anymore because one of us has to be home with Ben or we have to come home early because he can't be left for hours, which confused me because he wants his own space yet he wants to be able to do things as a couple
> 
> ...


Are you both young? (sorry, that sounds patronising lol) as moving in with someone is hard no matter what your age, especially when you are young.

I moved in with my bloke about a year and a half a go, and for the first 8 months it was a nightmare - it does take time for it to settle, and when he/you are older things may change, just because he clearly isn't ready now, doesn't mean he wont always feel like that. Unless you are completely sure (as despite my original post in here) I really think there was a lot more to it than Ben.

Though, I don't know how long you have been living together so if this has been for a while then it might be the best bet - though you also don't want someone who will give up at the first sign of trouble

there was more than one occasion I wondered had I made the right decision, but I was so used to living alone (as was he) that when we moved in together it was a nightmare

moving back to Manchester is always a bonus though, don't think il ever leave haha

of course, only you know what is right and life does need to move forward, if you want to and he isn't perhaps cutting all ties is the best thing for you and Ben


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## 8tansox (Jan 29, 2010)

So glad you talked to him and got a few things out in the open. Talking is always good, it clears the air and, it makes people more aware of what they do actually want from relationships - and what they don't want, more importantly.

Sorry it's come to this, but, hope you settle back in with your parents and move on, find someone who does love animals as much as you, or at least even "likes" them, that's a start.

Sadly I think _some_ men and boys don't really know what they want, they want a glorified mum and no responsibilities.


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## Tigerneko (Jan 2, 2009)

Wow, well done! I hope you've made the right decision, it certainly seems like it given the chat you had with him. I hope your new start works well for you - and as for work, you don't need to go into the details but i'd just say that you've had some very personal trouble and need to get home to your parents, it's not ideal but there's nothing they can do about it  Good luck & keep us updated xx


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## moggiemum (Mar 28, 2013)

stay true and strong girl , if u really cant see through 3 wks notice maybe talk to them and they might consider giving you a glowing ref anyway , best of luck for the future,...keep posting x


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

Velcro said:


> moving back to Manchester is always a bonus though, don't think il ever leave haha


I have seriously missed Manchester, there's no place like home even if it does constantly rain lol! and we're both youngish, I'm 23 and he is 26...

To be honest I can't believe a 26 year old would act so childish but it's fine, I'm looking forward to going home to see my friends and family!

And once again thank you so much all of you for all of your advice, I will keep you all posted on how I'm getting on x


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## Nicky10 (Jan 11, 2010)

Royoyo said:


> I have seriously missed Manchester, there's no place like home even if it does constantly rain lol! and we're both youngish, I'm 23 and he is 26...
> 
> To be honest I can't believe a 26 year old would act so childish but it's fine, I'm looking forward to going home to see my friends and family!


Some people just never grow up you're better off without him definitely. It was a very brave decision


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## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

sorry things didn't work out the way you had hoped, at least you talked things through and there will be no wondering or what ifs, good luck with your move back home xx


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

dont be downhearted, were not all bad....it was reverse when me an my mrs got together, she disliked animals and iv always had them around (cant imagine life without really) she has come round and adores them now but iv been through the same situation as yourself so stay strong and well done to you for that.


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

where abouts in manchester you from the mrs is from gorton?


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

clayton1985 said:


> where abouts in manchester you from the mrs is from gorton?


I'm from Withington, Gorton isn't far from my mum and dads!


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> I'm from Withington, Gorton isn't far from my mum and dads!


Manchester is so BIG.....the mrs has lived in openshaw aswell, her mum an dad live in denton now...we live in blackpool now....the north is rubbish for dog events aint it, the southern folk on here seem to have loads going on


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

clayton1985 said:


> Manchester is so BIG.....the mrs has lived in openshaw aswell, her mum an dad live in denton now...we live in blackpool now....the north is rubbish for dog events aint it, the southern folk on here seem to have loads going on


Yeh they certainly do! I don't really know what's been going on up there with dog events and stuff as I've been in Brummie land for quite a while. But I do love Blackpool I might have to venture up there once I'm back, lot's of amazing childhood memories there!


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> Yeh they certainly do! I don't really know what's been going on up there with dog events and stuff as I've been in Brummie land for quite a while. But I do love Blackpool I might have to venture up there once I'm back, lot's of amazing childhood memories there!


did you watch 999 whats your emergency? made blackpool look like a dive lol lab laura organised a north west dog walk about a month ago, she should be doin it again soon so we could blag it a bit nearer to us with a few more down this way


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

clayton1985 said:


> did you watch 999 whats your emergency? made blackpool look like a dive lol lab laura organised a north west dog walk about a month ago, she should be doin it again soon so we could blag it a bit nearer to us with a few more down this way


Noooo I will have to give it a watch! But I would definitely be up for that if lab laura doesn't mind. My name is Rhea by the way (not Roy) haha!


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> Noooo I will have to give it a watch! But I would definitely be up for that if lab laura doesn't mind. My name is Rhea by the way (not Roy) haha!


ahhh dont watch it...it makes the town look like a bunch of druggy reprobates...yeah would be great to meet others in area and there pooches....i really am a clayton Roy i mean rhea xx not really spoke before, whats your dogs name?


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

clayton1985 said:


> ahhh dont watch it...it makes the town look like a bunch of druggy reprobates...yeah would be great to meet others in area and there pooches....i really am a clayton Roy i mean rhea xx not really spoke before, whats your dogs name?


Yeah it would! He's called Ben or Benji, he's a lab x collie and maybe a bit of springer i'm not sure. I really need to upload some pictures soon and I will. I only came on this site for advice about where he should sleep when I first got him and ended up getting kind of addicted! it's a great place....How about yours? your dog is gorgeous btw!


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> Yeah it would! He's called Ben or Benji, he's a lab x collie and maybe a bit of springer i'm not sure. I really need to upload some pictures soon and I will. I only came on this site for advice about where he should sleep when I first got him and ended up getting kind of addicted! it's a great place....How about yours? your dog is gorgeous btw!


awww thankyou...pretty much the same here, i was just looking for diet advice an kind of got hooked....His name is Lester, its where we got him from (tht was a long drive let me tell you) dont let the pictures deceive you he is a lot bigger now since the lst pictures lol 6 months and nearly 7 stone but i still think he is cute although alot of people cross the road when they see him


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

great name by the way, love the name benji


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## Velcro (May 20, 2013)

I guess some people just don't grow up! from reading your posts, I honestly thought you were going to say he was a lot younger!!

An ex of mine, in his 30's now, still hasn't grown up. there really is no hope for some people!

Speaking of Manchester and me saying I love the place... did anyone wathc that People Like Us? ...oh dear lord, it makes us all look inbred!!!


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

Velcro said:


> I guess some people just don't grow up! from reading your posts, I honestly thought you were going to say he was a lot younger!!
> 
> An ex of mine, in his 30's now, still hasn't grown up. there really is no hope for some people!
> 
> Speaking of Manchester and me saying I love the place... did anyone wathc that People Like Us? ...oh dear lord, it makes us all look inbred!!!


haha, i did, not a good look but i do now know where all the jeremy kyle folk come from


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

clayton1985 said:


> awww thankyou...pretty much the same here, i was just looking for diet advice an kind of got hooked....His name is Lester, its where we got him from (tht was a long drive let me tell you) dont let the pictures deceive you he is a lot bigger now since the lst pictures lol 6 months and nearly 7 stone but i still think he is cute although alot of people cross the road when they see him


Lester is a lovely name! I think our dogs are basically the same age, at the dogs trust they said he was born in November!


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

Velcro said:


> I guess some people just don't grow up! from reading your posts, I honestly thought you were going to say he was a lot younger!!
> 
> An ex of mine, in his 30's now, still hasn't grown up. there really is no hope for some people!
> 
> Speaking of Manchester and me saying I love the place... did anyone wathc that People Like Us? ...oh dear lord, it makes us all look inbred!!!


I know, I don't really understand why he is so childish. I'm sleeping here on my own tonight and he's staying at his friends because it's pretty awkward between us now obviously. But it's ok because I have Benj and I saw people like us on iplayer earlier so that should keep me entertained now!


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> Lester is a lovely name! I think our dogs are basically the same age, at the dogs trust they said he was born in November!


both pups really then, Lester was born November 28th so they really are more or less the same age. really hope things work out for you mate and im sure they will, remember that the person you most want to meet is waiting round the corner when you least suspect it, be strong


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

harpurhey!!!!!!!!!11


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## Ingrid25 (Oct 1, 2011)

I'm a bit late to this thread but good on you

Could we see some pics of Ben?


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

clayton1985 said:


> harpurhey!!!!!!!!!11


 ????????


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## Royoyo (Feb 21, 2013)

Ingrid25 said:


> I'm a bit late to this thread but good on you
> 
> Could we see some pics of Ben?


You sure can! It will probably have to be tomorrow though as my stuff is packed and to be honest I cba to unpack it at this time and upload pics but I promise tomorrow you will see Benji! lol


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## clayton1985 (Jan 17, 2013)

Royoyo said:


> ????????


its where people like us was filmed.....and i have absolutely no idea why i wrote 11 at the end of it


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## nutty (Feb 17, 2013)

What is the relevance of Harpurey as I cannot see it?


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

Tigerneko said:


> Okay, usually I don't like it when everyone says "get rid of the OH" or "just move out" because it really isn't as easy as people make it sound - where do you get the money from for your own place if you don't already have it? how easy will it be to find rented accommodation (if you want to take that route) that will allow Ben to be with you? How would your parents react to you bringing Ben with you to live with them? Since you and your OH already live together, it's obviously not as easy as just telling him to sod off as you will have this house to sort out, whether it's bought or rented.
> 
> What I will say though, is that you really need to monitor the situation and your OH's behaviour. I was with someone last year who blew hot and cold to the extremes on things, small things would set him off, one minute he'd like something, the next he'd hate it, one minute he liked my animals and the next minute he couldn't stand them... I even took him to Crufts with me and he was the same there - literally he'd be really enjoying himself and be enthusiastic about dogs, and the next moment he'd be walking around saying he was sick of it and it was stupid and that he didn't even like dogs. In the end, his moods started getting more and more personal to me and at one point he actually got physical towards me... now of course, I am not saying that your OH is like this, but just with you saying he changes his attitude so quickly and irrationally, it just really struck a chord with me and took me back to being with him. If you were to rehome Ben, I have a strong feeling he'd soon shift his feelings onto something else, it sounds to me like he is trying to control you.
> 
> I would personally tell you to get out of the relationship but of course the actual process of splitting up and finding alternative accommodation isn't easy and takes a lot of guts. However, i've done it - I split up with that idiot in April last year, I now have my own home (bought, not rented) and couldn't be happier to be single


I take your point, I have always referred to myself in my posts.

I have always owned my own property jointly with my first husband the property was a new build and he signed the house over to me in full and final settlement even though we have a son, I don't think things work the same today.

I subsequently sold that house and bought another property in my sole name closer to my parents. When hubby moved in (my then partner) I had a document drawn up preventing him from having any interest in my property or assets etc..  yes I am that hard.

As many of you know I moved to my present house roughly a year ago.

I accept I am in a good stable and financial position. I still own my previous house, so technically I could give the tenants notice and move back there.

tbh If push really came to shove and this house had to be sold and divided equally between us. I know I am able to move back in with my parents pets in tow. Until I could find suitable property.

I have never been in a position in a relationshp where I felt trapped. I always keep my options open. I would not stay in a relationship if I was not happy, and I am not referring to the ups and downs I don't believe anyone who says "we never argue" someone is giving in all the time that isn't a partnership to me.

As for the OP the decision at the end of the day is hers. All we are doing is stating how we would deal with the situation. We are all different with different views and outlook on life. There isn't a right or wrong way of dealing with this situation its what works for you.

If the OP genuinely has a future with her boyfriend and the dog is in the way of that then it may be the right decision for her to rehome the dog. Lets face it some people choose a boyfriend over their children.


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

Hope everything has gone ok...any updates?


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## bluesupero (Oct 3, 2012)

My First reaction is...Please get out of this relationship.
Its really not about the Dog, he sounds like the classic, controlling, Bully, Who will use things you love to control you, He will eventually move onto blaming you for everything, until you have no confidence of self esteem left.
Already you are saying it wouldn't be good at 23 to move back in with your parents....YES, it would be good, it doesn't have to be permanent, just a stepping stone. At 23 you are so young and potentially can achieve anything. 
Get out before it gets more and more difficult, Please.


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## bluesupero (Oct 3, 2012)

OOps...see this is an old post, hope it all pans out for you


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