# Unfriendly new cat and kittens



## Malaprop (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi All,

My first post and the first time I have had this problem. Our cat died recently and unexpectedly which left our daughters very upset. After a time we decided to get some kittens from a rescue home but after hearing the sad story of the mother cat being kept in a shed for 13 years and bred three times a year for money we took her too as she looked like she had suffered a hard life.

I should say that both my wife and I have had a number of cats, mine always exceeding twenty years old. So we have good experience.

However, we got these cats so our girls could have the same experience and so far the opposite is the case. We have ended up with two families in the house and the least friendly cats I have ever come accross.

The mother cat was friendly for one night. She was small when we got her but now just eats and eats and begs all the time and has turned into a much bigger cat. She does not come if called, walks away if you look at her and generally has no interest in us.

The kittens are even less friendly, pick one up and it will claw you until you put it down. Neither ever purr, they jerk their heads away if you try and stroke them and one of them does not get enough to eat so we try and make her space but trying to get her to the bowl makes her run away. Even in sleep if you stroke them they stretch out of reach of being touched.

I dont want to come across as a fair weather friend, but we have watched them destroy the house as kittens do, feed them, change the litter but expected at least some kind of involvement with the girls or us. None of my previous cats were like this as kittens.

I am beginning to wonder if these are actually just a group of semi-feral cats with the kittens not having been handled by the rescue home properly so they don't want human contact. These are not going to be kittens for much longer as they have just passed four months.

I have read as many sites as I can for suggestions. But the main suggestions seem to involve stroking or picking them up, we cant even do that.

Sorry about the rant, anyone got any ideas? Did we make a mistake taking the mother?

Thanks for reading


----------



## Saikou (Apr 2, 2008)

If Mum and kittens were kept in a shed then they would have probably had very little human contact. If the Mum is now 13 then she may always be aloof, but the kittens may or may not eventually come round. I should imagine going from that to a rescue centre to a family home with all its strange noises and comings and goings is incredibly alien to all of them and its going to take a while for them to get used to all that. The overeating could be part of that. Maybe they weren't fed regularly where they were and now, take every opportunity to have a meal, just incase they don't know when the next one will be along.

It will be a long process, and it may not be successful. Chances are they will not be as friendly as a kitten that has been reared in a home environment and handled from day one.

I don't think that cats react positively to having cuddles and strokes forced on them, rather than get them used to those things it sets up a barrier. The ideal thing is really to ignore them and to try and entice them towards you, by showing you are completely non confrontational. Looking at a cat can be viewed as a sign of aggression to a cat. They seem confident enough to be around you and in the same room, so I would try initiating play with them. Try a Da bird (you can get them from ebay and no cat can resist them). Its a rod toy if you sit on the floor and just make it move around you, they should start to play in close proximity to you as their attention will be on the toy. Don't try and touch them or look at them. If you carry that on, try moving the Da Bird close to you or over your legs so they get used to be even closer to you but again no touching or looking at them. Its all about gaining their trust.

You can do the same with food treats. If you have something you know they love bits of ham, cheese, prawns or treats like Thrives are usually irresistible to a cat. Try again sitting on the floor and putting bits ever closer to you, until they are happy to eat from your hand or lap.

This could all take weeks possibly months, but it should make a difference. Its why cats always gravitate towards people who don't like them, partly because they love to be contrary, but also because that person is least likely to look at them or try and interact with them so they are the least threatening to a cat.

There are other things to help try and overcome their anxiety. You could try Feliway plug ins around the house - gives of cat pheremones, Zylkene - made from milk proteins can be sprinkled on food helps with stress, Bach Flower remedies - choose one or a selection that best fit can be placed in the cats water.

I think its great that you have given them a loving home, and I am sure that once they have settled that all the hard work you would have put in will be more than worth it. I feel so sorry for the Mum, she can not have had a great life up until now, and sounds like she really deserves a loving caring home like yours.


----------



## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Thank you for taking these lost souls in. You're doing a good thing here. Teaching these cats about the joys of human love will be a rewarding experience for your whole family.

I agree with everything the above poster said. A thirteen year old cat who has lived in a shed all her life knows nothing about human love, how to accept it, how to give love, or how to interact. The light and noise must be terribly overwhelming.

She probably was not fed properly, and so having access to regular meals is something she is not going to pass up. She may have a serious food anxiety disturbance.

I also agree the kittens have not been socialized at all, and though it is a long haul, it can be done. Your children will be learning valuable lessons about animals, how each is an individual, how kindness and proper handling can bring out all that's good in a pet, how not everything is easy, and in the end it will all be worth it. These cats have been through so much, it is going to take time, maybe a lot of time, for them to adapt.

I agree with the advice of not forcing yourself on any of them, and just sitting on the floor, initiating Games, and let the kittens come to you to pplay, when they are ready. 

Give the senior cat some places she can hide in and feel safe. A cat tree or top of a high shelf will be good, (though, if she didn't have anything to perch on in the shed, she may not know about heights) also some kind of cubby hole. In addition to heights, cats love small enclosed spaces. Set up a Cardboard box on it's side with the flap hanging down for her (Box Fort)

I socialized a 6 month old shelter kitty who had never lived with humans, spent her whole short life in a cage. It took three years for her to become fully socialized, but I love her so much, and she is so funny with the quirkiest personality, it was all worth it.

Please stick around and let us know how things go. You will find lots of help here.


----------



## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

And I heartily agree with getting some feliway plug in diffusers around the house, and some rescue remedy for the mama.


----------



## lauren001 (Jun 30, 2008)

It is time that they need. Cats and animals who end up trying to fill the shoes of a beloved deceased pet always have a hard time as they can never do the same things as the dead one did and you yourselves need time to grieve. You may be inadvertently sending signals that are unstable to the cats and they then feel insecure. Cats can be very sensitive to emotions.
You will find though as time goes by you will learn to love the new ones as much as you did the old one.

Cats always take some time to adjust especially as these have come from a rescue situation and not a normal family home.
Imagine spending 13 years in jail and coming out to live with people you didn't know, you would find that very difficult too.


----------



## jilly80 (Nov 28, 2009)

hello malaprop
sounds like the mother doesnt trust anyone now and the kittens have learned from her, it will be a long slow process but try taking one at a time to a separate room with you and gently try bonding with each one, i did this and it eventually worked, let me know how you get on, all the best.


----------



## jilly80 (Nov 28, 2009)

i have just been reading the comment from SAIKOU and i totally agree with everything said, i did exactly the same things with the wild kittens i gave a home to, they are now a year and a half old and very affectionate.


----------



## Malaprop (Nov 30, 2009)

Thanks for all the replies they are much appreciated. The kittens will play already so we will press on for now.


----------



## Malaprop (Nov 30, 2009)

That sounded ominous. I don't mean for now as it may have sounded . I meant until we try a different approach.


----------

