# My puppy won't sleep unless it's with me!!



## Mikeyboy (Apr 4, 2020)

Hi,

Sorry for the long post but I am a little bit at the end of my tether with my 4 month old whippet puppy whose sleeping habits have gone from bad to worse. I am following all the advice online to try and do what's most sensible but the current sleeping setup is totally unsustainable!

First couple of weeks Sidney slept in his crate in my room and we would get up every few hours to take him to the toilet. There was very little whining and all seemed well. I then moved him out of my room (first in the hall then further until he ended up in his crate in the living room). By now, he loved being in his crate and would nap in it and trot off for bed in the evening. Thankfully because I had worked really hard to make it a good place he felt safe in a wanted to be in.

Once the crate was moved to the living he would only get up for the toilet once around 4/5AM and I thought I was having a real success but once he was up that was it and as soon as the crate was shut again he would go crazy. Biting the bars, barking, howling and even banging his head against the top of the cage. I could only 'ignore' this for so long as obviously it's hugely antisocial in a shared flat, impossible for me to get to sleep and clearly incredibly distressing for the dog. No matter what I tried the only thing (and I tried everything) that would calm him would be to take him in bed with me. I think I could live with a setup like this as long as, when he got older the crying didn't start until a few hours later.

This was wishful thinking as the problem got worse and he would wake up at even more antisocial hours and was even more determined to break free from his crate. At this stage I posted on here and moved his bed (no crate) into my room. After a few nights of sound sleep until jumping into my bed at 5am, the jumping into my bed started to happen at 3 then 1 then straight away. I get up and tell him to 'go to bed' which he does until I switch the light off again and he's back. It's intolerable! I either have zero sleep futily trying to train him to use his bed or let him in my bed (where he can sleep without needing the toilet until 10am!) And reinforce a habit I'm trying to break!! 

Recently I put him back in his crate but he's had a taste of the good life now and will immediately start screaming. I wait till he's quiet and tell him he's a good boy and then it starts again. Totally unrelenting. Last night I decided I was going to wear him out sooo much that he wouldn't even notice what was happening. We went for a long (by his standards) walk in the morning and then went out for 20mins at around 9! He was knackered and fell striaght asleep in his crate in the living room. Success! But when I closed the door the howling started up again. This was at 11 and I decided I would try and ignore it for as long as I could - surely he would go to sleep eventually as he's never been so sleepy from his walks and play.

At 3am he still hadn't stopped and I found him hoarse and exhausted. This experience wasn't good for anyone so opened the crate and put his bed back in my room. He ignored it all together and jumped straight into my bed. 

I'm on no sleep at the moment and dont know what to do. I really have tried everything, Kong toys, stuffed toys, running him around, feeding him in the crate, everything. The strange thing is that when I leave to go to the shops, even for several hours, he's fine and I wouldn't put this sleeping problem down to separation anxiety. 

Please help!

Mike


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Please stop putting him in the crate.

The advice you were given previously said if he cries you’re going too fast with training him to settle alone in his crate. So not sure how leaving him for hours until he’s exhausted and hoarse seemed like a good idea - far from it, quite frankly 

Poor thing is now so distressed and his association with it and being alone at night is very damaged.

I would have him on the bed with me for a few weeks to reestablish a sleep pattern and lower his anxiety and then VERY gradually wean him into his own bed, close enough so you can lay your hand on him to reassure him you are there if he needs it.

Maybe use a specific blanket for him (or a soft bed) on your bed so that can be moved to the floor when he’s resettled.


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2020)

As above - unfortunately you've created an anxious puppy who is terrified of being left alone at night. He's lost any confidence he had and you need to start building that up again.

I know it's probably not what you want to hear but you need to start from where you are. Let him sleep on the bed - it won't be forever, just until he's confident enough and over the trauma of being alone at night. @Lurcherlad has given good advice on how to do this.

Try to reframe this. He's a little baby and the world is still big and scary. He's not crying and wanting to get on your bed because he's naughty, it's because he's unsure and he needs some physical proximity right now. Try to think of it in terms of what he NEEDS, rather than what you WANT (or don't want).


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## JoanneF (Feb 1, 2016)

As above - I'd just add the suggestion that when you start to wean him on to using his own bed, it might be easier to have his bed on your bed for a bit - so he is in his bed but still on yours iykwim.


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## Linda Weasel (Mar 5, 2014)

It’s a shame he can’t just sleep on your bed. The problem would be gone?

I get that some people don’t like dogs on the bed. Mine have always done it and no issues apart from a hairy duvet and only the edge of the mattress left for me.


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## Jamesgoeswalkies (May 8, 2014)

The problem is you moved too fast through the process. You had him settled in the crate in your room - happy and separated, toileting and then returning to his crate. Two weeks was in my opinion a little too soon to begin the process of distancing - he probably wasn't quite ready yet - but you did move him out and into the living room and you did have a level of success - except that he woke early.

Now to me with any puppy I have had waking early between 4am and 5am is normal. You take them out for a wee and then settle them back to play (no lights on) or give them something to chew in their bed. However, the trick is not to introduce at this stage a different habit altogether - if I have a dog or pup who can't sleep I go down stairs with them and sleep on the sofa for the last hour or so. In this way they *do *return to their bed, no new option of sleeping elsewhere is started and I get a little more sleep. Eventually pup doesn't need the early morning wee and we get woken later and later. Now invariably it's me who wakes the dogs as i am the one who likes to be up at 5am 

Whilst in my opinion it's perfectly ok the leave a pup for a few minutes to have a grumble and a whimper until they settle - leaving a puppy or young dog to cry it out invariably does have the opposite effect in that it has the potential to increase their anxiety at being left - they panic because no one comes. And because this is the stage you are at, you are in catch 22.

Personally now you do have a choice - you can let him sleep in your bed and hope that this helps him relax enough in a couple of weeks to be persuaded back into his own bed beside you. Or you can settle him in the bed beside you from the moment you go to bed - leave a night-light on (because you say he starts after lights out) and when he wakes, without getting up push him back onto his own bed and tell him to settle. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Keep the bed within arms reach so you can rest your hand on him if necessary.

We don't have any of our six dogs sleep in the bedroom - they have free range downstairs - and I have never shared my bed with a dog - the logistics would be crazy as I have often had 3 or 4 big dogs - but it's personal preference anyway - my wife and i like the bedroom to be our space.

J


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## Mikeyboy (Apr 4, 2020)

Thanks so much for your replies!

This is my first puppy and I'm doing my best to keep him calm and happy and also make sure that his routine can eventually fit around mine - not the other way round. I hate seeing/hearing him upset way more than I dislike him being in my bed (it doesn't bother me that much at all except for the fact that when he's bigger I want it to be an option rather than the default) but I want to try to get him a bit more independent if possible and don't want to wait until he's holder and it's a harder job.

LurcherLad, I'm afraid you're right and I moved a bit too quickly but Jamesgoeswalkies has summed it up quite well in that it is a catch 22. I think I'm going to get him in my bed for a while, then his bed on my bed, then his bed next to my bed and so on. Sleeping in the bedroom isn't that much of a problem generally but in lockdown with very little reason to go out, it's difficult to find any time to myself for work (or anything else) and I want him to be OK without me for a bit.


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