# new frenchie pup - hates being alone! help!



## Vinniethefrenchie (Sep 24, 2013)

hello all - I'm really looking for reassurance or words of advice/wisdom.

My boyfriend & I brought our 8 week old frenchie pup home on Friday. We have been dreaming about this for years, and we have done lots of planning before bringing him home. 

I knew it would be hard, I know he is a little baby & he is missing his litter mates (he had 8 other brothers & sisters!) but I didn't think it would be this hard.

He is awesome - so loving and already is really good at going to the toilet outside in our garden. He responds well to treats out there. He is extremely clingy however. He needs to be by me or my boyfriend at all times. 

At night he is sleeping in his crate in the kitchen. We haven't had much sleep since Friday, but we were expecting it, so it's fine. He will settle into his crate & fall asleep but when he wakes up & realises we are not there he will whine & cry. We can't let him do this for prolonged periods of times as our next door neighbour has a young baby & our walls are very thin - we really don't want to wake him up. We've had to sleep on an airbed in the kitchen since bringing him home. If he wakes up and fusses in the night, we are able to reassure him & he falls back to sleep. We also take him out to the garden every 2 hours or so, so he is not messing in his crate. Last night we thought we'd try his crate in the bedroom to see if he settles faster, but I think this made it worse. I have no idea how long we are going to be on the kitchen floor and I have no idea if by doing this we are setting ourselves up for a nightmare but we really can't have him screaming & crying all night. His crate is covered on three sides, cosy with a teddy, t shirt of mine/my boyfriend's and a hot water bottle, which he loves.

Our main issue is that he hates being left alone during the day. Even if I am in the room with him and I crate him he whines & cries continually. The only time he will be quiet is if I put him in & then sit on the floor next to him quietly. If I get up and go out of the room it's fine until he wakes up and realises I am not there. If I try to put him in the crate & leave him, well that's just game over - he screams & screams and never seems to wear himself out. We have tried going out for 20 minutes, but he seems so distresses and will mess in his crate, even if he has just been out to the toilet 5 minutes before. I hate seeing him so stressed & don't know what to do!

I am off until Monday coming and then my boyfriend takes over for a week. We really would love to make some progress on getting him used to being alone in his crate (or even just in the kitchen if people think this would be better for him) as we will both need to return to work in 2 weeks time. 

We are planning on putting him to doggy day care 3 x times per week, but for the other two we were planning on having a dog walker/friend come to take him out for an hour at lunchtime - at the moment with his screaming that just won't be an option - we just can't leave him screaming himself hoarse.

Is there anything I can do? Any specific routine? I have read loads of threads on the internet but I think I am just absolutely overwhelmed with information (& being so tired definitely doesn't help me think clearly!) so would really appreciate tips from people who might have experienced something similar. Even if you just wanted to assure me that things will get better & this is just typical puppy behaviour - that would really help! I've only ever owned cats before - they are a piece of cake compared to puppies, oh man!

He's adorable by the way - I will definitely post some pictures for you as a big thank you for any advice/tips!

Sorry for the length, I just wanted to cover everything. Thanks so much.


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## HarrysMummy (Sep 3, 2013)

Hiya congrats on your new puppy!...we have had ours 2 weeks and he was exactly the same!!...he sleeps in his crate in our bedroom as that's the only place he will settle! we have to talk for 10 mins in bed just so he knows we are there tho!.....As for the daytime I make sure he wee's poos before I crate him I make sure he is worn out first too so play for half hr/ an hr before I want to pop out, I put him in then put my shoes on walk round jangle my keys go sit on the sofa, pretend to wash up a bit, put the washing in the machine etc just random stuff for 5/10mins before I go and usually he is asleep so I can creep out( I know he will stay asleep for an hr ish) 
it seems by doing odd things before leaving he doesn't realise I am actually going lol good luck


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## Vinniethefrenchie (Sep 24, 2013)

thanks harry's mummy!

he cries if he's crated & i'm not paying attention to him! he's fine being crated if i am sitting quietly nearby, but even if i'm in the same room & not paying him attention he will whine.

I can get him to settle at night if I am by him, but I'm worried I'm creating worse habits by doing this, and just creating a little monster who thinks he controls me and my boyfriend! he is a total angel other than this, which makes it all extra frustrating.

i have been going in and out of the kitchen and he seems to be able to do a few minutes on his own without crying as long as he not shut into his crate, so maybe during the day puppy proofing the kitchen and putting a baby gate in/play pen with his crate door open for him to go in and out of as he pleases is a better option? 

it's just really hard to find a method that works as there is so many opinions/advice out there that it becomes overwhelming & I think I am trying to do a little of everything with absolutely no success. 

Still, it is night 5 tonight, so maybe it is to be expected that he is still acting like this?


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## AnnC (Apr 18, 2009)

Try leaving a radio on low so there's a bit of back ground noise and then a stuffed toy for comfort in his crate.


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## Sled dog hotel (Aug 11, 2010)

Vinniethefrenchie said:


> hello all - I'm really looking for reassurance or words of advice/wisdom.
> 
> My boyfriend & I brought our 8 week old frenchie pup home on Friday. We have been dreaming about this for years, and we have done lots of planning before bringing him home.
> 
> ...


Did you just put him in the crate and close the door? If you did that may be part of the problem, when they are absolutely whacked they can sometimes except it or at first, but if they haven't been trained to the crate to see it as a place of relaxation and rest and a safe place, some can get really stressed.

If you haven't crate trained, it would be an idea to go back to basics perhaps.
Have the crate where you will be spending time door open. Get him too see it as a place of good things, by randomly throwing in treats here and there and toys, so he gets used to running in and out freely. When he is happy with that, you can hide smelly treats in the corners and under the edges of the bed to get him used to going in and investigating and finding them, door open at this time still.
Feeding his meals in the crate makes another good association too. When he seems more relaxed then see If you can get him to settle in there with a puppy safe chew, or something like a stuffed Kong still door open. When he does settle in there hapilly then then just get up no fuss and push the door too, then before he gets stressed and vocal, just get up and open it again don't say or do anything else at all. Then work on getting him to settle in there with something to occupy him with the door pushed too a bit longer at a time. Once he seems a lot more happier and settled then you can finally bolt it and start to build the time up. Still do all the other things you do at the moment as comforters too.

Adaptil plug in diffusers can help a lot of pups, used like a plug in air freshener they emit an artificial version of the pheromone mum emits to calm and soothe her pups. You can buy them in vets and pets at home but much cheaper on line
Pet Medicine, Vet Prescriptions & Pet Food Cheaper Than Your Vet is one place although you may get them even cheaper.
If you want to read more:-

Adaptil helps dogs and puppys learn settle travel and in kennels

Personally I have mine within sight and sound of me at night for the first couple of weeks, that way you can take them out, when they naturally wake or stir to the toilet too, helping with toilet training.

Meanwhile I usually start on weaning them gently to cope alone in the day time while you are in.
Its best to do it after a play session or exercise when they will have gotten rid of excess energy and be tired and more likely to settle. Just take him to where he is to be left and give him a safe chew or stuffed kong, and walk away no fuss.
Like you did with the crate and pushing the door too, you must return at first before they get stressed of vocal if its literally for a minute or two, let him out but continue to ignore him for another minute then call him to you and give him lots of attention. You then start to build up the times gradually as he learns to self amuse and then rest. Having a radio down low on a talking station can help as it seems to soothe a lot of pups. 
By making it a gentle process, he should learn that when you leave you will always be back, and leaving him with something to self amuse should help, plus the Goody makes a good association with being left.

Anoter alternative would be to have the crate in the kitchen door open as his bed, and confine him to the kitchen with a baby or dog control gate. This is often better as they don't feel so isolated as with a solid closed door shut on them.


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## Vinniethefrenchie (Sep 24, 2013)

thank you sled dog hotel - really apprecaite the time you have taken to reply & your helpful ideas.

He did really well last night in his crate - he seems to settle down into it really quickly when I am right by him. He woke up every couple of hours to go out to the toilet but slept basically from 10pm until 7am. That will be his normal schedule, expect when I am back at work, he will probably be getting up around 6am and may go to bed closer to 11pm.

I don't suppose we have crate trained him that slowly, so you're right, taking him back to the very basics is what we will need to do. It's super difficult because if I am nearby he just clambers on to me and falls asleep wherever he can be touching me. He won't stay in the crate with the door open even if he has tasty treats or his favourite toy because he can see me & he wants to be near me. 

I will keep trying for very short periods of time. He will go in there of his own accord when I am in the room just pottering around - I have been the "treat fairy" so leave little surprises for him to find now and again. He doesn't seem stressed out about going in or out of the crate, really, he just doesn't like it when left alone, or when it blocks his access to me. 

I think I'll try the pheromone appeaser, and perhaps get a baby gate to see if this will calm him when left alone. Meanwhile, patience, patience patience 

thank you again!


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## Sled dog hotel (Aug 11, 2010)

Vinniethefrenchie said:


> thank you sled dog hotel - really apprecaite the time you have taken to reply & your helpful ideas.
> 
> He did really well last night in his crate - he seems to settle down into it really quickly when I am right by him. He woke up every couple of hours to go out to the toilet but slept basically from 10pm until 7am. That will be his normal schedule, expect when I am back at work, he will probably be getting up around 6am and may go to bed closer to 11pm.
> 
> ...


The problem is the more he is with you and not learning to begin to cope alone likely the more dependant still he will become and the worse it will get, so if you will be going back to work in the not to distant future you do need to start weaning him off gently now while you still have the chance.


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## Vinniethefrenchie (Sep 24, 2013)

we have been out meeting some of my friends, I've came home, fed him, we've had a play, taken him outside and he was trying to settle down on my legs for a nap. Every time I would take him gently and put him in his crate with his favourite chew toy. He has finally laid down & is napping now. I have shut the crate door, and he has noticed this and isn't bothered. I am still sitting near his crate - should I leave - if I do, I know he will cry when he wakes & realises I am not here?

Thanks again for any and all advice!


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## Sled dog hotel (Aug 11, 2010)

Vinniethefrenchie said:


> we have been out meeting some of my friends, I've came home, fed him, we've had a play, taken him outside and he was trying to settle down on my legs for a nap. Every time I would take him gently and put him in his crate with his favourite chew toy. He has finally laid down & is napping now. I have shut the crate door, and he has noticed this and isn't bothered. I am still sitting near his crate - should I leave - if I do, I know he will cry when he wakes & realises I am not here?
> 
> Thanks again for any and all advice!


You do need to start leaving him, even for short periods even if its literally walking out and back in again if you have too, and return before he gets vocal and stressed. While you are sitting there he isn't going to get used to being in it alone with you in sight.


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## petitsfilous (Jan 25, 2013)

I know this isn't helpful but I think you honestly chose the wrong breed of dog. If you had done more research on the breed you would not be surprised that he is following you everywhere. All Frenchies do this. 

I'm assuming that you and your partner both work full time - Again, wrong choice of breed to be left alone all day even with a strange face checking in. My Frenchie will not even step out the door with my other half unless I am there because they attach themselves to one particular person. They don't like being left alone and are actually one of the many breeds that suffer from bad separation anxiety.

I will never leave my pup on his own for more than 4 hours a day. It's selfish to get a dog and then leave it on it's own for hours and hours.


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## Frenchie79 (Aug 3, 2013)

I own a Frenchie too and agree, I can't even go the toilet without being followed. They love being around people!


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## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

I have a yorkie and they are also well known for being people orientated. With training you can get dogs to accept you not always being around and neither of my dogs have SA.


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## Vinniethefrenchie (Sep 24, 2013)

Hi Petitsfilous, not super helpful, I agree!

I actually don't appreciate you saying I haven't researched the breed - I can assure you I have spent years researching and speaking to other frenchie owners who have assured me that their dogs have been perfectly able to be left on their own for 3-4 hours at a time with no problem at all.

I think with the right training, time, patience and stimulation, we will get there with him, and he will be happy to be left on his own for short periods of time throughout the day. The difficult part is just getting to that point, and that is what I am looking for help/tips with. He is already getting to the point where he can be left in his crate happily to sleep for a couple of hours, so I certainly don't think this is beyond our reach. He is a puppy after all, and everything is still new to him, so I don't blame him for not wanting to be left - I just want to know how to make this as pleasant as possible for him.

Yes, my partner and I both work full time, but different daily hours - we are also putting him into a reputable doggy day care 3 times per week and on the other 2 days he will have a walk at lunchtime, so his days will certainly be full of human interaction, and I honestly do not think that he will suffer from being left for a few hours at a time on those days that he will be walked at lunch time only.


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## Rosie64 (Feb 27, 2014)

I am sorry and no offence ment but I personally do not agree with people who work especially full time owning a dog of any breed let alone one which is well known for seperation anxiety. But that is just my own personal opinion


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## Vinniethefrenchie (Sep 24, 2013)

Well I am sure you will be pleased to hear that he is absolutely fine now and we have worked through his anxiety at being left alone. It's very natural for all small puppies to have this fear, but through gentle encouragement and baby steps we managed to reassure him that being left alone is not a bad thing, which I personally think is a very important thing for a dog to be able to do. 

Not everyone has the luxury of not working, or working from home, and you absolutely can have a dog and work full time. My fiance and I are proof of this. Our dog is left alone for 3 - 4 hours maximum in a day, and then he goes to a neighbours for the afternoon. He is a very well behaved, obedient and loving dog and I am absolutely sure that he misses for nothing.

I'm sure this forum has had plenty of heated discussions on working full time vs staying at home all day with your dog, and frankly I am not interested in entering into a conversation further with you on the matter except to say that I think you have a rather narrow minded point of view and that I don't think it's a very nice trait to openly judge other people when you are quite clearly ill-formed as to whether it is detrimental to the dog or not (it isn't).


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## bay20 (Aug 14, 2013)

Hi and welcome to the forum! 

i cant really add anything more than sled dog hotel has stated which was great advice, feeding meals in there etc. Are you teaching him an "in your bed" type command? everytime mine would even wander in there id say the line and give him a treat and when i wanted to pop him in if we were going out id say "in your bed" then pop a treat inside for him to follow. so when you say that eventually he will hop in there to request. hopefully he will settle in nicely soon and be like mine and as soon as the treat cupboards opened leaps in there awaiting a yummy treat.


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## Vinniethefrenchie (Sep 24, 2013)

Hi Bay20,

This is actually an old thread that has been resurrected. We got our puppy back in September and I am happy to report he is great in his crate now. We actually leave it open for him and have a separate bed in the kitchen too. 99% of the time he chooses to sleep in his crate. He puts himself to bed most nights these days and sleeps through from 10.30pm until 6am (and longer on the weekends!)

He is a super dog. The first few weeks were really tough as it was horrible seeing him distressed at being left alone, but he was just a baby and learning all sorts of new things. He is very independent now, but still loves having companionship. He is left for 3-4 hours each day and copes as well as can be expected. We have recorded him on a few occasions to see what he does - he mainly just sleeps even though we leave him stuffed kongs etc to keep him entertained. To be fair, when we are around he likes to sleep a lot too (interspered with moments of play, of course!)

Thanks for your reply - I do appreciate it!


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## bay20 (Aug 14, 2013)

oh awesome! sorry hadnt noticed the dates on that!glad to hear that


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## Dingle (Aug 29, 2008)

Vinniethefrenchie said:


> Hi Bay20,
> 
> This is actually an old thread that has been resurrected. We got our puppy back in September and I am happy to report he is great in his crate now. We actually leave it open for him and have a separate bed in the kitchen too. 99% of the time he chooses to sleep in his crate. He puts himself to bed most nights these days and sleeps through from 10.30pm until 6am (and longer on the weekends!)
> 
> ...


Nice to hear your dog is settling in nicely


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## Kirstyrebe (Jan 20, 2014)

Vinniethefrenchie said:


> hello all - I'm really looking for reassurance or words of advice/wisdom.
> 
> My boyfriend & I brought our 8 week old frenchie pup home on Friday. We have been dreaming about this for years, and we have done lots of planning before bringing him home.
> 
> ...


Aww congrats on your new pup and just wanted to say I absolutely love the name (my sons name also spelt the same way)


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## Sampad (Jun 9, 2016)

Rosie64 said:


> I am sorry and no offence ment but I personally do not agree with people who work especially full time owning a dog of any breed let alone one which is well known for seperation anxiety. But that is just my own personal opinion


Couldn't agree more. You wouldn't leave a kid alone all day. Pay for a dog sitter or don't get one. It's plain cruel, it's makes almost all breeds mentally ill.
S


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## Sampad (Jun 9, 2016)

> He is awesome - so loving ...He's adorable by the way!


So let the poor little fella sleep in the same room as you in a nice cozy bed. Or even better on your bed. Nighttime cuddles is all part of the joy of having a frenchie bull. They don't live long, you shouldn't waste a minute of it.


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