# NEWBIES UNDER ATTACK!!



## Mojosmum (Oct 19, 2015)

I have been a member of several forums over the years on a variety of subjects and each time I have joined one it has been because I wanted advice and / or support from people who have a greater understanding on the subject than I do. The sharing of information and helping and supporting others is, I thought, what the whole purpose of a forum was???
I am very concerned that when a newbie to this forum plucks up the courage to post their first thread that some members are really quite aggressive in their response ( how ever well intentioned) .
I have only been a member for a month and had before joining worked out that many of the threads can get very heated.
The longer standing members who know each other well can quickly decide which threads they wish to avoid but Newbies do not have that experience available to them and I wonder just how many newbies who join this forum, start a thread and then never return??... quite high I would suspect.

I know as Newbies we get it wrong, we're here to learn... It's hard to concentrate with your jugular ripped out!!
perhaps some of our members, if they don't feel able to be tactful.... just shouldn't respond ?


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

I posted a very similar thread to this just a few days ago, but from the opposite side of the fence 

http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/feeling-unwelcome.415404/

(not really sure how to post a link to another thread so hope I've done that right )

I'm a newbie and have never been made to feel unwelcome here. If anything, so far, the majority of rudeness I've encountered has been from some of the other newbies who are in the same boat as me 

As I mentioned in the other thread a few days ago, personally I use this forum for help and advice and have found it a very useful tool. If I ask a question, I want honest answers. I don't want people to sugar coat their replies and skirt around the truth and I don't want a pat on the back and be told I'm doing everything right. I want to learn.

What I have found in the short space of time I've been here is that some newbies actually are just looking for pats on the backs and actually are wanting people to only give them advice that they want to hear. If they don't get that, then some newbies get defensive and accuse members of being rude, bullying, personally attacking them etc etc.
In my opinion, if you (not you personally) aren't prepared to get varied and honest opinions, then don't post on a public forum. Nobody is paid to give advice on here, so if someone has gone out of their way to give their opinion or offer help then you (again, not you personally) should show some gratitude whether it's what you wanted to hear or not.
Also if those members who are accused of being less tactful kept quiet and didn't respond, it would be a very quiet forum as not very many other members bother to give advice. They just like to pipe up now and again to point fingers at those who do go out of their way to offer help 

That's just my opinions as a fellow newbie


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## Rosie64 (Feb 27, 2014)

Nettles said:


> s I mentioned in the other thread a few days ago, personally I use this forum for help and advice and have found it a very useful tool. If I ask a question, I want honest answers. I don't want people to sugar coat their replies and skirt around the truth and I don't want a pat on the back and be told I'm doing everything right. I want to learn.
> 
> What I have found in the short space of time I've been here is that some newbies actually are just looking for pats on the backs and actually are wanting people to only give them advice that they want to hear. If they don't get that, then some newbies get defensive and accuse members of being rude, bullying, personally attacking them etc etc.
> In my opinion, if you (not you personally) aren't prepared to get varied and honest opinions, then don't post on a public forum. Nobody is paid to give advice on here, so if someone has gone out of their way to give their opinion or offer help then you (again, not you personally) should show some gratitude whether it's what you wanted to hear or not.
> Also if those members who are accused of being less tactful kept quiet and didn't respond, it would be a very quiet forum as not very many other members bother to give advice. They just like to pipe up now and again to point fingers at those who do go out of their way to offer help


 As I said in Nettles previous post I still classify myself as a newbie even after 2 years because I am still learning but I whole heartedly agree with everything she has said


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

Nettles said:


> Also if those members who are accused of being less tactful kept quiet and didn't respond, it would be a very quiet forum as not very many other members bother to give advice.


Or others might then feel they could post and help without getting abused


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## Mojosmum (Oct 19, 2015)

Oh dear, missed that one, did try and do a search before posting but used the word " newbie" so it didn't pick it up.
15 page debate says it all really.
I guess what I'm asking is ........can we use a smaller soap box and not wrap the message round a brick!!!......... please.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Mojosmum said:


> Oh dear, missed that one, did try and do a search before posting but used the word " newbie" so it didn't pick it up.
> 15 page debate says it all really.
> I guess what I'm asking is ........can we use a smaller soap box and not wrap the message round a brick!!!......... please.


Do you have an example/link of a newbie being harshly treated when asking for advice? I know there were a couple of newbies recently who joined posting quite aggressively themselves so it was no surprise when they got some harsh replies. Sometimes you can read a thread and think ouch that seemed a bit harsh but do a search on that newbies other posts and you will see they have a pretty provocative style of posting or asking for advice then telling people not to dare to tell them how to do things as they already know.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

rona said:


> Or others might then feel they could post and help without getting abused


I haven't seen any member being "abused" ? There have been plenty of debates and counter opinions like you would expect on any public forum.. but I've never seen anyone being abused. Ever.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Mojosmum said:


> Oh dear, missed that one, did try and do a search before posting but used the word " newbie" so it didn't pick it up.
> 15 page debate says it all really.
> I guess what I'm asking is ........can we use a smaller soap box and not wrap the message round a brick!!!......... please.


A debate isn't a bad thing IMO. It's people with differing opinions discussing their views. Many of whom then go to a different thread and can happily agree on something completely different.


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## Guest (Nov 18, 2015)

Not doing this again... enguin


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## Mum2Heidi (Feb 17, 2010)

Each time I see these threads I think of my dear old Grandad - he was born in 1900 and one of his sayings always stuck with me is "Same words - different tone!"


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## stuaz (Sep 22, 2012)

Is this thread in relation to another particular thread ??

Examples please!

But I mean come on its, the internet, if you are that thin skinned that you can't deal with other peoples opinions then I suggest you unplug your network cable


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Agree with @rottiepointerhouse, I'd like to see some evidence of a thread where a new person has posted a polite and well thought out opening post and the 'forum' has reacted in a poor manner. A couple of points

I struggle with the concept of 'the forum', it has similarities to 'the mafia'! I rarely agree outright with all contributions to any one thread and the responses are generally very mixed as they should be.
I think people are all too ready to pick out the negative over the positive.
It is very hard, despite the army of smilies or whatever they are called, to place a mood or inflection on written words.
We're all unique humans.
Without wishing to get too academic, I think we have huge mix of people on the forum with different abilities. I often stick my feet in it as I have dyspraxia and often don't understand things so fast (see signature!). That needs to be taken into account. Some of us can offer up an objective debate based on academic learning and others deliver a good dose of common sense. Others use humour.
I have only met 2 people from PF in real life so I don't know anyone much and I'm not in a position to judge someone.
Ignore feature is a good thing.
Life is too short.
We are not allowed to discuss past threads and I think it unethical to target specific members but there are two that come to mind in the last month who have demanded quick answers to training issues that would have affected the welfare of a dog. And it is right that the majority of the forum reacts to this. I note that at first this is largely gentle but as the person who posts becomes increasingly irate that their point of view is ignored and insistent that a device or method would _never_ cause a dog pain, so the more reactive everyone becomes. You do wonder why they ever asked!

I feel I need to advise that this post is an objective post not a grumpy subjective one!


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

I know it been said before but over the internet we haven't got the advantage of facial expressiond and body language to help guage a persons mood. Some comments, said with a smile, twinkle or wink, would seem much less harsh than stark black and white script. 
Personally I feel if I can't respond in a positive helpful manner I won't respond at all.


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

I think some of the recent conflict has been down to one person using multiple accounts, trying to antagonise people to prove their point.


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## Muze (Nov 30, 2011)

I think it can be pot luck and the topic of your first post.... you know if a newbie dives in with 'my rescue staffy is having pups, what do I do?!' they may well be met with some frustrated forum members lol 

But usually, it's all down to misunderstandings, it's so easy to misinterpret text, especially if you are a little anxious anyway. 

I nearly cried on FB the other day when someone called me a 'dopey t**t'.... didn't even cross my mind it was a joke lol


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## Rolacolacube (Aug 21, 2012)

I've not seen attacks on any newbies thankfully. The only thing I struggle with sometimes is, if for example a new member and an older member posted about the same thing, the more established member will get more replies as they know more people but obviously this is similar to the real world in that it is hard to integrate sometimes into well established groups of friends. It's not a criticism, it's just an observation.

I was on this forum a couple of years ago and was always given wonderful advice and had lovely conversations with people. After coming back on recently, I have noticed it is more difficult to integrate but as with anything, it will just take time and I and all newbies in general need to realise this  xx


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

good thing about facebook and forums is that you can remove comments and move on if you don't want to remain in a particular thread or fb group. Been on here three years now and on previous forums for another few years so I do class myself as an experienced forum user and have a certain etiquette that I try to keep but when some of these idiots come on for advice and we give it then we get negative feedback from them its tough keeping the good etiquette. Especially when you know you and the rest of the members on the thread responding are right in what you're saying.
We're all passionate about our animals and this can unfortunately cause heated debates and keyboard battles.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

It's been said before, plenty of times, but if you think someone is being offensive in the way they reply to a post, report the post/s to a mod.

Other than that, I'm sitting this one out...


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## colliemerles (Nov 2, 2007)

_since the day I joined there have been posts about this kind of thing, I think sometimes a newbie might come on and ask what some members may consider a stupid question , one that's been asked time and time again, and some members may be blunt in their answer or come across as not being helpful, as they are sick of repeating their answers about the same questions, then the newbie can get defensive and it can get heated, which in afew cases has made other members post and it than can look very one sided where everyone is arguing with the newbie , but to be honest i think you get that every where, work school etc . I have seen some stupid posts from newbies were i think, Really ?? are you for real. i avoid these posts. i have also seen replies from members where i have thought ouch, that's abit harsh. I have learnt that if someone posts something i don't agree with or like i can move on and look at a different post or just move away from the computer. _


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

As @LinznMilly says, if you think someone is being abusive or being bullied report the post. I can assure you, reports are dealt with even if you never know the outcome. 
I haven't been here quite as long as @colliemerles but I remember when I first joined I thought some of the posts were very harsh and it did upset me even though no one ever spoke to me in such tones. As I've been around for longer I can see some of the questions more clearly and I think sometimes people get upset and angry when they don't get the answers they want. Many people don't like to be told they are in the wrong, they just want confirmation that they are doing things correctly. When told, actually you're not, they start to get defensive and that's when the trouble can start.
Of course we have on going dislikes, disputes and so on between long standing members, which is understandable too. In real life we're not all going to be be friends and like each other are we?
The ignore function is useful but don't use to alienate others. If you have someone on ignore keep it to yourself.
And at the end of the day, this is a forum - you can log off anytime you want to, lose your password and forget all about it.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

When I came in....nearly six years ago to ask about my rescue dig I was steamrolled by some...
Accidentally noticed even a bit OTT posts about me on someone's open wall...
Some apologies and we are ok now on.
What worries me more now that if I ask for honest opinion like in case of that Maltese my posts are not answered.
I rather would be told what I am doing wrong than ignored.
But then possibly better to post olin more specific sections.

Like in every playground there are kids you find annoying. 
Ignore them.


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

cheekyscrip said:


> my posts are not answered.


How did that happen?


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

I think this idea that newbies are being treated harshly or whatever comes from the fact that opinions are offered, the newbie gets offended and goes on the defensive, and then for some reason that is seen as the newbie being 'attacked'. Perhaps those who do not wish to hear different view points should avoid forum life altogether. It's getting kind of tedious to keep reading similar threads as of late. When you have been here long enough you do get a feel for those newbies with genuine intent, and those that are to post controversial subjects, insult the older members of the forum, and generally just cause trouble. A couple of the newbies as of late have been in the latter camp


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## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

I think a lot of communication is lost in the written word, things can easily be misinterpreted - I also think if someone comes on and is aggressive and refuses to listen to all reason it can be frustrating to people trying to help, I also think there are a lot of trolls who post things to get a reaction and act a certain way, equally I think sometimes members (old and new) can come across a little too forceful sometimes and it perhaps can be a little intimidating for the poster and they can get defensive, however for every thread that descends into madness there are a hundred more that offer helpful advice, I also think people who have bought an animals from a byb and are told so get very upset and defensive and this can cause problems, they often feel the breeder they chose shouldn't be brought into it at all but others pointing it out feel it's an important thing to be aware of for the future and others reading, but it is something that sometimes needs handled a little more tactfully. 

at the end of the day this isn't the biggest thing in the world, it's a forum, full of strangers who you never need to meet or speak to again if you chose not to, and unlike the real world if someone feels unhappy with how they are spoken to they can report it then click off and move on, I always feel people need a little perspective when joining forums etc and not to let it upset them too much but use it to their advantage to gain some good information or pass some on, but to also be able to log off and get on with their day without dwelling on it - it's only the internet after all.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

So when does a Newbie transcend to the heights of a 'regular'?!


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

And I think switching off is good advice but that it’s worth keeping in mind that no everyone can. There are many cases where behaviours on forums have affected real life and caused anxiety, numerous research papers and I am reminded of my very dear god daughter who is borderline autism and has dyspraxia – she often struggles. It can be hard for some to walk away, I know I used to get very upset. Less so now and I will always apologies openly or via a pm depending on context or the person. Sorry goes a long way if it’s meant but I see it very rarely on here which is sad.

I reported something yesterday which I know was fifty percent either way and mostly me for (still) getting used to the forum and that the text you draft but do not post, gets posted the next time. I always forget this! I am very grateful that the moderators responded quickly and fairly but I’m sure if we kept in mind that we’re all humans with our own levels of tolerance that might help make the mods lives easier too!

And whilst I think of it, isn't 'attack' a very harsh phrase.


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## Mojosmum (Oct 19, 2015)

I have not used the word " Abusive" .
I am also not referring to myself . I understand that some newbies ask the strangest of questions some of which have received no replies, which I think is absolutely the right response. My limited computer skills mean that I have no idea how to " link" anything anywhere, sorry. I also was not aware that there was an" ignore" button 
I fully understand that experienced members get sick and tired of newbies asking the same old daft questions or not excepting your valuable knowledge / wisdom but no one is obliged to respond.
As this subject keeps coming up perhaps there needs to be a strategy for responding to a newbies first post rather than the " playground politics" we currently employ IMO


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Mojosmum said:


> I have not used the word " Abusive" .
> I am also not referring to myself . I understand that some newbies ask the strangest of questions some of which have received no replies, which I think is absolutely the right response. My limited computer skills mean that I have no idea how to " link" anything anywhere, sorry. I also was not aware that there was an" ignore" button
> I fully understand that experienced members get sick and tired of newbies asking the same old daft questions or not excepting your valuable knowledge / wisdom but no one is obliged to respond.
> As this subject keeps coming up perhaps there needs to be a strategy for responding to a newbies first post rather than the " playground politics" we currently employ IMO


Its OK you don't have to actually link to a thread but an example of what you called "newbies under attack" would be great as these things can be a bit like Chinese Whisper and because one person reads others commenting about Newbies being harshly treated they carry that around and pass it on when in actual fact its not something they have actually witnessed. I have yet to see any new member join, introduce themselves and ask for help and not be given it. The thread may not go the way they hoped and they may be asked other questions about their pets or be given advice that they don't like but if you ask for help/advice you surely have to be prepared to take on board what people say/suggest even if you choose not to follow it without taking offence and throwing a hissy fit as some recent new members have done. Personally I don't mind responding to silly questions or ones that have been answered a hundred times before (if I have the time) but I do mind if I take the time to make some suggestions and the newbie then turns nasty. As has been said many times this forum is made up of people from all walks of life/political views/ages/nationalities and sometimes things get heated or get a bit lost in translation but on the whole good advice is given out time after time after time, free, not many places you can get that.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Mojosmum said:


> I have not used the word " Abusive" .
> I am also not referring to myself . I understand that some newbies ask the strangest of questions some of which have received no replies, which I think is absolutely the right response. My limited computer skills mean that I have no idea how to " link" anything anywhere, sorry. I also was not aware that there was an" ignore" button
> I fully understand that experienced members get sick and tired of newbies asking the same old daft questions or not excepting your valuable knowledge / wisdom but no one is obliged to respond.
> As this subject keeps coming up perhaps there needs to be a strategy for responding to a newbies first post rather than the " playground politics" we currently employ IMO


I have no idea what happens in the breeding forum as I don't go there but on the other boards, even members asking the strangest, most ridiculous questions still get given good and helpful advice (believe me, I've asked a few ridiculous questions myself )

If you can't link to any of these threads, could you perhaps quote the title of the thread so I can search for it? I'm genuinely interested in reading where this has happened. I've asked a few times and nobody has ever been able to produce a thread. Not even once. I think a lot of it is as @rottiepointerhouse has said, Chinese whispers and hearsay.
I'm beginning to think it's the pet forums urban myth


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## bordercollieglen (Nov 18, 2014)

Hope its all right for me to join in, I am still finding my way around as I have just started using the forum a few days ago.

Initially I was quite worried about making a post and joining in on other people's posts, because I don't really know anyone and I am new to forums in general (this is the first I have been on), However my first experience to the forum was amazing and I think now I am going to be a regular user, when I posted a question I had replies that really helped me and the members were very helpful and had obviously gone out their way to post links to information and telling me of their experiences regarding my post, I couldn't be more thankful for their help and I am really glad I found the forum and hope that I can help others and also receive advice and guidance in the future.

I hope that was okay for me to post, thank you.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

bordercollieglen said:


> Hope its all right for me to join in, I am still finding my way around as I have just started using the forum a few days ago.
> 
> Initially I was quite worried about making a post and joining in on other people's posts, because I don't really know anyone and I am new to forums in general (this is the first I have been on), However my first experience to the forum was amazing and I think now I am going to be a regular user, when I posted a question I had replies that really helped me and the members were very helpful and had obviously gone out their way to post links to information and telling me of their experiences regarding my post, I couldn't be more thankful for their help and I am really glad I found the forum and hope that I can help others and also receive advice and guidance in the future.
> 
> I hope that was okay for me to post, thank you.


What a lovely post. I think the best way is to join in on other threads and post lots of photos of your dogs. This is quite a big forum so even some members who have been around a long time don't know everyone else. You tend to get to know the people you have things in common with or have exchanged posts with so keep posting - I don't believe I have seen any photos of your Hudson apart from those in your signature


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## Jamesgoeswalkies (May 8, 2014)

redroses2106 said:


> for every thread that descends into madness there are a hundred more that offer helpful advice,.


This is how i see it too.

In a way message boards are their own little worlds ....you either love them or you hate them. Those of us who are still here presumably love them. Warts and all.

Newbies who maybe take time to read a little before posting stand a better chance of understanding how things work. That applies to boards in general actually in my experience. Used properly boards are a great way of gleaning (and sharing) info and opinions. You don't have to agree with all the people all the time. And it's best not to take things personally. But hey, that's life.

J


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Mojosmum said:


> I have not used the word " Abusive" .
> I am also not referring to myself . I understand that some newbies ask the strangest of questions some of which have received no replies, which I think is absolutely the right response. My limited computer skills mean that I have no idea how to " link" anything anywhere, sorry. I also was not aware that there was an" ignore" button
> I fully understand that experienced members get sick and tired of newbies asking the same old daft questions or not excepting your valuable knowledge / wisdom but no one is obliged to respond.
> As this subject keeps coming up perhaps there needs to be a strategy for responding to a newbies first post rather than the " playground politics" we currently employ IMO


Why should there be a 'strategy'? Surely people should be allowed to post whatever they feel is relevent (as long as it doesnt go against forum rules).

I don't think some of the more long term members get fed up of giving the same advice at all, I've reads lots of posts over the years from the more experienced members offering advice & it doesn't appear they get fed up of it ... if they did they wouldn't post! I think it was when a newbie come on full of atttitude, telling people they are wrong immediately or starts posts about breeding their dog irresponsibly & won't accept that they need to put more thought in to it that people do become less tolerant.

No one is obliged to respond but then no one is obliged to stick around if they feel they are being 'bullied' ... a word that tends to get used far too frequently when people don't seem to get the responses they want


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## bordercollieglen (Nov 18, 2014)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> What a lovely post. I think the best way is to join in on other threads and post lots of photos of your dogs. This is quite a big forum so even some members who have been around a long time don't know everyone else. You tend to get to know the people you have things in common with or have exchanged posts with so keep posting - I don't believe I have seen any photos of your Hudson apart from those in your signature


Thank you, I hope to join in on as many threads as I can, I love to see everyone's dogs and chat about dogs (as I do, everyday lol):Happy
I also love too see all the lovely pictures of people's dogs

Here is a few photos of Hudson, he is 17 months


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

bordercollieglen said:


> Thank you, I hope to join in on as many threads as I can, I love to see everyone's dogs and chat about dogs (as I do, everyday lol):Happy
> I also love too see all the lovely pictures of people's dogs
> 
> Here is a few photos of Hudson, he is 17 months


That last photo is brilliant. What a good looking dog


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## bordercollieglen (Nov 18, 2014)

Siskin said:


> That last photo is brilliant. What a good looking dog


Thank you ( I think he quite enjoys posing for the phone camera, lol)


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## Mojosmum (Oct 19, 2015)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Its OK you don't have to actually link to a thread but an example of what you called "newbies under attack" would be great as these things can be a bit like Chinese Whisper and because one person reads others commenting about Newbies being harshly treated they carry that around and pass it on when in actual fact its not something they have actually witnessed. I have yet to see any new member join, introduce themselves and ask for help and not be given it. The thread may not go the way they hoped and they may be asked other questions about their pets or be given advice that they don't like but if you ask for help/advice you surely have to be prepared to take on board what people say/suggest even if you choose not to follow it without taking offence and throwing a hissy fit as some recent new members have done. Personally I don't mind responding to silly questions or ones that have been answered a hundred times before (if I have the time) but I do mind if I take the time to make some suggestions and the newbie then turns nasty. As has been said many times this forum is made up of people from all walks of life/political views/ages/nationalities and sometimes things get heated or get a bit lost in translation but on the whole good advice is given out time after time after time, free, not many places you can get that.


OK,
flibbie, yesterday 5.57, storm 3302 Sunday 8.50pm, poppy66 Sunday 5.09 are three first posts that didn't get a reply......maybe with good reason?
There is not one specific post that I whish to highlight but
"older dogs suddenly stopped using kennels" &" confusion over puppy's age" were the last two posts that I found " cringe worthy", at least initially bur there are similar older posts which probably give a better example. I noticed that Rosehol had previously posted the same question on another forum , received a reply there and acted on it before posting here so seems genuine. I know that people are acting out of concern for the dogs and that's right. But sometimes we seem to be heavy on opinion and thin on practical help


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## Britt (May 18, 2014)

I joined the forums when I adopted Pooh. He had some health issues at the time and I got great advice and support from everyone. I met some of the ladies in person last June and we had a wonderful time.

I'm a moderator at a few forums (not cat related) and we have a no bashing policy. It is important for everyone to feel welcome.

We have a great peace keeper here (Lynn). She never lets anything get out of hand


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

with the exception of a few youngsters on the forum , i am finding it hard to comprehend and understand how an adult person can feel under 'attack' or bullied on a pet forum shoving my mature head on for a minute surely the best response is, if you don't like the answers, or feel 'bullied' switch the internet off. or, report to a mod.


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

Mojosmum said:


> OK,
> flibbie, yesterday 5.57, storm 3302 Sunday 8.50pm, poppy66 Sunday 5.09 are three first posts that didn't get a reply......maybe with good reason?
> There is not one specific post that I whish to highlight but
> "older dogs suddenly stopped using kennels" &" confusion over puppy's age" were the last two posts that I found " cringe worthy", at least initially bur there are similar older posts which probably give a better example. I noticed that Rosehol had previously posted the same question on another forum , received a reply there and acted on it before posting here so seems genuine. I know that people are acting out of concern for the dogs and that's right. But sometimes we seem to be heavy on opinion and thin on practical help


I posted in the thread about the confusion over a pups age, and can honestly not see anywhere in that thread where a new member would feel under attack, bullied, or abused.....


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Mojosmum said:


> OK,
> flibbie, yesterday 5.57, storm 3302 Sunday 8.50pm, poppy66 Sunday 5.09 are three first posts that didn't get a reply......maybe with good reason?
> There is not one specific post that I whish to highlight but
> "older dogs suddenly stopped using kennels" &" confusion over puppy's age" were the last two posts that I found " cringe worthy", at least initially bur there are similar older posts which probably give a better example. I noticed that Rosehol had previously posted the same question on another forum , received a reply there and acted on it before posting here so seems genuine. I know that people are acting out of concern for the dogs and that's right. But sometimes we seem to be heavy on opinion and thin on practical help


I don't know about the threads that didn't get a reply but that happens sometimes, might be no one around who is interested or knows anything about the subject or might just be bad timing and thread slips off the front page without being noticed - I'm not a newbie but some of my threads don't get a reply either - not sure how that makes anyone under attack.

I've looked at both of the threads you mention above and can't see a problem in either of them - you may find some of the responses "Cringe worthy" but again I'm not sure how that equates to being under attack - there are just different members offering different opinions. So do you have an actual example of a newbie being attacked or treated badly?


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## Mojosmum (Oct 19, 2015)

The word ATTACK only appears in the title..... false advertising perhaps??


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## Dimwit (Nov 10, 2011)

I think some people tend to forget that a forum is essentially a group of people. If you walk up to an actual group of people, ask a question and then get arsey when you don't get the reply you want then that group of people would either argue back or ignore you (or a combination of the two) which is exactly what happens on here.
If you post on a forum then you have to expect that you will get a range of answers and may not like them all. Now, everyone is perfectly entitled to argue back but what happens all too often is that they argue back, get increasingly hostile and then play the "I'm being bullied" card...


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Mojosmum said:


> OK,
> flibbie, yesterday 5.57, storm 3302 Sunday 8.50pm, poppy66 Sunday 5.09 are three first posts that didn't get a reply......maybe with good reason?
> There is not one specific post that I whish to highlight but
> "older dogs suddenly stopped using kennels" &" confusion over puppy's age" were the last two posts that I found " cringe worthy", at least initially bur there are similar older posts which probably give a better example. I noticed that Rosehol had previously posted the same question on another forum , received a reply there and acted on it before posting here so seems genuine. I know that people are acting out of concern for the dogs and that's right. But sometimes we seem to be heavy on opinion and thin on practical help


I cannot see anything that would concern me. What sort of practical help do you think an forum can offer given that really and truly we don't know the person posting as such? There are tons of useful bits of advice in the stickies - the green threads at the top of each page (not sure how well you know PF) though they do take a bit of ploughing through! You can also search for key words for past threads and the link 'down there' to related posts is useful too.

Thing is you can't single handedly legislate for everyone, if any of the posters here are worried they can report the offending thread but you can't really report ones that aren't related to you - that would drive you mad and probably the mods too! The system that you wish to create already exists in our excellent moderators 

I do think it an urban myth to a degree. Like I said earlier two threads spring to mind and those certainly aren't the two you've suggested.


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## Mojosmum (Oct 19, 2015)

:Muted:Muted:Muted


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

I'm confused.. Is the issue that members didn't get advice? I thought it was that they were being attacked..
Wonder why all those long term members that feel they can't give advice because they'll be abused didn't offer up their advice on those posts then 
I've read the two threads you mentioned.. I don't see anything wrong with them tbh. Also the one about the kennels.. that was between two newbies as far as I can see?


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

I really love it when someone joins the forum, decides they don't like the way it functions, so, instead of logging out and not coming back, they begin lecturing the rest of the forum as to how they should and shouldn't behave.


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## porps (Jun 23, 2011)

We were all newbies once so i guess plenty of people do return after their first post.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Other people's opinions are just that - their opinions. They might be the same as yours, they might be the polar opposite to yours. Take a simple question like this 

"Do you like Cheese?"

The replies you get will range from 

"Yes I do, its my absolute all time favourite yummy thing to eat and I couldn't live without it" (gushing or farting glitter rainbows in forum speak)

"Yes. What a stupid question anyway" (blunt and to the point in forum speak)

"I don't know, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't but tell me why do you ask and do you like it yourself?" (sitting on the fence in forum speak)

"No I bloody hate it. Anyone who eats it or likes it is clearly stupid and ill educated with no taste buds and should be ashamed of themselves" (opinionated in forum speak, perhaps a little harsh)

None of the above are right or wrong, they are just opinions and whatever the thread topic you tend to get opinions that range from one end of the spectrum (farting glitter rainbows) to the other (harsh/blunt) with loads more in the middle and the odd troll thrown in for good measure :Hilarious:Hilarious Welcome to forum land.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Other people's opinions are just that - their opinions. They might be the same as yours, they might be the polar opposite to yours. Take a simple question like this
> 
> "Do you like Cheese?"
> 
> ...


Ah but we have the 'Cheese is the Devil's work'. Then the Stilton is a crime against cheese welfare (or maybe that's Cheddars?) and the which political party is mini babybel with it's rebel red wax dressing, what is it trying to hide?

Crackers innit?

P.S post and analogy of the year award to you!


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Other people's opinions are just that - their opinions. They might be the same as yours, they might be the polar opposite to yours. Take a simple question like this
> 
> "Do you like Cheese?"
> 
> ...


:Hilarious:Hilarious I nearly peed!!


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Mojosmum said:


> :Muted:Muted:Muted


Sorry, I don't really understand what you mean, it's shame if you feel you can't speak freely but I genuinely can't see any evidence on those two posts that indicate attacks. Perhaps a moderator can take a look as they know the rules but that they've not been in there and therefore nobody has presumably reported anything, I'm baffled as to what the observation is that you are making. That genuinely isn't me having a go or anything  so feel free to contradict but honestly I'm confused. It's easily done mind you. I put on two different shoes and almost went to work with a red shoe and a black shoe today.


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

MollySmith said:


> And I think switching off is good advice but that it's worth keeping in mind that no everyone can. There are many cases where behaviours on forums have affected real life and caused anxiety, numerous research papers and I am reminded of my very dear god daughter who is borderline autism and has dyspraxia - she often struggles. It can be hard for some to walk away, I know I used to get very upset. Less so now and I will always apologies openly or via a pm depending on context or the person. Sorry goes a long way if it's meant but I see it very rarely on here which is sad.
> .


That's a good point.
Also , You don't know what is going on in peoples lives , they may be having a bad time, suffering from depression.
Our moods change , we might be fed up or cross about something and it affects the way we post and that can be regulars and newbies.
I've been doing forums and stuff for 15 years and the heated threads, not just behaviour ones , tend to follow a pattern and the way people act becomes predictable . I can generally recognise when people have difficulties such as your god daughter, if i think someone is acting out of character, I might think what has happened in their life to make them act like that .
There are also tactics that people use that can be disconcerting to newbies which I think is unfair.
Once it gets to the You said , I said bit , the thread is lost and its best to leave it .


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

MollySmith said:


> Sorry, I don't really understand what you mean, it's shame if you feel you can't speak freely but I genuinely can't see any evidence on those two posts that indicate attacks. Perhaps a moderator can take a look as they know the rules but that they've not been in there and therefore nobody has presumably reported anything, I'm baffled as to what the observation is that you are making. That genuinely isn't me having a go or anything  so feel free to contract me but honestly I'm confused. It's easily done mind you. I put on two different shoes and almost went to work with a red shoe and a black shoe today.


Mmmmm.

Well, it seems that some do want to be able to speak freely, but they don't want others to do the same.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Sweety said:


> Mmmmm.
> 
> Well, it seems that some do want to be able to speak freely, but they don't want others to do the same.


I am not alluding to any form of suppression and did say 'feel free to contradict me' which I really do mean. I'm having a very rubbish day here so if I've misunderstood your words then my apologies @Sweety. It's so sad that people aren't happy here. I hope that @Mojosmum comes back and feels welcomed.


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## porps (Jun 23, 2011)

I certainly didn't get the response i was looking for when i first joined the forum, i got blunt honesty and good advice which basically amounted to "you're in no position to have a dog atm take that puppy back". 
I'll take honesty over tact any day of the week.


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

The only posts I ever see get "heated" go like this
newbie: I got a dog from a guy in a pub, now I keep it in a shed 23 hours a day, and feed it bakers. Its got runny eyes but I cant afford a vet, can you tell me how to get it to stop barking?

rest of forum: You should probably think about feeding it better, interacting with it more, getting it some vet treatment, and possibly rehoming it.

newbie: Dont question how I keep my dog, I only want advise on getting it to shut the hell up

rest of forum: Head desk....... Kaboom!!


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

MollySmith said:


> I am not alluding to any form of suppression and did say 'feel free to contradict me' which I really do mean. I'm having a very rubbish day here so if I've misunderstood your words then my apologies @Sweety. It's so sad that people aren't happy here. I hope that @Mojosmum comes back and feels welcomed.


No, no.

My post was not aimed at you one bit. I meant that these newbies, who complain about us, appear to want to speak freely, but when we express our honest opinions, we're accused of being bullies.

One set of rules for them and one for us. 

I worded that badly. I was actually agreeing with you.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Sweety said:


> No, no.
> 
> My post was not aimed at you one bit. I meant that these newbies, who complain about us, appear to want to speak freely, but when we express our honest opinions, we're accused of being bullies.
> 
> One set of rules for them and one for us.


Ah you see, I knew I was having a stupid day today. Thank you for replying and putting up with my weirdness


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm enjoying this, got any more examples.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

MollySmith said:


> Ah you see, I knew I was having a stupid day today. Thank you for replying and putting up with my weirdness


No problem, Fellow Weird Person. 

I worded my post badly. I was agreeing with you.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Newbie "My dog keeps biting me when I sneak up behind him and take his food bowl away."

Rest of forum "Then stop sneaking up behind him and taking his food bowl away"

Newbie "Don't tell me how to bring up my dog, I've had dogs for 20 years and I know what I am doing".

Rest of forum "So you should know better then".

Newbie "You are a load of miserable, judgemental, idiots who don't know the first thing about dogs or how to train them".

Rest of forum


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Sweety said:


> No problem, Fellow Weird Person.
> 
> I worded my post badly. I was agreeing with you.


My aunt is trying to persuade me that my gran (aged 94) needs an iPad for Christmas and my OH has tried to murder me by burned omelette. Molly refused it too. So def me (but happy to commence a cheese based debate with heated intervention from @rottiepointerhouse if you like


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

MollySmith said:


> Ah you see, I knew I was having a stupid day today. Thank you for replying and putting up with my weirdness


I thought you had got it the wrong way round to, but then I though, have I? Just shows how easy it is to misconstrue a post.

Ive read the two threads that @Mojosmum referred to as being a bit iffy and really can't see why she felt they were bullying in nature, there was a minor disagreement, but nothing too serious, seen a lot worse. 
We all see things slightly differently, have different thoughts, have different opinions, read and interpret each other posts differently. It's what makes us individuals and essentially human and what makes this forum so interesting and and a valuable tool for learning and furthering knowledge.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Newbie "My dog keeps biting me when I sneak up behind him and take his food bowl away."
> 
> Rest of forum "Then stop sneaking up behind him and taking his food bowl away"
> 
> ...


Wish we still had rep.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Siskin said:


> *I thought you had got it the wrong way round to, but then I though, have I? Just shows how easy it is to misconstrue a post.*
> 
> Ive read the two threads that @Mojosmum referred to as being a bit iffy and really can't see why she felt they were bullying in nature, there was a minor disagreement, but nothing too serious, seen a lot worse.
> We all see things slightly differently, have different thoughts, have different opinions, read and interpret each other posts differently. It's what makes us individuals and essentially human and what makes this forum so interesting and and a valuable tool for learning and furthering knowledge.


Yes good point, luckily @Sweety and I have sorted it out thus showing that PF can be nice


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

MollySmith said:


> Ah you see, I knew I was having a stupid day today. Thank you for replying and putting up with my weirdness


Ha ha, I think you and Sweety have just proved the point at how easily posts can get misconstrued on a forum! 

I actually LIKED Sweety's post, then quickly UNLIKED it when you appeared to be upset by it, just in case you thought I meant to upset you too - then saw the two later posts where you both sorted out the mix up - now I don't know what if I'm coming or going! 

There are so many factors: posters' previous experiences, good and bad - as well as their mood and health, etc.

On the forum, just as in real life I sometimes get a bee in my bonnet, sometimes just think :Meh can't be ar*ed :Yawn and sometimes :Mooning


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

newbie: I know i need to be pack leader, so my dog is not allowed on the sofa, and has to eat after me.

rest of forum: Bunkum, the pack leader theory is outdated, here are some lovely links to more modern research

newbie: But but but but Cesar Milan said......

rest of forum: Implodes into space......


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Newbie : I'm having trouble house training my pup. I've rubbed his nose in it and you can tell by his face he KNOW'S he's done wrong.

Rest of forum : I'll get me popcorn.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Lexiedhb said:


> newbie: I know i need to be pack leader, so my dog is not allowed on the sofa, and has to eat after me.
> 
> rest of forum: Bunkum, the pack leader theory is outdated, here are some lovely links to more modern research
> 
> ...


Naughty, naughty you've mentioned the CM word. Go to the bottom of the class


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

MollySmith said:


> I put on two different shoes and almost went to work with a red shoe and a black shoe today.


I've had days like this! I once went to work with my knickers on sideways. Leg hole round my waist and the waist hole round one leg. Took me 'til lunchtime to figure out why they were so tight round the waist :Bag


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Nettles said:


> I've had days like this! I once went to work with my knickers on sideways. Leg hole round my waist and the waist hole round one leg. Took me 'til lunchtime to figure out why they were so tight round the waist :Bag


I honestly don't know what to say,mthe mind boggles


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Nettles said:


> I've had days like this! I once went to work with my knickers on sideways. Leg hole round my waist and the waist hole round one leg. Took me 'til lunchtime to figure out why they were so tight round the waist :Bag


Oh yes, I hear you (sorry @Siskin I have so many mind boggling stories). Jumpers on backwards and inside out..

I've got muddled with tights and leggings so often. Oh and anything with lots of straps, the times I've got the hanging bits for coat hangers muddle with the straps of a dress... it's shameful. Shovel dressing my mam calls it.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Member 1 - My dog is called Fido
Member 2 - My dog is called Fluffy
Member 1 - Stop personally attacking me. You're all bullies!


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

Nettles said:


> I've had days like this! I once went to work with my knickers on sideways. Leg hole round my waist and the waist hole round one leg. Took me 'til lunchtime to figure out why they were so tight round the waist :Bag


i have just needed a new tissue and a new tena at the same time


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

MollySmith said:


> Oh yes, I hear you (sorry @Siskin Jumpers on backwards and inside out..


..at the same time. Yup, been there.
Have almost left the house on quite a few occasions with jammie bottoms on or haven't changed outta my slippers :Arghh


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Nettles said:


> ..at the same time. Yup, been there.
> Have almost left the house on quite a few occasions with jammie bottoms on or haven't changed outta my slippers :Arghh


Ah yes, slippers, been there, but that's just my brain going soggy


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Siskin said:


> Ah yes, slippers, been there, but that's just my brain going soggy


I've 34 and my brain has been soggy for years!


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

Nettles said:


> ..at the same time. Yup, been there.
> Have almost left the house on quite a few occasions with jammie bottoms on or haven't changed outta my slippers :Arghh


Yeah I just do that on purpose... :Bag


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Newbie "My dog keeps biting me when I sneak up behind him and take his food bowl away."
> 
> Rest of forum "Then stop sneaking up behind him and taking his food bowl away"
> 
> ...


Oh my gosh I am practically rolling on the floor. Thank you for this post!

Whew (still giggling, tears still trickling down)


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

lorilu said:


> Oh my gosh I am practically rolling on the floor. Thank you for this post!
> 
> Whew (still giggling, tears still trickling down)


Me too.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Shoshannah said:


> Yeah I just do that on purpose... :Bag


My slippers are not fit for public viewing lol.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Nettles said:


> My slippers are not fit for public viewing lol.


I don't HAVE slippers ... Nearly stepped out bare-foot in the snow once.

I'm 32 in a few weeks. 

As to the threads OP was referring to, I only read the first page of the how old is my puppy thread. One post might have made me think "ouch" and wince a bit, but nothing that could be deemed as an "attack".


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

LinznMilly said:


> I'm 32 in a few weeks.


Another 80's girl! I've just been over to the oldies thread but there's a strong stench of wee and the noise from their knitting needles was drowning out the spandau ballet on my boombox so you're more than welcome to join my 80's clique


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## saffysmum (Feb 11, 2015)

I'm still a relative newbie, but every time I've posted on here, whether it's to ask questions, or respond to an ongoing thread, I've felt accepted. Ok, it can be a bit difficult to join an established group, either online or IRL, but you just have to chip in to conversations that interest you and hope that someone responds to you.
So far, from what I have seen, everyone knows about something and if they don't, they generally know someone who can help.


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

Nettles said:


> Another 80's girl! I've just been over to the oldies thread but there's a strong stench of wee and the noise from their knitting needles was drowning out the spandau ballet on my boombox so you're more than welcome to join my 80's clique


"I've got love for you if you were born in the eighties!"


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

Nettles said:


> Another 80's girl! I've just been over to the oldies thread but there's a strong stench of wee and the noise from their knitting needles was drowning out the spandau ballet on my boombox so you're more than welcome to join my 80's clique


oy you !
Ill hav3e you know we use scented tena and some of us crochet or craft
and that is true-oo, oh yes its true-oo I know this much is true ;p


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Nettles said:


> Another 80's girl! I've just been over to the oldies thread but there's a strong stench of wee and the noise from their knitting needles was drowning out the spandau ballet on my boombox so you're more than welcome to join my 80's clique


You can keep your New Romantics, some of us oldies like a bit of punk. Now I use the safety pins to hold my tena lady in place and the bin bags to dispose of them rool


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

*Shuffles off to Goth corner with her cauldron.*


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

I just wish my hippyness hadnt just fallen to my hips


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

Sorry to invade your oldies club, or witches club...or whatever the hell is going on here 

But a perfect example of a 'newbie' being offensive and just out to stir trouble IMO - http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/i-dont-like-my-puppy.416036/ not the main poster might I add! So, how on earth should forum members deal with such responses?

I'm gonna leave it be now as it's a shame for a genuine question to be derailed by pettiness. But thought it would be worth mentioning here, because as of late it certainly hasn't been the older members causing people to feel attacked


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Dogloverlou said:


> Sorry to invade your oldies club, or witches club...or whatever the hell is going on here
> 
> But a perfect example of a 'newbie' being offensive and just out to stir trouble IMO - http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/i-dont-like-my-puppy.416036/ not the main poster might I add! So, how on earth should forum members deal with such responses?
> 
> I'm gonna leave it be now as it's a shame for a genuine question to be derailed by pettiness. But thought it would be worth mentioning here, because as of late it certainly hasn't been the older members causing people to feel attacked


And interestingly the same posted previously complained about the way Newbies are treated


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Dogloverlou said:


> Sorry to invade your oldies club, or witches club...or whatever the hell is going on here
> 
> But a perfect example of a 'newbie' being offensive and just out to stir trouble IMO - http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/i-dont-like-my-puppy.416036/ not the main poster might I add! So, how on earth should forum members deal with such responses?
> 
> I'm gonna leave it be now as it's a shame for a genuine question to be derailed by pettiness. But thought it would be worth mentioning here, because as of late it certainly hasn't been the older members causing people to feel attacked


I thought the posters dealt with it well, not derailing the thread but pointing out it was an uncalled for remark and then answering the OP


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> And interestingly the same posted previously complained about the way Newbies are treated


I know! The irony


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Dogloverlou said:


> Sorry to invade your oldies club, or witches club...or whatever the hell is going on here
> 
> But a perfect example of a 'newbie' being offensive and just out to stir trouble IMO - http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/i-dont-like-my-puppy.416036/ not the main poster might I add! So, how on earth should forum members deal with such responses?
> 
> I'm gonna leave it be now as it's a shame for a genuine question to be derailed by pettiness. But thought it would be worth mentioning here, because as of late it certainly hasn't been the older members causing people to feel attacked


Indeed I saw that too. I think two things there 

that the forum can encourage the OP to keep sharing and ignore the person maybe out to cause a few niggles
that the OP can report the person causing the niggle (I am loath to use the word 'attack')
that the person causing the niggle actually will come back with some great advice which I hope they do.
or and this is far more likely - the person causing the niggle will overtake the thread the OP is neglected. That said, I think @Dogloverlou your advice was really honest and helpful


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Actually can I call on @westie~ma or @lymorelynn or other very patient mod and ask - the reply on the thread that @Dogloverlou mentions... should that be reported by someone to prevent an argument? What do you prefer that we do in that situation? Call me cynical but I have a feeling I know where that might go which isn't a productive place!


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## Dogloverlou (Dec 8, 2013)

MollySmith said:


> Indeed I saw that too. I think two things there
> 
> that the forum can encourage the OP to keep sharing and ignore the person maybe out to cause a few niggles
> that the OP can report the person causing the niggle (I am loath to use the word 'attack')
> ...


All great suggestions. Lets hope like you said that the OP sticks around and the rest of us don't play into the game the other member wants 

And thank you x


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Dogloverlou said:


> All great suggestions. Lets hope like you said that the OP sticks around and the rest of us don't play into the game the other member wants
> 
> And thank you x


You're welcome  'love'  (how patronising!!)


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## Carzana (Oct 28, 2015)

mrs phas said:


> oy you !
> Ill hav3e you know we use scented tena and some of us crochet or craft
> and that is true-oo, oh yes its true-oo I know this much is true ;p


I use cloth pads, crochet and sew, I also have fluffy slippers where do i fit in?


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

MollySmith said:


> Actually can I call on @westie~ma or @lymorelynn or other very patient mod and ask - the reply on the thread that @Dogloverlou mentions... should that be reported by someone to prevent an argument? What do you prefer that we do in that situation? Call me cynical but I have a feeling I know where that might go which isn't a productive place!


Report it. - As has been done and now dealt with


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> You can keep your New Romantics, some of us oldies like a bit of punk. Now I use the safety pins to hold my tena lady in place and the bin bags to dispose of them rool


:Hilarious:Hilarious:HilariousI know what you're doing. You're trying to make me pee my pants laughing so I have to admit defeat and join the Tena gang. I've been doing my kegel exercise muwahahaha


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

lymorelynn said:


> Report it. - As has been done and now dealt with


Okay, I presume that's all behind the scenes  Thanks.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

Nettles said:


> :Hilarious:Hilarious:HilariousI know what you're doing. You're trying to make me pee my pants laughing so I have to admit defeat and join the Tena gang. I've been doing my kegel exercise muwahahaha


I can highly recommend pilates for keeping it all in the right place - engage pelvic floor, send the lift to the top floor, relax and repeat without giggling or being distracted by gate crashers trying to join in


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

mrs phas said:


> oy you !
> Ill hav3e you know we use scented tena and some of us crochet or craft
> and that is true-oo, oh yes its true-oo I know this much is true ;p


Oh no.. I craft too :Jawdrop oh yes it's true oo I know this much is true :Hilarious


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> I can highly recommend pilates for keeping it all in the right place - engage pelvic floor, send the lift to the top floor, relax and repeat without giggling or being distracted by gate crashers trying to join in


That's the best downward dog pose I've ever seen. Don't know how you can keep a straight face with your gate crashers joining in


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

Nettles said:


> That's the best downward dog pose I've ever seen. Don't know how you can keep a straight face with your gate crashers joining in


Downward dog? Looks to me like Arthur is trying to do Child's pose and Indie is is in savasana.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Shoshannah said:


> Downward dog? Looks to me like Arthur is trying to do Child's pose and Indie is is in savasana.


I dont know my downward dogs from my half moons


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## Meezey (Jan 29, 2013)

Nettles said:


> I've had days like this! I once went to work with my knickers on sideways. Leg hole round my waist and the waist hole round one leg. Took me 'til lunchtime to figure out why they were so tight round the waist :Bag


Oh I near peed needed that laugh


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Meezey said:


> Oh I near peed needed that laugh


You'll find some spare tena ladies in the "oldies under attack" thread


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Nettles said:


> You'll find some spare tena ladies in the "oldies under attack" thread


Along with knitting needles, good for poking those naughty youngsters.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Siskin said:


> Along with knitting needles, good for poking those naughty youngsters.


:Jawdrop Are you personally attacking me again?


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

Can I just say, it's nice to see this thread going the way it has. 

I saw that post in Don't love my puppy thread too, and thought the way the "established" (new group, eh, eh? *looks hopeful) members handled it was fantastic. It did cross my mind to post, but cba.


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## Milliepoochie (Feb 13, 2011)

I think in general the forum is very friendly. 

I have in the past been very upset over things said although Usually I am strong enough to walk away and not let things bother me. 

As a result I am more careful about what so share - But I also like to think those I have possibly had disagreements with that we are adults and have pm'd and well exactly that. We are adults and this isn't a school playground. 

At the time I let things bother me on the forum I was not in a good pace health wise and in hindsight I should of just not have gone online as I took things to personally. 

I have to admit these types of threads pop up quite often as well as the ones about 'cliques' and I find them quite fascinating as they really show how differently people interpret situations and other members. 

I think as a general rule you get out what you out in on a forum such as this. 

I think the majority of new members if they stick around for a week or two will quickly feel welcomed to the forum.


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## westie~ma (Mar 16, 2009)

MollySmith said:


> Actually can I call on @westie~ma or @lymorelynn or other very patient mod and ask - the reply on the thread that @Dogloverlou mentions... should that be reported by someone to prevent an argument? What do you prefer that we do in that situation? Call me cynical but I have a feeling I know where that might go which isn't a productive place!





lymorelynn said:


> Report it. - As has been done and now dealt with


I thought members dealt with that particular poster well (asking them to offer their advice) best to report when it escalates.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

I suppose in a way 'cliques' do form, although I use that word advisedly which is why it's in quotes. Forum friendships form between like minded people or between posters who have got to 'know' each other over the years. Again know is in quotes as I really don't know anybody on here personally, not met anyone in RL so cannot say I know them, just the person that comes over in their posts. But I feel I like them, the common sense they have and/or the humour that certain threads will set off. So perhaps that is a clique, not in the nasty sense of the word, but in a form of common thoughts, the ease that comes with knowing them on the forum. 
A newbie will come along and will often fit in right away, perhaps after a baptism of fire, others somehow just don't fit in and remain around the edges. Some of the edges posters are great others are not. I don't think newbies on the whole are treated badly, just those that treat advise given as useless rubbish and moan they are being bullied when they say so.
It takes all sorts and a lot of those sorts come onto this forum. We can't all hit it off with one another and have to take the rough with the smooth, but on the whole I would say this forum ambles along pretty well with just the odd spat from time to time.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Siskin said:


> I suppose in a way 'cliques' do form, although I use that word advisedly which is why it's in quotes. Forum friendships form between like minded people or between posters who have got to 'know' each other over the years. Again know is in quotes as I really don't know anybody on here personally, not met anyone in RL so cannot say I know them, just the person that comes over in their posts. But I feel I like them, the common sense they have and/or the humour that certain threads will set off. So perhaps that is a clique, not in the nasty sense of the word, but in a form of common thoughts, the ease that comes with knowing them on the forum.
> A newbie will come along and will often fit in right away, perhaps after a baptism of fire, others somehow just don't fit in and remain around the edges. Some of the edges posters are great others are not. I don't think newbies on the whole are treated badly, just those that treat advise given as useless rubbish and moan they are being bullied when they say so.
> It takes all sorts and a lot of those sorts come onto this forum. We can't all hit it off with one another and have to take the rough with the smooth, but on the whole I would say this forum ambles along pretty well with just the odd spat from time to time.


I totally agree, a lot of members will often have the same opinions on certain subjects, but what some people don't seem to realise is that those same members will often disagree with each other on a completely different subject. It's no different to a room full of people in real life having a chat.
Sadly, in RL there are also those people who get offended and play the victim if people don't agree with them.


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## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

Twinkle, twinkle little newbie
Do you wonder how it could be
No dog chewed slippers by the hearth 
Or missing bits oft' found in barf 
Well come and join our little forum
And please remember we expect decorum, :Cigar


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

Zaros said:


> Twinkle, twinkle little newbie
> Do you wonder how it could be
> No dog chewed slippers by the hearth
> Or missing bits oft' found in barf
> ...


My little newbie don't you cry..
@Zaros will sing you lullaby..
And if that will not do...
@lostbear will send you a goat or two..
And if those goats run away 
Alpacas and llamas will come to play...


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Nettles said:


> *You'll find some spare tena ladies in the "oldies under attack" t*hread


Sorry - we need them all. They don't absorb much - 3 or 4 pints at most, so we get through quite a lot of them (literally and figuratively).


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Siskin said:


> I suppose in a way 'cliques' do form, although I use that word advisedly which is why it's in quotes. Forum friendships form between like minded people or between posters who have got to 'know' each other over the years. Again know is in quotes as I really don't know anybody on here personally, *not met anyone in RL *so cannot say I know them, just the person that comes over in their posts. But I feel I like them, the common sense they have and/or the humour that certain threads will set off. So perhaps that is a clique, not in the nasty sense of the word, but in a form of common thoughts, the ease that comes with knowing them on the forum.
> A newbie will come along and will often fit in right away, perhaps after a baptism of fire, others somehow just don't fit in and remain around the edges. Some of the edges posters are great others are not. I don't think newbies on the whole are treated badly, just those that treat advise given as useless rubbish and moan they are being bullied when they say so.
> It takes all sorts and a lot of those sorts come onto this forum. We can't all hit it off with one another and have to take the rough with the smooth, but on the whole I would say this forum ambles along pretty well with just the odd spat from time to time.


Nor have I - so as far as you are all concerned, I am a willowy natural blonde with a smile that lights up the room and a tinkling laugh, with besotted men of all ages throwing themselves at my feet . . . (who the hell that grey, wrinkled old trout on my passport is I've got no idea . . . they must have got the photos mixed up at the Liverpool office)


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

cheekyscrip said:


> My little newbie don't you cry..
> @Zaros will sing you lullaby..
> And if that will not do...
> *@lostbear will send you a goat or two..*
> ...


Here! Don't be so bliddy generous with my goats!


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Muze said:


> I think it can be pot luck and the topic of your first post.... you know if a newbie dives in with 'my rescue staffy is having pups, what do I do?!' they may well be met with some frustrated forum members lol
> 
> But usually, it's all down to misunderstandings, it's so easy to misinterpret text, especially if you are a little anxious anyway.
> 
> I nearly cried on FB the other day when someone called me a 'dopey t**t'.... didn't even cross my mind it was a joke lol


It wasn't me - I wouldn't have put any stars in . . .


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

MollySmith said:


> My aunt is trying to persuade me that my gran (aged 94) needs an iPad for Christmas and *my OH has tried to murder me by burned omelette.* Molly refused it too. So def me (but happy to commence a cheese based debate with heated intervention from @rottiepointerhouse if you like


Classic way of disposing of unwanted family members (I'm pretty sure Charles Boyer tried it on Ingrid Bergman in "Gaslight"). Fortunately for my kids, my cooking is so bliddy awful (I keep telling them - if it's burnt on one side, it's "caramelised" - both sides, it's "Cajun") that they have built up an immunity from their early years and are pretty much safe from this form of domestic slaughter.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Nettles said:


> I've had days like this! I once went to work with my knickers on sideways. Leg hole round my waist and the waist hole round one leg. Took me 'til lunchtime to figure out why they were so tight round the waist :Bag


We aren't related, are we?


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

lostbear said:


> We aren't related, are we?


Nope..just particular to cooking cherry with ya shreddies for brekkie..


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

cheekyscrip said:


> Nope..*just particular to cooking cherry with ya shreddies for brekkie..[*/QUOTE]
> 
> Aah! Our shared breakfast preference.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

lostbear said:


> We aren't related, are we?


Or you mean both have tiny waists but very muscular thighs?
Ice skaters or pole dancers pros?


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

lostbear said:


> We aren't related, are we?


Do you get confused when you have to wear pants too?


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

cheekyscrip said:


> Or you mean both have tiny waists but very muscular thighs?
> Ice skaters or pole dancers pros?


I do have a tiny waist, it's just hiding underneath my bigger waist for warmth :Hilarious


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

Nettles said:


> Do you get confused when you have to wear pants too?


We all noticed she often gets her knickers in a twist....

But Mods don't allow her to go commando any more...

We simply cannot have teena lady littering the place every times she coughs...


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

If I could get the leg confused with the waist, I would quite frankly cry with happiness and proudly display the leg round waist look ALL day.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

cheekyscrip said:


> We all noticed she often gets her knickers in a twist....
> 
> But Mods don't allow her to go commando any more...
> 
> We simply cannot have teena lady littering the place every times she coughs...


I thought this was a rumour :Wideyed


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

cinnamontoast said:


> If I could get the leg confused with the waist, I would quite frankly cry with happiness and proudly display the leg round waist look ALL day.


Sadly they were just very stretchy pants. Definitely nothing to be proud of here.


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

Nettles said:


> I do have a tiny waist, it's just hiding underneath my bigger waist for warmth :Hilarious


I cannot wait to use that on the next person who mentions my waistline [Im an apple dontcha know]
wish i could like it more than once 
Kudos young one, Kudos indeed


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

lostbear said:


> Nor have I - so as far as you are all concerned, I am a willowy natural blonde with a smile that lights up the room and a tinkling laugh, with besotted men of all ages throwing themselves at my feet . . . (who the hell that grey, wrinkled old trout on my passport is I've got no idea . . . they must have got the photos mixed up at the Liverpool office)


That's funny, I have the same problem with my passport. I've got no idea who the greyed haired old women's is on mine. I was all for sending it back to the passport office for an explanation, but the OH wouldn't let me. He said that they were far too busy and I shouldn't interrupt them in their highly important work of sending passports out with strange looking photos in them.
By the way, I'm really, really young and only use Tena's to make hard seats comfy to sit on



mrs phas said:


> I cannot wait to use that on the next person who mentions my waistline [Im an apple dontcha know]
> wish i could like it more than once
> Kudos young one, Kudos indeed


I'm a pear!

Unfortunately I'm also an apple as well.

Well I do like my fruit, keep yer regular, don't you know


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

mrs phas said:


> I cannot wait to use that on the next person who mentions my waistline [Im an apple dontcha know]
> wish i could like it more than once
> Kudos young one, Kudos indeed


Yay! *air punch* I'm winning the oldies over with my expanding waistline humour :Woot
I've just finished hand painting a wall plaque for my kitchen that says "I'm not fat, God gave me airbags coz I'm precious" That one made me chuckle :Smuggrin


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

cinnamontoast said:


> If I could get the leg confused with the waist, I would quite frankly cry with happiness and proudly display the leg round waist look ALL day.


I think it depends how big your legs are. Speaking as someone who has legs like a chicken - huge thighs and scrawny little calves - I suspect that my leg hole would flap around my waist, and my waist hole cut off the circulation in my leg.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Siskin said:


> That's funny, I have the same problem with my passport. I've got no idea who the greyed haired old women's is on mine. I was all for sending it back to the passport office for an explanation, but the OH wouldn't let me. He said that *they were far too busy and I shouldn't interrupt them in their highly important work of sending passports out with strange looking photos in them.*
> By the way, I'm really, really young and only use Tena's to make hard seats comfy to sit on
> 
> They're incompetent as Hell! I had a photo once of some woman with a moustache that would rival Stalin's - it must have been Shosh. Certainly wasn't me. Probably.
> ...


If you're shaped like fruit you've got to be healthy, haven't you?


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

lostbear said:


> I think it depends how big your legs are. Speaking as someone who has legs like a chicken - huge thighs and scrawny little calves - I suspect that my leg hole would flap around my waist, and my waist hole cut off the circulation in my leg.


Ok that confirms it, we're definitely related. Im like a hippo with scrawny little budgie legs.


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## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

Golden slumbers kiss your eyes
Smiles await you when you rise
Sleep...


cheekyscrip said:


> little newbie don't you cry..
> and @Zaros will sing a lullaby.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Zaros said:


> Golden slumbers kiss your eyes
> Smiles await you when you rise
> *Sleep...*


Why does that sound _sinister_ . . .


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm convinced there's a parallel universe going on in Zaros's world.


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## Pawscrossed (Jul 2, 2013)

I don't quite understand the last few pages but they are funny!

I'm not so new but do not often post but I have found everyone nice. Newbie people can do a lot to help themselves. I can see two very odd threads on here today that are very suspiciously spamy. People look less spam if they introduce themselves, maybe post a few photos or read the threads to see if the forum suits them. It isn't rocket science!


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tbgg
[QUOTE="Pawscrossed, post: 1064379474, member: 1383315"*]I don't quite understand the last few pages* but they are funny!

I'm not so new but do not often post but I have found everyone nice. Newbie people can do a lot to help themselves. I can see two very odd threads on here today that are very suspiciously spamy. People look less spam if they introduce themselves, maybe post a few photos or read the threads to see if the forum suits them. It isn't rocket science![/QUOTE]

The time to worry is when you _do_ understand the stuff on here.

We've kept many a therapist in new mercedes's (mercedi? mercedii? mercedae? - well, whatever) over the eons.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Pawscrossed said:


> I don't quite understand the last few pages but they are funny!
> 
> I'm not so new but do not often post but I have found everyone nice. Newbie people can do a lot to help themselves. I can see two very odd threads on here today that are very suspiciously spamy. People look less spam if they introduce themselves, maybe post a few photos or read the threads to see if the forum suits them. *It isn't rocket science!*


Unlike rocket science. That IS rocket science.


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## Carzana (Oct 28, 2015)

Nettles said:


> I do have a tiny waist, it's just hiding underneath my bigger waist for warmth :Hilarious


This made me laugh, I say this kind of thing all the time, my personal favourites are, Im not fat im built for winter, and I'm made for snugglin!


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Pawscrossed said:


> I don't quite understand the last few pages


I don't understand them either tbh but after reading them again, it would appear I have some sort of PF Tourette's :Bag It's as if these people brainwash me into publicly admitting inappropriate things about myself for their own enjoyment :Wacky


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

Carzana said:


> This made me laugh, I say this kind of thing all the time, my personal favourites are, Im not fat im built for winter, and I'm made for snugglin!


Haha! I keep myself fat so I'm harder to kidnap


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

Nettles said:


> I don't understand them either tbh but after reading them again, it would appear I have some sort of PF Tourette's :Bag It's as if these people brainwash me into publicly admitting inappropriate things about myself for their own enjoyment :Wacky


its the power of us oldies
although
is it.......................?


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Nettles said:


> *I don't understand them either tbh but after reading them again, it would appear I have some sort of PF Tourette's :Bag It's as if these people brainwash me into publicly admitting inappropriate things about myself for their own enjoyment* :Wacky


Curses!

Rumbled!!!!!


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

My favourite horsey hoodie says 'I'm not fat, I'm in show condition'. Love it!


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

I am not a "newbie" but when asking for advice on the rabbit thread as my rabbit had a sticky bum - albeit I cleaned him up but not a clue why this happened so not a clue how to prevent it. I was given straight talking advice. The first thing that came from it was his diet, second piece of advice was to get him a companion. Not knowing much at that time about rabbits I didn't understand the importance of getting another rabbit.

It took some thought on my part as to space, financial outlay, accommodation, vet bills etc.. Best advice I could have received - I now have two lovely healthy, happy rabbits. He was happy before but by heck I can see a massive difference in him since she arrived. She has always known he has been there and once they were bonded, we have never looked back. They groom each other, snuggle up together, play together.

I often wondered if people hadn't have been straight talking - would I have have got another rabbit, probably not because I didn't understand the reasons why it was important for rabbits to live together in pairs or more.

At the end of the day this forum to me is about the welfare of our animals, if the advice is not what the member is expecting or they are easily offended then this type of forum is not for them. Advice and opinions will differ from member to member, we are all entitled to our opinions, we also need to bear in mind that some advice may help, some advice may not help. A member can take as much or as little from this forum as they choose.

I hope everyone has a lovely day with their pets irrespective of the weather.


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## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

lostbear said:


> Why does that sound _sinister_ . . .


Probably because it's the last word you're ever likely to hear when you come visit.

What's he building in there?
What the hell is he building
In there?
He has subscriptions to those
Magazines... He never
Waves when he goes by
He's hiding something from
The rest of us... He's all
To himself... I think I know
Why... He took down the
Tire swing from the Peppertree
He has no children of his
Own you see... He has no dog
And he has no friends and
His lawn is dying... and
What about all those packages
He sends. What's he building in there?
With that hook light
On the stairs. What's he building
In there... I'll tell you one thing
He's not building a playhouse for
The children what's he building
In there?

Now what's that sound from under the door?
He's pounding nails into a
Hardwood floor... and I
Swear to god I heard someone
Moaning low... and I keep
Seeing the blue light of a
T.V. show...
He has a router
And a table saw... and you
Won't believe what Mr. Sticha saw
There's poison underneath the sink
Of course... But there's also
Enough formaldehyde to choke
A horse... What's he building
In there. What the hell is he
Building in there? I heard he
Has an ex-wife in some place
Called Mayors Income, Tennessee
And he used to have a
consulting business in Indonesia...
but what is he building in there?
What the hell is building in there?

He has no friends
But he gets a lot of mail
I'll bet he spent a little
Time in jail...
I heard he was up on the
Roof last night
Signaling with a flashlight
And what's that tune he's
Always whistling...
What's he building in there?
What's he building in there?

We have a right to know...

(Tom Waits)



Siskin said:


> I'm convinced there's a parallel universe going on in Zaros's world.


It's actually an unparalleled universe. Unparalleled to anything anyone ever dare imagine.:Blackalien


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Zaros said:


> (Tom Waits)
> 
> It's actually an unparalleled universe. * Unparalleled to anything anyone ever dare imagine*.:Blackalien


I for one, am always very grateful that you live in a world of your own . . .

(Brill poem, BTW)


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## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

lostbear said:


> I for one, am always very grateful that you live in a world of your own . . .
> 
> (Brill poem, BTW)


I'm told that half my problems are directly related to the consequences of having very little structure during my early most formative years.
I'm not sure what that's actually supposed to mean but all I can say is being left to your own devices for hours and hours, sometimes days, on end tends to promote a more creative and scientific mind.
Today, I know exactly which of my extremities I can insert into a live wall socket without causing any long term effects to either my brain or my heart or those extremities I've been experimenting with. Okay, so my finger and toe nails have never really grown back and neither has my.....down there hair. :Facepalm But hey, you know, it's supposed to be much more hygienic.

Oh, and by the way; I didn't write the 'Poem'.

The inimitable Tom Waits did.:Smug

And here's exactly how it sounds.........:Jawdrop


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)




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