# Why this way



## Ian Val (Mar 28, 2021)

I recently had to have my 12 year old best mate/dog put to sleep recently and only 3 months after having to do the same with his Mum, I had had him from birth and helped his mum that day. Both losses were hard to take, his mum was a good age 14 and she had been a little off for a couple of weeks and cancer was diagnosed so after a lot of soul searching I decided before she suffered too much it would be kinder to have her put to sleep in Dec last year. Then just over 2 weeks ago I found myself in a similar position with my little lad. But this was and is so much different, I am at a loss as to why he or any animal should have had to go the way he did and the whole events are continually coming back to me. We went to bed as normal the night before and he had been his little terrier self “ nothing wrong” I walked into the kitchen where he used to sleep and his bowls were scattered across the floor as was his bed and he wandered over to me not steady on his feet and bumping into things on the way. I was startled to see this and had no idea what was wrong with him at the time, then a minute or so later I witnessed him having a seizure/fit “heartbreaking” this explained that he must have had a fit or fits in the night not knowing where he was and nobody to comfort him, he had another in the car in the way to the vets and again hard to comfort him wen I was driving. The vet informed me that when seizures come on out of the blue like this it is almost certainly a brain tumour, I left him at the vets for some tests and they informed me that every time they brought him out of sedation he immediately had a seizure again they also informed me that they thought the seizures had rendered him blind, so with a very heavy heart and to set him free from his anguish he was put to sleep later that day. I have recurring thoughts of him helpless in the night not knowing what or why this was happening to him, he was a gentleman and did not deserve to spend his last hours of his life confused blind and suffering in this way. Why, Why, Why I am struggling to comprehend, sometimes sad and sometimes angry.


----------



## Jim40 (Apr 2, 2020)

Sorry to hear your news. I lost my two boxer girls exactly 5 months apart. My younger girl was only 6yr old. A terrible immune system disease. I still can't accept she is gone. In a way I feel the same so I know, up to a point, how you feel. All I can say is, if it is of any comfort, that it will get a little easier. You'll never forget your doggies, so remember all the good times. Take care and once again sorry to hear about your loss.


----------



## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Anger and guilt are normal emotions in bereavement but I'm sure your dogs knew how much they were loved, you did the kindest act and set them free from their pain. 
The happy memories of your times together will be a comfort to you one day.
I lost my first dog 2 1/2 years ago at 15, she was such a sweet, happy little dog and I think about her every day. We have a rose bush in a pot with her ashes, it's just started growing again after the winter and I can't wait for it to flower - Tango's Rose we call it.


----------



## Nicola234 (Nov 10, 2020)

So sorry for your losses x


----------



## Ian Val (Mar 28, 2021)

Jim40 said:


> Sorry to hear your news. I lost my two boxer girls exactly 5 months apart. My younger girl was only 6yr old. A terrible immune system disease. I still can't accept she is gone. In a way I feel the same so I know, up to a point, how you feel. All I can say is, if it is of any comfort, that it will get a little easier. You'll never forget your doggies, so remember all the good times. Take care and once again sorry to hear about your loss.


Thanks for you understanding and very kind words. And hope you are holding up with your losses. Take care.


----------



## Ian Val (Mar 28, 2021)

Nicola234 said:


> So sorry for your losses x


Thanks for your kind words,


----------



## Ian Val (Mar 28, 2021)

Nicola234 said:


> So sorry for
> 
> 
> SusieRainbow said:
> ...


----------



## TriTri (Oct 31, 2017)

Ian Val said:


> I recently had to have my 12 year old best mate/dog put to sleep recently and only 3 months after having to do the same with his Mum, I had had him from birth and helped his mum that day. Both losses were hard to take, his mum was a good age 14 and she had been a little off for a couple of weeks and cancer was diagnosed so after a lot of soul searching I decided before she suffered too much it would be kinder to have her put to sleep in Dec last year. Then just over 2 weeks ago I found myself in a similar position with my little lad. But this was and is so much different, I am at a loss as to why he or any animal should have had to go the way he did and the whole events are continually coming back to me. We went to bed as normal the night before and he had been his little terrier self " nothing wrong" I walked into the kitchen where he used to sleep and his bowls were scattered across the floor as was his bed and he wandered over to me not steady on his feet and bumping into things on the way. I was startled to see this and had no idea what was wrong with him at the time, then a minute or so later I witnessed him having a seizure/fit "heartbreaking" this explained that he must have had a fit or fits in the night not knowing where he was and nobody to comfort him, he had another in the car in the way to the vets and again hard to comfort him wen I was driving. The vet informed me that when seizures come on out of the blue like this it is almost certainly a brain tumour, I left him at the vets for some tests and they informed me that every time they brought him out of sedation he immediately had a seizure again they also informed me that they thought the seizures had rendered him blind, so with a very heavy heart and to set him free from his anguish he was put to sleep later that day. I have recurring thoughts of him helpless in the night not knowing what or why this was happening to him, he was a gentleman and did not deserve to spend his last hours of his life confused blind and suffering in this way. Why, Why, Why I am struggling to comprehend, sometimes sad and sometimes angry.


So sorry for your losses. I can't help but feel that your best mate needed to be with his mum. His suffering was short lived and final and the important thing is that he is now not suffering. You kept them together for so long and did all you could and beyond. Be happy that they are now together. With so much love in your heart, I hope in time you will share it with another dog (or other). Just remember the good bits.


----------



## Ian Val (Mar 28, 2021)

Thank you so much for your nice words.


----------

