# 18 month old cat unhappy with new kitten - please help!



## paws123 (Jun 22, 2015)

Hi

We have an 18 month old female, and decided to get a new male kitten. We did research on how to best introduce them, and set the kitten up in a room that our resident cat rarely visits, with his litter box, toys, bedding and food bowls. He was kept separate in that room for a few days, and when our older cat went outside, he was allowed to explore the rest of the house. After three days of this, our older cat didn't seem to be distressed by any new smells (the new kitten even weed in the living room), and wasn't sniffing around the kitten's door or anything, so we decided to let them see each other for the first time, through a baby gate. We coaxed our older cat to the kitten's door with treats, and fed them both treats throughout this first introduction. There was a lot of hissing and growling from our older cat, and curiosity from the kitten. We then left it another day, and tried another introduction on day five. There were similar results, and our older cat didn't even want to go up to the baby gate this time. She just sat at the end of the corridor, giving a low growl. The kitten squeezed through the gate and because we didn't want to startle either of the cats by grabbing him, we let him approach the older cat. She just turned around and went downstairs. The new kitten followed slowly, but the older cat remained at the bottom of the stairs and continued to give a low growl. 

We decided to hold off on any more introductions for a while, to try and get our resident cat used to the kitten's smell instead, and have been using a towel to rub over both of them to mix their scents. We moved the kitten's room to the other spare bedroom, to give our older cat a chance to explore where the kitten was, and the kitten's smell. The older cat doesn't seem bothered by the kitten's smell when you give her the towel to sniff, but, as a consequence of her meeting the kitten, she is now reluctant to go upstairs, and won't go in the room where the kitten used to live, even to sniff around. She just seems to want to be away from the kitten at all times, but I think this is making her unhappy, because she feels that she can't walk around the upstairs of the house like she used to. She spends all her time downstairs, or outside now. 

I'm worried we've done this horribly wrong and we're going to have a very unhappy older cat forever, and a kitten that will have to remain in a separate room to the older cat for a very long time. I'd be very grateful of any advice on how to move things forward - whether not letting them see each other for a while is the best idea (but if the older cat isn't interested in sniffing the new cat's scent, how will she ever get used to it and not be afraid of it?), or whether continuing to let them see but not meet each other might be the best idea? I know these things take (potentially a very long) time and even after that they may never be bosom buddies, but any advice on how to stay on the right track towards a positive relationship between them would be really appreciated.

Thanks!


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## popcornsmum (Jan 19, 2015)

Hiya and Welcome to the forum! There are lots of threads on here which will hopefully give you some more advice! it sounds like you're doing as much as you can its just going to take time!  Sorry I've not got any advice but please do have a read through the threads and I'm sure you'll find some answers! I did introduce a 10 year old stray cat I adopted to my 2 14 year old tabbies and they all just about tolerated each other after a good while! Peserverence is defo the key!


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## paws123 (Jun 22, 2015)

popcornsmum said:


> Hiya and Welcome to the forum! There are lots of threads on here which will hopefully give you some more advice! it sounds like you're doing as much as you can its just going to take time!  Sorry I've not got any advice but please do have a read through the threads and I'm sure you'll find some answers! I did introduce a 10 year old stray cat I adopted to my 2 14 year old tabbies and they all just about tolerated each other after a good while! Peserverence is defo the key!


Thank you for your reply! I'll have a read through the threads, thanks . Hopefully it will get better in time. My older cat is just taking to spending more and more time outside and it's heartbreaking to see her so uncomfortable and upset in her home! I feel terrible!


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## popcornsmum (Jan 19, 2015)

Aww bless her that's so sad  she needs to feel it's still her home! Defo read thro the other threads on here as I'm sure lots of others have had the same problems! good luck and let us know how you're getting on!


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## paws123 (Jun 22, 2015)

We've been showering her with treats and fuss when she does come home, hopefully she'll come round soon! Thanks - will let you know how things go!


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## paws123 (Jun 22, 2015)

Thanks so much for your help and support so far! Just a quick update: It's been a few weeks and still no improvement . We're still keeping them separate and, we've tried mingling their scents and rubbing the same towel on each of them, and we tried once more to introduce them through a door, but my older cat (Deedee) wouldn't even come to the door this time - she just sat at the other end of the landing, staring at us, huffed and walked down stairs. She absolutely refuses to go upstairs now, and if we try and pick her up to take her into our bedroom (when the kitten (Archie) isn't there), just to spend some time with her on our own, she growls and makes weird noises. Dee spends most of her time outside now, except when she comes in to eat. You can tell she wants to spend more time in the house, but is agitated because she knows Archie is upstairs and can hear him running around (again, we are still keeping them separate) . We're completely at the end of our tether and need some advice on where to go from here 

Is there anything more we can do to make Dee feel more comfortable, or get her used to Archie? All of the advice I have read elsewhere is generally based around the older cat being curious about the kitten - playing with them/feeding them on either side of the door for example. But as Dee is just having none of it and won't go near Archie/his room at all, we just can't do that. Is it something that will resolve itself in time? Should we carry on as we are, keeping them separate - even though nothing is changing, and she has no interest in being introduced to him through the door, or going upstairs where he spends most of his time? Should we try just letting him out (when we're in and can supervise what's happening), let him roam around and let them get used to each other that way, with the view that they'll "work it out eventually" ? My view is that the second option would result in Dee never coming in the house at all because she'll constantly be fearful that Archie will just pop up somewhere - but would more exposure result in her getting more used to him, and being less fearful and agitated around him? I'd be really grateful for anyone's thoughts on this! 

Thanks so much - sorry for another long post!


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

its natural as cats are very territorial and any invasion is likely to cause this behaviour. I'd try just letting the kitten out when you're at home and supervising. I think the adult cat will get used to him in time, just needs her own space to go to.


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## paws123 (Jun 22, 2015)

Thanks for your reply. I agree its natural and I don't blame her for acting this way at all - we've disrupted her safe place and she's got every right to be angry and confused by it all! I just think we've reached a bit of a dead end with the "keeping them separate and letting them see each other through a door" phase, and it's not getting any better, so we'll try letting the kitten out when she is there, and act normal (I'm not sure if part of the reason she's on edge is because we're a bit on edge too, looking to see how she's coping). We'll let her hiss at him and get it all out (only interrupt if she actually goes to attack him), and see how we go from there. That way, as I see it, she'll have a proper chance to assert her dominance and establish the pecking order. Potential downside which I'm afraid is going to happen is her not only refusing to go upstairs because that's where he is, but also refusing to come in the house at all.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

There may not be much point in continuing to keep the two of them separate, but I am concerned that once the kitten is given the run of the house Dee may refuse to come in the house at all. The risk is she will then eventually leave home and look for a new home elsewhere. This does happen I'm afraid.

It is important to understand cat etiquette when introducing a strange cat to a resident cat. What would happen in the wild if one cat moved into another cat's territory, is there would usually be a lot of posturing, scent-marking, hissing and growling from the resident cat. As a result the new cat would either turn tail and run, or would hold his/her ground, and do his/her own scent marking. If he/she held their ground then there would either be a terrible fight, [often with nasty injuries], with the victor claiming the spoils (the territory) or if the resident cat wanted to avoid a fight she would move out, relinquishing the territory to the new cat.

From the evidence so far, I fear Dee would be one of those cats who does not stand her ground and will allow herself to be pushed out of her territory by a newcomer. If this is her inclination, nothing you can do will change her into a cat who stands her ground and protects her territory. Nor can you change her into a cat who is laid back enough to accept a newcomer without demur. Sorry


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## paws123 (Jun 22, 2015)

Thanks for your reply. As upsetting as it is, I think you're right about her personality . We thought she would be a more aggressive type when faced with an intrusion because outside, she's very protective of her garden and chases any other cats away, but it doesn't look that way when faced with an intruder in the house. We tried a few more times over the weekend to just let them be around each other with supervision, and each time it's resulted in Dee growling and watching the kitten, then getting fed up and wanting to leave the house. She requires extreme persuasion to set foot back in the house, and when she does, she does a scout of the house before settling down to eat, to make sure the kitten isn't anywhere. She has started to come back upstairs when she is in the house, though. She's taken to sleeping on a big rolled up blanket at the edge of our bed at night (kitten safely in his room), and is always relaxed and happy when I go to see her on the blanket in the morning. 

I'm starting to think that realistically, as much as it breaks my heart, we have to consider the possibility that we'd need to rehome Archie before Dee runs away from home. Before this though, I've been reading up on Feliway, and wondered if anyone had any experiences with that? If Dee was less stressed when at home, it might just work out. If she was calmer, she might stay around the house a bit more and allow more mingling and introduction time with the kitten. I was also considering purchasing her a cat tree, as "her" space, and not allowing the kitten near it.


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## popcornsmum (Jan 19, 2015)

I would definitely try Feliway although it's not an instant fix and will take time and also definitely a cat tree! I would try everything first! I hope things get better!


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## paws123 (Jun 22, 2015)

Thank you so much  Yes we are definitely going to try everything first. We took Archie for his second lot of vaccinations the other day and asked the vet what to do and she just said it takes time and just be patient. She agreed that Feliway was the best thing, and we will be getting a cat tree so that Dee has a safe place she can snuggle, high up away from him. We've got the plug-in now, so we'll see if anything improves. Thanks again!


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Just recently there was a member who rescued a tiny 4 week old kitten. Their resident cat objected so violently to the kitten and became so stressed that, even though most of us usually say "give it more time" we were thinking that the baby was going to have to find a new home. Then suddenly, the older cat simply..capitulated and now the kitten and the adult cat are good friends.

It really sounds like you are doing everything right. It just takes time time time time. Growling hissing, even spitting and swearing is just normal communication. Cats have to express themselves! Don't punish the older cat for reacting to the kitten, don't punish the kitten for wanting to play with the older cat. (You didn't say you were, it's just common advice to offer in this type of situation) Just..keep things as calm and normal as possible, and give them time.

Play with the kitten a lot to take the energy off your older cat though at 18 months she should still have plenty of kitten antics herself and will soon want to be joining in the romps.

it will work out.

PS If you aren't already, feed your cats a good quality species appropriate diet, this will make a big difference. Feed good quality canned foods on a schedule, foods low in carbs and other filler and junk. No dry food and no "free feeding". Diet has a huge impact on behavior.


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