# PE in pants - ok or not?



## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

Is it ok these days for a child to do PE in their underwear if they forget their PE kit? I know it used to be usual when I was at school, but these days?


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

what a strange question?!
i've never known of that! temporary kit was always provided by the school from the lost and found box if children forgot their kits. these days it rarely happens as kits are kept within the school and usually only brought home to be washed during term, mine used to forget to bring theirs back home with them though so i used to have to go and collect them from the school before they had PE and return them clean.
i don't think something like that would be allowed now, surely?


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

Nagini said:


> i don't think something like that would be allowed now, surely?


That's what I was wondering! It used to happen when I was at school - they didn't keep spare kits - but my daughter has a habit of 'forgetting' her kit to get out of PE, and they made her do it in her undies rather than just sitting out like she usually does. I'm not against the school trying to get her to participate, just wondered whether I should be mad at this or not?


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

JimJam74 said:


> That's what I was wondering! It used to happen when I was at school - they didn't keep spare kits - but my daughter has a habit of 'forgetting' her kit to get out of PE, and they made her do it in her undies rather than just sitting out like she usually does. I'm not against the school trying to get her to participate, just wondered whether I should be mad at this or not?


You wonder whether you should be "mad" that your child was made to perform physical activity in her underwear? I'm pretty cynical and even I cannot imagine that happening.

Gotta be a wind up.


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## PawsOnMe (Nov 1, 2012)

It happened to us but only in primary school. I'm not sure if it still happens as most primary schools the PE kit stays in school and in high school you're normally made to choose from a manky pile of PE clothing from the abandoned kit box :Wtf (I forgot my trainers once and the only size 3 trainers they had were odd ones and they stunk :Hungover).

If this happened in high school I'd definitely complain. It's beyond strange that you've joined a pet forum to ask this question.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> That's what I was wondering! It used to happen when I was at school - they didn't keep spare kits - but my daughter has a habit of 'forgetting' her kit to get out of PE, and they made her do it in her undies rather than just sitting out like she usually does. I'm not against the school trying to get her to participate, just wondered whether I should be mad at this or not?


How old is your daughter?

What have you done on your end as far as encouraging your child to participate in PE? Is there a reason she doesn't want to? Do you help her remember her PE kit? Make sure she has it on PE days?


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

JimJam74 said:


> That's what I was wondering! It used to happen when I was at school - they didn't keep spare kits - but my daughter has a habit of 'forgetting' her kit to get out of PE, and they made her do it in her undies rather than just sitting out like she usually does. I'm not against the school trying to get her to participate, just wondered whether I should be mad at this or not?


Of course you should be mad and you should make a formal complaint and ask for an explanation.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

lorilu said:


> You wonder whether you should be "mad" that your child was made to perform physical activity in her underwear? I'm pretty cynical and even I cannot imagine that happening.
> 
> Gotta be a wind up.


its not a wind up. Seriously.


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## Catharinem (Dec 17, 2014)

Generally I'd say it's not done. Don't know if there's an actual policy against, but our school has spare sets from lost and found, or donated by parents whose children don't have a younger sibling to grow into. 
Whilst it seems OK for many parents to let their kids and schoolfriends run round with very little on in their own garden or playdate, a teacher telling a child to strip to their undies could get in a pickle in this day and age, especially as children are now taught that their bodies are their own, and if an adult asks to see your pants you tell somebody. Don't suppose there's anything more to see than at a public swimming pool, but context is different, and PANTS message to help children understand what is or isn't appropriate needs to be clear so easily understood by even primary school children. 

Though being told: " my body, my choice" by an 8 year old refusing to wear a coat can try the most patient parent trying to get out the door in the mornings, better a little too much backchat than an abused child not knowing they are allowed to speak up. Not saying PE in pants is abuse, but it could cause confusion. Say the child feels uncomfortable in just undies, but feels pressured because the teacher has told them to do it. Or a stranger says it's ok because it's only like PE in school..

A strange question for a pet forum, have you a particular issue you feel you can't discuss at school? If you are yourself a child using this forum as somewhere that your comments won't be monitored, remember you can call Childline on 0800 1111, which is free and confidential, and give advice on what to do next.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Since when was that usual?

I never remembered my PE kit, we had to wear skanky lost property PE kit if we forgot it.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

PawsOnMe said:


> If this happened in high school I'd definitely complain.


Yes, high school



ouesi said:


> How old is your daughter?
> 
> What have you done on your end as far as encouraging your child to participate in PE? Is there a reason she doesn't want to? Do you help her remember her PE kit? Make sure she has it on PE days?


She's 14. To be honest, I hated PE when I was at school, so am not overly fussed about her not participating


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

JimJam74 said:


> That's what I was wondering! It used to happen when I was at school - they didn't keep spare kits - but my daughter has a habit of 'forgetting' her kit to get out of PE, and they made her do it in her undies rather than just sitting out like she usually does. I'm not against the school trying to get her to participate, just wondered whether I should be mad at this or not?


i'd definitely be angry and raising complaints! how old is she?
i'd keep a spare kit at the ready, on days she has 'accidentally' forgotten it and really find out why, she does not want to participate in PE. one of mine hated PE in high school, turned out she wasn't keen on the teacher, which to me wasn't a valid reason for not wanting to do PE so kept a spare kit at the ready in the car incase i had a call from the school that she had forgot it, accidentally on purpose of course!


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

labradrk said:


> Since when was that usual?
> 
> I never remembered my PE kit, we had to wear skanky lost property PE kit if we forgot it.


When were you at school? It was usual when I was at school


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

I would say it depends on the age of the child, I had to do it in primary school as I lied and said I didn't have my kit as I hated PE, but in secondary school we were given things from the unclaimed/lost property box which all smelt foul and consisted of big blue nylon pants and a grubby stained t shirts, but primary school I think is ok and a possibly a fairly good life lesson or at least it was for me, but secondary age not so good.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> Yes, high school
> 
> She's 14. To be honest, I hated PE when I was at school, so am not overly fussed about her not participating


Wait what?! A 14 year old had to strip to her underwear? Oh hell no. I thought you were talking about a very young child! 
Surely this can't be legal?!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

JimJam74 said:


> its not a wind up. Seriously.


Did you join a pet forum to specifically ask this question?


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## foxiesummer (Feb 4, 2009)

We always did p.e., in our pants. Couldn't afford proper kit. There woz a war on.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Did you join a pet forum to specifically ask this question?


Well, obviously I wish I hadn't! I have got a couple of cats recently and saw the 'General Chat' section. But perhaps I shouldn't have bothered!


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

JimJam74 said:


> Yes, high school
> 
> She's 14. To be honest, I hated PE when I was at school, so am not overly fussed about her not participating


honestly, just wow.
14 and made to do PE in her underwear, could be considered 'shaming' these days. i would definitely put a stop to the school letting her participate in her underwear, think about how terribly embarrassed she must feel?


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## Sled dog hotel (Aug 11, 2010)

JimJam74 said:


> Yes, high school
> 
> She's 14. To be honest, I hated PE when I was at school, so am not overly fussed about her not participating


If she is 14 which can be a very difficult age to be physically, mentally and emotionally, anyway, and a secondary school PE teacher made my daughter do PE in her underwear, I know exactly what I would be doing getting an appointment with the head teacher and PE teacher, and making my thoughts on the subject known in no uncertain terms.


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

ouesi said:


> Wait what?! A 14 year old had to strip to her underwear? Oh hell no. I thought you were talking about a very young child!
> Surely this can't be legal?!


i don't think it would be considered legal, you even need to give consent these days for school first aiders to apply sticking plasters when a child has fell over!
i think i'd be removing her from the school in this instance and seeking legal advice!


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## Catharinem (Dec 17, 2014)

Realised more info whilst I posted. 

Leaving my previous post re Childline info though, never sure who reads these posts and may be useful in future to someone. 

14 year old girl in undies? No way! 

This must never happen again. I would want investigation as to why teacher behaved like that. 

On separate note, there could just be laziness /boredom involved ( I would get caught out at rounders so I could sit and make daisy Chains) but could be a deep-seated fear at the base of this. I was ( still am) terrified of my head going underwater) so would feel physically sick with fear before swimming lessons). Could be 2 sources of fear:
1) physical fear. Falling /twisting / banging into equipment at gymnastics, hockey sticks, flying rounders balls, stitch during running etc

2) Embarrassment fear. Body weight, body shape, mole or birthmark, bikini line/underarms/hairy legs ( if not done so maybe discuss hair removal if appropriate - only just realised hairy legs was reason my daughter still wearing tights instead of socks in summer term. Quick bit of Veet and voila). Is she the last to get chosen for teams? Scared of letting team down? Scared of period leak showing?

Have a mum/daughter talk and find out why avoiding PE. Get copy of timetable so you can help her get kit ready on those days. 

Also talk about how she usually gets on with that teacher ( male or female), and how being made to do it effected her interaction with freinds, and what she would like done next. You and your daughter are best placed to decide motivation, ranging from weirdo, or generally vindictive teacher, to frustrated teacher trying to impress importance of being prepared for timetabled event, but do talk through with your daughter about how to go forward whilst ensuring never happens again. This could be anything from discreet word with teacher after school to full complaint and police investigation, but teach your daughter that you are there to help her, and any problems can be discussed openly.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

While the school is absolutely in the wrong here, I feel like there were some missed opportunities on the parent's side too. 

Kid keeps refusing to dress out for PE, why is there no conversation about this? Why is there no parental support for the child, either encouraging the child to dress out, or helping the child work with the teacher/school to find a workable alternative to sitting out? 

Again, school is 100% wrong for making a 14 year old strip to their underwear, but why has the parent waited until things got to this point to feel like they have to do something?

I'm also curious as to what is meant by underwear. Sometimes my own 14 year old wears spandex shorts as underwear, and she's also fine wearing them as regular shorts too. So telling her to just wear her spandex if she forgot her regular shorts would not have been an issue in her case.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

@JimJam74 It is NOT okay for a school to require your daughter to strip to her underwear for public display under ANY circumstances. Get down to that school and raise hell. Write letters, up as high as you need to. This should not be happening, to your daughter, or to anyone else..

On the other hand if PE is part of the school curriculum you should not be encouraging your daughter to try to skip out. Kids need to learn that life is full of things they have to do whether they like it or not. When a kid is in school, a kid has to follow the rules. And PE is important. You should be teaching her responsibility, such as remembering her kit.

Again, this does NOT mean strip to underwear to participate in PE. Shaming because a kid is trying to skip gym is NOT OK.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

ouesi said:


> While the school is absolutely in the wrong here, I feel like there were some missed opportunities on the parent's side too.
> 
> Kid keeps refusing to dress out for PE, why is there no conversation about this? Why is there no parental support for the child, either encouraging the child to dress out, or helping the child work with the teacher/school to find a workable alternative to sitting out?
> 
> ...


And .... When did this happen? Surely not today?

I hated PE myself. I'd use any excuse to get out of it. For me, it was a mixture of body shame (eczema) and the very real fear of utter humiliation as I was rubbish at it. If I could have sat in an extra history, English or Science lesson, I would have jumped at the chance.


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## FeelTheBern (Jan 13, 2016)

Being forced to do PE in her underwear must have been incredibly humiliating for her. At first, I assumed your daughter was a young child-it surprised when you said that she was a teenager. As a distraught parent, you have every right to complain to the school-but you should not be encouraging her to skip the lesson. Unfortunately for your daughter, school isn't all fun and games. Some lessons one finds enjoyable, whereas others one might hate. That's part of life, I'm afraid. But shaming a student for attempting to skip PE in the way that the school did is totally unacceptable and you ought to complain.


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## Apollo2012 (Jun 10, 2013)

The school were wrong i would be speaking to the principal. When I was in secondary school if we forgot our kit we had to wear a spare pe kit or wear our normal uniform. My daughters in primary they have loads of spare kit for anyone who forgets too.

However just because you didn't really like pe doesn't mean you shouldn't care about your daughter not wanting to do it. It's part of her curriculum and is important she takes part unless she has a legit reason not to be doing it so I would make sure she takes her kit from now on.


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

As others have said I'd complain to the school and I would also talk to your daughter to find out why she hates PE so much.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

I can understand her not wanting to take part, I'm afraid I was a bit of a rebel as a teen and refused to do PE, I have vivid memories of being pushed by the teacher (as in physically both hands on my back, shove a few paces and repeat) to try and force me to take part in cross country running so I sat down and refused to move (we are talking 1970's though). I hated any sort of ball game as my hand to eye or foot to eye or stupid implement to eye coordination is rubbish. I can't even do a forward roll. Have you asked her if there is a particular reason she doesn't like or want to take part in PE? Perhaps she is having issues with the other kids or with a particular teacher.


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## steveshanks (Feb 19, 2015)

14!!! Someone in that school needs to be in serous trouble in my opinion.


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

I'm of an age where navy blue knickers were worn for indoor PE in any case but to make a girl strip to her underwear is totally wrong imo .I hated PE and games when I was at school but not having kit was punishable by lines and detentions When my own children were at school there was always spare kit in lost property to be used in such circumstances and I expect that most schools would do the same these days.
I would complain firstly to the teacher involved and take it higher if necessary. But also make sure that your daughter has her PE kit when it is required


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> I can understand her not wanting to take part, I'm afraid I was a bit of a rebel as a teen and refused to do PE, I have vivid memories of being pushed by the teacher (as in physically both hands on my back, shove a few paces and repeat) to try and force me to take part in cross country running so I sat down and refused to move (we are talking 1970's though). I hated any sort of ball game as my hand to eye or foot to eye or stupid implement to eye coordination is rubbish. I can't even do a forward roll. Have you asked her if there is a particular reason she doesn't like or want to take part in PE? Perhaps she is having issues with the other kids or with a particular teacher.


You sound like my P.E. twin  I hated it with a passion, I'm uncoordinated and well I wasn't and have never been designed to run, and snaps to never being able to do a forward roll, I hated when we had to try and clamber up ropes, I would hang two foot from ground slithering down the rope as others shimmied up it as easy as one, two, three, my P.E. Teacher finally in the 5th year admitted defeat and let me be, as I was the first pupil ever who she had never managed to get to enjoy any kind of physical exertion :Hilarious

As for the OP's daughter at 14 I would say hugely inappropriate, at 14 I was 'developed' and din't wear a vest so no chance would I have been bouncing around in bra and pants :Jawdrop I would be having very serious words with the school.


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## Smuge (Feb 6, 2017)

only if the teacher is ok with going to prison


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> I can understand her not wanting to take part, I'm afraid I was a bit of a rebel as a teen and refused to do PE, I have vivid memories of being pushed by the teacher (as in physically both hands on my back, shove a few paces and repeat) to try and force me to take part in cross country running so I sat down and refused to move (we are talking 1970's though). I hated any sort of ball game as my hand to eye or foot to eye or stupid implement to eye coordination is rubbish. I can't even do a forward roll. Have you asked her if there is a particular reason she doesn't like or want to take part in PE? Perhaps she is having issues with the other kids or with a particular teacher.





MontyMaude said:


> You sound like my P.E. twin  I hated it with a passion, I'm uncoordinated and well I wasn't and have never been designed to run, and snaps to never being able to do a forward roll, I hated when we had to try and clamber up ropes, I would hang two foot from ground slithering down the rope as others shimmied up it as easy as one, two, three, my P.E. Teacher finally in the 5th year admitted defeat and let me be, as I was the first pupil ever who she had never managed to get to enjoy any kind of physical exertion :Hilarious
> 
> As for the OP's daughter at 14 I would say hugely inappropriate, at 14 I was 'developed' and din't wear a vest so no chance would I have been bouncing around in bra and pants :Jawdrop I would be having very serious words with the school.


I'm with the two of you on hating PE and sports. I never learnt to do a forward roll either.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

If students hate reading should we let them opt out of having to read?
If students hate math should we let them opt out of having to learn math?

Or, should we work with the child to figure out what the problem is, support the child, and help them be successful?


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

ouesi said:


> If students hate reading should we let them opt out of having to read?
> If students hate math should we let them opt out of having to learn math?
> 
> Or, should we work with the child to figure out what the problem is, support the child, and help them be successful?


Bit different given that you need to be able to read, write and do arithmetic to get by in life, I've never suffered from not being able to do a forward roll or hit a rounders ball. It might be a bit different these days as a lot of kids are inactive out of school but back then I had to walk to and from school and as my parents never gave me lifts places I used my bike to get around.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Bit different given that you need to be able to read, write and do arithmetic to get by in life, I've never suffered from not being able to do a forward roll or hit a rounders ball. It might be a bit different these days as a lot of kids are inactive out of school but back then I had to walk to and from school and as my parents never gave me lifts places I used my bike to get around.


People "get by" without being able to read (arguably some become presidents :Bag)

My point is, instead of just shrugging it off and letting the kid quit, why not have a conversation about it and be supportive of the child like we would be if it was a more "important" course like reading or math. 
I don't think it's acceptable for a parent to say "oh well, I hated PE so if my kid "forgets" their kit to get out of it, no biggie." 
Why not be supportive of the child and either figure out how to make PE more bearable, or find a workable alternative? It seems like this child was let down in more ways than one.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

ouesi said:


> People "get by" without being able to read (arguably some become presidents :Bag)
> 
> My point is, instead of just shrugging it off and letting the kid quit, why not have a conversation about it and be supportive of the child like we would be if it was a more "important" course like reading or math.
> I don't think it's acceptable for a parent to say "oh well, I hated PE so if my kid "forgets" their kit to get out of it, no biggie."
> Why not be supportive of the child and either figure out how to make PE more bearable, or find a workable alternative? It seems like this child was let down in more ways than one.


Not a parent so I don't know how all that works - certainly my own parents were not remotely bothered that I wouldn't run around a track or jump in a sand pit but they would have been if I couldn't read, write or do my sums. Well my Dad would have been, My Mum was of the attitude that if you've nothing better to do than sit around reading a book she would find you something - such as cleaning the floor  If I were a parent it wouldn't bother me that my kids didn't want to partake in group sports sessions as long as they were active. Sports are great for those who are good at them but pretty bloody miserable for those that aren't and don't enjoy them.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

JimJam74 said:


> Well, obviously I wish I hadn't! I have got a couple of cats recently and saw the 'General Chat' section. But perhaps I shouldn't have bothered!


Don't worry - it's fine. I don't see why some people are getting their pants in a twist about asking the question tbh 

Anyhoo, my opinion is it is not acceptable for any child irrespective of age.

It is done to humiliate the child into conforming which in my opinion is Draconian.

In fact, given all the Child Protection rules I suspect it would actually be a breach. I would definitely complain.

In year 3 my child's teacher refused a boy to use the toilet, which culminated in him wetting himself in front of the Class. She also made fun of my son in front of the Class when he needed to go another time (genuinely his "regular poo time" - which you can't squeeze out to order at break time, as far as I'm aware.)

Needless to say, I went in after class one day and complained and she saw how cruel it was. She actually called my son into the room and apologised in front of me immediately and again the next day in front of the Class.

There are ways to deal with issues that don't involve ridiculing pupils in front of their peers.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Not a parent so I don't know how all that works - certainly my own parents were not remotely bothered that I wouldn't run around a track or jump in a sand pit but they would have been if I couldn't read, write or do my sums. Well my Dad would have been, My Mum was of the attitude that if you've nothing better to do than sit around reading a book she would find you something - such as cleaning the floor  If I were a parent it wouldn't bother me that my kids didn't want to partake in group sports sessions as long as they were active. Sports are great for those who are good at them but pretty bloody miserable for those that aren't and don't enjoy them.


Perhaps it's different in the UK but here, PE is not about "sports" it's Physical Education. Being educated about your body and how it works physically. Yes, that includes movement and lots of exposure to different physical activities, hopefully finding one you enjoy.

But that's still beside the point. 
This is a child who doesn't want to do PE. So instead of ignoring the issue, why did the parent not address it? Why does the child not want to dress out? Is it a body shame thing that's very fixable, that a caring parent can easily address, or is it a physical difficulty that might need to be seen by a medical doctor? Or maybe the kid just doesn't want to, which you could argue either way - on the one hand life is full of "I don't want to" but being an adult is learning that the chores do have to get done. On the other hand, why not help the child find more valuable use of their time other than sitting around doing nothing.

And forcing the child to strip down to underwear is incredibly worrisome as well. For one, that a teacher would think on any level that's okay, and two, that the child complied with the request. That worries me too. I would also wonder if any other kid in the PE class objected or came to the child's aid. The whole story is really rather incredible.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Sounds weird to me. If the girl is deliberately bunking off PE or trying to, they should just give her a detention instead of making her ponce around in her knickers. Or a load of extra homework. If she still forgets, give her two detentions.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

ouesi said:


> Perhaps it's different in the UK but here, PE is not about "sports" it's Physical Education. Being educated about your body and how it works physically. Yes, that includes movement and lots of exposure to different physical activities, hopefully finding one you enjoy.
> 
> But that's still beside the point.
> This is a child who doesn't want to do PE. So instead of ignoring the issue, why did the parent not address it? Why does the child not want to dress out? Is it a body shame thing that's very fixable, that a caring parent can easily address, or is it a physical difficulty that might need to be seen by a medical doctor? Or maybe the kid just doesn't want to, which you could argue either way - on the one hand life is full of "I don't want to" but being an adult is learning that the chores do have to get done. On the other hand, why not help the child find more valuable use of their time other than sitting around doing nothing.
> ...


I don't know what its like for school kids now but when I was at school we were basically told what activity we were doing that lesson so it might be tennis or it might be running or it might be gymnastics. Like I said fine if you were good but a crushing experience if you weren't. Hated the summer even more when they made us swim, another lesson stood at the side shivering because I refused point blank to put my head under the water and the teacher wouldn't let us progress to the next bit until we did. I never learnt to swim until I went to adult classes about 20 years later. I can't answer your questions about this incident as I don't know anymore that the information the OP has provided.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

ouesi said:


> People "get by" without being able to read (arguably some become presidents :Bag)
> 
> My point is, instead of just shrugging it off and letting the kid quit, why not have a conversation about it and be supportive of the child like we would be if it was a more "important" course like reading or math.
> I don't think it's acceptable for a parent to say "oh well, I hated PE so if my kid "forgets" their kit to get out of it, no biggie."
> Why not be supportive of the child and either figure out how to make PE more bearable, or find a workable alternative? It seems like this child was let down in more ways than one.


I do agree.

We need to learn that there are certain rules in society and following reasonable rules at school sets us up for the work place and wider World IMO.

We can't swan into the office when we feel like it.
We can't drive on the wrong side of the road.....etc.

Too many parents give into their children and don't support the school, when they are expecting a reasonable level of behaviour. I think they do their kids a disservice in the long run.


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

ouesi said:


> Perhaps it's different in the UK but here, PE is not about "sports" it's Physical Education. Being educated about your body and how it works physically. Yes, that includes movement and lots of exposure to different physical activities, hopefully finding one you enjoy.
> 
> But that's still beside the point.
> This is a child who doesn't want to do PE. So instead of ignoring the issue, why did the parent not address it? Why does the child not want to dress out? Is it a body shame thing that's very fixable, that a caring parent can easily address, or is it a physical difficulty that might need to be seen by a medical doctor? Or maybe the kid just doesn't want to, which you could argue either way - on the one hand life is full of "I don't want to" but being an adult is learning that the chores do have to get done. On the other hand, why not help the child find more valuable use of their time other than sitting around doing nothing.
> ...


In my school anyway, like @rottiepointerhouse you didn't have a choice, the teacher told you what was happening and you did it.

In Winter PE was gymnastics for one half the term and swimming for the other. 
In Summer PE was things like Track, javelin, long jump etc.

If you didn't like it then it was tough luck, I'd like to think schools are more understanding these days, but if the OP is anything to go by, I guess not.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> Like I said fine if you were good but a crushing experience if you weren't.


That's life though isn't it?
At what point is not being good at something and excuse to not do it?

I don't know a single person who is good at everything. We all suck at something (usually multiple things) and we have all had to deal with crushing disappointment. It is our job as parents not to prevent the child from experiencing the lows, but to support the child through those lows.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

ouesi said:


> That's life though isn't it?
> At what point is not being good at something and excuse to not do it?
> 
> I don't know a single person who is good at everything. We all suck at something (usually multiple things) and we have all had to deal with crushing disappointment. It is our job as parents not to prevent the child from experiencing the lows, but to support the child through those lows.


I would say if you hate something, see no point in it, it makes you miserable and it is not necessary for your future life or well being then that is a good enough reason not to do it  I never could see the point in doing things I hated and that made me miserable. Others will have a different view particularly if it something they did enjoy, that made them feel good or happy or might help them get into college etc.


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

I canne not be bothered to go back and quotes things but I'm with RRP, P.E. to me was a virtually a weekly humiliation in how bad I am at sports, we did Hockey,Gym and Netball in the winter, Tennis, Athletic's and swimming in the summer, I refused to swim as the pool was outdoor in the uk unheated and filthy but I can swim as I had lessons outside of school, but I led an active life as I went horse riding, I rode my bike, had to walk a mile to the bus stop everyday, I would go out and get the cows in with my dad, traipse around the farm doing stuff, feeding calves and hauling buckets of milk back and forth to them, I would do all the gladly so wasn't unfit as a child but I'm short I can't run or jump or catch well, so when it came to picking teams, I would understandably be picked last and it hurts week after week, year after year of being picked last because your shit at something. 

My parents didn't care about the fact that I'm not sporty or competitive, they did care about me being able to read and write and they did encourage that but if I had been able to opt out of P.E. my school life would have been a hugely happier.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

MontyMaude said:


> I canne not be bothered to go back and quotes things but I'm with RRP, P.E. to me was a virtually a weekly humiliation in how bad I am at sports, we did Hockey,Gym and Netball in the winter, Tennis, Athletic's and swimming in the summer, I refused to swim as the pool was outdoor in the uk unheated and filthy but I can swim as I had lessons outside of school, but I led an active life as I went horse riding, I rode my bike, had to walk a mile to the bus stop everyday, I would go out and get the cows in with my dad, traipse around the farm doing stuff, feeding calves and hauling buckets of milk back and forth to them, I would do all the gladly so wasn't unfit as a child but I'm short I can't run or jump or catch well, so when it came to picking teams, I would understandably be picked last and it hurts week after week, year after year of being picked last because your shit at something.
> 
> My parents didn't care about the fact that I'm not sporty or competitive, they did care about me being able to read and write and they did encourage that but if I had been able to opt out of P.E. my school life would have been a hugely happier.


When I did 6th form I nearly died when I was told we still had to do PE, I was on the verge of refusing to go back until they offered voluntary work as an alternative. I jumped at the chance to spend my Friday afternoons doing something useful and chose to work at an elderly persons hospital which is how I ended up leaving school before my A levels and taking up nursing full time.


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## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> When I did 6th form I nearly died when I was told we still had to do PE, I was on the verge of refusing to go back until they offered voluntary work as an alternative. I jumped at the chance to spend my Friday afternoons doing something useful and chose to work at an elderly persons hospital which is how I ended up leaving school before my A levels and taking up nursing full time.


At college we had to do PE. I chose golf and archery. It turned out I was actually good at something! I had to do it at university as well for the first year. I was 'sick' the day they did hurdles as I knew I'd never get over them. I did everything else - although I can't say synchronised swimming has ever been useful...


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

MontyMaude said:


> I canne not be bothered to go back and quotes things but I'm with RRP, P.E. to me was a virtually a weekly humiliation in how bad I am at sports, we did Hockey,Gym and Netball in the winter, Tennis, Athletic's and swimming in the summer, I refused to swim as the pool was outdoor in the uk unheated and filthy but I can swim as I had lessons outside of school, but I led an active life as I went horse riding, I rode my bike, had to walk a mile to the bus stop everyday, I would go out and get the cows in with my dad, traipse around the farm doing stuff, feeding calves and hauling buckets of milk back and forth to them, I would do all the gladly so wasn't unfit as a child but I'm short I can't run or jump or catch well, *so when it came to picking teams, I would understandably be picked last and it hurts week after week, year after year of being picked last because your shit at something. *
> 
> My parents didn't care about the fact that I'm not sporty or competitive, they did care about me being able to read and write and they did encourage that but if I had been able to opt out of P.E. my school life would have been a hugely happier.


The bit in bold - *hugs* that was me too. And yes, the humiliation and the hurt as twice a week, every week for the 11 years I was school, I was always picked last, plus the teacher never helped as she didn't like me ....... like you, if I could opt out of sport and done something else, I would of done so happily.


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

Jobeth said:


> At college we had to do PE. I chose golf and archery. It turned out I was actually good at something! I had to do it at university as well for the first year. I was 'sick' the day they did hurdles as I knew I'd never get over them. I did everything else - although I can't say synchronised swimming has ever been useful...


I like archery


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

Okay, all I'm trying to do is make a point about parents supporting their kids. 
Somehow that's being twisted to suit other agendas, that's fine too. 

Of my own children, I have one who is interested in sports, the other completely not. Guess what? The one not interested in sports is still an active, outdoorsy child, who just happens to not like organized sports. I don't force him to participate in sports, however he does have to come watch his sister's games and support her when she competes. Because sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do because it's the right thing to do. 

My child who does play sports is not the best one on the team, she's not the worst one. On days she's feeling low, a coach has been tough on her, or on the very rare occasion she doesn't want to go to practice, I don't tell her she can quit if it gets too hard, I don't tell her the coach is a jerk who doesn't know what they're talking about. I remind her of her successes, we talk about what it means to make a commitment to a team, and I encourage her to continue working hard, by reminding her of how much her hard work has already paid off. 

If she decides this is not for her, that will be her decision. But this culture of metaphorically wrapping our kids in bubble wrap to avoid emotionally tough encounters is just as ineffective and unhelpful as shaming a child in to compliance. It's not about avoiding tough things, it's about supporting your child through them.


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## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

Animallover26 said:


> I like archery


It's the only sport I have ever won a trophy in!


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

Jobeth said:


> It's the only sport I have ever won a trophy in!


Cool, well done you.


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## Jobeth (May 23, 2010)

[QUOTE="ouesi, post: 1064874576, member: 1311755But this culture of metaphorically wrapping our kids in bubble wrap to avoid emotionally tough encounters is just as ineffective and unhelpful as shaming a child in to compliance. It's not about avoiding tough things, it's about supporting your child through them.[/QUOTE]

I agree with you. I may have been last in every sporting event at school, but I still got on with it. I was also the only person that did an O level in a subject. I had to have 1:1 lessons whilst everyone else did the CSE level. If I had cared what others thought I'd never have been able to manage not fitting in at secondary school.


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

ouesi said:


> Okay, all I'm trying to do is make a point about parents supporting their kids.
> Somehow that's being twisted to suit other agendas, that's fine too.
> 
> Of my own children, I have one who is interested in sports, the other completely not. Guess what? The one not interested in sports is still an active, outdoorsy child, who just happens to not like organized sports. I don't force him to participate in sports, however he does have to come watch his sister's games and support her when she competes. Because sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do because it's the right thing to do.
> ...


Seriously I wasn't trying to twist anything to suit any agenda I was just sharing my experiences of hating PE at school which others have shared they had similar experiences. I can assure you my parents never wrapped me in any cotton wool or bubble wrap - far from it, they were too busy making a mess of their marriage.


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

Must say it is better if school has some spares prepared...
But if you excuse one girl not to do PE, because they do not like it?
Why not everyone? Why not other subjects? Surely many do not like all array of them?
Kids have far too little exercise to start with and those who need it most are those who avoid it ...
Teachers should be tactful though. More fun oriented and definitely supportive.
We all have limitations, be it PE, be it maths or French.

I used to tell kids they do not need to be good in everything, but that is not an excuse not to try.
No PE kit should be treated the same as not bringing homework etc..
Obviously telling teenagers to go underwear is wrong.
Giving a choice of activities is right.

Yes, I would complain. If my child was deliberately missing PE because has problems with body image etc..then that is a serious issue, not just discipline, but general well being. Teachers should have informed the parents and try together find solutions.


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## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

was the norm in our day, we used to hide 1 girls kit on a regular basis, we were 15.... she was a D cup


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## Odin_cat (Mar 14, 2017)

Meaning no offence, what evidence do you have that this happened?

I don't want to suggest your daughter is lying but I really can't see it happening. Teachers in the UK have to walk on eggshells; only last year a headteacher was dismissed for carrying a misbehaving primary aged student from class after she refused to leave. She had no marks on her and I can't see how it's had any emotional effect myself.

Absolutely go to the school, ask to see the teacher and the head but don't make accusations without evidence.

And tell your girl she has to participate in the future.


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## FeelTheBern (Jan 13, 2016)

Of course Mathematics and English are more important than whacking baseballs and doing sit-ups; but that doesn't mean PE shouldn't be regarded as an important lesson. As @cheekyscrip said, today's kids generally do not get enough exercise. For many kids, PE at school is the only form of exercise they will get-as soon as they get home, on goes the screen and that has them occupied for the remainder of the day. A typical 21st Century kid would rather shoot virtual zombies or fiddle around on Snapchat than kick a ball around.


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## stuaz (Sep 22, 2012)

Odin_cat said:


> Meaning no offence, what evidence do you have that this happened?
> 
> I don't want to suggest your daughter is lying but I really can't see it happening. Teachers in the UK have to walk on eggshells; only last year a headteacher was dismissed for carrying a misbehaving primary aged student from class after she refused to leave. She had no marks on her and I can't see how it's had any emotional effect myself.
> 
> ...


I must agree I find it odd for a teenager to be made to do this, especially if it was a mixed class.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

cheekyscrip said:


> Must say it is better if school has some spares prepared...
> But if you excuse one girl not to do PE, because they do not like it?
> Why not everyone? Why not other subjects? Surely many do not like all array of them?
> Kids have far too little exercise to start with and those who need it most are those who avoid it ...
> ...


Exactly. There is a middle ground between total permissiveness ("oh honey, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do") and draconian forcefulness ("you will do PE even if it kills you!")

Neither extreme is helpful. But a conversation with the child figuring out what about PE they don't like, a conversation with the school to find a workable solution, accountability on all ends. Yeah, harder, more involved, but most beneficial in the end.

Though again, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised a 14 year old girl consented to stripping down to underwear in front of her peers. And I'm surprised the peers didn't step in to prevent it going that far. I just don't see that happening. And that's based on a lot of experience with teenagers. Unless like I said earlier the "underwear" was more like shorts. Still doesn't make it right though.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

I hated geography but until I dropped it in favour of German I had to sit thro a few lessons a week. Physics too.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

Animallover26 said:


> The bit in bold - *hugs* that was me too. And yes, the humiliation and the hurt as twice a week, every week for the 11 years I was school, I was always picked last, plus the teacher never helped as she didn't like me ....... like you, if I could opt out of sport and done something else, I would of done so happily.


Me too - dyspraxia (not diagnosed at the time and to be honest the only cure suggested about my balance was breaking my legs.) I have happily opted out and it's left a fear of any group exercise. I'm lucky that I can cycle and I love kettlebells and walking Molly but PE at school was awful.

To the OP, I'd certainly speak to the school, it sounds horrendous and utterly wrong. At 14 a girl is growing up so fast. I can't imagine that it is optional to do PE these days either but you can support her by knowing her timetable and ensuring she has a kit or discussing wider concerns with the school. I'm not a parent but as a human being, it sounds awful.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

Colliebarmy said:


> was the norm in our day, we used to hide 1 girls kit on a regular basis, we were 15.... she was a D cup


Seriously? Are you kidding? Didn't you ever get caught?


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

Thanks for everyone's replies. Yes, I realise PE should perhaps be taken as seriously as other subjects such as maths or english, but I also understand those who hate it!
Also, apparently she wasn't just in her underwear - someone had lent her a PE top, so she was wearing a t-shirt and knickers for the lesson, so not as exposed as first feared!


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## FeelTheBern (Jan 13, 2016)

JimJam74 said:


> Thanks for everyone's replies. Yes, I realise PE should perhaps be taken as seriously as other subjects such as maths or english, but I also understand those who hate it!
> Also, apparently she wasn't just in her underwear - someone had lent her a PE top, so she was wearing a t-shirt and knickers for the lesson, so not as exposed as first feared!


PE isn't as important as Maths/English, nevertheless it is still part of the curriculum. 
Are you going to take action and complain to the school?


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> Thanks for everyone's replies. Yes, I realise PE should perhaps be taken as seriously as other subjects such as maths or english, but I also understand those who hate it!
> Also, apparently she wasn't just in her underwear - someone had lent her a PE top, so she was wearing a t-shirt and knickers for the lesson, so not as exposed as first feared!


Actual underwear? Like panties? Sorry, but that's still not okay!!


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

FeelTheBern said:


> PE isn't as important as Maths/English, nevertheless it is still part of the curriculum.
> Are you going to take action and complain to the school?


Complain about what?


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> Complain about what?


Complain about your child being forced to expose herself against her will! This doesn't bother you?! You don't see how inappropriate this is?!


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## FeelTheBern (Jan 13, 2016)

JimJam74 said:


> Complain about what?


Them making her run around in her underwear!


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

ouesi said:


> Actual underwear? Like panties? Sorry, but that's still not okay!!


Well, yeah. She didn't have her shorts


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## FeelTheBern (Jan 13, 2016)

JimJam74 said:


> Well, yeah. She didn't have her shorts


She shouldn't have been forced to do the lesson wearing only panties. She should have been punished with a detention, and made to wear spare kit.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> Well, yeah. She didn't have her shorts


And you're okay with your 14 year old daughter being made to strip down to her panties and run around in panties and a t-shirt?


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

FeelTheBern said:


> Them making her run around in her underwear!


T-shirt and knickers. Not just her underwear! Not much less than what she would have been wearing if she did have her kit


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

FeelTheBern said:


> She shouldn't have been forced to do the lesson wearing only panties. She should have been punished with a detention, and made to wear spare kit.


Wasn't only panties


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

ouesi said:


> And you're okay with your 14 year old daughter being made to strip down to her panties and run around in panties and a t-shirt?


Not really. But she won't be 'forgetting' her PE kit again


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## FeelTheBern (Jan 13, 2016)

JimJam74 said:


> Wasn't only panties


My mistake. But still, she didn't have any trousers/shorts on, and she shouldn't have been made to run around wearing just this.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> Not really. But she won't be 'forgetting' her PE kit again


Was your daughter upset by having to run around with her peers in her underwear? Was she embarrassed? 
Why don't you think this needs addressing with the school?
Have you spoken to your daughter about what she doesn't like about PE?


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

ouesi said:


> Was your daughter upset by having to run around with her peers in her underwear? Was she embarrassed?
> Why don't you think this needs addressing with the school?
> Have you spoken to your daughter about what she doesn't like about PE?


Well, yes, she was embarrassed, which is why she won't be forgetting her kit again. She says she wasn't upset, just embarrassed. She would rather I didn't make a fuss about it with the school


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> Well, yes, she was embarrassed, which is why she won't be forgetting her kit again. She says she wasn't upset, just embarrassed. She would rather I didn't make a fuss about it with the school


I'm sorry, but some things kids don't get to decide. What the PE teacher did was wrong, an abuse of power, intrusive, and borderline sexual harassment. 
Just because the person is a teacher or in a position of authority, does not give them the right to force your daughter to take her clothes off, which is what this amounts to. 
You need to address it with the school, and I would strongly recommend you have a chat with your daughter about what her rights as a person are, that she is allowed to say no, and why she has not wanted to participate in PE.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

She wasn't forced to take her clothes off - she just got changed like everyone else. Just had to do the lesson wearing her knickers instead of shorts


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

ouesi said:


> Exactly. There is a middle ground between total permissiveness ("oh honey, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do") and draconian forcefulness ("you will do PE even if it kills you!")
> 
> Neither extreme is helpful. But a conversation with the child figuring out what about PE they don't like, a conversation with the school to find a workable solution, accountability on all ends. Yeah, harder, more involved, but most beneficial in the end.
> 
> *Though again, I have to say I'm more than a little surprised a 14 year old girl consented to stripping down to underwear in front of her peers. And I'm surprised the peers didn't step in to prevent it going that far. I just don't see that happening. *And that's based on a lot of experience with teenagers. Unless like I said earlier the "underwear" was more like shorts. Still doesn't make it right though.


When I was at school, teacher's word was as authoritative as my parents. It never once occurred to me to question anything they said.

And other kids standing up for me against the teacher? Nah. They'd either stand there, mutely, staring at me, or they'd look down.

Maybe in America it's different. Maybe it's different here nowadays, but it's certainly plausible that a 14y/o girl is shamed into submission, and peers just don't get involved.


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

JimJam74 said:


> She wasn't forced to take her clothes off - she just got changed like everyone else. Just had to do the lesson wearing her knickers instead of shorts


Are you being deliberately obtuse?
The point is she had to wear underwear which she would not have voluntarily chosen to wear with nothing else. 
Are you okay with this? Because I'm beginning to feel like I'm more outraged for your daughter than you are. Every single person on this thread has told you this is wrong, what happened to your daughter. Wrong. And you're not going to do anything to protect her or the next child this happens to?


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

LinznMilly said:


> When I was at school, teacher's word was as authoritative as my parents. It never once occurred to me to question anything they said.
> 
> And other kids standing up for me against the teacher? Nah. They'd either stand there, mutely, staring at me, or they'd look down.
> 
> Maybe in America it's different. Maybe it's different here nowadays, but it's certainly plausible tat a 14y/o girl is shamed into submission, and peers just don't get involved.


That's tragic  
And why mindless obedience is such a poor goal when raising children...


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## Odin_cat (Mar 14, 2017)

I do think you have to have a word with the school. It doesn't have to be aggressive. If it were me I would consider it worse if she was wearing tiny pants to if they were more like boxers but either should be mentioned.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

ouesi said:


> Are you being deliberately obtuse?
> The point is she had to wear underwear which she would not have voluntarily chosen to wear with nothing else.
> Are you okay with this? Because I'm beginning to feel like I'm more outraged for your daughter than you are. Every single person on this thread has told you this is wrong, what happened to your daughter. Wrong. And you're not going to do anything to protect her or the next child this happens to?


I don't think it's ok - what I'm saying is its not as bad as some think - its not like she was running around in a bra and knickers in public! She had a PE top on in the gym. I will mention to the school that perhaps a detention might be more appropriate if she doesn't have her kit again


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## MissPink (Mar 6, 2015)

I would be absolutely fuming if that was my 14 year old daughter, I would not want my daughter participating in PE in a t shirt and knickers. I would make a formal complaint to the school. 
Out of interest is it a mixed gender PE lesson?


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

MissPink said:


> I would be absolutely fuming if that was my 14 year old daughter, I would not want my daughter participating in PE in a t shirt and knickers. I would make a formal complaint to the school.
> Out of interest is it a mixed gender PE lesson?


Yes, it was mixed gender. It is normal for boys to do it in their boxers if they don't have their kit, but then boxers are just like shorts anyway. But knickers are like skimpy shorts - no worse than being on the beach


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## MissPink (Mar 6, 2015)

She wasn't on the beach though, she was in school. She's a 14 year old young woman, she should not of been made to expose her body in the way she was.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

She wasn't really exposed. I appreciate that she shouldn't have been made to do the lesson in her knickers, but its only like doing it in skimpy shorts. I will ask the school if it happens again to give her a detention.


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

jimjam74, there's a million and one reasons why she should not have been allowed to do PE in her knickers, i honestly am mortified the school forced this. poor, poor girl.


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## MissPink (Mar 6, 2015)

I feel outraged for your daughter, you are her parent, it's your responsibility to go to the school and tell them your not happy with how your daughter was treated. It's not about that your daughters underwear are like skimpy shorts it's the fact that your daughter was not wearing shorts she was wearing her underwear!


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## Guest (May 28, 2017)

My daughter wears a bikini at the pool or beach, she shares a locker room with other girls her age, she would be mortified to have to wear underwear to do PE, let alone in front of a co-ed class. 

You obviously thought this was a big enough deal to write a post about it, now you're not very concerned. None of this is making any sense...


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

I know! My daughter doesn't want me to make a big song and dance about it - she's embarrassed enough that her year have seen her in her knickers. I was going to have a word to make sure it didn't happen again


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

ouesi said:


> My daughter wears a bikini at the pool or beach, she shares a locker room with other girls her age, she would be mortified to have to wear underwear to do PE, let alone in front of a co-ed class.
> 
> You obviously thought this was a big enough deal to write a post about it, now you're not very concerned. None of this is making any sense...


It is a big deal - I just didn't want to make it bigger than it already is


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

ouesi said:


> My daughter wears a bikini at the pool or beach, she shares a locker room with other girls her age, she would be mortified to have to wear underwear to do PE, let alone in front of a co-ed class.
> 
> You obviously thought this was a big enough deal to write a post about it, now you're not very concerned. None of this is making any sense...


Yes. The OP came here asking whether she should be "mad" about this situation.

Having been told that she certainly should be very concerned and raise her concerns with the school, she appears to be accusing members here of overreacting.

I don't get it either.

Does she want honest opinions or to be told it's all okay?

OP- You said at first that your Daughter was made to do PE in her underwear, then you say that was her choice.

What exactly is it you want us to say?


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

Sweety said:


> Yes. The OP came here asking whether she should be "mad" about this situation.
> 
> Having been told that she certainly should be very concerned and raise her concerns with the school, she appears to be accusing members here of overreacting.
> 
> ...


How was it her choice? If she had known she would have to do PE in her underwear she would have taken her kit!
Although I'm not mad (it is her fault), I am concerned. I just don't want to make the situation worse than it already is.
When have I said people are overreacting?


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

JimJam74 said:


> How was it her choice? If she had known she would have to do PE in her underwear she would have taken her kit!
> Although I'm not mad (it is her fault), I am concerned. I just don't want to make the situation worse than it already is.
> When have I said people are overreacting?


it's not her fault, you are the adult and she is the child - she says she doesn't want you making a fuss, unfortunately, that is not, her decision.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

Nagini said:


> it's not her fault, you are the adult and she is the child - she says she doesn't want you making a fuss, unfortunately, that is not, her decision.


She's 14. She's old enough to remember to take her PE kit to school. I can't constantly remind her to do everything. But I will speak to the school without making a meal out of it, as I don't want to embarrass her further


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

I'm sure you could send a note or email to her head of year or whatever they call them these days explaining your concern, raising how inappropriate this was and how you want their assurance this will never happen again but also saying that your daughter is embarrassed by what happened and doesn't want a fuss to be made so request they do not discuss the issue with her but only with you.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

rottiepointerhouse said:


> I'm sure you could send a note or email to her head of year or whatever they call them these days explaining your concern, raising how inappropriate this was and how you want their assurance this will never happen again but also saying that your daughter is embarrassed by what happened and doesn't want a fuss to be made so request they do not discuss the issue with her but only with you.


That sounds sensible!


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## cows573 (Apr 20, 2017)

From parent with a child around your own age...

First of all, I personally think you need to be more familiar with your girl's timetable. To ensure that she cannot 'forget' her PE kit on the day's that she needs it. Or make sure she has it every day just in case.... I know she is old enough to remember it, but she is obviously purposely forgetting it which may have led to this situation...

I hope... this is an extreme way of one PE teacher has reacted, after repeated occasions and warnings, to your daughter regarding forgetting her PE kit... While it still very unacceptable... Worse case scenario, the teacher got enjoyment out of completely humiliating your daughter.

I think you do need to go to the school. If for nothing else, to deal with the potential bullying from your daughter doing PE in her underwear...

I would start by not being aggressive or confrontational. Simply ask why your daughter was asked to do pe in her underwear and then go from there. 

Your daughter is probably telling you not to make a big deal of it because it already is a big deal with her, her classmates and half the school!

Having had to remove a child from school due to bullying... I see the issue not being doing pe in here underwear, but the ongoing consequences of that, especially at her age....


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## MissPink (Mar 6, 2015)

It's not her decision if you go to the school, as a parent sometimes you have to make decisions that your children don't necessarily agree with. As a parent and a responsible adult you have a duty of care. Your daughter may very well be embarrassed but she should not of been put in this situation. 
Explain to the school that your daughter did not want you to complain however as her parent you think that the PE teacher was unreasonable in asking her to do PE in her underwear in a mixed gender lesson, also ask the school if they have rules on what happens if a child forgets there PE kit as you may well find that the PE teacher has broken the rules as I can't really see a secondary school condoning the teachers actions.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

Hopefully this won't lead to bullying. Like I said, its happened to boys - they've had to do it in their boxers, but its happened a couple of times in the past to girls as well. Embarrassing but its all forgotten about over time


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

She certainly won't be forgetting her kit again!


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## cows573 (Apr 20, 2017)

I'm sorry, but I would really be taking the whole thing a bit more seriously than you are.

A pe teacher on more than one occasion, making both boys and girls do pe in their underwear! I don't know what country you are in, but in the UK and with me, I would be raising major red flags about the pe teacher being appropriate for teaching children!

I would also think that, repeated incidents of this, could be classed as child abuse.


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## LinznMilly (Jun 24, 2011)

JimJam74 said:


> Hopefully this won't lead to bullying. Like I said, its happened to boys - they've had to do it in their boxers, but its happened a couple of times in the past to girls as well. Embarrassing but its all forgotten about over time


@JimJam74 ; Serious question here; Do you understand why most of us are outraged on behalf of your daughter? Hint: it's been briefly mentioned already - and no, it's not your daughter's embarrassment.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

JimJam74 said:


> Hopefully this won't lead to bullying. Like I said, its happened to boys - they've had to do it in their boxers, but its happened a couple of times in the past to girls as well. Embarrassing but its all forgotten about over time


No. Just no. If this is true, there is something seriously wrong at this school. No children, boys or girls, should be having gym in their underwear, especially not in mixed groups. This is not okay. This is sexual harassment by adults to children. Sexual harassment is against the law. Especially when the harassment involves adults to children.

Regardless of what your fourteen year old CHILD thinks, this needs to be dealt with. And stopped. I think you should call the police, frankly. This is WRONG.


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## Nagini (Jan 13, 2014)

JimJam74 said:


> Hopefully this won't lead to bullying. Like I said, its happened to boys - they've had to do it in their boxers, but its happened a couple of times in the past to girls as well. Embarrassing but its all forgotten about over time


i'm sorry jimjam74, this isn't usual school protocol, it may have been many years ago, but not now. there is everything wrong with this situation and it shouldn't be allowed to carry on, in any circumstances. whilst most of us realise that your daughter does not want to do PE (it's perfectly normal) there is seriously something abnormal about your daughter having to do her PE lesson is her underwear. it's crossed so many lines, on so many levels, it needs to be stopped and concerned raised, serious concerns. it shouldn't be happening to your daughter, it shouldn't be happening to any child, full stop.


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## MissPink (Mar 6, 2015)

I don't think you understand the seriousness of what happened to your daughter, you seem to be fine with the fact she was made to do PE in her underwear.
Out of interest is the PE teacher male or female?


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

cows573 said:


> I'm sorry, but I would really be taking the whole thing a bit more seriously than you are.
> 
> A pe teacher on more than one occasion, making both boys and girls do pe in their underwear! I don't know what country you are in, but in the UK and with me, I would be raising major red flags about the pe teacher being appropriate for teaching children!
> 
> I would also think that, repeated incidents of this, could be classed as child abuse.


I am taking ti seriously. But its half-term now, and can't do anything about it for a week. I think calling it child abuse is taking it a bit far, though!



LinznMilly said:


> @JimJam74 ; Serious question here; Do you understand why most of us are outraged on behalf of your daughter? Hint: it's been briefly mentioned already - and no, it's not your daughter's embarrassment.


I understand why you are outraged. But I will be speaking to the school after half-term.



lorilu said:


> No. Just no. If this is true, there is something seriously wrong at this school. No children, boys or girls, should be having gym in their underwear, especially not in mixed groups. This is not okay. This is sexual harassment by adults to children. Sexual harassment is against the law. Especially when the harassment involves adults to children.
> 
> Regardless of what your fourteen year old CHILD thinks, this needs to be dealt with. And stopped. I think you should call the police, frankly. This is WRONG.


Its not sexual harassment. Why would it be?



Nagini said:


> i'm sorry jimjam74, this isn't usual school protocol, it may have been many years ago, but not now. there is everything wrong with this situation and it shouldn't be allowed to carry on, in any circumstances. whilst most of us realise that your daughter does not want to do PE (it's perfectly normal) there is seriously something abnormal about your daughter having to do her PE lesson is her underwear. it's crossed so many lines, on so many levels, it needs to be stopped and concerned raised, serious concerns. it shouldn't be happening to your daughter, it shouldn't be happening to any child, full stop.


Its not normal - it only happened after my daughter was given repeated warnings. They don't do it for someone genuinely forgetting their kit. I is obvious she is a serial offender - but that doesn't make it ok.



MissPink said:


> I don't think you understand the seriousness of what happened to your daughter, you seem to be fine with the fact she was made to do PE in her underwear.
> Out of interest is the PE teacher male or female?


I'm not ok with it. The teacher was female.


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## Goblin (Jun 21, 2011)

I agree with the basic sentiments. A 14 year old girl should not have to do PE in underwear at school.

Then again, it does raise the question.. What is a bikini effectively? Isn't it double standards to complain about one and not the other? Both effectively cover the same.


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## Babyshoes (Jul 1, 2016)

The difference between underwear & a bikini or skimpy shorts is one of intent & consent. Bikinis etc are worn to be seen. Underwear is not worn to be seen, except by those we choose to show it to. 

Having worked in secondary schools in the UK, I would see this as both massively inappropriate and a potential safeguarding issue. 

If you're in the UK, then there is nothing normal or OK about this. The PE teacher is overstepping her authority and needs to be stopped. As frustrating as it is for her to have serial offenders, there are other ways to deal with this, the usual being to make the child wear the sweaty, musty old kit from lost property. It's gross and they hate it, but it's better than underwear...

Please do talk to the school. You can start by asking for a written copy of their policy on forgotten PE kit. (Check the school website first, some put rules etc there.) There may well be some admin staff in the office during the week, so a call or email tomorrow might get you the policy, and they may even be able to book an appointment with the head, then you can go in after half term to discuss this calmly. 

If the policy does mention doing PE in underwear, then I'll be amazed... It's still wrong, but how you'll need to approach it is different...


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## Guest (May 29, 2017)

Goblin said:


> Then again, it does raise the question.. What is a bikini effectively? Isn't it double standards to complain about one and not the other? Both effectively cover the same.


It's not about what is covered. 
Like I said, my 14 year old daughter wears a bikini at the pool, lake, river, beach. Everyone else there is also wearing a bikini or similar. And not for nothing, a bikini is different material than underwear (normally cotton) and designed to be worn with nothing else. Underwear are not meant to be used as outerwear.

But all of that aside, it's about using shame to and embarrassment of a sexual nature to force a child in to compliance. Which is wrong on multiple levels.


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## Goblin (Jun 21, 2011)

Babyshoes said:


> The difference between underwear & a bikini or skimpy shorts is one of intent & consent. Bikinis etc are worn to be seen. Underwear is not worn to be seen, except by those we choose to show it to.


The choice issue is why I object, especially at that age.

My secondary comment is with those who take offence simply because it was underwear. That to me is sexualising people simply because of what they wear. The more people complain on that basis, the more it enforces the idea. People should be able to wear anything without it being sexualised.


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## JimJam74 (May 28, 2017)

To be fair, she would have been wearing less if she was swimming at school. I can't see how people think it was anything sexual. And although she was embarrassed, that I think was the idea - to stop her forgetting in the future!


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## Guest (May 29, 2017)

Goblin said:


> My secondary comment is with those who take offence simply because it was underwear. That to me is sexualising people simply because of what they wear. The more people complain on that basis, the more it enforces the idea. People should be able to wear anything without it being sexualised.


Has anyone taken offense simply because it is underwear?
No 14 year old girl would willingly wear underwear in front of a co-ed class. So it was not her choice. She was embarrassed.



JimJam74 said:


> To be fair, she would have been wearing less if she was swimming at school. I can't see how people think it was anything sexual. And although she was embarrassed, that I think was the idea - to stop her forgetting in the future!


You know what? I'm a responsible adult. Some days I drive off with my coffee cup on the roof of my car, some days I turn on the washer and forget to put the clothes in, I answer emails in my head and 2 days later realize I never answered them in actuality.

It's called being human.

And in real life you know what happens? There is no public shaming, there is no deliberate humiliation. There is a reminder email ("hey did you get my email yesterday?") there is a co-worker willing to share a lunch or a quick break to go out and buy something, there is a coffee machine at work and spare cups for those who might have forgotten. 
If I tend to forget something often, there are loved ones in my life who help me remember. "Hey honey did you grab your lunch?" It's something I do for my own children because as a parent, that's part of my responsibilities.

Why a child should have to suffer public humiliation for forgetting her PE kit is simply wrong.


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## MollySmith (May 7, 2012)

JimJam74 said:


> To be fair, she would have been wearing less if she was swimming at school. I can't see how people think it was anything sexual. And although she was embarrassed, that I think was the idea - to stop her forgetting in the future!


I completely echo @ouesi 's very sensible reply.

@JimJam74 I long for children, can't have them so I have limited parenting experience but when my god daughters stay or I go to stay with them, I am their carer, their guardian and as a responsible stand in for her mum and dad, I make sure they have all they need for school. I've driven to the school if they've left anything behind. I don't look to a harassed teacher or the school to teach them a lesson if indeed this is an accurate portrayal of the event. I agree calling it child abuse is extreme but I can see a 14 year old whose been let down by the adults around her.

You say the school is closed for hols so you can't do anything. I disagree. Get a pen and a calendar, or open up your phone, sit down with your daughter and write down what she needs for the next term than wasting time on PF. Then she won't have to suffer this humiliation again.


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## Goblin (Jun 21, 2011)

ouesi said:


> Has anyone taken offense simply because it is underwear?
> No 14 year old girl would willingly wear underwear in front of a co-ed class. So it was not her choice. She was embarrassed.


Will she try to avoid PE again? Has she suffered anything long term? Why make the differentiation between girl and boy, many boys having to run around in their underwear at that age will be just as embarassed. If someone tries to break rules are you saying there shouldn't be consequences?

As for the rest as an adult.. maybe that is something which needs to be corrected. "Shaming" been used as corrective method by judges and by internet campaigns. Why, because it often works better than other forms of punishment. Why did the drink drive campaign work in the UK.. it became socially unacceptable (embarassing) to drink drive. Same with smoking to a large degree. Would hope phone use while driving goes the same way.



ouesi said:


> Why a child should have to suffer public humiliation for forgetting her PE kit is simply wrong.


Some children would count simply being told off as public humilation, being told you have a 4 for a test verbally when all your friends have a 2+ is humiliating. Should we stop that? Wearing cast offs is publically humiliating yet that, for the majority would have been acceptable.

Actions have consequences.. breaking rules have consequences. Many can be embarassing, many more can be worse than embarassing.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

PawsOnMe said:


> If this happened in high school I'd definitely complain. It's beyond strange that you've joined a pet forum to ask this question.


To be fair to the OP, this forum is not just a pet forum, I've been in general chat and health section before which are intended for humans.


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## Elles (Aug 15, 2011)

These days it's not the done thing for kids to be running around at school in their underwear, boy or girl.

School and parents need to find a better way of ensuring pupils have a pe kit.


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

Is this really genuine?

When I did P.E there was always a rush for the two toilet cubicles in the changing rooms because no one wanted to risk flashing their underwear in front of everyone else. We came up with some pretty creative ways of getting changed to avoid being seen.
I was painfully shy at school, bullied and wouldn't say boo to a goose, but there is no way on earth that anyone would have been able to make me do P.E in my underwear, and my parents would definitely not have had such a laid back view about it.


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

STOP!
fellow PFers
this exact same question, OP written and phrased exactly the same way has popped up on Netmums, woman&home, moneysavings expert, babyandbump and the Dibb, within the last month, by a member, who has joined just to post the question (normally a SammyT or ClaireS74), and thats just the first page of a google search
so.......................................


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## rottiepointerhouse (Feb 9, 2014)

mrs phas said:


> fellow PFers
> this exact same question, OP written and phrased exactly the same way has popped up on Netmums, woman&home, moneysavings expert, babyandbump and the Dibb, within the last month, by a member, who has joined just to post the question (normally a SammyT or ClaireS74), and thats just the first page of a google search
> so.......................................


In other words we've been had. Again  Never mind it raised some interesting points and we had a good discussion.


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## Guest (May 29, 2017)

Goblin said:


> Will she try to avoid PE again? Has she suffered anything long term? Why make the differentiation between girl and boy, many boys having to run around in their underwear at that age will be just as embarassed. If someone tries to break rules are you saying there shouldn't be consequences?


No one has made a distinction between boys and girls. I would be equally outraged if this were a boy made to strip down to his underwear in front of his peers. I think you're trying to create something that isn't there. 
As for consequences, there are natural consequences for all behaviors. Every behavior has a consequence. Me sharing my views on here will have a consequence. What we don't need to do is add unnatural consequences. In real life grown adults forget things all the time. Have you never gone grocery shopping only to realize you left home without your wallet? It happens. And in real life there is no intentional humiliation, and if there is, we consider the one doing the humiliating to be in the wrong. 
Why all of a sudden the need to humiliate children for behavior that adults can't even get right is the epitome of hypocrisy and double standards.



Goblin said:


> As for the rest as an adult.. maybe that is something which needs to be corrected. "Shaming" been used as corrective method by judges and by internet campaigns. Why, because it often works better than other forms of punishment. Why did the drink drive campaign work in the UK.. it became socially unacceptable (embarassing) to drink drive. Same with smoking to a large degree. Would hope phone use while driving goes the same way.


Drinking and driving campaigns also encouraged friends to take keys away, call a cab, and designate a driver for the night. All solutions.
Humiliation is not a good teaching tool. Support and encouragement is. Figuring out the cause for the behavior and addressing that instead of punishing the behavior. It works in dog training, it works in raising children. 
Children learn to walk, talk, hold a spoon, etc, all without us punishing them for their failures. Guess what? They can also learn to be responsible the same way.


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## Guest (May 29, 2017)

Goblin said:


> Actions have consequences.. breaking rules have consequences. Many can be embarassing, many more can be worse than embarassing.


Oh and I SO disagree with this, no offense, but the very last thing I want for my children is for them to be rule followers. Blind obedience out of fear of consequences. Nope. That is not how you raise socially responsible, compassionate, empathetic children. 
It has never been the rule followers who make a difference in this world.


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## Vanessa131 (Nov 16, 2014)

mrs phas said:


> STOP!
> fellow PFers
> this exact same question, OP written and phrased exactly the same way has popped up on Netmums, woman&home, moneysavings expert, babyandbump and the Dibb, within the last month, by a member, who has joined just to post the question (normally a SammyT or ClaireS74), and thats just the first page of a google search
> so.......................................


It was obvious seven pages ago, I can't believe how many people have taken it seriously!


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## Goblin (Jun 21, 2011)

ouesi said:


> Oh and I SO disagree with this, no offense, but the very last thing I want for my children is for them to be rule followers. Blind obedience out of fear of consequences. Nope. That is not how you raise socially responsible, compassionate, empathetic children.
> It has never been the rule followers who make a difference in this world.


We'll have to agree to disagree. Personally I do not agree with anarchy. Morals etc I teach at home including when to bend rules, I don't expect schools to teach my moral compass but to teach that not following rules has consequences.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Well, I agree it does seem odd to join a pet forum specifically to ask a question on childcare ! 
I can't find any clear link between OP and other forums but think this thread has run it's course.:Locktopic


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