# Lily came home



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

We brought 18 month old Lily home last night. Millie our 9 month old was in the conservatory with the door ajar.
Millie was fine, her tail did puff up but she didn't hiss or snarl. Lily on the other hand hissed, snarled and tried to bite my husband.
Lily then sat on a chair and Millie bless her, after the door was opened kept ever so coy inching up towards her. Every time Lily saw her she hissed and snarled and made no attempt to go near her.
As soon as Millie went upstairs, Lily got off the chair and had a look round. We kept her in our bedroom through the night but she only slept for a couple of hours. I brought her down at 5 this morning, she won't come near me. If I try to pick her up she just meows real loud.
Is it early days or have I made a mistake getting her. I got her from a rescue centre so can take her back. Please help!!


----------



## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

Poor Lily, sounds like shes just a bit unsure of herself with all the new surroundings + cat + people. Do you know her history - there maybe a story behind her behaviour.

Patch didn't do the hissing etc to us but ran away & would only come to us in his own time and this went on for a couple of months (my two were adopted from the RSPCA). I think it boils down to them learning to trust us 'cos after his accident he was a changed puss & now trusts us completely & will sit on our laps whereas before we could only stroke him. 

So give her time and space and eventually she'll come around. 

Good luck with the settling in period.


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Thanks Jo. She had basically been in 1 room for a year. The vet has de matted her an spayed her. Me and her are in the kitchen now and she will let me stroke her and that but as soon as Millie comes down I know Lily will start hissing and that. I was gonna put Lily in the conservatory today with the patio door slightly open and keep Millie in the kitchen so they can see each other but not touch each other. Is this a good idea. Lily only hisses and that when she sees Millie but poor Millie hasn't hissed back.


----------



## Pets Paws (Dec 6, 2008)

Give her time, she will be in defence and survival mode?


----------



## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

DawnandGeoff said:


> Thanks Jo. She had basically been in 1 room for a year. The vet has de matted her an spayed her. Me and her are in the kitchen now and she will let me stroke her and that but as soon as Millie comes down I know Lily will start hissing and that. I was gonna put Lily in the conservatory today with the patio door slightly open and keep Millie in the kitchen so they can see each other but not touch each other. Is this a good idea. Lily only hisses and that when she sees Millie but poor Millie hasn't hissed back.


Poor love. Your idea of seeing but not touching is a good idea. When Lucky started hissing at Patch (after he was in hospital for half a day) the lovely people on PF advised me to use Feliway, swapping bedding (i.e. transferring smells) and rubbing talc on them both (so they smell the same). Try some of these tactics in a couple of days to see how they work and then introduce them to one another slowly.


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Pets Paws said:


> Give her time, she will be in defence and survival mode?


Will do. Put Lily in the conservatory and the door is only slightly open. When Millie came down she had a look at Lily and was fine but Lily hissed and snarled. Gonna see how it goes today.


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Pets Paws said:


> Give her time, she will be in defence and survival mode?


Hi. Yes will do. I went in conservatory and was giving Lily a stroke, she was ok at first, then hissed so went out. My gut feeling tells me its not gonna work but i will give it a couple of weeks and see how things go.:sad:


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Give it time and patience - it will get there. These things always take time, at least a few days and the rescue should have told you that! Cats that just get on with a new stranger coming into their territory are very very few and very very weird!

Try scent transferal (i'm going to copy and paste now from another thread I answered, so forgive me . .

'I would invest in a feliway diffuser and set that going (it takes a few days to begin to work) it releases happy pheromones into the atmosphere and chills cats out, also try Bachs rescue remedy in their water. Then start scent sharing, rub all the cats with a towel - under their chins, base of the tail, thier pads and rub this scent all over the house, on the walls, on the furniture etc, overlay the scents so they can all smell each other. Do this again but transfer the scent on to the other cats so they smell of each other, swap blankets over so they effectively sleep on each others scent. Then gradually supervise introductions - there is a good page on this website Welcome to the UKRCC too long to type out again but really worth a read about introducing cats to each other. Keep all this going for a while and they should eventually settle, also show your (gentle) disapproval of any aggression so it isn't acceptable in the house '

I'd walk away when Lilly hisses and growls, with a short 'stop it silly' or 'shht'. Once she is quiet come back. Bad behaviour equals no attention. Also I'd make sure that it is Lilly who is introduced *into* the house as Milly was there first - so keep Lilly in the smaller area and allow Millie to roam around. If this can be done where Lilly can see that Millie is the priviledged one she will assume she is the alpha female and should act accordingly.

My mum and dad once rescued a cat and the fights that ensued where horrific (mum and dad didn't introduce properly)! It took 6 months but they eventually got there and now are inseparable - so it will get better.

EDIT: Remember poor Lilly has probably been through the mill a bit - she been in a rescue centre, been spayed, now is in a new house - she will be scared (not sure if you are going to move her on again) and nervous. She has been kept in a small room for a while and now has a whole house to explore - scary! I'd keep her confined to just the conservatory for a while - keep her out of your bedroom as that is a place for high status cats and could put Millie's nose out of joint. Give her time to settle in herself. The calmer you are the calmer she will be too - if you worry at every hiss she will feel it and hiss more because she won't feel safe - your tension tells her there is something to worry about. Try to get a routine going. It will happen - and soon you will wonder why you were worried.


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Thanks Spid

Yes Lily is in the smaller room and can see Millie through the patio door. I think Millie just wants to play with her. They did actually look at each other about 10 minutes ago and Lily didn't hiss or anything. I am not back at work until Tuesday so will try what people have suggested and see what happens. Thanks once again


----------



## Neon (Apr 17, 2009)

Hi there. There was a time when I never thought Beau would settle and stop hissing. It was really hard work for us all and was exaustive. But bless - 10 months on and we barely hear her hiss at all, although she can be quite spiteful and chase Bruce up the stairs but we think she is 'playing' really - she just doesn't know how to really because she was never 'allowed' to be a kitten. She had a litter very young and then came to live with us after her spay. It must have been a very difficult time for her. It's sad - but since we lost Ronnie on Weds night - she seems much more chilled which is so sad.


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

I rang the lady at the rescue centre last night and have got to ring her back tonight. Millie, our 9 month old is fine with Lily but seems like she is getting a bit fed up that Lily won't play!!
Found out basically that Lily, who is an 18 month old persian was given away to a person who had rottweillers so she was locked in a room for a year. She had a litter before this I think but has not had any interaction with other cats.
I wonder whether it was wrong to bring a cat into the house older than Millie, though Millie is not the problem.
I do feel sorry for Lily as she sits on the chair under the table and hisses. It seems sad but my nerves are in tatters. Later on last night though, Lily was on the chair cleaning herself and Millie was real close, her paws were on the same chair and all was ok. But then she started hissing again.
Gonna see what today brings. Will keep you informed. I think in my heart of hearts its not gonna work.:sad:


----------



## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

Please, please give Lily a chance. Its still really early days - give smell transferrence and a Feliway a chance before you make your final decision. 

If you do eventually give Lily back, maybe suggest that she should be in a one cat, no dogs, household.

Fingers crossed the next few days get better for you.


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

JoWDC said:


> Please, please give Lily a chance. Its still really early days - give smell transferrence and a Feliway a chance before you make your final decision.
> 
> If you do eventually give Lily back, maybe suggest that she should be in a one cat, no dogs, household.
> 
> Fingers crossed the next few days get better for you.


Hi Jo
Yes I know these things can take time. Lily has had a rough life bless her and I do feel sorry for her. I think she would be happy as an only pet. I brushed her for a few minutes and she let me but then hissed at me. Trouble is her fur is in such a state, the vet de matted her and it looks a right mess and she still has knots underneath so have really got to try with her. They both have the same blankets and have swopped them around. Fingers crossed today will be better.


----------



## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

DawnandGeoff said:


> Hi Jo
> Yes I know these things can take time. Lily has had a rough life bless her and I do feel sorry for her. I think she would be happy as an only pet. I brushed her for a few minutes and she let me but then hissed at me. Trouble is her fur is in such a state, the vet de matted her and it looks a right mess and she still has knots underneath so have really got to try with her. They both have the same blankets and have swopped them around. Fingers crossed today will be better.


Oh poor girl. She must be really uncomfortable with her fur like that - you being able to brush her, if only for a few minutes, must have been a small breakthrough then for you - shows there is a bit of trust there. :thumbup1:

Hissing is not too bad though, although its stressfull for you - its attacking you want to watch out for. Lucky is still very much a hisser - mainly when Patch wants to play fight and she wants none of it (you'd never think they were the same age).


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

JoWDC said:


> Oh poor girl. She must be really uncomfortable with her fur like that - you being able to brush her, if only for a few minutes, must have been a small breakthrough then for you - shows there is a bit of trust there. :thumbup1:
> 
> Hissing is not too bad though, although its stressfull for you - its attacking you want to watch out for. Lucky is still very much a hisser - mainly when Patch wants to play fight and she wants none of it (you'd never think they were the same age).


Oh right. I thought hissing led on to nastier things!:blushing: Never had anything to do with cats until last year so am very naive, though this forum has learnt me so much. Millie and Lily was actually in the hallway about 5 minutes ago, Lily hissed but very cautiously walked past Millie. Millie just follows her everywhere. I picked Lily up as well earlier and she let me fuss her, didn't hiss at me so I think lots of attention today


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Hissing is just a warning - it won't automatically lead to anything else - she's just says ' i'm a bit uncomfortable with this situation - back off'. It does sound like things will get there, thoug - do give it at least a couple of weeks before giving in. 

I'm a bit cross with the rescue centre though - they should have explained her backgroud to you and given you leftlets on how to introduce cats etc. And also helped you get to grips with grooming a nervous cat etc. Tut, tut them!:angry:


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Hi all. Well today has been a massive breakthrough. Lily has still been hissing but not as much and not every time she sees Millie. They both fell asleep in the conservatory on chairs next to each other so they are obviously not scared of each other. I know these things can take time but am now quite confident they are gonna get along. Will keep you all posted.


----------



## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

Brilliant news. :thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:

Next task - photo of the two of them together for us all to see (pretty please?).


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

JoWDC said:


> Brilliant news. :thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:
> 
> Next task - photo of the two of them together for us all to see (pretty please?).


Was Rome built in a day!! It is brilliant news Jo. I took some photo's of Lily sat in the conservatory and Millie was on the floor behind her. My mobile has just gone dead though so will put them on tomorrow. I am so happy and hopefully Millie and Lily are not far behind me:biggrin:


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

JoWDC said:


> Brilliant news. :thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:
> 
> Next task - photo of the two of them together for us all to see (pretty please?).


Hi. Took this pic this morning, then Lily hissed and dobbed Millie!!!


----------



## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

LOL - yeah Lucky does that - its the cat equivalent of us tapping a hand and saying "stop that".

Anyway, she's beautiful & Millie looks georgeous too.


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Brilliant - they both look lovely! YOu have comne miles in such a short time - they are in the same room tolerating each other (Millie more so), no fur flying, no scratches, no caterwauling, no fighting. Lilly is just bopping (I assume claws in) so absolutley brillkiant. In another weeks time you will wonder why you worried - they are doing fantastically well.


----------



## Pets Paws (Dec 6, 2008)

Lovely pictures  she looks so small and fragile, I think what you are doing is great just keep percervering and all will be good in the end, if it was a total no they would have had a fight by now


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Love the pictures! they look gorgeous! Im sure given a bit more time she will settle in, you seem to be doing a great job! xx:thumbup1::thumbup1::biggrin:


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

JoWDC said:


> LOL - yeah Lucky does that - its the cat equivalent of us tapping a hand and saying "stop that".
> 
> Anyway, she's beautiful & Millie looks georgeous too.


Thanks Jo


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

spid said:


> Brilliant - they both look lovely! YOu have comne miles in such a short time - they are in the same room tolerating each other (Millie more so), no fur flying, no scratches, no caterwauling, no fighting. Lilly is just bopping (I assume claws in) so absolutley brillkiant. In another weeks time you will wonder why you worried - they are doing fantastically well.


Hi Thanks for that. Yes claws in I think, she has only done it twice. Time is the answer I think:biggrin:


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Pets Paws said:


> Lovely pictures  she looks so small and fragile, I think what you are doing is great just keep percervering and all will be good in the end, if it was a total no they would have had a fight by now


Hi. Yes for 18 months old she is very tiny. She was neglected for a year so I suppose she is bound to be scared. I thought if they was gonna fight they would have maybe done it by now. They are getting so close to each other, even though not very friendly, they seem to be tolerating each other.


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> Love the pictures! they look gorgeous! Im sure given a bit more time she will settle in, you seem to be doing a great job! xx:thumbup1::thumbup1::biggrin:


Thanks, we are all trying to get Lily to settle in, but god its stressful


----------



## Pets Paws (Dec 6, 2008)

DawnandGeoff said:


> Thanks, we are all trying to get Lily to settle in, but god its stressful


I know it is hard but try and relax around them a little as they will pick up on your stress and it will put them on there guard


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Pets Paws said:


> I know it is hard but try and relax around them a little as they will pick up on your stress and it will put them on there guard


Thanks for that great bit of advice. I am stressed which is unusual for me so am gonna relax today, still be vigilant but see what happens


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Things have been alot better with Millie and Lily. They are not playing together but Lily is not hissing every time she sees Millie. I was at work this morning so put Lily in the conservatory with the door slightly ajar. They could see each other through patio door. When I came home, Lily went straight to Millie and almost kissed her. About 10 minutes after Lily went up to Millie and like dobbed her with her front paw twice and did it again a bit later. It didn't seem friendly but not sure what it means, any tips!!


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Just ignore the paw bopping - as long as there are no claws - she is just 'talking' to Millie - a sort of '_I__'m me and this is my space and I'm here and I sort of like you but still feel a little bit wary so I'm letting you know I am here and I'm a teensy bit older than you - so there!_'. Honestly, don't let it worry you. My two still occasionally do this with each other and they are 2 and get on like a house on fire. It's sort of like children blowing raspberries at each other - a bit of bravado but no force behind it.


----------



## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

Just want to echo what Spid says - as i said before, Lucky does it to Patch - and they are 7, so they don't grow out of these things.  Sounds like she wants to establish who's the boss in the relationship.

Really great to hear how they are getting on though. - Thanks


----------



## DawnandGeoff (Nov 2, 2008)

Thanks for all your advice, managed to get a couple more pics today of the duo together


----------

