# Being happy with what you've got



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

On my 5 2 diet thread I mentioned getting lyposuction when I get to 11 stone (turns out its a tummy tuck I would need)

Anyway, I said I want one because I know I won't have a flat stomach and that flat looks better that fat and also I want to look good in outfits like these

http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/tb4iyn-l-610x610-shorts-sport-outfit-crop-tops.jpg

http://www.girlswithmuscle.com/images/full/433188749.jpg

*I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR IT'S THE OUTFITS IM ON ABOUT NOT THE PHYSIQUES OF THE PEOPLE*

A couple of people said that I should work on being happy how I am but I said I would rather pay money to be able to look how I want

If you were unhappy with how you looked, would you work on looking good or would you work on accepting how you look?


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

I don't see people going about their lives in that sort of clothing. That's for muscle shows and athletes. I wish you well with your fitness but you need to be realistic.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Lavenderb said:


> I don't see people going about their lives in that sort of clothing. That's for muscle shows and athletes. I wish you well with your fitness but you need to be realistic.


Thanks

I just want to be happy is all


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## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

It depends on my expectations, Cindy Crawford has been quoted as saying that she wishes she looked as good as her photos - magazines are so airbrushed that even the models cannot hope to look like their own doctored images. 

However working towards a goal you can realistically achieve is a whole other matter and IMO a really good thing. If you lose all the weight you want to, and can realistically maintain it off of your diet then I don't see anything wrong with you wanting to want to pay for a tummy tuck.


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## 3dogs2cats (Aug 15, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Think it depends on what it is you don`t like.
> 
> Extra weight is easy to do something about ( sorry I do not mean it is easy to diet! I know it is not I just mean it is possible to loose weight without surgery) but something like being to tall/short having a big body frame or a very slight body frame are things you can really do little about so would have to work on just accepting what you have got.
> 
> ...


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## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

I have lost a stone and a half in the last year - I am managing to keep my body toned with the weight loss due to exercise (owning 2 dogs 5 horses, and being a childminder 5 kids plus my 3). 

IMHO why are you thinking about paying for something which at the end of the diet you might not need (I know of your disabilities you have told us plenty of times) maybe the money would be best spent getting someone in to show you how to exercise to assist with this, and before you say anything along the lines of "I cant" "its impossible" au contraire, A friend of mine works as a physio/personal trainer, she works for the NHS and goes into the homes of those who are housebound or have physical problems moving around, you have to get her through your GP, but if your GP agrees you need to loose your weight and they all know the mantra of healthy eating and exercise will sign you up to one local in your area, what they do is come in and asses your movement ability and then assist you to move and make a tailor made plan.


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Tinks, I think it is really great that you are so determined to lose weight and I wish you all the best in doing so. It is not easy and takes a lot of self-discipline.

If I may make a small suggestion that I hope will keep you focused.

Find a picture of someone who is approx 2 dress sizes down from where you currently are. Print it off and put it on your fridge, your cupboards, your wardrobes and any other places where it will keep catching your eye. Make that size your first goal.

When you match the size in these pictures, replace them with another picture of someone a couple of dress sizes down again. Make that your second goal.

Keep doing this until you get to where you want to be.

If you focus on being a size 10 from the start - and you are (hypothetically here coz I don't know your size) say a size 20 - it could take a year or so to reach the size 10. It is very easy to become disillusioned in that time because you feel it is never going to happen. 

If, on the other hand, you do as I suggest above, you will hit a goal approx every 3-4 months and that will give you the encouragement to keep working at it.

Keep it real Tinks and you will get there. 

Also, don't centre too many thoughts on cosmetic surgery right now, make getting to where you want to be the priority. Once you have achieved that, you can look at your new body and decide what you want to do with it. Who knows, you might be very pleasantly surprised... 




.


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

You will have scars if you have surgery.

I don't care enough about how my body looks to go to the gym etc. I'm not obese and that will do, really.

I think everyone needs to learn to accept themselves to a degree and realise that your body is merely a shell whatever it looks like.


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## owns the beast (Mar 21, 2013)

I think a lot of it is mental attitude. I personally don't know any women who are happy with their bodies - myself included. If I made a list of everything I wanted done I'd have a very long list!!! In that respect I can agree that you need to be happy with what you look like and as long as you're not so overweight as to have health issues then you probably don't need to lose weight. There are plenty of exercises that can tone parts of your body - including your tummy. Do you have a partner and if so what do they think?

My concern would be once you have something done you'd then find something else etc. Focussing on your body image can get a bit obsessive and you'll be forever chasing an impossible look.

Good luck with the diet though


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## skip (Sep 25, 2011)

I think that MB's suggestions about the pics are a really good one, focusing on taking one step at a time to reach your goal reaching the top step may be easier to deal with, and as you climb each step you can look back and see how far you have progressed and the road ahead wont seem so long and encourage you to go on to reach your goal.
I must say that your posts have never sounded so positive as they do right now, i wish you lots of luck in achieving the weight you want to reach and your happiness with it too


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## Megan345 (Aug 8, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> If you were unhappy with how you looked, would you work on looking good or would you work on accepting how you look?


I think you need to do both, while being realistic in your expectations.

A lot of people, me included, will never be completely happy with their bodies. I wish my stomach was flatter, my thighs smaller, bum firmer, I wonder what it'd be like to have bigger boobs, more delicate facial features, long glossy hair - but I realise that no matter what I do, I'll still want more, more, more.

You should absolutely strive to be healthy, to get down or up to an acceptable weight, eat well, and exercise to the best of your ability. The reality is though, most of us don't have the time, discipline or money to get that 'perfect' body, so there does come a point when you need to accept what you have.

Personally, I think it's quite unhealthy to want to get surgery to change how you look, unless it's because you've been attacked by acid or been in a fire, or something, not to mention unethical if it's done on the NHS. That really is the point where you need to accept who you are and how you look, and realise that all that crap about beauty being skin deep and in the eye of the beholder is actually true.


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

Just be aware of what you will achieve. Being thinner with a flat stomach will make you happy about being thinner with a flat stomach. It won't be the answer to all life's problems.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

I really think you should seek outside help for your esteem issues. I have in the past been filled with such self loathing about my looks that I have physically harmed myself & that isn't a good place to be. Do you have anything in your life- hobbies, clubs, etc? Have you looked into doing a martial art, go swimming once a week or maybe going on an adult education course, I believe some are distance courses now so you wouldn't have to go out if you didn't want to? These can do wonders for your esteem, trust me on this one, been there, done it. I'm not saying give up your weight loss goal, but do that alongside it, do something that makes you feel worthwhile & you will feel better in yourself.

I'm no life coach, but I have been in some dark places in the past, so I do know how it feels, insensitive old booby though I probably often appear to many on here 



MoggyBaby said:


> Tinks, I think it is really great that you are so determined to lose weight and I wish you all the best in doing so. It is not easy and takes a lot of self-discipline.
> 
> If I may make a small suggestion that I hope will keep you focused.
> 
> ...


I am totally going to do this  2 dress sizes down from me is an 8/10, haven't seen that size since my teens! Being a stumpy midget as I am, being a 12/14 I feel a reet chubster


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Megan345 said:


> Personally, I think it's quite unhealthy to want to get surgery to change how you look, unless it's because you've been attacked by acid or been in a fire, or something, not to mention unethical if it's done on the NHS. That really is the point where you need to accept who you are and how you look, and realise that all that crap about beauty being skin deep and in the eye of the beholder is actually true.


I do too. Probably because I've seen lots of surgery, and am aware of the risks involved with even routine surgery, I find the idea of having surgery that isn't necessary for your health, or to correct serious disfigurement, quite disturbing.

If I went to my doctor and said that I hate my body so much I cut myself, he would try to treat me for my mental problems. Yet I could go to a surgeon and say that I hate my body and want him to cause me harm and that's supposed to be an ok way to deal with it?

I remember way back the someone I worked with telling me she was going to have lipo.....I genuinely couldn't understand why she thought it was an easier option than cutting down on all the junk she ate and doing sit-ups. Still don't 

I'm fairly happy with my body, perhaps because my motivation to stay fit isn't how I look - it's to stay able bodied! As a result, I love my muscley legs, and if there's an extra layer of podge on my tum, it isn't the end of the world as long as I can see the basic outline of muscles underneath....your body is so much more important than how it looks! How well it works is much more important to me. But I guess I'm lucky in how I see it, life has given me a kick up the backside about I need and what I want.


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## lotlot (Mar 28, 2011)

This makes me so sad to read  I have suffered with an eating disorder for the last 12 years and am _finally_ beginning to accept myself for what I am. Even at my lowest points I would never have consider any form of plastic surgery. It's a huge stress on the body and it's risky, as with all surgery. What I've found has worked for me is focusing on becoming physically as fit as possible, pushing myself whenever possible. I have found something I really love in life (dogs) and focus on being healthy in order to provide the best life possible for my dog.

I hope you can learn to accept yourself instead of having to take such drastic actions xx


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## ljs85 (Jun 2, 2012)

A word of warning: What you think might make you happy may in fact not.

I had a friend who was quite short (5ft) but had huge breasts (think it was like a 38F). They did cause her back pain and she felt like she was huge because of them - she didn't have a "proper" figure.
Eventually she had a breast reduction. While it helped her back no end, her mental issues with her body were still there and she became rather obsessed with how "terrible" she looked. She thought all her body issues would disappear with the reduction but they didn't.


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## skip (Sep 25, 2011)

ljs85 said:


> A word of warning: What you think might make you happy may in fact not.


Thats very true, i lost a lot of weight during a long period of stress, i went down form a healthy size 10 to a size 8 and even then the size 8 clothes began to hang on me. 
I have to say at the time people commented saying i was skinny, or i needed to eat more,i found it very upsetting because they didnt know why and that it wasnt intentional. 
I was desperate to look 'normal' and have bigger boobs as mine had all but disappeared.
We moved and i have put on nearly 3 1/2 stone, i'm now a healthy size 10 again and i have boobs for the first time in years, which i hated having. They looked enormous ( to me ) and i felt like a huge elephant. 
It has taken me a while to adjust to my 'normal' size as i had been so under weight for so long that all i could see in the mirror was an elephant. I have looked back at photographs and that has helped me see what others saw,(i looked like an anorexic, i wasnt i did eat it was just the years of stress and worry that took its toll) and put in to perspective what i am seeing now.
Now people comment on how well i look, at first i took that to mean how fat i looked, now i understand they really do just mean how well i look.
Funny old thing the mind


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

Stick a pic of yourself on the fridge looking the worst you ever have. Works wonders for motivation. 

As others have said, losing weight is not gonna make you happy. It helps and make soyou more confident but you know that's not the whole issue.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

To be brutally honest, surgery for cosmetic reasons should be a very last resort. Sure, you'd be slimmer, but presumably your eating and exercise habits would remain exactly the same? feeling good is linked to diet and exercise - if your diet and exercise is poor, being slim isn't going to change the way you feel.


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

aside from the fact the second pic looks airbrushed, I agree with Lavender, why would you feel the need to look great in bicycle pants and a sports bra anyway... Realistically,,,, most ALL women have flaws when they are naked. And I think most men would rather it that way....You are focusing to much on appearance not health. Its fleeting and not a goal thats achievable by most the planet.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Waterlily said:


> aside from the fact the second pic looks airbrushed, I agree with Lavender, why would you feel the need to look great in bicycle pants and a sports bra anyway... Realistically,,,, most ALL women have flaws when they are naked. And I think most men would rather it that way....You are focusing to much on appearance not health. Its fleeting and not a goal thats achievable by most the planet.


Yup! very, very few women would look good like that. Woman #2 has also been airbrushed to within an inch of her life.


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

labradrk said:


> Yup! very, very few women would look good like that. Woman #2 has also been airbrushed to within an inch of her life.


Whats sad, to read is she is looking for inner happiness by focusing on the outer... It simply isnt possible to change the mind when you arent even working on that area.


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Good luck with your diet.

Im presuming you will be wanting surgery on the nhs...imo cosmetic surgery like this should not be allowed.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

harley bear said:


> Good luck with your diet.
> 
> Im presuming you will be wanting surgery on the nhs...imo cosmetic surgery like this should not be allowed.


I was under the impression that they do not allow this type of surgery on the NHS unless it is a life or death situation.


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

They don't do liposuction on the NHS unless it's a reconstructive surgery:

Can I get free liposuction on the NHS? - Health questions - NHS Choices

Otherwise it's about £2,000.....


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## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

Waterlily said:


> Whats sad, to read is *she is looking for inner happiness by focusing on the outer*... It simply isnt possible to change the mind when you arent even working on that area.


sooooooo true x Am I loosing weight a) to look good b) for my self esteem c) to be healthy d) to ride Mambo!!

answers on a post card, no joking its because I mounted Mambo one day and no word of a lie she laid her ears back and emitted a sound similar to this "urgmphhhhhh", went home weighed myself and fainted (darn the wine and crispies) !!

I agree with alot on here whether I like you or not, or disagree with some (most) of your threads its time to stop seeking approval/help from forums and go and speak to a GP and get professional help x


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

labradrk said:


> I was under the impression that they do not allow this type of surgery on the NHS unless it is a life or death situation.


Well op has made it very clear more than once she is on disability benefit and you dont get any benefits if you have thousands in the bank so i assume the treatment would be done on the nhs.

Anyone can get anything done on the nhs if you play the depression card. How many breast enlargements are done each year?


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

harley bear said:


> Well op has made it very clear more than once she is on disability benefit and you dont get any benefits if you have thousands in the bank so i assume the treatment would be done on the nhs.
> 
> Anyone can get anything done on the nhs if you play the depression card. *How many breast enlargements are done each year?*


I didn't see a single one in my few years in the NHS, and breast surgery was my speciality. I saw one reduction, that personally I didn't agree with (if she'd lost weight it would have solved her physical problems), but could arguably be justified on the grounds that her size was causing her back problems. I didn't know her full history, reasons for her weight etc., so my opinion on whether it was necessary or not wasn't exactly informed.


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

Inner peace is far more important cos I can tell you now, as you get older, no amount of surgery is going to turn back those years. You really do have to love yourself, well, at least like yourself *inside*

I find it sad how many people are sad/depressed because of their appearance.
And Waterlily, they aren't flaws they are part of your character as much as any other thing that makes you different to the next person


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## northnsouth (Nov 17, 2009)

Up to you what you do with your body,if *you* are happy to pay for the surgery... what ever makes you happy.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

harley bear said:


> Well op has made it very clear more than once she is on disability benefit and you dont get any benefits if you have thousands in the bank so i assume the treatment would be done on the nhs.
> 
> Anyone can get anything done on the nhs if you play the depression card. *How many breast enlargements are done each year*?


I think that Josie Cunningham woman is the exception rather than the norm, not many breast enlargements are done for vanity reasons, her local NHS trust obviously made a bad decision there. I just hope it doesn't open the floodgates for more people milking the system.


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

rona said:


> Waterlily, they aren't flaws they are part of your character as much as any other thing that makes you different to the next person


Thats gotta be the most ... eye opening.. statement ive read in a while. Way to change a thought pattern, thanks Rona.. : )


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

Waterlily said:


> Thats gotta be the most ... eye opening.. statement ive read in a while. Way to change a thought pattern, thanks Rona.. : )


*WELL!!!*

Don't know what's the matter with everyone.

If someone has lost a leg, has a scar or is in a wheel chair, does it make them any less worthy, or any less likable?

Just pisses me off that how someones looks can stop them enjoying life because of some skewed view imposed by some parts of the media and society


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

rona said:


> *WELL!!!*
> 
> Don't know what's the matter with everyone.
> 
> ...


The way you put it.. as a characteristic not a flaw, really hit me hard lol in the mind.. Those are powerful words, and if we can all see it as you do, there wouldnt be as much self esteem issues and suicides even, in this shallow planet x


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## IrishEyes (Jun 26, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I want to look good in outfits like these
> 
> http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/tb4iyn-l-610x610-shorts-sport-outfit-crop-tops.jpg
> 
> ...


But to look good in those type of outfits you need to have that physique, nothing else will carry it off. 
I have a very close shape to that first picture, even so I wouldn't wear those types of outfits but that's just personal taste. I have always had that body shape, I know that now but for many years when I looked in the mirror all I could see was an ugly horrible mess. No amount of reassurance or even compliments from strangers could get through to me.

I felt so negative about who I was as a person that I projected that negativity onto my body shape and face and convinced myself that I was ugly.

I think many people with a low self image/esteem think that if they just had a slimmer body or bigger boobs etc then they would be happy with that but it often isn't the case. The issue isn't a surface one, it's much deeper than that and surgery won't always fix it. Even if you were to have surgery the chances are that you would then shift your focus onto a different part of your body that you are not happy with. That often happens with those who have cosmetic surgery, they find that they want to fix more and more...

Self acceptance can ONLY come from inside you. Surgery may help if you are happy with the end result but it won't fix your low self esteem... only you have the power to do that.

Good luck with the diet, Moggybaby has given you really good advice regarding how to set your goals, much more realistic than aiming too high too soon.


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## CatsDomino (Oct 10, 2012)

I'm actually very much for the NHS providing surgery like this to people who have lost the weight naturally and kept it off for a minimum of a year. My reason for this is evidenced based - people who do lose the weight naturally tend to keep it off in the long term more than people who have had surgical intervention, and one of the biggest problems for the NHS is obesity and when people have the choice between looking fat or being fat, they're going to eventually go back and put the weight back on. Removing the excess skin helps keep up the progress because they can then see real progress, rather than looking down and seeing a lot of loose skin. Which saves the NHS a fortune in the long run.


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## polishrose (Oct 26, 2011)

CatsDomino said:


> I'm actually very much for the NHS providing surgery like this to people who have lost the weight naturally and kept it off for a minimum of a year. My reason for this is evidenced based - people who do lose the weight naturally tend to keep it off in the long term more than people who have had surgical intervention, and one of the biggest problems for the NHS is obesity and when people have the choice between looking fat or being fat, they're going to eventually go back and put the weight back on. Removing the excess skin helps keep up the progress because they can then see real progress, rather than looking down and seeing a lot of loose skin. Which saves the NHS a fortune in the long run.


My NHS will do a tummy tuck if someone has lost weight over a certain amount(not sure how much)and kept it off for 2 years documented by the doctor.


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> If you were unhappy with how you looked, would you work on looking good or would you work on accepting how you look?


I would do _both_. Personally I would not have any surgery unless it was to save my life though, not for cosmetic reasons. I do think we should accept and embrace what we are regardless.

I was blessed with good genes and have never had to diet. That said, it wasn't until I was much older that I appreciated the body I was given.


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> If you were unhappy with how you looked, would you work on looking good or would you work on accepting how you look?


Perhaps you should start by asking WHY you are unhappy about the way you look. I mean, I'm ugly as sin but as it isn't me who has to look at me I don't care too much. I only have to see everyone else and in the main I'm not overly offended by their looks. I don't walk down the street judging and categorizing everyone. Magazines and TV aren't the place to look for real people. I can absolutely assure you, you would not recognize the vast majority of famous 'beautiful' people if you stood next to them in a Post Office queue. Even when they do have their make up on, without the lighting and the airbrushing they don't look the same.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

reallyshouldnotwearjods said:


> I have lost a stone and a half in the last year - I am managing to keep my body toned with the weight loss due to exercise (owning 2 dogs 5 horses, and being a childminder 5 kids plus my 3).
> 
> IMHO why are you thinking about paying for something which at the end of the diet you might not need (I know of your disabilities you have told us plenty of times) maybe the money would be best spent getting someone in to show you how to exercise to assist with this, and before you say anything along the lines of "I cant" "its impossible" au contraire, A friend of mine works as a physio/personal trainer, she works for the NHS and goes into the homes of those who are housebound or have physical problems moving around, you have to get her through your GP, but if your GP agrees you need to loose your weight and they all know the mantra of healthy eating and exercise will sign you up to one local in your area, what they do is come in and asses your movement ability and then assist you to move and make a tailor made plan.


I will need it, I didn't have a flat stomach at 9 and a half stone and I was exercising 2 hours a day then!



MoggyBaby said:


> Tinks, I think it is really great that you are so determined to lose weight and I wish you all the best in doing so. It is not easy and takes a lot of self-discipline.
> 
> If I may make a small suggestion that I hope will keep you focused.
> 
> ...


Love this idea!!



owns the beast said:


> I think a lot of it is mental attitude. I personally don't know any women who are happy with their bodies - myself included. If I made a list of everything I wanted done I'd have a very long list!!! In that respect I can agree that you need to be happy with what you look like and as long as you're not so overweight as to have health issues then you probably don't need to lose weight. There are plenty of exercises that can tone parts of your body - including your tummy. Do you have a partner and if so what do they think?
> 
> My concern would be once you have something done you'd then find something else etc. Focussing on your body image can get a bit obsessive and you'll be forever chasing an impossible look.
> 
> Good luck with the diet though


Thanks

There's only two things I'm really unhappy with, my belly and my calves

I'm not even unhappy with my weight, in a ideal world I would be hench instead of fat



skip said:


> I think that MB's suggestions about the pics are a really good one, focusing on taking one step at a time to reach your goal reaching the top step may be easier to deal with, and as you climb each step you can look back and see how far you have progressed and the road ahead wont seem so long and encourage you to go on to reach your goal.
> I must say that your posts have never sounded so positive as they do right now, i wish you lots of luck in achieving the weight you want to reach and your happiness with it too


Thank you 

I feel more positive, normally starting a diet I'm like oh god, diet nooooooooo! But now I'm like yeah, this is my life now, doesn't even feel like a diet tbh cause I'm not denying myself anything



simplysardonic said:


> I really think you should seek outside help for your esteem issues. I have in the past been filled with such self loathing about my looks that I have physically harmed myself & that isn't a good place to be. Do you have anything in your life- hobbies, clubs, etc? Have you looked into doing a martial art, go swimming once a week or maybe going on an adult education course, I believe some are distance courses now so you wouldn't have to go out if you didn't want to? These can do wonders for your esteem, trust me on this one, been there, done it. I'm not saying give up your weight loss goal, but do that alongside it, do something that makes you feel worthwhile & you will feel better in yourself.
> 
> I'm no life coach, but I have been in some dark places in the past, so I do know how it feels, insensitive old booby though I probably often appear to many on here
> 
> I am totally going to do this  2 dress sizes down from me is an 8/10, haven't seen that size since my teens! Being a stumpy midget as I am, being a 12/14 I feel a reet chubster


My hobbies are reading, my pets, tattoos, playing games on my iPad or wii

I don't think I will be able to do a martial art, my OH would have to hold me upright lol



cinnamontoast said:


> Stick a pic of yourself on the fridge looking the worst you ever have. Works wonders for motivation.
> 
> As others have said, losing weight is not gonna make you happy. It helps and make soyou more confident but you know that's not the whole issue.


My body is the only think I'm unhappy about though


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

harley bear said:


> Good luck with your diet.
> 
> Im presuming you will be wanting surgery on the nhs...imo cosmetic surgery like this should not be allowed.


You assume wrong

Why is your go to opinion of me always a bad one, I'm not a bad person!



IrishEyes said:


> But to look good in those type of outfits you need to have that physique, nothing else will carry it off.
> I have a very close shape to that first picture, even so I wouldn't wear those types of outfits but that's just personal taste. I have always had that body shape, I know that now but for many years when I looked in the mirror all I could see was an ugly horrible mess. No amount of reassurance or even compliments from strangers could get through to me.
> 
> I felt so negative about who I was as a person that I projected that negativity onto my body shape and face and convinced myself that I was ugly.
> ...


I only have low self esteem though because of my belly!



havoc said:


> Perhaps you should start by asking WHY you are unhappy about the way you look. I mean, I'm ugly as sin but as it isn't me who has to look at me I don't care too much. I only have to see everyone else and in the main I'm not overly offended by their looks. I don't walk down the street judging and categorizing everyone. Magazines and TV aren't the place to look for real people. I can absolutely assure you, you would not recognize the vast majority of famous 'beautiful' people if you stood next to them in a Post Office queue. Even when they do have their make up on, without the lighting and the airbrushing they don't look the same.


I'm unhappy with how I look because of my belly


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

harley bear said:


> *Well op has made it very clear more than once she is on disability benefit* and you dont get any benefits if you have thousands in the bank so i assume the treatment would be done on the nhs.
> 
> Anyone can get anything done on the nhs if you play the depression card. How many breast enlargements are done each year?


I don't know where you are getting that from


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> I'm unhappy with how I look because of my belly


Why? Why do you believe your belly should be different? If it's because the media have made you believe this, because all successful people appear to be thin and beautiful then you have it the wrong way round. Successful people are that way because they work hard and then they can afford to be thin and beautiful if they want. The sensible ones don't bother changing their looks because they're too busy getting on with life.


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## Iheartcats (Aug 25, 2011)

I'm never going to be a size 8. I'm all boobs and bum. I'm a size 12-14. I've stopped worrying about it.

My niece is 16 and she has terrible self-esteem issues. She's a recovering anorexic and when she was losing loads of weight her "friends" on facebook were telling her how fabulous she looked when really she looked ill with sunken eyes, horrible shoulder bones sticking out and a lollypop head to match. My niece even went so far as self-harming and has recently posted pics of her scars. So no matter how thin she got her self-esteem issues didn't get any better. She thought that being as thin as possible would somehow magically make her happier but it didn't work out like that and in retrospect caused even more problems in the long run with her having to go for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (and falling out with several therapists because she didn't like what they said!).


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

yep, when you are faced with a frightening illness or loss it puts things into perspective, for example If I found out I had mac degen of my eyes symptom being light sensitivity, id rather die then go blind, which makes me think Id happily accept my ugly face in return for a lifetime of vision. sooo kinda accepting what you are now isnt as bad as it can be.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

havoc said:


> Why? Why do you believe your belly should be different? If it's because the media have made you believe this, because all successful people appear to be thin and beautiful then you have it the wrong way round. Successful people are that way because they work hard and then they can afford to be thin and beautiful if they want. The sensible ones don't bother changing their looks because they're too busy getting on with life.


It's nothing to do with the media, it's how I feel and I think my belly is disgusting


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

Disgusting is a very strong word. There is a condition called body dysmorphic disorder and you are giving strong signals that it may be affecting you.


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

Here is a truly beautiful person


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

Don't think we'll ever get though to Tink so for the rest of us 

Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen. 
Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella. 
Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mum I can't go to school looking like this!) 
Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway. 
Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway. 
Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "clean" and goes out anyway.
Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go. 
Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world. 
Age 70: She looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life. 
Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. 
Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

reallyshouldnotwearjods said:


> *I have lost a stone and a half in the last year* - I am managing to keep my body toned with the weight loss due to exercise (owning 2 dogs 5 horses, and being a childminder 5 kids plus my 3).
> I've found it! I wondered where it was from - how can I get it back to you?
> 
> IMHO why are you thinking about paying for something which at the end of the diet you might not need (I know of your disabilities you have told us plenty of times) maybe the money would be best spent getting someone in to show you how to exercise to assist with this, and before you say anything along the lines of "I cant" "its impossible" au contraire, A friend of mine works as a physio/personal trainer, she works for the NHS and goes into the homes of those who are housebound or have physical problems moving around, you have to get her through your GP, but if your GP agrees you need to loose your weight and they all know the mantra of healthy eating and exercise will sign you up to one local in your area, what they do is come in and asses your movement ability and then assist you to move and make a tailor made plan.


Really good advice - apart from anything, achieving a good body shape by exercising is terrifically good for your self esteem.

EXCUSES(pic) (one-legged bodybuilder) - Bodybuilding.com Forums

Scroll down - what an inspiring lad.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

havoc said:


> Disgusting is a very strong word. There is a condition called body dysmorphic disorder and you are giving strong signals that it may be affecting you.


I really don't think so

A 48 inch belly is for one thing not healthy and secondly doesn't look good

It's not like I have a flat stomach and I'm saying its fat, it is actually fat so I don't see how it cold be BDD 



rona said:


> Here is a truly beautiful person


She's gorgeous!


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> A 48 inch belly is for one thing not healthy and secondly doesn't look good


Absolutely true! Being overweight isn't healthy. You don't need a tummy tuck for health reasons though do you


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> She's gorgeous!


Even after the attack and scaring, she's beautiful within


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

havoc said:


> Absolutely true! Being overweight isn't healthy. You don't need a tummy tuck for health reasons though do you


True

But I need one if I want to look good (for myself)



rona said:


> Even after the attack and scaring, she's beautiful within


So true


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## Catz1 (Sep 19, 2011)

Tink, I know what its like to be unhappy with your body and feeling like its impossible to change but you can do it. 

I've lost 5 stone so far (not done yet!) by just changing my diet and opting to walk whenever possible. I'm not a big exercise person, there's a rowing machine in my attic gathering dust but cutting my portions, adding extra fruit/veg and moving more has made a massive difference! Even my OH who is a big man has had stones melt off him by avoiding his usual takeaway's an large portions. 

If you want to change then start today. Go for a little walk around the block or even just the room and have a healthy dinner with some veg. We all spend too much time thinking about what we'd like to do so just start. Good luck


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Catz1 said:


> Tink, I know what its like to be unhappy with your body and feeling like its impossible to change but you can do it.
> 
> I've lost 5 stone so far (not done yet!) by just changing my diet and opting to walk whenever possible. I'm not a big exercise person, there's a rowing machine in my attic gathering dust but cutting my portions, adding extra fruit/veg and moving more has made a massive difference! Even my OH who is a big man has had stones melt off him by avoiding his usual takeaway's an large portions.
> 
> If you want to change then start today. Go for a little walk around the block or even just the room and have a healthy dinner with some veg. We all spend too much time thinking about what we'd like to do so just start. Good luck


Thanks

I started the 5 2 diet on monday


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

In all honesty I dont think it is the sort of thing you would get easily on the NHS for 2 reasons. Firstly they would expect you had tried everything you could yourself to tone up naturally and IMO I think you make excuses regarding exercise. 
Secondly in light of the recent NHS cosmetic surgery saga(the boobs lady that is now going to sue) I think cosmetic surgery is going to be more difficult to get on the NHS


Therefore if it is something you require I think you will end up having to pay and having read many of your posts about what you can and cant afford, I cant see you having £3000/4000 for the procedure.

So looking at it from a more realistic point of view, aim for something you can achieve.


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> Originally Posted by rona View Post
> Here is a truly beautiful person
> 
> 
> ...


And what makes her gorgeous? She doesn't spend her life complaining


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

ClaireLouise said:


> In all honesty I dont think it is the sort of thing you would get easily on the NHS for 2 reasons. Firstly they would expect you had tried everything you could yourself to tone up naturally and IMO I think you make excuses regarding exercise.
> Secondly in light of the recent NHS cosmetic surgery saga(the boobs lady that is now going to sue) I think cosmetic surgery is going to be more difficult to get on the NHS
> 
> Therefore if it is something you require I think you will end up having to pay and having read many of your posts about what you can and cant afford, I cant see you having £3000/4000 for the procedure.
> ...


Wow there is a lot of assumptions here

For one thing I'm not after getting it on the NHS, I said I'm my diet thread I will save, it will take a while yes but then again I have a while as it will take time to get to 11 stone

I don't really care if you think I'm making excuses regarding exercise, I know my physical limitations not you


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

havoc said:


> And what makes her gorgeous? She doesn't spend her life complaining


No she actually looks gorgeous

I watched her show and she actually complained a lot

I don't get this, I see nothing wrong with wanting to better myself


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Wow there is a lot of assumptions here
> 
> For one thing I'm not after getting it on the NHS, I said I'm my diet thread I will save, it will take a while yes but then again I have a while as it will take time to get to 11 stone
> 
> I don't really care if you think I'm making excuses regarding exercise, I know my physical limitations not you


Im not arguing with you Tink, im just saying that only a few months ago you said you could not afford food, hot water or heating! I googled tummy tuck and it can cost £3000 to £7000


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

ClaireLouise said:


> Im not arguing with you Tink, im just saying that only a few months ago you said you could not afford food, hot water or heating! I googled tummy tuck and it can cost £3000 to £7000


Well I'm not arguing with you either, we know our financial situation, you don't

Thank you for googling it for me though


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Well I'm not arguing with you either, we know our financial situation, you don't
> 
> Thank you for googling it for me though


Tink if you read back just a few short months ago, you made your financial situation very public! I think half the forums knows about it lol If you can save all that when you dont work your getting too much money in benefits IMO


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

ClaireLouise said:


> Tink if you read back just a few short months ago, you made your financial situation very public! I think half the forums knows about it lol If you can save all that when you dont work your getting too much money in benefits IMO


Actually I do work


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> No she actually looks gorgeous
> 
> I watched her show and she actually complained a lot
> 
> I don't get this, I see nothing wrong with wanting to better myself


This was your question 
"If you were unhappy with how you looked, would you work on looking good or would you work on accepting how you look?"

Accepting how you look is the only real option. All my posts are trying to make you see that 

You can work on your looks at the same time but acceptance of what you've been given to work with is paramount. Otherwise you will always be unhappy


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## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> Tink if you read back just a few short months ago, you made your financial situation very public!


You don't understand. That was about a different issue so that was the story for then. I get people in court who do this. They will change their evidence from one minute to the next and are really surprised when a judge points out that they've just said the opposite. I've even had one say "but that was my truthful answer for a and this is my honest answer for b".


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

U know my feelings on this Tink! - I think u need to focus on one thing at a time ie dieting and more importantly learning to accept your body and still be happy ....I think surgery is a last resort and by the time u get to your ideal weight u hopefully will feel more confident and actually be able to do more in way of exercise to help u tone up naturally ...its cliche but u do really have to love yourself and body otherwise no amount of surgery will make a difference to your mind set ...u will never b satisfied 

Keep on with the diet and best of luck x


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## Iheartcats (Aug 25, 2011)

Good luck with the diet Tink. Stop comparing yourself to some unachievable plastic, airbrushed model, get on with life and stop complaining. If you don't like your belly then exercise it all away. Dieting alone won't help. You need to tone up what you lose.


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

Sorry, I'm a bloke.. Dont much care how I look as my dear wife will testify, and my dogs dont give a hoot anyway as long as I'm fit enough to take them out.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

rona said:


> This was your question
> "If you were unhappy with how you looked, would you work on looking good or would you work on accepting how you look?"
> 
> Accepting how you look is the only real option. All my posts are trying to make you see that
> ...


But if the option is there for changing the thing you don't like why not change it

It's like on those shows where the people have lost loads of weight and they have an OP for the loose skin, they aren't told to just accept it

I will never accept my body like this



suzy93074 said:


> U know my feelings on this Tink! - I think u need to focus on one thing at a time ie dieting and more importantly learning to accept your body and still be happy ....I think surgery is a last resort and by the time u get to your ideal weight u hopefully will feel more confident and actually be able to do more in way of exercise to help u tone up naturally ...its cliche but u do really have to love yourself and body otherwise no amount of surgery will make a difference to your mind set ...u will never b satisfied
> 
> Keep on with the diet and best of luck x


Thanks


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Iheartcats said:


> Good luck with the diet Tink. Stop comparing yourself to some unachievable plastic, airbrushed model, get on with life and stop complaining. If you don't like your belly then exercise it all away. Dieting alone won't help. You need to tone up what you lose.


Again, it's not the people it's the outfits I like

And I can't do belly exercises


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## Iheartcats (Aug 25, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Again, it's not the people it's the outfits I like
> 
> And I can't do belly exercises


What's so special about the outfits?? If you can't do belly exercises then you are always going to have a big belly. Liposuction will get rid of the belly fat but then it will just come back and more if you don't change your lifestyle and exercise is paramount - ask any physiotherapist!


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Iheartcats said:


> What's so special about the outfits?? If you can't do belly exercises then you are always going to have a big belly. Liposuction will get rid of the belly fat but then it will just come back and more if you don't change your lifestyle and exercise is paramount - ask any physiotherapist!


Well then what's the point of it all, what's the point in just being a smaller version of myself as I am now

I like the outfits, they aren't the only things I want to be able to wear


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## astro2011 (Dec 13, 2011)

I wish you all the best tinks.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

astro2011 said:


> I wish you all the best tinks.


Thank you!


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Tinks, if you have an issue with your belly, then have a look at how much carbohydrate you are consuming. Carbs sit on your hips and especially the belly. Try to keep rice, pasta & bread to a minimum. Be careful with your sugar intake - low fat spreads, mayonnaise, coleslaws etc all use sugar to enhance the flavour lost by taking out the fat. Check out all your veggies to see which are lower in carbs. Broccoli & cauliflower are good. Root veggies like carrots, turnips etc are high. Peas & sprouts are also high.

If you dramatically reduce these in your diet, you will see a difference around your middle quite quickly.

Also, an easy tummy exercise that will help is simply to pull your gut in at tight as you can and hold for about 15 - 20 secs (pretend you are desperate for a wee and there is no loo around...) and then release. You can do this anywhere, just sitting at your desk even, but it is a gentle way to get your stomach muscles used to working again. After a while, there are some gentle, careful floor exercises which you can move on to.

I hope that all helps a bit.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MoggyBaby said:


> Tinks, if you have an issue with your belly, then have a look at how much carbohydrate you are consuming. Carbs sit on your hips and especially the belly. Try to keep rice, pasta & bread to a minimum. Be careful with your sugar intake - low fat spreads, mayonnaise, coleslaws etc all use sugar to enhance the flavour lost by taking out the fat. Check out all your veggies to see which are lower in carbs. Broccoli & cauliflower are good. Root veggies like carrots, turnips etc are high. Peas & sprouts are also high.
> 
> If you dramatically reduce these in your diet, you will see a difference around your middle quite quickly.
> 
> ...


I can't go less than 150g carbs as I feel sick and dizzy

Sugar gives me heart burn so I do tend to avoid it

Thanks for the exercise suggestion

Could those other ones be done on a bed or on my OHs weights bench? As I can't get on/off the floor


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I can't go less than 150g carbs as I feel sick and dizzy
> 
> Sugar gives me heart burn so I do tend to avoid it
> 
> ...


If you are used to eating quite a lot of carbs, then reduce them slowly to allow your body to adjust. Try to have them early in the day so that your body can work them off throughout the day.

You should be able to do the exercises on the weights bench, as long as you have plenty of support and it is wide enough that you won't fall off to either side. A bed is no good as you need good support under your back to work your muscle resistance.


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> But if the option is there for changing the thing you don't like why not change it
> 
> It's like on those shows where the people have lost loads of weight and they have an OP for the loose skin, they aren't told to just accept it
> 
> I will never accept my body like this


You didn't read my post properly!!

I do think you should realise that most of what you see on tv is not real. There is just so much they never show


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MoggyBaby said:


> If you are used to eating quite a lot of carbs, then reduce them slowly to allow your body to adjust. Try to have them early in the day so that your body can work them off throughout the day.
> 
> You should be able to do the exercises on the weights bench, as long as you have plenty of support and it is wide enough that you won't fall off to either side. A bed is no good as you need good support under your back to work your muscle resistance.


So weights bench it is then

On the carb thing, doesn't matter how slow or how long I cut them out for, I feel sick and dizzy if I don't have them

Plus I can't imagine the rest of my life without carbs, that really wouldn't work


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

rona said:


> You didn't read my post properly!!
> 
> I do think you should realise that most of what you see on tv is not real. There is just so much they never show


I did read it properly


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

The time I lost loads off my waist/tum was when I spent 3 weeks packing Smurf t shirts

Turn to the left, pick up a shirt
Turn to the front, pack the shirt
Turn to the right to drop into the delivery box


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

rona said:


> The time I lost loads off my waist/tum was when I spent 3 weeks packing Smurf t shirts
> 
> Turn to the left, pick up a shirt
> Turn to the front, pack the shirt
> Turn to the right to drop into the delivery box


How much did you lose?


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> So weights bench it is then
> 
> On the carb thing, doesn't matter how slow or how long I cut them out for, I feel sick and dizzy if I don't have them
> 
> Plus I can't imagine the rest of my life without carbs, that really wouldn't work


It's not so much cutting them out completely as being aware of how many you take in and the best time to eat them to get benefit without weight gain. So, for example, a bowl of porridge for breakfast gives you the carbs you need but you then have all day to use up that energy.

If you need to have regular portions through the day, then weigh it out and try to keep the evening portion a bit less than than the others. So say 60g for breakfast, 50g at lunch & 40g at tea-time. It's still the 150g that you need but you are working it off and it is not getting time to head to your belly for a camping session.


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I did read it properly


I don't think you did from the reply you gave.

This bit
"You can work on your looks at the same time but acceptance of what you've been *given to work with* is paramount. Otherwise you will always be unhappy"


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> How much did you lose?


I can't remember now but I was shocked because I was slim anyway


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MoggyBaby said:


> It's not so much cutting them out completely as being aware of how many you take in and the best time to eat them to get benefit without weight gain. So, for example, a bowl of porridge for breakfast gives you the carbs you need but you then have all day to use up that energy.
> 
> If you need to have regular portions through the day, then weigh it out and try to keep the evening portion a bit less than than the others. So say 60g for breakfast, 50g at lunch & 40g at tea-time. It's still the 150g that you need but you are working it off and it is not getting time to head to your belly for a camping session.


I really don't think that's going to work for me as most of what I like is carby and it would mean cutting it out


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

rona said:


> I don't think you did from the reply you gave.
> 
> This bit
> "You can work on your looks at the same time but acceptance of what you've been *given to work with* is paramount. Otherwise you will always be unhappy"


I don't know what I've been given though as its under layers of fat lol


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## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I don't know what I've been given though as its under layers of fat lol


See that's better, you don't know so you don't know if that body you want is achievable. I have a feeling, once you get to "what you've been given" you'll be happy with that.
I hope so for your sake.

Be happy with each and every step toward that though, give yourself a slap on the back and feel proud of every single pound heading toward your goal


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

rona said:


> Even after the attack and scaring, she's beautiful within


I remember that girl. She is amazing - so courageous and not an ounce of self-pity! An example to every one of us. (and I'm pretty sure she was called Katie, because I nearly switched off when the TV programme about her came on. It was called something like "Katie's face" and I thought it was going to be about Katie Price!)


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

rona said:


> See that's better, you don't know so you don't know if that body you want is achievable. I have a feeling, once you get to "what you've been given" you'll be happy with that.
> I hope so for your sake.
> 
> Be happy with each and every step toward that though, give yourself a slap on the back and feel proud of every single pound heading toward your goal


Surely a flat stomach is achievable for most if not all though

I don't mean abs showing but not rolls

If it isn't for me I guess I'm never going to be happy


----------



## rona (Aug 18, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Surely a flat stomach is achievable for most if not all though
> 
> I don't mean abs showing but not rolls
> 
> If it isn't for me I guess I'm never going to be happy


Who's to say at this point what will happen, though if you lose the weight then the rolls should go. A 48" waist isn't massive.

You can only do what you are doing.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> No she actually looks gorgeous
> 
> *I watched her show and she actually complained a lot*
> 
> I don't get this, I see nothing wrong with wanting to better myself


I saw the programme about her - I can't remember her whinging.

Tink, I'm all for you wanting to feel better about yourself, and I know other people here are too. But if you put all of your expectations on a tummy tuck being the magical doorway to your life of joy, you will be sadly disillusioned. As someone has said, the fat is removed, but if you don't watch your diet forever, you will still start to accumulate fat again - and because you have ahd a large number of fat cells removed, they new fat deposits won't be evenly distributed.

In addition, any slack tummy muscles will still cause you to have a round (lady) tummy. The female body is designed to have an abdominal curve - you have a womb in there, and if you have had a baby (I don't know if you have children or not), the chances of that womb being teeny tiny are nil. There is truly nothing wrong with a rounded lady shape. But even if you don't like it, if you can't exercise your tummy now, you won't be able to later and it _will_ get rounder again.

People who place too much emphasis on methods such as surgery to help them achieve their ideal are rarely satisfied with the result, because the mental image they have of themselves post-surgery is usually idealised. Believe me, I can understand anyone who feels bad about themselves grasping at any thing that science can offer, but as many people here have said - there is much more to being happy with yourself than having a 'perfect' body.


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## CharleyRogan (Feb 20, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> On my 5 2 diet thread I mentioned getting lyposuction when I get to 11 stone (turns out its a tummy tuck I would need)
> 
> Anyway, I said I want one because I know I won't have a flat stomach and that flat looks better that fat and also I want to look good in outfits like these
> 
> ...


Ha! if I could afford it I would get lipo and tummy tuck now! I know now what I have to do to stay slim, an have lost wight, but i'm so impatient that I just want it now!

I think a size 8/10 would be recommended for your height and to look good in those outfits!


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Iheartcats said:


> I'm never going to be a size 8. I'm all boobs and bum. I'm a size 12-14. I've stopped worrying about it.
> 
> My niece is 16 and she has terrible self-esteem issues. She's a recovering anorexic and when she was losing loads of weight her "friends" on facebook were telling her how fabulous she looked when really she looked ill with sunken eyes, horrible shoulder bones sticking out and a lollypop head to match. My niece even went so far as self-harming and has recently posted pics of her scars. So no matter how thin she got her self-esteem issues didn't get any better. She thought that being as thin as possible would somehow magically make her happier but it didn't work out like that and in retrospect caused even more problems in the long run with her having to go for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (and falling out with several therapists because she didn't like what they said!).


Your poor niece - how awful. And how worrying for everyone who loves her. I'm glad I'm not a young girl now - the parameters for beauty seem to be getting narrower and narrower, with more and more pressure to fit them.


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## MrRustyRead (Mar 14, 2011)

I know i will never be happy with the way i look, i could work out loads i could get loads of surgery done but id still not be happy.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

rona said:


> Who's to say at this point what will happen, though if you lose the weight then the rolls should go. *A 48" waist isn't massive.*
> 
> You can only do what you are doing.


Eh? 

It's huge

Hence why I'm a XXL in tops



lostbear said:


> I saw the programme about her - I can't remember her whinging.
> 
> Tink, I'm all for you wanting to feel better about yourself, and I know other people here are too. But if you put all of your expectations on a tummy tuck being the magical doorway to your life of joy, you will be sadly disillusioned. As someone has said, the fat is removed, but if you don't watch your diet forever, you will still start to accumulate fat again - and because you have ahd a large number of fat cells removed, they new fat deposits won't be evenly distributed.
> 
> ...


It's not evenly distributed anyway as I store most of it on my belly



CharleyRogan said:


> Ha! if I could afford it I would get lipo and tummy tuck now! I know now what I have to do to stay slim, an have lost wight, but i'm so impatient that I just want it now!
> 
> I think a size 8/10 would be recommended for your height and to look good in those outfits!


God knows what weight that will be lol


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> *I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR IT'S THE OUTFITS IM ON ABOUT NOT THE PHYSIQUES OF THE PEOPLE*


Everyday wear for me in this heat...


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

Tinks I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but you need to learn to accept yourself.

A flat belly is not the be all and end all... I don't have one (never have never will except childhood lol) and I couldn't care less really. Yes I'd love to have one, but when I gain weight it goes straight to my belly and thighs, so unless I put in lots of abs work and go crazy at the gym I will always have a slight belly on me. I still feel comfortable with myself though! I am losing weight steadily and feel a lot more confident knowing I am picking the right food choices and doing something good for my overall health. Infact I am more happy that I am cutting my risks of high blood pressure, heart disease etc than being a smaller size. 

You need to have small goals put in place, (for example next month I will have lost 4 pounds) instead of one big goal at the end (like having a flat belly). It will keep you on track more. 

Learning to love myself is probably one of the hardest things I've had to do... but I do love myself now, and it is FABULOUS. It's nothing to do with my weight, or if my belly is flat or not, or if I can fit into a pair of size 12 jeans... it's about accepting yourself for yourself and learning to love it all.  Good luck.


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## Iheartcats (Aug 25, 2011)

lostbear said:


> Your poor niece - how awful. And how worrying for everyone who loves her. I'm glad I'm not a young girl now - the parameters for beauty seem to be getting narrower and narrower, with more and more pressure to fit them.


I know! When she was 8 she was quite chubby and the family was worried about her weight. I'm not sure what signals she recieved then but I got the feeling over the years it was more peer pressure to look a certain way.

At my sis in laws there is an old pic of my niece at age 8 and my mother in law (always the most tactful ) said "Oh E weren't you a fat little thing then?!!". Poor E ran off and burst into tears


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## CharleyRogan (Feb 20, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Eh?
> 
> It's huge
> 
> ...


Weight doesn't matter! You can read 10 stone, or 8 stone or anything, its how the clothes fit! Don't get obsessed on the number on the scale/ You wil know when thing get to big, and you can walk into a shop, and hold you head high, and buy the next size down. You know you will ave earned it!

I'm down to a 36" waist from 40" in just 3 months so know you can do it too!


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Everyday wear for me in this heat...


Good gawd she's got hideous looking veins popping out on her belly. :yikes: And them short shortz don't look very comfy either. Why not just have someone give you a wedgie instead? :laugh: :ciappa:


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

la468 said:


> Tinks I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but you need to learn to accept yourself.
> 
> A flat belly is not the be all and end all... I don't have one (never have never will except childhood lol) and I couldn't care less really. Yes I'd love to have one, but when I gain weight it goes straight to my belly and thighs, so unless I put in lots of abs work and go crazy at the gym I will always have a slight belly on me. I still feel comfortable with myself though! I am losing weight steadily and feel a lot more confident knowing I am picking the right food choices and doing something good for my overall health. Infact I am more happy that I am cutting my risks of high blood pressure, heart disease etc than being a smaller size.
> 
> ...


I'm never going to accept my fat belly

I've had all of mt adult and teen life too

I may never have a complete flat belly but I don't want rolls


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I'm never going to accept my fat belly
> 
> I've had all of mt adult and teen life too
> 
> I may never have a complete flat belly but I don't want rolls


Ok, you don't want rolls... well lose the weight steadily and once you've lost the amount you want to lose, then you can work on toning up your belly.  But don't just think of "I want a flat belly" you have to have small goals too.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

CharleyRogan said:


> Weight doesn't matter! You can read 10 stone, or 8 stone or anything, its how the clothes fit! Don't get obsessed on the number on the scale/ You wil know when thing get to big, and you can walk into a shop, and hold you head high, and buy the next size down. You know you will ave earned it!
> 
> I'm down to a 36" waist from 40" in just 3 months so know you can do it too!


Clothes size really isn't something I'm bothered about, I don't care what clothes size I am really


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

havoc said:


> Perhaps you should start by asking WHY you are unhappy about the way you look. I mean,* I'm ugly as sin* but as it isn't me who has to look at me I don't care too much. I only have to see everyone else and in the main I'm not overly offended by their looks. I don't walk down the street judging and categorizing everyone. Magazines and TV aren't the place to look for real people. I can absolutely assure you, you would not recognize the vast majority of famous 'beautiful' people if you stood next to them in a Post Office queue. Even when they do have their make up on, without the lighting and the airbrushing they don't look the same.


I don't believe you. I have no idea what your physical/facial appearance is, but you are lovely - I can see it in your posts, and that will shine out.

And for people who think that's a cliche - it most certainly is not! There are people with beautiful faces who look spiteful and nasty because that is what they are, and people with plain faces who look just lovely, because that is what they are. And it is said that the face you have at fifty is the face you've made for yourself.

(My word, I've got some explaining to do!) I've got a face like a dropped pie myself, but I don't mind it, because it's me. I've earned every wrinkle, and although I am outstandingly plain - I don't look unpleasant (or if I do, my self-esteem is high enough for me not to notice). I don't want to be a clone of other people - but I don't know how old the OP is, and it's much harder when you are young. I used to sob myself to sleep many nights. But believe me - you grow into your face.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

la468 said:


> Ok, you don't want rolls... well lose the weight steadily and once you've lost the amount you want to lose, then you can work on toning up your belly.  But don't just think of "I want a flat belly" you have to have small goals too.


I didn't have a goal weight to start with, now I do


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Iheartcats said:


> I know! When she was 8 she was quite chubby and the family was worried about her weight. I'm not sure what signals she recieved then but I got the feeling over the years it was more peer pressure to look a certain way.
> 
> At my sis in laws there is an old pic of my niece at age 8 and my mother in law (always the most tactful ) said "*Oh E weren't you a fat little thing then?!!". Poor E ran off and burst into tears*


Nothing like making the poor girl feel good about herself! What a shame - and in your teen years you are so anxious and unsure and desperate to be like everyone else. I wouldn't go through puberty again for a million quid!


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

lostbear said:


> ... and in your teen years you are so anxious and unsure and desperate to be like everyone else. I wouldn't go through puberty again for a million quid!


I was bullied for being too skinny when I was a teen. I did everything to try to _gain _weight. I was called bird legs, knitting needle legs and a lot of other names based on my skinny legs.  I stopped wearing dresses and went through most of my younger years and into adulthood not wearing shorts or a swimsuit.

When I got to the age of not caring anymore, I was shocked when people actually complimented me on my legs! I regret the things I missed out on by letting the image that was in my _head _about my body rule how I lived my life.

Tink, I would hate for you to look back on life when you realize how trivial a belly pouch is in the overall scheme of things. Life is short, live it now.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Toby Tyler said:


> *I was bullied for being too skinny when I was a teen. I did everything to try to gain weight.* I was called bird legs, knitting needle legs and a lot of other names based on my skinny legs.  I stopped wearing dresses and went through most of my younger years and into adulthood not wearing shorts or a swimsuit.
> 
> When I got to the age of not caring anymore, I was shocked when people actually complimented me on my legs! I regret the things I missed out on by letting the image that was in my _head _about my body rule how I lived my life.
> 
> Tink, I would hate for you to look back on life when you realize how trivial a belly pouch is in the overall scheme of things. Life is short, live it now.


Same here - I was called 'skin', 'the titless wonder' - lads used to say that I needed a tattoo that said 'this side up in case of rape' - people made fun of my nose, my acne (which was horrendous), my skinny legs - and now I can look back and see that actually there was nothing wrong at all with me - I look at my school photos,and yeah - I'm plain, but not _horrible_ if you know what I mean. I wish I'd just told them all to stuff themselves and ignored the lot of them. It was a way of making themselves feel better, I think, but no fum for me. But I really and truly wouldn't change things - it has made me the person I am, and I LIKE the person I am. Yes, if the plastic surgery fairy came during the night and just left me with the bruises, I might think "oooh. nice little nose" - but I wouldn't be me physically, and that would impact on me psychically.

Like yourself, Tink - you are a good person - don't let anyone make you feel bad about who you are. God made you - and God does not make rubbish!

XXX


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## CatsDomino (Oct 10, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I really don't think that's going to work for me as most of what I like is carby and it would mean cutting it out


So you're not prepared to sacrifice junk food? Even if it meant you'd be healthier and fitter?

Or, let's be honest here, is it because you use your weight and curious 'disability' to avoid having to work?



tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Surely a flat stomach is achievable for most if not all though
> 
> I don't mean abs showing but not rolls
> 
> If it isn't for me I guess I'm never going to be happy


Not for the morbidly obese who won't eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly. And actually, if you've been morbidly obese for so long, you're not going to get a flat stomach without a hell of a lot of hard work and, eventually, surgery.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> I was bullied for being too skinny when I was a teen. I did everything to try to _gain _weight. I was called bird legs, knitting needle legs and a lot of other names based on my skinny legs.  I stopped wearing dresses and went through most of my younger years and into adulthood not wearing shorts or a swimsuit.
> 
> When I got to the age of not caring anymore, I was shocked when people actually complimented me on my legs! I regret the things I missed out on by letting the image that was in my _head _about my body rule how I lived my life.
> 
> Tink, I would hate for you to look back on life when you realize how trivial a belly pouch is in the overall scheme of things. Life is short, live it now.


It's not just a pouch though, it's a full on roll

Ok I wasn't going to post these but I don't think people are getting how big my belly is

These were taken a while ago, I might even be bigger now cause I can't remember my measurement there but my weight was somewhere between 14-15 stone

http://imageshack.us/scaled/landing/547/imgp1199.jpg

http://imageshack.us/scaled/landing/543/imgp1197y.jpg



lostbear said:


> Same here - I was called 'skin', 'the titless wonder' - lads used to say that I deeded a tattoo that said 'this side up in case of rape' - people made fun of my nose, my acne (which was horrendous), my skinny legs - and now I can look back and see that actually there was nothing wrong at all with me - I look at my school photos,and yeah - I'l plain, but not _horrible_ if you know what I mean. I wish I'd just told them all to stuff themselves and ignored the lot of them. It was a way of making themselves feel better, I think, but no fum for me. But I really and truly wouldn't change things - it has made me the person I am, and I LIKE the person I am. Yes, if the plastic surgery fairy came during the night and just left me with the bruises, I might think "oooh. nice little nose" - but I wouldn't be me physically, and that would impact on me psychically.
> 
> Like yourself, Tink - you are a good person - don't let anyone make you feel bad about who you are. God made you - and God does not make rubbish!
> 
> XXX


I am a good person, I just don't look good


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

Tink, may I ask how old you are? If you don't want to answer please just say so. I am thinking early to mid 20's.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

CatsDomino said:


> So you're not prepared to sacrifice junk food? Even if it meant you'd be healthier and fitter?
> 
> Or, let's be honest here, is it because you use your weight and curious 'disability' to avoid having to work?
> 
> Not for the morbidly obese who won't eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly. And actually, if you've been morbidly obese for so long, you're not going to get a flat stomach without a hell of a lot of hard work and, eventually, surgery.


Hence why I will be having surgery

And if you read you will see I've said I do work


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> Tink, may I ask how old you are? If you don't want to answer please just say so. I am thinking early to mid 20's.


I wish lol

I'm 32


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

You are focusing too much on your belly and not the overall picture. Why would you take pictures of just your belly? There's more to you than a belly. I think you need to work hard on learning to accept yourself and do the best you can to get healthy first. Stop focusing on what you perceive as a negative. Then focus on specific body parts if you even feel the need at that time.


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## northnsouth (Nov 17, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I really don't think that's going to work for me as most of what I like is carby and it would mean cutting it out


I am a real carb junkie when I began cutting down my body craved them. I eventually got used to it and the weight, especially on my belly reduced. Being diagnosed as diabetic meant I had to reduce the empty carbs.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> You are focusing too much on your belly and not the overall picture. Why would you take pictures of just your belly? There's more to you than a belly. I think you need to work hard on learning to accept yourself and do the best you can to get healthy first. Stop focusing on what you perceive as a negative. Then focus on specific body parts if you even feel the need at that time.


A fat belly is a negative though, not only in looks but in health

I took those cause that was one of the times I tried to lose weigh,


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

northnsouth said:


> I am a real carb junkie when I began cutting down my body craved them. I eventually got used to it and the weight, especially on my belly reduced.


Sadly I didn't get used to it, I tried it for 6-7 months and I was ill the whole ine

I have however changed the carbs I have IE switched white bread for whole meal, white rice for brown etc

Actually thinking about it we don't have bread much now


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I wish lol
> 
> I'm 32


You are still _quite _young  You have your entire life ahead of you. Don't let it slip by and regret it later. Learn to accept yourself as you are and your life will be a much more fulfilling adventure. That doesn't mean you shouldn't stop what you're doing. You referred to it as a journey. Live it like it's a journey.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> You are still _quite _young  You have your entire life ahead of you. Don't let it slip by and regret it later. Learn to accept yourself as you are and your life will be a much more fulfilling adventure. That doesn't mean you shouldn't stop what you're doing. You referred to it as a journey. Live it like it's a journey.


I'm never going to accept being fat, if I could I wouldn't be doing this 5 2 diet


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## northnsouth (Nov 17, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Sadly I didn't get used to it, I tried it for 6-7 months and I was ill the whole ine
> 
> I have however changed the carbs I have IE switched white bread for whole meal, white rice for brown etc


Well that it the type of carbs we should eat, slow releasing complex carbohydrates. Eating those in moderation is healthy. I was told by my diabetic dietician, Your fist for carbohydrates, your palm for protein the rest of a meal vegetables.


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## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

why not just focus on the weight loss for now, rather than getting to ahead of yourself ? it's took you years to get big and so it is not going to all come off within a few weeks, you are looking at a good year or two probably more tbh, then you can figure what to do, you might not even need surgery, and getting a tummy tuck at 11 stone is silly, you will still be overweight and may as well continue the diet then IF you need some skin dealt with see to it then, it's major surgery and personally If I was you I would use lots of firming moisturisers and drink lots of water and take in lots of foods high in vitamin c & e and try to do SOME form of exercise to avoid spending thousands on surgery, if you save the money maybe it could go on a nice holiday instead.


as for the original question - I have nothing against surgery to change something you don't like so long as it's done for yourself not someone else (not talking about you op just a general you) personally I hate everything about the way I look, but I work with what I have got, I use makeup and nice clothes to try and make the best of it, one day I might get something done but right now I will just accept I am who I am, not a supermodel and never going to win a beauty contest but that stuff is superficial I won't lose any sleep over it really.


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Toby Tyler said:


> Tink, may I ask how old you are? If you don't want to answer please just say so. I am thinking early to mid 20's.


And there's the thing. I look back on pics of myself in my early twenties and wonder why the flip I didn't realise I looked pretty fine - was never a supermodel beauty, but I had a certain something......thing is, it doesn't last. I'm now 41, got wrinkles and thread veins appearing everywhere. And frankly couldn't live without a decent pair of tweezers (Irish eyebrows, dammit!). But I'm happier with myself than I ever was at 20, when I was looking pretty damn good without knowing it at the time.

You could buy the "perfect" figure. You will still age, and you will only be happy when you realise there is nothing wrong with that, it's what is supposed to happen.

When I was little, and my Mum was about 10 years younger than I am now, I always thought the crinkles round her eyes were beautiful, because they showed when she laughed and smiled. I think it's sad that the world sees things like that as terrible faults that need to be operated on, to be honest.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

redroses2106 said:


> why not just focus on the weight loss for now, rather than getting to ahead of yourself ? it's took you years to get big and so it is not going to all come off within a few weeks, you are looking at a good year or two probably more tbh, then you can figure what to do, you might not even need surgery, and getting a tummy tuck at 11 stone is silly, you will still be overweight and may as well continue the diet then IF you need some skin dealt with see to it then, it's major surgery and personally If I was you I would use lots of firming moisturisers and drink lots of water and take in lots of foods high in vitamin c & e and try to do SOME form of exercise to avoid spending thousands on surgery, if you save the money maybe it could go on a nice holiday instead.
> 
> as for the original question - I have nothing against surgery to change something you don't like so long as it's done for yourself not someone else (not talking about you op just a general you) personally I hate everything about the way I look, but I work with what I have got, I use makeup and nice clothes to try and make the best of it, one day I might get something done but right now I will just accept I am who I am, not a supermodel and never going to win a beauty contest but that stuff is superficial I won't lose any sleep over it really.


I like looking to the future though

Tbh I'm not willing to go less than about 10 stone and it's too small for me and I don't suit it

No holidays, would rather stay at home with my pets


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

Tink you are running before you can walk my girl ...... 

you know what you have to do , yet despite all the very good, informative & sensible advice , you carry on .... why ???? 

I as many others do have all the time in the world , so take control over how you eat , stop looking at stupid belly pics , Yes you have disabilities , but there are plenty more folk with worse .... Who get along mighty fine , do i think you have dysmorphia (sp) no i don't ...... IMHO you need to be reffered to a Psychiatrist / mental health team .....for an assessment ......... and if you don't see this as a way of help for your problems , then you have a bloody well long road ahead of you


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## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I like looking to the future though
> 
> Tbh I'm not willing to go less than about 10 stone and it's too small for me and I don't suit it
> 
> No holidays, would rather stay at home with my pets


yeah it is nice to look to the future but you need to focus on the small goals first or you might just give in cause you aren't getting there as quickly as you would like. you should aim to lose 2-3 lbs a week so it is a lengthy process but well worth it in the end, and if it's a slow loss there really is less chance of skin issues


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

tincan said:


> Tink you are running before you can walk my girl ......
> 
> you know what you have to do , yet despite all the very good, informative & sensible advice , you carry on .... why ????
> 
> I as many others do have all the time in the world , so take control over how you eat , stop looking at stupid belly pics , Yes you have disabilities , but there are plenty more folk with worse .... Who get along mighty fine , do i think you have dysmorphia (sp) no i don't ...... IMHO you need to be reffered to a Psychiatrist / mental health team .....for an assessment ......... and if you don't see this as a way of help for your problems , then you have a bloody well long road ahead of you


I know what I have to do and I'm doing it

Referred to a mental health team for what, I'm not mentally ill



redroses2106 said:


> yeah it is nice to look to the future but you need to focus on the small goals first or you might just give in cause you aren't getting there as quickly as you would like. you should aim to lose 2-3 lbs a week so it is a lengthy process but well worth it in the end, and if it's a slow loss there really is less chance of skin issues


I won't give in, I AM going to do this!

Arnie says 1-2lbs a week or you lose muscle so that's what I'm aiming for, tbh any loss is a bonus for me

I know it will take a while, I'm in it for the long haul


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

I know what I have to do and I'm doing it

How can I have BD it's not like I'm a thin girl saying I'm fat 



That is not what BD is Tinks ...... Your a smart girl , I quite like you .... but you do seek attention and that needs attention , we all need attention in varying ways ...... but to constantly bang on , beggars belief ..... Have you ever sought some help CBT ???? ... If you can't change your thought processes , then you will never change how you see yourself .....


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

tincan said:


> I know what I have to do and I'm doing it
> 
> How can I have BD it's not like I'm a thin girl saying I'm fat
> 
> That is not what BD is Tinks ...... Your a smart girl , I quite like you .... but you do seek attention and that needs attention , we all need attention in varying ways ...... but to constantly bang on , beggars belief ..... Have you ever sought some help CBT ???? ... If you can't change your thought processes , then you will never change how you see yourself .....


I'm never going to change how I see myself unless I change myself, I need to change for me and talking to someone about it isn't going to help me, there's nothing they can say to help

I change my post cause I realised you were saying you don't think I have BD, duh, read properly Tink! :laugh:


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

Arnie ..... are you talking about Arnie terminator man :yikes: full of frickin steroids , who looks up to him anymore .... Get out of the body building world , atm you just need to concentrate on your food intake ..... Carbs in particular .....


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

tincan said:


> Arnie ..... are you talking about Arnie terminator man :yikes: full of frickin steroids , who looks up to him anymore .... Get out of the body building world , atm you just need to concentrate on your food intake ..... Carbs in particular .....


Arnie is my hero, as is sylvester Stallone

Arnie never took roids unless he was cutting


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

I'm never going to change how I see myself unless I change myself, I need to change for me and talking to someone about it isn't going to help me, there's nothing they can say to help




You might be suprised lady , that talking can and does help !!!! to the right people ...... See you are blinkered , you don't/won't go where you know the truth lies..... a bit like an alcoholic , until you admit , then there is no way forward ..... Why are you so scared to tread in deep water , perhaps there is something else there , that you do not want coming to the surface ....


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

tincan said:


> You might be suprised lady , that talking can and does help !!!! to the right people ...... See you are blinkered , you don't/won't go where you know the truth lies..... a bit like an alcoholic , until you admit , then there is no way forward ..... Why are you so scared to tread in deep water , perhaps there is something else there , that you do not want coming to the surface ....


Nope there is nothing else, I just don't want to be fat and unhappy any more


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## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Arnie never took roids unless he was cutting


You must know him very well!


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

button50 said:


> You must know him very well!


It's called doing research

He's never been shy of the fact that he took roids when cutting


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## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's called doing research
> 
> He's never been shy of the fact that he took roids when cutting


Sorry i didnt realised you had researched... Then it must be true.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

button50 said:


> sorry i didnt realised you had researched... Then it must be true.


:-/

.......


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Nope there is nothing else, I just don't want to be fat and unhappy any more


Stop with the internet self pity...talk to someone 'real' and listen to them...


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Stop with the internet self pity...talk to someone 'real' and listen to them...


No .......


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

Arnie. stallone ....... oh come on get real ...... they both did roids never mind cutting ..... BS cutting means , living lean , and dont even try to tell me about it .... my o/h was a bodybuilder for years .... never took jack sh1t in his life , just ate the right stuff , worked out , let his bod go and do it's thing the natural way ... BTW his mentor was Bill Hemsworth ( rip) died a couple of months ago .... He went up against Arnie & the rest plenty of times .... ah fek what's the point hmmm


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tincan said:


> ah fek what's the point hmmm


Attention...


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

jon bda said:


> Attention...


I know


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

tincan said:


> Arnie. stallone ....... oh come on get real ...... they both did roids never mind cutting ..... BS cutting means , living lean , and dont even try to tell me about it .... my o/h was a bodybuilder for years .... never took jack sh1t in his life , just ate the right stuff , worked out , let his bod go and do it's thing the natural way ... BTW his mentor was Bill Hemsworth ( rip) died a couple of months ago .... He went up against Arnie & the rest plenty of times .... ah fek what's the point hmmm


So what, I should not have a hero now?

I don't see the big deal that I look up to them


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Attention...


They feel free to leave the topic and stop giving me the attention you think I want


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> They feel free to leave the topic and stop giving me the attention you think I want


I think this forum was public last time i looked?


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> I think this forum was public last time i looked?


Yes and I am just as entitled to post as anyone


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## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> So what, I should not have a hero now?
> 
> I don't see the big deal that I look up to them


I wouldnt look up to someone that did drugs!


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

button50 said:


> I wouldnt look up to someone that did drugs!


Oh well good for you


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## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Oh well good for you


Great come back


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

well you can look up to fakes all you want , fine by me lady ......


but until you fix your fixated mindset , you will never , ever move forward in your life ......... so have fun .... believe in what you will ..... sadly you will never get what you wish for ....... truth can be an awful thing , as is honesty ..... where's yours


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Yes and I am just as entitled to post as anyone


But you get upset when people disagree with you?


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

Why are you so quick to knock back CBT?

Have you tried it?


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## CatsDomino (Oct 10, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Hence why I will be having surgery
> 
> And if you read you will see I've said I do work


You work? Last week you couldn't be left alone for a few minutes while your OH went to collect a parcel because your disability stops you from ever being alone.

Or are you pretending to be self-employed in order to claim Working Tax Credits?


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

MCWillow said:


> Why are you so quick to knock back CBT?
> 
> Have you tried it?


Make sure 'safesearch' is enabled on Google for that one...
:lol:


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> But you get upset when people disagree with you?


No I don't



MCWillow said:


> Why are you so quick to knock back CBT?
> 
> Have you tried it?


No, talking will not help, changing how I look will and it will get me to a healthier weight



CatsDomino said:


> *You work?* Last week you couldn't be left alone for a few minutes while your OH went to collect a parcel because your disability stops you from ever being alone.
> 
> Or are you pretending to be self-employed in order to claim Working Tax Credits?


*Yes*

No


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

Its not just talking. It talking to someone that can help you look at things from a different angle, to look at different aspects of yourself that _may _be making you feel the way you feel, and helping you overcome the negativity, to look at things in a more postitive light.

It talks about _all_ aspects of your life (past and present), and tries to find what triggers the feelings you have, and then helps you find ways of coping and managing those feelings in a positive way, and a way that you ae comfortable with.

But you have to be open to wanting the answers.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MCWillow said:


> Its not just talking. It talking to someone that can help you look at things from a different angle, to look at different aspects of yourself that _may _be making you feel the way you feel, and helping you overcome the negativity, to look at things in a more postitive light.
> 
> It talks about _all_ aspects of your life (past and present), and tries to find what triggers the feelings you have, and then helps you find ways of coping and managing those feelings in a positive way, and a way that you ae comfortable with.
> 
> But you have to be open to wanting the answers.


I trigger the feelings I have


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> *Yes*


What do you do?


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> What do you do?


None of your business


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> None of your business


The forum would love to know...


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

jon bda said:


> What do you do?


She sells s*** on Ebay I think. It's posted several times, on several threads. I'm surprised you missed it.


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Oh well good for you


Tink, with all respect and I'm not saying this to gang up on you right now, but you did post you couldn't be friends with someone who did illegal drugs.  So how could some one like that be your hero?

Arnold? Ewwwwwww. The lights are on but no one's home. These two men aren't even of your generation. They're old men.

And what would be the harm in having a consultation? There's nothing wrong with going to a mental health professional. I think it's at least something to consider rather than brushing off. It sounds as if you are afraid to face your fears.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> Tink, with all respect and I'm not saying this to gang up on you right now, but you did post you couldn't be friends with someone who did illegal drugs.  So how could some one like that be your hero?
> 
> Arnold? Ewwwwwww. The lights are on but no one's home. These two men aren't even of your generation. They're old men.
> 
> And what would be the harm in having a consultation? There's nothing wrong with going to a mental health professional. I think it's at least something to consider rather than brushing off. It sounds as if you are afraid to face your fears.


 that's a bit harsh, it doesn't matter if he's old, i can still like him lol who the hell else am I supposed to like lol

People with mental health problems see a mental health professional, I don't have MH problems


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I trigger the feelings I have


Maybe you dont. Maybe you just think you do.

What harm is a couple of sessions going to do you?

If its not for you, thats not a problem. Counselling _isn't_ for everyone.

But you never know, unless you try it.

A lot of people come into counselling, then stop after 2-3 sessions. They stop because its too hard for them. They are not ready to delve into why they feel the way they do.

They get scared. And thats OK. Couselling is hard. It makes you confront things you might just want to bury away. But _if_ you confront those things, you can maybe think about things differently.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MCWillow said:


> Maybe you dont. Maybe you just think you do.
> 
> What harm is a couple of sessions going to do you?
> 
> ...


The fact of the matter is, I don't like how I look, I don't like how I look because I'm fat and when I look in the mirror I see that fat, the only thing wrong in my life is my looks, I don't need to chat to someone about that

Do you work in counselling?


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> that's a bit harsh, it doesn't matter if he's old, i can still like him lol who the hell else am I supposed to like lol
> 
> People with mental health problems see a mental health professional, I don't have MH problems


He is in the older range of my generation and I never thought he was attractive in any way shape or form. 

No, people who want to change the way they see things see mental health professionals as well. What would the harm be? You will find out one way or another. Is your life at the present working for you? It has much more to do with what you're thinking than what your actual weight is. And that is where they can help you sort things and also work with you on ways to build self esteem.


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> The fact of the matter is, I don't like how I look, I don't like how I look because I'm fat and when I look in the mirror I see that fat, the only thing wrong in my life is my looks, I don't need to chat to someone about that
> 
> Do you work in counselling?


And there lies the answer to your question...


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

The only person that can do anything about your situation is you. And you alone. People will advise until they are blue in the face... 

So do what ya got to do, whatever that may be, because I really cannot remember what it was. Summat about pans, and gas bills. 

And when you come back happy, we will all be happy


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## Shadow And Lightning (Jan 18, 2012)

having only read a few of these posts don't know what is going on but...
when I was younger I received counselling I was still a teenager at the time but I was going through a I hate myself I hate my life and I have nothing to live for phase of my life

counselling didn't really help me
what did help was going to Pakistan and seeing where my dad grew up
seeing kids beg barely three years of age not knowing when they would get their next meal ... put my whole life in a new perspective
so as this thread title is about being happy with what you have I can honestly say compared to the majority of the world. I have so much and I am very thankful. and although this year has been quite bad for me.. 
I know I will be able to get food when I want
I know I have a warm bed to sleep in
I have family friends etc
and I'm not affected by war etc

so yes do be happy with what you've got 

_Posted from Petforums.co.uk App for Android_


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

Body dysmorphic disorder - NHS Choices


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> He is in the older range of my generation and I never thought he was attractive in any way shape or form.
> 
> No, people who want to change the way they see things see mental health professionals as well. What would the harm be? You will find out one way or another. Is your life at the present working for you? It has much more to do with what you're thinking than what your actual weight is. And that is where they can help you sort things and also work with you on ways to build self esteem.


I just thought he had a good physique (not now though)

Sylvester Stallone has a better physique now and yes I know he takes stuff lol

I don't believe in wasting people's time, that CBT spot should go to someone that really needs it, not me who knows what the problem is

And that problem is my weight, I am clearly at a weight that is too much for my height


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

JeanGenie said:


> Body dysmorphic disorder - NHS Choices


Again

Not me


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> The fact of the matter is, I don't like how I look, I don't like how I look because I'm fat and when I look in the mirror I see that fat, the only thing wrong in my life is my looks, I don't need to chat to someone about that
> 
> *Do you work in counselling?*


Yes. I work within a counselling organisation. I am not a counsellor myself, although I would say I give plenty of counselling over the phone as I am 'first voice' and talk to a lot of people everyday. Some of them are in distress, some just want to talk to someone because they can see a problem arising, and some want to book in loved ones (normally their kids), so obviously they are in distress as well.

I think if you find the right counsellor _for you_, it would be helpful.

I quite often have people ring me and ask if they can change counsellors as they havent 'clicked' with the counsellor with they have. By talking to them, and looking at their notes I am usually pretty good at judging who they will 'click' with.

The ones that talk to me a lot in their first phonecall, usually get the right counsellor for them.


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Again
> 
> Not me


Stop asking the internet, go and see someone who has a clue more than you...


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Stop asking the internet, go and see someone who has a clue more than you...


No one has more clue about me than me


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Again
> 
> Not me


Skimming through the thread, think you could well be wrong, even though you say in your own head you don't feel you have it, how do you know you don't?
The condition also states;



> If you have BDD, you will often spend several hours a day thinking negatively about your appearance. You may be concerned about one specific area of the body or you may be worried about several different areas.
> 
> Common areas of anxiety include:
> 
> ...


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I just thought he had a good physique (not now though)


I also hate what he did to his wife and family. :thumbdown:


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

JeanGenie said:


> Skimming through the thread, think you could well be wrong, even though you say in your own head you don't feel you have it, how do you know you don't?
> The condition also states;


Theres been mention of wonky boobs i think...


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

JeanGenie said:


> Skimming through the thread, think you could well be wrong, even though you say in your own head you don't feel you have it, how do you know you don't?
> The condition also states;


220lbs at 5ft 2 IS fat!

A 48 inch belly IS too big, my waist is about 14 inches bigger than what is deemed a healthy waist for a female

On the link you posted it says



> to have a distorted view of how they look.


I do not have a distorted view of how I look

I'm 5ft 2
220lbs
I wear size 18-22 in female clothes or XXL-XXXL in male clothes

I'm sorry but anyone who says that is not fat are probably the ones with BD


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> I also hate what he did to his wife and family. :thumbdown:


Yes that was awful



jon bda said:


> Theres been mention of wonky boobs i think...


I can cover them


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> 220lbs at 5ft 2 IS fat!
> 
> A 48 inch belly IS too big, my waist is about 14 inches bigger than what is deemed a healthy waist for a female
> 
> ...


Could post thousands of links, they all say the same, if you have all the conditions you say you have and are disabled anything you do should only be done under medical advice, how do you know your not adding to your health problems?


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

JeanGenie said:


> Could post thousands of links, they all say the same, if you have all the conditions you say you have and are disabled anything you do should only be done under medical advice, how do you know your not adding to your health problems?


Lol losing weight will not add to my health problems


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I can cover them


But in your head they will still be 'wonky' my dear. Go have a chat with someone and dump the faddy diet, sort your sh1t out...


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Lol losing weight will not add to my health problems


The way you do it possibly well could.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> But in your head they will still be 'wonky' my dear. Go have a chat with someone and dump the faddy diet, sort your sh1t out...


I'm not ditching the 5 2

It will work



JeanGenie said:


> The way you do it possibly well could.


I doubt it, it has health benefits


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

I have a good friend with BD - personally, I dont think Tinks has it. If she is posting the same threads when she has lot her weight then maybe she does, but right now, I just think she is stubborn moo (  ), that wont look at other options until she has lost the weight she wants to lose.


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## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

I don't know how this thread has got to bdd - tinks is overweight, she knows she is over weight and now feels the time has come to do something about it, I don't see how that is BDD  she isn't obsessing over her belly so much as in the frame of mind to try to lose her belly, imo, I think she is worrying that she will be left with excess skin but if she takes action that can be avoided/minimal - tinks think of all the women out there who have 3, 4,5 babies and they manage to avoid the skin being too bad despite all the stretching, but it does take work 

as for her going to a councillor well that is a different story and might be a good idea, mostly because you do seem to crave attention, but quite honestly I think your harmless


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

when i look in a mirror ...... I see my mother ....... No amount of surgery would help that


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I doubt it, it has health benefits


How does having a couple of packets of crisps, some pasta and some cans of Monster make you healthy?


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MCWillow said:


> I have a good friend with BD - personally, I dont think Tinks has it. If she is posting the same threads when she has lot her weight then maybe she does, but right now, I just think she is stubborn moo (  ), that wont look at other options until she has lost the weight she wants to lose.


Exactly



redroses2106 said:


> I don't know how this thread has got to bdd - tinks is overweight, she knows she is over weight and now feels the time has come to do something about it, I don't see how that is BDD  she isn't obsessing over her belly so much as in the frame of mind to try to lose her belly, imo, I think she is worrying that she will be left with excess skin but if she takes action that can be avoided/minimal - tinks think of all the women out there who have 3, 4,5 babies and they manage to avoid the skin being too bad despite all the stretching, but it does take work
> 
> as for her going to a councillor well that is a different story and might be a good idea, mostly because you do seem to crave attention, but quite honestly I think your harmless


Exactly, how is me knowing I'm overweight and wanting to do something about it BDD


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> How does having a couple of packets of crisps, some pasta and some cans of Monster make you healthy?


Go read up on the 5 2 diet and the health benefits of it


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

Perhaps one counteracts the other


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I'm not ditching the 5 2
> 
> It will work
> 
> I doubt it, it has health benefits


What health benefits are there for 'fasting' for two days?

It's also very interesting reading that this particular diet you are following, is dangerous to people with long term medical problems and who are on lifelong medication:yikes:


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

JeanGenie said:


> What health benefits are there for 'fasting' for two days?
> 
> It's also very interesting reading that this particular diet you are following, is dangerous to people with long term medical problems and who are on lifelong medication:yikes:


It's good for lowering and keeping cholesterol down and for blood pressure (mines normal btw) amongst other things


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## Guest (Aug 2, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's good for lowering and keeping cholesterol down and for blood pressure (mines normal btw) amongst other things


Did you seek medical advice before starting the diet?

The advice from the BDA is not to go on the 5:2 diet at all if you have long term health problems and take lifelong medication without seeking medical advice first.

So what possible health benefits are there to that, seeing as you do have longterm health problems?


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

I always thought fasting was more of a way to 'cleanse'. I've never had to diet, but once did the 'Master Cleanse' where you drink only lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water for several days. I did feel healthier afterwards, it was amazing. Don't know that I would do it again though. 

You're not really fasting on those days if you eat cottage cheese and tuna.

Good job on the blood pressure btw.


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## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

Just stay positive Tink...you know you have a long road ahead of you but I think that will give you a good focus point...to lose weight Slowly but surely. I would make sure you get fruit and veg in your diet to ensure you get the vits you need.

I think McWillow has given brilliant advice and maybe you will be ready to listen about counselling when you do realise you have serious self esteem issues. You may need help with that in time but you will do things in your time. If you are not yet ready to accept help then likely counselling wouldnt have the desired effect...at this point.

I wonder why your self esteem is so low...I think it is sad that a young woman so clearly does not like herself. 

You have so much support from many of us...so keep positive and do try to be happy...get your swimming costume out and get to the local pool. I am sure some low impact exercise will lift your mood...which is so important.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

JeanGenie said:


> Did you seek medical advice before starting the diet?
> 
> The advice from the BDA is not to go on the 5:2 diet at all if you have long term health problems and take lifelong medication without seeking medical advice first.
> 
> So what possible health benefits are there to that, seeing as you do have longterm health problems?


I didn't ask my GP, I don't see what possible harm in can do, it's better than staying fat



Toby Tyler said:


> I always thought fasting was more of a way to 'cleanse'. I've never had to diet, but once did the 'Master Cleanse' where you drink only lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water for several days. I did feel healthier afterwards, it was amazing. Don't know that I would do it again though.
> 
> You're not really fasting on those days if you eat cottage cheese and tuna.
> 
> Good job on the blood pressure btw.


It's not fasting as in not eating anything at all, although I've heard some people do do that but I don't think I'm tough enough to do that lol



chichi said:


> Just stay positive Tink...you know you have a long road ahead of you but I think that will give you a good focus point...to lose weight Slowly but surely. I would make sure you get fruit and veg in your diet to ensure you get the vits you need.
> 
> I think McWillow has given brilliant advice and maybe you will be ready to listen about counselling when you do realise you have serious self esteem issues. You may need help with that in time but you will do things in your time. If you are not yet ready to accept help then likely counselling wouldnt have the desired effect...at this point.
> 
> ...


It's low because I'm fat which counselling won't fix but losing weight will


----------



## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's low because I'm fat which counselling won't fix but losing weight will


Counseling will uncover the root of why you hate your body and/or yourself Tink. It could be that you're not ready which is ok. You have to do what works for you. Just don't completely rule it out as you won't know if you never even try it. I do think in the end you will discover that you need to both change your mind _and _lose weight in order to be successful. But you are on a journey and there are many discoveries to be found along the way. 

We do seem to keep going in circles. I thought the thread was about "Being happy with what you've got".


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> Counseling will uncover the root of why you hate your body and/or yourself Tink. It could be that you're not ready which is ok. You have to do what works for you. Just don't completely rule it out as you won't know if you never even try it. I do think in the end you will discover that you need to both change your mind _and _lose weight in order to be successful. But you are on a journey and there are many discoveries to be found along the way.
> 
> We do seem to keep going in circles. I thought the thread was about "Being happy with what you've got".


I hate my body because its fat and disgusting and it's about time I did something about it, which I am 

There's nothing that's happened in my life to make me hate it, I just don't like how I look and I'm sick of being miserable about it


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's not fasting as in not eating anything at all, although I've heard some people do do that but I don't think I'm tough enough to do that lol


Actually, after the first 24 hours which were bloody hell it wasn't that bad. The mixture sustains you surprisingly well and it made me feel energized. I think I went nearly a week on it. My goal was not to lose weight and I never weighed myself. It really does clean you out, deffo felt better after doing it. Again, don't think I would do it again tho.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> Actually, after the first 24 hours which were bloody hell it wasn't that bad. The mixture sustains you surprisingly well and it made me feel energized. I think I went nearly a week on it. My goal was not to lose weight and I never weighed myself. It really does clean you out, deffo felt better after doing it. Again, don't think I would do it again tho.


You've got more will power than me lol

I'm so looking forward to going for a meal tomorrow


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> *]I hate my body because its fat and disgusting *and it's about time I did something about it, which I am


Now THAT is being harsh and I think what we are all saying about changing the way you think of yourself.

But you are taking the first steps which is awesome. You didn't get to where you are overnight, it was gradually over several years of your young lifetime. Things you may not even be aware of affect you far more than you realize.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> Now THAT is being harsh and I think what we are all saying about changing the way you think of yourself.
> 
> But you are taking the first steps which is awesome. You didn't get to where you are overnight, it was gradually over several years of your young lifetime. Things you may not even be aware of affect you far more than you realize.


You can't deny that I'm fat and IMO fat (on me) is disgusting

Edited so I don't offend


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> You can't deny that I'm fat and IMO fat is disgusting


Well, for now it is what it is. A lot of people would disagree with using the word disgusting and it might offend some people for you to say that.

For now take it one step at a time, set goals, and lose the weight. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Just be happy with what ya got all along the way.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Toby Tyler said:


> Well, for now it is what it is. A lot of people would disagree with using the word disgusting and it might offend some people for you to say that.
> 
> For now take it one step at a time, set goals, and lose the weight. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Just be happy with what ya got all along the way.


No I meant on my being fat is disgusting

This summer has been hell, I don't want another like it


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

redroses2106 said:


> why not just focus on the weight loss for now, rather than getting to ahead of yourself ? *it's took you years to get big and so it is not going to all come off within a few weeks*,
> You are so right, Red. And it goes on more quickly than it comes off anyway.
> Tink - you very perceptively described this as a journey - and a journey happens one step at a time. Yes - you can hop on a superjet, but then you miss the beauty of the scenery around you. I think Red has made some very good comments. If you still have a good bit of weight to lose, surgery now will not be a good idea. As Red has said, it is MAJOR surgery, and all surgery carries risks. One of those risks is that for an overweight person, the chances of heart attack or stroke under the anaesthetic are massively increased. And, as Red has also said, as you will still be dieting you may need skin tuck surgery later - these are massively expensive operations. And no, to answer you pervious comment - a flat tummy is NOT obtainable for most women, and those who do have one rarely have it without effort. Look at little girls - and I mean LITTLE girls - two, three years old. They have little round tummies - they have reproductive organs inside there and that insists on pushing the tummy out. As they get older they may develop a muscle tone to flatten it to some extent, but vey few are as flat as the ladies in you original photos (and a good thing too, IMO - they looked ill/ 'orrible).
> I suspect that if you can persuade yourself to persist with your diet, and take some form of exercise - walking is good, and swimming is better (though I appreciate that you may be reluctant to get into a bathing suit) you will find that as the weight drops off you will change your opinion of yourself for the better, and may decide yyou don't need/want surgery at all. Does your local baths do aquarobics classes? These are really good for developing fitness and weight loss without putting strain on the joints (water carries your weight) - and you will find a lot of people like yourself weightwise there which will give you confidence and help you swap ideas and strategies for getting weight off
> ...


If you can do this you will have the satisfaction of a tremendous achievement. It will be something YOU have done - not a surgeon, not your hard-earned cash - YOU! You, you, you, you you. You will feel amazing.


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## Shadow And Lightning (Jan 18, 2012)

being happy isn't about the way you look its about how you feel on the inside, a friend of mine was size 20 and hated herself, hardly went out and all that. Then she done mad dieting and 2 years later and a heck of a lot of hard work, shes a size 12, and still hates herself. Reason - she has issues with herself regardless of how she looks and no amount of dieting or weight loss will help. Getting to the route of her self hate and insecurity is what will help, once that is eradicated, then she will find inner peace and happiness

now I still haven't read all these posts but from what I gather you hate the way you look because you are big, fair enough, but losing weight may not make you feel better about yourself. You're saying fat is disgusting etc, I disagree, being fat or being skinny doesn't make someone a good person etc, which in my opinion is a lot more important than how one looks. I was bullied when I was younger for my weight, for my skin colour etc etc and as I got older I came to realise it was them cowards with the problems not me.

I don't think losing weight will automatically solve your problems, maybe getting some professional help on self worth will help. It may not work for you, but dieting and losing weight may not make you happy. *If you cant be happy with the way you are now, then you may not ever be happy if you change your weight, happiness isn't about what is on the outside and I think a lot of people need to realise that instead of changing everything about themselves thinking it will bring happiness cause it doesn't always work like that*


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

A little fact about liposuction... You get the fat sucked from that area, but it will just come back in another.

Study: Fat May Return After Liposuction

Unless you are going to have liposuction on every part of your body, its really quite useless..



> May 3, 2011 -- Liposuction, the popular fat-sucking procedure, can trim problem areas of the body. However, the fat removed returns in a relatively short time, according to a new study.
> '*'All the fat is back by one year," says researcher Robert H. Eckel, MD, professor of medicine,* physiology and biophysics at the University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus. However, it does not return to the spot that has been operated on. *"The fat comes back in different places,"* Eckel tells WebMD. In his study, the women had liposuction of the lower abdomen, hips, or thighs and were followed for a year. "The reaccumulation of fat was in the upper abdomen and triceps."
> The areas that had liposuction did not regain fat, he says. He speculates that the probing of those areas that occurs during liposuction somehow prevents fat from returning there.


http://www.liposuction.com/realistic-expectations.html



> if a patient gains a significant amount of weight, say more than 10 pounds (5 kg),* after liposuction, then the fat must go somewhere on the body. *In fact, the fat accumulates in all areas of the body in proportion to the amount of fat cells in each area. Areas where fat cells have been removed by liposuction will accumulate relatively little fat, while in areas not treated by liposuction relatively more fat will be deposited. For example, if a woman gains weight after liposuction of her hips, outer thighs, and abdomen, then proportionally more of the* fat will be deposited elsewhere such as the woman's breasts, face, back and legs.*


I personally think having a flat gut accompanied by a masshoosive back face and arms etc will look worse then just you being as you are already.


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## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

Timks, sorry if this offends

But for me reading what your writing sounds as though you will never be happy with what you got or will get

You really need to accept yourself memtally before you can attempt to change and for me personally I dont think you can or will

And on that note, im off


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Actually I do work


you do? but you cant leave the house alone ...



welshjet said:


> Timks, sorry if this offends
> 
> But for me reading what your writing sounds as though you will never be happy with what you got or will get
> 
> ...


Im gonna follow you off. Because while I like you tink, and Im pleased you want to change your life, you are focusing on to much surface and Ive more things going on for me then outer, so this thread is starting to wear thin with me. Ive an appointment in the morning that could change my life forever, and id give anything to have a fat gut instead.


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## IrishEyes (Jun 26, 2012)

Waterlily said:


> Im gonna follow you off. Because while I like you tink, and Im pleased you want to change your life, you are focusing on to much surface and Ive more things going on for me then outer, so this thread is starting to wear thin with me. Ive an appointment in the morning that could change my life forever, and id give anything to have a fat gut instead.


I don't know what your appointment is for WL but I hope that the outcome is the one that you wish for. Good luck x


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> You can't deny that I'm fat and IMO fat (on me) is disgusting
> 
> Edited so I don't offend


I have just looked at your pictures and albeit they may have been taken a while ago I cannot believe you think you are that fat and disgusting!!!  it really saddens me - I was expecting you to look morbidly obese the way you are talking about your body!

Personally you just look overweight to me - believe me I have seen far far worse - and I think you are being very hard on yourself ....your belly is not huge and does not have "rolls" - nothing a diet and some light exercise wont fix! - certainly does not warrant surgery and I think if you did ask for it you would have to go private because you are not BIG enough to get NHS help !!!

You need IMO some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help you discover your key problem areas .

xxx


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

IrishEyes said:


> I don't know what your appointment is for WL but I hope that the outcome is the one that you wish for. Good luck x


Im just panicking about nothing is all, she'll be right .. tomorrow


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Hope you are OK Lills!  xxxx


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> Hope you are OK Lills!  xxxx


I am, I shouldnt have posted that, its just fear and .. well I posted a question n health so i dont derail tinks thread. Its not serious hopefully but as usual I get panicky with stuff lol.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Waterlily said:


> I am, I shouldnt have posted that, its just fear and .. well I posted a question n health so i dont derail tinks thread. Its not serious hopefully but as usual I get panicky with stuff lol.


Just read your thread hun - Im no help but are you going to docs ??? hope so! get it checked out ....sure its nothing to worry about but the more you think and dont act the worse you will feel .mwahhh xxxx


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> Just read your thread hun - Im no help but are you going to docs ??? hope so! get it checked out ....sure its nothing to worry about but the more you think and dont act the worse you will feel .mwahhh xxxx


10 am in the morning : ) its just a morbid fear of mine since young of being trapped in darkness. So thats why ive over reacted, I walk to my car etc from work, literally eyes shut and every few secs open so i dont trip over lol  Its shameful when walking up a road or something or sitting with people outside, i have a hand over my forehead and eyes half closed watering like as if Ive got a hangover lol.


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Waterlily said:


> 10 am in the morning : ) its just a morbid fear of mine since young of being trapped in darkness. So thats why ive over reacted, I walk to my car etc from work, literally eyes shut and every few secs open so i dont trip over lol  Its shameful when walking up a road or something or sitting with people outside, i have a hand over my forehead and eyes half closed watering like as if Ive got a hangover lol.


I don't think it's an overreaction, the thought of anything happening to my eyesight (rubbish as it is!) is terrifying. I hope it goes well for you xx


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## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

Daft ol' mooseface x


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Waterlily said:


> 10 am in the morning : ) its just a morbid fear of mine since young of being trapped in darkness. So thats why ive over reacted, I walk to my car etc from work, literally eyes shut and every few secs open so i dont trip over lol  Its shameful when walking up a road or something or sitting with people outside, i have a hand over my forehead and eyes half closed watering like as if Ive got a hangover lol.


Its not an over-reaction hun - it would terrify me too ....but the sooner yu get it diagnosed the less you will worry is what I meant ....must be awful and if its affecting your day to day life then yes you need to get it sorted ASAP let us know how you get on xxxxx


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

myshkin said:


> I don't think it's an overreaction, the thought of anything happening to my eyesight (rubbish as it is!) is terrifying. I hope it goes well for you xx


Thank you, because its a serious thing for me, i'd choose to die over darkness xx


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## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

any way back to the thread (pft derailing thread bandit Lil's!!)

Right thought long and hard how to answer this (which for me is painful due to being an ejit)

You are never going to get the answers you are seeking because most (not inc myself) of the members of this forum are normal, rational, nice people - and will give you the normal and rational answers which you dont like - so thus you are seeking the wrong (for you) answers from the wrong people! and hence why your threads all go the same way!! ad nauseum 

As I have previously mentioned you are by far one of my non favourite forum members (by a loooong shot) but you do need help - I can not fathom why anyone needs to validate their life so much on a forum!! but thats my lack of understanding maybe more than your issues, perhaps. Whilst people say dont feed the troll etc, genuinely nice caring people will answer as its in their nature and I always feel for these on forums and thus feel you are not being fair or being thoughtful of their natures.

I find you a little self serving, self obsessed and selfish, these traits need to be addressed, when you do you might find the other things you go on about dont seem so important and you might become happy - and a professional person will help you to do this.

I find it sad that you are not happy, and one day I hope you are happy.


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## bird (Apr 2, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> A couple of people said that I should work on being happy how I am but I said I would rather pay money to be able to look how I want
> 
> If you were unhappy with how you looked, would you work on looking good or would you work on accepting how you look?


Ok I've not plowed through all these pages so..................deep breath...........

To have an operation for pure cosmetic reasons.............sorry.............I dont believe in it. Anesthetic can be on occasion dangerous, and apart from anything else, even Katie Price has stated that she wishes she had never had liposuction, as yes it removed some fat that she imagined was there its left a little mark where the procedure was carried out.

If you want your body to look a certain way, then NOTHING but NOTHING can replace the old fashioned idea of hard work, dedication and eating the right foods (with the day off for junk now and then).

Ok so you think/know that parts of your body will never be as someone elses is, well guess what you're you.  Oh trust me I'd love a flat tummy without having to resort to big "suck it in" knickers that mean you're missing in the ladies for god knows how long because they take an age to take down and lift back up (especially after a drink)  But much as I'm not fond of looking in the mirror (worse now that all these body con dresses are about) I have love handles (ok maybe suitcases) I have a scar from various ops on me "bits" that will always cause an overhang that is visible in certain clothes.

Ultimately you must learn to like yourself, lumps bumps scars an all. surgery is a very dangerous route to go down, what happens if you're not totally happy with the results, do you have another op, or if you are happy do you decide to change another part of you? If you're not careful you could end up like someone I used to work with many many moons ago. She didnt like her nose and had the first op, wasnt happy then 7 yes 7 ops on her nose later, her husband said enough. Oh and she still wasnt happy.


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## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

I think Tinks biggest problem is that she lacks a support network i.e. RL friends and family that are on tap to air her fears and woes to.

There was a time her posts drove me to grrrrrrr....but I see somebody now that just needs to have ears listening to her and a little support now and then.

I think Tinks body is the least of her problems but thats just me....Iim no psychologist ... just have dealt with people sounding like Tinks before and the low self esteem often comes from bullying or mistreatment of some kind...perhaps in childhood.

Dr Chichi over and out


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## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth... But if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. 
&#8213; Roald Dahl"


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Shadow And Lightning said:


> being happy isn't about the way you look its about how you feel on the inside, a friend of mine was size 20 and hated herself, hardly went out and all that. Then she done mad dieting and 2 years later and a heck of a lot of hard work, shes a size 12, and still hates herself. Reason - she has issues with herself regardless of how she looks and no amount of dieting or weight loss will help. Getting to the route of her self hate and insecurity is what will help, once that is eradicated, then she will find inner peace and happiness
> 
> now I still haven't read all these posts but from what I gather you hate the way you look because you are big, fair enough, but losing weight may not make you feel better about yourself. You're saying fat is disgusting etc, I disagree, being fat or being skinny doesn't make someone a good person etc, which in my opinion is a lot more important than how one looks. I was bullied when I was younger for my weight, for my skin colour etc etc and as I got older I came to realise it was them cowards with the problems not me.
> 
> I don't think losing weight will automatically solve your problems, maybe getting some professional help on self worth will help. It may not work for you, but dieting and losing weight may not make you happy. *If you cant be happy with the way you are now, then you may not ever be happy if you change your weight, happiness isn't about what is on the outside and I think a lot of people need to realise that instead of changing everything about themselves thinking it will bring happiness cause it doesn't always work like that*


Looks are part of it though, as I have to look in the mirror every day

And the parts of me I'm unhappy about (belly, calves, mid sized eyes, birth mark, mid matched boobs, height) I can do something about, well maybe except the height



suzy93074 said:


> I have just looked at your pictures and albeit they may have been taken a while ago I cannot believe you think you are that fat and disgusting!!!  it really saddens me - I was expecting you to look morbidly obese the way you are talking about your body!
> 
> Personally you just look overweight to me - believe me I have seen far far worse - and I think you are being very hard on yourself ....your belly is not huge and does not have "rolls" - nothing a diet and some light exercise wont fix! - certainly does not warrant surgery and I think if you did ask for it you would have to go private because you are not BIG enough to get NHS help !!!
> 
> ...


It's very nice of you to say but my BMI is 40.something which is technically morbidly obese



chichi said:


> I think Tinks biggest problem is that she lacks a support network i.e. RL friends and family that are on tap to air her fears and woes to.
> 
> There was a time her posts drove me to grrrrrrr....but I see somebody now that just needs to have ears listening to her and a little support now and then.
> 
> ...


Nope not bullying or mistreatment


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Looks are only part of you tink. I had a friend called Amanda , she was 39 ,2 children, hubby. She was very slim. She went to bed one night and never woke up. I bet given the chance she'd happily gain a few pounds and have her life back. Be thankful for what you have at this moment. A life.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

It's almost like some of you are saying I should be happy fat


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## Toby Tyler (Feb 17, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's almost like some of you are saying I should be happy fat


Let's not keep going over this Tink. Yes, you should be happy and accept yourself as you are. Fat or no, disability or no,_ pan or no_ 

AND you should strive to be the best you can be like you are now doing. When you achieve your goals you will start becoming more happy, more with yourself for doing it than the superficial stuff that goes along with it.

Even if for now you have to *pretend* to like yourself until it becomes second nature. And it will if you practice it. Go back to the thread that kicked this off. That's the Tink you CAN be! But first you must let go of who you think you are in order to become that.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

I'm not going to like myself until I like what I see but I will use this to spur me on


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's almost like some of you are saying I should be happy fat


No, I wouldn't say that, overweight isn't healthy. And I wouldn't be happy with lots of extra weight, because of how it would affect my energy, movement and strength. And how I look, I will be totally honest. 
Just that it seems that your concern with weight is entirely based on appearance. Looks don't last, one day ( if you are lucky ) you will be 80. You will not have a perfect flat tum then. But if you've taken care of yourself, you can be fit and active and still enjoy all the things that have always made you happy.

Dunno what else to say, really. Lose weight for your health, I'm down with that. But like others, I don't think it will fix anything, you need to start caring for yourself for that to happen.


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Liking yourself and not liking being overweight are two completely different things. 

Your 'self' - is the inner you, the you that has personality. That is separate from physical appearance. 

Using weight will only affect the surface. It won't affect the real you underneath. 

I'm quite over weight, I really dislike the flob that encompasses me. But it isn't ME. I like me. I like almost all aspects of my personality. I am trying to lose weight, but having CFS it's very hard. But that doesn't matter. It doesn't define me.


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

Weight has nothing to do with _who_ you are.

I have put on loads of weight since this time last year. I don't like the weight, I dont particularly like what I see in the mirror, but I _do_ like who I am as a person. That doesnt change with my weight.

My best friend died when we were 27 - we had been best friends since age 5. When she died her son was 7 months old. She thought she was overweight too. But she didnt let it define her. She was happy to be who she was, whatever she weighed.

I took her mum a bouquet of flowers on 20th July. I do that every year, as that was Sams birthday. Her son is now 15 years old and doesnt remember her, apart from what he hears from me, and her family. I guess what he hears from _me_ is more the real Sam :blush:

He would be happy to have her in his life whatever she weighed. And so would I, and the rest of her family.

You are _not_ defined by what you weigh, or what you look like in a crop top and a pair of tight shorts.

You have to learn to like _who you are_ Tink, and that doesnt correspond to what you look like!


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

myshkin said:


> No, I wouldn't say that, overweight isn't healthy. And I wouldn't be happy with lots of extra weight, because of how it would affect my energy, movement and strength. And how I look, I will be totally honest.
> Just that it seems that your concern with weight is entirely based on appearance. Looks don't last, one day ( if you are lucky ) you will be 80. You will not have a perfect flat tum then. But if you've taken care of yourself, you can be fit and active and still enjoy all the things that have always made you happy.
> 
> Dunno what else to say, really. Lose weight for your health, I'm down with that. But like others, I don't think it will fix anything, you need to start caring for yourself for that to happen.


I can see what you are saying but I do think it will fix things



spid said:


> Liking yourself and not liking being overweight are two completely different things.
> 
> Your 'self' - is the inner you, the you that has personality. That is separate from physical appearance.
> 
> ...


I like my personality, I wish I was less shy but in getting better with that

Good luck with your weight loss


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

Lavenderb said:


> Looks are only part of you tink. I had a friend called Amanda , she was 39 ,2 children, hubby. She was very slim. She went to bed one night and never woke up. I bet given the chance she'd happily gain a few pounds and have her life back. Be thankful for what you have at this moment. A life.


This forum lost a precious member called Angel because she couldnt see what we ALL could see, she was seeing the outer, her weight which was actually perfect as she was, its a disorder and a devastating one, I do hope tinks realises this now.


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's almost like some of you are saying I should be happy fat


No tink we are not, we are sharing with you personal reasons why you should accept yourself as you are, and just focus on eating three healthy meals, exercise (howver you can) and sleep enough, drink enough water......That is all you have to do. The rest is just pot luck with the body we get, we are the only ones that know ourselves genuinely deep down, so we should be kinder to ourselves.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tincan said:


> when i look in a mirror ...... I see my mother ....... No amount of surgery would help that


I see my mam and my grannie - and I love it.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's almost like some of you are saying I should be happy fat


No - you should be happy that you are alive, and have contact with supportive people through this network, even if nowhere else, and that people care enough about you to make suggestions despite the fact that you shrug them off.

What I think (and I'm NOT a psychologist, so I could well be wrong).

1 - You do NOT have BDD

2 - You DO have an excessive need for attention - even negative attention

3 - You are NOT prepared to even think about most of the suggestions which people make - and some of these suggestions are made by people who know what they are talking about

4 - You DO need some form of therapy e.g. CBT. Although you say that you don't have a mental health problem, you are unhealthily fixated on your tummy. You appear to be self-sabotaging (and ALL of us do that to some extent) and although many forms of therapy are aimed at finding the SUBCONSCIOUS reason for our problems (i.e., the reasons that we aren't even aware of) CBT just helps us to learn different responses to our immediate problems. It isn't years of work and having to face things that we're afraid of - but it is hard work breaking the habitual cycle we've got into without thinking.

5 - If you like Arnie and Sly that's your business (though they certainly do nothing for me, but the blokes I like probably wouldn't do anything for you) - we like who we like. And that's life.

6 - Your original question was (I think) what did we think of the clothes the models were wearing because you wanted to wear that sort of clothing. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be seen dead in stuff like that, even in the gym, and even if I was back to my pre-baby weight of 6 and a half stones. I certainly wouldn't go out in public in that type of clothes, though many young girls do.

'Nuff said.


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I'm not going to like myself until I like what I see


No, you wont....
I once managed to lose half my body weight through diet and exercise and was a healthy and fit looking size 8. Should of been happy, right?
Nope. I still felt fat and I still looked ugly. I obssessed over the bits I couldnt change and consequently put all the weight back on. Changing your appearance wont make you happier unless you can change how you think about yourself first. Just wish I had stopped worrying about what I looked like and appreciated how fit and healthy I was at the time instead.


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## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

lostbear said:


> I see my mam and my grannie - and I love it.


You would'nt if you saw my Mother ....... mind you they always said i was the coalmans daughter


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## Shadow And Lightning (Jan 18, 2012)

I recently fell out with my cousin over her obsession with her weight
she said to me "I wish I was dead rather than be this fat, im gonna save money to get it all removed it makes me sick" heartless to say the least considering she said it 3 days after I lost my best friend to a cancer battle.. but she couldn't care less, all that matters is her cause she loves attention

anyway that aside, her comment about saving money to get rid of it really really pissed me off, shes the same size as me, maybe a bit bigger, im a size 18, but I am happy, regardless of how I look I am happy because we aren't promised tomorrow, so why the hell should I sit here obsessing about my weight my looks bla bla bla when im just thankful I have been allowed another day

I do need to lose weight, for the health side of things as diabetes and heart issues are common in my family so my added weight increases the chances of that, but with it being Ramadan I have piled the pounds on again but i'll get there, but I wont let myself become obsessed with it that I push people away and forget the real me in the process

I may not be miss skinny minny but I have something a lot more important than a thin body and that's real happiness, real friends etc and most of all I have life

just learn to appreciate what you have, yes lose weight but do it healthily and be patient, you strike me as the type of person that would get highly depressed if a diet didn't work for you etc - I may be wrong but that's the picture im getting. You may eventually lose weight but that means absolutely nothing if you don't feel happy within, happiness isn't anything with outwardly image, when I was thinner I actually didn't like myself. Then I piled on the pounds still didn't like myself and my weight has just fluctuated but that didn't affect how I felt about myself. It has only been since ive learnt to like myself as a person that ive been happy, nothing to do with how I look


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tincan said:


> You would'nt if you saw my Mother ....... mind you they always said i was the coalmans daughter


Hahahahaha!:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Shadow And Lightning said:


> I recently fell out with my cousin over her obsession with her weight
> she said to me "I wish I was dead rather than be this fat, im gonna save money to get it all removed it makes me sick" heartless to say the least considering she said it 3 days after I lost my best friend to a cancer battle.. but she couldn't care less, all that matters is her cause she loves attention
> 
> anyway that aside, her comment about saving money to get rid of it really really pissed me off, shes the same size as me, maybe a bit bigger, im a size 18, but I am happy, regardless of how I look I am happy because *we aren't promised tomorrow,* so why the hell should I sit here obsessing about my weight my looks bla bla bla when im just thankful I have been allowed another day
> ...


Again - so true. Happiness comes from within - and it comes when you stop obsessing about yourself and think of others.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Waterlily said:


> No tink we are not, we are sharing with you personal reasons why you should accept yourself as you are, and just focus on eating three healthy meals, exercise (howver you can) and sleep enough, drink enough water......That is all you have to do. The rest is just pot luck with the body we get, we are the only ones that know ourselves genuinely deep down, so we should be kinder to ourselves.


I've accepted myself as I am for years, why do you think I weigh almost 16 stone?

Oh you're ok Tink, you aren't that fat, you don't need to lose weight etc etc etc

I had convinced myself that I didn't want to lose weigh and in a way I don't, in a ideal world I would be this weight and size but be mostly muscle with a low body fat but that ain't going to happen

So since that wasn't going to happen I had convinced myself it was better I be fat than to lose weight

I've basically been lying to myself for years



lostbear said:


> No - you should be happy that you are alive, and have contact with supportive people through this network, even if nowhere else, and that people care enough about you to make suggestions despite the fact that you shrug them off.
> 
> What I think (and I'm NOT a psychologist, so I could well be wrong).
> 
> ...


1) thank you, don't think I do either

2) not really no

3) I'm taking in most of the suggestions actually

4) I might seem obsessed on my tummy because its the worst part of me and its a part of me that can be fixed

Speaking to a councillor will not stop me wanting a smaller tummy because my tummy is unhealthy! It is 14 inches (at the smallest part) bigger than what is deemed healthy for a female

5) fair enough

6) my original question was should we be happy with what "god" gave us or should we try to better ourselves



catz4m8z said:


> No, you wont....
> I once managed to lose half my body weight through diet and exercise and was a healthy and fit looking size 8. Should of been happy, right?
> Nope. I still felt fat and I still looked ugly. I obssessed over the bits I couldnt change and consequently put all the weight back on. Changing your appearance wont make you happier unless you can change how you think about yourself first. Just wish I had stopped worrying about what I looked like and appreciated how fit and healthy I was at the time instead.


I will, my weight is a problem that makes me unhappy, lose the weight, I will be happier, I'm certainly no going to be happy staying how I am!



Shadow And Lightning said:


> I recently fell out with my cousin over her obsession with her weight
> she said to me "I wish I was dead rather than be this fat, im gonna save money to get it all removed it makes me sick" heartless to say the least considering she said it 3 days after I lost my best friend to a cancer battle.. but she couldn't care less, all that matters is her cause she loves attention
> 
> anyway that aside, her comment about saving money to get rid of it really really pissed me off, *shes the same size as me, maybe a bit bigger, im a size 18, but I am happy*, regardless of how I look I am happy because we aren't promised tomorrow, so why the hell should I sit here obsessing about my weight my looks bla bla bla when im just thankful I have been allowed another day
> ...


Sorry for the loss of your best friend, your cousin was really insensitive saying what she did

I don't get the bold comment though, you are more of less saying that because you are happy being that size then she should be too  or have I misunderstood


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## Shadow And Lightning (Jan 18, 2012)

> I don't get the bold comment though, you are more of less saying that because you are happy being that size then she should be too or have I misunderstood


no what I am saying is, happiness has nothing to do with how big someone is as if this was the case then all bigger people would be miserable and hate themselfs.

_Posted from Petforums.co.uk App for Android_


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Shadow And Lightning said:


> no what I am saying is, happiness has nothing to do with how big someone is as if this was the case then all bigger people would be miserable and hate themselfs.
> 
> _Posted from Petforums.co.uk App for Android_


But happiness is personal though, what makes some happy wont make others happy

And looks are a part of it for some people

Some people are happy being big, some aren't


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

And some people will never be happy, with what they have. Because they won't even try.... The grass is rarely greener. 

Before anyone can help you. You have to help yourself. You and only you can do that.


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## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MissShelley said:


> And some people will never be happy, with what they have. Because they won't even try.... The grass is rarely greener.
> 
> Before anyone can help you. You have to help yourself. You and only you can do that.


I am helping myself, that's why I'm losing weight because that's a part I'm not happy about


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I am helping myself, that's why I'm losing weight because that's a part I'm not happy about


Lol.

That is all.....


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## purpleskyes (May 24, 2012)

On the other side of the coin even skinny people have body issues so if you do lose the weight and get down to the size doesn't mean you will be happy.

I am only a size 6 and had my body fat tested during the week and even though I am medically classed as underweight with a BMI of 17 my body fat is 26%. Which is the healthy range anything 30% + is classed as having too much fat. 

They then told me I can't put on anymore fat and if I did put on weight it would have to be muscle mass only. 

I am not happy with my body! I would love bigger boobs, a flatter stomach, less love handles. I may join a gym to get my body fat down a little bit and look abit more toned. 

I don't obess over it though at the end of the day I have a man that loves me for me, friends that are there when I need them and I am there when they need me and a lovely family. Those are the important things in life oh and the dog can't forget him.


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