# Unaffectionate cat



## Kerrigannn (Jul 10, 2012)

Well, I wouldn't say he's completely unaffectionate.. He wouldn't ever come to me for fuss, and he doesn't like being picked up. He only seems to like me when I'm feeding him! But he's quite happy to let me pet him and scratch his head (and quite bossy about where he likes it) 

What can I do to get him to be more affectionate? Is this just a personality thing? Or just a phase? He'll be 2 years in August.


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## skip (Sep 25, 2011)

Hi,some cats are just more affectionate than others,a bit like people, have you had him long


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## Kerrigannn (Jul 10, 2012)

Hmm, his mum was a lot like that, but can personality be passed to offspring? I've known him all his life.


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## Kiwi (Nov 18, 2010)

My cat was like that (she asopted us 2 yrs ago when she was ca 15 months). She still doesn't like to be picked up or manhandled but she does jump onto my lap at bedtime and also follows me to bed & sleeps with me. She loves a cuddle face-to-face in the morning but after food just clears off again. If you don't expect any fuss, she could surprise you by coming to you on her own terms, which is even more special. I'd just play by her rules & let her come to you  x


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Some cats are just rather aloof and independant. 

As you have known your cat all his life I think he is unlikely to change his ways now. You could try using bribery (treats) to get him to come over to you more, but he may just eat the bribe and clear off!  

Is he your only cat? I have found some cats are more outgoing if they share their house with another cat. Though it may be difficult to introduce a strange cat to him now he is past kittenhood, and he could even be a cat that actually prefers being an *only* cat. 

Do you play with him a lot? With Da Bird or wand-type type toys? He may be more willing to interact with you through play.


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## scatchy (Nov 29, 2011)

Cats have their own individual personalities and he may not be openly affectionate, but as you say, he can enjoy some fuss.
If he won't come to you, then you will have to go to him and encourage him to interact with you.
If he rejects your advances I think you should just accept him as he is.


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

This is what my boy moggy is like - completely aloof and affection only in his terms - we love him for his individuality. We are just there to feed him and give the occasional head scratch to!


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## Lunabuma (Dec 12, 2011)

Ah an aloof puss! I love 'em . You could get him a friend to compete for your affections with.


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## Guest (Jul 14, 2012)

I find with the rescued kittens, if they get a lot of handling as babies, they are much more cuddly and humancentric...


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## Kyria (Oct 29, 2011)

Your cat has the exact same personality as my cat Tipsy. He adopted us last summer so we didnt have him from a tiny kitten, he is now 16 months old.

We have another kitten too now, Nemo is a very affectionate kitten he has never bitten or scratched any of us unlike Tipsy, he just loves his cuddes and lies on his back for a tummy rub, also runs in to greet you if you have been out. He is totally amazing little fella, more like a puppy than a kitten..I hope he doesnt change.


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## Knightofalbion (Jul 3, 2012)

Yes, but you never truly own a cat. They allow you into their lives - and often only on their terms!

Dealing with unaffectionate cats: Reinforcing the link between you and food is probably the best thing anyone can do. i.e. let them ask for food, rather than just put it down for them. 
The other thing I would suggest for anyone in this situation is to try giving their coat a rub down with a soft glove. Long, soft strokes. Reminds them of being mothered, so a form of bonding.


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## ejrogers (Sep 7, 2009)

Sounds exactly like my 3 yr old female might Gizmo. She is not overly affectionate and only wants affection on her terms. She will jump up on the bed in the morning for a quick cuddle then she's off, likewise in the evening, but she doesn't like being picked up and will only let you stroke her when she wants!
But I will say, she does seem to be getting slightly more affectionate as she gets older, a bit more each time. I think you just have to accept them as they are, there's no point forcing them to be affectionate, they'll come to you as they please.


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## Midnight13 (Jun 20, 2012)

cat versus human <---sigh!!

This is why you need two! My Nelson didn't have an owner as a kitten as far as anyone knew, he was only rescued after an RTA. He had no idea what knees were for, or windowsills even. He learned SO fast when we got the giant Bumble boy, because Bumble is all over us huffing and kneading and purring and drooling... Nelson kind of follows him about taking notes :lol:

Your case might be different though, because you've given him human affection all his life....


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## Kerrigannn (Jul 10, 2012)

I guess I just have a strange cat!  I started picking him up from the moment I could (my girlfriend at the time's cats were having kittens, and I picked Max the second I saw him ) I always try and show him I'm friendly by slowly closing my eyes, and sometimes he does it back, but most of the time he doesn't like looking at me when my face is near his.. is that to be worried about? 

Thanks for all your advice and anecdotes, guys!


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## NEW2CATS (Aug 28, 2009)

ejrogers said:


> Sounds exactly like my 3 yr old female might Gizmo. She is not overly affectionate and only wants affection on her terms. She will jump up on the bed in the morning for a quick cuddle then she's off, likewise in the evening, but she doesn't like being picked up and will only let you stroke her when she wants!
> But I will say, she does seem to be getting slightly more affectionate as she gets older, a bit more each time. I think you just have to accept them as they are, there's no point forcing them to be affectionate, they'll come to you as they please.


how spooky I was just about to write about my Gizmo girl who is certainly getting more affectionte as she gets older. my Gizmo is 4 though


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