# Help needed with our kitten



## l8onmw (Apr 27, 2011)

Hi


my name is Steph and I am looking for some advice about my beloved Winston, he is 7 months old norwegian forest cat and has been with us since December 2010. Both me and my partner Leighton adore him, the only problem we have is that he doesn't seem to return the love, he wont let us handle him in anyway,let alone allow us to pick him up or pet him. We have been trying all sorts of techniques and have searched the Internet for advice as well as speaking to the breeder and vets. We are still experiencing problems with Winston and I can't tell you how much it upsets me not to be able to pet my Winston and to see other cat owners petting and playing with their feline friends its unfair. 

As I said we love Winston and would do absolutely anything to ensure his happiness, but I am worried that he won't ever take to me or my partner and we are concerned about being able to look after him properly. I have longed so much to be able to sit him on my lap and comb his coat to a pristine condition, just simple things that any cat lover would want to do. 

It breaks my heart to see him play so happily with me and then frightfully disappear everytime I have tried to stroke him or attempt to pick him up. My partner is the same, although Winston does seem to behave in a calmer and relaxed manner when it is just Winston and myself, no idea why. 
Here are some of the things we have tried to help him relax and let us handle him.
I am gobsmacked that none seem to have worked in any way.

When Winston first arrived we ensured he was left in a secure room as advised, we left him with his dry food (supplied by breeder) litter tray and fresh water. He took straight to the litter tray.


We spent the next few days visiting him every so often and spending time in the room with him, so he could get to know us. 
I tried to coax him to me on some occasions but every time I went near him he fled in terror. I just thought it was just because he was still a bit scared, after all we had 
taken him from his mum and the only place he knew as home. I expected him to be a little weary for a while.

After a few days of me repeating the visits and attempts to bond with him, I left the door open in the room, and sure enough he ventured down and explored the living room, he seemed quite happy to play with his string and stick with me so I got him to play and was delighted. I then tried again to pet him and he would, as always dart away. This kind of behaviour continued, sometimes he would let me stroke him for a moment some times he wouldn't. I must mention at this point looking on the Internet for advice on introducing a kitten in to the home. We had been looking and watching these kind of videos well before we had Winston, we just thought there could be more out there. We had soon come to realise that maybe we had gone about the situation completely wrong. We researched the internet and I must say the advice is good out there assuming you can Handle and touch your cat in the first place. We weren't even there yet! I was at this point devastated as so many people were saying that it was to late and if your kitten hadn't taken to you in the first few weeks it never would. There were also many people saying to be patient and it will come in time, the truth is i think we are moving backwards not forwards in progressing with Winston. 

Over the coming months we tried to bond with him in different ways, it seems the only way we can interact is playing together, which he is brilliant at, he loves it when I sit a the top of the stairs with him at the bottom peaking up waiting for me to throw one of his mice toys, he plays with anything we give him, and he is great. I can get really close to him but God forbid I attempt to tickle his tummy or stroke his back or behind the ears! What weegie doesn't enjoy that! I feel like I have done something seriously wrong to the poor guy and he has no way of telling me.

We feed him in the morning before work, he now gets a pouch of Whiskers kitten food (tuna is his favourite), along with a bowl of Royal Canin Kitten36 and fresh water, he normally finishes the wet food by the time we come home and has some dry food left. He gets fed again around 6 and then what ever he doesn't eat straight away he comes back to throughout the evening, normally everything is gone. He gets special treats of chicken when we cook one. He will quite happily eat bits of chicken and treats from my hand very nicely in fact, he follows you everywhere around the house, and is continually making me laugh with some of the things he gets up. I love him so much, we both do.

He seems so happy in everyway, but not enough that he will let us near him. I find this very strange especially as we have now had him since December 2010, and you would think he would have settle in by now. Does anyone think we had him at the wrong age, he was 13 weeks and had received all his injections. 

I forgot to add he let me hold him when I was with the breeder, he was so well behaved and sat so well in my arms, however the breeder fetched him from behind the settee as if he was shying away, I was distracted by the cuteness of the other kittens and didn't notice this but my partner did notice a significant difference between his timid behaviour compared to his brothers and sisters. I assumed he was just a shy fellow, he was quiet in the house and he was a little shakey during the journey home, and hissed at me a few times when i tried to comfort him, we thought this was ok seen as what he had been through. I just wanted him to see that he was safe. 

We do think he may have had a temperature when we had him or the change of environment made him bad or something as we had to take him to the vet after a week of having him as we noticed his poo wasn't solid, so we enticed him into his carrier and got him down there, the vet examined him and because we were unable still to handle him he had got himself into a bit of a mes, the vet tided him up and we were told he had diarrhea and a bit of a sore tongue, he was also slightly underweight, presumably because he was ill, the vet gave us some medicine which we gave to him and he soon got better. We thought maybe this was the reason he hadn't taken to us, because he was unwell, nope. No change he was still running everytime we came near. 

The other thing I should mention regarding the vet is that the second time he went back to the vets after taking his course of medicine, there was a different vet who instead of talking to him and approaching him carefully like the previous vet (who handled him very well and didn't seem to affect him much) she stuck her head right into his carrier making him uneasy, then he ended up having a thermometer up his bottom, could this have caused him trauma and be the reason why he doesn't like being handled, it brings back bad memories for him.

After returning from the vets the first time, we were advised to bath him straight away, which we did, we had left him in his carrier as he seemed a bit shaken from his recent vet encounter (even though she was the nice vet he was still very shakey). We then were fortunate enough to be able to bath him in the sink, he was very calm and even sat while we dried him off, I kept talking to him telling him how good he was, we left him to be after that. Why did he let us handle him then? we haven't been able to do this since. 

We have tried a couple of different Pheromone sprays, including plug-ins and hand sprays designed to calm a cat before handling, he is very interested the first few times and sniffs around you but will run the moment you move to touch him. 
We have sat in enclosed rooms with him, without distractions hoping he would see that we pose no threat and just want to look after him. We have tried cat nip, all kinds of treats which he loves and is willing to take but the moment we try and touch him game over he's off! We spend as much time with him as we can, our work is flexible and often I am able to spend the afternoon with him on my own as well as evenings and weekends. I think he gets the right balance of Independence and attention. 

He hasn't been neutered yet, which makes me question if his behaviour towards us would change once he has been or will this make him worse. I wouldn't say he is an aggressive kitten, he is certainly playful and shows normal kitten behaviour apart from the handling part, he struts about the house confidently and isn't afraid to sit next to us. He seems to be used to people around the house and is fine with the few he knows, he tends to shy away at people he doesn't know, but often gets up the courage to come and see whats going on if we leave him to it.

I can't see how he doesn't know that all we want to do is look after him, he must know that by now, the treats and attention we give him would make other cats envious. As his food bowl suggests he is most definitely the boss. I apologise for this epic novel of a post. we are now desperate in our attempt to get Winston's approval. Some people have said about re homing him, the thought of that breaks my heart and I don't think I could bare the thought of not waking up every day and seeing his little furry face peeking over the end of the bed, signalling to me that its breakfast time! I beg for any ones advice or assurance this 
can be resolved and its not the end of the world. I feel that we are the only people having this problem. No one I have spoken to can believe he is still this fearful of us, we don't know what we can do for him or how to prove to him we are not going to hurt him, I worry his coat will get damaged and become ruined and i don't want that for him!
We have contemplated getting another kitten, again will Winston be able be around another cat or will this cause more harm than good. If he sees another cat being groomed and fussed will he change his mind about us? 

He is an indoor cat, although we have brought him a harness recently, and I would happily parade him outside,but as he won't let us pick him up i can't get him in the harness. 
We have a great garden for him to play in and he would be able to bask in the sun watching me garden or take him for a stroll down the lane, he is missing out on so much and unfortunately when I explain this to him he doesn't understand me! 

I think we've told you everything help where did we go wrong!


----------



## Dally Banjo (Oct 22, 2009)

Hi Steph & welcome to the mad house 

So sorry to read your post  13 weeks is the right age so he should have been well socialised at his breeders, does he have the run of the house now?

You could try a Feliway plug in they are pretty good at calming, he may be better whan he is neuterd or he may just be one of these cats that does'nt want to be stroked  its very hard I know we have a moggy who hates all humans  he's 13 now but will get on our bed at night & Im allowed to stroke him in the dark :blink: or if he is snuggled up with our old fella he'l tolerate a few strokes  we find that if we ignore him ie dont look at him but still talk to him he will sit in the same room & purr away or join in with the others when we are playing with them but he's always been like this, dont be to disheartend hopefully your boy will settle. x


----------



## popoki (Dec 28, 2010)

What a sad post. 

He's a lovely looking cat! I'm no expert at all but agree that neutering him would be a good idea (at 7 months he's more than ready for it) and I'd get the vet to give him a good check over to make sure it's not pain that's causing him to hate being picked up.

Have you tried lying or sitting on the floor and reading or talking out loud and not making eye contact with him? Curiosity killed the cat and all that, he might just come over to see what you're doing.

He does sound like a happy little kitten playing with you and coming to see you in the morning, he might just lack a little bit of confidence.


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

I can sympathize with you and fully understand you wanting your kitten to be happy to be stroked and picked up,sadly not all cats are comfortable with this.Apart from this aspect of his behaviour he seems perfectly happy and relaxed.I agree having him neutered may help it certainly should not make things worse.My Ragdoll loves to be picked up and carried like baby.Will normally allow lots of stroking,ear scratching and tolerates being groomed,But,He also will bite ,sometimes quite viciously and does have some behaviour problems .What I am trying to say is there are no rules in cat behaviour,cats make the rules we either accept or we dont but they wont change their rules to suit us.Just carry on showing your kitten all the love and affection you are doing now ,who knows one day he might surprise you.


----------



## Guest (Apr 27, 2011)

He is a stunning looking cat, and yes sadly some kitties just don't like to be picked up or petted, firstly I wouldn't even attempt to pick him up unless you really really have too, many cats are four paws on the floor type and I would go with the suggestion of not making eye contact but talking to him lots, don't make sudden movement just move about slowly and gently and sitting on the floor reading a book aloud is a good way to let him come to you, also if/when he comes to you don't touch him to start off with just do everything at his pace although treats can be very helpful at times. 

My girl cats hates to be picked up and will run away from me or my husband but when she wants fusses she really wants fusses and will wail at me to stroke her but if you go to pick her up she off under the bed, she'll climb on my lap and go to sleep but if I try to put her on there she's off and won't come near me and sleeps on my feet most nights but it's all her choice and if I push her too far by picking her up or trying to get her to do something she will glare at me and ignore me for a day or two, but that is the nature of cats and you can't ever know what you are going get, but neutering may well help but it takes a few months I think for all the hormones to disappear so it's not an instant fix.


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

Hi, hes a beauty, i dont have any pedigrees, just a plain moggie, i agree with whats been said above, cats are so finiky when it cimes to certain things, jet loves to jump on the bed, he sits on my OH chest, as near to his face as he can, even this morning my OH was sleeping on his side and the bugger was still lying on him, even patting his cheek with his paw . He will snuggle in between us and turn onto his back so he can have a belly rub. He'll jump up on the settee and snuggle in, but he will not sit on your lap no matter what you do. 

My old cat was was a lapaholic cat, as soo as you sat down she was there, you didnt even have chance to get comfy first. Every cat is different and our Jet is definitely not a lap cat


----------



## l8onmw (Apr 27, 2011)

A big thank you for everyone's replies! 

I'm very grateful for the immediate response, its comforting to know other people can relate, and that there is a forum like this to share those feelings and experiences. 

I understand its an ongoing process that takes time, and if Winston just insn't all that partial to beein handled then thats ok, there is so much more to him. His pictures are a fragment of his cuteness! Maybe given time and continued love from the both of us he will let his guard down to us, I must say even though we haven't had any luck picking him up his overall confidence has improved since we had him. 

We are going to have him neutered as soon as we can get him to the vet. Thats our next dilemma. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to entice him into his carrier? Not sure how to go about this, he cottons on to things pretty quick and won't be fooled often. If any one has tips on this aspect please do share. 

Again thank you for your help so far, we will keep you posted on his progress.

Steph and Leighton :001_smile:


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

l8onmw said:


> A big thank you for everyone's replies!
> 
> I'm very grateful for the immediate response, its comforting to know other people can relate, and that there is a forum like this to share those feelings and experiences.
> 
> ...


The only tip I can offer is that you leave the carrier lying in the room you use most and put a nice soft blanket in it and encourage him to use it as a bed.If he see's it as a "piece of furniture" he may be less wary of it.You could also try putting treats in the carrier for him to"find".Meeko's carrier is lying "with its door removed " in the living room and he uses it from time to time to "hide" in or sleep in.You could try this Bestpet Pharmacy - -Feliway Spray (Travel Size) It can help to make carriers /scratch posts ect more attractive to cats.


----------



## Marley boy (Sep 6, 2010)

how fustrating  sounds like you have done everything right. My dads cat is pure evil (im not over reacting) he will actively chase after you and bite and scratch you. I freeze to the spot if he walks past me. He also has 666 pattern in his fur, not joking  so it could be worse lol


----------



## Aurelia (Apr 29, 2010)

Bless him and bless you and your OH.

He doesn't sound like he's been very well socialised when he was with the breeder  What a shame!

As Popoki has suggested, try lying on your front on the floor and reading aloud but softly. Put animation into your voice and he will become interested  One thing my little Itty loves is when I sing to her! She actually comes and nuzzles me when I sing.

The other thing is ... it sounds like he is left alone for a long time during the day. Not only that but he only gets fed twice a day? Any battle you have for affection will be hampered by both things I'm afraid. Have you considered getting him a playmate? Not only may it bring him out of himself, but he would also have company during those long days. Just in case you didn't realise but kittens, up until they are about 1 year old should be fed as much as they can eat. Also please pop over to the food and nutrition section and have a look through the A-Z of wet foods, there are better foods that might help fill his tummy a bit better 

Since you've had him have you had an extended holiday from work where you've spent perhaps a whole 2 weeks at home with him? This could also be very beneficial to creating your bond.


----------



## louise cat crazy lady (Feb 1, 2011)

one of my cats Samson hates being touched. He basically just lives in our house and eats his food. We get nothing back from him  He does however love our other cats and will happily play and cuddle up with them. I think you should get a kitten for him


----------



## catzz (Apr 8, 2010)

As the others have said, it could just be that he doesn't like being handled? Gypsy will happily be picked up and fussed and loves belly rubs but only very rarely does laps. Kiera will jump on my lap and snuggle around but does not like being picked up at all. Also if you try to stroke her when she's up to something else, she's off like a shot. Like all cats (I imagine) they're both very much everything on their own terms.


----------



## Emma-Jayne (Apr 23, 2011)

I'm sorry for your situation I know it's hard. My prev cat Ashley would only be stroked when she wanted to be usualy at 3am 
My Moriarty who is 3 is a very timid and loving cat who loves to be stroked and cuddled but only with me. He grows trust very slowly.

This may help. Moriarty will only let my visiting family stroke him if they hold their hand out palms down fingers forward first so he can smell then he will head but the hand to say "ok you can stroke me". They have to do this every time even after sooo long. Maybe worth a go.

Some cats don't like to be stroked but I'm sure that Winston loves you x

Emz


----------

