# How long does it take a cat to settle?!



## Drewa

I've just (3 weeks ago) got am 8 month old BSH neutered male cat. I visited him for several weeks before he came to me because I was moving and didn't want him to have the upset of a new home twice. At the visits he played happily with me and seemed very confident but he is a changed cat now. I should add that he had lived all his life before in the home where he was born, with his litter mates, his mother and several other cats. 

Since he came he has become very scared and stressed. I have only managed to engage him in play a very few times and have stroked him twice! He spends most of each day under the TV stand where I can't see him, let alone get to him! Luckily he seems to be eating and using his litter tray, both probably at night when I'm in bed. I even had his brother over for 10 days to see if that would help - it didn't seem to at the time, but I can't deny he's regressed since his brother left. The breeder has offered the brother to me at a knock down price, but to be honest I don't want two cats.

How long could it be before he settles? Am I being too impatient? Should I leave him to his own devices or try to encourage him to come out and make friends? As you can imagine I have spent a fair bit already on him and things for him in anticipation and it is breaking my heart that I can't seem to make a relationship or show him how loved he is. In desperation I have just ordered a Feliway diffuser but if that doesn't work I think either I will have to take the brother too or just return him to the breeder.


----------



## sarahdisco

Hi,

Dont give up on the little mite just yet... Time is a great healer with these things.

The feliway should really help. It works wonders to calm Spartacus down (she's an anxious cat so it helps with visitors etc).

We had a similar situation with Hercules. He settled in quickly (about 20 minutes!!!) but within a few days developed cat flu. With the vet visit, antibiotic drops, ear drops and eye ointment and the fact he was quarantined away from Spartacus he became quite scared of us! I found that putting our dirty washing in his room, putting the radio on (talk radio turned low) and bribery worked wonders. So, to get a treat, he'd have to come to you, to be fed; he has to be in the same room so, you close yourself in his room and be there when you feed him.. I'd put the dish down, and hang around talking to him. That way he gets the idea that your ace!

Just keep interacting with him. He'll come round. Also, two are brill. We started off with one and ended up getting another six months later!


----------



## Taylorbaby

flippin heck return to the breeder?? calm down!!! NO one would have a kitten / cat /puppy / dog if they only gave it 3weeks and gave up!!!!

ive found that the british kittens take the longest to settle, cats dont like change at the best of time, his older, his left his home of 5 months and is now in strange ladies house! 

it could take anything up to 6months for him just to 'settle' so 3weeks is a toe dip in a lake!! 

just be calm, food call it 'din dins' associate treats (god british love treats!) with words 'treats!' and playtime, sit on the floor dont go up to him let him come to you etc, soon you wont even remember this and itll be fine! 

edit: i wouldnt keep bringing his bro over i think that might take even longer, he comes out of shell and brother leaves...he goes back in shell etc


----------



## Drewa

Thanks to you both for your wise advice. OK, three weeks isn't long but to a novice cat owner who had been looking forward to this for 6 weeks it seems like a lifetime! So please don't tell me off because I've read posts on here where cats are immediately friendly and going on laps and accepting of petting. My daughter got a 3 month old Ragdoll kitten 7 weeks ago and she's already ruling the house!

Regarding his brother - I didn't really think it would be helpful but the breeder seemed to think it would so I went along with it. To be honest all that seemed to happen was that they both hid from me, but didn't appear to interact. They spent their first 3 days on top of the kitchen cupboards until I blocked their path to that.

I'll let you know how the Feliway works.


----------



## Taylorbaby

lol not telling you off!

if you think that you brough him into your home and then brough his brother in...whose been brought up in the same way both will hide!

it also depends on the breeders & breed of cat, some are more outgoing than others, when my bengals arrived they come out of the carrier and played then sat on my lap!!

raggies took longer & the british took ages, it was about 3 months before I could even stroke her without her running off!!

so just take your time, newbie owners often visit kittens with me and start to say 'they wont come up to me! they hate me!' but their kittens there not used to you they need to settle!

so just take it slowly, the feliway might help as his older but still work with him!


----------



## sarahdisco

Keep talking to him in a silly sing song way, he'll get the idea eventually. Mum has a BSH and she's not the most affectionate usually but every now an then she turns into a big pile of softy cat! 

Give it time and let us know how you get on with him.

EDIT: I wish mine would hide every now and again! Hercules has been followin me ALL DAY and Spartacus is followin Hercules. I look like a crazy cat lady with a trail of cats!!!


----------



## Hendricks

Oh I know what you're going through...if you look at some of my threads you'll get some excellent pointers from people I pestered on here!

My girl took 4 weeks to come anywhere near me, and probably was 6 weeks in total before she'd happily sit on my lap. I've had her 14 weeks now and I couldn't ask for a more affectionate cat. I can do almost anything to her (open mouth, splay her claws etc) with just a happy purr.

This website helped me a lot: THE MESSYBEAST

I also highly recommend (as suggested on here): Feliway diffuser (takes a few days to work), lots of yawning (really rate this), lots of talking to kitty, interactive play (try a Cat Dancer) to get him to play with you and also reaaaaaallllly slow blinking. It all sounds a bit bizarre but I found it really worked!

Good luck, you'll get there!


----------



## Drewa

I'm feeling a bit calmer about it all today, though there's been no noticeable change in Reuben's behaviour. The Feliway arrived and has been plugged in, so here's hoping it does help him. Any idea of how big an area it covers, not that it really matters as I've managed to put it quite near to his favourite hiding place.

I have always kept chatting to him - sometimes feeling a right idiot as I "chat to the room" because to anybody watching me that's how it looks! I also say "hello" and "goodbye" and "good morning" and "goodnight" to him. Sometimes I just sit the near the TV and talk to the bit of his bottom I can see poking out! When he does appear (rarely) I do the slow blinking and yawning stuff and he is usually ok until I make even the slightest and slowest of movements. Yes, he likes his treats, especially tiny pieces of cheese. 

"If you think that you brought him into your home and then brought his brother in...whose been brought up in the same way both will hide!" How true, and possibly even genetic as since I got him I have found that his mother climbs to the highest place she can and stays there if visitors come round, though to be honest Reuben was not at all like that when I visited. 

Hercules and Spartacus - wonderful names! Are they pedigree and if so which breed? My daughter's Raggie kitten follows her all the time and I think I might find that a bit too much, so after initially thinking I would have a Raggie I changed to a BSH because I heard they were more independant but still very calm and affectionate. The other thing is that her Raggie is very vocal whereas Reuben hardly ever meows (though I expect that might change). At least it's a relief he no longer howls in the night like he did the first couple of nights he was here - that was heartrending. 

Thanks for the "Messybeast" website reminder. I had found it when I was doing my initial research about having a cat but had forgotten it and it is very good, so I am going to start reading it more thoroughly now I actually have my cat.

I'll keep you updated of any progress. When there is some I don't suppose I'll know if it's because he's just settling better with the passage of time or because of the Feliway, but I don't suppose it really matters, so long as things improve.


----------



## Hendricks

Glad you're feeling better about it, I remember thinking I'd never be able to get anywhere near my girl! She's still a bit skitty if I make a sudden movement near her, but that's improving every day.

Another few things I've remembered that might help: Felifriend spray - you spray it on your hands, it's a synthetic hormone like the Feliway diffuser and they seem to like it  

Another thing that helped when we were getting to know each other, was holding out a clenched fist towards her (have it propped up so you don't have to move) - she would bump her cheek against it and it was our first real contact, rather than the traditional stroke. A few rubs of that always settles her...though now she prefers rubbing her cheek to my nose! I use that to introduce her to strange people too, if they hold a fist out, she knows what to do! Good luck (again) - it's so worth it, and it will click at somepoint!


----------



## Taylorbaby

british are more, hmmm, its hard to think of a word, they like everything on their terms and all 4 paws on the floor, no fuss esp if they havent come to you for it! 

raggies are a bir more laidback will let you pick them up (even if they give you the evil eye!) and will happily trot along so see where your going.

although my british girl follows me everywhere aswell! 

it can be extremly stressful getting a new cat, and dis-heartened when they dont jumop into your lap and purr away, But you have to put yourself in their paws.... and see things from their point of view, just take it slow!  :thumbup:


----------



## Drewa

Small signs of improvement (or maybe big signs?) since I last wrote. Don't know if it's the Feliway magic or just him settling, but it doesn't matter which really.

Yesterday evening he was under the TV stand as usual (it's a very solid pine one and almost impossible for me to move) - maybe I should have let him stay on top of the kitchen cupboards as I hate him being where there's all these cables and wires. Anyway, I have heard him snore before, and I heard that, but then it changed and sounded more like laboured breathing. I became quite anxious and gingerly went over and managed to squeeze into a small gap where I could (with discomfort) reach out to stroke his backside, which was all that was visible. The funny breathing stopped and then a couple of minutes later a head popped out as if to stay "what do you think you're doing waking me up?". I was thrilled, and we continued to play peek-a-boo with his head popping in and out quite a bit - it was very funny. Then I reached under the TV stand when his head was in and started stroking his head gently, and let me tell you, this cat has a championship level purr!! To get that from him was like winning the lottery!

I couldn't stay in that awkward position for any longer, and figured that anyway that was enough for now, but later he came out to go under the table (he usually does that in the evening - I think it gets too hot when the TV is on!) and when I looked I got another surprise. Before I got him I had bought him a lovely wicker carrier which I wanted to leave in my front room as a bed when not in use for transport as I have a lot of cane furniture etc. When I went to collect him though I used a different borrowed carrier as I didn't want him to make bad associations with the wicker one. Not that it mattered as he has always totally ignored it! A few nights ago I put it under the table with a towel in it that had been used by his brother, plus some catnip for good measure, but he continued to ignore it until last night and there he was - in the basket!!! He got out later, but hey.......

And this morning he was in an inquisitive mood and finally climbed on the ottoman which is level with my window sill and he enjoyed looking out of the window for some 10 minutes before something spooked him and back he went to the TV! I was watching from the table at the other end of the room, but trying not to let him see I was watching. I almost stopped breathing, it was such a moving moment.


----------



## Paddypaws

Ohhh, it is great that he is starting to relax....after all it may take him a few weeks to fully train you! This hiding is all calculated you know, he needs complete surrender from his new slave. The 'difficult' cats actually often bring the most joy, because when they do turn, we know it is because they love _us_ and have chosen to give affection.
Have you got any dangly toys, or feather wands..even a piece of string or shoe lace could tempt him out of his hidey hole.....and then we need pictures please!


----------



## Drewa

I'm definitely losing it big time! First I post this in the wrong thread entirely and then double post it in the proper thread, so I've deleted it!


----------



## sarahdisco

Aww sounds like the little ice man is starting to thaw! Made up for you!:thumbup:

Peek a Boo is a fantastic game to play with them, we play it with my two all the time, they really seem to love it (particularly Hercules, who REALLY loves it). 

Slow and steady will win the race with this guy, he's just taking some time to settle. Before long he'll be driving you mad!

Love the idea that he snores too! Hercules has a purr like a diesel engine it is so loud - even wakes Spartacus up! He doesnt snore but Spartacus does - usually when she's lying on the bed with OH - they both spend the night snoring away!

It may be the Feliway working - it really is magic stuff but it should work for long enough for him to settle down.


----------



## Drewa

In reply to Paddypaws - I've got a whole basket full of toys including many with wands. His favourite is a feather and bell one that was very cheap. The dearer they are the more it seems he turns his nose up at, but maybe that's just me thinking "That cost xx and he's not even interested"! I remember one time I went to visit him I took a cheap tunnel toy with dangly bits at the end and he went crazy over it - totally ignores it since he got here, and another time I visited we had a great game with the strap on my camera. I think it's a bit like babies - things are designed to appeal to the parents (owners), so we buy them, but the baby doesn't care what it looks like or how posh its crib is - so long as it is warm and well fed it would happily sleep in a cardboard box!

I was quite bothered last night now he is beginning to settle, that he would be upset by the fireworks. Luckily they don't last that long on NY Eve and didn't appear to bother him at all (he was under the table, so I could see he was ok). The other thing that I'm a bit worried about is that my son and his wife are coming for a couple of days on Monday, and again this might make him go backwards a bit. Be interesting to see how he reacts though as my daughter-in-law is a real cat person.

Oh and by the way everybody - Happy 2011 to us and all our pussies!!


----------



## Taylorbaby

awww yah! its so nice when something happens like that 
sounds like he is relaxing now! :thumbup:


----------



## Drewa

This should be subtitled "The Agony and the Ecstasy"!! This morning (on the third anniversary of him arriving) I awoke to find a different cat!! How is it possible for one to change so much and so suddenly? We must have been playing for at least an hour and a half - he played with many of his toys, and with his tunnel and used two of the scratching thing I've provided. He also, several times, climbed up behind me on the back of the settee and allowed me to caress his head and under his chin with a look of bliss on his face (thanks to the person who suggested the clenched fist - he took to that by rubbing himself into it when he wanted more pampering). He even sat for a while looking out of the front window (which he has done a couple of times before) but was brave enough to even try the large kitchen window is an even more exciting "TV" as it overlooks people's mature gardens with plenty of birds and squirrels to watch!

And then...........oh dear...........a moment's inquisitiveness on his part whilst I was out of the room and ..........my beautiful expensive glass shaded floor lamp which I have had for years came tumbling over with an almightly crash!! I don't know which of us was the most startled! He ran off and I cleaned it all up. Even then he only hid for about 15 minutes, then was out again and on the window sill. Glad we had had the fun beforehand though as I quickly thought "a floor lamp, however beautiful, can't give me a lifetime of companionship and love". I just have to become more "cat aware".

A few questions:
Sometimes when I'm rubbing him round his head/ears he bites me - not hard or anything, just a nip. I withdraw my hand and say "no" but is this the right thing to do? Is it normal for them to do this?

Not being particularly cat aware yet I carelessly left an open (empty) packet of pork scratchings on the settee when I went to bed. He obviously was looking for what he could find and in the process ripped the pages of the TV magazine to shreds and pulled a lot of threads on the settee. Now I have noticed before that he rather likes scratching my settee, but I'm hoping this was more accidental than on purpose. He still shows absolutely no interest in the lovely tall fat scratching post I bought before he came, but today I saw him use the small one that is on the floor but slopes upwards. And the other day I bought him one of those strange-looking cardboard ones (Willow's) and he seems to have taken to that.

Finally - there was a very runny poo in his litter tray this morning (along with solid ones). I haven't changed his food or anything, so I'm a bit worried about it. I gave the litter box a good clear out and will keep an eye on things, but surely he can't be ill judging by the way he was playing? Any ideas what could have caused it?

I think I have posted two pictures of him under "British Shorthairs", though of course I don't think they do him justice! I have to admit they were taken just before he came to me - it will be a while until I can get him to look so calm and relaxed I think!


----------



## Lucyh

I was reading this thread with interest as I just got two rescue cats, also about 3.5 weeks ago. They are 8 month old brothers who were found in a litter of 6 on a building site, and then spent 3 months in the rescue centre, so were extremely jittery, they had never been in a house before. They hid behind the sofa for a week and although one started to come round, the other has only just stopped hissing at me. It can be very frustrating, but I just tried to remember what they were like in the rescue centre, they had told me it would take a while for them to get back to being like that.
But they do seem to be getting much better, even though the second one still won't let me pick him up. I have found that talking to them really helps, he seems to understand me saying "it's ok" and stops running away quite so fast! I think they go up and down, one minute they are purring and being stroked, the next someone comes to the door and they hide for another couple of hours! I think the main thing is to be patient, maybe it will be a few months before he's properly settled and sitting on laps, but playing with toys is also a step forward. I think also ignoring them a bit helps too, they can be very self conscious and don't want to always feel like they're the centre of attention if they come in the room.
I'm sure yours will be fine, he's not even from a rescue centre so I'm sure in a few months you'll have forgotten how jumpy he was.

Oh, and just attaching a photo of my two playing the other day! hope that doesn't count as hijacking ;-)


----------



## Taylorbaby

Drewa said:


> This should be subtitled "The Agony and the Ecstasy"!! This morning (on the third anniversary of him arriving) I awoke to find a different cat!! How *is it possible for one to change so much and so suddenly?* We must have been playing for at least an hour and a half - he played with many of his toys, and with his tunnel and used two of the scratching thing I've provided. He also, several times, climbed up behind me on the back of the settee and allowed me to caress his head and under his chin with a look of bliss on his face (thanks to the person who suggested the clenched fist - he took to that by rubbing himself into it when he wanted more pampering). He even sat for a while looking out of the front window (which he has done a couple of times before) but was brave enough to even try the large kitchen window is an even more exciting "TV" as it overlooks people's mature gardens with plenty of birds and squirrels to watch!
> 
> *YES!!! lol!! *
> 
> And then...........oh dear...........a moment's inquisitiveness on his part whilst I was out of the room and ..........my beautiful expensive glass shaded floor lamp which I have had for years came tumbling over with an almightly crash!! I don't know which of us was the most startled! He ran off and I cleaned it all up. Even then he only hid for about 15 minutes, then was out again and on the window sill. Glad we had had the fun beforehand though as I quickly thought "a floor lamp, however beautiful, can't give me a lifetime of companionship and love". I just have to become more "cat aware".
> 
> *OH NO!!!!*
> A few questions:
> Sometimes when I'm rubbing him round his head/ears he bites me - not hard or anything, just a nip. I withdraw my hand and say "no" but is this the right thing to do? Is it normal for them to do this?
> 
> *Hmmm first can you see in his ears? just incase they are dirty, second he may just be a cat that doesnt like his ears touched, so his 'kindly' telling you 'please dont do that' actually my british girl doesnt like her ears touched, or her belly, most dont like there belly, only higher up.*
> 
> Not being particularly cat aware yet I carelessly left an open (empty) packet of pork scratchings on the settee when I went to bed. He obviously was looking for what he could find and in the process ripped the pages of the TV magazine to shreds and pulled a lot of threads on the settee. Now I have noticed before that he rather likes scratching my settee, but I'm hoping this was more accidental than on purpose. He still shows absolutely no interest in the lovely tall fat scratching post I bought before he came, but today I saw him use the small one that is on the floor but slopes upwards. And the other day I bought him one of those strange-looking cardboard ones (Willow's) and he seems to have taken to that.
> 
> Finally - there was a very runny poo in his litter tray this morning (along with solid ones). I haven't changed his food or anything, so I'm a bit worried about it. I gave the litter box a good clear out and will keep an eye on things, but surely he can't be ill judging by the way he was playing? Any ideas what could have caused it?
> 
> I think I have posted two pictures of him under "British Shorthairs", though of course I don't think they do him justice! I have to admit they were taken just before he came to me - it will be a while until I can get him to look so calm and relaxed I think!


did he eat the pork? as pork can give them tummy upsets, sometimes they are stressed and it just happens while his still settling, its alot to cope with at once.

keep a eye on him and call the vets if anything happens!


----------



## Drewa

Lol, well, I don't think he's a British who doesn't like his ears touched. I remember the breeder fussing him in a way I've never seen anyone do before with the pads of her thumbs on the inside of his ears and forefingers on the outside and rubbing quite energetically. When I commented she said he loved it!! Still, I can't imagine I'll be "allowed" to examine them for a while yet anyway. It struck me more as a "play" thing and I do think he has played far more with other cats than humans. There were a lot of cats where he was brought up and the two people there had very hectic lives and were out a lot. Certainly the breeder always seemed surprised at the toys I arrived with, so I don't think she interacted much with them that way. Don't get me wrong, she was very caring and loving to the cats, but it was a completely different set-up to what it is here.

I must say he has been quite subdued for the rest of today - maybe the lamp episode did upset him after all, though not in the same way as me! It must have been very sudden and scary from his point of view and of course they have no idea how or why these things happen.

I don't think he got much if any of the pork scratchings as I thought it was an empty bag that I had carelessly just left but who knows if he found something else to eat!? He's definitely starting to take an interest in kitchen activities and I'm trying to remember not to leave any food lying about. Cat awareness! Anyway, so far no more signs of runny poo thank goodness.

Thanks to all for the advice and support. Oh, and even though I've uploaded some pics in that section of the forum how can I do them as thumbnails at the bottom of my posts?


----------



## sarahdisco

Drewa said:


> I must say he has been quite subdued for the rest of today - maybe the lamp episode did upset him after all, though not in the same way as me! It must have been very sudden and scary from his point of view and of course they have no idea how or why these things happen.


More than likely he's feeling a little frightened by the "lamp incident". My two monsters were playing earlier today and knocked a lamp over and since then have both been a little skittish. Keep an eye on him.

Youll get used to being "cat aware". Think of it as baby proofing, but higher up!

...must dash, Hercules is lying on top of the plasma tv!!!!


----------



## Drewa

Thanks to whoever gave the link to the messybeast page on nervousness and aggression. It was fascinating and this bit was, I think, particularly relevant

_"Petting Anxiety.

Also called "Petting and Biting Syndrome" this is the most common aggressive behaviour in cats. You are stroking your cat and it seems to be enjoying the attention, but suddenly it turns round and attacks your hand, sometimes grabbing your wrist with its front claws and kicking you with its back feet. Sometimes this is a play behaviour, but the cat has not learnt to keep its claws sheathed or to bite gently enough that it doesn't damage our fragile human skin.

When a cat is sitting on your lap being stroked it is feeling relaxed and trusting. Then the cat realises that it is being handled by a much larger predator, not by its mother or another cat, and it feels vulnerable. Conflicting feelings of security and fear results in defensive aggression and the confused cat grabs the hand which is stroking it. It may then jump down from your lap and sit grooming itself to calm itself. Often a cycle develops: you pet the cat for a while, it reacts defensively and you stop petting it but it does not jump down so you resume petting it and after a while it reacts defensively.

Accepting being stroked has to be learned. Adult cats are naturally wary and some never learn to enjoy being petted by humans. Younger cats are more excitably, but luckily, many calm down as they get older. Some may have missed out on human attention during the socialisation period and find human attention threatening. They may enjoy being stroked (and may indulge in mutual grooming sessions with another cat), but have to learn to accept this attention from a much larger creature.

First of all, you must learn to read your cat's body language so that you can stop petting it as soon as it shows signs of unease. This way you can build up its tolerance of being handled. Sit quietly and calmly with the cat and make sure there will be no interruptions. Keep petting sessions short and always stop before the cat reacts. Common signs of imminent reaction are twitching (especially the tail), backwards-facing ears, dilated pupils, sudden tensing of the body (especially if it pulls away from you in a sideways posture). As soon as you see signs of reaction, stop petting. If possible, reward the cat with food (it helps to keep a packet of treats nearby) and gentle verbal praise. The cat has been rewarded for accepting petting and, all going well, it will learn to accept longer and longer stroking sessions over time. Never punish the cat for its defensive aggression as this reinforces its view that you are a threat or are unpredictable."_

NERVOUS AND AGGRESSIVE CATS


----------



## Chez87

Really interesting post, I never really knew that!

Also, I looked at the photos of Reuben, absolutely stunning cat.


----------



## Drewa

Lol - as he allowed me to pet him again this morning I was thinking about the article and said to him "Strange sort of predator aren't I who feeds you scrummy food, cleans up after you've been to the loo and keeps you entertained for hours!" I reckon I could do with a predator like that!

I've also discovered it was a dastardly plan by him to knock over my lamp - as there was space where it had been and he obviously likes that corner I moved his big (previously ignored) scratch post there out of the way. I also stapled a few strings/toys etc on it and gave it a good spray of catnip (the things I do for this cat!). Since then he has started using it, so now he's got three different scratchers he'll use BUT he's still wrecking my sofa and today I found evidence that the claws had been attacking the faux leather ottoman too. Must buy some clippers but can't imagine how I'll persuade him to let me do them as so far I haven't even picked him up!

One thing I thought was - I have read some people who say don't let your cat have a piece of ordinary carpet to scratch as how can s/he differentiate between that and the carpet you him him to leave alone? Now like many cats mine seems to really like dangly string things - in fact he likes them and the wand more than the toy often! And so I fastened some dangly strings to his scratch post but now I'm worried he might start going for any kind of thin wire like my mobile charger? Problems, problems!

Finally thanks for saying he is stunning - of course I'm biased but is there anyone out there really experienced with Brits who can advise me re showing him? It's just an idea I'm considering for the future depending on how his temperament develops. The breeder said they usually like pale creams more than the darker ones with tabby striping but as Reuben is quite unusual, having darker "blotches" as opposed to stripes and having a beautifully pale chest and head, he might get somewhere. He's only 8 months now though and I know his markings may well change as he gets older.


----------



## Kiwi

Reuben looks fab and sounds like he is settling into exploring mode nicely! :thumbup: Don't worry about your sofa - I'd be more worried about when he discovers how exciting your clothes cupboards are!!:scared:


----------



## Drewa

Well I found the answer to the question posed in the thread title - answer (in Reuben's case) 3 and a bit weeks with a Feliway diffuser! He is transformed in every way and every one on here was just so right when they said he would be. I've even had visitors staying for the past two days and after some initial hesitation he eventually started playing with them too and even going on their laps for short periods. He comes on my lap for even longer and purrs loudly when petted - he is just so affectionate it almost seems like a miracle! I'm like a besotted mother with a new baby - after all that time of not even being able to see him under the TV for days I now find I can't take my eyes off him - it's like I need to make up for lost time!! And even my visitors commented on how particularly good looking he is and I hadn't solicited their opinion.

I am sure now things will only go from good to even better. He's even using his scratch post a lot more. I put a few treats on the top (it's quite a tall one) and in attempting to reach them he somehow "clicked" as to what the post is for. I have bought the nail clippers but won't attempt to use them for a few more days. 

So to anyone out there who, like me, is beginning to despair about having a wonderful relationship with their new cat - don't give up - all will be well and he won't be scarred psychologically for life. Thanks again to those of you who reassured and advised me.


----------



## Lucyh

Ha, you posted this just as I was looking at Max and wondering if he would ever be as relaxed and friendly as his brother, or if I would be feeding him for years to come in return for the glares he gives me at the moment!

I ordered the Feliway this afternoon, so fingers crossed... Glad to hear of your improvement


----------



## Drewa

Now 11/01/11 so I've had Reuben for just over 4 weeks and there is a marked difference in him. Lots more playing and cuddling, though still slightly jumpy if I move suddenly. One thing I'm especially pleased about is that he doesn't ever wake me up in the morning, as I go to bed late and get up quite late so wouldn't appreciate a 6.00am "call" of him meowing outside the door. I hope that doesn't change. In fact he rarely comes in my bedroom at all, even in the daytime when I'm in here on the computer. He's yet to discover the joys of that but I am fully expecting that one day he will! He does like "helping" me with paperwork if I'm doing it at the table - well, his main aim is to get the pen off me! We even have a routine now (set by him of course) which is mainly playing in the morning, sleeping under the table in the afternoons and sleeping on my lap in the evening when I sit down to watch TV. And yesterday, after much research, I finally ordered him one of those "cat tree activity" things, which I'm sure he'll like.

And today he went to the vets! I had realised it's going to be a long time until he will let me use the clippers on his claws, so had made an appointment for the nurse to trim them. But first of all I had to catch him and get him in the wicker carrier I mentioned in another post. I had decided this operation would be best carried out in the bathroom as there's really nowhere he can run to and hide, so I placed the carrier in there last night with the door slightly ajar and his favourite treats inside, and kept topping them up as he ate them, so he would see it as a "friendly" place. 

Then this morning I didn't feed him because I'd decided to lure him into the carrier with chicken and wanted him to be massively hungry. But boy was he suspicious - he definitely knew something was up - I think he could sense my nervousness. I had a few dry runs, working out just how I would close the door in the fastest possible time when he was in. After about 15-20 mins of persuasion and bribery I finally got him into the hall with all doors closed except for the bathroom and the minute he crept in there, I shut that door too. So it was just me, him, some chicken and a basket. He made a tentative move towards the door of the carrier to sniff the food and I just pushed him in and shut it quickly! Off we went (the vets is only 2 minutes away) and although he was not impressed at being held firmly by the nurse, his nails eventually got done and hopefully now won't catch on so many things (including me). However I did notice that even though he was quite scared etc. he made no effort to scratch or bite either of us, which I thought was indicative of a calm nature, or at least a non-aggressive one.

I hope he's forgiven me for that now and I'm sure we'll just go from strength to strength now. Onward and upward!


----------

