# I feel like I'm heading for disaster



## Clarinda10 (Sep 30, 2021)

*Update - we fostered this dog until a new home was found. Thanks to everyone who replied for your grounding responses.* 

Hi this is my first post, and I'm looking for advice. Please don't judge as I feel awful enough as it is. I have been that judgemental person myself, so I'm learning lots of lessons.

Having made a lot of progress with a first rescue dog, 4 years old, had him for 18 months, I felt ready to take in another. I fell in love with a 1 yr old medium sized terrier mix, Romanian rescue. My husband had been dead against another dog previously, but agreed to meet this one after I applied, and he also fell in love. My dog was ok at the meet, he can sometimes snap at other dogs, but after inital sniffs he went about his business. Part of the motivation was that the new dog needs to be with another dog, and my dog is really sociable with other dogs when he's met them so I hoped they'd be good for each other.

We went all out, and were accepted, and I brought the new fella home on Sunday. It's now only Friday and I'm in despair. I knew it would be hard work, and I know it will take lots of time, but I don't think I have what this fella needs. He wasn't a street dog but was living in a makeshift kennel in a garden. He and a few others were rescued after the owner died.

The initial meet with the old dog went well. We'd been advised to keep the new dog with a little contact to all of us as possible, but when I'd fed back to the rescue centre after a couple of days, they advised more company from me and exposure to the old dog. We've been keeping meets short, but the new dog is very puppyish still and gets so overexcited and I can see it's too much for the old dog who is smaller. Things escalated quickly this morning with lots of chasing but I was able to separate them before things got worse. I've been trying things my dog trainer has suggested such as feeding a treat to the new dog, then old dog. My trainer is very good but she and the rescue centre have both advised that it's too soon to start training.

I work from home, which was one of the reasons I was chosen, but I do have to work, and it feels like it's still not enough time I can give to the new dog, and the old dog gets really upset when I'm with the new dog. The new dog has started to get into mischief and I'm worried what will happen as I can't watch him the whole time. I've removed as many things as possible that could tempt him, and have given him things he can chew. I know about enrichment activities, but again I think I'd have to be in the room with him. This morning I've tried doubling up the baby gates, as he can jump over one, and leaving the door open and sitting in the kitchen with the other dog, but he cried and tried to get to us, and then just went off and continued chewing on the chair. I'd gone in to remove the chair and the old dog had come over to the gates and seemed to want to come in. When I let him through it was chaos again. They've both settled and gone to sleep now, but I feel I've just made things worse between them. I'd thought if I was working in the kitchen with the door open, and the new dog could see us both, the company might help him relax. I feel I'm just too inexperienced and that I've made a mistake bringing him here. My husband is really upset because I've said I'm not sure I'll be able to cope. He'd said to me if he agreed to another dog, it would have to be my responsibility, which is fair enough, and he has been making an effort to be with the new dog.

DH said he never thought we'd be those people who gave a dog up, and neither did I. He went to work really annoyed this morning after the chair chewing. We knew it could happen, but the kennels where he was staying had said he hadn't chewed anything while he was there, and apparently he was quite stressed while there too. I'd been very honest at my first interview, and talked about how my original dog was, and that I didn't want to do anything that would be detrimental to either of them, but they came back and agreed to a meet, which as I said went well, which gave me confidence. Now I feel like I'm not doing the right thing for any of them, including DH.

The rescue centre have set up a chat for me, but they're really busy and not too responsive. I also felt like one of them in particular is quite judgy when I've been saying the things I've been trying. Positive reinforcement works on people too!

I feel dreadful and sick all of the time. I hate myself for putting the dogs in this position. The original advert for the new dog stated adoption or foster, but my husband wasn't open to foster. My trainer had suggested that might be the best option. I'm wondering if I should tell the rescue centre I'm really struggling and to ask if we can revert to fostering (they can keep the adoption fee). They're based in a different part of the country to me, so I'm not sure that could be an option, in terms of meets with new potential owners.

I'm sorry for the essay, but I feel alone. I've seen the 3 3's diagram on here, but I'm not even sure I can cope with getting through that right now. He's such a lovely dog and doesn't deserve this. Can anyone offer advice about anything please?


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## Linda Weasel (Mar 5, 2014)

Can’t read and run so short answer, I’m sure you’ll get more.

Am I right in saying you’ve only had him 5 days? If so then that’s no time at all for any of you to have anything sorted out. A year old terrier was always going to be a challenge, and a Rommie even more so.

You may not be doing anything ‘wrong’ but only you can decide if you’ve taken on too much.


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## Ian246 (Oct 27, 2018)

I'm with Linda Weasel (LW) on this. It's _REALLY_ early days yet - and see it from his point of view: not only is he with strange people and a strange dog in an alien environment, he's not even lived indoors before AND he's just a puppy. It's a big ask for him - and it sounds like it is for you, too. He does need time; as LW says, only you can decide if you've got the time to give. A brief introduction in a neutral space was never going to determine how the dogs would get on (especially when you're older dog feels 'his' space is being encroached on), but with a little time and possibly a little effort, they should be able to get along OK. It does take time. Sadly, 'working from home' is not the panacea when it comes to taking in new dogs - it does (or can easily) take time and effort and - rightly - you have a job to get on with! Chewing could be caused by anxiety, but it could also be boredom - and puppies (well, OK, immature dogs) are difficult. If you can, I'd encourage you to try and give the new dog a bit more time to settle in…but as has been said, you need to judge whether or not that's feasible. Either way, don't feel you've failed- this stuff isn't easy!


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## 1507601 (Jun 26, 2020)

Five days really isn't that long (even though it probably feels like forever to you). The dog is probably more stressed about the whole situation than anything you have done, and it will take him a while to settle down from that. I was advised that these rescues can revert to puppy behaviours and did see that in our own dog, specifically with shoe chewing, but it didn't last long. It's not that surprising that chewing behaviours weren't spotted in a kennel environment because being in a home is a completely different experience to what he's used to, and he has no experience of boundaries/personal belongings/etc.
I'd say just try to relax, and be patient with introductions because that sort of thing can take time. I think you'll be okay.


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## Clarinda10 (Sep 30, 2021)

Linda Weasel said:


> Can't read and run so short answer, I'm sure you'll get more.
> 
> Am I right in saying you've only had him 5 days? If so then that's no time at all for any of you to have anything sorted out. A year old terrier was always going to be a challenge, and a Rommie even more so.
> 
> You may not be doing anything 'wrong' but only you can decide if you've taken on too much.


Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. I know it's not been any time at all, but I'm just heartbroken as I thought I could be his forever home provider, and now I think he'd be better off with someone else. I know only I can make the decision. It's devastating.


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## Clarinda10 (Sep 30, 2021)

Ian246 said:


> I'm with Linda Weasel (LW) on this. It's _REALLY_ early days yet - and see it from his point of view: not only is he with strange people and a strange dog in an alien environment, he's not even lived indoors before AND he's just a puppy. It's a big ask for him - and it sounds like it is for you, too. He does need time; as LW says, only you can decide if you've got the time to give. A brief introduction in a neutral space was never going to determine how the dogs would get on (especially when you're older dog feels 'his' space is being encroached on), but with a little time and possibly a little effort, they should be able to get along OK. It does take time. Sadly, 'working from home' is not the panacea when it comes to taking in new dogs - it does (or can easily) take time and effort and - rightly - you have a job to get on with! Chewing could be caused by anxiety, but it could also be boredom - and puppies (well, OK, immature dogs) are difficult. If you can, I'd encourage you to try and give the new dog a bit more time to settle in…but as has been said, you need to judge whether or not that's feasible. Either way, don't feel you've failed- this stuff isn't easy!


Thank you for your kind reply Ian. I really thought I had this as I've worked from home for years, and was doing so when my first rescue came to live with us. My confidence is totally knocked. I did get a call from the rescue centre


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## Clarinda10 (Sep 30, 2021)

Clarinda10 said:


> Thank you for your kind reply Ian. I really thought I had this as I've worked from home for years, and was doing so when my first rescue came to live with us. My confidence is totally knocked. I did get a call from the rescue centre


Sorry, pressed send by mistake. I had a call from my contact at the rescue centre last night. She was being positive and encouraging, and suggested I post my concerns on the chat for their more experienced staff to reply. I did that, but they have just suggested I have another chat with my contact. I have asked about fostering as a possibility, so I think they'd rather that question was discussed verbally rather than in chat. I've been feeling so anxious, and earlier when I was out walking the old dog, I noticed it got worse as I got closer to home, so that made me ask the fostering question. He's such a lovely dog, and none of this is down to him.


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## Clarinda10 (Sep 30, 2021)

Lucy2020 said:


> Five days really isn't that long (even though it probably feels like forever to you). The dog is probably more stressed about the whole situation than anything you have done, and it will take him a while to settle down from that. I was advised that these rescues can revert to puppy behaviours and did see that in our own dog, specifically with shoe chewing, but it didn't last long. It's not that surprising that chewing behaviours weren't spotted in a kennel environment because being in a home is a completely different experience to what he's used to, and he has no experience of boundaries/personal belongings/etc.
> I'd say just try to relax, and be patient with introductions because that sort of thing can take time. I think you'll be okay.


Thanks so much for your reply. My husband has been around today, and that's been a help in terms of the dynamic I think. He's just concerned about us giving it longer and still not feeling we're right for him, and just prolonging things. It's so tough, but I appreciate your really supportive message.


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## Linda Weasel (Mar 5, 2014)

On the up side, if you do foster him until he’s re-homed again then if he’s learning things like walking nicely on a lead, and being civilised and responsive then he’ll be an easier dog to find a nice home for.


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## Clarinda10 (Sep 30, 2021)

Linda Weasel said:


> On the up side, if you do foster him until he's re-homed again then if he's learning things like walking nicely on a lead, and being civilised and responsive then he'll be an easier dog to find a nice home for.


Thanks and sorry for the late reply. I did start things off with the rescue centre for rehoming. Someone is having a home check tomorrow. Me and the new dog are getting used to each other, and I have started house training, which is going ok, and have started teaching him some basic commands. The old dog isn't great. He seems to be fading away and scared of the new dog - he's been flattened during zoomies a couple of times now. The new dog needed a confident dog to learn from, which I thought mine was, so this has blindsided me. He's just keeping out of his way, so the new dog still isn't getting the exposure he needs. We are devastated, and all of this was my doing - and I've still got to get through handing him over. Thanks for reading anyhow. X


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## 1507601 (Jun 26, 2020)

Nobody can predict these things. In the meantime you've given this dog a foster home, and that's important too. It's much better than being in kennels.


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## Dick Tracy (Nov 9, 2021)

Sure you did your homework. Somehow, however hard you try thlngs just dont't go to plan , no matter how prepared you think you are. 
It sounds to me you have made your mind up, if this is so and you could find it in your heart to foster until a new home is found that would be the least disruptive for the dog.
In the meantime check the 3 3 3
3 points of taking on a rescue. You may just change your mind


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## Clarinda10 (Sep 30, 2021)

Dick Tracy said:


> Sure you did your homework. Somehow, however hard you try thlngs just dont't go to plan , no matter how prepared you think you are.
> It sounds to me you have made your mind up, if this is so and you could find it in your heart to foster until a new home is found that would be the least disruptive for the dog.
> In the meantime check the 3 3 3
> 3 points of taking on a rescue. You may just change your mind


Thank you for your message. I should have updated to say that we did foster until a new home was found. I got to take the little fella there and stay a while, while he explored. He went to live with a very kind lady with a lovely big labrador. It was more awful for me than him, which is good. At least I had started his house training and taught him some behaviours. I could tell his new human the things I knew he liked, and didn't like. She has said I can keep in touch, or even visit if I want. I think he'll do much better with this big dog.


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## Linda Weasel (Mar 5, 2014)

Clarinda10 said:


> Thank you for your message. I should have updated to say that we did foster until a new home was found. I got to take the little fella there and stay a while, while he explored. He went to live with a very kind lady with a lovely big labrador. It was more awful for me than him, which is good. At least I had started his house training and taught him some behaviours. I could tell his new human the things I knew he liked, and didn't like. She has said I can keep in touch, or even visit if I want. I think he'll do much better with this big dog.


Good to have an update. Thank you.

Although you couldn't keep him you gave him a really good start.


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