# Scared to say goodbye



## Pinkcheck (7 mo ago)

My beautiful, sweet dog is over 15 & 1/2 now. I adopted him when he was 3 from DT. He’s always had hip dysplasia and a “bunny hop” walk. For the past few years he’s really slowed down. He’s on 16 tablets a day and struggling now. He’s alert, a greedy boy 😌, goes for daily walks (mostly standing), toileting etc. We just can’t seem to alleviate the pain any longer.

I think I know the answer but I’m scared to PTS. I worry I’m acting hastily and I won’t be able to give him the send off he deserves, like one last trip to the beach, as he’s unable to travel in the car. I feel like I haven’t given him a happy life and I didn’t deserve him but that’s my cross to bear. He’s such a sweet soul and I want to do the best thing for him.

I have a highly recommended vet who does home visits so he wouldn't have the stress of the car when the time is right. I guess I’m posting for some stories that might help. I would never want to let him live without dignity and he has been coping so far. The arthritis was being managed but this week it seems to have really flared up.

I’m absolutely devastated 💔


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Pinkcheck said:


> My beautiful, sweet dog is over 15 & 1/2 now. I adopted him when he was 3 from DT. He’s always had hip dysplasia and a “bunny hop” walk. For the past few years he’s really slowed down. He’s on 16 tablets a day and struggling now. He’s alert, a greedy boy 😌, goes for daily walks (mostly standing), toileting etc. We just can’t seem to alleviate the pain any longer.
> 
> I think I know the answer but I’m scared to PTS. I worry I’m acting hastily and I won’t be able to give him the send off he deserves, like one last trip to the beach, as he’s unable to travel in the car. I feel like I haven’t given him a happy life and I didn’t deserve him but that’s my cross to bear. He’s such a sweet soul and I want to do the best thing for him.
> 
> ...


If you really feel that you can't control his pain it COULD be time, but have you talked to the vet about other pain relief options? Maybe stronger pain relief would keep him happy for a while longer. 
I lost my first dog age 15 , she was rescued at 9yrs old and had several things wrong with her but such a happy girl! 2 weeks before she died she had breathing problems that got worse. We had her booked for x-rays and the night before she became very distressed , we made the decision to let her go peacefully. 
Whatever or whenever you decide, we have a saying , better a week too early than a day too late. Just remember what a good life you've given him and that you've made the decision with love and kindness.


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## Pinkcheck (7 mo ago)

SusieRainbow said:


> If you really feel that you can't control his pain it COULD be time, but have you talked to the vet about other pain relief options? Maybe stronger pain relief would keep him happy for a while longer.
> I lost my first dog age 15 , she was rescued at 9yrs old and had several things wrong with her but such a happy girl! 2 weeks before she died she had breathing problems that got worse. We had her booked for x-rays and the night before she became very distressed , we made the decision to let her go peacefully.
> Whatever or whenever you decide, we have a saying , better a week too early than a day too late. Just remember what a good life you've given him and that you've made the decision with love and kindness.


Thank you, SusieRainbow. Sorry about your girl.

We’re at the vet almost monthly. She added on Pardale last time, I said the Amantadine seemed to work on his pain. She said the other thing in that realm was ketamine but it only lasted 26 mins? He’s on the max dosage for gabapentin, Pardale and Amantadine.

He seems distressed at times as the thing that’s developed in the past 48-hours is he can’t spin around from his water bowl to get back into the living room. I will try moving them into the living room.

He’s very headstrong and doesn’t like me helping him. He’d rather quickly jump outside on his ramp than let me carry him so I have to grab him quick. Having to carry him for a lot now. I would do anything for him but don’t want to continue if he’s miserable.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Pinkcheck said:


> Thank you, SusieRainbow. Sorry about your girl.
> 
> We’re at the vet almost monthly. She added on Pardale last time, I said the Amantadine seemed to work on his pain. She said the other thing in that realm was ketamine but it only lasted 26 mins? He’s on the max dosage for gabapentin, Pardale and Amantadine.
> 
> He seems distressed at times as the thing that’s developed in the past 48-hours is he can’t spin around from his water bowl to get back into the living room. I will try moving them into the living room. He’s very headstrong and doesn’t like me helping him. He’d rather quickly jump outside on his ramp than let me carry him so I have to grab him quick. Having to carry him for a lot now.


Poor boy. Is he a small dog? 
By all means make changes to make his life easier with access, like his water bowl. 
If you feel he's having more bad days than good there's your decision. It's so hard when the spirit is still strong!


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## Pinkcheck (7 mo ago)

SusieRainbow said:


> Poor boy. Is he a small dog?
> By all means make changes to make his life easier with access, like his water bowl.
> If you feel he's having more bad days than good there's your decision. *It's so hard when the spirit is still strong!*


Medium, weighs 17kg. Collie X. I will try moving them into the living room, he will probably be offended, but if it helps. He’s finding it hard to get up the past few days. Breaks my heart being in the kitchen and not seeing a little head behind the door thinking I’m cooking for him. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

BIB - That is what has been most difficult. He’s a little trooper. I will see how tomorrow and Monday go, have been monitoring closely for a few weeks now and had hoped it was Librela side-effects but that should be almost out of his system.


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## Happy Paws2 (Sep 13, 2008)

It sounds as if the pain is getting to much for him. I know it's hard but you have to brave for him, his had a happy life with you and I know it's hard most of us on here have been though this but we it's the right thing for them to say good bye.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Better a week early, than a day too late.

My beloved Jack’s passing was very peaceful and he had no idea.

The vet was lovely and so compassionate and it was actually comforting to see him at peace.

It is very hard to make that decision, but it’s the final act of love imo.

Sorry you are facing this ☹


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## Pinkcheck (7 mo ago)

Made the decision to let my beautiful boy go last night. The vet came and said it was time. The pain is immeasurable. I can’t bear to be in this house, it’s not a home anymore. He was my life and I don’t want to go on without him. My kindred spirit, the most gentlest boy there ever was. I didn’t deserve him but I am so grateful for the years we had together. I just wish I could have been better for him.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Pinkcheck said:


> Made the decision to let my beautiful boy go last night. The vet came and said it was time. The pain is immeasurable. I can’t bear to be in this house, it’s not a home anymore. He was my life and I don’t want to go on without him. My kindred spirit, the most gentlest boy there ever was. I didn’t deserve him but I am so grateful for the years we had together. I just wish I could have been better for him.


So very sad to hear he’s gone. But it’s wonderful to hear how much he was loved. The fact it hurts just shows how much he meant to you and how special he was. Keep busy and time eventually will help you.
RIP dear lad x


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## Pinkcheck (7 mo ago)

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I loved the bones of him. It was hard. We met when he was 3 and had been returned to the rescue (thankfully, or we’d never have met). I wasn’t experienced enough but gave it my all. I took on his quirks and he took on mine. He was my life and I don’t envisage one without him. I don’t even want to. He loved unconditionally and I loved him unconditionally but it was hard at times. I won’t forgive myself for not being 100% all the time but I hope I made up for it in other ways. I was there for him until the end and will always be there for him. I keep smelling his bed and the dressing gown he laid on when we said goodbye. I will never fill the void he has left and just want to be wherever he is.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

I really do feel your agony. When I lost Cinders I was distraught. I just didn’t think I could ever function properly again. 

The thought of another cat replacing her was out of the question although my OH suggested we get another when I was ready.

What I hadn’t realised was that Cinders was so special in that she’d opened my eyes to how amazing and wonderful cats can be. The more you work and give to them the more they give right back. 

One day I realised that to truly appreciate and thank her meant being able to open my heart to another one at some point.

It took me a whole year until the pain had lessened enough but then I knew I was ready. I got Huck and have never regretted it. I also now have 3 more! They all know it’s because of Cinders they are here and in a way I feel she lives on in them. 

I hope this brings you some comfort in the days ahead xx


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## Little paws (7 mo ago)

So sorry to hear this. It is the worst thing to lose our lovely pets. Take care of yourself


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

I'm so sorry he's gone. 
He must have felt so safe and loved as he drifted off to sleep, you put his needs before yours and let him go.
I know the feelings you describe, my little Tango took a large part of me with her but we gave her 6 years of love and comfort.
Be kind to yourself, we're here for you.


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## Mrs Funkin (Mar 12, 2018)

So sorry @Pinkcheck - but you absolutely did the kindest and most loving thing for him. Without the love, there is no pain - but you wouldn't want to not have the love, so we have to accept the pain that comes with the death of a beloved pet. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve and be proud of the relationship you had with him. RIP sweet boy.


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## Pinkcheck (7 mo ago)

Thank you all for your kind words. I feel like my soul has left me. It was a very peaceful passing, we cuddled for an hour whilst I fed him lots of treats, including a jar of his favourite meat paste, then I held him as he drifted away in my arms. He knew it was time and let me hold him for longer.

I’m worried I didn’t do enough, what if I didn’t cherish him enough when he was here. All he wanted was me and I was often so stressed trying to make sure he had x, y or z I didn’t just stop to enjoy our time together as much as I should.

I hope he always felt loved, it breaks my heart to think he ever felt unhappy. He was a rescue boy so it played on my mind, but he was always so lovely. It’s very hard being in the house as I work from home and my life was built around him, our walkies, his meds and wees, treats throughout the day, making sure his fans were on, doing his head in because I would never sit still and he’d just give me “the look” 😌 he was my kindred spirit. Now I’m just alone with my guilt. I don’t want to do anything. Those 11/12 years went so fast and I just didn’t stop and stay present.

I hope he is happy and at peace, with an endless supply of his favourite foods. Keeping all the other dogs in check and running about with his squeaky tennis balls like he did when he was young ❤


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Pinkcheck said:


> Thank you all for your kind words. I feel like my soul has left me. It was a very peaceful passing, we cuddled for an hour whilst I fed him lots of treats, including a jar of his favourite meat paste, then I held him as he drifted away in my arms. He knew it was time and let me hold him for longer.
> 
> I’m worried I didn’t do enough, what if I didn’t cherish him enough when he was here. All he wanted was me and I was often so stressed trying to make sure he had x, y or z I didn’t just stop to enjoy our time together as much as I should.
> 
> ...


It's good that you are looking back on happier times, believe me when I say the happy memories will become stronger than the grief and guilt.
He sounds a lovely boy, do you have any pictures to share? Have you thought of any sort of memorial for him?
We had Tango cremated by a local, family run company, they were so kind and compassionate. The ashes were buried in a flower pot with a pretty David Austen rose called 'Tottering by Gently' which reflected Tango's last few months. She was such a happy girl and so content to potter round the garden.


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## Pinkcheck (7 mo ago)

SusieRainbow said:


> It's good that you are looking back on happier times, believe me when I say the happy memories will become stronger than the grief and guilt.
> He sounds a lovely boy, do you have any pictures to share? Have you thought of any sort of memorial for him?
> We had Tango cremated by a local, family run company, they were so kind and compassionate. The ashes were buried in a flower pot with a pretty David Austen rose called 'Tottering by Gently' which reflected Tango's last few months. She was such a happy girl and so content to potter round the garden.


My beautiful angel:


















I tend to focus on things I’ve done wrong or didn’t get perfect and I’m trying to remind myself it’s a disservice to our relationship because the good times outweighed everything. We were like an old married couple 😌

That sounds like a lovely memorial, Ralphie loved nothing more than a potter, too. I have some ideas for memorials. I never got to take him on one last jaunt to his favourite park(s) because he couldn’t tolerate the car and was reduced to walking only a few metres by the end. So I had thought I’d spend some time with his ashes then take him to his parks. I have his collar and harnesses, I’d like to make a cushion of those. I will be getting paw prints when I get his ashes back. My mum said getting the ashes back for her dog made her feel better.

When I feel better I will look in to fostering in his honour, our local dogs trust are short on fosterers and I always thought he was too stressed for kennels I wish someone had fostered him before I found him, but I tried to make up for that period. I work from home (changed jobs to be around for him) and have my own transport etc. Not rushing in to anything yet but it would help me, too.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Pinkcheck said:


> My beautiful angel:
> View attachment 575806
> 
> 
> ...


he looks a lovely sweet boy. I love the one on the sofa where he's gazing into your eyes.


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