# Struggling to cope with guilt



## Westcoast20 (Jan 9, 2020)

Hi
I lost my fur baby 4 weeks ago and I am really struggling to cope with it and the guilt. I feel guilty for so many things. Let me give you the back story.
I had my little Yorkie 13 and half years I knew her since she was in her mom's tummy, she came home at 8 weeks old and I instantly fell in love with her. She was the naughtiest dog I had ever had all through her 13 and half years never really slept was constantly hyper. But also so funny and unique. Around 6 months old she started with servre skin allergies and seemed she was allergic to life, her face would also swell up the vets put her on steroids after a few trys to wean her off them it came apparent she would be dependent on it was then we was told that she probably wouldn't live past 7 years because the steroids would ruin her organs. When she was 11 and half the vets said her liver function test was bad at best had just a few months, she managed to be ok for another 2 years before her liver failed which lead to her to be PTS.
The bit I am really struggling with is I didn't have her ashes, she was a shared dog my friend didn't want them as she wanted to remember how she was and also finds stuff like ashes spooky, we had talked about it previously and she knew my wishes but would say stuff to me to make me wonder if it would be right for me to have them, on the day when the vet asked my friend said it's up to you I said no as I knew her feelings, I regret it so much why did I say no I should have said yes. I feel I let my baby down and that I'm a bad mum for not having them how could I have loved her if I said the words no.
I am not eating hardly anything or drinking much I have lost weight everyone is commenting on how I look and that Milly wouldn't want me to be sad. I feel no one understands.
My friend said she has found comfort knowing she had 13 and half amazing years filled with love and fun, and that's she's now at peace. She says what was most important her life while she was alive not afterwards her body was just a shell and she's at peace.
Why can't I feel that comfort.
I did chase her up to find out they had took her and I was too late as she had been cemented, to make it even worse I found out it was no longer the a local one where my other friends dog went but miles away down south so I now can't even visit. The vets reasurred me it was beautiful gardens where they scatter the ashes.
I feel numb and so alone.


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## Westcoast20 (Jan 9, 2020)

I feel like I have disrepected her memory and that she will know I said no and think I didn't love her.


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

Do you have other items that help you remember. I have my dogs little jumper and it means more to me than her ashes. I got very upset when I moved house thinking I was leaving her behind. People said dogs will go with you where ever you go. Try not to feel guilty but think of the life you gave her.


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## Westcoast20 (Jan 9, 2020)

At the moment I can't think of anything positive only negative. Everyone keeps telling me how I gave her an amazing life, but all feel at the moment is how I let her down so badly.

The guilt just won't ease choose what I do.

I do have a couple of jumpers she wore alot the last few months of her life as she had no fur due to her steroid dependency so was always cold and had to wear jumpers I have those safe.

Bless you did you put her ashes in the garden?

People do say they are always with you.


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## Boxer123 (Jul 29, 2017)

Westcoast20 said:


> At the moment I can't think of anything positive only negative. Everyone keeps telling me how I gave her an amazing life, but all feel at the moment is how I let her down so badly.
> 
> The guilt just won't ease choose what I do.
> 
> ...


Her ashes are still with me in an engraved box on the house. I also have her toy rat and ball. She died very suddenly and the guilt was horrible you need to be kind to yourself.


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## SusieRainbow (Jan 21, 2013)

Westcoast20 said:


> I feel like I have disrepected her memory and that she will know I said no and think I didn't love her.


I think if you believe that you must believe in an after-life , so you should believe how much your little dog loved you and how she would not be worried about something like ashes - the ashes are not her.
Her spirit lives in your heart and memory, no-one can take that away.
The idea of a framed photo is lovely.
My Husband and I bought a rose bush in memory of Tango , our dachshund, who died just before Christmas 2018. It's a David Austen rose called ' Tottering by Gently', which to us summed up Tango's last year on this earth, peacefully mooching round the garden.







A rose for Tango.
I'm going to paint a pebble with her name on to put in the pot.


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## Westcoast20 (Jan 9, 2020)

Boxer123 said:


> Her ashes are still with me in an engraved box on the house. I also have her toy rat and ball. She died very suddenly and the guilt was horrible you need to be kind to yourself.


Sorry for your loss, it's the most heartbreaking thing ever I done it before but don't ever remember it being this painful


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## Westcoast20 (Jan 9, 2020)

SusieRainbow said:


> I think if you believe that you must believe in an after-life , so you should believe how much your little dog loved you and how she would not be worried about something like ashes - the ashes are not her.
> Her spirit lives in your heart and memory, no-one can take that away.
> The idea of a framed photo is lovely.
> My Husband and I bought a rose bush in memory of Tango , our dachshund, who died just before Christmas 2018. It's a David Austen rose called ' Tottering by Gently', which to us summed up Tango's last year on this earth, peacefully mooching round the garden.
> ...


Thank you for the kind words.
You're right I think if she could talk she would tell me to stop being silly.

What a beautiful name for a rose bush, that's such a lovely tribute.


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