# please help me, im distressed!



## alexa83 (Feb 20, 2012)

hello i joined the forums today because im at a loss, im soo tired, and distressed with my new baby boy

im alexa im 28 year old who adores cats, i have a beautiful tabbi cat who is 7 months old she, is amazing, her temprament is loving and effectionate, vocal, and she loves me, she shows effection to me and my husband daily, i had her and decided to get her a mate her mate turned out to be a stunning siamese/british blue cross, he looks like a british blue with a siamese coat and eyes blue, he is the most beautiful cat i have ever seen  but im so worried about him, when we went to see the breeder, she brought them in and only had 2 boys left from the litter, our one (Ollie) was running up and down the sofa, seemed to be having fun and the other one the breeder had hold of and seemed very chilled lol, relaxing and just looking at me hehe.

when i went to see them, i was like omg they are so cute and i knew when i seen ollie he was the boy for my girl  but the lady was like oh no this ones better and such, seemed she tried to get me to leave ollie and choose the other one, but i had my heart set on him, so i got him home, settled him in one room, because i do this incase they are overwhelmed. and weeks passed, he was very reserved, jumping out of his skin when anyone walked past and he bolts alot, running for his life, now 3 months i after i got him, he's getting worse, he's not sociable at all, sits in dark corners or empty rooms, he hides under the bed and never comes out only for food, i read about the breeds temprament, he sits on the floor watching us, and never ever comes for attention, i have tried so hard the past few weeks to try and get him to losen up and enjoy us, all he does now is sleep, run away, hide and fart :O im very concerned for him, i dont want his quality of life to be like this, he doesnt come in much but when he does he sleeps, im so stressed with thinking i cant help him, is it me, why is he doing this to me, i give him everything i can, comfortable beds, affection, love and meals and i try to play with him but he isnt having any of it, today was my last straw, i got up and he was running round and hiding and crying, getting on the window sill to try and get out knocking vases off, he is really frightened, they are in door cats, they have our spare room with a massive activity centre in and everything they could dream of, they cost us a fortune lol, like having children, but im at a loss, after today he hid behind a door crying so loud, i have never heard him whale so loud, he even pooped himself. whats happening to my baby, i havent hurt him nor has my husband, im housebound so im here at all times,the house is pretty quiet, i just cant understand it. im stuck, i have tried everything, i think he hates me

please help me.

alexa

Thanks


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

Hi Alexa
I'm sorry to hear you're having such trouble with Ollie  Firstly I would get him to see a vet in case there is any thing physically wrong. I wonder why the breeder wanted you to have the other kitten? Did she tell you that Ollie was nervous at all? Have you let her know that you are having problems with him?
Has he met your other kitten yet? If so how do they get on together? I would try a Feliway plug in to get some calming hormones into the air and see if that helps at all. Even the most nervous cats will usually settle in their own homes within a few weeks and I would be very concerned after three months.
Try the vet and Feliway first but you may need a pet behaviour therapist to help


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## alexa83 (Feb 20, 2012)

lymorelynn said:


> Hi Alexa
> I'm sorry to hear you're having such trouble with Ollie  Firstly I would get him to see a vet in case there is any thing physically wrong. I wonder why the breeder wanted you to have the other kitten? Did she tell you that Ollie was nervous at all? Have you let her know that you are having problems with him?
> Has he met your other kitten yet? If so how do they get on together? I would try a Feliway plug in to get some calming hormones into the air and see if that helps at all. Even the most nervous cats will usually settle in their own homes within a few weeks and I would be very concerned after three months.
> Try the vet and Feliway first but you may need a pet behaviour therapist to help


hi there thanks for the promt reply i had them both in the vets about 2 weeks back, the vet seems to think that they are both in great health and shape. when i seen the breeder she said oh he is very playful and always movingaround about ollie, and me personally i love it when or tabbi (Izzie) runs round playing when they go on one hehe love it, i thought he suited her better, she said the other one is more laid back and relaxed and is just sat there in her hand looking at me lol, so i thought no, seens as i like playful cats i went with ollie, she never mentioned anything about it him being frightened or about anything that may of caused him to be stressed:/ and thats what concerned me 3 months and he is still super scared sorry yes he has met izzie our tabby and he loves her, her cuddles her and follows her around and they sleep together no problems there, its like he will be a loner for 5 days and then come and sit in the lounge for a bit, looks relaxed but jumps alot at the slightest thing. i will look into the plug in and see if that helps, also may think about booking him into the vet again. when i mentioned his behaviour last time to our vet she said oh its fine, british blues are quiet and will mainly just sleep but, theres got to be something wrong with him.

thanks again

*** just booked ollie in for the vets at 10:30 am tomorrow and they sell them plug ins so hopefully we can find whats causing it, any other information would be greatly appreaciated, Alexa


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

His behaviour isn't normal for any breed of cat  Many are aloof and would rather spend time alone but it isn't normal for him to hide away and be so scared of everything. I do hope you can find the cause and that the Feliway helps too. Poor Ollie  If I think of anything else I will post on here but hopefully someone else might be able to offer you some more advice.
Good luck at the vets tomorrow


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## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

Hi Alexa, Welcome to the forum. 

Just wondering, is Ollie only scared of you/your husband, or is he scared of your other cat too?

(Just saw you answered this...!)

How old was he when you brought him home? Does he respond to you at all?


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## alexa83 (Feb 20, 2012)

hi he is scared of anything, when we got him he was 8 weeks old, i never noticed anything wrong with him at the time, he seemed fine, but after having him a week, i noticed him scratching his ear alot, turns out he had an ear mite infection, so we got that under control, i wouldnt say he was scared of me me cause sometimes he walks past me and sits there looking at me then stretches infront of me i pat him and he purrs right away, i basiaclly look after him and havent done anything to scare him. we take extra care to tip toe past him lol sometimes hes fine sometimes he bad but today he scared me  it when he doent see you coming mainly he jumps out of his skin, i think he may be a little deaf cause he misses things ie me getting up but then when he feels me coming upto him to walk past he turns fast and runs when he notices me, the only way i can explain it is he cant hear properly. sometimes when i stroke him he jumps before i touch him must be when i my finger first touches him. oh i dont dont know :/

*** him and izzie get on really well, when there not sleeping they play alot, and she licks him clean , i wouldnt say he had a problem with our other cat seems only to be us :/ if hes asleep on the floor and i walk past a normal speed i can guarentee he will bolt but if i tip toe round him slowly and tut tut tut at him to reassure him he stays put. its like he is unsure about us but i have tried to be soo patient with him and be there for him but seems he doesnt want to know


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

Sadly not the best of breeders :nonod: Kittens should not leave their mothers until around 12/13 weeks of age and they should be vaccinated and vet checked too. To come to you already with earmites is not a good start in his little life 
It did actually cross my mind that he might be deaf and I am now wondering if the earmite infestation might have caused some damage


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## alexa83 (Feb 20, 2012)

i was wondering that too, i hope not, we travelled over 100 miles to get him, my husband works away alot too, so it was hard to take him back, that wasnt the only thing, when i went to the breeder, i left my 400 pound samsung phone on the table i remember, but when i contacted her she said no it wasnt there, i was angry and lost all confidence in the breeder, maybe she had it and stole it maybe she didnt but i never wanted to deal with her, i sent a message because im a good person, saying i took the kitten to the vets today and found that he had an earmite infection, that she should get her other kittens checked and that was that, i never realised my phone was gone till i got home because my main concern was comforting the little one. so all in all he cost us about 800 pound :/ he is a treasure and will do anything to improve his quality of life


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Good detective work there Lynn - it is possible.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I think you have some great advice from lymorelyn.
Does he get frightened by your voice or your OH voice?
Also have you tried to hand feed him with a few treats each evening. Cats seem to like dreamies and by holding the treats out to him each evening he might get to know you better.

just saw your other reply about the ears.
I think a trip to the vet and mention to them about his hearing.
Could there be more ear mites?

It is upsetting when they are acting strange. It's just trying to work out what could be wrong. 
Is there anything in your house that lets of any strange noises such as a fish tank that could be frightening him?

I hope soon your little one will feel a lot better xx


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## jo-pop (May 27, 2011)

I would use the term "breeder" in the loosest possible way here. They should not have left the mother till 12/13 weeks of age and I wonder for what reason she was crossing a Siamese with a British? Maybe there is a reason and I am speaking out of turn but it makes me wary.

I hope you get to the bottom of the problem. This place is a great source of advice so hopefully it won't be long before everything is as is should be.


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

alexa83 said:


> i left my 400 pound samsung phone on the table i remember, so all in all he cost us about 800 pound :/ he is a treasure and will do anything to improve his quality of life


You paid £400 for a cross breed!!!!


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

spid said:


> You paid £400 for a cross breed!!!!


My thoughts exactly
Did this so called breeder give you 4 weeks pet insurance?


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## alexa83 (Feb 20, 2012)

let me clear a few things up lol

i never paid 400 pound for just a cross breed cat, he cost us 200 pound to buy, and i lost/had my phone stolen at the same time, plus the petrol it was just an estimate that he cost us About..800 pound in total after 2 days of having him, the cat himself was 200, and money wasnt even on my mind at the time, i seen his little face. he is perfect in everyway apart from the ear problem he had, and now his behaviour, his eyes a beautiful blue and a siamese seal point coat, she might not of been a proper breeder, i think her 2 cats had mated and that was the offspring i have had a few cats in the past 20 years and never gone to an official breeder, never had problems till now, but i will indeed let this be a lesson to me, regardless of all that he is a fine beautiful cat regardless of where he came from and has had 2 problems, the ear and the social problem. 

if im totally honest i dont look at it like that when i get a new cat, any other home, that isnt an official breeder is just as good, so i havent always gone ooo i need a real breeder, probably would of been cheaper lol, but finding one isnt always easy... sorry if i sound cold and i suppose some people could say of well if you went to a official breeder you wouldnt have these issues, cause that cant be guarenteed im not really here to discuss the quality of the breeder and if they were cert etc my main concern was his social side, as i said the vet has checked him on 3 occasions and he is fine, the mites are gone and he is just very reserved, loner and it just worries me, could be he just prefers to be left alone, not fun for me :/ but if thats him, i can only try


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## alexa83 (Feb 20, 2012)

jill3 said:


> My thoughts exactly
> Did this so called breeder give you 4 weeks pet insurance?


yes we got 4 weeks with pet plan from the so called breeder.
but i never continued it because the representatives would call me about 6 times a week, we both agreed to get it, but im still looking into it.

i feel like im being grilled here..it wasnt some manky house down a backstreet the house was beautiful, clean, the mother and father cats where well groomed and seemed happy enough. sooo

the issie is him being frightened mainly hopefully, the vet can find out tomorrow. thanks


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

alexa83 said:


> yes we got 4 weeks with pet plan from the so called breeder.
> but i never continued it because the representatives would call me about 6 times a week, we both agreed to get it, but im still looking into it.
> 
> i feel like im being grilled here..it wasnt some manky house down a backstreet the house was beautiful, clean, the mother and father cats where well groomed and seemed happy enough. sooo
> ...


Sorry I don't mean to up set anyone on here.
I always think of a Breeder as someone who professionally breeds cats.
The rest who have litters are just people that have cats and they have had kittens.
In the past I have bought kittens like you have.
One of mine I bought was Half russian Blue, half Domestic. 
I do think £200 is a lot but know doubt if I saw him and fell for him like you did I would have paid it.
Good luck and hope he will become more settled with you and your family x


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## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Hey no offence meant - but IF you had got him from a proper breeder at the proper age (13/14 weeks) he PROBABLY would have been a little better socialised and wouldn't have had ear mites - but . . . that's hind sight for you. I've cats from breeders (and am now one) and cats from 'breeders' in my time. £200 isn't too bad for a cross - gosh if I added in petrol etc to my ped lot I would be horrified at how much they have cost me - I always go and visit at 6/7 weeks as well as pick up and it's usually at least a 2 and 1/2 hour journey each way. Add to that the shows I go to to meet breeders etc. . . well the costs just spiral! 

Can we have some pictures please?


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## jo-pop (May 27, 2011)

Oh hun nobody was having a go. I paid quite a bit for my cat (by my standards) and then when you factor in petrol well I'd rather nor think about it.
Nobody was trying to make you feel bad. Its just a lot of people like to term themselves as a "breeder" when I sometimes wouldn't consider them so.

He sounds stunning. Please please can we have photos.

I'm sure he'll settle soon. Maybe he's just a sensitive soul.

Please don't feel set upon x


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## ella (Jan 1, 2009)

Hiya and welcome

my cat Bibi (in my pic) is a 5 year old rescue and I've had her 6 month now. For the first 3 weeks she hid under my bed, and is very cautious. We had a blip when she got out and was lost for a while, and that set her back. My vet suggested Royal Canin Calm food Calm CC 36 - Royal Canin

I've mentioned a few times now that since she has been on it (2 months now) she is a different cat - calmer and much more sociable. It contains a chemical that is similar to their mothers' milk, and can soothe them. I really cannot rate it highly enough - and recommend you speak to your vet about it.

Keep posting, I'll be interested in what your vet says

e


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## ella (Jan 1, 2009)

p.s.

meant to add. I dont know if you have read the Vicki Halls books about cat behaviour? I found them helpful in changing my reactions to Bibi's antisocial behaviour, and this also helped Bibi to feel safer too

good luck!


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## lizward (Feb 29, 2008)

Cats can be funny things. I had one here who was the most miserable little git you could imagine - very pretty though. Wouldn't come in if I was by the door, desperate to go out though even if I was there. Catching him was a nightmare, he hated me. I gave him away and within a day he was sitting on their laps being cuddled. By contrast I had one here that I thought was nice and friendly and two weeks later the new owners were onto me saying he hadn't settled and he hates them. And I have another that I hand fed when she was tiny, she loved me then, now she hates me and won't come anywhere near me. No idea what I did in any of these cases.

Liz


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## jo-pop (May 27, 2011)

lizward said:


> Cats can be funny things. I had one here who was the most miserable little git you could imagine - very pretty though. Wouldn't come in if I was by the door, desperate to go out though even if I was there. Catching him was a nightmare, he hated me. I gave him away and within a day he was sitting on their laps being cuddled. By contrast I had one here that I thought was nice and friendly and two weeks later the new owners were onto me saying he hadn't settled and he hates them. And I have another that I hand fed when she was tiny, she loved me then, now she hates me and won't come anywhere near me. No idea what I did in any of these cases.
> 
> Liz


Fickle fickle creatures


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## aliecia (Jul 26, 2011)

First things first, I would see what the vet's says, if the vet gives him a clean bill of health, then it's his personality and as someone else said, he wasn't given enough time to learn to socialize. If it's not a health problem that can be treated, then I would give him the time and space that he needs. Get him some fun toys, attempt to play with him occassionally. Maybe your vet can recommend a cat behaviourist.


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