# I think I may cry - advice needed please



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

My husband was supposed to fax off the last of the paperwork this morning regarding the adoption of the 2 cats we are getting.

Except he has just sent me an email saying when he last spoke to his mum she asked him why we were getting cats as he didn't used to like cats, and her dog doesn't like cats so they won't be able to visit, so now he doesn't want them.

I am so angry. Why agree then? We are booked to get them this week... I don't know what to do now, I am sat here shaking. I hate the fact that the fact that MIL's dog doesn't like cats is a bargaining tool. He hasn't ever lived with cats, he doesn't like them in his garden, most dogs don't, yet they don't bother with cats they know in a house they know. They don't come up very often and when they do they stay for 2 nights, I'm certain it could be organised to keep the animals seperate for 2 nights if they didn't get on, however, I am fairly sure it wouldn't be a problem at all. The dog is old and slow and the cats are curious and friendly.
As for him not liking cats... surely he hadn't forgotten until his mum reminded him... RAH, I am RAGING
What the beep do I do now? Apart from a heavy object to his head


----------



## catbird8 (Jan 30, 2010)

i totally agree with you and feel your anger. your home is your own. it is no one elses business what or who you choose to have in your home. with the proper supervision the cat and dog situation will be fine.
his mother needs to be told that she must be firm with her dog when she comes to your house and she will have to keep him in a seperate room with a locked door. 

she should keep the dog away for a few months so your kitties can settle and be comfortable or they will run away.

however if your hubby really doesnt want the kitties i would reconsider because you dont want to bring kitties into an environment where they will not be 100% loved and wanted. my ex partner hated my boy cat and he sensed it. take some time to think about what to do. talk to hubby:wink:


----------



## ChinaBlue (Feb 3, 2008)

Point out to him that he is NOT living with his mother now and getting these cats means a lot to you and how upset and disappointed you would be (I'm tempted to say if he puts his mum's wants before yours but perhaps I shouldn't as that is a minefield and achieve nothing but that is how I would feel!) Of course his mum can visit - it just means she may have to make alternative arrangements for the dog. You could say that you've accommodated the dog all this time so why can't his mum do the same for any cats you have.

Could you arrange another visit to see the cats and for him to see how lovely they are?


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Thank you for the replies. Am speaking to him right now (over email as he's at work, he couldn't even tell me face to face  ) he just keeps saying that he'll ring the sanctuary for me. Uhhh NO! 

He's not a pet person, I know that, but he's a lovely, kind, gentle man, and animals love him. I know 100% that any cat(s) would be loved and very happy here and that he would be happy once they are here and settled, else I wouldn't have even considered getting cats. I'm just so gutted.
I have told him so, also that I feel like it's just because of his mum's dog that he doesn't want the cats anymore. This isn't a small house, it is more than possible to keep them apart if they absolutely hated each other, but part of the reason I chose the 2 cats I did, is because of their demeanour and I had MIL's dog in mind that he would be visiting and they would have his smell in their house for a few days every 3-4 months or so.

I need some kind of magic wand to make this all go away


----------



## Pheebs (Jun 8, 2011)

Haven't got any advice, just wanted to symapthise. Your MIL sounds as though she wants to control your lives. 

I would be so upset and furious. I hope you manage to sort things out.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

he's now saying that he doesn't want cat hair in his house and on his food. It's like everything I say he has an answer for how awful it is going to be.

My parents always had cats, so until I moved out I have always lived with them. My parents house was always covered in hair, food too, because Tom is a very long haired cat, and he loves on the kitchen work tops. I personally don't like cats on kitchen work tops, and the way our house is laid out, it is possible to keep them out of the kitchen completely, which I like the idea of. I have put this to him and we'll see what other excuse he comes up with. As for hair elsewhere in the house, we have a hoover for goodness sake, and I will be grooming these cats so any shedding won't be too horrific. 

SOrry for sounding off here, I am so utterly devastated


----------



## ChinaBlue (Feb 3, 2008)

Point out that why does he think cat hair is any different to dog hair? I am sure he had dog hair in his meals at his mum's - just didn't see it! Cat hair can be kept to a minimum with 2 minutes daily grooming and lint rollers (not on the cats though:smilewinkgrin. Ask how how he can say these things when he hasn't actually experienced them - this is his mum talking I take it?

I do feel you could suggest he meets you half way - and go and see these cats again in the sanctuary and if he truly feels then that he doesn't want them then you will go along with it......for NOW!!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

ChinaBlue said:


> Point out that why does he think cat hair is any different to dog hair? I am sure he had dog hair in his meals at his mum's - just didn't see it! Cat hair can be kept to a minimum with 2 minutes daily grooming and lint rollers (not on the cats though:smilewinkgrin. Ask how how he can say these things when he hasn't actually experienced them - this is his mum talking I take it?
> 
> I do feel you could suggest he meets you half way - and go and see these cats again in the sanctuary and if he truly feels then that he doesn't want them then you will go along with it......for NOW!!


We have never had any visible dog hair in our food ever, at our house when they visit or at theirs and the dogs eats, drinks and sleeps in the kitchen. The only difference is that obviously the dog can't get onto the worktops, which I won't allow the cats to (doors shut so they won't have access) 
I will try and convince him to go for another visit. Right now I just feel like he is digging his heels in and he will try and 'reason' he can, I just wish he had said all this about 2 months ago. Not just before we go and collect them!


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

It does sound like he is really digging his heels in - mother in laws have a lot to answer for sometimes. Could you gently remind him that he isn't 6 any more and he doesn't have to do what mummy says? He's a big boy now and his reason d'être in life is to make you happy not her! 

If he can't cope with cat hair - tell him MIL will have to visit without the dogs then as you can't cope with dog hair! 
A good long sulk tends to work in this house too. Don't cook, clean or pick up after him, don't talk, don't touch and be VERY depressed and, when he still doesn't get it, vent your spleen with loads of tears.

I think though you are going to either a) get the cats anyway and tell him to lump it or b) wait and work on him over the next few months. Every time he wants something remind him that if he gets it he owes you until you have built up enough points for cats again.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

This made me smile, thank you xx

I would go with option a, except I need him to fax the paperwork from work, if I didn't have to wait for him to do this, we would have the cats by now...


----------



## Spook (Aug 10, 2010)

FloydnFloss said:


> This made me smile, thank you xx
> 
> I would go with option a, except I need him to fax the paperwork from work, if I didn't have to wait for him to do this, we would have the cats by now...


Is it possible to aquire the paperwork yourself and fax it from a shop that can do it for you? Pressuming you don't have one at home.


----------



## Ally-Kats (Jan 8, 2009)

I feel so sorry for you, why does the MIL and her dog even come into the equation, as you say they hardly ever visit. How unkind to get your hopes up and then dash them so suddenly. Men don't they ever think  Talk to hubby again, maybe there's more to it or is he still under the influence of his mum  I hope you can resolve this and I wish you all the luck in the world that it's a happy outcome


----------



## Pheebs (Jun 8, 2011)

He really is being a bit of a s*** if you don't mind me saying. To decide at the last minute that he doesn't want the cats is very mean both to you and the cats who need a home.  

And if one hoovers regularly, grooms the cats and feeds them a good diet, they don't shed that much. 

I feel for you, I really do. I'd want to kill him and MiL.


----------



## NEW2CATS (Aug 28, 2009)

i feel so bad for you

hopefully you will find it easier to convince him face to face when he can actually see how much this means to you.

good luck


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

Hi, I shouldn't have read this one, it's brought back all the MIL conflicts I had with my hubby for years! LOL! 

Could you not go over and sort out the paperwork yourself? I might have missed it but why are you dependant on your husband going through with this transation? If it was up to you to process it all the MIL couldn't 'use' him this way.

Not good advise - but you know that if you do back down this time (from your MIL incidently not your hubby, as she is the one calling the shots here) you may never ever have cats - how could you? you will have agreed to all the silly excuses they have given you, and unless cats become hairless you will always be challenged!

I'm afraid it's a choice your hubby needs to make; keep wifey happy (he lives with you!) or mother superior (didn't he move out to live with you?).

I know what I would do!! 

Best of luck whatever happens. x


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

Ally-Kats said:


> I feel so sorry for you, why does the MIL and her dog even come into the equation, as you say they hardly ever visit. How unkind to get your hopes up and then dash them so suddenly. Men don't they ever think  Talk to hubby again, maybe there's more to it or is he still under the influence of his mum  I hope you can resolve this and I wish you all the luck in the world that it's a happy outcome


Oh no! shouldn't have read this one either.. key word INFLUENCE. A couple of visits a month! Please:cursing:
A visitor to any house family or otherwise has a duty/responsibility to control their own animal - throw it back!

... read my signature! After years, I've finally got a puppy (ok so we have had issues) but I knew I would have one some day. My mother who has always had dogs & cats begged me not to because she is 'allergic' (???) and wouldn't be able to visit anymore! she only ever visited 1 in any 3 months if we we're lucky @ 2 mins in the car! Within 1 week she was there visiting my new little man! LOL

OK rant over. x


----------



## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

Oh I really feel for you. There is no way I would have allowed my husband to change his mind after agreeing and I remember how excited I was to know I was getting a kitten (or two). I would have been gutted if the decision was then reversed for any reason.

My kittens are long haired and I give them a 2 minute groom each day and my flat is not covered in cat fur at all and neither are my clothes. They sit on the sofa all the time but I can't see any fur here. There is some in their basket and on the cat tree but it just gets hoovered once a week so it doesn't get around. My kitten likes jumping on the kitchen counter too, but a few "No's!" stop him from doing it. I have *never* had cat fur in my food and the cats are not allowed in the room when we are eating or when I am cooking - unless they sit quietly in their basket watching me, which they are now happy to do.

I would keep putting your point of view across as it is both of your homes, and definitely NOT you MIL's.

Good luck!


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

I can really sympathise with someone being torn between parent and spouse but this isn't something which is going to change his mother's life in any major way. Sounds like either the MIL is interfering because she doesn't like cats and doesn't like her son thinking for himself or he didn't really want them and has turned to his mother for excuses at the last minute. Either way, it's you two who have to sort it out between you. It's nothing to do with his mother.

BTW - I am a MIL. I live by the old adage that my position as such entitles me to no more than to keep my purse open and my mouth closed


----------



## Quinzell (Mar 14, 2011)

Eeek this scares me and reminds me of past boyfriends! Some mums can be quite controlling of their boys and see their partner as competition for his affections! 

I would have a serious conversation with him about this as it won't just be the cats that she will be interfering with. I would also say to him that if he bases his decision on his mums wishes then she is no longer welcome in YOUR house! Be tough. This is about your life with him, not hers.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

The only fax machine is the one at his work, plus he still has to ask his boss to write the character reference (I'm presuming he hasn't don't this yet) 

Like a previous poster said, the worst bit is that he got my hopes up and grew to it, the cats are now no longer up for rehoming so may have missed another good home if he had said all this when we first looked into rehoming cats.

He has tried ringing the house twice but I can't answer, I'm so upset. I feel like a kid asking her dad if he can have a pet, not his wife and equal


----------



## Merenwenrago (Sep 5, 2010)

FloydnFloss said:


> This made me smile, thank you xx
> 
> I would go with option a, except I need him to fax the paperwork from work, if I didn't have to wait for him to do this, we would have the cats by now...


Why can't you go and fax the paperwork? if it is the matter of finding a fax machine I'm sure some shop has one for you to use at a fee.

I would rather pay the fee than have your husband stalling your decision


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

havoc said:


> I can really sympathise with someone being torn between parent and spouse but this isn't something which is going to change his mother's life in any major way. Sounds like either the MIL is interfering because she doesn't like cats and doesn't like her son thinking for himself or he didn't really want them and has turned to his mother for excuses at the last minute. Either way, it's you two who have to sort it out between you. It's nothing to do with his mother.
> 
> BTW - I am a MIL. I live by the old adage that my position as such entitles me to no more than to keep my purse open and my mouth closed


I have learn't this too! Yes - Keep it sweet - it's their lives not yours.


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

havoc said:


> I can really sympathise with someone being torn between parent and spouse but this isn't something which is going to change his mother's life in any major way. Sounds like either the MIL is interfering because she doesn't like cats and doesn't like her son thinking for himself or he didn't really want them and has turned to his mother for excuses at the last minute. Either way, it's you two who have to sort it out between you. It's nothing to do with his mother.
> 
> BTW - I am a MIL. I live by the old adage that my position as such entitles me to no more than to keep my purse open and my mouth closed


I agree totally I am MIL to all three of my kids o/hs and I keep out of all their problems, arguments and what have you sometimes my daughter will come round and say will you tell him this will you tell him that and I just say you have to sort it out! I think your MIL needs to step back and let you talk i cannot see for the life of me what it has to do with her whether you have cats or not I have 2 dogs who dislike cats out side our home but play with my 2 cats

Viv xx


----------



## missye87 (Apr 4, 2011)

MIL needs to butt out!!


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

Hi,


First off big ((((hugs)))) from me and Alfie, if that was me in your position I'd be equally as devistated! I remember sitting here myself convincing the OH to let me get a kitten, little bugger decided the answer was yes the weekend before he put me out of my misery and he'd already bought toys and bedding for it by that point! He now loves Alfie to bits and I don't know which one of them if the daftest!

I think MIL needs to be told to butt out! this is your house and your decision, you are being generous enough letting her stay over on the occasional visit let alone her dog! you aren't going to end up with cat hair everywhere, especially if your going to keep them out the kitchen and keep up regular grooming!! Do the docs have to be faxed or can you scan them and email them to the centre??

Keep us all posted.

Ems x


----------



## we love bsh's (Mar 28, 2011)

spid said:


> It does sound like he is really digging his heels in - mother in laws have a lot to answer for sometimes. Could you gently remind him that he isn't 6 any more and he doesn't have to do what mummy says? He's a big boy now and his reason d'être in life is to make you happy not her!
> 
> If he can't cope with cat hair - tell him MIL will have to visit without the dogs then as you can't cope with dog hair!
> A good long sulk tends to work in this house too. Don't cook, clean or pick up after him, don't talk, don't touch and be VERY depressed and, when he still doesn't get it, vent your spleen with loads of tears.
> ...


I like your kind of thinking-lol


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Merenwenrago said:


> Why can't you go and fax the paperwork? if it is the matter of finding a fax machine I'm sure some shop has one for you to use at a fee.
> 
> I would rather pay the fee than have your husband stalling your decision


If it was just the fax then I could post it or find another fax, but I need his boss to do the character reference  I thought this had been done after a previous thread of mine asking for advice, but it would now appear that my husband hasn't passed on any of that info. I wish I had found someone else instead of his boss, then it would all be done by now.



havoc said:


> he didn't really want them and has turned to his mother for excuses at the last minute.


I fear this is it, and I am so SO angry at him for leaving it until now to say. Gutted for myself but also it means I have mucked about the lovely lady at the animal sanctuary for NOTHING. Eurgh.

He has gone out for a run instead of having lunch and I'm glad, I am devastated but mostly very very angry and if he was here right now I feel there'd be a big argument and the kids are about so I am not having that.

He is also going to have to explain to his 5 year old daughter why she isn't getting a cat after all and believe me, she is incredibly excited right now. I am not comforting her, he can do it and explain why he got her hopes up. I did the initial visit without her because I knew how attached she would get and that she wouldn't handle not getting cats if she had been and stroked them and chosen some. *sigh*

Sorry I'm rambling now 
No one has a magic wand for me then?  New husband? Pah


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

Hopefully his run will clear his head and he'll decide he's not Mummys little boy anymore!!!!

I know it's mean but...... can't you get the kids to make him feel so guilty he backs down..... anyway sounds like he hasn't said an outright no, just he's having second thoughts..... do it anyway!! can't you find someone else who can quickly do a character reference for you so you can do all the docs yourself?

Surely it just has to be someone who has known you for "x" amount of years?? Friend, Colleague, neighbour, vet/ vet nurse (if you've had animals before)

Ems xxx


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

So who do you know who could do YOU a character witness? Doctor? Solicitor? Best friend who is in a position of responsibility? Bank manager? Upstanding person in the community......? If you REALLY want these kittens hun, then you have to get up and do it yourself!!!! Sod the OH, he's told you you can have them so damn well go and get them!!!! If he's changed his mind well tough!!! The ball is now rolling and you're not prepared to stop it. Once you've got them, he'll soon grow to love them.

And as for the MIL - tell her to do this....


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> So who do you know who could do YOU a character witness? Doctor? Solicitor? Best friend who is in a position of responsibility? Bank manager? Upstanding person in the community......? If you REALLY want these kittens hun, then you have to get up and do it yourself!!!! Sod the OH, he's told you you can have them so damn well go and get them!!!! If he's changed his mind well tough!!! The ball is now rolling and you're not prepared to stop it. Once you've got them, he'll soon grow to love them.
> 
> And as for the MIL - tell her to do this....


MB Love it!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

We used to have chickens and I did use the local vets for them so I could try them, do you reckon if I popped into town they would give me a reference there and then?


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> We used to have chickens and I did use the local vets for them so I could try them, do you reckon if I popped into town they would give me a reference there and then?


Give them a ring and see if it's something they would be able to do for you before heading down there, there must be someone else you know other than your OH's boss that would be able to write it for you... that way you can get that sorted even if he gets back and is still digging his heels in... then get the kids to guilt trip him... nothing worse than a child throwing a tantrum like that!! Actually perhaps the site of a grown woman throwing an equally as loud tantrum at him at the same time would give you even more of an edge  :crazy:


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

My husband is in the RAF so no one here that will count as a reference apart from his boss has known us for any period of time. It's all connected to him. 
I will call the vet when he goes back to work this afternoon and see if they can help me out.

Thank you xx


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

If this was my husband, he'd be getting some of this....


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> My husband is in the RAF so no one here that will count as a reference apart from his boss has known us for any period of time. It's all connected to him.
> I will call the vet when he goes back to work this afternoon and see if they can help me out.
> 
> Thank you xx


Good luck, may also be worth checking with the rescue centre who else it would be ok to use as a reference.... just say your having trouble getting hold of the OH's boss to get it done and wondered if there was anything else you could do.... don't say the OH is being an a£$%hole just yet!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> If this was my husband, he'd be getting some of this....


Believe me, if I don't get these cats now, this will happen, for now I am doing everything I can think of to get him to rechange his mind


----------



## Guest (Jul 25, 2011)

Tell him if he lets you and your children down now that you will stop doing things for him. Stop cooking food for him, stop ironing his clothes, stop doing his dishes and make him very un-easy.

How very selfish of him to get your hopes up and the lady at the rescue and your children then change his mind. *hugs*


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

There are two ways of sorting him out:

*Option A:*










OR

*Option B:*










I know which of the two would be more successful with my hubby.....


----------



## wellsandmittens (May 29, 2011)

OP I am so sorry, your husband is out of line and you must be so disappointed. The MIL should stay out of it, however at the end of the day he is the one who is listening to her, possibly because he was looking for an "out". Try not to go behind his back though - if I did that to my oh it would lead to no end of rows, it is his home too. I am not defending his behaviour but you can't force it on him. It wouldn't be fair to your daughter or the poor cats if they ended up in the middle of WWIII!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

wellsandmittens said:


> OP I am so sorry, your husband is out of line and you must be so disappointed. The MIL should stay out of it, however at the end of the day he is the one who is listening to her, possibly because he was looking for an "out". Try not to go behind his back though - if I did that to my oh it would lead to no end of rows, it is his home too. I am not defending his behaviour but you can't force it on him. It wouldn't be fair to your daughter or the poor cats if they ended up in the middle of WWIII!


Oh I know, thank you xx
I am going for the silence option at the moment (mainly because I can't think of anything nice to say...) will see what this afternoon brings


----------



## wellsandmittens (May 29, 2011)

Keep us posted, still can't believe he would leave it to the 11th hour before changing his mind, it's awful


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

Sorry, i think i would take the blunt approach of telling your daughter, "sorry darling, you cant have your cat/kitten, your dad said no, grannie doesnt want to visit us with her dog with your cat in the house" and saying it in front of him. Hopefully it will make him feel [email protected]@@ when your daughter gets upset and cries

Sorry its blunt, but he lives with you and not his mum

Good luck xxx


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> The only fax machine is the one at his work, plus he still has to ask his boss to write the character reference (I'm presuming he hasn't don't this yet)
> 
> Like a previous poster said, the worst bit is that he got my hopes up and grew to it, the cats are now no longer up for rehoming so may have missed another good home if he had said all this when we first looked into rehoming cats.
> He has tried ringing the house twice but I can't answer, I'm so upset. I feel like a kid asking her dad if he can have a pet, not his wife and equal


Oh I feel really soooo sorry for you! :crying:I used to ignore the phone when I was too upset to speak.  It all just makes your relationship with OH more difficult. Even resentful in my case on a bad day. :cursing: There are others that need re-homing and there ALWAYS will be.

I think what has happened here though is something much deeper than re-homing cats you had your heart set on. It's highlighted, and is more about your relationship with your hubby/OH. 
This needs sorting first I'm afraid, before you even think about getting any other animal to care for; because you will be faced with the same problem! ... and the same knock backs from your OH. The cats may have gone now to another home - you need to move on - but your OH and MIL haven't. 
I don't mean to be too personal but I do psycho-analise everything. I do think it all happened for a reason - it needs sorting - you can't be hurt like this again.


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

welshjet said:


> Sorry, i think i would take the blunt approach of telling your daughter, "sorry darling, you cant have your cat/kitten, your dad said no, grannie doesnt want to visit us with her dog with your cat in the house" and saying it in front of him. Hopefully it will make him feel [email protected]@@ when your daughter gets upset and cries
> 
> Sorry its blunt, but he lives with you and not his mum
> 
> Good luck xxx


 Sounds like saying to the kid... it's the kittens or granny.... I know which I'd pick.... sorry granny


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

My husband was in the RAF for years, as was my father. Not once in all that time did anyone suggest we needed a reference from a superior to adopt an animal - and we adopted plenty. Either find another shelter or find out the real problem with your OH. The suggestion, from yourself and others, of using a five year old child as some sort of emotional weapon in this battle is quite honestly reprehensible.


----------



## ChinaBlue (Feb 3, 2008)

Thinking about it - try another front. Could you ring your MIL and tell her in a very polite way to butt out and tell her she has upset and disappointed her granddaughter no end. Ask her what on earth did she think she was doing by interfering. You and your OH had come to a decision TOGETHER about these cats and just because she has a dog and doesn't want to be inconvenienced she has caused a LOT OF UPSET. Make *her* feel guilty.


----------



## PolkaDotty (Jun 24, 2011)

Thing is, he may just be using his mother as an excuse. It doesn't sound like he really wants them or, at the very least, he is having second thoughts about having pets.

I don't advise the 'like it or lump it' approach because, well, if the shoe was on the other foot it wouldn't be very nice for your other half to commit to something that you were opposed to. 

By the sounds of it, his 'no' isn't a firm one. I think you can work on him. He is an absolute sh** for pulling this, though.


----------



## Noz73 (Jul 21, 2011)

My hubby always said that he was "allergic" to cats!

We have had cats for over a year now and no reaction.

Can't you just get the paperwork and mail it or get someone else to fax it?

Blokes are just arses sometime and need put in their place.

You could give him the "cats or me" ultimatum - and don't get me started on M-I-L'S:cursing:


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

havoc said:


> My husband was in the RAF for years, as was my father. Not once in all that time did anyone suggest we needed a reference from a superior to adopt an animal - and we adopted plenty. Either find another shelter or find out the real problem with your OH. The suggestion, from yourself and others, of using a five year old child as some sort of emotional weapon in this battle is quite honestly reprehensible.


When did I say I was going to use my child as an emotional weapon 
I just said that I was devastated he left it so long to say he didn't want cats as we have already told her they are coming to live with us and that means we now have to tell her they aren't and I can't do that. It is going to break my heart to watch her get so upset 

The Blue Cross have asked for a character reference, from a vet or a superior, the superior seemed to be the quickest option at the time. How wrong was I 

I agree with previous posters that I think he is using his mum as an excuse, however the fact that he waited until the last minute to do this is what is making me angry as it means I have wasted the rehoming centres time, time they could have spent finding the cats another home


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

RKD said:


> Oh I feel really soooo sorry for you! :crying:I used to ignore the phone when I was too upset to speak.  It all just makes your relationship with OH more difficult. Even resentful in my case on a bad day. :cursing: There are others that need re-homing and there ALWAYS will be.
> 
> I think what has happened here though is something much deeper than re-homing cats you had your heart set on. It's highlighted, and is more about your relationship with your hubby/OH.
> This needs sorting first I'm afraid, before you even think about getting any other animal to care for; because you will be faced with the same problem! ... and the same knock backs from your OH. The cats may have gone now to another home - you need to move on - but your OH and MIL haven't.
> I don't mean to be too personal but I do psycho-analise everything. I do think it all happened for a reason - it needs sorting - you can't be hurt like this again.


Sorry, I think me and autocorrect on my phone had a moment here, the cats aren't up for rehoming anymore because in the centre's eyes they are ours. So when other people have come to look for cats to adopt they weren't shown Floyd and Floss. That's why I'm so angry at my husband, what if in this time that we have been setting up for these cats to be ours, another perfect home for them was looking around, but F&F missed out and now could be at the centre so much longer, all because of us :crying:


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> When did I say I was going to use my child as an emotional weapon


You weren't the worst by a long way but:-


> He is also going to have to explain to his 5 year old daughter why she isn't getting a cat after all and believe me, she is incredibly excited right now. I am not comforting her, he can do it and explain why he got her hopes up


You are angry and upset. What's more we all understand why. However, you are one of the grown ups in this situation and if those cats are not coming to your home as expected then your daughter doesn't need any extra upset. She *does* need you to comfort her.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

havoc said:


> You weren't the worst by a long way but:-
> 
> You are angry and upset. What's more we all understand why. However, you are one of the grown ups in this situation and if those cats are not coming to your home as expected then your daughter doesn't need any extra upset. She *does* need you to comfort her.


Of course I know that, I am not going to lock myself away from her, but what I meant by that is that I personally can't tell her that this huge event she is terrifically excited about isn't happening. Therefore he is going to have to tell her, not because I am punishing him or her, but because I can't do it. She has asked about them about 10 times already and she is literally buzzing with excitement - my heart is already breaking for her. 
Like you said I'm angry and upset, but I am not using my daughter as emotional blackmail and I'm insulted that you think that


----------



## shyboots (Jun 29, 2011)

Could you go with the 'you've made a commitment already, it is too late to back out' argument? How many people are unhappy to get the cats? 2 - and one of those doesn't live with you! How many people totally want this to happen? You, your daughter, the staff at the rescue centre plus the kittens themselves wanting a new home! So its at least 4-2 in your favour. If its slightly inconvenient to him...not a good reason to let all those people down.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

I have explained that it is so last minute etc. His answer "well no money have changed hands"
That hurt me, like the big deal in this is money! The big deal is rehoming 2 animals that had an awful start in life, yes I am a little miffed that I have bought a load of stuff already but I will happily donate that the the centre to make up for the inconvenience. 

Sorry, I'm rambling here and typing too fast so excuse spelling/grammar (lack of) 

Thank you for letting me unload guys xx


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

havoc said:


> My husband was in the RAF for years, as was my father. Not once in all that time did anyone suggest we needed a reference from a superior to adopt an animal - and we adopted plenty. Either find another shelter or find out the real problem with your OH. The suggestion, from yourself and others, of using a five year old child as some sort of emotional weapon in this battle is quite honestly reprehensible.


Perhaps your on at me with this post,

But:

1. I have not suggested to use her daughter as emotional blackmail
2. When has telling a child the truth become emotional blackmail.

Surely a child should now the reason why now she is not allowed to have her pet, its nothing that the child has done, and imo her father has now said no, surely he should now take the responsibilty of telling his daughter why


----------



## Alfride (May 19, 2011)

welshjet said:


> Sorry, i think i would take the blunt approach of telling your daughter, "sorry darling, you cant have your cat/kitten, your dad said no, grannie doesnt want to visit us with her dog with your cat in the house" and saying it in front of him. Hopefully it will make him feel [email protected]@@ when your daughter gets upset and cries
> 
> Sorry its blunt, but he lives with you and not his mum
> 
> Good luck xxx


I have to say I do not agree with this. This is not the girl's fault and why should she have to suffer just because her dad is acting like a dick.

To FloydnFloss I am glad you are not acting up and bringing the children into this. My advise would be to try to talk calmly to your OH and explain to him how he cannot do this to your children and you. This is not about hair in the food or whatever excuses he comes up with. This is about him agreeing to give these fury babies a home with you and then backtracking when it is to late.

If this little girl is anything like me she will always blame him and maybe you for this. I was not allowed a cat or a dog as a child even though I begged for it every day. I still bug my parents about it but luckily they never promised me a pet and then backtracked  that would have been so unbelievably cruel.

I hope he changes this mind and not to much drama is needed. He really needs to act as a responsible adult!


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Is it at all possible - to throw in an idea from the left-field here - that with all the cuts being made within the MOD at the moment that he's concerned that his job may be at risk and that there could be a chance that you couldn't afford the cats a bit futher down the line.......????? He doesn't want to say this in case you worry or get upset so he's using his mum as an excuse.

As I say, this is just a throw-away idea that has popped into my head...


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Alfride said:


> I have to say I do not agree with this. This is not the girl's fault and why should she have to suffer just because her dad is acting like a dick.
> 
> To FloydnFloss I am glad you are not acting up and bringing the children into this. My advise would be to try to talk calmly to your OH and explain to him how he cannot do this to your children and you. This is not about hair in the food or whatever excuses he comes up with. This is about him agreeing to give these fury babies a home with you and then backtracking when it is to late.
> 
> ...


A bloke act like a RESPONSIBLE ADULT......?????

That'll be the day!!!!!!!! hmy:


----------



## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

How about when he comes home tonight you sit down and discuss all the pro's and cons together before making up your minds and notifying the rescue shelter and your daughter of your decision. 

PROs
Having any pet is wonderfully educational for a child and is a fantastic stress reliever.
Dogs and cats can learn to tolerate each other, or the dog can be outside when your MIL visits.
How often does MIL come over
(Is he away a lot?) If so, my husband said the fact the the cats will be fantastic company for you when he is would be a good pro.
Kittens will be given a loving home as promised and you would always feel good about having rescued them
Watching a child/kitten grow together is a priceless experience.



CONs
Husband doesn't like cats (Answer: A lot of people feel that way before getting their own cat)
MIL doesn't like them (Answer: How often does she visit - perhaps you could go to her instead?)
Cat fur in Food (Answer: Cats can be kept out of food prep area if needs be, or be trained not to jump on counters. Easier to do with kittens)
Cat Fur in general (Answer; Cat grooming can be done for 5 minutes each day which limits fur shedding and is very therapeutic. Also cuts down on furballs)

Prepare yourself for answers to all his misgivings, but try and leave emotional issues out of it, as a lot of men can easily detach logic from emotion.


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

Alfride said:


> I have to say I do not agree with this. This is not the girl's fault and why should she have to suffer just because her dad is acting like a dick.
> 
> To FloydnFloss I am glad you are not acting up and bringing the children into this. My advise would be to try to talk calmly to your OH and explain to him how he cannot do this to your children and you. This is not about hair in the food or whatever excuses he comes up with. This is about him agreeing to give these fury babies a home with you and then backtracking when it is to late.
> 
> ...


Surely her daughter needs to know why now she cannot have her pet, at the end of the day surely her father who said yes getting his daughter's hope up should tell his daughter the truth he should be made to realise how upset he has made his daughter.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> Is it at all possible - to throw in an idea from the left-field here - that with all the cuts being made within the MOD at the moment that he's concerned that his job may be at risk and that there could be a chance that you couldn't afford the cats a bit futher down the line.......????? He doesn't want to say this in case you worry or get upset so he's using his mum as an excuse.
> 
> As I say, this is just a throw-away idea that has popped into my head...


Thankfully not, his is one of the jobs that are very safe at the moment (touch wood!) His trade is not one of those that will be offered redundancies as far as I'm aware, however if this is in his mind I just wish he would have told me.

I really do appreciate all of the replies, as you can tell I am really full of many emotions right now. I am hoping to have a proper conversation with him when the kids are in bed tonight. I am not giving up on these cats, it's not something I decided on a whim, it's something we discussed for a long time (I have wanted cats since we moved in together, but with having very young children or being pregnant for most of that time we agreed it wasn't a responsible thing to do. I am so upset that finally it's the right time and he has decided it's not, and his timing is appalling!

I need to go and burn some angry energy off so I shall clean my carpets - I just got a new carpet cleaner too so will take my frustrations out on that!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Lumboo said:


> How about when he comes home tonight you sit down and discuss all the pro's and cons together before making up your minds and notifying the rescue shelter and your daughter of your decision.
> 
> PROs
> Having any pet is wonderfully educational for a child and is a fantastic stress reliever.
> ...


Thank you, this is a fab idea. I have already pointed out these pros to him but not all at once, and the same with the cons and the solutions to them.

Thank you xx


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

I don't think this is as black and white as is being painted here. I'm not suggesting for one minute that the bloke has behaved well but I'm now not at all sure the MIL is the problem. I am wondering if there would have been a problem at all if it weren't for this character reference thing. I can well imagine him being very worried at the reaction of his superior if he even asks for such a thing. Character references in the military are for courts not for cats. He stands the risk of being either bollocked for wasting time or being laughed at. Neither are great prospects for a bloke's ego.


----------



## K337 (May 20, 2011)

Wow, I really hope he changes his mind! Can't think of much constructive advice sorry, apart from the fact that I hope returning all the things you've brought will be his job and that "money has changed hands" in that sense. 

Just wishing you, and your daughter some luck.


----------



## Alfride (May 19, 2011)

welshjet said:


> Surely her daughter needs to know why now she cannot have her pet, at the end of the day surely her father who said yes getting his daughter's hope up should tell his daughter the truth he should be made to realise how upset he has made his daughter.


Sure, he needs to be the one telling her. I just think it would be reasonable to calm down a little and reasoning with him before bringing the child into it. He needs to understand what he is doing to her  how will she ever be able to truly trust him again! I just hate when parents bring their children into drama.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

havoc said:


> I don't think this is as black and white as is being painted here. I'm not suggesting for one minute that the bloke has behaved well but I'm now not at all sure the MIL is the problem. I am wondering if there would have been a problem at all if it weren't for this character reference thing. I can well imagine him being very worried at the reaction of his superior if he even asks for such a thing. Character references in the military are for courts not for cats. He stands the risk of being either bollocked for wasting time or being laughed at. Neither are great prospects for a bloke's ego.


I see your point but I know his boss very well, and can assure you this isn't the case, and I expect the reason he hasn't just asked his boss to write the thing (or just type out something and ask the guy to sign it) is because he is/was stalling.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Vet Has come up trumps, reference ready for me to pick up whenever I'm ready... 
Just need to sort the husband out now


----------



## havoc (Dec 8, 2008)

> Vet Has come up trumps, reference ready for me to pick up whenever I'm ready...


Great stuff! At least you can get to the root of the problem with the paperwork issues put aside.


----------



## Kitty_pig (Apr 9, 2011)

Hope you can talk him round xxxxx


----------



## Viki (Jul 16, 2009)

Lots to catch up on but good luck now you have the reference, you just need to sit down and have a good chat about it, i'm sure he will come around. I have always had pets and never food in my dinner, thats silly!

You have made me realise im glad the cat came before the man, no choice on that one, im sure you OH would love them given the chance, as someone else said you don't realise what fun and joy pets give you until you have them! Plus seeing your daughter so happy should be a reason to keep them for any dad!

good luck x


----------



## HelloKittyHannah (Nov 18, 2010)

Option 1 - Rehome the husband then you have plenty of room for *several* cats 

Ok obviously that's a joke, but I don't blame you for being seriously miffed about the way he's gone about this  It's bad enough he's let you down, but on top of that he's letting down his daughter!

I hope you can come to some kind of agreement over this. I wouldn't suggest going ahead and getting them without him being on board though (unless you like option one I came up with  )


----------



## tabithatabby (Dec 29, 2009)

it sounds as if you really need to get to the bottom of why he has changed his mind - the MIL is a diversion really, an excuse, an acceptable way out of it - you need to find out why he wants a way out of it, calmly and quietly. it's unfortunate and disappointing to have gone so far down a major course of action - taking on pets is a big commitment particularly with a young child who is going to be so upset - so that needs to be talked out, the why let me go on so far with this for you then to undermine me. is this typical of your decision making together? I could have seen it as a commitment thing if you didn't already have a child - as pets are a commitment and some men don't want to sign up for that.

my ex partner never wanted pets, i managed to get 1 cat but he never really wanted her, and when we split up after 15 years, i wanted to leave her there as she was old and settled, but he wouldn't keep her, so i had to uproot her which wasn't in her best interests. 

in a way it summed up to my why we were splitting up, in that we had different directions we wanted to go on. interestingly, he never in the years we were together ever stood up to his MIL either! never put me first - she was a very clever manipulative woman, very charming but with a steel will, i was terrified of her at first, but ended up learning how to handle her by just ignoring what she wanted me to do, and being very nice and kind, like organising things for her on Mothering Sunday (her son never got round to it) and on her birthday, little treats, but just avoiding the nub of the matter which was why we were living together and not married which was what she wanted. In fact I refused to marry him just to annoy her as it would have given her such pleasure!

i am sure this isn't where you are but you need to clear the air without a falling out and find out why he has changed his mind, and then agree, together, if this is the final decision and if so how your daughter is to be told, by him, or together. and if you tell her together, you need to be honest with her that you are also disapointed. he can feel as guilty as he needs to! i don't think it is a good idea to go ahead with the cats until/unless you can get some insight into why/what has changed his mind.

if the MIL situation is an issue on other subjects, then you need to address it and agree together that you are a team and don't undermine each other - hopefully it isn't and this is just a hiccup regarding cats.


----------



## nejlika12 (Jul 25, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear this OP. To be honest, I ended up separating with a man cause of this, and yes we have children. Couldnt go on living a life with a man not wanting animals in the house.


----------



## gloworm*mushroom (Mar 4, 2011)

I could not deal with someone changing their mind last minute like that, its incredibly unfair.

I know what i would be doing, but then I dont have children with my OH. He also puts up with the random animals I bring home too, he might say he is unhappy but he always comes round to loving them


----------



## HelloKittyHannah (Nov 18, 2010)

gloworm*mushroom said:


> I could not deal with someone changing their mind last minute like that, its incredibly unfair.
> 
> I know what i would be doing, but then I dont have children with my OH. He also puts up with the random animals I bring home too, he might say he is unhappy but he always comes round to loving them


Mines the same! He had no warning about the 2 cats I took on and he DID moan, but was fine about it within half an hour of meeting them lol. Big softy that he is, he wouldn't have seen them homeless anyway 

I don't personally think I could stick with a man that didn't want pets. To me that is almost on par with not wanting children!


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> Vet Has come up trumps, reference ready for me to pick up whenever I'm ready...
> Just need to sort the husband out now


Yay glad they were able to help  That's one part sorted at least. Good luck. xx


----------



## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

Hi,

Followed the your thread today and i feel so very sorry for the situation you find yourself in 

I think everyone has covered the issues with MIL getting involved (I agree !!)

The only thing i can say is your OH really needs to be sort of on board for this to work out.

However when i first suggested getting a kitten nearly a yr ago, my OH was dead against it. He was not a cat fan at all !! But i worked on him and in the end he agreed if took care of everything to do with the kitten.

It took him precisely 48 hrs to fall in love with Honey and now nearly 1 yr later and two kittens later he loves them to death 

He's smitten. Really hope you can work this one out 

Kelly xx


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

tabithatabby said:


> it sounds as if you really need to get to the bottom of why he has changed his mind - the MIL is a diversion really, an excuse, an acceptable way out of it - you need to find out why he wants a way out of it, calmly and quietly. it's unfortunate and disappointing to have gone so far down a major course of action - taking on pets is a big commitment particularly with a young child who is going to be so upset - so that needs to be talked out, the why let me go on so far with this for you then to undermine me. is this typical of your decision making together? I could have seen it as a commitment thing if you didn't already have a child - as pets are a commitment and some men don't want to sign up for that.
> 
> my ex partner never wanted pets, i managed to get 1 cat but he never really wanted her, and when we split up after 15 years, i wanted to leave her there as she was old and settled, but he wouldn't keep her, so i had to uproot her which wasn't in her best interests.
> 
> ...


Thank you, I really appreciate your thoughts. We actually have 3 children (5, 3 and 21 months) and have been married nearly 5 years now. 
I will be having a conversation with him, rest assured, but am waiting until the children are in bed so we can be honest without worrying about who's listening.
Usually decisions are joint, we talk, talk some more, then decide. He has done something similar once before, when we went to buy a new car (he took me to look at some he liked, we found one that suited us best, so I looked it over for things we could barter the price down on, etc etc only for him to say he wasn't going to buy a car he just wanted to look  - I had serious words with him as he hadn't told me any of this at the time and he was talking to salesmen etc so he had me baffled. Then a few months later he said he wanted a brand new one (the same as the one we looked at  ) I had 'the conversation' with him that time as well, asking him to at least keep me in the loop and not to make me feel like I was always in the dark!

Overall though, I would like to say that he is a fabulous man, husband and father. He isn't a nasty man, he loves me and the children more than anything, I am pretty spoilt in many ways and am very happy. obviously he just doesn't want pets, but I am so very disappointed that he let me get this far along the process, saying yes he is happy to get the cats, to then say no just before we get them. I'm hoping he can be honest with me this evening, but to be frank I'm having a hard time convincing myself that whatever he says is valid  Not that his feelings are valid, but purely that his timing is so shockingly crap that it completely overrules everything in my mind right now


----------



## lechatnoir83 (Jun 24, 2011)

Get the paperwork, local library, fax machine, bam sorted and done....? Well maybe not quite so easy but its an idea!? Not that I'd suggest you went behind his back or anything... ahem! (The fact I'm stubborn and don't let boyfriends tell me what to do might be why I'm not married! )

Thing is if he's suddenly putting up barriers then he's obviously got a mum complex... its not just men who are like this I have a friend in her 30s who owns her own place and wanted a pet but her mum said no... so she doesn't have one, odd as her parents don't even come to stay!! But got no idea what causes that! 

Not much help but at least you know it's not only your husband who behaves like this!


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

I'm furious with your MIL! Unless she's blind and her dog is a guide dog... How dare her put her dog's needs before yours? And who said that the cats and dogs can't live in harmony? 

I'd prepare two lists to give her choice (because I'm sooo nice today)

a. kennels near her house where she can leave the dog when she visits

b. hotels that are pet friendly near your home if she doesn't want to share the house with the cats.


----------



## Gernella (Dec 14, 2008)

I have read right through this thread and I really feel the pain that you are having. The same problem arose in our house last year when our older cat died and my husband didn't want to replace her. This I think was more due to an age barrier than anything. As he has got older, now well over 70, pets that die have affected him deeply. I on the other hand mourn but then feel the need for another. I have not given up though, still count the weeks since we lost our little girl, and I will not give up, there are so many wanting homes at the moment. I'm taking the softly softly approach and playing the long game.

If the idea had come from his MIL, then I'm afraid MIL would have put in her place well and truly, row or no row, they should not interfere. Children need pets, it teaches lessons for later life. It really does annoy me when men take this approach because you are the little wife at home and he is the boss. Sometimes you really have to play dirty and I think now is the time. Good luck.


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

FloydnFloss said:


> My husband is in the RAF


I'd forgotten this bit - and sorry if this is all resolved but haven't read the next four pages - remind him about the destabalising effect HIS life, HIS career, HIS job choice have on you and your daughter. You have sacrificed an awful lot to move around the country with him at the drop of a hat, who knows when that call up for an out of area will come etc. HE OWES YOU BIG TIME. If he won't give in send him to the mess for a night or two to consider his options. Funny how a night or two on those thin beds can make them see sense. Getting a cat will be a stabalising influence for your daughter, something to love and care for and take her mind off the times when he is away.


----------



## Jayne31 (Apr 9, 2011)

I've not had much MIL experience as mine never wanted to meet me (she still caused problems from afar though) - long story  - and then Satan needed a stand-in when he went on holiday and called for her.

Having read all this I do wonder, like others, is this more hubby than MIL, is he just hiding behind her skirts rather than manning up and saying how he really feels. Does he really not like cats or is it MIL who doesn't?

I do think he's a g*t for doing this to you and the children, and I agree that he should have to explain to them the reasons for the U turn - and I'm not advocating using the children as some sort of blackmail.

Hope this works out for you, but should you feel the need to clump him over the head I do know a good solicitor......


----------



## kerfuffle (Nov 23, 2010)

*BIG HUGS*

I hope things are getting sorted and I do hope two lovely kittens are going to their forever home soon.  I say sod the MIL, it's your and your hubby's home (and the kids', obviously), decide as a nuclear family only and forget what anyone else thinks. Visitors (MIL included) should abide by the house rules when they come around, not dictate them!

I made it clear to my OH that the cat is MY cat (and therefore MY responsibility) when we first got Percy, and my OH now loves the cat and gives him a cuddle and puts him to bed every night. Very strange turn of events, but I hope your hubby will have the same change of heart.


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> There are two ways of sorting him out:
> 
> *Option A:*
> 
> ...


MB I love your sense of humour!!!!! I know which one my OH would prefer - but I'm afraid I'd be sooooo angry I'd go for option 1.


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> Vet Has come up trumps, reference ready for me to pick up whenever I'm ready...
> Just need to sort the husband out now


Sorth nothing! Just do it! Good Luck! xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## jenniferx (Jan 23, 2009)

I always think open communication is the only way forward with conflict like this, no games or second guessing what each other are thinking.
You should sit down with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel- ask him why he led you down the garden path about this and his 100% honest reasons for not wanting them. Get it all out on the table! The less confrontational you can be the better because if you go in with 'attack mode' you'll only get 'defence mode' back. Make sure he knows how much having these cats means to you and see where you can go from there?


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Thanks all.
We haven't spoken yet, he's acting like all is fine and to be honest I'm still quite angry at the way he's done this so any conversation would just be me being angry and him just putting a wall up as the previous poster said. I am getting the vet reference tomorrow and I will send everything off to their appropriate place and then I will beat him over the head until he agrees/have an adult conversation...


----------



## jenny armour (Feb 28, 2010)

i would almost be inclined to speak to his mother about this. would she be the type of person to feel guilty on what she has done?


----------



## tabithatabby (Dec 29, 2009)

you're right to avoid a real discussion until you are less emotional/angry (with justification) and he is on transmit/respond mode as otherwise it is going to be a wasted opportunity.

the car thing is strange, don't understand it either. i always like to think people operate rationally but i do sometimes find men don't. I have an endless argument with my husband over maps.....to me, a map should be in the car, to him, it should be in the house for looking at. so everytime we go somewhere and get lost and would like to look at a map there is never one in the car.....and that's before we get to the argument that women cannot read maps.....i keep putting them back in the car, buy another map, i think i may hide one in the boot. it's a bit like a man's inability to put anything in a bin. they are curious creatures.

a good point was made about the nature of his job, the rootlessness it can make the rest of the family experience. having pets is a good way to put down roots and feel more settled. though sadly, i used to be homing officer for Cats Protection, and the number of times i had to go to the local army base and pick up cats left behind....(i will also say that we picked up a lot from sink estates and posh houses with an allergy epidemic as well as i understand this comment has caused some offence)

good luck!


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

tabithatabby said:


> i used to be homing officer for Cats Protection, and the number of times i had to go to the local army base and pick up cats left behind…


And unfortunatley those few have tarred us all with the same stick!!!! I am sick (not with you) but with the number of places who say - 'oh, hubby in forces, you always abandon your pets when you move!!!!':cursing::cursing: No, I bloody don't. And actually, have never met anyone who has deliberately done so. I have met a couple of people for whom the bloody removal men have decided to let the cats out of the bathroom after being told it was out of bounds and why and then still decided to have a little peek (we even stick huge notices on the door and they still do it) and then the cats have done a runner - this happened to my mate and she was heartbroken - moving form Scotland to Buckinghamshire - had loads of people looking out for him etc. Would have happily made the trip to go fetch him if he was found. But CP wouldn't let her have another cos she had 'abandoned' him, in their words 'like _you _all do!' ANd how many times have I heard that myself. Some people (NOT YOU) are pig ignorant and need to see the bigger picture. Makes my blood boil actually - I've said it before and I'll say it again - my hubby is willing to lay down his life for his country and to many, many rescues this means he is a very, very bad man who obviously abuses animals!!!!!
:cursing::cursing::cursing: There is a total armed forces across the 3 services of no more than 90K and yet I remember being told once that all armed forces were responsible for ALL abandoned cats and dogs at that time. I worked it out and it meant that every single person in the force was abandoning AT LEAST 3 cats and 2 dogs EVERY YEAR for every year of their lives!!! Stupid!


----------



## Guest (Jul 26, 2011)

I am going to go slightly against the grain here, but yes your husband is hugely in the wrong to let you get this far down the rehoming route before changing his mind/dragging his heels, I feel that you really shouldn't get these cats unless you are both in agreement about bringing them into your home, it's not like a table lamp or coffee table where you can sort of put up it with it if you are not as keen on it as your partner, it's two little lives that will depend on you and your husband and if there are doubts about it then you have to listen to them and take them on board and weigh them up.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

GreyHare said:


> I am going to go slightly against the grain here, but yes your husband is hugely in the wrong to let you get this far down the rehoming route before changing his mind/dragging his heels, I feel that you really shouldn't get these cats unless you are both in agreement about bringing them into your home, it's not like a table lamp or coffee table where you can sort of put up it with it if you are not as keen on it as your partner, it's two little lives that will depend on you and your husband and if there are doubts about it then you have to listen to them and take them on board and weigh them up.


Completely agree, and appreciate your opinion xx

just feeding the baby, then off out to do some chores. Husband feels bad, spent last night trying to snuggle up and hold my hand whilst I pretended to sleep  He isn't a bad person, but he has had a serious judgement FAIL and I am so angry/frustrated/disappointed/upset with the way he has done this.


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

There is always _ONE_ other option that hasn't been mentioned yet.....

Sit hubby down and say "Look, here's a compromise. You don't want to let 'daughter' down so why not try this. We'll get the kittens as previously agreed BUT - if after 3 months you are proving to be really allergic, you are unhappy or it is not working out in any way - we will take them back to the shelter without any argument."

*Because*, once your very lovely, caring husband (your words) has spent 12 weeks with these babies, has seen how happy your daughter is and has played with them himself - there is NO WAY ON EARTH he would allow them to go back.

Everyone here knows the power these tiny little fluffballs hold when it comes to worming their way into our hearts! He will be powerless against their cuteness.... :sneaky2: :sneaky2:

You see, your husband will still feel that he has a get-out clause and will be more likely to agree to this as he'll think "I can put up with them for 3 months just to prove that I am right...." but he will not be aware that he is about to become a prisioner to two cute little honies who will have him wrapped around their little paws within 3 days.....   

It's a win-win from where I'm sitting. :wink:


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

This is better than any soap I've watched! My money is on you and your daughter! 

I really wish you all the best. xx You sound very determined, I'm glad you went to the vet and found an alternative route; it'll show him that unless he deals with the issue and you directly, and yes including your daughter because this affects her too; that you will only dig your heels in further.

You must be so upset by it all. xxHUGSxx
PLEASE PLEASE keep us all posted.


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> There is always _ONE_ other option that hasn't been mentioned yet.....
> 
> Sit hubby down and say "Look, here's a compromise. You don't want to let 'daughter' down so why not try this. We'll get the kittens as previously agreed BUT - if after 3 months you are proving to be really allergic, you are unhappy or it is not working out in any way - we will take them back to the shelter without any argument."
> 
> ...


Lol, my oh carries one of his furbabies around the house, she just sits on his forearm with her two paws resting on his other hand, she gets away with everything. Sine having Lilly, Jet has been able to get away with a lot more!


----------



## IndysMamma (Jan 15, 2009)

my brother constantly moans about my cats and that we have too many - so I offered to take Gypsy back to the rescue as she's the one that picks fights with the others and bites people (was joking - never would) and he was like 'Oh no! you can't rehome *my* cat!' 

so I said 'who should I rehome then?'

and he was like "well not Mabel cos she's broken and people wouldn't want the potential vet bills - and she's just starting to like me... and not Indy cos he's so cute and I love him and he likes me and not Loki cos he's funny and he's just starting to trust me and not Gypsy cos she sleeps on me when I get in in the morning and fall asleep on sofa... huh, none of them then... just don't get any more!"

men 

he's now moaning cos I want to get a dog (well I *am* getting a dog...) I pay for their keep and I do all their care... and I want the security of a dog again, the best my cats could do is trip a burgler up and anyway, a stranger comes into the house they all hide!


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> There is always _ONE_ other option that hasn't been mentioned yet.....
> 
> Sit hubby down and say "Look, here's a compromise. You don't want to let 'daughter' down so why not try this. We'll get the kittens as previously agreed BUT - if after 3 months you are proving to be really allergic, you are unhappy or it is not working out in any way - we will take them back to the shelter without any argument."
> 
> ...


Lol loving the plan!!!!! Watch out for this one... at this rate she'll have you rehoming all the porr kittehs of the world 
This seems like the best option all round... you're happy, your daughters happy..... the kittens are happy.... the MIL +Dog are less than Happy (shame)..... The Oh should be happy as he gets to keep his extremities

Em xx


----------



## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

This is really difficult. You should just tell him that you want a democratic vote. A meeting with the members of the family (only those that live in your house every day of the year). Tell him that you will accept the outcome but so must he. I would be careful about the power you give your mother in-law, as she grows older she will become worse.


----------



## Guest (Jul 26, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> There is always _ONE_ other option that hasn't been mentioned yet.....
> 
> Sit hubby down and say "Look, here's a compromise. You don't want to let 'daughter' down so why not try this. We'll get the kittens as previously agreed BUT - if after 3 months you are proving to be really allergic, you are unhappy or it is not working out in any way - we will take them back to the shelter without any argument."
> 
> *Because*, once your very lovely, caring husband (your words) has spent 12 weeks with these babies, has seen how happy your daughter is and has played with them himself - there is NO WAY ON EARTH he would allow them to go back.


but what if he does want to send them back though because he feels it isn't working, that ultimately will be far more heartbreaking for F+F and her daughter plus it would be two more cats going back into the rescue system, it really does have to be a full commitment in my eyes with no get out clauses, if her husband really doesn't want them then I don't think it is fair to force them onto him-I know this is very hard to understand on here are we are all pet/animal lovers but some people just aren't and it really isn't right in my eyes to force someone into having pets when they really don't want them or like them.


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

While I agree your husband has acted very badly by waiting until the last minute to appear to be having second thoughts,I dont think that guilt tripping him into having these kittens is the answer.It is upsetting for you and your daughter to find that you may not be having these kittens but for the sake of the kittens it would not be fair to give them what should be a "forever home" in the full knowledge that one member of the family is not totally commited.It will be much worse if 2/3 months down the line you have to take the kittens back to the rescue centre.My advice is ,if there is any doubt that you are all totally in agreement to have these kittens,that you do not take them.


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

GreyHare said:


> but what if he does want to send them back though because he feels it isn't working, that ultimately will be far more heartbreaking for F+F and her daughter plus it would be two more cats going back into the rescue system, it really does have to be a full commitment in my eyes with no get out clauses, if her husband really doesn't want them then I don't think it is fair to force them onto him-I know this is very hard to understand on here are we are all pet/animal lovers but some people just aren't and it really isn't right in my eyes to force someone into having pets when they really don't want them or like them.


I know my husband very well. If I _desperately_ wanted another cat I would get one even if the OH didn't want one *BECAUSE* I know that he would soon fall in love with it and adore it as much as he does the others. This is a method that should only be used when you really know your OH and you _really know _ that they ARE a soft-touch underneath the hard exterior.

I would not expect the OP to try this unless she also knew that her OH would DEFINITELY be the type of person to succumb to the wilesome charms of a pair of fluffy little kittens. I also don't think - from her posts to date -that she would go this route if she thought there was the SLIGHTEST possibility her hubby would try to make her stick to the deal!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Hi guys only a quick update, wish it was a good one but it's not.
Probably couldn't be worse actually. I tried to have a conversation with him (over email as he seems more able to be honest that way...) but he came back from lunch, didn't say a word and then Pat from the animal sanctuary rang an said my husband had rang her saying he doesn't want the cats and what is going on...
I saw red. I can't believe he would be talking it through with me but going behind my back at the same time. He didn't say a word. Even after the phone call. So I packed a bag, got the kids dressed and walked out. This isn't about cats right now, frankly I wouldn't bring animals into that house, I don't want to be in there. 

Not really sure what else to say. I really appreciate all the help and replies, especially considering I am new here. Sorry it wasn't a better update for you all


----------



## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

Oh no, I am really sorry to hear this. 

Sounds like you both need a bit of time to think about things as communication does not sound good, and the cats are merely a catalyst. A bit of time away will both give you some space to think rationally without anger. (Are you actually leaving him?)

I am really not sure why he would go ahead and speak to the shelter without your knowing about it. Did you tell him you got the reference from the Vet?

I just want to give you a hug right now - for not getting the kittens but also for the shock of the way this has progressed. From an outsiders point of view his actions are unneccessary and a bit dominating. I am sure he has his reasons, but he needs to express them to you better than he has been doing so far, as he doesn't seem to have considered your feelings in this at all.

xXx


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

FloydnFloss said:


> Hi guys only a quick update, wish it was a good one but it's not.
> Probably couldn't be worse actually. I tried to have a conversation with him (over email as he seems more able to be honest that way...) but he came back from lunch, didn't say a word and then Pat from the animal sanctuary rang an said my husband had rang her saying he doesn't want the cats and what is going on...
> I saw red. I can't believe he would be talking it through with me but going behind my back at the same time. He didn't say a word. Even after the phone call. So I packed a bag, got the kids dressed and walked out. This isn't about cats right now, frankly I wouldn't bring animals into that house, I don't want to be in there.
> 
> Not really sure what else to say. I really appreciate all the help and replies, especially considering I am new here. Sorry it wasn't a better update for you all


oh that's sad - do you have somewhere to go? (saying this as an RAF wife too and you could be miles and miles away from family) Hopefully (irrespective of cats now) he will realise what not talking does to people and will be talking to you soon and resolving this. If you need an ear PM me.


----------



## ChinaBlue (Feb 3, 2008)

I hope you have a friend nearby to go to and let things cool for a few hours. Perhaps you could get someone to mind the kids whilst you and your OH meet somewhere neutral to have a heart to heart. Everything seems 10 x worse when you are on your own and miles away from family (my OH was in the RAF too years back and I remember how lonely it could be sometimes).

Do sincerely hope you can resolve your issues. (I do wonder how much is mother has been stirring things). 

Like Spid, if you need to vent, feel free to PM me.


----------



## jenny armour (Feb 28, 2010)

sounds a similar story to me.
when i was married an eternity (thank god) ago. i used to have a rough collie (lassie dog) who was mine from before i started going out with my ex. we always said when we bought our first house that we would make sure the garden was a good size for him.
the day after we got married, we duly picked him up from my mum's and bought him home.
laddie, was with us for 5 days and my ex decided he was taking up to much of my attention and he had to go back to my mum.
i didnt get him back to live me again until i was pregnant (which i lost) some three years later.
now i am happily divorced and have been for a number of years, and if i want a pet, its now up to me if i have one.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

I had a good cry and drove around a bit.
Found a sweet shop, bought loads and now the kids and I are parked up by the side of a field having a sweetie picnic.

I almost feel like we need to have a full on Barney and get it all out there, but as much as i'd like to I hate confrontation like that.

Signal is rubbish here, I have 2 emails from him to era but I'm not up for it right now. Have an overnight bag packed so have time to think, not doing anything daft. I do love him and him me, but he's an ass and I dont want to live with an ass right now.


----------



## Merenwenrago (Sep 5, 2010)

That is sad hope all turns well in the end and enjoy your break away


----------



## Jenny1966 (Feb 7, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> Thank you, I really appreciate your thoughts. We actually have 3 children (5, 3 and 21 months) and have been married nearly 5 years now.
> I will be having a conversation with him, rest assured, but am waiting until the children are in bed so we can be honest without worrying about who's listening.
> Usually decisions are joint, we talk, talk some more, then decide. He has done something similar once before, when we went to buy a new car (he took me to look at some he liked, we found one that suited us best, so I looked it over for things we could barter the price down on, etc etc only for him to say he wasn't going to buy a car he just wanted to look  - I had serious words with him as he hadn't told me any of this at the time and he was talking to salesmen etc so he had me baffled. Then a few months later he said he wanted a brand new one (the same as the one we looked at  ) I had 'the conversation' with him that time as well, asking him to at least keep me in the loop and not to make me feel like I was always in the dark!
> 
> *Overall though, I would like to say that he is a fabulous man, husband and father. He isn't a nasty man, he loves me and the children more than anything, I am pretty spoilt in many ways and am very happy. obviously he just doesn't want pets,* but I am so very disappointed that he let me get this far along the process, saying yes he is happy to get the cats, to then say no just before we get them. I'm hoping he can be honest with me this evening, but to be frank I'm having a hard time convincing myself that whatever he says is valid  Not that his feelings are valid, but purely that his timing is so shockingly crap that it completely overrules everything in my mind right now


Just want to play devils advocate for a moment. I really do feel for you and the situation your OH has put you in, but as you yourself said in the bold bit above, he is a good husband. Yes he should have been honest with you, yes he shouldn't listen to his mum (MIL's are sometimes grrrrr), and yes he shouldn't of gone behind your back ..... but I'm sure once you have calmed down, you will realise that he isn't that bad 

I wish you luck in sorting this bad situation out for all of you xx


----------



## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

Well take things easy. He needs to come to terms with the fact that he hasn´t acted well with you. Even if you don´t get the cats, he just needs a change of attitude, I´m sure it will all work out well.


----------



## ChinaBlue (Feb 3, 2008)

I think by taking yourself out of the situation for a few hours may help put things into perspective. Just make sure he knows you are safe as he may get frantic if he doesn't know where you and the kids are, but just say that you just needed a bit of time out and you both need to think things through. He should see how much this means to you - so what are a few cat hairs here and there - compared to all the upset you are going through right now. I know it is the principle rather than the actual cats that is most upsetting but a few hours away from the situation may help everyone see things in a different light.

Thinking of you and hope you can talk things through.


----------



## Guest (Jul 26, 2011)

Oh I'm sorry sweetie, give yourself time to breathe, but I do think you need to talk face to face with him as email isn't the best way to conduct a serious chat, I think he was maybe using Mother in Law as a scape goat and hoping you would just accept not getting the cats, can you farm the kids off on someone for a sleepover maybe and then just you and him talk about everything and tell him just how hurt you are maybe not just over the cats but the whole way he has handled this situation and that you need better communication in the future, have a virtual hug and a sweetie picnic sounds ace


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Just to let you all known that I am home for now (and hubby always knew I was safe, just that I needed to bolt for a bit) 
He grabbed me and gave me a hug, I know he feels bad, as I've said beige, he a bloody good bloke, but he had serious judgement failure here and it was that that really knocked me for six.
I think he certainly knows that I was highly unimpressed with the way he handled thing and (rightly) feels like a prize twit with an A. 
I'm by no means completely in the right here, I would not pretend I am, hopefully though the time away has meant he realises that I didn't just think on a whim that bringing some cats into our house would be fun, that I had thought everything through (I saved up every penny personally to buy all the cat's stuff and extra to pay their adoption fee, and I don't work and the child benefit/credits go into the joint account, so it wasn't easy going!) 


I will keep you guys updated, but I want to say again how much I appreciate having a place to sound off and people who understand to give me feedback xxx


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

Am glad, its something you need to do, best remedy always is to talk and talk honestly with each other

Whatever happens hes your hubby and it can be worked thro x


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

I'm really sorry how it's all turned out. Terrible. There are issues that need sorting. Hope you can.

Thinking of you. xx


----------



## tabithatabby (Dec 29, 2009)

chill both of you, and try not to throw petrol on a fire. 

we all have judgement failures - do not ask what my husband bought me for my 50th birthday and the descending of the iron curtain it caused, not the present itself, but the lack of effort, thought that went into it....i was wounded to the core. i told him not to bother buying me presents any more as if after 20 years he knows me so little, there isn't much to say! We all have moments like that!


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

Sending more hugs (((hugs)))

Glad you and the kids are home safe and maybe this will point out to the OH how much you all want the little furry bundles and how much of an "Insert nasty unusable words here" he has been.

Good like and we are all here for ya,.

Em x


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

tabithatabby said:


> chill both of you, and try not to throw petrol on a fire.
> 
> we all have judgement failures - do not ask what my husband bought me for my 50th birthday and the descending of the iron curtain it caused, not the present itself, but the lack of effort, thought that went into it....i was wounded to the core. i told him not to bother buying me presents any more as if after 20 years he knows me so little, there isn't much to say! We all have moments like that!


 Still have them after 17 years! Hence my new puppy :wink:


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

tabithatabby said:


> chill both of you, and try not to throw petrol on a fire.
> 
> we all have judgement failures - do not ask what my husband bought me for my 50th birthday and the descending of the iron curtain it caused, not the present itself, but the lack of effort, thought that went into it....i was wounded to the core. i told him not to bother buying me presents any more as if after 20 years he knows me so little, there isn't much to say! We all have moments like that!


Oh, sooo been there - last year was a disaster, nothing for mother's day (he normally does sort out the kids) for our anniversary after spending two weeks reminding ME about it, then nothing for my birthday other than a £5 small thing from Argos (bought on the day - no card - after I suggested a trip out), so when it came to Xmas boy did I tell him what he needed to do! AND NO XMAS EVE SHOPPING! It was 'okay'. They are just useless.


----------



## Jansheff (Jan 31, 2011)

If we're talking Christmas presents - how about a set of wheel trims? :cursing:

I hope you can manage to work this out OP. I agree that this has now gone further than cats, he needs to learn that marriage means joint decisions and compromises, not him controlling what goes on, refusing to discuss it properly and going behind your back to make sure it happens. 

I grew up watching my mother submit to every thing my father wanted from choice of sofa to his tea on the table every night when he walked in or he'd sulk and bang things about. All he did was get worse and she has grown more and more submissive and as soon as I was old enough to recognise it, I vowed the same thing would not happen to me. 

I'm sure your situation is nothing like this, but I often think if my mum had been different, more assertive, stood up to him and nipped it in the bud at the beginning, she might have had a very different life.


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Jansheff said:


> If we're talking Christmas presents - how about a set of wheel trims? :cursing:


Now that's bad!!!!


----------



## hazel pritchard (Jun 28, 2009)

spid said:


> And unfortunatley those few have tarred us all with the same stick!!!! I am sick (not with you) but with the number of places who say - 'oh, hubby in forces, you always abandon your pets when you move!!!!':cursing::cursing: No, I bloody don't. And actually, have never met anyone who has deliberately done so. I have met a couple of people for whom the bloody removal men have decided to let the cats out of the bathroom after being told it was out of bounds and why and then still decided to have a little peek (we even stick huge notices on the door and they still do it) and then the cats have done a runner - this happened to my mate and she was heartbroken - moving form Scotland to Buckinghamshire - had loads of people looking out for him etc. Would have happily made the trip to go fetch him if he was found. But CP wouldn't let her have another cos she had 'abandoned' him, in their words 'like _you _all do!' ANd how many times have I heard that myself. Some people (NOT YOU) are pig ignorant and need to see the bigger picture. Makes my blood boil actually - I've said it before and I'll say it again - my hubby is willing to lay down his life for his country and to many, many rescues this means he is a very, very bad man who obviously abuses animals!!!!!
> :cursing::cursing::cursing: There is a total armed forces across the 3 services of no more than 90K and yet I remember being told once that all armed forces were responsible for ALL abandoned cats and dogs at that time. I worked it out and it meant that every single person in the force was abandoning AT LEAST 3 cats and 2 dogs EVERY YEAR for every year of their lives!!! Stupid!


I live in a town that has a large army camp(my hubby is ex army) and sadly the amount here that gets cats and dogs ,and then get a posting and just want rid of their animals is really sad, i moved here 19 yrs ago and really had a hard job to let local cat rescue agree to me having a cat from them ,as soon as i said hubby was in army so many just put the phone down, sadly the really good people who will give an animal the best life ever are tarred with the bad brush of others. i did get a cat and dog while hubby was in army and they stayed with me ,so i guess there is hope.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Morning guys.

Hubby rolled over this morning gave me a big hug and kiss and asked me if I wanted him to fax those forms off.
Jeez.
I told him no, for a start I need to ring Pat where the cats are and apologise for the absolute shambles that was yesterday. And I'm still so bloody embarrassed about that, it'll be a tough phone call.

I'll give you a full update of what has happened when kids are up and breakfasted etc as I'm on the phone and it has some kind of hate campain against me where I type one thing but it puts something completely different!


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

FloydnFloss said:


> Morning guys.
> 
> Hubby rolled over this morning gave me a big hug and kiss and asked me if I wanted him to fax those forms off.
> Jeez.
> ...


You know that is the nearest you will get to an apology , don't you? Well, at least it would be in our house. Sit and talk with him, but don't bite off your nose to spite your face. Get him to ring the rescue. They may not accept you back, but then you can start the search again.

So glad I'm a phone numpty (even though a computer whizz) I think I would destroy a few in frustration.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Yeah I agree, I think that was my apology. He said he doesn't ever want to fall out like that again (don't be an ass then   ) 

I have a fair few worries right now but am trying very hard not to get too excited


----------



## Quinzell (Mar 14, 2011)

Please don't rush into getting the cats now. He's was obviously adamant at some point that he didn't want them and it worries me that he's changed his mind because of how you have reacted in the last 24 hours and not specifically because he has changed his mind.

There are two people in a marriage and we are only hearing your side of the story. Thankfully, my husband and I are able to talk about everything and I now see that in past relationships I have been as much to blame as the men in my life for many arguments that we have. Finding the middle ground where you are able to talk things through rather than shout, scream or sulk (this was/is my niche) isn't always the best way. Men don't really react to sulking too much and just think about things like football, the car, what's for dinner, etc whilst where going out of our mind running things through in our head. It just worries me that you made such a drastic move as leaving the house with the kids which isn't a healthy thing to do.

I'm rushing off to work now, so I don't want to make it sound like I'm judging but I just haven't got time to type everything I want to say right now.

I feel for you both and hope that you can work things out.


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

phewww.... stressful few days for you then!!! Fingers crossed on the rescue front and hope the MIL stays out of it this time!


----------



## Guest (Jul 27, 2011)

What Louise said, please don't rush into getting the cats as it may be to him the easiest way to show that he is sorry and to gloss over the issues, please talk it through and make sure that he really wants these cats, because you don't want him resenting you and the cats in the future.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Oh hun ... you have a serious case of in-law syndrome... just tell her that you are allergic to dogs and if she wants to come and stay with you to leave her dog at home or in kennels OR your oh can go and stay with her so 1 you dont have to put her dog up and 2 you dont have to put up with her meddeling! 
What a stupid woman


----------



## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

FloydnFloss said:


> Morning guys.
> 
> Hubby rolled over this morning gave me a big hug and kiss and asked me if I wanted him to fax those forms off.
> Jeez.
> ...


Morning hun, hope you are feeling a little better. Pls let us know how the phonecall to the animal sanctuary went. I am still keeping everything crossed for you.

Kelly xx


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

On Laptop now, typing is easier, but not necessarily better 

We are not getting the cats, we are going to the centre's open day on Saturday as a family and starting from scratch. He will go and see all the cats, and he will talk to the lady there that he rang and talk about it properly. He will be able to make the decision with me, seeing what I saw and have any questions answered by someone who isn't me so he can be sure it's not just me saying what he wants to hear.

Please no one feel bad for giving their honest opinions, it's what I want and I value them. I have said before that I am not blameless in this whole process and wouldn't pretend that I am 

I have spoken to Pat at the sanctuary, apologised like bloody crazy and had a good chat about what happened, why I think it happened and also what is the best thing to do next, and we agreed on the course of action above. I am happy with that. I said to DH (do we use that abbreviation here? Dear Husband/Darn Husband  ) this morning that I don't want him to fax off the forms, I don't want to just gloss over this like it never happened, BUT I can't change the fact that I am still desperately keen to bring cats into the house (a house isn't a home unless it has pets...) - but please know that I am not going to rush into it and it will all be done properly and I will be making sure that DH is, if not perfectly happy, at least content that it's not going to be some awful event that he will detest. 

Sarah


----------



## gloworm*mushroom (Mar 4, 2011)

Argh no, not mumsnet things


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

HAHA!!

I don't do mumsnet... I am so far removed from a mumsnet mum than you could possibly get 

I am on a natural parenting website however, and we do use the dreaded acronyms


----------



## gloworm*mushroom (Mar 4, 2011)

They scare me a little hahah! Especially when they get into dd1, dd2.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Soo tempted to tell you about my DD, DS1 and DS2 now....  

Would that mean cats are FBS1, 2 (FurBabySon) etc and FBD1, 2 ... ?? No?? :smilewinkgrin:


----------



## gloworm*mushroom (Mar 4, 2011)

Gotta get a 'dear' or 'darling' into those acronyms somewhere! Definitely a requirement!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Of course! How stupid of me 

DFBS and DFBD - so much easier than writing Cat or Dog


----------



## NEW2CATS (Aug 28, 2009)

FloydnFloss said:


> On Laptop now, typing is easier, but not necessarily better
> 
> We are not getting the cats, we are going to the centre's open day on Saturday as a family and starting from scratch. He will go and see all the cats, and he will talk to the lady there that he rang and talk about it properly. He will be able to make the decision with me, seeing what I saw and have any questions answered by someone who isn't me so he can be sure it's not just me saying what he wants to hear.
> 
> ...


sounds like a very sensible idea, i am sure he is bound to fall in love with at least one cat whilst there 

good luck with it all.


----------



## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

Sounds like a good idea. That way he decides too.


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

So glad to hear that everything is being solved brilliantly between you.
I look forward hearing all about your kitties (actually, we don't use much acronyms for them... we're like a family here and know everybody by name!!)


----------



## Forget-me-not (May 5, 2010)

FloydnFloss said:


> Of course! How stupid of me
> 
> DFBS and DFBD - so much easier than writing Cat or Dog


This made me laugh. At least you've retained your sense of humour through this drama.

Good luck at the open day on Saturday. I really hope that hubby falls in love with one or two wee cats. Believe me, when you do welcome cats into your house your husband will be the first to become attached if mine is anything to go by.


----------



## wellsandmittens (May 29, 2011)

Glad to hear everything is working itself out OP. If you can get your hubby to fall in love with a beautiful fur baby or two on Saturday that would be the perfect happy ending!


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

welll that's a result you can both be happy with then... let us know how many little kittehs he falls for on Saturday!!!! We'll all be sending plenty of good luck vibes your way


----------



## Quinzell (Mar 14, 2011)

I'm so happy to read your latest updates!!!

Just be aware now that you might end up coming away with more than 2 cats


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Thanks guys, I'm feeling much better now, I'm even cleaning my house


----------



## tabithatabby (Dec 29, 2009)

now that is a bit extreme....and dinner on the table on time.....


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

When we got our 2nd cat Lilly, i sort of pushed it on to OH "who do you like" and givibg him the choice, as said he now walks round with lilly resting on his arms!

Come to think of it, when we also got jet, i pushed him in with him first, my way of thinking was im used to cats, hes not, he should be the first to "bond"

It worked for me


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

TatiLie said:


> So glad to hear that everything is being solved brilliantly between you.
> I look forward hearing all about your kitties (actually, we don't use much acronyms for them... we're like a family here and know everybody by name!!)


I'd go as far as to say that most of us know who the cats are better than we know who their slaves are!!!!


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> Morning guys.
> 
> Hubby rolled over this morning gave me a big hug and kiss and asked me if I wanted him to fax those forms off.
> Jeez.
> ...


I'm afraid i would have bounced that kiss right off his butt after what he's put you through!!
Good luck! Fingers crossed. I'm also concerned though how he 'suddenly' thinks all is OK. Aren't there still issues that were raised between him and the MIL? or have I missed it all being resolved? 
:wink:


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

MoggyBaby said:


> I'd go as far as to say that most of us know who the cats are better than we know who their slaves are!!!!


That's what I meant! We know all the kitties name!


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

wellsandmittens said:


> Glad to hear everything is working itself out OP. If you can get your hubby to fall in love with a beautiful fur baby or two on Saturday that would be the perfect happy ending!


OK... think I'm up to date now. I wish you all the very best, you must be soooo excited. I think you'll be just fine on Saturday and it will work out much better in the long run.

Well done!


----------



## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

Good luck for saturday...think you are doing the right thing 

Kelly xx


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

RKD said:


> Aren't there still issues that were raised between him and the MIL? or have I missed it all being resolved?
> :wink:


With regards to the MIL, I'm sticking my head in the sand for a bit. She's away on holiday for 2 weeks anyway but I truly hope that she didn't say to hubby that they wouldn't be able to visit if we got cats in a 'you can't get them' kind of way. We get on really well with the MIL and Step FIL, they are fabulous grandparents (when the other 2 sets are a lot more interested in their own lives - my parents can't even be bothered to ring their Grandchildren on their birthdays...  ) 
I'm really hoping that it was a case of maybe her saying something like 'ooo I'm not sure how Barney (their dog) will get on with them' and hubby twisted it thinking I'd go 'ooo I hadn't thought about that, let's not get them'

Either way I won't know until I speak to her, although hubby did admit that the dog isn't going to be a big issue, we would have plenty of space in the house to keep them separate if any animal we got hated the darn dog.

I would be dreadfully upset if it turns out MIL did say it in a 'don't get the cats or we won't visit any more' kind of way. We have a brilliant relationship and that kind of attitude would pretty much ruin that relationship...

Sarah
xx


----------



## lechatnoir83 (Jun 24, 2011)

Phew taken me a while to catch up here, but sounds like there's a positive outcome. All the best for Saturday and I hope he makes a good decision and glad you've both sorted it out. 

Men are so daft sometimes, I think I'll stick to cats... and other pets. Guaranteed I'd get everyting perfect though a someone would come and stomp all over it with his size 12s. Can't ever win  

Keep us all posted.


----------



## RKD (Jul 11, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> With regards to the MIL, I'm sticking my head in the sand for a bit. She's away on holiday for 2 weeks anyway but I truly hope that she didn't say to hubby that they wouldn't be able to visit if we got cats in a 'you can't get them' kind of way. We get on really well with the MIL and Step FIL, they are fabulous grandparents (when the other 2 sets are a lot more interested in their own lives - my parents can't even be bothered to ring their Grandchildren on their birthdays...  )
> I'm really hoping that it was a case of maybe her saying something like 'ooo I'm not sure how Barney (their dog) will get on with them' and hubby twisted it thinking I'd go 'ooo I hadn't thought about that, let's not get them'
> 
> Either way I won't know until I speak to her, although hubby did admit that the dog isn't going to be a big issue, we would have plenty of space in the house to keep them separate if any animal we got hated the darn dog.
> ...


Hmmm you could be right. My OH _NEVER_ explained things properly to my MIL (probably because he didn;t want either of us to be upset ) so we each would take the huff. If I ever plucked up courage to re-visit/discuss we both worked out it was _HIM_ that got it all wrong! Or mis-explained or missed out important info ... etc .etc. so for a while be made arrangements between the two of us - directly and cut him out!

A good example would be me ill with flue, with 2 babies and a young one, 3 cats, him working away during the week; then MIL rings on Friday to visit and stay over the weekend! hmy: What does he say? "sorry not this weekend wifie is struggling with flu and the children, couldn't cope with visitors all weekend before I work away again" NO!! he says "yes everythings fine here come on up":cursing: ... and they all wonder why I'm no fun all weekend.

I've got my new little man now - 6 mth LAB/Collie! Love him to bits

...hmmmm feel better for that. Bedtime now.

Have fun!


----------



## honeywillow (Jul 27, 2011)

All the best for Saturday!


----------



## Lido (Jul 27, 2011)

Use the age old line "it's me or the mother"! 

Honestly there's one key thing you can withhold from a man until you get tour way. Use your power honey!


----------



## Panacea (Jul 19, 2011)

Oh my goodness Sarah, just read all of this...I'm really shocked that he could behave this way? Control issues? I really hope you're okay with it and get some lovely FB's.

Our DFBD1, DFBS and DFBD2 have their paws crossed for you! Was that right??


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Thank you Bonnie, we are off to visit them tomorrow, I am trying to respect DH's feelings, but the fact is that I have already bonded with these cats and in my mind and heart they are part of our family. I really hope DH sees it that way too. 

I have 2 blankets in our bed getting our smells on them, so they have something that smells of us. DH accepted this without question so fingers tightly crossed for tomorrow!


----------



## ChinaBlue (Feb 3, 2008)

Good luck - hoping you get what you are so fervently hoping for. x:wink:


----------



## honeywillow (Jul 27, 2011)

let us know how it goes today!


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

how'd it go???

em x


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

Fingers crossed for today!


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Hope it goes well


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

So, we are back...

Here are 2 pictures:

















They are twice as excitable as when I last visited them, they are going crazy in that cat run, I need to get them home and fast, my daughter got a little scratch from Floss as they went straight into play mode, Floyd just wanted to rub against us and be fussed. They were amazing :001_tt1:
I mean, how can you resist those eyes ^^

The husband said to the lady at the sanctuary, that he only sees the negatives in the situation whereas I only see the positives, but when he told the lady at the sanctuary his negatives (hair all over the place was all he could come up with  ) she kinda shrugged and said 'you have three kids!' She says she is happy that they are going to a good home and apparently her other half is the same, he wouldn't ever harm an animal but he could happily live his life without them, so she can sympathise with me, and asked when I want to collect them

Thursday morning, was my reply     
(and some more  to boot  )

And I bought 2 more toys for them while I was there  
I would get them quicker but we are off camping Mon-Wed

Thank you for all you kind words and advice, lets hope there is no more drama!

Sarahxx


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

They are gorgeous!!
Congratulations and a huge welcome to the wonderful and exciting life of cat owners!!!


----------



## Beckyjr37 (Nov 27, 2010)

they are beautiful!

I do love a happy ending


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Now I need to sort out insurance! My vets have given me a leaflet that has a 4 weeks free trial of PetPlan, going to see how much that will cost after the free trial


----------



## Misi (Jul 13, 2009)

Gasp!! What a beautiful pair!!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Floyd really reminds me of all the books I read as a kid, like The Worst Witch etc, he'd make a fabulous (if a tad friendly) witch's familiar!


----------



## Ally-Kats (Jan 8, 2009)

Oh they are gorgeous  I'm trying to find holiday accomodation and want the OH to have a look but he said he was in the middle of cleaning the bath, I gave up and was looking at the pics of the cats when he passed by on his way back to the bathroom, funnily enough he found time to stop and look at the pics and proclaim how beautiful they both were, seems cats are more interesting than holidays


----------



## Pheebs (Jun 8, 2011)

Oh, they are delightful. So happy you sorted it out.


----------



## Bonnie82 (May 4, 2011)

Oh I am absolutely THRILLED to read a happy ending to a very dramatic story, with loads of ups and downs! So happy you're getting those gorgeous kitties! Lovely!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Thank you 
The husbandy one isn't exactly thrilled, but meh - I'm getting my puddy tats!


----------



## oliviarussian (Sep 2, 2010)

WOW hmy:hmy:hmy: you didn't mention when you first posted just how beautiful they are, Congratulations they are stunners!


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Beautiful cats!!!!! 

Remind hubby these are short hairs so even less hair than my lot. 

re insurance remember they don't cover the first two weeks for illness only accident and the new policy will be the same so take out the new policy two weeks into the petplan one otherwise you get a two week gap. Petplan is expensive. You need to decide if you want for life policies where a condition that is found and claimed for is carried over as able to be claimed for forever - or yearly policies where once a cat has a condition you can claim for a year and no longer on that condition. I use Argos but don't have life policies.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Thank you, I am torn actually. My head says life cover, but then non of my horses have every been insured for vets bills. I have always gone by the theory that if a big vet bill happened, I have a good enough credit rating to get a loan/credit card to pay it... hmm will have a think xx


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

FloydnFloss said:


> Thank you, I am torn actually. My head says life cover, but then non of my horses have every been insured for vets bills. I have always gone by the theory that if a big vet bill happened, I have a good enough credit rating to get a loan/credit card to pay it... hmm will have a think xx


My non life cover for the cats averages at £3 a month each - it's a Costa coffee for each of them. Minnii was diagnosed with HCM (a heart condition) and the investigations alone cost £2500!!!! Yes, I could have got a loan but . . . I was sure pleased I had insurance. I also went through top cash back and got £25 each back for each policy so the first year was cheap as chips. Also I was very impressed that each year than has gone by the policies only went up by about 3p despite having made two claims on one of them!


----------



## ChinaBlue (Feb 3, 2008)

So pleased for you. Looking forward to many more photos.

Have a great break - hope the weather is good for you.


----------



## honeywillow (Jul 27, 2011)

Can't wait to hear more!


----------



## jenny armour (Feb 28, 2010)

sorry i have jumped from about page 3 as there is so much to read, but i am assuming that hubby has relented and you are getting the cats. great to hear


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

FloydnFloss said:


> Thank you, I am torn actually. My head says life cover, but then non of my horses have every been insured for vets bills. I have always gone by the theory that if a big vet bill happened, I have a good enough credit rating to get a loan/credit card to pay it... hmm will have a think xx


I took 7 months to decide for an insurance. And I don't know if I'll ever need it (Ari is a very healthy indoor moggy) , but it's a good price for my piece of mind!


----------



## sharonchilds (Jul 7, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> Thank you, I am torn actually. My head says life cover, but then non of my horses have every been insured for vets bills. I have always gone by the theory that if a big vet bill happened, I have a good enough credit rating to get a loan/credit card to pay it... hmm will have a think xx


Hiya 
ive read all this with my heart in my mouth...so happy for you that you are getting your furbabies.
You live and learn....Go for life time cover, i wish i had...twice.
All the very best to you and your new family. xx


----------



## RockRomantic (Apr 29, 2009)

i've just read this from start to finish, im soo pleased your having your new kittys!


----------



## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

Gorgeous cats and I am so happy that your husband has relented and is happy to go along with getting them even though he is not ecstatic about it.

I noticed you were wondering about insurance so just wanted to share something with you. A lot of people I know have not insured their cats, as they say as kittens why would you need it. Before I got my kittens I was looking at various policies and wondering whether keeping money aside would be better. However, after doing more searching I decided to go with a Life policy with Vets Medicover. 

During the post neutering check up it was discovered that Oscar has a luxating patella. (his knee joints are weak and prone to dislocation) As he is covered by insurance, should he now have any issues with it he will be covered. Fingers crossed he will never need treatment for it, but if he was unlucky and needed surgery, that could easily set me back 2k not to mention follow up care. S*ds Law would dictate this expense would come at a time I could least afford it. If I had waited to get insurance, as the condition is now on his medical records I would have had to disclose it despite the fact he has never needed treatment for it, and hence he would not be covered for it.

Moral of my story - never scrimp on insurance, and get insured whilst you can. What seems like a saving now could cost you far more in the future.

We want loads more photos on Friday. Is your little girl super excited too?


----------



## sharonchilds (Jul 7, 2011)

Lumboo said:


> Gorgeous cats and I am so happy that your husband has relented and is happy to go along with getting them even though he is not ecstatic about it.
> 
> I noticed you were wondering about insurance so just wanted to share something with you. A lot of people I know have not insured their cats, as they say as kittens why would you need it. Before I got my kittens I was looking at various policies and wondering whether keeping money aside would be better. However, after doing more searching I decided to go with a Life policy with Vets Medicover.
> 
> ...


I totally agree with Lumboo

I have only got my cats insured up to 2,500 per illness, when i took it out i thought that was fine...WRONG...you never know whats gonna happen and now i have one poor baby with Asthma and one with kidney trouble and they are young cats. In future i will go with life time cover.

Hope this helps x


----------



## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> Now I need to sort out insurance! My vets have given me a leaflet that has a 4 weeks free trial of PetPlan, going to see how much that will cost after the free trial


They are absolutely gorgeous.

Re - ins, i wouldnt bother with the 4wks frer ins, i insured from start, not sure if you go for free and you have to claim then not sure if your covered for condition when your 4wks free finish - check it out x

Clare x


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Thanks for all the insurance tips.
Apparently they come with 4weeks free insurance anyway and you can choose to keep the policy going (again with petplan) so I will ring them and see how it works, ensuring there's no gap etc xx


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

yay!! so glad your getting your kittehs and that Floyd and Floss get a lovely new home!!

We will all be waiting for a brand new thread with your fur babies safe home and lots of pics!

Em x


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh what FANTASTIC news!!!!! Thursday will feel like FOREVER away..... 

I am SOOOOOOOOO happy that you have been able to sort out this issue - I'll bet that in a months time your hubby will be as in love with them as the rest of the family.

And as for your new babies themselves....... They are *GORGEOUS*!!!!!!!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

I will start a new thread full of pictures on Thursday, I'm not sure it's real yet 
Thursday does seem like ages away, mainly because I keep thinking it gives the husbandly one time to change his mind  He does so at his (and his gentleman parts) own risk though


----------



## Kittenfostermummy (Jul 25, 2011)

Glad it is all sorting itself out for you and Floydd and Floss are gorgeous. If you shop at Sainsburys then they do a really good deal for lifetime cover and you get double nectar points and if u call up you should get a voucher to spend in store. Otherwise M&S is a really really good insurance. My friend is a vet nurse but she also has all her pets insured with them and they have paid out thousands over quite a few claims mainly for one cat and didnt ask anything!!


----------



## Guest (Jul 31, 2011)

Wow! That's some thread 
Love the photos of them! I'm not sure what I'd of done in your shoes! 
Really hope it all works out for you once they are home


----------



## lechatnoir83 (Jun 24, 2011)

Wooo hooo  gorgeous cats, gorgeous outcome. Just caught up again as have been away over the weekend!

  and also


----------



## Tinder (Jul 8, 2011)

Aaw they're both beautiful cats, congratulations!! I'm sure your husband will soon fall in love with them too!

My (now) husband told me when we first met years ago that he didn't like cats & almost sounded the death knell for our relationship right there & then! Then I introduced him to my 2 babies T.C. & Domino (sadly both no longer with us). Within a few short weeks T.C. was christened "The Legend" and Domino became known as his "wee darlin"... cats have a way of melting even the hardest of hearts :smilewinkgrin:


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

It's Tuesday... how are you feeling? Butterflies on the stomach?


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

TatiLie said:


> It's Tuesday... how are you feeling? Butterflies on the stomach?


F&F is on holiday (camping I think?) from Mon to Wed hun so she'll no be answering you today.


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

MoggyBaby said:


> F&F is on holiday (camping I think?) from Mon to Wed hun so she'll no be answering you today.


Thanks, MB. It's a great thing to keep one's mind busy. I was so anxious the days before picking up Ari!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

Back from camping and setting up our dining room ready for the cats to 'room in' tomorrow


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> Back from camping and setting up our dining room ready for the cats to 'room in' tomorrow












Can't wait to see the piccies.......


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

I need to stop buying them stuff before they are even here 
Just ordering some treats from Zooplus, and some flushable litter for when they are ready to start toilet training.

Totally getting ahead of myself here!


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> I need to stop buying them stuff before they are even here
> Just ordering some treats from Zooplus, and some flushable litter for when they are ready to start toilet training.
> 
> Totally getting ahead of myself here!


What age are the kittens hun - I think you'll find that they are already toilet trained.  Most kittens start using litter trays from about 4-5 weeks onwards.


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

they're cats really, 11 months, but I have a litter kwitter ready to train them to use the actual toilet, so I will need flushable litter for that  xx


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

FloydnFloss said:


> they're cats really, 11 months, but I have a litter kwitter ready to train them to use the actual toilet, so I will need flushable litter for that  xx


Oh wow!!!!! Good luck, I hope it works.


----------



## TheWalrus1975 (Jul 25, 2011)

I think (and excuse me as I am sure you love your OH very much even though you are angry right now), that he should really grow a pair.

One thing I have learnt through my wife is, just don't argue.

I didn't really want a cat either, or any other pet, or a child even.

We now have a 3 legged cat (from RSPCA, no references needed), and 3 year old son, and a 4 month old puppy, and I wouldn't give them up for the world. At one time in my life, my mum knew what was best for me ! Now I have no illusions about this. My wife knows what is best for me !!!

You just need to educate your other half in this matter and things will be great !!!

Cut the apron strings !!!


----------



## Jenny1966 (Feb 7, 2011)

TheWalrus1975 said:


> I think (and excuse me as I am sure you love your OH very much even though you are angry right now), that he should really grow a pair.
> 
> One thing I have learnt through my wife is, *just don't argue*.
> 
> ...


Now there's a man who know's what he's talking about


----------



## Howlinbob (Jul 25, 2011)

Wow that thread was almost better than telly! 

Seriously though, fabulous outcome. Lovely looking cats!

Perhaps the key to the problem was involving the OH more in the process. Going to the shelter as a family, airing his concerns with the staff, and choosing together (albeit the cats you had already chosen!) - was a good move.

Blokes can be funny creatures. Sometimes if it's not their idea, then it's a bad idea. It's a pride thing. 

Looking forward to hearing how they are settling in!


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

almost Kitteh time for you 

I'm getting excited and it's not even me getting them lol..... so this time tomorrow we want to see a brand new happy thread with lots of pics of the cuties


----------



## lechatnoir83 (Jun 24, 2011)

So excited for you  hope you all settle in well together


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

TheWalrus1975 said:


> I think (and excuse me as I am sure you love your OH very much even though you are angry right now), that he should really grow a pair.
> 
> One thing I have learnt through my wife is, just don't argue.
> 
> ...


Marry me?!?! 
Ahem, sorry about that, I don't know what came over me 

Dining room is set up and ready for them, will be setting off at about 9, and it's about an hours drive. I will have lots of pictures don't worry, although we will be taking the kids out for a couple of hours once we are happy the cats are okay, because they will be very excited and screechy and I don't want the cats getting too stressed, so if they're aren't tonnes of pictures straight away, don't panic 

Not sure if i can upload pics to the forum from my phone but I can to my blog so pics may go there first xx


----------



## honeysmummy (Oct 17, 2010)

Good luck with your gorgeous twosome

Kelly xx


----------



## Alfride (May 19, 2011)

Good luck tomorrow  I am so glad for you and your little girl! Lucky cats - I am sure they are going to be spoiled rotten...


----------



## Forget-me-not (May 5, 2010)

What beautiful cats they are. They look so healthy! Floyd is gorg but Floss is an absolute stunner. I'm getting excited for you. I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight cos I know how exciting it is.


----------



## *Amber* (Oct 22, 2010)

I have just sat here and read this entire thread!!! Phew! I am over the moon that you are finally getting your kitties tomorrow!!! xxx


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

Good like today and "welcome home floyd and floss!!"


----------



## Beckyjr37 (Nov 27, 2010)

Hope everything goes well today - looking forward to more pics later


----------



## mstori (May 22, 2009)

hope it all goes smoothly and look forward to the pics and stories


----------



## Etienne (Dec 8, 2010)

i hope everything goes to plan today F & F.


----------



## Pheebs (Jun 8, 2011)

Big day today! Hope it goes well.


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Sitting here all excited for you hun. Really looking forward to your update later.......


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

Fingers and paws crossed all goes well today :thumbup::thumbup: you must be well excited 

Viv xx


----------



## AlfiesArk (Mar 10, 2011)

are they home yet???


----------



## *Amber* (Oct 22, 2010)

I keep checking here!!! I'm impatient lol!


----------



## FloydnFloss (Jul 20, 2011)

They are home 
2 quick rubbish phone pics in blog (link in sig) 
They are doing so well, Floyd was very stressed on the journey home, was panting and was sick once. Floss however rolled over and purred all the way!
Let them out into dining room and they both started purring, rubbed everything wouldn't leave us alone for fuss, and floss jumped on my lap, was kissing and rubbing my face, purring and kneading with her paws on my lap. We are off to get some shopping in so they can sleep and take it all in in peace, but they are very happy and so are we  

Will do a proper update later with proper pics on the proper camera xx


----------



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

YeeHaa!!!!! What groovy, groovy news!!!! :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Can't wait for more pics hun. Just make sure you have that camera handy when errant hubby is all snuggled into the cats and looking like it was all his brilliant idea in the first place!!!!!!!!!


----------



## *Amber* (Oct 22, 2010)

Awwww excellent!!! So glad you finally have your babies!!! I wouldn't worry about the sickness, it is very hot and the stress of travelling wouldn't have helped! I'm sure they will both settle in wonderfully with you and your family! xxx


----------



## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

They look great!!
Congratulations!


----------



## Lumboo (Mar 31, 2011)

I am SO pleased they are finally in their forever home. What a difference a week makes eh?

I love the photo of Eloise and Floyd - they both look so comfrotable with each other already 

You can start a new thread now with a happier title!  

PS. I love your photos of all the items you bought pre-cats - where did you get the blue cat cushion/bed? I love it. Your two have the same Ancol collars as mine - they are fab! (thanks again MoggyBaby for recommendation)


----------

