# Were you physically disciplined as a child?



## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

Another thread got me thinking and me, ma and sisters were discussing this the other day too. Now I know its illegal to hit children now but "back in the day" it was the norm where I am from.
Im not talking about being kicked up and down the house, but I think there is a line between physical correction and child abuse. We used to get our bum or back of our legs tanned if we had been warned and still didnt listen.
OHs parents are old school and his da has told me he has taken off his belt and beaten OH within an inch of his life (his words) for wrongdoing. Neither OH nor I am a murderer or terrorist now we are grown but productive members of society, not a fan of those who use their past to justify their actions 

So were you "physically corrected" as a child, do you feel its done more harm than good or vice versa?


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## PurpleCrow (Mar 22, 2009)

No I wasnt but I was a good kid, I hardly got into trouble. I only actually remember being told off once.


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

I was smacked as a child, it didnt do me any harm but I dont think it did me any good either.......... there are much better ways of teaching children right from wrong imo
Not that im critising anyone that does smack there children, its each to there own imo


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

I never got hit/smacked/spanked as a child
I think there's a difference between beating up a child & using mild forms of physical correction & I wouldn't judge someone who smacked for the right reasons, but I prefer to use less aggressive ways


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## fessie (Mar 30, 2009)

i was smacked now and then but it just made me have less of a bond with my dad 
and fearful at times i would say it didnt help me


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

We have had this debate before lol and it is pretty divided

I personally WAS physically disciplined as a child and it didnt do me any harm but that said I dont think just instantly hitting a child is the way forward and it does not solve anything - I do think children need to learn the meaning of consequence but of course I think there should be some warnings in place before hitting occurs - it should be the last resort and only happen in very serious circumstances to just hit a child because they are crying for instance I think is wrong. Like someone else has said their is a difference between physical abuse and reprimanding.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

I was frequently hit by my dad & I feel that I have grown into a well rounded person (eventually ) despite his use of physical punishment not because of it.

I don't agree with hitting/smacking kids because of this, I find it strange that so many people on here are shocked at people who hit their dogs yet are fine with hitting their kids


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> I was frequently hit by my dad & I feel that I have grown into a well rounded person (eventually ) despite his use of physical punishment not because of it.
> 
> I don't agree with hitting/smacking kids because of this, I* find it strange that so many people on here are shocked at people who hit their dogs yet are fine with hitting their kids*


I just wanted to say I think this is a bloody good point!!!! :thumbup:


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

Yep. Mum used to give me a slap on the back of the legs if I didn't listen AFTER being warned about 5 times.


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## 2lisa2 (Apr 30, 2010)

no i was not smacked as a child an dont smack mine


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## 2lisa2 (Apr 30, 2010)

ClaireLouise said:


> I just wanted to say I think this is a bloody good point!!!! :thumbup:


couldnt agree more :thumbup:


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## Maiisiku (Feb 20, 2009)

I was, quite badly, verging on child abuse, from what I heard (from family members) and I'm fine, I never remember being hit to be honest. I don't believe in smacking for no reason but I do believe that there is no harm if it is for the shock factor if a child has done something severly dangerous to threten their life or anothers. Thats the only time I deem smacking acceptable. I don't see any harm in a light tap for a warning, but I don't believe in hitting a child just for doing something naughty.


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## CharleyRogan (Feb 20, 2009)

I'd get a smack bum if repeatedly ignored my parents! Didn't do me any harm! Would smack my own children. But wouldn't batter them!


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## katie200 (May 11, 2009)

no i wasnt hit as a child as my mum didnt agree with it. eventhough i was a little horror


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## PJCroad&Chico (Jan 21, 2011)

If there is a line between physical abuse and "correction" when it comes to kids, then the same applies to adults. In which case it's perfectly fine to slap an adult across the face because they made too much noise.

People often say it didn't affect them, but people also often prefer to remember the good rather than the bad, especially if the family was otherwise loving. There is also plenty of evidence that hitting children affects them negatively - for example, leading them to be more aggressive than other children. The info on this comes from the same professionals who parents happily listen to when it comes to every other matter, but conveniently decide are completely wrong when they speak about the effects of hitting children.

And the info makes sense. You are teaching your child that it's alright for a bigger person to hit a smaller person (especially as you're not allowed to do the same to an adult), and teaching them to use violence to get their own way. You also risk breaking the bond of trust between yourself and your child.

Most children who are "naughty" are not being naughty - they are being kids. They need to be redirected into doing something positive (and when old enough, have it made clear to them how what they did makes a person feel) - not to be hit. 

You wouldn't do it to an adult, so how on earth does it make the slightest bit of sense to do it to a MORE VULNERABLE child? It doesn't deal with the behaviour, it teaches a child to hide it. And to go for an extreme, if it's wrong to do something to an adult but fine to do it to a more vulnerable child because they hate it, then by that logic it's wrong to rape an adult but fine to rape a more vulnerable child because the child hates it.

Smacking... spanking... belting... caning... rape... if violence is acceptable, where do you draw the line?

Also I'm studying to be a nursery nurse (for the Americans that's basically like a preschool worker) and although the following works most of the time, it's very difficult to say to a kid "How would you feel if someone did that to you?" when they've just hit a child, if the child is being hit at home. 

How are they supposed to understand it's wrong to hit someone if they're being given contradictory messages?


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## nikki2009 (Feb 5, 2011)

i was slapped hard by my dad as a kid and hated him for it


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## dee o gee (May 21, 2010)

I got a bamboo cane on my bum as a child a few times. Sure I cried and whinged at the time and that cane put the fear of god into me but I don't have any less of a relationship with my parents now than if they didn't hit me, nor do I feel it has changed my life in any way. Im sure they had good reason to do it at the time, I haven't turned into a deliquent because of it!


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## XxZoexX (Sep 8, 2010)

I probably got my legs slapped or my hand when younger no more than that and only if i was doing something stupid like sticking a finger in a plugsocket :lol:


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## PJCroad&Chico (Jan 21, 2011)

In addition to the above post, spanking is a cop out to avoid proper discipline.

If you have proper discipline in place AND FOLLOW IT CONSISTENTLY (something many parents don't seem to do), then there is no need to use violence against your child

Also the people who genuinely "turned out fine" after being hit are the exception to the rule.


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## metame (Sep 25, 2009)

sometimes... but i got off 'light' compared to my siblings... as long as the line is drawn pretty low down


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## Vampyria (Dec 14, 2009)

I, and both my younger sisters were all smacked if we didn't behave. Mum was very strict and most smacks was the last resort or to shock us if we did something very dangerous. I think some of the smacks we received weren't called for and the situation could have been handled better, but the odd physical punishment we did get did none of us harm, and us siblings have grown up to be well-rounded people. I wouldn't say it was _because_ of the smacks, but more the overall upbringing we had.


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## xxsarahpopsxx (Sep 30, 2009)

I was smacked as a child and i can honestly say it has done me no harm at all. I honestly can remember times when my parents have scadded my ass usually coz i had been a little bugger (there were us 4 sisters and were usually arguing with each other and occasionally it went to far like me chucking shoes at my sis ).
Anyway when i have children i probably will be inclined to give a smacked bum - and will give my permission to my immediate family that they have permission should they step out of line when i am not there as long as it is within set boundaries.

Oh and for the person who says you wouldn't reprimand someone if they done something wrong. I have albeit in a legal way - on the rugby pitch and you just make sure that they dont get up from a particularly hard tackle


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## momentofmadness (Jul 19, 2008)

Definately was disciplined.. with more than words... I think I have more respect for people through this..


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

Mum was forever doling out smacks - but they never really hurt (the indignity of being smacked hurt more than the smack itself) and to be honest they weren't exactly a deterrent. Dad never smacked us, but all he had to say was, "Hey, stop that!" and we behaved in an instant.


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## millie mo (Aug 3, 2010)

we were all smacked if we were naughty by my mum there were 5 of us and she brought us up on her own she even had what we called a jinny stick it was a bambo stick my brothers had that a few times but we all had nothing but respect and love for her we have all turned out ok she passed away 4 years ago and we were all heartbroken. when i was at school we used to have the cain then i never had it though but my oh did and the slipper in front of the whole class never done him any harm either :lol:


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## Kinjilabs (Apr 15, 2009)

Oh yes I was got belted a few times.
Once was told not to go to the rec at 4 yrs old on my own.
Did go and got hit by a swing, cut my head open and was taken to hospital by some man
Dad said to me when I got back, do you want your good hiding now or when you are better, errr when Im better, thought he might forget, no way!!! got flippin belted after the stitches were removed
Still I grew up knowing right from wrong so maybe he was right


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## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

Can't remember much but my Dad did I was always quite frightened of him  I remember once I threw a tantrum and was being difficult. Mum grabbed my hair and dragged me inside. Got sent to bed and watched everyone else playing outside. Think that was the first time I decided I didn't like life and wanted to not be here, I was about 4. Mum denies it happening but one of my brothers remembers it.


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## bird (Apr 2, 2009)

I was a good girl. 
Actually I was very much a wuss, pre school, if I did anything that I knew I shouldnt have done, my parents just had to look at me and I'd dissolve into tears.  Althoug I dare say I had the odd slap on the legs/hand as did most kids that were my generation. Not a bother and didnt make me or my sisters and brother think any less of our parents for it.


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## Cazza1974 (Sep 23, 2009)

Yes me and my brothers were smacked. If anything it made me want to behave as the thought of being smacked scared me, so I would behave or blame one of my brothers for something I had done.
I did use to punish the girls like this, but nowhere near like my Mam did and it was always as a last resort. 
I know it is not the done thing anymore but there are some kids that could do with a good clip round the ear. Oh wait i'm not supposed to say that am I?


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## Nicky10 (Jan 11, 2010)

I was smacked and other things but those don't apply here I'm guessing didn't teach me anything just made me want to leave as fast as possible. I would never smack a child it's pointless


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

PJCroad&Chico said:


> Also the people who genuinely "turned out fine" after being hit are the exception to the rule.


Tens of millions like me got the strap or cane at school or a smack at home and turned out perfectly ok thank you.
A damn sight better behaved than the tens of thousands of yobbos in todays schools.


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## SpringerHusky (Nov 6, 2008)

I've been smacked, i've been hit with a slipper, had my toys destroyed, been in psychical fights with my mum and she's even bitten me after I bit my brother. My dad's wife dragged me through the hallway by my hair when i refused to shower (fair enough she never did it again after my mum threatened to have her done for child abuse, I was 14), I was locked in my room many times also.

I'm Not fine, I have issues but guess what? not one bit of it is because of being disciplined,it's because I was psychically and mentally bullied as a kid. 

Kids done more harm to me than what my mother ever did.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

poohdog said:


> Tens of millions like me got the strap or cane at school or a smack at home and turned out perfectly ok thank you.
> A damn sight better behaved than the tens of thousands of yobbos in todays schools.


Well said!
I did get smacked when i was young,i remember one time when mum wet a teatowel & whipped it off my bottom.

Imo we have gone to far with kids these days...nowadays you cant even say anything to them without them mouthing off!

Teachers being abused in schools,parents being told to "F" off,the total lack of respect for not only others but themselves.
Police being disrespected,kids jumping on & off fire engines throwing stuff at ambulances breaking peoples windows,bullying other kids oh i could go on & on....i absolutley wouldnt have dared to be so disrespectful my god if my mother had got hold of me had i done something like that id be in huge bother....kids nowadays have no worries about that,i hear it everyday & have done in the past working around young kids,their attitude is "what ya gonna do bout it eh" NOTHING no-one can do anything about it as well they know.
I do not believe in abusing children & luckily have never had to smack any of my children however i am very very strict but the so called "do gooders" who say try to reason try to understand are usually the ones who have never experienced the real 24/7 looking after children.

I would never look down on any parent on their choice on discipline (provided it isent abuse).
Trouble is one persons idea of abuse may not be the same as anothers...it is a very delicate discussion.


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## Kinjilabs (Apr 15, 2009)

poohdog said:


> Tens of millions like me got the strap or cane at school or a smack at home and turned out perfectly ok thank you.
> A damn sight better behaved than the tens of thousands of yobbos in todays schools.


Totally agree, ok it hurt at the time, but there was no Ill sue my parents etc then and I for one did grow up to be a decent citizen


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## iheartsonic (Jan 17, 2011)

My mum tried to discipline my brother and I but it never hurt and consequently we ended up playing her up even more. My dad though, good lord you never disobeyed him... Nope, not ever. When i got a bit older my dad left us for a woman he met on the internet but he came back and I'd lost any respect I had for him and played him up all the time. He put me on my arse, sat on my chest and pinned my arms down with his knees so he could shout at me without me walking away. (aged 13-16)

I act like it doesn't bother me anymore, Dad and i are closer now than we were back then (moving to another town certainly helped!) but when i sit and think about it I feel quite sore about it, cant believe he did it etc... Or I was a sh!tty teen... i don't remember it that well.

I have 2 kids of my own now and I don't physically discipline them. We hve a naughty corner or in extreme cases we send up to the bedroom to calm down. 1 minute in the corner for every year of their life. damn, I wish I would get sent to the corner, I could get almost half an hour's peace!


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

I dont think that physical discipline automatically means you will grow up to be hugely affected by it. Surely its the environment as a whole?? I mean paretnts who smack their kids coz they care about them and want to teach them right from wrong have to be better then those who ignore their kids and dont interact with them at all??
i can remember my Dad hit me once....then felt too guilty to ever try it again!! My Mum was a total happy slapper though. I can remember being chased round and round the kitchen by her palms of fury!!:lol: (seriously it must have hurt her hand as much as my legs!!).
My brother got hit way more often though. But then again he was constantly getting into stupid, dangerous situations that scared the beejesus out of my folks!
I dont think it has affected either of us, one way or another.


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## iheartsonic (Jan 17, 2011)

iheartsonic said:


> I have 2 kids of my own now and I don't physically discipline them. We hve a naughty corner or in extreme cases we send up to the bedroom to calm down. 1 minute in the corner for every year of their life. damn, I wish I would get sent to the corner, I could get almost half an hour's peace!


Let me just correct myself here, I have been know to give them both one across the back of the hand for doing something potentially dangerous (hot stove tops, scissors, plugs&sockets) And yeah, I know, stairgates. but they're 3 and 5 and time to get it in their heads that some stuff isn't to be touched without proper adult supervision and if they do there will be consequences, better a tap on the back of the hand than electrocution or badly burnt fingers, no?


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## hawksport (Dec 27, 2009)

poohdog said:


> Tens of millions like me got the strap or cane at school or a smack at home and turned out perfectly ok thank you.
> A damn sight better behaved than the tens of thousands of yobbos in todays schools.


and if you told your parents you got the cane at school you got another off them


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

PJCroad&Chico said:


> In addition to the above post, spanking is a cop out to avoid proper discipline.
> 
> If you have proper discipline in place AND FOLLOW IT CONSISTENTLY (something many parents don't seem to do), then there is no need to use violence against your child
> 
> Also the people who genuinely "turned out fine" after being hit are the exception to the rule.


I'm sorry I know you are making a point but your effectively saying my parents and the majority of members parents on here couldn't be bothered to raise us properly. And I'm sorry again but most the members here are completely leavel headed and normal, so how has it effected them? Do tell me?

My mum has slapped the back of my legs a few times, I still love her more than anything?

I'm not saying slapping is the only way to sort out a kid and I probably will give children of mine a slap on the hand or back of the legs if they persist in doing something naughty or dangerous.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

I was never physically punished by my parents, But I was brought up to to respectful and taught good manners from a very early age (think they called it being seen but not heard)
I was physically discipined at school though! on MORE then one occassion:scared:


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## SophieCyde (Oct 24, 2010)

I was and to be honest still am (I'm 15 ) Not like abuse but I get the odd smack if I do something genuinely stupid , I don't think its really affected me , I still love my parents and I (hope!) I am a respectful teenager 

I don't see a problem with it as long as it is for a reason and not too extreme


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

My mum gave me a slap across the face if I back chatted her. 

I wouldnt do that with my kids...however the one punnishment I fear the most even know is being sent to the corner. :scared:


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

shetlandlover said:


> My mum gave me a slap across the face if I back chatted her.
> 
> I wouldnt do that with my kids...however the one punnishment I fear the most even know is being sent to the corner. :scared:


Why did i suddenly start laughing like a noodle at the thought of you sulking in a corner :lol:


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

shetlandlover said:


> My mum gave me a slap across the face if I back chatted her.
> 
> I wouldnt do that with my kids...however the one punnishment I fear the most even know is being sent to the corner. :scared:


I loved it in the corner! but I hated having to stand in the corridor outside the classroom! KNowing that if the head or deputy wcame past I would get wacked! :scared:


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Patterdale_lover said:


> Why did i suddenly start laughing like a noodle at the thought of you sulking in a corner :lol:





DoubleTrouble said:


> I loved it in the corner! but I hated having to stand in the corridor outside the classroom! KNowing that if the head or deputy wcame past I would get wacked! :scared:


Its not funny....

My uncle used to forget to let me and my 3 cousins out of the corner so we would sit there looking at the wall on all 4 corners of the room.
He once left us there for 3 hours.....:scared:
He only remembered when my mum came to get me.
That was because I wouldnt eat his lumpy mash....blehhhh.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

shetlandlover said:


> Its not funny....
> 
> My uncle used to forget to let me and my 3 cousins out of the corner so we would sit there looking at the wall on all 4 corners of the room.
> He once left us there for 3 hours.....:scared:
> ...


I used to make mine sit on the norty step! which just happened to be the stairs! I almost went out and left one once!


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

shetlandlover said:


> Its not funny....
> 
> My uncle used to forget to let me and my 3 cousins out of the corner so we would sit there looking at the wall on all 4 corners of the room.
> He once left us there for 3 hours.....:scared:
> ...


:scared:

I remember once my mam put me in the study when I was about 6 for time out. I was so angry I picked all the keys off the keyboard. Got a slap then.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

DoubleTrouble said:


> I used to make mine sit on the norty step! which just happened to be the stairs! I almost went out and left one once!


We used the naughty step with my brother ben....it didnt work as he could see the telly from were ever he was. :lol::lol:



Patterdale_lover said:


> :scared:
> 
> I remember once my mam put me in the study when I was about 6 for time out. I was so angry I picked all the keys off the keyboard. Got a slap then.


Ommmmmmmmmnnnnnnn naughty!!!!


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## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

I dont remember being hit, but must of done at some point cos i DO remember the fear when my dad would take off his slipper and raise it to me and/or my sister if we'd been bad XD

Apart from arguing with my sister, i was pretty good as a kid!


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

Yes i got a smacked bottom or leg when i was a kid and yes mine got a smack bottom or leg when they were younger.


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

I used to get soap in my foul mouth (yep that worked) and would get the strap around my ass if I was naughty  I also got the cane at school a couple of times :arf: But it taught me respect, something thats lacking in this generation.


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## Mese (Jun 5, 2008)

Me and my Brother used to get beaten with a bamboo cane , or a belt , pretty much whatever my Mum could get her hands on on a daily basis , usually we hadnt done anything wrong
It wasnt unusual for either of us to stay off school because of the bruising/marks we had
she had mental problems I guess 

once my Brother told someone what had happened and my parents found out and rang me to ask me talk to him about why he was lying about being battered as a kid 
I must admit I was speechless and got off the phone as soon as I could

Once I left home and forgave her (That part of my childhood was never , ever mentioned by either of us) me and Mum got on great , which I was glad about as she sadly passed away from Leaukaemia when she was only 54


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## HelloKittyHannah (Nov 18, 2010)

I was smacked as a child, not beaten, but a hard slap across my legs/arse that would leave a perfect handprint. Now, you could look at me and say I've turned out pretty well. I did well in school, was generally a well behaved kid. I'd never have even thought about talking to my Mum like kids of today treat their parents. BUT, have I turned out well because I was smacked as a child? Probably not?
Yes I was afraid to do wrong in front of my Mum, but it didn't stop me doing wrong behind her back.
She used to slap me in public right up until I was 16, it was sooooo embarrassing, but not only that it made me ANGRY. I remember I would spend a whole day stewing if my Mum smacked me, and it made me all the more likely to be bad/answer back etc because it would put me in such a bad mood. So really it had the opposite effect.
To be honest I think she only did it because it made HER feel better to let off some steam, and I think that's generally what is going on when parents smack their kids.

My poor brother used to get beaten by my step dad. He's mentally a bit slow (nothing diagnosed just never been quite "right"), and simply couldnt do most of his homework. My stepdad's answer? Bang his head on the ceiling over and over again 

Don't get me wrong my boys have been smacked before. Mainly when my eldest was younger as I didn't have any clue how to discipline a child, I'd never been around little kids before!
I soon worked out that it was a fairly pointless exercise, as like me, he'd end up turning into the incredible hulk 
My youngest I can count the smacks he's had on one hand. The main one I remember was for sticking a fork into a plug socket  Smacking my youngest proved totally pointless as he used to *like* hurting himself when he was angry LOL. From about 6 months old he'd throw himself on the floor just to bang his head, and when he could walk he used to run into the door at full speed over and over again whilst having a tantrum, just to bang his head. The health visitor told me it was perfectly normal and to let him carry on as long as he wasn't actually causing himself any injuries.
He's grown out of it now, but pain still doesn't phase him. If he falls over the most you'll hear is a 30 second cry and then he's off and forgotten all about it... 

So in summary, erm, I don't really know what my point is but yes I was smacked, yes I have smacked, but I don't really think it's the answer to todays society problems. I think most of it stems from LAZY parenting. 
Smacking is a LAZY form of parenting and parents who would have used smacking as their sole means of disciplining their child probably can't be bothered to stop watching Eastenders and Jeremy Kyle for long enough to figure out another way? "Not allowed to smack my kids? May aswell just leave them to do what they want then as Britains already going to the dogs..." (No offence intended to the average person, I'm sure you know the sort of parent I'm talking about)


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Waterlily said:


> I used to get soap in my foul mouth (yep that worked) .


Some would beg to differ on that


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

*Yes i was smacked as a kid,as were the other 8..Mostly by my older sister ( she was in place of mum).If my brothers got really out of hand then my father would sometimes use the belt.In school kids that didn't behave got a smack with either a ruler or slipper or the cane.We knew the rules and boundries.And i wouldn't change a thing about my childhood.*


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Never, which is possibly why I am so out of control now  :scared:


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Waterlily said:


> I used to get soap in my foul mouth (yep that worked) and would get the strap around my ass if I was naughty  I also got the cane at school a couple of times :arf: But it taught me respect, something thats lacking in this generation.


I couldnt agree more...from what i have read so far most of us members have had a smack when we were younger,im assuming most are all mentally stable,never been in trouble with the law,are respectful of other peoples feelings,have good social skills etc etc...the point im trying to make is that if that is the case then how has smacking done any harm?

I truly believe these "do gooders" should be looking at the whole home enviroment rather than one single discipline.
Kids nowadays are the most mentally imbalanced,socially awkward,rude arrogant angry people i have ever come across,i say Most not All...

There is a fine line between Abuse & Discipline i understand that,but i would never look down on a parents discipline...i dont know what goes on in that household,i dont know if that child has issues...what i do know tho is that Abuse & discipline are 2 completley different things....
Common sense needs to prevail.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Personally I don't believe physical discipline as in slap/hit/etc has any more place in bringing up a child than it does in bringing up a puppy ...

Respect and good behaviour is not gained by physical means ... in my opinion.

Which makes me I guess one of the awful " do gooders" hmy:

Seriosly though, I agree it's about the "whole picture" but I firmly believe physical discipline is abusive and useless.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> Personally I don't believe physical discipline as in slap/hit/etc has any more place in bringing up a child than it does in bringing up a puppy ...
> 
> Respect and good behaviour is not gained by physical means ... in my opinion.
> 
> ...


That is your opinion & i respect it
However unless you have been in the position many parents are in these days i think its wrong for others to remark on how others discipline their children.
By "do gooders" i mean people who stick their beak into things that dont concern them,sit in a office all day long after leaving uni thinking the world is full of abusive parents.
Since the laws about not being able to smack children,& other IMO stupid laws it makes you wonder why kids these days are much more disrespectful,have many more issues than in my day....
As i have said i have never smacked my children but i am very strict,but i dont have the right to tell people how they should look after or discipline their own children.
Unless abuse is taking place,i wouldnt get involved.
Obviously you see any physical contact as abuse...Imo thats too black & white.


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## bigdaddy (Feb 5, 2011)

i had a slap when i was little and didnt do me any harm and the laws now i think are stupid myself a slap on the legs or bum yeah not battering your child or to make them live in fear i dont agree with that teachers used to do it years ago and there were no hoodys hanging about like there is today and kids used to respect there elders and not back chat


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

toria said:


> Obviously you see any physical contact as abuse...Imo thats too black & white.


Not really, when is physical contact not abuse when it is doled out in a negative way?

What would you class as physical contact? I don't see holding a child's hand or arm to stop it doing something and saying a firm "NO" as physical abuse, but I do see smacking them as wrong ... and by the by, useless.

I would not smack or even tap a puppy (those archaic methods are hopefully things of the past) so what would I hope to gain from doing the same to a child?

Years ago, without doubt hitting children was seen as acceptable and means of instilling discipline and respect, but times change, just as dog training methods have 

But that said, people still hit/smack their dogs and worse so it figures people will still physically discipline their children. Counter productive though I believe it is.

Guess it's down to different life experiences and I'm sure ALL of us would agree, children need protecting ...


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## xxwelshcrazyxx (Jul 3, 2009)

Starlite said:


> Another thread got me thinking and me, ma and sisters were discussing this the other day too. Now I know its illegal to hit children now but "back in the day" it was the norm where I am from.
> Im not talking about being kicked up and down the house, but I think there is a line between physical correction and child abuse. We used to get our bum or back of our legs tanned if we had been warned and still didnt listen.
> OHs parents are old school and his da has told me he has taken off his belt and beaten OH within an inch of his life (his words) for wrongdoing. Neither OH nor I am a murderer or terrorist now we are grown but productive members of society, not a fan of those who use their past to justify their actions
> 
> So were you "physically corrected" as a child, do you feel its done more harm than good or vice versa?


Yep sure was. Mum used to use her EYES and we would shite ourselves, we used to get a slap on our back sides or the backs of our legs, it bloody hurt too, but knowing that that is what we would have if we didn't heed the EYES,.....that glare was enough. I used to try to be clever and not look into her eyes but she had me every time coz she used to do this huffing noise at the same time.........:scared: It never did me or my brother and sister any harm at all. I rant and rave at my sons when they do wrong and I get attitude back, dont bloody work all the time either.
My daughters when they were small used to have a slap on their bums and grounded if they continued with nonsense, and they tell me today that they are glad they had the upbringing I gave them as it have made them better mothers themselves and know right from wrong. Now they tell thier kids..."When I was young and cheeky like you this is what nanny used to do to us, and she would go into detail to them, she tells them how easy kids of today get it and how hard kids make it for their parents.
I understand the NO SMACKING of today due to alot of over physical abuse towards children, but there is a difference between a slap and a battering, The old days were the best in my opinion, alot more respect for elders etc. Look at the crime rate as it stands now, elderly cant go out with out getting verbal abuse and beatings, groups of kids causing problems in streets etc, and what can the police do........these kids know they cant be touched and use that power. (Same with schools). Many years ago the police would clout you around your ear if you did wrong and then take you home, then you would get another clouting by your parents for being clouted for behaviour by the police.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> Not really, when is physical contact not abuse when it is doled out in a negative way? That depends upon the parent...How does a person looking in from the outside know its being done in a negative way.
> 
> What would you class as physical contact? I don't see holding a child's hand or arm to stop it doing something and saying a firm "NO" as physical abuse, but I do see smacking them as wrong ... and by the by, useless. If a child continually does something that may endanger him/her or someone else after being told numerous times then imo a smack does no harm..should we carry on "talking & reasoning with them?" What happens when they dont listen?
> 
> ...


 I totally agree with you,but life isent text book...& untill you have been in the very difficult place that many parents are these days i dont think we have any right to interfere unless abuse is apparent.


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## Bandy (Sep 29, 2010)

Just a thought on corporal punishment being "abusive"....


Does no one find it odd, or MORE inhumane, that laws were passed forbidding spanking the child...yet its completely acceptable to medicate then into "zombie-hood"?

I think chemically altering their brain to achieve the results a smack on the rump would is far worse...especially given the proven side effects of the "approved" medication.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Bandy said:


> Just a thought on corporal punishment being "abusive"....
> 
> Does no one find it odd, or MORE inhumane, that laws were passed forbidding spanking the child...yet its completely acceptable to medicate then into "zombie-hood"?
> I think chemically altering their brain to achieve the results a smack on the rump would is far worse...especially given the proven side effects of the "approved" medication.


I think it's s bit simplistic to say a "smack on the rump" is a cure all. I'm not sure which children you are referring to,who have been medicated into "zombie hood" when hitting them would have solved the problem?


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## Bandy (Sep 29, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> I think it's s bit simplistic to say a "smack on the rump" is a cure all. I'm not sure which children you are referring to,who have been medicated into "zombie hood" when hitting them would have solved the problem?


The kids that schools are all but _*demanding*_ be placed on medication due to lack of respect, inability to maintain their seated position or keep their gob in check.


Just as one simple example...

I'm headed out the door for work and don't have the proper time, right this minute, to go into it in detail.


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## piggybaker (Feb 10, 2009)

Yep I was smacked as a child and sometimes with a wooden spoon although very rarely,,, 

But I have smacked my children,, but it is the VERY last resort... and honestly I find talking to them much easier.. I do n't havebehaviour issues with my kids other than the testing the bounderies.


Its only illiegal to hit a child if you leave a mark.....


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

I would much rather a parent smack a childs leg than letting the child push a parent to the point of them lashing out and doing real damage.

I will say as well law or no law id mine were still young and they needed a smack they would bloody well get one.


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

haeveymolly said:


> I would much rather a parent smack a childs leg than letting the child push a parent to the point of them lashing out and doing real damage.
> 
> I will say as well law or no law id mine were still young and they needed a smack they would bloody well get one.


*Mine too..And whatever happend to kids should be seen and not heard?*


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## haeveymolly (Mar 7, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> *Mine too..And whatever happend to kids should be seen and not heard?*


Oh my nanna always said that, we were never allowed to butt in if adults were talking, some say thats over the top and ok maybe thats outdated but look at the respect we had for adults and look at the respect now, it hasnt just happened disrespectfull, rude, unruly children have been created by the criteria parents have parent by.


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## wooliewoo (May 27, 2008)

I remember getting my leg smacked in junior school (must of been approx 7 yrs old) Wasnt even me talking but i got it

At home i think it was more the fear of being smacked......the look was enough and i recall my dad standing at the back door with his hand raised to smack and me crawling across the floor to get in before he could reach!!!!! Can only remember 1 smack from mum and none from dad.

I know i have tapped my girls hands when they were little and my teen has had a few close calls.

I do think alot of problems at schools are to do with lack of disapline................kids know they cannot be touched, so whats the punishment in detention. When i was at senior school i remember the slipper and ruler.............in 5 yrs i didnt hear of anyone actually getting the punishment but the threat was enough


(Im not saying beating kids is ok but it makes you think that we didnt have the problems with youth 30 yrs ago that we do now so makes you think!!!)


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Toria - Why is hitting animals different to hitting children? :confused1:

Whilst I accept that a light smack a child's hand is completely different from child abuse I still think that physically punishing children is an outdated & ineffective method.

The though of caning a small child makes me feel sick - how that can ever be thought of as acceptable is beyond me.

Everyone will always look back on 'the good old days' & maybe they were for some but for alot people they were horrific times. My Nan used to tell me stories of her the punishments given by her father & the nuns at her convent school I was suprised that they didn't kill her it was so barbaric - she certainly didn't look back on those days with fond memories.


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

haeveymolly said:


> Oh my nanna always said that, we were never allowed to butt in if adults were talking, some say thats over the top and ok maybe thats outdated but look at the respect we had for adults and look at the respect now, it hasnt just happened disrespectfull, rude, unruly children have been created by the criteria parents have parent by.


*Thats the thing,nowadays kids don't know their place.They are allowed to butt in on adult conversations,get to hear things only adults imo should be talking about,and on top of that,they give their oppions.Which through no fault of their own,makes them think they are equal to the adults.*


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I was thinking about this all last night and looking back at my childhood the love and goodness far outweighed the odd smack which I rightly desereved if was getting one.

I think with kids of today they KNOW they have the upperhand and can cry 
" I will get you done if you touch me" especially at school - there is no discipline in many households and schools nowadays - kids are not afraid of adults - I remember when I was young if any adult told me off I shi* me sen lol there is just no respect and I do think a lot of that has come about because parents have been told not to smack. 

My mum also used to threaten me a lot lol :lol: there used to be this big building we would go by on the way shopping and if I was playing up she would say we are coming up to where Miss Browns is do you want to go there!! - she told me it was a childs home where naughty kids went - It really made me shudder and deffo made me think twice about misbehaving - later found out it was a dentist! pmsl - I dont bare any malice to my mum and dad for all the smacks etc I had and still do have huge respect for them - they have been there for me all my life and loved me unconditionally and nutured and supported and been amazing - I think most parents who do smack their kids are the same there is love and caring there too and that makes ALL the difference between reprimanding and abuse.


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## Nicky10 (Jan 11, 2010)

I think it's just charming that some adults feel they have some kind of right to hurt and scare children. If you were to do that to an adult it would be assault but hey they're little right makes it all ok . As if the mods and rockers were so brilliantly behaved and of course football hooligans were great weren't they . They were from eras of tough discipline


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

JANICE199 said:


> *Thats the thing,nowadays kids don't know their place.They are allowed to butt in on adult conversations,get to hear things only adults imo should be talking about,and on top of that,they give their oppions.Which through no fault of their own,makes them think they are equal to the adults.*


I think thats very key Jan! - they are allowed to witness and see things that they shouldnt - a lot of kids are robbed of their innocence as children at very early ages - seeing their parents drunk,listening to them swearing - they see their parents have no respect for others too - I see so many mums telling their kids to "shut the fu** up  or talking to a friend about who they shagged the night before in front of their 3yr old  they then grow up saying the same things .....its a vicious circle.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

JANICE199 said:


> *Thats the thing,nowadays kids don't know their place.They are allowed to butt in on adult conversations,get to hear things only adults imo should be talking about,and on top of that,they give their oppions.Which through no fault of their own,makes them think they are equal to the adults.*


Teaching children manners would prevent them butting in, there is no need for hitting them to achieve this.
If children hear things they shouldn't it's the parents fault entirely. As for children being able to have an opinion, well I would hope they would 

This is 2011 not the Victorian era ...

We were taught, manners by mum and dad without physical discipline, why can't other parents do it?

Perhaps the fault does indeed lie with parenting skills rather than the children? :idea:

*Generalising, before anyone takes personal offence  *


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

fessie said:


> i was smacked now and then but it just made me have less of a bond with my dad
> and fearful at times i would say it didnt help me


That's sad *Hugs* x


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## wooliewoo (May 27, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> Perhaps the fault lies with parenting skills rather than the children? There's a thought :idea:
> 
> *Generalising, before anyone takes personal offence  *


My 16 yr old went to a birthday party last night which finished at 11pm.......myself and 1 other parent were the onlys ones collecting their CHILDREN the rest were getting their own way home!!!! 
Like you say if parents took more responsabilites for thier kids things may be different


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> Teaching children manners would prevent them butting in, there is no need for hitting them to achieve this.
> If children hear things they shouldn't it's the parents fault entirely. As for children being able to have an opinion, well I would hope they would
> 
> This is 2011 not the Victorian era ...
> ...


Of course communication is key and even though I recevied smacks I was also talked to and taught the right wrong way etc - smack was a last resort and only if I had done something super bad......I dont think all parents that smack do not also talk to their kids and just instantly smack.

My Oh has the three strikes rule - 3 warnings and if yu dont heed that warning then you may get a slap - I cannot remember the last time my OH had to actually physcially smack one of the boys because this works most of the time.


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> Teaching children manners would prevent them butting in, there is no need for hitting them to achieve this.
> If children hear things they shouldn't it's the parents fault entirely. As for children being able to have an opinion, well I would hope they would
> 
> This is 2011 not the Victorian era ...
> ...


*With respect,if you had read my post properly i did say its NOT the kids fault.*


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## Stephen&Dogs (Dec 11, 2010)

No i was not none of my family were :001_cool:


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## Pets2luv.webs.com (Nov 26, 2010)

I was always treated with respect, never smacked etc and I respected my parents and still do! I think violence breeds violence and if taught properly there is no need to hit out. how can smacking anyone make the situation better. I wouldnt dream of hitting anyone never mind my own flesh and blood.
If you hit your children you are only teaching them to do the same.


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## 0nyxx (Aug 9, 2008)

I was smacked as a child & grounded too, my mum was the one giving out discipline, can only ever remember my dad slapping me twice, & I probably deserved it, didnt do me any harm.

When my kids were younger if they needed a slap they got one on the bum or legs as a last resort more often they were sent to their rooms or grounded.

I bought my 2 up on my own I was divorced before my eldest was 4 yrs old, my daughter used to go into full scale tantrum mode when she was little when she couldnt have her own way in town (that was usually after she'd had a toy or sweets bought then was trying to get something else too)

She'd throw herself on the floor kicking & screaming, a slap on the legs ended the tantrum pretty quickly n she soon stopped it, hasnt done her any harm either she remembers being a little sod & has said she couldnt cope with a kid that had tantrums like that lol.


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

Pets2luv.webs.com said:


> I was always treated with respect, never smacked etc and I respected my parents and still do! I think violence breeds violence and if taught properly there is no need to hit out. how can smacking anyone make the situation better. I wouldnt dream of hitting anyone never mind my own flesh and blood.
> If you hit your children you are only teaching them to do the same.


*And if a child needs a smack then so beit.Not all kids are the same,my dad only ever smacked me once but other members got lots of smacks.*


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Pets2luv.webs.com said:


> I was always treated with respect, never smacked etc and I respected my parents and still do! I think violence breeds violence and if taught properly there is no need to hit out. how can smacking anyone make the situation better. I wouldnt dream of hitting anyone never mind my own flesh and blood.
> If you hit your children you are only teaching them to do the same.


I think you make a good point, it seems that maybe it's people who were hit as a child themselves go on to hit their own children.

Obviously not always the case. My mum was physically disciplined (hit) by her step mum and she said that she always swore she would never hit her own children.

I NEVER saw my mum or dad hit our dogs and so from an early age have never accepted unkind methods of dog training. What we see and grow up with we so often emulate, or if we realise/believe it is wrong, ensure we do not repeat it and pass it down the generations.


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## Mese (Jun 5, 2008)

Pets2luv.webs.com said:


> I was always treated with respect, never smacked etc and I respected my parents and still do! I think violence breeds violence and if taught properly there is no need to hit out. how can smacking anyone make the situation better. I wouldnt dream of hitting anyone never mind my own flesh and blood.
> If you hit your children you are only teaching them to do the same.


I disagre , violence doesnt always breed violence


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Pets2luv.webs.com said:


> I was always treated with respect, never smacked etc and I respected my parents and still do! I think violence breeds violence and if taught properly there is no need to hit out. how can smacking anyone make the situation better. I wouldnt dream of hitting anyone never mind my own flesh and blood.
> If you hit your children you are only teaching them to do the same.


That is not always true tbo - and a smack on the legs is different to "violence" believe me I have been at the receiving end of proper "violence" and there is no comparison.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Mese said:


> I disagre , violence doesnt always breed violence


No not always, my mum as I explained in earlier post vowed after being hit herself as a child she would never hit/smack/whatever her own children, so she broke the cycle of physical discipline on any level in our family 

We were taught respect and good behaviour by positive methods, neither she or my father ever had to resort to lifting their hands to us.

My thoughts are that when parents hit/slap their children, it is THEM who have lost contriol, not the children .... Again generalising, not referring to any particular member on here.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

When I was old enough to know right from wrong Id have got a smack... I always knew it was coming cos I knew i had done wrong.


The difference between that and hitting a dog is a dog doesnt speak english and doesnt purposely misbehave. Just doesnt understand boundries or expectations. If i done wrong i always knew I had done wrong (even if i wasnt thinking at the time of acting) so next time i DID think before acting.


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

To all the anti smacking...'big people hitting little people'....'Violence begats violence' brigade...The alternatives are working a treat aren't they??

Bringing up Mods and Rockers as proof that smacking doesn't work is daft...like the Teddy Boys of earlier days,they were teenagers...It's kids from the age of five now that are creating hell in school because there's no discipline.
I got many a smack off my Mother...but only once off my Father when I stole some money...not exactly a life of assault and battery.

There was strict discipline at my Secondary school and in four years I only remember one boy being expelled for punching a teacher...*ONE!! *
I know which decade of school I would prefer to go through if I was reborn...and it isn't this one.In my day teachers weren't leaving by the hundreds annually because they can't handle the kids.

As a matter of interest I never smacked my own kid,but would have done if he had pushed his luck...but he was taught respect and strict ground rules unlike most of the other kids in his class at school.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

I think many parents probably see physical discipline as quick fix, it's immediate gets some kind of reaction, even if not long standing, but perhaps makes them feel better.

The way I see it, if hitting children was so very "effective" it would not have to be repeated and while this sometimes appears to be so, it's not generally true, reading this thread ...


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

poohdog said:


> To all the anti smacking...'big people hitting little people'....'Violence begats violence' brigade...The alternatives are working a treat aren't they??


I many families yes


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## 2lisa2 (Apr 30, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> I many families yes


works in my house to im not against anyone else giving thier child a smack as long as thats all it is its just not how i parent


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> I think many parents probably see physical discipline as quick fix, it's immediate gets some kind of reaction, even if not long standing, but perhaps makes them feel better.
> 
> The way I see it, if hitting children was so very "effective" it would not have to be repeated and while this sometimes appears to be so, it's not generally true, reading this thread ...


But the same could be said for those that dont smack their children - do they after being sat down and explained what they did was wrong etc go on never to be naughty and test their parents again?? I think not.

Again I will add that those parents that smack do NOT smack all the time and not at every single thing a child does wrong! I used to get a smack and be sent to my room to think about it and then my dad or mum would come upstairs and say right hugs and cuddles now.

Discipline IMO is also about warnings and social ettiquette and standards - something many kids of today do not have because of wishy washy parenting.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> But the same could be said for those that dont smack their children - do they after being sat down and explained what they did was wrong etc go on never to be naughty and test their parents again?? I think not.
> 
> Again I will add that those parents that smack do NOT smack all the time and not at every single thing a child does wrong! I used to get a smack and be sent to my room to think about it and then my dad or mum would come upstairs and say right hugs and cuddles now.
> 
> Discipline IMO is also about warnings and social ettiquette and standards - something many kids of today do not have because of wishy washy parenting.


Of course children will continue to question and test parents, it's part of growing up  So why bring physical discipline into it?

How many parents can honestly say they sit a child down and explain why they are unhappy with kiddies behaviour and why they are about to smack them ... Very few I would guess. Smacking is more likely to quick and instinctive, with a brief explanation afterwards 

It's more likely to make parent feel better because they have found an immediate release for their anger and displeasure than benefit the child.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

I was politically disciplined if that counts... :lol:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> Of course children will continue to question and test parents, it's part of growing up  So why bring physical discipline into it?
> 
> How many parents can honestly say they sit a child down and explain why they are unhappy with kiddies behaviour and why they are about to smack them ... Very few I would guess. Smacking is more likely to quick and instinctive, with a brief explanation afterwards
> 
> It's more likely to make parent feel better because they have found an immediate release for their anger and displeasure than benefit the child.


My dad never lost control and my OH doesnt either we got warnings before hand as do the boys and IF they continue they get a short slap on the hand - but it very rarely gets to that stage because they know the consequence - so yes I think you can control and its not white hot anger that makes you hit out at them - thats just not true most of the time - now abuse yes there is immediate reaction - there is a difference imo.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Pets2luv.webs.com said:


> I was always treated with respect, never smacked etc and I respected my parents and still do! I think violence breeds violence and if taught properly there is no need to hit out. how can smacking anyone make the situation better. I wouldnt dream of hitting anyone never mind my own flesh and blood.
> If you hit your children you are only teaching them to do the same.


That is a huge generalization,if you hit your children you are only teaching them to do the same...Rubbish,i was smacked as a child i have never once smacked any of my children.
Hundreds of children were smacked,caned,whooped not all smack their children either.
Its quiet ignorant to say if you hit your children you are teaching them to do the same.

Lets not forget that all of us here do not agree with Abuse.
However i find it offensive to say smacking & i mean a light tap (lets not start all going melodramatic ) is wrong.
To say you dont agree & that it wouldnt be your parenting approach is fine...


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

But discipline doesn't just mean physical punishment so parents who choose not to physically punish their kids doesn't meant they don't discipline their children or set boundaries.

My sister has never hit either of her children & they are not unruly or disrespectful. If either of them misbehave then they are punished by having certain priviledges taken away which I think is far more effective than a smack.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> I many families yes


That must explain then why people are so disrespectful,aggresive!
Many more asbo's than ever before,many more problems in our society.

Now i am in no way relating all these problems to kids not being smacked that would be ridiculous,However discipline in the home is failing.

And some not all can be contributed to people whom have never had kids who sit and make laws up.
I am all in favour of giving kids rights...but give them too many & well future generations will tell us the storys!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> But discipline doesn't just mean physical punishment so parents who choose not to physically punish their kids doesn't meant they don't discipline their children or set boundaries.
> 
> My sister has never hit either of her children & they are not unruly or disrespectful. If either of them misbehave then they are punished by having certain priviledges taken away which I think is far more effective than a smack.


I used to get those punishments as well as! -:lol::lol:


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

toria said:


> That must explain then why people are so disrespectful,aggresive!


I would hazard a guess that many if not most of these children actually come from homes where they are shown no respect themselves and Violence and no doubt physical discipline is regularly dished out


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

If my nephew starts to push things he's threatened with an 'everything' ban - no computer, no TV, no Nintendo or DVDs. 

He seems to think they are essentials & can't believe we managed to 'survive' without them but the threat of losing all those 'essentials' soon stops bad behaviour as he doesn't want to live like the 'boring olden days' (as he says) :lol:


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## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

Sorry to say I was quite badly treated as a child hit with a tennis racket,had my arm broken but hospital was told I fell down the stairs and I said yes I had,also kept in bed all day,also had my hands tied up with string the more I tried to get it off the tighter it got,had a terrible affect on me even now.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> If my nephew starts to push things he's threatened with an 'everything' ban - no computer, no TV, no Nintendo or DVDs.
> 
> He seems to think they are essentials & can't believe we managed to 'survive' without them but the threat of losing all those 'essentials' soon stops bad behaviour as he doesn't want to live like the 'boring olden days' (as he says) :lol:


But isnt this emotional blackmail?? which imo is just as bad as you think smacking is - we are bribing kids to behave :confused1:??


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Cleo38 said:


> But discipline doesn't just mean physical punishment so parents who choose not to physically punish their kids doesn't meant they don't discipline their children or set boundaries.
> 
> My sister has never hit either of her children & they are not unruly or disrespectful. If either of them misbehave then they are punished by having certain priviledges taken away which I think is far more effective than a smack.


That's how it worked in our home, my mum was loving but strict and if she said something was going to be withheld as a punishment it was. One thing I can remember is that we were rewarded and praised for good behaviour too, not lavishly, but enough to make us want to be good I guess 

I think we soon learned without need for smacking, that life was so much better if we towed the line ... well most of the time


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> I would hazard a guess that many if not most of these children actually come from homes where they are shown no respect themselves and Violence and no doubt physical discipline is regularly dished out


Not most no....i no of many families where parents are at there wits ends,families in fact that havent smacked their children or dared to go to far with discipline fear someone may question their parenting skills.

It isent just about smacking,its the whole discipline area.

I dont agree nor disagree with smacking, its what works for each family & i have no right at all to interfere unless Abuse is taking place.

Its all very well saying try to talk to the child try to teach them right from wrong...so if a child is say for instance playing with candles & will not be told to leave alone parent has tried everything then as a last resort smacks that child,are you saying thats wrong?


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

suewhite said:


> Sorry to say I was quite badly treated as a child hit with a tennis racket,had my arm broken but hospital was told I fell down the stairs and I said yes I had,also kept in bed all day,also had my hands tied up with string the more I tried to get it off the tighter it got,had a terrible affect on me even now.


That's serious abuse


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> That's how it worked in our home, my mum was loving but strict and if she said something was going to be withheld as a punishment it was. One thing I can remember is that we were rewarded and praised for good behaviour too, not lavishly, but enough to make us want to be good I guess
> 
> I think we soon learned without need for smacking, that life was so much better if we towed the line ... well most of the time


I got praised for good behaviour too :confused1: It seems you are saying ALL parents that smacked their kids are abhorent animals who didnt love their kids and just wanted an excuse to hit them - not true! my parents were and are very very loving! they disciplined me in many other ways not just smacking - you are focusing entirely on smacking which is rarely the first port of call for many that do smack their kids.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> That's serious abuse


I agree that is ABUSE....i am sorry you had to endure this xx


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

suewhite said:


> Sorry to say I was quite badly treated as a child hit with a tennis racket,had my arm broken but hospital was told I fell down the stairs and I said yes I had,also kept in bed all day,also had my hands tied up with string the more I tried to get it off the tighter it got,had a terrible affect on me even now.


So sorry - now that is ABUSE!!!


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## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

Amethyst said:


> That's serious abuse


When I was a child nobody really bothered,dont know why I posted this as have never ever told anyone


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

toria said:


> Not most no....i no of many families where parents are at there wits ends,families in fact that havent smacked their children or dared to go to far with discipline fear someone may question their parenting skills.
> 
> It isent just about smacking,its the whole discipline area.


It's about how they have been brought up, the bigger picture and smacking would not have done anything to improve matters.

Parenting skills rely on a lot more than physical discipline to get right.


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## 2lisa2 (Apr 30, 2010)

suewhite said:


> Sorry to say I was quite badly treated as a child hit with a tennis racket,had my arm broken but hospital was told I fell down the stairs and I said yes I had,also kept in bed all day,also had my hands tied up with string the more I tried to get it off the tighter it got,had a terrible affect on me even now.


thats awfull  xx


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

suewhite said:


> When I was a child nobody really bothered,dont know why I posted this as have never ever told anyone


Somebody should have bothered....that is completley abhorant to me.
I would kill anyone that did that to my kids!


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> But isnt this emotional blackmail?? which imo is just as bad as you think smacking is - we are bribing kids to behave :confused1:??


I don't think that would be defined as emotional blackmail, I would say that it's a threat more than anything. It's not bribery either as she's not offering him anything for not misbehaving

By withdrawing one of his possessions (especially one considered so highly) is far more effective than a smack that is over & done with pretty quickly. By issuing the threat & carrying it out my sister can also explain to him why he has lost out on something he values rather than just re-acting.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> It's about how they have been brought up, the bigger picture and smacking would not have done anything to improve matters.
> 
> Parenting skills rely on a lot more than physical discipline to get right.


How do you know that??
I agree with you that parenting skills rely on a lot more than physical discipline but the 2 can work together.

Maybe you could then answer my question on the candle scenario?


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

suewhite said:


> When I was a child nobody really bothered,dont know why I posted this as have never ever told anyone


I think years ago, hitting (and abusing children) was seen as "acceptable" very much like wife beating, in some homes ... It happened and unlike today there were not really any/many agencies to help or prevent it 

Personally I would not like to go back to those times where men could do what they like (more or less) to their wives and parents to thier children. As mentioned there was also a lot of physical abuse in schools/childrens homes.

Some people bemoan the lack of physical discipline in schools, but I bet, if they were honest, they would be the first there if a teacher physically disciplined their children  Probably want to sue the school


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

toria said:


> How do you know that??
> I agree with you that parenting skills rely on a lot more than physical discipline but the 2 can work together.
> 
> Maybe you could then answer my question on the candle scenario?


No idea what you are talking about


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Cleo38 said:


> By withdrawing one of his possessions (especially one considered so highly) is far more effective than a smack that is over & done with pretty quickly. By issuing the threat & carrying it out my sister can also explain to him why he has lost out on something he values rather than just re-acting.


It worked when we were growing up :thumbup:


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> I think years ago, hitting (and abusing children) was seen as "acceptable" very much like wife beating, in some homes ... It happened and unlike today there were not really any/many agencies to help or prevent it
> 
> Personally I would not like to go back to those times where men could do what they like (more or less) to their wives and parents to thier children. As mentioned there was also a lot of physical abuse in schools/childrens homes.
> 
> Some people bemoan the lack of physical discipline in schools, but I bet, if they were honest, they would be the first there if a teacher physically disciplined their children  Probably want to sue the school


You are once again making assumptions.
I am a Parent of 4 children so feel i can honestly answer this question....if my child acted & behaved in such a manner that the teacher physically felt that there was no other option but to do that then i wouldnt have a go at the school for that,remembering that all other options must have been adhered to ie if the first port of call was a whack then yes i would go mad...however in most schools that would not be the case.
In my school they used to throw board rubbers at kids....didnt do me any harm whatsoever & had i been punished by some other means then i would have understood that i had done wrong.


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## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

toria said:


> Somebody should have bothered....that is completley abhorant to me.
> I would kill anyone that did that to my kids!


Think you might have hit it on the head "You would kill anyone that did that to your kids" but it was my mum and I never told of her she used to tell people that I was a clumsy child who kept falling over and silly me went along with it


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> No idea what you are talking about


The part where i gave you a scenario about a child that will not be told not to touch a lit candle,im interested to know what form of discipline you would take after of course all the obvious.


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## 2lisa2 (Apr 30, 2010)

suewhite said:


> Think you might have hit it on the head "You would kill anyone that did that to your kids" but it was my mum and I never told of her she used to tell people that I was a clumsy child who kept falling over and silly me went along with it


you wasnt silly hun you were just a child


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

suewhite said:


> Think you might have hit it on the head "You would kill anyone that did that to your kids" but it was my mum and I never told of her she used to tell people that I was a clumsy child who kept falling over and silly me went along with it


I dont know what to say to you other than sorry


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

As has been clearly demonstrated here....Abuse & Discipline are different.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

toria said:


> You are once again making assumptions.
> I am a Parent of 4 children so feel i can honestly answer this question....if my child acted & behaved in such a manner that the teacher physically felt that there was no other option but to do that then i wouldnt have a go at the school for that,remembering that all other options must have been adhered to ie if the first port of call was a whack then yes i would go mad...however in most schools that would not be the case.
> In my school they used to throw board rubbers at kids....didnt do me any harm whatsoever & had i been punished by some other means then i would have understood that i had done wrong.


Reading your post I can see EXACTLY why schools no longer physically punish children (apart from it being very wrong).

It's a MINEFIELD to do so. Parents would require so much justification and then probably still sue :scared:

I can remember kids being caned, hit with rulers, heads banged off desks, noses flicked in class, did it make them better behaved? **** no! if anything they went from bad to worse, it just hardened them up :eek6:


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

toria said:


> As has been clearly demonstrated here....Abuse & Discipline are different.


And there is a very fine line between once you start to raise your hand (at any level) to a child ...


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

toria said:


> As has been clearly demonstrated here....Abuse & Discipline are different.


I don't think it has been clearly demonstrated at all. My Dad thought nothing wrong with hitting us as kids, he seemed to think giving me a black eye when I was 10 was 'disciplining' me  - I would disagree!

Some parents seem to think beating children is disciplining them, everyone seems to have different views of where to draw the line so I don't think it's clear at all.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

toria said:


> The part where i gave you a scenario about a child that will not be told not to touch a lit candle,im interested to know what form of discipline you would take after of course all the obvious.


We had this scenario (similar) a few years back - with My eldest stepson.

Got a phone call from his mum to say he had been finding matches and lighting them in his bedroom and had continously been told to stop - given warnings told he would not be able to go on computer etc etc but still he carriied on - his mum in the end phoned my OH to say can you sort him out because her partner is now allowed to discipline other than verbal - so next time they came over he was given three smacks - hard - on his bum and his dad had a very very stern talk with him about fire etc we did try to question (softly) if there was some other reason behind this but he said no just wanted to do it - his dad said IF he ever did it again he would get the belt next time ...........he has never done it again.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

toria said:


> The part where i gave you a scenario about a child that will not be told not to touch a lit candle,im interested to know what form of discipline you would take after of course all the obvious.


The obvious answer answer doesn't involve discipline whatsoever. It's simply commonsense surely? You keep lighted candles out of the reach of young children.


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> We had this scenario (similar) a few years back - with My eldest stepson.
> 
> Got a phone call from his mum to say he had been finding matches and lighting them in his bedroom and had continously been told to stop - given warnings told he would not be able to go on computer etc etc but still he carriied on - his mum in the end phoned my OH to say can you sort him out because her partner is now allowed to discipline other than verbal - so next time they came over he was given three smacks - hard - on his bum and his dad had a very very stern talk with him about fire etc we did try to question (softly) if there was some other reason behind this but he said no just wanted to do it - his dad said IF he ever did it again he would get the belt next time ...........he has never done it again.


You see I feel uncomfortable with that. 2 reason...one the phsical punishment came after the event woth a space in between and so rules out the point of that. Then threatening with more horrible violence. A slap is one thing...not good...but my mum slapped my legs when I was a kid but I was not scared of her. What you described is thought out 

Secondly why couldn't he have told him off and said as a direct consequence of that he is going to take his playstation/toy/whatever from him for a few days so that he remembers.

Your son will grow up scared of his father and possibly violent to his children. I understand the fire aspect...but take him to see the firemen or something. There are better ways. When I was 5/6 me and my sister used to go around tesco picking up and eating the loose grapes. When my mum found out she didn't hit us, she took us to tesco insisted on speaking to the manager who came and (rather amused by it) told us we couldn't and it was a crime. We never did it again.

Poor kid


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

Amethyst said:


> The obvious answer answer doesn't involve discipline whatsoever. It's simply commonsense surely? You keep lighted candles out of the reach of young children.


Oh and what she said!!


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

niki87 said:


> Your son will grow up scared of his father and possibly violent to his children. I understand the fire aspect...but take him to see the firemen or something. There are better ways. When I was 5/6 me and my sister used to go around tesco picking up and eating the loose grapes. When my mum found out she didn't hit us, she took us to tesco insisted on speaking to the manager who came and (rather amused by it) told us we couldn't and it was a crime. We never did it again.
> Poor kid


I think I would be frightened of a man that could do that to be honest, never mind how a child would feel ... poor little soul 

I think your mum was very wise and in touch with her children :001_wub:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

niki87 said:


> You see I feel uncomfortable with that. 2 reason...one the phsical punishment came after the event woth a space in between and so rules out the point of that. Then threatening with more horrible violence. A slap is one thing...not good...but my mum slapped my legs when I was a kid and I was not scared of her.
> 
> Secondly why couldn't he have told him off and said as a direct consequence of that he is going to take his playstation/toy/whatever from him for a few days so that he remembers.
> 
> ...


Sorry but what utter crud lol

He is not my son he is my stepson  hence they do not live with us so the punishment HAD to come after the event and this was also after all of what you said SHOULD have taken place did!! by their mother.

My stepson adores his dad they have a very close relationship he needed to know the consequence of his actions simple as and my OH dealt with it this way - it wasnt violent ffs it was a short slap on the bum and he did also talk to him afterwards about what he had done etc sometimes just trying to reason with kids doesnt work. He is not scared of his dad he still tests him and trys to see how far he can go so please do not "poor kid" my stepkids I take HUGE offense to that - they get huge amounts of affection/love from us both and want for nothing.


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

Amethyst said:


> I think I would be frightened of a man that could do that to be honest, never mind how a child would feel ... poor little soul
> 
> I think your mum was very wise and in touch with her children :001_wub:


She is...look how I've turned out!!  No seriously my parents are amazing and now I am 23 with my own child and the world at my feet (well im at the world's feet) I still live down the road, see them loads, and love and WORSHIP them (usually  ) And my sis the same!


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> I would hazard a guess that many if not most of these children actually come from homes where they are shown no respect themselves and Violence and no doubt physical discipline is regularly dished out


*Shown no respect? Your guess is wrong i'm afraid.I had more respect for my father than anyone on this earth.As i said in a previous post,kids knew their place and respected the adults for being just that.
How many times have we seen on here(as an example) kids moaning about their parents,yet they are old enough to get a place of their own.But no,its more convenient for them to stay at home.
IMO parents house,parents rules and if you don't like it do what your parent did, move out.*


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> The obvious answer answer doesn't involve discipline whatsoever. It's simply commonsense surely? You keep lighted candles out of the reach of young children.


So you are saying then that parents shouldnt have lit candles in the home where children wont leave tham alone.?
What about if they mess with sharp knives then?
Move them into the garage?
What about if they keep breaking ornaments? Put them away in a box till they are older?
What about bins they go into? Dirt & germs..move the bin into your bedroom?

A child should learn not to touch and if told not to mess.
You are teaching a child that if you touch something you shouldnt tis ok i will move it!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> I think I would be frightened of a man that could do that to be honest, never mind how a child would feel ... poor little soul
> 
> I was never frightened of my dad!! u lot love to over dramatise things dont you LOL


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

niki87 said:


> She is...look how I've turned out!!  No seriously my parents are amazing and now I am 23 with my own child and the world at my feet (well im at the world's feet) I still live down the road, see them loads, and love and WORSHIP them (usually  ) And my sis the same!


DITTO!!! I fell EXACTLY the same way about my parents - and they smacked me!!


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

apologies wrong post


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

My sister and I where smacked across the back of our legs and our bottom if we where naughty, I mean for swearing at our mom or if we disobayed our mom. Anything really naughty. And I believed it molded us into good adults.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> You said, a few mins ago, in an earlier post ~ "he was given three smacks - hard - on his bum "
> 
> Which was it? A "short slap" or "three smacks - hard" :confused1:


Yes it was hard short slaps on the bum but not violent thumps or beating as what you seem to think:lol: and please do not patronise me.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> Yes it was hard short slaps on the bum but not violent thumps or beating as what you seem to think:lol: and please do not patronise me.


It's just you seem to changing your tune over wht really happened


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

JANICE199 said:


> *Shown no respect? Your guess is wrong i'm afraid.I had more respect for my father than anyone on this earth.As i said in a previous post,kids knew their place and respected the adults for being just that.
> How many times have we seen on here(as an example) kids moaning about their parents,yet they are old enough to get a place of their own.But no,its more convenient for them to stay at home.
> IMO parents house,parents rules and if you don't like it do what your parent did, move out.*


Well I hated my Dad & haven't spoken to him in years & never will again. I had & could never show respect for a grown man who could beat his own children


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> It's just you seem to changing your tune over wht really happened


No im not. I have said exactly what happend - YOU in turn have made my OH to be some sort of monster and our stepson is a victim of abuse - that I take objection to!!


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> We had this scenario (similar) a few years back - with My eldest stepson.
> 
> Got a phone call from his mum to say he had been finding matches and lighting them in his bedroom and had continously been told to stop - given warnings told he would not be able to go on computer etc etc but still he carriied on - *his mum in the end phoned my OH to say can you sort him out *because her partner is now allowed to discipline other than verbal - so next time they came over *he was given three smacks - hard - on his bum* and his dad had a very very stern talk with him about fire etc we did try to question (softly) if there was some other reason behind this but he said no just wanted to do it - *his dad said IF he ever did it again he would get the belt next time* ...........he has never done it again.


Am sorry you take offence. I am not really meaning offence but I am genuinely disgusted and really surprised that in this day and age you feel it is appropriate to share this.

Yes it happened after the event....menaing there was time in between...neaning that the point of the punishment which is to link the event and the consequence would not happen...the link would be coming home and the punishment. Reminds me of Rahl(sp!) Dahl's book "Boy" where he is sitting outside the head's office awaiting the cane.

Secondly three hard smacks is not a short slap....which is not good either...but certainly your first post gave the picture of a proper spanking 

And the belt threat is violent.

A child is very impressionable and I would advise you partner against such methods. Especially as a father. My son's dad does not live with us, but he has so many male role models in his life and is starting to really look up to men particularly.

Violence is not the answer.

As somone else has said, I will not judge people who have lashed out now and again, but this is premeditated and so is very upsetting for me.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> Well I hated my Dad & haven't spoken to him in years & never will again. I had & could never show respect for a grown man who could beat his own children


This being the "operative" word - you were BEATEN!!!!!


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> Well I hated my Dad & haven't spoken to him in years & never will again. I had & could never show respect for a grown man who could beat his own children


Am sorry hun!!!


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Cleo38 said:


> Well I hated my Dad & haven't spoken to him in years & never will again. I had & could never show respect for a grown man who could beat his own children


Me neither, but then what kind of MAN would do this to a child, not much of a one in most people estimation :mad5:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

niki87 said:


> Am sorry you take offence. I am not really meaning offence but I am genuinely disgusted and really surprised that in this day and age you feel it is appropriate to share this.
> 
> Yes it happened after the event....menaing there was time in between...neaning that the point of the punishment which is to link the event and the consequence would not happen...the link would be coming home and the punishment. Reminds me of Rahl(sp!) Dahl's book "Boy" where he is sitting outside the head's office awaiting the cane.
> 
> ...


Thats your opinion hun and you are entitled to it - I can count on one hand the times my OH has ACTUALLY smacked the boys - all for serious events nothing small or everyday silly things that kids do! My OH and his son have a great relationship as I have already stated 3 times


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> No im not. I have said exactly what happend - YOU in turn have made my OH to be some sort of monster and our stepson is a victim of abuse - that I take objection to!!


No you said he hit him three times hard, then you said it was a slap, so I was curious as to what it really was ...


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

In general...anyone who premeditates attacks of any sort on their children/other children/women/men/animals is pretty monstrous.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> No you said he hit him three times hard, then you said it was a slap, so I was curious as to what it really was ...


Smacked/ slap  different to a hit.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

niki87 said:


> In general...anyone who premeditates attacks of any sort on their children/other children/women/men/animals is pretty monstrous.


I doubt any of us would disagree with that sentiment :crying:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

niki87 said:


> In general...anyone who premeditates attacks of any sort on their children/other children/women/men/animals is pretty monstrous.


:lol::lol:


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> My OH and his son have a great relationship as I have already stated 3 times


It is a relief it does not seem to have not scarred him. I would just advise any parent against this if they want to maintain a good relationship with their children that is not based on fear.


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> Smacked/ slap  different to a hit.


How? It's only a definition. Smacking and slapping is okay, compared to hitting I suppose :nonod:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

niki87 said:


> It is a relief it does not seem to have not scarred him. I would just advise any parent against this if they want to maintain a good relationship with their children that is not based on fear.


It certainly is NOT a relationship based on fear I can assure you of that.

Nor was my child hood it was very happy and idylic even though I got the occasional smack/slap.


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> Well I hated my Dad & haven't spoken to him in years & never will again. I had & could never show respect for a grown man who could beat his own children





suzy93074 said:


> :lol::lol:


I am glad you can find amusement when there are people in here who have suffered because of this.

I reiterate...poor kid 



Amethyst said:


> I doubt any of us would disagree with that sentiment :crying:


Thanks hun. Apparently there are people that do...


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> How? It's only a definition. Smacking and slapping is okay, compared to hitting I suppose :nonod:


Im not going to get into an argument with you because I can see that is what you are gunning for  like it has been previously said everyone has different methods when it comes to parenting - you seem to be picking out the parts where people say they smack/slap their kids sometimes and making it into a child abuse case  so Im not going to entertain you any longer - you have your view I have mine end of.:thumbup:


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> Im not going to get into an argument with you because I can see that is what you are gunning for  like it has been previously said everyone has different methods when it comes to parenting - you seem to be picking out the parts where people say they smack/slap their kids sometimes and making it into a child abuse case  so Im not going to entertain you any longer - you have your view I have mine end of.:thumbup:


Well you got out of that one nicely then


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

niki87 said:


> I am glad you can find amusement when there are people in here who have suffered because of this.
> 
> I reiterate...poor kid
> 
> ...


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> Im not going to get into an argument with you because I can see that is what you are gunning for  like it has been previously said everyone has different methods when it comes to parenting - you seem to be picking out the parts where people say they smack/slap their kids sometimes and making it into a child abuse case  so Im not going to entertain you any longer - you have your view I have mine end of.:thumbup:


*pmsl suzy wanna borrow this? :lol::lol:*


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

JANICE199 said:


> *pmsl suzy wanna borrow this? :lol::lol:*


:lol::lol::lol::thumbup:

Talk about ganging up on one person!!! - could I say thats some sort of abuse???? lol


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

JANICE199 said:


> *pmsl suzy wanna borrow this? :lol::lol:*


I'll have one pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase :lol:

Seriously reading some of these posts, it makes me realise how lucky I was and what good parents I had ...


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

Yep I was after been givin warnings, my mum would smack me hard just under my bum 

She smacked all 3 of us all of us are well balanced women, although I don't smack my children but I have in the past.


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

*I would be interested to know if everyone that has replied to this thread has kids..Anyone not got kids?*


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Amethyst said:


> I'll have one pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase :lol:
> 
> Seriously reading some of these posts, it makes me realise how lucky I was and what good parents I had ...


SAME!!!!! at last !!! something we agree on!!!!:thumbup::thumbup:


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> I find your narrow mindness amazing tbo that you think all parents that smack are child abusers! my stepkids are fantastic young boys they have a great life with their mother and love coming to us for weekends and holidays if they didnt they wouldnt come!!! they have had the odd smack/slap but on the whole have been good kids all their life and not really had more than stern tellings off they are loved greatly by all the family - mine included who dote on them and are like grandparents to them  you have nothing to feel sorry for
> 
> As for suffering yes I know of suffering a lot more than you can ever imagine which just shows you know nothing of me - so dont judge!


As Amethyst says you have backtracked. But I am relieved about that as it means deep down you know what is right and wrong. I rarely judge anyone. But I was appalled you shared this. I can only hope the original post was an exaggeration of reality and your back tracking is nearer the truth.

Perhaps read some literature on discipling a child that will give the the science behind what I have been trying to get across.

My opinions come as a result of my traumatic ( I won't detail as there are parents on here who would genuinely cry) experiences as a young child and my own theoretical approach to parenting. Which does seem to be working thus far.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I shouldnt have to do this to justify my partners methods of discipline but here is proof that they are not " feel sorry for kids who are abused"




























I love them as if they were my own .


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## lil muppet (Apr 4, 2008)

yes i was! it was smack on the back of the legs or bum! nothing that left a bruise but maybe a red mark for a little bit!

i still had a good childhood! and i knew i had done somthing really wrong when i got a smack! 

i also used to have tantrums in tesco! my mum used to just walk off! she always knew where i was and kept an eye on me! but most of the time i couldnt see her! i learnt my lesson pretty quick!


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

Can't believe I'm filling up looking at those lovely boys...lie yes I can believe it


----------



## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

Yep I was after been givin warnings, my mum would smack me hard just under my bum 

She smacked all 3 of us all of us are well balanced women, although I don't smack my children but I have in the past.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

niki87 said:


> Can't believe I'm filling up looking at those lovely boys...lie yes I can believe it


You are very wrong!


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> I shouldnt have to do this to justify my partners methods of discipline but here is proof that they are not " feel sorry for kids who are abused"
> 
> 
> 
> ...


*Lovely photos Suzy, and they look far from abused.More like spoilt.*


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

JANICE199 said:


> *Lovely photos Suzy, and they look far from abused.More like spoilt.*


Tbo Jan im in tears here because someone thinks we abuse our boys


----------



## northnsouth (Nov 17, 2009)

Yep my Father was extremely heavy handed. My brother and elder sisiters even got the strap.

I could never understand how if my Father loved me he could hurt me.. I have therefore, legal or not ,Never laid a hand on my kids. My Husband was never physically disciplined and thankfully he has the same view point.


----------



## 2lisa2 (Apr 30, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> I shouldnt have to do this to justify my partners methods of discipline but here is proof that they are not " feel sorry for kids who are abused"
> 
> 
> 
> ...


beautifull children their going to break some hearts


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

2lisa2 said:


> beautifull children their going to break some hearts


Yes I think they will too - thank you x


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> Tbo Jan im in tears here because someone thinks we abuse our boys


*Hey you, don't let people get you down.They haven't got a clue what you are like as a mum or person. I bet half haven't even got blooming kids.Rise above it hun.xxx*


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

JANICE199 said:


> *I would be interested to know if everyone that has replied to this thread has kids..Anyone not got kids?*


Good point Jan


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

JANICE199 said:


> *Hey you, don't let people get you down.They haven't got a clue what you are like as a mum or person. I bet half haven't even got blooming kids.Rise above it hun.xxx*


Your right Jan thank you .xxxx


----------



## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> Tbo Jan im in tears here because someone thinks we abuse our boys


Dont get upset they are lovely lads a credit to you both,abuse is what I went through and you dont smile like that anytime in your childhood.Suexx


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

suewhite said:


> Dont get upset they are lovely lads a credit to you both,abuse is what I went through and you dont smile like that anytime in your childhood.Suexx


I hope you can hun. The NSPCC told my parents I was the most frozen child they had come across....but I had the most amazing family with perfect morals etc and I did!!! I hope you can find happiness.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

suewhite said:


> Dont get upset they are lovely lads a credit to you both,abuse is what I went through and you dont smile like that anytime in your childhood.Suexx


Thank you Sue that means a lot I sincerely hope you can move forward with what happened to you as a child xxx


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## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> Thank you Sue that means a lot I sincerely hope you can move forward with what happened to you as a child xxxanks


Thanks really got the violins out havent I but reading all this took me back.I have moved on but afraid I choose not to have children as my mum was abused and I got it in my head I might turnout like her as think it went way back in that side of the family,so real abuse means it"s there in the back ground the rest of your life,I still prefer to stay in my own little world


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

suewhite said:


> Thanks really got the violins out havent I but reading all this took me back.I have moved on but afraid I choose not to have children as my mum was abused and I got it in my head I might turnout like her as think it went way back in that side of the family,so real abuse means it"s there in the back ground the rest of your life,I still prefer to stay in my own little world


Not at all hun its nice that you shared your story with us - very brave of you xxxx


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Have not been on here for a few days as im not well, i have just come back on to read this thread and am disgusted that my best friend suzy has had to justify herself on here to you people. 

A discipline and an abused child are quite two different things and should NOT be judged the same by any means!!!! 

My dad would smack me if i needed one and i wouldnt do it again, my mum would just do nothing so i kept doing it again and again and i had no respect for her as i knew i could get away with my actions. 

Suzy and her OH are fantastic parents and show those boys so much love and are very happy boys. So think twice before you start judging people.


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

KathrynH said:


> Have not been on here for a few days as im not well, i have just come back on to read this thread and am disgusted that my best friend suzy has had to justify herself on here to you people.
> 
> A discipline and an abused child are quite two different things and should NOT be judged the same by any means!!!!
> 
> ...


Perhaps actual accounts of the "discipline" would be best not said on a forum where people would be genuinely upset by it.


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

KathrynH said:


> Have not been on here for a few days as im not well, i have just come back on to read this thread and am disgusted that my best friend suzy has had to justify herself on here to you people.
> 
> A discipline and an abused child are quite two different things and should NOT be judged the same by any means!!!!
> 
> ...


*I agree totaly with your post.But some people are never happy unless they are finding fault with others.
Once again i ask, how many have replied to this thread that DON'T have kids?Strange nobody has answerd.*


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> *I agree totaly with your post.But some people are never happy unless they are finding fault with others.
> Once again i ask, how many have replied to this thread that DON'T have kids?Strange nobody has answerd.*


I have 3 siblings, more in my orginal birth family and one son :thumbup:

I have not used the term abuse, what I allude to was the the original post of the lady in question was quite a horrific and upsetting account of poor discipline. Nothing I have read has changed my mind on that account.


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

niki87 said:


> I have 3 siblings, more in my orginal birth family and one son :thumbup:
> 
> I have not used the term abuse, what I allude to was the the original post of the lady in question was quite a horrific and upsetting account of poor discipline. Nothing I have read has changed my mind on that account.[/QUOTE
> 
> *For those that no nothing about real child abuse..It is TOTALY different from being smacked.Lets get things into perspective here.*


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> niki87 said:
> 
> 
> > I have 3 siblings, more in my orginal birth family and one son :thumbup:
> ...


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

JANICE199 said:


> niki87 said:
> 
> 
> > I have 3 siblings, more in my orginal birth family and one son :thumbup:
> ...


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

niki87 said:


> JANICE199 said:
> 
> 
> > As someone who KNOWS of child abuse first hand I totally agree with you...but it is other people using the term abuse....not me nor anyone who agreed with me.
> ...


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> niki87 said:
> 
> 
> > *And i agree with you 100%..the term abuse is used in a meaningless way these days,which i find very sad.*
> ...


----------



## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

Im on suzy93074's side on this!


Growing up if me or my sister were bad, my dads slipper would come off and that'd scare us and then dad would say something along the lines of "do it again...." and hold his slipper, meaning do it again and i will hit you.


I get on fantasticly with my parents and was only ever scared of my dad if the slipper came off XD which wasnt often anyways!

If suzy93074's OH's wife had done all she could to stop the son and it was passed onto him and all other options had been exhausted, then why not give the kid a short sharp lesson with the threat that should he carry on.....the threat enough would worry the kid enough to not do it again!



As to a previous question: No, i dont have kids


----------



## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> niki87 said:
> 
> 
> > *And i agree with you 100%..the term abuse is used in a meaningless way these days,which i find very sad.*
> ...


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

suewhite said:


> JANICE199 said:
> 
> 
> > Sorry I think I"ve not helped with this thread was only trying to explain what real abuse is
> ...


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

niki87 said:


> JANICE199 said:
> 
> 
> > Most people I am aware of know the difference. I am sorry you must have had bad experiences of peoples' true ignorance on what abuse is.
> ...


----------



## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

I really don't like smacking/short slaps whatever I just don't go for any of it. There are a lot of things in this thread which bug me, I'm a decent citizen, I don't get myself into trouble but because I belong to the younger generation I'm automatically a bit of a d!ck from the looks of it :confused1:

I don't care if people think it is effective etc, fine if you think so by all means use it its just not something that I would use I doubt. I'm sure it suits some kids more than others.

I don't think I got proper physical discipline because I was too scared of my Dad in particular so always stayed upstairs in my room on my own, couldn't really get into trouble that way.


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## Jackie99 (Mar 5, 2010)

I personally do not agree with physical punishment. I think if there is a good, respected relationship built from the start with a clear level of communication between parent and child then punishment of this nature is not needed. No I do not have children but I could not imagine wanting to use physical punishment as a means of 'keeping them in line' or 'teaching them right from wrong', what is a slap or smack teaching them for life? If someone you may come into contact with whether in school, in a future job, in a social situation annoys you, doesn't listen the first time give them a slap? No in my eyes if something is going wrong you sit down and you talk and discuss why- not react with your first insticts of frustration, I wouldn't have much respect for someone who preferred to slap me rather than talk me through what I had done wrong- in fact I think there may be a certain amount of fear there. Just a personal opinion on the subject.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

My gosh i only went to morrisons for the weekly shop & look!

Seriously Suzy take no notice,there are some people on forums that love to provoke a argument.

Certain members are obviously getting mixed up between the word Abuse & Discipline.

And i agree the ones that have been asked the questions i asked or another member asked (about having kids) Sowi cant member your name,please dont shout at me havent answered.
They seem intent on narrowing out one person cos her hubby smacked the children,instead of reading the whole posts & seperating Abuse From Discipline....

There is one member on here who i would definatly say has been abused ....its not suzy's step-children either,compare what her hubby did to the poor lady on here who has been good & brave enough to share her heart wrenching story & decide who has been abused & who hasent...talk about making something thats not.


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## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

Also, i dont have children, when i do.....a slap to the back of the hand or the bum i would only use as a very last resort or if they were doing something something too serious to stop and tell them right from wrong

But i wouldnt ever do it hard, just more for a shock

I would rather stop and try and talk to the child and take away something that he or she values....a games console, a tv, grounded for the weekend....y'know?

Using any kind of physical disiplin would only ever be a last resort, a _very_ last resort or if they were doing something seriously wrong/bad

One thing i wouldnt do though, is if one of my kids was punished for hitting another child, i wouldnt hit them for it, that would be grounded with my luxuries for atleast a week XD


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

Age has nothing to do ith it. Please poimt out where someone has used the word abusr against suzy? Her friends r the only ones using the word


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Staysee said:


> Also, i dont have children, when i do.....a slap to the back of the hand or the bum i would only use as a very last resort or if they were doing something something too serious to stop and tell them right from wrong
> 
> But i wouldnt ever do it hard, just more for a shock
> 
> ...


I agree as i think you will find all members here would.
The problem here is that most members have used smacks as a last resort....But particular members are trying to turn in into something that it is not.
Smacking for most members is a last resort,nobody comes home & smacks their kids cos of one thing they did without plenty of warning,or cos they had a bad day for example....This discussion IMO has turned into a argument where in fact no argument is here.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

niki87 said:


> You see I feel uncomfortable with that. 2 reason...one the phsical punishment came after the event woth a space in between and so rules out the point of that. Then threatening with more horrible violence. A slap is one thing...not good...but my mum slapped my legs when I was a kid but I was not scared of her. What you described is thought out
> 
> Secondly why couldn't he have told him off and said as a direct consequence of that he is going to take his playstation/toy/whatever from him for a few days so that he remembers.
> 
> ...





Amethyst said:


> I think I would be frightened of a man that could do that to be honest, never mind how a child would feel ... poor little soul
> 
> I think your mum was very wise and in touch with her children :001_wub:





niki87 said:


> Am sorry you take offence. I am not really meaning offence but I am genuinely disgusted and really surprised that in this day and age you feel it is appropriate to share this.
> 
> Yes it happened after the event....menaing there was time in between...neaning that the point of the punishment which is to link the event and the consequence would not happen...the link would be coming home and the punishment. Reminds me of Rahl(sp!) Dahl's book "Boy" where he is sitting outside the head's office awaiting the cane.
> 
> ...


Her friends are reading statements like this that you have put on this thread, quoting "Poor kid" and the words "violence" and "that the kids will grow up to be scared of there father"

This is completely exaggerated!!!


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

*If ANYONE wants to use my quotes PLEASE get them right. or take it to PM.*


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

KathrynH said:


> Her friends are reading statements like this that you have put on this thread, quoting "Poor kid" and the words "violence" and "that the kids will grow up to be scared of there father"
> 
> This is completely exaggerated!!!


Yes but tge word abuse is difference. I describe viokence not abuse. I cant believe so many condone this. Violence against anyone ir anything for any reason is wrong. In some cases understandable...but not this. Violence does not constitute abuse.even in my mere 23 year I know this lol.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

niki87 said:


> Yes but tge word abuse is difference. I describe viokence not abuse. I cant believe so many condone this. Violence against anyone ir anything for any reason is wrong. In some cases understandable...but not this. Violence does not constitute abuse.even in my mere 23 year I know this lol.


Sorry can i ask have you got children?

What are you talking about "Condone this"!! and you said it yourself in some cases understandabe!!! Make your mind up is it or isnt it?????

I think in your 23 years of your life you are getting confused!!! :thumbup:


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

KathrynH said:


> Sorry can i ask have you got children?
> 
> What are you talking about "Condone this"!! and you said it yourself in some cases understandabe!!! Make your mind up is it or isnt it?????
> 
> I think in your 23 years of your life you are getting confused!!! :thumbup:


Haha oh so u have not read the thread else u wud know. Am pleased cos it means its jyst a gang of ppl sticking up for your friend.

I understand seld defence not premeditated violence on innocent children.


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## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

niki87 said:


> Haha oh so u have not read the thread else u wud know. Am pleased cos it means its jyst a gang of ppl sticking up for your friend.
> 
> I understand seld defence not premeditated violence on innocent children.


Surely a gang of people sticking up for thier friend is a good thing, shows that people believe in her [and her OH] otherwise they wouldnt stick up for her.

Also, just a side note, i understand jyst was probably a spelling mistake, we all do it but.....'u' 'wud' 'am pleased' etc sorry, just annoys me when people shortcut words, no need too unless its in a text and you have to shorten it for lack of credit XD


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

niki87 said:


> Haha oh so u have not read the thread else u wud know. Am pleased cos it means its jyst a gang of ppl sticking up for your friend.
> 
> I understand seld defence not premeditated violence on innocent children.


So what your saying is that "premeditated violence is not abuse????


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Staysee said:


> Surely a gang of people sticking up for thier friend is a good thing, shows that people believe in her [and her OH] otherwise they wouldnt stick up for her.
> 
> Also, just a side note, i understand jyst was probably a spelling mistake, we all do it but.....'u' 'wud' 'am pleased' etc sorry, just annoys me when people shortcut words, no need too unless its in a text and you have to shorten it for lack of credit XD


Yes maybe in her 23 years of her life she should go back to learning how to spell and type properly instead of coming on here thinking she knows it all when in fact she doesnt!! :thumbup:


----------



## owieprone (Nov 6, 2008)

oh joy, yet another thread turned into a witch hunt.


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

I am on my fone


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

owieprone said:


> oh joy, yet another thread turned into a witch hunt.


* As to who is doing the witch hunt? If people throw accusations at others,then surely people have a right to respond.*


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

I was never smacked and I'm yet I'm still highly mentally unstable lol
take from that what you will
:thumbup:

Em
xx


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

owieprone said:


> oh joy, yet another thread turned into a witch hunt.


I am sticking up for my friend who is clearly upset that people on here have been so nasty to her.

Now if others cant handle that there may be some people who want to stick up for there friends then they should of thought about that before they started mouthing off. :thumbup:


----------



## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Eroswoof said:


> I was never smacked and I'm yet I'm still highly mentally unstable lol
> take from that what you will
> :thumbup:
> 
> ...


Ooooh what do they say "Spare the rod and spoil the child" *shudders*


----------



## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

niki87 said:


> I am on my fone


Unless your texting in replies and have to stick to a certain amount of characters i still dont understand it, i use my phone alot to check a forum i mod on when im away and i dont shorten letters :S

I'm not trying to pick on you, just it annoys me, i just dont understand people who do it, surely it dont hurt to write the full word?


----------



## owieprone (Nov 6, 2008)

KathrynH said:


> I am sticking up for my friend who is clearly upset that people on here have been so nasty to her.
> 
> Now if others cant handle that there may be some people who want to stick up for there friends then they should of thought about that before they started mouthing off. :thumbup:


wisnae talkin to you. was talking to the folk jumpin down the ops and others throats for merely saying hit instead of slap or whatever particular nuance they prefer.


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## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

Mother used to say, a lot: I'll swing for you one of these days. Does that count?


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

*Just to add........phone texting p*sses me off.If you can't write a proper sentance then please wait until you can. Blooming lids.:lol::lol:*


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

newfiesmum said:


> Mother used to say, a lot: I'll swing for you one of these days. Does that count?


Only if she actually carried out the "threat" :lol:


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

KathrynH said:


> So what your saying is that "premeditated violence is not abuse????


Premeditated violence does not constitute abuse but often is an element.



KathrynH said:


> Yes maybe in her 23 years of her life she should go back to learning how to spell and type properly instead of coming on here thinking she knows it all when in fact she doesnt!! :thumbup:


Lol and my age is being used against me. U r proving age means nothing ha


----------



## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

newfiesmum said:


> Mother used to say, a lot: I'll swing for you one of these days. Does that count?


My mum still says it XD and im 24! haha


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

JANICE199 said:


> *Just to add........phone texting p*sses me off.If you can't write a proper sentance then please wait until you can. Blooming lids.:lol::lol:*


Lol oh dear we "lids" r such a pest pls dont beat me!!!


----------



## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

niki87 said:


> Lol oh dear we "lids" r such a pest pls dont beat me!!!


What on earth are *lids* :001_unsure: :lol:


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

niki87 said:


> Premeditated violence does not constitute abuse but often is an element.
> 
> Lol and my age is being used against me. U r proving age means nothing ha


Anyway what i am trying to say is that your statements are clearly exaggerated the real facts here so maybe you should get your facts straight before you make comments like you have done. 

You are behaving and typing proves the age thing hun!! :lol::lol:


----------



## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

niki87 said:


> Lol oh dear we "lids" r such a pest *pls dont beat me!!! *


Now THAT i find.....i cant think of the word, offensive? Wrong thing to say?

To even in a way, joke about it, or suggest the person may beat you, awful and totally in the wrong topic!!!


----------



## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

KathrynH said:


> Anyway what i am trying to say is that your statements are clearly exaggerated the real facts here so maybe you should get your facts straight before you make comments like you have done.
> 
> You are behaving and typing proves the age thing hun!! :lol::lol:


This personal attack is laughable but its ok I do understand



Staysee said:


> Now THAT i find.....i cant think of the word, offensive? Wrong thing to say?
> 
> To even in a way, joke about it, or suggest the person may beat you, awful and totally in the wrong topic!!!


Oh I am sorry I thought we condoned that here.


----------



## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

niki87 said:


> This personal attack is laughable but its ok I do understand
> 
> Oh I am sorry I thought we condoned that here.


Thats just childish now and a really awful thing to say!


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

niki87 said:


> This personal attack is laughable but its ok I do understand
> 
> Oh I am sorry I thought we condoned that here.


You think this is a personal attack!! :lol::lol: You dont know me very well then do you. :lol::lol::lol:

And your comment here just shows how immature you are doesnt it. Grow up will you.


----------



## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

I think a little physical discipline might well be in order here before this thread goes completely off the rails. Now if you all don't stop bickering and bloody squabbling I'll half bloody kill you! 
As I've so often heard the old folks say.

Incidentally, what does a half killed kid look like by the way?


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Zaros said:


> I think a little physical discipline might well be in order here before this thread goes completely off the rails. Now if you all don't stop bickering and bloody squabbling I'll half bloody kill you!
> As I've so often heard the old folks say.
> 
> Incidentally, what does a half killed kid look like by the way?


My grandma used to say "your not too old to put over my knee girl :lol::lol:

Wouldnt be so bad but i was in my 30's!!! :thumbup:


----------



## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

Whether you condone and partake in hitting/smacking whatever your children or not, will become irrelevant, as I think it looks as though it will become illegal at some point in the not too distant future.

Of course it would be naive think it will not go behind closed doors, it just won't be talked about in public or on forums like this.

At least it will hopefully put a stop to those dreadful mothers you see in shops slapping their children because basically they have no control over them ... Or their own temper.
You see everyone glare at them and grip their trolleys that little bit tighter!

Quite horrible ...

*General comments before anyone decides to take it personally*


----------



## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

JANICE199 said:


> *Thats the thing,nowadays kids don't know their place.They are allowed to butt in on adult conversations,get to hear things only adults imo should be talking about,and on top of that,they give their oppions.Which through no fault of their own,makes them think they are equal to the adults.*


Lord, I really hate that! One of my daughter's friends was like that, would sit down with the adults and join in, giving her limited and unwanted opinion. My kids would never, ever have dreamt of doing that.

I think smacking depends very much on the offence and if it is hardly ever done, it sinks in far better than anything else. When I caught my two year old grandaughter trying to stick a pin in my dog's eye, yes she got one almighty smack. That most certainly never happened again, but then neither did the smack.


----------



## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

niki87 said:


> Lol oh dear we "lids" r such a pest pls dont beat me!!!





Amethyst said:


> What on earth are *lids* :001_unsure: :lol:


*Such morons,,are you that perfect you have never made a typing error?
Nice to finally see the true mentality shine through.:lol:*


----------



## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

I was more than physically disciplined :lol:

I don't agree with any form of physical discipline whether it's a tap or a beating. It's not for me.


----------



## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

JANICE199 said:


> *Such morons,,are you that perfect you have never made a typing error?
> Nice to finally see the true mentality shine through.:lol:*


What on earth are you going on about? You've lost me completely?

What did you mean by lids? Anyone?


----------



## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

What a depressing thread on so many levels


----------



## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

I must be posting to my bloody self! Now, if you don't start to bloody well behave yourselves, I'll take one to hit the other one with! 

Now, despite the number of times I've heard that statement I've never actually seen a parent carry out the threat to its fullest extent. 

I imagine it would be quite an hilarious sight to witness indeed.


----------



## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Zaros said:


> I must be posting to my bloody self! Now, if you don't start to bloody well behave yourselves, I'll take one to hit the other one with!
> 
> Now, despite the number of times I've heard that statement I've never actually seen a parent carry out the threat to its fullest extent.
> 
> I imagine it would be quite an hilarious sight to witness indeed.


My Mum used to say "stop crying or i will give you something to cry about" :confused1: How does that make ANY sense


----------



## Zaros (Nov 24, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> My Mum used to say "stop crying or i will give you something to cry about" :confused1: How does that make ANY sense


_I think it actually had something to do with the idea that if you weren't gripped by uncontrollable sobbing (sharp snatches of grief stricken breath) your tears just weren't sincere enough to convince anyone that you really were sorry for whatever indiscretion you may have committed._


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

I could never believe that hitting a child is the way forward. 
Violence teaches violence.
IMO there are much better ways of making children understand right from wrong. I wont smack mine for being naughty. IMO you have lost control of the situation if you do it because your child is being naughty. 
I have however tapped my childs hand, which is totally different. She was touching a coal fire and went back to it repeatedly so I tap her hand and told her the fire would hurt her. It wasnt done in anger.
Same as I said before I believe there is no right or wrong in parenting, we all do it different and are entitled to as its our lives and our children, no one really has the right to judge


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## niki87 (Nov 18, 2009)

I am amazed at the levels people will go to stick up for a friend. The immaturity off some members is staggering.

Saying that the maturity of others is commendable.

I was trying not to give up cos of the severity of the thread. But I am not doing these children any favours by continuing to defend them on this thread...in fact I am doing them no justice so I am leaving it.

I hope that the police/social services can crack ddown on such goings on. 

A man...a parent telling their child they will belt them next time tears at me inside. It is not the same ritual abuse....it IS violence.

:crying:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

After calming down this evening all I now want to say on this matter is each to thier own - we all have different ways of doing things and different opinions and I wont take that away from anyone anyone who disagrees with smacking etc just as they cannot take my views away from me I do always try to respect that everyones opinion is valid.

Thanks for all the lovely pms from people who knew I was a little upset earlier meant a lot to me and for all my true friends for shouting up in my defense who truly know me and know how much I love the boys  

Lets hope the thread can get back on track.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

So sorry that the people gifted with you as a child did not treasure and love you the way that every child should be and i sincerely hope you are able to spend the rest of your life making up for such a horrific childhood. 

It is understandable that you hold the views you do


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

I wouldnt say i was disiplined physically but i have been beaten a few times but that wasnt for discipline.

I have smacked my boys on the hands and bum. They have a habbit of playing with plug sockets and taking out the protectors so they can plug in the hoover and hover for me and when i catch them i do smack their hands because id rather them have a slapped hand then end up in a hospital bed for playing with things they shouldnt be. I would much rather shout than smack tho startle them so they stop fighting mainly


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

What you have witnessed and what you have been through is ABUSE and i can completely understand that, which is not what suzys stepkids have been through, none of it comes anywhere close to what you have been through clearly. :frown:


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Im sorry to hear what you went through
It sickens me right to the core when i hear stories like this! People so sick and twisted should never be able to see the light of day again


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

To be quite frank i think you are extremely damaged by what happened to you and I feel dreadfully sorry you and your sister went thru so much pain but because of your abuse I think you are seeing somethings with a blinkered view - My OH would never actually use a belt on either of the kids he just said it to scare him,,,,he was lighting fires in the house could of burned everybody alive - it was a scare tactic Like I have said throughout this post my OH has only ever had to smack the kids a hand full of times for serious behaviour all naughty stuff is telling offs and other punishments I have demonstrated on numerous ocasions on this thread that I dont think smacking instantly is the best course of action its not - my OH talks to his kids on personal levels he is there for them unconditionally and can go and talk to him about anything which they do they are not scared of him or me they love us and we have a happy family life in fact I was talking to Callum the eldest tonite and they are coming over this weekend and going swimming  we are not monsters.


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

Niki87 how dare you say please beat me what an inconsiderate thing to say.
I have been smacked by my parents and I am fine. I have had about 5 smacks from my mum in my life and they have never been more than just one on the back of the legs.

My friend however was beaten by her father. She used to hide in her wardrobe when he came hom for fear he would come in her room and beat her. She didn't do anything to set it off. He used to pull her by her hair throw her on the floor, stamp on her punch her in the head. She was covered in bruises. She had a fat lip once and lied to the teacher saying she fell down the stairs. A teacher screamed in her face once and she wet herself in front of the whole class because of fear. THAT IS ABUSE. She has moved away now and lives with a foster family. She is mentally tormented and often wets the bed at the age of 17. 

Now all of you people who go on about a short ONE smack on the back of the legs and call that abuse are the people that are making it harder for the authorities to find the real cases. Wake up and smell the coffee. They are two very different thing with very different outcomes and this thread has made me so mad and sick to my stomach.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

To be honest physically punishing a child will damage that relationship, i defy anyone to prove otherwise, there are better ways than ruling anyone by fear and intimidation however relationships are based on balance and a child who receives the *occasional *smack during childhood in amongst an otherwise loving and caring relationship will not suffer great damage.

I don't smack my children as a rule but i have on a couple of occassions and i have threatened to to gain control of a situation which IMO is crap parenting on my part as there is always an alternative BUT parenting is full on and we don't always get it right.

That is not abuse but it is wrong IMO.

I found the comparisson that someone made between attitudes towards violence against a child and violence against an animal interesting and very true.


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

Its horrible to read about what you have been through  a child should never suffer anything like that let alone from their parents


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## Staysee (Oct 19, 2009)

I am very sorry too hear of what happened to you as a child, was brave of you to put it up, even though you deleted it afterwards

But you cant have a pop at suzy and her OH for what he did that one time, what happened to you is in an entirely different league and something that shouldnt have ever happened to you and i am so very sorry, but you cant think the same mind of suzy and her OH to that of your parents


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

RAINYBOW said:


> To be honest physically punishing a child will damage that relationship, i defy anyone to prove otherwise, there are better ways than ruling anyone by fear and intimidation however relationships are based on balance and a child who receives the *occasional *smack during childhood in amongst an otherwise loving and caring relationship will not suffer great damage.
> 
> I don't smack my children as a rule but i have on a couple of occassions and i have threatened to to gain control of a situation which IMO is crap parenting on my part as there is always an alternative BUT parenting is full on and we don't always get it right.
> 
> ...


100% the same as i feel I have smacked out of ME loosing control of the situation, I MYSELF have not been able to control them Ive always felt guilty after


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

Staysee said:


> I am very sorry too hear of what happened to you as a child, was brave of you to put it up, even though you deleted it afterwards
> 
> But you cant have a pop at suzy and her OH for what he did that one time, what happened to you is in an entirely different league and something that shouldnt have ever happened to you and i am so very sorry, but you cant think the same mind of suzy and her OH to that of your parents


I second this


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

My cousins were abused...

My aunt had 6 kids 4 boys 2 girls.
She could not afford to feed them good food so she gave them jam sandwich for every meal or weetabix and water. When I used to go over IF I stayed for lunch and I got the end slices of the bread they would attack me in order to get it as it filled them up more.

They were not allowed to sit on chairs but forced to eat on the floor. (not clean...at all).

She forced them to sleep in the same rooms 4 boys in 1 room and the two girls in the other even though the girls had 8 years age difference and the boys ranged in age.

She used to make them stand outside in the garden or force them to go on teh park (next to their house) every single day...including christmas day and would lock the door and leave them out for hours at a time (4-6 hours a day). 
They didnt have shoes that didnt have holes in them. Or coats that fit.

She used to hit them something rotten and let her string of boyfriends hit them with belts or shoes. She foced her oldest to look after the other 5 children all on her own from the age of 7. 

She would ban them from going to the toilet until they poo'ed or wet their pants.

Her 6 kids....
1 is a alcoholic 
1 is a theif.
1 is getting done for rape.
1 is on a sex offenders register.
1 is having sex with every lad she comes across (from the age of 14).
and the last one is not yet old enough for us to know what issues he will have.

Yes they had food, a roof over their head but they had no love...and what they were put though was disgusting.

My other cousins (from my uncle)
Were left in the own urine and poo all day and he left it smeered on the walls and windows...

My mum rung social on both of them. Nothing was done.

I got a good slap off my mum when I was younger and once she took it a bit far but she loves me. I know that.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Patterdale_lover said:


> Why did i suddenly start laughing like a noodle at the thought of you sulking in a corner :lol:


Because your a huge ****ing muppet maybe???


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Because your a huge ****ing muppet maybe???


Me and SL are good friends and it was a joke mate so you wanna take a pop at a 16 year old like a big man, do it. You're muppet mate quite clearly and you really don't wanna get on my bad side on this subject.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

This is where you are wrong,i would not stick up for anybody that i feel abuses a child...To me it shows your immaturity to even think that & is also a very offensive comment to make.
If you feel that smacking a child to discipline it is wrong thats fine that is your opinion,but to attack someone on their parenting as you have done is wrong.


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## Tigerneko (Jan 2, 2009)

My dad used to smack me from time to time.... when I was 12 I smacked him back and he never did it again.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Patterdale_lover said:


> Me and SL are good friends and it was a joke...


Maybe not the best thread to post it in little girl???


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Maybe not the best thread to post it in little girl???


Well it was when it was light hearted, if I thought it would offend I wouldn't have posted. And how dare you call e a little girl as I see it I show twice the maturity you do.

This is not a subject i take lightly having friends of mine abused. So you wanna take a pop at me purely because you don't like me for other reasons go for it grandpa but I'm pre-warning you this is a subject i get very angry about.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Verbatim said:


> My dad used to smack me from time to time.... when I was 12 I smacked him back and he never did it again.


Same here...when he was pissed, except i was 16 and he decided to try and strangle me when i was answering the door to a couple of mates. Needless to say, he lost...and hell, i even got shouted at by my mum for it...
:


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Verbatim said:


> My dad used to smack me from time to time.... when I was 12 I smacked him back and he never did it again.


Good for you!! I did the same to my dad when I was about 15, I grabbed a bit of wood & told him if he hit me once more I'd knock him out. He looked really shocked & he also never did it again.


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## shells (Jan 16, 2011)

Me mam was the enforcer in our house many a time i couldnt sit as a child, I do not see that this made me a better person however it has made me soft with my own children aparently as i refuse to hit/smack them as i refuse to be like me mam and have my child grow up hating me.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Patterdale_lover said:


> Well it was when it was light hearted, if I thought it would offend I wouldn't have posted. And how dare you call e a little girl as I see it I show twice the maturity you do.
> 
> This is not a subject i take lightly having friends of mine abused. So you wanna take a pop at me go for it grandpa.


Not the thread for lighthearted fun really, and you can't even spell 'me' dear, so i suggest you get your spelling books out...


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Not the thread for lighthearted fun really, and you can't even spell 'me' dear, so i suggest you get your spelling books out...


This is before it got so heated if you look back people laughed with me about me picking keys off a keyboard.

It's a typo. Get over it, you have no argument so are picking on my spelling. Get a life mate. Your in need of one.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

jon bda said:


> Not the thread for lighthearted fun really, and you can't even spell 'me' dear, so i suggest you get your spelling books out...


Jon she was only having a laugh with me. Seriously though It didnt offend me at all I actually laughed at the idea of me at 5ft8 stud in a corner with my bottom lip hanging out.

It is a serious thread but she was only having a laugh.

You know me if I was offended by it I would have pulled her up on it, but I am not it was just a joke. Though I seriously am scared of the corner punishment.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Patterdale_lover said:


> This is before it got so heated if you look back people laughed with me about me picking keys off a keyboard.
> 
> It's a typo. Get over it, you have no argument so are picking on my spelling. Get a life mate. Your in need of one.


Really???, did i even mention your key picking tantrum??? Now let the adults speak and if you have a problem, just pm gramps and leave the thread alone yeah?


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

shetlandlover said:


> Jon she was only having a laugh with me. Seriously though It didnt offend me at all I actually laughed at the idea of me at 5ft8 stud in a corner with my bottom lip hanging out.
> 
> It is a serious thread but she was only having a laugh.
> 
> You know me if I was offended by it I would have pulled her up on it, but I am not it was just a joke. Though I seriously am scared of the corner punishment.


Thank you SL, and as I have said if I thought it offended you I would have apologised profusely.

Funny how out of nearly 30 pages he picks out my reply...Sad sad person.


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Really???, did i even mention your key picking tantrum??? Now let the adults speak and if you have a problem, just pm gramps and leave the thraed alone yeah?


Haha don't tell me what to do. I have plenty of people agreeing with me. So I stick around thanks. Keep your immature comments to yourself and yes a PM will be coming your way shortly


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

Patterdale_lover said:


> Funny how out of nearly 30 pages he picks out my reply...Sad sad person.


The others were genuine replies and worth reading, some heartbreaking...yours 'stuck out' shall we say...now please, you want to continue this, start your own thread or pm me...


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## XxZoexX (Sep 8, 2010)

jon bda said:


> Really???, did i even mention your key picking tantrum??? Now let the adults speak and if you have a problem, just pm gramps and leave the thread alone yeah?


Sorry jon but sometimes you really can be an arse


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

XxZoexX said:


> Sorry jon but sometimes you really can be an arse


 Any need for that??? Why get inolved?


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

XxZoexX said:


> Sorry jon but sometimes you really can be an arse


:lol: It's okay should leave me alone now if I ignore him.


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## LaughingHeart (May 23, 2010)

I often got my bum smacked......Shame it dosent happen now!
Paol.


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

Patterdale_lover said:


> :lol: It's okay should leave me alone now if I ignore him.


Lol Yeah, like getting your 'Dad' to send him PM's


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

XxZoexX said:


> Sorry jon but sometimes you really can be an arse


Really? I'm not the one that pretended to be my own dad and send someone a threatening PM  So please, as before, someone, please start a thread about me, lets take it there...just not here...


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

jon bda said:


> Really? I'm not the one that pretended to be my own dad and send someone a threatening PM  So please, as before, someone, please start a thread about me, lets take it there...just not here...


How did I pretend? My dad asked for you to politely leave me alone if you have nothing nice to say. He in no way threatened you. I can post the PM's here. He just asked for you to leave me alone. Grow up the both of you. Seriously pathetic.


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## XxZoexX (Sep 8, 2010)

Why on earth would i waste time making a thread about you? 
Shetland lover told you it didnt bother her and PL explained it was earlier in the thread before it got as heated as it did but yet you carry it on.. and you know what if it was my 16 year old Id hope someone would have the decency to open there mouth.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

It would be a shame if this thread 1) got locked. 2) caused trouble...

No matter what our ages we should all be acting like adults. It was a joke PL is a friend of mine and it seriously didnt upset me at all.


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## Patterdale_lover (Sep 25, 2008)

shetlandlover said:


> It would be a shame if this thread 1) got locked. 2) caused trouble...
> 
> No matter what our ages we should all be acting like adults. It was a joke PL is a friend of mine and it seriously didnt upset me at all.


Yep sorry everyone I don't want this thread locked I shall take the high ground now


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

I did expect this thread to get closed earlier but please can we keep personal vendettas or arguments off the thread. It has no relevance to the topic. 

Pm each other if it bothers you that much


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## WeimyLady (Jan 3, 2010)

Absolutely I was smacked and no doubt deserved every one of them!

I'm appalled by the behaviour of lot of young children these days. I work in a very busy retail enviroment and I'm horrifed by the severe lack of manners in so many children and the lack of disapline from the parents. One lady customer I was talking to yesterday was standing there as her child was running riot, pulling items off the shelves and hitting her while shouting. She didn't even tell the child off. If I DARED behaved like that in a public place, I would have had a clip around the ear, marched out of the shop and sent straight to my bedroom for a couple of hours.

I'm 100% for smacking!


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

Me and my brothers never got hit as children... My Mum and Dad were accused of abuse by social services, when my brother was a baby, Mum had to get a letter off our Doctor to state that my brother had a medical condition... After that they were too afraid to physically punish us..... That's not to say my Mum wasn't formidable, she was in her own way, we respected her, she and my Dad had authority without needing to resort to smacking. My Dad didn't like physical punishment after being beaten as a child... 

I can remember a teacher at primary school used to punch me on the arm when I got my work wrong, he'd pull me up to the front of the class and make me stand by his desk while he shouted and hit me  He regretted that when my Mum spotted the bruises! She demanded who had done it! I told her and she dragged me down to the school and stood in front of this man and shouted at him saying that she and my Dad never laid a finger on me, so she didn't expect anyone else too either, and if he ever hit me again i'd be gone from the school and she would be on his back. That's the day it stopped. :thumbup:

Now my brothers used to fight between them, awful fights, they'd knock lumps off each other, my Dad would just push 'em out the door and let them get on with it lol


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

I think I was smacked about 4 times when i was a kid. and i deserved every single one of them! 
My dad also threatened to take a belt to me and he would take his belt off and wrap it round his hand and smack the end of it against the worktop to try and scare me. 

Go ahead make your judgements about my dad. I was never -ever- scared of him. Not when he did smack and certainly not when he threatened to take his belt to me. I would egg him on to do it. He never did.

I ADORE my parents. Both of them (mum smacked me to, once I think). I have never felt scared or fearful of my dad simply because he smacked me a few times as a kid. 

I feel so sad that some people weren't lucky enough to have parents like mine (with the smacks an all) they spoiled me, and took me places and educated me and gave me all the love I could have ever wanted and still do. 

I owe my parents everything. I'm a self-sufficient adult in a long-term relationship and I would never have turned out this way without my parents. And I thank the heavens that I have them. :thumbup:


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## northnsouth (Nov 17, 2009)

MissShelley said:


> I can remember a teacher at primary school used to punch me on the arm when I got my work wrong, he'd pull me up to the front of the class and make me stand by his desk while he shouted and hit me  He regretted that when my Mum spotted the bruises! She demanded who had done it! I told her and she dragged me down to the school and stood in front of this man and shouted at him saying that she and my Dad never laid a finger on me, so she didn't expect anyone else too either, and if he ever hit me again i'd be gone from the school and she would be on his back. That's the day it stopped. :thumbup:


Wasn't your German teacher was he?? Mine was evil he got me so wound up once I threw a chair across the class room!! When my head of year heard about this he was astounded and the whole episide was investigated. And the sitution stopped.That man was a bully pure and simple. I saw him in a supermarket years later, I was married with my own kids ,the fury I felt for that man was unbelievable. It took all my pride and self control to walk past him with my head held high. I wanted to spit in his face...


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

northnsouth said:


> Wasn't your German teacher was he?? Mine was evil he got me so wound up once I threw a chair across the class room!! When my head of year heard about this he was astounded and the whole episide was investigated. And the sitution stopped.That man was a bully pure and simple. I saw him in a supermarket years later, I was married with my own kids ,the fury I felt for that man was unbelievable. It took all my pride and self control to walk past him with my head held high. I wanted to spit in his face...


Eeek! Sounds like you had it far worse than me!  How awful... And no hon, he wasn't a german teacher, this was in primary school, I was only 9


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## northnsouth (Nov 17, 2009)

MissShelley said:


> Eeek! Sounds like you had it far worse than me!  How awful... And no hon, he wasn't a german teacher, this was in primary school, I was only 9


Yep but I speak brilliant German as I had to prove a point. So every cloud and all that


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Stephny691 said:


> I think I was smacked about 4 times when i was a kid. and i deserved every single one of them!
> My dad also threatened to take a belt to me and he would take his belt off and wrap it round his hand and smack the end of it against the worktop to try and scare me.
> 
> Go ahead make your judgements about my dad. I was never -ever- scared of him. Not when he did smack and certainly not when he threatened to take his belt to me. I would egg him on to do it. He never did.
> ...


What a lovely post!
Your parents must be very proud of you,brought a tear to my eye reading how you appreciate your parents.

If my kids were to say something like you have done i would cry with joy


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## Tigerneko (Jan 2, 2009)

When I was in Primary School, me and my friend were chatting on the carpet after we'd been told to go back to our seats. Our teacher told us to wait behind after everyone had gone home. She waited till nobody else was there, she picked us up by the necks of our polo shirts and jumpers (one of us in each hand) and screamed at us and shook us..... we were about 5 years old.

My parents went insane about it but the school had a terrible history of bullying (by both teachers and pupils!) and the school just tried to brush it under the carpet, even accusing me & my friend of lying & our parents telling us to say it. The other girls parents were too frightened to take it any further because they didn't want to get on the wrong side of the school so that teacher never got what she deserved


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2011)

I was a very lucky child growing up. I was nurtured and encouraged. I had everything I needed but not everything I wanted. I was disciplined with the withdrawal of sweets, toys, sleepovers or trips to the cinema but if I was truly evil and I only remember tone time I was so evil... (my mum asked me to tidy my room and I turned around and said "no I hate you" she asked me again and I refused. She then said when nan and grandad come out on Saturday with your sweets you are not having them... you are on a 1 week sweet ban to which I shouted "don't care" and emptied a plant pot of soil all over the dining room floor... I remember getting a smack on the bum no it wasn't abuse, wasn't violence but was enough at the time to think oops I pushed it too far).

Going through school I won awards for being a community spirited person, volunteered every spare hour to charity. I never ever recieved a detention as I was taught respect by my parents. I knew that if I was bad at school I'd have to face up to my parents and at the age of 13 I knew it wasn't a smack/punishment I was dreading but I knew that the sheer disappointment my parents would feel was worse than any punishment they could issue.

If my parents got a letter from the school reference bad behaviour that would destroy me  I learned to have a conscience.

I learned consequences and throughout my childhood every stage had a consequence. As a little-un I missed out on treats, as a older child I got a smack for being really bad (it was never the first resort) as a teenager I learned that naughtiness made my parents sad and that was one consequence I didn't like!

How many people can honestly say their kids have that level of respect how many people can say they developed that level of respect. I was never scared of my parents I was scared of disappointing them. To this day I will not swear in front of my mum or dad. To this day I continue to strive to make them proud.

Graduating, winning the South West Youth award, the local councils young citizen of the year award, organising a successful dog and holding down a job are some of my parents proudest moments and so they should be they bred, raised and nurtured someone to be proud of. I find some of you absolutely revolting by assuming parents like mine are abusive, violent scum.

I was not punished with the withdrawl of state of the art technology as I didn't have it, I wasn't a spoilt brat *BUT* I had everything I needed. Kids these days are spoilt rotten, poorly disciplined and brought up with shocking morals. I won't put my neck on the line and say smacking is effective but I'd never be so ignorant and assumptional to say parents who smack their kids are violent abusers 





































clearly an abused child huh?? 

I could never thank my parents enough, like true parents they have stood by me every day of my life. Even now as a married woman they support us, discipline us (we need it when it comes to finances) and encourage us. No one will ever ever get away with calling my parents 'ineffective, bad, or wrong' I will always be waiting to prove them wrong


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## Horse and Hound (May 12, 2010)

I can only remember 2 times when my mum smacked me. My dad has never laid a finger on me, but he's whalloped my brother for stealing money from mum's purse. 

The times mum hit me was for punching my brother, the other was for laughing at her when she was giving me a bollocking.

I never did it again, and i respect my parents now more than anything, and I love them more than anyone can imagine.

There's a difference between getting a smack and being beaten within an inch of your life though.


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## canuckjill (Jun 25, 2008)

I was slapped 3 times by my mom and they were all my fault, big mouth and all. The worst punishment I got was the lectures from Mom and Dad and then having to explain in my own words why it was wrong what I did. I still hate being lectured too...lol


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## XxZoexX (Sep 8, 2010)

God i remember the lectures.. have to admit my girls probably say the same :lol:


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## Bandy (Sep 29, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> Of course children will continue to question and test parents, it's part of growing up  So why bring physical discipline into it?


Question or test boundaries is one thing. To be blatantly disrespectful our outright confrontational is quite another.





> How many parents can honestly say they sit a child down and explain why they are unhappy with kiddies behaviour and why they are about to smack them ... Very few I would guess. Smacking is more likely to quick and instinctive, with a brief explanation afterwards


in an anti corporal punishment world, Im sure that fits.
The vast majority here, however, have said that this isn't the case.
:thumbup:



> *It's more likely to make parent feel better because they have found an immediate release for their anger and displeasure than benefit the child.*


And here is the crux of your problem.

Not every parent that hits, hits out of anger.

There are those out there that beat the kid. There are those out there that abuse the kid.

The vast majority do NOT.
More often than not, the kid (he ones that DO receive a smack) know that this is the end result should the behavior continue despite the warnings.

Kids tend to respect the parent more that they know will only tolerate a certain amount of "testing" behavior.

My ex and I had the same stand points in this debate.
Up to and including her wanting me to be the "heavy" when she realized that her method (the talking till you're blue in the face) didn't work.
I flat refused.
I was not going to have my children fearing daddy coming home.
As it turned out, I had fewer problems, fewer instances of contention I should say because the idea that having their ass warmed for them was a real alternative.

Directly to the point, there were VERY few occasions I had to actually spank.

A simple tone of voice, a look, or asking if they needed a reminder, after talks both before but most importantly after any spankings, were enough to let them know they had, indeed, reached their boundary.

I have 2 happy, healthy ADULT children now...both attending college....both VERY well adjusted and both of whom very much respect me.


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## Bandy (Sep 29, 2010)

Amethyst said:


> *I would hazard a guess *that many if not most of these children actually come from homes where they are shown no respect themselves and Violence and no doubt physical discipline is regularly dished out


And that's about all it amounts to.

:thumbup::thumbup:


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2011)

Bandy said:


> Question or test boundaries is one thing. To be blatantly disrespectful our outright confrontational is quite another.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2011)

Bandy said:


> And that's about all it amounts to.
> 
> :thumbup::thumbup:


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Buster's Mummy said:


> I was a very lucky child growing up. I was nurtured and encouraged. I had everything I needed but not everything I wanted. I was disciplined with the withdrawal of sweets, toys, sleepovers or trips to the cinema but if I was truly evil and I only remember tone time I was so evil... (my mum asked me to tidy my room and I turned around and said "no I hate you" she asked me again and I refused. She then said when nan and grandad come out on Saturday with your sweets you are not having them... you are on a 1 week sweet ban to which I shouted "don't care" and emptied a plant pot of soil all over the dining room floor... I remember getting a smack on the bum no it wasn't abuse, wasn't violence but was enough at the time to think oops I pushed it too far).
> 
> Going through school I won awards for being a community spirited person, volunteered every spare hour to charity. I never ever recieved a detention as I was taught respect by my parents. I knew that if I was bad at school I'd have to face up to my parents and at the age of 13 I knew it wasn't a smack/punishment I was dreading but I knew that the sheer disappointment my parents would feel was worse than any punishment they could issue.
> 
> ...


Excellent post & yet another member who has had one or 2 smacked bottom to be a great member of society,as i have said i have never smacked my kids,thats not to say i wouldnt though if the need ever arose.
My eldest is off to uni this year ( absolutly dreading it) the other is in college & the other 2 are still little yet...i would swell with pride if my children were to speak of me like some members have done here.
You said it perfectly in your last statement that although you cannot say smacking is effective,you dont see parents who swmack as a very last resort as abusers....i think that summed up what 90% of members here are trying to say...but as usual the i havent got kids,ive trained to do this n that & goverments that dont live in the real world think they have the right to attack parents that do a amazing job.....instead of focusing on parents that occasionally smack do something about cases where real abuse goes on for heavens sake.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

*How many people can honestly say their kids have that level of respect how many people can say they developed that level of respect. I was never scared of my parents I was scared of disappointing them. To this day I will not swear in front of my mum or dad. To this day I continue to strive to make them proud. *Graduating, winning the South West Youth award, the local councils young citizen of the year award, organising a successful dog and holding down a job are some of my parents proudest moments and so they should be they bred, raised and nurtured someone to be proud of. I find some of you absolutely revolting by assuming parents like mine are abusive, violent scum.

I was not punished with the withdrawl of state of the art technology as I didn't have it, I wasn't a spoilt brat *BUT* I had everything I needed. *Kids these days are spoilt rotten, poorly disciplined and brought up with shocking morals.* I won't put my neck on the line and say smacking is effective but I'd never be so ignorant and assumptional to say parents who smack their kids are violent abusers 

Can i just highlight these 2 points as i feel i have to defend the "kids of today" somewhat and their parents.

MOST of the kids i know DO have that level of respect and are NOT spoilt rotten, poorly disciplined or brought up with shocking morals.

I am sure you didn't mean it to be offensive but i just wanted to highlight that this is really not the case.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

RAINYBOW said:


> *How many people can honestly say their kids have that level of respect how many people can say they developed that level of respect. I was never scared of my parents I was scared of disappointing them. To this day I will not swear in front of my mum or dad. To this day I continue to strive to make them proud. *Graduating, winning the South West Youth award, the local councils young citizen of the year award, organising a successful dog and holding down a job are some of my parents proudest moments and so they should be they bred, raised and nurtured someone to be proud of. I find some of you absolutely revolting by assuming parents like mine are abusive, violent scum.
> 
> I was not punished with the withdrawl of state of the art technology as I didn't have it, I wasn't a spoilt brat *BUT* I had everything I needed. *Kids these days are spoilt rotten, poorly disciplined and brought up with shocking morals.* I won't put my neck on the line and say smacking is effective but I'd never be so ignorant and assumptional to say parents who smack their kids are violent abusers
> 
> ...


I was thinking the same after reading so many posts about 'kids today' - I'd be quite offended if I was a young person reading about how disrectful & spoilt my generation were.

I think at times people lose sight of kids being kids. Where I used to live a few people were moaning in the local paper about a section of the wood being 'ruined' by kids on their bikes, they'd built a bike track not chopped down trees - probably the same people that moaned about kids hanging around doing nothing 

Alot of people expect children to behave perfectly at all times, (I don't know why most adults can't seem to manage it!), they don't & I don't believe they ever did tbh.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> I was thinking the same after reading so many posts about 'kids today' - I'd be quite offended if I was a young person reading about how disrectful & spoilt my generation were.
> 
> I think at times people lose sight of kids being kids. Where I used to live a few people were moaning in the local paper about a section of the wood being 'ruined' by kids on their bikes, they'd built a bike track not chopped down trees - probably the same people that moaned about kids hanging around doing nothing
> 
> Alot of people expect children to behave perfectly at all times, (I don't know why most adults can't seem to manage it!), they don't & I don't believe they ever did tbh.


I think some people forget their own childhood very quickly 

I feel for this generation as they seem damned if they do and damned if they dont. If they go out they are troublesome hoodies and if they stay in on their X Boxes they are all unhealthy techno geeks 

Every generation before them has had the freedom to roam within certain boundaries, out on your bike or playing in the woods and fields but now thats too "dangerous" or people are so intolerant of the "noise" that comes with playing children they get moved on. Used to be that people liked seeing and hearing kids playing out in the streets 

Yes "some" kids are a pain in the ass, spoilt, badly parented but "most" children are not they are just "children".


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I too would not say that every child is bad - I think older people have been saying "kids of today" for many many generations its not a new thing - and the facts are they prob were different because socially things have changed massively from say the 40's 50's growing up to todays era - even when I was a kid in the 70's/80's things have changed

Im currently reading a book about life in the slums of east end London in the early 19th century from a viewpoint of a lady who was a midwife back then - the stories of women giving birth and child care and how they lived back then are unbelievable and terribly shocking - the poverty- the workhouses-how they lived sometimes 10 in 2 rooms - no sanitation - no running water - no hospitals - abuse - prostitution - the list goes on - I dont envy anyone being a kid growing up then although tbo I think families stuck together a lot more than they do now - some that is  there was good and bad back then too - for those from that generation I guess they see todays kids and rightly think they have it good - but like said that is not todays generations fault - facts remain the same now as they did then - some kids are bought up well - some are not.


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## Bandy (Sep 29, 2010)

Kids being KIDS is one thing...and I don't think anyone has ever faulted them for having spirit.


But, how many people here now remember having metal detectors in school when THEY went?.....just one example my caffeine needing brain can come up with as an example of the type being discussed.


But hey...at least we gotten away from the overly dramatic representation of spanking equating to poor, abused children.

:lol::lol:

That was just so ott, I didn't know whether to laugh or question the mental stability of those putting that idea forward.

:thumbup:


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## Horse and Hound (May 12, 2010)

Cleo38 said:


> I was thinking the same after reading so many posts about 'kids today' - I'd be quite offended if I was a young person reading about how disrectful & spoilt my generation were.
> 
> I think at times people lose sight of kids being kids. Where I used to live a few people were moaning in the local paper about a section of the wood being 'ruined' by kids on their bikes, they'd built a bike track not chopped down trees - probably the same people that moaned about kids hanging around doing nothing
> 
> Alot of people expect children to behave perfectly at all times, (I don't know why most adults can't seem to manage it!), they don't & I don't believe they ever did tbh.


Kids are kids, and that's that! They will be cheeky, push the boundaries and generally test how much they can get away with.

Take me and my cousins for example. I used to think my parents were strict with me as we didn't get half the stuff our cousins got. We had to wait for christmas and birthdays for treats, but now I look at how blatantly awful my cousins can be to their mum and it pisses me off. They are 24 and 18 respectively and STILL dump their clothes in a pile on the floor and expect her to tidy them! 

All 4 of us though, are very close now but it does go to show that different kids will get different upbringings, but the same moral attitudes if you will drummed into them. We all work, we all have what I would call good social skills and attitudes and would do anything for anyone in our family. however, there is a big difference in attitudes between us. My cousins seem to think that they need the best of everything, where as I am happy to save and get what I can afford and need. And I believe that does come down from them getting what they wanted all the time as kids.

However, I digress. There is a BIG difference between being a normal, child to being an out and out spoilt little brat. My mates kids are horrendous for that, they kick, they scream they have paddies if they don't get their own way and that to me is unacceptable. I didn't do it, well i did, once, never did again! And the worrying thing is that I notice more and more kids being the same when out and about.

Maybe its just becasue I notice it more, but when I was a kid I never heard of anyone I knew lobbing bricks through windows, or beating up a bloke because he asked them to move away from their drive. If someone asked us to shift we cacked ourselves and legged it, for worry of our parents finding out!

I remember once, and this is the worst thing I ever did, setting fire to a bin on a park. It was, believe it or not, an accident, we were pissing about with a box of matches, but as we legged it after dousing it in coke and wahtever other pop we had, an off duty copper followed me and my mate home. And then went round to my other mates house!

Me and my best friend, our parents actually consulted with one another as and we got grounded for 3 weeks, the plug got taken off my TV and my season ticket for my beloved PNE got confiscated (she had hers taken away for St Helens RLFC).

Our other mate, guess what? Her mum did nothing. She's now in prison, funnily enough. :eek6:

So yes, there is a big issue with people being overly fussy about kids being kids, but when that line is crossed it is a big issue, and I do think it seems to be crossed more and more, which is probably driving the hype and worry about it.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Bandy said:


> Kids being KIDS is one thing...and I don't think anyone has ever faulted them for having spirit.
> 
> 
> But, how many people here now remember having metal detectors in school when THEY went?.....just one example my caffeine needing brain can come up with as an example of the type being discussed.
> ...


I still maintain my views regarding hitting children - as I said, I don't equate all smacking to child abuse but I do question where people draw the line & the need to hit any child. I understand that everyone has different parenting skills but can still have my point of view.

Society has changed & not always for the better, I'm sure most people will admit that but there are many things that we have benefited from & I am grateful for many changes, too many people look back to this golden era that never really existed.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

I think everyone's calmed down a bit from the other night. It got a bit heated. I had to write that post about my parents because I simply didn't think it fair that people that smack their children were being castigated as abusers. Because it's simply not the case.
My parents had a 3 strike rule.
1. Explaining my behaviour wasn't acceptable and why.
2. If I did it again I would lose a toy/video.
3. I did it again I got a quick, sharp across the back of the legs. Once. 

And sometimes I would really, really wind my dad up, I would say "go on then, you think you're so hard, go on do it. I'll just phone the police and have you arrested for being a bad dad" (I was about 9). No matter how much I p****d him off, he would -never- hit me out of anger. 

Which is where perhaps the difference lies. Someone (can't remember who) suggested that smacking was simply parents getting angry and getting immediate relief by smacking when angry and offering no explanation for it. 
I don't think there's a member on here who has actually smacked their kids simply out of outright anger, just to satisfy themselves. 
And I don't feel sorry for kids whose parents occasionally smack them when they misbehave. I feel sorry for children who are abused. And for children that don't have anyone who cares about them. 

I'll step down off my soapbox now.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Bandy said:


> Kids being KIDS is one thing...and I don't think anyone has ever faulted them for having spirit.
> 
> 
> But, how many people here now remember having metal detectors in school when THEY went?.....just one example my caffeine needing brain can come up with as an example of the type being discussed.
> ...


It was the inference that ALL children or "children in general" were like this and i simply don't think thats the case  In thi country there may be areas where kids are allowed to run feral due to crap parenting but thats always been the case and isnt the case in the majority of areas  I can honestly say where i live the kids are a credit to their generation from Toddlers to Teenagers.

Infact the teenagers where i live i would rate particularly highly


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

RAINYBOW said:


> It was the inference that ALL children or "children in general" were like this and i simply don't think thats the case  In thi country there may be areas where kids are allowed to run feral due to crap parenting but thats always been the case and isnt the case in the majority of areas  I can honestly say where i live the kids are a credit to their generation from Toddlers to Teenagers.
> 
> Infact the teenagers where i live i would rate particularly highly


I couldn't agree more


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

Cleo38 said:


> too many people look back to this golden era that never really existed.


Not so much a golden era...but better than the rusty scrap iron of today.


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## WeimyLady (Jan 3, 2010)

I'm sure I'm going to get shot down in flames for this observation, but generally middle class children (this is purely an observation from work and I KNOW that not ALL middle class childred behave this way) are by far the worst behaved...snotty and spolit, with parents that don't have a clue how to apply disapline!!


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

poohdog said:


> Not so much a golden era...but better than the rusty scrap iron of today.


My dad is a huge fan of this 'golden era'. He was going on about it the other day and my mum butted in with-

"Yes David, the good old days, where chicken pox used to kill people, dentistry was done without painkillers, a broken leg meant you were crippled for life and no one had any money for food!!! BRILLIANT good old days!"

My mum hated the 'golden era' 

I think every generation has one though. I already reminisce about how much better films and TV was 10 years ago. (Childrens TV and films that is).


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

WeimyLady said:


> I'm sure I'm going to get shot down in flames for this observation, but generally middle class children (this is purely an observation from work and I KNOW that not ALL middle class childred behave this way) are by far the worst behaved...snotty and spolit, with parents that don't have a clue how to apply disapline!!


Most of the kids where i live come from working/middle class families and i just don't see that. I would say that you do get a certain element of the "Cappucino Brigade" who sit drinking coffee and gossiping with friends while their kids run riot but in terms of ill mannered, rude, destructive or genuine anti social behaviour i don't see it.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

A young lady where I work has just told me - as was talking about this thread that when she was a teacher assistant - for young toddlers she used to chase and tickle them - they loved it she said - when she went on to be an assistance in Year 1 she was in the playground with the kids and doing the same thing but was told off by the teachers and told not to do it because if they fell or got a bruise the parents could sue for abuse - :nonod::nonod: a prime example of how the word "abuse" gets misused in todays society.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> A young lady where I work has just told me - as was talking about this thread that when she was a teacher assistant - for young toddlers she used to chase and tickle them - they loved it she said - when she went on to be an assistance in Year 1 she was in the playground with the kids and doing the same thing but was told off by the teachers and told not to do it because if they fell or got a bruise the parents could sue for abuse - :nonod::nonod: a prime example of how the word "abuse" gets misused in todays society.


How funny you should mention that suzy.....i was a Dinner lady a few years back i remember one little girl oh she must have been 6 fell & badly grazed her knee as a natural instinct i picked her up & held her,she was very upset. When lunches had finished i was asked to go to the office & told in no uncertain terms not to ever do it again,when i asked why i was told that because the girls wore skirts and my hand was under her bottom as i picked her up it could be interpreted that i may be doing something untoward!....I absolutly couldnt believe it,so should i just leave the poor child to cry,she wanted a cuddle make her feel better.
I had worked in the school for 4 years by this time it was also where my children went as well,it is as suzy pointed out a very sad part of our society indeed.

On the subject of kids behaving worse now in this day than say previous generations i still believe that is the case.
Years ago there was no such things as asbo's, a lot of children today are of the opinion that they can behave in whatever manner they wish,they certainly dont have manners.
And yes of course children in the past misbehaved,but they were nowhere near as rude,offensive & ill mannered as in the past...there is children being bored & pushing the boundaries & children out of control lets make sure we distinguish the difference.

And before anybody has a personal attack my statement is not aimed at all children,but i tell you this...if i heard my kids speaking to adults the way i hear some children speak to adults these days they would get a almighty row!
I will also add that on some occasions i have known better manners from teenagers than i have the older generation.
So its not all children,or teenagers that behave this way,it would however be interesting to know if the well behaved children compared to the very ill behaved children what discipline they had in the home.


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2011)

Was never meant to sound as it did whilst ranting away  but its hardly much different to turning around and saying all parents who smacked were/are abusive, violent people hey?? 

I may sound as if I generalised a whole portion of society however I still work with some of the most promising youngsters and know just how hard they have it - I was severely bullied at school for being a nursing cadet at St John Ambulance and I know for many many kids these days who chose to dedicate their youth to helping others will have the same upheaval but I am proud of how I turned out and I am proud that in adulthood I have been able to support youngsters who like me volunteered, made a positive difference to society and were not welcomed by their peers. Apparently its normal for kids to be kids, but that reasoning them maybe just maybe I was a freak with no life  maybe I was just a do-gooder with no aspirations, maybe I was just strange for wanting to help others but you know what I dont mind being a strange, lovely freak with no friends as I couldnt be happier with my upbringing and the way I have turned out.

When I was at school a small percentage of children played up in class when I left teaching a small percentage of children behaved in class, something somewhere is going wrong. I spoke to a PCSO a few weeks back and she said the simple fact is that in her day kids would see a police woman / man and feel great shame in being caught painting graffiti, stealing, drinking, shouting abuse, mugging old people because theyd be sure to get a talking to by the police officer and then have to go home and get punished at homethese days they respond so what now I am still relatively young 26  but I am old enough to remember that things were never this bad. The truth is a lot of kids these days are spoilt if they don't have the latest games console, mobile phone or I Pod they see it as injustice. My teenage cousin said that it was *abuse* to not let her have the same stuff as her peers children are taught he more they ask the more they will get. There are some kids growing up with no food, warmth, clothes and the thought of so much as owning a mobile phone is alien to them but they still grow to respect those around them. I live in an area where families are quite poor and when I formed the youth group in 2003 over 70% of the children were from the local council estate, had never left their town and didnt own any form of technology. Their greatest pride was attending fetes to donate money to local causes, helping at local nursing homes, respite care centres and litter picking. The less kids demand the more they respect othersby chucking money, toys and expensive stuff at children then taking it away when they do not behave is not teaching them anything really but by learning that you cannot get everything you want teaches you to respect and responsibility. The sad fact is that a child growing up in a home where there is little/no discipline (whether that be physical or psychological) the child will grow to have little respect for those around them, will grow to have little responsibility for their actions and will grow to expect to get everything their own way. I dont think the argument is purely about physical discipline its about different parenting styles and like owning a dog, having a child, living a life there will always be people who disagree, there is no handbook it doesnt mean that one person is wrong and the way Suzy was treated was revolting  but thats passed now.

I actually think do-gooders in government proclaiming that one way is the correct way is dangerous. If a parent is going to abuse their child they will do regardless of law. I believe that if a parent feels the way they would like to discipline their child is with a smack who are we to stop them? The point I am making is we are all quick to judge. I am not a mother I would love children  but we cant always get what we want can we?? The point I am trying to get across is that for one person to feel like a child abuser on here for her views on parenting is revolting  and if every child came with a handbook then wed have a perfect nation wouldnt we  but for many traditions are passed down and for many parents smacking was a form of discipline whether I agree with that or not is beside the pointall I can say is I was smacked and I am utterly proud of who I am and of my parents without whom I may be just another statistic on the Police Database. But then its easy to take a huge post and cherry pick  I wonder what parts will be cherry picked from this post


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Buster's Mummy said:


> Was never meant to sound as it did whilst ranting away  but its hardly much different to turning around and saying all parents who smacked were/are abusive, violent people hey??
> 
> I may sound as if I generalised a whole portion of society however I still work with some of the most promising youngsters and know just how hard they have it - I was severely bullied at school for being a nursing cadet at St John Ambulance and I know for many many kids these days who chose to dedicate their youth to helping others will have the same upheaval but I am proud of how I turned out and I am proud that in adulthood I have been able to support youngsters who like me volunteered, made a positive difference to society and were not welcomed by their peers. Apparently its normal for kids to be kids, but that reasoning them maybe just maybe I was a freak with no life  maybe I was just a do-gooder with no aspirations, maybe I was just strange for wanting to help others but you know what I dont mind being a strange, lovely freak with no friends as I couldnt be happier with my upbringing and the way I have turned out.
> 
> ...


Great post hun :thumbup:xx


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## JANICE199 (Feb 1, 2008)

Stephny691 said:


> My dad is a huge fan of this 'golden era'. He was going on about it the other day and my mum butted in with-
> 
> "Yes David, the good old days, where chicken pox used to kill people, dentistry was done without painkillers, a broken leg meant you were crippled for life and no one had any money for food!!! BRILLIANT good old days!"
> 
> ...


*I was a 50's child and if i could go back i know i would prefer it to today.*


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

toria said:


> How funny you should mention that suzy.....i was a Dinner lady a few years back i remember one little girl oh she must have been 6 fell & badly grazed her knee as a natural instinct i picked her up & held her,she was very upset. When lunches had finished i was asked to go to the office & told in no uncertain terms not to ever do it again,when i asked why i was told that because the girls wore skirts and my hand was under her bottom as i picked her up it could be interpreted that i may be doing something untoward!....I absolutly couldnt believe it,so should i just leave the poor child to cry,she wanted a cuddle make her feel better.
> I had worked in the school for 4 years by this time it was also where my children went as well,it is as suzy pointed out a very sad part of our society indeed.
> 
> On the subject of kids behaving worse now in this day than say previous generations i still believe that is the case.
> ...


Wow thats unbelievable  its sad really - PC gone mad! - - imo kids miss out on so much because of all this crap.

A lot of kids esp in schools know they have the upperhand and they think they are in control - which to an extent they are! -


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

Stephny691 said:


> My dad is a huge fan of this 'golden era'. He was going on about it the other day and my mum butted in with-
> 
> "Yes David, the good old days, where chicken pox used to kill people, dentistry was done without painkillers, a broken leg meant you were crippled for life and no one had any money for food!!! BRILLIANT good old days!"
> 
> ...


Blimey don't go mad...you're back in the early Victorian days there...Us oldies are referring to the 40s and 50s not the Napoleonic wars.

I can assure you we had injections and gas at the dentists...immunisation against diptheria and polio..in the early fifties... you would see the odd kid with leg irons due to polio...but that was before the Salk vaccine was introduced.

Chicken pox and measles hadn't been a killer for donkeys years, and I had both.
As for food...there was rationing on butter and other items immediately after the war...but there was always plenty to eat...We had one of those new fangled motor cars too,and it wasn't a Model T Ford.
And the dustbin men used to come round the back of your house to empty your bin...every week.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

poohdog said:


> Blimey don't go mad...you're back in the early Victorian days there...Us oldies are referring to the 40s and 50s not the Napoleonic wars.
> 
> I can assure you we had injections and gas at the dentists...immunisation against diptheria and polio..in the early fifties... you would see the odd kid with leg irons due to polio...but that was before the Salk vaccine was introduced.
> 
> ...


My mum was taking the p***.......


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Buster's Mummy said:


> Was never meant to sound as it did whilst ranting away  but its hardly much different to turning around and saying all parents who smacked were/are abusive, violent people hey??
> 
> I may sound as if I generalised a whole portion of society however I still work with some of the most promising youngsters and know just how hard they have it - I was severely bullied at school for being a nursing cadet at St John Ambulance and I know for many many kids these days who chose to dedicate their youth to helping others will have the same upheaval but I am proud of how I turned out and I am proud that in adulthood I have been able to support youngsters who like me volunteered, made a positive difference to society and were not welcomed by their peers. Apparently its normal for kids to be kids, but that reasoning them maybe just maybe I was a freak with no life  maybe I was just a do-gooder with no aspirations, maybe I was just strange for wanting to help others but you know what I dont mind being a strange, lovely freak with no friends as I couldnt be happier with my upbringing and the way I have turned out.
> 
> ...


Sorry it looked like that, i wasn't cherry picking i just wanted to pick up that point as i do think kids in general get a bad press and i just don't think its warranted all the time


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## Amethyst (Jun 16, 2010)

RAINYBOW said:


> i do think kids in general get a bad press and i just don't think its warranted all the time


I think it's sad to see the youth of day put down so much, the good far outweigh the bad, it depends I guess what you look for. I like to believe and really do think most young people have good hearts :thumbup:


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

Amethyst said:


> I think it's sad to see the youth of day put down so much, the good far outweigh the bad, it depends I guess what you look for. I like to believe and really do think most young people have good hearts :thumbup:




Unfortunately I think the stereotype comes from only the bad getting the press and attention.

For example when I was in school if you were well behaved and kept your head down and got on with your work- you got nothing. No praise, no rewards, nothing.
However if you were one of the 'naughty kids' and you managed to make it a whole week without getting kicked out of a class, the school would pay for you to go to Alton Towers etc.
Now I understand about positive reinforcement, but I don't really think that not doing something bad constitutes a reward, I always thought you got a reward when you did something good? 

But yeah, they get all the attention, so that's all you read/hear about, so of course it seems like thats all kids are like these days. Whereas the majority of them, arn't that bad. 
jmo.


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## sid&kira (Oct 15, 2009)

hell yea i was, a good slap every now and then never did anyone any harm, nor did a bar of soap in the mouth lol

i think im pretty well adjusted lol


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2011)

Stephny691 said:


> For example when I was in school if you were well behaved and kept your head down and got on with your work- you got nothing. No praise, no rewards, nothing.


Or bullied  or was that just me?


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Buster's Mummy said:


> Or bullied  or was that just me?


I was bullied at school as well...but i must say not to the extent i see bullying nowadays.

I must say this though although i was bullied at school & i was smacked as a little un,i never bullied anybody nor smacked anybody...not to say i havent wanted to on occasion.

Does anybody think its maybe the area you live in that contributes to some kids & the way they behave?
Just a thought really as some members seem by there responses to live in a idylic area where all kids are good?


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2011)

toria said:


> I was bullied at school as well...but i must say not to the extent i see bullying nowadays.
> 
> I must say this though although i was bullied at school & i was smacked as a little un,i never bullied anybody nor smacked anybody...not to say i havent wanted to on occasion.
> 
> ...


I think it has a lot do with how the parents are bringing these children up not so much the area i believe.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

KathrynH said:


> I think it has a lot do with how the parents are bringing these children up not so much the area i believe.


I agree hun,just wondering about the place i live,the majority of kids i come across are well lets say socially rude,arrogant,bad mannered,etc etc just wondering if maybe poverty also has a deciding factor in how these kids behave.
Although i live in the same area my kids are nothing like...but i have parented them very strictly so maybe your right :thumbup:


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2011)

toria said:


> I agree hun,just wondering about the place i live,the majority of kids i come across are well lets say socially rude,arrogant,bad mannered,etc etc just wondering if maybe poverty also has a deciding factor in how these kids behave.
> Although i live in the same area my kids are nothing like...but i have parented them very strictly so maybe your right :thumbup:


I have just been into town and the town i live in does have rough areas like many places, but i just passed so many chavs pushing there kids, ****/spliffs in one hand, buggy in another, swearing there heads off and i just turned to my husband and said "i am so grateful for the life we have etc. My children are very polite and respectful and even though they are young, have wonderful manners and charisma. I am tough with them but its the only way to be otherwise if you dont you just turn out like the chavs i have just witnessed in our local town.


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## Stephny691 (Nov 13, 2007)

I was bullied at school, sometimes I think I was asking for it and sometimes it was just because they were vile people. I don't think I deserved to get shoved down a flight of steps for instance. But even being physically bullied didn't make me turn around and punch them back.

Maybe I should have 

I think it both nature and nurture. I think a lot of it is simply parenting and if you put good parents in a bad neighbourhood their kids will still be ok. And vice versa. Bad parents are parents no matter how rich/poor, educated or not. Same for good parents.

But there is a part of me that thinks that some characteristics are just a piece of our genetic make up and no amount of good parenting can overcome those things. For instance I'm very aggressive and have an incredibly short temper-much, much shorter than either my mum or dad. And according to my nans and my mum they reckon that I have managed to inherit my great grandads temper. The way I fly off the handle at something inconsequential and go absolutely mental- that's all him. None of my grandparents were like it and my mum and dad arn't. 

So yeah, for some behaviour, I have to wonder whether some people are just born to behave a certain way?


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

Stephny691 said:


> I was bullied at school, sometimes I think I was asking for it and sometimes it was just because they were vile people. I don't think I deserved to get shoved down a flight of steps for instance. But even being physically bullied didn't make me turn around and punch them back.
> 
> Maybe I should have
> 
> ...


 I think that may be a contributing factor, personality wise but bad behavouir is a little different i think, i have experience of this however i am not going to go into detail here pending a court case.I do think your more on the money with the nurture aspect.


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## adam87 (Nov 16, 2010)

Yep I got beaten for asking why? and having answers for everything.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

toria said:


> I was bullied at school as well...but i must say not to the extent i see bullying nowadays.
> 
> I must say this though although i was bullied at school & i was smacked as a little un,i never bullied anybody nor smacked anybody...not to say i havent wanted to on occasion.
> 
> ...


I do think this can be a factor but not conclusively - I think kids in run/down or innercity areas do have to grow up a bit quicker - they have to be that little bit tougher and more streetwise - and sometimes that can lead to them going down the wrong path etc - I dont think ALL of these kids are bad though they are just a product of their environment - one thing that always sticks in my mind is when I was waiting at my bus stop about a year ago - there was two groups of lads come to wait (not all together) one group looked quite rough and had their hoodies on etc - big chains and trying to look all thugish lol and the other group looked completely different very quiet - quite posh looking - the bus came and I had been waiting first for quite some time....anyway the posh boys just shoved past me and got on the bus  and I thought bet the others will do that too but no they didnt they said you were here first and waited for me to get on I was quite embarrassed cos I had honestly thought out of the two groups they would have done that - it was nice actually to be wrong 

Sorry was rambling a bit there lol - I deffo do see what you are saying though - me and my OH come from completely different backgrounds - I lived in a little village he lived in an inner city area and he loves to remind that I had it easy as a kid living where I did which I think I prob did!


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## shibby (Oct 3, 2010)

I wasn't physically 'disciplined' as a child and am thankful for that. If I had children, I wouldn't physically 'discipline' them and if I did (which I wouldn't), I would be extremely disappointed in myself as I don't agree with it, it doesn't make any sense to me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable to see parents hitting their children in public, a lot don't understand what they're being smacked for, which makes it pointless anyway.


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## toria (Aug 9, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> I do think this can be a factor but not conclusively - I think kids in run/down or innercity areas do have to grow up a bit quicker - they have to be that little bit tougher and more streetwise - and sometimes that can lead to them going down the wrong path etc - I dont think ALL of these kids are bad though they are just a product of their environment - one thing that always sticks in my mind is when I was waiting at my bus stop about a year ago - there was two groups of lads come to wait (not all together) one group looked quite rough and had their hoodies on etc - big chains and trying to look all thugish lol and the other group looked completely different very quiet - quite posh looking - the bus came and I had been waiting first for quite some time....anyway the posh boys just shoved past me and got on the bus  and I thought bet the others will do that too but no they didnt they said you were here first and waited for me to get on I was quite embarrassed cos I had honestly thought out of the two groups they would have done that - it was nice actually to be wrong
> 
> Sorry was rambling a bit there lol - I deffo do see what you are saying though - me and my OH come from completely different backgrounds - I lived in a little village he lived in an inner city area and he loves to remind that I had it easy as a kid living where I did which I think I prob did!


I had a incident like that once,it does make you feel embarrased & also reminds you that not all teenagers that wear hoodies are hooligans.

It humbles me sometimes when i see a act of kindness from someone you look at and think they wont give a hoot...& they do.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

toria said:


> I had a incident like that once,it does make you feel embarrased & also reminds you that not all teenagers that wear hoodies are hooligans.
> 
> It humbles me sometimes when i see a act of kindness from someone you look at and think they wont give a hoot...& they do.


Same hun xx


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## Bandy (Sep 29, 2010)

Buster's Mummy said:


> Was never meant to sound as it did whilst ranting away  but its hardly much different to turning around and saying all parents who smacked were/are abusive, violent people hey??
> 
> I may sound as if I generalised a whole portion of society however I still work with some of the most promising youngsters and know just how hard they have it - I was severely bullied at school for being a nursing cadet at St John Ambulance and I know for many many kids these days who chose to dedicate their youth to helping others will have the same upheaval but I am proud of how I turned out and I am proud that in adulthood I have been able to support youngsters who like me volunteered, made a positive difference to society and were not welcomed by their peers. Apparently its normal for kids to be kids, but that reasoning them maybe just maybe I was a freak with no life  maybe I was just a do-gooder with no aspirations, maybe I was just strange for wanting to help others but you know what I dont mind being a strange, lovely freak with no friends as I couldnt be happier with my upbringing and the way I have turned out.
> 
> ...


Best post, by far, in this entire thread.

:thumbup::thumbup:


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## jenniferx (Jan 23, 2009)

> So were you "physically corrected" as a child, do you feel its done more harm than good or vice versa?


I'll keep it short and sweet- I was occasionally smacked yes, much in the way many other members have been described. I don't feel as though it has had any impact on me.


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## zany_toon (Jan 30, 2009)

I was smacked as a child and it hasn't done me any harm. A short smack works wonders and if you ask me they are needing to go back to corporal punishment in schools. Society and the respect for people has gone downhill, to the extent that it is very rare to come across some one in the street who knows how to behave or how to interact with other people. Something needs to be done and my personal opinion is that smacking did wonders. It's worked for countless generations before us and look at how well our past societies have worked. Then take a look at our current society - crime at an all time high, violence everywhere you look, no respect. If they can't bring back corporal punishment of children then the least they can do is bring back national service - but make sure that no one can have a child until they do at least 2 years national service. Or take a leaf from Japan's culture - one child per family. Fewer kids = fewer problems!!


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## Horse and Hound (May 12, 2010)

shibby said:


> It makes me feel very uncomfortable to see parents hitting their children in public, a lot don't understand what they're being smacked for, which makes it pointless anyway.


Makes me less uncomfortable than some silly bint letting her brats run wild around the coffee shop after the sixth time of telling them to "please would you mind sitting down hunny..."

Mind you, nothing that a quick stick out of the leg won't solve...

"sorry, I have no idea why your child tripped up..."

Kids will be kids, I have no objection to that, I actually really like them...but there are times and places were parents need to accept responsibility and not hide behind the "kids are kids" line.

Incidentally, I remember once telling my dad I was going to call Childline because "i hated it at home, always being made to go to bed before 8pm..." he handed me the phone and said "go on then, I'll pack your bags..."

Needless to say I mumbled something about "would do but its dead late...no one will come till morning" and wandered off up to bed.


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## Guest (Feb 23, 2011)

Horse and Hound said:


> Makes me less uncomfortable than some silly bint letting her brats run wild around the coffee shop after the sixth time of telling them to "please would you mind sitting down hunny..."
> 
> Mind you, nothing that a quick stick out of the leg won't solve...
> 
> ...


LOL I serious laughed out loud to this :thumbup:


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## Guest (Feb 23, 2011)

Bandy said:


> Best post, by far, in this entire thread.
> 
> :thumbup::thumbup:


Aww thanks 

Nice to know I don't always talk rubbish  :lol:

xx


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## Stellabella (Jan 8, 2009)

I'm 51 and an only child and I was smacked by both parents. My Dad was the disciplinarian mainly, only when I did something wrong and I knew it! I was never in any doubt what I'd done and I knew exactly where I stood with him.

What really damaged me was my mother's threats and snide comments, like 'your father doesn't want you' Your father wanted me to get rid of you' or 'your father hates you he just wanted a boy'. Those constant remarks ate away at me and still do. I started to believe her, and it took me a long time to realise that it was her jealousy and spite, and wasn't how he felt at all. Although she hit me less often than dad, I felt she was just lashing out at me, rather than punishing me for something naughty I'd done, and so her 'punishments' scared me much more.


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## shibby (Oct 3, 2010)

Horse and Hound said:


> Makes me less uncomfortable than some silly bint letting her brats run wild around the coffee shop after the sixth time of telling them to "please would you mind sitting down hunny..."
> 
> Mind you, nothing that a quick stick out of the leg won't solve...
> 
> ...


The children I see getting hit are not running amok and aren't causing a nuisance to other people, their parents tend to be overbearing and slap them in full view of everyone else for the simplest of things like asking for a chocolate bar  I don't agree with it and it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'm not the only one. I do not believe you need to get physical with children to keep their behaviour in check. Of course parents need to accept responsibility, but you can get through to a child without physical punishment, bribes or threats. Anyway, this is my view, I'd never agree with physically punishing a child and I'm not frowning on those who do or saying it damages every child, just not something I would advocate.


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## PJCroad&Chico (Jan 21, 2011)

Too many posts but suffice to say, I'm right, hitting a kid is fecked-up.


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## PJCroad&Chico (Jan 21, 2011)

shibby said:


> The children I see getting hit are not running amok and aren't causing a nuisance to other people, their parents tend to be overbearing and slap them in full view of everyone else for the simplest of things like asking for a chocolate bar  I don't agree with it and it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'm not the only one. I do not believe you need to get physical with children to keep their behaviour in check. Of course parents need to accept responsibility, but you can get through to a child without physical punishment, bribes or threats. Anyway, this is my view, I'd never agree with physically punishing a child and I'm not frowning on those who do or saying it damages every child, just not something I would advocate.


If I saw that I'd be verbally defending the kid so the kid knows it's wrong for a bigger person to hit a smaller one, and I'd be phoning the police if it was severe enough for them to bother coming out.


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## Bandy (Sep 29, 2010)

PJCroad&Chico said:


> Too many posts but suffice to say, I'm right, hitting a kid is fecked-up.


Congratulations...

you agree with your opinion.

:thumbup::thumbup:


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