# Where are you MillieD? (aka I don't know what to do with myself)



## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

How's the move going?

*Where are you MillieD?*
Last week your sitting tenant had given backward and the move had been postponed until THIS weekend. I hope that at this moment you are in the throes of filling up a van and getting your worldly goods shifted to your own home.
I'm worried about you and your kitties as I'm sure are a lot of members of the group so please put our minds at rest, I do hope you're able to relax now and get on with the rest of your life.
(Polite please, to other posters in a similar situation do start threads of your own, I know other people's experiences are helpful and relevant but not when they take over the discussion. Then silly stupid codgers like me wouldn't get confused over who the heck we're talking to)
Please, please don't feel I'm being offensive to any other posters by saying this.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@ExD 
Good memory, I forgot this was the weekend @MilleD was moving, hope it went well.


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## ewelsh (Jan 26, 2011)

Me too, hope your ok xxxxx


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

Best wishes from me too @MilleD . I'm guessing you will be up to your ears in boxes, but if you have a moment to pop in and say you're ok, that would be great.


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

Best wishes from Jessie n me. It's been a lovely weekend here, hope it's dry at your end


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## bluecordelia (Jan 5, 2014)

Yes hope the move went smoothly and you will feel more like it’s your own in a few weeks x


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Thank you everyone for your concern and thoughts.

Well, not quite the result I was expecting yesterday. My tenant has moved all his stuff out, but hasn't had chance to do any cleaning. So he is spending today doing that and I'm supposed to be going over after work to do the check out and keys hand over. Oh, and needs the use of my shed until next weekend.



CuddleMonster said:


> Best wishes from me too @MilleD . I'm guessing you will be up to your ears in boxes, but if you have a moment to pop in and say you're ok, that would be great.


Yes, I am up to my ears in boxes, but finding it difficult to get the motivation to fill them all. Went up the loft a few days ago and had (another) meltdown at the sheer mission this all feels.

So I'm still currently in the same position. But hoping to do any decorating and buy things that I need (bed fridge sofa toaster washing machine) etc this week, so I can move in properly next weekend and take next week off work to move the cats in.

On another note, I've just run a bath this morning and filled it with cold water. My mind isn't what it should be. Hoping that will improve too.

xxx


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

You are a kind landlord.
Hopefully, you can relax soon in a clean and fully furnished home.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

And in the ongoing saga of whether the ex is still up to something, he was showing me a pic on his phone yesterday and in a show of really bad timing a message popped up from someone he had programmed into his phone simply as "G" (the initial of the skanky barmaid). He tried to say it was a customer responding to a date for some work being done so I just laughed at him.

He still thinks I'm that stupid when I'm truly not.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> You are a kind landlord.
> Hopefully, you can relax soon in a clean and fully furnished home.


Aren't I? He did say he was asking for yet another favour and was aware of all the favours I had given him (not kicking him out when he was in prison, free month's rent when he was in dire straits with finances etc)


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

......


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

You are a very kind person and good karma will come your way.
Wishing you continued strength and a smooth house move next weekend


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

Do you have a friend who could help with the packing? I know it can be overwhelming even if it's a move you have 'chosen' to make and this must be so much harder.


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

No kindness is ever wasted, you will have a loyal friend in your tennant because you have been good to him. Just pack the stuff you really want or need into your boxes to move, and leave the rest in the attic etc. Your ex can then either dispose of it for you or store it for you. A few reminders of you left behind won't hurt him, make him remember what a treasure he has lost, and the skank will be confronted with remnants of you every time she visits. Vengeance really is a dish best served cold so start serving!


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

NFC slave said:


> No kindness is ever wasted, you will have a loyal friend in your tennant because you have been good to him. Just pack the stuff you really want or need into your boxes to move, and leave the rest in the attic etc. Your ex can then either dispose of it for you or store it for you. A few reminders of you left behind won't hurt him, make him remember what a treasure he has lost, and the skank will be confronted with remnants of you every time she visits. Vengeance really is a dish best served cold so start serving!


Brilliant - leave a whole heap of "couple" photos all over the house (get copies if you must but don't tell him that) and say you don't want them anymore. Lots of reminders of what he's lost!!!


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

So glad it looks like you will be moving next weekend. Please get someone to do it with you if you can. 
I hope it will be the fresh start you need and you get back to being you again. 
The cats will be ok - it will be a new adventure for them and as long as they have you and their stuff they will soon feel home.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

NFC slave said:


> No kindness is ever wasted, you will have a loyal friend in your tennant because you have been good to him. Just pack the stuff you really want or need into your boxes to move, and leave the rest in the attic etc. Your ex can then either dispose of it for you or store it for you. A few reminders of you left behind won't hurt him, make him remember what a treasure he has lost, and the skank will be confronted with remnants of you every time she visits. Vengeance really is a dish best served cold so start serving!


Ha ha. There is a really nice pic of me on the hearth at the moment with a meerkat sitting on my knee. I'd leave that there, only my sister framed it for me and gave it me as a gift so best not 

I can imagine is face if I leave all the crap I've accumulated . Just need to make sure I take all my shoes...


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

That sounds fair enough. If you are the one having to move because of his actions, leave whatever you don’t want for him to sort or haul off.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> So glad it looks like you will be moving next weekend. Please get someone to do it with you if you can.
> I hope it will be the fresh start you need and you get back to being you again.
> The cats will be ok - it will be a new adventure for them and as long as they have you and their stuff they will soon feel home.


My 3 sisters are all offering to help, and a friend popped over yesterday morning that I haven't seen for a while and she offered too.

Trouble is, I still feel ashamed (I know it's bonkers) and feel like just doing it by myself.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Oh my dear, please don't feel in any way ashamed. You should feel victorious and magnificent - you've done what I was too timid to do myself 40 years ago, its people like me who should feel ashamed because we were too cowardly to leave the status quo. (mind you public opinion wasn't as free and easy in the 1980s)
Do take all the help you can get, it will be easier to dump all the sentimental stuff you don't want or need to have cluttering up your new life, other people are more ruthless than you (but keep the photo of the meerkat your sister framed). Get a copy of the key made so you can return to collect any stuff you can't take straight away whilst handing back the original to your ex. You will most likely want to re-clean your 'new' flat anyway, however much your tenant has cleaned - there's nothing worse than other people's dirt somehow.
And don't bother cleaning your old place when you leave either!
Good luck!


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> I can imagine is face if I leave all the crap I've accumulated . Just need to make sure I take all my shoes...


Hey, if it's no use to him and you don't need it or want it, leave it. Or sell/donate it. Just take the stuff that is of value to you and start again fresh and clutter free! 



MilleD said:


> My 3 sisters are all offering to help, and a friend popped over yesterday morning that I haven't seen for a while and she offered too.
> 
> Trouble is, I still feel ashamed (I know it's bonkers) and feel like just doing it by myself.


Please let them help. It will help you immensely, and it will also make them feel they have been of some use rather than just having to watch from the sidelines. Having friends and family around makes the whole thing a lot easier, especially when it comes to ditching things. You'll also get it done a lot faster, and might even have a lot of fun - and wouldn't that be galling for your ex to see, you having FUN moving out?


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## bluecordelia (Jan 5, 2014)

Hey when I went for my stuff I left a fair bit of crap behind. The one item I took that annoyed him to death was an antique door knocker my parents had bought.

It left a hole in the door where the stricker plate was. It is now on my front door x

When I had to help him out a few years ago after he got into a financial crisis, I kept finding bits I had left. This was despite him having been married and I left in 1998!

Enjoy the move and look forward x


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## Sacrechat (Feb 27, 2011)

You have no reason to feel ashamed; he does!

I hope the move goes well, you’ve been very kind to your tenant.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Thanks guys.

So my house is mine again. Nightmare checkout, not because of the state of the house, but the state of the tenant. He says he hasn't eaten or slept since Thursday, and has stopped taken his anti-depressant meds. Cue me giving him a lecture and him promising to sort himself out. Promised to keep in touch. He needs to come back and pick up some stuff out of the shed anyway.

So was wandering around my house in a daze for about an hour. And as I did so I felt a strength start to build in me. Then drove back to the ex's house playing James and singing at the top of my voice. This will not beat me.

I do need to do a bit of work on the place, but major things like bathroom, en suite (I know, get me right!) and kitchen are liveable. Just need to sort a problem under the sink where he has disconnected the washing machine and there is no bung in place to stop water coming out when you turn the tap on. Sure it's something simple. One of brother's in law is very handy with DIY, I'll rope him in 

So thank you for all of your support to get me to this point, it's very appreciated. Love you all. :Kiss


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Amusing side story, I can't remember who it was that said to go on Match, but I did register - just a photo and basic details - not paid anything yet.

This morning got a message saying "Hold on a minute, I know you (winky face with sticking out tongue). I have no idea who it is, and without paying I won't find out, but not ready to be on the market yet so probably will never know.

I wonder who it is


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## bluecordelia (Jan 5, 2014)

Well done miss. A bit of paint and a good clean always helps and is quite cathartic. Make sure you get everything you need ie pans cutlery etc . A bit of positive humming and smiling when you at at your old place is also worth doing. Remember when I said the one who is the innocent party very often does the best in the long run and that is you!!

I took my Liberty bedding back which I still have to this day. Iv slept on it when he was hurt as it’s thick cool cotton so it was worth it!


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## ForestWomble (May 2, 2013)

May this be the start of great things 



MilleD said:


> Thanks guys.
> 
> So my house is mine again. Nightmare checkout, not because of the state of the house, but the state of the tenant. He says he hasn't eaten or slept since Thursday, and has stopped taken his anti-depressant meds. Cue me giving him a lecture and him promising to sort himself out. Promised to keep in touch. He needs to come back and pick up some stuff out of the shed anyway.
> 
> ...


That is great


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

The start of a wonderful new future


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## ewelsh (Jan 26, 2011)

Your new future starts when you shut that old damn door, good riddance and look forward, for it will be good. X


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

@MilleD you are NOT to feel ashamed. You are not the one who has broken faith in this relationship, he is and if there is any shame to be felt, he is the one who should be feeling it (but don't hold your breath!)

Tell your sisters AND your friend that you would LOVE to have them all come to help. Pack what you want and leave the rest for him to dispose of. Then get them all to come with you to your NEW HOME to help you start unpacking - stick some music on, order a yummy takeaway for everyone and celebrate those first few hours of your new home and your new life with the people who want to be there for you in this tough time. You may surprise yourself and find yourself enjoying part of the day, but even if you don't and you feel a bit emotional, you will have your team with you, rooting for you, handing over hankies and digging out the drinks. Much, much better than being miserable, stressed and exhausted on your own!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

CuddleMonster said:


> @MilleD you are NOT to feel ashamed. You are not the one who has broken faith in this relationship, he is and if there is any shame to be felt, he is the one who should be feeling it (but don't hold your breath!)
> 
> Tell your sisters AND your friend that you would LOVE to have them all come to help. Pack what you want and leave the rest for him to dispose of. Then get them all to come with you to your NEW HOME to help you start unpacking - stick some music on, order a yummy takeaway for everyone and celebrate those first few hours of your new home and your new life with the people who want to be there for you in this tough time. You may surprise yourself and find yourself enjoying part of the day, but even if you don't and you feel a bit emotional, you will have your team with you, rooting for you, handing over hankies and digging out the drinks. Much, much better than being miserable, stressed and exhausted on your own!


I've ordered The Greatest Showman CD. It will be the soundtrack to the start of my new life :Joyful


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

If that person really does know you then they can make contact without you making payment, on other hand it could just be a ploy to get you to pay up. Nothing like a mystery to occupy the mind. Be happy in your new life and please keep us all posted x


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

NFC slave said:


> If that person really does know you then they can make contact without you making payment, on other hand it could just be a ploy to get you to pay up. Nothing like a mystery to occupy the mind. Be happy in your new life and please keep us all posted x


I did a bit of sleuthing, in Match, if you click on who has added you to their favourites, you get a glimpse of who has, just before it reroutes you to the 'give us some money' screen.

There is definitely someone there I know - so it must be him.


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## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

MilleD said:


> Amusing side story, I can't remember who it was that said to go on Match, but I did register - just a photo and basic details - not paid anything yet.
> 
> This morning got a message saying "Hold on a minute, I know you (winky face with sticking out tongue). I have no idea who it is, and without paying I won't find out, but not ready to be on the market yet so probably will never know.
> 
> I wonder who it is


It was me 

I think that's great - of course you aren't ready to get back out there but I think that signing up and having little hints of future possibilities is a really positive thing. So many people think that the door is closed to them after a break up and fall into a rut. You may not be ready to open the door just yet but at least you know its unlocked!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

JaimeandBree said:


> It was me


Andy?


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## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

MilleD said:


> Andy?


:Hilarious:Hilarious:Hilarious

I mean, of course, that it was me who suggested Match, not that I am your secret admirer


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

You just started a whole new pet forum rumour there!


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

JaimeandBree said:


> It was me
> 
> I think that's great - of course you aren't ready to get back out there but I think that signing up and having little hints of future possibilities is a really positive thing. So many people think that the door is closed to them after a break up and fall into a rut. You may not be ready to open the door just yet but at least you know its unlocked!





MilleD said:


> Andy?





JaimeandBree said:


> :Hilarious:Hilarious:Hilarious
> 
> I mean, of course, that it was me who suggested Match, not that I am your secret admirer


ROFL :Woot:Woot:Woot:Hilarious:Hilarious:Hilarious
Brilliant!!


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

So glad you are feeling stronger and looking forward - onwards and upwards - your confidence will shine!!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

God it never rains but it pours.

I don't know if anyone remembers other threads from me, but my Mom died in July 2016. since then me and my sister have been trying to look after (from a distance of 180 miles) my step dad.

We couldn't get hold of him for a few days and as he's a bit crap with technology, assumed it was because of that. Anyway, my sister called one of his neighbours, and she said the bins haven't been taken in from Friday (this was yesterday), we asked if we could give her the code to the key safe so she could go in but she didn't want to.

So we called the police who went round there and found him dead in his bed. Probably died last Friday morning. 

I'm flipping between thinking he is with my Mom now which is where he really wanted to be, and being completely selfish and thinking about the absolute mission of clearing his house that's over 3 and a half hours away then getting it sold.

Not sure when this shit storm of a year is going to let up.

My sister and I are driving up there later today as the police have taken all the keys to the house so we need to speak to the guys who were on shift yesterday.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Sorry, to hear about your step father.

If it makes it any easier, you can look through and sort out important things and sentimental things and then hire a company for the main clean out. Some will do it simply to have access to the contents and rather than you selling or moving it , they take it off your hands.
Same with the house, use a local real estate agency to sell.

In my family we have been there and done that not too long ago.
Take things one step at a time but just know there are alternatives to doing it all yourselves.


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

I'm very sorry to hear your latest news. As you say, your stepdad is now where he wants to be, with your mum.
Sounds like very good advice from Summercat.
Hugs xx


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this on top of everything else. Thinking of you as you travel today. Hugs xxx


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

So sorry to hear your sad news. Brighter times will come along for you soon hopefully x


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

What a sh1t hand on top of everything else! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger or so they say!

There are several local firms advertise in our local paper for 'house clearance' and I'm sure it'll be the same all over the country. Its good advice getting someone in to do it for you especially taking into account the distance you have to travel.
Does he not have any 'blood kin' around who should really undertake this task or are you and your sisters the only people available? You don't want to do all the hard work and then find some long lost cousin claiming the money for the house (am I mercenary or what?). Is it mortgaged? Where are the deeds? 
Do you know who his solicitor is in case there's a will? If so - who is executor?


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## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

I'm so sorry to hear this latest news, big hugs xxx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> What a sh1t hand on top of everything else! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger or so they say!
> 
> There are several local firms advertise in our local paper for 'house clearance' and I'm sure it'll be the same all over the country. Its good advice getting someone in to do it for you especially taking into account the distance you have to travel.
> Does he not have any 'blood kin' around who should really undertake this task or are you and your sisters the only people available? You don't want to do all the hard work and then find some long lost cousin claiming the money for the house (am I mercenary or what?). Is it mortgaged? Where are the deeds?
> Do you know who his solicitor is in case there's a will? If so - who is executor?


He has no family, it's just me and my one sister (other sisters have a different mother so not involved). He was very organised. No mortgage, funeral plans sorted and paid for. All the paperwork we need in a safe. After my mom died he realised how hard it was to get everything sorted while dealing with grief.


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> God it never rains but it pours.
> 
> I don't know if anyone remembers other threads from me, but my Mom died in July 2016. since then me and my sister have been trying to look after (from a distance of 180 miles) my step dad.
> 
> ...


So sorry to hear that  hugs to you. I am sorry you are going through all this, it isnt fair xx


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## Sacrechat (Feb 27, 2011)

Oh I’m so sorry, what a sh1t year you’re having. It’s hard work clearing out a house, but as has been said, go through everything, take what you want to take then let a house clearance company take the rest. The estate agency can show prospective buyers around the house and you can employ a solicitor close to where you live, which should reduce the travelling time. Also, I’m sorry for your loss.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

So sad and sorry to hear this news.

You will cope lovely. It seems such awful timing but I do believe these things happen for a reason - it might not be obvious why yet but somewhere down the line you will know. 

Perhaps the effort of having to clear out his house etc is what you need for distraction at this time - who knows. 

Take each day at a time and give him a wonderful send off. He sounds a very caring un selfish man if he has everything in order. 

Thinking of you xx


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## Shrike (Jun 25, 2015)

Sorry to hear of your loss. 
Don't dispose of anything until you know who is the executor of the estate, if its not you then its not your responsibility as the property is not yours to dispose of.


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## bluecordelia (Jan 5, 2014)

Sorry you have been dealt another blow. You will get through and I would say make sure you have a bit of me time

Keeping going without a wobble or having a stiff upper lip isn’t the best way in my experience xx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Shrike said:


> Sorry to hear of your loss.
> Don't dispose of anything until you know who is the executor of the estate, if its not you then its not your responsibility as the property is not yours to dispose of.


The executor is a family friend. It turns out his will hasn't been changed since the seventies I don't think.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm so sorry about your stepdad xx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

MilleD said:


> The executor is a family friend. It turns out his will hasn't been changed since the seventies I don't think.


I was talking crap. His will was made in 1991. The solicitors have closed down but apparently the original is now with the law society.

They carried out a post mortem and it appears his heart gave out. When we got here, his pillows and duvet and mattress were covered in blood and the smell was horrendous. Not sure what the bleeding was caused by though.

There are 40 years of accumulated possessions to sort out. It all feels a little overwhelming to be honest.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

My Mum and Dad were married 69 years and when Mum died my brother and I went through everything and divided things firstly into groups of 'I'd like that, his and mine)' and the 'rest'. 
Then we started on the 'rest' which was 'stuff for saleroom', 'stuff for bonfire or tip' and 'everything else'.
Everything Else was left alone and we found a local House Clearance firm to dispose of the lot through the local newspaper. They didn't charge and took it all. My brother and his wife had just gone through the same thing with her parents so she knew the snags.
We still had to do a massive horrible clean up afterwards as the house was a tip - Mum, who lived longest had moderate dementia and although she coped she didn't do housework.

I think you and your sister will find it too stressful to do everything yourselves.
(Taken your mind off the heartbreak of the split and the move though hasn't it?)
Anyone else any handy tips for house clearance?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> My Mum and Dad were married 69 years and when Mum died my brother and I went through everything and divided things firstly into groups of 'I'd like that, his and mine)' and the 'rest'.
> Then we started on the 'rest' which was 'stuff for saleroom', 'stuff for bonfire or tip' and 'everything else'.
> Everything Else was left alone and we found a local House Clearance firm to dispose of the lot through the local newspaper. They didn't charge and took it all. My brother and his wife had just gone through the same thing with her parents so she knew the snags.
> We still had to do a massive horrible clean up afterwards as the house was a tip - Mum, who lived longest had moderate dementia and although she coped she didn't do housework.
> ...


Thanks for this, really helpful.

The state of the house is at least one thing we don't need to worry about as they kept it really nice. It's not quite as clean as it was before my mom died, but nothing a bit of hoovering and dusting won't sort.

Three garden is the main concern as outs massive and requires a lot of maintenance as he was an avid gardener. 
Just hope we can keep on top of it whilst everything is sorted. My sister can stay yup here for a while, but I will need to go back down the Midlands for work.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

So sorry that you had to see the state of the bed etc. I hope you get some answers as to what happened but mainly hope his passing was quick and peaceful.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> So sorry that you had to see the state of the bed etc. I hope you get some answers as to what happened but mainly hope his passing was quick and peaceful.


Thanks HB.

We were hoping it was peaceful too, but I fear that's not the case.

They also can't tell us when he died. I think I've been watching too much telly as I thought they could tell. But apparently they don't do any tests if there is no crime committed. So the date on his death certificate will be the 24th which is when he was found.

In one of a bizarre series of coincidences we've seen since we've been here, that's the exact same date he made his will in 1991.


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## Purplecatlover (Mar 12, 2017)

I’m so so sorry to hear about your step dad  sending lots of love xxx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Faye1995 said:


> I'm so so sorry to hear about your step dad  sending lots of love xxx


Thanks Faye. Hope you're feeling better soon too. Xx


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## GingerNinja (Mar 23, 2014)

I'm very sorry to hear about your step dad @MilleD take care xx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

So we have organised the funeral. Ordered the flowers yesterday. Going to pick up the will tomorrow. The executor doesn't want the job, so is handing everything over to us.

What I'm finding tricky is how the timeline for probate works.

I know we need to value the estate before we can apply for the grant of probate, but do we do that ourselves?

Does anyone know anything about probate? It seems like a bit of a minefield...


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

It i*s* a minefield.
Does anyone in your firm know of a suitable solicitor to help you with this? 
When my parents died a local estate agent gave a valuation of the house, and an estimate of the contents we wanted to send to his saleroom - he was very nice and helpful and seemed well used to this sort of thing. The undrtaker was full of information too, as was the vicar. ASK!. But I think you'll need a solicitor (cost comes from the estate) and he/she will surely advise on all the aspects and will be able to sort out snags and problems.
Btw - have you moved into your own property yet?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

You do like your solicitors ExD 

I really don't think I need one, I just need to find out the timeline of things. I think I understand the basic premise of what we need to do, the Gov.uk website is very helpful.

The undertaker is a little useless if I'm honest. We wanted the man who buried my mom, but sadly he's on long term sick leave.

The vicar seems very nice, if a little bonkers. He liked our biscuits though 

I've ordered a guide to probate an downloaded the info on filling in the inheritance tax check forms so we may be ok. I think it's just getting the executor to renounce her role and applying for the grant ourselves that I'm not quite sure on yet.

Haven't had chance to move in yet. Been in Cleveland since we found out he'd died. In his house.


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## Shrike (Jun 25, 2015)

I don't think the executor can just "hand it over" - there are serious legal ramifications around wills and probate. In addition to the government website check on age concern's website - I found that useful when dealing with my mums will. TBH if the actual executor doesn't want the job then its best to spend a few thousand on getting a professional to do it. I would strongly advise running it past the solicitor before taking responsibility for anything.
It took us over a year to finally sort it all out for my mother's estate, luckily for me my sister did most of the work, but there was loads to do - the utilities, council and banks can be very difficult to deal with.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Shrike said:


> I don't think the executor can just "hand it over" - there are serious legal ramifications around wills and probate. In addition to the government website check on age concern's website - I found that useful when dealing with my mums will. TBH if the actual executor doesn't want the job then its best to spend a few thousand on getting a professional to do it. I would strongly advise running it past the solicitor before taking responsibility for anything.
> It took us over a year to finally sort it all out for my mother's estate, luckily for me my sister did most of the work, but there was loads to do - the utilities, council and banks can be very difficult to deal with.


The PA1 form has options to explain why the executor doesn't/can't do the job. There are two, one has died, and other wants to fill in the deed of renunciation. She spoke to a solicitor who said they didn't need to be involved. The will is very straightforward. We've got loads of copies of the death certificate too in case the banks etc play up.

My sister currently isn't working so can spend time on doing things.

We also used to the "tell us once" service that the council offer which is really helpful.

The main legal ramifications I can see is failure to pay any inheritance tax that may be due and the possibility of opening yourself up to a claim on the estate if someone happens to come out of the woodwork. I could be wrong though.


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## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

I'm a property solicitor in Scotland and I know that here an executor can sign a deed of renunciation, I imagine that can also be done in England though the law is different.

I think the biggest challenge for you @MilleD will be inventorying everything before applying for probate, assuming you have to do an inventory like you do here. It's the bank accounts and pensions that can be the bugger if there are several. Also getting the IHT return right as you have mentioned.


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## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

Whoops cross posted - I see you have already investigated a deed of renunciation


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## Psygon (Apr 24, 2013)

MilleD said:


> So we have organised the funeral. Ordered the flowers yesterday. Going to pick up the will tomorrow. The executor doesn't want the job, so is handing everything over to us.
> 
> What I'm finding tricky is how the timeline for probate works.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear about your step dad 

You can find out the value of the estate yourself, and depending on that value you can use a service on GOV.UK to report the value and then go on to apply for probate. The information on GOV.UK should be able to guide you through estimating the value of the estate. Mostly it's a task of finding out about the value of property and assets. I *think* you have about a year to do this though

I know more about finding out the value of the estate than the probate aspect...


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## Shrike (Jun 25, 2015)

MilleD said:


> The PA1 form has options to explain why the executor doesn't/can't do the job. There are two, one has died, and other wants to fill in the deed of renunciation. She spoke to a solicitor who said they didn't need to be involved. The will is very straightforward. We've got loads of copies of the death certificate too in case the banks etc play up.
> 
> My sister currently isn't working so can spend time on doing things.
> 
> ...


I think tax is only payable if the total estate is worth over £325,000 - which is common down south, but less so up north. The tax is only payable on the amount over the threashold so if its £500k you pay tax on £175k. 
Part of probate is advertising the death - thats why there are death announcements in the papers, this is so anyone who thinks they may have a claim can notify the executor.
Having seen my sister go through it, I would say paying a professional is well worth it. If you do it yourself make sure you keep receipts for all expenditure - even postage will massively mount up sending out recorded deliveries.


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## Psygon (Apr 24, 2013)

Shrike said:


> I think tax is only payable if the total estate is worth over £325,000 - which is common down south, but less so up north. The tax is only payable on the amount over the threashold so if its £500k you pay tax on £175k.
> Part of probate is advertising the death - thats why there are death announcements in the papers, this is so anyone who thinks they may have a claim can notify the executor.
> Having seen my sister go through it, I would say paying a professional is well worth it. If you do it yourself make sure you keep receipts for all expenditure - even postage will massively mount up sending out recorded deliveries.


Tax is only payable if the total estate is worth more than £325,000 - but there are things that increase that threshold (called transferring tax-free thresholds - which apply if there was a threshold that wasn't fully used when the first person in a marriage passes away).


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Psygon said:


> Sorry to hear about your step dad
> 
> You can find out the value of the estate yourself, and depending on that value you can use a service on GOV.UK to report the value and then go on to apply for probate. The information on GOV.UK should be able to guide you through estimating the value of the estate. Mostly it's a task of finding out about the value of property and assets. I *think* you have about a year to do this though
> 
> I know more about finding out the value of the estate than the probate aspect...


Thank you, I think you get 6 months to pay any IHT.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Psygon said:


> Tax is only payable if the total estate is worth more than £325,000 - but there are things that increase that threshold (called transferring tax-free thresholds - which apply if there was a threshold that wasn't fully used when the first person in a marriage passes away).


I've seen that on the net, but it was a little complicated to say the least!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Shrike said:


> I think tax is only payable if the total estate is worth over £325,000 - which is common down south, but less so up north. The tax is only payable on the amount over the threashold so if its £500k you pay tax on £175k.
> Part of probate is advertising the death - thats why there are death announcements in the papers, this is so anyone who thinks they may have a claim can notify the executor.
> Having seen my sister go through it, I would say paying a professional is well worth it. If you do it yourself make sure you keep receipts for all expenditure - even postage will massively mount up sending out recorded deliveries.


I think including possessions it may just be on the cusp.

The advert in the Gazette is interesting. It's not mandatory, but you open yourself up to a future claim if you don't do it.

We'll look into paying someone if it gets too much.


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## Psygon (Apr 24, 2013)

MilleD said:


> I've seen that on the net, but it was a little complicated to say the least!


yes, most of anything to do with inheritence tax is confusing. And yes, you're right about needing to pay any tax in 6 months - although you do have a longer deadline to complete the forms... which always seemed a bit odd to me!


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## Shrike (Jun 25, 2015)

MilleD said:


> I think including possessions it may just be on the cusp.
> 
> The advert in the Gazette is interesting. It's not mandatory, but you open yourself up to a future claim if you don't do it.
> 
> We'll look into paying someone if it gets too much.


Our mum's estate wasn't much below the threashold, but as you only pay tax on the bit that exceeds it, it wont be much eg if the estate is 345k then its 40% of 20k which is 8k. (or whatever the current tax rate is).
I know my sister felt at the end that the professional fees would've been such a relatively small slice out of the estate that she wished she'd not done it. She only got a fifth share of the final amount, maybe if it was going to be half or a third she may've felt more inclined to do it again (though I doubt it).


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

He was married wasn't he? Can he use any of the unused part of his wife's inheritance tax allowance?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Siskin said:


> He was married wasn't he? Can he use any of the unused part of his wife's inheritance tax allowance?


If we reach the threshold, which at the moment it looks like we will be just under (which probably will look dodgy in itself), I guess my mom's estate would be around 50% of what we are now valuing. So I guess we could. I'd need to look into it.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Siskin said:


> He was married wasn't he? Can he use any of the unused part of his wife's inheritance tax allowance?


I've looked into this, and yes, he would be able to use all of my Mom's allowance as everything she had, she passed to him so it would have been exempt.

Pretty sure we don't have to worry about IHT


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

This thread has slipped 2 pages and was hard to find. I hope you got more things sorted out last week as now you're faced with the bank holiday when everything grinds to a halt for longer than it should.
Good luck, keep us up to date.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> This thread has slipped 2 pages and was hard to find. I hope you got more things sorted out last week as now you're faced with the bank holiday when everything grinds to a halt for longer than it should.
> Good luck, keep us up to date.


Thanks for thinking of me.

We are slowly getting there. The funeral, flowers and wake are all sorted. I've cancelled/ altered some utility and insurance stuff. Picked up the original will from the solicitor.

Haven't really even started to think about clearing the house. Just done some gardening and trying to keep the birds and fish fed as he would have, and the cat that visits him.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

MilleD said:


> Thanks for thinking of me.
> 
> We are slowly getting there. The funeral, flowers and wake are all sorted. I've cancelled/ altered some utility and insurance stuff. Picked up the original will from the solicitor.
> 
> Haven't really even started to think about clearing the house. Just done some gardening and trying to keep the birds and fish fed as he would have, and the cat that visits him.


Here he is


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## Shrike (Jun 25, 2015)

Handsome chap! Is he owned do you know?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Shrike said:


> Handsome chap! Is he owned do you know?


Well my mom took him in ages ago, but he never really settled in the house, so lived in their garden. He had a bed in the greenhouse.

But when my mom died we went up to stay for a bit, but my sister bought her dog and the cat really didn't like that.

Then in a bit of a mean streak, my step dad said he had stopped feeding him, but we are sure this isn't true as he turns up every morning and in the afternoons he's just laying about the garden.

We will need to sort him a home before we leave the place for good.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

We've also been taking my sister's dog to the beach...


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Spitting image of my Ginnie. I love black cats but when my friend from the States came to stay she was freeked out by this black cat in the house and was seriously convinced she was BAD luck. Poor Ginnie was shunted our of the house whenever my visitors returned from their excursions and fed in the porch. She wasn't impressed.
I wonder how you're going to be able to find out if your little man has an owner, maybe someone on here will have some ideas.
How long are you going to be up there?


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

You could try leafleting the road with a photo of the cat, explaining the situation and saying you want to check he has an owner and won't be left in the lurch now your step dad has gone. Or ask the local vet.

I knew a lady who fed a 'stray' cat - until she had a leaflet with a photo of the 'stray' pushed through her door, requesting that if he turned up in her garden, he didn't get fed as he was on a strict diet for health reasons. They found out after that at least 6 people in the village had been feeding the 'stray' (who always ate a good breakfast before leaving home in the morning!)


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Spitting image of my Ginnie. I love black cats but when my friend from the States came to stay she was freeked out by this black cat in the house and was seriously convinced she was BAD luck. Poor Ginnie was shunted our of the house whenever my visitors returned from their excursions and fed in the porch. She wasn't impressed.
> I wonder how you're going to be able to find out if your little man has an owner, maybe someone on here will have some ideas.
> How long are you going to be up there?


He did have an owner - my Mom. but since she died he has been a little ousted.

He looks health enough, I gave him a Broadline spot on the other day to get rid of an parasites he may have.

We definitely need to sort something for him. Whilst it's warm and pleasant now, the winters can be bitter.

I'm unsure how long I/we will be here. I need to go back down south after the funeral (wednesday) because of my job, but my sister is going to stay up here for a while as she is currently not working. I will have to shuttle back and forth for the things we can't do remotely.

There is a lot to do and my sister doesn't seem to want to get rid of anything, which I can understand for any sentimental or valuable, but gone to seed potatoes??

We've only fallen out once is lucky as we can fight like cat and dog....


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

CuddleMonster said:


> You could try leafleting the road with a photo of the cat, explaining the situation and saying you want to check he has an owner and won't be left in the lurch now your step dad has gone. Or ask the local vet.
> 
> I knew a lady who fed a 'stray' cat - until she had a leaflet with a photo of the 'stray' pushed through her door, requesting that if he turned up in her garden, he didn't get fed as he was on a strict diet for health reasons. They found out after that at least 6 people in the village had been feeding the 'stray' (who always ate a good breakfast before leaving home in the morning!)


See above, he was my Mom's but got evicted after her death and has been being fed in the garden. Of course we can't expect anyone else to do that though.

I'm bringing him round too. When we first got here, he ran off on sight, now I can pick him up for short periods.

Call me the cat whisperer.

I'm desperately missing my own 4 though


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

Ah sorry, I didn't realise he was your family's cat. He is a very handsome chap and looks very friendly in the photo, so hopefully it shouldn't be too hard to find him a home. Is there a local rehoming charity near you? Or maybe the vet again?

Or of course...they do say 5 are really no more trouble than 4!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

CuddleMonster said:


> Ah sorry, I didn't realise he was your family's cat. He is a very handsome chap and looks very friendly in the photo, so hopefully it shouldn't be too hard to find him a home. Is there a local rehoming charity near you? Or maybe the vet again?
> 
> Or of course...they do say 5 are really no more trouble than 4!


Oh my god, no. Whilst I won't see him out on his ear, I can't even envisage moving my 4 cats to the new house AND introducing another one.

I think I'd end up with a nervous breakdown. Everything is stressful enough!


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

ExD said:


> Spitting image of my Ginnie. I love black cats but when my friend from the States came to stay she was freeked out by this black cat in the house and was seriously convinced she was BAD luck. Poor Ginnie was shunted our of the house whenever my visitors returned from their excursions and fed in the porch. She wasn't impressed.


If they had been guests of mine, they'd have been the ones being fed in the porch!


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

You are quite right Jesthar - stupid British good manners drummed into me by my Mum. Ginnie didn't hold a grudge, bless her. 
My friend's daughter age 29, who was with her, actually did turn white (well a funny shade of it) and she didn't use the room I'd prepared for her, preferring to sleep in a double bed with her mother in case the cat 'got in'.
Less for me to wash anyway.
I hope you get your kitty homed Millie, I agree it would cause problems if you took him home with you, but not insurmountable ones.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@ExD
That is surprising there are still people with those type of beliefs around. I have never known anyone with that extreme a superstition.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @ExD
> That is surprising there are still people with those type of beliefs around. I have never known anyone with that extreme a superstition.


Lol, some people in the US are amazingly supersisious, they took me to what they called a 'haunted' house and both swore their skin crawled and their hearts were beating fast as they sensed the 'aura' .......... I had an awful job not to laugh as it was just an old(ish) house around 1920s .
But it wonn't solve the problem of Millies lovely handsome black cat.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@ExD 
Well I will be in the category of those who believe in a spiritual or energy beyond what we can physically touch. I don't know about auras and don't really like to use the word ghost but I believe all living things are energy and some may be left in a place and it may not always be good energy.

As for what I call superstitions, such as black cats, walking under ladders, thirteenth floors etc that I personally find odd. Maybe in a light way the under ladder walking may be harmless but if one is really scared, as your friends were of your cat that is different. But I suppose as you said, others will find my views odd as well


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Summercat said:


> @ExD
> Well I will be in the category of those who believe in a spiritual or energy beyond what we can physically touch. I don't know about auras and don't really like to use the word ghost but I believe all living things are energy and some may be left in a place and it may not always be good energy.
> 
> As for what I call superstitions, such as black cats, walking under ladders, thirteenth floors etc that I personally find odd. Maybe in a light way the under ladder walking may be harmless but if one is really scared, as your friends were of your cat that is different. But I suppose as you said, others will find my views odd as well


I'm with you Summercat - used to think it all rubbish until I saw one myself - I think perhaps an imprint of energy in time (like a photo) when something really really good or really really bad happened and the energy was threefold??


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @ExD
> Well I will be in the category of those who believe in a spiritual or energy beyond what we can physically touch. I don't know about auras and don't really like to use the word ghost but I believe all living things are energy and some may be left in a place and it may not always be good energy.
> 
> As for what I call superstitions, such as black cats, *walking under ladders*, thirteenth floors etc that I personally find odd. Maybe in a light way the under ladder walking may be harmless but if one is really scared, as your friends were of your cat that is different. But I suppose as you said, others will find my views odd as well


It's actually very sensible to avoid this - what if someone drops something on your head when you walk underneath?!!


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@huckybuck 
Yes, I have heard that. The result of strong emotion maybe. I know I have been places such as an old prison where I felt something bad and did not want to go into a certain area, so passed it by. The rest of the building I walked though fine.

I have felt strong negativity as an imprint of place as well as positive in others. Most places I don't get a strong feel for one way or the other and don't think about it but when a bad places hits it is hard to ignore.

I saw a program once where they talked about people seeing images like snap shots of moments in time near a battlefield location. I have never seen anything but have gotten strong signals from places.

If you don't mind my asking, where did you see the image?

@CuddleMonster 
Well I wasn't thinking of a ladder with someone on it. Just a random sitting one but yes, as adults most of the time the ladder wouldn't be large enough to duck around anyway if one was in a position to. :Cat

I was just trying to think of things I have heard as bad luck, such as Friday the 13th, 13th floor, spilling salt etc.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Summercat said:


> @huckybuck
> 
> If you don't mind my asking, where did you see the image?.


In our old house which incidentally wasn't old - it was one of 10 built on the plot and garden of a large old Victorian possibly older house.

It was during the night and I woke up facing the window thinking someone was in the bedroom. I saw a young chap dressed in what I now think were cricket whites with either a white cap or blond hair. Basically a white top and trousers. I thought he was a burglar at first. He walked across the window towards my bedside table and looked at the table (me thinking he was looking for jewellery)

Don't know why but I closed my eyes to pretend I was asleep.

Within a few seconds Mr HB jumped bolt right up in bed and stared at the window. I said what is it - what's the matter? And he said there was a man in the room. I asked him to tell me what he was wearing and he said white,with a white cap.

I said I saw him as well so he jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to check the doors and windows. There was no sign of anyone having broken in and everything was locked as we had left it. Nothing had been taken.

Still not 100 percent sure what was going on but both came to the conclusion we had seen the same person and really they couldn't be a burglar cause would a burglar wear all white???

Both of us were/are total "ghost" sceptics but we both def saw something.....


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@huckybuck 
Thanks for sharing your story, I do believe things like that happen. Good you have another witness!

Not that this is your case, but I have also heard of final visits, where someone sees a person say outside a house or coming up a road and then later they learn that person passed away right about the time they saw them.


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## Clairabella (Nov 8, 2017)

Sorry to hijack the thread xx 

HB your story of the man made my hairs on my arms to stand up but I love it! I’m with you and Summercat  xx


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

We only got onto ghosts and superstitions because I thought Millie might have problems re-homing a black cat. Sorry. Any news on the cat ownership front? A friend suggested you buy a cheap cat coller and write 'do you own this cat? Please phone -----------' on it in felt pen - the owner is sure to notice a coller and get in touch.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@ExD 
I think the black kitty used to belong to her mother and then her step father was more or less caring for him. Now I think her plan is to find him a new home.

(Apologies @MilleD if I got it wrong)


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> In our old house which incidentally wasn't old - it was one of 10 built on the plot and garden of a large old Victorian possibly older house.
> 
> It was during the night and I woke up facing the window thinking someone was in the bedroom. I saw a young chap dressed in what I now think were cricket whites with either a white cap or blond hair. Basically a white top and trousers. I thought he was a burglar at first. He walked across the window towards my bedside table and looked at the table (me thinking he was looking for jewellery)
> 
> ...


I also agree with the 'energy imprint' thing.

After one of the two boxers my Mom had died, I was in her kitchen and thought I saw the one who was still alive (Cassie) in there with me. I just glanced at her and greeted her, and walked back into the lounge. She was in there asleep in front of the fire. I can only assume I saw Sian who had just died. It still gives me shivers and this was about 20 years ago.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @ExD
> I think the black kitty used to belong to her mother and then her step father was more or less caring for him. Now I think her plan is to find him a new home.
> 
> (Apologies @MilleD if I got it wrong)


No, you are correct.

I came back down south last night. All 4 cats present and correct 

We had the funeral on Wednesday then an appointment at the bank in Middlesbrough yesterday.

The house is being valued today, my sister is staying up there with her dog, Freya. I think it will take a while to clear the house, so will be shuttling back and forth for a while.

Taddy the cat , in the meantime, is being fed up there. We removed a tick from him a couple of days ago. It wasn't very healthy as we have treated him with Broadline, but we will need to make sure he doesn't have any more before he goes indoors anyway. He's perfectly happy lazing about the garden at the moment 

I still need to actually move into my own house, as well as rent out the flat we have been decorated - not that I like to take too much stuff on 

Back to work today to see the shambles that has occurred in my absence


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## Clairabella (Nov 8, 2017)

MilleD said:


> No, you are correct.
> 
> I came back down south last night. All 4 cats present and correct
> 
> ...


Loving these ghost stories  we need a ghost stories thread lol.

You've got hell of a lot going on. The move etc will happen when you can fit it in and providing you haven't run urself into the ground before that times comes around :-( but with the commute and having to stay away to sort things out your dad's side then it probably just as good as being out of the house anyway. Just take care of yourself and good luck sorting everything. Xx


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
You have had a lot on your shoulders recently, hope your move and the final things you need to do regarding your stepfathers house go smoothly.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Clairabella said:


> Loving these ghost stories  we need a ghost stories thread lol.
> 
> You've got hell of a lot going on. The move etc will happen when you can fit it in and providing you haven't run urself into the ground before that times comes around :-( but with the commute and having to stay away to sort things out your dad's side then it probably just as good as being out of the house anyway. Just take care of yourself and good luck sorting everything. Xx


Thank you x


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @MilleD
> You have had a lot on your shoulders recently, hope your move and the final things you need to do regarding your stepfathers house go smoothly.


I know right? Turns out I'm a pretty tough cookie.

Unless I'm just holding it together for now :Nailbiting


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Finally got round to doing photos etc to rent out the flat we bought. Was thinking of selling it but that isn't going to happen any time soon, so as it's costing money in council tax and service charge thought I would list it.

Any takers?  https://www.openrent.co.uk/property-to-rent/stone/2-bed-penthouse-kenilworth-court-st15/265385

It took all I had not to write [email protected] in the advert


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Looks nice. Hope you find a renter soon.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Ooh it looks lovely!! Hopefully it won’t take long to find someone!


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> Finally got round to doing photos etc to rent out the flat we bought. Was thinking of selling it but that isn't going to happen any time soon, so as it's costing money in council tax and service charge thought I would list it.
> 
> Any takers?  https://www.openrent.co.uk/property-to-rent/stone/2-bed-penthouse-kenilworth-court-st15/265385
> 
> It took all I had not to write [email protected] in the advert


I would definitely like to pay under £600 for a two bedroom apartment  It looks lovely! I hate london (its prices) You can just about get a room in a flat sharing with grimy flat mates for that amount!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> I would definitely like to pay under £600 for a two bedroom apartment  It looks lovely! I hate london (its prices) You can just about get a room in a flat sharing with grimy flat mates for that amount!


You should move :Joyful


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Have you let your flat yet? Surely it was snapped up!
And have you settled in to your new/old accommodation?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Have you let your flat yet? Surely it was snapped up!
> And have you settled in to your new/old accommodation?


Well, it's not gone quite so well as I thought it would. We haven't let the flat, had quite a lot of interest, but nothing final yet, waiting to hear from someone who viewed it yesterday. Apparently the rental market around these parts is a little quiet at the moment

But I haven't actually quite moved yet. A lot of my stuff is there now (pulled my back moving a box which didn't help), but still need to move big furniture items.

My problem is we still are sorting out my step dad's stuff and all the paperwork etc that goes with that, and I still haven't moved the cats as I can't yet get the time off work I need to settle them in. I'm going to get a quote from Protectapet for cat proofing the garden, just need to measure the perimeter.

I go over there every day, so it's not sitting looking like it's unused, I just need to sort some stuff. I still need a lot of furniture and appliances which I could probably make use of some of my step dad's things, but I don't think I can take them until we get probate.

Relations are a little fraught, he's basically using the flat as a crash pad. Having to clear up goodness knows what when we get a viewing.

He lost his keys yesterday (he's got 2 sets, says he hasn't given one to the skank, but I think he's lying) and phoned me up at work saying I'd taken them. I hadn't, but I did have a set on me. So he sent round HIS WHOLE FAMILY, just about, to outside my work to get them from me.

So I said to them all, really loudly "It's a shame he has to hide the fact he's using it as a [email protected] every f'ing time we get a viewing. Then turned round and walked off.

I felt quite pleased with myself. But yeah, relations are definitely cooling. I've been finding more stuff out that he's lied about and with every one I find out, I get a step closer to telling him I want my money out of the properties and a proper clean break.

I joined Slimming World today so I can start feeling good about myself again, and set the ball rolling with a pain management woman called Nicky Snazell to see if I can get my neck/jaw problems sorted.

So, thanks for asking @ExD - I am working on it


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> I've been finding more stuff out that he's lied about and with every one I find out, I get a step closer to telling him I want my money out of the properties and a proper clean break


Sounds like a plan to me! Get out, get settled - then get your money back


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Jesthar said:


> Sounds like a plan to me! Get out, get settled - then get your money back


It is definitely starting to sound very appealing 

I just need more hours in the day... My house is full of boxes now, apart from clothes as I've hung up what I've taken over there in the fitted wardrobes. I also found shoes I'd forgotten I owned - winner!!!


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

MilleD said:


> Well, it's not gone quite so well as I thought it would. We haven't let the flat, had quite a lot of interest, but nothing final yet, waiting to hear from someone who viewed it yesterday. Apparently the rental market around these parts is a little quiet at the moment
> 
> But I haven't actually quite moved yet. A lot of my stuff is there now (pulled my back moving a box which didn't help), but still need to move big furniture items.
> 
> ...


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

I'm confused - so many flats about.
Which one is he using as a crash pad, and whicch one as a sh**ging one?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> I'm confused - so many flats about.
> Which one is he using as a crash pad, and whicch one as a sh**ging one?


 The one we are attempting to let out is the one he is using as the [email protected]

My sister even suggested not letting him do viewings on his own as he might not want to let it go yet.


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> The one we are attempting to let out is the one he is using as the [email protected]
> 
> My sister even suggested not letting him do viewings on his own as he might not want to let it go yet.


Sounds sensible to me, might be an idea for you to do all viewings if possible


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I have to admit to feeling quite low this week.

It was my birthday on Monday and firstly went to my own house and lay on a sofa that the tenant left in the conservatory then went back to my 'old' house once my ex had gone out.

Ate a slimming world ready meal then cheated on my diet and had some wine. On my own. Feeling really sorry for myself. Probably the second worst birthday I've had after my 21st - my Dad had died just a month before.

But I think I've dragged myself out again. Contacted a cat proofing company to see if they work in my area, and on we go.

My step dad's estate admin isn't getting much easier. If any of your loved ones have account with Barclays, move them. Their 'Bereavement Services' section is absolutely bloody useless.


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## ChaosCat (Dec 7, 2017)

What a rotten time you were having.
Good you pulled yourself out of the dump. Your next birthday will be a happy one!


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

MilleD said:


> I have to admit to feeling quite low this week.
> 
> It was my birthday on Monday and firstly went to my own house and lay on a sofa that the tenant left in the conservatory then went back to my 'old' house once my ex had gone out.
> 
> ...


I agree about Barclahs awful service. About two years before my dad died I took in the Power of Attourney so I could manage his account and they promptly lost it. After dad died they were incredibly difficult over allowing me to access any money until probate had been obtained, I couldn't get probate granted because the tax needed to be paid, I didn't have enough money, but it was sat there in dads Barclays account. I showed them the paying in slip sent by the tax office for payment and even that wasn't acceptable. Thankfully dad also a Chelt and Glos account who was more then happy to hand over the money to pay the tax bill. So as @MilleD says, don't have a Barclays account.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Siskin said:


> I agree about Barclahs awful service. About two years before my dad died I took in the Power of Attourney so I could manage his account and they promptly lost it. After dad died they were incredibly difficult over allowing me to access any money until probate had been obtained, I couldn't get probate granted because the tax needed to be paid, I didn't have enough money, but it was sat there in dads Barclays account. I showed them the paying in slip sent by the tax office for payment and even that wasn't acceptable. Thankfully dad also a Chelt and Glos account who was more then happy to hand over the money to pay the tax bill. So as @MilleD says, don't have a Barclays account.


I can't even just get the balances at date of death off them. Some joker said today that the letter had been delayed by the bank holiday. I pointed out that the letter was sent out, supposedly, last Wednesday and that there hadn't been a bank holiday between then and now but got nowhere.

Even the moron I saw at the Middlesbrough branch when giving copies of death certs and the will etc I had to do his job for him. Absolute shambles of an outfit.

We also need access to funds to repay overpaid pension payments and their 'brochure' says it's something they will release. We'll see how easy that is next.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

I had the same shambles from Barclays when my mum died. Yes, if you have power of A for a loved one, use that power to move to another bank asap (not tsb obviously) even the post office is better.
Good work with the cat proofing company - hope someone will do it for you cheaply and efficiently. A local jobbing builder might give you a useful quote. Try Mr Google.
Hope the cats are coping ok and giving your some love and affection.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> I had the same shambles from Barclays when my mum died. Yes, if you have power of A for a loved one, use that power to move to another bank asap (not tsb obviously) even the post office is better.
> Good work with the cat proofing company - hope someone will do it for you cheaply and efficiently. A local jobbing builder might give you a useful quote. Try Mr Google.
> Hope the cats are coping ok and giving your some love and affection.


I reckon First Direct would be easier to deal with than Barclays and they are an online only bank!

I've had a response from the purrfectfence people, they want me to measure the garden and draw a rough sketch and they will quote me.

I've also put a request for recommendations for someone who could do it for me on my bulletin board at work - not a specialist cat proofing company. Just need someone who has done it before really as I'm likely to leave the cats with free access to the garden in the day whilst I'm at work.

Yes, the cats are fine thank you, I imagine they'll be less so when I move.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Hope you have smoother sailing soon.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Well, start of a new week, start of a new life maybe?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Well, start of a new week, start of a new life maybe?


I'm working on it. Ordered a bed and mattress yesterday, but need a fridge and a sofa to make the place actually liveable.

I was also no going to do any decorating on my house until I moved in, but got so sick of looking at magnolia on Friday that I decided to paint the bedroom, so I gone for Dulux's Dusted Fondant, which is a pretty girly colour that I wouldn't have chosen for a whole room if I was still living with my ex, and bought some pretty bedding shades of grey with flowers and butterflies on. I'm determined to make the place mine again


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## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

Indulge yourself with anything you fancy! You deserve it!!! xxx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Soozi said:


> Indulge yourself with anything you fancy! You deserve it!!! xxx


Thanks :Shamefullyembarrased


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

I'm currently living without a sofa.
I'm a small person, under 5ft because I've shrunk with age) and decided I was going to get a small armchair to fit ME and didn't leave my feet swinging inches from the floor. So I got me an all singing all dancing chair to fit and was intending to buy a sofa to match in a 'normal' size. But he who has 'nothing to do with the house' has decreed that he doesn't like the colour, doesn't like the design - and what was wrong with the last one anyway (I sold it on Ebay thats whats wrong).
So we're kind of in limbo with my spanking brand new chair and his ole tatty thing (if it aint broke don't fix it).
And here you are - free to indulge your fancies, well as far as your exchequer allows. 
Was that butterfly bedset from one of thse catalogues comes with the weekend newspapers? They have one and it looks lovely, but how nice to be able to please yourself at last. Lets hope you get the physical side of this finished before the god weather breaks, its not good moving in the rain.
Furnish your new home with everything you like and put your stamp on it. XX


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> I'm currently living without a sofa.
> I'm a small person, under 5ft because I've shrunk with age) and decided I was going to get a small armchair to fit ME and didn't leave my feet swinging inches from the floor. So I got me an all singing all dancing chair to fit and was intending to buy a sofa to match in a 'normal' size. But he who has 'nothing to do with the house' has decreed that he doesn't like the colour, doesn't like the design - and what was wrong with the last one anyway (I sold it on Ebay thats whats wrong).
> So we're kind of in limbo with my spanking brand new chair and his ole tatty thing (if it aint broke don't fix it).
> And here you are - free to indulge your fancies, well as far as your exchequer allows.
> ...


Well, you enjoy your chair and let him wallow in his ole tatty thing 

The bedset was actually from The Range, I may be spending money on a whim at the moment, but at least I'm doing it in a frugal way 

Besides, any bedding soon gets "essence de chat" so there's no point paying a lot for it 

The vast majority of my stuff is moved now (couldn't get a sofa at the mo if I tried as the lounge is full of boxes), there's still my desk and computer and some stuff out of the loft, then kitchen stuff and that's about it. Oh, and a chest of drawers - already emptied - to move.

I've seen a fridge freezer on my work bulletin board for £50 so will go and see if that is useable rather than have to buy a new one.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
Do you have similar to Craig's list in the UK? My dad in his retirement trolls local areas of Craig's list for free things he can fix and then resell. A lot is perfectly fine but going free as people just get new, move etc and cannot be bothered with selling so just offer for free.
If this 50£ fridge isn't any good you might be able to pick up a free one that way.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @MilleD
> Do you have similar to Craig's list in the UK? My dad in his retirement trolls local areas of Craig's list for free things he can fix and then resell. A lot is perfectly fine but going free as people just get new, move etc and cannot be bothered with selling so just offer for free.
> If this 50£ fridge isn't any good you might be able to pick up a free one that way.


There are things like Gumtree, Shpock and Vinted which are similar. Ebay obviously used to be, but that's less so now.

Facebooks marketplace can also be useful for local stuff, so yes I will take a look if this one doesn't pan out.

Edit to add - Is Craigslist all free stuff?


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
I don't think so, I have heard escorts use it.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Dunno about Craigslist but we have Freecycle too. I often get rid on paperbacks there when I think the local hospital is getting fed up of me dumping stuff on them. OH and I do a lot of reading.
Freecycle stuff has to be working and not broken, and are usually local - eg Freecycle Mytown, or Freecycle Yourtown and you arrange either for buyer to collect or you deliver yourself. I usually arrange to meet in the daytime in a public place like a supermarket carpark, as I'm not always sure I want people to know where I live.
I didn't really like my Ebay experience and think i'll try Preloved next time. 
My friend is lucky with the local auction saleroom, but anything I want to buy goes for zillions and anything I try to sell goes for peanuts.


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

It's a great idea to do a little bit of redecorating - there's nothing like it for making a place feel like your own, and fresh paint and a few new 'just for you' things will underline that you are making a fresh start.

If you don't mind second hand, it might be worth checking out your local hospice shop or similar. I've found a good-as-new fridge for £25 for my mum and a lovely 2-seater sofa (far nicer than anything I saw for sale new) for £35. There's usually at least one charity shop in each town that takes large furniture, and if you keep popping in, you can pick up some real bargains. (If you get to know the staff, sometimes they will even let you know if something on your 'wish list' arrives)


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

CuddleMonster said:


> It's a great idea to do a little bit of redecorating - there's nothing like it for making a place feel like your own, and fresh paint and a few new 'just for you' things will underline that you are making a fresh start.
> 
> If you don't mind second hand, it might be worth checking out your local hospice shop or similar. I've found a good-as-new fridge for £25 for my mum and a lovely 2-seater sofa (far nicer than anything I saw for sale new) for £35. There's usually at least one charity shop in each town that takes large furniture, and if you keep popping in, you can pick up some real bargains. (If you get to know the staff, sometimes they will even let you know if something on your 'wish list' arrives)


I don't mind second hand for certain things. Mainly things with hard surfaces if you know what I mean, but I'm a bit weird with second hand porous things like soft funishings etc.

There is a Katharine House Hospice shop in town that I think does big stuff. I will have to check it out.


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

MilleD said:


> I don't mind second hand for certain things. Mainly things with hard surfaces if you know what I mean, but I'm a bit weird with second hand porous things like soft funishings etc.
> 
> There is a Katharine House Hospice shop in town that I think does big stuff. I will have to check it out.


I know what you mean. I wouldn't normally buy upholstered items second hand, but this was immaculate, no sign of wear or staining and it smelled really clean too. Plus I know the shop staff and they make sure everything is cleaned really well before it goes on sale, so upholstery gets a steam clean.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Wouldn't fancy a bed.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I'm wondering if taking over one of the cats to my new place for a visit is a good idea? Or just take them all at once when it's time to go and stay.

I'm so nervous about moving them it's ridiculous. I'm most worried for Jasper who is a proper outdoor cat and who I can honestly say I've never used a litter tray :Nailbiting


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> I'm wondering if taking over one of the cats to my new place for a visit is a good idea? Or just take them all at once when it's time to go and stay.
> 
> I'm so nervous about moving them it's ridiculous. I'm most worried for Jasper who is a proper outdoor cat and who I can honestly say I've never used a litter tray :Nailbiting


I would just take them all at once when its time to go personally, I think it would be less confusing 
I would also be nervous about moving the cats if I had to - hugs to you and would love to see updates on how it goes. xxx


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

I too would move all together; they would have the group support and comfort.
Start zylkene a week before the move. You might also want to consider adding beaphar spot on the day of the move.
Good luck. Hope it all goes smoothly. Xx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

SbanR said:


> I too would move all together; they would have the group support and comfort.
> Start zylkene a week before the move. You might also want to consider adding beaphar spot on the day of the move.
> Good luck. Hope it all goes smoothly. Xx


Well I'm nothing if not prepared


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Well I'm nothing if not prepared
> View attachment 357603


 yes, I thought you might have it, from previous posts


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

SbanR said:


> yes, I thought you might have it, from previous posts


:Joyful


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## ChaosCat (Dec 7, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Well I'm nothing if not prepared
> View attachment 357603


Maybe try some yourself?


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## Jonescat (Feb 5, 2012)

Have you got the litter tray in your current house? Just to give him a chance to work out what it is for?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Jonescat said:


> Have you got the litter tray in your current house? Just to give him a chance to work out what it is for?


She's a she . They all have boys names, but two are girls 

I've had litter trays for ever here, I just can't recall a single time I've seen her use one, but she must have when I first got her as I kept her in. I've always had more than one cat, so it's difficult to tell whose doing what unless you separate them. Maybe it's another thing I'm worrying about unnecessarily.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ChaosCat said:


> Maybe try some yourself?


Ha ha, you're funny 

:Kiss


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Can you try to find some poo from Jasper - then you could put it in the tray inside the house - or even get some soil and add to the litter to begin with. 

The calming stuff should all help - it may be worth getting a PR diffuser for the rooms they will use the most and plug in a few days before you get take them..


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> Can you try to find some poo from Jasper - then you could put it in the tray inside the house - or even get some soil and add to the litter to begin with.
> 
> The calming stuff should all help - it may be worth getting a PR diffuser for the rooms they will use the most and plug in a few days before you get take them..


I'm not sure I know where she goes :Shamefullyembarrased

I have ordered some PR from Viovet a few days ago, so that should be in situ soon. Am I ok to leave those plugged in when I'm not there?


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

MilleD said:


> I'm not sure I know where she goes :Shamefullyembarrased
> 
> I have ordered some PR from Viovet a few days ago, so that should be in situ soon. Am I ok to leave those plugged in when I'm not there?


Yes I think so. I leave ours on 24/7 
They don't get anywhere near as warm as Feliway so I'm happy. They def help in humans too lol (one in the bedroom should send you off nicely)


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> Yes I think so. I leave ours on 24/7
> They don't get anywhere near as warm as Feliway so I'm happy. They def help in humans too lol (one in the bedroom should send you off nicely)


Ooh lovely 

Anyone know if i should start restricting access to outdoors now before i move them? I'm not sure if it will get them used to it, or just unsettle them. Although i think they are getting fairly unsettled with me taking things out of the house.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
I would probably leave things as is, as much as possible till the move, including their usual routine.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Yes you can leave the plug-ins all day and night.
Looking at that little lot of calming remedies you and your cats are going to be as laid back as Dillon from Magic Roundabout.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @MilleD
> I would probably leave things as is, as much as possible till the move, including their usual routine.


I think you are probably right.

I woke up at 3am the other morning and Teddi wasn't on the bed, which he usually is. I went looking for him and couldn't find him anywhere. So out with a torch to walk the streets.

Still no sign and panicking at this point, I come back in. Another look around the house. Nothing. Another look outside, nothing.

In the end I have no choice but to go back to bed. I wake again at 5.45am, look around the house again, nothing.

Back to bed and I get up at around 8.30am and go into the bathroom. THUD!! I walk into one of the other bedrooms and he is standing on top of a chest of drawers after having apparently jumped off the top of the wardrobe. Somewhere I didn't even know he could get!!

So the little git was in the house the whole time 

It does show a change in his behaviour though, maybe all the change is affecting him.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Yes you can leave the plug-ins all day and night.
> Looking at that little lot of calming remedies you and your cats are going to be as laid back as Dillon from Magic Roundabout.


Ha ha, a quote from him: "Chill out guys, I've got something stashed that just might help. "


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

So bedroom is nearly finished. Carpet fitted yesterday. Good old roll ends 

All painted (dont recommend spray painting radiators without a mask :Spitoutdummy).

Bargain curtain find up, just need to replace cream vertical slats with white ones and paint the curtain pole.










Edit to add - yes the curtains are a little crinkly, haven't yet moved my steam generator iron to the new house


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

MilleD said:


> So bedroom is nearly finished. Carpet fitted yesterday. Good old roll ends
> 
> All painted (dont recommend spray painting radiators without a mask :Spitoutdummy).
> 
> ...





MilleD said:


> So bedroom is nearly finished. Carpet fitted yesterday. Good old roll ends
> 
> All painted (dont recommend spray painting radiators without a mask :Spitoutdummy).
> 
> ...


Looks great. Like your colours


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

SbanR said:


> Looks great. Like your colours


Thanks


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## ewelsh (Jan 26, 2011)

Very nice room. Calming! X


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

It looks lovely. Just needs a little added cat hair and it will be a perfect room!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

CuddleMonster said:


> It looks lovely. Just needs a little added cat hair and it will be a perfect room!


Don't worry, it won't take them long to make it dusty and furry


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## ChaosCat (Dec 7, 2017)

You did a very good job indeed!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ChaosCat said:


> You did a very good job indeed!


I don't know if I gave the impression I fitted the carpet if that's what you mean. I didn't, I got a man round


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## ChaosCat (Dec 7, 2017)

MilleD said:


> I don't know if I gave the impression I fitted the carpet if that's what you mean. I didn't, I got a man round


Then you chose the right person for doing it- also great.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ChaosCat said:


> Then you chose the right person for doing it- also great.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Ok, opinions needed. I think i may have gone too far with the girlyness.

Too much?


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Nope looks nice, I can out girly you :Cat


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

You can never get too much girlyness - all it needs is a couple of cats.


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> Ok, opinions needed. I think i may have gone too far with the girlyness.
> 
> Too much?
> 
> View attachment 358176


I love flowers, and I am not particularly 'girly' at all - thats very pretty


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> Nope looks nice, I can out girly you :Cat


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> You can never get too much girlyness - all it needs is a couple of cats.


Won't be long now before they are along to mess the place up


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> I love flowers, and I am not particularly 'girly' at all - thats very pretty


Thanks


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## CuddleMonster (Mar 9, 2016)

It's your house; you make it as girly as you like!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

CuddleMonster said:


> It's your house; you make it as girly as you like!


Good point 

Lost 3lb on Slimming World this week too. It's all good


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Saw a lovely throwover bedspread in Dunelm today, really girly with pillow cases to match - but it was over £50 or I might have bought it even though I don't really _need _it. I do like pretty bed linen even though only me, himself and the cats see it! Daft isn't it?


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@ExD @MilleD 
I like pretty beding as well. . I have one light blue duvet cover and the rest, sheets, pillow cases and other duvet covers, are mostly pastels and mostly variations on stripes, flowers, and paisley. OH if it bothers him has not said.

Biggles dosen't mind either:


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

You cannot ever have too many flowers!! 

Seriously the carpet being grey can handle the flowers beautifully!! It's all looking lovely!!!

Well done for the weight loss too - that's great in a week.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Saw a lovely throwover bedspread in Dunelm today, really girly with pillow cases to match - but it was over £50 or I might have bought it even though I don't really _need _it. I do like pretty bed linen even though only me, himself and the cats see it! Daft isn't it?


It's not daft. It's nice to have lovely things around you.

I have a beautiful Kelly Hoppen bedspread in taupe (last bedroom was duck egg blue) which no longer matches so which I'll guess I will sell.

I never used it much in the old house either as it felt like it wasn't cat friendly.

The duvet set pictured cost £15 for the kingsize off Ebay. I don't mind then if it gets furry and snagged by the monsters


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @ExD @MilleD
> I like pretty beding as well. . I have one light blue duvet cover and the rest, sheets, pillow cases and other duvet covers, are mostly pastels and mostly variations on stripes, flowers, and paisley. OH if it bothers him has not said.
> 
> Biggles dosen't mind either:
> ...


See I always steered clear of that sort of thing in the past because there was a bloke involved!

And, yes, you do out girly me 

Biggles looks very comfy.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> You cannot ever have too many flowers!!
> 
> Seriously the carpet being grey can handle the flowers beautifully!! It's all looking lovely!!!
> 
> Well done for the weight loss too - that's great in a week.


Thanks HB. I'm properly on a mission now.

I also have a plan for moving, my bed won't be there by then but I'm going to put the sofa bed in the lounge and sleep downstairs for a while.

I'm going up to my step dad's house to help my sister for the weekend 6th - 9th of July then taking 2 weeks off work and moving the cats in on the 10th July.

I've got all the calming stuff ready, some Pet Remedy plugged in in the new house ready to go.

It's strange, I'm used to at least one of the cats being out when I get up, but they seem to have become real home bodies. Even Jasper is sleeping on a bed in my office on the window sill (cil?)

I'll miss this window, the sill is about 18" deep and the cats love sitting in it and watching the world go by...


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Its only a windowsill and the cats will soon find another viewpoint with a new view to watch. You're getting there, go for it!


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I think that quilt cover is Lovely. Goes very well x


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

Your room looks lovely, that's one benefit of not having someone else to consider, you can be girly or anything else you want without having to explain. Well done on the weight loss too


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Yes, well done with the weight loss, keep up the good work. I found that the minute I stopped weighing ingredients the weight started creeping back on.
We haven't heard from you for a while so assumed you were busy moving - or maybe you're having trouble selling your stepdad's house?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Yes, well done with the weight loss, keep up the good work. I found that the minute I stopped weighing ingredients the weight started creeping back on.
> We haven't heard from you for a while so assumed you were busy moving - or maybe you're having trouble selling your stepdad's house?


We haven't even got the probate stuff sorted yet, so we can't sell the house yet.

But I have been up there this weekend. Just come back to Staffordshire and feel like going back, the weather was lovely and cool and drizzly up there.

I'm supposed to be moving the cats this week, but I don't know if I can do it in this heat. I feel like everything is conspiring against me to keep me in my ex's house.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Drizzely???? Where IS your stepdad's house? Here in the Kendal area we're threatened with a hosepipe ban and haven't seen rain in over a month! Its sweltering.
Yes everything does seem to be conspiring against you - but think in the long term, where will you be this time next year? A good place I'm sure, so what does another couple of weeks waiting matter?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Drizzely???? Where IS your stepdad's house? Here in the Kendal area we're threatened with a hosepipe ban and haven't seen rain in over a month! Its sweltering.
> Yes everything does seem to be conspiring against you - but think in the long term, where will you be this time next year? A good place I'm sure, so what does another couple of weeks waiting matter?


It's very close to the coast between Whitby and Redcar.

You very often get sea frets that come in and make it seem like it's raining, but that's more misty than what we had this morning. It was definitely drizzly!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

So it's not going well. I've moved Teddi and Ralph into my house as it was slightly cooler today, but Teddi is acting like hee is about to have a heart attack, panting with his mouth open. 

I've put them in a room upstairs, sacrificed my only fan to them. But when i you and sit in there Teddi just acts like hee wants to get out, so I've come downstairs. 

What's best? Just leave them to calm down on their own or be involved? It's very quiet up there at the moment.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Just seeing your message. I don't know but hope they relaxed and you were all able to get some rest.


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> So it's not going well. I've moved Teddi and Ralph into my house as it was slightly cooler today, but Teddi is acting like hee is about to have a heart attack, panting with his mouth open.
> 
> I've put them in a room upstairs, sacrificed my only fan to them. But when i you and sit in there Teddi just acts like hee wants to get out, so I've come downstairs.
> 
> What's best? Just leave them to calm down on their own or be involved? It's very quiet up there at the moment.


Shame that must be feeling tough. I think I would both leave them to calm down and get used to a knew environment and get involved. Like give them the calming remedies and lots of reassurance. They should settle soon. Hope it won't take too long. You are all going through big changes and that's hard xx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Well the night has been an absolute nightmare. Teddi wouldn't stay in the room I'd prepared so i let them out. So he spent hours crying at the lounge window. I Had about an hours sleep and when i woke up i couldn't find either of them, panicked, then found they'd both squeezed under the kitchen units. Teddi won't eat. I've never felt so low.


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> Well the night has been an absolute nightmare. Teddi wouldn't stay in the room I'd prepared so i let them out. So he spent hours crying at the lounge window. I Had about an hours sleep and when i woke up i couldn't find either of them, panicked, then found they'd both squeezed under the kitchen units. Teddi won't eat. I've never felt so low.


 They will definitely get used to it it just needs time. I dont know if thats comforting or not. But it will just take time I imagine so be patient 
Hugs to all of you, sounds very hard and I would be feeling the same  I hope you all settle soon. Sounds like you need to do something to cheer yourself up!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> They will definitely get used to it it just needs time. I dont know if thats comforting or not. But it will just take time I imagine so be patient
> Hugs to all of you, sounds very hard and I would be feeling the same  I hope you all settle soon. Sounds like you need to do something to cheer yourself up!


I haven't even got any tv, so can't watch the footie later


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> I haven't even got any tv, so can't watch the footie later


Can you get yourself a tv today? I think you deserve it


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

Sorry you've had a bad night. I think, like @Whompingwillow says you just have to give them time to adjust so you might have a rocky few days to start. Are they happy with a fan in the room? My two hate it. Today, I would just go about your business in the house and, hopefully, when the cats see you being calm and as normal as possible, they will gradually come round. If you're letting them have the run of the house, just be very careful if you have to open front doors etc. Perhaps put them in the one room some of the time or make sure to shut the door to the room they are hiding in to lessen the risk. Teddi will be OK if he doesn't eat today as long as there's water available. Have you got a computer/laptop you can watch the footie on may be?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Charity said:


> Sorry you've had a bad night. I think, like @Whompingwillow says you just have to give them time to adjust so you might have a rocky few days to start. Are they happy with a fan in the room? My two hate it. Today, I would just go about your business in the house and, hopefully, when the cats see you being calm and as normal as possible, they will gradually come round. If you're letting them have the run of the house, just be very careful if you have to open front doors etc. Perhaps put them in the one room some of the time or make sure to shut the door to the room they are hiding in to lessen the risk. Teddi will be OK if he doesn't eat today as long as there's water available. Have you got a computer/laptop you can watch the footie on may be?


Got no broadband. Got a telly, but no means of getting programmes.

Teddi is squeezed back under the kitchen unit. I can't get him to come out. I'll block it when i do.

I put the fan in the room because he was panting really fast. I've had one in the bedroom before now and they've been on the bed ok .


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> Got no broadband. Got a telly, but no means of getting programmes.
> 
> Teddi is squeezed back under the kitchen unit. I can't get him to come out. I'll block it when i do.
> 
> I put the fan in the room because he was panting really fast. I've had one in the bedroom before now and they've been on the bed ok .


ah thats a shame. Is it on in a pub? (I wouldnt blame you for not wanting to do that, I cant think of anything worse right now!) or maybe you could watch something else instead, like a dvd? A nice distraction sounds like a good idea. Hope teddy comes out soon. I am assuming even treats wont get him out right now? Poor sod he is really showing you he isnt happy huh? He will come round!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> ah thats a shame. Is it on in a pub? (I wouldnt blame you for not wanting to do that, I cant think of anything worse right now!) or maybe you could watch something else instead, like a dvd? A nice distraction sounds like a good idea. Hope teddy comes out soon. I am assuming even treats wont get him out right now? Poor sod he is really showing you he isnt happy huh? He will come round!


Not even lick e lix worked.


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> Not even lick e lix worked.


Staffin would likely be the same if I had to move. She is such a sensitive soul and likes the comfort of what she knows. I bet they will be back to normal next weekhopefully earlier


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

hope things improve soon . It takes time .


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> Staffin would likely be the same if I had to move. She is such a sensitive soul and likes the comfort of what she knows. I bet they will be back to normal next weekhopefully earlier


I've still got to move the other 2 yet...


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

kimthecat said:


> hope things improve soon . It takes time .


Thanks


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> I've still got to move the other 2 yet...


Uh oh. Hopefully soon all will be back to normal so that you can settle with the change too xz


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Teddi is still panting. Should i be worried or is it just a bit of stress?


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> Teddi is still panting. Should i be worried or is it just a bit of stress?


I would assume it's stress since its exactly when you moved? Poor boy


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Phone your vet's surgery and ASK - they will be only too happy to advise.
Could they be missing the other two cats? Why did you move them two at a time? If its any consolation my two are hardly eating anything at the moment, and drinking surprisingly little water too (unless they've found a supply outside). And they both hate the fan, in fact they're positivly paranoid about it.
Someone told me to put a bottle of frozen water in front of my fan to ack like a poor man's air conditioning. I can't say I was very impressed but you might want to try it.
I envy your fog/drizzle!!  I think it have forgotten to hop west over the Pennines, just give it a nudge for us....


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

I would not wait too long to move the other two, they could be partially pining for them but also if a long separation, they may not recognize each other when they are reunited.
Do they have things with familiar scents at your new place, beds, scratching posts etc to give a familiar smell to the new place?


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## Clairabella (Nov 8, 2017)

It sounds as if it could be stress of the move but I’m sure your vet won’t mind you ringing and asking. I hope all settles soon for you and the fur babies. As if this moving isn’t stressful enough for you without the added worry of the cats being upset :-( hope things get better very soon for you all x


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

Just logged in. I also agree that the separation could be adding to their anxiety. Could you bring the other two over soon? 

Could you watch the match at a friend/relative's place? It would be so much nicer in company


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I don't know if they might be missing them. I didn't think they would, but not sure. 

I moved them two at a time as i thought it would be easier. And one of the other two has been sick recently so thought it best to wait.

That probably wasn't the best idea.

Yes, there's loads of their stuff here.

I'm dreading moving the other two now.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

SbanR said:


> Just logged in. I also agree that the separation could be adding to their anxiety. Could you bring the other two over soon?
> 
> Could you watch the match at a friend/relative's place? It would be so much nicer in company


At this rate, I'll be listening to it on my car radio!

I'll probably move the other two either tonight or tomorrow. My ex hasn't helped at all which I'm a bit disappointed but not surprised about.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Good you have a lot of their things. I would move the other two as you are planning, best to get it over with. If they are hiding in a room where their items are not, I would place a t shirt or blanket with your and their scent nearby.


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> I don't know if they might be missing them. I didn't think they would, but not sure.
> 
> I moved them two at a time as i thought it would be easier. And one of the other two has been sick recently so thought it best to wait.
> 
> ...


Take them over tonight. I and many, many friends have been away for two nights at a time for shows, and the cat(s) we take and the cat(s) we leave behind have no issues from a short separation like that. 

There's also a new calming product out by Lintbells called YuCalm. I wouldn't normally have any reason to know, but one of my work colleagues was in the clinical trials with her cat (who is pretty much semi-feral under normal circumstances), and it was so effective she managed to beg some further supplies before the launch. It turns her from borderline unapproachable to initiating contact. Might be worth a try


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> Good you have a lot of their things. I would move the other two as you are planning, best to get it over with. If they are hiding in a room where their items are not, I would place a t shirt or blanket with your and their scent nearby.


He's hiding in a wardrobe at the moment. I need to sort stuff to tidy the place up but i can't find the motivation. Think i might be a little down.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Thank you mentioning YuCalm @Jesthar 

It may be of interest for folks to know the active ingredients are Lemon Balm (which acts to calm and soothe), and the amino acid L-theanine (which is used for treating anxiety).

Also worth noting that it contains fish protein hydrolysate. A protein that has been hydrolised is usually well tolerated by a cat who has an allergy or intolerance to that specific protein.(i.e. fish in this case)


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Yucalm sounds interesting, might be good for humans as well. 
I bought a balm (for humans) today from an organic shop, a UK brand called Scentered. The balm has rosemary, mint and clary sage. They have a whole range of scented balms and candles for different purposes, calming, stress reducing and such.
You don't want to forget about yourself with all that has been going on in your life recently. A scented balm, candle, cool bath etc may be something you can do for yourself.
Hope tomorrow is better.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> Yucalm sounds interesting, might be good for humans as well.
> I bought a balm (for humans) today from an organic shop, a UK brand called Scentered. The balm has rosemary, mint and clary sage. They have a whole range of scented balms and candles for different purposes, calming, stress reducing and such.
> You don't want to forget about yourself with all that has been going on in your life recently. A scented balm, candle, cool bath etc may be something you can do for yourself.
> Hope tomorrow is better.


Thanks.

Teddi has eaten for the first time and is now snoozing on the stairs. I think I'll get the other two tomorrow, just have another night for teddi to calm down.


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## ChaosCat (Dec 7, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Teddi has eaten for the first time and is now snoozing on the stairs. I think I'll get the other two tomorrow, just have another night for teddi to calm down.


That is an improvement at least. Glad he decided to come out of hiding.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ChaosCat said:


> That is an improvement at least. Glad he decided to come out of hiding.


He seems a little better. He's probably knackered.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

And I've managed to tether my ipad to my mobile so it acts as a mobile hotspot to watch the football. Had to buy more data but it cost less than the beer i bought in the pub last time they played


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

He is a cutie


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Think he might be coming round.


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## ChaosCat (Dec 7, 2017)

That definitely looks promising!


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Well I think he has now made himself at home!!

That will make you feel better too. 

I do think it was just the going somewhere new and now he knows where all his stuff is, that he is safe and knows where you are too all will be well. 

Playing is a great way to get them to feel settled somewhere - they soon associate the room with fun!!

I have bowls of water in every room atm and wet tea towels on the floor and tables as it's so hot.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> Well I think he has now made himself at home!!
> 
> That will make you feel better too.
> 
> ...


I am worried about the heat.

I'd saved some yeeoww sardines, and he has played with then and is now sleeping on them.

I didn't want to get him hotter by playing a chasing game. Can't wait till it cools down.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

What about damping a sheet or duvet cover with cool water and laying it on the floor - it should cool the room down a bit.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> What about damping a sheet or duvet cover with cool water and laying it on the floor - it should cool the room down a bit.


Do you do that on carpet?

Went seriously backwards last night.

Had about 3 hours sleep. Teddi wound himself up into a panting mess again. Crying on the window sill in the lounge. Then crying upstairs.

I even tried to sleep on the floor upstairs to get away from the noise. I'm going to get the other 2 today, but i don't think this is caused by separation but we'll see.

So tired


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
Poor Teddy and poor you, hope things get better as the day goes on.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

When it’s so hot I do put it on the carpet (as long as it’s damp not wet) 

So sorry you had a bad night - have you tried a spot on calm on him?

I have some trial pet remedy wipes you can put on his fur if you’d like me to send a couple to try (and a small spray?) PM me your address!! 

He will settle down - in a week or so all will be well. Try not to worry just dig deep and keep going xxxx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> When it's so hot I do put it on the carpet (as long as it's damp not wet)
> 
> So sorry you had a bad night - have you tried a spot on calm on him?
> 
> ...


He's got a beaphor calming spot on on. The pet remedies i bought for p plugging in had a wipe sample in each.

My ex is now saying i should leave the other two with him. Has he no idea what he's doing?


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> My ex is now saying i should leave the other two with him. Has he no idea what he's doing?


Oh, he knows exactly what he's doing - causing you mental anguish. Definitely move them tonight!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Jesthar said:


> Oh, he knows exactly what he's doing - causing you mental anguish. Definitely move them tonight!


He says Dave keeps him company and jasper is happy now she has the house back to herself. Both of which are probably true. But that doesn't help me.

And jasper is my baby, but if it makes her miserable to be here....


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> He says Dave keeps him company and jasper is happy now she has the house back to herself. Both of which are probably true. But that doesn't help me.
> 
> And jasper is my baby, but if it makes her miserable to be here....


You don't know until you try. And the cats will probably settle more as you relax more, too.

Aside from that, can you trust him to look after them properly, insure them, not get bored of them etc?


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> He says Dave keeps him company and jasper is happy now she has the house back to herself. Both of which are probably true. But that doesn't help me.
> 
> And jasper is my baby, but if it makes her miserable to be here....


From everything you have said, I wouldnt listen to him and do what your gut tells you. If jasper is your baby, get him and have him with you, and he can get his own cat for cat company - I am sorry but the part where you said he said Dave keeps him company made me mad. From all you have said. I thihnk he will do a fine job of finding company elsewhere and you shouldnt be made to feel bad.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Jesthar said:


> You don't know until you try. And the cats will probably settle more as you relax more, too.
> 
> Aside from that, can you trust him to look after them properly, insure them, not get bored of them etc?


Probably not. It's always been me that does litter trays and vet trips etc.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> From everything you have said, I wouldnt listen to him and do what your gut tells you. If jasper is your baby, get him and have him with you, and he can get his own cat for cat company - I am sorry but the part where you said he said Dave keeps him company made me mad. From all you have said. I thihnk he will do a fine job of finding company elsewhere and you shouldnt be made to feel bad.


Jasper is a she 

My sister has said to just move them and if it doesn't work out look at other options being offered then.

Anyone know how many days apart will mean i have to reintroduce? It's been 2 nights.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

I wouldn't keep them apart - they will still smell the same - it's not as if they've been to the vets or anything and will smell any different - you may get the odd hiss etc as the new house will be strange so they will be on edge but hopefully that will settle down within a few hours.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I hope things go better today and you soon have Jasper and Dave with you. Teddi's made some progress we can see so its just a waiting game for all of them. I bet in a week's time things will be much better. I don't think being apart a couple of days will make a lot of difference either.


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> Probably not. It's always been me that does litter trays and vet trips etc.


Well, in that case the decision is clear - they go with you


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

To be cynical, maybe he thinks if he keeps two you will visit and help out? I recall you saying two were brought home by him, when someone he knew couldn't keep them.
I would keep all my cats. If he did really want to keep one of the ones he brought home, I would speak to him and ask if he would be willing to do full care and what that entails. Plus mention possible lifespan. 
Explain bringing them to your new place now should be easy, bringing them in a few weeks, months time etc will not as they likely won't recognize each other as part of the same social group.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> I wouldn't keep them apart - they will still smell the same - it's not as if they've been to the vets or anything and will smell any different - you may get the odd hiss etc as the new house will be strange so they will be on edge but hopefully that will settle down within a few hours.


I meant how long can i leave it to move them here. I was planning on taking them upstairs here when i get them here, but not closing them in, but there are food bowls and a litter tray up there.

On that note, found a great covered tray in the range for 15 quid. Its a good large one to. I put some old litter of theirs in there so it doesn't smell new.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

I think (but don't know of course) that you should go over there with a couple of cat boxes and get your babies home with you. if he wants company he can always ask his skanky barmaid (or has she dropped off the radar by now?) And again, I think (but don't know for sure) that all 4 cats would be better off together even if they don't get on particularly well.
My two ferals, two sisters, hiss and growl at each other, then next minute they're sleeping together on the sofa - but thats just cats for you.
A vet once told me that animal's faces don't have the muscles to express much emotion, although contentment, hunger, or a snarl can't be mistaken, this is why we have to be careful not to give them human feelings.
Anyway, I think you're the person who needs the company, he can soon get his own cat if he really wants one - if he goes to a rescue centre and spins the story about his girlfriend leaving and taking all the cats I'm sure they'll give him a couple. (Poor things) perhaps not suggest that, just go when he's out and take them even if he thinks they're his.
John (my hubby) thinks our two are his because they're all over him at breakfast - but he feeds them first thing because he gets up before me. I tell him its cuboard love.  :Cat:Cat they've forgotten who did the 2am feed and wiped their bums when they were starving babies.


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## AmsMam (Nov 25, 2014)

MilleD said:


> He says Dave keeps him company and jasper is happy now she has the house back to herself. Both of which are probably true.


Hmm.

It's not all that long ago he was saying he didn't want the cats anymore. But now you've actually started the process of moving out, he suddenly does.

Any chance he's using the cats as an excuse to keep in touch?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

AmsMam said:


> Hmm.
> 
> It's not all that long ago he was saying he didn't want the cats anymore. But now you've actually started the process of moving out, he suddenly does.
> 
> Any chance he's using the cats as an excuse to keep in touch?


I can't see why he would as we are still renting to properties out together.

I'm bracing myself for another night being kept awake. I should have bought some earplugs. Maybe if i can find my headphones i could listen to my ipod.

In the meantime, once more to lull me into a false sense of security:


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

I would get them sooner rather than later - as although they will smell the same your other two will be starting to smell of the new house. 

If you are having sleepless nights now - perhaps it's best to get it over with asap - rather than wiat longer and go through it all again.

Could you get them tomorrow - then you'd have the weekend to try to settle everyone?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> I would get them sooner rather than later - as although they will smell the same your other two will be starting to smell of the new house.
> 
> If you are having sleepless nights now - perhaps it's best to get it over with asap - rather than wiat longer and go through it all again.
> 
> Could you get them tomorrow - then you'd have the weekend to try to settle everyone?


I might. I really can't decide what to do. I've been over there today and Dave was happily snoozing in the conservatory and jasper made a short appearance then disappeared again. Oh God why does this have to be up to me? And why is he making out more difficult.

Feel free to ignore me if my moaning is annoying...


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Personally I think you will end up with them at some point so the sooner the better. It will be much harder the longer you leave it.

They will always look happier where they are because they are settled and used to it - so that's just normal behaviour. 
After a couple of weeks at yours they will look and behave exactly the same. 

The decision is yours because you are the best person to think about and look after the cats' interests...I think that in itself says it all....


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> I might. I really can't decide what to do. I've been over there today and Dave was happily snoozing in the conservatory and jasper made a short appearance then disappeared again. Oh God why does this have to be up to me? And why is he making out more difficult.
> 
> Feel free to ignore me if my moaning is annoying...


Will you regret it if you leave them there, in the end? Do you see them with you in the future? 
If yes, then go through that initial difficult bit, and soon. It will be so short and they will be doing the same thing as they are now, but with you once that small hard part is over. Dont let that make your decision, go with what you think is best in the end..


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> Will you regret it if you leave them there, in the end? Do you see them with you in the future?
> If yes, then go through that initial difficult bit, and soon. It will be so short and they will be doing the same thing as they are now, but with you once that small hard part is over. Dont let that make your decision, go with what you think is best in the end..


I don't feel whole without them here. Particularly jasper who i got when i lost my beloved Sasha. I just know she loves being outside and I'm going to deprive her of that, and pent her up with Ralph who she hates.

The ideal thing would be for me to move to a house further from a road than this one, but that's not going to happen quickly.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

You need a level (unemotional) head on if you can. 

Yes the house isn’t ideal and yes would be better if they could go out BUT. Atm it’s not an option. Most cats can adapt after about 3/4 weeks of change and hopefully the change of moving house which happens to involve staying in will help them adapt. Would be worse if you suddenly had to keep them in a house they were used to going out of. 

Giving them a rich indoor environment and time to play/exercise will all help. As a temporary measure you could perhaps think about an omlet cat enclosure or similar. Just ensure you have a routine that suits you and you can stick to if you decide to use one. For example Holly only ever goes out in the run of an evening (she hates being with the others) so her routine is an hour in the run, usually around 8pm when I’m watching TV. She might occasionally ask to go out in the day but not often as she knows it’s not her proper routine. 

Starting afresh in a new home means you can start afresh with new routines to suit your circumstances. The key is stick to your guns lol!!!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

So another sleepless night, although not as bad but that might be the wine..

Woke to a lovely big crap on the rug in the conservatory. So off to pets at home today to buy some simple solution.

I refilled both the trays with the tigerino litter that I picked up from the house yesterday. I had been using some stuff from the local pet shop that was courser, so hoping he just didn’t like that.

They both immediately went in the clean litter for a wee, as they do.

On the bright side, the crap looked healthy


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

If they were children not cats would you leave a couple with him to keep him company? They are your babies, and being with their mummy will be more important to them than anything. I do feel for you, but it will all be fine given time. I let my ex keep the cats partly because he wanted the company, partly because they would be happier not being moved, he gave them away a couple of months later and refused to tell me where they were


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

That was a vicious and cruel thing for him to do Slave, I'd have been heartbroken.
Yes, do please go get your cats Millie and keep in mind that in a few week's time all this will be over. Remember how you were when you first posted all this? Think what you've acheived since then, in spite of unimaginable set backs, and congratulate yourself for your strength of mind and dedication!
You have done wonders - so just a little while you'll have some contented indoor cats to play with and love.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

NFC slave said:


> If they were children not cats would you leave a couple with him to keep him company? They are your babies, and being with their mummy will be more important to them than anything. I do feel for you, but it will all be fine given time. I let my ex keep the cats partly because he wanted the company, partly because they would be happier not being moved, he gave them away a couple of months later and refused to tell me where they were


Jeez, that's a cautionary tale. Sorry that happened to you.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> That was a vicious and cruel thing for him to do Slave, I'd have been heartbroken.
> Yes, do please go get your cats Millie and keep in mind that in a few week's time all this will be over. Remember how you were when you first posted all this? Think what you've acheived since then, in spite of unimaginable set backs, and congratulate yourself for your strength of mind and dedication!
> You have done wonders - so just a little while you'll have some contented indoor cats to play with and love.


Thanks for the vote of confidence :Happy

I still don't know if to move them is the best for jasper. I know it's the best for me from a purely selfish point of view.

I'll have to consider the effect on her.

I spoke to my ex about what's entailed and he said he's prepared to do all that if it's 'what's required '. But they need loving. I know Dave will get it because they interact a lot. But jasper is such an outdoor cat probably not so much.

She tends to come home when she hears my car.


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> I still don't know if to move them is the best for jasper. I know it's the best for me from a purely selfish point of view.
> 
> I'll have to consider the effect on her.


Is it just the keeping her in for the short term you are worried about? I know you aren't moving far, so probably need to keep them in for longe than a normal move. If so, I know what you mean as my Charlie-girl hates being kept in for any reason and gets depressed after a week or so (hard to keep her happy as she doesn't really do playing with toys, she just wants to potter outside!). Perhaps you could get a walking jacket so she can have some limited outside time for the adjustment time?

Either way, it's perfectly survivable. I've had to keep Charlie in twice for over five weeks with abcesses, and she's been grumpy but survived. I kept her in for three months when I first got her, too, and then introduced her to the garden on a harness. 



MilleD said:


> I spoke to my ex about what's entailed and he said he's prepared to do all that* if it's 'what's required '*. But they need loving. I know Dave will get it because they interact a lot. But jasper is such an outdoor cat probably not so much.
> 
> She tends to come home when she hears my car.


Well, there you have it. That's code for 'as long as I think you'll bother to check' right there...


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Jesthar said:


> Is it just the keeping her in for the short term you are worried about? I know you aren't moving far, so probably need to keep them in for longe than a normal move. If so, I know what you mean as my Charlie-girl hates being kept in for any reason and gets depressed after a week or so (hard to keep her happy as she doesn't really do playing with toys, she just wants to potter outside!). Perhaps you could get a walking jacket so she can have some limited outside time for the adjustment time?
> 
> Either way, it's perfectly survivable. I've had to keep Charlie in twice for over five weeks with abcesses, and she's been grumpy but survived. I kept her in for three months when I first got her, too, and then introduced her to the garden on a harness.
> 
> Well, there you have it. That's code for 'as long as I think you'll bother to check' right there...


My problem is I've moved from a quiet cul de sac to one where I'm just off the main road going through the place so i can't see that i will ever let them out without some sort of cat proofing. And as i don't know if I'm staying here long term, i can't justify the expense.

Grrr why are things so complicated?


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
Is this place, yours, his or in common? If it may be sold or rented in future, you could advertise the cat proofing already in place as a plus. If you think it might appeal to some renters or buyers in your area. You could maybe charge a little extra if it is well done.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @MilleD
> Is this place, yours, his or in common? If it may be sold or rented in future, you could advertise the cat proofing already in place as a plus. If you think it might appeal to some renters or buyers in your area. You could maybe charge a little extra if it is well done.


It's mine. If i had it done I'd get a company to do it.

Do you not think it makes a garden look a little like colditz?


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
When I looked at the thread on cat proofing previously and photos others posted, some look very nice. There is a lot of variety in what you can do.
To be honest, I never heard of catproofing till this site but now I would see it as a plus if nicely done. 
Others may not think about it until the idea and reason is mentioned but I think for many it would be a point in favor. You could call it a cat safe garden for cat people. Or if the person looking is a keen gardener and not a cat person a cat proof garden.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

So, all 4 are here and for some reason i can't stop crying. What the hell?


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> So, all 4 are here and for some reason i can't stop crying. What the hell?


Probably because it feels so final... *hugs*


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

MilleD said:


> So, all 4 are here and for some reason i can't stop crying. What the hell?


It will take time..but it's now final isn't it. You have made the move.

It's ok to cry though. It might have been pent up for ages, also it's ok to be angry or a variety of emotions. Relationship break ups are hard...even worse when it's been long drawn out then you have other lifes pressures too like your step dad.

Your being kind to yourself. Tomorrow is another day.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Sounds like it’s time for some wine and a box of choccies.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm a firm believer in one door closes, another door opens. I know things are sad at the moment and it all seems final but you've got all the cats together now and left behind the pain of the other house. It will take a while but stay strong xx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Thanks guys.

Jasper at least seems happyish. Dave not so much. She hasn't come downstairs.

Jazzy has had some tuna and a play.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Agree with the others it seems more real now. Take care of yourself, new road new adventures!
Biggles says wine and chocolate as suggested seem appropriate.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

I am so so pleased you have them all.

It's going to be tough the next couple of weeks so get the wine in!!

But they will keep you busy and as such your mind occupied. A house with 4 cats is a busy house.

Well done hun xxxx


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

MilleD said:


> It's mine. If i had it done I'd get a company to do it.
> 
> Do you not think it makes a garden look a little like colditz?


It took me years to get my OH to agree to catproofing and he used to say exactly that "it will look like Colditz" but now its up he doesn't say that anymore. Once you've got it and got used to it, you hardly notice it.


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## GingerNinja (Mar 23, 2014)

Just sending hugs xx

You have had to be so strong with this situation and with your step dad so it's understandable that now you have slowed down all your emotions have hit you 

You are one strong, sassy lady and nothing will keep you down!


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

It's natural to cry, you have made the decision about moving the cats and followed it through, now you have chance to relax your hold on emotions has relaxed too, so everything has sort of flopped, a good cry and you will get a grip again. Life can throw some horrors at us, but we survive and get stronger. Wine sounds like a good idea x


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

A little update.

I'm still not getting much sleep because both Teddi and jasper are crying and yowling in the night.

Days aren't too bad, but nights are atrocious.

Anyway, little pic of a rare occasion when all four are together. Excuse the absolute tip that is my lounge. Haven't yet pulled myself up by my bootstraps to tidy the place yet.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I had to look twice then to see four :Wideyed


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Me too! @Charity


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Charity said:


> I had to look twice then to see four :Wideyed


I take it you mean Ralph in the suitcase?

I sent this photo to my sisters and they said the same thing.

Its probably the only way jasper will be in the same room - perhaps she didn't see him either


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Had the worst night since i got here. 

Teddi was crying and yowling and up and down the stairs. Then he came into the bedroom and proceeded to p!ss on my brand new carpet whilst looking at me.

I feel like just taking them all back.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
I know this happens but I am surprised in your current situation. Were people living there before you who maybe had cats who had accidents? Or are there cats outside your guys may sense and smell?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @MilleD
> I know this happens but I am surprised in your current situation. Were people living there before you who maybe had cats who had accidents? Or are there cats outside your guys may sense and smell?


The last pets I know of being in there was about 4 years ago - 2 dogs.

There are cats around, but not sure if that's what caused this. Maybe a vet visit if he does it again. He did it up my newly painted wall too.

He started scratching around on the plastic the mattress came in as I've literally unwrapped the top and put a sheet on it.

I guess it's feasible that the mattress has sat in a warehouse where something has peed on it?

Edit to add - I've binned the plastic now.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
He could be feeling extra insecure and is scent marking from that. Vets sounds a good idea just to be sure.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> @MilleD
> He could be feeling extra insecure and is scent marking from that. Vets sounds a good idea just to be sure.


Is there a difference between scent marking and just going for a wee?


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

@MilleD 
From what I have read, scent marking is to show territory. It is also a self soothing behavior to reassure. Sometimes cats will mark on a couch or bed, somewhere their humans scent is strong to comingle the scent. Other times to spread their scent around if they feel their territory has been compromised.
I am not sure the actual physical act looks different, I know sometimes cats spray the urine and sometimes just go as usual but I think the reasons can be the same.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I am now a domestic goddess. Look at me, modifying my window meshes


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

And i took Dave out in the garden yesterday. As she is arthritic and not very adventurous, i thought she would be ok. But she turned into a rocket and i had to chase her down the garden.

So i bundled her into a harness and attached the lead to the retractable washing line


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> And i took Dave out in the garden yesterday. As she is arthritic and not very adventurous, i thought she would be ok. But she turned into a rocket and i had to chase her down the garden.
> 
> So i bundled her into a harness and attached the lead to the retractable washing line
> 
> View attachment 361868


Ohhh boy, look at that Death Glare! :Hilarious I'd watch your back for a few days 

And yay, another girl cat called Dave! My best friend used to have one of those


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Jesthar said:


> Ohhh boy, look at that Death Glare! :Hilarious I'd watch your back for a few days
> 
> And yay, another girl cat called Dave! My best friend used to have one of those


I know right? I sent that photo to my sisters and one that doesn't have a cat said that she looked happy!!

She really wasn't. Although she is better then when I've put Teddi in his as he just lies down. She was happy to wander about the garden on the end of the washing line. Meant I could stand further away from her than just on the lead (which is made of elastic which quite surprised me - is that normal?).

I'm pretty sure that Jasper is usually a boy cat's name too? Mine is a girl, she was Jasmine when I got her which I didn't like so changed it to something similar.


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

MilleD said:


> And i took Dave out in the garden yesterday. As she is arthritic and not very adventurous, i thought she would be ok. But she turned into a rocket and i had to chase her down the garden.
> 
> So i bundled her into a harness and attached the lead to the retractable washing line
> 
> View attachment 361868


God mojo would kill me if I attatched him to a washing line! I once tried to attatch him to my foot as I just wanted to sit. I never tried that again haha


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Whompingwillow said:


> God mojo would kill me if I attatched him to a washing line! I once tried to attatch him to my foot as I just wanted to sit. I never tried that again haha




It's about 40 foot long when it extends so I don't think she knew what I'd done


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> I know right? I sent that photo to my sisters and one that doesn't have a cat said that she looked happy!!
> 
> She really wasn't. Although she is better then when I've put Teddi in his as he just lies down. She was happy to wander about the garden on the end of the washing line. Meant I could stand further away from her than just on the lead (which is made of elastic which quite surprised me - is that normal?).
> 
> I'm pretty sure that Jasper is usually a boy cat's name too? Mine is a girl, she was Jasmine when I got her which I didn't like so changed it to something similar.


I've never seen an elastic lead, no. The harness I have is a handmade one I bought at a show, though, not commercial, and has a matching fabric lead. As long as she's supervised I'd not worry too much, but I wouldn't leae her alone.

Yeah, I'd say Jasper was a boy name too. But I have a girl called Charlie (she was named before I got her) and my best friends other cat is called Chicken!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

This is when she was as far as she could go. Its attached to the wall of the house. Excuse the wonky rotary airer, boxes and bee borders.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Taken two of the others out. Teddi was ok, just doesn't like the harness. Jasper was a nightmare and just bounced around on the end of the lead like a yoyo so had to bring her back in.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Ralph got an outing too.

He wasn't too impressed.









And I've also had an escape attempt by Jasper (the little nortie tortie).

She was pulling on the harness and looking like she was about to try to wriggle out of it, so I stepped towards her, tripped over my flip flop and fell over resulting in me letting go of the lead. I looked up to see her disappearing under the front gate.

So I walked after her, I didn't run as I didn't want to scare her any more - have you ever tried to walk when you really want to run and shout? - and she was hiding under my car, so I lay down and grabbed the harness (thank goodness she was wearing it) and dragged her out.

So she's cooked her goose, no more outside. Although I don't know if you've seen on the catproofing thread but I have a man coming on the 17th August to catproof the whole garden. Hoorah.


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

That garden should be pretty easy to cat proof and will make a great outdoor space for them.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Oh so glad to hear you are getting the garden cat proofed - that’s fab!!! And not long to wait. 

Are the cats a bit more settled now? 

How are the night times? 

Can’t remember which one you said was weeing but it does sound like scent marking esp if up a wall. Is she on cystophan? It might help to put her on (2 a day to begin with) you could check with the vet. Should make her feel happier.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Paddypaws said:


> That garden should be pretty easy to cat proof and will make a great outdoor space for them.


The only issue is a length of old wall, but I'm sure the handyman will figure it out.

the next thing I need to look for is how to enrich the garden a bit for them. And nothing too tall either as it's pretty narrow and I don't want them attempting to do a flying leap off the top of something.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> Oh so glad to hear you are getting the garden cat proofed - that's fab!!! And not long to wait.
> 
> Are the cats a bit more settled now?
> 
> ...


Hi HB, yes I'm going to be a mad catproofed garden person. All the neighbours will be talking about me no doubt 

It was Teddi, the guy in my avatar who peed on my new carpet, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't done it since. I can't smell anything anywhere anyway. I'm hoping it was just a one off. There is still some disturbance at night, but not as bad as before.

I've now built the ottoman bed I bought (which is far bigger than I anticipated but never mind), and they found they can climb in from the corner of the bed and 3 of them seem to like it as a place to snooze. It must feel safe as it's dark and enclosed.

Dave who is the one who I've been letting outside as she can't climb has settled in now I think.

She was way down at the bottom of the garden the other day and I walked into the conservatory and she came galloping up to be let in. Other times she just sits patiently by the door until I notice her, exactly the same as she did at the old place.

the others are non too impressed when I allow her out though....


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I also asked my neighbour who was responsible for the fence between us. He did the we own the one to the left when we look from the house thing. Maybe i gave the impression i was asking who was responsible for paying for repairs but they said i was responsible. So i asked if they were ok with me catproofing and he did he didn't see a problem.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I had another escapee yesterday, I had opened the conservatory door for Dave, and Ralph pelted through.

He just ran into the garden and chased a fly, he looked so happy that I'm so glad I've decided to cat proof as to deny him going outside I think would be really sad.

They've been here for quite a while now so even if he jumped the fence I'm pretty sure he'd come back. But he just ran to the bottom of the garden and let me walk up and pick him up. Keeping calm is key I've found, if you run up behind them, they just bolt.

Roll on Friday and cat proofing day, only a week to go now. :Joyful


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I've had a message from @ExD so thought I would give an update 

We are still in the middle of my Step-dad's stuff. We've applied for probate now, but obviously until that's granted we can't do anything with their belongings really, and the house needs looking after so my sister has been living up there for a bit with me paying the bills - pretty sure she got the long straw there!

She has listed every single item in the house (I mean to the last cotton bud!) so we know what there is to deal with. They have some beautiful furniture and a fantastic grand father clock, but because it's all dark wood, it's not fashionable any more so I'm not really sure what we are going to do with a lot of their things. They never bought rubbish so there will be a lot of things to find homes for, I know it would be a tragedy to bin any of the decent stuff, but even charities don't want some things.

Cat wise and new home - pretty much settled now. I've ended up with all 4 of them - the ex did try to keep them, but I wasn't having it. I was having a man round tomorrow to cat proof the garden but some of the materials haven't arrived - I can't tell you how disappointed I am. I've spoken to Roz though at Secure-a-cat, and she seems lovely and is doing her best to get the materials to us, so fingers crossed for over the weekend.

So I'm hoping that once that is done they will be happier, they aren't doing too badly really considering it's a huge change for them so it could be worse.

I'm ok in myself, busy with work and trying to get someone in the house me and the ex own together (he's in Spain so not sharing too much of the work), so not much time to feel sorry for myself really 

Thanks for thinking of me @ExD - sorry for the essay! xx


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

So glad to hear things are ok and you are settling in - the cat proofing will be a godsend!!

I love dark wood furniture and would give my right arm for a grandfather clock so there may be people out there who do want it hun. 
You could try to find a local facebook for sale/wanted page or even ebay to try to sell it. 
Don't let it go to house clearance if you can help it as often you have to pay them to take it away.


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Thanks for linking me in - I was getting surprised by your (seemingly) non apprearance so I'm relieved you seem to be getting on really well. Appreciated!
I'll keep in touch.


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## LeArthur (Dec 20, 2016)

MilleD said:


> She has listed every single item in the house (I mean to the last cotton bud!) so we know what there is to deal with. They have some beautiful furniture and a fantastic grand father clock, but because it's all dark wood, it's not fashionable any more so I'm not really sure what we are going to do with a lot of their things. They never bought rubbish so there will be a lot of things to find homes for, I know it would be a tragedy to bin any of the decent stuff, but even charities don't want some things.


Have you got many antique shops near by? They often have dark wood furniture so there must be a market for it and I'm sure they'd love to have a Grandfather Clock in! As well as the rest of the furniture 

If you are fond of the furniture and want to see it go to a good home then I would only approach a charity as a last resort (please not that's not my opinion for donating other things to charity!). My aunty and uncle had to clear out their neighbour's house and couldn't sell much of the furniture so contacted a local charity to collect it. When they came they told my aunty and uncle that they often have regulars who come into the shop with anger/behaviour issues (for whatever reason) and are in every week or so buying a new wardrobe because they used the previous one as a punch bag. My aunty and uncle were quite disheartened to say the least.


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## Mrs Funkin (Mar 12, 2018)

There are lots of folk who will buy dark wood furniture to chalk paint and “upcycle” (I personally think it’s a terrible thing to do to a beautiful piece of dark wood furniture but I’d rather thatthan it get tipped). We have an awesome hospice furniture shop near us, I bought a stunning walnut burr gentleman’s wardrobe, complete with all the shelf labels on there still, for £70. It’s one of the favourite things we bought when we moved. I’m sure there will be demand, particularly if you have any teak retro stuff (Ercol and g plan are especially popular, I’m sure that you know that). When our next door neighbour died, his sisters came to clear the house and offered us something to remember him by, we chose a set of nesting g plan coffee tables, so people do want things of this era, I love ours and am trying to source some more currently. 

I’m glad things are settling with your cats. I’ve not been on the forum for very long but just wanted to say I’ve read your story and I’m pleased you were able to get out and now get resettled and even more pleased that you took your cats with you. Things will get there - and when the proofing of the garden is done, it will be fab for them.


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

Ercol is fetching some high sums on places like eBay.
My in laws had several pieces of Ercol and we had some of it especially a sideboard which is made of English elm which is non exsistent nowadays.

My SIL has been clearing out her mother’s house and had the same difficulty with charities and house clearance not wanting ‘brown’ furniture. She has been left with some nice glass fronted teak cabinets which at the most can only be 20 years old which nobody wants apparently. She’s left them in the house which she has a buyer for but she doesn’t know yet if they want the cabinets (buyer has to sell their own property first so nothing has been discussed as yet).
It’s just so wasteful


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I'm not sure what it is, they have some ercol chairs, but not looked at the furniture in detail. I'll post a pic in the minute which shows a dresser in the background - that's the colour of all the furniture.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

lea247 said:


> Have you got many antique shops near by? They often have dark wood furniture so there must be a market for it and I'm sure they'd love to have a Grandfather Clock in! As well as the rest of the furniture
> 
> If you are fond of the furniture and want to see it go to a good home then I would only approach a charity as a last resort (please not that's not my opinion for donating other things to charity!). My aunty and uncle had to clear out their neighbour's house and couldn't sell much of the furniture so contacted a local charity to collect it. When they came they told my aunty and uncle that they often have regulars who come into the shop with anger/behaviour issues (for whatever reason) and are in every week or so buying a new wardrobe because they used the previous one as a punch bag. My aunty and uncle were quite disheartened to say the least.


Gah, that is depressing. I'd rather bin it myself than someone treat it like that.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

It's the dresser in the dining room you can see in the background. It's very dark, inside is a bit lighter, sort of dark yew colour.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

And to let you all know (the rocks that you have been - thank you) that I'm feeling much better today.

I went to the hairdressers for the first time since March 2017 (they kept reminding me of this ), and got highlighted and a cut, then I went for a bike ride (first in a year - used to ride every day) last night with 2 of my sisters and their blokes, then ended up in the pub for a couple of pints.

I swear I'm feeling like a different person this morning - I think it's the highlights.

I do have a new problem today though - apparently the person who wants to rent out the house we own is a friend of the skank barmaid's on FB.

I'm not too fussed about that - business is business . But would you believe, the skank barmaid called my phone last night? I recognise her number from looking at the ex's phone when it all kicked off. I wonder if the tables have turned. I hope I have a new stalker


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

MilleD said:


> It's the dresser in the dining room you can see in the background. It's very dark, inside is a bit lighter, sort of dark yew colour.
> 
> View attachment 364812


It might be 'Old Charm' or something similar, can't remember the other manufacturer at the moment


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Siskin said:


> It might be 'Old Charm' or something similar, can't remember the other manufacturer at the moment


Would it say somewhere on the furniture? Maybe inside or the back? I've just looked online and can the same sort of thing for sale for a lot of money - of course if the things actually sell is a different matter...


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

MilleD said:


> Would it say somewhere on the furniture? Maybe inside or the back? I've just looked online and can the same sort of thing for sale for a lot of money - of course if the things actually sell is a different matter...


Some of my stuff is marked on the back so worth having a look


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Siskin said:


> Some of my stuff is marked on the back so worth having a look


We'll have to empty the crystal first


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

You should stick an ad on CC classified - there may well be a few of us interested!! Or give us a link to eBay if you go that route? I buy old glass, china, tablecloths, sometimes bedding and furniture off eBay Where is step Dad’s house located as the only issue could be collection.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Really pleased you feel better this morning - having a new hair do, eating well and exercise can all work wonders! 

Perhaps skanky barmaid is getting worried - he could be playing the field already!!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> You should stick an ad on CC classified - there may well be a few of us interested!! Or give us a link to eBay if you go that route? I buy old glass, china, tablecloths, sometimes bedding and furniture off eBay Where is step Dad's house located as the only issue could be collection.


 I didn't even think of that!

It's just north of Whitby, but we do have access to a van so we would probably move some things to the midlands to sell - I think there is probably a bigger market here than the north east.

Like a say, they do have some beautiful things. My mom has drawers full of lace and crochet and things.


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## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

MilleD said:


> I didn't even think of that!
> 
> It's just north of Whitby, but we do have access to a van so we would probably move some things to the midlands to sell - I think there is probably a bigger market here than the north east.
> 
> Like a say, they do have some beautiful things. My mom has drawers full of lace and crochet and things.


You'll have to do a bit of research and see what things are going for. Is there any particular time pressure? There are markets for most things in the right place, and as you say, better re-used in any fashion than scrapped.

For example, I just took on some craft accessories, fabric, crochet/knitting gear and wool etc. from friends who are helping other friends with their mothers possessions. Stuff that I can't use myself, I know people who know people etc. 

I don't suppose there are any local auction houses of good repute who offer home valuation visits? You'd have to pay commission if you sold through them, of course, but it might be easier than trying to sell everything yourself.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> Really pleased you feel better this morning - having a new hair do, eating well and exercise can all work wonders!
> 
> Perhaps skanky barmaid is getting worried - he could be playing the field already!!


Thanks HB.

Perhaps. I've passed on the information about the prospective tenant and put it in his court. I've told him I want to know how she got my number.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Jesthar said:


> You'll have to do a bit of research and see what things are going for. Is there any particular time pressure? There are markets for most things in the right place, and as you say, better re-used in any fashion than scrapped.
> 
> For example, I just took on some craft accessories, fabric, crochet/knitting gear and wool etc. from friends who are helping other friends with their mothers possessions. Stuff that I can't use myself, I know people who know people etc.
> 
> I don't suppose there are any local auction houses of good repute who offer home valuation visits? You'd have to pay commission if you sold through them, of course, but it might be easier than trying to sell everything yourself.


I suppose the time constraint is selling the house. We could always store some of it in our houses, but there is a limit to that, particularly big pieces of furniture.

There's a pretty good auction house around here, although I'm unsure it's even still going, but I don't know about up there.

I'll do some investigation.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Little update on my catproofing. The guys are here with all the materials, they were worried they might not get them, but turned up around 10.30am.

They have done most of the brackets, we must have got our wires crossed a little on whether the alley down the side of the house is going to be done. I think all it would take is some eyelets and some netting anyway so no huge problem.

There was much scratching of heads when they first got here, and many phone calls to Roz, but I think they are feeling quite chuffed with themselves now and fancy the idea of offering cat proofing as a service.

Unfortunately it won't be finished today, so I lied to the cats, but they said the netting and the cable tying is time consuming so will have to finish tomorrow. 

I've had to tell the cats the tomorrow is really Friday. They seem ok with that


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Lol. Bless you, and your cats! (why isn't there a cat emoji on here !!)


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## Shrike (Jun 25, 2015)

There is a cat emoji - :Cat


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

We need a photo of the cat proofing when finished don’t forget!!!


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

I think local ones who will send a valuer to the house are listed in yellow pages under Auctioneers and Estate agents. I know here the local farmer's mart have a furniture and trinkets sale once a week in a pleasant saleroom. Some people who have nothing to do, go there just for amusement. We furnished our house when we first got married almost exclusivly from there - but that was 50 years ago before brides insisted on everything new. (I did insist on a new bed!! lol )


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

If you decide to go the auction route, do put a minimum price on pieces of sentimental value or those of quality. A friend recently had to clear a house. She didn't put minimum price and bitterly regretted it as she said really good pieces went for a pittance


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

Looking forward to photos of your catproofed garden


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

I thought Saturday was the new Friday??


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

SbanR said:


> If you decide to go the auction route, do put a minimum price on pieces of sentimental value or those of quality. A friend recently had to clear a house. She didn't put minimum price and bitterly regretted it as she said really good pieces went for a pittance


This is what worries me. These days unless going to a specialist, advertised auction for specific items that are valuable, people seem to want stuff for nothing!!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Thanks for all your replies - I won't be letting anything go for nothing. If I have to cram my house full of their stuff I will.

As for the cat proofing. Photos are attached here https://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/cat-runs-cat-proofed-gardens.211361/page-58#post-1065255453

It's not gone that smoothly.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Having a bit of a meltdown. I'm trying to complete the cat proofing in the alley way down the side of the house, but I don't have the skills or the tools to finish it.

Feel really fed up and angry at myself for being so useless.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Go in have a cup of tea and ask the guys who did it if they could finish it off. Maybe bribe with beer and a small fee, as the proofing I think was to be total?. Not sure what was agreed they would do, all needed or just an area you specified.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> Go in have a cup of tea and ask the guys who did it if they could finish it off. Maybe bribe with beer and a small fee, as the proofing I think was to be total?. Not sure what was agreed they would do, all needed or just an area you specified.


I think we got crossed wires about the alley way as when he came out I mentioned putting something up at the garden end so the whole thing didn't need doing. Then when he quoted I asked if that included the gate at the front of the house and he said yes, so I think it was two different ideas of what we were talking about.

I've nearly managed it, but the ex promised he would raise the gate, but that hasn't happened yet, so I've had to do a temporary fix above it.

I'll post a pic - I have a problem over the gate on the house side as I think I need more eyelets as I can't get the cord taut enough to prevent a cat slithering through the gap.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

This is what I've managed to do.










This is the bit i have a problem with. It's temporary as it's too low and I've had to cable tie it to the top of the gate. Gap on the right.


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

It is pretty impressive what you managed to do on your own.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> It is pretty impressive what you managed to do on your own.


Thanks


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

I can’t see very clearly from pics but do you have a staple gun? Great bit of kit and perfect for fixing netting onto wood


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

Looked again, yeah bottom edge of net should overlap onto wood and fix with staples. For the brick part you need a wooden batton screwed onto brickwork then staple netting onto that


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

Not sure how clear this is but you can see the net is wrapped around baton which is then screwed into brick


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Thanks for this. I put eyelets across the house side to hold the cord the netting is attached to and blew a couple of faces off the bricks. But yes you are right, I need to batten and attach the netting to the wood.

Unfortunately the ex appeared to have got custody of all my saws. Including a tenon saw that was my Dad's so I need to go round and do a bit of liberating.


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## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

I am soooo impressed you’ve managed this yourself - it really looks great! 

Sometimes just a sleep on it does the trick...
And you will look at it fresh tomorrow. 

Good luck with your tool negotiation - the Cat Chat Jury conclude full custody of what was yours in the first place!!!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

huckybuck said:


> I am soooo impressed you've managed this yourself - it really looks great!
> 
> Sometimes just a sleep on it does the trick...
> And you will look at it fresh tomorrow.
> ...




Exactly!

Well I slept on it, feeling a bit less frustrated, but going on a 30 mile bike ride in half an hour so not sure what I'll be good for when I get back.

Might just be a lazing on the sofa time.


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

You appear to have done brilliantly, you're not useless at all. With batons I struggle to put them up but have found that super strength glue bales me out of most dilemmas. Use something like Gorilla glue to attach the baton to the wall, then hey ho, sit back and feel proud of yourself. I bought myself a hot glue gun and am pretty lethal with that, but not sure if that would be ok for outside. Good luck, enjoy your bike ride, I never learned to ride a bike!


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Oh I seeeeeeeee!


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## Siskin (Nov 13, 2012)

There are different types of gorilla glue, make sure you get the right one. Carpenter friend recommends the one which has a spray to activate and set the glue very quickly and sticks anything together. His final words were, dont get any on your fingers!
Basically you will be stuck there forever if you do:Hilarious


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

Siskin said:


> There are different types of gorilla glue, make sure you get the right one. Carpenter friend recommends the one which has a spray to activate and set the glue very quickly and sticks anything together. His final words were, dont get any on your fingers!
> Basically you will be stuck there forever if you do:Hilarious


I would say wear gloves then they can be left stuck on as a memento of your hard work


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

If you get stuck to the baton or the wall you can just hold the netting, saves fixing it


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

NFC slave said:


> If you get stuck to the baton or the wall you can just hold the netting, saves fixing it


So you're saying if I get permanently fixed to the baton through the ill advised use of Gorilla Glue (I've used the tiny tiny tubes of the stuff - they mean business!), I can just stand there and hold the netting? I must have read that wrong


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## NFC slave (Nov 7, 2017)

MilleD said:


> So you're saying if I get permanently fixed to the baton through the ill advised use of Gorilla Glue (I've used the tiny tiny tubes of the stuff - they mean business!), I can just stand there and hold the netting? I must have read that wrong


Well, it saves having to nail or screw it!!!! No, seriously take care with the glue if you decide to use it, it really means business


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

NFC slave said:


> Well, it saves having to nail or screw it!!!! No, seriously take care with the glue if you decide to use it, it really means business


 Trouble is it's still temporary at the moment as I'm waiting for the gate to be raised. So glue might be a bad move. Got my tenon saw back though so I can saw a baton and a frame for the bit on the conservatory.

I quite liked the drilling into the bricks bit. I felt very ug ug, caveman like "I BUILD IT"!!!

Of course, the end result never ends up as good as you think it will.....


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Very short update.

Oh. my. god. I have a washing machine!!!!

Following a trip to my step -dad's yesterday to collect my sister and my mom's cat I have brought his washing machine back with me (thanks Stu xx), so for the first time since July, I have my own washing machine.

:Happy


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

Indispensable! It'll be soooo much easier now


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## ExD (Jul 1, 2016)

Is it all plumbed-in and working? Soon you'll wonder how you managed without it.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

ExD said:


> Is it all plumbed-in and working? Soon you'll wonder how you managed without it.


Yep, all working. And it doesn't dance around the kitchen like my old one.

Silver linings and all that xx


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## Summercat (Oct 8, 2017)

Washing machines, one of the best modern inventions  And at home so much easier.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Summercat said:


> Washing machines, one of the best modern inventions  And at home so much easier.


I did my last wash in the bath. You're right, this is sooooo much easier


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I think Jasper thinks I'm spending too much time on the computer


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I had a canvas made of the pic I took out of my back window last week

The paint splodge is what I intend on painting the room.

In hindsight, I could have gone bigger


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## Clairabella (Nov 8, 2017)

MilleD said:


> I had a canvas made of the pic I took out of my back window last week
> 
> The paint splodge is what I intend on painting the room.
> 
> ...


That is beeaaauutiful


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## Clairabella (Nov 8, 2017)

And the paint I looooove


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Clairabella said:


> That is beeaaauutiful


Thank you x


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Clairabella said:


> And the paint I looooove


Me too. It's actually Dulux's paint of the year 2017. I'm never on trend with anything


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## Clairabella (Nov 8, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Me too. It's actually Dulux's paint of the year 2017. I'm never on trend with anything


It's lovely ❤ Is that the colour your gonna go for? Xx


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Clairabella said:


> It's lovely ❤ Is that the colour your gonna go for? Xx


Yes. I'm very decisive when I buy paint. I never buy tester pots. I buy a big pot and use that to test and take back if it's not what I expected. I think I've only had to return some once.


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## SbanR (Jun 16, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Yes. I'm very decisive when I buy paint. I never buy tester pots. I buy a big pot and use that to test and take back if it's not what I expected. I think I've only had to return some once.


Amazing colours on your canvas.

Never realised you can return opened tins of paint if you don't like the colour


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

@SbanR obviously you tell them you painted a feature wall with it


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

I Got this one done to. Excuse the kitchen tiles.


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## Tawny75 (Sep 25, 2013)

@MilleD, I have just spent the last hour reading through your story (don't tell my boss) and I am in awe of you. To paraphrase my 19 year old daughter 'You Rock, Go girl!'


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Tawny75 said:


> @MilleD, I have just spent the last hour reading through your story (don't tell my boss) and I am in awe of you. To paraphrase my 19 year old daughter 'You Rock, Go girl!'


Well, thank you very much.

You actually prompted me to read through the start of the saga again, and I think I've come through it pretty well.

My house is now my own and I'm getting things sorted.

All the cats are settled and happy. Complete with catproofed garden that I organised.

We've just received the probate grant through for my Step-dads house so we can now release funds (although felt a bit like a thief when I went into the bank to do this!) and get his house on the market. This means that money won't be an issue at all...

I've coped better at work than I thought I might, and am also helping my sister with her self employed information now.

Yup, onwards and upwards. Might actually look forward to Christmas after all. This year hasn't been the best so will be glad to see the back of it 

xx


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## Tawny75 (Sep 25, 2013)

MilleD said:


> Well, thank you very much.
> 
> You actually prompted me to read through the start of the saga again, and I think I've come through it pretty well.
> 
> ...


What a fab attitude. I have one question, does your leg look normal now?


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Tawny75 said:


> What a fab attitude. I have one question, does your leg look normal now?




From kicking the loft ladder? No actually. The shape has gone back to normal apart from a slight 'dent' but I have a mark about a couple of inches across that sort of looks like dark scar tissue. Every time I notice it it reminds me not to hurt yourself when you are mad at someone else...

Lessons learnt and all that


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