# Abandoned by my cat



## LizC (Jul 30, 2012)

I have a 4 year old neutered male whom I have had since a kitten (along with his sister) who were a bit feral and unsocialised when I collected from breeder! I also have a 1 year old female. He is a very handsome cat and very friendly. Our neighbours love him to bits and unfortunately encouraged him in to their home so that now he is round there all the time, the neighbour gets lots of cuddles whilst he rarely comes home now and when he does he runs past us and shrinks away if we go to stroke him. Can I say that he is not scared of us (I would never hurt an animal). I have repeatedly asked them to discourage him but it just falls on deaf ears. I have tried keeping in him, giving him lots of attention but it seems to have the opposite effect.
I really don't know what to do!!!
Any suggestions?


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## rich24uk (Jul 19, 2012)

Is he fairly independent? He may just be wanting to get away from the other cats and unfortunately for you, your neighbours have offered him another home.

If your neighbours are feeding him you could tell them a little lie about his health, e.g. he is on a special diet for xxx and that he must not be fed anything other than the food you are giving.

You could also try coaxing him back by giving him some very palatable food like chicken or tuna so that he associates coming back to you with these treats (obviously not every day).

In the end though it may just be easier to bite the bullet and let him go to wherever he is happiest? Cats are free souls which is why we love them, the downside is that they sometimes do things that we don't want them to do.


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## LizC (Jul 30, 2012)

Thanks. He is very independent. I have sort of suggested to my neighbours that they take him on but they say they don't want a cat!! So when they go out or on holiday they just shoo him out the door. I find their behaviour incredibly selfish!

I am seriously thinking of having him re-homed some distance from us:cryin:


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

Oh these scenarios really make me angry! Why don't people go and get their own blimmin' cats instaed of trying to pinch someone else's?
I had this issue years ago with Peggy who was always the quietest out of her siblings ( I had the mother and her 3 kittens ) She did find the quieter house of an elderly neighbour rather appealing, and for a while I thought I would lose her completely. She too started to shy away from me when she ever did come home. 
In this case I did not force the issue, and she kept her home kind of fluid for almost a year, eventually gravitating back to me. I think the old woman may well have moved out at that stage.
I would be having stern words with the neighbour, forbidding them from feeding him or letting him in their house.


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## Cats cats cats (Feb 4, 2011)

LizC said:


> Thanks. He is very independent. I have sort of suggested to my neighbours that they take him on but they say they don't want a cat!! So when they go out or on holiday they just shoo him out the door. I find their behaviour incredibly selfish!
> 
> I am seriously thinking of having him re-homed some distance from us:cryin:


This is incredibly selfish of them !! If they don't want him, they really should not be doing this !   I'm sorry i don't have any advice except special treats as suggested already but i just wanted you to know that i feel for you !


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## LizC (Jul 30, 2012)

Thanks for your replies and support.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Like PP and CCC have said this kind of behaviour from your neighbour makes me hopping mad too!! Your neighbour wants all the rewards of having a cat but none of the responsibilities!!! Utterly selfish and completely inconsiderate!!

As others have said, your cat has in fact "voted with his feet" and made a 
choice to spend most of his time with the neighbour, probably because he prefers being an "only" cat in the household. The neighbour facilitated your cat's decision, by encouraging him into his house, allowing him to make 
himself at home, and no doubt feeding him as well. So as a result your cat now feels he lives there. It means it is going to be very difficult to get him to come home without major co-operation from the neighbour. 

The neighbour has said he doesn't want to adopt him, so all you can do is have very firm words with the neighbour and insist he stops allowing your cat in his house, and stops feeding him. Your cat will then have no choice but to come home to you. If the neighbour leaves his door or windows open and your cat gets in, then he has to shoo him out. 

But if the neighbour is not prepared to co-operate with you then either you allow the present situation to continue by default, or as you say, rehome your cat some distance away (preferably as an "only" cat).

However, the rehoming option is far from an easy one, especially at the moment, as there are a heck of a lot of cats looking for new homes 
& the Rescues are mostly full. 

More importantly, rehoming means a major upheaval for your cat with 
a lot of stress for him, losing everything that is familiar and safe to him and having to settle in to a new environment with new people. For that reason alone I have to say I would prefer to allow the present situation to continue, even though I would not be happy about it. I would do so in the hope that in time it might be resolved, by either the neighbour agreeing to adopt him, or the neighbour perhaps moving away....

I know it means you remain responsible for a cat whom you don't see much of, but at least he is still coming home, and you do have the companionship of your other cats. Please don't think I am being glib or unsympathetic, as I am in a similar position, with my older cat, who is an outdoor cat in the summer, and prefers to spend all his time in my neighbour's garden or shed 
to get away from my 2 young cats whom he finds too active and inquisitive in his own garden. Fortunately my neighbour, being a good friend, does not feed him, so he is obliged to come home to me for his meals, otherwise I know I would have lost him completely to her, long since, and would never see him at all  Luckily he does come home every winter and then sleeps all day in his own room, away from my other 2 cats. 

Would your neighbour feel differently about adoption if you assured him you would feed the cat when the neighbour went on holiday? Morally I feel the neighbour owes the cat some loyalty, having had his comforting companionship for a while. Life can't be all about take and no give.... 

I sincerely hope the neighbour has enough of a conscience to feel guilty and ashamed if the cat were to be rehomed elsewhere, all because he had thoughtlessly encouraged him into his house.


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## jenny armour (Feb 28, 2010)

havent read the other comments, so this could have already been mentioned, but it sounds to me like he isnt happy with the other cats and has made himself at home with your neighbour, especially if they are feeding him. while he is being fed next door he wont come home to you maybe because of your other cats.


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## rich24uk (Jul 19, 2012)

As I suggested earlier, if it were me I'd tell them that he has been to the vet and is on a specialist diet and meds which mean he is not to eat any other food and that in feeding him they are endangering his health.

If they genuinely care for the cat this should make them think twice about feeding him.


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

I have to say that I really don't get the repeated suggestions to re-home him further afield, it sounds rather like cutting off your nose to spite your face!
warn the neighbour off by all means, but be patient, your boy has not abandoned you completely and I am sure he will be enticed back home properly pretty soon.


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## TatiLie (Nov 2, 2010)

Selfish people! Hopefully, this situation won't last long. They will shoo him out of their lives the first time he'll vomit on their carpet.


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

Drop a note through their door telling them he has ringworm and it is HIGHLY contagious, give added information such as how to scrub their skin with surgical scrub if they do touch him by accident, and to burn any soft furnishings he touches....I bet they wont be so keen on him visiting then!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Paddypaws said:


> PP -- it was Liz (the OP) herself who said she was thinking of rehoming him further afield, and definitely not something that would have occurred to me to suggest in the circumstances, as I said in my reply. In fact I said I'd prefer to try and resolve the dilemma another way.
> 
> For me the OP's post suggested she had nearly reached the end of her tether with the situation, and therefore in her book rehoming was a *possible alternative* if nothing else could be changed. My sympathies were greatly with Liz, as she clearly feels fed up with the neighbour's selfish attitude,
> understandably, hence her thinking of rehoming as a last resort. But hopefully, very much a "last resort" is what it would be, and perhaps after she has read all the supportive replies on this thread, Liz will agree there might be a better way.


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## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

Understood chillminx....I guess the frustration of the situation gets to us all!


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## LizC (Jul 30, 2012)

Thanks all for your support and suggestions.


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## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

I think the solution to this lies squarely at your neighbours door. They are actively encouraging him in (are they feeding him?) so that he would now prefer to live with them, yet even though this has been explained to them they not only don't want him, they haven't stopped encouraging him in either. 

I think you need to go round there and tell them that they are causing big problems for this cat, and because of their frankly stupid behaviour he may have to be rehomed. I would lay it out in black and white for them and tell them that they either take him in properly, as full time owners with all the responsibility that goes with that or they leave him alone, stop letting him in, feeding him and all other contact. 

Everytime you think he is in there go and knock on the door and ask for your cat back. In the meantime maybe you could upgrade dinner timewith some really tasty foods for a few weeks to entice him back to your house?


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## nightkitten (Jun 15, 2012)

I really feel for you as I am in a similar situation.

I too have a neighbour who likes the companionship of my cat (although he's got his own!) and feeds him too. I have tried the above mentioned tricks telling him he is on medication and he needs to eat at home as I hide it in his food but unfortunately this has not changed anything.

People can be so selfish and inconsiderate!


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