# Fat for cash



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Anyone watch it tonight?

I thought it was good

I needs to move to America, would love to be a plus size model!


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

Agencies like clean skin: tats are hard to airbrush. All the girls I googled have long girly hair and are very feminine.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Maybe a alternate plus size model then


Yeah I couldn't really be one in this country though as although they are fat they have a flat stomach where as mine is more like the ones in that program (rolls) despite weighing way less than them


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Maybe a alternate plus size model then
> 
> Yeah I couldn't really be one in this country though as *although they are fat they have a flat stomach* where as mine is more like the ones in that program (rolls) despite weighing way less than them


These plus size models aren't fat - they are statuesque! They are big, shapely ladies.

(Though I suppose 'round' is a shape . . . )


----------



## GoldenShadow (Jun 15, 2009)

So that plus sized woman in the photo CT posted. She has smoother skin/less lumps and bumps than I do as a size 10/12 5'9 21 year old woman. Airbrushing galore, everywhere.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> These plus size models aren't fat - they are statuesque! They are big, shapely ladies.
> 
> (Though I suppose 'round' is a shape . . . )


Hhhhmmmmm, a lot of them are fat


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

GoldenShadow said:


> So that plus sized woman in the photo CT posted. She has smoother skin/less lumps and bumps than I do as a size 10/12 5'9 21 year old woman. Airbrushing galore, everywhere.


Oh airbrushed no doubt!


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

cinnamontoast said:


> Agencies like clean skin: tats are hard to airbrush. All the girls I googled have long girly hair and are very feminine.


where the hell have you been looking :lol:

I haven't seen the programme but...there's so much variety as regards plus sized modelling, in fact a lot of it, thank god, is off the beaten google track you've followed.

Shame on you, lassy   xx


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

Good faces, definition to the cheekbones, pretty.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

cinnamontoast said:


> Good faces, *definition to the cheekbones*, pretty.


Created by photoshop!

I get the feeling you're trying to say I'm not pretty enough :laugh:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Hhhhmmmmm, a lot of them are fat


No

----------------------


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> No
> 
> ----------------------


Oh come on, second pic on the first page, girl has rolls!

Just google plus size model how can you say none of them are fat!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Oh come on, second pic on the first page, girl has rolls!
> 
> Just google plus size model how can you say none of them are fat!


I didn't.

-------------------------


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

ohh you're all horrible  *backs out of thread* 

xxxx


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> I didn't.
> 
> -------------------------


Ok........


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

Calling someone "fat" i think is just cruel and un-kind. They are beautiful girls that even though they maybe overweight are proud and happy with how they look.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

button50 said:


> Calling someone "fat" i think is just cruel and un-kind. They are beautiful girls that even though they maybe overweight are proud and happy with how they look.


I never said fat can't be beautiful

And it is brilliant that they are happy


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I never said fat can't be beautiful
> 
> And it is brilliant that they are happy


I just dont like to hear people called "fat" its cruel in my opinion.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

button50 said:


> I just dont like to hear people called "fat" its cruel in my opinion.


Ok

Overweight then


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

button50 said:


> Calling someone "fat" i think is just cruel and un-kind. They are beautiful girls that even though they maybe overweight are proud and happy with how they look.


I didn't see the documentary, as I said but I'll go and hunt it out.

Just felt I had to answer you 

If they want to call themselves 'fat' then what's cruel? Surely it's other peoples perceptions of what the word 'fat' is?

I'm not talking health issues etc etc, just the point that 'fat' isn't a cruel word, it's another word for 'over-weight'. They DO know they're beautiful girls without people having to defend them as regards what they feel is the right terminology  

K now I'm out :lol:


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Oh and can I just say, that's what the program was called btw


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

Flamingoes said:


> I didn't see the documentary, as I said but I'll go and hunt it out.
> 
> Just felt I had to answer you
> 
> ...


It is my opinion that i think it is cruel. I dont agree with it. A friend of mine is a Plus Size model and she said the girls refer to themselves as plus size as fat is normally used in a un-kind way.


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Oh and can I just say, that's what the program was called btw


That maybe the case but you were the one saying "fat" and like i said you can say what you like but i just dont like it.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

button50 said:


> That maybe the case but you were the one saying "fat" and like i said you can say what you like but i just dont like it.


I had no choice if that's what the program was called

Or do you mean my other comments?


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I had no choice if that's what the program was called
> 
> Or do you mean my other comments?


Obviously your comments


----------



## Guest (Oct 9, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell, you seem pretty obsessed with physical appearance (at least on-line).

This is probably not the healthiest approach to life. Outward appearance is subjective, very fleeting, it's very often faked, and it's well... superficial. 

Some of the most beautiful people I know will never grace the cover of any magazine. Don't waste your time so much obsessing over looks when the true quality of a person - of a life, is not measured in cheekbones and dress size.


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

cinnamontoast said:


> Good faces, definition to the cheekbones, pretty.


Thats makeup, not definition.

My sons girlfriend gave him a broken nose this week.

She did it with make-up. And it looked totally off-centre and broken.

And she's only been on her make-up course a few months!

Any face can be made to look good with make-up and photoshop!

Airbrushing also contours shapes and removes cellulite, scars and imperferctions.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

button50 said:


> Obviously your comments





ouesi said:


> tinktinktinkerbell, you seem pretty obsessed with physical appearance (at least on-line).
> 
> This is probably not the healthiest approach to life. Outward appearance is subjective, very fleeting, it's very often faked, and it's well... superficial.
> 
> Some of the most beautiful people I know will never grace the cover of any magazine. Don't waste your time so much obsessing over looks when the true quality of a person - of a life, is not measured in cheekbones and dress size.


I know it's not the be all and end all


----------



## Guest (Oct 9, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I know it's not the be all and end all


Then don't spend so much time on something so relatively unimportant no?

Alternately, I challenge you to look for beauty in everything and not have such a small, narrow view of beauty.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

ouesi said:


> Then don't spend so much time on something so relatively unimportant no?
> 
> Alternately, I challenge you to look for beauty in everything and not have such a small, narrow view of beauty.


I don't have a narrow mind view of beauty, I find loads of looks attractive


----------



## Guest (Oct 9, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I don't have a narrow mind view of beauty, *I find loads of looks attractive*


The bolded just shows you do 

Beauty is not a "look". 
And the worth of a person is not dependent on outward appearance.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be blind? Like born blind. Never having experienced sight.
How would you know what is attractive and what isn't? How would you judge attractiveness in others? In yourself?

Beauty is not what someone looks like


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

If I go and edit my 'I'm out quote' do I count as having walked away gracefully :w00t:


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

ouesi said:


> The bolded just shows you do
> 
> Beauty is not a "look".
> And the worth of a person is not dependent on outward appearance.
> ...


Awk sod it 

Struggling with your appearance and trying to find an amalgam of your 'inner' beauty and 'outer' beauty, doesn't make a person shallow.

Beauty may not be a "look", but it isn't a "word" either.

It's what an individual feels they need to feel THEIR definition of the word.


----------



## Guest (Oct 9, 2013)

Flamingoes said:


> Awk sod it
> 
> Struggling with your appearance and trying to find an amalgam of your 'inner' beauty and 'outer' beauty, doesn't make a person shallow.
> 
> ...


I didn't say anyone was shallow


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

ouesi said:


> I didn't say anyone was shallow


This is why I don't get into debates on here 

I didn't mean that you did 

Awk I fall at the first hurdle :lol:

Doesn't matter :lol:


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

MCWillow said:


> Thats makeup, not definition.
> 
> My sons girlfriend gave him a broken nose this week.
> 
> ...


Doesn't detract from the fact that the girls are nonetheless pretty and feminine.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

cinnamontoast said:


> Good faces, definition to the cheekbones, pretty.


OMG she is huge! :mad2:

Seriously tho she is not 'fat' and the 'rolls' are because of the way she is bending backwards. If I posed like that, all hell would break loose!

Tinks, you are waaaaaayyyy to obsessed with looks. I haven't plucked my eyebrows for about a week, my legs are hairy and my nails are a right mess. Would people treat me differently if my eyebrows were perfect, my legs were smooth and my nails were done? NO!

There are so much more important things. Yes I am on a diet at the moment, buts that's for my health and for me to feel more comfortable.


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

Plus size or whatever, none of us will ever look like this without a team of make up artists and cracking lighting. There's no point banging on about this look and that look, you look how you look, tough. Be happy with yourself and stop obsessing about wanting to emulate some unattainable unrealistic image from the media. Most people are over this after their twenties! Work with what you've got, not what you want. These endless threads about particular celebrities or what to wear today won't help improve self confidence.


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Steven Tylers daughter Mia is a plus sized model, heavily tattooed, she's really beautiful.


----------



## Loopymoo (Sep 28, 2013)

cinnamontoast said:


> Good faces, definition to the cheekbones, pretty.


Actually, fat/bigboned/overweight/festively plump models are a really good idea. Because that photo doesn't make me want to buy that swimsuit, that makes me think "DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BUY THAT SWIMSUIT". Looks horrendous, shows all the rolls you wouldn't want it to show. The rolls that you wouldn't necessarily notice standing in a changing room.

I would say that it has saved me undue embarrassment, and has saved a lot of parents from the local pool having to buy eye bleach for their kids.


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

cinnamontoast said:


> Doesn't detract from the fact that the girls are nonetheless pretty and feminine.


I never said it did. The powers of make-up and photoshop can be pretty powerful, and people shouldn't believe everything they see.


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Wowie!!!!!!!!! 

Plus size models FTW...Mind you if I bent backwards my back would just fall out on the floor :lol:

No - I kid, it's not that bad BUT the perception of beauty is subjective.

So brace what you have not what you want to be or could be, with a big team of special make up artists I think I'd look pretty lovely too :lol:


----------



## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

MCWillow said:


> I never said it did. The powers of make-up and photoshop can be pretty powerful, and people shouldn't believe everything they see.


Oh wow, McWillow if I send you all the photos taken of me since Nov '12 will you straighten out my nose!


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

I really couldn't watch it, don't get me wrong I'm a lady classed as "plus" size but I don't even like looking at my own "excess" never mind someone elses.

I know the beauty industry focuses on these stick thin models all the time but focusing on morbidly obese ones is just as bad, neither way is healthy.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Flamingoes said:


> If I go and edit my 'I'm out quote' do I count as having walked away gracefully :w00t:


Sorry - more like lingered outside the door with your' ear to the keyhole . . .

But you are still welcome to come back, wipe the egg off your face, and join in again.


----------



## smudgiesmummy (Nov 21, 2009)

i watched it , some of the women on the programme were a lot bigger than the pictures put up on here ... personally if i was that size i wouldnt be doing what they were doing ,, for one i would be so soooo embarrassed


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Loopymoo said:


> *Actually, fat/bigboned/overweight/festively plump models are a really good idea. *Because that photo doesn't make me want to buy that swimsuit, that makes me think "DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BUY THAT SWIMSUIT". Looks horrendous, shows all the rolls you wouldn't want it to show. The rolls that you wouldn't necessarily notice standing in a changing room.
> 
> Agree - but for a different reason. It lets young impressionable girls know that they don't HAVE to fit into and anorexic size to be stunning. (Mind, I agree about the swimsuit - I would clear the pool/beach/ocean if I went out in that. On the other hand, maybe I could get a job swimming up and down in the sea around Australian beaches, scaring the sharks off.
> 
> I would say that it has saved me undue embarrassment, and has saved a lot of parents from the local pool having to buy eye bleach for their kids.


I'm beyond embarrassment, me - but I would probably increase the eye bleach sales.


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

Aurelie said:


> Oh wow, McWillow if I send you all the photos taken of me since Nov '12 will you straighten out my nose!


Well I could give it go 

But _I_ didnt actually photoshop any of those, I found them on Google images 

Just type in 'extreme photoshop makeover'


----------



## emmaviolet (Oct 24, 2011)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I had no choice if that's what the program was called
> 
> Or do you mean my other comments?


No no no, you said for yourself they are fat.

Very cruel of you, for a person who says they are low on self esteem and wants to look nice to insult that beautiful model cinnamontoast posted. 

I think she was stunning. Also cheekbones are not always drawn on with make up, to those saying they are. My Mother is bigger then me in weight and size. I am an eight, she an eighteen and her cheekbones have always been more defined then mine.

There is a plus size model, I forget her name, but she used to be a 'normal' catwalk model, but she had an eating disorder and became a plus size. She is so stunning, one of the most beautiful faces I have ever seen.

I wonder how you would feel if people just started calling you fat?


----------



## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Oh come on, *second pic on the first page, girl has rolls*!
> 
> Just google plus size model how can you say none of them are fat!


Yes, but many even quite slim women would have some degree of 'rollage' if they bent backwards like that, it's just photoshopped out.


----------



## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Aurelie said:


> Oh wow, McWillow if I send you all the photos taken of me since Nov '12 will you straighten out my nose!


I would love for someone to photoshop me so I had clear skin, I haven't had clear skin since I hit puberty at 13, I think this is one of the reasons I've always had such low self esteem


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

simplysardonic said:


> I would love for someone to photoshop me so I had clear skin, I haven't had clear skin since I hit puberty at 13, I think this is one of the reasons I've always had such low self esteem


Me too hun! Been on a range of anti-biotics, creams etc... it's called perioral dermatitis what I have, it's a BLOOMING nightmare, so I suffer with LSE too  xx


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

simplysardonic said:


> I would love for someone to photoshop me so I had clear skin, I haven't had clear skin since I hit puberty at 13, I think this is one of the reasons I've always had such low self esteem


I read an article about this once.

The reporter, in her 60s I think, had a photo professionally airbrushed.

When she first saw it she felt worse about herself because it was like 'the ideal' her, and she didnt measure up in real life!

Then she looked closer and realised it had actually taken away, who she was, it had removed any semblance of personality from the pic.

And she decided she liked her unairbrushed pic better, because it showed a real person 

But if you want a pic of you with clear skin, I can certainly have a go for you


----------



## Loopymoo (Sep 28, 2013)

emmaviolet said:


> *No no no, you said for yourself they are fat.
> 
> Very cruel of you, for a person who says they are low on self esteem and wants to look nice to insult that beautiful model cinnamontoast posted. *
> 
> ...


I would rather be called "fat" than "oooooh, you're looking _*well*_" or "bonnie" or "radiant" or subconsciously but obviously keep glancing at my extra 'shelf'. If someone thinks I've put weight on, I'd rather them keep their mouth shut, but since that very rarely is the case and people simply HAVE to say something (for my own good of course) then I'd prefer them come out and say "fat.


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Loopymoo said:


> I would rather be called "fat" than "oooooh, you're looking _*well*_" or "bonnie" or "radiant" or subconsciously but obviously keep glancing at my extra 'shelf'. If someone thinks I've put weight on, I'd rather them keep their mouth shut, but since that very rarely is the case and people simply HAVE to say something (for my own good of course) then I'd prefer them come out and say "fat.


Meh my pals/family are always honest with me. They tell me when I've put on a bit of weight or tell me I've lost it. I like it that way! Makes me continue with my goal or try harder :thumbup:

I'd rather not be called fat though, whether people don't mind it or not it can be insulting depending who you're saying it to.


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

I don't understand how describing a plus sized model as fat, big or whatever makes a difference tbh. IMO the model shown is fat but then she is also beautiful, hence why she is a model.

Are women really that stupid that they compare themselves to celebrities/models that have a team of stylists, spend their whole lives trying to look their best, are on constant diets, have photos that are airbrushed extensively ..... really? :confused1:

If so then maybe they need to take a look at their lives & try to find out why they are so brain washed


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> I don't understand how describing a plus sized model as fat, big or whatever makes a difference tbh. IMO the model shown is fat but then she is also beautiful, hence why she is a model.
> 
> *Are women really that stupid that they compare themselves to celebrities/models that have a team of stylists, spend their whole lives trying to look their best, are on constant diets, have photos that are airbrushed extensively* ..... really? :confused1
> 
> If so then maybe they need to take a look at their lives & try to find out why they are so brain washed


It would appear so.

Some excuse for little girls in the throes of puberty (what a nightmare that is!), but for grown women . . .

Trouble is, when all your life you've felt self-conscious about your appearance, even if you morphed into the most fabulous woman on the planet, you wouldn't really be able to see it.

One of the actresses I love is Shobna Gulati. Apparenttly all her life, people have told her to get her nose fixed, and she's refused. Good for her! She's beautiful, and she isn't a clone churned out by the 'this-is-what-you-should-look-like' industry.


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

lostbear said:


> It would appear so.
> 
> Some excuse for little girls in the throes of puberty (what a nightmare that is!), but for grown women . . .
> 
> ...


I can understand for young girls then this is different (but then that surely is a parenting issue as well. I am amazed at what some parent think is suitable for young girls - Miley Cyrus thread anyone?!! )

It would seem madness if women looked towards a cartoon image as an ideal but that's more or less what these celebrities/models are in photos, it's not reality. I find it bizarre that people want to ban these airbrushed images as they are unable to separate real life from the images in these magazines


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> I can understand for young girls then this is different (but then that surely is a parenting issue as well. I am amazed at what some parent think is suitable for young girls - Miley Cyrus thread anyone?!! )
> 
> It would seem madness if women looked towards a cartoon image as an ideal but that's more or less what these celebrities/models are in photos, it's not reality. I find it bizarre that people want to ban these airbrushed images as they are unable to separate real life from the images in these magazines


Agree completely - Like these guys you mean?

Real-life Barbie and Ken, Valeria Lukyanova and Justin Jedlica meet, but 'hate the sight of each other' | Mail Online

:lol: It's just so bizarre anyone would want to look this way BUT kudos to them I suppose but I'm good with *my wobbly bits* :thumbup:


----------



## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Cleo38 said:


> I can understand for young girls then this is different (but then that surely is a parenting issue as well. I am amazed at what some parent think is suitable for young girls - Miley Cyrus thread anyone?!! )
> 
> It would seem madness if women looked towards a cartoon image as an ideal but that's more or less what these celebrities/models are in photos, it's not reality. I find it bizarre that people want to ban these airbrushed images as they are unable to separate real life from the images in these magazines


Let's not forget even the most beautiful famous ladies are often hounded by the pesterazzi day in, day out, on their good days & bad days. The popular media homes in on it like flies round poo, devoting whole news articles to weight gain, blotchy skin, cellulite or less than perfect hair. I'd love to see photos of the people who write this vitriol, as I bet they're nothing to write home about.


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

simplysardonic said:


> Let's not forget even the most beautiful famous ladies are often hounded by the pesterazzi day in, day out, on their good days & bad days. The popular media homes in on it like flies round poo, devoting whole news articles to weight gain, blotchy skin, cellulite or less than perfect hair. I'd love to see photos of the people who write this vitriol, as I bet they're nothing to write home about.


The only time I read those sort of magazines is usually when I'm in a doctors/dentist waiting room & have forgotten my book.

It seems odd that people are so obsessed with catching a pic of someone who looks a bit rough - so what? There was a pic of Kate Moss once with supposed cellulite, wow, big news!! But these magazines are bought by women - why?

I don't understand why women would complain about how they are being fed unrealistc images yet still buy magazines that glorify celebrities or are so nasty in picturing people not looking their best like the school bully would try to belittle someone.

I am far from perfect looking, some days I feel fat & wished I was slimmer, but if it really bothered me then I should do something about it. I am never going to look like a model but I'm not going to spend any time crying about it.


----------



## K9Steve (Oct 5, 2012)

To be quite honest, giving heavier or obese people money or some other form of reward for being overweight may help their self-confidence and make them feel good about themselves, but it doesn't help the fact that these people are putting their healths and their lives in jeopardy for being overweight. 

Why not give them money or some other form of reward of losing the weight and keeping the weight off? The money may help pay bills or give them an income because many companies or businesses won't hire them because of their weight because they see overweight people as a liability. In addition, I think if they lose the weight, not only will their health will increase, their self-confidence improves, and a lot of other good things happen to them, including the cost of health insurance premiums will decrease and/or health insurance companies will insure them. 

Yes, they may feel good about themselves now, but won't they feel better if they lose the weight to what weight is right for them? I just feel overweight people will get exploited in a more worse way than everyone else who isn't overweight. See what I mean?


----------



## emmaviolet (Oct 24, 2011)

I think that calling someone fat is an insult. I wouldn't say to anyone, let alone a stranger they were fat and if I did I would expect to be hit hard across the face.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I think its time we as women focused more on who we are than trying to live up to 90% air brushed images of so called perfect women! - some of us are perpetuating a money making media image that few women can ever get near - and so the cycle goes on - the media feeds on our insecurities as women .... we breed generations of young girls fixated on getting big boobs and becoming all about "looks" - or getting eating disorders/body dismorphia ---it really infuriates me 

I would not call these plus size models fat - to me thats a derogatory term - ...they are curvy,volumptuous beautiful women who are comfortable with how they look - that in itself makes someone more appealing and sexy - someone who struts their stuff and dont give a damn!!  .....- its time we stopped judging oursleves and other women just by looks - we are far more than that !!! and until WE start believing that how can we expect things to change??

ALL WOMEN are beautiful in my opinion!!! we just have to realise it!!


:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


----------



## K9Steve (Oct 5, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> I think its time we as women focused more on who we are than trying to live up to 90% air brushed images of so called perfect women! - some of us are perpetuating a money making media image that few women can ever get near - and so the cycle goes on - the media feeds on our insecurities as women .... we breed generations of young girls fixated on getting big boobs and becoming all about "looks" - or getting eating disorders/body dismorphia ---it really infuriates me
> 
> I would not call these plus size models fat - to me thats a derogatory term - ...they are curvy,volumptuous beautiful women who are comfortable with how they look - that in itself makes someone more appealing and sexy - someone who struts their stuff and dont give a damn!!  .....- its time we stopped judging oursleves and other women just by looks - we are far more than that !!! and until WE start believing that how can we expect things to change??
> 
> ...


Very well said, Suzy! :thumbup:


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> OMG she is huge! :mad2:
> 
> Seriously tho she is not 'fat' and the 'rolls' are because of the way she is bending backwards. If I posed like that, all hell would break loose!
> 
> ...


I'm not way to obsessed with looks, if I was I wouldn't look like a tramp :laugh:



SirHiss said:


> Steven Tylers daughter Mia is a plus sized model, heavily tattooed, she's really beautiful.


She's gorgeous!

Ok look, there I go being obsessed with looks again



emmaviolet said:


> No no no, you said for yourself they are fat.
> 
> Very cruel of you, for a person who says they are low on self esteem and wants to look nice to insult that beautiful model cinnamontoast posted.
> 
> ...


People have called me fat, hell I've called myself fat, why? Because I am!



Loopymoo said:


> I would rather be called "fat" than "oooooh, you're looking _*well*_" or "bonnie" or "radiant" or subconsciously but obviously keep glancing at my extra 'shelf'.


100% this!

Love how fat it taboo but obese is fine to call someone!



Cleo38 said:


> I don't understand how describing a plus sized model as fat, big or whatever makes a difference tbh. IMO the model shown is fat but then she is also beautiful, hence why she is a model.


Exactly, I'm in no way saying these women aren't beautiful


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> I think its time we as women focused more on who we are than trying to live up to 90% air brushed images of so called perfect women! - some of us are perpetuating a money making media image that few women can ever get near - and so the cycle goes on - the media feeds on our insecurities as women .... we breed generations of young girls fixated on getting big boobs and becoming all about "looks" - or getting eating disorders/body dismorphia ---it really infuriates me
> 
> I would not call these plus size models fat - to me thats a derogatory term - ...they are curvy,volumptuous beautiful women who are comfortable with how they look - that in itself makes someone more appealing and sexy - someone who struts their stuff and dont give a damn!!  .....- its time we stopped judging oursleves and other women just by looks - we are far more than that !!! and until WE start believing that how can we expect things to change??
> 
> ...


I hate curvy being used for overweight people (it's almost as bad as calling them "real women") To me women like Kelly brook, Kim kardashian, Marilyn Monroe, Catherine Tyldesley, kat dennings are curvy


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> People have called me fat, hell I've called myself fat, why? Because I am!
> 
> 100% this!
> 
> ...


I agree, to me fat is a word, as is thin, as is curvy as is skinny (if applying to body shape/size)

I'm a bit fat at the moment, I don't want to be but saying I'm a bit heavier or a bit curvier doesn't make any difference to the scales or how tight my clothes are ..... I am a bit fat!

Personally I think we should stop getting hung up over words just as much as we should stop getting hung up over unrealistic images.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I'm not way to obsessed with looks, if I was I wouldn't look like a tramp :laugh:
> 
> No
> 
> ...


---------------------------------------------------------


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> I agree, to me fat is a word, as is thin, as is curvy as is skinny (if applying to body shape/size)
> 
> I'm a bit fat at the moment, I don't want to be but saying I'm a bit heavier or a bit curvier doesn't make any difference to the scales or how tight my clothes are ..... I am a bit fat!
> 
> Personally I think we should stop getting hung up over words just as much as we should stop getting hung up over unrealistic images.


Agree!

It is just a word

Fat
Thin
Overweight
Skinny
Short
Tall

All used to describe someone, it's no big deal


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cheryl89 said:


> Agree completely - Like these guys you mean?
> 
> Real-life Barbie and Ken, Valeria Lukyanova and Justin Jedlica meet, but 'hate the sight of each other' | Mail Online
> 
> :lol: It's just so bizarre anyone would want to look this way BUT kudos to them I suppose but I'm good with *my wobbly bits* :thumbup:


Wait . . . what? . . . . these are _people?????!!!!!_


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Agree!
> 
> It is just a word
> 
> ...


So if I said "Couldn't agree more, Fatso.", you would be ok with that?


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

lostbear said:


> Wait . . . what? . . . . these are _people?????!!!!!_


Yup hun, read her life story and her transition phase - It's really quite amazing :lol:

x


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

lostbear said:


> Wait . . . what? . . . . these are _people?????!!!!!_


LOL, & they paid ALOT of money to look that 'good' :lol::lol::lol:


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

lostbear said:


> So if I said "Couldn't agree more, Fatso.", you would be ok with that?


I just spat out my diet coke babe! Lmfao

If someone said that to me I don't know if I'd cry or kill them :scared:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cheryl89 said:


> I just sit out my diet coke babe! Lmfao
> *
> If someone said that to me I don't know if I'd crazy or kill them *:scared:


I know what I'd do. :lol:


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

lostbear said:


> I know what I'd do. :lol:


:devil: hehe you devil you!


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

lostbear said:


> So if I said "Couldn't agree more, Fatso.", you would be ok with that?


I'd rather be called Fatso than Old [email protected] .... at least I can do something about the fat


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> I'd rather be called Fatso than Old [email protected] .... at least I can do something about the fat


Anybody calls me 'old' and they're dead meat! (As my mother used to say, 'the truth always hurts". Hahahahaha.:lol:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> LOL, & they paid ALOT of money to look that 'good' :lol::lol::lol:


Worth every penny (snigger)

Why would anyone want to look like a toy? I mean, if I don't wax I'm a dead ringer for Teddy Ruxpin, but it isn't from choice :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Hahahaha oh ladies, you're making me laugh at work!!! :lol:


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I hate curvy being used for overweight people (it's almost as bad as calling them "real women") To me women like Kelly brook, Kim kardashian, Marilyn Monroe, Catherine Tyldesley, kat dennings are curvy


Marilyn Monroe was the national average size 16 back in her day - but she was classed as fat for that time!

A women who is overweight is still a REAL WOMEN - an obese woman is still a REAL WOMEN ..... what gives you the right to say she is not a real woman ?? I find that very sad 

As for some of the women you mentioned I would call them quite slim but having volumptuous parts of bodies ie boobs thighs etc ....

Im a 12-14-16 depending where I shop .....Im curvy and my OH loves me curvy!! even when I WAS overweight at 14½ stone he called me curvy !!!! he loved me then he loves me now ....

I can also say 100% that losing weight did not change me as a person - im still me - what it DID highlight is how fickle and vain others are and the perception that thin means great .....its a load of ****** - the sooner people come to terms with who they are - and become slimmer or lose weight for HEALTH reasons rather than to fit someone elses perception of what beauty is the better - cos you aint never gonna please all of the people all of the time .....be you and be happy!!

FAT is a word yes but its an adjective used in the most to describe someone in an "unattractive way" - just because YOU dont find it offensive does not mean others do not - just think about what you say as to someone else you could hurt them by saying it .....


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Agree!
> 
> It is just a word
> 
> ...


Words to one that mean nothing to you could be the catalyst for another ...........


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> A women who is overweight is still a REAL WOMEN - an obese woman is still a REAL WOMEN ..... what gives you the right to say she is not a real woman ?? I find that very sad


Think you've misread what I've said there :-/


----------



## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Well, with my advancing years I'm turning into quite a little porker. Perhaps I can sign up as a plus-size plus-age model 
P


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> A women who is overweight is still a REAL WOMEN - an obese woman is still a REAL WOMEN ..... what gives you the right to say she is not a real woman ?? I find that very sad


I hate the term 'real women' as it is always applied to fatter women (sorry I know you don't like the term! ) as if any other shape/size of woman is not 'real'

Women come in different shapes or sizes; thin women are just as 'real' as one who are heavier


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Oh a Tink's thread causing friction.... I am astounded at this! 

I am not sure what you wanted to gain from this thread Tinks....did you want people to say "you could def be a plus size model"

I am me, I am loved and I am enjoying my life as much as I can. I have sucumbed to a doughnut at work but Im not beating myself up about it because life is too short. My friend at work, her best friends child got killed by a car at the weekend, she was 14 months old. I think some people need some perspective.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Think you've misread what I've said there :-/


You hate the word curvy or real woman to describe an overweight person ...... I just dont get that .....I can only assume this is because you genuinely dont think they are - because YOU believe overweight = fat = horrible = someone unhappy with their body shape -

News flash - not everyone who is overweight is unhappy - and not every overweight person likes being called fat!! - they celebrate their curves and love being "all woman" - :thumbup::thumbup:

You are using how U feel about yourself in order to judge other people  xx


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> You hate the word curvy or real woman to describe an overweight person ...... I just dont get that .....I can only assume this is because you genuinely dont think they are - because YOU believe overweight = fat = horrible = someone unhappy with their body shape -
> 
> News flash - not everyone who is overweight is unhappy - and not every overweight person likes being called fat!! - they celebrate their curves and love being "all woman" - :thumbup::thumbup:
> 
> You are using how U feel about yourself in order to judge other people  xx


Why does fat have to equal horrible? :confused1:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Think you've misread what I've said there :-/


No
---------------------------------


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> Why does fat have to equal horrible? :confused1:


It doesn't, but that is the perception that people have these days.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cheryl89 said:


> Hahahaha oh ladies, you're making me laugh at work!!! :lol:


Now, now - you aren't there to enjoy yourself :thumbup:


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

If there was a famine, then who would last longer


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

K9Steve said:


> To be quite honest, giving heavier or obese people money or some other form of reward for being overweight may help their self-confidence and make them feel good about themselves, but it doesn't help the fact that these people are putting their healths and their lives in jeopardy for being overweight.


You could say the exact same thing about the ultra thin models who stay that way through not eating and taking drugs. Should they also be stopped from modelling as it's funding their unhealthy lifestyle? Ideally models would be more moderate (more moderate models - trying saying that 3 times fast).

As for the word fat, you should be able to use whatever words you like to describe yourself but you have no right to go flinging them at others if they are likely to cause upset. My friends wouldn't call me fat because they are my friends and how I look is immaterial to them.


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Marilyn Monroe wasn't actually a size 16 it was a myth.

Her waist was tiny, her dressmaker confirmed her waist was only 22 inches, 24 inches at her curviest.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> I hate the term 'real women' as it is always applied to fatter women (sorry I know you don't like the term! ) as if any other shape/size of woman is not 'real'
> 
> Women come in different shapes or sizes; thin women are just as 'real' as one who are heavier


lol its different perspectives lol  - I think women of all sizes are "real women" its society that class heavier women as not so, I think thats why some DO call them that to validate them as successful happy women living life - just like thin ones!! .....if you get what I mean lol


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Oh a Tink's thread causing friction.... I am astounded at this!
> 
> I am not sure what you wanted to gain from this thread Tinks....did you want people to say "you could def be a plus size model"
> 
> I am me, I am loved and I am enjoying my life as much as I can. I have sucumbed to a doughnut at work but Im not beating myself up about it because life is too short.* My friend at work, her best friends child got killed by a car at the weekend, she was 14 months old.* I think some people need some perspective.


How dreadful - my heart goes out to them.

And you are right - fishing for compliments on a public forum shows a monstrous degree of self-obsession. People have real tragedies to cope with.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

SirHiss said:


> Marilyn Monroe wasn't actually a size 16 it was a myth.
> 
> Her waist was tiny, her dressmaker confirmed her waist was only 22 inches, 24 inches at her curviest.


I think this is because of the dress size changes ......she did at some point wear size 16 dresses .....maybe not at start of her career my waist is tiny I could get away with a size 10/12 but my legs hips and bum make me become a different size - prob the same for Marilyn Monroe who was curvier than the norm for back then


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

SirHiss said:


> Marilyn Monroe wasn't actually a size 16 it was a myth.
> 
> Her waist was tiny, her dressmaker confirmed her waist was only 22 inches, 24 inches at her curviest.


I honestly don't know her measurements, though I had always read that she was as size 16, too. And she might have had a 22" waist, but God gave her a much more generous bosom and hips - she was a really curvy hourglass girl. She could well have been a size 16 in those areas, and none the worse for it.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> If there was a famine, then who would last longer


Probably me because I would be quite prepared to eat the rest of you in order to survive.:thumbup:


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> Why does fat have to equal horrible? :confused1:


I dont know Cleo but it does to a lot of people who have it flung at them in a nasty way .....we only have ourselves as a society to blame for that .....


----------



## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> I think this is because of the dress size changes ......she did at some point wear size 16 dresses .....maybe not at start of her career my waist is tiny I could get away with a size 10/12 but my legs hips and bum make me become a different size - prob the same for Marilyn Monroe who was curvier than the norm for back then


And most retailers have different sizes even within their own ranges, depending on the make I go between 10-12 on my bottom, 12-14 on my top.


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Cleo38 said:


> I hate the term 'real women' as it is always applied to fatter women (sorry I know you don't like the term! ) as if any other shape/size of woman is not 'real'
> 
> Women come in different shapes or sizes; thin women are just as 'real' as one who are heavier


I hate that term too. Never in my life have I criticised another woman for her body shape, I wouldn't be so rude and cruel. But in my younger, skinnier days I was constantly being told by other women that I was too skinny, needed to put some weight on, and not a "real woman". 

It seemed to me that is was considered quite acceptable for women to criticise other women in a very public way for being slim, but nobody would ever dare reply with the F word because that would be so cruel and nasty.
Women are the worst enemy of women, when it comes to body image. Perhaps if we were kinder to ourselves in terms of being happy with our bodies, we would feel less need to tear each other down?

(Using the royal we there, my body is strong, a healthy weight, and in not bad shape at all for an old bat, quite content with what I've got, rolls when I sit down and all).


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

lostbear said:


> Probably me because I would be quite prepared to eat the rest of you in order to survive.:thumbup:


:lol: And this is the real reasons I'm trying to get fitter - so I can out run lostbear in case of famine


----------



## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

myshkin said:


> I hate that term too. Never in my life have I criticised another woman for her body shape, I wouldn't be so rude and cruel. But in my younger, skinnier days I was constantly being told by other women that I was too skinny, needed to put some weight on, and not a "real woman".
> 
> It seemed to me that is was considered quite acceptable for women to criticise other women in a very public way for being slim, but nobody would ever dare reply with the F word because that would be so cruel and nasty.
> Women are the worst enemy of women, when it comes to body image. Perhaps if we were kinder to ourselves in terms of being happy with our bodies, we would feel less need to tear each other down?
> ...


My oldest daughter gets a lot of it, as she's very slight. Some girls at school have been calling her anorexic, which she finds upsetting


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

suzy93074 said:


> I think this is because of the dress size changes ......she did at some point wear size 16 dresses .....maybe not at start of her career my waist is tiny I could get away with a size 10/12 but my legs hips and bum make me become a different size - prob the same for Marilyn Monroe who was curvier than the norm for back then


I have copied and pasted this from a Marilyn Monroe site.



> In the 1960's when she was at her heaviest, she was 140lbs and here is where the myth started. Whilst filming Lets Make Love Marilyn was considered to be her most curvaceous and a size 16. However, a 1950's dress size would be the equivalent of a modern day size 12 or even as small as a size 8! So, whilst it may seem empowering for woman kind to hear that the greatest sex symbol of all time wore a voluptuous size 16 - sadly for us modern day 16's we are trying to compare ourselves with a petite size 12 or even size 8 in some instances! We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and frustration looking in the mirror and hearing the media telling us we should look like Marilyn Monroe - we are left bewildered and wondering why we don't or not looking truthfully and consoling ourselves that we are the same size as Marilyn but in fact we're deceiving ourselves.
> 
> Having had the opportunity and privilege of seeing Marilyn's costumes and personal clothing I can tell you for certain she was tiny, even during peak weight times, Marilyn was definitely a slim woman.


Journalist Sara Buys got to try on some of Marilyn's clothes some time ago and had this to say.



> After all these years, mystery and conspiracy theories still surround her death, but when it comes to her physical attributes, I can put a few facts straight. Contrary to received wisdom, she was not a voluptuous size 16  quite the opposite. While she was undeniably voluptuous  in possession of an ample bosom and a bottom that would look at home gyrating in a J-Lo video  for most of the early part of her career, she was a size 8 and even in her plumper stages, was no more than a 10. I can tell you this from experience because a few weeks ago, I tried to try on her clothes.


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

simplysardonic said:


> And most retailers have different sizes even within their own ranges, depending on the make I go between 10-12 on my bottom, 12-14 on my top.


You're too skinny hun, I think you need to be a reallllllllllllllllllll womennnnnnnnn :lol:

:scared:

xxxxx


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

FAT is an offensive term ... whichever way you look at it.

I argued this point until I nearly pulled my hair out on a thread some weeks back. Had very little back up ... bar one or two people on the forum. Strange how now Tink says the F bomb...there are people from every direction slating the use of the FAT word ... hmmmmm.

One has to wonder if one or two have just stepped into this thread to use the Fat term as another Tink bashing stick.

Btw...I distinctly remember EmmaV (Mysh was supportive too) being opposed to the "fat" word in that previous thread... so I am not speaking about her.

And BB maybe you could get Tink to open a thread about her lounge...that would not cause "friction" would it


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

myshkin said:


> I hate that term too. Never in my life have I criticised another woman for her body shape, I wouldn't be so rude and cruel. But in my younger, skinnier days I was constantly being told by other women that I was too skinny, needed to put some weight on, and not a "real woman".
> 
> It seemed to me that is was considered quite acceptable for women to criticise other women in a very public way for being slim, but nobody would ever dare reply with the F word because that would be so cruel and nasty.
> Women are the worst enemy of women, when it comes to body image. Perhaps if we were kinder to ourselves in terms of being happy with our bodies, we would feel less need to tear each other down?
> ...


My best friend at school was naturally very slim and she got all sorts of flack about it with people telling her to stop being anorexic and just eat. She ate twice as much as me but it was good food which she burnt off through her love of sport.

That's why I hate the term 'real women' because it's always being used in a way that it puts someone else down.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Mulish said:


> :lol: And this is the real reasons I'm trying to get fitter - so I can out run lostbear in case of famine


You may run, but you will never hide . . . :lol:

When you stop, gasping for breath, I will appear over the horizon like a roly-poly velociraptor, if a velociraptor could clutch a knife, fork and cruet :drool:


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

simplysardonic said:


> My oldest daughter gets a lot of it, as she's very slight. Some girls at school have been calling her anorexic, which she finds upsetting


They start early, learning to belittle other women. Usually for the things they are jealous about.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

chichi said:


> FAT is an offensive term ... whichever way you look at it.
> *
> I argued this point until I nearly pulled my hair out on a thread some weeks back. Had very little back up ...* bar one or two people on the forum. Strange how now Tink says the F bomb...there are people from every direction slating the use of the FAT word ... hmmmmm.
> 
> ...


I must have missed that thread. I agree that a word which started out as descriptive, and even complimentary (as recently as Edwardian times it meant that you were getting enough to eat), has become perforative. It is a shame, but that's life.

Re: Tink - she'll open another thread soon, trust me.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

myshkin said:


> They start early, learning to belittle other women.* Usually for the things they are jealous about. *


And THAT is spot on.


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

lostbear said:


> You may run, but you will never hide . . . :lol:
> 
> When you stop, gasping for breath, I will appear over the horizon like a roly-poly velociraptor,* if a velociraptor could clutch a knife, fork and cruet* :drool:


I've watched Jurassic Park, I'm pretty sure they could 

Also, if the famine happens any time soon, you won't have to wait long for me to stop, gasping for breath. In case of famine or zombie apocalypse, I'm doomed


----------



## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

I came home from the stables last night, and this was the first thing I saw. Turned it over after five mins :scared: ewwww! I'm a big person but I'll never actually over-eat for cash.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

simplysardonic said:


> My oldest daughter gets a lot of it, as she's very slight. Some girls at school have been calling her anorexic, which she finds upsetting


Yes it does go the other way too - my youngest neice who is 15 is really tall and very thin - her teacher wrote my sister a note saying she thought she may have an eating disorder!!! my sister was fuming and told her what for lol

She is actually just very very active - loves sports and is involved in lots of sport activities etc - she eats like a horse but just has a very lean body!

I think what this post highlights which is what I have tried to say - is that any body shape for women is scrutinised and judged - which is totally wrong ...and like myskin says we as women have helped perpetuate that by judging other women along with ourselves ............all on looks .....which is sad


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

chichi said:


> FAT is an offensive term ... whichever way you look at it.
> 
> I argued this point until I nearly pulled my hair out on a thread some weeks back. Had very little back up ... bar one or two people on the forum. Strange how now Tink says the F bomb...there are people from every direction slating the use of the FAT word ... hmmmmm.
> 
> ...


I dont recall a thread -  - Im not bashing Tinks at all -just trying to show a different opinion


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Mulish said:


> I've watched Jurassic Park, I'm pretty sure they could
> 
> Also,* if the famine happens any time soon*, you won't have to wait long for me to stop, gasping for breath. In case of famine or zombie apocalypse, I'm doomed


You know, a total stranger once stopped me to tell me that if there was a famine, she'd last longer than me because I was so skinny I'd starve to death straight away! 
I nearly chewed my own tongue off trying to get away without stooping to her level! :laugh:

Another "lady" was so angered by the sight of me running that she blocked my path to make a puking noise and tell me I was disgusting. 

Maybe I just really p*ss other women off!


----------



## emmaviolet (Oct 24, 2011)

chichi said:


> FAT is an offensive term ... whichever way you look at it.
> 
> I argued this point until I nearly pulled my hair out on a thread some weeks back. Had very little back up ... bar one or two people on the forum. Strange how now Tink says the F bomb...there are people from every direction slating the use of the FAT word ... hmmmmm.
> 
> ...


Thanks, I remember repping you for it, I do not understand where this whole fat is not an insult opinion has come from.

Although, even on this thread I don't see too many people thinking it that wrong to call someone fat, which I think is really quite sad.

I do find it really sad that someone who says they have low self esteem to call a woman who is very beautiful and stunning fat. I'm sure there's many a person who would love to look as good as those models.


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

myshkin said:


> You know, a total stranger once stopped me to tell me that if there was a famine, she'd last longer than me because I was so skinny I'd starve to death straight away!
> I nearly chewed my own tongue off trying to get away without stooping to her level! :laugh:
> 
> Another "lady" was so angered by the sight of me running that she blocked my path to make a puking noise and tell me I was disgusting.
> ...


Omg I can't believe some women are that callous!!! How dare they!

You're beautiful hun and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Unless your on this thread of course, where being called fat...is OKAY! :lol:

heheheeee :scared: xxx


----------



## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Cheryl89 said:


> You're too skinny hun, I think you need to be a reallllllllllllllllllll womennnnnnnnn :lol:
> 
> :scared:
> 
> xxxxx


:lol: trust me, it sounds like I'm skinny, but as I'm stupidly short it's about 2 sizes too large for me height!


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Just for the record, I really don't like the word fat - Even if it wouldn't offend me it could offend the other person, I would just never do it myself...same as I wouldn't go OMG you're too skinny that's disgusting blah blah blah

Each to their own 100% xx :thumbup:


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

simplysardonic said:


> :lol: trust me, it sounds like I'm skinny, but as I'm stupidly short it's about 2 sizes too large for me height!


Oh me too babe, my Mum always says "You're not overweight you're just big boned" when in reality I know it's my height that's made me all short and cuddley  xxx


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Cheryl89 said:


> Omg I can't believe some women are that callous!!! How dare they!
> 
> You're beautiful hun and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
> 
> ...


Honestly, when someone feels the need to go and insult a total stranger for having a different dress size, I've always felt it says more about them than me....and I find it such bizzarrely angry behaviour that it just makes me laugh.


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

myshkin said:


> Honestly, when someone feels the need to go and insult a total stranger for having a different dress size, I've always felt it says more about them than me....and I find it such bizzarrely angry behaviour that it just makes me laugh.


Exactly hon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rise above  x


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

suzy93074 said:


> Yes it does go the other way too - my youngest neice who is 15 is really tall and very thin - her teacher wrote my sister a note saying she thought she may have an eating disorder!!! my sister was fuming and told her what for lol
> 
> She is actually just very very active - loves sports and is involved in lots of sport activities etc - she eats like a horse but just has a very lean body!
> 
> I think what this post highlights which is what I have tried to say - is that any body shape for women is scrutinised and judged - which is totally wrong ...and like myskin says we as women have helped perpetuate that by judging other women along with ourselves ............all on looks .....which is sad


My daughter is the same - she is almost 6' tall, and very willowy, but has the appetite of a small flock of gannets. Constant teasing at school (and she has asperger's, too, so was an easy person to bait) has left her self-conscious about her height. (And she is beautiful)


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

emmaviolet said:


> Thanks, I remember repping you for it, I do not understand where this whole fat is not an insult opinion has come from.
> 
> Although, even on this thread I don't see too many people thinking it that wrong to call someone fat, which I think is really quite sad.
> 
> I do find it really sad that someone who says they have low self esteem to call a woman who is very beautiful and stunning fat. I'm sure there's many a person who would love to look as good as those models.


But the word fat is a word, why do people get so upset at a word? If I was described as old (if I were in a group of teenagers) then that would be correct, if I were described as the 'fat one' in a group of people dress size zero then that would also be correct - it would not be meant as insult :confused1: .... well, depends on who said it I suppose 

To call someone a fat cow is insulting but so is calling someone an old cow - do we stop using the word old as well?

I think people need to get over definfitions & obsessions with their sizes/shapes, more confident & less worried about what people think of them. I do realise its not easy for some but this hang up we seem to have about the shape or size of women seems ridiculous.


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

myshkin said:


> You know, a total stranger once stopped me to tell me that if there was a famine, she'd last longer than me because I was so skinny I'd starve to death straight away!
> I nearly chewed my own tongue off trying to get away without stooping to her level! :laugh:
> 
> Another "lady" was so angered by the sight of me running that she blocked my path to make a puking noise and tell me I was disgusting.
> ...


 Where on earth do you live? What appalling behaviour. I've had a lifetime of insults and comments off complete strangers (and people I know, including family members) because of my weight and I think it's part of the reason I'm so thick skinned now (see - I'm not fat, I'm just thick skinned!)

Some people seem to think they have a right to not only pass judgement on you but come and tell you what that judgement is. It's taken me many, many years to come to the conclusion that I don't particularly care and I'm so much happier for it.

Now I just pity them and their empty lives. Happy people don't feel the need to makes others unhappy.


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> But the word fat is a word, why do people get so upset at a word? If I was described as old (if I were in a group of teenagers) then that would be correct, if I were described as the 'fat one' in a group of people dress size zero then that would also be correct - it would not be meant as insult :confused1: .... well, depends on who said it I suppose
> 
> To call someone a fat cow is insulting but so is calling someone an old cow - do we stop using the word old as well?
> 
> I think people need to get over definfitions & obsessions with their sizes/shapes, more confident & less worried about what people think of them. I do realise its not easy for some but this hang up we seem to have about the shape or size of women seems ridiculous.


I think the way LB put it was hilarious but a classic example...

If someone walked up to you (husband, OH, family included) and went "Oh alright Fatso, how's it going" You'd be super shocked, it's just not how you speak to people that's all.

I couldn't dream of hurting someones feelings that way so I'd rather just say nothing at all


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Cheryl89 said:


> I think the way LB put it was hilarious but a classic example...
> 
> If someone walked up to you (husband, OH, family included) and went "Oh alright Fatso, how's it going" You'd be super shocked, it's just not how you speak to people that's all.
> 
> I couldn't dream of hurting someones feelings that way so I'd rather just say nothing at all


I agree that I would never call someone fat (to their face) as they may find it upsetting, I realise that not everyone is thick skinned

But then again I would never comment on anyone's body shape to them unless they asked me. It has nothing to do with me


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

Mulish said:


> Where on earth do you live? What appalling behaviour. I've had a lifetime of insults and comments off complete strangers (and people I know, including family members) because of my weight and I think it's part of the reason I'm so thick skinned now (see - I'm not fat, I'm just thick skinned!)
> 
> Some people seem to think they have a right to not only pass judgement on you but come and tell you what that judgement is. It's taken me many, many years to come to the conclusion that I don't particularly care and I'm so much happier for it.
> 
> Now I just pity them and their empty lives. Happy people don't feel the need to makes others unhappy.


It was when I lived in Manchester. I'd forgotten until I saw this thread - now I take it for granted that if anyone calls out to me when I'm running, it will be friendly, sometimes admiring (big hills around here!). In Manchester you had to have a very thick skin to be a female doing something as outrageous as running. 
Spot on about happy people.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

SirHiss said:


> I have copied and pasted this from a Marilyn Monroe site.
> 
> Journalist Sara Buys got to try on some of Marilyn's clothes some time ago and had this to say.


I stand corrected then :cornut:.....although I still believe she was for that time classed as a "curvier" woman compared to other women celebs at that time :001_cool:


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> But the word fat is a word, why do people get so upset at a word? If I was described as old (if I were in a group of teenagers) then that would be correct, if I were described as the 'fat one' in a group of people dress size zero then that would also be correct - it would not be meant as insult :confused1: .... well, depends on who said it I suppose
> 
> To call someone a fat cow is insulting but so is calling someone an old cow - do we stop using the word old as well?
> 
> I think people need to get over definfitions & obsessions with their sizes/shapes, more confident & less worried about what people think of them. I do realise its not easy for some but this hang up we seem to have about the shape or size of women seems ridiculous.


Well clearly we should just stop referring to other women as 'cows'   

Also, there's a lot to be said for tone and familiarity. For instance, I'd call my friend a daft moo for doing something but it would be said with affection. I'd never dream of rocking up to someone who'd just fallen off the seat at the bus stop and saying, "Geddup ya daft moo!" Unless it was my friend, obviously 

I agree that the preoccupation with appearance is ridiculous, in either gender although it seems more prolific in women.


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Mulish said:


> Well clearly we should just stop referring to other women as 'cows'
> 
> Also, there's a lot to be said for tone and familiarity. For instance, I'd call my friend a daft moo for doing something but it would be said with affection. I'd never dream of rocking up to someone who'd just fallen off the seat at the bus stop and saying, "Geddup ya daft moo!" Unless it was my friend, obviously
> 
> I agree that the preoccupation with appearance is ridiculous, in either gender although it seems more prolific in women.


LOL just shows what company I mix in when the cow part of the insult is sort of ok :lol:


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> LOL just shows what company I mix in when the cow part of the insult is sort of ok :lol:


Are you a dairy farmer? :lol:

I wouldn't care if one of my friends called me a silly cow, we call each other all sorts of things but it's done with affection.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> I hate the term 'real women' as it is always applied to fatter women (sorry I know you don't like the term! ) as if any other shape/size of woman is not 'real'
> 
> Women come in different shapes or sizes; thin women are just as 'real' as one who are heavier


Yeah exactly that's what I mean!



suzy93074 said:


> You hate the word curvy or real woman to describe an overweight person ...... I just dont get that .....*I can only assume this is because you genuinely dont think they are - because YOU believe overweight = fat = horrible = someone unhappy with their body shape *-
> 
> News flash - not everyone who is overweight is unhappy - and not every overweight person likes being called fat!! - they celebrate their curves and love being "all woman" - :thumbup::thumbup:
> 
> You are using how U feel about yourself in order to judge other people  xx


The bold is where you are wrong

I don't like real women being used to describe overweight females because all women are real women!

Just because someone is thin doesn't mean they aren't a real woman

Also anyone can be curvy, curvy just means having different measurements for boobs, waist, bum

So no I'm not using how I feel about myself to judge others



Cleo38 said:


> Why does fat have to equal horrible? :confused1:


Because society says so and people can not have a different opinion to society apparently


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

I think it is basic manners to be careful with descriptive wording...if you wish NOT to cause offence.

I tend to describe people by other attributes other than weight...as weight is a touchy subject for many people.

Re those ladies on the programme....I do not understand them at all. Their weight is not healthy on any level. Goodness knows what they are doing to themselves eating all that crap. I have gained weight in the last 10 years due to meds and immobility but still manage not to be obese by not going OTT with my eating. Def need to lose at least 2 stones though. 

I was slim all my life previously and in my late teens/early 20s had to work at gaining weight due to people thinking I was anorexic but ate like a horse...so I have been at both ends....overweight and underweight....so know the pain of being hurt by peoples weight comments.....hence hate the terms "fat" and "skinny" equally.

People just need to put brain in gear before they open their mouths on the weight subject imho.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Mulish said:


> Well clearly we should just stop referring to other women as 'cows'
> 
> Also, there's a lot to be said for tone and familiarity. For instance, I'd call my friend a daft moo for doing something but it would be said with affection. I'd never dream of rocking up to someone who'd just fallen off the seat at the bus stop and saying, "Geddup ya daft moo!" Unless it was my friend, obviously
> 
> I agree that the preoccupation with appearance is ridiculous, in either gender although it seems more prolific in women.


This is sooo true and something I was going to mention .....to be honest I think this is mainly because men do not try and compete with each other regarding looks as much as women do ....also success/happiness is not gauged in a man by his weight whereas with a woman it seems to be! :confused1:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Yeah exactly that's what I mean!
> 
> Really?
> 
> ...


YOU said it here - not society.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Yeah exactly that's what I mean!
> 
> The bold is where you are wrong
> 
> ...


So you would rather an overweight woman be called "fat".....

I have said the same about ALL women being ALL WOMAN 

mostly volumputous women are curvy - fuller figured women are mostly curvy .....

From a lot of your threads I do think you have body issues and without even knowing it you portray this in your opinions ....as we all do - its not a knock or a put down hun ....just trying to show you that how you think and feel about yourself does have an effect on how we judge and look at others ....

For me its not about what we should or shouldnt say of course you can have an opinion that differs - its about having a bit of respect and sensitivity - its about understanding that not everyone is going to feel okay about being called certain things so maybe we should just think these things to ourself and not say it out loud - its about having a filter lol - esp in the heat of the moment when someone is trying to hurt another and often use appearance or weight as a means to pull someone down- the argument will blow over but the words will stay with someone for a long time.....


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> So you would rather an overweight woman be called "fat".....
> 
> I have said the same about ALL women being ALL WOMAN
> 
> ...


Really? Because my opinion hasn't changed from when I was happy with my size


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Really? Because my opinion hasn't changed from when I was happy with my size


???????????????????


----------



## Mulish (Feb 20, 2013)

chichi said:


> I think it is basic manners to be careful with descriptive wording...if you wish NOT to cause offence.
> 
> I tend to describe people by other attributes other than weight...as weight is a touchy subject for many people.
> 
> ...


I wish people would put their brains in gear before opening their mouths on pretty much all subjects. And those without an ounce of compassion or consideration would just keep theirs shut. Wouldn't that be nice?

ETA - does this read as sarcastic? I'm reading it back and it sounds sarcastic. It's not meant to be sarcastic (there's not smiley that adequately conveys all this!)


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Really? Because my opinion hasn't changed from when I was happy with my size


Have you ever been truly happy with your size though ??


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> Have you ever been truly happy with your size though ??


I was at one point


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

Mulish said:


> I wish people would put their brains in gear before opening their mouths on pretty much all subjects. *And those without an ounce of compassion or consideration would just keep theirs shut. Wouldn't that be nice?*
> 
> ETA - does this read as sarcastic? I'm reading it back and it sounds sarcastic. It's not meant to be sarcastic (there's not smiley that adequately conveys all this!)


Lol, I knew you weren't being sarcastic 

Need the Mods to put an "I'm not being sarcastic" smiley, hehe :lol: just for those that have a habit of being sarcastic Singing: but are not on a particular occasion, if you know what I mean


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I was at one point


And you can be again .....our bodies will always change ....the older we get ....its about coming to terms and with that and being comfortable in your own skin ....tbo its good to focus on other things that will make you feel more positive ....then other things wont seem as important .....

I had to lose my weight in order to have fertility treatment it was part of the criteria on the NHS ....sadly none of my treatment worked and I doubt I will now ever be a mum to my own biological child ...- I see women who are 15-16 stone who are pregnant..........I would trade my body with theirs in an instant if it meant I could be a mum......its all about finding out what you value in life ....then suddenly looks really dont mean a damn.............


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> And you can be again .....our bodies will always change ....the older we get ....its about coming to terms and with that and being comfortable in your own skin ....tbo its good to focus on other things that will make you feel more positive ....then other things wont seem as important .....
> 
> I had to lose my weight in order to have fertility treatment it was part of the criteria on the NHS ....sadly none of my treatment worked and I doubt I will now ever be a mum to my own biological child ...- I see women who are 15-16 stone who are pregnant..........I would trade my body with theirs in an instant if it meant I could be a mum......its all about finding out what you value in life ....then suddenly looks really dont mean a damn.............


It's unhealthy being this weight though and it looks disgusting (on me) due to where I carry the weight on my body


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> And you can be again .....our bodies will always change ....the older we get ....its about coming to terms and with that and being comfortable in your own skin ....tbo its good to focus on other things that will make you feel more positive ....then other things wont seem as important .....
> 
> I had to lose my weight in order to have fertility treatment it was part of the criteria on the NHS ....sadly none of my treatment worked and I doubt I will now ever be a mum to my own biological child ...- I see women who are 15-16 stone who are pregnant..........I would trade my body with theirs in an instant if it meant I could be a mum......its all about finding out what you value in life ....then suddenly looks really dont mean a damn.............


Can't understand why the NHS make weight a criteria....I know a couple where the male was morbidly obese and the female the very upper end of overweight and yet she got pregnant by accident ... life can be so unfair at times


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

suzy93074 said:


> And you can be again .....our bodies will always change ....the older we get ....its about coming to terms and with that and being comfortable in your own skin ....tbo its good to focus on other things that will make you feel more positive ....then other things wont seem as important .....
> 
> I had to lose my weight in order to have fertility treatment it was part of the criteria on the NHS ....sadly none of my treatment worked and I doubt I will now ever be a mum to my own biological child ...- I see women who are 15-16 stone who are pregnant..........I would trade my body with theirs in an instant if it meant I could be a mum......its all about finding out what you value in life ....then suddenly looks really dont mean a damn.............


But I don't think not being 100% happy with your body means that you are not happy with yourself.

I am a bit fatter (sorry! ) than I have ever been & want to lose a bit of weight, this doesn't mean I am not happy with myself, I am. My weight doesn't define who I am as a person

IMO there are more important things with my personality that I would like to change more than my physical appearance; being a bit more thoughtful at times, expanding my knowledge of certain things, not losing my temper so easily ....


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> It's unhealthy being this weight though and it looks disgusting (on me) due to where I carry the weight on my body


Ill admit I was not particularly happy with how big I was but I never viewed myself as disgusting ....i think thats an extreme word to use - and shows how you dismorph yourself -

I was disappointed that I had let my self gain as much as I did ....but then I had to be truthful with myself and understand my relationship with food and soon realised that I had used food as a comfort through some struggles in my life .....so I forgave myself and worked on those issues rather than eating another sausage roll .....thats what I mean by being happy with yourself .....its about the inside - when thats happy the rest often follows .....or at least its easier .... not doing it to please others is key


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Cleo38 said:


> But I don't think not being 100% happy with your body means that you are not happy with yourself.
> 
> I am a bit fatter (sorry! ) than I have ever been & want to lose a bit of weight, this doesn't mean I am not happy with myself, I am. My weight doesn't define who I am as a person
> 
> IMO there are more important things with my personality that I would like to change more than my physical appearance; being a bit more thoughtful at times, expanding my knowledge of certain things, not losing my temper so easily ....


Oh no of course not - I still have bits im not 100% happy with but im still happyish in my self ......as a person ......it can often be about other things happening in your life - that dont give you control - that make you unhappy if you see what i mean lol ....its complicated what im trying to say and im shite at explaining it hehehe


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> Ill admit I was not particularly happy with how big I was but I never viewed myself as disgusting ....i think thats an extreme word to use - and shows how you dismorph yourself -
> 
> I was disappointed that I had let my self gain as much as I did ....but then I had to be truthful with myself and understand my relationship with food and soon realised that I had used food as a comfort through some struggles in my life .....so I forgave myself and worked on those issues rather than eating another sausage roll .....thats what I mean by being happy with yourself .....its about the inside - when thats happy the rest often follows .....or at least its easier .... not doing it to please others is key


My unhappiness is to do with the outside though


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> My unhappiness is to do with the outside though


Yes NOW it is ........but when you were more the weight you liked how come you didnt stay that way ??? circumstances in life prob changed that ie illness or depression maybe......sometimes we dont even realise why we change on the outside until we LOOK at whats happened in our life and how we have dealt with it .....


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> My unhappiness is to do with the outside though


You definitely need help to raise your self-esteem. There is no reason for you to be unhappy with yourself. You have lots of good points.

Maybe ask to see a Counsellor for some CBT.

You need to realise that what you think you view in the mirror may not be exactly what everyone else sees. Maybe you just need to work out that outside isn't nearly as important as inside, when it comes to beauty anyway. You don't need to be a size 12 and stunning to be beautiful


----------



## Barcode (Mar 7, 2011)

I watched the first 15 minutes and had to turn over.

I think that, if someone does that sort of thing, then they _invite_ judgement: what else do they expect going on television, having websites etc?

I do find it appalling. There are obviously major health issues. This is not just a few stone overweight, but it is getting into being-unable-to-move territory. People are just deluded to think that carries few risks as time goes on. I also think it denotes a lack of respect for oneself, and there seemed to be clear psychological issues.

It's worrying that we seem to be living in a society which is on its way to normalizing obesity.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

chichi said:


> Can't understand why the NHS make weight a criteria....I know a couple where the male was morbidly obese and the female the very upper end of overweight and yet she got pregnant by accident ... life can be so unfair at times


It does seem harsh, but it's because this is very expensive treatment with a low success rate to start with, and being overweight drastically reduces even that small chance. Yes, there are some people who are fortunate no matter what their size, but statistically, the more excess weight a woman is carrying, the less likely she is to become pregnant, or to carry a child to term. This is because fatty tissue distorts the hormone levels in the body.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> Yes NOW it is ........but when you were more the weight you liked how come you didnt stay that way ??? circumstances in life prob changed that ie illness or depression maybe......sometimes we dont even realise why we change on the outside until we LOOK at whats happened in our life and how we have dealt with it .....


My disability happened and various things in my relationship have made me hate how I look



chichi said:


> You definitely need help to raise your self-esteem. There is no reason for you to be unhappy with yourself. You have lots of good points.
> 
> Maybe ask to see a Counsellor for some CBT.
> 
> You need to realise that what you think you view in the mirror may not be exactly what everyone else sees. Maybe you just need to work out that outside isn't nearly as important as inside, when it comes to beauty anyway. You don't need to be a size 12 and stunning to be beautiful


I'm going to ask time referred for counselling next time I see my GP



Barcode said:


> I watched the first 15 minutes and had to turn over.
> 
> I think that, if someone does that sort of thing, then they _invite_ judgement: what else do they expect going on television, having websites etc?
> 
> ...


I think they were all aware of the risks


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

chichi said:


> Can't understand why the NHS make weight a criteria....I know a couple where the male was morbidly obese and the female the very upper end of overweight and yet she got pregnant by accident ... life can be so unfair at times


Its to do with all the scans etc when collecting the eggs if you have an excess of fat they cannot always see them on ultrasound ....
but yes it is unfair ......but hey thats life and we just have to plod on 

xxx


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> Its to do with all the scans etc when collecting the eggs if you have an excess of fat they cannot always see them on ultrasound ....
> but yes it is unfair ......but hey thats life and we just have to plod on
> 
> xxx


Oh, I see....then I suppose there is some sense behind that. Wasn't thinking about the scans needed, etc.

I know Suzy, you do plod on and keep upbeat regardless of the disappointment but when I think that some people can have kids at the drop of a hat and make awful parents and then there are people like you and my Niece (and her Partner) that have problems conceiving but would make great parents. Life can be worse than unfair 

It took six attempts at IVF for my Niece (not NHS - 3 attempts each - single sex relationship) to get pregnant with her twins she is now carrying. Has totally wiped out her and her partners savings but of course will be worth it if all continues well. Good that she has twins on their way, as I very much doubt they would go through IVF again, no matter what.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

chichi said:


> Oh, I see....then I suppose there is some sense behind that. Wasn't thinking about the scans needed, etc.
> 
> I know Suzy, you do plod on and keep upbeat regardless of the disappointment but when I think that some people can have kids at the drop of a hat and make awful parents and then there are people like you and my Niece (and her Partner) that have problems conceiving but would make great parents. Life can be worse than unfair
> 
> It took six attempts at IVF for my Niece (not NHS - 3 attempts each - single sex relationship) to get pregnant with her twins she is now carrying. Has totally wiped out her and her partners savings but of course will be worth it if all continues well. Good that she has twins on their way, as I very much doubt they would go through IVF again, no matter what.


That is not having problems trying to conceive, that is making a life choice where you will not be able to conceive.

Your niece chose to be in a same sex relationship, that is not life being unfair.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> That is not having problems trying to conceive, that is making a life choice where you will not be able to conceive.
> 
> Your niece chose to be in a same sex relationship, that is not life being unfair.


Oh okay HB, so if she wanted kids, she should have been born sexually attracted to men 

Just for your information, being homosexual is not a "life choice" - ignorance personified on your part *smh*

If I could be bothered, I would explain further as to why IVF had failed on previous attempts but actually, your big opinions and attitudes of late on this forum, make me not @rsed to do so.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

chichi said:


> Oh okay HB, so if she wanted kids, she should have been born sexually attracted to men
> 
> Just for your information, being homosexual is not a "life choice" - ignorance personified on your part *smh*
> 
> If I could be bothered, I would explain further as to why IVF had failed on previous attempts but actually, your big opinions and attitudes of late on this forum, make me not @rsed to do so.




Life is not being 'unfair' if she is living the life she wishes to lead then there is obviously going to be a problem with having children.


----------



## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

harley bear said:


> That is not having problems trying to conceive, that is making a life choice where you will not be able to conceive.
> 
> Your niece chose to be in a same sex relationship, that is not life being unfair.


Making a life choice?

So when did you choose to be straight?


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

harley bear said:


> Life is not being 'unfair' if she is living the life she wishes to lead then there is obviously going to be a problem with having children.


Take your blinkers off.

Has it never crossed your mind that even gay people can have problems with fertility?


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> My disability happened and various things in my relationship have made me hate how I look
> 
> *
> I'm going to ask time referred for counselling next time I see my GP *
> ...


______________________________


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

harley bear said:


> That is not having problems trying to conceive, that is making a life choice where you will not be able to conceive.
> 
> Your niece chose to be in a same sex relationship, that is not life being unfair.


What the.....?

Good. Lord.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> ______________________________


I will be honest


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

chichi said:


> Oh, I see....then I suppose there is some sense behind that. Wasn't thinking about the scans needed, etc.
> 
> I know Suzy, you do plod on and keep upbeat regardless of the disappointment but when I think that some people can have kids at the drop of a hat and make awful parents and then there are people like you and my Niece (and her Partner) that have problems conceiving but would make great parents. Life can be worse than unfair
> 
> It took six attempts at IVF for my Niece (not NHS - 3 attempts each - single sex relationship) to get pregnant with her twins she is now carrying. Has totally wiped out her and her partners savings but of course will be worth it if all continues well. Good that she has twins on their way, as I very much doubt they would go through IVF again, no matter what.


I'm so pleased that they are going to have a family. IVF can be heartbreaking when it doesn't work.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I will be honest


Yeah.

----------------


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> Yeah.
> 
> ----------------


 .......


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

lostbear said:


> I'm so pleased that they are going to have a family. IVF can be heartbreaking when it doesn't work.


Totally agree.

Wishing everyone concerned a happy, healthy & safe delivery.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> Life is not being 'unfair' if she is living the life she wishes to lead then there is obviously going to be a problem with having children.


Errrrrm, actually, she didn't expect to fall pregnant without sperm being in the equasion 

Hence her Partner having IVF first (yes, her own eggs - the sperm was provided by a donor). After three failed attempts, my Niece decided her Partner should not be put through it again as it was clear her Partner was unable to get pregnant.

There were problems and difficulties on my Niece's first two attempts (don't wish to discuss the whys on this but it wasn't that she couldn't get pregnant - there were other problems) and on her third attempt all was well. She now is carrying twins and is just over half way through her pregnancy. Fingers crossed all will be well.

I thought I would go that extra mile and explain the situation, as it seems there is at least one (maybe others lurking) member that is being very narrow minded .... putting it mildly.

For the record....HB....as you seem to think it fair that homosexual women have no right to expect to be able to become pregnant (with help from fertility experts) I would say the following; my Niece and her Partner are professionals, own their own home, are both glowing members of the community and will make the most wonderful parents. They have also funded all of their own fertility treatments and my Niece has donated healthy eggs for other women who have fertility problems.

My point was that it is unfair that some people who neglect/hurt/abuse their children, seem to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat whilst people like our lovely Suzy, my Niece (and millions of other women) have problems with fertility (whether it be due to them, their partners or whatever) and yet could/would make wonderful parents.

Hope that is enough explanation.

Willing to accept an apology for the off-the-cuff comment you made regarding my Niece's "life choice" to be homosexual, therefore no right to expect to become pregnant even with self-funded IVF 

Sometimes the ignorance of some human beings just....well...it just astounds me to the point that I am ALMOST gobsmacked :scared:


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

harley bear said:


> That is not having problems trying to conceive, that is making a life choice where you will not be able to conceive.
> 
> Your niece chose to be in a same sex relationship, that is not life being unfair.


That's an awful thing to say  .....I don't begrudge anyone who yearns to bexcome a mother ...regardless of their relationship status ....ivf is one of the most gruelling heart breaking traumatic things to go thru ....the ups and downs the loss of embryos when they have fertalised but die inside you .....to go thru that not once but six times takes guts and braveness ....and shows how much she wants to be a mum .....- I have no medical problems in conxcieving just didn't happen ....but my god I wud never say that to another woman .....


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Chichi you didn't have to explain at all.

Your niece has just as much right to have a family with her partner just as anyone else does.

Even social services aren't that blinkered and allow gay couples to adopt or foster.

I'm sorry to hear they ran into difficulties, hope everything goes smoothly as possible for them.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

chichi said:


> Oh okay HB, so if she wanted kids, she should have been born sexually attracted to men
> 
> Just for your information, being homosexual is not a "life choice" - ignorance personified on your part *smh*
> 
> If I could be bothered, I would explain further as to why IVF had failed on previous attempts but actually, your big opinions and attitudes of late on this forum, make me not @rsed to do so.


My point was, no matter if she was born gay or if she was with a male and decided that she would prefer to be with a woman..there is obviously a major hurdle to get over before having children.

To compare a straight couple having problems to a gay couple just cant be done because the gay couple would have a 'problem' to start with.

Fortunately IVF does exist for couples to have families.

I wouldnt say it was fair to say that life is unfair for people who gay. My relatives who are gay wouldnt ever say that life was unfair in that respect.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Sexual orientation shouldn't be a criterion to decide who can have and raise a child - look at all the hetero couples who have baby after baby that they don't give a monkey's about except as another helping of FA.

But if people prove themselves to be lousy parents, then they should have their children taken from them, and be sterilised so that they don't get more to abuse.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I will be honest


I hope so tink ....or it won't work xx


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

SirHiss said:


> Take your blinkers off.
> 
> Has it never crossed your mind that even gay people can have problems with fertility?





myshkin said:


> What the.....?
> 
> Good. Lord.





lostbear said:


> I'm so pleased that they are going to have a family. IVF can be heartbreaking when it doesn't work.





BeauNoir said:


> Making a life choice?
> 
> So when did you choose to be straight?





SirHiss said:


> Totally agree.
> 
> Wishing everyone concerned a happy, healthy & safe delivery.





suzy93074 said:


> That's an awful thing to say  .....I don't begrudge anyone who yearns to bexcome a mother ...regardless of their relationship status ....ivf is one of the most gruelling heart breaking traumatic things to go thru ....the ups and downs the loss of embryos when they have fertalised but die inside you .....to go thru that not once but six times takes guts and braveness ....and shows how much she wants to be a mum .....- I have no medical problems in conxcieving just didn't happen ....but my god I wud never say that to another woman .....





SirHiss said:


> Chichi you didn't have to explain at all.
> 
> Your niece has just as much right to have a family with her partner just as anyone else does.
> 
> ...


Thank you, lovelies x

Those comments have just restored my faith in this forum 

I only explained because I thought that HB needed a lesson in humility. Hopefully, she will have the balls to be big enough to admit that her tasteless comment was wrong 

If HB has issue with me, then fine but don't use my Niece's situation to be a b!tch because that is wrong and has made HB look like a total tit imho!


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> I hope so tink ....or it won't work xx


If the councillor asks me something I will be honest


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

lostbear said:


> Sexual orientation shouldn't be a criterion to decide who can have and raise a child - look at all the hetero couples who have baby after baby that they don't give a monkey's about except as another helping of FA.
> 
> But if people prove themselves to be lousy parents, then they should have their children taken from them, and be sterilised so that they don't get more to abuse.


I totally agree! All i was trying to say is that life isnt 'unfair' from the off just because someone is gay!

Thank god we have IVF im happy for the families that it has helped to become parents.

The adoption laws ino should be a hell of alot more lenient for gay couples to adopt too if they dont wish to go through ivf..if they are female of course.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

harley bear said:


> My point was, no matter if she was born gay or if she was with a male and decided that she would prefer to be with a woman..there is obviously a major hurdle to get over before having children.
> 
> To compare a straight couple having problems to a gay couple just cant be done because the gay couple would have a 'problem' to start with.
> 
> ...


Yes u can compare me and chichis niece were in exaxct same position! ...I had to use donor sperm because my partner has no sperm due to having klinefelter syndrome ....same problem!!


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

harley bear said:


> I totally agree! All i was trying to say is that life isnt 'unfair' from the off just because someone is gay!
> 
> Thank god we have IVF im happy for the families that it has helped to become parents.
> 
> The adoption laws ino should be a hell of alot more lenient for gay couples to adopt too if they dont wish to go through ivf..*if they are female of course.*


Eh?

What is wrong with gay men having a family?

Are they less worthy because they are men?

:frown2:


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

SirHiss said:


> Eh?
> 
> What is wrong with gay men having a family?
> 
> ...


Offs read my post! How the freaking hell can a gay male have IVF?

Or has medical come on in leaps and bounds and i have missed something


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> If the councillor asks me something I will be honest


But will you take notice of what is advised? You don't here.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> My point was, no matter if she was born gay or if she was with a male and decided that she would prefer to be with a woman..there is obviously a major hurdle to get over before having children.
> 
> To compare a straight couple having problems to a gay couple just cant be done because the gay couple would have a 'problem' to start with.
> 
> ...


Where did I say life was unfair to people who are gay?

I put my Niece and Suzy on the same bench, as both are women, that despite having IVF, have had major difficulties in conceiving.

You are the one that brought gay into it...I only mentioned that they were a same sex couple because of explaining the six attempts at IVF...where they have had 3 each.

You were the one that made a mahoosive thing out of the gay issue and are now doing a U turn.....typical.

Suzy, I hope you don't mind me mentioning you in this (above) but it's kind of difficult to get HB to understand what I'm trying to say here x


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

harley bear said:


> Offs read my post! How the freaking hell can a gay male have IVF?
> 
> Or has medical come on in leaps and bounds and i have missed something


Gay men can and do have access to IVF using donor eggs and surrogates.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> But will you take notice of what is advised? You don't here.


Depends what it is

I do listen to some advice on here!


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

SirHiss said:


> Eh?
> 
> What is wrong with gay men having a family?
> 
> ...


TO Harley Bear....

You mentioned adoption....you don't have to have a uterus to make you more capable of adopting a child.


----------



## CRL (Jan 3, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Depends what it is


if your not going to listen to ALL the advice there is no point in going.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

SirHiss said:


> Gay men can and do have access to IVF using donor eggs and surrogates.


Yes but not many women choose to have a surrogate and go through the ivf process, thats what i was trying to say.

I have no problem with gay people having a family or being gay for that matter, i dont care what people do with their lives.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

chichi said:


> Where did I say life was unfair to people who are gay?
> 
> I put my Niece and Suzy on the same bench, as both are women, that despite having IVF, have had major difficulties in conceiving.
> 
> ...


No hun I don't mind  
Xx


----------



## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

harley bear said:


> decided that she would prefer to be with a woman


There is no one out there who chose to be gay. I got stabbed at my school because I liked girls, trust me, if I could have changed it, I would.

Please don't try and talk about a subject you obviously know nothing about and have clearly done no research on.

You seem to have no idea how closed minded, disrespectful and bigoted you sound.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

BeauNoir said:


> There is no one out there who chose to be gay. I got stabbed at my school because I liked girls, trust me, if I could have changed it, I would.
> 
> Please don't try and talk about a subject you obviously know nothing about and have clearly done no research on.
> 
> You seem to have no idea how closed minded, disrespectful and bigoted you sound.


You should have quoted my full post before picking out bits to twist what i said!

My family member was married for years...then decided she wanted to be with a woman...hence my post being worded that way!


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

CRL said:


> if your not going to listen to ALL the advice there is no point in going.


No one ever listens to all advice


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

harley bear said:


> I totally agree! All i was trying to say is that life isnt 'unfair' from the off just because someone is gay!
> 
> Thank god we have IVF im happy for the families that it has helped to become parents.
> 
> The adoption laws ino should be a hell of alot more lenient for gay couples to adopt too if they dont wish to go through ivf..if they are female of course.


Can I please ask that you at least get your facts right before you speil your toot!

Same sex couples can easily and legally adopt. They have the same rights as heteresexual couples and indeed single people.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Depends what it is


And there in lies your problem sometimes .....you don't like to listen and take advise ....in order to learn about changing you have to admit your faults and take what others say on board .....


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Depends what it is


Just wanted to apologise for taking your thread off track on the IVF discussion. Just couldn't let such an insensitive post as HB's go, without trying to explain what I was talking about.

Where having CBT is concerned, you must make sure you connect with the professional providing it, otherwise it will be useless to you.

Just be honest and open minded when you go and seek help. I can't see it doing you anything but good.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> And there in lies your problem sometimes .....you don't like to listen and take advise ....in order to learn about changing you have to admit your faults and take what others say on board .....


You didn't see my edit

I have taken some advice on here


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

chichi said:


> Just wanted to apologise for taking your thread off track on the IVF discussion. Just couldn't let such an insensitive post as HB's go, without trying to explain what I was talking about.
> 
> Where having CBT is concerned, you must make sure you connect with the professional providing it, otherwise it will be useless to you.
> 
> Just be honest and open minded when you go and seek help. I can't see it doing you anything but good.


No worries, I didn't want to say anything because I know zip about the subject but good luck to your niece and partner, do they know what sex the twins will be?

What's the difference between CBT and counselling?


----------



## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

gorgeous said:


> Same sex couples can easily and legally adopt. They have the same rights as heteresexual couples and indeed single people.


Actually, we are not all even when it comes to adoption.

We have already spoken to adoption agencies as that is the route we would like to go down (my mother and my sister were both adopted, it is very important to me), if multiple applications are recieved, the straight couple will get the child over the gay couple or the single person. A single woman is also considered higher over a single man. Adoption rules are not 'fair' at all, to gay or single people. Single gay men are the very bottom of the pile to adopt.

Edited to add: This is assuming the straight couple, gay couple and straight person all fall into the same socioeconomic category and are assessed to have the same level of support (gay couples and single people have to show higher support of the sex that isn't represented in their relationship/them)


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

gorgeous said:


> Can I please ask that you at least get your facts right before you speil your toot!
> 
> Same sex couples can easily and legally adopt. They have the same rights as heteresexual couples and indeed single people.


Tis you that needs to do the research 


BeauNoir said:


> Actually, we are not all even when it comes to adoption.
> 
> We have already spoken to adoption agencies as that is the route we would like to go down (my mother and my sister were both adopted, it is very important to me), if multiple applications are recieved, the straight couple will get the child over the gay couple or the single person. A single woman is also considered higher over a single man. Adoption rules are not 'fair' at all, to gay or single people. Single gay men are the very bottom of the pile to adopt.


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

harley bear said:


> Yes but not many women choose to have a surrogate and go through the ivf process, thats what i was trying to say.
> 
> I have no problem with gay people having a family or being gay for that matter, i dont care what people do with their lives.


If that is the case, then I really don't understand why you decided to have a 'Pop' at ChiChi and the dreadful situation her niece and partner found themselves in.

Whether you meant it, admit it, or not, that is how it read to me.

I think gay people and gay couples have to contend with enough, without someone shoving the knife in due to terrible and unfortunate circumstances.

If I found I weren't able to have children (I do have children) it would have left me devastated, devastated that I could not and whether I was gay or straight I would have explored every avenue available to enable me to have them, everyone should have that right, whether they are a gay man, or gay woman, straight woman, straight man.

Lots of great people out there that can't have children who want them so badly and my heart breaks for them everyday when I know there are utter shitebags in the world that don't deserve the children they have.

Just imagine your life without children, or not being able to have them.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> No worries, I didn't want to say anything because I know zip about the subject but good luck to your niece and partner, do they know what sex the twins will be?
> 
> What's the difference between CBT and counselling?


Thank you Tink. No, they don't want to know the sex. They want a surprise but I have this huge feeling that they will have a boy and a girl. Soooooo exciting !!!! They really don't mind what sex they have, just so long as they have their long awaited babies.

Well, I'm not really sure about CBT but someone I know that sees a Psychiatrist is having a 12 week course of CBT with her Psychiatrist. It seems to be helping by lifting her self-esteem a little and giving her just a little more confidence; helping her to see things in a different light. It will be a long road but I think she will get there in the end.

You just need some guidance to see your own positive points and your confidence will grow, slowly but surely but, as others have said, you must listen to the professional and take the advice, or you will be wasting your time.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

SirHiss said:


> If that is the case, then I really don't understand why you decided to have a 'Pop' at ChiChi and the dreadful situation her niece and partner found themselves in.
> 
> Whether you meant it, admit it, or not, that is how it read to me.
> 
> ...


I wasnt having a 'pop' at anyone..i just dont think that life is automatically 'unfair' on gay people. 
Yes, there is a hell of alot they have to contend with, as do all straight couples.

I never intended my comment to blow up into a full blown debate.


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

To be fair, counsellors dont give advice.

A lot of people come into counselling expecting to tell the counsellor whats wrong, and the counsellor will tell them what to do to fix it. It doesnt work like that.

A counsellor will ask you why you have come to counselling, and to talk about what you feel is wrong, and how you deal with it. They will then work _with_ you to try and find a new way of dealing with it. They will try and help you look at things from a different angle.

Counsellors don't have a magic wand, they cant just 'fix' things, but they can help you find a way to deal with things, in a way that works for you.

And counselling is not for everyone - especially if you are not comfortable with your counsellor. If you dont 'click' with your counsellor, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking to see someone else - it happens quite often.

Just to let you know Tink, you will probably have a very long wait for an NHS counsellor - if you would rather go private, please let me know, I can let you know how to find an accredited qualified counsellor in your area - don't just go into Google


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> You didn't see my edit
> 
> I have taken some advice on here


Mmmm but u do put up a bit of a fight  .....take this thread ...for pages u said the reason u unhappy has nothing to do with inside but now u say u are going for counciling .... .....I'm not having a go just pointing out ....sometimes I don't like to listen ....I prefer to think I'm right and others wrong ...but when it comes down to the crunch we all need strong words at some time


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> I wasnt having a 'pop' at anyone..i just dont think that life is automatically 'unfair' on gay people.
> Yes, there is a hell of alot they have to contend with, as do all straight couples.
> 
> I never intended my comment to blow up into a full blown debate.


OMG....how many times do I have to say that I DID NOT SAY LIFE WAS UNFAIR ON GAY PEOPLE.

You were having a pop at me HB.....a cheap one at that....but all you have done is make yourself look like a bigot.

Not your best attempt a b!tchiness on this forum but a b!tchy attempt all the same 

Please feel free to quote where I said

"Life is unfair on gay people"

Waiting......


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

chichi said:


> OMG....how many times do I have to say that I DID NOT SAY LIFE WAS UNFAIR ON GAY PEOPLE.
> 
> You were having a pop at me HB.....a cheap one at that....but all you have done is make yourself look like a bigot.
> 
> ...


I was not having a dig at you ... but think what you like i could not give a flying fcuk what you think about me in all honesty. 
You are nobody to me


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

gorgeous said:


> Can I please ask that you at least get your facts right before you speil your toot!
> 
> Same sex couples can easily and legally adopt. They have the same rights as heteresexual couples and indeed single people.


Just wanted to add that from my experience this is true. Our friends are in the process of adopting and have not been treated any different to a heterosexual couple. The adoption agency isn't allowed to discriminate against them they are viewed the same.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

MCWillow said:


> To be fair, counsellors dont give advice.
> 
> A lot of people come into counselling expecting to tell the counsellor whats wrong, and the counsellor will tell them what to do to fix it. It doesnt work like that.
> 
> ...


That's a very good point ! I have a friend who had councelling .....she didn't get any advice and used to tell me often that she was frustrated that the councillor never gave their opinion etc ....it was all about finding the answers herself ...she wud talk about a certain topic for that session and they wud say ...and how did that make u feel ......I suppose its about analysing yourself and finding out the answers  xx


----------



## Marycat (Jul 29, 2013)

It seems to me some of the voluptuous figures are as unattainable as some of the tiny figures.. Somebody can be a size 16 like Christina Hendricks (mad men) but it doesn't mean that your everyday woman will have a figure like hers just because she is a size 16, her 'fat' could be distributed differently.

My friend is a tiny size 8 on her waist but she has chunky legs. I am a size 8 but have got size F bust (which is not a bonus) I feel like Babs Windsor.

I don't worry about it and I certainly aren't arsed what size anyone else is. Your size and shape is not what defines you as a person.

Its a very shallow person who judges others by the size of their hips


----------



## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

ClaireLouise said:


> Just wanted to add that from my experience this is true. Our friends are in the process of adopting and have not been treated any different to a heterosexual couple. The adoption agency isn't allowed to discriminate against them they are viewed the same.


Adoption agencies are allowed to discriminate, they are allowed to discriminate based on your income, area you live, number of friends and family you have, the gender and sexuality of those friends and family, your weight, your job, your age, your race and your sexual orientation.

They are allowed to deny you for any reason at all as long as they put it down to 'the best for the child'.


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

BeauNoir said:


> Actually, we are not all even when it comes to adoption.
> 
> We have already spoken to adoption agencies as that is the route we would like to go down (my mother and my sister were both adopted, it is very important to me), if multiple applications are recieved, the straight couple will get the child over the gay couple or the single person. A single woman is also considered higher over a single man. Adoption rules are not 'fair' at all, to gay or single people. Single gay men are the very bottom of the pile to adopt.
> 
> Edited to add: This is assuming the straight couple, gay couple and straight person all fall into the same socioeconomic category and are assessed to have the same level of support (gay couples and single people have to show higher support of the sex that isn't represented in their relationship/them)


When it comes to adoption it is a case of finding the right family for the child/ren. 
If you feel you are being discriminated then you can take it further. 
I have assessed many same sex couples wishing to adopt and they have gone on to successfully adopt.


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

harley bear said:


> Tis you that needs to do the research


Research what? Four years at uni and 19 years as a social work practitioner not enough?


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

BeauNoir said:


> Adoption agencies are allowed to discriminate, they are allowed to discriminate based on your income, area you live, number of friends and family you have, the gender and sexuality of those friends and family, your weight, your job, your age, your race and your sexual orientation.
> 
> They are allowed to deny you for any reason at all as long as they put it down to 'the best for the child'.


I said the agency my friends are being assess with do not discriminate regarding the couples sexuality. I know that they can discriminate however as stated previous the agency they are with do NOT discriminate due to the couples sexuality.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> I was not having a dig at you ... but think what you like i could not give a flying fcuk what you think about me in all honesty.
> You are nobody to me


And you are nobody to me and probably even less to many other members on here, after your latest show of being a b!tch and a bigot.

When you take someone on for a b!tching session, just remember, you have to make sense...because an argument based on nothing is just going to look lame.

You tried a bit of nastiness towards gay couples, as a way to get to me though my Niece but, in doing so, you have astounded other members with your nastiness and lack of ability to make any sense whatsoever.

You have also insulted other single sex couples that are members on here that are facing the dilemmas of becoming parents.

Never too late to apologise HB and admit you spoke completely out of turn


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

gorgeous said:


> Research what? Four years at uni and 19 years as a social work practitioner not enough?


Obviously not!


----------



## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

gorgeous said:


> When it comes to adoption it is a case of finding the right family for the child/ren.
> If you feel you are being discriminated then you can take it further.
> I have assessed many same sex couples wishing to adopt and they have gone on to successfully adopt.


I'm not saying single people/gay people can't adopt, I am just saying that they are not the first choice, which is true.

Children that came from straight parents they will try to match with straight parents, which I understand if the child is over about 3 or 4, but for a 2 year old? They probably won't remember them at all in 2 years.

I completely agree it should be what is best for the child, but sometimes the lame things social workers put under 'best for the child' are ridiculous.

My mother fostered up until she got cancer and she got so annoyed with it, social workers saying kids HAD to go to 2 parent families, she was a single female foster carer and the kid had been with her for 4 months no problem and single female adopters were being turned away.

I don't feel discriminated against, I feel sorry for the children I have personally seen stay in foster care their whole lives instead of being placed with non-typical families.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

chichi said:


> And you are nobody to me and probably even less to many other members on here, after your latest show of being a b!tch and a bigot.
> 
> When you take someone on for a b!tching session, just remember, you have to make sense...because an argument based on nothing is just going to look lame.
> 
> ...


How many times i have NO PROBLEM WITH GAY PEOPLE FFS! Why would i want to dig at you? seriously?


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

harley bear said:


> Obviously not!


Dont be as daft as you look. You know nowt about anything apart from being a very rude and
Ignorant saddo!


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

gorgeous said:


> Dont be as daft as you look. You know nowt about anything apart from being a very rude and
> Ignorant saddo!


Ignorant saddo?

ok put your claws away :lol:


----------



## Marycat (Jul 29, 2013)

My brother is gay and he is the kindest nicest person I know. I would not hesitate to place a child in his care. Our nieces adore him, much more than they do their Auntie Marycat!


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

harley bear said:


> Ignorant saddo?
> 
> ok put your claws away :lol:


I suggest you log off or do something else as you are making yourself look a bit of a fart lol


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

gorgeous said:


> When it comes to adoption it is a case of finding the right family for the child/ren.
> If you feel you are being discriminated then you can take it further.
> I have assessed many same sex couples wishing to adopt and they have gone on to successfully adopt.


Adoption is something I may consider looking into next year ....I need to grieve and heal abit from my IVF first .....must say I worry about all the cchecks they do ....I'm in a mixed race relationship too so wud prefer a mixed race child ...I would also consider full black too ....do they frown upon mixed race relationships ? I'm very passionate about any child I adopt being fully aware and knowledgable of their culture ....


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

harley bear said:


> Ignorant saddo?
> 
> ok put your claws away :lol:


Claws? They would not get passed your talons!
Grow up! And yes you are sad..very bitter and twisted imo!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Depends what it is
> 
> I do listen to some advice on here!


No
------------------------


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

Just for all to see, the lovely Harley bear has sent me red rep saying F*ck you lol, I am obviously heart broken


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

gorgeous said:


> Claws? They would not get passed your talons!
> Grow up! And yes you are sad..very bitter and twisted imo!


bitter and twisted about what exactly?


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

For those looking and hoping to adopt i am happy to help and give any guidance you like...pm me or whatever. I am however on my way out for drinkies with some buddies!


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

harley bear said:


> bitter and twisted about what exactly?


Life in general!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> No one ever listens to all advice


Some people never listen to any.


----------



## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> Adoption is something I may consider looking into next year ....I need to grieve and heal abit from my IVF first .....must say I worry about all the cchecks they do ....I'm in a mixed race relationship too so wud prefer a mixed race child ...I would also consider full black too ....do they frown upon mixed race relationships ? I'm very passionate about any child I adopt being fully aware and knowledgable of their culture ....


They are crying out for mixed race couples to adopt! The majority of people making adoption applications are white, but (depending on the area obviously), up to 70% of the children being brought in are ethnic minorities/mixed race and adoption agencies very rightly want to place children with adoptive parents who reflect their racial and cultural background.


----------



## gorgeous (Jan 14, 2009)

I have red rep from harley bear for being a pretentious little bitch!


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> How many times i have NO PROBLEM WITH GAY PEOPLE FFS! Why would i want to dig at you? seriously?


Because I am nobody and you don't give a flying f......and you just seem angry with the whole forum (those that disagree with you) lately.

If you don't have a problem with gay people then why make such a ridiculous comment as infertility being fair on them because they made a "life choice" in "choosing" their sexuality, when clearly said single sex couple have had multiple attempts at IVF.

Come on HB....admit you made a huge tit of yourself....with that ridiculous comment....as my wise old Mum always says.....when in deep hole....stop digging


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> No worries, I didn't want to say anything because I know zip about the subject but good luck to your niece and partner, do they know what sex the twins will be?
> 
> What's the difference between CBT and counselling?


There are different types of counselling. CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) is commonly used now because it has been proven to be very effective, but whatever type of counselling is offered, the client has to want to make a difference to themselves, and has to be prepared to work towards their goal, whether they like the advice/instructions given to them or not. You don't have to like it - you just have to do it.

Anyone who thinks that the will just be sitting there telling the counsellor what an awful time they have while the counsellor says "There, there. Poor you." will find that they are w-a-y off the mark.


----------



## CRL (Jan 3, 2012)

gorgeous said:


> I have red rep from harley bear for being a pretentious little bitch!


i would give you a green to replace it but i need to whore myself out a bit first.


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

gorgeous said:


> I have red rep from harley bear for being a pretentious little bitch!


ah, we have matching red rep! Mine only says f*uck you, yours is more interesting  im jealous


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Crikey me, I think this thread needs to be closed......


----------



## CRL (Jan 3, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Crikey me, I think this thread needs to be closed......


so do i. then i can start watching the film i was going to watch. i cant start watching it incase i miss anything.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

CRL said:


> so do i. then i can start watching the film i was going to watch. i cant start watching it incase i miss anything.


I must admit, its very childish to start saying the F word and sending red reps with swear words.


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

gorgeous said:


> For those looking and hoping to adopt i am happy to help and give any guidance you like...pm me or whatever. I am however on my way out for drinkies with some buddies!


Ohhhh thank u  will pm u over the weekend if u don't mind


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MCWillow said:


> To be fair, counsellors dont give advice.
> 
> A lot of people come into counselling expecting to tell the counsellor whats wrong, and the counsellor will tell them what to do to fix it. It doesnt work like that.
> 
> ...


Thanks

I can't afford private, don't mind waiting for NHS



lostbear said:


> There are different types of counselling. CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) is commonly used now because it has been proven to be very effective, but whatever type of counselling is offered, the client has to want to make a difference to themselves, and has to be prepared to work towards their goal, whether they like the advice/instructions given to them or not. You don't have to like it - you just have to do it.
> 
> Anyone who thinks that the will just be sitting there telling the counsellor what an awful time they have while the counsellor says "There, there. Poor you." will find that they are w-a-y off the mark.


so what's done different in CBT compared to regular counselling?


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

Here ya go Tink 

Cognitive behavioural therapy - NHS Choices


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

BeauNoir said:


> They are crying out for mixed race couples to adopt! The majority of people making adoption applications are white, but (depending on the area obviously), up to 70% of the children being brought in are ethnic minorities/mixed race and adoption agencies very rightly want to place children with adoptive parents who reflect their racial and cultural background.


Heart breaking when u think about it  .....and its strange that in this line of having a child I would be at an advantage ! The donor process was so hard because of the lack of black men donating sperm .....its tough anyway with regard to donor because of the law changing but its startling how ethnic minorities are not donating ....


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Thanks
> 
> I can't afford private, don't mind waiting for NHS
> 
> so what's done different in CBT compared to regular counselling?


CBT is very practical and you have to go away and do work yourself in between sessions. You would do this with normal counselling as well. CBT aims to change your thought processes.

In terms of affording counselling, some counsellors have a lower rate for people on low income. Maybe if you stopped buying new clothes, make up, nail art things you could afford it.


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

BenBoy said:


> Crikey me, I think this thread needs to be closed......


But then the people that start arguments, or bait people, particularly on Tinks threads, will have won - again 

I sometimes think there is a competition going on who can get a Tinks thread closed quickest 

(this is not aimed at you BB, just a general observation)


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> Heart breaking when u think about it  .....and its strange that in this line of having a child I would be at an advantage ! The donor process was so hard because of the lack of black men donating sperm .....*its tough anyway with regard to donor because of the law changing* but its startling how ethnic minorities are not donating ....


Oh yes, my Niece was saying that where her donated eggs are concerned, any children that may be born from them will have a right to my Niece's details. Did I get that right? It was only in a short discussion on that point, so I may have got it completely wrong?


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> CBT is very practical and you have to go away and do work yourself in between sessions. You would do this with normal counselling as well. CBT aims to change your thought processes.
> 
> In terms of affording counselling, some counsellors have a lower rate for people on low income.* Maybe if you stopped buying new clothes, make up, nail art things you could afford it*.


Hear, hear.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

MCWillow said:


> But then the people that start arguments, or bait people, particularly on Tinks threads, will have won - again
> 
> I sometimes think there is a competition going on who can get a Tinks thread closed quickest
> 
> (this is not aimed at you BB, just a general observation)


Perhaps its best to stay open. I maybe have said things out of turn on occasion, but I would NEVER start swearing at people in posts or on reps. The argument that's ensued doesn't even concern anything Tinks has said!


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> CBT is very practical and you have to go away and do work yourself in between sessions. You would do this with normal counselling as well. CBT aims to change your thought processes.
> 
> In terms of affording counselling, some counsellors have a lower rate for people on low income. *Maybe if you stopped buying new clothes, make up, nail art things you could afford it.*


Good bit of advice BB but you had to spoil it with a bit of a dig there


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

chichi said:


> Oh yes, my Niece was saying that where her donated eggs are concerned, any children that may be born from them will have a right to my Niece's details. Did I get that right? It was only in a short discussion on that point, so I may have got it completely wrong?


I'm pretty sure I've read the same about sperm donors. Its bound to put a lot of people off of donating really isn't it.

They donate because they want to help other people, not because they want a child themselves.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MCWillow said:


> Here ya go Tink
> 
> Cognitive behavioural therapy - NHS Choices


Thank you

See, reading this



> Unlike other types of talking treatments, such as psychotherapy, CBT deals with your current problems, rather than focusing on issues from your past. It looks for practical ways to improve your state of mind on a daily basis.


It's the issue from my past I want to deal with, I need to deal with, so maybe counselling will be for me rather than CBT

Will see what the GP says

Thanks again



BenBoy said:


> CBT is very practical and you have to go away and do work yourself in between sessions. You would do this with normal counselling as well. CBT aims to change your thought processes.
> 
> In terms of affording counselling, some counsellors have a lower rate for people on low income. *Maybe if you stopped buying new clothes, make up, nail art things you could afford it.*


How bloody rude! It's not your place to tell me what do with my own money!

I've said I'll wait for NHS counselling!


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

chichi said:


> Good bit of advice BB but you had to spoil it with a bit of a dig there


Tinks said she couldn't afford it, it wasn't really a dig, just a suggestion for prioritising


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

chichi said:


> Oh yes, my Niece was saying that where her donated eggs are concerned, any children that may be born from them will have a right to my Niece's details. Did I get that right? It was only in a short discussion on that point, so I may have got it completely wrong?


Yes ! Donors no longer have annominity (sp) any resulting child has the right to know about theem if they wish .....just puts so many off donating ...men and women ....


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

I love the recent bad rep that i got being spelt wrong...how can you take them seriously?


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Perhaps its best to stay open. I maybe have said things out of turn on occasion, but I would NEVER start swearing at people in posts or on reps. *The argument that's ensued doesn't even concern anything Tinks has said!*


No it doesn't but you know how threads kind of veer off sometimes, well that happened but unfortunately HB saw a totally innocent comment that I made and thought it would make an excellent point to stick the knife in. I am sure, in hindsight, she sees the errors of her ways lol.


----------



## BeauNoir (Sep 16, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> Heart breaking when u think about it  .....and its strange that in this line of having a child I would be at an advantage ! The donor process was so hard because of the lack of black men donating sperm .....its tough anyway with regard to donor because of the law changing but its startling how ethnic minorities are not donating ....


Friends of ours, the non birth mother is mixed race but a pretty rare mix, her mother is chinese and her father was mixed race black and white. They want their child to share some of this heritage but finding a mixed race donor or a asian donor is proving very hard for them so they are looking at using a white donor but then Jo's heritage isn't represented at all. I am sure many mixed race couples who need donors are having this issue, it must be even worse for those looking for egg donors as there are even less of those.

It is very sad. I think the change of law in regards to donors was one of the worst things they ever did.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Thank you
> 
> See, reading this
> 
> ...


I wasn't telling you, I was making a suggestion 
If you tell us you cant afford it.....
I had to wait a year for counselling via my GP and it turned out to be telephone counselling in the end so I made cut backs with my own finances and went privately


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> I wasn't telling you, I was making a suggestion
> If you tell us you cant afford it.....
> I had to wait a year for counselling via my GP and it turned out to be telephone counselling in the end so I made cut backs with my own finances and went privately


Good for you

I'm willing to wait


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Good for you
> 
> I'm willing to wait


Make sure you stress you want face to face counselling. Unless you are happy with telephone but then again you can get basically that with the Samaritans. Actually you can email the Samaritans and get a lovely response if your feeling down. I have done it a few times


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Tinks said she couldn't afford it, it wasn't really a dig, just a suggestion for prioritising


Because it would be about the same price as some nail art tat and some random items of clothes? Might be off by a few K there...


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Tbh it's tinks' s personal choice what she spends her money on. If she is willing to wait on an NHS waiting list then that's her choice.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Because it would be about the same price as some nail art tat and some random items of clothes? Might be off by a few K there...


Counselling is between £20-£40 a session, that make up was £25 Tinks bought so that could have been a session.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

la468 said:


> Tbh it's tinks' s personal choice what she spends her money on. If she is willing to wait on an NHS waiting list then that's her choice.


Of course its her choice


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

BeauNoir said:


> Friends of ours, the non birth mother is mixed race but a pretty rare mix, her mother is chinese and her father was mixed race black and white. They want their child to share some of this heritage but finding a mixed race donor or a asian donor is proving very hard for them so they are looking at using a white donor but then Jo's heritage isn't represented at all. I am sure many mixed race couples who need donors are having this issue, it must be even worse for those looking for egg donors as there are even less of those.
> 
> It is very sad. I think the change of law in regards to donors was one of the worst things they ever did.


Yeah its a tough one ....we had to change clinics at one point because of the lack ....we were given the choice to also use white donor sperm if we wished but I just didn't think that fair to my OH ....yes I want a child but its not just about me and I thought this would be so selfish to my OH even though he said he wud be fine with that .....did they try the european sperm bank?? I really hope they succeed in whixch ever journey they travel xx


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> Make sure you stress you want face to face counselling. Unless you are happy with telephone but then again you can get basically that with the Samaritans. Actually you can email the Samaritans and get a lovely response if your feeling down. I have done it a few times


I'm toying between the idea that phone/email/counselling might be better for me as I have trouble speaking to people face to face



jon bda said:


> Because it would be about the same price as some nail art tat and some random items of clothes? Might be off by a few K there...


Good point


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Counselling is between £20-£40 a session, that make up was £25 Tinks bought so that could have been a session.


And one session would be soooooo beneficial to help change the thought pattern of a woman, with low self-esteem and confidence issues.....NOT!!! It's a long process.

One session that wasn't closely followed up to continue the therapy would be a total waste of time and money.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> Counselling is between £20-£40 a session, that make up was £25 Tinks bought so that could have been a session.


You said between £20-40 so basically it could be more than the money I paid for that make up!


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

la468 said:


> Tbh it's tinks' s personal choice what she spends her money on. If she is willing to wait on an NHS waiting list then that's her choice.


I went to docs last year re cbt ....waiting list is long ....he gave me an online version which u work thru yourself can't remember it now will try and hunt it out for u tinks!! Xx


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

chichi said:


> And one session would be soooooo beneficial to help change the thought pattern of a woman, with low self-esteem and confidence issues.....NOT!!! It's a long process.
> 
> One session that wasn't closely followed up to continue the therapy would be a total waste of time and money.


I think you are missing my point entirely
Obviously one session isn't enough, it was an example as Jon seemed to suggest it would be thousands of pounds when at £30 for ten sessions, that's £300, maybe less if she found a counsellor who would discount. All these little things we buy add up to a lot.


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Counselling is between £20-£40 a session, that make up was £25 Tinks bought so that could have been a session.


How long would the make up she bought last...just one use?, i think not. It makes her feel happy...thats something good.

I do think that Tink would benefit from talking to someone about life and stuff and i hope she goes for it, but its not going to be a one hit wonder...it takes time...


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

suzy93074 said:


> I went to docs last year re cbt ....waiting list is long ....he gave me an online version which u work thru yourself can't remember it now will try and hunt it out for u tinks!! Xx


Its called Mood Gym


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

jon bda said:


> How long would the make up she bought last...just one use?, i think not. It makes her feel happy...thats something good.
> 
> I do think that Tink would benefit from talking to someone about life and stuff and i hope she goes for it, but its not going to be a one hit wonder...it takes time...


I know it takes time, I didn't say she only needed one session.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> I went to docs last year re cbt ....waiting list is long ....he gave me an online version which u work thru yourself can't remember it now will try and hunt it out for u tinks!! Xx


Thank you, would be very much appreciated


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> I'm toying between the idea that phone/email/counselling might be better for me as I have trouble speaking to people face to face


It needs to be face to face Tink, 100%


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Thank you, would be very much appreciated


https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> It needs to be face to face Tink, 100%


Thank you, will push for face to face


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> I think you are missing my point entirely
> Obviously one session isn't enough, it was an example as Jon seemed to suggest it would be thousands of pounds when at £30 for ten sessions, that's £300, maybe less if she found a counsellor who would discount. All these little things we buy add up to a lot.


I think it is just you having a "dig" as you it appears to me you do quite regularly with Tink.

From my understanding of Tink, she doesn't have hundreds of pounds spare (like most of us). I couldn't afford £300 for therapy and many can't. It was nice of the member who offered Tink details of a private professional but Tink has said she cannot afford it. It is not your place to tell her where she could cut back to afford therapy that she can get on the NHS.


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

jon bda said:


> It needs to be face to face Tink, 100%


I agree, my Mum is currently getting over the phone counselling from work after we lost my Nanna in October last year, it doesn't help in the slightest she can hold her feelings back but on a brave voice and go through the motions. They refuse to pay for face to face counselling for her.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

chichi said:


> I think it is just you having a "dig" as you it appears to me you do quite regularly with Tink.
> 
> From my understanding of Tink, she doesn't have hundreds of pounds spare (like most of us). I couldn't afford £300 for therapy and many can't. It was nice of the member who offered Tink details of a private professional but Tink has said she cannot afford it. It is not your place to tell her where she could cut back to afford therapy that she can get on the NHS.


I don't have hundreds of pounds spare and its not like its £300 up front!

Its up to Tinks if she wants to wait for NHS, if she really felt down enough then she would want it asap, but its good she doesn't feel that way.

I wasn't telling her what to do, I said "maybe if you" as in a suggestion. She can buy what she wants with her money but she put "I cant afford it" then posting all this stuff she buys it wouldn't only be me who would have thought that. I just wasn't afraid to mention it. She could have just said "I am happy to wait for NHS" with no mention of finances


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome


That's the one !! Thanks llol was just gonna start looking thru all my computer history hehe .....xx

Try it tinks ! Its very good .....I soon realised my need for it was not major as my depression was linked to one thing ie my fertility ....but I think u cud benefit ....esp if u cannot do face to face straight away  xx


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Thank you
> 
> See, reading this
> 
> ...


I think what BenBoy suggested would be good for you. You appear to be someone who takes everything but isn't prepared to give anything. If you were prepared to invest hard cash in your own health, it would indicate that you were really wanting to change. But no - you'd rather buy stuff than get better.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Good for you
> 
> I'm willing to wait


No surprises there, then.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> I think what BenBoy suggested would be good for you. You appear to be someone who takes everything but isn't prepared to give anything. If you were prepared to invest hard cash in your own health, it would indicate that you were really wanting to change. But no - you'd rather buy stuff than get better.


The stuff I buy helps, it allows me to have hobbies!


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> The stuff I buy helps, it allows me to have hobbies!


The mouse jumper?


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

lostbear said:


> I think what BenBoy suggested would be good for you.


So Benboy is skint as they couldn't pay 'hundreds upfront' and they think Tink could feel better reading some [email protected] on the 'net?


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Make sure you stress you want face to face counselling. Unless you are happy with telephone but then again you can get basically that with the Samaritans. Actually you can email the Samaritans and get a lovely response if your feeling down. I have done it a few times


The Sams are wonderful - totally non-judgemental and will help in any way that they can - and all the time you feel you need, not out at the end of your fifty minutes, even if the tears are coursing down your face and you're half-way through a sentence.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

jon bda said:


> So Benboy is skint as they couldn't pay 'hundreds upfront' and they think Tink could feel better reading some [email protected] on the 'net?




Don't get that post, sorry Jon

If you are referring to the mood gym thing, doctors recommend it as NHS counselling takes so long to get


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> The mouse jumper?


You're right, who needs warm winter clothing when that money could have paid for 30 seconds of a CBT session


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> You said between £20-40 so basically it could be more than the money I paid for that make up!


Or not.
---------------------------


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> You're right, who needs warm winter clothing when that money could have paid for 30 seconds of a CBT session


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> You're right, who needs warm winter clothing when that money could have paid for 30 seconds of a CBT session


Come now Tink....BB is just being very helpful to you....you know that really don't you? 

Now, where is that sarcasm smiley ......


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> I agree, my Mum is currently getting over the phone counselling from work after we lost my Nanna in October last year, it doesn't help in the slightest she can hold her feelings back but on a brave voice and go through the motions. They refuse to pay for face to face counselling for her.


The Samaritans or Cruse (the bereavement organisation) will provide face to face counselling if it is required. Your mam might benefit from that. Personally I can't see how a phone counselling session would do much good. You need a human being, not just a voice on the end of the line.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> The stuff I buy helps, it allows me to have hobbies!


Indeed.
----------------------------


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

chichi said:


> Come now Tink....BB is just being very helpful to you....you know that really don't you?
> 
> Now, where is that sarcasm smiley ......


God you're right!

Next she'll be telling me not to eat so I can afford it


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> God you're right!
> 
> Next she'll be telling me not to eat so I can afford it


Well you are always moaning about your size!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

jon bda said:


> So Benboy is skint as they couldn't pay 'hundreds upfront' and they think Tink could feel better reading some [email protected] on the 'net?


No - Benboy suggested that Tink might invest in her own health. At no time did she suggest Tink read some [email protected] on the net. It was another poster who suggested that an online site might be useful as it had helped her. Benboy provided the site address, that's all.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

lostbear said:


> No - Benboy suggested that Tink might invest in her own health. At no time did she suggest Tink read some [email protected] on the net. It was another poster who suggested that an online site might be useful as it had helped her. Benboy provided the site address, that's all.


God, I love you lostbear


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

lostbear said:


> Indeed.
> ----------------------------


Did you lose your



perchance?


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> You're right, who needs warm winter clothing when that money could have paid for 30 seconds of a CBT session


Who needs warm winter clothing when they don't go out?


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

lostbear said:


> Who needs warm winter clothing when they don't go out?


:lol::lol::lol:

Coffee splattered on laptop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Well you are always moaning about your size!


 you just made me snort!


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

Can someone do me a summary so I don't have to read back :lol:


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> God, I love you lostbear


[youtube_browser]wv-34w8kGPM[/youtube_browser]



Sorry...i stole your smiley from you...


----------



## paddyjulie (May 9, 2009)

Flamingoes said:


> Can someone do me a summary so I don't have to read back :lol:


Nope......


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> The stuff I buy helps, it allows me to have hobbies!


Buying stuff to make you happy is actually a sign of manic depression 

My sisters symptoms include this, and she'll spend money on useless things rather than important things like her bills, her children,grocery shopping or for medical reasons.

Bipolar Disorder Magazine | Bphope.com Blog | MONEY and the MANIC DEPRESSIVE


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Did you lose your
> 
> 
> 
> perchance?


Too subtle for me, Jon. I have no idea what you mean.

EDIT: Saw your following post. Wish i had put the eyeroll on haha.


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

I think people are just saying to invest in your health as that is so very important. I appreciate that you buy things to help with your hobbies but maybe just everytime you think about buying something think is this more important than my health you could be suprised by the money you could save. :thumbup:


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

button50 said:


> I think people are just saying to invest in your health as that is so very important. I appreciate that you buy things to help with your hobbies but maybe just everytime you think about buying something think is this more important than my health you could be suprised by the money you could save. :thumbup:


FINALLY!!!! Someone gets what I meant


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> FINALLY!!!! Someone gets what I meant


No problemo BB :thumbup:


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Didn't Jon used to make really rude comments to Tinks? Now he is sticking up for her? I am sorry if I am mixed up with another member


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> Well you are always moaning about your size!


:laugh:



lostbear said:


> Who needs warm winter clothing when they don't go out?


You're right, flats never get cold do they......



ellenlouisepascoe said:


> Buying stuff to make you happy is actually a sign of manic depression
> 
> My sisters symptoms include this, and she'll spend money on useless things rather than important things like her bills, her children,grocery shopping or for medical reasons.
> 
> Bipolar Disorder Magazine | Bphope.com Blog | MONEY and the MANIC DEPRESSIVE


Well I don't buy useless things and bills are always paid first

Any left over goes on treats for me and/or OH

Bills
Pets
Us


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I don't think I wud appreciate some one telling me what to spend my money on ....that's tinks own choice ....imo


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

Flamingoes said:


> Can someone do me a summary so I don't have to read back :lol:


Yep...

HB has been a nob...

BB is pretending she cares, whilst slipping the knife in between Tink's shoulder blades...

One of two of the forum witches have come out to play "Bash the Tink" ....

Nothing new really


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

suzy93074 said:


> I don't think I wud appreciate some one telling me what to spend my money on ....that's tinks own choice ....imo


Yep have said its her choice on a few of my posts. Button has explained what I meant much better than me


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> I don't think I wud appreciate some one telling me what to spend my money on ....that's tinks own choice ....imo


No one is telling anyone what to spend their money on. People are saying that health comes first that is all and its just advice, as Tink always says its up to her if she takes it or not!


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> I don't think I wud appreciate some one telling me what to spend my money on ....that's tinks own choice ....imo


Oh but it's tough love where BB is concerned....if you believe her story :lol:


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

chichi said:


> Yep...
> 
> HB has been a nob...
> 
> ...


Nope, I don't care, just posted a link to help Tink out and suggested the Samaritans.... I am pure evil


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Didn't Jon used to make really rude comments to Tinks? Now he is sticking up for her? I am sorry if I am mixed up with another member


Yes he did. I think that the real Jon has been abducted by aliens, and Tink has trained a hamster to use his forum ID


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Didn't Jon used to make really rude comments to Tinks? Now he is sticking up for her? I am sorry if I am mixed up with another member


Hands up, i have...but as time passes, well...you realise who the really random members are as opposed to the ones that are just full of...


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> :laugh:
> 
> *You're right, flats never get cold do they......*
> 
> ...


That's why you pay your heating bill. So that's already paid by the time you get to 'us' and lash out on mouse hoodies.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

BenBoy said:


> Nope, I don't care, just posted a link to help Tink out and suggested the Samaritans.... I am pure evil


No, not pure evil....but you continually dig at Tink and then come the innocent.....told you before.....I see through you


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

How about we all just stop giving tinks any sort of advise and let her get on with being miserable? Feeling insecure, and rejected when it comes to her OH 

It's like flogging a dead horse Tinks it honestly is and for all you have your moments and you are a considerate person each and every one of us is wasting our breath... or fingers for a forums sake and thats why people find you utterly frustrating and insufferable. Sorry but where I come from a spade is a spade. 

I just hope this thread gets closed sooner rather than later :frown2:


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

lostbear said:


> Yes he did. I think that the real Jon has been abducted by aliens, and Tink has trained a hamster to use his forum ID


Just a few days off luv, a step back if you will. Nice to see the rot rise...


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Hands up, i have...but as time passes, well...you realise who the really random members are as opposed to the ones that are just full of...


You disappoint me Jon...you could have found an awesome pic for 'hands up'


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

lostbear said:


> That's why you pay your heating bill. So that's already paid by the time you get to 'us' and lash out on mouse hoodies.












Saw this, thought of you...


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

Makes me laugh how people want the thread closed....

Bit of advice.....

If you don't like the thread, there's hundreds of others to look at, so no need to keep coming back


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

chichi said:


> No, not pure evil....but you continually dig at Tink and then come the innocent.....told you before.....I see through you


You cant see through someone you don't know. I just say it how it is, no pandering about


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> Yep have said its her choice on a few of my posts. Button has explained what I meant much better than me


Yes I do see where u coming from .....but just seemed a bit condecending ....

As regards advice its always easier to give it and be a bit hard on someone ....I do understand some may get frustrated with tinks....I have myself in some threads but I think we just have to be a bit patient with her  xx


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> You disappoint me Jon...you could have found an awesome pic for 'hands up'


Why?, what am i going to be accused of 'this' time?


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> Buying stuff to make you happy is actually a sign of manic depression
> 
> My sisters symptoms include this, and she'll spend money on useless things rather than important things like her bills, her children,grocery shopping or for medical reasons.
> 
> Bipolar Disorder Magazine | Bphope.com Blog | MONEY and the MANIC DEPRESSIVE


That's relevant why?

I like to buy things to make me happy! last purchase was a ceramic pumpkin, save all the mess of carving a real one! that made me happy, doesn't mean it's a sign of anything!!

I got a promotion and payrise, wondering what to buy myself to celebrate....That makes me happy.


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

lostbear said:


> That's why you pay your heating bill. So that's already paid by the time you get to 'us' and lash out on mouse hoodies.


We don't use heating, prefer putting a jumper on

I do go out sometimes anyway


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

chichi said:


> Makes me laugh how people want the thread closed....
> 
> Bit of advice.....
> 
> If you don't like the thread, there's hundreds of others to look at, so no need to keep coming back


Well actually I came to the thread firstly to talk about a TV program and my opinions on it, came back and it had escalated to this 

I admit people are harsh to Tinks and it goes too far but I wouldn't say she's an innocent victim either. Hense why I made my comment about closing it , best for both sides


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

MissShelley said:


> That's relevant why?
> 
> I like to buy things to make me happy! last purchase was a ceramic pumpkin, save all the mess of carving a real one! that made me happy, doesn't mean it's a sign of anything!!
> 
> I got a promotion and payrise, wondering what to buy myself to celebrate....That makes me happy.


Would you say buying make up was more important than your mental health though? Than paying for your prescription ?

We all buy things to cheer us up but when you think buying something is more important than paying out for your health I think there is a problem


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> How about we all just stop giving tinks any sort of advise and let her get on with being miserable? Feeling insecure, and rejected when it comes to her OH
> 
> It's like flogging a dead horse Tinks it honestly is and for all you have your moments and you are a considerate person each and every one of us is wasting our breath... or fingers for a forums sake and thats why people find you utterly frustrating and insufferable. Sorry but where I come from a spade is a spade.
> 
> I just hope this thread gets closed sooner rather than later :frown2:


Actually there's been some great advice on here that has been appreciated


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Why?, what am i going to be accused of 'this' time?


I am saying you could have use that pic in your post when you said you did use to be rude to Tinks! Are you drunk?!


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> Well actually I came to the thread firstly to talk about a TV program and my opinions on it, came back and it had escalated to this
> 
> I admit people are harsh to Tinks and it goes too far but I wouldn't say she's an innocent victim either. Hense why I made my comment about closing it , best for both sides


Why just cos u don't like the way its going ?? ....I've found this thread v interesting actually with all its twists and turns ....that's what debate is all about !


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> We don't use heating, prefer putting a jumper on
> 
> I do go out sometimes anyway


Why don't you use your heating?!


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> How about we all just stop giving tinks any sort of advise and let her get on with being miserable? Feeling insecure, and rejected when it comes to her OH
> 
> It's like flogging a dead horse Tinks it honestly is and for all you have your moments and you are a considerate person each and every one of us is wasting our breath... or fingers for a forums sake and thats why people find you utterly frustrating and insufferable. Sorry but where I come from a spade is a spade.
> 
> I just hope this thread gets closed sooner rather than later :frown2:


I am wondering why the hell some people even open a thread started by Tinks, if thats the way they feel.

Like I said - it feels like a competition between some people to see who can get a Tinks thread closed first.

Its taken off topic in a way to cause a row about something that isn't even related to her first post, and then all the baiting starts, all the snide comments, hoping to get a rise out of her.

Then when she doesn't bite, you get people posting about how they hope the thread is closed.

WHY?? If you don't like her posts, and feel like you are wasting your breath (or fingers) don't even bloody well open it - go and read something else, it isnt rocket science!


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> Why don't you use your heating?!


Refuse to pay robbing gas companies for something we don't need


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

lostbear said:


> The Sams are wonderful - totally non-judgemental and will help in any way that they can - and all the time you feel you need, not out at the end of your fifty minutes, even if the tears are coursing down your face and you're half-way through a sentence.


I thought that said the Sims, though if you turn autonomy off then they're non-judgemental too



chichi said:


> Yep...
> 
> HB has been a nob...
> 
> ...


Noted 



BenBoy said:


> You cant see through someone you don't know. I just say it how it is, *no pandering about*


Cause they're endangered :yesnod:


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Refuse to pay rubbing gas companies for something we don't need


LOL sorry "rubbing gas"


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

Just wanted to say thanks to HB for red rep, with the following message....



> Got a problem with me? then have the back bone to pm me you silly bitch


HB, I wouldn't dream of pm'ing you.

You are a bigot, a bully and completely out of control emotionally. You need help. Shame on you for the messages you have sent me and others with red rep.

Actually, I feel sorry for you. You seem to have lost the plot lately.


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Why don't you use your heating?!


We don't have our heating on until Nov & even then the thermostat is low. I too would rather wear more clothes that use up the oil which we pay a fortune for


----------



## button50 (Apr 16, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> Refuse to pay robbing gas companies for something we don't need


Boooooo Tink it was funny when it said "Rubbing" lol


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> We don't have our heating on until Nov & even then the thermostat is low. I too would rather wear more clothes that use up the oil which we pay a fortune for


Seems sensible really, you do need to have heating on abit tho as the house will go damp surely? Sorry I have been learning so much about damp and mould from being on repairs calls at work!


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

oooo this thread has got me over 1000 posts!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Just a few days off luv, a step back if you will. *Nice to see the rot rise.*..


Cream - it's the cream that rises to the top :thumbup:


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> Seems sensible really, you do need to have heating on abit tho as the house will go damp surely? Sorry I have bee learning so much about damp and mould from being on repairs calls at work!


We get condensation so we open the windows a little and use a dehumidifier


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> *Would you say buying make up was more important than your mental health though? Than paying for your prescription ?*
> 
> We all buy things to cheer us up but when you think buying something is more important than paying out for your health I think there is a problem


That's relevant why? how do you prioritise? if you are depressed you can't see the wood for the trees, so the point is moot. We know what we should do, on the outside looking in, but being in a situation ourselves we may look at things differently....Anyway, how do you know Tinks doesn't pay her bills?? and don't use that stupid gas bill debacle as an example, that one has been done to death.

The implication that Tinks has manic depression was a bit extreme for me to be honest. You have no right to be making any kind of assumption on someones health on an internet forum, when you only what you are reading.

Tink has said herself, she knows what she needs, and will get there in her own time and find her own way.


----------



## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

chichi said:


> Just wanted to say thanks to HB for red rep, with the following message....
> 
> HB, I wouldn't dream of pm'ing you.
> 
> ...


No honey, you have no backbone.

You seem to think i have a problem with you? why?

I do think you are a nasty little bitch..im willing to tell you to your face 

ps. Thank you for the GREEN blobby


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

BenBoy said:


> oooo this thread has got me over 1000 posts!


Ahhhh and u wanted it closed ! Congrats on the thousand posts  x


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

jon bda said:


> Saw this, thought of you...


Aaaaw! Thank you. Insufferable self-pitying whingers DO make me sad.


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Seems sensible really, you do need to have heating on abit tho as the house will go damp surely? Sorry I have bee learning so much about damp and mould from being on repairs calls at work!


Yes, we do but not to the extent that some people do. We have it on the bare minimum, people always moan that they are too cold when they come here but then I don't wander round in next to nothing & am always on the go so don't notice if it's chilly

But then as well as not feeling the cold much I am also tight fisted


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> I am saying you could have *use* that pic in your post when you said you did *use* to be rude to Tinks! Are you drunk?!


'Used' i think is the word your looking for...happy to help with your speeling...again...


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

MissShelley said:


> That's relevant why? how do you prioritise? if you are depressed you can't see the wood for the trees, so the point is moot. We know what we should do, on the outside looking in, but being in a situation ourselves we may look at things differently....Anyway, how do you know Tinks doesn't pay her bills?? and don't use that stupid gas bill debacle as an example, that one has been done to death.
> 
> The implication that Tinks has manic depression was a bit extreme for me to be honest. You have no right to be making any kind of assumption on someones health on an internet forum, when you only what you are reading.
> 
> Tink has said herself, she knows what she needs, and will get there in her own time and find her own way.


Thank you

Going NHS will help me prepare


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

BenBoy said:


> Well you are always moaning about your size!


And we come back to women using body image or size to put other women down. Not a classy move, very telling.



jon bda said:


> Hands up, i have...but as time passes, well...you realise who the really random members are as opposed to the ones that are just full of...


Ah, see now, there is someone admitting they have made a mistake and moving on.......something certain people on this thread could do with learning how to do.

[awaits obscenity laden red rep]


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> No honey, you have no backbone.
> 
> You seem to think i have a problem with you? why?
> 
> I do think you are a nasty little bitch..im willing to tell you to your face


Its not actually my face though is it lovely. You are a keyboard warrior.

I have sent you some green rep, as I don't want to lower myself to your level and I haven't sworn in my message. No need to swear to get a point across when you are an adult.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> *We don't use heating*, prefer putting a jumper on
> Bit rough on your animals.
> I do go out sometimes anyway


_________________


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

jon bda said:


> 'Used' i think is the word your looking for...happy to help with your speeling...again...


I think spelling is the word you were looking for 
Unless you did that on purpose!


----------



## bearcub (Jul 19, 2011)

harley bear said:


> No honey, you have no backbone.
> 
> *You seem to think i have a problem with you? why? *
> 
> I do think you are a nasty little bitch..im willing to tell you to your face


Maybe because of the message you sent her along with the red rep?


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

chichi said:


> Just wanted to say thanks to HB for red rep, with the following message....
> 
> HB, I wouldn't dream of pm'ing you.
> 
> ...


Just wow  ...... Not the HB I used to know!


----------



## CaliDog (Jun 3, 2012)




----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Flamingoes said:


> *I thought that said the Sims, though if you turn autonomy off then they're non-judgemental too*
> 
> Noted
> 
> *Cause they're endangered* :yesnod:


:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:


----------



## CaliDog (Jun 3, 2012)

What the hell is happening to this place lately!!!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> oooo this thread has got me over 1000 posts!


Congratulations!


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

lostbear said:


> _________________


[youtube_browser]3TKyNTwD3Yk[/youtube_browser]

Nice edit...i pickled that song speshul for you...


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

MissShelley said:


> That's relevant why? how do you prioritise? if you are depressed you can't see the wood for the trees, so the point is moot. We know what we should do, on the outside looking in, but being in a situation ourselves we may look at things differently....Anyway, how do you know Tinks doesn't pay her bills?? and don't use that stupid gas bill debacle as an example, that one has been done to death.
> 
> The implication that Tinks has manic depression was a bit extreme for me to be honest. You have no right to be making any kind of assumption on someones health on an internet forum, when you only what you are reading.
> 
> Tink has said herself, she knows what she needs, and will get there in her own time and find her own way.


I'm not going to argue with you over it  Just an observation , something I am quite familiar with having a sister who thinks that way.

I didn't say she didn't pay her bills, I said my sister doesn't.

I didn't see my comment as something negative, a little bit of advise as like you said sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. I'm not a psychiatrist just a person on a forum making an observation.


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

lostbear said:


> Cream - it's the cream that rises to the top :thumbup:


So does scum......

----------------------------------------------

Apparently a lot of people on here have no backbone, according to a certain person - seems to me if someone is giving out huge amounts of red rep, to people that dont agree with them, and swearing in their messages, they are the one with the problem - but thats just my humble, backboneless, opinion


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

MCWillow said:


> So does scum......
> 
> ----------------------------------------------
> 
> Apparently a lot of people on here have no backbone, according to a certain person - seems to me if someone is giving out huge amounts of red rep, to people that dont agree with them, and swearing in their messages, they are the one with the problem - but thats just my humble, backboneless, opinion


I agree :thumbup:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cleo38 said:


> Yes, we do but not to the extent that some people do. We have it on the bare minimum, people always moan that they are too cold when they come here but then I don't wander round in next to nothing & am always on the go so don't notice if it's chilly
> 
> But then as well as not feeling the cold much I am also tight fisted


Same here - always telling the kids to wear a wooly and stop fiddling with the central heating. However the cat is old now, and likes the heat, so we put it on.


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

lostbear said:


> Same here - always telling the kids to wear a wooly and stop fiddling with the central heating. However the cat is old now, and likes the heat, so we put it on.


I grew up in a house where it was " Put a jumper on or stop whinging!" :lol: my OH in the other half, his Mother has her heating on ALL YEAR , I'm not even joking, 30 degrees outside? Heating on... indian summer...heating on...for the lols ....heating on.

We are having constant silent wars over the thermostat


----------



## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> I'm not going to argue with you over it  Just an observation , something I am quite familiar with having a sister who thinks that way.
> 
> I didn't say she didn't pay her bills, I said my sister doesn't.
> 
> I didn't see my comment as something negative, a little bit of advise as like you said sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. I'm not a psychiatrist just a person on a forum making an observation.


Who's arguing? I replied, you responded, so on and so forth.... Thats what forums are about.

Again, it was the implication, when I responded you, I didn't respond in re
gards to your Sister, as it's just not relevant.

Wow, some observation!


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

harley bear said:


> No honey, you have no backbone.
> 
> You seem to think i have a problem with you? why?
> 
> ...





suzy93074 said:


> Just wow  ...... Not the HB I used to know!


Actually, there has always been that latent bigotry and aggression. This is too far though, you don't get to call people names like that because they disagreed with you. Anyone got any links for anger management courses?
It must be exhausting seething with this kind of hate all the time, wind yer neck in HB, you are really making a show of yourself.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

CaliDog said:


> What the hell is happening to this place lately!!!


The usual - the lunatics have taken over the asylum :scared:


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Im off to bed my lovelies, this thread will probably be closed in the morning so thank you for entertaining me this evening seen as there was nothing on TV


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

MissShelley said:


> Who's arguing? I replied, you responded, so on and so forth.... Thats what forums are about.
> 
> Again, it was the implication, when I responded you, I didn't respond in re
> gards to your Sister, as it's just not relevant.
> ...


Well that is how you read it, certainly not how I meant it. How would I know if Tinks pays her bills ?! I don't even know if my bills are paid half the time


----------



## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

lostbear said:


> Same here - always telling the kids to wear a wooly and stop fiddling with the central heating. However the cat is old now, and likes the heat, so we put it on.


LOL, the only time I relented with the heating was when Toby (one of our dogs) was recovering from an op & had to be crated. I was worried about him getting chilly so left the heating on ... all day & night for him

I think my OH was a bit put out that the same rule didn't apply when he was recovering from a broken ankle


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

jon bda said:


> [youtube_browser]3TKyNTwD3Yk[/youtube_browser]
> 
> Nice edit...i pickled that song speshul for you...


I haven't watched it. Is there nothing shorter? My attention span doesn't run to 7 minutes.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> ps. Thank you for the GREEN blobby


No problem. Always willing to help out those less fortunate. Hope you took my message to heart and can see the error of your ways......


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> [youtube_browser]3TKyNTwD3Yk[/youtube_browser]
> 
> Nice edit...i pickled that song speshul for you...


What did the original say?


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

MCWillow said:


> So does scum......
> 
> ----------------------------------------------
> 
> Apparently a lot of people on here have no backbone, according to a certain person - seems to me if someone is giving out huge amounts of red rep, to people that dont agree with them, and swearing in their messages, they are the one with the problem - but thats just my humble, backboneless, opinion


Congratulations! I thought someone would pick up on that sooner, but you win!


----------



## something ridiculous (Mar 9, 2013)

chichi said:


> No problem. Always willing to help out those less fortunate. QUOTE]
> 
> This made me :lol:


----------



## Summersky (Aug 11, 2012)

So, I come on here to see what people thought of a TV programme - how silly am I? 

It's worse than a high school playground. Red rep...insults...time to grow up methinks.

Tinks, I don't know why you start so many threads when you know the direction they will go, but you sure liven up the forum. I guess you enjoy the attention too. 

As for JonBDA - what the **** has happened to him? Abducted by aliens? Have you formed an alliance with Tinks? Life is full of twists and turns.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

ellenlouisepascoe said:


> I grew up in a house where it was " Put a jumper on or stop whinging!" :lol: my OH in the other half, his Mother has her heating on ALL YEAR , I'm not even joking, 30 degrees outside? Heating on... indian summer...heating on...for the lols ....heating on.
> 
> We are having constant silent wars over the thermostat


Fortunately for our bank balance, the animals don't have opposable thumbs, or they would be like your OH's mother.


----------



## ellenlouisepascoe (Jul 12, 2013)

lostbear said:


> Fortunately for our bank balance, the animals don't have opposable thumbs, or they would be like your OH's mother.


I'll have to remove my husbands thumbs I think :lol:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Im off to bed my lovelies, this thread will probably be closed in the morning so thank you for entertaining me this evening seen as there was nothing on TV


Nighty night!

I'm away, too! I have worn out my typing fingers.

Sweet dreams everyone :aureola:


----------



## astro2011 (Dec 13, 2011)

I'm actually shocked by some of the stuff on here! Disgraceful!


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

lostbear said:


> Nighty night!
> 
> I'm away, too! I have worn out my typing fingers.
> 
> Sweet dreams everyone :aureola:


Night LB


----------



## Summersky (Aug 11, 2012)

astro2011 said:


> I'm actually shocked by some of the stuff on here! Disgraceful!


Me too. It's so unnecessary.  But some people obviously get off on it.

Nite


----------



## something ridiculous (Mar 9, 2013)

astro2011 said:


> I'm actually shocked by some of the stuff on here! Disgraceful!


After everything that's gone on here lately, how are people still shocked 
Every thread goes the same way now


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Summersky said:


> As for JonBDA - what the **** has happened to him? Abducted by aliens? Have you formed an alliance with Tinks? Life is full of twists and turns.


I thought the worst about Tink...but she's just Tink. There is much bigger scum floating on the surface, as McW put it so well...


----------



## nicolaa123 (Mar 30, 2012)

Arguing again ..and I've not read the whole thread 

Go and hug your pets and feel love for them..

..a pf member lost their 4 year old cat yesterday and kind of puts it into perspective for me as she was suffering from a similar thing to my cat.

..no point to my post just interrupting the madness..


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

jon bda said:


> I thought the worst about Tink...but she's just Tink. There is much bigger scum floating on the surface, as McW put it so well...


Exactly, Tink is Tink, take her or leave her.

But you have one or two floaters that just love to have a dig and take the pee. Then moan about her threads.....stay off of them.....simples:mad2:

I am not talking about those who disagree with Tink or are clearly frustrated by her at times, I'm talking about the ones that constantly stick the knife in, whenever there is an opportunity.


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

something ridiculous said:


> After everything that's gone on here lately, how are people still shocked
> Every thread goes the same way now


It will pass, always does. They come and go, will be quiet again in a few days


----------



## something ridiculous (Mar 9, 2013)

ClaireLouise said:


> It will pass, always does. They come and go, will be quiet again in a few days


What will my evening entertainment be then???


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

nicolaa123 said:


> Arguing again ..and I've not read the whole thread
> 
> Go and hug your pets and feel love for them..
> 
> ...


R.I.P kitty

My pets are getting huggles


----------



## Firedog (Oct 19, 2011)

Can I just ask what has any of the last twenty pages got to do with fat people?


----------



## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

something ridiculous said:


> What will my evening entertainment be then???


It didn't say it would stay quiet long lol, they come in waves with small episodes of quiet between


----------



## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

Summersky said:


> Me too. It's so unnecessary.  But some people obviously get off on it.
> 
> Nite


Well your post was not much better than some imo!

Not tinks fault at all the thread went in other directions ,,,,,, that happens in debate ....its all the personal stuff that is unnecessary .....

I'm off to bed .....nite peeps hope we can get back on track tomorrow ! Xxx


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

suzy93074 said:


> Well your post was not much better than some imo!
> 
> Not tinks fault at all the thread went in other directions ,,,,,, that happens in debate ....its all the personal stuff that is unnecessary .....
> 
> I'm off to bed .....nite peeps hope we can get back on track tomorrow ! Xxx


Nunight, Suzy x


----------



## nicolaa123 (Mar 30, 2012)

tinktinktinkerbell said:


> R.I.P kitty
> 
> My pets are getting huggles


Thank you..

I got a comment yesterday I will share..

Pf has been not a nice place lately..does not help I come on and read about the sad news..makes all the inane postings seem worthless.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

Firedog said:


> Can I just ask what has any of the last twenty pages got to do with fat people?


Errrrrrrm, next question ??? lol


----------



## something ridiculous (Mar 9, 2013)

Firedog said:


> Can I just ask what has any of the last twenty pages got to do with fat people?


40 pages in on a Tinks thread. You didn't really expect it to still be about fat people did you?


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

something ridiculous said:


> 40 pages in on a Tinks thread. You didn't really expect it to still be about fat people did you?


Tbf, it did stay on track until about half way through ... that's not bad going really ... all considered


----------



## Firedog (Oct 19, 2011)

I think if I get much bigger I am going to start running a squashing service, that really will be fat for cash.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

Firedog said:


> I think if I get much bigger I am going to start running a squashing service, that really will be fat for cash.


Lol, that just conjured up a very funny picture in my head


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

chichi said:


> Lol, that just conjured up a very funny picture in my head


[youtube_browser]Qwy2TU8n0YY[/youtube_browser]

Russell Howard made me watch that once!!!


----------



## tinktinktinkerbell (Nov 15, 2008)

jon bda said:


> [youtube_browser]Qwy2TU8n0YY[/youtube_browser]
> 
> Russell Howard made me watch that once!!!


Yes I liked him till then :laugh:


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

chichi said:


> One of two of the forum witches have come out to play "Bash the Tink" ....
> 
> Nothing new really


Call a spade a spade. Name names. And why do you keep defending someone who does not need to be defended? She is more than capable of speaking up for herself. She's not stupid. I find it rather insulting that some people keep treating her like she's a special needs child in a unit. She has self esteem issues (don't we all?), not learning difficulties!

I'm rather glad I was working til nearly 10pm. Anyone else feel like things are coming to a head on here?


----------



## piggybaker (Feb 10, 2009)

Well I think page 17 was the turning point!! Wow heated debate tonight ... Phew!


----------



## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

Firedog said:


> I think if I get much bigger I am going to start running a squashing service, that really will be fat for cash.


Is this the future

The Prisoner Opening Sequence - YouTube

used to put the fear of god in me ....


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

tincan said:


> Is this the future
> 
> The Prisoner Opening Sequence - YouTube
> 
> used to put the fear of god in me ....


Oooh, we are watching that right now!
Hoping to have our wedding at the Village in Portmeirion...a bit of saving to do first! We were just joking about having a Prisoner theme with me running in, chased by my "bridesmaid" (my brother) in a big bouncing white ball. :laugh:


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

myshkin said:


> Oooh, we are watching that right now!
> Hoping to have our wedding at the Village in Portmeirion...a bit of saving to do first! We were just joking about having a Prisoner theme with me running in, chased by my "bridesmaid" (my brother) in a big bouncing white ball. :laugh:


Zorbing? Would love to try that but there would be sick falling all over the place, very delicate tummy, me!


----------



## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

myshkin said:


> Oooh, we are watching that right now!
> Hoping to have our wedding at the Village in Portmeirion...a bit of saving to do first! We were just joking about having a Prisoner theme with me running in, chased by my "bridesmaid" (my brother) in a big bouncing white ball. :laugh:


Are you SERIOUS  .... That ball freaked me out .... Nightmare stuff 

Though not as much as ..... Quatermass and the pit .... :scared::scared:

Wish you all the best on planning an alternative wedding tho .... quite refreshing :thumbup:


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

cinnamontoast said:


> Call a spade a spade. Name names. And why do you keep defending someone who does not need to be defended? She is more than capable of speaking up for herself. She's not stupid. I find it rather insulting that some people keep treating her like she's a special needs child in a unit. She has self esteem issues (don't we all?), not learning difficulties!
> 
> I'm rather glad I was working til nearly 10pm. Anyone else feel like things are coming to a head on here?


No she doesn't need defending. She sticks up for herself on here.

No-one is treating her like she has special needs just because we call out people that are being cruel and insensitive to her.

I was bullied at secondary school (not saying Tinks is being bullied, just telling you about me). In the face of those bullies, I stood up for myself, I answered back, and I didnt let them see what they were doing to me, because I didnt want them to know how much they affected me.

My form teacher asked me to stay behind one day, after a particularly nasty morning. As soon as she got me alone, I broke down completely. I never let the bullies see they were affecting me, but I was so grateful, that someone else could see what they were doing, and it wasn't all in my imagination.

So no, for me personally, I am not sticking up for her because I think she is 'special needs' and cant stick up for herself. I am sure Tinks is more than able to stick up for herself. I will have my say because I have been on the receiving end of one nasty person, that everyone else thinks they have to impress, and join in just for the fun of it.

I won't sit by and watch a _mob_ gang up on one person. Theres no need for it.

I don't know if it affects her, and she doesn't let on, or if it really doesnt affect her at all. Either way, its not fair that people deliberately post on her threads, just to try and bait her, or post snidey comments.


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

cinnamontoast said:


> Call a spade a spade. Name names. And why do you keep defending someone who does not need to be defended? She is more than capable of speaking up for herself. She's not stupid.* I find it rather insulting that some people keep treating her like she's a special needs child* in a unit. She has self esteem issues (don't we all?), not learning difficulties!
> 
> I'm rather glad I was working til nearly 10pm. Anyone else feel like things are coming to a head on here?


And I find it quite disturbing that some people follow Tink about, posting negatively and taking the pee. Nobody insists that every member opens Tinks threads. In fact, I think many people here have suggested that those annoyed by her, perhaps should avoid her threads.

I don't feel like things are coming to a head. I just feel that some bitchy people don't like being told that their behaviour is ugly, which in one member's case, turned her even uglier.

You don't see why I defend Tink and I don't see why you have such a downer on her and yet still come on to post negatively towards her.

Guess, we will just have to agree to disagree on this.


----------



## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

tincan said:


> Are you SERIOUS  .... That ball freaked me out .... Nightmare stuff
> 
> Though not as much as ..... Quatermass and the pit .... :scared::scared:
> 
> Wish you all the best on planning an alternative wedding tho .... quite refreshing :thumbup:


I read Quatermass and the Pit as a kid.....brrrr!

I have a feeling we could compare Hammer Horror notes. 

Not that alternative...just in our silly moments. But not too conventional either.


----------



## piggybaker (Feb 10, 2009)

Gosh I feel like we are the stragglers after a pup brawl ... Just digesting the evening .... Is anyone else still spinning from that mad half hour!!!


----------



## 3dogs2cats (Aug 15, 2012)

chichi said:


> And I find it quite disturbing that some people follow Tink about, posting negatively and taking the pee. Nobody insists that every member opens Tinks threads. In fact, I think many people here have suggested that those annoyed by her, perhaps should avoid her threads.


Yep its funny that people make a big thing about having Tinks on ignore yet keep on posting on her threads!


----------



## tincan (Aug 30, 2012)

piggybaker said:


> Gosh I feel like we are the stragglers after a pup brawl ... Just digesting the evening .... Is anyone else still spinning from that mad half hour!!!


Aye but let's just let it go ( not you ) .... Tis a place of complexities 

Spinning i'm sure we all look like Battletops or whatever they were called ...

The prob is , if you don't like the thread , and you know what is potentially coming , then don't come ..... Yes opinions are welcomed , it's when that mark is overstepped and it becomes something else much more than an opinion ...... :hand:


----------



## Flamingoes (Dec 8, 2012)

Points of view would never get to this stage :frown2: Good grief.


----------



## piggybaker (Feb 10, 2009)

tincan said:


> Aye but let's just let it go ( not you ) .... Tis a place of complexities
> 
> Spinning i'm sure we all look like Battletops or whatever they were called ...
> 
> The prob is , if you don't like the thread , and you know what is potentially coming , then don't come ..... Yes opinions are welcomed , it's when that mark is overstepped and it becomes something else much more than an opinion ...... :hand:


I didn't get involved in the debate, far to many strong characters in there .. Just read, with my mouth hanging open... I've not seen a tiff like this for ages, but then I've not been on very much over the year but WOW!!!


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

chichi said:


> You don't see why I defend Tink and I don't see why you have such a downer on her and yet still come on to post negatively towards her.


Really? I don't believe I've been a bitch and she does not need people being in her camp, she can more than look after herself and obviously loves the stir she causes because she persists in posting the same sort of thread repetitively. .

People are entitled to post on here and of course they're going to respond to deliberately provocative threads. They're entertaining which is surely the point of forums. 



jon bda said:


> That rings a bell...last time i heard it mentioned on this forum iirc was in the same sentence as the name 'Obama'


Naughty, Jon!


----------



## bearcub (Jul 19, 2011)

jon bda said:


> That rings a bell...last time i heard it mentioned on this forum iirc was in the same sentence as the name 'Obama'


Now now Jon :hand:


----------



## chichi (Apr 22, 2012)

cinnamontoast said:


> Really? I don't believe I've been a bitch and she does not need people being in her camp, she can more than look after herself and obviously loves the stir she causes because she persists in posting the same sort of thread repetitively. .
> 
> People are entitled to post on here and of course they're going to respond to deliberately provocative threads. They're entertaining which is surely the point of forums.
> 
> Naughty, Jon!


So what you are saying, is that someone has a right to b!tch (not you, I have never thought of you in this way and that is not sarcasm....I don't think you have a bitchy nature from my memory of your posts) and yet it seems I am being called for being supportive to Tink, which I am entirely within my rights to do.

Of course, people can and do post what they want, where they want but to go under the guise of "being concerned" or "advising" (again, in no way pointing the finger at you) when they are clearly being spiteful and anything but supportive, I just don't understand why said people would even bother getting involved in Tink's threads.

When my kids tell me that someone is pee'ing them off at school or college, I say "Just keep away from them, then they can't annoy you" .... surely that's good, sound advice and advice that could apply to those that seem to be utterly annoyed by Tink's threads.

This thread was thrown off due to a very bigoted post by HB, which was made to cause offence and it did...to many!


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

cinnamontoast said:


> Really? I don't believe I've been a bitch and she does not need people being in her camp, she can more than look after herself and obviously loves the stir she causes because she persists in posting the same sort of thread repetitively. .
> 
> People are entitled to post on here and of course they're going to respond to deliberately provocative threads. They're entertaining which is surely the point of forums.
> 
> Naughty, Jon!


Yes, people _are_ entitled to post what they want on here.

No-one has _said_ you are being a bitch by posting what you want on here.

Maybe she _doesnt_ need anyone in her camp (and maybe she does, but isnt ready to admit it?)

BUT - it seems with Tinks threads, after so many pages, _someone_, will post something derogatory.

And that leads to a usual group of suspects, jumping on the bandwagon, and _also_ posting derogatory things, that have nothing to do with the post she started with, and all have to do with slagging her off (basically).

Then it turns into 'oh this thread should be closed'. The only reason her threads get closed is because it turns into a massive bitchfest - and to be fair to Tinks, its not because she retaliates, its because people try to defend her, and other people turn it into an argument, then tempers get frayed, someone says something 'over the line' - and boom, thread closed.

But her threads dont get closed because of what, she, herself, has said.

If people dont like her, or her threads, why cant they just stay off them? Why keep posting more and more contentious posts?

Thats what makes me wonder if there if there is some kind of competition going on, on who can get a Tinks thread closed soonest


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Um... so does this mean we're not talking about plus sized models anymore?

FWIW, Tink can live her life however wants to and that is 100% her prerogative. If she wants to be happy that's on her, if she prefers not to be that's on her to. It's not for anyone else to tell someone how they need to be.

By the same token, if people want to "waste their time" giving Tinks advice, suggestions, dig at her, defend her, whatever... That too is entirely their prerogative. It's a forum, and unless you're violating TOU, you can post whatever the hack you want. 

Just like I did


----------



## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

ouesi said:


> Um... so does this mean we're not talking about plus sized models anymore?
> *
> FWIW, Tink can live her life however wants to and that is 100% her prerogative. If she wants to be happy that's on her, if she prefers not to be that's on her to. It's not for anyone else to tell someone how they need to be.
> *
> ...


I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto..... 

*Yep, absolutely right :thumbup:*

Yep again! I just dont understand people that follow her around, with_ no_ other purpose than to slag her off - it makes no sense to me 

If she annoys you, then avoid her posts or put her on ignore - why post just to antogonise or upset someone?

(generic 'you', not to you personally Ouesi)


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

It is seriously blowing a gale here, never mind Kansas, Hertfordshire is about to break free of the moorings! I got a hot water bottle plus Brig to snuggle with but it's not enough! I've caved and put the electric blanket on the bed!


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

MCWillow said:


> I just dont understand people that follow her around, with_ no_ other purpose than to slag her off - it makes no sense to me
> 
> If she annoys you, then avoid her posts or put her on ignore - why post just to antogonise or upset someone?


Well, if you believe behaviorists, all behavior has a purpose. It might not be evident to you or me, but obviously the behavior "works" for that person, otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it just doesn't matter. 
Getting annoyed at how people respond to Tinks is really no different than those people getting annoyed at Tinks for the kind of threads she posts. It's all trying to control, (or maybe influence?) something that was never ours to control.

Admittedly I skipped over about 25 pages of this thread LOL, but I am on here morbidly fascinated with the whole human element of the thing too


----------



## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

cinnamontoast said:


> It is seriously blowing a gale here, never mind Kansas, Hertfordshire is about to break free of the moorings! I got a hot water bottle plus Brig to snuggle with but it's not enough! I've caved and put the electric blanket on the bed!


I guess you don't want to know that we're still in short sleeves here?


----------



## pogo (Jul 25, 2011)

ouesi said:


> I guess you don't want to know that we're still in short sleeves here?


I am here too


----------



## Laurac (Oct 1, 2011)

ouesi said:


> Well, if you believe behaviorists, all behavior has a purpose. It might not be evident to you or me, but obviously the behavior "works" for that person, otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it.
> 
> I guess what I'm trying to say is that it just doesn't matter.
> Getting annoyed at how people respond to Tinks is really no different than those people getting annoyed at Tinks for the kind of threads she posts. It's all trying to control, (or maybe influence?) something that was never ours to control.
> ...


I agree. People are being accused of responding negatively to the op - yet those people are being even more obviously jumped on by others.


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Laurac said:


> I agree. People are being accused of responding negatively to the op - yet those people are being even more obviously jumped on by others.


Completely agree!
It's like chichi jumping on everything I say !!!


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

ouesi said:


> I guess you don't want to know that we're still in short sleeves here?


Lucky so and so  It's freezing here, my winter coat is officially out in Essex :cornut: x


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Cheryl89 said:


> Lucky so and so  It's freezing here, my winter coat is officially out in Essex :cornut: x


I think mine will be coming out soon.....if I can ever get myself out of bed this morning :001_rolleyes:


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> I think mine will be coming out soon.....if I can ever get myself out of bed this morning :001_rolleyes:


I woke up at half 5, and had to carry Engel outside for her morning loo.... and it was peeing down with rain and I only had my "summer" PJs on!!!!!

Needless to say I made her hurry up and dashed inside with many a-goose-bumps :lol:

xx


----------



## BenBoy (Aug 31, 2013)

Cheryl89 said:


> I woke up at half 5, and had to carry Engel outside for her morning loo.... and it was peeing down with rain and I only had my "summer" PJs on!!!!!
> 
> Needless to say I made her hurry up and dashed inside with many a-goose-bumps :lol:
> 
> xx


Oh bless !

It's wear your pjs day at work so I could have just rolled out of bed and I'm ready but don't fancy wearing my onesie on the bus

Needless to say I'm just taking slippers with me! My colleagues do not need to see me in pj's! Hubby and bens eyes only!


----------



## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

ouesi said:


> I guess you don't want to know that we're still in short sleeves here?


Shh! I saw my OH in passing as I drove home from the yard where we were blown around like leaves-short sleeves on and when he came home at 1am, he was appalled that I'd put the electric blanket on!

Rainy and miserable here, think it's boot wearing weather, no way I want to slip over today, got an appointment with the surgeon, think he's going to sign me off.


----------



## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

BenBoy said:


> Oh bless !
> 
> It's wear your pjs day at work so I could have just rolled out of bed and I'm ready but don't fancy wearing my onesie on the bus
> 
> Needless to say I'm just taking slippers with me! My colleagues do not need to see me in pj's! Hubby and bens eyes only!


Hahahaha I'm exactly the same! We don't do any days like that at work, so I've been quite lucky - I must give the postman a right fright :lol: x


----------



## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

Closing this as it has gone way off topic


----------

