# Sticky  Pet Bereavement helpline



## Howlinbob

Hi all

Just came across this service which sounds excellent:

Blue Cross - Pet Bereavement Support Service

You can phone them or email them for support.
I will definitely bear it in mind should the need arise.


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## Mummy of Jaffe Joffer

Howlinbob said:


> Hi all
> 
> Just came across this service which sounds excellent:
> 
> Blue Cross - Pet Bereavement Support Service
> 
> You can phone them or email them for support.
> I will definitely bear it in mind should the need arise.


Good find! Lets hope none of us has to use it any time soon! X


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## babygirls

I used this helpline when I was coming to terms withing having to have Mo PTS  She was fantastic. I cannot reccomend her enough 

She made a real hard decision a little easier and was very understanding'

Companion Animal Loss Listening Line - Home


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## Paddypaws

I am sure these help lines can really help some people....but I was incapable of stringing a sentence together for days after losing Nellie and later Paddy. Several lovely folk on here and my diabetes forum gave me phone numbers in case I wanted to chat but talking about it just made it worse and I think my wailing and sobbing was best kept private and dealt with alone, but that's just me.


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## Howlinbob

I thought it would be a fine thing to volunteer for this helpline, but I think that listening to other people's stories would leave me sobbing and unable to speak, so I don't think I'd be much use.


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## Paddypaws

Howlinbob said:


> I thought it would be a fine thing to volunteer for this helpline, but I think that listening to other people's stories would leave me sobbing and unable to speak, so I don't think I'd be much use.


Oh gosh yeah.....I would be snotting and sobbing down the phone the second they said hello, they would probably end up comforting me!


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## babygirls

Paddypaws said:


> I am sure these help lines can really help some people....but I was incapable of stringing a sentence together for days after losing Nellie and later Paddy. Several lovely folk on here and my diabetes forum gave me phone numbers in case I wanted to chat but talking about it just made it worse and I think my wailing and sobbin was best kept private and dealt with alone, but that's just me.


Yes I agree there was no way I could of spoke after. I actually phoned in sheer desperation I was a rambling mess, i suffered with servere anxiety the week running upto, I didnt speak at first I couldnt stop crying.

I was quite embarrased after when I calmed down, i didnt tell anybody for a couple of weeks that I had rung 

There is no way i could volunteer for the helpline and I manage a helpline service. I cry most night at things on here so to hear the pain in somebodys voice would be awful


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## Paddypaws

babygirls said:


> Yes I agree there was no way I could of spoke after. I actually phoned in sheer desperation I was a rambling mess, i suffered with servere anxiety the week running upto, I didnt speak at first I couldnt stop crying.
> 
> I was quite embarrased after when I calmed down, i didnt tell anybody for a couple of weeks that I had rung
> 
> l


Oh please dont be embarrassed that you called, I did not mean to suggest it was a bad thing to use this facility. I also felt awful anxiety in the week or so leading up to Nellie's passing, I was panicking about whether I had really tried all the vet options and was a real mess. I was actually very scared to have to face the whole process, the FACT of PTS if that makes sense. 
Gosh I am filling up just thinking about it all so am heading away from this thread for now!


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## babygirls

Yes i'm heading off for the same reason

hugs xx


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## walkingcarpets

babygirls said:


> Yes I agree there was no way I could of spoke after. I actually phoned in sheer desperation I was a rambling mess, i suffered with servere anxiety the week running upto, I didnt speak at first I couldnt stop crying.
> 
> I was quite embarrased after when I calmed down, i didnt tell anybody for a couple of weeks that I had rung
> 
> There is no way i could volunteer for the helpline and I manage a helpline service. I cry most night at things on here so to hear the pain in somebodys voice would be awful


I've put an enquiry as I'm interested in volunteering. It's amazing how we find the strength to help others in their time of need when we have known what it is to go through an experience first hand, also to know comfort and hope.

It's not a thing to be embarrassed about when we need a listening ear at the receiving end so to speak. Helplines are an amazing provision and resource for us to tap into for the purpose each was designed else the people who take the calls wouldn't be there. They are human and have emotions as well, however are able to 'detach' to a certain degree professionally at the same time be understanding, empathetic and non judgemental about the caller and what they bring with them. To be desperate is an indication we do need a helping hand if not a listening ear, and it is not a sign of weakness- takes a step of courage to pick up the phone to ask for help


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## babygirls

I also learnt alot from ringing that helpline and not about the topic i rang about.

I truley understand now whilst manning the helpline at work how desperate or how much courage somebody has had to muster up just to pick the phone up.

Well done to you for enquiring about volunteering. You are so right about finding the strength to support others. For me it is about supporting humans to support other humans. I work for the Alzheimers society and manage a Dementia Supoprt Service I come across so many people daily that do not know which way to turn next, knowing that that 1 phone call made to us we have been able to make a little differance is so rewarding, there is not a day after umpteem years that i don't learn something new. i am still now known to shed a tear after a difficult vist or sad phone call, but thats ok because we are only human after all 

Again well done and good luck with it all:thumbup:


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## walkingcarpets

babygirls said:


> I also learnt alot from ringing that helpline and not about the topic i rang about.
> 
> I truley understand now whilst manning the helpline at work how desperate or how much courage somebody has had to muster up just to pick the phone up.
> 
> Well done to you for enquiring about volunteering. You are so right about finding the strength to support others. For me it is about supporting humans to support other humans. I work for the Alzheimers society and manage a Dementia Supoprt Service I come across so many people daily that do not know which way to turn next, knowing that that 1 phone call made to us we have been able to make a little differance is so rewarding, there is not a day after umpteem years that i don't learn something new. i am still now known to shed a tear after a difficult vist or sad phone call, but thats ok because we are only human after all
> 
> Again well done and good luck with it all:thumbup:


That's admirable of you to be involved with the DSS in the capacity that you are and you wouldn't be human if you didn't care enough to connect at times in the way you do, after the call. Takes great strength to do what you do and I genuinely mean this. For me, it wouldn't be my niche and think it's important to, in offering support, go with the cause we carry inside that fuels our passion as well as our tears. I recently watched a documentary about a project who worked with abused children and the pioneer said to the members of her team, 'the day you stop crying for these children is the day you know your heart is no longer in what we do here' or to that affect- it is so true.

I recently worked on a text and email service supporting girls and women who self harm and whilst I'm continuing to pursue my vocation, thought perhaps to support humans who lose their pets would add to helping to grow and develop in my listening skills as well as give me new experience in bereavement support. We shall see which door opens for my feet to be planted at such a time as this as I have applied to some other agencies.

All credit to you and I mean this, not all could do what you do- it takes a U nique person as like yourself


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## babygirls

thankyou for that it means alot I have been working with people with dementia and their carers for the last 16 years and it is so true what you say. The day you stop feeling is the day you get out!!

you sound a very caring and sensative person with that alone you will go far supporting others.

i am lucky what I do is second nature, i was born to do this work and I am lucky that going to work each day is a pleasure despite the sadness.

i do not deal with bearevement well hence like you say knowing your strengths and building on them. I hope like me you find your niche soon and you never know it could be this :thumbup:


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## LPC

I admire anyone who can deal over the phone with the emotional distress of a fellow human when a beloved pet has passed over. That is why I offer support only by e-mail; otherwise, it can be very easy to become emotional oneself.


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## jezsez

I have spoken a couple of times with the people at Blue Cross. They are really nice. I expect for the most part they are volunteers so I suppose they are doing it by choice.


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## Guest

This service is excellent I emailed them about Alfie dying and they were fantastic


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## Dot

I used this help line after I lost my last dog. I couldn't speak, it was impossible so I e-mailed. A lovely lady e-mailed me regularly and said I could carry on the contact for as long as I needed. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way but I felt terrible signing the form to have him pts. He was very ill and nothing could be done but I felt as if I had killed him. Still makes me cry now. :sad:


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## changealex

everyone who cares for a pet will one day face the illness, old age or passing of their beloved animal friend. It is as natural and necessary to grieve for the loss of a pet as it is for any loved one who dies. And it is important to have compassion and support in one's time of grief.


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## ForestWomble

Paddypaws said:


> Oh gosh yeah.....I would be snotting and sobbing down the phone the second they said hello, they would probably end up comforting me!


Me to..... I am terrible when it comes to someones pet dying, even if I never knew the pet or the person.Yet I can stay dry eyed when a human dies whom I have never known. Makes me wonder what kind of a human that makes me.


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## ForestWomble

Dot said:


> I used this help line after I lost my last dog. I couldn't speak, it was impossible so I e-mailed. A lovely lady e-mailed me regularly and said I could carry on the contact for as long as I needed. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way but I felt terrible signing the form to have him pts. He was very ill and nothing could be done but I felt as if I had killed him. Still makes me cry now. :sad:


I had a lovely hamster (his name was Domino) whom I nursed through an illness known as 'wet-tail', I had to syringe feed him and give him medication, and somehow got him through, the vet was amazed and said she had never seen a hamster recover from wet-tail before and it showed how much I loved him.
Went home with him, two days later he refused his food - I was still having to syringe feed and I was giving him fruit flavoured baby food as well as the stuff the vet gave me for him (by her recommendation), and he even refused the baby food, I remember trying him on the vet stuff and he turned his head so gave him this apple, pear and banana baby stuff which he'd normally go crazy for but he put his paw up and pushed the syringe away, I didn't want to force him so decided to put him back in his cage and try later, maybe he'll be hungry later and want some? 
Got through the whole day and never got any food into him. Now that day he looked OK - still hamster shape, maybe a bit thin for a hamster but still proper shape. In the morning he was so thin you could see his bones 
So decided that was it. Phoned the vet and they just told me when I was ready to bring him........ I knew what the outcome would be but I felt like a murderer having to sign that piece of paper. I still miss him, even though it happened 6 years ago.

I wish I'd known about the pet bereavement line then, I know a lot of people would say 'it's only a hamster' but, I don't know, maybe it was because I nursed him day after day for so long, but I had a stronger bond with him then any other hamster I had, or maybe because it was down to me to agree to PTS him, maybe both, I still can't look at a photo without crying.

RIP Domino


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## swarthy

Wish I had seen this earlier after losing our eldest girl last week  

Some very useful information in their leaflet illustrating the roller-coaster of emotion I'm currently on is "perfectly normal" (whatever that means) 

After telling those closest to us - and posting to friends on FB as I couldn't bear going over it time and again - I've still not been able to put it into words to post elsewhere or to thank so many people  

My work for the last 4 years has been based around End of Life Care - but working with staff who of course face their own challenges - interestingly, I found it a great help sometimes when working with these teams to help me deal with losing my dad.

It seems to be a very different story when you lose a pet as many people are sorry - but if they don't have pets - they don't necessarily grasp the depth of emotional ties you experience, particularly when it happens suddenly - so it's good to know there are services out there and those with the strength of courage to be able to help others by volunteering -

Both sites have been bookmarked here 

Thank you both for highlighting them


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## RowdyRabbit

I think that this is a wonderful service - it's there to help us in our times of mourning.


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## Sharon White

Dot said:


> I used this help line after I lost my last dog. I couldn't speak, it was impossible so I e-mailed. A lovely lady e-mailed me regularly and said I could carry on the contact for as long as I needed. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way but I felt terrible signing the form to have him pts. He was very ill and nothing could be done but I felt as if I had killed him. Still makes me cry now. :sad:


Dot. We had to have our handsome Harry pts two days ago. We feel guilty too but he had no quality of life left in him. He had been fighting diabetes since August 2015 lost loads of weight and it was the fact that he lost all the muscle in his legs that he couldn't stand up, walk or toilet by himself without us supporting him. We had no choice in having him pts really but we still feel guilty, asking ourselves have we done the right thing etc but him having no quality of life was the right decision. We're devastated and heartbroken of course and miss him dearly. The house is so quiet without him.


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## squirrel605

What a great thing. I wish I had known about it when I lost my last dear Sable. She has been gone almost 10 years now.


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## Charity

Cats Protection also have a bereavement service now where you can talk to someone. You can also write about your pet and they have a _Memory Wall _where you can add an 'In Memoriam' message.

http://www.cats.org.uk/what-we-do/grief-and-loss/grief-resources-support

http://www.cats.org.uk/what-we-do/grief-and-loss/grief-memory-wall


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## JakeCallieSaff

I wrote to the Blue Cross Bereavement Service over the weekend telling them of my loss on Thursday and had a somewhat bizarre reply from them today. The lady just rewrote my own email and sent it back to me. There wasn't any actual advice or suggestions.


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## Jrbxemt

I lost my beautiful companion 8 days ago. He was fine the night before. I awoke to his barking and found vomit everywhere took him to emergency room. They tried to rehydrate him. The dr was concerned about his intestines. I left him and I got home the dr called and said he had a heart attack. I went back I saw him in Icu. He responded to me his intubation tube came out and vitals were going up. I feel so guilty for not pts .I feel selfish and guilty. I gave him a chance. Then he had a heart attack 20 minutes later. Can anyone relate?


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## Tiggers

There is always guilt when a pet passes, guilt and terrible sorrow. You did what you thought was best for your boy, so don't beat yourself up. He's at peace now, and free from any pain.


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## Jrbxemt

Tiggers said:


> There is always guilt when a pet passes, guilt and terrible sorrow. You did what you thought was best for your boy, so don't beat yourself up. He's at peace now, and free from any pain.


Thank you so much.


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## Susiefloos

Mummy of Jaffe Joffer said:


> Good find! Lets hope none of us has to use it any time soon! X


Hi My name is Susie I've just lost my Boxer . Had to txt this service it was good x


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## Sadpuppymum

Jrbxemt said:


> I lost my beautiful companion 8 days ago. He was fine the night before. I awoke to his barking and found vomit everywhere took him to emergency room. They tried to rehydrate him. The dr was concerned about his intestines. I left him and I got home the dr called and said he had a heart attack. I went back I saw him in Icu. He responded to me his intubation tube came out and vitals were going up. I feel so guilty for not pts .I feel selfish and guilty. I gave him a chance. Then he had a heart attack 20 minutes later. Can anyone relate?


I'm so sorry for your loss you done everything you could .I had to get my 15 week old puppy put to sleep nearly 4 weeks ago.I feel so guilty, there was nothing the vet could do .I feel we have to realise out beloved animals getting pts is a way of stopping any suffering your wee boy sounded like he got best of care so you have nothing to feel guilty about .we made sure ruby had all her jags etc I think she must have caught something but only place she had been was carried about and at vets she had fits that got worse and worse i suffer with anxiety i stay with parents so they have insurance to sort she had 4 week free petplan before it ran out continued policy but I don't know yet if it paying out because it happened in first week of new policy hope it pays out okay the grief is enough to deal with .they already want another puppy too scared in case it was something she caught and it lying ready to strike another puppy.I know if they get 1 if they don't go with petplan it would probably mean they refused to pay out so petrified of another dying puppy in the house


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## Sadpuppymum

Sadpuppymum said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss you done everything you could .I had to get my 15 week old puppy put to sleep nearly 4 weeks ago.I feel so guilty, there was nothing the vet could do .I feel we have to realise out beloved animals getting pts is a way of stopping any suffering your wee boy sounded like he got best of care so you have nothing to feel guilty about .we made sure ruby had all her jags etc I think she must have caught something but only place she had been was carried about and at vets she had fits that got worse and worse i suffer with anxiety i stay with parents so they have insurance to sort she had 4 week free petplan before it ran out continued policy but I don't know yet if it paying out because it happened in first week of new policy hope it pays out okay the grief is enough to deal with .they already want another puppy too scared in case it was something she caught and it lying ready to strike another puppy.I know if they get 1 if they don't go with petplan it would probably mean they refused to pay out so petrified of another dying puppy in the house


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## Joanna Hoey

I had to put my baby girl to sleep a few days ago I know I had to say goodbye to her so she couldn't be in anymore pain I am devastated I miss her so much I had her since she was 12weeks old had her for 11years saying goodbye was really hard but knowing she isn't in anymore pain gets me by miss you so so much XXX


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## Colliebarmy

snotting and sobbing just about sums my weekend up so far


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