# Why is my cat sometimes scared of me?



## PabloPaul (Jul 12, 2017)

Hi all, new to the forums.

I'm sure you've been asked this a million times...

Why is my 3 year old ginger Tom sometimes scared of me? He used to sit on my lap when he was a kitten but that's all changed now. For months now he only comes to me when I arrive home, he comes into the kitchen to greet me and 'butts' my head (mark of affection?) He lets me give him a fuss then but anytime after this he runs away from me like he's scared of me.

I've never knowingly done anything to make him scared, I absolutely adore our cats (4 of them, 2 sets of siblings and Pablo is the only male cat.)

We have had Pablo and his sister Dora since they were 7 weeks old. Pablo will happily sleep on my wife's lap but not mine. He won't even let me fuss or stroke him half the time and quite often just runs away from me.

Any idea what I've done wrong? Or how I can fix things to show Pablo I love him? I feed the cats as much as my wife does, play with them, give them treats etc. I'm at my wits end and need to help my beautiful ginger tom to be my friend again!


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## Pet Pro (Jul 12, 2017)

Im not sure, but there is a great possibility that trust is lacking in the relationship. If you are gone for a large portion of the day, the cat may start to feel like you are neglecting it, or abandoning it, especially if it is adopted and has been abandoned before. Or the cat simply doesn't know you well enough. Either way this can be solved by bonding time with your cat. Great ways to bond with your cat are :
1. You can hand feed your cat ( occasionally )
2. Play with your cat ( with toys and such )
3. Simply pet your cat 
If your cat will not allow you to do these things with it, i would suggest staying home more often, your cat will get used to you being around. If you are home, try just sitting on the couch and watching a show, your cat may come up to your lap if he/she has seen you there for a while. I hope this helped. This will not work over night, you have to give this method some time. :Happy


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## PabloPaul (Jul 12, 2017)

Thanks for the reply. Much appreciated. I do work long hours in the hospital. My wife also works similarly long hours but she has no such issues with our cat. I will try the other suggestions though thanks!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

@PabloPaul - if you work in a hospital it is quite likely you bring home a lot of strange scents on your clothing, hair and skin. Cats, as you know, are very scent driven animals and they have a sense of smell that is a thousand times more sensitive than a human's sense of smell.

So one possibility is that Pablo finds the different scents you bring home quite overwhelming and that makes him get scared and run from you. Are you able to change your clothes, shower and wash your hair every time you come in from work? It may make a difference.

The only other thing I can think of is that perhaps you are not giving Pablo the space he needs when he wants to be undisturbed. By the age of 3 yrs old a cat is a fully mature adult and their character and preferences are different to those of a kitten. Kittens are often friendly and sociable and many don't seem to mind being stroked or petted whenever their owners feel like it. Adult cats are not always like that and some are happier if is is left up to them to ask for strokes and fuss.

At 3 yrs Pablo old will still be very playful. Play is very bonding between cat and human, so I suggest for now concentrating on play time with him using arms length toys such as wands and this popular fishing rod toy with its attachments.

https://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/shop/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=423

If you play with Pablo a couple of times a day and leave it up to him to decide when to come to you for strokes etc I think you may see a difference soon. 

p.s. photos of Pablo and Dora would be lovely.


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## Mirandashell (Jan 10, 2017)

Could it also be that Pablo just finds your wife's lap more comfortable?


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## PabloPaul (Jul 12, 2017)

Thanks for the advice guys. Not sure about Pablo not liking the hospital smell as me and my wife both work in the hospital. Will give the playing thing a try though- just for the record though I do play with the cats, I will try harder though. Oh and I'll try and enclose a photo of the cats in this post.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Gorgeous cats! Thanks for the photo 

Do you and your wife do the same kind of work in the hospital, have contact with the same scents? If yes, then as you say perhaps your scent is not the cause of Pablo's wariness of you.

I am sure you do play with the cats, you sound like a caring owner.  I just meant to concentrate on _just_ playing with Pablo as opposed to stroking him, handling him, picking him up etc. And then let him decide when he wants to approach you.


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## SpringDance (Mar 18, 2016)

Could it be he wants to play? My cat does the sudden running away thing, but she wants me to follow and I bring a toy


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## KatSu (Jun 16, 2017)

Hi @PabloPaul, thanks for this thread. I also work in a hospital & had wondered about scents. My husband and I adopted two rescue siblings - a boy and a girl - 3 months ago. We are both crazy about them but I find the same thing with Molly that you experienced with Tom. I wondered if the perfume I was wearing might be a bit strong - do you wear aftershave? I have read all the replies & I am going to try to focus on playing more with Molly. I think that you never know with rescue cats - their history can play a part. But the head "butt" thing you describe is definitely a mark of affection, especially from boy cats (so I have heard) - this is their way of saying "please play/interact/cuddle with me" - it's so cute when they do that! The other thing I wanted to say is that in multiple cat households, things can be complex. Our other cat - a male - Lucky - is very straightforward and adorable and even a bit endearingly dopey so I tend to respond immediately to him when I see him, especially as he just loves to be praised. Molly is tiny, clever, much more plucky and independent and sometimes I just wonder whether she feels a bit left out. Cats are infinitely sensitive to human feelings and behaviour. I am definitely going to try all of the suggestions above with Molly. Good luck with Tom!


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