# How should a woman dress?



## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

On another forum but its pissing me off big time. The OP of the thread says she likes to dress up in short dresses, lots of makeup dyed hair when she goes out. She has had a baby and now her partner is telling her to tone down her dress sense as he doesnt like it anymore. The posts she is getting basically say "cover up your shame, you're a mum now" 

I have a 1yr old, dyed hair and wear wee skirts etc going out. OH met me like this and if he told me to change because Id had a baby he'd be out the door. This is me on a night out in December at a rave










so as you can see i go all out when Im gong on a night out lol! OH wouldnt dare try and change me.
Should i not dress like this any longer do you think as im a mum?

Do you think a man has the right to tell you how to dress?
Should mothers dress a certain way?


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

December?? Didn't you get cold????? 

I think people should be able to dress however they like - being a mum shouldnt make any difference.

No-one thinks men should change how they dress when they become dads!

I couldnt wear that outfit, because my darling son left me with a million tigerstripes, but if you are happy and comfortable in what you are wearing then sod what anyone else thinks!

I do think however, we need an aresnal of good comebacks, for idiots that think they have a right to make comments based on how we are dressed - you always get them, a few too many beers and they think they can say what they like


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## Golgotha_tramp (Feb 27, 2011)

The only person who should decide what anyone wears is themselves.

Do I always think what people wear is attractive? Nope. Is it any of my business? Nope.


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

How should a woman dress? Any bloody way she wants to - and she should ditch any man who tries to tell her any different!


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## Sandysmum (Sep 18, 2010)

I respect your right to dress how you want, it's your choice. 

But what about all the unwanted attention you might get from drunks and creeps who think if a woman is dressed like that she must be fair game. 

I wonder if your friends OH is only thinking of her safety, not trying to make her change to suit him. After all when your a mum, you have to think of your child, not just yourself, and who's going to look after that child if you're in hopital after having been beaten up, or god forbid worse. 

There are a lot of sick, sick men out there, you only have to read the papers or turn on the tv to hear about it all the time. I bet none of their victims ever thought it would happen to them!


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

On the one hand, men don't have the right to tell us what we should or should not wear.....

On the other hand, you may get into trouble by dressing too sexy and 'inviting'....
Do men have the right to treat you like a whore (or worse, their toy) because you are provoking their phantasies with the way you look???

NO WAY, JOSE

But still, it might be wise not to attract the attention of the perverts and weirdo's, there are far too many of them about, nowadays. Sad but true, the fact that they don't have the right won't help you much if you fall vicitm to one of them.....

So on that count, I am in two minds about the issue...
You have the right to look however you like, but I would advise some modesty and common sense in view of the risks you run.

Not just because you are a mother, though being a mother does bring extra responsibilities, it is no longer 'just' your own hide you risk.....

Wouldn't it be great if we could simply be what we like to be without getting molested or scorned??


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Jiskefet said:


> On the one hand, men don't have the right to tell us what we should or should not wear.....
> 
> On the other hand, you may get into trouble by dressing too sexy and 'inviting'....
> Do men have the right to treat you like a whore (or worse, their toy) because you are provoking their phantasies with the way you look???
> ...


A lot of weirdo's and perverts get their kicks out of innocently dressed children so being appropriately dressed doesn't always really come into it. Keeping yourself safe is the right way to behave. Go out in groups, noone walks home alone. Hell why shouldn't a woman dress how she wants....but keep yourself safe.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

I know, there are all kinds of weirdos....

But I have experienced the problem by my build alone, at Starlite's age I looked more like Marilyn Monroe than Twiggy, big boobs, wide hips...
A lot of men considered this enough 'proof' I was an easy target.

So I only dressed to show my 'assets' when in the company of a group of trusted people, who'd keep me safe......
Otherwise it would be oversized Tshirt and jeans....


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Starlite said:


> On another forum but its pissing me off big time. The OP of the thread says she likes to dress up in short dresses, lots of makeup dyed hair when she goes out. She has had a baby and now her partner is telling her to tone down her dress sense as he doesnt like it anymore. The posts she is getting basically say "cover up your shame, you're a mum now"
> 
> I have a 1yr old, dyed hair and wear wee skirts etc going out. OH met me like this and if he told me to change because Id had a baby he'd be out the door. This is me on a night out in December at a rave
> 
> ...


Can I just ask...why don't you dress like that all the time? Why do you wait until its dark/late...people are drinking /drunk......inhibitions are dropping/dropped?


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Personally I think its tacky to wear clothes that are no bigger then underwear in public but then I also think that about men who wander around without their shirts on in town centres in summer! Its not a sexist objection, I just dont want to look at peoples naked bellies and buttcracks when I am out and about!!LOL


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

Jiskefet said:


> On the one hand, men don't have the right to tell us what we should or should not wear.....
> 
> On the other hand, you may get into trouble by dressing too sexy and 'inviting'....
> Do men have the right to treat you like a whore (or worse, their toy) because you are provoking their phantasies with the way you look???


This makes me very uncomfortable, as it implies that if a women is raped or attacked then she asked for it because of how she dresses  it should not matter how anyone dresses as no-one should ever touch you unless you invite them too.

If you are comfortable and happy in your outfits then that is all that matters and whilst I myself like my husband to like what I am wearing he would never tell me what I could and couldn't wear as it's none of he is beeswax or anyone else's, the only time anyone can dictate what you wear is if they are you employer and they have strict dress codes or uniforms.


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## Golgotha_tramp (Feb 27, 2011)

Unfortunately "look what she was wearing, she was asking for it" is still widely accepted amongst men and women for rape victims. Even courts will ask victims what they had on in rape cases.

It's disturbing but unfortunately commonplace.


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## ClaireandDaisy (Jul 4, 2010)

I think people should be aware that the clothes they wear send out signals to others. 
Certain clothes say you are `sporty` or `countrified` or follow a particular fashion. 
I think you should be sensible and realise this. If you dress in a way that proclaims you are available for close personal encounters, you shouldn`t be surprised when you get offers. 
Unfortunately, some people get hold of the wrong idea about a particular `message` - Essex girls for example, seem to believe that having orange skin, plastic nails and no O-levels makes you an object of envy. 
So it`s always worth taking advice from others about how they `see` a particular outfit. 
If someone thinks you look like a `bit of a goer` in a particular dress, then probably the next drooling drunk will too. Do you want this? :biggrin5:


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## Jenny1966 (Feb 7, 2011)

Starlite said:


> On another forum but its pissing me off big time. The OP of the thread says she likes to dress up in short dresses, lots of makeup dyed hair when she goes out. She has had a baby and now her partner is telling her to tone down her dress sense as he doesnt like it anymore. The posts she is getting basically say "cover up your shame, you're a mum now"
> 
> I have a 1yr old, dyed hair and wear wee skirts etc going out. OH met me like this and if he told me to change because Id had a baby he'd be out the door. This is me on a night out in December at a rave
> 
> ...


I think if I went out dressed like that my OH would be like  :scared: :lol: :yikes: ut: :w00t: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm sure he loves me really though 

If you have the figure to dress that way, and you do, then sod what anyone else thinks


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

Golgotha_tramp said:


> Unfortunately "look what she was wearing, she was asking for it" is still widely accepted amongst men and women for rape victims. Even courts will ask victims what they had on in rape cases.
> 
> It's disturbing but unfortunately commonplace.


And it will continue to be so while ever men - and women - accept it to be so. The more women who say, "The hell with you, I'm wearing what I want to and even if I chose to wear next to nothing, that still doesn't give you permission to touch me,", the more it will become widely accepted that skimpy clothes don't mean "Please rape me."


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## Golgotha_tramp (Feb 27, 2011)

ClaireandDaisy said:


> I think people should be aware that the clothes they wear send out signals to others.
> Certain clothes say you are `sporty` or `countrified` or follow a particular fashion.
> I think you should be sensible and realise this. If you dress in a way that proclaims you are available for close personal encounters, you shouldn`t be surprised when you get offers.
> Unfortunately, some people get hold of the wrong idea about a particular `message` - Essex girls for example, seem to believe that having orange skin, plastic nails and no O-levels makes you an object of envy.
> ...


Who decides the line of decency? I am a 34G and can't hide my boobs no matter what I wear. Some would say if I'm not wearing a full length sack I am "proclaiming myself available" by your logic I deserve whatever some underdeveloped sexually charged creep gives me?


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## 912142 (Mar 28, 2011)

Would your OH permit his daughter to go out dressed the way you are in the picture?

Would you?


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## 8tansox (Jan 29, 2010)

For goodness sake girl, put some shoes on or you'll catch your death of cold! 

Seriously, as long as you can stay safe away from any weirdos, then it's absolutely no-one else's business but yours. 

Clothes don't attract weirdos on their own, behaviour can certainly add to what is perceived as acceptable or not.


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## smiler84 (Feb 4, 2012)

personally i wouldn't wear the outfit in the photo - but that's just because i'm slightly fuller figured and would scare people/get arrested!


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

catz4m8z said:


> Personally I think its tacky to wear clothes that are no bigger then underwear in public but then I also think that about men who wander around without their shirts on in town centres in summer! Its not a sexist objection, I just dont want to look at peoples naked bellies and buttcracks when I am out and about!!LOL


THIS ^^^^^^

I hate to see women walking about in basically in their underwear and i hate to see men walking about topless there is just no need what so ever. Personally i think women look a million times better when they leave a little to the imagination. 
Regardless of what men think women should dress like..if my daughter dared to walk out the house with more or less her undies on i would slap her legs till they were red raw no matter how old she was.


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## tattoogirl73 (Jun 25, 2011)

I used to love wearing skimpy outfits when I was younger, and if my face fit my body I still would. I'm nearly 39 so prefer to cover up on nights out. I don't want to look like mutton dressed as lamb. 

If I looked like you, damn right I'd be flaunting it. You're young, why shouldn't you? I always wore little hot pants under my skirts


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## jenniferx (Jan 23, 2009)

Fully against any kind of victim-blaming or attitudes that transfer responsibility from the perpetrator; that's a given, whether it's crimes of sexual violence/domestic abuse or otherwise. 

I agree with a lot of others- what you wear is your business. If your partner starts trying to control what you wear it should ring alarm bells. That sort of thing is usually the thin end of the wedge! The style pictured wouldn't be to my taste but that is neither here nor there really.


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

Wear whatever you want to...i do!!!










:lol:

...its not me honestly!!!


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## Mese (Jun 5, 2008)

I think you look fantastic and thats a great outfit for a rave , and besides its not like you would wear that outfit to take your little one to school once they are old enough


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

jon bda said:


> Wear whatever you want to...i do!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No we believe you Jon..

Britney Spears - ...Baby One More Time (Official Music Video) HD - YouTube


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Sorry, I still think showing that much of yourself is .....*shudder* (well, unless you are at the beach, swimming pool or a nudist colony..in which case you would be over dressed!!).
I also wonder how the people who have no problem with it and think people should wear what they want would feel if I put on a boob tube and mini skirt (at 16st!). Would ya want me sitting next to ya at the bus stop???
Hmmm, I thought not!!:glare:
:lol:


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## dorrit (Sep 13, 2011)

Ive just read a study of rapists and violent attackers and many said they avoided women in skimpy 'confident clothes' and went for the mousy types who they considered would be less likely to fight back...

An intresting point...


I think a person man or woman should dress for the occasion.. High heels make up and skimpy skirts are fine for going out on the razz but less suitable to walking the dogs or playing ball with the kids...

A t shirt and jeans on a bloke is great for a luchtime drink or a lazy sunday but not for a wedding or formal lunch..

What I do object to is women who dress (or dont) in skimpy bits of cloth and then moan if anyone looks ...


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

912142 said:


> Would your OH permit his daughter to go out dressed the way you are in the picture?
> 
> Would you?





harley bear said:


> THIS ^^^^^^
> 
> I hate to see women walking about in basically in their underwear and i hate to see men walking about topless there is just no need what so ever. Personally i think women look a million times better when they leave a little to the imagination.
> Regardless of what men think women should dress like..if my daughter dared to walk out the house with more or less her undies on i would slap her legs till they were red raw no matter how old she was.


Was about to ask you both if you would think the same thing if your daughter was walking out the door to the beach - and if not, why not? Why the double standards? Your daughters are as likely - if not more likely - to be attacked by a perv on a beach as at a rave. To make it even more complicated - what if your daughter was going to a rave on a beach? Which set of rules would apply then? 

Then I read this post:



catz4m8z said:


> Sorry, I still think showing that much of yourself is .....*shudder* (well, unless you are at the beach, swimming pool or a nudist colony..


So why is it acceptable to wear skimpy clothes at a swimming pool or at a beach, but not if you are going to a hot, sticky rave?



catz4m8z said:


> I also wonder how the people who have no problem with it and think people should wear what they want would feel if I put on a boob tube and mini skirt (at 16st!). Would ya want me sitting next to ya at the bus stop???
> Hmmm, I thought not!!:glare:
> :lol:


Why on earth should size make a difference? It is just as objectionable for people to expect larger women to suffocate in "cover up" clothes in warm weather as it is to expect younger, thinner women not to dress in skimpy clothes in case they are attacked by a perv. I'm overweight and I shall wear what I want - and sod anyone with "delicate" sensibilities who objects to that!


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## Mese (Jun 5, 2008)

catz4m8z said:


> Sorry, I still think showing that much of yourself is .....*shudder* (well, unless you are at the beach, swimming pool or a nudist colony..in which case you would be over dressed!!).
> I also wonder how the people who have no problem with it and think people should wear what they want would feel if I put on a boob tube and mini skirt (at 16st!). Would ya want me sitting next to ya at the bus stop???
> Hmmm, I thought not!!:glare:
> :lol:


I might have an opinion on how people dress themselves or their kids , but I wouldnt dream of voicing it to them unless it was complimentary , its just not in my nature to make someone feel bad

When I was younger (and a lot slimmer) I thought nothing of wearing skimpy clothing , now I cover up , as much for my sake as for others sanity  :lol:


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Spellweaver said:


> So why is it acceptable to wear skimpy clothes at a swimming pool or at a beach, but not if you are going to a hot, sticky rave?
> 
> Why on earth should size make a difference? It is just as objectionable for people to expect larger women to suffocate in "cover up" clothes in warm weather as it is to expect younger, thinner women not to dress in skimpy clothes in case they are attacked by a perv. I'm overweight and I shall wear what I want - and sod anyone with "delicate" sensibilities who objects to that!


Sorry, but I still dont want to be looking at semi naked people!!:001_tt2: I just dont understand why people want to rub their sweaty naked bits up againest total strangers? (I imagine that would happen at a rave.....unless you were the only one to show up!LOL).
To me its a matter of respect....appreciating that maybe little old ladies dont want to see your belly piercing!

(besides I see enough naked people at work, I dont want to have to use eye bleach at home too!!:lol


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

catz4m8z said:


> To me its a matter of respect....appreciating that maybe little old ladies dont want to see your belly piercing!


I'm not quite sure why you equate wearing what you want with being disresepectful to little old ladies  Putting your own disprespectful and patronising attitude to us "little old ladies" to one side, a lot of "little old ladies" I know (me included  ) wouldn't bat an eyelid at seeing somebody's belly piercing and wouldn't even dream that a person's choice of clothes was somehow disrespectful to them.


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

I bet this old lady wouldn't mind seeing belly button piercings


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

catz4m8z said:


> Sorry, I still think showing that much of yourself is .....*shudder*












Still too much flesh on show?


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## CharleyRogan (Feb 20, 2009)

I have noticed that the topic has moved from not dressing like that because you are a mum, to because it is provocative. If you have that figure, especially having a baby, then go for it! You aren't doing it very often and its nice to go out in something you feel confident in! People don't complain when people wear bikinis at the beach, this is no different, it's a night out, you don't dress like that normally, so what's the problem?


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Spellweaver said:


> I'm not quite sure why you equate wearing what you want with being disresepectful to little old ladies  Putting your own disprespectful and patronising attitude to us "little old ladies" to one side, a lot of "little old ladies" I know (me included  ) wouldn't bat an eyelid at seeing somebody's belly piercing and wouldn't even dream that a person's choice of clothes was somehow disrespectful to them.


Ah ha, but alot of little old ladies (me included) would bat an eyelid. Unless your saying its ok to make some people feel uncomfortable as long as you disagree with their opinions anyway?
Sorry if my opinions are old fashioned and my belief in respecting others views isnt PC enough today. Ive never once said anything to somebody in regards to how they dress as I dont think its very nice to insult someone because they are different.....
clearly respect means different things to different people though.


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## businessdegree (Jul 10, 2012)

ugh, i'm actually speechless for a mom your taking real good care of yourself, its not anyone's business how you dress, but your husband is obviously just worried about you and probably just a little jealous i know that all women take that men are just trying to control them but thats not the case your his child's mom your the world to him , he just simply jealous thats all, its not that he hates how you dress its just he wants you all to himself no one else thats all, and in the end your a free woman and you should do what pleases you


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## Amy-manycats (Jun 15, 2009)

Wear whatever the hell you want!

How dare anyone dictate what others wear in their leisure time


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

As an impartial observer I frankly couldn't care less how you or anyone else dresses, However as a man with somewhat oldfashioned ideas, I would have to say that I prefer to see ladies who dress with a bit more elegance and style.
As a young woman my wife was a head turner and she was able to do so without the need to have everything on show.


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## jenniferx (Jan 23, 2009)

Are there really THAT many ravin' little old ladies around? Because that is where the OP was dressed for going. I don't think she would be wearing that particular get up for church. 
To be fair, if you go to any city centre in the early hours on a Friday/Saturday night the vast majority are dressed with legs and major cleavage on show. Certainly that sort of outfit would be the norm and not really something scandalous. 

I was at music festival last year and the uniform de rigueur = denim hotpants, a skimpy vest, fake tan and wellies. I stuck out like a sore thumb in a get up more suitable for an expedition in a Russian winter. Ushanka included.


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## Golgotha_tramp (Feb 27, 2011)

She is beautiful springerpete!

I have to say I live my life with the motto "what other people think of me is none of my business" if you have it and are happy to, flaunt it.


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## DogLover1981 (Mar 28, 2009)

We could solve all questions and problems regarding proper clothes in public by becoming nudists. People did it for thousands of years.


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## ClaireandDaisy (Jul 4, 2010)

Golgotha_tramp said:


> Who decides the line of decency? I am a 34G and can't hide my boobs no matter what I wear. Some would say if I'm not wearing a full length sack I am "proclaiming myself available" by your logic I deserve whatever some underdeveloped sexually charged creep gives me?


oh, for heaven`s sake.......
ok- to put it more plainly - if you dress like a hooker, you shouldn`t be surprised when people ask your price, is all. If that doesn`t bother you, fine. I didn`t dress like a hooker when a young mum because it would have upset my kids - and they are more important than any daft ideas about expressing yourself through clothes.


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

women should feel free to dress exactly as they see fit. Nothing to do with anyone else. As long as they are happy and confident then who gives a rats ass


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## Golgotha_tramp (Feb 27, 2011)

ClaireandDaisy said:


> oh, for heaven`s sake.......
> ok- to put it more plainly - if you dress like a hooker, you shouldn`t be surprised when people ask your price, is all. If that doesn`t bother you, fine. I didn`t dress like a hooker when a young mum because it would have upset my kids - and they are more important than any daft ideas about expressing yourself through clothes.


You are missing the point first "she was asking for it" for the short skirt,
Then, "she was asking it" for not covering her arms
Then "she was asking for it" for having make up
Until "she (a 13 year old) was asking for it" for sucking on an ice lolly

Once you decide some people deserve it the line of appropriate moves back and back. As women we should be supporting other women not slut-shaming them.


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## Space Chick (Dec 10, 2011)

You have an amazing figure and I don't blame you one bit for wanting to show it off.

I haven't had kids, yet I'm a podgy woman putting it mildly, so I cover up well. Nobody would want to see my bits on display :lol: 

That said, if I had your figure, with or without kids I doubt I would wear what you have in that picture. But in fairness, I wouldn't have the confidence anyhow


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## gem88 (Jun 2, 2012)

Oooo this was a touchey subject, pracrically cringed at the title. I think that a woman should be able to dress as she please BUT i personally dont like seeing girls wearing sod all.
I was brought up where i could go out with my boobs or my legs on show, both was going too far. Now to a point i agree however having 40g boobs it kinda buggers that idea. The main rule i was taught and stick to now is if i bend over in a skirt and my knickers can be seen, its too short. 
I personally wouldnt be seen in what the OP wears BUT i dont think anyone has the right to say what you can or cant wear or take advantage. No means no what ever your wearing xx


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

ClaireandDaisy said:


> ok- to put it more plainly - if you dress like a hooker, you shouldn`t be surprised when people ask your price, is all.


WTF is that all about???


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## Mumbles (Apr 17, 2011)

ClaireandDaisy said:


> I think people should be aware that the clothes they wear send out signals to others.
> Certain clothes say you are `sporty` or `countrified` or follow a particular fashion.
> I think you should be sensible and realise this. If you dress in a way that proclaims you are available for close personal encounters, you shouldn`t be surprised when you get offers.
> Unfortunately, some people get hold of the wrong idea about a particular `message` - Essex girls for example, seem to believe that having orange skin, plastic nails and no O-levels makes you an object of envy.
> ...


Not quite sure why you felt the need to bring in the Essex girl stereotype, as not all essex girls are like that, generalization is never a good thing.

I myself would not wear the outfit, but I get up in the morning and put on whatever I want, why should the OP not do so as well.


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## DogLover1981 (Mar 28, 2009)

What is the best clothing for public should be a completely different topic from rape. The thought that you are to be blamed for being raped or deserved to be raped for how you dress or any other reason is f***ing sick. If a person has an uncontrollable urge to rape someone (basically what the above in this post implies), they should be hospitalized. It's disgusting how common rape is.


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## Mumbles (Apr 17, 2011)

If someone is out to rape someone they will go out and do it, they won't change their mind because the woman doesnt look up for it. Statically they will go for someone who does not seem confident and is the most unlikely to fight back.


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

gem88 said:


> Oooo this was a touchey subject, pracrically cringed at the title. I think that a woman should be able to dress as she please BUT i personally dont like seeing girls wearing sod all.
> I was brought up where i could go out with my boobs or my legs on show, both was going too far. Now to a point i agree however having 40g boobs it kinda buggers that idea. The main rule i was taught and stick to now is if i bend over in a skirt and *my knickers can be seen,* its too short.
> I personally wouldnt be seen in what the OP wears BUT i dont think anyone has the right to say what you can or cant wear or take advantage. No means no what ever your wearing xx


That guy in the security camera room was never the same after your last visit :lol:......


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Until a couple of years ago I used to dress like a Goth version of the OP a lot of the time (though I'm not at all pretty like most other people) & I have 5 children. Always said I'd tone down at 35 (mutton dressed as lamb makes me cringe) & I have, mainly as college & the dogs have taken over my life. I still make an effort when I go to gigs though. 
In contrast to the woman the OP was talking about, my OH wishes I'd dress sexy every day, even if I'm going out without him, but I don't feel comfortable doing that nowadays.
No way do I think people should be told what to wear just because they're a mum.


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

jetsmum said:


> I respect your right to dress how you want, it's your choice.
> 
> But what about all the unwanted attention you might get from drunks and creeps who think if a woman is dressed like that she must be fair game.
> 
> ...


I do get come ons etc, it doesnt bother me in the slightest, I have great Glasgow banter  I use classics such as "no thanks mate, Im not into bestiality" or "I dont think im your type, im not inflatable" :lol:
I have actually been pinned to a wall by the throat by a man whilst wearing black trousers and a Berghaus. If men want to get what they want they will try believe me, hence why I am starting Krav Maga, I'll break their fingers next time.



Lavenderb said:


> Can I just ask...why don't you dress like that all the time? Why do you wait until its dark/late...people are drinking /drunk......inhibitions are dropping/dropped?


I live in Glasgow its effing freezing! I do wear playsuits, crop tops etc when its warm. My photo is going to a rave. Its so hot you wouldnt believe! Other people's inhibitions will never be within my control. I have 2/3 drinks when I go out, have a boogie and get a taxi home ALWAYS a reg one and with a friend.



ClaireandDaisy said:


> I think people should be aware that the clothes they wear send out signals to others.
> Certain clothes say you are `sporty` or `countrified` or follow a particular fashion.
> I think you should be sensible and realise this. If you dress in a way that proclaims you are available for close personal encounters, you shouldn`t be surprised when you get offers.
> Unfortunately, some people get hold of the wrong idea about a particular `message` - Essex girls for example, seem to believe that having orange skin, plastic nails and no O-levels makes you an object of envy.
> ...


I think this is the problem. The "she is asking for it" attitude and im horrified women hold it too. As ive said ive had a man grab me when wearing a walking jacket and black trousers, what signals was I sending out then?  I refuse to adhere my dress sense as men will always be leacherous tbh, there's always one! Also, i look like a fecking barbie Im fake as Hell, but I have a degree in Media and Communication and am going back to do Nursing, it doesnt equate to stupid 



catz4m8z said:


> Sorry, I still think showing that much of yourself is .....*shudder* (well, unless you are at the beach, swimming pool or a nudist colony..in which case you would be over dressed!!).
> I also wonder how the people who have no problem with it and think people should wear what they want would feel if I put on a boob tube and mini skirt (at 16st!). Would ya want me sitting next to ya at the bus stop???
> Hmmm, I thought not!!:glare:
> :lol:


Im not sizist If you want to wear something to feel sexy and happy why not?



businessdegree said:


> ugh, i'm actually speechless for a mom your taking real good care of yourself, its not anyone's business how you dress, but your husband is obviously just worried about you and probably just a little jealous i know that all women take that men are just trying to control them but thats not the case your his child's mom your the world to him , he just simply jealous thats all, its not that he hates how you dress its just he wants you all to himself no one else thats all, and in the end your a free woman and you should do what pleases you


Heehee its originally about another person hun, my OH is protective of me but he knows what I am like 
I just dont think its fair for a partner to decide halfway through a relationship and she is expected to do so. What appearance changes do dads make? None!
I have never been one to slob about every day in joggies etc, I dont actually go as over the top as in the pic on a day to day basis and would never embarass my wee boy 

I wore a jacket out and put it in the cloakroom, I was in the Arches in Glasgow and I think the air con was broken. And as usual the place was oversold so too many bodies  I was actually pretty well covered I saw alot of girls in hold ups, a bra and french knickers. Check out your local raves, you'll love it! :lol:


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

MontyMaude said:


> This makes me very uncomfortable, as it implies that if a women is raped or attacked then she asked for it because of how she dresses  it should not matter how anyone dresses as no-one should ever touch you unless you invite them too.
> 
> If you are comfortable and happy in your outfits then that is all that matters and whilst I myself like my husband to like what I am wearing he would never tell me what I could and couldn't wear as it's none of he is beeswax or anyone else's, the only time anyone can dictate what you wear is if they are you employer and they have strict dress codes or uniforms.


Don't take things out of context please, I DID say they do NOT have any right to look at us/think of us like that.

Only, the reality is that a lot of them do, and the fact that it is THEM who are way out of line does not help you if you are the victim.

People should not drink and drive, but that doesn't do you any good if you are run over by a drunk driver.
So if I know there is some festivity where lots of people will get into cars or on motorbikes while dead drunk, I will try not to be out on the street at that hour and run the risk of getting run over.

I agree it is very unfair, but I'd rather protect myself than stick my neck out to claim a right, when I know full well I can not defend myself if someone intends to rob me of it


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## bluegirl (May 7, 2012)

I think women can dress how they please, so long as its to make them feel beautiful and not because a man wants them to dress a certain way. Being a mum should make no difference.


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

bluegirl said:


> I think women can dress how they please, so long as its to make them feel beautiful and not because a man wants them to dress a certain way. Being a mum should make no difference.


Being a mum of 5 makes a lot of difference lol......the difference between where my boobs sit now and where they were at 18 is a lot of difference :lol:


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> Being a mum of 5 makes a lot of difference lol......the difference between where my boobs sit now and where they were at 18 is a lot of difference :lol:


HowStuffWorks "What is a nautical mile, and how does it differ from a normal mi"

:lol:


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## bullet (Jan 25, 2009)

My wife has had 2 kids, she's now 43 and last week she said, there comes a time when the wearing of short skirts, boob tubes and high heels has to stop............So, ive stopped wearing them, but i do keep the tights on when she's not around


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## gem88 (Jun 2, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> That guy in the security camera room was never the same after your last visit :lol:......


Lmao thanks :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

catz4m8z said:


> Ah ha, but alot of little old ladies (me included) would bat an eyelid. Unless your saying its ok to make some people feel uncomfortable as long as you disagree with their opinions anyway?


No, I didn't say that at all - just wanted to point out to you that not all older people are "little" , that not all older women like to be referred to as "little old ladies", and that not all older women share your views.



catz4m8z said:


> Sorry if my opinions are old fashioned and my belief in respecting others views isnt PC enough today.


But they aren't others' views - they are your views that you have automatically assumed they share just because you view them as "little" and "old".

As for my views being "modern" and pc - well, my view that older women should be classed as people with their own minds, who would rejoice in the fact that younger women can express themselves by wearing exactly what they want, is a view straight from the 60's (before pc was even invented). Women in the 60s had to fight for what are seen as rights today -such as the right to wear what you want when you want without being frowned upon by our patriarchal society. For you to throw away those rights because you don't want them is one thing. But to dismiss the women who fought for them as "little old ladies" and ascribe your own views to them, is not showing them respect in any shape or form.


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

To me its not a case of discussing if a woman is asking to be raped..lets face it no woman wants to be raped or goes looking to be raped. Nor is it about wearing next to nothing on a beach.
IMVHO ANY woman who goes out dressed in next to nothing IS looking for male attention! Would a woman go out dressed like that if they were going to a club/pub where only women would be there? I think not.
My oh said if i ever went out like 'that' then he would divorce me...good job really because i would want to divorce myself :lol:
I personally think going out dressed like 'your on the pull' shall we say, to me shows a lack of self respect and a total lack of respect for your partner. How would a woman feel if their oh's went out half naked purely to get female attention? I doubt many women would like it much..i know i wouldnt! Id lop off his knob :tongue_smilie: But in all seriousness its not about standing up to the oh and being able to wear what you want its about having a little self respect and dignity.


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## shetlandlover (Dec 6, 2011)

Dress however you like. 

However myself, I could never dress like that even when I was thin I was very self conscious. But in my opinion if I did dress like that I would certainly cover up more if I got engaged or had kids because 1) I wouldn't want the extra attention from men, as I am in a happy relationship. & 2) because one day my kids may see those pictures and I know I wouldn't like to see that much of my parents let alone have my kids see more of me.


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

harley bear said:


> To me its not a case of discussing if a woman is asking to be raped..lets face it no woman wants to be raped or goes looking to be raped. Nor is it about wearing next to nothing on a beach.
> IMVHO ANY woman who goes out dressed in next to nothing IS looking for male attention! Would a woman go out dressed like that if they were going to a club/pub where only women would be there? I think not.
> My oh said if i ever went out like 'that' then he would divorce me...good job really because i would want to divorce myself :lol:
> I personally think going out dressed like 'your on the pull' shall we say, to me shows a lack of self respect and a total lack of respect for your partner. How would a woman feel if their oh's went out half naked purely to get female attention? I doubt many women would like it much..i know i wouldnt! Id lop off his knob :tongue_smilie: But in all seriousness its not about standing up to the oh and being able to wear what you want its about having a little self respect and dignity.


I totally disagree and think women dress for women and themselves, I know I care far more what other women think of me than I do men, but that maybe because men take very little notice of what a women is actually wearing.


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

when I get dressed regardless of where im going my last thought is of if my OH approves. I just said to him "what do you think I would say if you told me my shirt was too short" to which he replied " you would tell me to f~~k off and wear it twice as short next time"

For some women who dress in short revealing clothes its not about anyone else or attracting attention, its about how it makes THEM feel. IMVHO if you are happy dressed as you are what is the issue??? and if people dont like it then they shouldnt be looking


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

MontyMaude said:


> I totally disagree and think women dress for women and themselves, I know I care far more what other women think of me than I do men, but that maybe because men take very little notice of what a women is actually wearing.


I agree. After all, who are the ones on this thread who are attacking women for dressing in skimpy clothes? Women. Not men. Women. And that is very sad - because it means they have been so brainwashed by the rules of a patriarchal society that they actually believe and suport them, even though by doing so they are denying themselves a freedom.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

harley bear said:


> To me its not a case of discussing if a woman is asking to be raped..lets face it no woman wants to be raped or goes looking to be raped. Nor is it about wearing next to nothing on a beach.
> IMVHO ANY woman who goes out dressed in next to nothing IS looking for male attention! Would a woman go out dressed like that if they were going to a club/pub where only women would be there? I think not.
> My oh said if i ever went out like 'that' then he would divorce me...good job really because i would want to divorce myself :lol:
> I personally think going out dressed like 'your on the pull' shall we say, to me shows a lack of self respect and a total lack of respect for your partner. How would a woman feel if their oh's went out half naked purely to get female attention? I doubt many women would like it much..i know i wouldnt! Id lop off his knob :tongue_smilie: But in all seriousness its not about standing up to the oh and being able to wear what you want *its about having a little self respect and dignity*.


I always dress with self respect & dignity


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## Jenny1966 (Feb 7, 2011)

harley bear said:


> ANY woman who goes out dressed in next to nothing IS looking for male attention!


I have to disagree slightly with this ....... the one time I did go out dressed in next to nothing .... well dressed as a policewoman wearing a VERY short skirt, long black boots, white shirt opened to show a very ample cleavage, police hat and handcuffs  ...... had nothing to do with wanting to attract male attention! I was doing it for the girls on a girls night out!!


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

DogLover1981 said:


> We could solve all questions and problems regarding proper clothes in public by becoming nudists. People did it for thousands of years.


Not in this bloody country they didn't.


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## Golgotha_tramp (Feb 27, 2011)

What about burlesque nights, these audiences are mostly women dressing in corsets, French knickers etc for fun and freedom, nothing to do with men.

I think to say women who dress "provocatively" wanting male attention is Really just people projecting their insecurity about them getting *their* male's attention.


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Golgotha_tramp said:


> What about burlesque nights, these audiences are *mostly women dressing in corsets*, French knickers etc for fun and freedom, nothing to do with men.
> 
> I think to say women who dress "provocatively" wanting male attention is Really just people projecting their insecurity about them getting *their* male's attention.


And quite a few men too:001_tt1:


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Its doesn't always have to be a matter of showing flesh. I'll admit to being a bit of a tease in my slimmer days. I can remember wearing a long white skirt in the school playground to collect my daughter...nothing wrong with that no...but it was a fairly sunny day and I had black stockings and suspenders on underneath and I was quite aware of one of the dads eyeballs fixated on me as I walked past...it was very obvious he could see and I wasn't worried :lol:

Although as I've gotten older I've realised I now look for clothes for comfort and ease rather than flesh baring....its doesnt interest me anymore.


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## alyssa_liss (May 4, 2009)

its up to you what you wear , but i would not go out like that . i might have done at 16/17 (im 23 now btw)


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## jenniferx (Jan 23, 2009)

Golgotha_tramp said:


> You are missing the point first "she was asking for it" for the short skirt,
> Then, "she was asking it" for not covering her arms
> Then "she was asking for it" for having make up
> Until "she (a 13 year old) was asking for it" for sucking on an ice lolly
> ...


Funny you should mention this- in the research I do "slut" talk invariably comes up and I love when it does because I always challenge the girls to tell me what "a slut" actually is- addressing every definition they come up be it clothing, behaviour etc... There is no agreement on what being a slut means in practice, it's different to everyone with the one common thread of a woman being free in sexuality that doesn't conform to very particular social rules.

For some reason, the world over, the idea of a woman being completely sexually free to indulge in sex (in the same way as a man and in female specific ways) to enjoy it, to enjoy sexual expression- is terrifying and has to be controlled. Controlled through prejudice, through myths, through stereotypes, through dress, controlled through behaviour, through who they can or cannot socialise with, through oppressing speech, appearing in public; obviously the more extreme end of this is visible in the Middle East. But it is still true to a much lesser extent in the West through a more subtle guise.


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

Flesh+booze=trouble


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## vet-2-b (Sep 25, 2008)

i think you have to dress appropriately for the situation and as a mother you do need to have respect but i in no way agree in the 'she asked for it...' no matter how little someone is wearing there is no excuse for rape


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)




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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

harley bear said:


> IMVHO ANY woman who goes out dressed in next to nothing IS looking for male attention! Would a woman go out dressed like that if they were going to a club/pub where only women would be there? I think not.
> 
> My oh said if i ever went out like 'that' then he would divorce me...


Whats wrong with going out wearing what you want to wear?, and your dearest o/h sounds a little shallow if thats what he thinks...


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

It's all right saying no excuse for rape...If you walk through Brixton at midnight dripping with gold there's no excuse for robbery either....but you're daft to do it.


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

poohdog said:


> It's all right saying no excuse for rape...If you walk through Brixton at midnight dripping with gold there's no excuse for robbery either....but you're daft to do it.


One of the stupidest posts in this thread so far...


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## poohdog (May 16, 2010)

jon bda said:


> One of the stupidest posts in this thread so far...


Most stupid.....get the grammar right dipstick.


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

poohdog said:


> It's all right saying no excuse for rape...If you walk through Brixton at midnight dripping with gold there's no excuse for robbery either....but you're daft to do it.


The fact is people _should_ be able to wear what they want when they want, _without_ being a victim of crime.

And if they are a victim of crime, it is in_ no_ way their fault - it is the scum that comitted the crime at fault.

When I go to a gig I 'goth' up. The last one I went to (in May) I worse a black corset, a bluck tutu, black hotpants, fishnets and victorian boots, laced up with red ribbons.

I wasn't sure if my OH could get the time off work, but I was wearing that outfit anyway. I don't dress for him, I don't dress for other people, I dress for _me._

Thats not an outfit I would wear for everyday, but it is an outfit I would wear for a gig - and no-one has the right to tell me I shouldn't wear it.

By the way I am 40 _and_ a mother - and my son thinks my gig outfits are great, as does my OH.


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

poohdog said:


> Most stupid.....get the grammar right dipstick.


Most stupidest comeback in this thread so far, stipdick...


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## DogLover1981 (Mar 28, 2009)

poohdog said:


> Not in this bloody country they didn't.


If you went far back enough in history, I'm sure you would find most people didn't wear clothes in Britain or anywhere else. Well, during the summer, anyways. I know Native Americans wore very little clothes at times.


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## DogLover1981 (Mar 28, 2009)

Merely telling someone their posts are stupid contributes nothing to a discussion and is something I personally would avoid doing.


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## Sandysmum (Sep 18, 2010)

If we lived in an ideal world we could do what we wanted, wear what we wanted and no one would bother us.

But we don't. The truth is that if we wear lots of gold, have expensive mobiles, and dress in a certain way, there could be consequences, bad ones. Every body thinks that it'll never happen to them, it always happens to someone else.

The world isn't ideal and we should really remember that!


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MCWillow said:


> The fact is people _should_ be able to wear what they want when they want, _without_ being a victim of crime.
> 
> And if they are a victim of crime, it is in_ no_ way their fault - it is the scum that comitted the crime at fault.
> 
> ...


I bet you look amazing hun....bet it goes well with your red hair.


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

MCWillow said:


> When I go to a gig I 'goth' up. The last one I went to (in May) I worse a black corset, a bluck tutu, black hotpants, fishnets and victorian boots, laced up with red ribbons.


Thats not that hot...i wear that exact same outfit when i'm cooking a roast on a sunday!!!


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

jon bda said:


> Thats not that hot...i wear that exact same outfit when i'm cooking a roast on a sunday!!!


Dunno which one would shock me more!! Your outfit, or you cooking a roast!


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Wow, lots of very strong opinions! Personally I dont even consider the issue of wether you are 'asking for it' by wearing a skimpy outfit. There can ne ver be any excuse for violence againest another no matter what they are wearing or how drunk they are. Unfortunately the type of people who perpertrate such crimes dont feel the same way.
I think Ive probably come across as much more prudish in this thread then I actually am!!LOL You have to consider that I dont go to the beach, swimming, to parties or raves. So the the bare chests, boob tubes, bikini tops, crotch skimming skirts and hot pants I see are on men and woman dropping the kids of to school, wandering round Tescos or in the town centre.
Surely it doesnt make you an extremist coz you would like people to dress appropriately?? (I mean even goths and punks have outfits they would only wear clubbing surely and not to Waitrose??)


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

MissShelley said:


> Dunno which one would shock me more!! Your outfit, or you cooking a roast!


Okay...schoolgirl and a pasta bake???, i could manage that i think!!!
:lol:


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

jon bda said:


> Okay...schoolgirl and a pasta bake???, i could manage that i think!!!
> :lol:


Hey! Macaroni cheese please! :


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

catz4m8z said:


> Wow, lots of very strong opinions! *Personally I dont even consider the issue of wether you are 'asking for it' by wearing a skimpy outfit.*
> 
> *Unfortunately the type of people who perpertrate such crimes dont feel the same way.*
> <snip>


Sorry to snip your post, but I just wanted to address the bolded bits 

I know, personally, three people that are victims or rape/sexual assualt.

Not one of them was dressed in skimpy outfit.

The first one was raped by her boyfriend, who also beat the crap out of her on a regular basis. She was 18.

The second one was on her way home from the stables. She has spent the day riding and mucking out. She was 13.

The third one was in his own home. He suffered ongoing abuse, sexual, physical and emotional, and no-one knew until a bruise was found that couldnt have been accidental, and his hair was falling out due to stress. He was 18 _months._

I am not having a 'go' at you, or anyone else on this thread.

But the way you dress makes _no_ difference to the kind of people that want to commit these types of crimes.


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MCWillow said:


> Sorry to snip your post, but I just wanted to address the bolded bits
> 
> I know, personally, three people that are victims or rape/sexual assualt.
> 
> ...


I hope you understand why I 'liked' your post hun...I'm sure you will.


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

MissShelley said:


> Hey! Macaroni cheese please! :


Okay then...you gonna sort my pigtails out?


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

jon bda said:


> Okay then...you gonna sort my pigtails out?


Will me macaroni cheese be a four cheese one with tumtaas and a crispy topping???? :glare: If so, I shall think about it....


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

MissShelley said:


> Will me macaroni cheese be a four cheese one with tumtaas and a crispy topping???? :glare: If so, I shall think about it....


I am wondering what tumtaas is, but am kinda scared to ask...... :lol:


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

jon bda said:


> Okay then...you gonna sort my pigtails out?


Oh god not the pigtails again...once was enough


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## MissShelley (May 9, 2010)

MCWillow said:


> I am wondering what tumtaas is, but am kinda scared to ask...... :lol:


It's a tomato! Michael used to call them tumtaas when he was little, so it's sort of stuck


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> Oh god not the pigtails again...once was enough


That was not me...but my eldest son i do think you are thinking about!!!

We're both pretty handsome!!!


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MissShelley said:


> It's a tomato! Michael used to call them tumtaas when he was little, so it's sort of stuck


Tumtaas sounds much nicer lol


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> Tumtaas sounds much nicer lol


If you want him, you can have him...his xbox just blew up though...if you have a spare he will soon forget his parents...
:lol:


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## x PIXIE x (Feb 9, 2012)

What should a woman wear? whatever she bloody likes.


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

x PIXIE x said:


> What should a woman wear? whatever she bloody likes.


Clearly you dont remember the photo someone posted recently (which is now probably in adult chat) of the outdoorsey lady with the crossbow!?
:lol:


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

catz4m8z said:


> Clearly you dont remember the photo someone posted recently (which is now probably in adult chat) of the outdoorsey lady with the crossbow!?
> :lol:


lmao, the lady wearing the camel toe :lol:


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

Wasn't that Lara - whio had let herself go a bit?? :lol:


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

I dare anyone to tell her she was asking for it?

(in fact Im not even sure exactly what 'it' would be in that case!LOL)
:lol:


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2012)

I think you have a beautiful body, and are rightfully proud of it, and have the right to wear whatever you want, but I think that there are other clothes that make women look as much at their sexual peak, but more alluring, more beautiful. They don't show as much skin, but they hint and skim, flatter and exaggerate. Even if you have 4 degrees, that style of dress does not scream I am proud of my intellect. It's more a... This is All me. But it's all physical, and it's not subtle. I think you could look more beautiful and interesting.

It's a bit like a super intelligent person walking around with all their degrees glued to their clothes. It's a bit needy, a bit,.. I NEED YOU TO KNOW. It makes people think that IS your sum total. Having said that, if that is your way of charging your batteries, go for it. I just think you could look more beautiful, more alluring, more interesting.


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## oggers86 (Nov 14, 2011)

I have worn something similar to a burlesque night but its not something I would wear on an average night out. 

Every outfit has its time and place, I am sure it looked fine at a rave but not in your local pub (unless there happens to be a rave taking place :tongue_smilie


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

harley bear said:


> To me its not a case of discussing if a woman is asking to be raped..lets face it no woman wants to be raped or goes looking to be raped. Nor is it about wearing next to nothing on a beach.
> IMVHO ANY woman who goes out dressed in next to nothing IS looking for male attention! Would a woman go out dressed like that if they were going to a club/pub where only women would be there? I think not.
> My oh said if i ever went out like 'that' then he would divorce me...good job really because i would want to divorce myself :lol:
> I personally think going out dressed like 'your on the pull' shall we say, to me shows a lack of self respect and a total lack of respect for your partner. How would a woman feel if their oh's went out half naked purely to get female attention? I doubt many women would like it much..i know i wouldnt! Id lop off his knob :tongue_smilie: But in all seriousness its not about standing up to the oh and being able to wear what you want its about having a little self respect and dignity.


If my OH ever tried to bring me down on how I looked tbh I'd be the one petitioning for divorce. Your self dignity and mine vary, I feel if i want to go out in skimpy clothes and have a laugh with friends why should I not, because my OH may get insecure? If he didnt trust me why on earth should he even be with me? I wear outfits like that on special nights out as I want to be ME, not mum. I want to feel atrractive, sexy and show off my work at the gym  Ive always been flattered if a girl has been eyeing up my OH, coz he comes home with me.
My friends fiance runs and works in his own naked butler company, just a pinny and nothing else and she loves it. Some of us are very secure in our relationships



poohdog said:


> It's all right saying no excuse for rape...If you walk through Brixton at midnight dripping with gold there's no excuse for robbery either....but you're daft to do it.


So by your logic I should cover up completely for fear of inciting male lust? Isnt it up to men to control themselves?
I was under the impression it was the 21st Century.



oggers86 said:


> I have worn something similar to a burlesque night but its not something I would wear on an average night out.
> 
> Every outfit has its time and place, I am sure it looked fine at a rave but not in your local pub (unless there happens to be a rave taking place :tongue_smilie


lol no it isnt my pub outfit, its for a sweaty night out 

I am still absolutely amazed at peoples views, women are far worse than men it appears. Women fought to give us the rights we have today, feminism is about being able to express yourself, are we going to trash each other and throw it away?

As ive said before, Ive been pinned by the throat by a man wearing black trousers, no makeup and a Berghaus on, what message did I send out to him for him to attack me?
What should I have been wearing so he could control himself exactly (note the sarcasm)?


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

jon bda said:


> Whats wrong with going out wearing what you want to wear?, and your dearest o/h sounds a little shallow if thats what he thinks...


Firstly do not only quote bits of my post to purposely twist my words.

Secondly you know nothing about my oh so you have no right to call him shallow. 
Just because he would hate to see me dress like a street walker...which i wouldnt want to dress like anyway does not make him shallow.
My oh doesnt like to see any woman flaunting herself.


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

harley bear said:


> Firstly do not only quote bits of my post to purposely twist my words.
> 
> Secondly you know nothing about my oh so you have no right to call him shallow.
> Just because he would hate to see me dress like a street walker...which i wouldnt want to dress like anyway does not make him shallow.
> My oh doesnt like to see any woman flaunting herself.


So I'm a streetwalker now? 

I'll have you know it takes alot of money to look that cheap


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

I am shocked that a few times wearing skimpy outfits on this thread has been compared to dressing like a prostitute or street walker, I have never seen prostitutes in a fun outfit like Starlite's they tend to hand round in jeans and coats as it's chilly waiting round on street corners.

I also agree that if you are secure in your relationship and have trust in each other then there shouldn't be an issue with what you wear and that you may get attention from the opposite sex, your partner should find it flattering that others find you attractive.

My friends boyfriend was Butler in the Buff years ago when it first started up in Bristol, she found it hilarious that women and a few men would throw themselves at him just because he only had a apron covering his blushes, but they had a rock steady relationship and he would have never acted on it


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Starlite said:


> If my OH ever tried to bring me down on how I looked tbh I'd be the one petitioning for divorce. Your self dignity and mine vary, I feel if i want to go out in skimpy clothes and have a laugh with friends why should I not, because my OH may get insecure? If he didnt trust me why on earth should he even be with me? I wear outfits like that on special nights out as I want to be ME, not mum. I want to feel atrractive, sexy and show off my work at the gym  Ive always been flattered if a girl has been eyeing up my OH, coz he comes home with me.
> My friends fiance runs and works in his own *naked butler company*, just a pinny and nothing else and she loves it.


Just for scientific reasons  what is the name and telephone number of the 'Butler Company'...?. 

lol


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

harley bear said:


> Firstly do not only quote bits of my post to purposely twist my words.
> 
> Secondly you know nothing about my oh so you have no right to call him shallow.
> Just because he would hate to see me dress like a street walker...which i wouldnt want to dress like anyway does not make him shallow.
> *My oh doesnt like to see any woman flaunting herself.*


I know what you mean. I have no problem with women dressing how they want to, doesn't mean I agree with it, like it or would do it myself. It's all about personal comfort zones, wearing such skimpy clothing outside a swimming pool just isn't me. My OH doesn't like women flaunting themself because it makes him uncomfortable, as well as me. We might be out in a nice quiet pub and a friend will come along with basically everything hanging out, we just don't find it appropriate. On a night out, wear what you want, honestly I've never gone out on the town or clubbing, it's not my thing, and I don't want to be around hundreds of barely dressed drunk people, but if that's what you enjoy it takes all types.

Now I think about it most my OH's have been quite uncomfortable with women flaunting themselves or wearing very little clothing. I think every man has different things he finds attractive though, just glad I find the ones who find modesty in clothing more of a turn on than boobtubes and tiny skirts.


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

Lavenderb said:


> Just for scientific reasons  what is the name and telephone number of the 'Butler Company'...?.
> 
> lol


This one company that do it Butlers in the Buff - Cheeky Butlers - Semi Naked Butlers - Hen Night - Birthday Party Ideas


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

MontyMaude said:


> I am shocked that a few times wearing skimpy outfits on this thread has been compared to dressing like a prostitute or street walker, I have never seen prostitutes in a fun outfit like Starlite's they tend to hand round in jeans and coats as it's chilly waiting round on street corners.
> 
> *I also agree that if you are secure in your relationship and have trust in each other then there shouldn't be an issue with what you wear and that you may get attention from the opposite sex, your partner should find it flattering that others find you attractive.*
> My friends boyfriend was Butler in the Buff years ago when it first started up in Bristol, she found it hilarious that women and a few men would throw themselves at him just because he only had a apron covering his blushes, but they had a rock steady relationship and he would have never acted on it


I think it's more than that. What if your OH doesn't want you going out like that because he, being a man, knows what men are like and capable of? What if they're trying to protect you from being groped by a drunken idiot?


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MontyMaude said:


> I am shocked that a few times wearing skimpy outfits on this thread has been compared to dressing like a prostitute or street walker, I have never seen prostitutes in a fun outfit like Starlite's they tend to hand round in jeans and coats as it's chilly waiting round on street corners.
> 
> I also agree that if you are secure in your relationship and have trust in each other then there shouldn't be an issue with what you wear and that you may get attention from the opposite sex, your partner should find it flattering that others find you attractive.
> 
> My friends boyfriend was Butler in the Buff years ago when it first started up in Bristol, she found it hilarious that women and a few men would throw themselves at him just because he only had a *apron covering his blushes*, but they had a rock steady relationship and he would have never acted on it


I've always wondered what they are hiding under those pinnies, thanks for clearing that up


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

MCWillow said:


> The fact is people _should_ be able to wear what they want when they want, _without_ being a victim of crime.
> 
> And if they are a victim of crime, it is in_ no_ way their fault - it is the scum that comitted the crime at fault.
> 
> ...


Photo, pleeeaaasseeeeeeee :tongue_smilie:


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## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

1: the whole rape thing I think is irrelevant. Rape is very rarely about "lust" but about power and control imo - what your wearing has very little to do with it, and just makes for a conven Iient excuse. A lass out at 4am in a rough area is in as much danger wearing jeans and a jumper than one in a rave getup.

2: I can understand men being protective of their wife/gf, and wouldnt want to see other men gawking at them - its not necessarily that they dont trust you its just they dont like the idea of men learing at you...

3: I wouldnt wear what my OH told me. I would probably listen to his concerns which may make me change my mind about the way I dress; but that'd be by my choice - not his command. Showing concern isnt controlling, making decisions on your behalf is


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Phoolf said:


> I know what you mean. I have no problem with women dressing how they want to, doesn't mean I agree with it, like it or would do it myself. It's all about personal comfort zones, wearing such skimpy clothing outside a swimming pool just isn't me. My OH doesn't like women flaunting themself because it makes him uncomfortable, as well as me. We might be out in a nice quiet pub and a friend will come along with basically everything hanging out, we just don't find it appropriate. On a night out, wear what you want, honestly I've never gone out on the town or clubbing, it's not my thing, and I don't want to be around hundreds of barely dressed drunk people, but if that's what you enjoy it takes all types.
> 
> Now I think about it most my OH's have been quite uncomfortable with women flaunting themselves or wearing very little clothing. I think every man has different things he finds attractive though, just glad I find the ones who find modesty in clothing more of a turn on than boobtubes and tiny skirts.


Thats exactly like my OH and i personally think thats a fantastic quality to have in a man...at least i know he aint a dirty lil perv :lol:
Personally i cant bare people who attention seek, being barely dressed imo is attention seeking.
I may be one in very few people who could go out with either men or women and be fully dressed and still have a fab night out.


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

Phoolf said:


> I think it's more than that. What if your OH doesn't want you going out like that because he, being a man, knows what men are like and capable of? What if they're trying to protect you from being groped by a drunken idiot?


Because I said earlier in thread, that no person should ever touch another person without their permission, and not all men are letchy over amorous twats, and why should someone change their behaviour and clothes because of the few that exist, we should be angry about the fact that men feel they can do that rather than blame the women because well she wore a skimpy outfit, but until the outdated sexiest views that have shone out on this thread are changed then their is no hope, and we women should still be chained to kitchen sink, wearing a burlap sack and never leaving the house incase we incite some lustful bad thoughts in mens head as they cannot control their urges


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

harley bear said:


> Thats exactly like my OH and i personally think thats a fantastic quality to have in a man...at least i know he aint a dirty lil perv :lol:
> Personally i cant bare people who attention seek, being barely dressed imo is attention seeking.
> I may be one in very few people who could go out with either men or women and be fully dressed and still have a fab night out.


A man looking at another woman doesn't mean he is a dirty pervert Harley hun, it just means he is a normal man. Men like to look at women its a fact. As much as you hate to think it, your fella has sneaky peaks too, its just he doesn't tell you. Whether or not he looks at women who are dressed more skimpily is another thing....he can't help his eyes wandering, they all do it I'm afraid.
I used to look at other men when I was married, but it's the person you go home to that counts.

I think females should dress as they want and keep themselves safe and enjoy it while you can.....my knees are wrecked now with arthritis and I can't wear the heels anymore and I miss having that choice.


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

MontyMaude said:


> Because I said earlier in thread, that no person should ever touch another person without their permission, and not all men are letchy over amorous twats, and why should someone change their behaviour and clothes because of the few that exist, we should be angry about the fact that men feel they can do that rather than blame the women because well she wore a skimpy outfit, but until the outdated sexiest views that have shone out on this thread are changed then their is no hope, and we women should still be chained to kitchen sink, wearing a burlap sack and never leaving the house incase we incite some lustful bad thoughts in mens head as they cannot control their urges


For the same reason that when you choose to get a tattoo on your face you shouldn't be annoyed when you find it hard to get a job. People in this world will judge you, fairly or unfairly, you'd be silly not to think that by dressing or acting in a certain way that you will be viewed a certain way. Pretending that dressing somewhat scantily may get you unwanted attention is naive or just ignorant. I'm not saying it's right, I'm not saying anyone deserves it, I can't stand victim blaming, but it's a hazard that I'm sure women are aware of, that's why it should be thought about. Wishing the world was different doesn't make it so. Just as when I vist muslim countries I don't go round in skirts with my legs and arms showing, I cover up to be respectful because that's how it is.


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

Lavenderb said:


> Just for scientific reasons  what is the name and telephone number of the 'Butler Company'...?.
> 
> lol


Gavin if the one on the right in the profile pic 
https://www.facebook.com/bareall.butlers



Phoolf said:


> I think it's more than that. What if your OH doesn't want you going out like that because he, being a man, knows what men are like and capable of? What if they're trying to protect you from being groped by a drunken idiot?


We all know what men are capable of, the majority are larger and stronger than women, if they want to chance their luck they will. No man has the right to touch me without consent, I'll quite happily break their fingers.

How on earth is it up to a women to control men's inhibitions and lusts WTF?
What about women in the middle east who wear full Burkhas, rape is frightengly common there too. What do they do to tease men exactly??

Strange how Ive posted the following twice and no one has answered:

*As ive said before, Ive been pinned by the throat by a man wearing black trousers, no makeup and a Berghaus on, what message did I send out to him for him to attack me?
What should I have been wearing so he could control himself exactly (note the sarcasm)?*


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Lavenderb said:


> A man looking at another woman doesn't mean he is a dirty pervert Harley hun, it just means he is a normal man. Men like to look at women its a fact. As much as you hate to think it, your fella has sneaky peaks too, its just he doesn't tell you. Whether or not he looks at women who are dressed more skimpily is another thing....he can't help his eyes wandering, they all do it I'm afraid.
> I used to look at other men when I was married, but it's the person you go home to that counts.
> 
> I think females should dress as they want and keep themselves safe and enjoy it while you can.....my knees are wrecked now with arthritis and I can't wear the heels anymore and I miss having that choice.


Oh i aint naive i know how a guy works but he thinks scantily clad women are vulgar :lol: he just wouldnt go there and would much rather look away. (his words not mine)


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Starlite said:


> *Gavin if the one on the right in the profile pic *
> https://www[/B]


[URL=http://www.smileyvault.com/]

I'm going for a cold


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

Starlite said:


> Gavin if the one on the right in the profile pic
> https://www.facebook.com/bareall.butlers
> 
> We all know what men are capable of, the majority are larger and stronger than women, if they want to chance their luck they will. No man has the right to touch me without consent, I'll quite happily break their fingers.
> ...


I'm not entering into a discussion regarding rape, as I'm quite well researched in that topic so it would be silly of me to pretend that what you wear affects it.

However, going out in town wearing little clothing IS LIKELY to get you groped by men, yes it's wrong, it's sexual assault, but perhaps OH's who don't want you going out like that are trying to prevent you being sexually assaulted or perhaps in very uncomfortable situations where a man may be backing you into a corner as he has the wrong impression, leaving you quite quite frightened.

What you do, how you look and how you act does give off an awful lot of signals to people whether you like or not, just like having a tattoo on your face or having dredlocks or pink hair or any number of things (which I've had or do have) tends to go with a stereotype. Is that stereotype right or fair? Of course not. But that's how you're seen by lots of people.


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

harley bear said:


> Oh i aint naive i know how a guy works but he thinks scantily clad women are vulgar :lol: he just wouldnt go there and would much rather look away. (his words not mine)


I've known a few blokes like that, whether anyone else believes me or not. We don't like people stereotyping about women yet are happy to say every single man 'has a look'? I don't think so.


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Phoolf said:


> I've known a few blokes like that, whether anyone else believes me or not. We don't like people stereotyping about women yet are happy to say every single man 'has a look'? I don't think so.


Totally agree, I think my oh is border line strange..he doesnt look at any woman 'like that' and even if hes watching a film tv programe and they cheat he gets quite funny and on his high horse how people in relationships should keep their bits in their pants etc and shouldnt be looking elsewhere..how they have no morals etc...its quite funny when he goes off on one :lol:


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## Jugsmalone (Apr 11, 2011)

Starlite said:


> On another forum but its pissing me off big time. The OP of the thread says she likes to dress up in short dresses, lots of makeup dyed hair when she goes out. She has had a baby and now her partner is telling her to tone down her dress sense as he doesnt like it anymore. The posts she is getting basically say "cover up your shame, you're a mum now"
> 
> I have a 1yr old, dyed hair and wear wee skirts etc going out. OH met me like this and if he told me to change because Id had a baby he'd be out the door. This is me on a night out in December at a rave
> 
> ...


You have a beautiful figure.

When I was younger, I wore exactly the same sort of clothing, or lack of. 

I don't personally see anything wrong with it. When I dressed like I was going out clubbing, I didn't do it because I wanted attention, it was simply I felt good about my figure and wanted to show it off.

I still wear a bit of skimpy gear now and then but not as skimpy as I used to.


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

harley bear said:


> Totally agree, I think my oh is border line strange..he doesnt look at any woman 'like that' and even if hes watching a film tv programe and they cheat he gets quite funny and on his high horse how people in relationships should keep their bits in their pants etc and shouldnt be looking elsewhere..how they have no morals etc...its quite funny when he goes off on one :lol:


Aye, mines the same, we're quite funnily prudish but I like it like that. If anyone has an affair in a show or movie he's right on his high horse about them. He's very much a one woman kind of man, no time for anyone else. Lucky me.


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Phoolf said:


> Aye, mines the same, we're quite funnily prudish but I like it like that. If anyone has an affair in a show or movie he's right on his high horse about them. He's very much a one woman kind of man, no time for anyone else. Lucky me.


I have to laugh when people say 'every man is the same' i wouldnt like it if people thought i was the same as every other woman.
I do believe my oh when he says hes not the slightest bit interested in anyone else and that he doesnt even look around. At least i dont have to worry about him bringing home anything nasty


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

harley bear said:


> I have to laugh when people say 'every man is the same' i wouldnt like it if people thought i was the same as every other woman.
> I do believe my oh when he says hes not the slightest bit interested in anyone else and that he doesnt even look around. At least i dont have to worry about him bringing home anything nasty


I have a huge mistrust of men, never been cheated on, but I know plenty who have done to other people, but I can hand on heart say 100% mine wouldn't cheat. He's managed this far and never cheated on anyone in his life, his standard saying is 'one woman's bad enough, why would I want to try and juggle two?' :lol: He doesn't like me dressing in skimpy clothing because he doesn't want me getting unwanted attention, I hate it when a man makes a pass at me, I've been groped a few times while out and just ended up punching the culprit, the less punching I do in general probably the better. I wear a nice skirt and boots when we go out together to a gig, otherwise it's low key jeans.


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Phoolf said:


> I have a huge mistrust of men, never been cheated on, but I know plenty who have done to other people, but I can hand on heart say 100% mine wouldn't cheat. He's managed this far and never cheated on anyone in his life, his standard saying is 'one woman's bad enough, why would I want to try and juggle two?' :lol: He doesn't like me dressing in skimpy clothing because he doesn't want me getting unwanted attention, I hate it when a man makes a pass at me, I've been groped a few times while out and just ended up punching the culprit, the less punching I do in general probably the better. I wear a nice skirt and boots when we go out together to a gig, otherwise it's low key jeans.


And if you have everything you need/want at home why would you dress in skimpy clothes to get attention? You just wouldnt...well i know i wouldnt.


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## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

harley bear said:


> And if you have everything you need/want at home why would you dress in skimpy clothes to get attention? You just wouldnt...well i know i wouldnt.


Your making a huge assumption that its to get attention. It might just be cos they feel good in themselves, if they feel they look good.

Most people dont even know i HAVE legs, I live in jeans and skirts arent work practical - but I would begrudge anyone else the joy they get from dressing up for a night out. If they think they look best in skimpy clothes for a rave; then who are we to tell them its all just attention seeking when frankly we have nothing to base that judgement on. It could just be they have a different Taste to you!


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

harley bear said:


> And if you have everything you need/want at home why would you dress in skimpy clothes to get attention? You just wouldnt...well i know i wouldnt.


Depends on whether it is for attention I suppose. Some people do it for attention, I know a few girls who do at least, and some do it because they feel happiest when they feel they look nice so I suppose that's just their style and helps their self esteem, and some just because it's too hot to cover up. Everyone likes to feel they look nice, whether they're shallow or not, I dress up rarely but when I do make a bit of an effort I do feel nice even though 99% of the time I couldn't care less, if showing off your legs or tummy makes you feel great then fair enough. I like showing off my wit and personality first, but then I think the best compliment is having someone interested in you without seeing much flesh, rather than approaching you first because of your flesh.


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

harley bear said:


> And if you have everything you need/want at home why would you dress in skimpy clothes to get attention? You just wouldnt...well i know i wouldnt.


I find this comment just staggering :crazy::crazy::crazy:


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

harley bear said:


> And if you have everything you need/want at home why would you dress in skimpy clothes to get attention? You just wouldnt...well i know i wouldnt.


I thought we weren't making sweeping assumptions?

I dress the way I do as it makes me feel happy and confident, if I get attention so be it. I enjoy feeling pretty, i doubt there is a woman out there who doesnt. If I'm going to get attention in some shape or form, why not dress how I want anyway?

Im a very proud mummy, have a lovely fiance and I am what I am


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Phoolf said:


> I've known a few blokes like that, whether anyone else believes me or not. We don't like people stereotyping about women yet are happy to say every single man 'has a look'? I don't think so.


Most men wil take a peek...
Whether they like what they see or prefer to see a woman who leaves a bit more of herself up to the imagination is another matter.

When we were on holiday in the UK, my OH commented on the girls going out on a chilly night in 'hardly more than their knickers' looking 'half frozen' and 'risking cystitis'. He also comments on certain half-nude singers in video clips who 'are like Barbie dolls', all 'silicone and botox'.....
So even though he doesn't like it, he looks at it long enough to notice WHAT he doesn't like about it.
Just like he will comment on a woman looking really good and wearing clothes that suit her AND the occasion. He will even report to me that their department secreatery (who is dressed very appropriately for her job) has a stunning fugure since she started wearing a Marlies Dekkers bra....

Just goes to show: he either must have made her a compliment about her looks, or the girls discuss their 'dress code' in the men's presence....
And trust MY hubby to pick up on it and ask me whether I'd like a Marlies Dekkers bra..... :biggrin5:

O yes, men do look, how else would they know whether they like what they see or not?

Hubby's credo is: if I don't look at it, it is less than a heap of sh*t, for I look at a heap of sh*t, too... How else would I stop myself from stepping in it?


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## grumpy goby (Jan 18, 2012)

Starlite said:


> I thought we weren't making sweeping assumptions?
> 
> I dress the way I do as it makes me feel happy and confident, if I get attention so be it. I enjoy feeling pretty, i doubt there is a woman out there who doesnt. If I'm going to get attention in some shape or form, why not dress how I want anyway?
> 
> Im a very proud mummy, have a lovely fiance and I am what I am


I wish i had the confidence to go out in what you go in :crazy:

I think if you feel good, go for it. Attention is a by-product, but how many times have you been chatted up in a pub wearing jeans and a tshirt? Probably just as many (if not more, cos your probably a bit more approachable...confident women scare men from my experiance lol) I would wager.

Your out for you, and not to pick up guys, so if people see your body before your mind, then who gives a crap - its not like your interested in them anyway!


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Blimmin 'eck - talk about a hot topic!!!! You lot are typing up posts faster than I can read to catch up so I have comitted the cardinal sin and have not read the whole thread - I've skipped the last 4 pages (80-odd posts)....



Lavenderb said:


> Can I just ask...why don't you dress like that all the time? Why do you wait until its dark/late...people are drinking /drunk......inhibitions are dropping/dropped?


Time and a place meducks. If anyone walked into the office dressed like that, it would be considered inappropriate. There is work gear and clubbing gear. I'm sure the OP would not do the weekly shop in Tesco's dressed like that. 



catz4m8z said:


> Ah ha, but alot of little old ladies (me included) would bat an eyelid. Unless your saying its ok to make some people feel uncomfortable as long as you disagree with their opinions anyway?
> Sorry if my opinions are old fashioned and my belief in respecting others views isnt PC enough today. Ive never once said anything to somebody in regards to how they dress as I dont think its very nice to insult someone because they are different.....
> clearly respect means different things to different people though.


I respect other people - older or otherwise - by holding doors open for them, saying please or thank you, and being polite to them. If what I am wearing offends them, that is not MY problem. We cannot go around doing EVERYTHING to please other people. It is our lives for us to live in a manner that is most pleasing to us and does not hurt other people or break any laws.

I have had the misfortune to be 'touched up' twice in my time. The first was when I was walking to the bus stop after clubbing. Those were the days when I got 'undressed' to go out. I was a rock chick and my underwear was my outerwear. (I had the body for it back then!!  ) On the night it happened, it was too hot to wear the long coat that I usually covered up with and some bloke thought he had the right to get sleazy with me.

The second time was at 8am in the morning, on a tube train, when I was fully dressed in my long-skirted office suit.

On both occasions the perpetrators really regretted trying THAT on with gobby, loud-mouthed me, let me tell you. The point here, however, is that regardless of what I was wearing, some ropey geezer still thought I was a target!!!!

To the OP - I think you look awesome. You have a body that works in your outfit and to me you look like a very fit young lady. Just because you are a mother, does not mean you stop being a woman and that you stop wanting to dress up and be pretty. This is what your OH needs to realise. After all, he fell in love with a gorgeous LADY not a mum!!! Maybe he needs to be reminded of that.


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

Jiskefet said:


> Most men wil take a peek...
> Whether they like what they see or prefer to see a woman who leaves a bit more of herself up to the imagination is another matter.
> 
> When we were on holiday in the UK, my OH commented on the girls going out on a chilly night in 'hardly more than their knickers' looking 'half frozen' and 'risking cystitis'. He also comments on certain half-nude singers in video clips who 'are like Barbie dolls', all 'silicone and botox'.....
> ...


Of course men look at people, they don't walk round with blinkers on, but the insinuation of your post seemed to be that all men look at women in a sexual fashion and 'have a peek' at women in hardly any clothing. Having been out with men who actually turn away in disgust at women with little clothing on yes they've looked, because it's been in their face, but in no way have they 'taken a peek'. In fact I think some of them are fairly offended that women shove that in their face in the first place because it makes them feel uncomfortable with a woman being so 'on show' in public.


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## MontyMaude (Feb 23, 2012)

Phoolf said:


> Of course men look at people, they don't walk round with blinkers on, but the insinuation of your post seemed to be that all men look at women in a sexual fashion and 'have a peek' at women in hardly any clothing. Having been out with men who actually turn away in disgust at women with little clothing on yes they've looked, because it's been in their face, but in no way have they 'taken a peek'. *In fact I think some of them are fairly offended that women shove that in their face in the first place because it makes them feel uncomfortable with a woman being so 'on show' in public*.


Again astounded at that sentence, is a woman wearing jeans and t'shirt also shoving 'it' in a mans face


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

MontyMaude said:


> Again astounded at that sentence, is a woman wearing jeans and t'shirt also shoving 'it' in a mans face


Just expressing how some men feel. Just like when it's sunny out and men take off their tops and walk around I feel it's somewhat shoving it in my face, especially when they go in shops or on buses or something else, why would I want to see their bare chests on a public street or sitting next to me on a bus?

And why would a woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt be shoving anything in anybodys face? Trying to take it a bit OTT to be honest I think. If a woman is dressing up in barely any clothing, acting like a loudmouth and running round the place like everyones attention should be on her (we've all been in a city centre with this happening) then yes, that's shoving it in peoples faces. And that's how some men I've spoken to feel about it, whether that's nice or whether you like it.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Don't you, ladies, take a peek at men passing by, then?
Indeed, if they look gross, I will turn away in disgust, but I can only be disgusted because I looked in the first place....

And YES, I do like to see a handsome lad, and I will look at him 'that way'....
Meaning that I will appreciate mother nature's works of art, and I most certainly would not mind getting a radiant smile from that particular goodlooking bloke.

Nothing wrong with that, is there?
It's not like I intend to elope with them or force myself upon them.....
But I will look at men, and I will drool (mentally) if one of them is a real dish....

Don't you????
Ever?????


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

I have to say i cant bare seeing half naked men walking the streets, theres just no need imo.


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

Phoolf said:


> Just expressing how some men feel. Just like when it's sunny out and men take off their tops and walk around I feel it's somewhat shoving it in my face, especially when they go in shops or on buses or something else, why would I want to see their bare chests on a public street or sitting next to me on a bus?
> 
> And why would a woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt be shoving anything in anybodys face? Trying to take it a bit OTT to be honest I think. If a woman is dressing up in barely any clothing, acting like a loudmouth and running round the place like everyones attention should be on her (we've all been in a city centre with this happening) then yes, that's shoving it in peoples faces. And that's how some men I've spoken to feel about it, whether that's nice or whether you like it.


Ok so example. I take my wee boy swimming and its near enough Glasgow city centre so we walked to the Disney store for a look as I love it in there. I had a crop top which showed midriff and white linen trousers on. Am i in people's faces? 
Can i ask why women should be tailoring their dress sense in accordance to what a man would perceive is not "in their face"?
What about breast feeding women should they not feed their kids incase a man sees it as sexual (which would be sick tbh)?

I like seeing a good looking man or woman as I can admire them for what they are, good looking! I'm not tempted by them in the slightest


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

Jiskefet said:


> Don't you, ladies, take a peek at men passing by, then?
> Indeed, if they look gross, I will turn away in disgust, but I can only be disgusted because I looked in the first place....
> 
> And YES, I do like to see a handsome lad, and I will look at him 'that way'....
> ...


Nope.

Nothing wrong with it, I just don't look at people and think 'phoar' or whatever it is people think. I'm not very interested in aesthetics.


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

harley bear said:


> I have to say i cant bare seeing half naked men walking the streets, theres just no need imo.


When I see this:










or this:










Then I would be inclined to agree....

HOWEVER....

If putting up with the above means the occasional treat of this:










Or this:










Or this:










Then I am prepared to put up with them!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

.


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

Starlite said:


> Ok so example. I take my wee boy swimming and its near enough Glasgow city centre so we walked to the Disney store for a look as I love it in there. I had a crop top which showed midriff and white linen trousers on. Am i in people's faces?
> Can i ask why women should be tailoring their dress sense in accordance to what a man would perceive is not "in their face"?
> What about breast feeding women should they not feed their kids incase a man sees it as sexual (which would be sick tbh)?
> 
> I like seeing a good looking man or woman as I can admire them for what they are, good looking! I'm not tempted by them in the slightest


If it's a hot day do you think a crop top and trousers is OTT? I don't think anyone would really. Boobtube and tiny little shorts maybe, but I guess it depends on the ewather.

I never said women should tailor their dress, I said in the first post I made in here that women should do what they like, but at the same time you can't do what you like and expect that people won't judge you, so that's just something you have to accept. When I've dressed in dirty rags before I've been looked at like a tramp, when I had dredlocks I was looked at like I was a dirty hippy etc. That's just tough luck.


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Jiskefet said:


> Don't you, ladies, take a peek at men passing by, then?
> Indeed, if they look gross, I will turn away in disgust, but I can only be disgusted because I looked in the first place....
> 
> And YES, I do like to see a handsome lad, and I will look at him 'that way'....
> ...


Me in my state and I got a *wink* from a rather gorgeous hunk of a chappie a few years younger than me at the salad section of Morrisons a few nights back...so for sure salad is good for ya lmao....my god he helped restore me faith a bit . It wasn't just a wink it was a wink wink :lol:


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

MoggyBaby said:


> When I see this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 You hussy!
:lol:

Im not a fan of rippling muscles tbh 

Not that i am a fan of the top two either...just pointing that out :lol:
The lot of em should pit it away :lol:


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MoggyBaby said:


> HOWEVER....
> 
> If putting up with the above means the occasional treat of this:
> 
> ...


I've got an interview at the job centre next Monday. I'm going to tell that man, I want Moggybaby's fecking job!!!! she gets to sit at a computer screen and stare at mens naked bods :lol:


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

Phoolf said:


> If it's a hot day do you think a crop top and trousers is OTT? I don't think anyone would really. Boobtube and tiny little shorts maybe, but I guess it depends on the ewather.
> 
> I never said women should tailor their dress, I said in the first post I made in here that women should do what they like, but at the same time you can't do what you like and expect that people won't judge you, so that's just something you have to accept. When I've dressed in dirty rags before I've been looked at like a tramp, when I had dredlocks I was looked at like I was a dirty hippy etc. That's just tough luck.


I do understand what you are saying 

We all judge each other but Im still a little shocked that a womens dress sense is asking for unconsented physical attention. I have a SD and if she wanted to gorw up and do glamour modelling or be a goth etc I'd support her, because she is still her.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Lavenderb said:


> Me in my state and I got a *wink* from a rather gorgeous hunk of a chappie a few years younger than me at the salad section of Morrisons a few nights back...so for sure salad is good for ya lmao....my god he helped restore me faith a bit . It wasn't just a wink it was a wink wink :lol:


Lucky you!!!!!


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

See i like my men fully clothed...but if i was backed into a corner id let him take his top off :lol:

Google Image Result for http://supernatural.download-tvshows.com/files/JensenAckles.jpeg


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## Phoolf (Jun 13, 2012)

Starlite said:


> I do understand what you are saying
> 
> We all judge each other but Im still a little shocked that a womens dress sense is asking for unconsented physical attention. I have a SD and if she wanted to gorw up and do glamour modelling or be a goth etc I'd support her, because she is still her.


It's not asking for it, but some men will take advantage so it's always a risk. I've been groped wearing jeans and a hoodie, but also been groped wearing less clothing, I've certainly noticed the different kinds of looks you get between the two outfits though.


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Lavenderb said:


> I've got an interview at the job centre next Monday. I'm going to tell that man, I want Moggybaby's fecking job!!!! she gets to sit at a computer screen and stare at mens naked bods :lol:


You can have my job Cupcake but you will also get the IWC............. :devil:

Trust me, it is SOOOOOOOOOOOO not worth it!!!!! :lol:


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## Benjismummy (Dec 26, 2011)

Lavenderb said:


> Can I just ask...why don't you dress like that all the time? Why do you wait until its dark/late...people are drinking /drunk......inhibitions are dropping/dropped?


I think people are forgetting this is dressed up for a rave, those of you who know what a rave is will find this to be perfectly acceptable dress for this occasion.

If I was in to raving and had the figure on this pic then I would be wearing this sort of outfit. It isn't about waiting until it is dark or inhibitions being dropped, its about being comfortable in what you are wearing and in a rave you need very few clothes as you will get too hot if you are overly covered up.

I would say though that you need to have a big coat to go home in, there are too many girls getting hypothermia by wearing such skimpy clothing in the cold winter months!!

Be careful or you'll catch your death: Hypothermia increase in women | The Sun |Woman

not sure if the link will post with me being a newbie but have a read.

Men should not no matter how a woman dresses have any right to touch or harass! I have the right to dress how I like and the myth that men can't control themselves in the presence of a woman's unclothed body should be squashed!!

We should not excuse some men's horrific behaviour and blame the way a woman is dressed. Men are responsible for their own actions stop giving them an excuse!!


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Benjismummy said:


> I think people are forgetting this is dressed up for a rave, those of you who know what a rave is will find this to be perfectly acceptable dress for this occasion.
> 
> If I was in to raving and had the figure on this pic then I would be wearing this sort of outfit. It isn't about waiting until it is dark or inhibitions being dropped, its about being comfortable in what you are wearing and in a rave you need very few clothes as you will get too hot if you are overly covered up.
> 
> ...


I'm a very open minded person and I have obviously written that in a way that made people think otherwise....I was just trying to see the OP's take on things...trust me I ain't no angel 

oh thanks for the neutral rep....lol you need more posts to red blob me :wink:


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

The OP certainly looks good and can get away with wearing a skimpy outfit, as I am sure most of the heterosexual men and some of the women on PF would agree. However, if my OH asked me not to wear a certain outfit in public becaue he feels it is inappropriate or too revealing or whatever, then I wouldn't wear it. It has nothing to do with me being dominated or told what to do, but simple respect for the feelings of your loved one. Sometimes I tell my OH not to wear a certain shirt or trousers for whatever reason, and so he doesn't. I would be hurt if he ignored my request and wore the shirt/pants anyway. A partnership involves compromise from both sides. It has nothing to do with "being a mum", "too old", "too fat" or whatever, just consideration for the feelings of your loved one, that's all.


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

I'd ask you to cover up only because I'm Jealous :tongue_smilie: if I had a figure like that I'd be in skimpy clothes all the time lol


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## Benjismummy (Dec 26, 2011)

Lavenderb said:


> I'm a very open minded person and I have obviously written that in a way that made people think otherwise....I was just trying to see the OP's take on things...trust me I ain't no angel
> 
> oh thanks for the neutral rep....lol you need more posts to red blob me :wink:


I gave you rep for earlier posts that I agreed with your comments, my comment wasn't really directed at you just at the general feel of the thread.

Don't get me wrong I think the way some girls dress is disgraceful but like a previous poster said i dont have to look if i dont want to but some take the pail lol

but I feel women should wear what they like with no repercussions.


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Benjismummy said:


> I gave you rep for earlier posts that I agreed with your comments, my comment wasn't really directed at you just at the general feel of the thread.
> 
> Don't get me wrong I think the way some girls dress is disgraceful but like a previous poster said i dont have to look if i dont want to but some take the pail lol
> 
> but I feel women should wear what they like with no repercussions.


I do apologise...a misunderstanding on my part


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## Tidgy (Jun 30, 2010)

wear want you want and are comfortable in. Looking at that pic def have the figure for it, you may get a few stares as well and all i'll say is hubba hubba :tongue_smilie:


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## DoodlesRule (Jul 7, 2011)

Wasn't the original question about being told to dress differently once a mum? Don't agree with that at all. 

Its a fashion thing thats all - imagine dads have being saying for very many years "you're not going out in that are you" - mine never said that, his choice was don't you need a scarf on :biggrin5:

Its really down to whats appropriate for the occasion so the OP's outfit was fine for a rave but she would probably feel a bit uncomfortable doing say the shopping or a school run wearing it. 

Then its down to, dare I say, age appropriate I don't mean you should wear granny outfits when you reach a certain age but an aging body trying to dress like a teen doesn't look nice :001_smile:


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

MoggyBaby said:


> Time and a place meducks. If anyone walked into the office dressed like that, it would be considered inappropriate. There is work gear and clubbing gear. I'm sure the OP would not do the weekly shop in Tesco's dressed like that.


God, I wish people felt like this round here!LOL I have no problem with clubbing outfits, be as mad or skimpy as you like with your dress. The only time I will see it is if the news is doing a story on broken britain and there is a bunch of girls spewing into the gutter!!:lol:
I just dont like people dressing in what amounts to underwear sized clothing when shopping at Tesco or picking up the kids!! Seriously, last week I passed a woman in fishnet stockings, hotpants so small you could see more then just her buttcrack!, a tiny crop top and pink cowboy hat!! She also had 2 little girls in tow coz it was early morning and she was on the school run!!
Sadly it isnt an uncommon sight round here. Nor is women in full on PJs and slippers coming back from the shops (complete with the must have accessory...a can of Stella!!).

Although this thread seems to have split into 2 distinct topics. One is 'what is appropriate dress?', the other is 'should my dress sense make me a target?'. I think that some people are misinterpreting others as they are actually discussing 2 different things!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I think a woman should dress how she sees fit - I dont think after certain milestones ie becoming a mum or getting to a certain age there should be rules.

...BUT that said - I do think at some point you have to look at what you are wearing and perhaps the signals you send .....and of course look at your body shape and size ! unfortunately as women we cannot always wear what we would like but have to dress for our shape and size .... I know for a fact if I wore what starlite wears my OH would have a few choice words and I would prob not wear it mainly because I think if the shoe was on the other foot and he was going out looking provocative and knowing he would get attention I would put my foot down also - I think in a relationship you have to be a little bit more aware of the signals you could be sending out when going out for a night  

I do think some of the clothes young girls wear to go out is more like underwear now ! and to me it is not attractive and it can also get the wrong kind of attention ....but each to their own


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Im glad I dont have an OH.....I bet Id be told to tart meself up abit and stop looking like a bag lady!!LOL


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

catz4m8z said:


> Im glad I dont have an OH.....I bet Id be told to tart meself up abit and stop looking like a bag lady!!LOL


:laugh:
My OH doesn't really go for glamour or skimpy stuff - he compares clothing to unwrapping a present, it would be no fun if it just had a bow on it  I like heels, pencil skirts and make-up for a night out, but every now and then I treat him with huge undies and thick woolly tights :laugh:

He doesn't tell me how I "should" be dressed though, he's smart enough to understand the difference between what he likes and what I choose. Lucky for him


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Lavenderb said:


> lmao, the lady wearing the camel toe :lol:


I actually though it was the _cameltoe_ wearing the _lady_ in Bordie's pic



harley bear said:


> And if you have everything you need/want at home why would you dress in skimpy clothes to get attention? You just wouldnt...well i know i wouldnt.


Why do I dress in skimpy outfits when I go out when I have everything I need/want at home? 
Because I have major problems with self esteem after years of being bullied about my looks (almost always by other females!). Getting dressed up in pretty outfits that are completely different to what I wear normally makes me feel good about myself. My OH likes me to get admiring looks from other blokes, he's proud of me in a way I can never be proud of myself. It makes me feel good & puts me on a high for several days & as gigs get hot & sweaty, I don't want to wear too many clothes as I really feel the heat.


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## coral. (May 11, 2011)

i think people can wear what they want!
you have a great figure, i wouldnt dress like that mostly cause i dont have the confidence to probably!
but just cause your a mum, you should be able to wear what you like, i wouldnt exactly pick my child up in that outfit, but to go out on a night out fair enough 
i would just be careful though cause you know how sleezy some guys can be somedays!
and sometimes they can get the wrong impression!
but i wouldnt like a person telling me what i can and can not wear


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## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

oi..wait till your lil one grows older....

my son does not allow my straw hats 9but I need them...the sun is killing here1...)

he had a fit then i got T-shirt with a print of a girl in short skirt!!!

my kids definitely want me to look mumsy......
not to dance...or sing...or wear bikini...

oh..well...I can always wear my hat if my son does nto do his chores!
so there!
and i am size 10-12 so itis not as if therre was a problem ....


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## Bedlingtondoodle (Oct 1, 2011)

I would never try to change what my wife wears, she is hot in whatever she wears. 
I don't think the OP outfit would be great for walking the dogs but I wouldn't complain either:001_tt1:

Starlite, you seem to be a confident and dare I say beautiful young woman.
It is nice to read that you have the sense to say that you don't deserve to be treated badly just coz you have a 'skimpy' outfit.

Keep being who you want to be 

rep given!


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Bedlingtondoodle said:


> I would never try to change what *my wife* wears, she is hot in whatever she wears.
> I don't think the OP outfit would be great for walking the dogs but I wouldn't complain either:001_tt1:
> 
> Starlite, you seem to be a confident and dare I say beautiful young woman.
> ...


I'm so sorry, but up until this point I thought you were a lady please accept my apologies!


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## Bedlingtondoodle (Oct 1, 2011)

Nope I am a bloke 

Check out this photo (not at all edited)


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Bedlingtondoodle said:


> Nope I am a bloke
> 
> Check out this photo (not at all edited)


My dogs would love you, you look remarkably similar to the puffed jerky I bought them today


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

Bedlingtondoodle said:


> Nope I am a bloke
> 
> Check out this photo (not at all edited)


COOOOORRRRRR look at the size of his

ears


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

Bedlingtondoodle said:


> Nope I am a bloke
> 
> Check out this photo (not at all edited)


That actually made me Laugh out loud!! you look very mmmmm tanned :tongue_smilie:


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## MeganRose (Apr 13, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> ...BUT that said - I do think at some point you have to look at what you are wearing and perhaps the signals you send .....and of course look at your body shape and size ! unfortunately as women we cannot always wear what we would like but have to dress for our shape and size ....


As people, we can wear whatever we like! If there's something that someone likes and feels happy in, then they should go for it - f*ck flattering!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

MeganRose said:


> As people, we can wear whatever we like! If there's something that someone likes and feels happy in, then they should go for it - f*ck flattering!


Of course we can wear what we like but should we wear what does not suit?? Im all for women being proud and not letting men or society dictate to them but I do think there is a line that at some point we have to draw. I know I would not wear now what I wore in my teens or early 20's ..


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

cheekyscrip said:


> and i am size 10-12 so itis not as if therre was a problem ....


See, now that is my problem with alot of this thread!! If you are a size 10 and wearing a boob tube then its fine (oh, but you might get raped!) but if you are a size 30 then its disgusting and gross!!
I know alot of people find fat people in hotpants revolting but TBH I feel that way about anybody showing too much off!!....(I am referring to people who go out to the shops and on the school run dressed like that not clubbers and beach goers!).
Surely there should be the same standards applied to everyone?? A fit builders bum cleavage is no different then a fat builders bum cleavage!! It all puts you off your dinner!LOL

(oh, and Im not picking on you Cheekyscrip! It was just the best example I could find of what I meant!)


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## Wobbles (Jun 2, 2011)

Well I don't know _how_ someone should dress, I wear what I want and to hell with those who don't like it. But i firmly agree that your clothes dictate your being at that moment. If someone came towards me with a shaved head, punk t, and ripped up jesns with chains dangling from them, I'd move as far away as poss. Likewise I think someone in a skirt no bigger than a belt and a top showing practically everything shouldnt be suprised to get attention - your dressed for it. If i wanted someone to notice me my skirts would go higher and my tops would go lower. Yes I do walk my dog in knee high boots with a tiny skirt and skimpy top - why not? Just makes bending over for the ball slightly tricky!


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Wobbles said:


> Well I don't know _how_ someone should dress, I wear what I want and to hell with those who don't like it. But i firmly agree that your clothes dictate your being at that moment. *If someone came towards me with a shaved head, punk t, and ripped up jesns with chains dangling from them, I'd move as far away as poss*. Likewise I think someone in a skirt no bigger than a belt and a top showing practically everything shouldnt be suprised to get attention - your dressed for it. If i wanted someone to notice me my skirts would go higher and my tops would go lower. Yes I do walk my dog in knee high boots with a tiny skirt and skimpy top - why not? Just makes bending over for the ball slightly tricky!


May I ask why? I know a lot of really nice people who dress like that & I'm just curious why people make these sort of judgements


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

I don't have a problem with "punk", "goth" wear, but I really don't like sitting opposite someone in a train or at a party and I can see their panties or - shudder - something worse. It makes me feel embarrassed and awkward and I don't know where to look. They should at least know how to sit properly (or wear modest underwear). I think the line can be drawn when what you choose to wear doesn't make innocent bystanders feel uncomfortable.


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## Wobbles (Jun 2, 2011)

simplysardonic said:


> May I ask why? I know a lot of really nice people who dress like that & I'm just curious why people make these sort of judgements


It just looks intimidating IMO. Gives a sense of unease to me in the same way it would if I had to go past a gang of teen boys with a SBT or Pitbull in a deserted park. It makes you feel vulnerable and insecure, like the sort that you wouldnt want to meet in a dark alley late at night, the type your parents taught you to avoid.


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

simplysardonic said:


> May I ask why? I know a lot of really nice people who dress like that & I'm just curious why people make these sort of judgements


Yeah, how are things with the shaved head hun. ..actually I found it a totally liberating experience. 3 years ago I had done so much damage to my hair that I shaved it off and didn't have to worry about it for 6 months lol.


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Lavenderb said:


> Yeah, how are things with the shaved head hun. ..actually I found it a totally liberating experience.* 3 years ago I had done so much damage to my hair that I shaved it off *and didn't have to worry about it for 6 months lol.


Don't they call that a Brazilian.....????? Singing:

:lol:


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## lily74 (Jan 13, 2012)

My motto is if you have got it flaunt it!

I am 37 but I still wear shortish skirts as I think have he legs for them, it's not about age of if your mum, I have two teenagers! It's about if you look good or not.

I would never be ruled by a man no way!


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## lily74 (Jan 13, 2012)

harley bear said:


> Totally agree, I think my oh is border line strange..he doesnt look at any woman 'like that' and even if hes watching a film tv programe and they cheat he gets quite funny and on his high horse how people in relationships should keep their bits in their pants etc and shouldnt be looking elsewhere..how they have no morals etc...its quite funny when he goes off on one :lol:


Glad to hear there are other men like this!lol

When I tell other men my husband doesn't really look at women 'like that' they say he must be gay! He isn't gay but he is doesn't ogle women and he is not obsessed like some men I know.

His brother is the same, must be the way they are brought up?


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## Lavenderb (Jan 27, 2009)

MoggyBaby said:


> Don't they call that a Brazilian.....????? Singing:
> 
> :lol:


Another name for it is the 'ohshitwhathaveidone' :lol:


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## simplysardonic (Sep 1, 2009)

Wobbles said:


> It just looks intimidating IMO. Gives a sense of unease to me in the same way it would if I had to go past a gang of teen boys with a SBT or Pitbull in a deserted park. It makes you feel vulnerable and insecure, like the sort that you wouldnt want to meet in a dark alley late at night, *the type your parents taught you to avoid.*


My parents taught me to avoid people in smart, expensive suits, on the off chance they might be politicians, or God forbid, bank managers


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## suewhite (Oct 31, 2009)

My OH is always looking at women he even fell off his ladder last year craning his neck,silly old sod


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

suewhite said:


> My OH is always looking at women he even fell off his ladder last year craning his neck,silly old sod


Lol made me giggle 

:biggrin5:


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Lavenderb said:


> Another name for it is the 'ohshitwhathaveidone' :lol:


Or even "itcheslikeb*ggeryasitgrowsbackin" :lol:


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

lily74 said:


> My motto is if you have got it flaunt it!


But what if you havent got it........but still flaunt it!!


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## MeganRose (Apr 13, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> Of course we can wear what we like but should we wear what does not suit?? Im all for women being proud and not letting men or society dictate to them but I do think there is a line that at some point we have to draw. I know I would not wear now what I wore in my teens or early 20's ..


The only 'should' about it should be that everyone 'should' wear whatever they want. You may personally chose to dress how you think is appropriate for your self/age, but people shouldn't be telling other people how to dress! There is no weight or age limit where people have to start covering up and wearing what others deem 'appropriate'.



Wobbles said:


> It just looks intimidating IMO. Gives a sense of unease to me in the same way it would if I had to go past a gang of teen boys with a SBT or Pitbull in a deserted park. It makes you feel vulnerable and insecure, like the sort that you wouldnt want to meet in a dark alley late at night, the type your parents taught you to avoid.


Haha! My friends at least, are the nicest, least intimidating people once you know them. I can sort of understand how people may be slightly intimdated as the stigma (?) that goes with punks, but to compare one solitary punk to a group of teens with a pitbull in a deserted park is a bit far fetched! 
If my parents were supposed to be teaching me to avoid them, they obviously did a terrible job...


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

catz4m8z said:


> Surely it doesnt make you an extremist coz you would like people to dress appropriately?? (I mean even goths and punks have outfits they would only wear clubbing surely and not to Waitrose??)


See, it's that word "appropriately" that's causing all the problem. For inhibited prudes, appropriate is what is dictated to them by a patriarchal society. For non-inhibited, non-prudes, appropriate is whatever they WANT to wear, whenever they want to wear it.



harley bear said:


> My oh doesnt like to see any woman flaunting herself.


Sadly for your OH, the women he obviously thought were flaunting themselves at him were probably having too good a time being themselves to even notice him.



Phoolf said:


> I think it's more than that. What if your OH doesn't want you going out like that because he, being a man, knows what men are like and capable of? What if they're trying to protect you from being groped by a drunken idiot?


Puts arms in air and sings: "Sisters are doing it for themselves!"

I think we all know exacty what men are capable of without having another man be so patronising as to try to tell us!



Starlite said:


> We all know what men are capable of, the majority are larger and stronger than women, if they want to chance their luck they will. No man has the right to touch me without consent, I'll quite happily break their fingers.


You go girl :thumbsup



Starlite said:


> How on earth is it up to a women to control men's inhibitions and lusts WTF?
> What about women in the middle east who wear full Burkhas, rape is frightengly common there too. What do they do to tease men exactly??
> 
> Strange how Ive posted the following twice and no one has answered:
> ...


No-one can answer it - because then they would have to admit that the fairy-tale world they have constructed around themselves just doesn't exisit in real life. (You know the world I mean, the world in which if women dress "appropriately", don't "flaunt" themselves, receive a pat on the head from some man for behaving themselves, it will mean they never get raped) It's not real life. It is merely one more construct used to subjugate women.

But what absolutely amazes me is that some women can't see it and happily live the fairy tale.



harley bear said:


> And if you have everything you need/want at home why would you dress in skimpy clothes to get attention? You just wouldnt...well i know i wouldnt.


I feel really sad that you have no concept that a woman can dress to please herself without any thought whatsoever of attracting the attention of the males in her vicinity.



Phoolf said:


> In fact I think some of them are fairly offended that women shove that in their face in the first place because it makes them feel uncomfortable with a woman being so 'on show' in public.


Any man who feels offended by a woman dressing as she pleases, or who automatically assumes that a woman who is dressing as she pleases is "shoving it in his face", starts to ring pervy bells for me. There is nothing offensive in a woman (or a man, for that matter) dressing exactly how they please. And even if they look odd, then that is their business, no-one else's.



Starlite said:


> I do understand what you are saying
> 
> We all judge each other but Im still a little shocked that a womens dress sense is asking for unconsented physical attention. I have a SD and if she wanted to gorw up and do glamour modelling or be a goth etc I'd support her, because she is still her.


I'm more shocked that in the main it is womean saying this! 



catz4m8z said:


> See, now that is my problem with alot of this thread!! If you are a size 10 and wearing a boob tube then its fine (oh, but you might get raped!) but if you are a size 30 then its disgusting and gross!!
> I know alot of people find fat people in hotpants revolting but TBH


And a lot of people find sizist people even more revolting.  I am overweght and I shall dress in what I want without even thinking whether or not it offends sizist people.


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

Oh, I'm on a roll tonight!

My personal opinion is that it's plain dumb to go out dressed in a fashion whereby men (and women!) will ask how much you charge! You give a false impression by dressing like a teeny bopper/Britney Spears in a male fantasy school girl video. Unless you're a cheerleader or aged three, the outfit is just _wrong_, IMO!

Seriously, the only reason I can think of to dress in that way because you want to attract attention from the opposite sex so I can understand the husband getting peed off and wondering why you want to dress that way. To me, it seems that you are making a statement of being 'available' by dressing like that and no, I don't think it's an excuse for men to grope you, but you are giving an impression whatever you wear. Why do you feel the need to dress like that?


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Spellweaver said:


> See, it's that word "appropriately" that's causing all the problem. For inhibited prudes, appropriate is what is dictated to them by a patriarchal society. For non-inhibited, non-prudes, appropriate is whatever they WANT to wear, whenever they want to wear it.
> 
> And a lot of people find sizist people even more revolting.  I am overweght and I shall dress in what I want without even thinking whether or not it offends sizist people.


Inhibited prude??:lol: Ive been a nurse for long enough to see sights that would make your hair curl! (all without batting an eyelid).
I still dont believe that there is anything wrong with respecting the sensibilities of others though, to me its a matter of respect and politeness. Its all very well saying wear what you want when you want but you might lose friends if you roll up at a junior school parents evening in a bikini top and crotch skimming skirt!!

Oh, and congrats on paraphrasing me so I appear to disagree with your point whilst completely disregarding the point I was making! Do you work for the Daily Mail by any chance??:lol:


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

I couldn't take anyone dressed like that seriously. On a night out, I don't see the need to dress like that: what is your aim? I'm no prude, But I agree with ^^ about respect-respect for yourself!


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## RockRomantic (Apr 29, 2009)

Okay i've read some replies but not all so i'll reply then read back,

I dress how i feel that day, if i feel a bit urgh i'll stick a pair of skinny jeans on with a top that doesnt show anything of with converse of heels. 

If i feel great and weathers nice ill stick shorts on or a skirt, or skinnys with a top that made show a bit more of, I firmly believe people should dress wear what they want but if its daytime i do think people need to think about whats appropriate. I've seen girls walking around city centre in a bikini top and shorts, to me thats a bit much but hey who am i to comment. 

Once upon a time i'd dress in short tops, mini skirts and all sorts, looking back i absolute cringe thinking about it lol


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

ut:


cinammontoast said:


> Oh, I'm on a roll tonight!
> 
> My personal opinion is that it's plain dumb to go out dressed in a fashion whereby men (and women!) will ask how much you charge! You give a false impression by dressing like a teeny bopper/Britney Spears in a male fantasy school girl video. Unless you're a cheerleader or aged three, the outfit is just _wrong_, IMO!
> 
> Seriously, the only reason I can think of to dress in that way because you want to attract attention from the opposite sex so I can understand the husband getting peed off and wondering why you want to dress that way. To me, it seems that you are making a statement of being 'available' by dressing like that and no, I don't think it's an excuse for men to grope you, but you are giving an impression whatever you wear. Why do you feel the need to dress like that?


Male fantatisies are my problem how? Men have many fantasies, should i not wear sandals for fear of inciting a man with a foot fetish? :lol:
I think you will find men should be able to control themselves, not have the world set out so they dont have to!
A woman can wear clothes to make herself feel good, not every woman revolves her life around men you will find. I dressed "like that" as i was going to a sweaty rave, wanted a cute outfit i wouldnt die of heat exhaustion in, what's your issue with that? Clearly you have never been to one or you would consider by outfit tame by rave standards.

I refuse to tailor my dress sense to what a small segment of society would deem acceptable. We go down that route we will end up as persecuted as women in the Middle East, shamed by men into hiding away. How is wearing a short skirt making myself available, asking for it am I?
IF a friend was raped would your first thought be "well you would wear that outfit". No wonder convictions are only 2% with the attitudes people stiill hold


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## LostGirl (Jan 16, 2009)

i wouldnt want a 3yr old dressed like to be a male fantasie thank you Id rather hope that if my 3yr old wantedto dress up in something that a man could control them selfs 

why has it got to be about pleasing or showing off for a man? i wear top that show my cleavage not for men but for me it makes me feel abit better about myself and i like my boobs! i dont go with them hanging out e.t.c 

its not about men why should it be? you shouldnt have to worry about what you put on everyday for the sake of a bloke who might not be able to keep his tiny pecker in his pants!


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

OK I'll hold my hands up and admit my life does revolve round pleasing a man... but he is only 13mths old atm so I think I can be forgiven


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## harley bear (Feb 20, 2010)

Starlite said:


> OK I'll hold my hands up and admit my life does revolve round pleasing a man... but he is only 13mths old atm so I think I can be forgiven


I have three on the go, no wonder im exhausted :lol:


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

MeganRose said:


> The only 'should' about it should be that everyone 'should' wear whatever they want. You may personally chose to dress how you think is appropriate for your self/age, but people shouldn't be telling other people how to dress! There is no weight or age limit where people have to start covering up and wearing what others deem 'appropriate'.
> 
> I have never ever told anyone how to dress - and yes of course it is completely up to the person how they want to dress - I have never said otherwise thank you! BUT I do think how you dress is a reflection of yourself and is in many cases a first impression! and that is just a fact of life weather we like it or not! people WILL judge you on what you wear!
> 
> ...


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

I find it weird that people get so offended at how other people view them when they are practising their god given right to wear what they want when they want (and patriachal societies and chauvinistic menfolk be damned!!:001_tt2.... Society should mind its own business and not interfere with your freedoms??
But societies 'do' dictate behaviour dont they?? Thats why drinking cow blood is acceptable in some cultures but not in others, same as basic dress codes are. Its all very well complaining that people view you a certain (uncomplimentary) way but if that is the general consensus of the society in which you live why moan about it?? I dont think that the majority of society should bend to accomadate those few that insist on wearing their rave clothes and fancy dress outfits to Tesco's!



(obviously Im not saying we should all wear burkhas!! just stick to appropriate venues for your self expression. For example its supposed to be 30C here later today so I wouldnt begrudge anyone from bringing abit of beach wear to town!!)


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

catz4m8z said:


> I find it weird that people get so offended at how other people view them when they are practising their god given right to wear what they want when they want (and patriachal societies and chauvinistic menfolk be damned!!:001_tt2.... Society should mind its own business and not interfere with your freedoms??
> But societies 'do' dictate behaviour dont they?? Thats why drinking cow blood is acceptable in some cultures but not in others, same as basic dress codes are. Its all very well complaining that people view you a certain (uncomplimentary) way but if that is the general consensus of the society in which you live why moan about it?? I dont think that the majority of society should bend to accomadate those few that insist on wearing their rave clothes and fancy dress outfits to Tesco's!
> 
> (obviously Im not saying we should all wear burkhas!! just stick to appropriate venues for your self expression. For example its supposed to be 30C here later today so I wouldnt begrudge anyone from bringing abit of beach wear to town!!)


I dont think its the general consesus hun, but a minority. I "moan" as i think attitudes should change, not just accepted even if they are backwards because they have been an old view on women. 
To me its a bit like saying "people abuse animals no matter what we do so why bother making it a criminal offense". Just because something is traditional or happening regularly around us does not make it right.

What is society as a whole bending exactly to "allow" girls to wear what they want?

Oh and its crop top and white linen trousers today, show off the tum tum


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Starlite said:


> What is society as a whole bending exactly to "allow" girls to wear what they want?


I just mean that the fact you have to justify it and that men shouldnt view women in skimpy clothes as sex objects clearly demonstrates that society doesnt agree with you at present! If it was no big deal then why are people still offended or titillated??
Its always going to be a contraversial issue, abit like passive smoking really! You dont have a choice but to breath in second hand smoke and you dont have a choice to unsee some of the sights you may see!!LOL


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Phoolf said:


> Just expressing how some men feel. Just like when it's sunny out and men take off their tops and walk around I feel it's somewhat shoving it in my face, especially when they go in shops or on buses or something else, why would I want to see their bare chests on a public street or sitting next to me on a bus?
> 
> .


Agree with this. I hate seeing men walking in the city street barechested. It's trashy and really puts me off. I have only ever seen this in the UK, though.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

koekemakranka said:


> Agree with this. I hate seeing men walking in the city street barechested. It's trashy and really puts me off. I have only ever seen this in the UK, though.


I would NEVER allow my OH to do this!! He wouldnt anyway but if he had a mad moment then I would most deffo put my foot down!


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## LucyLastic88 (Apr 25, 2012)

It's basically about dignity. One should be able to dress how they want to but sometimes one can be a little naive as well. This isn't directed at you particularly.

I must admit, some girls I see look like they're off to work at a lap dancing club.

There's nothing wrong with trying to look sexy but there is sexy and there is trashy.

Nicely fitting clothes tastefully worn are very sexy.

I'm also a believer of not putting everything in the shop window


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Well all I can say is a picture is worth a thousand words.....

Classic style is ageless. I could easily go to a party tonight wearing Audrey's dress. It would look good and be perfectly appropriate, even 50 years later. Could we say the same for Britney's "outfit" in 50 years time? Nope, don't think so. It will be one of those "cringeworthy" photos one would hide from ones grandchildren.


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

Starlite said:


> A woman can wear clothes to make herself feel good, not every woman revolves her life around men you will find. I dressed "like that" as i was going to a sweaty rave, wanted a cute outfit i wouldnt die of heat exhaustion in, what's your issue with that? Clearly you have never been to one or you would consider by outfit tame by rave standards.
> 
> I refuse to tailor my dress sense to what a small segment of society would deem acceptable. We go down that route we will end up as persecuted as women in the Middle East, shamed by men into hiding away. How is wearing a short skirt making myself available, asking for it am I?
> IF a friend was raped would your first thought be "well you would wear that outfit". No wonder convictions are only 2% with the attitudes people stiill hold


Dear God! I refer you to the last post I quoted below. Dignity? Self respect? Yeah, clearly never done the whole rave all night thing in a sweaty club (you should try Torremolinos, nice swimming pool in one club there for you to cool off when it's time to go home at 7am )

We will never go down the Middle Eastern route: how very dramatic! As if!

And the reason there is only a 2% conviction rate for rape is because the average age of a circuit judges 70+ and they do unfortunately look at the way someone was dressed and come to the wrong conclusion about them or think that someone asked for it. They are idiots and should be made to retire if they fail to convict.



suzy93074 said:


> MeganRose said:
> 
> 
> > BUT I do think how you dress is a reflection of yourself and is in many cases a first impression! and that is just a fact of life weather we like it or not! people WILL judge you on what you wear!
> ...


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

catz4m8z said:


> Inhibited prude??:lol: Ive been a nurse for long enough to see sights that would make your hair curl! (all without batting an eyelid).


What has your profession got to do with the fact that you judge people on the way they dress rather than the way there are?



catz4m8z said:


> I still dont believe that there is anything wrong with respecting the sensibilities of others though, to me its a matter of respect and politeness.


But - and as I've said in other posts which you have completely ignored - you imaginging everyone shares your rather limited views is not respecting them at at all, neither is it being polite. To respect others and be polite you have to acknowledge that you have no idea at all whether they would be offended if they saw someone dressed only in a thong and a boob tube. Ascribing your own views to them and automatically assuming that they would agree with you is neither respectful nor polite.



catz4m8z said:


> Its all very well saying wear what you want when you want but you might lose friends if you roll up at a junior school parents evening in a bikini top and crotch skimming skirt!!


If anyone loses a friend becuase of what they wear, that friend wasn't worth calling a friend in the first place.



catz4m8z said:


> Oh, and congrats on paraphrasing me so I appear to disagree with your point whilst completely disregarding the point I was making! Do you work for the Daily Mail by any chance??:lol:


I wasn't paraphrasing you - please point out where I was if you think that. Neither did I ignore any point you were making -I merely answered your point of view with my point of view. So what point did you think I ignored then?


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

catz4m8z said:


> But societies 'do' dictate behaviour dont they?? Thats why drinking cow blood is acceptable in some cultures but not in others, same as basic dress codes are. Its all very well complaining that people view you a certain (uncomplimentary) way but if that is the general consensus of the society in which you live why moan about it?? I dont think that the majority of society should bend to accomadate those few that insist on wearing their rave clothes and fancy dress outfits to Tesco's!


You ought to go down on your knees and thank God that the women who fought for your freedom didn't do exactly what you are saying people should do here. If they all acted as apathetically as you; if they had all shrugged and thought that society was just that way so why bother to try to change it, then we would all still be walking around in crinolines, with formal education, no rights at all, and no life unless you were looked after by a wealthy father, husband or brother.

Just because the majority of society accepts something doesn't mean it is right. The majority of society accepted slavery, accepted child labour, accepted cock fighting and dog fighting - were they right? Should the poeple who fought against them not have bothered, then?


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## cinnamontoast (Oct 24, 2010)

Spellweaver said:


> You ought to go down on your knees and thank God that the women who fought for your freedom didn't do exactly what you are saying people should do here. If they all acted as apathetically as you; if they had all shrugged and thought that society was just that way so why bother to try to change it, then we would all still be walking around in crinolines, with formal education, no rights at all, and no life unless you were looked after by a wealthy father, husband or brother.
> 
> Just because the majority of society accepts something doesn't mean it is right. The majority of society accepted slavery, accepted child labour, accepted cock fighting and dog fighting - were they right? Should the poeple who fought against them not have bothered, then?


I'm loving the summer holidays! I've never really had the time to come away from the dog sections, but the interaction in this bit is fascinating!

I think you're being way over the top dramatic! ^^ Just my opinion. Be back after lunch for more!


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Spellweaver said:


> What has your profession got to do with the fact that you judge people on the way they dress rather than the way there are?
> 
> But - and as I've said in other posts which you have completely ignored - you imaginging everyone shares your rather limited views is not respecting them at at all, neither is it being polite.
> 
> I wasn't paraphrasing you - please point out where I was


I used my profession as an example of how unprudish I am in that the sight of woman and mens buttcracks and nipples doesnt send me into a Victorian vapour!! ..........whilst I am at work!
My objections are not designed to curtail womans personal freedoms. They have the right to dress how they want, just as I have the right to say I dont want to see some of it!!

As to your second point of me 'imagining everyone shares my rather limited views' well, Im very sorry. As I am the only one with an opinion on this thread that differs from yours......:blink:
ooooh, wait a minute!! You almost had me there, you little tinker you!!

As for pointing out where you paraphased, no probs! It was the post above mine where you cut bits out to make it fit the point you were making.

(thanks, for picking out all my contributions to this thread...it makes me feel all warm and glowy inside!!LOL:001_tt1

This thread to so much fun!! Well done, Starlite for posting the topic of the wek!!LOL


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## Starlite (Sep 9, 2009)

cinammontoast said:


> Dear God! I refer you to the last post I quoted below. Dignity? Self respect? Yeah, clearly never done the whole rave all night thing in a sweaty club (you should try Torremolinos, nice swimming pool in one club there for you to cool off when it's time to go home at 7am )
> 
> We will never go down the Middle Eastern route: how very dramatic! As if!
> 
> And the reason there is only a 2% conviction rate for rape is because the average age of a circuit judges 70+ and they do unfortunately look at the way someone was dressed and come to the wrong conclusion about them or think that someone asked for it. They are idiots and should be made to retire if they fail to convict.


Things are changing round us all the time as the PC brigade try and make us fit in with everyone else, attire is already targeted by some groups as immoral, women arent meant to wear bathing suits at the beach according to some!
I agree with the judges, but everyones attitudes must change. I think its horrid people fought to give us women the right to do as we please and yet this kind of attitude is still present



suzy93074 said:


> Bloody well said ^^
> 
> Chavvy. Even Asbos have out up notices saying men must wear shirts to shop there.
> 
> ...


Im mortified by some of the outifts my mum dressed me in, styles are ever changing so no matter what you will always look back at some time in your life and cringe imo, why not enjoy the present?
I know not everyone is going to agree with me, I just like to find out why people thin the way they day, its interesting to hear others opinions 



catz4m8z said:


> I used my profession as an example of how unprudish I am in that the sight of woman and mens buttcracks and nipples doesnt send me into a Victorian vapour!! ..........whilst I am at work!
> My objections are not designed to curtail womans personal freedoms. They have the right to dress how they want, just as I have the right to say I dont want to see some of it!!
> 
> As to your second point of me 'imagining everyone shares my rather limited views' well, Im very sorry. As I am the only one with an opinion on this thread that differs from yours......:blink:
> ...


Victorian Vapour :lol:

Topic of the week yai! Anytime hun, I could start a fight in an empty house


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## SpringerLex (Jul 24, 2012)

I had the opposite problem. One of my exes (note the term ex?) said that I should dress more like a girl. I literally have two skirts in my wardrobe and they were bought by my Mum as an attempt to get me to wear them. Needless to say it didn't happen. Anyway. We were going out one night and I was wearing a nice pair of black trousers and a nice top and he said "put on a skirt and look like a girl for a change" at which point I replied "Excuse me. But. If we are driving down the street and happen to see a dog in distress which tends to happen to me for some reason. There is no way on this earth that I am running after it wearing a skirt that more resembles a belt". I just don't feel comfortable in a skirt. But hats off to those girls who do and look fab in them.

I think that a person should wear whatever they want and whatever they feel comfortable in. Stick what their OH says. It's not him that's wearing it. If you look and feel fab then go for it!!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I think its good to have varying opinions on this subject! otherwise we would all be wearing the same things hahaha:001_tt2: 

With regard to women fighting for our rights etc yes they did and yes I am extremely thank ful for that - but for me they did it so we had a voice and rights to be treated not as second class citizens to men and to be able to vote/get paid the same wage for a job / be able to go for certain jobs / equal opportunities - did they really do it so young women of today can go round town allowed to wear basically just their underwear? I dont think so. surely we as women/young ladies have evolved more than that!!!:smilewinkgrin:


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Starlite said:


> On another forum but its pissing me off big time. The OP of the thread says she likes to dress up in short dresses, lots of makeup dyed hair when she goes out. She has had a baby and now her partner is telling her to tone down her dress sense as he doesnt like it anymore. The posts she is getting basically say "cover up your shame, you're a mum now"
> 
> I have a 1yr old, dyed hair and wear wee skirts etc going out. OH met me like this and if he told me to change because Id had a baby he'd be out the door. This is me on a night out in December at a rave
> 
> ...


You know I dont think I ever said on this thread but I think you look very pretty there Starlite! I have no problem with people wearing that kind of gear to appropriate venues! I mean you'd look daft horse riding in it (and would probably chafe too!)...but then you would look equally ridiculous at a rave in jodhpurs and riding hat!LOL:lol:
I would have no reason to complain about your outfit in the real world because I wouldnt be going to raves so wouldnt see it! My one query though is dont you worry that something might fall or be pulled down whilst you are dancing away??
(I worry if my elasticated waist is too baggy and I have my heavy keys in my pocket!!)


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## swarthy (Apr 24, 2010)

Starlite said:


> On another forum but its pissing me off big time. The OP of the thread says she likes to dress up in short dresses, lots of makeup dyed hair when she goes out. She has had a baby and now her partner is telling her to tone down her dress sense as he doesnt like it anymore. The posts she is getting basically say "cover up your shame, you're a mum now"





Starlite said:


> Do you think a man has the right to tell you how to dress?
> Should mothers dress a certain way?


 and she accepts it 

I'm not really one for dressing up or going out (and don't really have the figure for it) - but there is NO WAY on this earth my OH would try to change the way I dress - and if I did like dressing up to go out - I know he would be chuffed to bits and proud to be seen with me.

Do you know whether her partner is from the UK? Only wondering because I know different cultures have different views on this. Without going into detail, I know of one couple where the man took drastic action to his fiance wearing limited clothing once they were confirmed a couple (they are still together many years on as far as I'm aware) - but they were from different religions and cultures and this may have something to do with such attitudes - it was also over 30 years ago - society has changed dramatically during that period.

That doesn't mean I agree with it though - blimey - him doing it in the first place is bad enough - but obeying


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## CavalierOwner (Feb 5, 2012)

I don't think that there is anything wrong with your outfit for a rave, however it would be a different story if you were wearing it for the school run. :lol:

I'm 22 with no kids but I prefer to cover up because I feel more comfortable! On a normal day, I will wear a pair of skinny jeans, usually with a net blouse like this Cream Chiffon Pussybow Blouse - Tops - Clothing - Miss Selfridge (with a vets under because it's see through) and a pair of flat shoes. I have really long hair (no extensions) but it is dyed with highlights, I wear makeup everyday (not loads and I don't fake tan) but constantly have long painted nails (they were extensions, but with all the infills they are now my own nails with acrylic and varnish over the top). I don't dress provocatively at all, not even on a night out, but men still sometimes leer, so it's not always about how you dress IMO! I hate it when men leer, it creeps me out. :yikes:

Everyone should wear what they feel comfortable in, but IMO there's a time and place for certain outfits! Starlites outfit is fine for a rave but I would be a bit shocked if I saw someone wearing it whilst walking around morrisons. :lol:


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## sequeena (Apr 30, 2009)

I know exactly what you're talking about Mandy! TBH I was very shocked to read it, but saw some of the usual culprits  personally I am not bothered by how women dress, OH doesn't have a problem with how I dress and neither do I.


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## ClaireLouise (Oct 11, 2009)

If you dont like what someone is wearing dont bloody look!
Women have the right to wear exactly what they want. I wound argue its more of an infringement of right and dignity to be pressured, dictated to and made to tone down than it is to actually dress revealingly.


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

ClaireLouise said:


> If you dont like what someone is wearing dont bloody look!
> .


What if you have no choice but to look though?
For example you have popped into the supermarket for some milk and a young woman is stood in front of the fridge wearing a boob tube and crotch skimmer! I mean you can avoid looking as you reach for a cartoon but it might result in you grabbing something other then milk!!
People kinda have to look in order to go about their daily business surely?? Its like saying if you dont like my BO then dont smell me!!ut:


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## swarthy (Apr 24, 2010)

CavalierOwner said:


> Everyone should wear what they feel comfortable in, but IMO there's a time and place for certain outfits! Starlites outfit is fine for a rave but I would be a bit shocked if I saw someone wearing it whilst walking around morrisons. :lol:


Why though? this is typical stereo-typing; I did hope that the world I grew up in where people were judged solely on their appearance had gone - sadly, it seems not.

What is it they say? "Don't judge a book by its cover"

Providing clothes are clean and the person isn't hurting anyone, they are not abusing their partners, children, parents etc and not being openly obscene - what does it really matter what they wear to go shopping or on the school run?

I tend to dress casually - happy in a long floaty skirt and a baggy top with my hair tied back - I occasionally wear trousers (usually for dog shows) - but in reality I am probably about 20 years out of touch in my styling / hair etc - MY CHOICE

I don't expect anyone to openly criticise me for the way I dress, any more than I would judge anyone else for the way they dress, or how they do their hair or any other visible features

How they dress is their prerogative and providing they are not hurting me, my family or those around us - I really don't see what the problem is.

Someone commented that being scantily clad wasn't on the agenda when they were fighting for the woman's right to vote etc -

These "fights" have ultimately been about ensuring that women are not discriminated against because of their gender - just as we shouldn't discriminate against others based on their colour, race, age, religion or sexuality providing they are not hurting anyone else.

If a woman (or man) wishes to dress scantily if that's how they feel comfortable - and they should be able to feel safe from the risks of being attacked or raped because of their appearance - in exactly the same way people should regardless of their race, religion or sexuality.

There are many horrible things happening in the world and how women (or men) dress is really quite insignificant in the great scheme of everything else going on.

Why shouldn't people be allowed to express their individuality? why should they conform because of pursed lips at the supermarket or school gates providing they are not hurting anyone?

good luck to them I say - blimey - most fashions come and go in cycles - women in the 1960's were fairly scantily clad - in my teenage years it was skin tight drainpipe jeans, boots and flowery tops (maybe I haven't changed that much if you take away the skimpy jeans )

==============================

To come back to the original question - I'm afraid said man would be kicked well into touch - gently expressing an opinion to a loved one that they may not actually look their best in a certain get-up is hugely different to telling them they can't go out dressed in a certain way.


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

swarthy said:


> To come back to the original question - I'm afraid said man would be kicked well into touch - gently expressing an opinion to a loved one that they may not actually look their best in a certain get-up is hugely different to telling them they can't go out dressed in a certain way.


I agree. I think we have gone off on a tangent here. I don't think anyone here is saying that men have a right to tell their partner what to wear. I think a polite request from an OH is part of the give-and-take of any partnership and has nothing to do with women's rights. In any case, I have a slightly different view of feminism as another poster stated above. Women fought for liberation so that they could have a voice in governance, equality in job opportunities, access to education and choices for their reproductive health. I don't think the idea was to free women so that they can wear boobtubes and fishnet stockings in Tescos.  In fact, I know many hardline feminists would dispapprove of scantily clad women walking around in puiblic (they are often opposed to men's magazines because they say the female models posing are being exploited by men)


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## CavalierOwner (Feb 5, 2012)

swarthy said:


> Why though? this is typical stereo-typing; I did hope that the world I grew up in where people were judged solely on their appearance had gone - sadly, it seems not.
> 
> What is it they say? "Don't judge a book by its cover"
> 
> ...


I just said IMO theres a time and place, that doesn't mean that I am right it's just my opinion! I said I would be a bit shocked if I saw someone walking around morrisons in that outfit not that it is wrong for them to be doing it.

I don't judge people by what they wear, it's none of my business! I also wouldn't stand for anyone telling me what to wear.


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

koekemakranka said:


> I agree. I think we have gone off on a tangent here. I don't think anyone here is saying that men have a right to tell their partner what to wear. I think a polite request from an OH is part of the give-and-take of any partnership and has nothing to do with women's rights. In any case, I have a slightly different view of feminism as another poster stated above. Women fought for liberation so that they could have a voice in governance, equality in job opportunities, access to education and choices for their reproductive health. I don't think the idea was to free women so that they can wear boobtubes and fishnet stockings in Tescos.  In fact, I know many hardline feminists would dispapprove of scantily clad women walking around in puiblic (they are often opposed to men's magazines because they say the female models posing are being exploited by men)


Spot on !

What some women who dress so provocatively do not realise is they are playing right into the hands of those stereotypical views.

If you think you are being liberated and showing your freedom of choice by wearing such skimpy outfits you are wrong - you are feeding into the images that are portrayed through magazines/media that still massivley sexualise women/young girls.

You only have to look at how young girls see themselves today - many diet to the extreme to get the bodies where they can dress in skimpy stuff like the models in the magazines why? because they are fed the crap that this is attractive and what men/boys want ....more and more plastic surgery is happening bums boobs you name it - all to attain this perfect body and image.

As women yes we should wear what we want and on nights out of course we can be a bit more daring - but IMO many women and young girls go to work go shopping go to the store like they are in the club - shouldnt we also have a responsibility to our daughters, nieces,granddaughters to teach them that how you dress does matter??? maybe im just old fashioned on this one lol:blushing:


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

suzy93074 said:


> As women yes we should wear what we want and on nights out of course we can be a bit more daring - but IMO many women and young girls go to work go shopping go to the store like they are in the club - shouldnt we also have a responsibility to our daughters, nieces,granddaughters to teach them that how you dress does matter??? maybe im just old fashioned on this one lol:blushing:


I agree...(and am also old fashioned probably!LOL).
I find it interesting that many people today have this attitude of believing that they should be allowed total freedom to do what they want without any interference from (or concern with) society. Personally I like it when we all consider the feelings of others in our society and try to reach compromises with our behaviour.....Im not a fan of anarchy!
As to the question of wether your OH should dictate your dress sense? It never really occurred to me that they would be entitled to an opinion TBH!! Unless of course I had radically changed my appearance after we got together. Telling me I couldnt wear something might make me go and change......but only coz I had wet myself laughing!!


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

catz4m8z said:


> I agree...(and am also old fashioned probably!LOL).
> I find it interesting that many people today have this attitude of believing that they should be allowed total freedom to do what they want without any interference from (or concern with) society. Personally I like it when we all consider the feelings of others in our society and try to reach compromises with our behaviour.....Im not a fan of anarchy!
> As to the question of wether your OH should dictate your dress sense? It never really occurred to me that they would be entitled to an opinion TBH!! Unless of course I had radically changed my appearance after we got together. Telling me I couldnt wear something might make me go and change......but only coz I had wet myself laughing!!


I told my OH to go and get changed the other day !:blushing: he looked a right scruff in what he was wearing and I said Im not going out with you looking like that ...:blushing: put something bloody decent on hahahah  I would expect him to take an interest in me too! but not to the point of dictation - there is a line you cannot cross imo  that said if I decided to go out in a boob tube and short skirt I know my OH would question my sanity hahaha - but only because he knows my style and that that is not it


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## Spellweaver (Jul 17, 2009)

suzy93074 said:


> I think its good to have varying opinions on this subject! otherwise we would all be wearing the same things hahaha:001_tt2:
> 
> With regard to women fighting for our rights etc yes they did and yes I am extremely thank ful for that - but for me they did it so we had a voice and rights to be treated not as second class citizens to men and to be able to vote/get paid the same wage for a job / be able to go for certain jobs / equal opportunities - did they really do it so young women of today can go round town allowed to wear basically just their underwear? I dont think so. surely we as women/young ladies have evolved more than that!!!:smilewinkgrin:


I think you are missing the point - because they did it, women of today are now free to do whatever they want to - but some women on here are now not only voluntarily throwing this right away, and by doing so are giving themselves the very shackles that were previous broken for them.

Fashion has always been one of the ways a patriarchal society has been able to stay in control. I was born, went to school, and started work in an era when women did not have the rights they did today. I had to fight to go to university - the prevailing feeling was "why bother educating women because they only go and start a family and it's money wasted". In cases where women and men were doing exactly the same job, women were paid lower wages and would be made redundant before men because "men needed the money more". If a man and a woman applied for a job, the man would automatically get it irrespective of experience, qualiifications, training.

And as for the links to fashion, women could not wear trousers at work. It was not the done thing at all - in fact was actually disallowed everywhere (schools as well as work) In winter, you were allowed to wear trousers to travel in, but you had to change into a skirt once you arrived at work. When women began to fight against all these injustices, they fought for the right to dress how they wanted to - the mini skirt was born (and was far shorter than anything you see today - we had to have matching knickers!) and we fought for the right to be able to wear trousers as and when we want to.

It was all part and parcel of getting the message across that women were not second class citizens, that they deserved euqal treatment, equal opportunities - and fashion was one of the visible statements of that message.

And THAT is why it is so upsetting to see such hard-fought freedoms are now being given away by women. Women should be celebrating their freedoms, not judging other women on appearances. Judging on appearances is shackling yourself right back into the patriarchal society that would control you.

As Richard Bach says, "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they are yours".


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

I dont know about anyone else but I am a totally equally opportunities hater of flesh flashing! Women should have the same rights as men and should not have their dress sense censored because a man has some chauvanistic desire to cover them up, however........
alot of folk here are just upset at the lack of manners it shows to others who might be uncomfortable with Brittany style clothing in their local library. Its no different then a shop saying 'no shirt, no shoes, no service' IMO. I mean that for bikinis and mankini's!!


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

I dont really care less what others wear, I do though find slags in hooker clothing fairly repulsive. It also grates me when a chick flashes her tittays ( most of them) then gets all pissy when a man actually dares to look ....... dont like it cover the **** up


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## catz4m8z (Aug 27, 2008)

Waterlily said:


> .. dont like it cover the **** up


ahh, but its your right as an enlightened woman to get your nips out!! :lol:
Emily Pankhurst died so you could flash your vajazzle without men folk thinking you are cheap!!:ciappa:


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## Waterlily (Apr 18, 2010)

catz4m8z said:


> ahh, but its your right as an enlightened woman to get your nips out!! :lol:
> Emily Pankhurst died so you could flash your vajazzle without men folk thinking you are cheap!!:ciappa:


lol she wasted her life then eh, ive never heard of her   It might be my right to flash my pink bits but then its also a mans right to look at them then :smilewinkgrin: I based my comment off an incident last week btw  some chick cried "he's a sex offender" just cos he was commenting on her boobs. which were on show for all to see anyway.


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## DoodlesRule (Jul 7, 2011)

My boss went to a clients funeral the other day (very wealthy folk) said it was more like a cocktail party with the woman wearing short tight dresses with lots of breasts on show. I find that quite disrespectful to be honest


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