# Coping after rehoming our dog



## mattcollins79 (Sep 21, 2010)

Hi all 

Happy to be part of the forum, hope you had good Christmases! 

About four and a half years ago, my wife and I got a lovely Norfolk Terrier called Rufus as a puppy. For nearly all that time, he was a great companion for us. We took him to the local park for walks, went on holiday with us, and had a great dog walker who looked after him while we were both at work. 

While my wife was pregnant with our first child earlier this year, he started displaying new behaviour problems, like weeing and pooing indoors for the first time in years. When she was born, we did everything we could to help him adjust to sleeping on his own (after being used to sleeping on our bed, which he could no longer do with baby sleeping in our room), but he always ended up barking and whining most of the night. I ended up sleeping in the living room with him it got so bad. 

He also went from just sleeping when left alone for an hour or so to barking non-stop (and he's really not a barker). 

We eventually decided that he wasn't happy with us, and we were getting more and more anxious and stressed. While talking to our dog walkers, they said their neighbours loved him and might be interested in taking him. 

We went to see the neighbours, a lovely family with three kids (the youngest a 10 year old girl, who just loves Rufus) and three other dogs, one of whom has had way more challenging behaviour, plus the mum works from home so Rufus would never be alone. Plus we'd know where he was and that he was with a family that loved him, something we'd never be sure of if we took him to Battersea or similar.

So we took the hugely difficult decision that he'd be way happier there than in our small, gardenless flat, and rehomed him last weekend. 

I strongly believe we've made the right decision for him, and for us. And it's only early days, but I'm really struggling to cope with the decision. I'm quite an emotional person (plus we have the emotions of looking after a 3 month old to deal with!) and just find myself crying a lot and not believing that he isn't our dog any more. The feelings also come out in less healthy ways, like being overly annoyed about other things. 

Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and has any thoughts?

thanks in advance!


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

I haven't been through this, but you obviously love your dog very much and are worried about whether you have done the right thing, or whether you should have persisted with him for longer. I can absolutely understand why you feel guilty and upset.

All I can say is - all of us do what we think is the best thing at any time: sometimes we find that it was right; sometimes we find that it was not; mostly, we never know what would have happened if we had taken a different course of action.

If your dog has settled, and seems happy in his new home, if his new family love him and are able to give him the reassurance and security he needs, and if you and your wife and daughter are able to have a more restful family life, (especially the first two - you took the dog on in the first place), then what you have done IS_ NOT_ THE WRONG THING.

Maybe you could have done things better - maybe not. You were exhausted and anxious and your dog was becoming distressed - perhaps over time he would have settled - or perhaps he would have become so resentful of your baby that he was a danger to her. You will never know.

What you do know is that you did your best to find him a good home that suits him. You didn't just stick him up on pre-loved or e-bay or wherever in the hope that some stranger would take him off your hands - you have given him what you think will be a good home. It is vastly different for him, so he may take a while to settle - I don't know if you are in touch with the family to see how he fares but for your own peace of mind you need to know that he is safe (have you told them to let you know if they need to re-home him?). Let him go from your heart and mind as well as your home.

*AND* do _NOT_ be in a hurry to get another dog in the future. When push comes to shove, a dog is a feeling, sentient being. Make sure your family is complete before you even think about another dog, if you feel you can't cope with a baby and a dog at the same time. Don't put another dog,or yourself, through this pain again.

I hope this doesn't sound too judgemental - I don't mean to be. I know it can be hard when you are worrying about your first baby, getting next to no sleep, and have a dog which is distressed and can't settle, so I wouldn't judge you on that account. I also think you've done your best for him, but please don't even think of another dog for a long time. All the best for you and your family.


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## Dogless (Feb 26, 2010)

Welcome to PF, albeit under sad circumstances . 

I cannot add to what lostbear has said - really sound advice.


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## Picklelily (Jan 2, 2013)

I think lostbear has put it beautifully, you have done what you thought best for the dog.


Perhaps you can visit him in a while once he is settled.

I too would make sure that should they have difficulties he comes back to you.

I imagine its like a bereavement and will take time to recover from your loss. I have never had to rehome a dog but I have taken on a rehome my girls old owners followed her a Facebook, they visited just once in the first year to give her time to settle and now visit yearly at Christmas.


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## Dobermutt (Jan 22, 2014)

I'm sorry for your situation - it's never easy, especially when you form a close bond with a dog, they become a family member and it's difficult to be without them 

Quite a few years ago - we had a Jack Russell Terrier, Oscar. He lived happily with the family for 5 years but suddenly our circumstances changed dramatically, in all the worst ways, and we had to re-home him, for his own sake. We also found a lovely family but it didn't make it any easier & when they drove off with him, the entire family just broke down into tears. It felt as if we were giving away a valued family member. 

It will be hard for a while - you'll see other people with dogs, miss the experience of owning a dog and miss the relationship you had with your dog but it sounds like you've absolutely done the right thing, so there's no reason to feel bad at all.  It's obviously just not the right time with having a baby and everything else, it'd be far too much to try juggling bringing up a child & helping your dog with the issues that he had. 

I still think about the dog that we re-homed and it was over 8 years ago now. However, you should have peace of mind knowing that what you've done is absolutely selfless - you weren't thinking of yourselves at all, but you have the dogs best interests at heart and that shows just how much you care. Try to take comfort in the fact that you've found him a lovely new family that will love & take care of him just as much as you have over the years 

Also - it might be worth staying in contact with his new family or ask for pictures/updates every now and then? That way you can relax knowing how he's getting on.


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## mrs phas (Apr 6, 2014)

I had to rehome my heartdog Darcy
through no fault of mine nor his, unfortunately, new and very nasty neighbours meant his life would be in danger had he stayed [strangely just him, they never took umbridge at any of the other dogs, fosters or my own]

Even though I knew not only was I doing the best for him
and
that he would have an enormously happy life with the people
it took me an hour to be able to drive away as I was crying so much

This was 5 years ago and its only this year I can look at his pictures and not cry

the devil of it tho was, that 6 months later, the neighbours were moved on by the council apparently Darcy was not the only dog they had threatened and they were believed [never proven] to have been behind the poisoning of one and several neighbourhood cats

I have never visited him, as I could never leave again without him, but I know he is happy and well looked after [and very spoiled]

Sometimes the animals wellbeing HAS to be priority over our own feelings and 
when we take on an animal
we never have insight into what the future may bring


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## Firedog (Oct 19, 2011)

Rehoming a dog for genuine reasons is heart breaking. Have you some pictures of him that you can put in a frame, that may help.

You have done what is best for the dog but not what is best for you, it hurts like hell but always does when you love someone, feel proud that you are a responsible owner.


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## BoredomBusters (Dec 8, 2011)

I rehomed one of my dogs in October. It is exactly like a bereavement, and you need time to grieve. Regardless of your dog's new life, he is missing from yours and you will miss him. 

If you are like me you will be on an emotional roller coaster, one moment the world is right, you made the right decision. The next minute, crippled by guilt - not just that you have rehomed the dog, but that you know it was the right decision - that makes you feel guilty too! or at least, it does me.

Is he warm enough? Are they letting him have a little blanket in his bed? Is he getting his nice walks? He loves his walks. I hope they take him for nice walks. Are they feeding him too much? Will they let him get fat? Are they picking him up too much? He doesn't like that. Does he have a coat in this cold weather? Is it too late to change my mind and go bring him home? 

I don't know how to tell you how to get over it. I don't know myself. Its an incredibly difficult decision to make when you love your dog. I fostered for a few years, and I know how quickly most dogs adapt to a new life, that brings me some comfort. I hope it will you too. xx


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## LaceWing (Mar 18, 2014)

I foster dogs and it can be very difficult to give them up. I usually have them long term, up to 18 months because of health or other problems. I know they are going to a loving home, though, and I know in advance they will not be staying. You have the advantage of seeing how happy Rufus is.

I think part of your problem is the realization of being a father. Becoming a parent for the first time is huge. Coupling that with the feeling that you failed Rufus, your first child, is overwhelming. If these feelings continue, get some counseling.


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## redroses2106 (Aug 21, 2011)

sorry you had to make the difficult decision to rehome your dog, others have summed things up very well, I would just add, that you should get in touch with the family who have taken him in, and ask them how he is settling in and if they would maybe mind sending you a couple of pictures and the odd update on him - I am sure they would be happy to keep you updated every now and then if that is something you would like, and it might help you find comfort in your decision, especially if you can see he looks well and happy


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