# How to cope with rehoming much loved cat



## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

So ..... I took Mia to her new home today.

It was weird, almost like she knew something was going to happen as she slept cuddled up with me last night (even though I've been sleeping in the spare room with her, she's come for a cuddle and then gone to her bed as it's where she usually has to sleep) and was then very cuddly this morning (although did still manage to have a wee swipe at me )

Journey was OK and she wasn't car sick (Cabrio carrier has made a HUGE difference to how well she travels) even though it was a fairly long journey (she did miaow most of the way though!).

Met up with my pal and put all her stuff in the living room. Opened the carrier and she sat for a while and then made a beeline for behind the sofa. Decided I'd put her house type bed behind there so she could hide - straight in before it was even on the ground properly 

Anyway..... really, really hope she'll be OK

BUT .... I'm struggling. I know I'm *very* lucky to have found her a new home and that I know where she is and will hear how she's doing AND that it has to be for the best for all 3 of them as things couldn't go on the way there were ....

BUT she's my baby girl 

She's been with me since she was under 4 weeks old - I hand raised her ....... she always wants to be with me (which was part of the problem as she didn't want Archie in the house at all in the end) and sits on my knee in the evening and loves being picked up and cuddled

Obviously I love Archie to pieces too and would be just as devastated if anything happened to him but he's really a bit of an anti-social sod  who I only ever see at bedtime .... can't believe there's no Mia here to cuddle

Anyone got any advice they can offer ..... I honestly feel as if my insides have been ripped out and there's just as big a hole as if she's died  I never, ever thought I'd ever have to part with any of them (except at the end of their lives) and just don't know how to cope with it at all

My head knows it's the right thing but how do I get the rest of me to accept it

Sorry ....


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

It is really hard to cope with but once she has settled in her new home and you get lovely photo's and updates at how she adores her new family i promise the pain will heal.


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## cat burglar (Jun 9, 2013)

Hi, I'm so sorry you've had to rehome one of your cats due to circumstances and sorry if I've missed something previously, but if Archie is the anti-social cat, why wasn't he rehomed instead of Mia


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## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

You know I get how hard this is & pretty sure everyone can relate to your pain hunni. Thing is sometimes life throws us a lemon & you just have to make lemonade. Your kitty will be forever in your debt for giving her just human companions which is how she'll thrive & be the best kitty ever!! Your cats welfare was paramount here Hun & you did a great thing, as much as it hurts just like CC said your pain will ease once you see her settle

Big hugs & love xxxxxxxxx


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

cat burglar said:


> Hi, I'm so sorry you've had to rehome one of your cats due to circumstances and sorry if I've missed something previously, but if Archie is the anti-social cat, why wasn't he rehomed instead of Mia


Do you know how hard it is to rehome an anti social cat.
In my rescue i have a adult cat which runs from everybody, i have tried different homes with him since November but its not to be, he will have to stay as he only trusts me and nobody else.

Sometimes anti social cats will refuse to eat, so for the health of some of these cats it is better to keep them and rehome the loving ones.

I would think this is/was a heartbreaking choice to have to make for the owner and all she asked was how to heal the pain, she is suffering enough today.


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Sorry - previous post here http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/324915-happy-but-sad-news.html#post1063187231

Basically I decided that it would be easier to rehome Mia as she's younger and I also thought people who were looking for / interested in a cat would want one they actually saw / wanted to be with them

Archie likes to be outside - he goes out 1st thing and only comes in a bedtime. He's only just started letting my neighbour speak to him ... after 6+ years!


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

catcoonz said:


> Sometimes anti social cats will refuse to eat, so for the health of some of these cats it is better to keep them and rehome the loving ones.
> 
> I would think this is/was a heartbreaking choice to have to make for the owner and all she asked was how to heal the pain, she is suffering enough today.


Thank you ...... he's like that too

I was in hospital for 2 weeks last year and, even though he was at home with my mum / neighbour popping in every day, he hardly ate at all

He's very skinny to start with but was like a sack of bones when I got home 

It was a horrific decision to have to make ..... but as you say, a loving cat should (please keep your fingers crossed she does) be able to settle into a new home given time

I honestly think he'd just give up, retreat into his shell and wither away .....

That doesn't make it any easier to cope with unfortunately


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## cat burglar (Jun 9, 2013)

catcoonz said:


> Do you know how hard it is to rehome an anti social cat.
> In my rescue i have a adult cat which runs from everybody, i have tried different homes with him since November but its not to be, he will have to stay as he only trusts me and nobody else.
> 
> Sometimes anti social cats will refuse to eat, so for the health of some of these cats it is better to keep them and rehome the loving ones.
> ...


Clearly if I knew how hard it was to rehome an antisocial cat, I wouldn't have asked such a sensitive question in the first place where I'm very aware Lilylass is very distressed. I'm not heartless you know, was just interested as to the reasoning behind the decision.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

It doesnt feel like the best choice today, nor will it tomorrow but it will be, you just have to get through this to the other end.

Ive had the rehoming pain aswell, nursed a sick cat back to health, nobody better than myself to care for her but i had to let her go to her new home, now she is happy, eating and enjoys cuddles on the sofa, it was the right choice to make but it doesnt make you feel any better until you get those much awaited photo's and updates.

Archie i dont feel would have coped, he knows you and trusts you, ok you dont see much of him but he is obviously happy and who knows maybe now he will want to cuddle up with you now its calmer at home.

Time heals all pain ( well makes it more bearable anyway).

Keep smiling and share some special little moments and laughs with us, that may make you feel alittle better today.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

cat burglar said:


> Clearly if I knew how hard it was to rehome an antisocial cat, I wouldn't have asked such a sensitive question in the first place where I'm very aware Lilylass is very distressed. I'm not heartless you know, was just interested as to the reasoning behind the decision.


I never said you was heartless, i was just explaining how hard it can be to rehome an anti social cat and possible consequences from doing so.


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## cat burglar (Jun 9, 2013)

Lilylass said:


> Sorry - previous post here http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/324915-happy-but-sad-news.html#post1063187231
> 
> Basically I decided that it would be easier to rehome Mia as she's younger and I also thought people who were looking for / interested in a cat would want one they actually saw / wanted to be with them
> 
> Archie likes to be outside - he goes out 1st thing and only comes in a bedtime. He's only just started letting my neighbour speak to him ... after 6+ years!


Aaaw, I fully understand now. As I said in my earlier post, I had wondered if I'd previously missed something. Thank you for taking the time to explain and supplying the link to your previous post, even though you're in a state of sorrow atm. I fully agree you've made the right decision, as hard as it may seem right now. I know it's a small consolation, but at least you'll still get to see her/hear about her from time to time, so hold onto that thought


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## Aurelie (Apr 10, 2012)

Big hugs Lilylass, I really feel for you. What a hard thing to have to do - hats off to you for being able to put your own feelings to one side and rehome the cat that would take to it the best.


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## Firedog (Oct 19, 2011)

Have you a nice picture of her that you can put in a frame? I agree with everything Aurelie has said. Sometimes doing the right thing can be exceptionally hard but well done. The pain and guilt will go eventually. Have you thought about helping out in rescue, that may help. Big hugs to you.


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Once again thank you to all ..... my pets are my world and it is honestly one fo the hardest things I think I've ever had to do

It was hard enough having them separated the last time but, at least I could leave Mia with the run of the house with Ben at that point and just keep them separate at night

I couldn't even do that now as Maisie was terrified of her if she had one of the "hissy turns" if she say one of the new neighbours cats ... and she really couldn't spend the rest of her life in my spare room 

She's going to be an indoor cat now - one of the very few cats that I think you could remove outside access from without it being cruel (she never set foot over the door between at least October & March / until it got warm  and has really only been out a handful of times all summer & even then she's been back within 5 minutes - I think she was too scared to go out in the end )

Anyway ..... Mia how she should be ...... able to relax and feel contented:



















Missing you baby girl - always will, be good xx


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Lilylass, 

Mia looks a gorgeous girl! :001_wub:

I really feel for you, and empathise with what you are going through. You have done a very brave and selfless thing, parting with your lovely kitty. 

I am in a somewhat similar position -- I have a 3.5 yr old neutered boy (Pixie) whom I adopted as a stray 18 mths ago, hoping to integrate him with my 2 boys who are almost 4 yrs old. But it has not worked out because Pixie hates other cats and is very confrontational. (he even fights with the neighbours 2 cats! ) But with humans he is an endearing little poppet with a cute little face, always friendly, good natured, loves lap-sitting and forever ready for a cuddle. There's many a time he has cheered me up when I've come home feeling down. 

I have been trying to re-home him to someone with whom I can keep in touch, so I will know how he is and can get photos & updates. I feel I cannot let him go to a stranger and never see him again. 

I am about to start my 3rd attempt to re-home him. The previous 2 potential re-homings fell through (for which I was secretly relieved) for reasons unconnected with Pixie himself. But I know it is going to be agony for me to part with him. I can only do it on the basis that he deserves a better life than I can give him here, as he just does not get along with my other 2. 

Thinking of you and hoping you can get through this OK hun. I am sure Archie is very grateful to you for rehoming Mia, even if he does not show it immediately.


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

Knowing personally how hard it can be I'd like to offer you a hug ((()))
Think of how happy Mia will be and what a good thing you have done for her sake. She really is a beautiful girl :001_wub:


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## JordanRose (Mar 10, 2012)

I'm almost in tears reading this as I just cannot imagine the pain 


I've been known to cry with people at the shelter, as they hand their beloved pets over. There was one case where the lady was going into a hospice as she was terminally ill. The cat was totally bewildered and pined for her when she shut the door.

It was the saddest thing I've ever witnessed as I saw how cherished he had been in his life with her. I still can't think about it without blubbing :crying: 


What I will say- as an owner of a cat that was rehomed for the very same reason- is that it will do wonders for her! Spooks has come on so much since living here; when he came into the SAA he was such a traumatised little puss but he's so confident now. He settled in amazingly quickly, too, once he realised there were no threats around. I'm sure Mia will be the same  

Hopefully, Archie will come in a bit more too, now the tension has been alleviated x


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

chillminx said:


> Pixie hates other cats and is very confrontational. (he even fights with the neighbours 2 cats! ) But with humans he is an endearing little poppet with a cute little face, always friendly, good natured, loves lap-sitting and forever ready for a cuddle. There's many a time he has cheered me up when I've come home feeling down.
> 
> I have been trying to re-home him to someone with whom I can keep in touch, so I will know how he is and can get photos & updates. I feel I cannot let him go to a stranger and never see him again.


Ohhhhh no ...... it seems to be a common thing that the ones that absolutely loathe & just can't live with other cats are the most loving, affectionate with humans you're the 3rd person who's been in exactly the same position as me 

I too couldn't stand the thought of not knowing where she was / being able to find out how she's doing and ... putting her in a rescue was an absolute NO as shed be terrified with all those other cats there & just get really stressed & hiss at everyone

Good luck xx


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

I am so sorry for you, but happy for Mia being given a chance of having a home and loving slaves all to herself.

I know how you must feel....
I had to rehome my gorgeous Klaatu, who raided all the kitchens in the neighbourhood till people threatened to harm him if he was caught stealing their dinner ever again, and he could not possibly be kept as an indoor cat.
So he finally moved to a farm, with no other houses within reach to raid....

He was ecstatically happy there, but it broke my heart to have to let him go.


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

JordanRose said:


> What I will say- as an owner of a cat that was rehomed for the very same reason- is that it will do wonders for her! Spooks has come on so much since living here; when he came into the SAA he was such a traumatised little puss but he's so confident now. He settled in amazingly quickly, too, once he realised there were no threats around. I'm sure Mia will be the same
> 
> Hopefully, Archie will come in a bit more too, now the tension has been alleviated x


Ohhhh that's lovely - thank you for posting & fingers crossed its the same for Mia

It will be interesting to see if he does come in more - he has always liked to be out but now he really is hardly ever in except at night and I do remember that he maybe would've been out one day / in next a few years ago so maybe he has been trying to stay out her way

Go in to try to get some sleep ....... thanks for the support xx


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## MCWillow (Aug 26, 2011)

So sorry Lilylass, you must be devastated. And thanks for the link, as I also didnt know why you chose Mia instead of Archie to rehome (sorry  )

I can't even begin to imagine being in that position - huge hugs to you xxx


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

So ...... didn't sleep much by haven't for ages now

House feel awful - thought Archie might have ventured upstairs but npe so I'm up here by myself which is horrible

Also thought I'd cried all I could but seems that was wrong to

Missing her ..... hope she's ok


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## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Lilylass said:


> So ...... didn't sleep much by haven't for ages now
> 
> House feel awful - thought Archie might have ventured upstairs but npe so I'm up here by myself which is horrible
> 
> ...


Archie will find his feet again Hun  he's probably terrified that Mia is still up there as her scent is probably still about the house.

It will defo hurt for a few days, I cried for... 4 days solid when I had to rehome my cat & it was the hardest thing ever. Big hugs sweets (and I'm sure she's bouncing around & finding her feet) xxxxxxxx


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## Polly G (Apr 30, 2013)

So sorry for you and can really understand the pain you are feeling. I hope that you soon get news from Mia's new slave - if you know that she has settled in well and is happy then I am sure you will start to feel a little better


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## oliviarussian (Sep 2, 2010)

Big hugs, I really feel for you x


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I so feel for you, I've had to do this and its awful having to decide to let one go when you are so attached. I cried for ages too. It will hurt for a while but try and concentrate on the positives - Mia will soon settle, at least you know she has gone to a friend so you can keep in touch and know how she is getting on and may be able to see her from time to time; because of the type of puss he is, Archie actually probably needs you a lot more because he isn't such a sociable cat and he will be a lot happier; it will be better for both cats having their own space and no hostility in the house. You've made a huge sacrifice for the good of both cats. But, time does heal and it will for you. Hope you feel a bit better soon.


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## Joy84 (Nov 21, 2012)

Aww, big (((HUGS))) for you!


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Charity said:


> because of the type of puss he is, Archie actually probably needs you a lot more because he isn't such a sociable cat and he will be a lot happier; it will be better for both cats having their own space and no hostility in the house.


I do hope so as that will be the only thing that will make it bearable

Archie's sooooo jumpy - he's actually worse now which I think may be because he knows the door upstairs is open and is worried she's somewhere else 

I've tidied the room / hoovered and put the bit of shredded  carpet back down (silly people before me had a patch - which of course is the 1st bit they go to as you can see the joins )

Maisie def seems more relaxed tho ......

Mia has apparently left the security net (briefly!) of her igloo bed and said a very quick hello - please everyone keep your fingers crossed she settles

She is a typical tortie  and does have temper tantrums - I have warned my pal of this (and she knows cats - but her son has never had them before) and said to them if she's moody to leave her alone or she will scratch / bite :frown: - fingers crossed they do take that on board .......


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Sounds like she is doing fine, if she has already shown herself, and even without a hissy fit.....


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## Cats cats cats (Feb 4, 2011)

I'm so sorry to read this  last year, I rehomed one of my cats, Princess Moo Moo to a member on here ( Moggy Baby ) and it really was devastating to me :crying: I wouldn't wish the pain I felt , or still feel, on my worst enemy.

It does get easier though  but I confess that i still cry for my Moo Moo and i miss her very much :-( she took a piece of me with her that day :crying:

What helps me is knowing that she now lives a life she could never have lived here, she is happier, she does not get bullied anymore and her new mummy adores her :001_wub:

Big hugs to you xxx


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Cats cats cats said:


> I confess that i still cry for my Moo Moo and i miss her very much :-( she took a piece of me with her that day :crying:


Ohhhh no (((hugs))) - I had no idea that so many had been in a similar position - it's awful 

I know it will get better as she settles and I can see that she (and the others) are happier ..... but, like you, she has taken a huge chunk of me with her - and that will always be empty :cryin:


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## Cats cats cats (Feb 4, 2011)

Lilylass said:


> Ohhhh no (((hugs))) - I had no idea that so many had been in a similar position - it's awful
> 
> I know it will get better as she settles and I can see that she (and the others) are happier ..... but, like you, she has taken a huge chunk of me with her - and that will always be empty :cryin:


It is a very brave and selfless thing you have done  Try to remember that  you put Mias happiness before your own and if she could, I'm sure she would thank you


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Thank you ..... 

Had a text to say - "crazy cat has made herself at home on the sofa" mmmm 

Glad she's out & about - hate that it's not here


Archie is in the lounge (he keeps trying to pinch my seat and Maisie is spread full length on the sofa ) with us 

He's still very jumpy but will hopefully realise he's safe soon 

I think the new cats are getting to him too (which will also explain why they've been fighting so much if both their stress levels have been through the roof) as he's hardly set foot over the door today (very unlike him)


A


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

So .... I'm still struggling - guess I will for a while which is probably to be expected

HATE her not being here ..... to top it all Archie bit me last night  (he's not a biter either) but he could be picking up that I'm not myself I guess


Mia has been out several times & has also had some hissing fits  and been hiding too - all totally normal considering how stressful it all must be for her 

BUT she's not eaten  - I guess that's down to stress, but how long before we should start to worry?


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

My experience with rehoming is dont really expect a cat to eat much if at all for the first 3 days.

Ive also found that if i put a bowl of food down in a quiet place late at night and leave it there the cat wont starve.

Hope Mia settles soon.


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Thanks CC - she's doing much better than I thought she would so fingers crossed


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## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Hey hun, totally agree with CC - My new cat Bugsy took around 2-3 days to even come out under the bed! I'm sure she sneaked in some dry biscuits in between, but she didn't even use her new litter tray until 2 days into having her.

Now she constantly sleeps by my head and miaows for her food - she's a real cutie. Don't panic hun, my rescue tabby who I had to rehome (as you know) loves her new human slaves, no other pets and she's the happiest cat ever - I'm now at peace knowing she's settled but it also took her a few days of hiding to get used to her new cat slaves  :001_wub: xxxxx


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## Whompingwillow (Feb 21, 2018)

Lilylass said:


> So ..... I took Mia to her new home today.
> 
> It was weird, almost like she knew something was going to happen as she slept cuddled up with me last night (even though I've been sleeping in the spare room with her, she's come for a cuddle and then gone to her bed as it's where she usually has to sleep) and was then very cuddly this morning (although did still manage to have a wee swipe at me )
> 
> ...


I can't even imagine it. I really feel for you.
I felt so heart broken and cried a lot just at the thought of the possibility of rehoming one of the kids. It's the first time I have been in that position.
I don't really have any advice, I have not read the responses but I can imagine you got some excellent advice already anyways. But sending my thoughts and sorry you are having a hard time of it. Hopefully knowing she is in a home where she is happy is a comfort for you, and archie (from a distance  ) xx


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## Torin. (May 18, 2014)

Well someone's bumped up another super old thread by mistake! @lymorelynn are you able to separate the bumper's situation into a new thread or something?


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

Torin. said:


> Well someone's bumped up another super old thread by mistake! @lymorelynn are you able to separate the bumper's situation into a new thread or something?


Can't do it from my phone but I'll have a look when I'm on my laptop later


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## lymorelynn (Oct 4, 2008)

The new posts have now been moved to their own thread and I am closing this one


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