# Our older cat is tormented by our new kitten - any advice welcome



## sarajaneblue

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum so this is my first ever post! I just wondered if anyone had any words of advice or encouragement for us, as we are having a sad time at home at the moment.

We adopted a 2-month-old kitten at the end of January, thinking she would be a companion - in time, we knew it wouldn't be instant - for our existing cat, Macy, who will be 5 in July. We had thought that Macy would appreciate this, though we did expect some teething problems. Despite being a timid animal, Macy has never seemed to mind other cats - she is very friendly with the neighbour's cat (they treat each other's houses as second homes) and she didn't seem to mind when (for various reasons) other cats have had to stay in our house for a month or so - she seemed curious rather than upset. She was with her own mother till she was 6 months old (when we adopted her from the Blue Cross where they had both been taken).

But she *hates* Dora (the kitten) and has hated her from day one. Dora is an enthusiastic, confident kitten who wants to play with Macy and now that she's bigger, she just won't leave Macy alone: increasingly, there are fewer places where Macy can escape to as Dora can now climb fences and trees etc. She is *constantly *racing up to Macy and chasing her, despite Macy's hisses and growls and swipes, and it's got to the point where Macy just doesn't want to come home any more. She either spends her time at the neighbour's or skulks outside the front door.

We are at our wits' ends. We love Macy dearly and can't bear to see her so upset, but we also love Dora and feel that we undertook to give her a loving home and take good care of her. We just keep hoping the situation will turn a corner, but it's looking increasingly unlikely.

Does anyone have any experience of a similar situation that resolved itself? Are there any tactics we could try? Dora is being spayed next week, but I don't imagine that will help much. 

Thank you so much to anyone who reads or has any advice to give us!


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## gloworm*mushroom

Personally I would wait until after the spay, and reintroduce the cats, a lot slower, after giving Dora chance to heal up. The spay could make a big difference


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## sarajaneblue

I'd be so grateful for any words of experience - has anyone else found that spaying has calmed down a kitten/young cat?

It's looking increasingly likely that we will have to rehome Dora and we 're really upset about it


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## buffie

Sorry to hear that you are having problems.I dont have any first hand experience with integrating female cats ,but my immediate thoughts are that your older cat may see the unspayed youngster as a threat,female cats can be just as territorial as males.It is very likely ,but not definite ,that once she is spayed and her hormone levels have dropped,Macy may be more accepting as she will no longer represent a threat to her.I would ,at least have her spayed,and see how things go after that.If need be you can start a reintroduction plan again.Good luck,hope it works out for all concerned.


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## gloworm*mushroom

sarajaneblue said:


> I'd be so grateful for any words of experience - has anyone else found that spaying has calmed down a kitten/young cat?
> 
> It's looking increasingly likely that we will have to rehome Dora and we 're really upset about it


Have you spayed her?

If not, then you havent taken any steps to rectify the situation. Spay her, try the re into, and see how it goes. Spaying DOES calm cats down (neutering removes the hormones from both boys and girls) The hormones make them territorial, and any calls she goes through will make her cranky as hell.

Spay the poor thing, not rehome her!


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## sarajaneblue

Thank you both for your replies - Dora is due to be spayed on Tuesday - she's only 5 and a half months - I thought she was too young before now.

We've been doing everything we can think of up till now - I read loads of stuff about how to introduce a new kitten to an existing cat - but nothing prepared me for the fact that the kitten would just chase Macy the whole time. I had expected it to be the other way around.


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## buffie

Hope it all goes well on Tuesday,it will take a while for the hormones to settle down so it wont be an instant fix,but hopefully things will start to level out soon.Have you read this Living Together - Introducing a New Cat Sorry if you have already come across it,but it is one of the best cat advice sites I think. THE MESSYBEAST it has a wealth of knowledge on most things.


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## sarajaneblue

buffie said:


> Hope it all goes well on Tuesday,it will take a while for the hormones to settle down so it wont be an instant fix,but hopefully things will start to level out soon.Have you read this Living Together - Introducing a New Cat Sorry if you have already come across it,but it is one of the best cat advice sites I think. THE MESSYBEAST it has a wealth of knowledge on most things.


Thank you for posting this link - I read it through but when I got to this bit

>>However, the longer the cats go without tolerating or accepting each other, the less likely the are to ever accept each other and it is far wiser to rehome the newcomer rather than try to force the issue. <<

I felt very sad. I just can't see how we can stop Dora chasing Macy - and after 4 months of it, we are all feeling pessimistic about the future. But we'll see what happens after she's been spayed. She's an absolutely delightful cat and if we can't keep her, it will be very very sad


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## Danbury

When we took on two kittens, our existing cat hated them. For months he only came in for food and spent the rest of the time away from the house. We tried all the suggestions about integrating them but found that a lot of these didn't work as Gus wasn't around enough. If he did come into the house he cowered and hid. It does take time and be prepared for a long wait! Gradually things got better and now they all play in the garden together, sleep in the same room and share everything from favourite chairs to food. Keep persevering! We read a lot of encouraging posts on this site which helped us and made us feel better.


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## sarajaneblue

Danbury said:


> When we took on two kittens, our existing cat hated them. For months he only came in for food and spent the rest of the time away from the house. We tried all the suggestions about integrating them but found that a lot of these didn't work as Gus wasn't around enough. If he did come into the house he cowered and hid. It does take time and be prepared for a long wait! Gradually things got better and now they all play in the garden together, sleep in the same room and share everything from favourite chairs to food. Keep persevering! We read a lot of encouraging posts on this site which helped us and made us feel better.


Thank you very much for sharing your experience with me - it does really help to hear encouraging experiences from other people. I'll see if I can find some past threads about this sort of issue in the forum too!


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## kathyj

I was wondering how things were going now.

We are going through a similar problem with our new male kitten (now 4 months) tormenting our 9 year old spayed tortie.


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## Gemmie

Hi 

we are having similar problems too- we have 2 cats already a male (max) and a female (minnie)- we originally had minnie then got max a yr ago-minnie hated it at first but soon got used to him and although she still hisses at him they can tolerate each other, be in the same room and seemed quite happy. However, i took in a male kitten from our rspca branch 2 weeks ago and we are having problems again. Minnie and max keep hissing, groaning and swatting the kitten and they are spending a lot more time sulking outside and avoiding the house as when they do come in they do get chased and pounced on a lot by the kitten.Im in the same situation as you and dont know wot to do for the better. I feel so mean to our 2 cats but dont want to have to let the kitten go. He is only 13 weeks old so i dont think he is old enough to be neutered yet either.


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## sarajaneblue

Hi there

Well, sadly the situation is not really much better and Dora is now 8 and a half months old. She is still pretty 'dashy' and pouncy and so Macy is still afraid of her, even though the difference in their sizes is substantial. Macy spends all day outside, it seems, no longer even going round to the neighbours. She'll only come in if I escort her and she never spends any time downstairs - she has a whole new routine now. We have brief moments when there seems to be some progress, but they are pretty few and far between.

I do think with any other cat than Macy, things would be a lot better by now. The next-door cat (who treats our house like his second home, with the full knowledge and consent of his owner) was also alarmed by Dora at first, and avoided our house and garden, but they rub along okay now. If Dora pounces at him, he shows her who's boss with a quick paw swipe or a growl and then just carries on with what he was doing. He's the same age as Macy.

I've read tons of stuff about how to introduce two cats, or how to make a multipet household work, but none of it seems relevant to our situation, in which it's the resident cat that is tormented (at least in her own mind) and not the newcomer.

We keep on saying that we must find a new home for Dora, but we love her now and it would be so hard to let her go. But then again, I feel so guilty for ruining poor Macy's life. 

Sorry not be more upbeat. I really hope your situations work out! If only we could sit them down and talk to them!


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## Emma-Jayne

sarajaneblue said:


> Thank you both for your replies - Dora is due to be spayed on Tuesday - she's only 5 and a half months - I thought she was too young before now.
> 
> We've been doing everything we can think of up till now - I read loads of stuff about how to introduce a new kitten to an existing cat - but nothing prepared me for the fact that the kitten would just chase Macy the whole time. I had expected it to be the other way around.


Good luck at the vets tomorrow I'm sure she will fly through it. Just to mention, Tabitha was neutered last week and she had a bit of a spat with Moriarty. When they come back their smell is different and this may make things harder but just for a while. Try the re introductions again as advised and I hope all will be well.

PS sorry I'm a bit late with this post.

I hope all works out xxx
Good luck kitty 

Em xxxx


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## kathyj

sarajaneblue said:


> Hi there
> 
> Well, sadly the situation is not really much better ...........Sorry not be more upbeat. I really hope your situations work out! If only we could sit them down and talk to them!


I am sorry to hear that. I suppose you are always going to get the exceptions. Just like some people are never going to get on, I suppose the same can apply to animals, whatever they are.

I have just bought a refil for my Feliway diffusers. It is worth a try with my two.


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## Paddypaws

Sorry to read these sad stories. Unfortunately some cats just don't like others. My Nellie never liked other cats, not even her own kittens once they were weaned! In most cases things will calm down enough so that the animals at least tolerate each other even if love never breaks out.


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## Pambie

I have a similar problem (see 'My baby's a bully') and although there doesn't seem to be a solution to our problem, I think I have found out why she's doing this.
I had my two grandchildrn to stay for a week a while ago and they played with Lili all the time. She was waiting for them when they got up and followed them around all day. During this time she left the other cats alone. As soon as the children left we were back at square one with her chasing the two old females.
So my conclusion is that she's bored and wants to play. Maybe when the others run away from her she thinks that they are ready for a game.
The solution would be buying another kitten (we have always bought in pairs before) for Lili to play with, but as we already have 5, I fear my husband would leave me is I even suggested it.
But maybe this might be the answer for others with a similar problem.


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## sarajaneblue

I thought I would post an update on our situation, in case anyone else is in the same position as we were earlier in the year.
It's been a long year but Macy and Dora do now coexist, though I don't think they will ever be friends. I never ever thought we would get to the point where they would sleep on the same bed, but they do.
So, if you're having trouble, take heart from our story, and have patience - you'll get there in the end!!


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## Debs2460

What a fantastic ending!! I'm pleased Macy has grown to tolerate the kitty. Just goes to show what time will do, I'm glad you didn't give up on her. Happy New Year to you all. xx


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## wind1

It's good to read stories like this when you are going through a similar situation (as I am now). It gives me hope that mine will eventually be ok although I am beginning to feel more positive about the future now than I was


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## kathyj

it is good to see there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are still going through this, with our now approaching 9 month old male kitten still chasing our 9 year old cat. But they do have the odd moment when they will be within a foot of each other and sit nicely, or rather sleep nicely. This is normally when Rosie is already settled (the 9 year old) and Boris decides he would like to sit nearby and have a snooze. The problem usually arises when Rosie decides it is time to move, and that is the signal for Boris to chase her. We still have the occasional night where we shut Rosie in the bedroom with us for a peaceful night though.


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## sarajaneblue

kathyj said:


> it is good to see there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are still going through this, with our now approaching 9 month old male kitten still chasing our 9 year old cat. But they do have the odd moment when they will be within a foot of each other and sit nicely, or rather sleep nicely. This is normally when Rosie is already settled (the 9 year old) and Boris decides he would like to sit nearby and have a snooze. The problem usually arises when Rosie decides it is time to move, and that is the signal for Boris to chase her. We still have the occasional night where we shut Rosie in the bedroom with us for a peaceful night though.


That scenario sounds entirely familiar! And it does still happen from time to time, but much less often than it used to. They will now eat in the same room, which is a major breakthrough, though Macy is still visibly wary. They have even sniffed noses a few times. I'm so glad we persevered - in the summer, I had never ever imagined that we would get this far and my partner and I were pretty stressed. It's interesting to see how many other people have gone through a similar experience, though - it wasn't at all what we were expecting when we adopted Dora.


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## porps

My ginger tom Tango used to absolutely terrorise the female tortie i had when he was a kitten, it lasted a long time, over a year of it, but they did eventually end up being the best of friends. The female, Kiwi, would cry as if she had been shot whenever tango so much as walked past her which would just encourage him to chase her.. but when tango was asleep she would sneak over and lick his head, ears and eyes, gettng her affection in while he was safely sleeping lol.
despite popular opinion, i've never found spaying/neutering has changed the personalities of any of my cats for more than a day.


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## MoggyBaby

I wasn't in a position to advise at the time of your original post SarahJaneBlue, but now I am having taken in two rescue cats later last year.

We got Abby, a 10mth (approx) rescue girl and brough her home to reside with my 2 OAPS - 13yrs & 10 yrs.

For the first 2 weeks it was mayhem, but then they all started to settle down. HOWEVER..... Abby kept chasing my 10yr old and he just wasn't interested. He refused to play with her and would often snarl or growl at her. You could see that this upset her and that she was getting lonely. So, with GREAT reluctance, we made the decision to get her a playmate her own age. Enter Mr McGee, another rescue who was approx 16 mths old (Abby was about 13 mths by this time). Well, the plan worked a treat. After the initial introduction, 10 days this time (the OAP's took longer but they weren't the important factor this time around), Abby & McGee were the best of chums and they now do EVERYTHING together. They don't hassle the OAPs because they have each other. The OAP's are quite happy now because they don't get hassled. Everyone is happy and the babies are a great source of joy and entertainment in the way they play & snuggle up together. 

I don't know how you feel about having 3 cats, but I most certainly can vouch for the advantages of having 2 cats close together in age, especially if they are younger and still very playful. 


EDIT: I have also since found out, that girl cats can be even more territorial than boys!!!  So, if a third cat was a possible prospect, I would strongly recommend a wee cheeky chappie.


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## kathyj

I would have loved to have taken two kittens instead of one, but my OH didn't want us to become a 3 cat househouse again. so we stuck with the one. But hopefully over time Boris will learn that Rosie is just not interested. Once he stops trying so hard she may even want to initiate some kind of play with him under her own terms. She is still playful as she isn't an OAP yet. Fingers crossed.


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## MoggyBaby

kathyj said:


> I would have loved to have taken two kittens instead of one, but my OH didn't want us to become a 3 cat househouse again. so we stuck with the one. But hopefully over time Boris will learn that Rosie is just not interested. Once he stops trying so hard she may even want to initiate some kind of play with him under her own terms. She is still playful as she isn't an OAP yet. Fingers crossed.


OH's can be worked on you know..... 

When I started talking about cat # 4, (I did not want a fourth cat but I didn't want Abby to be lonely either so there was no choice really) the air was blue as my OH told me, in no uncertain terms, what I could do with that idea. But I persevered, kept pointing out how lonely Abby was and then, when I found the piccie of McGee on Patsy's web-site, he gave in and said if I wanted another one, I could have him.

Within a week of McGee being here, the OH had claimed him as his cat and declared that he is his favourite of the four!!!!  

So anything is possible.


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## sarajaneblue

MoggyBaby said:


> OH's can be worked on you know.....
> 
> When I started talking about cat # 4, (I did not want a fourth cat but I didn't want Abby to be lonely either so there was no choice really) the air was blue as my OH told me, in no uncertain terms, what I could do with that idea. But I persevered, kept pointing out how lonely Abby was and then, when I found the piccie of McGee on Patsy's web-site, he gave in and said if I wanted another one, I could have him.
> 
> Within a week of McGee being here, the OH had claimed him as his cat and declared that he is his favourite of the four!!!!
> 
> So anything is possible.


Sadly there is literally 0 chance of us getting a third cat. OH was actually very reluctant to even get a second and took a lot of persuading. To his credit, he has never once said 'I told you so' when all his predictions came true! I would happily have 3 or even 4 - there are so many rescue cats needing a home - but I fear I would gain a kitty at the expense of a partner!

Interesting to read that females are more territorial than males. Wonder if that's especially so in the house. I did leave a rather tense situation at home this morning, with Dora in a feisty mood and Macy wanting to sleep in peace


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## MoggyBaby

sarajaneblue said:


> *Sadly there is literally 0 chance of us getting a third cat. OH was actually very reluctant to even get a second and took a lot of persuading.* To his credit, he has never once said 'I told you so' when all his predictions came true! I would happily have 3 or even 4 - there are so many rescue cats needing a home - but I fear I would gain a kitty at the expense of a partner!
> 
> Interesting to read that females are more territorial than males. Wonder if that's especially so in the house. I did leave a rather tense situation at home this morning, with Dora in a feisty mood and Macy wanting to sleep in peace


That is a pity because I do think it would help to ease the tension in your little furry household. 

I had forgotten just how active kittens and young cats are until we got Abby. The OH was in a state of shock - he was so used to my quiet OAP's.  Getting McGee calmed the tension at Moggy Towers and created 4 happy cats rather than 3 miserable ones. 

Tell you OH to have a chat with me, I'll soon sort it out for you.


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## KellyLouise22

sarajaneblue said:


> I thought I would post an update on our situation, in case anyone else is in the same position as we were earlier in the year.
> It's been a long year but Macy and Dora do now coexist, though I don't think they will ever be friends. I never ever thought we would get to the point where they would sleep on the same bed, but they do.
> So, if you're having trouble, take heart from our story, and have patience - you'll get there in the end!!


Hi! I am very late to this party but would love to message you and talk more about how you achieved this.

I am in a similar situation at the moment - (I'll copy my old post below)

Hi everyone,

I am hoping you can give me some advice. We have recently got a new kitten (he is now about 4 and a half months) and he is being kept in the lounge with a glass door.

Our older cat (5 years old) is generally a nervous cat who we rescued but we have seen him many times outside relaxing with other cats. We also have tortoises who he gets on well with.

So we have tried brief encounters (after sight/ scent swapping for many weeks) Occasionally the big cat runs over and rubs noses with the kitten but this is only if he is really calm. At the moment he has tons of energy and gets so excited when he sees the larger cat and tries to pounce on him in a playful way. Big cat is not a fan of this and hisses or swats at him. Other times he will just watch him and doesnt seem to fussed.

What is the best way of getting a. Positive relationship between the two- we have a kitten lead and that seems to work well as he is contained from jumping at the cat but they can still get used to each other.

Also kitten has now been speyed and can now go outside but he seems so tiny still and we are a bit worried about letting him Out so soon but also realise this could be a good way of him using up some energy and maybe then will be calmer with big cat. I also worry about him pouncing on the larger cat and putting him off coming in too.

I would be interested to hear any other stories which were similar and how they went. Any tips would be brilliant as we dont want to have to give the kitten up unless we really really have to.

Thanks in advance.

Just now kitten escaped out the room and chased poor Smudge round the house! If only Smudge chased him back it might scare the kitten but he just runs away. We have had kitten for about about 2 and a half months now but they are still separated. Its so confusing as the other night we let them
Together and they were swatting each other (kitten outside tunnel) and smudge jnside his tunnel and then as soon as smudge saw the kitten had wondered off for a moment he fell asleep - which suggests to me he can't be that worried! But then things like today happen and he ran outside (he did come in after some biscuit bribary) but I can't figure it out. I like you am
So attached to both now I would hate to have to gove one up. I'd be interested to know how the year went - as in when did u let them
Roam house together etc as maybe we are being too cautious :/ argh!
Kelly x


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## chillminx

@KellyLouise22 - the poster sarahjaneblue has not been seen on the forum for nearly 6 years so I am afraid it is doubtful you will get a reply from her.

Can I suggest you maybe start a new thread of your own, so that currently active members of the forum could give you their opinions and advice on your present cat situation?


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## KellyLouise22

chillminx said:


> @KellyLouise22 - the poster sarahjaneblue has not been seen on the forum for nearly 6 years so I am afraid it is doubtful you will get a reply from her.
> 
> Can I suggest you maybe start a new thread of your own, so that currently active members of the forum could give you their opinions and advice on your present cat situation?


Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Work has been manic this week! I have posted a few times before in a new post but only had a few replies - mos of which we have already tried. It would be great to speak to anyone who has been through it as I'm interested in whether we just continue with slow i troductions or leave them to it a bit more (smaller sessions at a time)!

Will maybe make a new post anyway and see if I get any new replies 

Thanks for letting me know! X


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## Clairabella

KellyLouise22 said:


> Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Work has been manic this week! I have posted a few times before in a new post but only had a few replies - mos of which we have already tried. It would be great to speak to anyone who has been through it as I'm interested in whether we just continue with slow i troductions or leave them to it a bit more (smaller sessions at a time)!
> 
> Will maybe make a new post anyway and see if I get any new replies
> 
> Thanks for letting me know! X


I don't have any words of advice about building a positive relationship, I'm afraid. I am happy to share my experience with you though, in the hope that it helps.

I introduced an 8wk old kitten to my resident 16wk old cat, last week. So I brought him home and he was in his carrier, I left my resident kitten (Thomas) have a sniff and then after a while I let my new adopted kitten out to roam. The owner at the rescue place had warned me about the fighting and hissing so I fully expected that but literally didn't expect the continuous fighting and the horrific noises they made and certainly didn't prepare for it being so bad. Like I thought at one point, what the hell have I done and I was so upset and stressed by it.

I had people saying to me, it's normal, it's early days etc. So two days in they still fighting non stop :-( by this time I was beside myself with worry for both kittens as I adored them both and this wasn't what I was expected at all.

I was oblivious to the scent swapping etc. As I mentioned earlier, the rescue place had warned me of the hissing and fighting so I expected that and rightly or wrongly of me I genuinely didn't think introducing cats together could be that difficult :-(

Well anyway, I had numerous recommendations like scent swapping, then feeding them at same time where they could see each other, cuddles together but the magic for me came with the Feliway diffuser. Within hours, literally almost immediacy, of plugging in the diffuser I saw a massive difference in both kittens and no word of a lie they are now like best friends. So the only recommendation I have really is if u find yourself in a similar situation where they don't seem to like each other or they appear stressed then the Feliway diffuser may just help.

Three days after introducing them and it's like they have been together forever. I've since read of it taking weeks for kittens/cats to get to that point but My boys have made me look a fool for ever being such a stress head over it all lol.

Good luck xx


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## chillminx

Hi @KellyLouise22 - I have replied in your new post


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