# My little sweet man passed last night



## babycakes6666 (May 15, 2011)

My little cat Roxy died last night at home in my arms last night.
He was 14.5 year old and been suffering with thyroid tumour, then heart falure.
I had planned on having him PTS today, but he caught me by surprise late last night and took a nose dive so quickly, that I was in shock.


I feel I abonded him in his most time of need, the only time I feel I let him down and the most important one for him. I couldn't even help him to go painlessley and quietly as his responsible owner. I knew he needed to go, but I dithered making the appointment and he suffered gratley because of me.

He died crying and convulsing, frantically pawing in the air with all legs. Mouth open, panting, eyes staring wide with dilated pupils.

I'm wracked with guilt and devestated that I eneded up being a selfish, useless owner who hurt him in the end.
I ridiculousley imagined we had enough time and we spent last night snuggled together on the sofa...I misjudged the whole situation.

I adored him, we had a very special connection that I haven't had with my other cat or dog. 

I'm taking him tomorrow to be cremated. But Im ashamed I let him down in such a horrendous way. I'm a strong woman in life, I deal with everything life throws at me, but not this...for the most precious of friend and companion I ever had.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss and must admit I am in tears reading your thread.

Please do not beat yourself up over the way you have handled his last moments.
Having a much loved pet and deciding when the time is right is one of the most difficult decisions to make. Sometimes because we are only human we don't get it right. Many of us on here have been in the same position.
Even when you do get it right we still feel guilty.
I want you to try and focus on the time you had with him and what a lovely life he had with you. He was well loved and cared for by you.
You and him were true friends. 
He had 14.5 years with you having a fantastic life and so just those last few minutes I am sure he will not blame you for. He probably was glad that you were with him just the two of you together and not in a sterile surgery. 
You have come to the right place. We are always here to listen and help you through.

R.I.P Roxy and Have fun at Rainbow Bridge xx


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## Superash (Aug 23, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss. R.I.P. little man and god bless x


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## Ang2 (Jun 15, 2012)

This thread had me in tears, and I can only begin to imagine your pain. Your little man knew you loved him, and your heart was in the right place.


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## LPC (Jul 22, 2012)

I truly sympathise with how you feel. But you mustn't punish yourself; you thought you had more time than there really was. That's not your fault; it just happened that way.

Every caretaker of a pet reacts differently to such difficult situations; there is no "right" answer regarding whether/when to go the vet. Jill has made a valuable point; your cat may have preferred to stay with you, in familiar surroundings, for her last moments (even if painful) rather than going to a vet's surgery. Maybe that's why things happened that way.

Do please remember the happy times you had together - and be sure that you will meet again in due course! Your separation is only temporary.


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## babycakes6666 (May 15, 2011)

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied with lovely, kind words. It's even more heartening as we are strangers, but you each understand how I am feeling right now.

I am sure in time the image I have of my little man passing will fade. Although I think listening out for his squeaky voice talking to me whilst following me everywhere in the house and the garden won't ever disappear.

I messed up and I think the guilt will haunt me for a long time.

Thank you all again for such loving words and thoughts. It has lifted me inside although I am sobbing whilst typing this.

Goodnight my little man.....he was the perfect gent. Love him always. xx


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## Sarah+Hammies (Jul 20, 2009)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved little kitty  RIP Roxy

Please don't beat yourself up over this, as an owner deciding when is best to PTS is the most difficult decision to make, there is no way to know for sure when the time is right. Things with your little cat went down hill so quickly you didn't have time to do anything other than be there with him, which you were and I think he will have been aware that you were close by.

((((((hugs))))))


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## Knightofalbion (Jul 3, 2012)

A touching story.

You could not possibly of foreseen the moment of his passing. Were he able to talk I'm sure, given the choice, he would have much preferred and CHOSEN to meet the end of his earthly life amidst the familiar surroundings of his happy home and in the arms of the one he loved, and who had loved him, for all his life.

You gave him 14.5 years of love, companionship and friendship. And he gave you the same in return. 
You were both blessed.

When your 'time' comes he'll be there, along with all your other loved ones....


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Whenever a pet dies you have a feeling that there was someting you could have done...you cannot foresee when the end will come and sometimes neither can the vets. . My lovely Joe was 15 and diabetic, we spent weeks trying to stabilise him. Last visit, fantastic, his glucose level was at the right level (after a visit each Thursday for 10 weeks) so got him home and was feeling like celebrating, gave him his insulin, gave him his tea as usual and he did the same as your Roxy, keeled over, legs thrashing, foaming at the mouth, gasping for breath. He had seen the vet four hours before, the emergency cover vet is a 40 minute drive away in the rush hour and I knew that Joe would not live that long and that to take him there would be a waste of time and just upset him. You must not blame yourself, his time had come and he died with you. Roxy would not have blamed you for anything.


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## babycakes6666 (May 15, 2011)

Dear Calvine, 

I'm so sorry for your loss of Joe. After the promising results it must have been a terrible shock for Joe to pass so quickly.
I feel for you as he passed in the same way as Roxy did.
I think it's human nature to feel guilty, but after receiving the lovely kind replies from everyone on this forum, and especially your personal experience, it has given me comfort. Thank you for that.

Your sad story made me think again about what I could have done differently, and realise I did not have the gift of hindsight. Like yourselves with your lovely Joe, I did not have time that evening within an hour to take him to the vets.....like Joe, he hated the carrier and car journeys. I made the decision to just hold him in my arms and be with him and comfort him in his last hour.
R.I.P Joe.xxxx


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## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

So sorry to read about Roxy xxx

As others have said, please dont beat yourself up.

He was in your arms and as heart wrenching as this may have been for you, he knew that he was safe in your arms and with you.

Run free Roxy, nows your time to be a guardian angel to watch over your loved ones xxxx


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## Sampuppy (Oct 22, 2008)

I first read this last night but couldn't reply as I felt so bad for you and just did not know what to say!! It is not your fault that things turned so badly so quickly - we have a cat that is 'hanging in there' but there is no reason to have her PTS at the moment I don't think - however - the same thing might befall her and I would like to think that nobody would judge me if that happened. Just remember the good times and be reassured that any pain is now over and she is playing with many friends at rainbow bridge!! x


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Dear Babycakes

Thank you for your reply. I imagine you are still feeling terrible, poor you - I hope you are coping. But if you had taken him to the vet to be pts you would be feeling just as bad; there is no easy way out. Joe was a little gentleman as well, the vets loved him as he always behaved so well, he was a kind little chap. I would have hated having to make the decision to have him pts and in the event neither of us had to.

RIP two lovely old boys XXX


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## Guest (Aug 28, 2012)

Very sad and sorry you have such a haunting death to remember. You always feel in some way you failed, simply because they are dead. You wanted to protect them and keep them safe. I waited 2 days longer than I should, with one of my dogs, but was hoping it was just a bad day. then one more, to be sure. I should have gone day 1, but she'd had bad days before...

When you love them you are so tough on yourself. Big hugs.


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## monkeymummy32 (May 22, 2012)

Babycakes, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can eventually come to terms with what happened and accept that you only did what you truly believed to be the best thing at that time, that's the best that any pet owner can do. 

To throw a different perspective on things, I am also wracked with guilt but for the completely opposite reason. At the end of April my cat was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour after becoming very ill very quickly. The clinic where he had the MRI was about an hours drive away from home as my local vet doesn't have an MRI machine. He was scanned the following morning after I dropped him off. When the vet called to tell us the results from the scan, we decided that it was the kindest thing to just let him slip away under the anaesthetic, but it had to be done in the next ten minutes before the anaesthetic wore off, so there was not enough time for me to get there. To this day it still upsets me that we didn't bring him out of the anaesthetic to say goodbye and hold him one last time but at that moment in time we decided it wasn't fair to bring him round just to put him under again but I just wish that I could've been with him at the end :crying:

I'm just trying to say that whatever we do as pet owners in their final moments, we'll always find something to feel guilty about, it's our instinct and it's a stage of grieving. You will in time come to accept your decision, I'm getting there but still have wobbly moments. Take care xx


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## 1966 kerry (Jul 31, 2012)

Im so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling, its so hard for us to make the decisions for our beloved pets as we love them so much and we feel the guilt and pain when they are not here. Its not always easy to be brave and strong as these wonderfull pets get deeper into your heart. Its never the right time but Roxy knew and made that decision for you. Remember what abeautifull and special cat he was and what a fabulous 14.5 years you had. I am thinking of you. Roxy run free at rainbow bridge where all of our beloved friends are waiting for you xxxx


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## sylvette2849 (Aug 26, 2012)

I am so sorry to hear about your little fella. I too know the feelings of guilt and helplessness. My Daisy, calico longhaired, died because I was not watching her closely enough. It took me 4 years to be able to talk about her without crying. I try to focus on good memories. Remember, pets are pure of heart and their souls will stay close for as long as we need them to be. And of course, we wait for our time together at Rainbow Bridge....


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