# Adopting a second cat: Not sure if it will work out...[Advice, please]



## morning.meow (Apr 4, 2016)

Hello! In advance, thank you for reading and I hope to read your advice soon 

About three weeks ago, my husband and I decided to adopt a second cat. We read tons of information about _how to introduce two cats_ and got some amazing tips from friends and people on the Internet. After feeling prepared, we went to a pet-adopting service and told them our desire to have a new cat. We made it pretty clear that we wanted a cat that would fit our current cat's personality (shy, calm, laid back, sort of lazy, timid), as we read that was one of the most important things to keep in mind when adopting a second cat.

The people at the pet-adopting service were very kind and suggested two male cats that were slightly older than our current cat (I'll call him Cat B). I expressed my concerns given that I had read in several websites that you should always try to adopt a cat that is younger in age. The lady that was guiding us insisted that it wouldn't be a problem given that Cat T (the one we are in process of adopting) was super friendly and out-going. I was worried because Cat B is completely the opposite, but husband really liked Cat T's friendly personality. Given our worries, the people of the pet-adopting service gave us fifteen days to decide about Cat T.

Well, it is day number ten and both husband and I are starting to have doubts. Not only are we more than tired of the tense atmosphere at our house (Cat B refuses to eat when he smells Cat T; Cat T becomes crazy when _locked_ inside his room for more than an hour; etc.) but we are having second thoughts about Cat T. I feel awful by saying this but...I am not sure if Cat T is a good fit for either Cat B or my husband and I.

These are my main concerns:
• Cat T requires A LOT of attention, even more than what Cat B got us used to. He wants to be hugged and played with all the time, which some times can't be done. Cat B prefers to sleep and enjoys just short periods of play, what if there is conflict between them because of this?
• Cat T (3 years and a half) is the half a year OLDER than Cat B (3 years), which seems to be a rookie mistake when adopting a second cat. Most successful stories I have read about introducing two cats involve an kitten and a cat; most fail stories -or stories that take longer to succeed- involve same age cats, and usually the cats' personalities are already sort of friendly.
• Cat T is also bigger in size than Cat B (almost twice its size!).
• Cat T is too energetic! He runs and climbs to the highest places which are sometimes quite dangerous, he also plays pretty aggressive with cat toys (he has already broken two of them), he enjoys biting and scratching our hands when being pet, and even tries eating our clothes (while still wearing them!).
• Cat T also has the longest nails I have ever seen, and he isn't used to having them trimmed. Given that every time I try touching his paws (even just to pet him) he tries to bite me, I don't know how I could ever trim them. I have a lot of fabric around the house, and he seems to get stuck everywhere.
• He loves biting everything: from clothes to shoes, to random thinks on the floor. It is too much care and I am unable to be behind him 24/7. 
• Cat B becomes super stressed when he smells Cat T. As soon as he smells him outside his bedroom (on the few times we let Cat T outside his safe-room) he starts crying and scratching/pouncing at the door. Once, we tried open the door just enough so they could sniff each other and Cat B began hissing at Cat T, who ignored him.
• Neither husband nor I felt like we have _clicked_ with Cat T. We are both sort of scared at him (because of the biting and scratching), unable to pet him or even let him hang with us (because of his nails always hurting us when he tries to climb on us), and we are just not used to having a cat eager to have our attention ALL the time. I now it sounds terrible, but we got used to a cat that would play for a while then sit with us to watch TV or while working (I work from home). Cat T demands our attention every moment.
• Cat T is also starting to have some behavioral problems like not pooping at his litter box (despite it being clean).

Husband and I really want a second cat, but we feel the pet-adopting service might have set us up with a cat that doesn't fit us nor our lifestyle. I know we are being sort of cruel, because Cat T is an old cat and black -which makes him hard to find a home- but is used to a quite different lifestyle that neither my husband, Cat B or me can give him. I know he used to live with a lady that had five or six other cats, and they all hanged together all the time, so Cat T probably needs that company and energy. I feel pretty bad for thinking about _returning_ him, although, I do believe it would be for the best.

Not wanting to miss the opportunity to have two cats, husband and I have been looking to the pet-adopting service's gallery, and found a shy, female, seven months old cat that was our first interest (before being set with Cat T). She looks A LOT like our cat, except that she is a calico. We would like to try out introducing her with Cat B, but I am worried it might not be a good idea. What do you think?

Overall, I don't know if I am being selfish by _giving up_ on Cat T or if it is the right thing to do...


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

Hi and welcome 
I think you are completely right to identify that these two cats are not a match. This is probably a combination of two things.... Cat T is a harder to adopt cat and the rescue owner was keen to rehome him. Secondly perhaps you weren't clear or firm enough on Cat B's personality and what would be a good friend for him.
Either way, I do believe you should return Cat T. I don't say that lightly, it will be very hard for you but keep in your mind what is best for both cats (and for you). We are talking a (hopefully) 15 year commitment and that is a very long time for everyone involved to be miserable. And both cats are right now 
Think of your current cat Cat B first and foremost. If you want to try adopting a different cat I think you would be best to delay this for some time until he has settled down again. You may have to accept that he may never take to another cat. Some don't.
Please have a think about it and let me know what you decide. I'm sure you can find something that can work, but it may take time x


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## VeeVee (Mar 24, 2014)

I agree.


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## Sh N (Dec 2, 2015)

Welcome to the forum!
I'll say this from experience, but after being mega desperate about having a second cat, me and OH have decided we won't have one (no matter how much we want it) because our current cat loves being a solo cat and has told us so as much as she can through her body language. She is super territorial and even though she is aloof and comes to us on her own terms, she will not share both of us with anyone else.
The optimist in me says that I will be fine learning from the internet about introductions (and through this forum) but my gut tells me Maya will never make it happen even if I bring in the most compliant cat home- and it is really not fair on Maya, and the new cat. Sometime down the line, when I have the patience and time to do a proper introduction (and to steel myself if things go pear shaped), I might get a foster kitten, to see how things go.
I'm sorry, but in your case, your resident cat should be your PRIMARY priority as he was there first, and he deserves your time and attention for the time being- and a lot of introductions are a hit and miss (mostly misses) and demand time, resources, energy and above all, kindness, patience and the ability to understand that either cat isn't being a jerk, but is genuinely shaken by the situation.
If Cat B is happy being as he is for the time being and is miserable around a new cat, please leave him be. I apologise again if I sound harsh, but you're doing him a disservice if you get a new cat in just because you want it. Please understand that your little fellow has a personality and feelings too.
If you have the option of returning Cat T, please do so. He will find a new home soon and be quite happy. You are not being selfish, but being quite kind.

PS: Not all cats like nail trimming- I never trim my cat's claws. She'll have my fingers if I do. I just put a throw on my lap if she wants to make biscuits on me.


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## buffie (May 31, 2010)

I'm with all of the above,not all cats want to share their territory,infact probably most would rather not have to.
A lot of thought has to go into what the resident cat will be happy with and sometimes we just have to accept that they are happy as they are.


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## ZoeM (Jul 16, 2015)

Hiya and welcome to petforums 

I really feel for you, I have to say. You want more than anything to share your love with another cat, and save it from the life at the rescue centre, whilst holding a huge amount of love and affection for your current cat. An adult rescue cat is hard work and rescue centres know this. Its lovely that the rescue cat is friendly and outgoing and super keen on wanting to be your friend - hence the love bites and attention demands. 

I don't want to appear as if I'm persuading you to keep the rescue cat, but..... I think it can take a month or even longer for cats to agree the rules between themselves and sort out the territory aspects of the house.

I'm going to guess youve tried the feliway in the room your cat is most comfortable in? Regarding the claws, I would suggest you ask the vet nurse to do them. She can show you how to do it, and you can then slowly train your rescue to allow you to do this. Its all about treats and touching the feet, and once comfortable with having her feet touched, lifting them up and moving on from that. It's a slow process, but if it's such a problem now, definitely get the vet nurse to do it.

I think once your rescue cat is settled in the house, and comfortable, it won't be as demanding. At the moment, I expect its trying to prove itself and 'own you' due to its history. It's also only three, which is adolescent, turning adult I think in cat years. My rescued stray only really settled when she turned 4/5. 

Anyway, I guess, I just wanted to give you some hope that things could change and your cats could settle together. Perhaps not as friends but as tolerant acquaintances. You would get other issues with a rescue kitten and there is no guarantee with those. My stray adopted cat hates it when I foster kittens, she practically moves out but after a couple of months she does get used to them. I think these things just take time.

I wish you all the best, whatever your decision anyway.

Z x


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## TallulahCat (Dec 31, 2015)

It really sounds like it's just not working out for any of you unfortunately. I think the rescue have done you a bit of a disservice really, as this cat doesn't sound compatible with you. He sounds like he needs lots of attention and you don't have the time he needs.

3 1/2 really is not old for a cat. It would not be difficult at all to find a home for a cat that age. 

Please don't feel bad about returning him. It's never an easy decision, but you have to put your own cat's needs first. You can't rescue all the cats. 

I would not be looking at other cats for now. Your cat needs some time to recover. If you introduce another cat while he is still stressed, you run the risk of him reacting badly to the next one. Some cats do prefer to be the only cat. If he is content, I personally wouldn't want to rock the boat.


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## Jackie C (Feb 16, 2016)

Sorry for your situation, but the two cats don't really sound compatible. It sounds like the rescue centre has done you a disservice! 
Cat T seems quite friendly, but he needs another cat with a similar personality. As does Cat B. Cat T's behaviour doesn't sound too bad, and if he likes playing a lot, it might just be play aggression that he's displaying, rather than being purposefully aggressive. He is a young cat at 3 1/2, so he'll have plenty of energy.....he just happens to have long claws! 

Sorry, I have no suggestions or ideas, but best of luck. x


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

morning.meow said:


> Well, it is day number ten and both husband and I are starting to have doubts. Not only are we more than tired of the tense atmosphere at our house (Cat B refuses to eat when he smells Cat T; ...


He will be the same with any other cat you adopt regardless of its personality so as has already been said, it might be best to wait a while before trying again with another cat or maybe think about just having one cat.
I expect the new cat is very stressed at being in a strange place and cooped up and perhaps would calm down a bit after a while but maybe he might be better placed in a home where they would like a more interactive cat .


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

Sometimes, one cat is better than two.


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## morning.meow (Apr 4, 2016)

@moggie14 Thank you for your advice. I am still struggling to decide. Meanwhile, I have spoke with the lady at the adoption-service and told her about our problem between both cats. She will be coming next Thursday, so maybe she can help us with some problems we are having with Cat T (for example: he likes chewing a lot! We gave him a chewing toy, but he prefers my shoes and our cables. We are both gamers, so we have a lot of cables everywhere). She did sound sad and disappointed -even more when I asked for other options- which made me feel even worse about returning back Cat T.

@Sh N I agree with you, Cat B is my TRUE FIRST CAT-LOVE and I'd put him above anyone (sometimes even husband, when sharing bed, hehe), so me seeing Cat B suffering is a no-no on Cat T, but then again, as I've been watching Cat T and Cat B interact (I opened the door just a few inches) I can see that Cat B is actually interested and scared of Cat T (Cat T however has started hissing and growling at Cat B). Also, I know not all cats like to get trimmed, but Cat T gets stuck pretty often on the fabric, on our clothes (when he tries to climb on us), and even on his bed (as its made with fabric).

@buffie You are right. Although, I really don't know in Cat B's case. He grew up living with another cat (for almost a year and a half), and ever since he usually is very interested on feral cats.

@ZoeM Yeah...husband is also all into keeping Cat T given that he wants to help a needed cat, but maybe it is also me. I haven't clicked with Cat T, neither has husband but he is willing to keep trying. I am more of mellow and shy cats, like Cat B, and Cat T really tires me (I have to constantly be behind him making sure he isn't eating anything dangerous, biting any cables, getting stuck on our curtains, etc.), I know a kitten would resemble as much -if not more- work, so I was thinking about a 10 months or a year old cat...but then again, poor Cat T.

@TallulahCat I guess it is also me. I got used to Cat B's mellow, lazy and shy personality, and we are really compatible as he lets me work while keeping company, and plays but doesn't like playing for too long, watches TV with me and is very careful with not hurting me with his nails nor biting me (he is patient when I am being annoying). Then again, I have had him since little so he probably knows me more; while Cat T has known adoption-lady since a kitten, and has been with her for three years, so he probably feels taken away from his real family (I'm guessing).

@Jackie C I agree that it is just a question of non-matching personalities (between cats and between Cat T and me and my husband). Unfortunately, this keeps me thinking that they might never become friends but rather tolerate each other with a bad mood on the house. I have read a lot of testimonies, and in some they even mention how stressful the cat's relationship become if their personalities are too different. For example, one story mentioned that she had a very shy cat and an out-going cat, the out-going cat would always greet visits while the shy cat hide; eventually hide cat began resenting out-going cat because he got more attention, and started fighting more often with him.

@kimthecat Yup, I actually think he would do great staying with the adoptions-lady as he has spent all his life with her and is used to greeting new cats often (she is a volunteered foster home for cats). It mustn't be easy for him to part ways with what he considered his family/owner, and move from an active household to a calmer one. It is exhausting for me, and I believe it might also be exhausting for Cat B (given that he doesn't even plays that much or for too long with his toys).

@Ceiling Kitty I agree. If only I could ask Cat B what he thinks, hehe.


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## Fgywoo333 (Mar 17, 2016)

buffie said:


> I'm with all of the above,not all cats want to share their territory,infact probably most would rather not have to.
> A lot of thought has to go into what the resident cat will be happy with and sometimes we just have to accept that they are happy as they are.


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## Sh N (Dec 2, 2015)

TBH, no matter how hard it is, or no matter how much the adoption lady tries to convince you that this is possible with Cat T, I think you should stick to your guns. Cat T will find a home- he isn't being thrown out into the streets- he is going back to his foster home, and will be loved and cared for until he finds a home suited to his personality. I feel that you are taking it quite personally that Cat T and Cat B haven't clicked. There is nothing personal here. Two cats don't want to share- period. Nothing much you or your husband can do about it. 
Psychologically, cats hate to share resources. It goes against their nature whilst sharing and some of them take it in their stride and some don't. It is just circumstance which one of those two kinds you end up with.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Very aptly put @Sh N.


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## morning.meow (Apr 4, 2016)

@Sh N Thank you. In the end, we decided to give up Cat T. We do believe it to be the right decision, although there was a little bit of guilt in the beginning. Cat B (Byakko) our pet, has made of habit of _visiting_ Cat T's room once every day. We do not know if it is to make sure Cat T isn't there, or because he misses Cat T (probably the first one, thought).


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## Sh N (Dec 2, 2015)

@morning.meow- Good on you for being so brave! I understand you wanted to give Cat T a good life, a very happy, pampered one, but it hasn't worked out for reasons best known to Cat B and Cat T. He'll find a home- you can be sure of that. 
I think Cat B is just making sure that he's gone- good and proper and I think he is a little relieved that he doesn't have to watch out for him all the time. Over time, Cat T's scent will fade away, and that will soon stop.


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