# Loving home needed for my middle-aged cat :(



## fluffycabbage (Jan 10, 2010)

Ive had problems with my cat since I met my partner, and would love him to go to a new home where he will be loved, and get all the attention he deserves. He has a wonderful temperament, and 'tolerates' other cats. Hes about 9 maybe 10 years old, neutered, and has had 2 UTIs in the last couple of years, which have been easily treated. Apart from that no bad health at all. (peeing problem at the moment, which im working on)

I only want him to have a warm and loving home. It breaks my heart to have to do it, but (without going into personal detail) i honestly think he would be much better off elsewhere 

Im in Bedfordshire x


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## Werkur (Jan 8, 2010)

Hi,

I saw your welcoming post big problems your middle age cat peeing everywhere;;;
I have an almost a year age cat called Jolly, he´s male like yours too, i love my cat, he sleeps every night in my bed with my wife, but i adopted my cat after i get married, different from you and your partner...
Cats are jealousy animals, they hardly tolerate you bring a new partner in love for home, they think you don´t will give him all attention he needs anymore....so he pees everywhere to tell you...HELLO YOU´RE MINE, GET AWAY THIS NEW PERSON.....i guess you have two choices:

1) rehome your cat (i would not choose this option, because you gave love, attention, everything....and now you have met a new person and you think: HE PEES EVERYWHERE I TRIED EVERYTHING I DON´T KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO SO AFTER ALMOST 10 YEARS ITS TIME FOR HIM GO AWAY...RSRSRS...I THINK ITS WRONG;

2) talk with your cat, continues to give all attention your cat needs and give to the new person in your life the same attention you give to your cat, put more trays along your home watch your cat, try if he can pee in more than just one tray...ITS THE RIGHT CHOICE, THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION BUT I WOULD NEVER REHOME MY CAT BECAUSE I HAVE MY WIFE AT HOME.....CATS ARE JEALOUSY ANIMALS WHY??? THEY FEAR YOU WON´T GIVE HIM ANYMORE THE ATTENTION HE NEEDS....TRY WITH YOUR CAT TO CONTINUE GIVE HIM ALL THE ATTENTION HE NEEDS THE EXACTLY SAME LOVE YOU GIVE TO YOUR NEW PARTNER....SHOW TO YOUR CAT THAT IS A NEW MEMBER IN THE FAMILY, THAT LOVES YOUR CAT TOO;

Thats what i think, I WOULD NEVER REHOME MY CAT AFTER 10 YEARS BECAUSE I MET SOMEONE, A NEW PERSON, I THINK THIS IS NOT RIGHT TO DO. Please...don´t get me wrong...i love so much much much my cat i would never give him away and i´m trying to help you.


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## fluffycabbage (Jan 10, 2010)

Its not as clear cut as that at all. Im not going into personal details on here.
Do you think I'd be wanting to find a new home for him just because he pees in the house? Im not such a horrible person, and am quite upset that you have implied that!


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## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

This must have been a very difficult decision for you to come to and i'm sure you've tried everything before resorting to this.

I'd love to help you out - i'm in hertfordshire with two middle aged cats, but i'm not allowed another cat (i asked my OH a couple of months ago about another one that came on here that was in my town). 

I hope you find a loving home soon.


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## fluffosaur (Dec 10, 2009)

I suppose we're just confused why at the end of your "help needed - cat weeing all over house" you state you want to rehome him because of this problem.

We don't expect you to go into personal details but it's generally considered that it's exceptional circumstances which would drive somebody to want to rehome a cat they've had for a long time (especially a 10 year old cat who has a _far less_ chance of getting a new home than a younger kitty). Peeing all over the house is generally pretty fixable.


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## Cat_Crazy (Jul 15, 2009)

There may well be more than the fact that he pee's in the house as to why you are re-homing him but don't you think it's important to let any new owner know of this problem?

I notice you do not mention it in the original post at all and if someone hadn't of mentioned it would you have put it?

If you re-home him without this information you may find him being returned to you or passed onto someone else as they do not want to deal with ti whereas if you tell people from the start you will get someone who is willing to work on his problems.


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## fluffosaur (Dec 10, 2009)

His problems honestly sound fixable. He needs to see a vet & have more litter trays/maybe a different litter.


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## lauren001 (Jun 30, 2008)

> Ive had problems with my cat since I met my partner,


This sentence speaks volumes.

Please consider that for those of us that love animals, choosing a like-minded partner is very important. One that makes you feel either by saying directly or indirectly that it would be better to get rid of an animal for whatever reason is not the type of partner that you need.
Anyone that makes you feel that perhaps you have to choose one or the other is just not worth it. Not all requests by partners are out in the open, subtle hints can manipulate us into thinking and doing the unthinkable.
Just make sure you are doing this because you honestly want to, not because you feel it "would be better for the cat" or "better for the relationship".
You have had your cat for 10 years, no "new" relationship is worth jettisoning that for. Your "new" partner may be gone in two weeks and then where will you be?


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## fluffycabbage (Jan 10, 2010)

lauren001 said:


> This sentence speaks volumes.
> 
> Please consider that for those of us that love animals, choosing a like-minded partner is very important. One that makes you feel either by saying directly or indirectly that it would be better to get rid of an animal for whatever reason is not the type of partner that you need.
> Anyone that makes you feel that perhaps you have to choose one or the other is just not worth it. Not all requests by partners are out in the open, subtle hints can manipulate us into thinking and doing the unthinkable.
> ...


yep, nail & head. :crying:
he doesnt like cats, never has.  if i can resolve the issue of him peeing everywhere then there wont be a problem, and i'll have to find some way of spending more time with the cat, but its very difficult atm.


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## fluffycabbage (Jan 10, 2010)

Cat_Crazy said:


> There may well be more than the fact that he pee's in the house as to why you are re-homing him but don't you think it's important to let any new owner know of this problem?
> 
> I notice you do not mention it in the original post at all and if someone hadn't of mentioned it would you have put it?
> 
> If you re-home him without this information you may find him being returned to you or passed onto someone else as they do not want to deal with ti whereas if you tell people from the start you will get someone who is willing to work on his problems.


of course i would - i just assumed that people who look in the classifieds look at the rest of the forum too 
there are problems at home which im not going into, as to why i cant give him the attention he deserves. i want him to have a good life, one where he can be cuddled and stroked and go wherever he wants (within reason), like a cat should. thats why i think someone else could do a better job x


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## fluffosaur (Dec 10, 2009)

Unfortunately it's extremely difficult for older cats to get new homes, and it's extremely upsetting for them too. I currently have a 12 year old tabby on foster & he absolutely hates it. It's only for the week whilst his owner is in hospital but he's really aggressive, won't eat and just won't settle. You think you're doing the best thing for your cat but really you're just going to upset him a great deal. Just because a home may have more attention than you can give him doesn't mean it's going to be right_ for him_.

Since this is an issue with your partner not liking the cat... well, he knew there was a cat before he moved in and he shouldn't be pressuring you to "get rid" of your beloved family pet like this.

People have posted up a lot of suggestions for you to try in other areas of the forum. When a cat behaves like this he is trying to communicate to you that he isn't happy.

You don't have to answer this but if there is any kind of violence or aggression in the house then your cat will pick up on this. Cats instinctively know when something is wrong and will display it through behaviour like this. It's possible to correct it but it'll take time and patience. As a social worker we're told to look out for the way animals behave in the house as an indication of what it may be like when we are not there. If a cat or dog is particularly aggressive or is acting out then it could be a warning sign of something deeper going on. In this case it's likely your cat knows your partner doesn't like him and isn't going to be able to settle until your partner starts to be more considerate towards him.


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## Cat_Crazy (Jul 15, 2009)

If my partner didn't like my cats I would rehome my partner!!

The cats were here first


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## Gobaith (Jun 6, 2009)

I hope you find a solution to resolve this without having to rehome your cat, especially with him being yours for ten years and the bond that would be lost and him not knowing why he'll never see you again 
I hope everything works out for you hun
Chloe x


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## suzy93074 (Sep 3, 2008)

I hope u manage to sort this out without rehoming - I would deffo have a good chat with your OH and tell him how much your cat means to you and that u dont really want to part with him....I dont think your OH should put u in that position tbo ...hope u resolve the matter for all involved xx


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## Izzie999 (Nov 27, 2008)

Hi,

It is simple,make it quite clear to your partner that the cat was with you first and had been for many years without any issues. If he is unhappy with that,he should go not the cat. To rehome such an elderly cat would be so unfair and if your partner loves you he should understand it is not a good position to put you in. I know you can't go into details but the quick soloution of rehoming the cat is not in the cats best interests. 

If you rehome the cat all you will be left with is resentment that your partner has brought this situation about in the first place,it won't do your relationship any good.You will also have a partner who will then think he can manipulate you to do anything he wishes,even giving up a lovely pet that you have had for years! That is not the basis for any good relationship!

Izzie


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## fluffycabbage (Jan 10, 2010)

Thanks everyone. It been a while since Ive had any contact with people who love animals. Ive almost been made to stop doing that : I realise that now, listening to your replies. I really did think i was doing the right thing for him (the cat), but maybe its not after all....
Sometimes our lives are shadowed by things we cannot control - but maybe i should assert myself where i do have control.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it x


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## JoWDC (Jan 11, 2009)

fluffycabbage said:


> Thanks everyone. It been a while since Ive had any contact with people who love animals. Ive almost been made to stop doing that : I realise that now, listening to your replies. I really did think i was doing the right thing for him (the cat), but maybe its not after all....
> Sometimes our lives are shadowed by things we cannot control - but maybe i should assert myself where i do have control.
> 
> Thanks everyone, I appreciate it x


If you need to rant at all, feel free to do it on here - on the cat chat section maybe. We are here to help you if we can and if it helps you hang on to your beloved cat.


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## Gobaith (Jun 6, 2009)

fluffycabbage said:


> Thanks everyone. It been a while since Ive had any contact with people who love animals. Ive almost been made to stop doing that : I realise that now, listening to your replies. I really did think i was doing the right thing for him (the cat), but maybe its not after all....
> Sometimes our lives are shadowed by things we cannot control - but maybe i should assert myself where i do have control.
> 
> Thanks everyone, I appreciate it x


Thats really good hun, yeah what JoWDC said, feel free to rant on here. We're all ears and are happy to help you 
All the best! :thumbup:
Chloe x


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## rubyberrie (Jan 11, 2010)

Hi fluffycabbage, I so hope you decide to keep your adorable cat, he is such a beautiful boy, I hope everything works out for you (((((hugs)))))


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## lizward (Feb 29, 2008)

fluffycabbage said:


> Thanks everyone. It been a while since Ive had any contact with people who love animals. Ive almost been made to stop doing that : I realise that now, listening to your replies. I really did think i was doing the right thing for him (the cat), but maybe its not after all....
> Sometimes our lives are shadowed by things we cannot control - but maybe i should assert myself where i do have control.


Good grief, yes. This man is only a partner, right? You are not married to him and it is a fairly new relationship. What happens next if he decides he doesn't like something that is precious to you? What if it's a baby he decides he doesn't want and you do, for example?

When I married my husband the situation with the animals was made clear right from the start. There were some compromises yes (for example the cats are not officially allowed in the office and so most of them keep out of it, and there is one bedroom they are never allowed into, and I am only "allowed" 12 cats) but rehoming much loved pets was never an option and I made that clear up front.

Liz


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## fluffycabbage (Jan 10, 2010)

Ive been with him over 5 years, and we have 2 children together. He knew i had a cat, and that he wasnt going anywhere. But he's tried hard to stop me liking my cat it must be said  Well guess what, my fluffy boy is gonna be my number one again


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