# Cats don't get along - Feeling stressed



## Cherrytree (Mar 5, 2014)

We adopted our first cat Keith from the RSPCA in December 2012 who is now almost 2 years old and over time he has become a big part of our family life. He is an indoor cat who loves a cuddle and getting his own way haha! He has never been a massive fan of playtime and although we have countless tree's, posts, toys, balls, catnip, he just gets bored very easily and would rather eat or sleep!
A few weeks ago we adopted another cat from the RSPCA as I saw him on their website and was sure he looked like a cat who was in there when we got Keith. After speaking to RSPCA, they advised he had been rehomed but had been returned to the centre 8months ago due to an allergy in his new home. They also advised that as far as they knew, he was Keith's brother! So we just had to get him, the poor little fella. We gave Colin (our new cat) his own room with everything he needed and let him settle in for about a week without too much contact with Keith. Since we have tried gradually socialising the two, it has not gone well. We really want Colin to be able to explore the house as it's clear he doesn't want to be cooped up in his room all of the time. However, whenever we let him out he is just chased and attacked by Keith. Colin stands his ground and will swipe back but Keith is clearly the more aggressive one and it's always Colin who in the end tries to run away and hide. I have had to break up a few fights as they sound so nasty, I do this by clapping my hands etc. I have tried putting Keith away in a room so Colin is free to explore but that just results in Keith scratching up at the door and meowing - this happens even if someone is in the room with Keith trying to keep him occupied but he just won't give in unless he is getting constant treats which I don't want to do because I feel that it's rewarding bad behaviour. I do try to give them both treats on the odd occasion that they are in each others company and are being well behaved but even this is a struggle as Keith is such a hog, he will try and steal Colin's treats once he is done with his own. Also Colin isn't allowed many treats at the moment for health reasons so this doesn't really work for me. I also struggle because Colin is a grazer whereas Keith eats anything in sight no matter how full he is so I am constantly having to move Colin's food as I don't want to restrict his access to his room if he doesn't want to run back in there. 
I can feel myself getting very stressed out because Keith is so horrible to Colin but then sometimes I do feel like Colin is trying to provoke him. I show them both plenty of affection when they are separate and apart so it's not as though Keith is feeling jealous but I just don't know what to do. I don't want to keep shutting Colin away at nights and when we go out because he clearly wants to be able to explore the house but unless I am there to keep an eye on them, I worry they will kill each other. I also don't want Keith to end up hating me because he is my baby and I love him so much. And I also now love Colin. I have tried so many different things I have read online but nothing seems to work and it's really upsetting me. Even my house is getting into a state as I seem to spend more time breaking up fights and making sure I spend enough time with each of them on their own than I do tidying my house etc. I can't have friends round at the moment because I seem to spend most of my time making sure the cats are OK as I don't like to leave Colin on his own in his room because I feel terrible so I like to spend at least a couple of hours with him especially if I have been at work all day. Some people have recommended Feliway but I don't know whether to pay out all that money for something that may not work as I would need a few diffusers due to the size of my house. If anyone has anything that might work, please help because I am loosing sleep, it's affecting my work and everything. I understand this will take a lot of patience for them to tolerate each other, I just need some help! Think I kidded myself that they would be friends as they are brothers but clearly not


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

Oooookay.

Sorry that Keith and Colin aren't getting on so well. It must be very difficult to witness. 

First off: do not panic. What you are seeing is normal. Domestic cats can live in colonies, but are often solitary creatures who prefer to keep themselves to themselves. While it is true that related cats often get on better, the fact that Keith and Colin have been apart for a while will mean they are unlikely to remember one another now.

Second: you are going to have to fine-tune your expectations. This can be difficult to do but it is essential for the happiness of your cats - and you! These two may never be friends. They may never want to share a bed, or even be in the same room as one another. The best you may be able to hope for is for them to tolerate one another and live more or less separate lives in the same household.

But that's okay. Really, it is. My cat lives alone now, but he used to share a house with three other cats and that's what they all did. Kept themselves to themselves, under the same roof.

You now have a multi-cat household with two separate 'social groups' (two groups of one cat, as it were) to manage. It can be done.

Some essential reading from the awesome ICC (formerly Feline Advisory Bureau). Make yourself a cuppa and read through these:
Multi-cat households and how to survive them | international cat care
Aggression between cats | international cat care

Keith has lived by himself for a while and this is 'his' house. He probably sees Colin as an intruder, no different to if next door's random cat sneaked in through a window or something. It is understandable why he is behaving aggressively towards Colin.

Remember that cats don't really have any concept of 'dominance' over one another. They are however territorial. As solitary survivors, cats value their access to resources. Resources in this case are:
- a secure place to enjoy food and water
- a private place to go to the toilet
- a safe, comfortable place to sleep
- toys
- you

As you have two social groups, you need to provide enough resources for both, and this means treating them as two completely separate groups.

1. You need at least two feeding AREAS. Not bowls - areas. These feeding areas should be out of sight of one another (nothing worse than gobbling your food down worried you're gonna be ambushed). Different rooms are an option (I couldn't quite tell from your post if you are already feeding Colin in his own room), or use different levels. Remember cats live in 3D and love being up high.

2. Same for water - place loads of water bowls in different parts of the house.

3. Litter trays - the recommendation is one per cat, plus a spare. So you need three, in different parts of the house. Two trays right adjacent to each other will simply count as a single 'latrine'. Placement of trays is, as always, important, regardless of the number of cats you have. Make sure they are sheltered, quiet and away from busy areas or anywhere they could be inadvertently disturbed. My cat's tray is in the space under the stairs; seems to work for him.

Keith and Colin need to be able to reach and use their food bowls, water bowls and litter trays without bumping into one another. Sometimes drawing a little map of your house and observing the cats to see which pathways they take through it or where they tend to spend time can be helpful. Mark their pathways and places on the map and you may be able to identify locations for trays and bowls that avoid bringing the cats together.

4. Make sure you have loads of places to sleep, at all levels. Your bed, their beds, the sofa, a shelf, the laundry basket - wherever they want to be. Don't expect them to curl up together. It is probably not going to happen, at least not for a long time. But that's okay, remember? Nobody has 'failed' at this.

5. You are already doing the right thing by sharing your attention between them. As the owner/slave, you are important to the cats and need to make sure they're both allowed play and cuddle time.

Right, this all may involve a bit of upheaval in your house, but this is often necessary. Next you can move onto some general measures to try and ease tension between Keith and Colin.

You mentioned Feliway in your post, and I have to say I think it would be a grand idea to get some. One diffuser will do one floor of an average-sized house, provided doors are usually open. If you have a lot of doors closed or your house is large then admittedly you will need more. At least place diffusers in the room(s) where the cats spend most of their time. Each refill lasts 4-6 weeks. Feliway works by replicating the feline facial pheromone (the one they spread about when they rub their faces on stuff) to help them feel secure.

Other measures include Zylkene and KalmAid, two non-medicated supplements containing natural remedies to help calm cats. Zylkene is a capsule to be emptied onto food; KalmAid comes as beef-flavoured (crushable) tablets, a caramelly liquid or a gel that you can put on the cats' paws to be licked off. There are no guarantees with these things but they are side-effect free (bar the odd tummy upset) and they don't break the bank. KalmAid really helps my cat, who is a bit of a stresshead.

Others on this forum have mentioned a Pet Remedy diffuser, which contains valerian. This is cheaper than Feliway and is worth a try, but bear in mind it is not another version of Feliway - they are completely different substances.

The last thing that you need to give Keith and Colin is time. It may be that you do need to close doors on them for a while when you are out, for their own safety. But keep working on things and hopefully they will settle with each other in time.

If you are really, really struggling, a feline behaviourist may be a step to consider. Speak to your vet about this as they will be able to arrange a suitable referral for you.

Good luck. I know you will get lots of useful advice on this forum.

xxxx


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Excellent post Shoshannah:thumbsup: I would say you covered just about everything there

Cherrytree - one thing I'd add, is it's very important you don't allow Keith and Colin to fight, as once this kind of behaviour starts between 2 cats it can be very hard to change I'm afraid. (cats are not the most forgiving creatures with their own species) So you will need to be very close at hand supervising them whenever you allow them to be together, until such time as you are sure they can be trusted to tolerate each other and not fight. You need to be so close at hand you are almost following them around. This is why contact between the two cats must be restricted for the present. You must not rush this process, think months rather than weeks. Go entirely at the pace dictated by the cats responses to each other.

In the integration sessions have a toy ready (e.g. a feather wand) at all times to distract the cats if there are signs of a fight brewing. Or, just simply physically remove one cat from the arena, and put him on a cat tree and feed him treats (if its the cat who is allowed treats). At all times stay calm

To add to Shoshannah's great advice I think you may find it useful to read the following article:

Cat Help: Introductions and Hierarchies

and also this website has some good tips on integrating a new cat;

Integrating Cats

Good luck, let us know how things go?


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## Cherrytree (Mar 5, 2014)

Thanks so much for your replies Chillminx and Soshannah. 

I just wanted to let you know that time really is key and my boys are slowly but surely starting to get along with each other. They are still separated when we are out of the house (Keith has downstairs and Colin has upstairs) but when we are home, the generally both roam free - Until a fight kicks off haha! 

They seem to genuinely enjoy being in each others company and do play together, wash each other and are all using all three litter trays that we have which I have heard is a good sign! We still get at least one fight a day which is when we will separate them and let them cool off but it's hard to tell if they are actually fighting or simply play fighting. Colin stands up for himself a lot more these days and I think he may even end up being the domineering cat. 

Thanks so much for your advise, it does seem that you just have to be patient.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Cherrytree, thank you for the update. 

Very pleased to hear that relations between the two boys are improving gradually! Well done!:thumbsup: It sounds very promising that they now groom each other, play together and share the litter trays without a problem.

As you have found time is of the essence in these matters, and most cats just cannot be rushed when it comes to accepting a newcomer into their territory.

Keep up the good work!


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## RubyFelicity (Aug 26, 2013)

Fantastic news Cherrytree. Thanks for the update.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Playfights can look very rough.
My two junior cats, Connor and Romeo, are the best of friends, but they can playfight very fiercely.

Serious fights by real enemies look a lot different from playfights in that the cats move much faster and really aim to maim and even kill. From what you describe, your cats have never had any of those fights, but mainly want the other cat out of their private space. So they seem to be battling for respect and recognition of their rights, and if they get on well at other times, they should be able to live together. They 'simply' have to come to terms about the house rules. And that includes _your_ rules, so when things get too heated, you are quite right to break them up.

Did you do scent swapping?
It might be a good idea to swap their beds on a regular basis, so they will sleep in a bed with the other's scent on it. That way they will always smell of each other as well as themselves, and they will more easily recognise each other as 'family'.

Another way to reduce tension is a feliway diffuser, which spreads soothing nest pheromones.


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