# new puppy: she's great (I think) but not coping



## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

Hi there,
I'm not sure if this is the right forum or not. I just need some advice/support. I pestered my husband for ages to let us get a dog: I grew up with patterdales, springers and a collie so love dogs. Genuinely love them. Our daughter is nearly 4 and I thought now we have a good garden, I'm not working etc, good time to get dog. He said we should wait a year or two but would I let it go? NO. What an idiot. Fast forward 6 months, MIL (also dog lover) buys us a puppy that I spotted - patterdale/border x terrier, 8 weeks old and beautiful. She's a little star: v good temperament (although right now she's kicking off because I have to take her out after shes woken from her nap).
I did tons of reading, tons of research, got a dog trainer out to visit me yesterday, took her to vet: I'm doing all the 'right things' and she's responding remarkably well. But I'm not coping. Had a couple of nights broken sleep and my mental health, already a bit dodgy after a coupe of breakdowns and PND, has gone downhill rapidly. 
I'm shouting at my kid (not the dog lol), can't keep awake, can't smile, can't stop crying, can't have kid and dog out at the same time without being totally on top of them (so no chance to even do housework never mind the stuff that keeps me sane). DH works incredibly long hours, which I knew and which will never change.

WTH am I doing. I thought a dog would be good for me, help me to feel calm and better (like our old dog did, who died last year) and instead I'm about to have another breakdown. The pup is doing nothing wrong, it's all me being stupid.

Anyone else had this? How long should I persevere for?? I don't wnat to harm the dog or my child obviously.


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## Netpon (Feb 21, 2012)

A puppy is hard work when you have young children I have to admit but its still very early days and things will settle. Have you got a crate for the pup? This will give you somewhere safe to put the pup for some time out and also helps with toilet training and establishing a good nightime routine. The crying at night should settle withing a few days as long as yout ignore it, if you go to her when she cries she will just do it more (like raising a baby!!) Everyting is much harder if you've had no sleep, I'm sure once the sleep thing is sorted you will feel much better


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## PoisonGirl (Oct 24, 2008)

Crate train the dog and invest in a baby gate or two.

I got Xiva when my daughter was just 1 and it was a bit hard at first but I learned to manage them so that most of the time they didn't need something at the same time. I trained with Xiva when my daughter was napping etc and let Xiva chew a toy or have a sleep in her crate several times a day.

You need to set some boundaries with your daughter- she is old enough to understand what is acceptable when it comes to the puppy and can be placed in time outs for not listening - ie NO rough behaviour etc and the puppy can also be placed behind a stair gate (not in the crate) for time outs when she nips. 


But before you start to do all of that, settle your daughter down infront of some cartoons, pop the dog for a nap and have a cup of tea and calm down


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## Callia (Jan 14, 2009)

Calm down...............deep breaths. It will all be fine 
What is happening to be causing you to feel this way ??
Honestly the first few weeks are the most difficult but after a bit of hard work it really does get better and it REALLY is worth it


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## Galadriel17 (Jan 22, 2012)

Welcome to the forum 

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I don't really know if I can be of any help 

Is there anything in particular that your finding difficult or anything you can pinpoint that's stopping you from enjoying your pup? 

Sounds like he's around teenage stage age, are you finding his behaviour difficult to handle? Is it a recent thing? Are you worrying about him?

ETA: Sorry, just noticed he's a she! 

Edited again to add: Sorry, I miss read your post, though the pup was six months old, ignore me!


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

Hi There,

Dogs are remarkably good at destressing us BUT puppies generally are the complete opposite.

Sadly there are no quick fixes here and they are hard work for a fair while.

Having read your post and seeing what you have said I would give it a week or two, if you feel like this every day and there are no bright periods then i think for your own health you may need to consider rehoming and waiting until you are in the right place mentally to deal with the demands of a puppy.

This is not what i would usually advise but i am taking your personal circumstances with the PND etc into account.

You health is paramount and you could not have forseen that the puppy would trigger a relapse so don't beat yourself up xx


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

I don't know if I can offer much help, but here's a couple of thoughts....if the dog is really good and responding well, perhaps it's not the dog that's causing your problems with mood? And perhaps if the pup wasn't there then you'd still feel the same? I don't know how you personally deal with your mental health problems, but it could be time to check in with your consultant/counsellor if you have one?

Also, your daughter will be in school within the year, so perhaps things will be easier then?
I wish I could be more helpful, best of luck finding a solution. Keep breathing! x


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## Helbo (Sep 15, 2010)

Welcome - and sorry to hear you're having a tough time. 

Could you perhaps be scapegoating the puppy because its the newest change to your life, when actually your issues lie elsewhere...?

Bringing a pup into your household is a big change, and is tough, especially if you're doing it mostly yourself as OH is working late. But things will settle down once you've got a good routine going that works for everyone. 




If you can be more specific with whats upsetting you, then perhaps we could help, but as it stands your post is a bit vague - as if you're overwhelmed but not sure what by.


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## tinaK (Jun 12, 2010)

I got my now 2 year old dog at 8 weeks. I have bipolar disorder. 

I can tell you now that those first four weeks with clover were very hard. Having to take her out at night, when I'm knocked out on meds, the messing in the house when I'm borderline OCD. It was a nightmare. i begged my mate to come and get her.. to take her away.

But it DOES get better. After about 4 weeks we both settled into a routine, and I started enjoying her. Now I can't imagine life without her. 

I've no advice, except to say give it time, it does get better


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## PinkEars (Jun 4, 2010)

cloversmum said:


> I got my now 2 year old dog at 8 weeks. I have bipolar disorder.
> 
> I can tell you now that those first four weeks with clover were very hard. Having to take her out at night, when I'm knocked out on meds, the messing in the house when I'm borderline OCD. It was a nightmare. i begged my mate to come and get her.. to take her away.
> 
> ...


I have someone very close to me who also has Bipolar disorder. When she got a puppy it was very hard! Very stressful and even now when the disorder flairs up its stressful again. However she loves the dog, he gets everything he needs and wouldnt live without him.

Its going to be hard but it gradually gets easier! A puppy is hard anyway even when you dont have a mental health issue to deal with. Sometimes a dog can be great therapy and sometimes a dog can cause addional stress and trigger unwanted emotions.

I hope you work things out, like Helbo said maybe its a good time to get someone to talk to or install a little help with the pup. Do you have any family members or neighbours that could help for an hour?


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## Galadriel17 (Jan 22, 2012)

I'll try again! 

How long have you had her? Like others have said, maybe you just need to give yourself a few weeks to settle down into a routine?


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## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

Oh my, thank you all SO MUCH for the replies. I wasn't sure if anyone would be online!!

Yes, it's a bit vague because really, I'm not entirely sure *why* it's stressing me out. She has a crate and a playpen, a cuddly bed and toy in her crate and a bowl of water, litter 'tray' (like in the Ian Dunbar book) in her pen and some toys that only we play with. I don't like keeping her in there a lot but if I don't it means I am constantly 'hyper' watching her - making sure she doesn't bite cables, tear the edge of the carpet, bite the kid (who is also used to dogs but not puppies) etc. She's crying because we had an outdoor session for bathroom and play but now she's in there again. I feel like I am always putting her in there :-( There's so much about 'don't let them pee or poo anywhere or it'll make it harder to train them' that I keep her in there whenever I'm not 'there' either mentally or physically...

I suppose it's a bit like - no, a LOT like - when my daughter was born - the constant awareness, the constant care and 'am I doing it right?' plus I've got my bright DD to teach as well: she seems to go into a trance when I ask her not to do things to the dog and her ears are resolutely OFF until I lose the plot and have to shout. I'm not a shouty, dominant kind of person and I'm having to be one until this gets sorted. The dog responds well when it's just us and she's pretty much trained to go outside or her tray already (I know, she's phenomenal). 

I'm so grateful for the kind and supportive replies: I know it sounds a lot like whining (which we're all familiar with) but I honestly feel like I'm going off my head a bit. I almost ran away this morning and I'm 40 LOL!!!

At one point this morning I had my daughter watching the DVD, the puppy in the pen and my head in my hands while I made a coffee (decaff). Not exactly what I imagined life with my 'furry prozac' would be like!!!

Still as you say, not one week into it. Will try to hang on a bit longer but I'm sucha bloody misery to live with :-\

Thanks again x


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## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

Galadriel, the poor wee soul has only been with us since Saturday. It's a bit like the shock-and-awe feeling after bringing home a baby from the hospital...


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

kittysmum said:


> Galadriel, the poor wee soul has only been with us since Saturday. It's a bit like the shock-and-awe feeling after bringing home a baby from the hospital...


It does hit you round the kisser doesn't it  I remember feeling exactly the same :crazy:


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## tinaK (Jun 12, 2010)

Having a new pup IS exactly like having a new baby. They need constant care and attention.

And like new babies you worry if you're doing it right.. I worried about everything, and if I wasn't worrying I was worrying about why I wasn't worrying lol

But as you both settle i and get into a routine that suits you both it does get easier.. just like it does with human babies


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## PinkEars (Jun 4, 2010)

its just like a baby apart from worse! lol not that i have had a baby but from one point of view atleast a baby can't run around straight away and go to the toilet everywhere!

I felt like i put my pup in a crate alot at the beginning but its not like that forever, each day gets a little better and one day he will make a big jump forward. The bigger the bladder gets and the more they get the hang of the puppy training the less you have to worry as long as you puppy proof the house that is!
It would be great if you had some sort of support during the day from friend or neighbour to help you out a little while its really tough.


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## BumbleFluff (Jul 23, 2011)

Take a deep breath. It will get better.
The first few weeks are always the hardest!! When i had my pup, i got up in the middle of the night _Every night_ to walk her And then had to get up early for work. It was so tiring, i fell seriously ill and slept for a few days (my brother had to walk the pup because i kept fainting every time i tried!) But after that it all clicked into place!! You need a long rest.

Did you not consider a rescue? It may of been easier for you as an older (Not a puppy) dog would be house trained and probably a lot calmer 
Good luck


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## Howl (Apr 10, 2012)

Big hugs! 
If I had the finances and was in your position I would get a bit of help to keep things ticking over while you get through this difficult stage. 
I would first go back to the doctors and explain what is happening, they will hopefully be able to get you back on track and it will help them know where you are with things. 
I would where possible use combinations of a child minder/kids clubs and a dog walker/doggie day care. Give yourself some time to relax and look after yourself. Cinnamon Trust might be able to help you too they help people who are unwell and not coping walking their pups. 
Get a good support system together of friends and relatives you can ring when it's a bad day. So you can go around to theirs and talk things through or they might be able to offer to help you with your little one or pup. 
Start some kind of exercise. All exercise helps mental health even a slow swim every morning will get your endorphins back up and you'll feel more able to cope. 
Some one has said baby gates and a pup crate. Another good thing is a kong filled with wet dog food or mince.Even throwing small pieces of meat and hiding them around a room will keep them entertained for awhile.Finding a chew your pup likes we use paddywacks and rawhide. Similarly use things like DVDs and toys that your daughter can do independently and work towards having a few minutes break even if it's just to sit and have a cup of tea. 
You can go out without the pup if you give them something to do and keep them safe in a crate. Try to get out and about to mum and child sessions most communities have craft/play sessions. It will allow you to have a little rant to other mums going through similar stressors and allow you and your daughter a bit of time to yourselves. 
On an evening consider instead of a dog trainer going to puppy classes with just you and the pup. You will meet other people who are finding bringing up a puppy hard work and it will help to share stories as you move through different stages. It will also give you a good set of skills that will help you have a well trained pup and allow you crucially to bond well in this difficult time. 
If you are having a bad day post somewhere like here can also help just get it off your chest. 
You will get through this, you sound like a great dog owner already. 
Take care x


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

kittysmum said:


> Oh my, thank you all SO MUCH for the replies. I wasn't sure if anyone would be online!!
> 
> Yes, it's a bit vague because really, I'm not entirely sure *why* it's stressing me out. She has a crate and a playpen, a cuddly bed and toy in her crate and a bowl of water, litter 'tray' (like in the Ian Dunbar book) in her pen and some toys that only we play with. I don't like keeping her in there a lot but if I don't it means I am constantly 'hyper' watching her - making sure she doesn't bite cables, tear the edge of the carpet, bite the kid (who is also used to dogs but not puppies) etc. She's crying because we had an outdoor session for bathroom and play but now she's in there again. I feel like I am always putting her in there :-( There's so much about 'don't let them pee or poo anywhere or it'll make it harder to train them' that I keep her in there whenever I'm not 'there' either mentally or physically...
> 
> ...


Change can be scary, especially when you have to rethink your coping mechanisms! It will get easier as you get used to the situation I'm sure - you will have more confidence in what you are doing as she settles, so won't be continuously interrogating yourself about whether you're getting it right 

In the meantime, let rip on here - there are plenty of people who can relate to the "omg, what have I done?" feeling with puppies (I'm one of them).


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## Galadriel17 (Jan 22, 2012)

Don't worry! (Easier said than done I know!)

And don't beat yourself up either.

The Ian Dunbar book has some good stuff in it but it's not the best book to read unless you're in a good place! - I call him Dr Doom Dunbar  as I think he's a bit OTT in places. If your pup has a little accident in the house it's not the end of the world or a guarantee she'll be PTS before she's two years old due to behavioural problems!

I'm sure you're doing a great job and things will improve over the coming weeks, just give yourself a bit of time to get into a routine. 

There are loads of people on here all the time that'll offer support or listen to any rants you may want to have, answer questions etc so just get typing if you need to


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## Rolosmum (Oct 29, 2010)

I think you sound a lot like first time puppy owners, it is harder work than a baby initially, i was constantly for my entire time awake, on guard about what the pup was doing, following it around, checking on it, stopping the mouthing and nipping etc. At least the baby fed and didnt move! 

I coped by trying to enjoy every minute of it, by thinking that it doesnt last long and by enjoying my bonding time with the pup and training with it which helps to tire a pup more than running around, just a few minutes here and there getting it to sit/lay/stay etc acted as bonding, reinforcing that it was expected to do as i asked and would be rewarded and for tiring out its little mind. I taught it to settle with me for cuddles and for a time with a bone or chew to get a break. But it was hard work for a few weeks until it grew up slightly and the lessons had worked.

I think a lot of your feelings are part and parcel of a new puppy and it is hard whilst managing a child at the same time. If your daughter is old enough get her to do some of the training also, show her how to lure a sit with a treat and to get the pup playing find the treats that she can hide for it. Tire them both out together.

And dont be afraid to sit your daughter down with the tv and put the pup in the crate or sit on the floor with it and encourage it to relax with you, pups need to be taught to relax as much as they quickly learn how to play.

Good luck, you sound like you have a great clever pup and they do grow up so quickly, ignore the nagging crying and night so you get some sleep, even if it is later to bed and earlier to get up for a while, it may also help to cover the crate to keep the inside darker for longer.


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## PinkEars (Jun 4, 2010)

myshkin said:


> Change can be scary, especially when you have to rethink your coping mechanisms! It will get easier as you get used to the situation I'm sure - you will have more confidence in what you are doing as she settles, so won't be continuously interrogating yourself about whether you're getting it right
> 
> In the meantime, let rip on here - there are plenty of people who can relate to the "omg, what have I done?" feeling with puppies (I'm one of them).


After Lola i always said i would never get a puppy again because she was an absolute nightmare! As time goes by you forget how hard it is! I got Walt and although in comparison to Lola he was some sort of amazing dream puppy it was still very hard work at the begging few months!


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## Howl (Apr 10, 2012)

So true! 
I once nearly gave my lovely rabbit up I was so stressed 
Doris was a nightmare/tinkermonkey and so much hard work. A few people have said the same puppies are harder than children. 
Don't worry about doing the right/wrong thing. I look back and I was so hard on myself about what I expected of the pup, you forget sometimes it is only a puppy 
Some pups are so nippy when they are little, Doris was and won't go near anyone with her mouth now, I'd like to think it was due to hard work and making her have a soft mouth but really I think it's just her growing up. 
Bright kids are also hard work. I used to work in a nursery and the clever ones used to drive me cuckoo with questions and they needed much more things to learn to keep them entertained. :crazy:


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## Izzysmummy (Oct 12, 2011)

Dont worry!! Lots of people get the puppy blues and its completely normal! My OH and I both shed a few tears in those first couple of weeks and as awful as I feel saying it now if the breeder had rang asking if we wanted to give her back we probably would have ! 

Its a complete shock to the system how much work they are! The toilet training and lack of sleep makes it so hard not to lose your patience and then if you do you feel guilty and its a vicious circle! Try not to expect too much of yourself, as much as we want to do everything right everyone will make mistakes and you'll learn from them.

Maybe ask your OH if when he gets home he can take over duties for half an hour so you can have a chill out, take a nice bath and calm your thoughts and if he could maybe do one of the toilet duties in the night?

If you're crate training her and it all gets a bit too much and you need 5 mins to clear your head then just put her in her crate with a chew/filled kong and take a breather. 

Honestly it will all be fine, it feels horrible at the moment but she'll soon settle down and you'll get back into a routine and you'll wonder what you were so worried about.

But for now take a deep breath and have a nice cup of tea/coffee and take some photos of the little angel for us all to see!!


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## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

Thanks Cloversmum
I've had depression on and off for years: last time I had bad breakdown, it was our late dog who helped the most: she just sat near me and cuddled me while I cried. She died last year at 14 and to be honest, I'd have got a rescue dog if we could have found one my husband and I were ok with being near our daughter. It's a real shame but given her age it just seemed unfair to ask an already hurt dog in a rescue to cope with an unpredicatble young child (and the rescue centres agreed).
I appreciate your honesty though - OCD is the pits isn't it!


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## foxyrockmeister (May 30, 2011)

Hi there

I can't add anymore to what others have already said but just wanted to say....

Welcome to the forum and......... IT WILL GET BETTER!!!

Believe me, we've all been there to some extent, I don't think anyone realises how much hard work a puppy is until they have one (and then we all forget about how hard it was once things have settled down!) but it is such early days with your little girl and it sounds like she's doing fantastically.

I can't wait to read another post for you in a few weeks time saying how brilliantly things are going and you can't believe you felt how you do right now 

Oh, and always feel free to come on here and vent any anger or frustrations you have. There is always someone to listen and help out. We're a funny bunch and we have our arguments and petty scraps but there's always someone about to share a laugh or a cry when you need one


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## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm just so overwhelmed by the kindness on here: what a great place. I honestly can't believe it. I was expecting a lot of 'well what do you expect' to be honest, because my family are like that just now. 

DH tries to help and he's done the last couple of late night outings: she was clean in her pen this morning after a wee poo at 12.30 last night. It's been frustrating because we had to put her ont othe sensitive bland dog food from the vet, she had diahrrhea (Sp?!) and it was a bit bloody, v loose, I think with the stres sof the move, so she's not been very trainable. Yet. I believe she will learn quickly though, she already understands that she is to pee and poo outside, (whenever possible), can settle in the soft 'restraint' position the trainer showed me yesterday, in short she's miraculous. It's just everything all at once: I usually hae to make dinner, get DD into bath, get dog outside to poo, start making DH's dinner (or eat at 10pm, yikes) all at once and my brain goes GAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

But yes: Thanks. I didn't believe I'd make it to Thursday on Sunday and yet here we are. Goodness knows how the weekend will be - DH is away at a conference so no break in sight. But if I'm on here, at least I know I'll have people who understand where I'm coming from! so THANK YOU all so much xxx


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## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

I'll see if I can work out how to add a photo of her: her name is Dottie


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## EllesBelles (May 14, 2010)

I'm glad you like it here 

One thing I'm slightly concerned about is the soft restraint...is that physically holding her?

As everyone has said, it will get better, and you'll wonder how you ever felt like this. It sounds like you've got a wonderful puppy, and I'd love to see a picture


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## Izzysmummy (Oct 12, 2011)

kittysmum said:


> I'll see if I can work out how to add a photo of her: her name is Dottie


The best way is to create a photobucket account and upload your photos onto there. The photos will then have an IMG code which you can copy and paste into your posts for us to see.


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## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

I've added a photo album on here, just a couple of pics just now. 

Don't worry about the soft restraint please!! I'd never hurt or stress a dog. Lynn the Dog Lady in Edinburgh is a great trainer and she was showing me how to help Dottie calm down: I place her between my knees when I'm on the floor and gently put my hands around her shoulders, so she can't turn and nip, then just quietly say 'steady'. She was a bit confused to start with but now it works instantly and she chills - she learns v fast and has stopped trying to nip when in that place. It means I can easily check ears, paws, etc. and the vet was extremely impressed. Sounds much scarier than it is, and she's so tiny I'm very careful. Hence overreacting to DD and her massive nearly 4 yo attempts to hold or pick up the poor pooch.


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## myshkin (Mar 23, 2010)

I've just had a peek at your album - she's gorgeous! Such pretty colouring


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## Catz1 (Sep 19, 2011)

Ah the puppy blues.. I have had them with every dog I've brought into my family. I don't know what it is but as soon as the puppy is home and for the first few weeks I'm constantly thinking "What the hell have I done!!!". 

I think its the realization that the puppy is now mine to raise, mold and care for which is a huge responsibility and very stressful. The lack of sleep and the inability to sit down long enough for a cup of tea without them getting into something doesn't help either 

It does get much better though and once we are into our routine all those feelings melt away. I find playing little mind games with the puppy like "Go find" and using a flirt pole really help us bond. Taking lots of pictures is great too. It reminds me how cute and loveable the puppy is. 

Try to relax and enjoy your new baby, it will get better and if you stick with it you'll look back on this in a few months and laugh... Hope you feel better soon


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## Galadriel17 (Jan 22, 2012)

She's gorgeous! :001_wub:

Just take one day at a time  and give yourself a pat on the back when you're lying in bed tonight for getting through the day  don't think about tomorrow or the weekend because it's not here yet


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## emmaviolet (Oct 24, 2011)

aww i feel for you i had the same thing too.

i loved alfie so much, but i thought i dont know if im going to be able to cope, then he got ill and i felt quite down.

i have had similar problems to you reguarding health and i felt a bit overwhelmed.

i was so tired i was falling asleep at 7 and then taking him out again at 10, it was very tiring and i dont have a child too.

i think most people go through a bit of a tough time, even if your pup is perfect, its a change to your routine and thats why you are feeling it.

dont worry it will pass, then they do something adorable and you realise how much you love them and couldnt be without them!

good luck with your lovely pup!


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## vickieb (Nov 22, 2010)

kittysmum said:


> Galadriel, the poor wee soul has only been with us since Saturday. It's a bit like the shock-and-awe feeling after bringing home a baby from the hospital...


Your post could have been written by me 15 months ago  I had all this..... I used to cry as I couldnt cope, didnt want him any more but no way would I get rid so I felt stuck......

I didnt even have a baby to compare to.... it was a total shock BUUUUUUT

 NOW, i REALLY would not be without my boy.....and dont get me wrong, he is a little S head some days, but with the time, effort, training you will get there.... HONESTLY you really will.

the 1st few months are hard if you are not used to it..... BUT once you establish a routine you will have cracked it. I actually had a routine written down and stuck to it every day. That way the pup knows whats happening when and so do you (Gwen Baily the perfect puppy tip)

also, dont read too many books, I found myself getting stressed as my pup was not the same as they described int he book 

Hang in there...... in a few months you will be fine..... and in a year you will be sniffing round for dog number 2


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## Coffee (Jul 31, 2011)

Oh I remember those days well 

The first few weeks we had Alfie I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind. It was such hard work and even though I'd done tonnes of research and read everything about puppies and Dalmatians that I could get my hands on, nothing really prepares you for the reality of it 

It will get better I promise  I look at him now and I literally burst with love for him  whereas in those first few weeks if the breeder had knocked the door and asked did I want to hand him back I more than likely would have 

Oh and in my opinion, having done both, puppies are MUCH harder work than babies. Babies stay STILL for a start... if you put a baby down and go to another room and pop back 15 minutes later it will be where you left it... not busy peeing and pooing wherever it feels like it while chewing on anything it can get it's little teeth around


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## missnaomi (Jun 4, 2010)

I think also, my dog is a terrier too and he was much harder as a puppy than our other dog. He looked a lot like yours







I don't know if that's normal (terriers being little blighters...) but I have a feeling that it might be.

I had wanted a dog forever. I had read every book that I could find and did so much research, I really felt ready. And then when Ringo arrived I was overwhelmed and it wasn't like I thought it would be at all. Wouldn't be without him now though....

Hang in there  Puppies are cute but they are little menaces!! I think the Gwen Bailey puppy book is a little gentler than the Ian Dunbar one, and I really recommend a crate! Really helped with toilet training and things in general, and I imagine would be even more handy if you have children.

Naomi x


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## Izzysmummy (Oct 12, 2011)

Just had a peek at your photos and she's gorgeous!! :001_wub:


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## Debxan (Jan 9, 2011)

Sorry you have had a hard time but sounds like things might be looking up. I struggled with my pup last year as well - those night trips to the garden are so tiring! I also had a few "what did you expect" comments - unhelpful to say the least. 

But my boy is now so good indoors and is improving on walks as well. Such a little dear! So hang in there and always come back here if you have a bad day - there will always be someone here to offer support. 

Lots of people suffer from the "black dog" and other mental health issues - you just don't always hear about it. You are not alone, not by a long shot. I wish you all the best and look forward to updates from you.


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## kittysmum (Apr 26, 2012)

Aw, thank you ALL so much - it means a lot to get so much support!

I had a bit of time alone with her this pm while my parents took my daughter out but she (DD) is getting so possessive it's not real. This evening I thought right, bit of daughter/dog time, we'll see how we go. As the last few times have gone, I end up with dog wound up to 90, nipping me like crazy, daughter trying to climb on me and winding dog up even more... Tonight, she wanted to sit on me while I was calming DOttie down and because the dog was in the way, she started waggling her behind at a nipping puppy, then of course I batted her bum out the way before the dog sank her teeth in (quite bloody rightly if she had frankly). Wailing DD, mental crazy dog, desperate mama.. I walked over to the sink so I didn't go bonkers and turned round to find her spitting at the dog in its crate :-(

I'll try to stick it out for another week. Another day. Taking it in tiny steps. The dog is absolutely no bother, tbh, it's the combination of everything all at once: daughter, dog, usual housework, no husband to speak of and lack of head space to do the stuff that keeps me sane. *takes deep breath* I just don't want the dog to be relegated to her pen the whole time my daughter is around and she is being SUCH a little S... but obviously really confused and upset too.


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## RAINYBOW (Aug 27, 2009)

kittysmum said:


> Aw, thank you ALL so much - it means a lot to get so much support!
> 
> I had a bit of time alone with her this pm while my parents took my daughter out but she (DD) is getting so possessive it's not real. This evening I thought right, bit of daughter/dog time, we'll see how we go. As the last few times have gone, I end up with dog wound up to 90, nipping me like crazy, daughter trying to climb on me and winding dog up even more... Tonight, she wanted to sit on me while I was calming DOttie down and because the dog was in the way, she started waggling her behind at a nipping puppy, then of course I batted her bum out the way before the dog sank her teeth in (quite bloody rightly if she had frankly). Wailing DD, mental crazy dog, desperate mama.. I walked over to the sink so I didn't go bonkers and turned round to find her spitting at the dog in its crate :-(
> 
> I'll try to stick it out for another week. Another day. Taking it in tiny steps. The dog is absolutely no bother, tbh, it's the combination of everything all at once: daughter, dog, usual housework, no husband to speak of and lack of head space to do the stuff that keeps me sane. *takes deep breath* I just don't want the dog to be relegated to her pen the whole time my daughter is around and she is being SUCH a little S... but obviously really confused and upset too.


Ok now i am getting the picture  Kids are my forte 

Have you tried getting them to interact in a positive way.

Try this exercise. When the pup is not having a loon out grab some tiny pieces of cheese and teach the dog a sit by holding the cheese on his nose and moving it back until him bum naturally sits.

Show your daughter how to do this and make a fuss of the fact that she can get the dog to sit  Tell her how clever she is 

Personally if my 4 year old was being a pain in the arse with the puppy i would explain that the puppy is a baby and must be treated like one and if i catch her annoying the puppy she would recieve a time out. create a sticker chart and reward your daughter for positive interaction with the puppy or just plain ignoring the puppy. Also get your daughter to dish out and feed the puppy, brush it etc.

At 4 your daughter should be able to understand basic "rules" so sit her down and write 3 rules that apply to the puppy e.g when the puppy is crated we leave the puppy alone etc

Also teach her to adopt the "tree" pose (arms crossed over the chest, stand dead still and look skyward) and shout HELP so Mummy can come and remove the puppy when it is nipping or annoying her.


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## Shadowrat (Jan 30, 2011)

kittysmum said:


> Anyone else had this? How long should I persevere for?? I don't wnat to harm the dog or my child obviously.


I had terrible periods of 'omg what have I done' on getting my pup at 8 weeks.
I'd wanted a dog since I was a child, waited 15 years for him. I spent those 15 years researching, brushing up on training methods, preparing mentally etc but nothing prepared me for him. 
It is normal to be overwhelmed. I have bipolar and anxiety, so perhaps I found it a tad tougher, plus, he was my first ever pup so I had the double worry of not really knowing what was 'normal' and what I had to be concerned about. 
I was constantly second guessing myself; was this right? Was that right? Had I messed up on something? Why was he doing this, or this, or this? Was it my fault he was playing up?
He was a manic puppy biter, constantly, and hard, and had me in tears several times. He still does puppy bite, but not as bad as he used to. You just couldn't be around him without being bitten unless he was asleep!

Couple this with sleep deprivation, which you will have with a new pup, and booooy is it taxing. I remember being up at 4:00am one morning trying to settle him back to sleep, after only having had 2 hours sleep myself, and him just lunging at my feet and hands. I think that was my lowest point, sitting on the stairs, crying, in my dressing gown, listening to him yowl, nursing my bleeding feet, and totally exhausted. 
I was up every 2 hours at night to let him out, then another 30-45 minutes to settle him back down in his crate after, then up again. I was seriously sleep deprived. And that never helps one's mental state.

Now, he's 4 months, everything is considerably easier. Still get stressed and worn out, but nothing like those first few weeks. They really are hard. And they SHOULD be hard; its normal.

I never ever considered giving him up; once an animal comes to me, it is a family member, no matter how hard it may be. I refuse to give up on an animal. 
Puppies are REALLY hard work, and the more dedicated you are, the harder they are! Im sure some people get a pup, leave it in a crate with puppy pads, ignore it a lot of the day and get on with their life and probably find they are not stressed at all.....because they don't really care.
But I was detirmined to do things right, with toilet training, socialising, training etc and that meant a lot of work.

I would say hang in there. 
I don't have kids, and can't imagine how I could have coped if I did, though. Dresden was a 24 hour a day job on his own


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## ginge2804 (Nov 5, 2011)

Having a new puppy is such hard work! I got Molly when she was 4 months old, and I was juggling training, playing and looking after her, as well as going to college, and doing piles of college work at home too. I felt like you, so down all the time, crying cuz I couldn't cope... Boyfriend works mon-fri so he wasn't there to help, and at times I thought 'why did I think I could cope with a puppy?' and I really did think about re-homing her! (Very briefly I may add, and I would never have gone through with it!)
But it does get easier. Once you get used to having her around and get into a pattern, things will get much easier. 
My biggest stress was house training her and having to watch her 24/7 to make sure she didn't wee whilst I was trying to do college work etc..
Once she was housetrained, it was so much easier!

Just keep at it, try not to get too wound up, and just enjoy having a puppy  It WILL get better


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## Manxy (Mar 20, 2012)

My god I could have writen your post, I too pestered my husband for a dog, thought it would be great as we have a 4 year old and I recently lost my father so I thought it would be the right time. Within 3 days I was begging him to take the puppy to my Mother in laws as I just could not cope. I felt totally stupid as everyone kept saying to me "surely you realised how hard having a puppy was going to be" well no I didn't. I was almost at the point of speaking to a doctor and going on anti depressants. I didn't bond with puppy and felt dreadful, I couldnt sleep and couldnt stop crying. Now however I am getting so so much better. Puppy still isn't quite there with the toilet training, but getting better, and now that we are out for walks together I really love her. she is affectionate and loves us all, so that helps a lot.

Hang on in there, but if you still feel in a month that you can't cope, do something about it, your daughter and you do not need to feel dreadful, I know I will get shot for this, but it is just a dog and one that someone else could love if you can't cope. That was the deal I did with myself, but a month on, I wouldn't be parted from her and love her to bits. 

be gentle with yourself, it does get easier xx


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

I can relate to you, I had two puppies and my son was about 18 months old, at the time. Hubby walked out. One of the pups was very ill. I was lucky in that my brother used to help out taking us to the vets etc..

I tried to get into a routine breakfast, housework, lunch, afternoon nap, a walk in the Park.

I still have a routine with the pets I own today, in fact when I took over the care of Barney my grandson's rabbit I took a week off work to include him and work out a new routine.


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## speug (Nov 1, 2011)

I read that you are getting some training help from Lynne the dog Lady - I don't know her myself but I've lost count of the times other dog owners recommended her when my dog was younger. If I hadn't been working odd shifts I'd certainly have tried to get to her training classes as she certainly sounds like one of the best trainers near Edinburgh (along with a couple of trainers I've met through agility) and I've never heard anything bad said about her (unlike quite a lot of "trainers" round here).


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## Rider3 (May 8, 2013)

Thank you for posting this question. I'm in the same boat as you are, but I have no children. My animals are my kids. But, this new puppy is killing me. I got him at 8 weeks on 4/27, and I'm having such a hard time coping. A friend who is also a dog trainer is helping me by keeping him a couple of days so that I can rest and recoup. I want to say "thank you" to people who have said things will get better and to not give up. I may have bipolar and depression issues, but those issues have nothing to do with my love for animals. I'll persevere for now. Again, many thanks.


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