# I can't move on



## LisaZonda (Oct 14, 2011)

Back in 2004 I got a beautiful 8 week old Bernese Mountain dog, we called her Koda (she looked like the bear cub called Koda in the kids film Brother Bear), she quickly became my best friend, my 2 young daughter adored her and I could not have wished for a better dog to grow up with my kids 
Koda and I did everything together, she followed me everywhere and the devotion, loyalty and love she gave me was beyond that of any other dog I've ever owned, this sounds silly but we had a connection...we didn't need words, a look between us and it was like we both knew what each other was thinking, she was in every way my 3rd child.
Suddenly in January 2010 she was taken from me because of bloat, despite being rushed to an emergency vet, in the space of 12 hours my beautiful Koda went from happy and healthy....to gone forever.
I am a very practical, realistic, quite tough person in every area of my life, I deal with what life throws at me without loosing it and getting emotional, however its been nearly 2 years now and for some reason I can't move on, if I let my mind wander too much I turn into and sobbing wreck, something as simple as a song or a picture can set me off, I so wish I could accept what has happened but I don't seem to be able to deal with it.
I love dogs but have put off getting another since because I don't feel I can handle it, however my daughters do nag at me to get another so I feel bad saying no, I'm starting to come around to maybe getting another but I can't get another Berner...I would burst into tears every time I looked at it, so maybe another breed is the answer...hopefully I can deal with that better.
I miss her every day, I feel angry and cheated that she was taken from me at only 5 years old, I feel guilty because maybe I should have seen a sign or something ans reacted quicker to save her....I miss her cuddles, her smile, her big brown adoring eyes, her clownish antics and can't stop thinking "why?"....I so wish I could move one, I can barely see through the tears streaming as I'm typing.

Sorry to go on guys, hoping that writing this and sharing it might help me a little.


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## Superash (Aug 23, 2011)

hi there! I'm very sorry to hear about your loss of lovely koda i know not everyone agrees but i do think it helps gettin another dog obviously you'll never replace her coz she was unique but i would consider getting another dog maybe not the same breed when my 18 month old jack russell died of a brain haemorrage i was devasted coz it was such a shock my old rescue dog was missing him badly we all were so i went in the opposite direction and bought a german shepherd and i'm so glad i did! Its up to you and how you think you'd feel having another dog good luck in deciding


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## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

It takes a hell of a lot of time, i had my cat suki for 22 years, we lost her in 2008 and its still hard, i got to the stage where i made myself because i wanted another cat, but didnt want the "attachment" of getting hurt again but early this year we adopted two other cats

I still get upset about suki tho.

Take care xxxx


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## 912142 (Mar 28, 2011)

Lisa - bloat is a terrible way to go and I know exactly how you feel because one of my danes suffered bloat in 2000 - there was no change in his routine at all and although he survived the op the vet wanted to put him to sleep because the textbooks tell them that a dog should stand within 24 hours of having a major op and Bruno stood three days post op.

The thing I found was you go over and over in your mind to find out if there was anything you had missed and could have changed but you know the answer to that is no there is nothing you could have done. The important thing with deep chested dogs is to bring yourself up to speed on the signs of bloat because the first hour is very important in fact their life depends on it.

I continually watch my dogs body language for any little change because I would never want another to go through what Bruno went through and he was only 23 months old.

Allow yourself to move on - you obviously have so much love to give so why not take yourself off to a rehoming centre and have a look at some other dogs that are desperate for an owner like you. Honestly you won't regret it - you won't forget the past, you never do but life gets easier.


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## springerpete (Jun 24, 2010)

LisaZonda said:


> Back in 2004 I got a beautiful 8 week old Bernese Mountain dog, we called her Koda (she looked like the bear cub called Koda in the kids film Brother Bear), she quickly became my best friend, my 2 young daughter adored her and I could not have wished for a better dog to grow up with my kids
> Koda and I did everything together, she followed me everywhere and the devotion, loyalty and love she gave me was beyond that of any other dog I've ever owned, this sounds silly but we had a connection...we didn't need words, a look between us and it was like we both knew what each other was thinking, she was in every way my 3rd child.
> Suddenly in January 2010 she was taken from me because of bloat, despite being rushed to an emergency vet, in the space of 12 hours my beautiful Koda went from happy and healthy....to gone forever.
> I am a very practical, realistic, quite tough person in every area of my life, I deal with what life throws at me without loosing it and getting emotional, however its been nearly 2 years now and for some reason I can't move on, if I let my mind wander too much I turn into and sobbing wreck, something as simple as a song or a picture can set me off, I so wish I could accept what has happened but I don't seem to be able to deal with it.
> ...


Hi, LizaZonda.
There's nothing strange about how you feel, you never forget the emotional ties you have with your dog, nor should you. I'm a bit of and old fogie I guess, and after all the dogs I've had you'd think I'd have gotten used to having to say goodbye but I haven't, I'm a tough old bird some might say but I assure you I shed tears over every last one of them, and like you, I can be moved almost to tears when I think back over the years and some of the great dogs I've owned.
The way I see it though is that, like you, I give my dogs the best life they could have and I'm sure that the ones that have moved on would expect me to carry on doing so with new ones, so that's what I do. I lost two old fellers in the space of a few months early this year, and as I write I've got two pups peering at me from the kitchen. I shant make comparrisons with previous dogs, that would be foolish, but I'll try to ensure that the new ones have as rich and fullfilling a life as the old. Maybe, in time you'll be able to do the same. Look after yourself. Pete.


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## Grace_Lily (Nov 28, 2010)

Pet loss is always awful, but it is even worse when your pet has been taken before their time. We lost our Border Collie at a fairly young age for a Collie in a very sudden and traumatic way, and he is still in our thoughts two years later, often with a tear but we can smile at his memory now too. 

One way I would look at getting a new dog is to think of all the hundreds sat in adoption centres waiting for that new loving home that you could provide. You would be doing the dog a huge favour, and in turn the dog may well help you heal from the loss of Koda. After all, I'm sure Koda would rather you had another doggy friend rather than being alone.


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## LisaZonda (Oct 14, 2011)

I would like to thank everybody for your kinds replies, I do try to hide my feelings about this in front of my OH because I actually feel a little embarrassed that I'm being so emotional after all this time, I've even surprised myself over my feelings and my lack of being able to deal with it, as my OH has never really had that bond with a dog its not easy and I feel like I'm being a neurotic mess sometimes so it does help to know that there are people that totally understand how I'm feeling.

I have been toying with the idea for some months now about getting another, even went to see some puppies a while ago but couldn't go through with getting one for worrying about letting myself get so emotionally attached and having to try to deal with that all over again if something bad happened to it...but I do think you are all right, I do have lots of love to give and it would be such a shame to not have that wonderful bond with another that I shared with Koda.
I do have to move on and a little furry bundle might just be answer to helping me do that.

Thank you again everybody


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## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

I know exactly how you feel, and how you keep wondering if you could have done something different. I lost my Joshua at the end of September from internal haemorraging, and nobody knows why or what caused it. Within two weeks of becoming ill, getting better, going downhill again, he quietly passed away. He was only three.

I still cannot talk about him without crying. I met someone this morning I hadn't seen for a long time and she mentioned that last time I met her I had just got the puppy, and how is he getting on? That was it, tears streaming down my face.

I don't know if you ever get over losing a young dog, never happened to me before, but he is waiting for you to join him.


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## shell1978 (Oct 25, 2011)

LisaZonda said:


> I would like to thank everybody for your kinds replies, I do try to hide my feelings about this in front of my OH because I actually feel a little embarrassed that I'm being so emotional after all this time, I've even surprised myself over my feelings and my lack of being able to deal with it, as my OH has never really had that bond with a dog its not easy and I feel like I'm being a neurotic mess sometimes so it does help to know that there are people that totally understand how I'm feeling.
> 
> I have been toying with the idea for some months now about getting another, even went to see some puppies a while ago but couldn't go through with getting one for worrying about letting myself get so emotionally attached and having to try to deal with that all over again if something bad happened to it...but I do think you are all right, I do have lots of love to give and it would be such a shame to not have that wonderful bond with another that I shared with Koda.
> I do have to move on and a little furry bundle might just be answer to helping me do that.
> ...


It is heartbreaking when we have to say goodbye. But as the old saying goes its better to have loved and lost, than not loved at all. I just think of my past pets and horses, and I would rather have had that time with them, with good memories and fun and laughter, than not at all, no matter how long or short their time here was. x


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## debijw (May 25, 2009)

four and a half years after suddenly losing my beautiful Border Collie Bonnie, at 9rs old, I still have days where I cry bucket full's over the what ifs, but it doesn't and wouldn't have changed anything. I didn't want another dog, too painful, yet a month later I knew I needed one, so Manchester dogs home were paid a visit and we came home with Lexi, 2 months later we went back and came home with Ozzy and 3 yrs later we adopted Ty from many tears, they haven't replaced her nothing ever could but they have helped fill the empty space she left behind.

I posted this on here a couple of weeks ago, its so lovely......

click on the pic to make it bigger


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## LisaZonda (Oct 14, 2011)

newfiesmum said:


> I know exactly how you feel, and how you keep wondering if you could have done something different. I lost my Joshua at the end of September from internal haemorraging, and nobody knows why or what caused it. Within two weeks of becoming ill, getting better, going downhill again, he quietly passed away. He was only three.
> 
> I still cannot talk about him without crying. I met someone this morning I hadn't seen for a long time and she mentioned that last time I met her I had just got the puppy, and how is he getting on? That was it, tears streaming down my face.
> 
> I don't know if you ever get over losing a young dog, never happened to me before, but he is waiting for you to join him.


So sorry about Joshua  its always horrible when a pet dies but when they go so young its just not fair, I'm sure you can also fully understand that feeling of there being no justice and feeling cheated...along with the anger, sadness and guilt.
The smallest things can remind you and set you off down the "if only...." road, which I know is pointless.
You remember the good times and the silly little things they did and end up laughing to yourself through all the tears. 
Life is so tough sometimes


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## LisaZonda (Oct 14, 2011)

debijw said:


> four and a half years after suddenly losing my beautiful Border Collie Bonnie, at 9rs old, I still have days where I cry bucket full's over the what ifs, but it doesn't and wouldn't have changed anything. I didn't want another dog, too painful, yet a month later I knew I needed one, so Manchester dogs home were paid a visit and we came home with Lexi, 2 months later we went back and came home with Ozzy and 3 yrs later we adopted Ty from many tears, they haven't replaced her nothing ever could but they have helped fill the empty space she left behind.
> 
> I posted this on here a couple of weeks ago, its so lovely......
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply, I think you're right...its not about replacing Koda, that just isn't possible.
I've been having the arguement with myself about getting another for quite a while now, the first year without Koda I couldn't even think about it but since the beginning of this year I've been pondering over how I feel about it all and I have decided to get one, I have always had dogs and my life and house feels empty without one (not to mention far too clean and hair/mud free! )
I love Berners but I'm too scared to get another one, I don't quite trust that I won't burst into tears everytime I look at it, so after much research on breeds that are suitable for my family I'm searching for a Dalmatian or Siberian Husky....I'm excited but also scared about how I'll feel but don't doubt for a second that when he/she is here it will feel like the best decision I ever made


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## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

LisaZonda said:


> Thank you for your reply, I think you're right...its not about replacing Koda, that just isn't possible.
> I've been having the arguement with myself about getting another for quite a while now, the first year without Koda I couldn't even think about it but since the beginning of this year I've been pondering over how I feel about it all and I have decided to get one, I have always had dogs and my life and house feels empty without one (not to mention far too clean and hair/mud free! )
> I love Berners but I'm too scared to get another one, I don't quite trust that I won't burst into tears everytime I look at it, so after much research on breeds that are suitable for my family I'm searching for a Dalmatian or Siberian Husky....I'm excited but also scared about how I'll feel but don't doubt for a second that when he/she is here it will feel like the best decision I ever made


What you really need is a newfie! Everyone needs a newfie! He will provide you with all the hair and mud and doggie smells you could ever wish for


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## debijw (May 25, 2009)

LisaZonda said:


> Thank you for your reply, I think you're right...its not about replacing Koda, that just isn't possible.
> I've been having the arguement with myself about getting another for quite a while now, the first year without Koda I couldn't even think about it but since the beginning of this year I've been pondering over how I feel about it all and I have decided to get one, I have always had dogs and my life and house feels empty without one (not to mention far too clean and hair/mud free! )
> I love Berners but I'm too scared to get another one, I don't quite trust that I won't burst into tears everytime I look at it, so after much research on breeds that are suitable for my family I'm searching for a Dalmatian or Siberian Husky....I'm excited but also scared about how I'll feel but don't doubt for a second that when he/she is here it will feel like the best decision I ever made


Thank you for your reply, that was why we never got another border collie, even after we got Lexi if I saw another BC while walking her I would end up in tears but time heals and I can now look at and fuss BC's without a problem. Just remember when you do find your newbie we need plenty of photos.........


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## Rottsmum (Aug 26, 2011)

Bless you Lisa, I know how you feel. I lost my first Rottie Anya about nine years ago and like your Koda, she was my canine soulmate. She came to me by default (I was only supposed to foster her for a short time), an ex breeding bitch aged 5 who was not house trained or socialised. Within a week I couldn't let her go, we just clicked.

She went through so much with me,travels in Europe, an abusive relationship, homelessness (she fed us more often than not!) unemployment, a new relationship, the birth of my first child, helping me raise my baby - everything. I relied on her so much that when I lost her after 10 fantastic years together it broke my heart into a million pieces. She was 15, so a good age for a Rottie, I can't imagine how you must have felt with Koda being so young  

Anya died in my arms & I spent about a week in bed after she died, just really couldn't cope and didn't have another dog for about 6 years and then I couldn't bring myself to have another Rott because it wouldn't have been the same.

I don't know if you ever really do move on. I still have her ashes and collar and I think of her every day but now I have my boys, my Great Dane Jensen(the problem child ) and little Zeke Rottie. Both were rescues who needed a good home, like Anya was, both unique, funny characters who need me as much as I need them.

No dog will ever replace Koda in your heart and you shouldn't feel bad for that. Just remember how privileged you were to know her, even if it was for a short time. 

You'll know when the time is right for you to bring a new dog into your life. 

Sending you massive healing hugs and I hope it all works out for you xx


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## LisaZonda (Oct 14, 2011)

newfiesmum said:


> What you really need is a newfie! Everyone needs a newfie! He will provide you with all the hair and mud and doggie smells you could ever wish for


haha!...yes don't I know it, our newfie Scott was a bugger for bringing in all kinds of strange smells , sadly he passed away in November 2009 (I lost Scott and Koda within 3 months of each other ), I miss that big black bear sooooo much too...I did deal with losing him a little better than Koda though, I don't mean that in a hard way but he survived to a good age and had been ill towards the end, I knew it was coming so when he eventually did go it wasn't a shock and I felt quite relieved for him because I knew he'd had enough...hope you know what I mean? 
My OH is constantly going on at me about getting a newfie, he loves them and he didn't have the pleasure of meeting Scott because he passed away just before we met, I keep saying no though...same reason as with Koda...I feel like every time I look at it I would see Scott and I'm not sure I want to have to face that emotion.


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## LisaZonda (Oct 14, 2011)

debijw said:


> Thank you for your reply, that was why we never got another border collie, even after we got Lexi if I saw another BC while walking her I would end up in tears but time heals and I can now look at and fuss BC's without a problem. Just remember when you do find your newbie we need plenty of photos.........


Thank you for your help, it does help to know that people understand how you feel, its lovely that you can now fuss BC's, it is so damn hard to deal with but you're right...time does heal 
Don't worry, the camera will be out the instant I get the new furry bundle home!


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## LisaZonda (Oct 14, 2011)

Daneandrottiemum said:


> Bless you Lisa, I know how you feel. I lost my first Rottie Anya about nine years ago and like your Koda, she was my canine soulmate. She came to me by default (I was only supposed to foster her for a short time), an ex breeding bitch aged 5 who was not house trained or socialised. Within a week I couldn't let her go, we just clicked.
> 
> She went through so much with me,travels in Europe, an abusive relationship, homelessness (she fed us more often than not!) unemployment, a new relationship, the birth of my first child, helping me raise my baby - everything. I relied on her so much that when I lost her after 10 fantastic years together it broke my heart into a million pieces. She was 15, so a good age for a Rottie, I can't imagine how you must have felt with Koda being so young
> 
> ...


Thank you for your lovely reply (which I don't mind admitting made me shed a tear) it is a huge help to know that other people understand and also is pretty amazing that so many people who don't even know me are prepared to offer so much help.
I do feel very privileged to have known Koda, so lucky that she was my baby girl for the time I had her...just wish more than anything things could have been different, I wanted her to go an old lady.
I'm so sorry to hear about Anya, these furry creatures come into your life and steal your heart don't they!...I'm so pleased you have these two lovely characters in your life now, I think it is what I need too.
Sending a big hug back to you 

Thank you again and also to everybody else who has given me a shoulder to cry on, it is appreciated so very much.


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