# Advice please - just got new puppy and am a nervous wreck



## BennyJ (Aug 31, 2014)

hi there all am hoping for some advice/words of encouragement. I've had a cocker spaniel puppy for two weeks now. He's gorgeous but am seriously freaking out about it, the responsibility and the lack of sleep. I've seen improvements in so many things the last fortnight but I still go through terrible mood swings and just wanted to hear from some of you who have gone through similar feelings. I feel guilty every time I leave the room and dread the sound of any possible whines, it just puts my nerves on edge. Any advice for how to cope with that, it's my issue clearly.

I go for an hour walk each day and see owners with their dogs at the park and hope that soon enough we will have a routine but my mood is so up and down I feel I'm on an roller coaster.
I was so excited about getting the puppy and now I am seriously doubting my ability to cope.
please any words of advice?


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## Helbo (Sep 15, 2010)

Firstly - don't panic. Puppy blues is normal. The lack of sleep and the difficult task of learning your puppy's signals, as well as everything you have to teach them...it's a lot to get used to. Try to stay calm.

What helped me was setting a structured routine of walks, naps, feeding, training, socialisation, playing...that way the day is broken up in a way that you do everything you need to, and the time seems to go quicker - less time to stress. 

And once they're toilet trained everything gets a lot easier. 

And I don't want to add any upset but I just want to say - that walking a puppy for an hour isn't reccommended. Many reccommend 5 minutes per month of age of the puppy, especially if the walks are on lead on pavement. A couple of short walks a day is better for their growing joints than one long walk. Mental stimulation; games, training etc can wear out a puppy just as well as a long walk.


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## Yourgifts Ourgifts (Apr 12, 2009)

You will get there..its just takes a lot of hard work and plenty of patience..Sabe is 17 weeks now and still taking alot of work which we expect and remember you will only get back what you put in...Try and not stress out to much as they pick up on that and remember all those other dogs you see walking all started the same way..

Would ease of a little on the hr walk as it seems a little long for the pup yet and will make him over tired...playing games with him will be better for him and you..


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## hackertime (Oct 12, 2013)

It does get easier trust me


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## Lauren5159 (May 28, 2013)

What you're feeling is perfectly normal  

We've all been there. The thought of bringing a puppy home is exciting. All cute, fluffy and just perfect. The reality, sadly, hits like a tonne of bricks. It's not all sunshine and roses, it's blimmin hard work. The responsibility is immense. It's up to you to shape the puppy in to the dog you've always dreamed of... Puppies are, in many ways, blank canvases and through training, socialisation and hard work, you have to make it that great dog  

Still with me? 

Feeling down and as though you've made a mistake, is perfectly normal once reality sets in. BUT puppies are also great  They don't need nearly as much exerciseas an adult dog so you have lots of time to build a strong bond. Start training now. Little and often
Nothing major, just set your relationship in stone. Start training a recall in the house and if you fancy it, clicker train from now. The mistake most people make is letting puppies off with certain behaviours because well, they're only babies. Don't fall in to that trap. Training should start from the moment puppy comes home. Ignore the bad, reward the good. Redirect bad behaviours (like nipping) on to good behaviours (like toys).

These hour long walks? Are you taking the puppy? If you are, I wouldn't. Puppies do not need a lot of exercise but they do need a lot of socialisation. If your puppy hasn't had all his/her inoculations, carry him to places to he can meet lots of new people and become accustomed to the big, wide world. 

I used to hate leaving Skip alone when he was a puppy, it broke my heart but I'm afraid the only way for the dog to learn is for you to man up and realise that you will never be able to stay with the dog every minute of every day  It's so hard, I know it is bit it's the only way. Puppy has to learn how to cope on his own. Don't leave him for long, start small and build up.

Do you give puppy anything to do when you leave him? Like a Kong or an interesting toy? Is he crate trained? 

Puppies are great, but only when you learn to relax and become confident in yourself that you can, in fact, do this  

Enjoy it! They really don't stay puppies for long and one day, you will really miss your little baby. 

You're going to make mistakes, we all do. But the important thing is to cut yourself some slack. No one is perfect and dogs are great in the sense that training can be carried on until a lot later in their life, if they and you need it. 

Set goals. What kind of dog is really important to you? What behaviours do you want to instill solidly? Write a list of things you want to teach your dog and keep a diary. Wrote all the ups and downs and read back of you need to. Buy some books that will help and remember to always reward things that your puppy does that you like. Never punish the puppy or shout at him. He does not yet know what is right and wrong. Your job is to teach him that  

Like I said, relax and enjoy him. 

Any specific help you need, their is a whole host of knowledgeable people on here who are more than happy to help with what they can. We've all been in your position and understand how daunting it can feel.

Good luck with everything and we really need pictures. Puppy threads without pictures are not allowed


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## Happy Paws2 (Sep 13, 2008)

It will get better, I know at the moment it feels like it never will, but it will honestly, everyone here on dog chat can swear to that, Dillon had me in tears many times in the first few weeks. Remember his only a baby and like all babies everything takes time. I think I'd cut the walks down, a few short walks a day are much better for a puppy his age.


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## ClaireandDaisy (Jul 4, 2010)

How old is the pup? 
Where does he sleep?
How are you training him? 
Do you have a puppy book?
If you give more information, perhaps people will be able to give you practical tips.


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## Goblin (Jun 21, 2011)

You are not alone in feeling like this but it does get better.. honest... 

Just to show how you are not alone...


http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-chat/373420-regret-getting-puppy.html
http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-chat/350416-puppy-blues-not-kidding-o.html
http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-chat/347667-puppy-stress.html
http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-chat/318677-so-fed-up-having-puppy.html
http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-chat/232756-new-puppy-shes-great-i-think-but-not-coping.html

That's just a few


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## BennyJ (Aug 31, 2014)

Hi all thanks so much for the advice sorry when I said I go out for an hour I meant by myself, my dad watches the pup so he's not alone.


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## Gemmaa (Jul 19, 2009)

I think it normally falls into place when they can start going for walks.
It does get better, and then you think "that was really easy! I want another one!" :laugh:


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## BennyJ (Aug 31, 2014)

thanks for all your responses, can I ask when did you allow your puppy access to more areas of the house - roughly at what age? at the moment Alfie has a basket in the kitchen and I only allow him in the lounge at certain times but I was wondering what the rest of you did?

Also how often were you physically in the same room with your pups in the course of a day. 
Alfie is ten weeks old at the moment


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## labradrk (Dec 10, 2012)

Perfectly normal. Bo was my last pup and I think I spent the first night I got her throwing up - yup, the panic set in, and the I thought "what have done?!". It's a normal response to a life altering change but when you get into a bit of routine and normality, the feeling subsides and you get over it! 



BennyJ said:


> thanks for all your responses, can I ask when did you allow your puppy access to more areas of the house - roughly at what age? at the moment Alfie has a basket in the kitchen and I only allow him in the lounge at certain times but I was wondering what the rest of you did?
> 
> Also how often were you physically in the same room with your pups in the course of a day.
> Alfie is ten weeks old at the moment


I mostly keep my pups with me as I like to keep an eye on them, especially if they are not clean in the house yet. However, I do like to encourage some dependency from me, so will pop them on their bed with a chew in another room at times and shut doors behind me if I'm popping into the kitchen, the loo etc. I try not to encourage them to follow me as frankly I find that kind of annoying constantly being shadowed!


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## LOLcats (Jun 21, 2014)

Well done for posting here  lots of very helpful people with great advice 

I think if you're not expecting puppy blues it must hit twice as hard  you're not the first and you won't be the last  look out for a thread from me in a few weeks (our first puppy joins the family next week!) I know to expect to blues, just like I knew when I had my eldest but no doubt, I'll still be blubbering into a glass of wine, typo's aplenty as I try to type, eyes blurred from tears 'what the buggering bullocks have I done!'

But I also know I will get _tons_ of support, help and advice  stick around and I promise you'll get that here too 

And, erm.....PHOTOS PLEASE!


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## Happy Paws2 (Sep 13, 2008)

We had a crate for Dillon so every afternoon I'd give him in there for some down time so we could all have a rest from each other, but mainly he was allowed free run of the house and garden just kept an eye on him so he didn't get hurt or wreck the place.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

The puppy needs to learn that he'll be by himself sometimes, and you need to learn to relax and just ignore his pitiful whines. My cocker x poodle made the most dreadful noises like someone was killing him lol.
When you do take him out for walks, I recommend 30 mins twice daily off lead if you can - best way of teaching recall cause he'll be nervous of his surroundings.


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## ladyisla (Apr 19, 2014)

Hi, 

I was recently in your shoes - my Westie puppy is just a little over 6 months now and I think - although the little bleeder surprised me today by running off when some other little dogs came towards her for the first time ever - I am out the other side of the initial OMG period! I had never had a dog before let alone a puppy and was utterly determined to do everything properly (pfft!) but also utterly terrified by everything.

When I went to visit Heidi at the breeders she told me it will be like having a new baby and I thought oh well it can't possibly turn things upside down that much...WELL! I haven't had a baby yet, but I hope I will be a little bit prepared now when I do. I don't think I slept a whole night the first few months I had her. I live on my own so there was no one to delegate puppy tasks to and it was all down to me. I also have no garden so had to initially paper train and then retrain outside when she was fully vaccinated etc. 

It did really get to me after a while and I just could not stand the thought of having to clear up YET another wee. A few days after Heidi came home I remember standing in the kitchen in tears with her hanging on to my jeans thinking I love you but I have no idea what to do with you... I also definitely resented how straightforward and routine-y the other people we met with dogs appeared and couldn't understand why we didn't seem to have that. Now I've realised that it all falls into place slowly. 

I agree it helps to start with the little training exercises as once some of those things were in place we very quickly had a routine. A few minutes of sits, going in and out of her crate, short grooming sessions etc. And then later the walks. Now we also go to puppy training classes so I have some exercises I can do with her out and about. It all helps to add structure. Once you see them start learning things and exploring the world it's such a joy, you kind of forget about all the hard stuff and find yourself thinking, hmm I wonder if she needs a friend yet... 

We have a crate but she has always hated it during the day, unless she is sufficiently tired to just go in and fall asleep which is rare. She goes in there when I go out though, and as far as I know just settles down. Once we were getting nearly all wee's outside I started to let her wander about everywhere inside after me. I'd say that was probably about 4 months old. Or if I want to deliberately keep her busy I'll fill her Kong with something yummy - a bit of wet food, peanut butter or carrot are good and that will keep her busy and I can nip outside to the bin or something. Thankfully she is a little pig and I don't hear a peep out of her as long as she's stuffing her face with something good!

I'm sure you're doing a fine job. It will get better! 

Leah


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## JenKyzer (Jun 25, 2013)

BennyJ said:


> thanks for all your responses, can I ask when did you allow your puppy access to more areas of the house - roughly at what age? at the moment Alfie has a basket in the kitchen and I only allow him in the lounge at certain times but I was wondering what the rest of you did?
> 
> Also how often were you physically in the same room with your pups in the course of a day.
> Alfie is ten weeks old at the moment


Just another one to say your feelings are normal  I honestly thought 'omg what have i done' for soo long. Lack of sleep, lack of relaxing, always watching out for him wee-ing indoors etc. He's 5months now and we bonded so much since starting puppy classes 2 months ago  now i can barely remember how much i disliked him, i just remember i did, for a bit...   & he's such a 'mummys boy' now (as much as i hate mummy/daddy... you get the idea  )


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

BennyJ said:


> thanks for all your responses, can I ask when did you allow your puppy access to more areas of the house - roughly at what age? at the moment Alfie has a basket in the kitchen and I only allow him in the lounge at certain times but I was wondering what the rest of you did?
> 
> Also how often were you physically in the same room with your pups in the course of a day.
> Alfie is ten weeks old at the moment


I have always allowed my puppies free access to the downstairs of the house and garden.

Sometimes, it's necessary to give a puppy some 'down time' alone, if they're getting over excited or 'bitey', but Alfie really shouldn't be virtually living in the kitchen.

Do you mind me asking why he is spending so much time alone?


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## BennyJ (Aug 31, 2014)

Hi he's not spending a lot of time alone, am actually in the kitchen with him most of the time which is why I'm asking how long most people stayed with their puppy. I obviosuly don't want him to be overly clingy and get separation anxiety so want to get the right balance


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## Jamesgoeswalkies (May 8, 2014)

My puppies also have access to most of the house immediately ...if you are worried about puddles then make sure you take him out prior to his coming into the lounge etc. The more normal you make his life, the more you will be able to relax.

My puppies run off and play or do their own thing whilst we are 'somewhere in the room'. You don't need to give your puppy full on attention. he needs time to play away from you.

However you do have to get your puppy used to being without you so leave him alone in the kitchen for short periods (and yes, ignore the whines). 

Is he out and about going walkies yet?

J


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## BennyJ (Aug 31, 2014)

hi there all so Alfie is 10 weeks old and most wees are outside and the kitchen is his equivalent of a crate with his basket where he sleeps at night. so if i want some downtime /need to pop out put him in the kitchen but the rest of the time when he has relieved hmself allow him gemeral access to the lounge? ive been spending quite a bit of a time with him in the kitchen which makes me stir crazy on hardly any sleep so this way it will allow me to chill a bit whilst watching him?

If he falls asleep in the lounge will that confuse him or should I then put him in the kitchen. I don't want to confuse his night time routine - advice please? sorry all have just had him 2 weeks and want some consistency for him and me.


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## Blitz (Feb 12, 2009)

BennyJ said:


> hi there all so Alfie is 10 weeks old and most wees are outside and the kitchen is his equivalent of a crate with his basket where he sleeps at night. so if i want some downtime /need to pop out put him in the kitchen but the rest of the time when he has relieved hmself allow him gemeral access to the lounge? ive been spending quite a bit of a time with him in the kitchen which makes me stir crazy on hardly any sleep so this way it will allow me to chill a bit whilst watching him?
> 
> If he falls asleep in the lounge will that confuse him or should I then put him in the kitchen. I don't want to confuse his night time routine - advice please? sorry all have just had him 2 weeks and want some consistency for him and me.


I have always had my puppies with me. Not allowed upstairs or in the bathroom though.
The kitchen is where he sleeps or goes when you are out - apart from that he should have access to the same room that you relax in. Of course he will sleep wherever he is. That is fine, just watch for him to wake up and take him straight outside before he looks for somewhere to wee.


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## BennyJ (Aug 31, 2014)

sorry more questions, Alfie does about 4 poos a day but they are really spread out; that is not going within 30 minutes of eating but a good four/five hours later has anyone else experienced this? he goes first thing but after that its really inconsistent -hes ten weeks old


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

BennyJ said:


> sorry more questions, Alfie does about 4 poos a day but they are really spread out; that is not going within 30 minutes of eating but a good four/five hours later has anyone else experienced this? he goes first thing but after that its really inconsistent -hes ten weeks old


how often are you feeding him? If its four times a day, they will be spread out at the moment. As long as they're nice and firm and not bloody I wouldn't worry too much.


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## Chocolatepaws (Jul 30, 2014)

Yeah just agree with what everyone else has said

I felt exactly the same way when Bee was a pup, also a cocker. She is and was even at 12 weeks so clever, I was surprised how into everything she was and worried all the time about what she was getting into! but I spoke to other puppy owners and they all felt the same way, it really is like caring for a baby.

I cleared a small room when Bee was a puppy to practice leaving her, emptied the downstairs loo of anything she could possibly get into so it was a totally blank canvas and then when I left her I knew nothing could possibly happen. I built up leaving her over time, 5 minutes then 10 until we made it to an hour and I was always just in the other room but of course she didnt know that. 

its totally right to have a puppy in your eye line the whole time but don't follow him around I was so worried I often followed Bee or moved to be closer to her but in retrospect I was just teaching her that it was all about her when really I needed to teach her to keep her eyes on me a bit too. One thing you havent asked about but I would 100% recommend ( others may disagree) is to teach him to be off lead from an early age ( within a controlled and safe area) I have never regretted that with Bee, because she was young she stuck to me and learnt how scary it was if she lost sight of me for a second friends who have gone to teach their dogs to be off lead at older ages (6 months etc) have really struggled


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