# So sad I've lost my precious little cat :-(



## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

At the weekend, I lost my gorgeous little Siamese cat Suki. I now overwhelming feel the need to share my experience, which I am really struggling to cope with as I am so heartbroken. 

About a month ago, I was so happy with my two gorgeous cats Luna and Suki, who have been my lifelong companions for nearly 12 years. Having had fertility problems, I don't have any children and my cats mean everything to me- I am so completely attached to them. 

At the beginning of June, one of my beautiful cats Luna, was diagnosed with mammary cancer. I was completely devastated and thought the worst. After a few weeks, she had a major operation to have her mammary strip removed. I was so worried about her and the vets weren't sure what her chances were. After a successful operation I was overjoyed to hear that she'd been cured and although there's a chance the cancer could return, she's making a good recovery. So we gave her lots of love to help her feel better. 

Then for some unexplained reason, around the end of June, her and her pal Suki stopped eating, which can be very serious in cats. So after three days, I took them both to the vets. On their return, Suki just wasn't the same. She displayed unusual behaviour, hissing a lot and was drooling and eventually she had a fit. We took her to the vets and she stayed there, continuing to fit until on Saturday night, the vet suggested we put her to sleep. As she wasn't fully conscious due to the sedation etc, he didn't think she'd know who we were so we didn't get a chance to say goodbye, but it was the right thing for her. 

Now I am really struggling to cope with the loss of Suki and am totally heartbroken. I am wracked with guilt about all sorts of things like why didn't I notice she was ill sooner, why didn't I give her more love, why did I take her to the vet that day, why couldn't I say goodbye properly??? It all seems so sudden and cruel! 

Suki was completely adorable. I spent nearly 12 very happy years with her. She was unique in many ways and was one of a kind, very affectionate and friendly and she always made me laugh. She slept on my pillow every night and I'd often snuggle in to her tummy while I slept. Now every morning and evening, I can't bear being in bed without her on my pillow. Every room reminds me of her, her little places she liked to sleep, her cat bowls etc. The house is full of memories. She is everywhere but nowhere... 

I can't stop crying and don't know what to do with myself. I have never felt grief like this before and can't see it ever getting easier. It was an absolute pleasure to be Mummy to Suki for nearly 12 years. She will be missed immensely by Luna, me and my husband. She has left a huge gap in our home and the place is so much quieter without her. She will always leave her gorgeous paw prints on our hearts. 

Its so good to find people who understand what I am going through on this forum. Any advice on how to cope with his immense pain would be very much appreciated, as well as advice on how to look after my poor Luna who has just had a major operation and has lot her best pal. 

From heartbroken Suki's Mummy xx


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Oh my dear, this is so sad.

You must both be devastated, as will Luna, losing her sister of 12 years - how dreadful for you.

All I can say is - you did what was right for her, and not best for yourselves, and that was the most any of us can do for our darling animals. Your home and your lives will feel empty for a long time, and I will be honest - even if you got another fifty cats, you could never replace her and nor would you want to. She was unique and you loved her for that individuality.

I believe that animals go straight to heaven; they are pure in soul. Please don't blame yourself - all those "woulda/coulda/shoulda's" will just destroy you. Hindsight is always 20/20 - but all of us do the best we can at the time, and so did you. Maybe if you had done something different, there would have been a different outcome - but maybe not. It is one of those things you will never know.

What you DO know is that you did your best, what you thought was right - and that you had another sick cat to worry about too, and for whom you were also trying to do your best.

Suki will not blame you - she loves you still and will always live on in your hearts.

My prayers are with you at this very painful time.


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## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

Thank you so much for your kind words, which are very comforting. I'm reading this with tears streaming as I miss her so much.

It's really comforting to think that my baby and her special soul has gone straight to heaven. I like to think she knows how much I love her and I hope she's happy playing with other little cat angels.

Thanks too for your prayers- it means a lot.


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

These things can come on suddenly in cats, so please don't beat yourself up. I lost my 15-year-old ginger boy last year; like Suki, he'd had some health problems (IBD, CKD etc), but he was doing pretty good. He went to bed with us as normal one night and by 3am he was fitting. It came out of nowhere. It didn't stop. By 10am I put him to sleep.

Look after yourself and Luna xxx


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## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

Thank you so much. I'm so sorry to hear about your ginger boy, which also sounds like a very sad experience. It was so upsetting to watch her fit, and so suddenly, and I'm sure you found this too.... 

I wish you all the best. Your kind words do help so thanks so much again!


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

LunaandSuki said:


> Thank you so much. I'm so sorry to hear about your ginger boy, which also sounds like a very sad experience. It was so upsetting to watch her fit, and so suddenly, and I'm sure you found this too....
> 
> I wish you all the best. Your kind words do help so thanks so much again!


It was a very hard decision, but I think it was made a little easier by the fact you just have to stop their suffering. I didn't really cry properly until after I gave the injection and then came the tears.

Suki was lucky to have you and she will have known that xxx


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## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

The decision to put her to sleep was awful but I couldn't bear the thought of my baby suffering- I suppose that you have you trust in the vet. Still, it doesn't make it any less painful :-( 

I hope she knows how much I loved her and that she'll always be in my heart. Thanks for understanding!


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss of Suki. These are natural feelings that we go through. The if only I had noticed or had done that.
I too had those feelings when I lost my 3 year old Harley. The truth is because we are in tune with our loved ones we would have noticed.
You did everything possible. The feelings of Heart break is awful and in time your memories of her will make you smile again.
I never thought I would never be the same after loosing Harley.
Luna will need your support too and together with your Hubby you will help each other through.
Be kind to yourselves. xx


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## Judgee (Jul 7, 2015)

I know how you feel and nothing seems to help. Tried everything but nothing helps. Lost my little friend on Sunday and little by little it gets a bit easier to cope. All the negative thoughts of what I did/didn't do right, did she suffer? and the despair that I will never see her again. But today I feel a little better. My thoughts have turned more to how lucky I was to have her in my life. I'll always have my memories and the bad ones of the last few weeks are fading, being taken over by all the times she made me smile. I have my photos and I will never forget her. Maybe I'll get another cat one day. They won't be the same but from these forums it's clear that all kitties are special in their own way!

Cuddle Luna, she will help you get through this. Although the world looks so bleak and empty right now one day it will become a little more bearable. My thoughts are with you. Knowing how much other people love their animals has helped me feel a little less alone in my sadness.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm so sorry you have lost your beautiful girl and Luna her dear pal. I lost my Siamese and another dear cat two years ago, they are such dear souls and i know much of a hole Suki's passing has left in your heart after such a long time. You have had a lot to cope with with Luna's illness and then this and it was a brave decision to relieve Suki's suffering. The pain will pass I promise and one day you will be able to think of all the good times you shared. Now you just need to grieve and help poor Luna adjust to life without her friend. Thinking of you all at this sad time.


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## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

jill3 said:


> I am so sorry for your loss of Suki. These are natural feelings that we go through. The if only I had noticed or had done that.
> I too had those feelings when I lost my 3 year old Harley. The truth is because we are in tune with our loved ones we would have noticed.
> You did everything possible. The feelings of Heart break is awful and in time your memories of her will make you smile again.
> I never thought I would never be the same after loosing Harley.
> ...


Thanks so much for your reply Jill3. So sorry to hear about Harley, and so young too! That must have been so sad for you.

I really hope I will be able to smile at Suki's memories soon. It's breaking my heart to miss her so much. Thanks again xxx


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## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

Judgee said:


> I know how you feel and nothing seems to help. Tried everything but nothing helps. Lost my little friend on Sunday and little by little it gets a bit easier to cope. All the negative thoughts of what I did/didn't do right, did she suffer? and the despair that I will never see her again. But today I feel a little better. My thoughts have turned more to how lucky I was to have her in my life. I'll always have my memories and the bad ones of the last few weeks are fading, being taken over by all the times she made me smile. I have my photos and I will never forget her. Maybe I'll get another cat one day. They won't be the same but from these forums it's clear that all kitties are special in their own way!
> 
> Cuddle Luna, she will help you get through this. Although the world looks so bleak and empty right now one day it will become a little more bearable. My thoughts are with you. Knowing how much other people love their animals has helped me feel a little less alone in my sadness.


That's so much for your kind words. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Judgee. It's so hard and I can totally empathise with you. It feels like nothing will make it better, except to have her here with me.

I'm pleased that it's starting to get easier for you and that her memories are making you smile. Like you, I too feel so lucky to have been Mummy to such a special cat and feel truly privileged for that. She will always have a very special place in my heart.

I agree that this forum really helps as it's co comforting knowing that others understand this deep loss. My heart goes out to you too and I really hope your days continue to get easier. I hope that time heals us both. That we will look back and smile at the wonderful memories our babies blessed us with x


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## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

Charity said:


> I'm so sorry you have lost your beautiful girl and Luna her dear pal. I lost my Siamese and another dear cat two years ago, they are such dear souls and i know much of a hole Suki's passing has left in your heart after such a long time. You have had a lot to cope with with Luna's illness and then this and it was a brave decision to relieve Suki's suffering. The pain will pass I promise and one day you will be able to think of all the good times you shared. Now you just need to grieve and help poor Luna adjust to life without her friend. Thinking of you all at this sad time.
> 
> View attachment 237256


Thanks so much for your lovely kind words Charity. Your words are a huge comfort to me. I'm sorry to hear about your dear cats- they are so very special to us that we feel lost when they're gone.

It's so good to know that the pain will fade and that I'll be able to look back fondly on all the good times we shared. How I long for that. How I long to look back on photos of Suki and smile.

I will take care of Luna as best I can. Give her all the love she needs. I hope that she'll be ok without her lifelong buddy. I'm so worried about her- I just hope she'll be happy. Thanks again and take care x


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