# The purrfect mate for my young boy



## morning.meow (Apr 4, 2016)

Cat T was not the best choice for neither Cat B (our cat) nor our lifestyle. Sadly, we returned him back to his previous owner -who was really bummed- and now Cat B seems calmer, although, he is sort of "searching" for Cat T around his previous room.
We have decided not to give up with the idea of having a second cat. I strongly believe it was a matter of too different personalities + intimidation (Cat T being much bigger than Cat B) and stress (we are now seeing into investing on a better brand of Feliway). However, this time we have decide to be more careful when selecting a new cat. This time, we will search for a cat that matches our Cat B's personality, and our lifestyle as well. We have been suggested to adopt a kitten (around 4 to 10 months old) so it can be easier to teach them our house rules, but I'd like to hear you opinions as well.

Anyway, here is a short description of Cat B's personality.

Cat B is a shy, calm and lazy cat. He loves to sleep and simply lay down on the floor, bed or couch. He enjoys playing for a few minutes, then completely ignores you, and a few hours later repeats the same process. He is easily scared by people passing outside our house, by our guests (he would hide on his room and refuse to leave) and weird sounds at night. He is very calm and patient, even when being annoyed by myself or my husband (accidentally) he avoids biting or scratching us (of course, he has a limit too). He sleeps in the most weird ways and loves to cuddle while sleeping, usually ending up between husband and I. 
With Cat T he acted more aggressive-scared than aggressive-attack. At the same time, he seemed interested on Cat T and insisted on having the door opened to see Cat T. He would hiss whenever Cat T did something that would intimidate him, but overall became angry-calm. He only _attacked_ on, when his nose accidentally bumped with Cat T's leg (he was trying to get out of the room) and immediately ran away. Given the cats' behaviors and gestures information I have read, he was more scared about Cat T than aggressive. And I totally understood him! Even my husband and I were scared of Cat T: he could jump up to two meters high, while our cat can reach 1 and a half top (and with some difficult I might add).

Please let me know on what traits do you think should focus on when searching between other cats? Should I go for a different gender? Should I search for a younger cat, and if so, how much younger? Should I try finding a shy cat, or a more outgoing cat? In advance thank you.


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

Personally, from what you've said on the threads, I wouldn't introduce a second cat for Cat B's benefit (what is his name, BTW? Calling him Cat B seems strange). It sounds like he's happy on his own, is fearful of new situations and has a good relationship with you.

Bear in mind that upsetting this balance could change his relationship with you and could impact on his happiness. I'm not saying it will, but it is a possibility of which you should be aware.

If you still want to have a second cat (which will be for you, not him - I don't mean that in a negative way, just trying to make it clear), I'd choose a kitten/young cat who is not yet socially mature - ie a cat under 18-24 months old. If Cat B is not assertive about his territory, you'd be best avoiding a cat who is.

Most cats only play for a few minutes at a time; this is natural feline play behaviour.

Not sure what you mean by 'better brand of Feliway', since Feliway is the only product of its kind on the market, but Ceva have just (as in literally yesterday) launched 'Feliway Friends', a pheromone aimed at reducing tension and conflict between cats. You can plug in both standard Feliway and Feliway Friends in the same room.

Have you got the space and resources for two cats? They need at least three litter trays in different parts of the house, they must be fed separately (not within sight of each other) and have space to get away from each other if they want to.

Plan carefully. Manage your expectations about the relationship (or lack of) you want the cats to have. Be prepared for the same thing to happen as with Cat T. 

Good luck!


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Most cats I have met would not give *that* (tries to click fingers) for your ''house rules'', Lord no... and _especially_ a four-month-old kitten. A kitten will be far more of a lively presence in your home than an older cat; whatever cat you choose, it takes time (likely a month or so) for the newcomer to be accepted.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

I agree with Ceiling Kitty - from your description of him it doesn't sound as though your cat needs a feline companion. Many cats are happy living as an only cat, and if they are very people oriented cats (as yours sounds) they would far rather not have to share their humans with any other cat. (their humans are one of the cat's valued resources).

If you were to adopt a 4 - 10 month old kitten you could not tell how his/her personality might develop once they reached maturity at around 2 to 3 yrs old and began asserting their full territorial rights in your home. 

As your cat is rather timid my concern would be that a kitten might grow up to bully him. I guess one way to reduce the risk would be to choose a kitten from a pedigree breed that is known to be laid back and gets on well with other cats, e.g. a BSH. Though there is still no guarantee that your cat would welcome the presence of any kitten at all in his home, no matter what their personality.


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## morning.meow (Apr 4, 2016)

@Ceiling Kitty Maybe I wasn't clear on my post. I do not want to adopt a second cat to make company to our cat, Byakko, but rather because I (and husband) want the joys of having two cats. I have the space needed, the money required and time to give for both cats, so there is no issue there. I now that if I fall in love with a cat, I'd probably be willing to face the introduction face for much longer than I was able with Cat T. 
I do fear for the the relationship I have with my cat, and after seeing him back to normal after Cat T's departure, I am second guessing my choice of having another cat. I know adding another cat can improve my life, but would it also improve Byakko's life or would it make it bitter? Would he be happier or become depressed? Would he resent me forever or eventually find the joys of having a playmate? So many questions, and I just seem unable to answer them (husband says I should take this as fate that we shouldn't have a second cat).
About the Feliway...I live outside the UK, and in my country they don't sell Feliway as a brand (CEVA, Comfort, etc.), nor can you import them by Amazon. Our country only has "natural feliway", which is a mixture of herbs that -supposedly- imitate the effects of Feliway on cats. So I have been thinking about taking a trip abroad to find the real deal.

@Calvine I agree, but at least when they are kittens it is easier to teach them proper behavior (or so I have experienced). Old habits die hard, and in older cats I presume it might take longer for them to adjust to not climbing at the fridge or using your fingers as toys. Besides, if a kitten tries to bite you it won't hurt as bad as a three years old cat.

@chillminx Hadn't thought about the kitten outgrowing our cat. I will definitely take this into consideration. About your first comment...Are there really a lot of happy single cats? I have yet to find someone who actually believes that a single cat is much happier than a cat who lives with a companion. Most people actually argue that cats benefit from having a playmate, and the only exception seem to be cats that are aggressive by nature or much older (5 years or more). So I guess this also makes me wonder if adding a second cat does give your cat more benefits compared to letting him be a single cat.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Thing is cats are by nature solitary creatures, and once past kittenhood they don't need other cats for company. Quite different to humans or dogs who are by nature social creatures who actively seek out their own kind.

Cats are hard wired to dislike sharing their resources with other cats. However it is true there are cats who can be persuaded to share their resources with another cat. It is the luck of the draw as to whether one adopts a cat who seems not to mind sharing, a cat who hates to share, or one who comes somewhere along the spectrum between the two. You can't tell which kind of personality the cat will show in a domestic setting until they start settling in to your home and interacting with the resident cat. The resident cat will have their own particular views on the matter too.

The one thing I've noticed over many years of living with cats, and looking after cats in the Shelter, is that cats who are very people-orientated tend not to like sharing their resources with other cats (humans being one of a cat's most precious resources). So if you go to a Shelter looking for a cat and a lovely confident cat comes up and makes a big fuss of you, then this may well be a cat who wants his humans all to himself. (this is a generalisation of course, there will always be some exceptions). But if I had already had a resident cat who was laid back and rather timid then erring on the side of caution I would not adopt a confident people-oriented cat as a companion for him.

Cats who get on best as adults often tend to be those who have been together since they were kittens, though this is not always to be relied upon either once they reach maturity.

If I was choosing a companion for an adult cat I would ask Shelter staff to show me cats who are known to get on well with other cats but be fairly neutral (or offhand) towards the humans who look after them. This might mean it would take longer for you to form a close relationship with such a cat , but on the other hand your original cat may be more comfortable with them in the house.

When I was growing up it was almost unheard of for people to have more than one cat, or occasionally two cats who had been acquired together as kittens. I would say anecdotally there were far fewer stress-related and behavioural problems among domestic cats in those days, as a direct result of them not having to share their homes with other cats.


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## Chippers (Jun 16, 2015)

I have a single cat, and I work full time, and he is a breed that is considered to be very people orientated and may 'become stressed when left alone for long periods of time'......and you know what? he is perfectly fine! I had doubts about having just one and considered getting another but he has proven to be very chilled out and likes having me to himself  

So there are single cats out there that are happy!


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## Sh N (Dec 2, 2015)

As I said in the other thread, Maya is pretty pretty clear about wanting to be an solo cat. I've wanted two cats just because I'd have loved to see two personalities, and also because Maya is extremely attached to my OH- she is crazy about him and refuses to share him with me even, sometimes 
But then given her personality and our time constraints due to full time work, two cats would be an extremely bad idea- especially if they don't take to each other. I don't want to think what would happen if I've committed to two of them, and can't do justice to it. 

Many cats are happy being quite alone.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

Even though I have nearly always had more than one cat, I am convinced that all of them would have been equally happy, some more happy, as an only cat. Its only the need of us humans to have more than one which has pushed cats to live together, some amicably, others not. I think we can actually fool ourselves into believing some cats are happy when they are not, they are merely tolerating the presence of another cat. I have had cats who, being more dominant, have suppressed the personality of the other cat and sometimes when the more dominant one passes on, the other one blossoms. Any cat who is shy or quiet is likely to be the underdog and you cannot judge a cat by what you see in the rescue centre etc., as they only really show their true personality once they have settled in your home. I think the need of the resident cat(s) has to come above my own personal need for more cats, its no use getting another cat if the first seems happier and more relaxed on their own, especially if you've already seen they don't get on with another cat as there are no guarantees it will work a second time.


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## SueTh (Feb 14, 2016)

I would agree with the comments above. I have had two cats before and it was not a good decision. The second arrival was very used to other cats, and my other cat was quiet and laid back, so I thought all would be ok. But no! Original cat turned into a bully and became less affectionate towards us which was awful. We had to re-arrange everything to accommodate extra litter trays, and eventually we built a lovely cat house extension which gave an escape route for either cat if things got too stressful between them. I thought I was giving my original cat some company and a play mate, he would have much preferred to be a solitary cat. Do not under estimate the stress a second cat could cause you. Ours were both rescue cats and I thought I was doing the best for them. Good Luck x


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