# HELP PLEASE: How to get a good pet out of less-than-ideal conditions?



## foxyowner1 (Jan 20, 2015)

I am a tenant living in a house with several other people. There is a semi-stray female cat living in the house (it was abandoned by a tenant who moved out) and no one likes it or takes care of it. The cat is calm and does not scratch, but has a terrible personality. It does not engage with people in any way or show any affection, it will only come up to you when you have food and annoy you. 

The cat had four (unwanted) kittens, and somehow I've become the one to take care of them (no one else in the house helps). The kittens have shown interest in people, and I've decided to adopt one of them. The kitten I've picked has shown that it is trainable, non-aggressive and moderately affectionate. It comes to me when I call (most times), plays with toys and also purrs around me sometimes.

Everything was going well up until a few days ago. The kittens are going on 7 weeks old and I'm trying to wean them, but I don't want to pay to feed all the kittens. I buy food mostly for the one I picked, and I try to feed it away from the others, but it is very difficult as it is difficult to find private spaces in the house. Sometimes I have to feed my kitten while simultaneously pushing both the mom and the other kittens away. When I am able to afford food for the other kittens, they fight and claw at each other for the food. I don't feed the mom at all, and she is pregnant again and really becoming a nuisance and takes food away from the kittens.

Additionally, I'm worried that the other kittens as well as the mom are bad influences on my new pet. The other kittens don't seem super smart and have a range of behavioral problems that my kitten didn't have but now exhibits sometimes. The mom does not use a letterbox and eats garbage outside, and the kittens are now starting to do the same. I wish I could keep my pet indoors like I want, but with so many people going in and out all the time there is no way I can keep my pet from doing what the other cats do. I feel like as the kittens grow they are learning how to be unaffectionate and half-wild like their mom, and it's very frustrating.

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The past couple days, I've noticed that my kitten is scared of me. It will run when I pass by and move away from me when I try to pet it. The kitten sill comes to me when I call, and eats out of my lap and purrs, but I haven't been able to pet it for about 2 days. It seems to generally dislike me now, and I'm wondering if and how I can regain the bond we had. 

I don't know exactly what the issue is; whether it's a series of terrible eating experiences, or if my kitten is just going through a phase or if it is learning bad behavior from the mom, but I'm really tired of the situation. Trying to train my kitten takes a ton of my time and I was hoping I'd have to put in less work as it got older, but I feel like I'm taking steps backwards. I'm already delaying certain developmental milestones (like litter box training and dry food) because I have no idea how I can effectively train my pet with so many people (and other cats) around. 

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The good news is that I'm moving into my own place in 3 weeks. My kitten will be 9 weeks old, and I was planning to take it with me. However, I'm worried that if things continue to go wrong, adopting the cat will be nothing but a headache, as I'm not sure I'll be able to re-establish a bond if I don't see an improvement before I move.

Please advise on what I'm doing wrong or how I can make the best out of this crazy situation. I have no prior experience with training animals.

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EDIT: Another possible reason for the kittens being scared is the other tenants. There is one in particular that is advocating for the kittens to be removed and I notice that when she is around all the kittens (except one) run and hide under the couch like they used to before I started to socialized them. I have no idea what the other tenants do when I'm not around, but I just want to know if my kitten can still turn into a good pet despite all the crazy.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

I would recommend giving all of the cats and kittens to a shelter to rehome them.


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## rox666 (May 22, 2012)

My first thoughts on reading this...... First thing - get mum spayed ASAP. Not sure how far into the pregnancy she is, but I understand that they can still be spayed whilst in the early stages. If you can't get her spayed then ring round all the local shelters to find one that will take her and the kittens. 

Don't worry about yourself and your kitten, you need to worry about mum and all the kittens and get them into a caring environment where they will be well cared for and neutered.


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## lilythepink (Jul 24, 2013)

Is this a wind up? cos if its true, you need to contact cats protection asap and have all kittens and mother car removed for their own safety and well being.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

I really, really can't imagine that in a houseful of normal intelligent adults there is no-one who had the gumption to take the responsibility of getting the mother cat spayed long before she became pregnant again. Or at least handing her in to a Rescue! 

As for the kittens, you cannot wean one kitten without weaning all of them. If you don't want the responsibility of feeding the hungry mother cat and weaning all the kittens, then please contact all your local cat rescues and beg for the mum cat and all the the kittens to be taken in, so they can be fed, given proper veterinary care, neutered and rehomed.

The present situation just cannot be allowed to continue any longer - it is appalling.


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

I would suggest that, at this time, you are not in the right place - either physically or mentally - for the responsibility of a kitten. I think it would be best for you to wait until you have moved into your own place, have got yourself sorted and settled and then, after doing some reading & research, approach a rescue with a view to getting a pet then if you feel you still want one.

If you never cared enough about the mother cat to look after her properly, then I fear you are only interested in the kitten whilst it is cute and this will go as it grows and becomes a cat.

Furthermore, kittens - and all animals - are blimmin' hard work. They do not 'get easier' as they get older. When you take one on, you must do so knowing you are committing the best part of the next 15-20 years of your life to its care. 

I really do think it would be best for the mother, the kittens and for you if you were to find a rescue facility to take them in. This way, they can be rehomed to people & families who have given the matter much thought & know what they are signing up for.


.


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## ALR (Apr 16, 2014)

This is a sad post. Basically as I understand it, a female cat was abandoned by its owner. The new tenants didn't want the cat but didn't do anything about it either. Now the cat has had kittens and it sounds as though the cat and its kittens don't have proper nutrition.

I think Foxyowner, even though no one at your house cares, you seem to care a bit. So it would be good if you could get the cat and kittens a rescue which will get them help.

As for adopting one kitten, it sounds like you're trying to separate the kitten from the other kittens and its mother. This is very dangerous, a kitten learns a lot from its siblings and its mother in the first 8 to 12 weeks of its life. Some kittens separated too early can become aggressive later on in life. Also as has already been mentioned, all kittens should be weaned together. Most of the time the kittens are weaned off the mother and put in a pen together then separated when they are older. 

Your choice is you either look after all of them until the kittens are older then rehome the others while you keep one kitten for yourself or you give all of them to a rescue.


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## Muttly (Oct 1, 2014)

As said get them ALL to a resuce centre now. I can't understand this situation at all. 

Pushing the mother and other kittens away so you can feed one of them is appaling................... I'm out.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

lilythepink said:


> Is this a wind up?


I hope so 
Was running out the door for work this morning hence my short reply however it says everything I wanted to say and answers the question!
If it's true this is shocking - I agree with CM, people really make me wonder sometimes


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## Jonny and Slush (Jan 13, 2015)

Foxyowner,

As worried as I am about the situation, I am even more worried that we will never hear from you again because of the understandable negativity of the reactions.

As appalled as my fellow cat lovers and I might be by this situation, please stay and talk this through with us. A lot of what you have written shows a complete lack of knowledge about this whole situation, this is understandable.


I am sure it wasn't easy for you to be so open and honest about the situation, I really respect you for being so though. So please, please stay and together as a community we can follow through to get the best for everyone in the future as the past is behind us and untouchable now.

1) How much is food per week for you to ween all the kittens together? If you were donated the food would you be willing to ween all these little ones together as they should be?

2) I don't know a lot about all of this, but I would imagine that if it is possible to keep everyone together for the next few very important weeks then that would be best. Providing of course that you are willing to put in the effort that these beautiful animals deserve.

If you could put the money thing aside (I've been there surviving on a £5 per week food budget so I understand), is your heart open to love them all unconditionally for the next few weeks/month?

3) If we can get you through that period providing proper care then it could make an incredible difference especially for the kittens with regards to behavior, health and therefore chances of finding a permanent life long and loving home for them in the future. 

Then we can look into re-homing options be that through cat rescue, adoption shelters or even a bit of home to home advertisement.



Everyone on here adores cats, probably all animals and so emotions will probably run high throughout this. But more important than anything whatsoever is the well being of those beautiful animals, so please, please work with us to ensure they get that.

Most of the members here know far more than I do and I am sure will take you step by step through what you need to do. I will chip in towards/cover financial costs for weening. 

If you can show unconditional love for all those little lost souls then I don't see why you can't learn the true depth of the responsibilities of being a cat owner. However as we can talk you through here, you will see it is a very expensive and essential responsibility.

Please post back, let us know you haven't been scared off and we can work together as a community for the sake of these kitties.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Of course mum and siblings are competing for 'your' kitten's food...they are hungry! I fostered a pregnant mum (whom I still have) and could not believe what she and the babies consumed...it was totally staggering. As for me, I could not feed the one and push the others away knowing that they are starving. What area are these kittens and mum? Anyone know?


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Whilst I appreciate that JohnnyandSlush is trying to be helpful and supportive to the OP, I do think it is a big ask to expect someone who has little or no experience of caring for cats, and bringing up kittens, to take on such a responsibility even if s/he can get cat food donated. 

The hard cold fact is that a Rescue (most of whom are usually full) will be much more likely to find an emergency place in the Shelter for a starving pregnant mum cat with dependent kittens, than for kittens who are weaned and ready for rehoming. A Rescue will see the current situation as urgent. 

If Foxyowner keeps the mum cat and kittens for now and puts in all the effort required to bringing up the kittens and socialising them, s/he may find when they are 8 to 10 weeks old and ready for homing that s/he can't find good homes for them. 

There is also the possibility that the mum cat, or any of the kittens, may need veterinary care in the near future, and Foxyowner may not be in a position to pay for such care, or be able to get free veterinary care through the PDSA, Blue Cross etc. 

All in all I do honestly feel it is in the best interests of the mum cat and kittens to be taken in by a Rescue a.s.a.p. If Foxyowner can post which 
part of the UK she is located we'd be able to advise her which Rescues to contact. If she is located anywhere near me (in the Home Counties) I will endeavour to find places in the Shelter where I volunteer. 

If my previous reply came across as negative, then I have to admit the reason for this because I was not entirely sure the intention of the thread was genuine. But I always like to give the benefit of the doubt, so I answered on the basis of it being on the level, but perhaps not with as much sympathy as I might have done if I was 100% certain of the intent. That's how things are with the internet.


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## Jonny and Slush (Jan 13, 2015)

I'll happily bow to Chillminx superior knowledge and experience regarding the best way to proceed here 

Hopefully Foxyowner1 will come back and let everyone help her through that process.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

What area are the mum and kittens, I can take them.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Foxyowner1 - I would seriously consider Catcoonz' generous offer. She runs a small private Rescue, has years of experience caring for cats, and is well known on the forum for her compassion, dedication and commitment.


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## catcoonz (Aug 4, 2012)

Thank you CM.

I also have 8 years experience of taming feral cats and kittens for CPL so I guarantee I know how to deal with scared cats and kittens, they just need time and patience, both of which I have.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

Forgive me for being sceptical but why join a forum to post such an urgent message for advice then not return to see the answers. This happens such a lot and really annoys me 

I'm horrified to read that OP is purposely feeding just one kitten when there are other kittens and a Mum that are starving and having to raid the bins for food. How could someone consciously neglect kittens without seeming to really care?? Why has OP not done anything to seek advice on rehoming before now and created this situation?? 

I'm sorry but I cannot condone OP keeping a kitten. Such a lot of the content of the first post is hugely worrying.

The OP is going to skip happily into the sunset in a few weeks without a backwards glance and leave these poor cats in an awful home.

If you are in the UK OP please take up the offer from Catcoonz asap before these poor cats die of starvation or neglect. If you lived near me I would report you to the RSPCA and come and get the cats myself :


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## jaycee05 (Sep 24, 2012)

moggie14 said:


> Forgive me for being sceptical but why join a forum to post such an urgent message for advice then not return to see the answers. This happens such a lot and really annoys me
> 
> I'm horrified to read that OP is purposely feeding just one kitten when there are other kittens and a Mum that are starving and having to raid the bins for food. How could someone consciously neglect kittens without seeming to really care?? Why has OP not done anything to seek advice on rehoming before now and created this situation??
> 
> ...


I agree ,but I have a feeling the OP isn't in the UK,cant believe someone would feed one kitten and push the others and starving pregnant again mum away, which is why I feel shes not in the UK other cultures feel differently about animals than here, hope they can be taken to a rescue or at least fed


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

jaycee05 said:


> I agree ,but I have a feeling the OP isn't in the UK,cant believe someone would feed one kitten and push the others and starving pregnant again mum away, which is why I feel shes not in the UK other cultures feel differently about animals than here, hope they can be taken to a rescue or at least fed


I agree, had a feeling OP wasn't in the UK


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Maybe OP came along to read the replies without logging in? 

But I agree, re-reading the OP's first post, she's not in the UK as the spelling, the grammar and the phrases used indicate she is American.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

chillminx said:


> Maybe OP came along to read the replies without logging in?
> 
> But I agree, re-reading the OP's first post, she's not in the UK as the spelling, the grammar and the phrases used indicate she is American.


I hope if OP has read the posts then these cats and kittens will be brought to safety, I'm quite worried :sad:


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## Blackcats (Apr 13, 2013)

I'm always all for being welcoming and polite when people come onto the forum with issues we may not like. But this really takes the piss.

Such a selfish heartless post. I got a lot more anger from the OPs post than them caring about the kitten. More frustration and resentment at finding the other kittens and mum a nuisance.

Yeah right they want one of the kitten for what's best for it. With such attitude towards mum and kits and not giving a toss that they starve, she is pregnant does tell.me the OP is the worst person to have a kitten. If you don't care about the welfare of the other cats and are more worried about the kitten not being affectionate and loving, then I dread to think how your attitude may change in the future with having one of the kits as a pet.


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## Muttly (Oct 1, 2014)

I think MoggyBaby is right, they are only interested in a cute lil kitten, the best of the bunch it seems. What happens when she grows up, has kittens as prob won't get her spayed. Oh god, I can't think about it

I think the OP has gone tbh, I doubt we will get an update.


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## maxima (Mar 2, 2010)

Well although I agree with pretty much everything said HOWEVER you scare the poor person away. Given the no response from the OP, she/he might have drowned all the cats in the bathtub after read all those attacks. 

From the prospective of a non-pet person the most of the posts feel like bunch of aggressive weirdos. OK

I saw people wrote to this girl (?) offering to take care of the cats but I am not sure if there was any response..

And if anything happened to the cats - its our fault.

Internet is a peculiar place. So is life. Being direct isn't always right strategy. I learnt this hard way for myself.

Yes I know. I want to splash my thoughts to everyone around all the time. But we need to think how it might affect other people now and then and what response it might bring.


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## moggie14 (Sep 11, 2013)

maxima said:


> Well although I agree with pretty much everything said HOWEVER you scare the poor person away. Given the no response from the OP, she/he might have drowned all the cats in the bathtub after read all those attacks.
> 
> From the prospective of a non-pet person the *most of the posts feel like bunch of aggressive weirdos. OK*
> I saw people wrote to this girl (?) offering to take care of the cats but I am not sure if there was any response..
> ...



Thanks for your input. And if anything has happened to the cats it is the owners responsibility - not 'our' fault. OP was given good advice


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## maxima (Mar 2, 2010)

whatever..


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