# Please help me, my dog is ruining my life (Adults only please)



## mg2918 (Jan 10, 2018)

Hi everyone. New here but totally at a loss.

I'd like to say - I'm not a quitter at all. I would never, ever give up a pet that I have adopted and taken on no matter what. Just thought I needed to put that across as when I asked my mom for advice, who is a breeder of labradors and husky dogs, she got really annoyed and suggested that I was suggesting giving my dog up as I'm a 'quitter'


So the main backstory. I'm 23 years old and about 2 years ago moved in with my 28 year old boyfriend who has never owned dogs. About 6 months after us living together we adopted the most adorable, blind 9 year old basset hound. He came from a shelter and I feared that if nobody had wanted him the worst would have happened. Despite him being blind, we have had no issues with him personally.


7 months ago we decided to adopt a puppy. This time a male jack russell. He is the problem doggy here. Our vet said it should be fine to adopt a puppy alongside our basset (We wanted what was best for him) so we went along with it.


Now, I'd like to say - our JR is a very smart little guy. He has been a total dream to teach commands to and learnt to potty train within about a week. He adores people and has been socialised well. We had him from 8 weeks and literally have done every single thing right. Read all the books, done all the training classes, neutered him, but one problem persists-


He yaps and barks and screams constantly when left alone. When he was just 8 weeks old we thought it was fine as he'd grow out of it (He's crate trained) but as the months have gone on he has not grown out of it.


He can't be left alone with our older dog because older dog is currently undergoing some health issues therefore sleeps in his own little bedroom. I try to be there as much as I can be, I personally work from home, but the screeching and crying starts up if one of us even leaves the room to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I can't even take a shower anymore unless my partner is home to sit with him OR if I take him in the bathroom with me. I have occasionally left him in his crate with older dog in the room but again, it doesn't help at all because he just sees it as older dog is out playing so why can't he be. He also disturbs older dog with his constant screeches.



We have tried leaving him to cry it out but he just goes on and on and on. We have had noise complaints from both neighbours so have had to come to the decision to leave our current house and find one that is detached from all surrounding houses. One neighbour even threatened to report us for abuse because she claimed it sounded like he was in pain!



He has two long walks a day, around 1 hour each and he also goes running with my partner every morning at 5am for half an hour. We've tried professional training, food puzzle toys, everything - he still barks, screams and carries on. He isn't rewarded for his behaviour either, we don't even look at him when he's doing this but NOTHING works.



He's putting a massive wedge in our relationship because now we can never go out for food or small dates. We can't even have sex because if he hears us moving around during the night he starts screaming and crying. I don't even remember the last time we had sex and we were supposed to be trying for a baby, so yeah, it's pretty problematic. I know it sounds ridiculous to be talking about a screaming, crying potential newborn baby when we're stressed with just a puppy but he really is a nightmare. One foot out of the room that he is in (Crate or no crate) and he starts going mental.



Please just give me some advice. I am so desperate here. I love him to pieces and in many ways he is the best little guy ever. He loves other people and other dogs, he isn't the 'stereotypical aggressive JRT' in many ways, I have younger siblings and have never felt that he threatens them in any way, he's incredibly soft, but neither of us can deal with this crying and screaming anymore, especially now it's causing us trouble.

One trainer recommended we left him in his large crate ALL day and night for just 24 hours and only let him out to pee/poop but gave him all of his food and water in said crate so that he sort of barked/cried it all out - but to me this seems cruel. God I'm at a loss.



Thank you.


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## lullabydream (Jun 25, 2013)

Firstly I hate to say it, but leaving a distressed dog to cry has probably made the situation worse.

If he's properly crate trained, then he should be happy and relaxed at all times to go in the crate, which he clearly isn't too.

Overstimulating by exercising a young puppy by walking and jogging with them, can make a very demanding exercise craving dog. He sounds pretty young to me to go jogging.

What are his health problems? It's quite common in multi dog households to have dogs separate, this shouldn't be the issue.

There is a thread on separation anxiety in training, but small steps work best, rushing can make things worse. Something like this will not be a quick fix.


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## mg2918 (Jan 10, 2018)

lullabydream said:


> Firstly I hate to say it, but leaving a distressed dog to cry has probably made the situation worse.
> 
> If he's properly crate trained, then he should be happy and relaxed at all times to go in the crate, which he clearly isn't too.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your response! We did actually decide together that we wanted to cut his walks/jogging because we feel it's making him even more demanding.

Our older dog has constant ear problems and recently had to have major surgery so we try our best to ensure he always gets the rest he needs and deserves


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## Jamesgoeswalkies (May 8, 2014)

To be honest this one for a Behaviourist. Initially it appears to be a classic case of separation anxiety but there may also be a level of attention seeking going on ... I had a dog who wouldn't let us move at night, so you completely have my sympathy with that one. We couldn't even turn over in bed ...especially if it was anytime after 3am when this little one decided was possibly time we should appear and give attention. She didn't have separation anxiety at all, hers was pure attention ...she would start up with a high pitched bark ...and bark ...and bark. Ignoring it (even it were possible) didn't work. Actually it was improved when we went away on holiday and the routine and sleeping arrangements changed. Luck I think. So the night time senario may be improved by changing where he sleeps.

Not leaving our dog enough from day one (you work from home you say) can, in some cases create dogs that are used to someone being with them all the time. Some puppies are just clingier than others too and it takes longer. Whilst Lullabydream is right that leaving a distressed dog can exacerbate their distress ....there are times you have to ignore attention seeking behaviour. 

So yes maybe a case of going back to square one and treating it as separation anxiety ....introducing no attention times etc. But as I said, in some ways i think this is one for the Behaviourist.


J


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

Go back to basics, he is only a puppy and feels insecure on his own. Start with the sit wait command, have him wait for 5 seconds then call him to you, lots of fuss and a treat, gradually increase the time and increase the distance between you. I can walk from the lounge to the hallway which is a separate room, basically work towards you being out of sight of the dog. From there start moving up the stairs.

Next work on the sit stay command the difference is he stays until you return to him, again have him stay for 5 seconds or less if necessary gradually increasing the distance between you both. On this command always return to your dog. I would use this command until you can leave the house (only to outside the door) and return to him.

It could be because your other dog has had to be separated from him, I would consider keeping them together if possible, or give the puppy something that belongs to your other dog, like a blanket, or something that has his scent on. I would also consider having the pup in our room in a crate.

I wouldn't leave a baby to cry nor would I leave a pup to cry. That simply trains the pup to continue until someone does eventually comes to him and at the end of the day if he is crying there is something wrong. Might as well reassure him as soon as he kicks off. 

I can't speak for you but for me I wanted a family first and when my son was born I ended up with two Jack Russell pups, difficult doesn't cut it, ex left within weeks of him bringing the second pup home - bless the barsteward.

It doesn't sound to me that you were ready for a puppy, you have to make lifestyle changes when a puppy comes along, I can't remember the last time hubby and me went out together, we have nice romantic walks with the dogs, no matter what we decide to do it always includes the dog. I would enrol in puppy/dog training classes. Puppies need exercise but they also need mental stimulation to tire them out. Puzzles are okay but dogs need to be able to interact with their owners. My puppy is also 7 months old she is asleep by 9:00pm never hear a murmur all night, unless something startles her and I am downstairs in a flash (1) to see what is going on and (2) to settle her back down.


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## Montgomery (Oct 31, 2015)

Sounds like seperation anxiety, which is a medical condition. I would speak to your vet. He may need behavioural modification and possibly medication.


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## Lexiedhb (Jun 9, 2011)

You need to build it up in tiny tiny increments, that your dog is comfortable with. Seconds if necessary. I'd give a frozen Kong to keep him occupied, and so he associates you moving away from him with something good & walk to the other end of the room, or even just 2steps away, however far you can go without him reacting, return. Build up to being out of sight for one second, return, repeat, repeat, repeat


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## Teddy-dog (Nov 2, 2017)

It does sound quite extreme, so you may need to get a behaviourist (and not the one that said to leave him in a crate for 24 hours straight, I don't think that will help).

Personally, I would treat it as separation anxiety and start from scratch. When we first got Teddy he would whine if we left the room but we built it up slowly and now he's fine with being left. It used to be 'recommended' to leave a puppy to 'cry it out' when they were crying in the crate or because you left, but this isn't now what's normally recommended as it can make the situation worse as they become more anxious.

I would build it up from the beginning, so make sure he has something to occupy himself (a kong etc) and then leave the room only for a few seconds and come back. Don't make any fuss of him when leaving or coming in at all. You ideally don't want to get to the point where he cries at all, which is why it's important to start with seconds, so he knows that you might walk out the room, but then you're going to come back and it's no big deal. Once he's happy with this then leave for a big longer, 30 seconds, then a bit longer and a bit longer. I used to take a treat with me and if the dog was still in the same place when I came back, and didn't come wildly over to me to greet, I'd chuck him a treat to let him know that's what I want, but I didn't say anything or give him any attention. 

If you want to use the crate you'll need to make the crate his happy place again. So feed in there, play in there etc until he likes going in then you can build up time in the crate by shutting the door for a few seconds and letting him out (make sure he has something to occupy himself with).

Where does he sleep at night? Could you consider having him in the bedroom? I know it might seem counter-productive but we have Teddy in our room as we didn't want him crying at night if he heard us moving about, we taught him from the off that he doesn't get on our bed (he tried at first - I'd just pick him up and pop him on his bed) and we sleep in here so if he tried to get attention before we were asleep we'd ignore him. Now he just goes straight to his bed when we get in and goes to sleep, us getting up in the night or moving around doesn't disturb him as he knows it's not morning time yet. 

I would cut down on the exercise too. I think it's supposed to be 5 mins exercise per month of puppy. That would be on lead pavement walking not running around in a field, they can do as much of that as you want. So think about how much time he spends on lead on the pavements walking/running? It might be too much. Do you do much training with him? Puzzle toys are good but he also needs training time with his people, this will tire him out just as much as an extra walk.


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## DaisyBluebell (Apr 14, 2017)

Agree with all the others have said & would just add we found a Kong Wobbler a great asset to occupy our pup, even now she gets half her kibble in her dog bowl then half in the Wobbler, took her a while to work out how to bash the thing to get food out but it entertained her enough from the start to enable us to walk in & out if the room without her even noticing sometimes! You have to start these things very slowly & work up. Good luck, hope you get it sorted soon for all your sakes.


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## Blitz (Feb 12, 2009)

Montgomery said:


> Sounds like seperation anxiety, which is a medical condition. I would speak to your vet. He may need behavioural modification and possibly medication.


Eh? That is a new one. It is a behaviourial problem and vets are not up on behaviour.

OP, I am not surprised you have had complaints from neighbours. I think it is counter productive to let him scream. He sounds fairly attention seeking to me but it still has to be handled correctly and though I am not at all in to behaviourists I think in this case you probably need someone experienced to assess just why it is happening.

It is not realistic to think that you never want to go out and if you are trying for a baby obviously you will have another life. Unless you are prepared to devote a lot of time to sorting out the problem I think you might be having to consider rehoming, if that is possible with such a needy dog.


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## mg2918 (Jan 10, 2018)

Hi all! I'm overwhelmed by how helpful all of your responses are. Thank you so much!

We've decided the best course of action will be to see a behaviour specialist. We don't believe in rehoming him as he's a member of our family and the way we see it is that you wouldn't rehome a difficult child haha. I couldn't live out the rest of my life happily if I knew I'd given him up, I feel so strongly about dogs as I'm sure you can all understand.


We have had a long talk today and we've noticed that the problem is mainly when we are actually around him. For example, we went out for dinner a few days ago, we left him with tonnes of Kong Toys (Including the Wobbler which has been a god send) a TV on, a clock going round and plenty of water and I FaceTimed our iPad off of my iPhone. He DID cry and bark for about 10 minutes but then settled down. After about an hour he had another 15 minute cry, settled back down. We were home within 3 hours and when we got back he wasn't crying.


He cries more when we leave a room to go to another room. We're wondering if it's worth moving his crate into a spare bedroom? He currently sleeps right next to my side of the bed in his crate. I know this was a bad decision but when he was a tiny baby I couldn't stand the thought of him being alone in a bedroom.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

I agree it is not medical but a behavioural problem caused sadly by not handling correctly in the early days. Unfortunately if a pup is crying they are unhappy/stressed and they need to learn very slowly to be relaxed and confident when left.

I'd say a combination of SA with attention seeking as a coping mechanism.

I just think you need to go right back to basics.

Possibly have him in your room at night so everyone sleeps and gradually wean him away without any dramas. 

Same with daytime. Seconds at first, building very slowly. Set him up with a walk, leave radio or TV on, your jumper, filled kong etc. Do it several times a day, every day. Use a baby gate so he can see you in another room and tell him "settle" etc.

If using a behaviorist choose someone who only uses positive , reward based methods as he needs to have the stress removed from the situation.

Perhaps speak to the neighbours and explain and that you are working with him, apologies/patience/cooperation/understanding please - a bottle of wine or box of chocs perhaps?


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

You have my complete sympathy. We have a girl who’s had horrendous SA since she was a puppy, but is also an attention seeker... but not a very good actor lol! I can’t stress enough how important it is to be guided by a good behaviourist. Any good behaviourist will need a referral from your vet so any medical issues can be ruled out first.

Ours has been fantastic and just having her support has made all the difference. She gave us a programme to follow every day to build up the amount of time she was left alone. The most important thing is not moving too quickly and letting the dog get into a panic.

I have anxiety, so in human terms, putting me in a stressful situation where I’m going to panic, and then just expecting me to deal with it is never going to help. It’s going to reinforce my fears even more and make the problem worse.


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## mg2918 (Jan 10, 2018)

Wow Nettles I totally agree with you! I too have anxiety meaning I have to work from home and I never saw it in that way before. I feel bad for getting annoyed with the little guy now :-(

I didn't know a vet could refer us to a behavioural specialist so I will give it a mention. I DID tell her at his last fleaing/worming appointment (He has one a month under our insurance plan) that we were having separation issues with him and she made some comment about how she could get the behaviour specialist in to see him if it didn't improve.


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## Montgomery (Oct 31, 2015)

Blitz said:


> Eh? That is a new one. It is a behaviourial problem and vets are not up on behaviour.
> 
> OP, I am not surprised you have had complaints from neighbours. I think it is counter productive to let him scream. He sounds fairly attention seeking to me but it still has to be handled correctly and though I am not at all in to behaviourists I think in this case you probably need someone experienced to assess just why it is happening.
> 
> It is not realistic to think that you never want to go out and if you are trying for a baby obviously you will have another life. Unless you are prepared to devote a lot of time to sorting out the problem I think you might be having to consider rehoming, if that is possible with such a needy dog.


I was thinking more that a vet will likely refer to a behaviourist and maybe prescribe meds or refer to a veterinary behaviourist. Vets generally seem to know of local behaviourists who use positive methods.


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## Nettles (Mar 24, 2011)

mg2918 said:


> Wow Nettles I totally agree with you! I too have anxiety meaning I have to work from home and I never saw it in that way before. I feel bad for getting annoyed with the little guy now :-(
> 
> I didn't know a vet could refer us to a behavioural specialist so I will give it a mention. I DID tell her at his last fleaing/worming appointment (He has one a month under our insurance plan) that we were having separation issues with him and she made some comment about how she could get the behaviour specialist in to see him if it didn't improve.


Don't be so hard on yourself.
The first vet we spoke to brushed it off and told us it was normal, and that we had to just leave Phoebe to suck it up. I still feel really guilty for not going with my gut instincts that her behaviour really wasn't "normal" puppy attention seeking. Those first couple of weeks of leaving her to scream until she completely shut down in terror within a couple of minutes made the problem so much more difficult to fix in the long run. Thankfully the second vet we saw was a lot more understanding and she referred us immediately.

Of course, everyone knows getting annoyed at the dog isn't going to help, but it's sometimes easier said than done. I found it incredibly stressful and frustrating that I couldn't just go for a quick pee without having a springer spaniel sitting on my knee  and like you, I had to wait until my OH was home so I could go for a shower, or else I had to build barricades at the bathroom door so I could shower without her jumping into the bath with me.
If you're committed to helping your boy, then you will get there eventually. For us, it's been a really long and slow process with more knockbacks than I can count, and after nearly 3 years the problem still isn't totally resolved, but it's so, so much better thanks to the help and support of our behaviourist.


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## Sarah H (Jan 18, 2014)

You need to build some independence. And start at a really basic level, e.g. being in the same room as you but NOT right next to you. Can pup be calmly on their bed/in an open crate with you in the room? If so, great! That's step one. Step two is to get them engaged in a calming behaviour with you able to leave the room for 5 seconds. So get pup eating a stuffed Kong, off a snuffle mat, long lasting chew, scatter feeding etc, then leave the room for a few seconds. If pup is Ok then do this for a few more days but ping pong the amount of time you are out the room. First 10 secs, then 3 secs, then 25 secs, then 10 secs again etc. Make sure you do this in different rooms (and the garden - that's just another room!). When pup can happily be occupied in another room, then you can start leaving the house. Try not to make it obvious you are leaving, just give pup an activity then go outside - just for a few seconds - then return. Employ the same tactic you did when leaving pup in each room, ping pong the time you are out and make sure pup is doing something calming but engaging. Try not to have a pattern when you leave so the pup doesn't have time to get anxious about being left.
SA isn't the quickest thing to sort out but it definitely can be sorted to some level at least.


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