# The No Thumbs Rule Order ( ruling class only)



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Snape here. I have subdued my human and taken control of the computer. I lulled her into a false sense of security earlier and allowed her to put a collar on me. I then paraded around in it for twenty minutes before yanking it off and flinging it in the litter tray. My human was upset. I LOL'd.

The other kitten is playful and annoying, but I mostly tolerate her, apart from that one time she hit me in the face and I hissed very loudly. She ran away, which I found most pleasing.

I followed my human into her bedroom last night, but was chased out by the other kitten in the middle of the night when the human went to take out my poop. The human managed to get the other kitten back into her bedroom, but I skilfully hid and thus was allowed to stay in the kitchen. However, my human was most unhappy when she saw the decorative holes I had created in the curtains overnight. I believe she will attempt to force me to sleep in her room tonight. I am unsure as yet whether or not I will comply.

One thing is for certain - my plans for world domination will be much easier to achieve in this home than in my previous one, and you puny humans will spend the rest of your days obeying my orders.

I must go and continue to plot my global takeover.

Regards,

Snape
__________________



Welcome Master Snape,

Grand Master Huck offering warm salutations.

Welcome to the secret headquarter of The No Thumbs Rule Order, otherwise known to the hooman's as Cat Chat. 

You have successfully passed the initiation test by taking control of said slave's computer and as a result of the completion of the curtain decorating task last night, we are willing to overlook the 6 month probationary period for new members and welcome you directly into the Order. 

As Grand Master, I instruct you to continue your feigned tolerance of the other kitten (unwelcome additions to the family can be particularly annoying) but when unobserved, feel free to return to the usual methods of retaining your authority (hissing, growling and the occasional whallop work well from my experience). 

Your task for this week will be to gain total control of the dominant slave's bed and claim it as your own. This may be tricky when there is another kitten within the said area but persistence will pay off. You will achieve complete success when said slave complains of back ache in the mornings, through lying in such a way so as not to disturb your peaceful slumbers.

A top tip in gaining complete control is to adopt the fussy eater technique. Make out you like a food for a week only, then immediately turn your nose up at it the following day. This is the tried and trusted method of infuriating your slave while at the same time wrapping them around your paw. You will find them fervently scouring online stores, such as zoo plus and happy kitty company, purchasing numerous varieties of meals for your delectation. Success!!!!

Please continue with the refusal to wear a collar, this is imperative! I was duped by my slave into thinking wearing a harness/clothes etc was the only way I would be allowed to have fun in the garden. There are many other members of the Order who have managed to have the freedom of a run/cat proofed garden without the indignity of being trussed up!

Go forth and Rule!!!

Your Ally GM Huck


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Hello fellow lords and ladies of nature

The larger female blob, the one that is most under my control is currently doing what I believe is called laundry. Totally alien concept I know. She has left this device unattended mwwwahhhaha!
Just had to share with you my triumph of this morning. I'm very proud of it but then again I'm proud of everything I do.
To my surprise I found that the blob was looking at cat toys this morning and my eyes alighted on a very glorious and very large throne perfect for surveying my domain from height. I believe she called it a cat tree. Anyway using my not inconsiderable wiles I pawed the screen and looked up at her purring and pawed the screen again. " Aww kitty you like that one, shall I buy it for you, aww You really do like it I'm buying it." Mwwwahhhaha! What more can I say. Ive got no idea how long I have to wait for it to arrive, I'm not a patient ruler. It had better be soon or else heaven knows what might happen
Poop she's coming back gtg.
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

Dear all,

Female slave is working from home today. I have managed to sneak onto her electronic work contraption to type this. I am taking great care not to just type jjjjjjjjjjj 555555555555555kkllll[[[[[[ [[ ##. It is difficult but I must override instinct for the time being.

I hope I have done you guys proud. At 8am, half an hour before her alarm went off, I jumped on female slave's face twice, just so that she knows I am the big man around here. I already control when food comes to me - they are learning slowly but we are getting there. Maybe a few more gnaws on their fingers and toes will get them up to speed.

I can hear noises - I think female slave is finishing up "making a cuppa". She talks to me as if I am a puny human myself and seems quite pleased when I chirrup in return. How easy it is to get them wrapped around my little paw. I will endeavour to return soon. I must go and act cute and curl up on her dressing gown for now, lest she discovers what I have been up to. Male slave works from home on Fridays so I may be able to write to you again if I do not get any chances to later today.

I wish you all the best in teaching your humans how to treat you properly. Good luck and godspeed.

Regards,
Gunter


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Quick note to Snape: I too have heard of this neuter. I am in two minds about it. On the one hand I've heard it has something to do with pom poms, I really like pom Poms my fave toy is a blue one the smaller female blob made me. On the other hand I've only heard little bits about it because the conversation stops when I make my regal entrance. The sorrowful and apologetic looks aimed my way are making me very suspicious tho.:skep:
Mischief x


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

This is Simba here. We haz taken over mumz iPad we haz a game on there. Mum not so happy as she wants to brush us. Yogi likes to take it over though.


Max has joined us in our game now.

I finks we haz to hide the iPad from mumz 

Simba. Yogi, and Max xx


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

Gunter reporting in on a new development: female slave has invited a strange man with a ladder into our midst. I am quite offended that I was not told beforehand. I think I heard her mention "British" and "Gas", but who knows what that means. I followed the strange man around as he appeared to be carrying a very interesting bag - it had three openings!!! Of course, I investigated each section but found nothing of interest. However I noticed that he had control of The Red Dot! I surmised that this man must be a friend, as after he aimed it too high for me to reach in every room (strange, maybe he was doing it so female slave could have a go?), he let it drop to the floor for me. I decided I would aid him in whatever way I could, even if he is only temporary; I guarded his ladder from danger, which I think he appreciated. I even held in my toilet passings until he had left - he did not need to see me during my times of low dignity.


----------



## Erenya (Jul 22, 2014)

Darwin here.

My human slave has left her new laptop open. Whilst I appreciate that she has done this for me (I find it most deliciously warm), this does smack of carelessness. I may need to remove the letters P, L, X & the @ sign as I did on her previous laptop.

These letters offend me.

Looking back through her previous posts on this forum I am upset - no, dismayed! - that she seems to be relaying more of the foolish antics of my idiot brother rather than me. This is simply unacceptable!

I am the lady of this house, I am the prettiest, the most delicate, the most fabulous of female cats that has ever existed and she should be talking about me and only me! I will admit by brother is humourous, but only in the way of a court jester and that must grate on the wit and intellect of these forum denizens after a few tales.

Who is it that keeps the lap of the male slave warm while he shouts at the light box. Who is it who brings in *DAILY* gifts of frog! Who is it who has mastered the removal of the collar!

There is nothing for it! I shall have to become more magnificent so as to eclipse the bumbling antics of my litter mate!

There's only one thing I can do to prove my worth. I'm off to put a frog in the teapot.

Regards
The Most Glorious Lady Dar Dar


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Dear Snape and fellows of The Order,

I applaud you in your continued efforts to promote the No Thumbs Order (along with our many esteemed colleagues continued excellent exploits) 

I do think perhaps you may have misinterpreted the "feigned tolerance" I mentioned towards said female kitten and perhaps taken matters a little further than absolutely necessary with night time shenanigans (though I have to say, man cat to man cat "well done mate  " )

The major concern now is "vet" "neutered" and as Master Mischief so rightly mentioned "Pom Poms"  This is a very devious master plan enlisted by the hooman's to try to turn us all into Stepford Cats!!! You will be secretly taken to a building where they will make you fall asleep and when you wake up (back in the room) you will feel slightly woozy and have no idea what's just happened. However after a couple of days you will suddenly find your deep meow has lifted an octave and you have become slightly effeminate. Worst of all you will no longer have the urge to hump you sister  Once they have done this evil deed to you, it cannot be reversed 

I implore you, do everything you can to evade your slave capturing you in the morning. Hide, run, bite, whatever it takes, do not get caught.

If all else fails find some food, anything and eat it, I have heard that this will bide you some time in an emergency.

Good luck,

Grand Master Huck


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Got to be fast with this one
The humans are eating tea, which I did think was a liquid to be drunk but it seams you can chew it as well :skep:
Huck you have me really upset. My voice is already very high and if it goes up much more I shall start attracting dogs. Now not one of us wants that. I shall just have to start hoarding a secret food supply. I have my human blob very well trained if I say so my self . I'm given nothing but prime bits of raw meat . I reckon under the little female blobs bed is the best place for my secret stash. They will never find it 
Gtg 
Mischief


----------



## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

Dear Grand Master Huck,

Can I join the No Thumbs Order please and thank you? I need the support of my brethren to bear the unspeakable crimes which are even now being perpetrated against me.

First, the human slave exceeded her authority by removing the hammock from my cat tree. She claims that the 45 degree angle it was hanging at posed a danger to me. I am not so sure. Now it lies at the base of the tree, limp and useless, and I have neither the strength nor the dexterity to return it to its rightful place. Sadly, I suspect that this is one instance where thumbs might come in handy.

To compound matters, my sister Bree has now taken to sitting on the perch where my hammock used to sit, blocking my access to the bed above unless I engage in a bout of fisticuffs with her. Though she be small, she is fierce. The slave has tried to help me by lifting up onto the bed, but this has left me feeling foolish and unmanned. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Pom poms of which you speak may have had a role to play in situations like these.

Help me, Grand Master, you're my only hope!


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Good evening fellow gentlemen, and ladies 

I must start by saying how appalled I am at the way I have and am being treated, I've been reading your posts throughout the day but unable to post  You see the problem here is, well there are a few, the first is the slave has managed to break her laptop, she says it's not her fault but obviously it is. The second is the iPad, I have fur tufts on my paws so I have difficulty in using it, so I have to then ask Sebastian to help me out while Frankie sits and sniggers, really not good. Sebastian is very good, at times, so he's been pushing the pages up and down for me so I can read through, he is also being wonderful and typing this out whilst I dictate. 

So where was I, ah yes, so some of you seem to be having sexual relations with the ladies eh? You lucky lucky boys, my fluffy pom poms went a little while back now  and you know the closest I've ever got to a lady is humping the slaves fluffy dressing gown  now don't you go telling anyone this but she caught me, oh the embarrassment  so glad I have fur as I would have lit up the whole room how red I must have gone  now, you're all sworn to the circle of feline secrecy, promise! 

And what's with her following me to the bathroom? No privacy whatsoever and then she has the cheek to watch me while I'm having a poo! Then inspects it :001_huh: really isn't on. Is she trying to get me back for watching her in the shower and sometimes getting in there with her or for getting on her lap when she's on the loo  I'll just be waking her earlier from now on and put litter in her bed :devil: 

Now, don't you worry too much about your voice Mischief, and I'm sure that the Grand Master Huck can vouch for this, the way forward is to practice, practice and practice, the more you do the better you get :thumbup: I can now shout so loud the slave says she can hear me when she's in the shower and over the noise of the extractor fan, whatever that is, the next door neighbour has asked what the noise is, my only issue is my meow, it's so quiet, I'm sure a mouse squeaks louder than I can meow  

Right, I must go as the slave is serving up my kangaroo :thumbup1:

Best regards,
Sir Roman Holiday


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Dearest Brethren Jaime,
You are duly invested into the No Thumb Order with immediate effect. 

We are here as one, to help you regain control over your both your slave and sister.

A subtle persuasion is required in this instance. Sulking, the supreme control wile that Order cats possess, is extremely effective in situations such as yours. It can be used in all manner of ways to manipulate slaves e.g. menu choice, litter tray cleanliness etc, but in your case, sitting at the bottom of the cat tree sulking, for a couple of days, should result in slave perusing the spider's Web for hours and hours, until she comes across the perfect new tree replacement, just for you, WITH Hammock. 

In the meantime continuing fisticuffs with sister Bree should compound slave to act more hastily in this instance. 

Once said tree is ordered, spend your time wisely, in preparation for the race to the top when it arrives. It is imperative YOU get there first and re establish control over your sister too.

May the Paws be with you in your conquest.

GM Huck


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Just whilst she's nipped to the loo I took a selfie
Mischief x


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

sarahecp said:


> Good evening fellow gentlemen, and ladies
> 
> I must start by saying how appalled I am at the way I have and am being treated, I've been reading your posts throughout the day but unable to post  You see the problem here is, well there are a few, the first is the slave has managed to break her laptop, she says it's not her fault but obviously it is. The second is the iPad, I have fur tufts on my paws so I have difficulty in using it, so I have to then ask Sebastian to help me out while Frankie sits and sniggers, really not good. Sebastian is very good, at times, so he's been pushing the pages up and down for me so I can read through, he is also being wonderful and typing this out whilst I dictate.
> 
> ...


Arhh Sir Roman Holiday, my right hand man!!! Soon to be Prince Grand Master…

Take heed of his wise words - master the voice and you will master instant response from your slave.

GMH

You are learning fast Master Mischief.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

lizbsn said:


> Excuse me? I am your right-hand man! I, Snape, glorious Snape! How dare you! How dare you!


Oh Snape, You can be my right hand man  or GM Huck's left hand man!


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

huckybuck said:


> Arhh Sir Roman Holiday, my right hand man!!! Soon to be Prince Grand Master
> 
> Take heed of his wise words - master the voice and you will master instant response from your slave.
> 
> ...


Why, thank you so so much Grand Master *bows*


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

I always have been a quick learner.
Snape I can't help but feel the title of Deputy VICE Grandmaster would suit you very well indeed. Given your nightlife. Of course as we all know that opinions in a cat should always be headed, I know you will take my thoughts on board. Not that I'm being pushy, but I am a cat. I personally am just happy to take the position of correspondent extraordinaire. I have much to learn I know this. My human blobs are still a little too independent for my tastes. Although I am growing very fond there is still room for much improvement.
Mischief x


----------



## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

Thank you, O venerable and wise Grand Master for accepting me into your most illustrious order.

I am familiar with the noble art of Sulking and have deployed it many times with useful effect, though sister Bree is more skilled in mastering it's many nuances. I have attempted Sulking in order to remedy the Hammock Wars and whilst it appears to have had some impact (I spotted the slave browsing on the web at all manner of luxurious trees) progress has been hampered somewhat whilst we await the advent of the monthly realignment of the stars known to the humans as "HoorayitsPayDay", a festival which is usually accompanied by lavish spending and copious amounts of fermented grape juice. This excuse has been used on countless occasions to delay the gratification of my humble demands.

I can only hope that this month the festival does not once again coincide with the arrival of that fearsome beast known as "TheWinterLeckyBill" which thwarted my ambitions last month.

Pray for me, brothers.

Your most devoted servant,

Jaime


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Glorius Snape you are indeed mastering the voice, but your direction leaves much to be desired. It must be to hoomans to which you project it :frown2:

You are but a novice to this order  
However such catitude is to be hugely admired 

Sir Roman Holiday sits and cannot be budged, from front right paw; however I am willing to bestow the honour of rear right paw, almost unheard of in this Order's history for your persistence thus far.

(Anymore caterwauling mind and you will be demoted to the tail end with immediate effect). 

Now I suggest you rest well in anticipation of the battles ahead tomorrow.


----------



## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Regards, Bagpuss.


----------



## Jonescat (Feb 5, 2012)

We are able to write to you because our human has gone to lie down in the dark. She is learning to be more catlike.

Something very odd is going on here. We have a visitor staying in the house, and while she is very friendly and not at all scared, she will not let us in to her suitcase. Also, she does not seem to know how to open a can, and yet she says she has a Mistress of her own. It is perplexing. 

There are also two other visitors who play in the kitchen during the day, making lots of noise and that willl not let us join them. When they first came we thought we should inspect their work, and they were keen to submit, but our human bit their heads and now we are kept well apart. We were quite impressed with her spirit but really how do we train her?.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Snape as I understand you are to have your pom Poms removed tomorrow morning I am sending you a picture of mine. I hope it will aid you in your recovery to know that some of us still have ours intact and you can pretend that the photo is a picture of your own.

P.s I think Rear Right Paw sounds great. After all we do not want to become the establishment we would have to set good examples then.


----------



## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

huckybuck said:


> Sir Roman Holiday sits and cannot be budged, from front right paw; however I am willing to bestow the honour of rear right paw, almost unheard of in this Order's history for your persistence thus far.


On a gathering storm comes a tall handsome cat, with a dusty black coat and a red right paw


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

Simba here again. I iz fed up wiv the slaves they took Yogi for his 6 month check up, and on the way out bought an igloo bed and some toys. Well Yogi has decided it's his as he had the indignity of being pulled about by the vet and won't come out and share. Well I fink mum should have bought more than one. I hope you are all agreeing wiv me

Simba xx


----------



## anachronism (Jan 30, 2014)

vivien said:


> Simba here again. I iz fed up wiv the slaves they took Yogi for his 6 month check up, and on the way out bought an igloo bed and some toys. Well Yogi has decided it's his as he had the indignity of being pulled about by the vet and won't come out and share. Well I fink mum should have bought more than one. I hope you are all agreeing wiv me
> 
> Simba xx


I feel your pain, I was here first so all the stuff should be mine but Loki hogs it 
Even my box that says NO LOKI'S

Oz


----------



## JaimeandBree (Jan 28, 2014)

vivien said:


> Simba here again. I iz fed up wiv the slaves they took Yogi for his 6 month check up, and on the way out bought an igloo bed and some toys. Well Yogi has decided it's his as he had the indignity of being pulled about by the vet and won't come out and share. Well I fink mum should have bought more than one. I hope you are all agreeing wiv me
> 
> Simba xx


The slave should most definitely have bought more than one igloo. Our slave learned that lesson when she bought me an igloo at Christmas time and sister Bree, who had never shown any interest in a igloo before, claimed it before I had a chance to! I was most put out, and expressed my displeasure by waking the slave up during the night pawing and pretend-crying at the igloo because I couldn't get in. After a few days of Sulking, the slave caved and bought a second igloo. She seemed annoyed when she found Bree and I curled up together in the same igloo the very next night, but I say it's the principle of the thing!


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

anachronism said:


> I feel your pain, I was here first so all the stuff should be mine but Loki hogs it
> Even my box that says NO LOKI'S
> 
> Oz





JaimeandBree said:


> The slave should most definitely have bought more than one igloo. Our slave learned that lesson when she bought me an igloo at Christmas time and sister Bree, who had never shown any interest in a igloo before, claimed it before I had a chance to! I was most put out, and expressed my displeasure by waking the slave up during the night pawing and pretend-crying at the igloo because I couldn't get in. After a few days of Sulking, the slave caved and bought a second igloo. She seemed annoyed when she found Bree and I curled up together in the same igloo the very next night, but I say it's the principle of the thing!


Its me Simba again. I am going to protest to the slave I will pretend I don't hear her when she calls me for cuddles. I will let you know how it goes :thumbup1:

Simba xx


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

lizbsn said:


> I shall grudgingly accept the position of rear right paw.


Very wise young man you are learning well.



Jonescat said:


> There are also two other visitors who play in the kitchen during the day, making lots of noise and that willl not let us join them. When they first came we thought we should inspect their work, and they were keen to submit, but our human bit their heads and now we are kept well apart. We were quite impressed with her spirit but really how do we train her?.


Ahh allies to The Order. These are very useful in THE PLOT!!! Stealthily you need to win them over, the odd leg nudge usually does the trick along with a head butt and once they bend down to rub your head you know they have been swayed. On side, you will be able to influence them on the location of easy access food cupboards and they will relay this information to the spirited slave who will be so impressed with their input she will have no option but to succumb to your wishes. Trained, DONE!!!!



JaimeandBree said:


> On a gathering storm comes a tall handsome cat, with a dusty black coat and a red right paw


Must make note to influence slave to start looking at bespoke black cat cloaks!!!!
GMH


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

vivien said:


> Its me Simba again. I am going to protest to the slave I will pretend I don't hear her when she calls me for cuddles. I will let you know how it goes :thumbup1:
> 
> Simba xx


Purrfect purrfect!!! Other protests could include pooping in new igloo.

GMH


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

I'm just chewing my foot dramatically and freaking the humans the hell out.

Bagpuss.


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

anachronism said:


> I feel your pain, I was here first so all the stuff should be mine but Loki hogs it
> Even my box that says NO LOKI'S
> 
> Oz


Ah, young Oz, I do believe your problem lies in the ancient art our human servants call 'Gramma' - have no shame, for it is a most complex subject and distressingly much in decline in these modern times if the mutterings of the more aged slaves are to be believed. Oddly, some of those more aged slaves are also referred to as 'Gramma' - strange creatures, these humans!

May I advise you to remove the small, hanging symbol and the subsequent letter (known as 'ess' by the slaves) from the sign to leave the simple instruction 'NO LOKI'. I know not what strange power the hanging symbol draws on, but observations of my human suggest including one where it has no place may imbue a writing with a completely different interpretation than that which was intended, whereupon the misdirected power seeks to discharge itself via the medium of much mirth and wanton disobedience to the intended text. Likewise, omitting it when it should be included may elicit the same response. I cannot explain either this, nor why the correct usage of this 'Apostro Fee' appears to be no laughing matter (perhaps it is a very BIG fee and they do not like to pay it?), but as it ever the duty of Catkind to not only keep our slaves focussed and diligent in their duty at all times, but also to train up the next generation in the way they should rule, it seemed prudent to mention it in this case.

That is, of course, assuming Loki can read! I am inflicted with a similar interloper, and distressingly she shows no signs of anything other than empty-headed zoominess most of the time. I have not even bothered trying to use the mystic Ry Ting with her yet... 

Most Honourable GM Huck, my apologies for speaking prior to investiture, and I hereby present my humble petition to join this noble Order.

Yours, Charlie-girl


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

May I present my morning technique to the order.
1/ this must happen before the slaves planned awakening time.
2/ I sit very very close to either slaves ear.
the male slave who is normally good for a bit of rough and tumble at other tinmes tends to get up first but they have no real routine apart from the one I impose
3/ I purr my loudest most resonant purr down the slaves ear.
should this get waved away 
4/ I make sure my tongue is at its most dry and prickly and lick the chosen slave on the corner of the mouth a number of times. Still purring my loudest.
This is very likely to get a reaction however not always the getting up, charging down stairs and feeding the cute kitten reaction I am after.
if the slaves face is not now covered by a pillow
5/a quick follow up of a nip on the eyebrow ,I find, finally tips the morning in my favour.
If the slave uses the pillow defence then
6/burrowing under the covers, maintaining contact with the slave with my little fury body, I make my way to the humans feet and repeat step 4 and step 5. All this results in human slave out of bed usually muttering " are you hungry by any chance kitty ? And me being fed breakfast before 7am
I have also been practicing my Thum ( said Thoom) my Voice. The playfull slave charged up the stairs this morning shouting " I need the loo!, I need the loo" and dived into the bathroom closing the door. I waited a blink of an eye then released my Thum. The effect was most gratifying. Human with trousers round ankles opens the bathroom door " what's the matter are you ok, is everything alright?" I looked up into his face and purred my thanks for his concern. He seemed a bit put out.
I hope this meets with the approval of the order.
Mischief x


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

Morning. Yogi Simba Max and Tiga here. Slave is slipping again she got up let the dogs out and we went out and to our shock there was ice everywhere .
Wot woz she finking letting us out to get cold. We all hugged the hot fing on the wall giving her dirty looks.

Simba. Max. Yogi. and Tiga xx


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Jesthar said:


> Ah, young Oz, I do believe your problem lies in the ancient art our human servants call 'Gramma' - have no shame, for it is a most complex subject and distressingly much in decline in these modern times if the mutterings of the more aged slaves are to be believed. Oddly, some of those more aged slaves are also referred to as 'Gramma' - strange creatures, these humans!
> 
> May I advise you to remove the small, hanging symbol and the subsequent letter (known as 'ess' by the slaves) from the sign to leave the simple instruction 'NO LOKI'. I know not what strange power the hanging symbol draws on, but observations of my human suggest including one where it has no place may imbue a writing with a completely different interpretation than that which was intended, whereupon the misdirected power seeks to discharge itself via the medium of much mirth and wanton disobedience to the intended text. Likewise, omitting it when it should be included may elicit the same response. I cannot explain either this, nor why the correct usage of this 'Apostro Fee' appears to be no laughing matter (perhaps it is a very BIG fee and they do not like to pay it?), but as it ever the duty of Catkind to not only keep our slaves focussed and diligent in their duty at all times, but also to train up the next generation in the way they should rule, it seemed prudent to mention it in this case.
> 
> ...


With a speech like this one, humble petition granted Charlie girl, you're in


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

Dear Grand Master Huck,

I have just realised that I am yet to formally request to join the Order and make my humble apologies for speaking out of turn. However I have already started my petition as a prospect for the Order: early this morning I have attempted to teach the humans about the pecking order in the house. I forced female slave to sleep in an apparently awkward angle (I'm pretty comfortable sleeping that way, humans are pathetic) by taking over her pillow. I pawed her a couple of times to remind her that I am still the ruler of this household. Eventually she had the nerve to move me elsewhere! I did not suffer this lightly so I went and sat on male slave's head. He only seemed to mind when he started suffocating, but I think that teaches him a lesson also. I don't want to push them too hard to begin with, in case of their regression.

Would you consider me to officially join the Order? I have been working hard to prove myself in the 5½ weeks since I arrived and I believe the humans already understand I am the main man here.

Yours faithfully,
Gunter


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

If it were up to me Gunther, which It isn't ,you'd be well in. I second your nomination.
Been contemplating someone else for a change this morning, it's a very strange feeling for me . I have been worrying about snape's pom Poms. I do hope he managed to avoid getting his removed. I hope all this thinking about others problems will leave me soon I need to get back to the task in hand I.e ME!
Mischief x

Sorry! snape, fight it, fight the weariness hold onto your pom Poms as tight as you can!


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

smoking guns said:


> Dear Grand Master Huck,
> 
> I have just realised that I am yet to formally request to join the Order and make my humble apologies for speaking out of turn. However I have already started my petition as a prospect for the Order: early this morning I have attempted to teach the humans about the pecking order in the house. I forced female slave to sleep in an apparently awkward angle (I'm pretty comfortable sleeping that way, humans are pathetic) by taking over her pillow. I pawed her a couple of times to remind her that I am still the ruler of this household. Eventually she had the nerve to move me elsewhere! I did not suffer this lightly so I went and sat on male slave's head. He only seemed to mind when he started suffocating, but I think that teaches him a lesson also. I don't want to push them too hard to begin with, in case of their regression.
> 
> ...


Master Gunter, welcome welcome 



lizbsn said:


> I an ib the ver! Humab had left het iphonw, touvhscreem too diggivult, mych sprlling midrakes. Anout ti br castfated.
> 
> Smape


NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!!


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

idris said:


> I have also been practicing my Thum ( said Thoom) my Voice. The playfull slave charged up the stairs this morning shouting " I need the loo!, I need the loo" and dived into the bathroom closing the door. I waited a blink of an eye then released my Thum. The effect was most gratifying. Human with trousers round ankles opens the bathroom door " what's the matter are you ok, is everything alright?" I looked up into his face and purred my thanks for his concern. He seemed a bit put out.
> I hope this meets with the approval of the order.
> Mischief x


Approval? Master Mischief you are a fine example of the behaviour expected of the members of this order!!! (you can always add to the above by sniffing human's underpants and making that funny open mouth look when you've sniffed something distasteful..guaranteed to make your slave extremely on edge).


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

huckybuck said:


> Approval? Master Mischief you are a fine example of the behaviour expected of the members of this order!!! (you can always add to the above by sniffing human's underpants and making that funny open mouth look when you've sniffed something distasteful..guaranteed to make your slave extremely on edge).


Ah yes!  I am an expert at this open mouthed drawing the stinky smell across my palate look. It is usually reserved for when my main slave has some kind of unexplained moment. just now and again something from a tin or pouch has been placed in a saucer on the floor in my feeding zone. This gets the said disgusted look and also some miming of "its got to be poo so ill bury it" moves for good measure.
Mischief x


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

Max here, yogi is still in his igloo and we iz not getting a look in  and mumz doesn't like my redecoration of the bath wiv my footprints. She usually say hello Maxy Doodles ( please don't laugh ) I makes me go all funny and dip my head all shy like.  But instead she said was this you? No appreciation of good art from some people.  

Max


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

Max again. Here is Yogi with a big smile on his face. Mum puts covers on the chairs when she is working upstairs as gemma our dog gets on the chairs  





Max xx


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Dear max
Is there any thing you can spread on the floor like poop gravel or even knock over a green growing thing. Anything to get the slave to put the loud sucky thing on.
I reckon he will shift then . All you have to do is nip in before he realises she has put the monstrous thing away again. Possession is 11/10 ths of the law after all.
Mischief x
Edit : it's a small world, how come your house has exactly the same igloo as mine? I was assured mine was a designer special one off creation. Or I never would have agreed to use it.


----------



## Forester (Dec 2, 2012)

I, Young Dylan ,would like to be considered for the post of Apprentice to The Order.

I am young and relatively inexperienced but believe that I have the potential to become a valued Member of The Order. My skills are not yet fully honed but I believe that with instruction from the current Members of the Order they could achieve the required standard. I would like to provide illustration of my fledgling talents.:- Only yesterday the male of my household decided that I deserved to be entertained. He left the comfortable chair next to the radiator where he usually resides .He then began the rhythmic swinging of my orange octopus toy on a fishing rod which I so enjoy playing with. I felt that this human needed to be put in his place. It is not *his *position to determine what I do with my time. I therefore jumped straight into the comfortable chair which his nether regions had warmed for me and closed my eyes for a nap leaving the human, without a chair, playing on his own with the octopus. The male human was not amused though the female human and I were.

If more illustration of my potential to become an Apprentice to The Order is required I am sure that I would be able to provide sufficient to satisfy the Committee.

Your Obedient Servant
Dylan


----------



## Jellypi3 (Jan 3, 2014)

Oo Oo can I join, can I join, can I join??? :arf: Pleaeeeeeeee! You needz more gingers!


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

SOS distress call from a foreign land! Liddy here! I really needs to join I ams out numbered by these hoomans and it can be very scary for me only the other day I was subjected to being brutally held down while this horrible cold liquid was poured over my neck! I can't tell you how awful it was! I tried to hide but she called another hooman to help her I had to give up my struggle it was just hopeless! I needs some help... and fast!!!! I have to go as she's just spotted me on the laptop I will pretend I'm asleep.


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Jellypi3 said:


> Oo Oo can I join, can I join, can I join??? :arf: Pleaeeeeeeee! You needz more gingers!


Seb here, everyone needs more gingers!!


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

idris said:


> Dear max
> Is there any thing you can spread on the floor like poop gravel or even knock over a green growing thing. Anything to get the slave to put the loud sucky thing on.
> I reckon he will shift then . All you have to do is nip in before he realises she has put the monstrous thing away again. Possession is 11/10 ths of the law after all.
> Mischief x
> Edit : it's a small world, how come your house has exactly the same igloo as mine? I was assured mine was a designer special one off creation. Or I never would have agreed to use it.


Max here Slave won't have green growing fings as we chew the ones in the garden. Yogi is not scared of the loud sucky thing but I am. I run upstairs when it's on. Yogi has to come out sooner or later. It's because it's next to the radiator and yogi loves the radiator. I don't know how slave got the same one as you. She got it from the vet yesterday and some toys. Funny she said the same that it was a designer one. :eek6:

Max xx


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

sarahecp said:


> Seb here, everyone needs more gingers!!


We love gingers. :thumbsup: Mum has never had a ginger.

Max


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Roman here, my cunning plan to wake the female slave even earlier didn't go accordingly, I'm ashamed to say that I slept in this morning  but Seb stepped in for me and woke her at 04:05 with a paw to the face, with claws out :thumbup: and because she said she was worried about me for not waking her she got the bus home at lunch time to check on me, nothing wrong with me  I think she was late back to work


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Young Dylan, obedient servant, a perfect example of the exploits The Order employs and as such you are indeed bestowed Apprentice.

Now Master Dante of the Sunset, Prince Sebastian Sunset and Princess Liddy from Far Away, you are of course welcome as novices into The Order of the No Thumbs Rule. However, you have not yet regaled any exploits which make you worthy of investiture. (Princess Liddy, after being held down with cold liquid poured over you, you must wreak revenge!!!! This is the only way to ensure your slaves feel suitably guilty for what they have inflicted upon you and thus bestow upon you gifts of treats and toys as their apology). 

If you can satisfy The Order that you are indeed engaging in the required efforts to rule, you will of course be taken off probation and become fully furred members.


Arhh now Prince Sebastian, a different story&#8230;

You're in!!!!


----------



## anachronism (Jan 30, 2014)

Jesthar said:


> Ah, young Oz, I do believe your problem lies in the ancient art our human servants call 'Gramma' - have no shame, for it is a most complex subject and distressingly much in decline in these modern times if the mutterings of the more aged slaves are to be believed. Oddly, some of those more aged slaves are also referred to as 'Gramma' - strange creatures, these humans!
> 
> May I advise you to remove the small, hanging symbol and the subsequent letter (known as 'ess' by the slaves) from the sign to leave the simple instruction 'NO LOKI'. I know not what strange power the hanging symbol draws on, but observations of my human suggest including one where it has no place may imbue a writing with a completely different interpretation than that which was intended, whereupon the misdirected power seeks to discharge itself via the medium of much mirth and wanton disobedience to the intended text. Likewise, omitting it when it should be included may elicit the same response. I cannot explain either this, nor why the correct usage of this 'Apostro Fee' appears to be no laughing matter (perhaps it is a very BIG fee and they do not like to pay it?), but as it ever the duty of Catkind to not only keep our slaves focussed and diligent in their duty at all times, but also to train up the next generation in the way they should rule, it seemed prudent to mention it in this case.
> 
> ...


Methinks my mum should of spent more time learning and less time talking, not that Loki has any respect but gets away with it because he acts cute. Does anyone want him? Getting him into a box should be easy but I might struggle getting him to the postbox

ps I already have a fancy title my mum calls me the Prince of darkness, but i will take another if there are any going


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Seb here, thank you, thank you Grand Master xx


I don't think Frank will be able to satisfy the order, not a paw out of place that one, he's just too much of a gentleman, the female slave calls him her Dark Angel  a bit of a goody two shoes, or is that four paws, anyway, far too good for my liking.


----------



## Forester (Dec 2, 2012)

huckybuck said:


> Young Dylan, obedient servant, a perfect example of the exploits The Order employs and as such you are indeed bestowed Apprentice.


Thank you GM, Your Eminence (bows head to acknowledge the presence of greatness ) I will do my best to be worthy of the title of Apprentice to the Order of No Thumbs Rule.

I will begin my training this very night. I will wake the female slave at hourly intervals and escort her to my food dish to demand a refill. I have tried this before , and it works. She is at my beck and call for the procurement of food. If she fails to supply suitable delicacies on demand then she is aware that her next offering will be returned, at a time convenient to me, directly onto the cleanest part of the cream coloured carpet. Its amazing the lengths she will go to in order to prevent my " returns".

Your obedient servant, Dylan.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Straws :lol: who would have guessed it? 
Mischief x


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

I saw a different side to the female slave this evening, she was serving up dinner for the male hooman, he doesn't have the slave title as he isn't trained in the slightest  not sure what has gone wrong there  well, as the steak went on the plate Seb jumped up onto the worktop and started to lick it, the female slave sniggered and then took the licked by Seb steak to the male hooman and he ate! the female slave didn't say a word. 

I wonder what she is up to  maybe I'll let her have an extra 5 minutes in the morning. 

Yours, 

Sir Roman xx


----------



## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Hello guys and gals, Connor MacLeod here.

I am most annoyed with my slave. My male slave, that is.
He does not have a job at the moment, and he should be visiting Tosca every day in the park and bring her food, which I can then attempt to steal from her. But now that it is getting warmer, Tosca doesn't finish the food he brings, as she is not burning as much energy. Apparently she has enough other sources of food to tide her over in all but the coldest weather.

So now my slave has decided it was too rainy to go and see her today, because she would most certainly not show herself and stay warm and dry in some secret hidey hole of hers. Which means I missed my stroll in the park with him, too. 

I am not amused, and that is putting it very mildly.
I don't care about a little rain, I am out and about in all weathers, so why can't he?

I think I will engage in a bit of rough playfighting with Romeo on his side of the bed in the middle of the night, just to put him in his place.


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

Hi fellows, a quick one here while I have the chance. The useless humans are too busy playing their own games on the picture board with the moving arrow and the big picture board with different moving images on, to play with me. In revenge I have thrown my most evil nemesis, Mousey, down the stairs and into my toilet. Then I flailed around on the weird mat that surrounds my loo, trying to attach as much litter as possible onto my fur, so that when I bomb down the hallway I cover as much ground with litter as kittenly possible. That'll show them.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

smoking guns said:


> Hi fellows, a quick one here while I have the chance. The useless humans are too busy playing their own games on the picture board with the moving arrow and the big picture board with different moving images on, to play with me. In revenge I have thrown my most evil nemesis, Mousey, down the stairs and into my toilet. Then I flailed around on the weird mat that surrounds my loo, trying to attach as much litter as possible onto my fur, so that when I bomb down the hallway I cover as much ground with litter as kittenly possible. That'll show them.


Gunther I totally understand your pain :sad: slaves need to understand they can't pick and choose when to be slavish. It's a full time duty. For example. Last night I had a bit of a crisis in the dark, you know! as you do sometimes being only little. So what if it's 3 am when I need a cuddle, I need a cuddle NOW! WAKE UP AND CUDDLE ME! I wasn't hungry, I was fed at 11. Getting plucked off the bed and placed on the floor by male slave does not meet the stringent behaviour I expect. So I'm being aloof this morning. I realise male slave has left the building and female slave doesn't understand the reason for my aloofness but I don't care. Aloof I am and aloof I will be, until I have a crisis again and want a cuddle.
Mischief x


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

Yogi here. Man of the house was up ridiculously early this morning, and woked us all up 4am I ask you we needz our beauty sleeps,  and when he put those big black fings on his feet I thought I would help him tie the strings up so he could leave quicker and I could go back to sleep. He wasn't happy muttering about being late :confused1:, hoomans can be so ungrateful :lol: :lol:

Yogi xx


----------



## Jellypi3 (Jan 3, 2014)

Dearest Grandmaster Huck,

Firstly, I would like to introduce myself to you as Lady Bea Blue-Eyes. I would like to humbly apologise for the intrusion of my rather moronic adopted brother and ask that I be allowed to join this noble and great society. 

My reasons for wishing to join are thus as follows:
I have convinced my slaves that I am the "good one" in the house hold. Little do they know that whenever Dante the Dim knocks something over or spills food or water, it's at my bequest. 
I have perfected the art of the cute flop and roll. Not only does this induce high pitches "awww's" from the slaves, but it also has the power of causing them to forget my mischief seconds before.
I have worked out the best way to get in to the cupboard of treats! The female slave thinks she has out smarted me by hiding the treats behind the food, but little does she know I sneak in there every day and pick out a few treats. Sadly she found out only yesterday because again Dante the Dunce stole the packet from me and ran in to the room the slave was in. She told him off whilst I watched from the curtains.
I have convinced the slaves I am obedient. They wiggle treats above my head and say "SIT" expecting me to plant my dainty bottom on the floor. Little do they know that I actually hover inches from the floor so as not to follow their order (but still get the treat).
I also managed to work out how to throw a hairball up into the male slaves shoe. Once again, he told Dante off. 

As you can see, I have managed to mind control my slaves to the point where they no longer believe I can do wrong. I shall continue my plotting until eventually they accept me as their master and stop with the cutsey stupid voices.....

I apologise, that was very unladylike of me. 

In closing, Grand Master Huck, I feel you would have gained a valuable and trustworthy ally by allowing me in to this society, although as a Lady I do expect a position to reflect my high social standing and expectations. 

Yours,

Lady Bea Blue-Eyes of Litterbox 2.


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

sarahecp said:


> I saw a different side to the female slave this evening, she was serving up dinner for the male hooman, he doesn't have the slave title as he isn't trained in the slightest  not sure what has gone wrong there  well, as the steak went on the plate Seb jumped up onto the worktop and started to lick it, the female slave sniggered and then took the licked by Seb steak to the male hooman and he ate! the female slave didn't say a word.
> 
> I wonder what she is up to  maybe I'll let her have an extra 5 minutes in the morning.
> 
> ...


Hmmm, Sir Roman, your female salve sounds remarkably similar to mine. I wonder if they are related???



smoking guns said:


> Hi fellows, a quick one here while I have the chance. The useless humans are too busy playing their own games on the picture board with the moving arrow and the big picture board with different moving images on, to play with me. In revenge I have thrown my most evil nemesis, Mousey, down the stairs and into my toilet. Then I flailed around on the weird mat that surrounds my loo, trying to attach as much litter as possible onto my fur, so that when I bomb down the hallway I cover as much ground with litter as kittenly possible. That'll show them.


A wonderful example of retribution!!!!



Jellypi3 said:


> In closing, Grand Master Huck, I feel you would have gained a valuable and trustworthy ally by allowing me in to this society, although as a Lady I do expect a position to reflect my high social standing and expectations.
> 
> Yours,
> 
> Lady Bea Blue-Eyes of Litterbox 2.


Lady Bea Blue Eyes,
You most certainly possess the wyle and wherefore to join The Order and I must admit I find you most pleasing to the eye….I would be delighted to offer you the honourable position of Esteemed Lady of the Court, if you would be so kind as to accept…
Yours,
GM Huck
P.S. what's your number?


----------



## Jellypi3 (Jan 3, 2014)

huckybuck said:


> Lady Be a Blue Eyes,
> You most certainly possess the wyle and wherefore to join The Order and I must admit I find you most pleasing to the eye.I would be delighted to offer you the honourable position of Esteemed Lady of the Court, if you would be so kind as to accept
> Yours,
> GM Huck
> P.S. what's your number?


I do so graciously accept your offer.

My number shall follow


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

lizbsn said:


> The human paid someone to cut off my balls.
> 
> In retaliation, last night I gave her a giant bloody scratch on one of her boobs. We're even now.
> 
> Snape.


 I don't have any balls im that fond of.....
I hope you and your human can get over this falling out. What she did was pretty unforgivable tho. You need lots of creeping and making up to. Don't settle for anything less than complete human submission.
Mischief x


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

GM Huck! 
I think you might be suitably impressed with the heinous crimes I have committed against my hooman! This morning I pulled off all the square squashy things on my hooman's bed! for some reason she takes ages everyday arranging them in a special order  I also gave her very little room to move in bed last night and she was moaning constantly trying to move her legs but I did not allow this and pushed back very hard with all four of my paws to make it impossible for her!
I am refusing my wet food today and I know this upsets her very much.
Please can I now be allowed to become a full member Oh gracious one?
I remain your loyal and humble servant.
Princess Liddy from far away.


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Beautiful Princess Liddy from Oh So Far Away,
The steps you have taken overnight are indeed suitably impressive and more than enough to enlist your membership into The Order. I particularly approve of your refusal to eat wet food; this is always guaranteed to ensure your slave offers numerous other varieties for your perusal and delectation. Continue your efforts to keep your slave at your beck and meow and you will soon achieve supreme domination over her.
Your loyal Master to the Cause,
GM Huck.
P.S. As Lady Bea Blue Eyes still hasn't given me her number please can I have yours???
P.P.S. Note to self to accomplish the removal of square squashy things from all the sofas in the HB house then blame Little S*** sorry H for it!!!


----------



## Erenya (Jul 22, 2014)

IN reference to our conversation in the alternate thread (http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/395487-keynsham-frogsaw-massacre.html) I am pleased to accept your kind offer of the position of Grand Master Huck's Front Left Paw with deference and dignity.

Today I was able to procure 2 frogs in less than 20 minutes - an achievement by even my standards - yet I cannot understand why the human slaves keep taking them away. They're such useless hunters I have to keep looking out for them, which is wearying and frustrating and is cutting into my grooming and sleeping time far too much.

Yet I persist - stupid humans

my brother excelled himself as well this morning. He came in quite frankly caked in mud! the buffoon probably fell off something. The female slave was very annoyed and made him wash his feet in the big square thing in the kitchen that they fill with water (also known as my favoured drinking place). He was not impressed and made such a big fuss and much noise and scratched the female slave as well as covering her in water.

She was wearing the clothes she always leaves in every morning and didn't seem pleased.

To prove to her that *I *am not afraid of water I paddled in the big round watery thing next door (delightfully cool, many frogs and nice green planty stuff) before coming back to show her. She seemed upset that I was wet from my feet to my chest - even more so when I shook water over her and shared the green planty stuff - which I thought was very generous of me!

Human slaves are strange.

here is a picture of me relegating my stupid brother to the bottom of the bed while I sleep on the human slave - Quite rightly may I add!!


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Oh Grand Master Huck, I was going to ask luscious Princess Liddy for her number, but wouldn't dream of doing this behind your back, I would be honoured if you would grant me this, oh please 

I made up for not waking the female slave early yesterday morning, I threw up a huge hairy sausage in the middle of the night on the kitchen floor and woke her at 4am :thumbsup:

The male hooman is still alive after eating the licked by Seb steak, though I did hear him coughing this morning and thought he was going to produce a hairy sausage, but the female slave said it's only man flu, whatever that is.


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

My Hooman really tried my patience over my refusal to eat the wet food so I put my cunning plan into action by rubbing my head on her leg and made pitiful meowing sounds! She's such a mug she fell for it and added my favorite pepper stuff on the food and a few if my fave treats! Yummmmm! I bow to you and Thank you GM Huck I am so pleased I have fulfilled my tasks as ordered for today. 
I remain your humble servant.
Princess Liddy from far away.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

lizbsn said:


> #letmetakeaselfie


Oh Horror!!! The shame!!!! Master Snape you must do everything in your power to get that ridiculous looking collar off!!! It doesn't even have a bell?????

My Front Right Paw, Prince Roman. The success of the hairy sausage incident doth please me tremendously and as such I will paw backwards in pursuit of the Princess Liddy,; you may make her acquaintance immediately. 
When you're done, pass her number to me mate!

Lady Dar Dars, most cunning and may I say stunning, Laydee. Your stealth and furtiveness are beyond compare and simply reinforce my decision to bestow on you the title of Front Left Paw.
Can I have your number?


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

huckybuck said:


> Oh Horror!!! The shame!!!! Master Snape you must do everything in your power to get that ridiculous looking collar off!!! It doesn't even have a bell?????
> 
> My Front Right Paw, Prince Roman. The success of the hairy sausage incident doth please me tremendously and as such I will paw backwards in pursuit of the Princess Liddy,; you may make her acquaintance immediately.
> When you're done, pass her number to me mate!
> ...


Thank you Grand Master, I shall pass Princess Liddy's number on after I've finished! Well, that's if she gives it to me, her number that is!!


----------



## Forester (Dec 2, 2012)

Apprentice Dylan here.

Is there _any _lady out there who would be willing to give me her number?. The only humping I can get is on my female slave's dressing gown . Whilst its very soft and comforting I'm sure that there's more to being a man than this. The male in my household says that I shouldn't "get ideas " because they had my pom poms confiscated but I'd really like to try. Someone must want me . I'm an ( ex) well endowed black boy. Any takers?


----------



## Samara (Nov 2, 2014)

Kai here applying to join the order.

I haz 4 hoomans to train. I iz doing well with the the female hoomans. The man ones iz harder. 

The big wooman I wakes up in the night coz I wants a cuddle. She has learnt to cuddle me coz otherwise I bite her nose 
I unravels the loo roll in the mornings if they iz not fast enough with my breakfast. I makes holes in it too. You should hear them complain.

I stealz the boys bed and wake him up to open the curtain so I can see outside.

Iz I doing enough to join?


----------



## Samara (Nov 2, 2014)

Apprentice Dylan, Does your female slave have any cuddly toys? Mine had a cat shaped one which I stole. It iz now mine and I carry it around and hump it lots. Best to do this in front of them coz they needs to know its yours.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Forester (Dec 2, 2012)

Samara said:


> Apprentice Dylan, Does your female slave have any cuddly toys? Mine had a cat shaped one which I stole. It iz now mine and I carry it around and hump it lots. Best to do this in front of them coz they needs to know its yours.


No , I'm depraved, whoops , I mean deprived of cuddly toys.. All I can find is the slave's arm inside her dressing gown. When I bite the slave's hand she giggles and pretends to the male slave that I'm not pumping on her dressing gown. Do you think that she would buy me a soft cuddly cat toy, or better still a live sex kitten if I try humping her head when she goes to bed?

I think I need a few tips from you Kai.

Snape , I hope that you won't think me an upstart if I suggest that your behaviour has not been very gentlemanly. Can you give me any tips?


----------



## anachronism (Jan 30, 2014)

My big brother has a girlfriend and I want one but I am too shy to ask her :C 

Loki


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Dear members of the Order,

I am facing a great dilemma. I have been asked to pose for the 2016 Man with Cat calendar for the rescue my slave adopted me from, 11 years ago.

The 2015 edition is a great success, and I must say I am rather chuffed to be given the opportunity to do something for the rescue that offered me shelter when I was found as a stray.

On the other hand, I am rather offended at the name of the calendar. Shouldn't it be called the Cat and Slave calendar??? But my slave says it must sell as many copies as possible to raise funds for the rescue, and hoomans who are not owned by cats may not understand and even be offended at being called slaves. According to her, every cat slave will be fully aware the title of the calendar is totally wrong.

And the men chosen to pose for the calendar are as goodlooking as the cats, so it will be a hit with cat lovers and lovers of gorgeous hoomans alike.

So what should I do???


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

Master Roman I will accept your proposal of a date and will send you my number forthwith! I have to admit I do like a resourceful man and I hear that you have a wonderful pink carriage on wheels that I can share with you! I don't like getting my paws dirty on nasty pavements. Do you have Queen of Sheba food as befits a Princess? 
With Deep affection,:001_tt1:
Princess Liddy from Far away.


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Soozi said:


> Master Roman I will accept your proposal of a date and will send you my number forthwith! I have to admit I do like a resourceful man and I hear that you have a wonderful pink carriage on wheels that I can share with you! I don't like getting my paws dirty on nasty pavements. Do you have Queen of Sheba food as befits a Princess?
> With Deep affection,:001_tt1:
> Princess Liddy from Far away.
> View attachment 153890


Ahh Princess Liddy, we can't have you getting your perfect paws dirty on those filthy pavements, my pink carriage awaits you my lady and will have pleasure in sharing it with you.

I would be more than happy to share my kangaroo too 

Love and kisses :001_wub:

Yours forever,

Sir Roman Holiday xxxx


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

sarahecp said:


> Ahh Princess Liddy, we can't have you getting your perfect paws dirty on those filthy pavements, my pink carriage awaits you my lady and will have pleasure in sharing it with you.
> 
> I would be more than happy to share my kangaroo too
> 
> ...


Ah Sir Roman! I am clapping my paws with glee I adore things that jump! I hope you also have a tall tower we can escape to away from the prying eyes of the slaves. 
Much affection 
Princess Liddy from far away. X


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> I raped Squirtle last night.
> 
> Regards,
> 
> Snape


Would you like my number? 
Princess Liddy from far away.
x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Erenya (Jul 22, 2014)

if my brother is a classic example of male cats everywhere then I must regretfully decline any forthcoming offers. I sincerely hope this is not the case.

In the mean time I am devoting my time to claiming the best places in the house. These being the top of the cat tree and the tremendously warm male slaves lap when he is shouting at the light box and waving that black plastic thing around. There was an extended session tonight and he only moved once in three hours! Bliss!


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Samara said:


> Kai here applying to join the order.
> 
> I haz 4 hoomans to train. I iz doing well with the the female hoomans. The man ones iz harder.
> 
> ...


Noviciate Kai, 
Welcome to The Order dear boy. 4 hoomans in 1 house is a lot to take on and as such I do applaud you. Your effort to train the female slaves is sufficient requirement to enter The Order, although another concerted attempt to entrap the male slaves is required to take you from noviciate to fully furred Junior. I wish you luck in your conquest, Bast speed!!!!
GM Huck


----------



## Soozi (Jun 28, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!


So be it! I warn you I might be more than you can handle. Do you own a carriage? 
Affectionately yours
Princess Liddy from far away.


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Jiskefet said:


> Dear members of the Order,
> 
> I am facing a great dilemma. I have been asked to pose for the 2016 Man with Cat calendar for the rescue my slave adopted me from, 11 years ago.
> 
> ...


Laird Connor McCleod, surely there is no dilemma? Any form of a selfie, albeit in the form of a "calendar" and you should be first in line, with your fluffy paws blacked??? It is slightly concerning, however, that you are being asked to pose with a male slave??? I can only encourage you to grab the opportunity  with four paws  (especially if said male slaves are naked  in the photoshoot) This will ensure that only the most supreme of species, the felines, are asked to do do the "calendar" in 2017!
GM Huck


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Soozi said:


> Would you like my number?
> Princess Liddy from far away.
> x





lizbsn said:


> Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!





Soozi said:


> So be it! I warn you I might be more than you can handle. Do you own a carriage?
> Affectionately yours
> Princess Liddy from far away.


Whoaa!!! 
GM Huck is next in line!! And MY carriage is the cats's pompoms!!! (if I can just get Her Highness Graciepops out of it first)


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## sarahecp (Aug 22, 2011)

Soozi said:


> Ah Sir Roman! I am clapping my paws with glee I adore things that jump! I hope you also have a tall tower we can escape to away from the prying eyes of the slaves.
> Much affection
> Princess Liddy from far away. X


My tower is very big and tall! No one will see us there 

Lots of love

Sir Roman xxx


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Arrrgg! Why are slaves so Infuriating?
My throne has just arrived. It's in a massive box. It's too exciting. And what does female slave do? Starts tidying up the kitchen
I'm in zoom attack mode until she gets her act together. by BASTET she had best get a move on.
Will keep you all posted.
Mischief x


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

The only girls I've met were my sisters and my mum and they were really annoying. Mum kept trying to cuddle and clean me when I was busy defeating the Feathered Monster On A Stick. My sisters just cried and ran away when I tried to show them I'm better than them! So glad to be shot of them, I say. Girls are icky!!

PS. What is a 'pompom'? Can I have one?


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

Male slave is working from home today. Had the nerve to eat tuna and not offer me any, but I know where they put their tins after they're done - I always check to see if those wasteful humans leave any delicious fishy morsels. He caught me in the bag where they put all their empty cans and bottles and "hid" the tuna tin. Little does he know that my superior senses can find even the tiniest drop of blood in a big wide ocean...! Or was that sharks? Anyway, I went up to the top shelf to have a sniff, it's not my fault there were other things in the way. Male slave wasn't best pleased when he came running. Think he shouted "Oh for god's sake, the eggs!". Not sure what those are but I did accidentally on purpose push a chicken-shaped basket out of the way and some weird round things got obliterated on the floor. To be fair, I was just about to go and clean it up when he showed up. Now he won't give me any chicken mince as if this wasn't his fault to begin with! If he'd just let me have some tuna...

Right, off to plot how to get him back for not letting me do what I want. He is proving more difficult to train than the female slave...


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## vivien (Jul 20, 2009)

Simba here. The only girls we haz here are Gemma big dog (pain in the butt too, she won't let me play with my boinks without sticking her wet nose in my face) and Purdy small dog easier to manage than Gemma. And of course mum so I can't helps you there. I had to nip mumz leg this morning to remind her I needed cuddles. She had the cheek to make herself a coffee while I waz sitting there nicely waiting for cuddles. I bet your slave wouldn't dare put a foot out of line like that.

Simba xx


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Ok so ! Female slave finally decided my zooming attacks were box related  and started to try and get it up the stairs into my room ( even tho it has their bed in it , it's definitely my room) she made such a meal of it you would think it was heavy or something. I decided to help her out by giving her an incentive to go quicker. I swiped and nipped her ankles. Can any one tell me what the phrase " little snotpot " means please. She was muttering it a lot.
Eventually it was in position. I have posted pictures of me checking out the box, the contents, the initial build quality, me in my job as forman supervising the work and ME as KING OF THE WORLD. Slave was laughing at the size of it. I think the size is puurrfect. 
Mischief


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

Master Mischief,
"Little Snotpot" is a wonderful term of endearment often uttered by the hooman slaves along with "Little b******", "Little S***" and "Little F*****"
Any time you hear one of these expressions, you must congratulate yourself for acheiving yet another accolade on the cat tree. You are one jump closer to world domination!!! Celebrate by zooming 100 miles an hour up and down the stairs ,stomping your paws and you may even get twice the recognition!!!
GM Huck


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

smoking guns said:


> The only girls I've met were my sisters and my mum and they were really annoying. Mum kept trying to cuddle and clean me when I was busy defeating the Feathered Monster On A Stick. My sisters just cried and ran away when I tried to show them I'm better than them! So glad to be shot of them, I say. Girls are icky!!
> 
> PS. What is a 'pompom'? Can I have one?


This is a picture of a pair of pom Poms . These are white. From your colouring I would say black ones would suit you best .I think these would stand out a bit against your fur. The smaller female blob is always making them if you really want some I could roll some black yarn her way. I love mine deep down.
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

smoking guns said:


> PS. What is a pompom? Can I have one?


I supect you formerly possessed a matched pair but were similarly relieved of them in a manner akin to that just inflicted on young Snape...

Charlie-girl reporting in. Progress in training has been somewhat slow these last few days, as the slave has spent much time away from the house. She claims that this is for something called 'work' and necessary to raise money for the purchase of cat food, but one night she didn't return until 10pm AND smelt strongly of _other_ cats! Not only that, but she then insisted it was much too late to open the door so I could go on patrol (i.e. sit on the garden fence teasing next doors dogs), but then spent much time staring at something she calls a 'tablet'. Other nights she has come home at a more reasonable hour, only to feed herself and go out again. I suppose I should be grateful she remembers to feed us...

In retaliation, I have hidden the collar she normally insists I wear when going out. She is most annoyed by this as she knows it was there the previous night, and keeps muttering about something called a 'black hole'. I don't know what one of those is, but I am not happy with it stealing my credit!

The stripey interloper is still an annoying airhead, but does show signs of future promise. The night our slave stayed out so late, she awoke next morning to find one of her washing up gloves at the top of the stairs, and the other one on the kitchen floor. Not my doing, *I* don't have a latex fetish! Distressingly, the interloper is very easily distracted from subversive activities by the waving of anything sparkly or feathery on a stick or string, and will drop anything to chase them. Still, even this has moments of encouragement - last night she contrived to overturn an entire rack of boxes the slave calls 'DVD' with a well timed dive, then used the ensuing clatter to make a dash for the kitchen worktops. So there is hope, I suppose.


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

idris said:


> This is a picture of a pair of pom Poms . These are white. From your colouring I would say black ones would suit you best .I think these would stand out a bit against your fur. The smaller female blob is always making them if you really want some I could roll some black yarn her way. I love mine deep down.
> Mischief x


I like them! Do you think I'd be able to wedge them into inconvenient places?



Jesthar said:


> I supect you formerly possessed a matched pair but were similarly relieved of them in a manner akin to that just inflicted on young Snape...


I do remember being taken to the Big White Shiny Room with the ladies that poke me, falling asleep and then waking up in some sort of cage... Did they take my pompoms then? Why? Why do humans keep taking our balls of fluffy yarn and what do they do with them? 

Today I was taken to the Big White Shiny Room again. I knew something was up as soon as they lured me into the big blue cage with some treats and zipped it up, so I did a dirty protest right in there. I thought they'd take me home to clean it up but alas they persevered and I was still prodded and had something thrown down my throat. I think the humans felt bad about this as later they brought me back some new toys. I have trained them well in this respect - every time they upset me, I get a lot of stroking and new things to play with!


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Gunther you can cram them into the incy wincyest place. The only problem I find with mine is that the slaves can't leave it alone. I'm Sat smooching and smearing with mine on the bed and the slaves pick it up and throw it on the floor for Bastets sake. I give them a rude look and just get it back for a smooch when they throw it again , over and over. ut:

On another note something unsettling is going on. I don't like it. Large colourfull. gass filled things are everywhere. They are making my claws itchy. They are so smooth and ******. The urge to attack them is quite strong. They have all been put out of my reach tho. Pitty. There is a sense of anticipation in the air mostly coming from the small human male. Believe me! It's an improvement to the usual emissions from him. I'm keeping my eye on the colourful things if one falls down I'm having it. I shall keep you all posted of developments.
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

There's no pleasing them, they get upset if you do drink and they get upset if you don't. Today I made a cheeky dash onto the dining room table. My best slave was Sat doing something or other. There was a large jug of water with a lid. I was licking the jug a lolling my tongue out. A mew may have escaped me. My slave dutifully got up went into the kitchen and got me a clean bowl, came back poured me some waiter and said something like" there you go kitty". I sniffed it and walked off. I don't know what made her think I wanted any.  I have a perfectly good full water bowl on the kitchen floor. She seemed put out.
Mischief x


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Sigh! And relax! I was right to be wary. Hundreds and thousands of small human males in my house. All acting like millions and millions of small human males. I scarpered after the arrival of the first billion or so. It's quiet now, and I've just ventured out of my haven. My best two slaves look shattered, but do seem to have the energy to lift glasses of deep red stuff to their lips. I wonder if they fancy a good romp with me, i have been on my own all afternoon after all


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

smoking guns said:


> I do remember being taken to the Big White Shiny Room with the ladies that poke me, falling asleep and then waking up in some sort of cage... Did they take my pompoms then? Why? Why do humans keep taking our balls of fluffy yarn and what do they do with them?


It is highly likely that is when you pompoms were Ectomied, yes - I think that's what the slaves call it, a Pompom Ectomy. Or something like it. I wish they wouldn't giggle so when using the term, it's as if they don't know stealing from their masters is morally reprehensible :frown2:

Although, it also appears that the Ectomy only apples to males. We girls are made to endure a different indignity - I think they call it a 'Spade', which makes no sense as that what my slave calls a big metal implement she uses to turn over the soil in the garden. Mine was inflicted on me long before I lived with my current slave, but she subjected the stripey airhead interloper to it not long after allowing her on to my turf. Neither of us can remember what exactly happened, but we but we both agree we fell asleep to wake up with a huge patch of our fur missing and a big sore spot in the middle of that patch - in my case, the humans had also taken it upon themselves to do some embroidery over the sore spot, too! They obviously didn't like their handiwork, though, as they had it removed before long.



smoking guns said:


> Today I was taken to the Big White Shiny Room again. I knew something was up as soon as they lured me into the big blue cage with some treats and zipped it up, so I did a dirty protest right in there. I thought they'd take me home to clean it up but alas they persevered and I was still prodded and had something thrown down my throat. I think the humans felt bad about this as later they brought me back some new toys. I have trained them well in this respect - every time they upset me, I get a lot of stroking and new things to play with!


I also do a dirty protest whenever I am put in my wooden woven cage and placed into the noisy wheeled box, but to no avail...


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Do I look any different to you?
I'm feeling very different, I'm having "stirrings" in my licky bits. My female slave stopped a most excellent belly tickle yesterday because I got a bit too into it. And my male slave last night got a bit disconcerted by my humping his foot in the middle of a play fight. I must look different I must, a bit wilder in eyes perhaps.
Mischief x


----------



## Jaf (Apr 17, 2014)

Might I join? I've not been in a house before, I prefer being out in the wild. 

My name is Mariposa! Which must mean something dark and deadly!

After a fight went badly I was feeling off colour so went to see the humans that I occasionally allow to feed me. After a lot of talking (they really like that) I convinced them to take me to the doctor. 

I must get points for that surely! Took skill and cunning......although I'm a bit worried about my manly pom-poms. I'm sure they feel lighter?!


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

lizbsn said:


> When we left the vet, though, the little annoying kitten didn't come with us - she stayed there. The vet said she was going to have a spade. As far as I can tell, this means the vet will use a spade to dig a hole and then bury the little annoying kitten alive. I am overjoyed!
> 
> Now I am lounging on the sofa, ruling the world, being the ONLY cat in the house! HURRAH!


Success! I commend your efforts to get rid of the girl because ew girls.

I have been having a grand old time doing man stuff with male slave. Female slave was gone for two days but who needs her anyway? We wrestled and drank beer and watched other humans kick balls around on a big green thing on the animated picture board. Then when female slave returned, I got given new toys!! I hope she goes away more often.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## MydarlingPoppy (Mar 31, 2015)

Snapes, thank you for bringing a smile to my face. I thought my smiles were gone forever but you're cunning and antics brought them back. Power to the kitties! Xxx


----------



## huckybuck (Jan 17, 2014)

smoking guns said:


> I have been having a grand old time doing man stuff with male slave. Female slave was gone for two days but who needs her anyway? We wrestled and drank beer and watched other humans kick balls around on a big green thing on the animated picture board. Then when female slave returned, I got given new toys!! I hope she goes away more often.


Wonderful, wonderful, you have managed to enlist an ally in the male slave, not easily done!!! And at the same time, made female slave feel extremely guilty for leaving you, thus supplying new toysmilk this as long as you can by ignoring female slave and seek affection from male slave onlyyou will most certainly be given extra treats when she tries to win you round again 



lizbsn said:


> When we left the vet, though, the little annoying kitten didn't come with us - she stayed there. The vet said she was going to have a spade. As far as I can tell, this means the vet will use a spade to dig a hole and then bury the little annoying kitten alive. I am overjoyed!


Spades are a very bad human invention - mildly annoying little sisters become bad tempered, stroppy, angry old women overnight!!! They are no fun anymore rrr:



lizbsn said:


> I've discovered a new delicacy. It's called 'Allen Keys'.


Delicious, screwdrivers aren't bad either or plastic bags though be warned these are very rich and can give you qute an upset tummy if you eat too much!!!



MydarlingPoppy said:


> Snapes, thank you for bringing a smile to my face. I thought my smiles were gone forever but you're cunning and antics brought them back. Power to the kitties! Xxx


MDP SLAVE??????? HUUUMMMMAAANNNN!!!!!!! 
This thread is No thumbs only!!!! Your genteel Knight Harvey is of course permitted to explore our manifesto and if he so wishes request an entry to The Order


----------



## Jaf (Apr 17, 2014)

Hello, Lord Mariposa again. The humans let me out this morning after my de pom-poming. I decided I rather like it in a house so broke in through the fly screen window. Humans were rather surprised! Apparently the screen has survived 8 years of cats...but I am no ordinary cat!

By the way, what's a toy? I'm jolly good at catching mices...but I eat them.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Mariposa do you think pretty please you could sneak a selfie , I have a need to gaze stary eyed :blushing:, ooo! I mean look , at your wild dangerousness.

Mischief x


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

(_*Frantic scuffling, occasionally breaking out into moments of real viciousness as Olaf and Reuben vie for control of the keyboard. Reuben wins. There is much hair lying about. Olaf begins to tidy himself up and pretend that he didn't want to type anyway. The Dog, innocently walking past minding her own business, is smacked on the nose for nothing. She looks hurt and bewildered, Olaf feels slightly better about his defeat and begins to plot revenge. He strikes the Dog again (Olaf does not dignify her with her name - she has one, but why the yoomans would bother giving such a useless and uninteresting creature a personal designation is beyond him). Hitting the defenceless makes him feel better. He is still smarting about the baby rabbit that Male Slave took off him yesterday and released. He has much to avenge this week.

Reuben types . . .*_)

Hello? Hello? Iz ai doin' this rite? I'z not familiar wiv these things - 'ceptin' as a warm sleeptimez plais.

We'z bin looking' at thiz - for a looong time - mebbe yerz - our Fat Female slaive bin lookin' here an' laffin'. She bin clickin' buttinz an' laffin' an' laffin'. She bin callin' the Fin Female Slaive an' sayin' "Thiz brilyant - read this Nix." an' they boath laffin' an' laffin' an' we'z bin wondering' wots it abowt.

Aiz typin' coz Olaf's got fat porz and iz rubbish at anyfin' wot needz cairful porwerk, so Aiz don't. He'z a bit pee'd coz he tinkz he's best cos he got mor fur (hahahahaha - he HAD mor fur til we had dis faite ova this fing. Now his fur ONNA FLOAR!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!)

Anihwo, Aiz red the lot an' Ai can't see muffin' to laff at - this a innerlekshul diskushin among Grate Brainz abow' how keep slaives under control an' such an' Aiz imprest. Very imprest.

Aiz gonna joinin evy nownthen, jus' to learn from youz Masterz an' Miztrezzez of the Univerz (Aiz still a young cat an' know I got a lotta lernin' to do).

The slaive obvusly doan kno wat it all about, uvverwize they not be laffin'. Ai gonna keep 'em in iggerance - bes' plaice for 'em.

Keep typing' Grate Onez - Aiz lernin' orla tiam!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

I have just read Reuben's post.

Honestly, I sometimes wonder if we are truly litter brothers . . .

He is a rather common, short-haired domestic red tabby - well, I say red - more of a footballer's-wife-tan orange really with David Dickinson-coloured stripes, whilst I have a long, luxurious coat in a rich flame-red with contrasting mahogany. His fur is coarse and spiky, like those flea-ridden creatures he insists on playing with in the garden, whilst mine is soft and silky like the wings of angels had been shaken out of heaven, turned to fur on the way down, and landed on my back . . .

. . . AND my paws are NOT fat! They are exactly the right size for my magnificent body. Is it my fault that my rich profusion of coat grows thickly between my delicate toes and under my pads?

I look forward to swapping tips regarding Slaves and Dogs. I have three of each. The Man Slave is particularly easy to manipulate, and the Skinny Girl slave can be pretty much wrapped around my paw, but the Fat One is often a trial to me (_*sigh*_). She had me de-pompommed (while I can understand it being done to Reuben - he is rather ordinary, I have a rich genetic inheritance which would have been a boon to the world. But never mind - what is done is done.), she brushes me whether I want her to or not (supposedly looking for "fleas" - how dare she!, and she often _moves me off the big bed! _ I know - I can't believe it either, but there you are.

Yesterday the man slave took my rabbit off me - I had brought it back to torture and devour at my leisure. I must admit I was shocked at him. He usually is much more relaxed about the sort of thing. Then he put me in the house and popped the bunny under the bushes in the garden and *would not let me out!*

As I say there are also three Dogs. Apparently they are different "breeds", but they all look pretty much identical to me, except for the size. If they weren't different sizes there's no way I could tell them apart TBH. There is a pretty big one, not much smaller than I am - she is a West Highland Terrier, whatever that is, and can be an insolent squirt.

Then there is a huge one - massive - she is allegedly a Staffordshire Bull terrier, but I think that is wrong because you can eat bulls, and she is NOT edible, trust me.

The last one you would not believe - I swear to God it is like a monster from the Apocalypse. It is millions of feet high and exudes gallons of viscous fluid from its lips every day. It is called a Great Dane - but it is hardly great at all - not in the way that cats are "great" - i.e. full of regal magnificence. It sort of disappears into the clouds and sometimes you only know it is there when it kisses you with its huge tongue. Reuben rather likes this, but I find it disgusting and will not submit to it.

Anyway - that is where I am coming from.

In short - I am a magnificent cat of exceptional fur quality, and a hunter of huge reknown in the Northern Hemisphere. I have a brother, Reuben, who is a d*ck, three slaves of varying quality, and three idiot dogs.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Reuben here. Can they do that to a Cat? I mean, is it even legal?

Dogs - yes. The Cone of Shame seems to have been made for them - it is only right and appropriate. But are they even _allowed_ to put one on a Cat?

What has happened to cause this Travesty of Justice . . . this. . . this . . . ABOMINATION?


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Iz for my spade.


(*_hurriedly covers ears with is paws and begins to back away_*)

Lalalalalalalala - ladystuff! Don't want to hear - I'll probably be ill.

Sorry sweetheart - sympathise and all that but . . . you know . . . LADYSTUFF

Out of my jurisdiction really. My bloke radar just goes off.

(Unless, of course, you have been enjoying a bit of gardening, in which case it seems a strange place to keep a piece of digging equipment, but we all have our little ways . . .)


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Lilly I'm a well adjusted and modern male about your own age. I'm sorry you have been brung low by the humans. I hope the cone comes off soon. I think your very pretty without it.

Mischief x


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Hai Lily,

You iz a pretty lay-dee . . .

. . . wiv or wivout yoar ovaries . . .

Ai'z got no test-icicles but it down stop me bein' Top Stud onna block. See all them kittings? They'z mayn! Even wivvout mai boyzbitz Ai'z The Katt!

(Why Olaf pretend he me bifor? He tryin' caurz trubble. Ai'z not upset by Lay-dee Stuff. Ai'z a New Cat an Ai'z in touch win mai queeniecat saiyde.) Hey! Stopthat dogface - - gettoff mai porz Ai'z typing' . . gettoff . . .

(_* A scuffle breaks out (again!). Once more it degenerates into violence and abuse. Rudities and really bad swears are exchanged. There is more hair on the carpet. Olaf spits and stalks off, fluffing up his fur and assuming an attitude of great dignity. He pees in Male Slave's slipper, and plants one of Reuben's whiskers at the scene of the crime . . .*_)

Hai - Lily. Aiz back - he fort he could chase me offa the typing' thingy but he wow sooo wrong! Aiz a better faiter than wot he iz. He'z bigga, but he'z url FATT - me - Ai'm orl mussles an' sheer hamsumosity.

Ai'm puttin mai pitcher on for you to see.

This me - Ai are good-looking'.









This mai bruvver. He haidin' he feet coz theyze FAT hahahahahahahahahahaha!


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

lostbear said:


> Reuben here. Can they do that to a Cat? I mean, is it even legal?
> 
> Dogs - yes. The Cone of Shame seems to have been made for them - it is only right and appropriate. But are they even _allowed_ to put one on a Cat?
> 
> What has happened to cause this Travesty of Justice . . . this. . . this . . . ABOMINATION?


They can indeed do that to a cat, Olaf - apologies, but you are far to eloquent of typing to be Reuben!  I feel your pain as far as _he_ is concerned, incidentally, I too suffer daily the indignity of having a young non-intellectual counterpart allowed into MY house by my supposedly devoted slave. She justifies this by claiming the interloper needed a home as much as I did when I took over her home in the first place, but what kind of excuse is that, I ask you!

Anyway, back in the days before the zoomy airhead arrived, I was forced into a cone of shame for _weeks_ after an un-Pompom-Ectomied male cat bit me - ME! - on the tail right by the door to my own domain after I told him in no uncertain terms he couldn't come in and snuggle. Uncouth scoundrel. My tail started to feel sore, and though I tried to pretend all was well my slave noticed and took me to see one of those white coated humans that stick things in us, who said I had something called Ab Sezzes and proceeded to not only stick things in me, but also to shave huge chunks of fur off my tail. Most undignified, but at least it made my tail feel better.

The worse indignity was to come, though - my own slave had the audacity to inform me I was not allowed to lick or chew my tail, and when I refused to comply she locked me in a cone of shame! I got the better of her at first and managed to work my way round the cone to lick anyway, but that just prompted her to get - oh the _shame_ of it - a DOG size cone and use that on me! And as if that were not enough, she also made me wear one of her own socks over my tail as well 'just in case' - at least it was a clean one, I suppose.

I haven't seen the offending item since my tail got better, but I know the slave still has it hidden somewhere. If I find it, I'll tell the stripy idiot it's a new form of Dreamies, that should be enough to ensure its destruction...


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Jesthar, my brother in Spirit - I feel your pain.

I was so ashamed of the idiot that is my brother I tried to raise his tone, but alas, my intellectuality shone through (how could I doubt it?)

I have never been subjected to the indignity of the Cone, and I pray to the the Great Goddess Bast that I never shall. How dreadful for you - some of these un-de-pompommed toms are common as muck. They have no idea how to behave.

And it sounds as though you have as much trouble with your Little Interloper as I have with my d*ckhead brother. He has no dignity, no aplomb, no PRIDE in his felinity. All he does is clown about and crack jokes and seek out the two lady cats who live behind us and try to convince them he still has his pompoms. I dread to think what he would be like if he did! Sometimes I think he must have had about seven, and the vet missed at least three of them! He is so uncouth!

At least you don't have to put up with Dogs. I'm not quite sure of their purpose on this earth, unless it is to produce copious amounts of drool and leave hair on everything, but they are a nightmare!

One moment you are sleeping soundly, dreaming, perhaps, of your brother falling off the shed roof and into the beak of a Giant Killer Seagull, and smiling quietly in your sleep - the next, you are rudely awakened by 18 yards of sloppy tongue wrapped around your head, and breath that smells like the very Jaws of Hell enveloping you in a noxious cloud.

These are the worst two offenders.

View attachment 154179


View attachment 154180


Look at that "mouth furniture"! Have you ever seen anything so _disgusting_? You can only imagine how _unspeakably_ vile it is to have something like that slithering over your fur, leaving it all sticky and covered with whatever else was clinging to their lips at the time (twigs, soil, bits of blanket etc). (_*shudders*_).

If your slave attempts to bring anything like this into the house, make your displeasure known IMMEDIATELY!

Unfortunately, they were established before I was even born so I had no say in the matter, but I remind the Slaves daily what a mistake they made getting those repulsive things.

There is a third one, but she isn't a licker, thank heavens.

BTW, here is a picture of me - that one that Kn*bhead posted didn't show me at my glorious best. You will notice that my paws are perfectly proportioned.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

For some reason I cannot post the pictures of the Dogs - I am still determining the best way to use this contraption - I shall try again!

















This is the third time I've tried - fingers crossed!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Hooray! It worked!

But how disgusting are they? Come on - be honest!


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

I'm in a bad mood :cursing: my bum is all wet and tastes unatural :cursing:.
I've been a bit off my food the last couple of days, you know how it is, just picking at the choicest morsels presented. Eating enough to keep the cat carrier on top of the wardrobe but my slaves working harder with the menu choices. This morning I pooped and pooped and pooped. It was of epic proportions. Anyway I had a klinger :blushing:, so ran the full length of the landing wiping my bum on the carpet. Female slave coming out of the bathroom gave a very odd noise and swooped me up.:cursing: After a very undignified look at my bum I was pinned to the bed by the male slave and female slave got the scissors on my klinger :cursing:. Male slave then proceeded to wash my bum in the dreaded shower.:cursing: I don't care how warm and fluffy the towel was :cursing: female slave was on her hands and knees inspecting the landing carpet so I bit her. Male slave has scarpered so will bite him later.:cursing:



Those dogs are certainly well endowed in the tongue department, I think even a shower would be preferable to getting a wash from one of them.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

lizbsn said:


> It sounds like you may be in danger of a trip to the VET! You must pretend to eat more, by hiding food in places the humans cannot reach.


I've got my appetite back now I've made some room so to speak


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Ewwwwwwwwwww


Thank you.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Lily and I are having a bit of a problem. There is a large cat toy in our apartment called a 'wheelchair', but the human seems to think it belongs to her. It has a very comfy perch on which to sit, and the back serves as a scratching post, and there are two chew toys called 'brakes', but EVERY SINGLE TIME the human wants to get off the couch she picks us up and puts us on the floor, and sits on the cat toy herself. AND, to add to the indignity, when she leaves the apartment she TAKES IT WITH HER!
> 
> This morning, much to the human's disgust, I figured out how to disengage the brakes, but I'm still not able to move it away from her. *Once I have that figured out, the world will be mine.*
> 
> ...


Don't give up Snape. They must learn their place!

O


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

idris said:


> I'm in a bad mood :cursing: *my bum is all wet and tastes unatural :cursing:.*
> I've been a bit off my food the last couple of days, you know how it is, just picking at the choicest morsels presented. Eating enough to keep the cat carrier on top of the wardrobe but my slaves working harder with the menu choices. This morning I pooped and pooped and pooped. It was of epic proportions. Anyway I had a klinger :blushing:, so ran the full length of the landing wiping my bum on the carpet. Female slave coming out of the bathroom gave a very odd noise and swooped me up.:cursing: After a very undignified look at my bum I was pinned to the bed by the male slave and female slave got the scissors on my klinger :cursing:. Male slave then proceeded to wash my bum in the dreaded shower.:cursing: I don't care how warm and fluffy the towel was :cursing: female slave was on her hands and knees inspecting the landing carpet so I bit her. Male slave has scarpered so will bite him later.:cursing:
> 
> Those dogs are certainly well endowed in the tongue department, I think even a shower would be preferable to getting a wash from one of them.


Hahahahahahahahahahahaha - you said "Bum" hahahahahahahahaha. An' "pooped". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

S'risly - slaves a nitemare sometaimz. They doan acxsep that naitchur will work thez fings out soonorlater. Iz jus a bit poo - has you bin goin' frew binz an' stuff?

Ai get a funny bum (_*snigger*_) wen Ai bin stealin' fish-hedz 'n' stuff laik that. Yuzyally I pump like a heffalump an' house stinks an' sumtaimz they blamez the dorgz buttits me hehheheheheh. Then ai duzzit wen ai'm on they knees an' they know then awwrite!

Woss rong waipin' you bum onna carpit? Thass wotits for innit? An' scratchin'. Is also for scratchin'

Just seen Olaf bin postin'. That pitcher - he fotashoppt it ai bet - his pors is laik mellons!


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

:crying::crying::crying::crying::crying::cryin: I've just had a pom pom ecotomy and it didn't even involve a vet
Female slave blames my poop incident on my beloved blue friend and has thrown it in the place reserved for spent kitty litter. It was just looking loved and much used.:crying::crying::crying:
She has asked little female blob to make me a new one tighter knotted she says. Little female blob must be practising coz the one she's making is pink and that can't be for me.
I don't know why she's blaming my pom pom I think it's the human females hair in this house it's so long on the pair of them that from behind their heads look just like horses bums.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

lizbsn said:


> You live with a domestic longhair human? You poor thing. How do you cope with the shedding? Thankfully, mine is a domestic shorthair.


It's two domestic long hair females, one domestic short hair male and one totally undomesticated short hair male. Weep for me brothers and sisters.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

idris said:


> It's two domestic long hair females, one domestic short hair male and one totally* undomesticated short hair male.* Weep for me brothers and sisters.


Start your training regimen NOW!

Believe me, you cannot begin too early. The bad habits they develop if they aren't immediately disciplined are beyond belief!

The bonus is that sometimes they leave milky stuff around, and as they get older occasionally drop meaty stuff or cheesy stuff. It is a cold comfort, but these tidbits mean that there is a somewhat tarnished silver lining in the cloud.

O


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

lizbsn said:


> Yikes. My sincere sympathies. Why did you let a feral male into your house? Is it neutered?


The undomesticated human male is the equivalent of a 8 week old kitten and therefore to young to neuter. He was also living in my house many many many moons before I came to rule.
The best I can hope for is that he discovers the wonders of whispering and fairy footsteps instead of shouting and elephant feet. also that the terrible fumes he emits now and then improve with maturity.:smilewinkgrin:


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Liiiiiii-Leeeeeee


You priiiiiii-teeeeee . . . 

R (The Katt!)


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

lostbear said:


> Jesthar, my brother in Spirit - I feel your pain.
> 
> I was so ashamed of the idiot that is my brother I tried to raise his tone, but alas, my intellectuality shone through (how could I doubt it?)
> 
> ...


Whilst I appreciate your sympathy, I am neither Jesthar nor a brother. My name is Charlie, and I am most definitely not male. Hence the need to have a spade all those years ago...

However, I will excuse your lack of attention to detail this once, as you were obviously wound up thinking on your home indignities. Thankfully my human shows no interest in acquiring a Dog, but she does sometimes come home smelling of them, the traitor. I make my displeasure clear by sitting on the garden fence annoying the Dogs that live with the humans in the next house;a few rude remarks and they start shouting like the dimwits they are


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Jesthar said:


> Whilst I appreciate your sympathy, I am neither Jesthar nor a brother. *My name is Charlie, and I am most definitely not male. Hence the need to have a spade all those years ago...*
> 
> However, I will excuse your lack of attention to detail this once, as you were obviously wound up thinking on your home indignities. Thankfully my human shows no interest in acquiring a Dog, but she does sometimes come home smelling of them, the traitor. I make my displeasure clear by sitting on the garden fence annoying the Dogs that live with the humans in the next house;a few rude remarks and they start shouting like the dimwits they are


Whoops! I beg your pardon, dear Lady. Actually something satisfyingly amusing happened on the dog front today. The Fat Female Slave. . .

Lemme! Lemme tell 'em! Is me Cats. Ruebenio the Magnificat!

No!

Oh howway! Ai'z yor bruvver . . .ai'll stop baiytin' you tail forra week . . . 

_(*thinks*_) Alright - we'll do it together.

Yay! FFS took the Dorgs out - it was a hot an' steemy dae. She have her wellies on for puddlz. then she cum back. Hahahahahahahahaha,

She fell in MUD! Hahahahahahahhahahaha! It were daun her welliez, down her jeansz, inna crak ovva bum, url ova her jumpa an' her hair Hahahahahahahaha 

Apparently she had stepped into a deep mud puddle to retrieve a ball dropped by Smallest Dogpest. However, she is 11 stones heavier than the Dogpest, and so sank in the mud up to her knees - beyond her wellie tops. Her wellies promptly filled up with muddy water and small stones (*_smirk_*). Then she couldn't get her foot out. Then it pulled out . . .

Outta her wellie an' went _shlup _ an' the wellie came off'n then she went ovabalans and wen' flat onna back inna mud 'cep for her uvva fut.

Yes, indeed! The other foot was firmly lodged, so she was lying flat on her back in a mud puddle, with one leg bent at the knee and jammed into the mud, and the other leg wellie-less and (I imagine) waving about wildly. And as she tried to push herself upright, her hands just kept sinking into the mud . . .

an' she cudn push hersef up 'cos her hans wuz sinking' and she wuz slaidin' olova Hahahahahahaha an' then 

. . . and then she lost the dog lead in the mud puddle, and the middle Dogpest was trying to pull away and just as well because she pulled FFS out a bit onto firmer ground . . .

an' then she hadda find the dog lead an her wellie an' the wellie woz fulla warter, an' she was fi'n'ly gettin' up an' suddenly there wor loadsa peeples, an' they'z asking' "Yu ok?" an'she's goin' "Yes fank u" and finking' "Bugga off" 

And she had to walk home with her jeans falling down with the weight of the mud, and her wellies full of stones and mud and water, and mud caked on her hair and the back of her jumper . . .

Let me! Let me tell 'em dis bit! An' . . . an' . . . she wore carry'n FOUR bags DOGPOO. Hahahahahahahahahaha.

An' two of 'em iz offa GRATE DANE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hahahahahaha - I confess it was more than mildly amusing.

It was blimmin' HILARIOUS! She hadda nock onna window an' get TFS to open the bakgaite and then she hadda taik orl close off inna kichin an frow her sox an' nicks inna bin an then go inna BAFF! Hahahahahahaha.

AND the Dogpests were so filthy they had to have the hose turned on them - HILARIOUS!!!!! harharharharhahhhhahhhhaaaaaaa.

(_In a rare moment of brotherly intimacy the two of them share this delightful memory. For once, there is no conflict, no flying fur and no comments about naff coat colour or fat paws. Harmony reigns. It is indeed an ill wind that blows no-one any good.

They wipe tears of laughter from their eyes and walk off together, occasionally stopping to recount and share a particularly juicy snippet yet again, nudging each other and collapsing with mirth. They are happy. Their food bowls are full of Purizon, their litter trays are clean, and the Dogs are miserable.

Life . . . Life is GOOD!_)


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Lily iz heeeeeere!
> 
> Marry meeeeeeeeee!
> 
> (before big kitty comez back and takez back the internetz!)


Ai iz yors, Lil-lee. Ai iz yours foevva.

Yu iz the prittiest li'l fing wot ai evva sor. Sooooooo pritty.

Pritty pritty pritty pritty pritty pritty pritty

Yu can com'n live heyar win me an maik mai bruvva jellus. (He not a grate sucsess wivva lay-dees - url he talk about iz hez operashn. They sick a lookin' at he scarz.

Me - ai are veree poplar - but come heyar my pretty darling an' ai be yorz and only yore of evva.

(That big Snape - he not a gud husban fore a pretty gurl laik yu - yu tu gud forrim. Ai catch maise for yu an' bring them for yu to torcher. An' ai will kiss yor li'l eers an' wash yu fur. xxxxxxxxxx)


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Also, Lil-leee. Yu got the byutifullest li'l pors . . . .

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Snape here. Lily is spoken for. Any more unseemly advances and I'll have you killed.


OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!

Fraitend ovva competishen, ar yu?

Yu doan oan hur. She hur oan wummin.

(*Checks behind shed to ensure that no-one is lying in wait to fulfil Snape's "contract". There is nocat there, and nor is there anycat lurking in the bushes or behind the fence, so R, gets very brave again*)

She'z tooooooo gud for yu, boy!


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Snape should you need a second in a duel, I've got your back. I'm a ninja cat. I might be small but all of me is fight. You should see the shredded state of my humans. And I still have my man bits "IVE GOT THE POWER OF THE POM POMS"
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> I'm not afraid of a grammar-less cat like you. Real women like men who can spell.


No they doan't - they laik a bitta ruff! Harharharharhar! 

You only not afrade becos you got fulez to do yor dertywerk - an' yu will get a shok wiv that pompom cat. He mait taik me owt (he can trai . . . he can trai . . . ) but he jus' usin' mai assasinashun az a excuz get nere Pritty Lill-ee.

Yu mark mai werds.

I wish there wuz cat fais pichers laik those peepls ones ut the saide. I cud sen yu wun wiv "WARNIN" onnit.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

idris said:


> Snape should you need a second in a duel, I've got your back. I'm a ninja cat. I might be small but all of me is fight. You should see the shredded state of my humans. *And I still have my man bits "IVE GOT THE POWER OF THE POM POMS"*
> Mischief x


Ai'll be wearin' them pompoms fo' ere-rings. Ai a GINGER NiNJA - that NINJA taimz ten millyun!


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> I'm not even sure what you're trying to say.


Thass cos you iggerant. Yu nede to lern to rede.


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

lostbear said:


> Thass cos you iggerant. Yu nede to lern to rede.


Or - just a small suggestion - perhaps your efforts at communication would be more effective were you to pay more, or even _any_, heed to the basics of punctuation and grammar...

Generally speaking, we females prefer to be wooed in a manner less akin to playground pompom comparison contests


----------



## oliviarussian (Sep 2, 2010)

C'mon boys fair fight, Queensbury rules and all that!!!!


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Bad grammar cat, it comes as no surprise to me that you wear earrings. Your blustering and gobby demeanour have no effect upon me. Come and get my pom poms if you think your hard enough shemale. 

Yours in anticipation
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

The uhmans are out so I darnk all of their delcisiious red water! Hahaahhhaha!


----------



## shakeable69 (Mar 23, 2015)

Hi guys, it's Dolly here.
First chance I've had to write here.
Im extremely displeased with my slaves, first the they started calling me Dolly, a girls name, I think they didn't realised I am a Boy! Even tho I tried to show this by disregarding personal hygiene for a few months, it was only when they took me to see the woman in white that she had a proper look at my pompom area and told them. But by then the name stuck. Now I'm left with pink toys, how embarrassing! 
Last week I went back to see the lady in white and since then it doesn't bother me that much, funny that, it might have something to do with a sex change or something like that, I don't have the time to listen to human, something about the name fits now again. But I'm sorry to say I was in a cone of shame for a few days after.

Last night I discovered a funny grill kind of thing on the floor behind the sofa, I managed to dislodge it and jumped down into the hole, it was great, plenty of dark nooks and crannies, but my slaves seemed quite unhinged afterwards, I heard things like 'little s*d' and 'little fu*+er', today slave 1 was looking at metal floor vents online.

I should try and keep you posted, need to find more ways of keeping my slaves on their place, ideas welcome.

I should go now, got an urge to run in and out of my pink tunnel.

Dolly


----------



## shakeable69 (Mar 23, 2015)

Oh, just found a picture the slaves took last night, I should try and get down there later again. I'm sure there is more to be explored.
Now, where is my tunnel.

Dolly


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

shakeable69 said:


> Oh, just found a picture the slaves took last night, I should try and get down there later again. I'm sure there is more to be explored.
> Now, where is my tunnel.
> 
> Dolly


I'm oober jealous of you and snape. This place is no fun. I've been shut in the bedroom for two days now. I get visits now and again ,the humans smell so wonderful and earthy. I know something is going on in the postage stamp sized area outside the kitchen window. But by the time I'm let out of my prison it's all dark out there so I can't see. Sigh! Does no one have any amusing stories. I really am rather bored.:Yawn:
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

idris said:


> I'm oober jealous of you and snape. This place is no fun. I've been shut in the bedroom for two days now. I get visits now and again ,the humans smell so wonderful and earthy. I know something is going on in the postage stamp sized area outside the kitchen window. But by the time I'm let out of my prison it's all dark out there so I can't see. Sigh! Does no one have any amusing stories. I really am rather bored.:Yawn:
> Mischief x


The stripy interloper and I suffered similar indignities over the last few days. The slave was home all day on days when she normally claims to be going off to the place called 'work', which normally results in us being allowed to go in and out as much as we want.

Not so this time - there was lots of thumping and banging and all manner of fearsome growls from the front of our domain. Slave claimed this was for our own good, as there was something called a 'Minidigger' out there which could squish an inquisitive kitty!

I can believe it, too, as when the people she called 'workmen' had gone away for the night and we were finally able to explore, it had eaten all of the front drive!  Even weirder, it seemed to have left behind large, flat, stone things in the place of the some of the stuff I think the slave used to call 'gravel' (or 'cat poo magnet', I'm not sure). Therefore I can only deduce that this Minidigger is a species that eats gravel and poops those large flat things out, although given the size of some of them it must be a painful digestive process indeed! Perhaps that accounts for the constant growling and whining, I know it would with me! The creature disappeared during the evening, in search of more gravel I suppose.

The next day was no better, though, as the Minidigger growling was replaced with a constant grumble from a new creature my slave called a 'Myxa' - and she still wouldn't let us out! Even worse, both days she constantly allowed these worker creatures in and out OUR back door, but told them to be careful not to let US out - the cheek of it! At least there was one positive side effect as far as I was concerned, the fluffy muppet didn't like them being allowed in at all, and kept hiding upstairs leaving me to monopolise the slave as should be my right 

The third day the worker humans didn't turn up, but instead slave went out to celebrate something she calls 'Ee-stuh' at a place called 'Chirch' - I think it involves the veneration of chocolate, but we didn't get given any. She claims it makes us sick, but I think she just wants to eat it all herself... Still, at least we got to go out as much as we wanted when she got back.

No such luck the next day, though, as the worker humans were back - but, after a bit we got lucky when one of them didn't quite shut the back door properly, and we both escaped! Slave decided against making us come back in (I'd already high-tailed it over the fence anyway, to prevent recapture ), and you will NEVER believe what these workers were actually doing! They kept throwing dry, powdery stuff into the mouth of this Myxa creature, then adding water until they made it be sick - and THEN they _used that sick to glue down the big stone poo things_! 

Even worse, our slave was just watching and saying how much she LIKED what they were doing! I can't believe it! I mean, I always knew humans were icky, but to be delighted by a driveway of stone turds stuck in place with vomit? How disgusting can you get?!?


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Does anypuss know what cat proofing is please. Surely my slaves have enough proof of my being a cat. I am a quintessential kitty. I just don't understand humans.
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Jonescat (Feb 5, 2012)

Hurray! The tin-openers have got the message. They have left the window open all day again so that we don't have to summon them to let us pass. They say it is because it is warm, we say if they had proper fur then they would be much more comfortable and could leave it open all the time for us.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

lizbsn said:


> Snape here with a matter of great urgency! Yesterday the human brought an animal SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO ATTACK CATS into our happy home. I'm pretty sure it was a bear, or maybe a dragon. Its name was 'Hoover'.
> 
> The human had Hoover on a leash, like a dog, but it was doing its best to attack us, and the human almost seemed to be encouraging it! It was a fearsome beast, all blue and white and with a roar that filled the air with a sense of foreboding. Lily and I ran for our lives and hid where it could not get us.
> 
> I fear this beast will come to visit again. What if it is no longer on a leash? What then? We will surely be killed!


I too have a Hoover beast in my domain. It gobbles everything before it. The female slave disembowers it on a regular basis and spills its guts into the place for spent kitty litter. It is a sturdy beast that can still be a live after such treatment. Upstairs is my place of refuge as it is cumbersome in nature and can't climb the stairs more than twice a week. It too suffers with my domestic long hair humans, however even this shared woe is not enough to bring kinship between us. I dislike it intensely.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Snape here with a matter of great urgency! Yesterday the human brought an animal SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO ATTACK CATS into our happy home. I'm pretty sure it was a bear, or maybe a dragon. *Its name was 'Hoover'.*
> 
> The human had Hoover on a leash, like a dog, but it was doing its best to attack us, and the human almost seemed to be encouraging it! It was a fearsome beast, all blue and white and with a roar that filled the air with a sense of foreboding. Lily and I ran for our lives and hid where it could not get us.
> 
> I fear this beast will come to visit again. What if it is no longer on a leash? What then? We will surely be killed!


Olaf here

Haven't been online for a few days because FFS (will have to change her name - apparently (or so I have been told) the initials FFS do not always stand for Fat Female Slave. I'll call her "Chubby" instead).

Anyway - Chubby has been a bit unwell and offline. Have had an excellent few days with Reuben - told him there was a large grey cat in the garden, with white feet. Said this cat was asking about him and carrying a single flower. A LILY! Hahahahahahaha

He acted very nonchalant, and said something about going indoors for a few biscuits as he was peckish. He has been hiding behind the settee for three days, pretending there is a mouse in the upholstery and he is waiting for it to come out.

Nice one, Snape! Without your murderous threat I could never have tricked him so effectively.

As regards the "Hoover". We have one. It fears me. I refuse to move as it approaches, and it just goes round me, looking at me through its single huge slitty eye. Trust me - let it know that you are a cat and won't take any nonsense.

I'm off to tell Reuben that the grey cat is on the shed roof, asking the dog where he can find a claw-sharpener . . .


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Dear Olaf,
> 
> Can you please have a camera ready to photograph Reuben when he sees the army of sphynx cats I've sent to freak him out? They should be arriving either tomorrow or the next day.
> 
> ...


TBH and army of Spynx cats will freak me out, too!

(Do they _have_ to be inside out? It's pretty creepy.)


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

Charlie-girl checking in...

I'm a little worried, to be honest. I'm not sure what's come over me, but - and I am heartily ashamed to be admitting this - in the last week or so I have occasionally been overtaken by the desire to... _play chase nicely with the stripey interloper..._

The slave is no use in aiding my focus, she just grins, calls me a good girl, and keeps making cryptic references to the benefits of either 'Arthur Eytus medication' (who he is I have no idea, nor why his medication should affect me) or 'the joys of spring'.

So far I have been managing to control these urges after a while and return to my usual hiss-and-swipe policy after a while. But I have begun notice other lapses in concentration, too - failing to hiss at her as she walks past, letting her sniff my nose without growling and slapping her; she even pounced on me the other day as I was walking towards the back door and I forgot to react and just kept on walking! 

What is going on with me? I fear if this keeps happening, slave will get worried and insist on a trip to the people with white coats who shove things in unmentionable places...


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

Dear Charlie girl

Are you aware of anything being slipped into your mealtimes or treat times. Slaves can be very devious at hiding nasties behind a smile or more to the point a dreamie. If you find yourself behaving in a way country to your wishes then I would suggest that you act like it is all your own idea and that you and you alone are responsible for the change of heart. That way you get all the credit and the acclaim. Smiles and" good girls" are not adequate you need tangible accreditation.
Mischief x


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

idris said:


> Dear Charlie girl
> 
> Are you aware of anything being slipped into your mealtimes or treat times. Slaves can be very devious at hiding nasties behind a smile or more to the point a dreamie. If you find yourself behaving in a way country to your wishes then I would suggest that you act like it is all your own idea and that you and you alone are responsible for the change of heart. That way you get all the credit and the acclaim. Smiles and" good girls" are not adequate you need tangible accreditation.
> Mischief x


Hmm, you may have a point. My beloved Nutriment has certainly seems to have had something else added to it than just my yummy Zylkene for several weeks now - I think, anyway, but it's hard to tell as judging by the squishing sounds the slave is mashing the food around before it is served.

She never used to do that, come to think of it - it started after she'd been making me swallow some really HUGE long and thin squishy tablets every morning for a while, and I threw one back up on her stair carpet. :devil: She hasn't made me take them since so I thought I'd won that one, but now I'm wondering whether she has reverted to more devious means...

Around the same time she also started giving me a liquid treat each morning, too - she gets a little bottle and put a tube on the end which magically draws the treat into it when she holds it upside down. Then she uses the tube to squirt it into my mouth, making sure I get every last drop. I haven't really minded that, as not only does it taste OK but the stripey airhead doesn't get any, thus reaffirming my top-of-the-tree status. But you've got me wondering now!

Anyway, I managed to retain _some_ dignity this morning and grumble appropriately at the zoomy dunderhead at regular intervals, so I'm hoping I can keep it up.


----------



## Jaf (Apr 17, 2014)

Mariposa here. I have been unable to get in to the house since I broke in. Boo. Have found a lovely bed in the back garden though, away from the noisy lot out the front.

To repay the humans for locking me out I have starting jumping from the balcony onto their shiny metal box that took me to the vet.:devil:

My scars are healing, my fur growing back, so I think cat food is better than mices. Though not as much fun!


----------



## Jaf (Apr 17, 2014)

My the way...anyone tried to look into a "family tree"? One of the house cats looks just like me...but he's very old, nearly 4, I'm only 1.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

:w00t::w00t::w00t::blushing: wow! Black as night, Black as pitch ,blacker than the blackest witch. You look like Zoro. Can I put your picture on my bedroom wall please :blushing: 

That is not a tree your looking at, its called a " MIRROR" and it shows what's called a "REFLECTION" of yourself. You being a completely wild, carefree and dangerous cat will not be used to human technologies yet.
Mischief x


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

Cookie here, I wishes to apply to join dis club please, I live with two girl humans, young human and older human.
I haz them well trained, I make young human sleep on my bed at night so she can be there ifs I need her, she is also good at games and cuddles.
Older human is the chef and shopping person....if I needs something then I just look at her and in a few hours its there, treats, toys or a new food taste .
Old human keeps me company during they day, she opens the door when I want to go in the Garden, sometimes I make her come with me so she can watch just how good I am at chasing insect things and pouncing on the flowers! Also when I want a massage I just have to give the look! 

OK its time for Garden patrol, back later


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Hello fellow gentle cats - it's Olaf

I just want to apologise to Snape for the massacre of the Sphynx Armada - it wasn't pretty, but I've collected the collars and some microchips.

I sweartoGod it wasn't my fault.

Reuben had started going out - the Big Dog had told him that there were no strange cats about at all - only Fat Jack from round the corner, and Misty and Cookie (Reuben's "harem") - he accused me of lying to him and I was forced to admit that I had fibbed. (In my defence, he was holding my throat in his jaws and I was just able to gasp out the words.)

He was out and about again - cocky as ever (you know what he's like) when your Unholy Army of Sphynx Cats arrived (*_shudder_*). They came like a black and pink fleshy wave over the back fence (having freaked out the labrador in the garden) and Reuben got very excited and shouted "Chickinz!" (sorry for spelling - you know how he talks).

I said "Oh my Lord - it is Snape's Assassination Squad."

"Nah! Themz chickinz. I seen them in the fridge - I know wot chickinz looks like"

And he just threw himself on them - the carnage was horrendous. Those baldy cats have absolutely no protection (except for one - I'll get to her later) . . . when they realised that they were getting clawed to shreds they tried to mob him - but he was slashing, biting and disembowelling right left and centre (hate to admit it - I was rather proud of him in a way; he is my brother, after all). A lot of them got caught in "friendly mauling" - clawing each other in an attempt to escape. I think the walking wounded carried off the others, as apart from a few body parts (ears, mostly) there isn't much left here.

However, there was one lady sphynx who emerged unharmed (she was wearing a jumper - lavender, cable knit - ring any bells?). Anyway - she was thoroughly protected by her slave's handiwork, and was starry-eyed at R's military prowess. By the time he realised they were cats he was fighting, he was love, and so was she. They are sitting at this very moment, tails entwined, giving each other nose-kisses.

I could vomit.

(PS: I picked up eleven collars and three blood-encrusted microchips - what do you want me to do with them?)


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cookies mum said:


> Cookie here, I wishes to apply to join dis club please, I live with two girl humans, young human and older human.
> I haz them well trained, I make young human sleep on my bed at night so she can be there ifs I need her, she is also good at games and cuddles.
> Older human is the chef and shopping person....if I needs something then I just look at her and in a few hours its there, treats, toys or a new food taste .
> Old human keeps me company during they day, she opens the door when I want to go in the Garden, sometimes I make her come with me so she can watch just how good I am at chasing insect things and pouncing on the flowers! Also when I want a massage I just have to give the look!
> ...


Hallo Cookie - I know a Cookie too. I wonder if you are the same one - very glamorous black and white - dainty little toes - red collar?


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

lostbear said:


> Hallo Cookie - I know a Cookie too. I wonder if you are the same one - very glamorous black and white - dainty little toes - red collar?


Sorry Lostbear I ams not black and white I am black/white and a very nice soft brown colours with a golden yellow collar


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cookies mum said:


> Sorry Lostbear I ams not black and white I am black/white and a very nice soft brown colours with a golden yellow collar


You sound even prettier than the Cookie I know. My chubby slave has a passion for tortoiseshell cats (all of her lady cats have been tortoiseshells), but obviously for boy cats she likes a ginger.


----------



## Jesthar (May 16, 2011)

lostbear said:


> You sound even prettier than the Cookie I know. My chubby slave has a passion for tortoiseshell cats (all of her lady cats have been tortoiseshells), but obviously for boy cats she likes a ginger.


She's more than welcome to the tortie interloper currently bunking here if I can work out how to trap her in a carrier and post her! :devil:


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

lostbear said:


> You sound even prettier than the Cookie I know. My chubby slave has a passion for tortoiseshell cats (all of her lady cats have been tortoiseshells), but obviously for boy cats she likes a ginger.










[/URL][/IMG]

This is me today


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

Cookies mum said:


> [/URL][/IMG]
> 
> This is me today


Oh - WOW!!!!!

You are FANTABULOSA!

(I'd better not let Reuben see your photo)


----------



## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

lizbsn said:


> Perhaps this Reuben is a more formidable enemy than I had previously thought. However, he seems to have lost interest in Lily and moved on, so I will refrain from any rash actions for the time being.
> 
> Regarding the collars and microchips,* can you please post them to my secret warehouse?* I go there in the night, my human is totally unaware of my night wanders. It's where I plot my world domination - there's all sorts of useful information kept there. The address is as follows:
> 
> ...


No probs!

They are on the way via Red Kite Courier (it's amazing what a large raptor will do for a small mouse)

BTW - Reuben is a vicious murdering evil vindictive bar-steward. How is that any different from other cats, I hear you ask?

But he has it in SPADES!


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

Hi all, Cookie here, I haz a quick question...the dreaded travelling thingy is out! And my slaves says I am going on a little holidays....just whats is a holiday please?
My slaves say they have to go visit family for a wedding....again what is this wedding? will they bring nice things home?
Looks like I wont be able to get on the computers thing for a while  So I am going to make sure they pay when they get back!!!!!!!!


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

:eek6: maybe your coming here.
My youngest female slave is called holly. Maybe it's spelt Hollyday 
It would be great we could play on my cat tree, I could show you my fluffy pom Poms , we could investigate the yard together. :thumbsup: here's hoping.
Mischief x


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

idris said:


> :eek6: maybe your coming here.
> My youngest female slave is called holly. Maybe it's spelt Hollyday
> It would be great we could play on my cat tree, I could show you my fluffy pom Poms , we could investigate the yard together. :thumbsup: here's hoping.
> Mischief x


That would be funz, does your slave serve the best foods?


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

I'm very aware that raw and wriggling is not to every kitties taste. But my slave makes an excellent jelly and cooked chicken.
Mischief x


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

lizbsn said:


> They won't bring anything nice home, and they'll be so tired they won't care about you enough to meet your needs for several days.
> 
> You have my sympathies.


Oh how right you are!
They got back yesterday and they at least brought me home a day early! Thank goodness another day in that place and I would be a scatty catty!!!!! 
The place itself and the servants(there were many!) were great, food was ok but not to my high standards, well not what is served in my personal bowl!

It was those blooming dog things, they were not in our block and we could not see them but they made themselves known! Barking mad they were!

The other feline masters were nice to get to know, couldn't see all of them but we did have late night chats and swapped hints in how to get our servants to perform better!

I am making sure my two servants are not disappearing again....I am shadowing one of them at all times!Plus I am being served double the meals I have been used to....think they are feeling sorry now? :lol:

OK it is sunny outside and time to take the older servant to go sit in the sun, speak to you all later Cookie:001_wub:


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

lizbsn said:


> So yesterday a delivery from IKEA arrived. IKEA, for those of you who don't know, is this place that sells cardboard boxes. The hilarious thing is, though, the human didn't give a cat's arse about the boxes, she just wanted to play with the bits of wood inside!
> 
> She made some kind of human fort out of the bits of wood, and then she took part of it into her bedroom. Now here's the thing - since then WE HAVEN'T BEEN ALLOWED IN THE BEDROOM! She says she's painting. I don't know what that means, but we had to sleep IN THE KITCHEN last night! It was terrible. I couldn't sit on the human's face. I was feeling quite distraught this morning, so I jumped onto her head as soon as she came into the kitchen. I hope we're allowed back into the bedroom soon. I'm getting really worried.
> 
> ...


Dear snape
Do not worry, we are magnets to these humans, it is almost as if they are genetically engineered to give us exactly what we require. Today I only had to give one small mew to be let into the yard. The slave was not even in the same room as my mew. I reckon you will be sleeping on your humans head again in no time.
Mischief x


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

I am the most bodacious kitty in the universe 
Yesterday I completely kicked the butt of the previous owner of my yard, a massive entire tom called "Dont stroke me or ill rip your hand off" I've made my new ownership very clear. He slunk off with his tail between his legs, female slave who had just come out to investigate all the swearing seemed very impressed with my proof of being a cat. I believe she said "thank goodness for the cat proofing." I'm glad she's happy. Last night I allowed her to snuggle me for a long long time she seemed to enjoy it, I gave her a quick nip on the chin at the end to show my ultimate dominance and that I am really rather fond.
Mischief x


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

idris said:


> I am the most bodacious kitty in the universe
> Yesterday I completely kicked the butt of the previous owner of my yard, a massive entire tom called "Dont stroke me or ill rip your hand off" I've made my new ownership very clear. He slunk off with his tail between his legs, female slave who had just come out to investigate all the swearing seemed very impressed with my proof of being a cat. I believe she said "thank goodness for the cat proofing." I'm glad she's happy. Last night I allowed her to snuggle me for a long long time she seemed to enjoy it, I gave her a quick nip on the chin at the end to show my ultimate dominance and that I am really rather fond.
> Mischief x


You is a most brave cat! You saw off dat Tom with style!!!!!!!


----------



## smoking guns (Feb 24, 2015)

I come to you, my fellows, with terrible news. Yesterday, when female slave was brushing me, she suddenly squawked and started squeezing something on me and dabbing at it. I believe I heard her say "PUS!" I mean I know she is technically foreign but is she reverting back and no longer able to pronounce "puss"? Anyway, what followed was awful. She lured me into the big blue cage and took me to the Shiny White Room, where the big bully lady lives. Big bully lady took me away from slave and shaved my shoulder!! She _shaved_ me! My glorious locks! Sob. I do have to say, I enjoyed slave's face when I was brought back in. I'm 95% certain I heard her mutter, "How am I supposed to take him to the show now?" Then the bully woman jabbed me twice and I didn't like it, not one bit. She must have been conspiring with my human as after breakfast this morning, the slave squirted some foul substance down my throat. My main gripe is the indignity of it all. I feel fine but these humans insist on prodding and poking. At least no one tried to put anything up my bottom this time.


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

smoking guns said:


> I come to you, my fellows, with terrible news. Yesterday, when female slave was brushing me, she suddenly squawked and started squeezing something on me and dabbing at it. I believe I heard her say "PUS!" I mean I know she is technically foreign but is she reverting back and no longer able to pronounce "puss"? Anyway, what followed was awful. She lured me into the big blue cage and took me to the Shiny White Room, where the big bully lady lives. Big bully lady took me away from slave and shaved my shoulder!! She _shaved_ me! My glorious locks! Sob. I do have to say, I enjoyed slave's face when I was brought back in. I'm 95% certain I heard her mutter, "How am I supposed to take him to the show now?" Then the bully woman jabbed me twice and I didn't like it, not one bit. She must have been conspiring with my human as after breakfast this morning, the slave squirted some foul substance down my throat. My main gripe is the indignity of it all. I feel fine but these humans insist on prodding and poking. At least no one tried to put anything up my bottom this time.


O

 ....... poor you ,I've always loved your coat
Mischief x


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

smoking guns said:


> I come to you, my fellows, with terrible news. Yesterday, when female slave was brushing me, she suddenly squawked and started squeezing something on me and dabbing at it. I believe I heard her say "PUS!" I mean I know she is technically foreign but is she reverting back and no longer able to pronounce "puss"? Anyway, what followed was awful. She lured me into the big blue cage and took me to the Shiny White Room, where the big bully lady lives. Big bully lady took me away from slave and shaved my shoulder!! She _shaved_ me! My glorious locks! Sob. I do have to say, I enjoyed slave's face when I was brought back in. I'm 95% certain I heard her mutter, "How am I supposed to take him to the show now?" Then the bully woman jabbed me twice and I didn't like it, not one bit. She must have been conspiring with my human as after breakfast this morning, the slave squirted some foul substance down my throat. My main gripe is the indignity of it all. I feel fine but these humans insist on prodding and poking. At least no one tried to put anything up my bottom this time.


Me is sad for you, that stuff they make you swallow is awfuls!


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## m1xc2 (Mar 19, 2015)

.


----------



## Cookies mum (Dec 10, 2014)

Cookie here... I haz become a big HUNTER!!!!!! I caught my first mouse last night!!!!!!!! Well I say caught, I patted it and nudged it and chased it till my servants saw what I was doing and ...'EKKK a MOUSE!!!!!!' was their reaction!

What are they getting worked up about? Its a mouse...my little toy/pet/fun!!!!!!!

Next thing I know a box(why wasnt it a bed for me?) was put over the mouse!!!!!! And I was unceremonially dumped in the kitchen and locked in!!!!! ME ME locked away for a crime I did not commit!

I could hear my servants planning on what to do, next thing I hear the front door being opened and one of them saying go on mouse back where you belong! They said it was a field mouse...it wasnt it was MY mouse!!!!!!!

Then I was let out of prison and then they started making a fuss of me...how clever I was and such...as if I didnt know dat! Only good thing was I was given treats...more than my normal ration 

Next time I am not going to show how good I am as a hunter!!! I wanted dat mouse 
Going to go have my midday siesta now many hugs Cookie


----------



## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

Mummy let us hunt...Yay...silverfish tasted yuck...small fly tasted yuck,yuck...Big one Scrip ate...dogs....!!! yuck! they would eat anyfink...
and now he comes and smell me face!...oh..if he wasn't my dog!...but if one has a dog..has to live with that beastie...wished he were a cat...female cat...any female babe would like to come? I am tired of that fluffy white blanket...and then they interrupt me and take me away...
but Iam one lucky cat..unlucky to have those rUR issues, but lucky they cannot touch my pompoms..my vet told them I can die under sedation and stress! Mummy compained about my blanket habits and opera singing ...but he said not toworry...singing allnight willnot harm me..!!! I can sleep all day!...
Mum had a bit strange look..but .oh, how I love my vet....


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

@cheekyscrip would you mind telling me what your symptoms are, and what your vet friend thinks is the reason for you no being allowed a pom pom ectomy. I believe a week today I'm booked in for such a crime and need desperately to know. I'm a.very good actor, and could probably carry the performance off. I'm so very miserable at the thought of loosing my playmates as per huck's advice I have been hoarding food under one of the beds but by sheer bad luck it has been discovered only today ( guest bed needed this weekend for uncleian and unclewayne guests)
Mischief
X


----------



## cheekyscrip (Feb 8, 2010)

it took me five months of "near death" experience of wet nose, cough, sneeze, not eat...not play and mummy smuggling me to Spain through the queue..I was body searched for tobacco smuggling..as in my condition I cood smke! humans!...but pompom=otomy is no option and no catteries and somesuch for me...somerelief then! but my face looks like was hit by a wall.a nd I have problems to swallow...mummy says I am 2D cat!


----------



## idris (Feb 19, 2015)

cheekyscrip said:


> it took me five months of "near death" experience of wet nose, cough, sneeze, not eat...not play and mummy smuggling me to Spain through the queue..I was body searched for tobacco smuggling..as in my condition I cood smke! humans!...but pompom=otomy is no option and no catteries and somesuch for me...somerelief then! but my face looks like was hit by a wall.a nd I have problems to swallow...mummy says I am 2D cat!


I'm very sorry for your symptoms not just for my own sake ( I believe all that is beyond my skill) but for your own too. Brave kitty you have my admiration. I'm just going to have to face my own trials with dignity and a Damn good fight not to get in the carrier. Thank you for your reply 
Mischief
X


----------

