# dog ignores family member



## je1974 (Oct 14, 2009)

We have a 4 year old Cairn, the problem is when returning home we greet him with love and affection and make a fuss of him, but with my Dad he ignores. He just stands by the door waiting for the dog to come to him, but of course he doesn't. Even in the mornings he will ignore him prefering the 'female' company. The dog always takes his ball to Dad of an evening and no one else. The dog ignoring him is getting him down and we don't know what to do. I don't live at home all the time, I live 250 miles away but visit for a period of 9 days every 6 weeks, but the dogs behaviour is the same when I am not there. please help!


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## xxwelshcrazyxx (Jul 3, 2009)

Have you tried to let your dad go in first and you all wait outside or in another room, let the dog come to your dad and for your dad to make all the fuss, then after he can let you all in. He is probably soooo used to your dad but dont see you so often so the excitment is all for you. Get your dad to have some treats by the door so when he comes in he can give the dog a treat when the dog approaches. Your poor dad must feel real left out. All my dogs come to both myself and my husband, BUT Suki the Shih Tzu will only sit on my husbands lap and not mine and I dont know why that is. I suppose some dogs are a mans dog and others are a womans dog.


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

Get your dad to ignor the dog when he comes in rather than him waiting for the dog to come to him, the dog will soon think hey whats going on, and make the effort, I read something somewhere about this I will find it and show you.


here we go
KING OF THE CASTLE SYNDROME
I often hear from people that are not experiencing any real behaviour problems with their dog, but they want an explanation for a very common phenomenon that I call "King of the Castle Syndrome". The call almost always comes from the woman of the house. Jane wanted a dog and John didn't. They agreed that Jane would get the dog and it would be her dog. Jane gets the dog and she's very happy! She dotes on him, she feeds him, bathes him and brushes him every day. She provides him with everything a dog could ever want -- except leadership. John ignores the dog most of the time, but is not unfriendly to him. When the dog approaches John while he's reading the newspaper John looks at him, then goes back to reading. When the dog approaches Jane she stops what she's doing and plays with him. What has prompted the phone call is that Jane is feeling rejected by the dog. When John comes home from work the dog acts like he's greeting his long lost, beloved grandmother. John gives the dog a pat on the head and a "Hi there dog" and goes about his business. Jane is upset because the dog is never that happy to see her and she always lavished attention on him when she gets home! During the evening the dog will lay quietly and happily at John's feet. When he wants attention he goes to Jane and bugs her until she gives him what he wants. What has happened, over time, is that John has begun to enjoy having a dog. When John is so inclined, he calls the dog over for petting or ball throwing or to take him for a walk. As much as the dog seems to love Jane, he is completely devoted to John. John has the attitude of an alpha. That's all it takes, attitude. It doesn't take aggression, it doesn't take rolling a dog onto it's back and growling, it doesn't take hitting or yelling -- just attitude.

YOUR NEW ATTITUDE
To develop your new attitude you're going to have to think like a dog! When your dog comes to you for attention think of it as his way of saying "I'm still in charge, right? I want you to confirm that for me". Now, think of all of this from his viewpoint. Way down in his little brain he's thinking "geez... I hate this ... all I want to be is the adored house pet, can't one of you take over?" Compare this attitude to a 13 year old child who says "Get out of my life, I can make all my own decisions, stop telling me what to do". The kid really does feel that way, he's not making it up. Imagine what would happen if you said to the kid "Here ya go honey, here's the address where you send the mortgage payment and here are the utility bills and you do know how to do your own grocery shopping, right?? I'll be in my room, you're on your own!" As sincere as the kid is about wanting to be in charge, he knows he's not equipped to handle all of that. He needs an adult to be in charge of most things; he needs guidance and leadership. One of the differences between dogs and children is that dogs don't grow up and move away and start their own packs. They are our responsibility forever. We have to be their leaders forever
Mo


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## Ameliexx (Sep 25, 2009)

moboyd said:


> Get your dad to ignor the dog when he comes in rather than him waiting for the dog to come to him, the dog will soon think hey whats going on, and make the effort, I read something somewhere about this I will find it and show you.
> 
> here we go
> KING OF THE CASTLE SYNDROME
> ...


Absolutely fascinating.If you change the names to Mal and Claire that could be our house


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

Ameliexx said:


> Absolutely fascinating.If you change the names to Mal and Claire that could be our house


lol its part of something called social isolation training, this is NOT as bad as it sounds but it does work, I have the rest of it if you want it, or you could go to my website and have a look?

Mo


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## lady_r0gue (Jul 22, 2009)

Haha that's well interesting! Perhaps that's why our boy always comes and lies at my feet when I'm on the computer for any length of time... he's here now


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## je1974 (Oct 14, 2009)

thanks everyone for your help! The king of the castle syndrome sounds very much what we have x


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## slicksps (Oct 11, 2009)

King of the Castle idea sounds good. I've heard an alternative which I'll share, not through experience or my own beliefs but just as another viewpoint.

The article I read was that a dog avoiding a family member was as a sign of respect. A lesser dog would give the leading role model (I want to avoid using the term 'Pack Leader') space to let him do his own thing while others followed.

Ultimately the verdict is the same, get dad walking the dog, training some tricks and playing. That interaction would confirm that it's ok to be in his space and as above he gets to have fun with dad as well as the rest of the family.


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## Ameliexx (Sep 25, 2009)

moboyd said:


> lol its part of something called social isolation training, this is NOT as bad as it sounds but it does work, I have the rest of it if you want it, or you could go to my website and have a look?
> 
> Mo


I'd love to see the rest of it or visit the website if you tell me the web address


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

Ameliexx said:


> I'd love to see the rest of it or visit the website if you tell me the web address


I have sent a PM.

Mo


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## gilly145 (Oct 19, 2008)

moboyd said:


> lol its part of something called social isolation training, this is NOT as bad as it sounds but it does work, I have the rest of it if you want it, or you could go to my website and have a look?
> 
> Mo


Hiya - I'd love to see your website too, as this sounds fascinating!!

G
x


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## lady_r0gue (Jul 22, 2009)

yes Mo - please would you pm me too with your web address


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## moboyd (Sep 29, 2009)

the address is www.icescapealalskanMalamutes.co.uk

Mo


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