# 3.5 weeks on...more help please!!



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Me again &#8211; need some more help with my kitten 

She&#8217;s about 18 weeks now (I&#8217;ve had her 3.5 weeks now) and she&#8217;s still very wary of me. 

I can&#8217;t get near her to be honest. I&#8217;ve tried only feeding her when she comes to me, but to no avail...I&#8217;ve sat by her food bowl for 6 hours (not looking directly at her and had a very good book!) and she just sat staring at me. I went answer the phone and she pounced on the bowl like a thing possessed so was obviously hungry. 

She will play with me (ball on string toy) but only if there is a bit of a distance between us and I must be sitting on the floor. If I stand up or move more than she was expecting then she darts away. She&#8217;ll come back but it&#8217;s so disheartening! My friend is a vet and came out to see her and said just give her time...I&#8217;ve got a Feliway diffuser which I think has helped a bit &#8211; she wouldn&#8217;t play with me at all before that! 

I work during the day but I took a few days off last week to try and get her more settled and used to me...doesn&#8217;t seem to have worked, in fact it seems to have unsettled her more. She had been using her litter box fine, but I moved the sofa cushions today and she does seem to have peed a few times on it. I feel really bad for not noticing (I&#8217;ve had a couple of shocking colds so my sense of smell is only just returning) but her litter tray is cleaned out regularly &#8211; I remove all the clumps approx 3 times a day and do a full change of litter every 3-4 days. I don&#8217;t know how long ago this happened but they&#8217;ve all been chucked in the wash so hopefully it won&#8217;t happen again!

What do I do next?!  I&#8217;m worried she&#8217;s unhappy, but she doesn&#8217;t seem depressed or ill (vet agrees), just not keen on me! She&#8217;ll happily play with her toys and I&#8217;m forever fishing them out from under the sofa etc, and she&#8217;s eating well etc. Any advice at all is much appreciated &#8211; I&#8217;m not giving up on her but just don&#8217;t know what to do next.


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Hi ,not going so well :frown:I think your friend is Probably right, but I would have thought your kitten should have been coming round by now.You say you have a dap diffuser plugged in,unless I'm mistaken ,I think that is for dogs.I use feliway diffuser,it may be worth trying felifriend which you put on your hands and is meant to help cats feel less threatened.It is all just going to take time but kittens are usually to "nosey" to hold off this long.Have you tried using treats to get her attention.When you are reading to do read out loud so that she gets used to yout voice.You will feel a bit of a numpty but Im told it helps:I really dont have any magic cures unfortuneatly.My ragdoll kitten although he had behaviour problems shyness wasnt one of them ,he was to forward:lol:Some one with more experience will hopefully be along full of fantastic tips.


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Yes, I did mean a Feliway diffuser...and have checked the label on the bottle too  Well spotted! Will get some of the hand stuff too 

I'll just keep persevering, at least she's happy being in the same room as me - I spoke to the people I got her from and apparently she wasn't as well handled as I was led to believe  

Thanks for the reply...will just keep trying!


----------



## ebonymagic (Jun 18, 2010)

This may sound bizarre, but when you look at her do you half close your eyes, as if you are about to blink but don't. This in cat speak means you are friendly. I have done it with all my cats and kittens and they have all responded positively. I do it with strange cats as well and they will come to me after a while.

I had a rescue kitten that was slightly angry when she went to the rspca, she hated the officer who took her, when I saw her she responded by asking for a fuss and a cuddle. I was the only one she would come to and that involved the half closed eye thing as well.


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Thank you - I'll give anything a shot! She's snoring behind the sofa at the moment, it's very cute but I'd rather she was awake so I can try it out!!


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Dont know if anything on here will help but it might have some use,The whole site is vey informative on lots of aspects of cat behaviour ,so even if it doesnt help now it may with something else. 
NERVOUS AND AGGRESSIVE CATS Good luck:thumbup:


----------



## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

I think yawning, or kind of smacking your lips..while letting your glance glide away from them is also interpreted as a friendly sign.


----------



## sarahdisco (Jan 4, 2010)

I can definitely recommend cat kisses (the long blink aproach). It works for me with new kitten and reassuring Spartacus too. 

Also talking to him... you feel like a div but they respond the more you talk to them!


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Thank you all, that shall be my homework from now on! I've started reading her all the journal articles I have to read for work....she is going to be a very well-informed kitty


----------



## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

sarahdisco said:


> Also talking to him... you feel like a div but they respond the more you talk to them!


Talking will definitely help  I talk to my three all of the time and I'm sure they know what I'm talking about - even if most of it is just drivel  If any of the neighbours heard me, I don't think it would be long before I was led away wearing a nice jacket that does up tightly at the back  Seriously, talking really helps. It will get your cat used to your voice, certain commands/words like 'dinnertime' - which is a favourite in my household. Good luck. 
ps - stick with the Feliway, it really works.


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Quick update: the blinking really does work! More than that, she blinks back now (no idea if this is good or not really, but I think it must be!) She came and ate out of her bowl tonight beside me whilst I had one eye on "Mr &Mrs Smith"  and she was very interested in my running commentary on how Brad and Ange got together  

Small step I know but I think it's a positive one, thank you all so much!!!


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Hendricks said:


> Quick update: the blinking really does work! More than that, she blinks back now (no idea if this is good or not really, but I think it must be!) She came and ate out of her bowl tonight beside me whilst I had one eye on "Mr &Mrs Smith"  and she was very interested in my running commentary on how Brad and Ange got together
> 
> Small step I know but I think it's a positive one, thank you all so much!!!


Sounds good :thumbup:Keep up the good work


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Thank you, I'm definitely going to keep it up! Will let you know how I get on


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Oh my word, we've had a breakthrough tonight!

I've been playing with her every night, she adores her Cat Dancer Link here! so we've been playing with that a lot! Still hadn't been able to touch her, but she's happy to sit on the arm of the sofa. I've been talking to her, lots of blinking and lots of yawning too! She seems to react better to the yawning but I get slow blinks back so I definitely recommend that approach 

This evening, we were playing and she was much closer than she normally is (normally more than an arm's length away) so I reached down and scratched her back. My word, the purrs that came from her :thumbup: I've rubbed her all over and she's reacted really positively to me. I've done this about 4 times this evening now..I'm just so happy! I haven't tried to pick her up...think that might be too much tonight but we're definitely doing well! :thumbup::thumbup:

Thank you all so much - still a bit to go, but I'm just so happy I had to share!


----------



## hobbs2004 (Mar 12, 2010)

Hurrah! I cannot tell you how pleased I am for you!  Well done!


----------



## dougal22 (Jun 18, 2010)

That's great news. Your patience has certainly paid off :thumbup:


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Hendricks said:


> Oh my word, we've had a breakthrough tonight!
> 
> I've been playing with her every night, she adores her Cat Dancer Link here! so we've been playing with that a lot! Still hadn't been able to touch her, but she's happy to sit on the arm of the sofa. I've been talking to her, lots of blinking and lots of yawning too! She seems to react better to the yawning but I get slow blinks back so I definitely recommend that approach
> 
> ...


I know exactly how you feel.I had months of behaviour issues with my ragdoll kitten Meeko and the first time he came to me to rub his head on my hand instead of trying to rip the skin of my arm I was so happy I wanted to tell the world.Your doing a great job,well done:thumbup:


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Thanks guys, I'm really chuffed! (You might have guessed...)

Also, there's been fireworks going off here all night and she hasn't turned a whisker - she just looks at the TV! :lol: I'll be very happy if that continues too! Thanks again!!


----------



## Paddypaws (May 4, 2010)

Oh, what great news! 
Somehow the cats that make us work the hardest to win their trust have a _very_ special place in our hearts. Each purr is worth more than gold!
I am glad that the 'yawning' did the trick....try the lip smacking as well and you may see she copies you or does the slow blinking followed by eye closing.


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Hendricks said:


> Thanks guys, I'm really chuffed! (You might have guessed...)
> 
> Also, there's been fireworks going off here all night and she hasn't turned a whisker - she just looks at the TV! :lol: I'll be very happy if that continues too! Thanks again!!


Thats good.I firmly believe a lot of animal fear comes from there humans,if you make a fuss of them at every noise then they are inclined to think WTF was that.I have never had a problem with all the dogs and cats I've had the privilege to share my life with.That was probably a daft thing to say  Meeko will as from tomorrow turn into scaredy cat:lol:


----------



## Hendricks (Sep 12, 2010)

Another little update....though it's proving a tad difficult with a kitten on my lap!! :lol: 

Last night she actively asking for a fuss and tonight she hasn't left my lap for very long at all so I'm learning to type left-handed! Belly and chin rubs are most purr inducing at the moment - I just can't stop smiling! Thank you all so much, I desperately need a wee and another glass of wine but MY kitten is sitting happily dozing on MY lap and purring fit to burst. It's such a lovely feeling :thumbup:


----------



## Chez87 (Aug 11, 2010)

Thats such great news! So happy for you. It's worth so much more when you have had to work so hard for it.


----------



## buffie (May 31, 2010)

Hendricks said:


> Another little update....though it's proving a tad difficult with a kitten on my lap!! :lol:
> 
> Last night she actively asking for a fuss and tonight she hasn't left my lap for very long at all so I'm learning to type left-handed! Belly and chin rubs are most purr inducing at the moment - I just can't stop smiling! Thank you all so much, I desperately need a wee and another glass of wine but MY kitten is sitting happily dozing on MY lap and purring fit to burst. It's such a lovely feeling :thumbup:


Excellent ,its amazing how a small bundle of furry stuff can rule our lives.:lol:But it is so rewarding :thumbup:


----------



## Taylorbaby (Jan 10, 2009)

aww only just see this therad well done!

also another way to bond is by brushing her, i normally start by letting them smell the brush, found it helped me bond with my girl who hid behind the sofa for 2weeks and didnt eat/drink/poo for 3/4days 

been here nearly 2half years now and rules the roost! very vocal and outgoing, and the brushing bonded us


----------

