# I'm frightened they will hurt each other



## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

We're having another go at getting our rescues together before one of them has to be rehomed.

They have just had another hissing/growling session, in spite of lovely treats etc, and it is not going well. :frown:

It's probably not helped by the fact that I get so scared they will hurt each other. I have to leave the room and get my OH to supervise (which he is not keen on) and there must be fear pheremones all over the place. :frown:

The RSPCA told us not to worry about hissing but that growling was bad news.

What should I do? How likely is it taht this will end in tears (or a big vets' bill?)


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

we had a similar problem when my mum moved into my nans house to look after her. cue my nans old grumpy spoilt rotten cat being harrassed by a bengal kitten...lol!

ive worked in catteries and in my experience, cats do not like confrontation. that is why when cats meet in the street there is a lot of yowling like banshees but very rarely a fight. growling and hissing are pretty much on the same level in my eyes, both mean "im not sure about you, back off a bit". it can take a long time for cats to settle together, its been 2 years since mum moved and pickles still gives lily a thump every now and then....

are they actually rolling around squabbling? or just hissing growling etc? sometimes you just have to let them sort it out between themselves and only intervene if they start fighting. have a spray bottle on hand! they need to work out boundaries etc

but thats if you can face it. i know it can be really upsetting watching animals seem to hate eachother, but try and give it a little more time. and try not to be too stressed or worried about it, they will notice that. there are products that you can get to try and calm them a little - all natural things like dorwest etc

hope it all works out for you xx


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## Taylorbaby (Jan 10, 2009)

Dont leave the room! just be relaxed, if there was going to be a fight there would be one by now, not hissing.

Do it slowly keep them seperated for now, go back to square one, do they have seperate feeding / water / toliet areas? do they have cat posts high areas / seperate rooms to run to? the hormone thingys arent a cure by themselves but they do help and can take some time to work (says 4weeks on the website) 

do small 15mins visits and leave the door open so they can all run away, do that a few times a day then build it up over weeks, remember that this could take 6weeks or 6 months for them to even tolarate eachother and you can still have hissing, but it can be done!!


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thank you both. 

Molly has just blotted her copybook by growling at OH, she was stressed out by Candy I know. Don't think OH will want to keep on for much longer, apart from me being a cowardy custard I'm still not recovered from pneumonia yet so he's having to deal with pretty much everything. :frown:

I know that cats don't like confrontation, which is what makes this so weird. Candy goes up to Molly and pounces, Molly hisses back, then it escalates. Or Candy will lie across the route that Molly needs to take to get back to her room where her food etc is. Molly is the less confrontational and Candy wants to be dominant (or she's certainly in Molly's face - I suppose it could be playing but I don't think so) but I think Molly could see her off if she chose to.

I might get a high cat post, the one we have is fairly short. Problem is I think we have two cats who would believe that the high post is theirs as of right!

I'm really exhausted. I wish that the RSPCA hadn't been so quick to allow them to come home together, they were supposed to have had a week's socialising but as they were 'getting on so well' they rung us up and asked us to get them earlier. Now we may be faced with the heartbreak of one of them going back. :frown:


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

Sometimes this happens where cats did get along then don't, occasionally neutering/spaying will help. Unfortunately sometimes we have to accept things aren't going to work out.

It took me almost three weeks to integrate Bellini with the rest of my furbabies. Fortunately for us it has been successful.


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

i dont think the rspca made a very informed decision either. seems very odd that they would want to rehome two cats together that dont really know eachother....maybe they were just desperate!

have you tried any calming products? there are so many things you can try before you have to resort to taking one of them back. i know its stressful but you owe it to the cats to try things. what has your vet recommended?

molly probably growled at you OH because she is a tad stressed out...i wouldnt take it personally (or try not to anyway )

lots of deep breaths, patience and time - theres no quick fix for this, but it is still early days! x


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thank you both - I really want this to work. I've looked into Feliway plug-ins but Felifriend might be a better bet. I've got some Rescue Remedy spray as well.

Both cats are spayed. I have to say that the RSPCA just took the attitude that sometimes things don't work out, they didn't suggest any real strategies.

I agree that they seem to have been a bit hasty in homing Molly and Candy together so quickly, and in hindsight we could have done with more advice on introducing them to each other - I just took the RSPCA advice to have them in a room together and as I've only ever had single cats before, I thought they'd be okay.:frown:

Yes, we know Molly was stressed when she had a go at my OH, the thing that he's worried about is one of the children getting in the way the next time she's upset.

Thanks again, I do appreciate it.


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

how old are your kids? hows it going now? x


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hello, Fuzzymum. 

I feel quite bad as we haven't been able to do a great deal beyond a few short sessions - so short you'd hardly notice - because my breathing has been worse again, and my daughter ended up at A&E with a head injury!  I have absolutely had it with hospitals, it's getting a bit samey now!

My husband went to play with Molly and he said she went for him - second time now, although the first was when Candy had stressed her out - difficult to tell if it was misdirected play or overenthusiasm at seeing him, or aggression - he thinks she made a noise but hard to say what. He's quite concerned about her staying. 

My kids are 4, 7 and 9 and although they are good, respectful and gentle they can get very loud, and don't always listen when I ask them to leave the cats alone until they come up to them. Candy has a swipe at them occasionally but it's very gently done, usually playful and she's very friendly with them. I haven't really decided about Molly, she can be timid or bold, quiet or noisy. Mostly she high tails it whenever she gets too much attention which makes what she did with my OH a bit odd. 

Thanks for asking!


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

if you feel you have to rehome i would try and do it yourself. that way you can find a nice peaceful home with no pets and no children. sending her back to the rspca would be a last resort - they obviously dont have a clue!

seems like rubbish timing for you, given time im sure these cats would settle down but its whether you have the time. hope it all goes ok xx


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thanks, Fuzzymum - I had wondered about that as I have a friend who rescues cats - she specialises in semi ferals and ferals which is why I didn't get a cat from her, but I know she will find a great home for Molly. I think Molly will be fine with other cats so long as they keep out of her face, it is only because Candy harasses her that she even notices her existence! I don't want to upset the RSPCA though - but Molly is now our cat, not theirs!

I can't believe the timing of this, I've never been ill in my life before! I'm sure that had I been okay this would have been sorted. :frown:

Thanks for so much support. :thumbup:

Troublecat.


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

A real serious cat fight is a horrible thing to see. However, hissing and swipes are pretty normal when cats meet each other. I think it is very rare that serious injuries will occur in this situation, unless they are unneutered males. They are most likely sorting out who is going to be "boss cat". Watch them, but don't interfere too much, as this will raise the stress levels. Ten to one they will settle down in time. good luck.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thank you, the more I think about it the more we were probably wrong to separate them. I was so ill though, I don't think we had a lot of choice at the time.

As I've mentioned on my other thread, I am concerned about the fact that Candy peed on Molly's tray and then Molly peed on the floor - I've spoken to a behaviourist who says this is a big sign of stress. I don't think it's fair to let Molly get so stressed but OTOH I don't think it is fair to send Molly back!

Right, am determined to help these cats sort this out!

Troublecat.


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

glad to see that positive mental attitude! how are things going?! and is your little girl better now? xxx


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi, Fuzzy,

Thank you so much for asking, my little girl has a chest infection now - makes us sound like some calamitous family but I think she was brewing a virus when she banged her head which is why she looked so poorly afterwards. 

Okay, well, we did let the cats have some time together today and actually they were okay - a few handbags but nothing major. Molly seems to have accepted that Candy is top without actually being that nervous when she is around.

But then Candy hassled Molly in the cat room and OH got Candy out. He went to reassure Molly and she went for him again - he's not happy, mostly because he thinks she'll go for the kids (hence my thread about aggression and OH). I'm getting lots of 'on my head be it' vibes. :eek6: I know that Molly was stressed, but it wasn't the first time. She's only ever gone for him so far though, and is sweetness itself with me and the kids.

I am veering wildly between this is what cats do and they'll be fine and teh kids'll be fine etc etc and then googling cats and aggression and thinking we need to get a behaviourist in!

The children love both cats, it is very interesting, and my eldest has even said that if we had to choose she wants to keep Molly because Candy will find another home quicker! But that is not an option I am entertaining at the moment, we have both cats still and that is how I intend for it to stay.


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## mrswoodwoose (Jan 23, 2011)

hello, me again! LOL

I've been thinking about your 2 and wonder if you just stopped trying too much with them for a while, leave Molly in her room to settle and mull things over, but give her time to come out and be in the rest of the house while the other cat is safely in one room - perhaps forget about getting them to meet up for now and try again later.

As for Molly going for your husband, it could be many factors, she seems scared and reacting out of fear. Was she relaxed and in a playful mood when your hubby went to play with her? If she didn't want to play or maybe associating him with having to be faced with the other cat (sorry name escapes me as I type) that might be a reason. Sounds like your hubby is not so keen on her and maybe she is picking up on this? 

I really think they need more time and it sounds like the humans are stressed which will only make them worse. No-one wants a cat fight and I do understand your concern but if and when they do meet, perhaps the humans shouldn't be too close, with at least 2 escape routes if one cat wants to flee the action. 

all the best.


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## mrswoodwoose (Jan 23, 2011)

troublecat said:


> But then Candy hassled Molly in the cat room and OH got Candy out. He went to reassure Molly and she went for him again - he's not happy, mostly because he thinks she'll go for the kids (hence my thread about aggression and OH).


sounds like she was still in flight or fight mode, best not to try touch them at this time, leave them to settle down for a good while first.


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

cats are really hard to reassure, your best bet with a peed off cat is just to leave it be. in what way was your OH trying to reassure her? perhaps he came into the room and stood over her to pet her? as she was already stressed this might have threatened her slightly. get him to look out for "grumpy" signs, like ears back etc and ask him to leave her alone when she looks at all annoyed with a situation. this is what you have to teach your kiddywinks too - molly looks anxious/scared/angry, leave her alone. I think you may be right, i think your OH has a bit of a negative attitude towards molly now, and she may well be picking up on this!

so are they still in the cat room together? (i've lost track a bit now.... ) and when you let them out, do you shut them in living room etc together or do they have a way of escaping the situation? what are you doing when they are out together?

handbags are the way forward, if these cats were going to have a serious fight, they would have done so by now 

i keep thinking about your girlies, and hope everything works out for you xx


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hello, hello, thank you for all the vibes. :thumbup:

Okay, the current situation is that Candy has the run of the house at all times and Molly is in the cat room. Currently both cats are out together and we've had some handbags and whatnot but nothing major. Very funny to see them sitting together in the kitchen trying to ignore each other. Molly is giving at least as much as she's getting and I've seen her deliberately getting close to Candy. When the cats are together there are loads of escape routes, boltholes, changes of level etc.

The plan is to have them in the house when we are around and put Molly back in her room when we aren't - mostly this is just the night time at the moment as I'm not working.

I've explained to OH just to back off the cats when they are stressed, and just had a group conference with the kids to lay down the law about not going near the cats during their 'getting to know you' sessions. Luckily my kids don't like getting hurt and I think they will take notice!

I've also ordered a Feliway spray, after doing some research I think this is a better bet for us than the plug-ins. I only intend using it on 'flash point' areas such as the ledge on the landing that they both have their eye on. 

Fuzzy, I think you are right, if there was going to be a big bust up it would have happened by now. I'm guessing we will have handbags for a while yet but I am feeling far more optimistic than I was (probably because I am getting better, too - I think the pneumonia made me a bit depressed.)

When we chose the cats we first looked on the website, and without even meeting ehr I fell in love with Molly - I knew she was meant to be 'my cat'. But she isn't the family cat that we wanted for the children - one that is easy to pick up and handle. So the deal was that I could have Molly providing we found another cat for the kids - hence Candy, who has turned out to be far more wilful and strong-minded than she let on at the shelter! :lol: I love them both madly and can't wait for us to be a proper family.


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## Cleo38 (Jan 22, 2010)

Am so glad things are getting better for you all


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thank you! 

Just been to the vet (Candy had a patch of dermatitis) and she says that the cats won't hurt each other. I know that anyway now but it's reassuring to hear!


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

brilliant stuff  you sound much more confident now and its great to hear!

keep me posted xxxx


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## mrswoodwoose (Jan 23, 2011)

this is fabulous news, you're better, your daughter is better, the cats are getting on better...:thumbup:

Just continue the good work you are doing and stay calm :lol:


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Thank you! :thumbup:

Big hissy fits from the girls this morning. I'm not sure what to do when Candy tries to follow Molly into her cat room. I feel Molly should have a Candy-free zone - any ideas?


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Candy and Molly just had a bit of a bust-up. Lots of yowling and what sounded like snorting, and they were pouncing on each other.  I did intervene as it looked like it was getting nasty. :frown:

Yesterday things went really well. Hopefully this is just a glitch.


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

patience, patience and more patience  xx


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi, Fuzzy,

The rest of the day went okay. Including a couple of nose-to-nose sniffs which passed off without incident. 

And breathe....


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## fuzzymum (Nov 29, 2010)

Brilliant! I am convinced that they will be fine  x


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi, Fuzzy, 

They make a terrible noise when they do clash, mostly Molly - I think she is a very vocal cat anyway though and although the RSPCA said that yowling wasn't a good sign I don't think iot means a lot with our two. Candy hassled her a bit this evening, following her from room to room but then I found Molly playing in her cat room and Candy asleep in OH's office so presumably they got bored!

I think they'll be fine too now, I love the idea that my Molly has her 'forever home' and I'm looking forward to when they get fed up to the point of ignoring each other completely! 

(I wouldn't be surprised if I keep on posting though...)

TC


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Good news, things will only get better. My two cats tolerate one another quite well, but now and again, they do "fight". It used to upset my OH terribly because he thinks Nunu is hurting Girly because she screams like a banshee. However, I pointed out that she is very vocal, she even screams when she gets overexcited about a lizard, a chasing game, or even when she crawls under the duvet


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

Koek, you must live somewhere very exciting if you have lizards! 

Definitely getting better, just heard Molly hiss at Candy in the cat room and then the two of them made a big show of ignoring each other before Candy made a dignified exit. Molly is still preferring the cat room but that might be because the children are off for half term; also as Molly hasn't been out of the cat room much it's almost like she's only just arrived.


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## GeordieBabe (Apr 7, 2009)

good to hear there getting on better, the pouncing is part of play too,Enya and Monty do it all the time, cats do play rough and then you hear the yowling etc,doesn't always mean there fighting just something they do when playing, keep us updated on how there doing


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

troublecat said:


> Koek, you must live somewhere very exciting if you have lizards!
> 
> Definitely getting better, just heard Molly hiss at Candy in the cat room and then the two of them made a big show of ignoring each other before Candy made a dignified exit. Molly is still preferring the cat room but that might be because the children are off for half term; also as Molly hasn't been out of the cat room much it's almost like she's only just arrived.


Don't you have lizards in the UK??? I suppose not, due to the climate:confused1:. Never thought about that, actually.:lol:


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

GeordieBabe said:


> good to hear there getting on better, the pouncing is part of play too,Enya and Monty do it all the time, cats do play rough and then you hear the yowling etc,doesn't always mean there fighting just something they do when playing, keep us updated on how there doing


I'm still not entirely sure if Candy is playing or not, she likes to stalk us too! :lol:

But Molly definitely isn't playing. I watched Candy pounce on her earlier and Candy looked a bit bemused. Maybe she keeps thinking Molly will be her playmate.


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## troublecat (Feb 1, 2011)

koekemakranka said:


> Don't you have lizards in the UK??? I suppose not, due to the climate:confused1:. Never thought about that, actually.:lol:


We do get a few - sand lizards and slow worms, which looks like a fat short snake but is in fact a legless lizard - but they are rare - sand lizards very rare, they have a very specific habitat which isn't well protected. :frown: Certainly my cats aren't likely to come in with one any time soon!


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