# I am feeling so low



## Jude Milly bobby (Mar 25, 2021)

Hi, I really feel lost
My Milly is gone. Not getting over it just so low help


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## Guest (Mar 26, 2021)

I’m very sorry for your loss. Can you tell us a bit about Milly?


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## Jude Milly bobby (Mar 25, 2021)

Hi, she was my 13 year old Jack Russell 
I have another dog Bobby but I just can’t stop feeling sad, guilty.
She was put to sleep on 9/2/2021 as she had an inoperable tumour.
Never thought I could miss her so much. It’s not getting better
Have you lost a pet?


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## tabelmabel (Oct 18, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your loss. What you are feeling is normal; be gentle with yourself whilst you grieve. All pets are family members and leave huge holes when they go. Perhaps more so with dogs as they share so many happy times outdoors with us, discovering new places and we make new memories and happy associations through all the time spent together.

Losses like this are so hard to bear. But you will come through this. Whilst you are feeling wretched day after day, your brain is healing. I know it wont feel like that just now but, trust me, it is.

It does a very clever job of reorganising all your memories and sad feelings into a way that makes them much more bearable. It just seems to take a long time to do it and it is painful in the meantime.

Gradually, in the weeks ahead, you will start to have some happy times again - just something to smile about here and there. And over time you will start to have whole good days.

Eventually, good days outnumber the bad and that is when you know you are on the road happy times once more.

I think most of us have lost pets on here. It is the saddest thing that our pets never live long enough. 

Keep talking and reaching out to people - we all understand that empty feeling that comes with a loss.

Big hugs to you xx


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## Jude Milly bobby (Mar 25, 2021)

Thank you for your kind words.
It’s a difficult time and I know it will get better. Have lost a lot of human family members in the past but somehow this is harder.


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## tabelmabel (Oct 18, 2013)

I can relate to that. The hardest loss was of my cat who was shot dead by our crazy neighbour when i was 13. I was devastated for months and months. The sudden ness, the shocking scene and the age i was where my cat was my main confidante and had been there my whole life. It was my first and definitely most devastating loss.

When i was 20, my Mum died. Again, a huge loss but not as impactful as the cat as I had already left home and my Mum had been ill for many years previous.

It isnt just the loss of your pet - it's so much more. It's the loss of a true friend that you shared so many feelings and times with. Many of us (me included) spend more time with our dogs than any human person.

Such close relationships really hurt when they end. Take comfort in the happy life Milly had and that she is now at peace and not in any pain or suffering. It is the hardest thing to let them go, but the most selfless and loving thing too.

We are all here for you. If you want to share pictures of Milly, or any memories, please feel free to do so.


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## Jude Milly bobby (Mar 25, 2021)

Thank you


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Jude Milly bobby said:


> Thank you for your kind words.
> It's a difficult time and I know it will get better. Have lost a lot of human family members in the past but somehow this is harder.


Yes, it is. We're responsible for their care and happiness in a way we aren't for other humans. You did right by your Milly and it's only been a few weeks. You'll adjust in time, but allow yourself to grieve. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Happy Paws2 (Sep 13, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear about Milly, it's so hard when you loss a loved pet, you feel as if you'll never get over it I'm not sure you ever really do, there's always a hole in your heart where they used to live. We lost Dillon just over 2 years ago and we still miss him so much and I don't think there a day that go by without us talking about him. OH is still upset as they were a pair wherever he went Dillon was right behind him.

Just be kind to yourself it will get easier in time. XX


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss of Milly.
It is so Heart breaking loosing a pet. They are family and to some of us they are more important than Human family.
I found that putting pen to paper and writing about your loved one helped me. Putting some nice pictures in an Album or a picture frame.
Even planting a small tree or a shrub in a special place in the garden.
Some people say it gets easier. I think that we just learn to live with the loss.
I know when i lost Harley ( The cat in my picture) the only thing that stopped me from crying and being in a deep depression was to adopt another little one.
I had 2 other cats at the time but Harley was only 3 years old and i felt that he had been cheated of a long and happy life.
Adopting Archie I began to feel so much better.
I know this is not for everyone but it helped me.
Also talking on here helped me so much. Like minded and kind people. xx


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## Guest (Mar 26, 2021)

Jude Milly bobby said:


> Hi, she was my 13 year old Jack Russell
> I have another dog Bobby but I just can't stop feeling sad, guilty.
> She was put to sleep on 9/2/2021 as she had an inoperable tumour.
> Never thought I could miss her so much. It's not getting better
> Have you lost a pet?


I have yes. Last year. And it was awful. I really know how you feel. It's incredibly heart wrenching. And yes, I felt it more than my father's loss who I was very close to.


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## Jude Milly bobby (Mar 25, 2021)

Thank you 
I have a family but keep my emotions from them as it’s been over a month and i don’t want them to know how I feel
I just am so sad. There is no other word. I-love Millly so much and worry about the day I took her to the vet. I don’t want her to be afraid but I think she was. I can’t stop the heartache


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## Guest (Mar 26, 2021)

It takes a long time to deal with this. Months. It gets worse before it gets better I'm afraid. But it does get better and one day instead of the sadness, you are left with beautiful memories. Do you have photos or videos? These can really help remembering the good times.


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## Jim40 (Apr 2, 2020)

Sorry to hear about your Milly. It's about six weeks now since I lost my Trixie and I still can't accept she is gone. She was six and our vets all said she was healthy otherwise. So what you are feeling is quite normal. I sometimes say to myself that I may have accepted things better if she had a known illness or something like that but it wasn't to be. I'm sure you will never forget her. Just remember all the good times. I'm just taking a little longer to accept my Trix is no longer with us. It will get easier.


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## Jude Milly bobby (Mar 25, 2021)

Thank you 
I know, it’s so hard.i just want her home.I feel broken. I love her so much 
Trixie is with my Milly. Just feel so sad. Can’t believe I can get better 
Love to you and Trixie


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## tabelmabel (Oct 18, 2013)

Jude Milly bobby said:


> Can't believe I can get better


Honestly, you will. What can help is to keep a little journal of your day - how your feeling and also include any little good things that happened in your day - any good conversation you had, anything that made you laugh or even just smile.

Over time, you should see how your days are improving overall. You will still get really bad days, but good spots start to appear, then the odd full good day. Then more good days.

It can take a full year, they say, to fully move through the grieving process and it needs that long time to move through all 5 stages.

Depression is one of the stages and part of the healing process. If you start a journal and see no good moments in any of your days for a long while, you might want to tell your G.P you arent coping.

But all you describe sounds very normal; it is a horrible process to have to go through - coming to terms with a loss - but hang on in there as brighter times will come. It takes time, same as a severe physical injury needs time to heal, so does a loss.

All the best to you xx


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## Babyshoes (Jul 1, 2016)

Everyone grieves differently, what you're feeling is totally valid. It's about 9 months since I lost my first kitty Macavity and I still cry about him some days, but the emotional pain has subsided from a sharp loss to a dull ache. 

It sounds like you're feeling this very deeply, but please be assured that time will help. Do you have anyone you can talk to who won't be judgemental? If not, you might benefit from talking to a professional, just to let it all out. Feelings can get tangled up and amplified in grief, especially if you feel the need to keep them private from those around you. Talking can help you to sort through them and see them as they really are. 

If you're in the UK, I believe the Blue Cross has a pet bereavement service you can call. Samaritans might also be helpful, they're not only for people who feel suicidal, but for anyone in distress or despair. They won't (can't) give you solutions, but can help you figure out what's going on in your head and hopefully that'll help you see a path forward.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

tabelmabel said:


> Many of us (me included) spend more time with our dogs than any human person.


I think that's the thing that many people without a pet can't understand. You dog/cat is there 24 hours a day, every day. Thinking about it, the first thing I do when I come through the door is say hello to Gloria-Bluebell (who is always looking up and waiting for me inside the door and always does a tiny silent miaow; and I wonder how long she has been listening for my footsteps or the key in the door). After that I shout ''Hi guys'' to the others who are too lazy to come and greet me and at that point the others gradually appear and one of them checks the shopping bag! And agree totally with @tabelmabel and @Douglas' Dad that losing a pet has often got more impact than losing a family member that you haven't lived with for years, (though you would hardly dare voice that opinion except on a forum where people with pets will know exactly what you mean).
It will get better eventually, though at the time it feels like a huge cloud that won't ever clear. Take care.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Babyshoes said:


> If you're in the UK, I believe the Blue Cross has a pet bereavement service you can call.


Well done for remembering this - I had completely forgotten them, and I did hear they were brilliant and very helpful - 0800 096 6606. Well worth a try.


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## hamsterlover123 (Mar 20, 2021)

I know how you feel. Don't worry everyone goes through this. It is like losing your forever best friend right? But it is ok don't you worry. She is is a safe little doggy heaven ready to be reborn back to you. It will take some time and it is ok to grieve and feel sad. Maybe spending sometime alone will help you. I am so sorry for your loss but don't worry your dog is in a safe space.


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