# A no longer affectionate kitty?



## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

Hi all!

I just got a cat a little over 3 weeks ago and I have a couple of questions. Just some back story, this is my "second cat" in terms of me taking care of one. But my first cat that I truly own. The first one is a 5-month old feral that I took care of for 2 weeks, and now I am a cat mom to an 8 month old female persian x american shorthair mix. She isn't as naughty as the other kitty. Doesn't tip over objects (for now) and just spurts of hyper running every hour or so which I think is normal for a kitten.

Now to my questions. When I got her, the first 2 days were absolute bliss. She would always climb up on my lap just to kiss me and cuddle. But after that... She no longer wants to be pet. She tolerates it, but when I'm about to put my hand over her, her body turns liquid just to avoid my touch. When I do touch her, she sometimes just lays down and accepts it, but walks away soon after. (She doesn't get mad whenever I carry her, never hissed or swatted. She even lets me touch her belly no problem.) She also NEVER rubbed up against ANYTHING. Not me, nor inanimate objects. Is that normal? She would only VERY LIGHTLY rub her body (mostly her tail) across my legs when it's near feeding time. She also doesn't like sleeping with me or sitting next to me. She just jumps right off. I thought she would be a cuddly kitty, is there hope that she may be one in the very near future?
I tried just presenting my hand to her and see if she would rub her face against it, but she just walks off every single time. This is getting me really sad. 

Second, whenever she does play around something she shouldnt, (like bending down my long table lamps, or playing with random paper she would find in my room), what should I do? I know I should not scold her as that would just give her attention, I just carry her away from the object and put her on the floor. Would that work?

Final question, is it ok for me to put her in her cage every night? As I fear she might hurt herself when I'm asleep. She doesn't bother me that much, aside from the 4am jumping to my bed and running around. But I just ignore that. Her cage is pretty spacious. She has access to food and water, and also a place to relieve herself. She also doesn't whine or fight back whenever it's time for her to get inside her cage.

Sorry for the long post and I appreciate any input I may get. I want to be the best cat mom I can be. 

EDIT: she just knocked over a lot of my stuff on my vanity after jumping and running around too much. It's like she's getting naughtier and naughtier. Even though I spend time playing with her.. Please help.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hello @Norway and welcome! 

The fact is that most kittens _are_ very lively and mischievous! It is in their nature, and exploring, investigating and being highly inquisitive is how they learn about the world. You don't want to be constantly telling your kitten 'no' or lifting her off things, as that will be tiresome for you and frequent disapproval might end up making the kitten afraid of you.

Also, bear in mind that a kitten is usually time consuming, keeping them entertained and mentally stimulated to prevent them getting bored and doing things you don't want them to do.

First of all you need to "kitten-proof" your home, making it as safe as you can for a lively active kitten. This means for a start putting safely away all breakable objects such as ornaments, vases etc, and anything of value, in cupboards or drawers until your kitten is an adult and has calmed down (around the age of 2 to 3 yrs old)

Also: ---

Toilet lid(s) kept closed after use (so she can't fall in)
No cut flowers or house plants in the home in case she eats them (many are toxic to cats, some are highly toxic).
No burning candles
No food left out on counters
No chocolate left around where she could eat it (chocolate is toxic to cats)
Electrical appliances unplugged when not in use.
(If kitty shows any interest in gnawing on electric wires wrap them all in baking foil as that will put off most kittens.)
Phone chargers put away in drawers when not in use
After using the stove leave pans of cold water on the gas ring/electric ring, to prevent kitty burning her paws if she climbs up to investigate
Important papers put away in drawers or in plastic folders so she can't chew on them, or put dirty paw marks on them

It is also important to 'catify' your home to provide enrichment for your kitten and to enable her to exhibit some of her natural cat behaviours:

So she needs:

Places to climb, with safe route up as well as down. e.g. tall cat trees, shelves you fit to the wall to give her access to the top of a cupboard or wardrobe
Lots of scratching posts and pads, several to every room.
Space to run around safely when she is feeling 'zoomie'
Interactive toys for you to play with her. eg. fishing rod toys like the Da Bird or Flying Frenzy
Play time with you several periods a day for at least half an hour to an hour at a time
Ping pong balls you throw for her to chase
A couple of Kong Kickeroos that she can bunny kick and bite

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nobby-KONG...0985687&sr=1-4&keywords=kong+kickeroo+cat+toy

As she is a Persian cross I am guessing she may be long haired? If so she will need grooming every day - make it into a routine with treats, a special one on one time together.

A window she can sit at comfortably and watch the birds and the squirrels.

Here are some ideas you can adapt inexpensively for catifying your home:

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=c...iZuKTVAhULBsAKHY40BlgQsAQIPQ&biw=1440&bih=826

It is fine to put her in the crate at night with her food, water, litter box and bed. She will adapt to it OK. The crate should not be needed once she is an adult cat, she will settle herself then. You can leave the crate door open all the time, and a bed inside and she may even choose to go and sleep in there in the daytime sometimes. So being in the crate comes to be a part of her normal routine.

Kittens grow up so fast, and before you know what's happened she will be an adult. So once you have safely cat proofed your home, please do relax and enjoy this special time as much as you can. This time is also potentially a very bonding time between kitten and human, and how you are with her now will determine your relationship with her for the rest of her life.

Good luck.  Photos would be nice, if you have any.


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

chillminx said:


> Good luck.  Photos would be nice, if you have any.


Oh wow, this is REALLY HELPFUL! Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to reply to me! I will do my best and follow your recommendations! I almost gave up on her twice due to frustration, but I do not want to be that person who doesn't know how to commit, especially when dealing with animals as they would have a hard time moving from home to home, and that's just cruel.

Do you think she would become a cuddly cat soon? I've read around the internet that if a kitten is a bit aloof early on, they will grow up with the same attitude.. But some say they will grow more cuddly. She was very cuddly and loved gving kisses for the first few days tho.. now she doesn't even rub up against me. 

She is actually short haired!  Compared to her dad (a pure american shorthair), her fur is much more soft. So I guess she got that from her mom, a pure persian. Haha here's a picture of her! She's getting quite big haha. And yes, she get boogers quite often. I clean it up though and have scheduled for a check up next week as I've read it may be a respiratory problem.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Norway said:


> Do you think she would become a cuddly cat soon? I've read around the internet that if a kitten is a bit aloof early on, they will grow up with the same attitude.. But some say they will grow more cuddly. She was very cuddly and loved gving kisses for the first few days tho.. now she doesn't even rub up against me.


Unfortunately there is no way of predicting the nature of a cat.

I have one who after being rescued from a farm would lie on you, and jump all over you, happy to be picked up.

A few months later, she would yowl the house down like you were murdering her if you tried to pick her up.

Best thing is just to go by what she seems to like. Don't force anything. If she wants to sit on your lap, she will, if not she won't. It's part of cat ownership to realise that they call the shots.


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Unfortunately there is no way of predicting the nature of a cat.
> 
> I have one who after being rescued from a farm would lie on you, and jump all over you, happy to be picked up.
> 
> ...


I see. Well, I love her either way. Would be nice if she would jump on my lap again tho haha
And yes, I've read a lot about not forcing anything on a cat (or for any animal). So I stopped being the needy one and let her be. She lets me pet her more than usual now!  And I no longer overly pet her. When I feel like she's about to have enough petting, I stop. And it feels good to be respecting her space.

Thanks for the reply!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Norway said:


> I see. Well, I love her either way. Would be nice if she would jump on my lap again tho haha
> And yes, I've read a lot about not forcing anything on a cat (or for any animal). So I stopped being the needy one and let her be. She lets me pet her more than usual now!  And I no longer overly pet her. When I feel like she's about to have enough petting, I stop. And it feels good to be respecting her space.
> 
> Thanks for the reply!


Well, my 'sounds like she is being murdered' cat will lie on us. But only if we are duvet humans. Once out of bed and upright, she's being murdered again


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Well, my 'sounds like she is being murdered' cat will lie on us. But only if we are duvet humans. Once out of bed and upright, she's being murdered again


Haha sounds lovely! How old is she? And does she make a mess (knocking things over) when she's out and about?


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## Smuge (Feb 6, 2017)

Tali was incredibly cuddly for the first few days, slept curled round my neck etc, but this stopped when she settled.

She is still affectate but much less so than at the start when she was absurdly cuddly


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

Smuge said:


> Tali was incredibly cuddly for the first few days, slept curled round my neck etc, but this stopped when she settled.
> 
> She is still affectate but much less so than at the start when she was absurdly cuddly


Yeah, I read that when a cat is assured of her new home that she is safe and loved, she would start acting how she really is haha cats are so weirdly cute

Thanks for the reply!


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Norway said:


> Haha sounds lovely! How old is she? And does she make a mess (knocking things over) when she's out and about?


Well, she's 11 now . I don't recall her being particularly destructive, but (apart from my office which is a tip) we have a fairly minimalist house. So no ornaments to knock over etc.

Conversely, the idiot one in my avatar likes to jump onto the kitchen windowsill, knock stuff over on the draining board and stick his head under the tap. He's 3


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Well, she's 11 now . I don't recall her being particularly destructive, but (apart from my office which is a tip) we have a fairly minimalist house. So no ornaments to knock over etc.
> 
> Conversely, the idiot one in my avatar likes to jump onto the kitchen windowsill, knock stuff over on the draining board and stick his head under the tap. He's 3


Ah yes I was looking at him earlier and found him real handsome!  Planning on getting another cat to keep my current one company. But I think I'll make that happen in the distant future when she's much older and I'm more experienced! Haha
And next time I'm going to adopt as this one was a gift and I felt bad for not adopting.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Norway said:


> Ah yes I was looking at him earlier and found him real handsome!  Planning on getting another cat to keep my current one company. But I think I'll make that happen in the distant future when she's much older and I'm more experienced! Haha
> And next time I'm going to adopt as this one was a gift and I felt bad for not adopting.


Yes, he knows it too. All mine are rescue, one from a farm, one from Cat's Protection, and 2 BSHs from a friend who couldn't keep them any more. But I don't think I'd be adverse to purchasing another well bred BSH in the future as they have been a joy so far.

Is yours going to be a house cat? I assume so, but just in case, I just wanted to mention the problem of sunburn with white cats. She's lovely by the way.


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Yes, he knows it too. All mine are rescue, one from a farm, one from Cat's Protection, and 2 BSHs from a friend who couldn't keep them any more. But I don't think I'd be adverse to purchasing another well bred BSH in the future as they have been a joy so far.
> 
> Is yours going to be a house cat? I assume so, but just in case, I just wanted to mention the problem of sunburn with white cats. She's lovely by the way.


Ah! I was debating whether your cat was a BSH or a Scottish Straight haha close! And that's so awesome of you to have adopted so many! I really feel bad for those cats still up for adoption.  If only I could get them all.  Once I'm more prepared and experienced with taking care of cats, I'm sure to adopt!

Yes, she will be an indoor cat. I tried putting on a harness on her in hopes of her liking to be walked on a leash, but she wasn't too keen, so I returned those items right away haha
Aw thank you!  I haven't heard of sunburn wih white cats.. Please, do tell.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Norway said:


> Ah! I was debating whether your cat was a BSH or a Scottish Straight haha close! And that's so awesome of you to have adopted so many! I really feel bad for those cats still up for adoption.  If only I could get them all.  Once I'm more prepared and experienced with taking care of cats, I'm sure to adopt!
> 
> Yes, she will be an indoor cat. I tried putting on a harness on her in hopes of her liking to be walked on a leash, but she wasn't too keen, so I returned those items right away haha
> Aw thank you!  I haven't heard of sunburn wih white cats.. Please, do tell.


Well, um, they get sunburnt 

My sister has to put cream on the ears of one of hers who is almost completely white. Normally it isn't too much of a problem in the UK but we seem to be getting quite a lot of sun at the mo...


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

MilleD said:


> Well, um, they get sunburnt
> 
> My sister has to put cream on the ears of one of hers who is almost completely white. Normally it isn't too much of a problem in the UK but we seem to be getting quite a lot of sun at the mo...


I see. Thanks so much for telling me! We get a lot of sun here, so I'll take note of that. Would normal sunblock work? Thinking she might lick it off and cause health problems..


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Norway said:


> I see. Thanks so much for telling me! We get a lot of sun here, so I'll take note of that. Would normal sunblock work? Thinking she might lick it off and cause health problems..


I think the advice is to use one that is suitable for cats, but I'm not sure how readily available they are, so I think baby suitable is the next best thing. You don't need to worry though unless you get her used to a harness and leash.


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

A sun block like this one is good for cats :-

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dermoscent...&qid=1501005285&sr=8-3&keywords=cat+sun+block

If you are not in the UK maybe you can find a similar product on line. Choose one that does not contain essential oils (as many of them are toxic to cats) and as few chemicals as possible.

Also it's worth noting that a white cat can get sun-burned from lying for hours inside a south facing window in sun. The glass in the window protects from UVB rays but not UVA rays which can burn through the glass.

I noticed in the photo that your pretty cat seems to have mixed coloured eyes (aka odd-coloured eyes)? Pure white cats with eyes of two different colours are quite often deaf in the ear on the side of the blue eye. Are you aware if your cat is partially deaf or not?

Often when a cat first arrives in a new home they are very keen to be accepted by the new owner and they will go all out to be affectionate and make a fuss of their new human. It is as though they are saying, "I am a very nice cat, please let me stay". The affection is not deep or meaningful at that early stage as the cat does not know you nor does he/she have any bond with you.

Once the cat settles in to your home and 'gets her feet under the table' so to speak, she relaxes and feels no need to fawn over you to prove she is a nice cat. She gains confidence and starts to trust that you, her new owner, will let her be herself. Girls are always more independent than boys anyway IME.

Being herself (as has been said by a previous poster) means for a cat, having affection and attention from you on her own terms, when she is in the mood. This independence of spirit is what we like about our cats. 

It sounds as though the little girl already has you quite well trained as you are learning to let her come to you when she wants attention, and reading her body language and signals when she is telling you she wants to be left to herself.


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## Norway (Jul 4, 2017)

chillminx said:


> A sun block like this one is good for cats :-
> 
> https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dermoscent...&qid=1501005285&sr=8-3&keywords=cat+sun+block
> 
> ...


Thank you again for the very informative reply!  I will look more into that sunscreen and see if we have it in our local pet store.

Yup, I am aware that she may be deaf in one ear. We had a husky with the same problem, but he wasn't deaf. Hoping she isn't as well when we go visit the vet next week.

And yes, she has taught me a lot! Especially with patience.  She has finally rubbed up against me for the first time just awhile ago. I don't know if it was just extra cold today or if she's feeling cuddly, eitherway, I don't mind haha

Thank you for the help! Everyone is so helpful and I feel more confident in what I should do now.


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