# Don't know what to do



## estrelaslave (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi,

Looking for some advice really. I bought my 15 hh mare from my riding stables in August and we are not getting on. She is quite timid and not happy hacking alone, or in front. Leading her back to the field can be scary at times as she is convinced everything is out to get her and easily grows 2 foot when she sees something. She backs away from me in the stable and I am beginning to find her a bit intimidating although she is the sweetest girl and there is no harm in her. 

Just before xmas we went out hacking with company and she put in an almighty buck, throwing me off and putting me in hospital with a broken wrist that required surgery.

Heres the question. Before this happened I was finding her too big to handle confidently on the ground and was thinking I had made a mistake. The YO cannot afford to buy her back but does have a 14 year old pc veteran available for a swap. If she suits do you think I should make the swap, knowing my horse will stay at the yard, or persevere with a horse that doesnt seem to suit.

I dont want to end up with a horse that I cant ride because we both lack the confidence.


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## mandy5775 (Jun 7, 2011)

I've been in your situation on at least two occasions over the years and it's not an easy place to be. I totally understand how torn you feel and not knowing what the best thing to do is, is a complete nightmare.

From what you have said in your post, it sounds like you have completely lost your confidence and trust in your mare. Therefore, speaking from experience I would consider the swap on the basis that the other horse has the same monetary value. You should try and get the other horse on a trial, to make sure that it is suitable - you don't want to jump out of the frying pan and in to the fire. If you're anything like me, you just want to be able to ride and enjoy your horse. This isn't happening with your current mare and she will sense your unease very quickly, which won't help her either.

However, if you feel that your horse has not been described to you correctly by the seller and that she is not fit for purpose, then you are entitled to get your money back. You can contact Trading Standards about this and they will help you.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk further.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

I had a similar situation when I bought my horse. She was very skittish and the very first time I rode her around the fields near the yard she panicked and bolted and I came off. Luckily she ran back to the stables. For a few weeks after that we had some very difficult times. She was scared and I had lost my confidence. One day, trying to ride out of the yard, she just refused to go forward and kept backing into everything. In the end, I just sat firm and used a very strong leg and voice and she shot forward a step, had a shake and walked out calmly. I think she was unnerved and was testing me and I was not being confident and firm enough. After that, we seemed to come to an arrangement and I had her for 15 years and she was the light of my life and I know she was really bonded to me. Sadly, I lost her to colic. 

Get some help from people around you (only kind people, ignore anyone who suggests "strong" handling). Try and build her trust. Take a carrot into the stable and let her come to you, talking softly to her etc. Spend lots of time with her, with no pressures on either of you. If that means don't ride for a little while, then work her on the lunge and walk in hand. I know you had a nasty fall, but I doubt she was trying to hurt you. They do need to know that we are strong and capable and be reassured by us.

If you still feel she is not right for you, then try this other horse, but make sure you can have a trial. Good Luck


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## Blitz (Feb 12, 2009)

Unfortunately you are experiencing the problems that many new horse owners encounter. If your horse is used to a riding school life it will not want to hack on its own and has probably never been led back to the field on her own.
Has the 'exchange' pony also been used in the riding school as, if so, you could end up with identical problems. 

I would think your best bet is to ask to have the pony on a trial. I am assuming that it is at the same yard as you keep your horse. If you could treat it as your own for a couple of weeks, but with the yard owner supervising you, then you could find out if you can manage it and consider a swap.

It sounds like your current horse is just not suitable for you and if the yard owner is happy to have it back I would say there is nothing actually wrong with the horse at this point but there could soon be if you are not managing it.

A very disappointing situation to be in but you are lucky that you are being offered an easy way out and do not have to try and sell the unsuitable horse.


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## estrelaslave (Jun 2, 2010)

Have looked at two ponies at the yard. An ex brood mare of 8 who has just been broken and is already cantering in the school. At present she needs persuading to go and is not particularly fast. Her training will continue whilst I am out of action and if I take her on. She adores people and her response to scary things is stand and look rather than spin and run like the one I have now. The other one is 15 and a neglect rescue from the gypsy fields. She is very sweet but inclined to be strong. She needs little encouragement to go fast and will try to be boss if given half a chance. Leaning towards the brood mare as she is just so laid back.

I can have both on trial to make really sure and my horse will stay at yard if I swap as she is perfect for the school and a particular favourite. Also a weight carrier which they need for the men as mainly have ponies.

Will let you know what happens and hope you all don't think I am out of order for giving up on present horse so quickly. Would probably persevere if couldn't swap coz wouldn't be happy selling her to just anyone.


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## AutumnAngel (Oct 16, 2011)

Losing your confidence can happen very quickly, but getting it back can take ages. As you had already begun to lose confidence before the buck and fall, unfortunately I think to continue with this horse will only knock your confidence further and then you'll have a real uphill struggle to get it back again.

I would say definitely try both the others on a trial basis - and decide from there which seems best. The broodmare will be green - if she's not been backed before then it's going to be like taking on a horse with the education of the 4 year old but the strength of an 8 year old. You say the one from the gypsy fields seems strong but needs encouragement to go fast - it sounds like it might be heavy in your hands rather than strong and if so this easily be solved with schooling and plenty of transition work. If she tries to be boss then you need to be quick to put her straight and just be firm about it as if she's used to being handled by gypsies, they are usually used to being handled by men, but once they know you won't let them walk all over you then then gypsy horses are usually an absolute pleasure and rock solid.


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## reallyshouldnotwearjods (Nov 19, 2012)

cant help you with your decision as thats up to you, and I echo what the others have said, just my little bit is I would suggest that you become confident and consistent with handling on the ground, this will help you with your confidence 100% x


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## estrelaslave (Jun 2, 2010)

Thank you for your replies. I will definately try them both out. My horse has started bucking in the school which is not like her so back specialist is coming next week to look at her. Hopefully it is only down to saddle which can be easily fixed. Unfortunately this won't solve her spookiness which is my main problem.

I am not sure about the gypsy horse because of her age. 15 and neglected is liable to lead to health problems isn't is? She does look a bit sway backed.

Should be back in action early Feb so can't do anything until then anyway. Focus must be on present horse to get her right and pain free first.


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Given the recent knock to your confidence and the problems you have been having, do you have the experience and knowledge to take on either of these two suggested horses?

It seems to me that you need a quiet, well-schooled, middle-aged, steady horse to gain confidence and experience on.

A horse that has just been broken will need lots of work to school on and will not be used to being ridden outside so may well be spooky and will need a confident rider.

The other horse could potentially be a nightmare for all sorts of reasons and end up with major health issues. If she is already strong then it won't take much for her to scare you.

Won't the Stables buy your mare back? To me that would be best. Then you could take your time, get your confidence back and then look for a suitable horse to own. Even get one on loan so if it doesn't work out it can go back.


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## estrelaslave (Jun 2, 2010)

Unfortunately the yo cant afford to buy her. She was on loan there when I bought her and did not belong to yo. Thats why the idea of a swap came about. I still haven't decided what to do but do find my horse a bit too big for me when I am on the ground. Perhaps I just need to persevere with her and be a bit firmer, make her learn that I am in control and she can feel safe with me. I'll decide when I am back in business and spend time with all of them if I can.

Funnily enough I feel fairly confident on a horses back and don't think the falling off will change that too much (I hope) as don't really blame her, especially as it seems she may have a bad back which is being looked at next week, it is on the ground I find the nerves set in as she is so much bigger than me, whereas the ponies are not.


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