# OH's mum not paying livery/or helping upkeep... Please read!



## RachJeremy (Sep 14, 2012)

**** WARNING - This is a rant... A VERY long one... Sorry... XD ****

Now i'm renting a field. I am the one in contact with the labd owner and i'm the one who pays her as i made the agreement. My partner's mum took it upon herself to buy a horse and keep it on the land. I saw no issue with this. But she agreed to pay £40 a month and help with maintaining the field. We've been there since December.
We've had issues with her not poo picking for months now, and i've kept it recorded in my diary when she's not done it. Reason being is me and my partner work full time, she is a stay ay home mum on benefits. She has a lot more time than we do. Joke of it is if she comes along and helps us poo pick she moans about how its not been done.
She's caused many problems with the training of my horse and made it perfectly clear she hates the fact i rug my horses. Even made my filly headshy for a while no thanks to punching her in the head.
Now her filly is difficult sometimes and has her days where she doesn't cope. She loves her mum and won't go to anyone else.
Since moving the field around for grazing we have struggled getting her filly in to feed. Which sometimes resorted to herding her in to a pen. As this filly cannot be fed with others as she leaves hers, kicks the others off their food and wont let them eat.
Now today i go in to feed before work with enough time as i was warned by OH's mum that there was a bonfire next to them and people shooting. So i got there early and pretty much spent half hour trying to catch her. I messaged the owner to say i couldnt catch her and if she could pop in to feed her. Finally managed to get her eating but i had to stand between her and my filly to stop her trying to push mine off her feed.
Owner then turns up jumps out of her car and comes lunging at me (she does have a history of violence) asking me "whats you f***ing problem?!" Over and over. I had to calm her and say i didnt mean anything in a bad way was merely telling her i couldnt catch her horse to feed her and was wondering if from now on when she comes down can she feed her own horse. And i'll worry about mine. As i've been late several times because of this horse. I havent got the time to do work with her myself and quite frankly im sick of doing everything myself. As she doesnt do anything even though she is down daily...

Even more of a joke is she owes me half of last months rent, i paid for last months feed for her horse... She has given me £20 and said its coz i need diesel and she's helping me out... I'm only asking for the rent she agreed on. I've got to pay again before the 20th and i don't know if she's going to pay me.
I've already decided she can buy her own feed from now on. Im only going to buy for my two. As we agreed £15 a month to help with feed which she's only ever given me twice since December. She then said she'd buy a bag of balancer every two weeks... but ive brought the last three... And we go through a bag every two weeks.


My OH wants me to give her a months notice to get of the field... But i dont want to as his siblings are involved in the horses too and i dont think she'll move her or she'll ditch me with her on the land and i cant sell her.
I want to have patience with her but im not sure how to go about it.
She did have a reason for not paying rent last time as her car died on her and she couldnt afford a new one straight away. So made a deal with a local mechanic to buy in two payments. Those two payments have been made and she was able to afford a full valet for the new car in between... so surely she could have paid me...

I just dont want to cause an arguement but i need her to pay me and sort her s**t out.



Adding on - Sorry for any typos or grammar issues in the above, as it was written on my phone whilst i was at work...
I am worried in regards to tomorrow when she comes to the field that she's going to try and make it so i can feed her horse, when i no longer really want to. I want to encourage some form of responsibility for her own horse. As at the moment she comes in once or twice a day, and sometimes brings water (as we have no access to water so have to bring it from home) as she has an outdoor tap, whereas we don't. We have to fill up bottles in the bath! Not got a problem, but that is literally all she does. Her horse poos too, yet she doesn't even attempt to poo pick, even if it was just a wheelbarrow a day... At the moment, i am having to try and stay up maybe with a short nap (as i finished work at 12am - and had to wait for my partner to finish his at nearly 1am), and try to go down early and get on top of this poo picking as it's been left for over a week now... She just doesn't do it. At all. Then moans when we all do it together, or if she and my partner do it and i go find something else to do, even if i'm doing something more important like organising my feed so that i can give it away to someone collecting it that day... It just seems to be getting very tedious. But i know if i say something it'll get taken the wrong way. She has dislocated her knees in the past, and i get she does struggle a bit with her knees, but i have a dislocated my knee in the past, have a fracture in my rib which refused to heal, a damaged nerve in my wrist and really bad joints... Perks of life eh? Even worse i have quite bad asthma, which is out of my control. So sometimes i really can't do too much as i knacker myself out too much to even get on with the basics. 
At the moment, she owes me £25 (£10 - Last months Field Rent, £15 - for last months feed)... And i'm terrified to ask for it, as the last time i did she told me she couldn't afford it as she had to pay for such and such for the car. :\ I get she has a broken down car, and had to get a new one for getting the kids to and from school, as i can't do it because i work. But not being funny, i work 5 days a week to pay for rent for my flat an field rent along with other stuff i have to pay for. It's at the point where i'm struggling to pay off things i owe myself because i'm having to pay for her horse! The deal was put in place, but i have no written agreement with her. Only proof of when she's paid via my diary and two bank payments. So don't think i'd even be able to take her to court if she doesn't pay for a while... It's just a really horrible situation to be in...


Sorry it is so long winded, and if you're reading this bit, thank you! And i'm so sorry...! And if you can throw you two cents in please do! As i have no clue what the next step is XD


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## Elles (Aug 15, 2011)

Sounds like you only have one choice, do what your OH says, tell his mum it's not working for you and you're sorry, but she'll have to leave. I wouldn't have someone who punches horses in the face within 10 miles of mine, so for me it's a no brainer, either she leaves or I do.

I hope you can resolve this. Good luck.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

Elles said:


> Sounds like you only have one choice, do what your OH says, tell his mum it's not working for you and you're sorry, but she'll have to leave. I wouldn't have someone who punches horses in the face within 10 miles of mine, so for me it's a no brainer, either she leaves or I do.
> 
> I hope you can resolve this. Good luck.


Me as well, I wouldn't let anybody who hit an animal get away with it.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

She won't get grass livery for £40 a month anywhere else. And most people would charge her a few quid a week for bringing their horse in and feeding it. I've had so many like this. I used to get to my yard about 05.30 so I could do my own, but there was always a joker who would ask, ''Can you just bring so-and-so in and give him his breakfast?''. The annoying thing was that a) they didn't have to go home, get changed and get ready for work, and b) they lived much closer to the yard than I did. And yes, I had the ones who would go away on two weeks' holiday having conveniently ''forgotten'' to pay their livery before they went. If she tries ''ditching'' you with her filly, call the World Horse Welfare and simply tell them the horse has been abandoned; that's what I had to do. WHW rang the owners and said if the ponies weren't move then the WHW would take them into care. They soon moved them. Poor you. 

ETA: I can never understand how people on benefits can afford to keep a horse...but they do. I imagine it's not insured...I may be wrong. You should really insist that she gets it insured; how do _you_ stand if it gets out and causes an accident?


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## grace88 (Jul 8, 2016)

hi, as above - shes lucky to find livery for 40 quid a month!!

seriously - give her notice - i wouldnt want anyone who punches a horse 10 meters near mine


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Such a long rant, very surprised OP hasn't come back.


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## MilleD (Feb 15, 2016)

Calvine said:


> Such a long rant, very surprised OP hasn't come back.


Maybe she's been buried in the field by the MIL!


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

MilleD said:


> Maybe she's been buried in the field by the MIL!


Should we search the muck heap?


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## RachJeremy (Sep 14, 2012)

Soooo sorry i didn't come back... Things went from bad to just pure awful! 

Basically, i always tried to avoid her, but was waiting for the right time to talk to her about moving or some other way of dealing with it... Turns out she'd done something herself. Due to being a manipulative cow, she went behind my back to speak to MY landlord and said i'd agreed to pay my 'half' which was more than hers... And she'd pay her the £40 direct... Landlord didn't think to double check with me... So OH's mum paid... Landlord didn't put two and two together when i paid the full field rent... 

Anyway. Cut forward, i go down one night to do my usual night checks and feeding my two, she knew i did this due to the battery's a thefts going on the area... And the hay unit she'd made had taken a beating and had a bit of wood sticking out... She'd also filled a water bucket with stagnant, brown, poo smelling water from an IBC which i'd told her she may as well drain when i move my colt from that field so he doesn't drink it... She had my only 25Litre bottle and we have no access to running water, so had to bring our own. She'd agreed to take all 25litres (she had 2 i had one) and a handful of 10 litres to fill up daily and bring down. I had about ten 10 litre bottles. But filling 10 bottles up daily was becoming a chore, as i'd get down at night and they'd have hardly any water where she'd only bring two 25L bottles down coz she couldn't fit anymore in the car because of two kids in the car... *rolls eyes*... Anyway, long story short, i messaged her as soon as i'd done all this, saying i'd moved the hay unit out, as it was sharp and dangerous, and i'd emptied and refilled the dirty bucket as they couldn't drink that, and asked if i could have my 25 litre bottle back so i didn't have to cram ten 10 litre bottles in my car every single day because she wasn't filling the IBC's or leaving me any bottles like she'd agreed. 
She snapped and told me i don't love my horses enough so i should sell them and stick to having cats and that i'm lazy... 

I ignored her for the better part of a week. And commented on a rant page i am on FB. About unemployment... I said the joke of it all, is most of the time it's the ones who don't have jobs that call people like me, who work full time and keep several horses, lazy... She flipped a nut again because i'd apparently called her a benefit scrounge (which she is - but i NEVER said anything along them lines on the post, you'd never even know it was about her, it was just a general assumption, that i tend to experience it's the people who don't have a job, and seem to think all younger people are lazy... When they work 9 hour shifts, 5 days a week and still manage to keep on top of 4-5 horses...)
She basically threatened to beat me up on voicemail and said i can't kick her off the field as she'd set up her own contract with landlord.... To which i phoned the landlord and said i'd never agreed to this, hence why i'd paid my normal rates! She tried to sort it, but due to an ex-colleague who'd become OH's mum's new BFF (Not that she'd like her much if she knew she'd tried to kill her own son... But lets be honest, why would OH's mum tell people that???) decided to threaten me too. So much so i had to phone the police and she got warned if she came near me or threatened me again she could be arrested on the spot... And yes she had used the "i'm a vulnerable woman" card due to her ex-husband 'stalking' her because she drove him crazy by cheating on him... And yes, me and my OH have caught her cheating on her husband with all three children in the house, whilst her husband at the time was away on a gig... With a local lad from the village who was YOUNGER than me and her son... Safe to say, i don't think much of her...

Anyway. I got permission to kick her off. But here's where it gets even more twisted... OH's mum goes to a little village school for the two younger kids... One of the mums is a parent there too. Who sadly was abused by her ex husband, so OH's mum feels the need to act like a "vulnerable woman" with her and get brownie points with being a "victim"... This lady, is friends with the landlord. And heard of it all and told her not to allow me to kick her off. So after i sent the text to say she had a month to leave. I get a message from Landlord saying she is setting up a contract with me and OH's mum, and she's not kicking anyone off. So after telling her everything OH's mum has done, she still didn't want her off... So damaging my horses, threatening me and trying to control my life and what i do, on top of that bullying both me and my OH constantly. Me and my OH made the decision...

We moved. We found the nearest and cheapest DIY livery we could and we went. It was technically "too far" really to be a long term fix. But it worked... We have since then moved again. But we are now keeping them 10 minute walk away from my doorstep. Which is really, really good. Only flipside, OH's mum now knows where we are, and has driven past several times and we are now having to go to lengths to make sure she doesn't turn up onto the yard or try to take my horses. As i feel like she may think she has rights to Tetley due to me agreeing to allow her son and daughter to 'share' him... And he somehow thinking she had a share in Skye... Luckily no paperwork is there, nor proof. As i brought Skye and Tetley myself and have both their passports. 
Also her friend from school came to my workplace and accused me of swearing at her in front of her child. Something i would never do. And proven innocent on CCTV too... I asked landlord to please tell her friend not to make up lies like that to get me in trouble, when it's not her place to get involved... To which landlord gave me a snotty reply saying i should not treat her friend like that and both of them do not wish to get involved with what went on between me and OH's mum... So WHY did she say i swore at her when i didn't??? I value my job thank you, and my managers trust me and know i wouldn't do that... *sighs*

Anyway. Vent over. But long story short. It went really really... REALLY awful. BUT, we are all now safe. Skye & Tetley are happy and well on a yard and have made some amazing friends. Skye is no longer headshy, and making improvements every day


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