# Cat unhappy in new home - please help!



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

Hi all, I think I was a member here a long time ago, and I could really do with some advice!!

I lost my precious rescue cat Smartie just over 5 months ago, and have just (Saturday) taken on a new kitty (Puddles), whose owner is moving abroad shortly.

I've had 2 previous cats, and don't remember having huge issues trying to get them settled in, even when I brought Smartie in to a house with an established cat; i like to think I'm pretty good at the settling in thing, but I'm starting to have huge doubts.

Puddles (I think she's about 4) came home with me on Saturday, and when I let her out of the cat-box, she had a few minutes sniffing of me and seemed OK. But very quickly she took up residence behind an armchair in my living room and hasn't come out since.

I've moved her food and water into the living room so she doesn't have to venture too far for comfort, and have put her toys etc down so she can see them. She's being fed in her own dishes, with her favourite food as well as some treats.

I've tried sitting on the floor and extending my hand to her nice and slowly, but so far the only response is snarling/spitting and scratching. I sit and talk to her, and haven't tried to force her out from her hidey-hole but I'm getting concerned that she's not eaten or drunk anything, or used her litter tray since she got here.

Today I had to go to work, so made sure the living room was all nice and warm and quiet, with everything she could need close by, and put the radio on low so she didn't feel too alone, but I think she's just stayed hidden all day 

I know moving to a new home for an adult cat (she's about 4) can be a hugely stressful experience, and I guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance that I haven't made any huge mistakes in the way I've tried to settle her in.

I've ordered some Pet Remedy calming spray and a diffuser to try to calm her down a little, but is there anything else I can do?? I don't want to have to admit defeat (and I know it's very early days at the mo), but all I want is a happy cat, as I hate to see her so stressed and unhappy!!

Sorry if I've rambled a bit - I'm so afraid she hates me and I don't know how to make it better!!


----------



## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

Poor you *hugs*
I'm not quite sure what to say or how to help but you seem to be doing everything the right way..

Romeo stuck to me like glue from the first moment we met.. but when we first got him I used to read a "Horrid Henry" book every day to him in a nice soft voice by the end of every book he'd be curled up on my lap.

Have you tried a really smelly food like tuna? A friend of mine looked after a very very nervous cat (it was a ridiculous situation to be honest - the cat hated men and loud noises.. my mate was a bloke who had house parties every week). The poor cat managed to get under the kitchen units and didn't come out for 3 days.. They honestly thought the cat managed to escape out of the house because they never saw or heard the cat in those 3 days.

In the end the cats owner came back and microwaved a fish of some sort (the smell of fish was wafting through the whole house) and she just left the plate of fish on the floor.. within about 5 minutes the cat appeared and tucked in!

Hopefully the spray and diffuser will help? I'm sure someone else will be along thats more helpful than me soon!

Good luck!


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

Thanks auspicious, I know I'm probably overreacting a wee bit!

Her fave catfood (Sheba) at room temperature makes my whole flat smell and I'd hoped that might be enough for her (I can't stand the smell of fish!!!), but
perhaps I need to just hold my nose and go for the smelly stuff!!! Will give it another day or so just in case!

I just feel so helpless - I saw her in her previous home and she was such a character I guess I thought it would be a piece of cake!!!


----------



## Tayto Girl (May 21, 2012)

We have our new rescue four weeks now - she spent the first 12 days under our bed! I got some terrific advice on here and she is now coming around really well - it will take more time but we are getting there.

Anyway some of the advice I got - 
Don't push it - let her come to you, ignore her and don't encroach on her 'safe spot'.
Read a book in a quiet voice while in the room with her - get her used to you without getting too close.
Encourage her with treats if she does come out.

Really it involves an awful lot of patience and pretending to ignore her. Once she has food/litter tray etc within reach she will be comfortable. 

I was really beginning to doubt that we were the right home for her but give it time, when she does come to you its :001_wub:

Oh - it took a couple of days for the litter tray issues to settle down and she didn't eat a huge amount either.


----------



## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

I am the queen of over reacting so don't worry!

What about shaking a dreamies bag or whiskas treats? Both of mine come running for that .. 

How much do you know about her? 
What I mean is I've found that 

Button (my oldest) - Will run for miles / come out of hiding for dreamies (she loves them)

Romeo - Loves high pitched energetic voice (the way you say "good boy" to a dog type voice), he loves FOOD will do anything for it , TOYS that rattle, feathers and toys that slowly move across the floor.

I guess its either a waiting game and hope that feliway works or trying to find something she loves so much that she forgets she's "hiding" and comes out!


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

Tayto, thank you!!! That's such a heart-warming story it's given me a real boost!!

It's daft cos the whole "give them space and time" thing is something I know all about, and I think I've just had a real crisis of confidence cos it hasn't all fallen into place within 5 minutes!!!

I am going to keep trying, and the reading thing is something I've been doing for the last couple of nights, so will keep it up!

Thanks guys, you've really helped me see the value of patience!


----------



## Tayto Girl (May 21, 2012)

Ha Ha - you didn't see my frantic posts over those 12 days  I thought I would never be allowed touch her!!

Its heartbreaking when you think that they are so miserable so I know how you feel. But we adore her now and she's turning into a real character, so try to relax and you'll get the cat that you saw back 

Let us know how things go


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

auspiciousmind said:


> I am the queen of over reacting so don't worry!
> 
> What about shaking a dreamies bag or whiskas treats? Both of mine come running for that ..
> 
> ...


I currently have four different flavours of Dreamies on standby, but the bag-shaking isn't getting her to move at the mo. I keep trying!!

Other than knowing she likes Sheba, I haven't got a huge amount of background info on her. I'll get a tin of fish in spring water and see if that tempts her (but a big bit of me hopes it doesn't or I'll be heaving all the time!) I know it's a waiting game, and I am definitely feeling better following everyone's comments - just need to trust my own instinct more and stop fretting so much!


----------



## valefarmhouse (Aug 10, 2012)

Could you give her a different room where she won't be disturbed ? Give her a den (maybe a covered dog crate with her litter tray and bed / food / water in too) Presume the diffuser you're getting is Feliway ? I've used the spray with good results before - you can use in on the cover of the den and her bedding too. 

I'd say just let her hide in peace and quiet and she'll come out when she's ready.

Keep us posted. Fingers crossed x


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

Tayto Girl said:


> Ha Ha - you didn't see my frantic posts over those 12 days  I thought I would never be allowed touch her!!
> 
> Its heartbreaking when you think that they are so miserable so I know how you feel. But we adore her now and she's turning into a real character, so try to relax and you'll get the cat that you saw back
> 
> Let us know how things go


THANK YOU!! You've made me feel so much better and I'll definitely be on here shouting and dancing the first time Puddles comes out for a cuddle!!


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

valefarmhouse said:


> Could you give her a different room where she won't be disturbed ? Give her a den (maybe a covered dog crate with her litter tray and bed / food / water in too) Presume the diffuser you're getting is Feliway ? I've used the spray with good results before - you can use in on the cover of the den and her bedding too.
> 
> I'd say just let her hide in peace and quiet and she'll come out when she's ready.
> 
> Keep us posted. Fingers crossed x


I've tried to turn my living room into "her" space so everything she might want/need is on hand, and I spend a couple of hours in it with her of an evening just talking to her in the hope she'll get used to my voice etc. I make sure she's not disturbed when I'm not in here with her.

The diffuser is Pet Remedy as opposed to Feliway, and I've read some good reviews of it. I've also ordered some Bach Flower Remedies to mix and try, providing she's actually drinking. I think it's just a case of more patience on my part!! :rolleyes5:


----------



## valefarmhouse (Aug 10, 2012)

I'm sure patience will out  sounds like you're doing everything right x


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

valefarmhouse said:


> I'm sure patience will out  sounds like you're doing everything right x


Am keeping my fingers crossed - all I want is a happy cat  She'll be spoilt rotten when she lets me!!! xx


----------



## CharlieChaplin (Dec 30, 2012)

When we got our cats around 6 weeks ago - we had one really shy one. We kept ours to the kitchen for the first few days so had no where to hide, but I believe it's advised for them to have a hidy hole - so it's good she had a 'safe place'. I didn't know this forum existed at the time so I didn't know that!

But anyway my shy cat - who hid under our sofa (getting stuck twice :rolleyes5: ) and who you couldn't walk past/pet without him running - now even gives me kisses  he still runs sometimes and seems to only like being petted in one room, but it's something

My tips are pretty much the same, she needs a quite safe place. Sit nearish it - not in her 'area' and just talk to her. Don't force yourself on her. Perhaps talk to her for a bit then leave her for a while and repeat. Then place a hand close to her and talk then leave her. She will come out - on her own terms and it must be scary in a new place but you are doing well  When she does come out try ignorning her. Let her sniff. If you want you could leave something that smells of you near her spot so she is used to your scent?

She may love the treats but cats won't eat them when they are scared. But when she finally does - lots of praise and then you can use them to your advantage! One thing I did read which I always do now is - when you feed them and they eat, don't just leave them - otherwise they know to use you. Sit there with her, perhpas a bit away but just talk to her. I sit with my boys and talk to them and then I could get closer and closer etc. 

I know its upsetting and frustrating, but she will get there and then you will be advising someone else of your story. Best of luck with her. Let us know how she gets one and remember photos


----------



## Quinzell (Mar 14, 2011)

we got MeMe when she was two years old. We let her have one of our spare rooms as her safe haven. She darted under the bed and stayed there for several days. I would go in the room and read my book out loud several times a day. I can't remember how long if took but she very slowly came around. I do remember having exactly the same concerns as you though. That was over a year ago and now she pretty much rules the roost in our house. She head butts us when she wants attention and is such an affectionate girl.

Give your girl time and she will soon be like MeMe.

It's wonderful that you have given her a new and obviously loving home.


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

CharlieChaplin said:


> When we got our cats around 6 weeks ago - we had one really shy one. We kept ours to the kitchen for the first few days so had no where to hide, but I believe it's advised for them to have a hidy hole - so it's good she had a 'safe place'. I didn't know this forum existed at the time so I didn't know that!
> 
> But anyway my shy cat - who hid under our sofa (getting stuck twice :rolleyes5: ) and who you couldn't walk past/pet without him running - now even gives me kisses  he still runs sometimes and seems to only like being petted in one room, but it's something
> 
> ...


Oh bless, thank you 

I'm definitely going to do the reading/talking to her thing more - just sitting in the chair closest to her hidey hole and let her get used to my voice. And while i did put a blanket that I'd slept with in the crate with her when I brought her home, it totally slipped my mind to leave it with her when she got home 
I'll make sure I leave an old nighty in the living room with her tonight!!

It's daft, but I had no problems getting two stranger cats to be happy together - but this little minx has me foxed!! I know it's only five months since I lost my silly princess, but the house has felt so empty since that I was stupidly hoping for everything to be back to kitty-cuddles in no time.

I'll definitely keep you updated on progress, and post photos when poor Puddles is less camera-shy! She's a real cutie!


----------



## kimberleyski (Nov 7, 2012)

You're doing everything right at the moment as everyone has said. When we got Frank he strolled out if his carrier like he owned the place. So it was a big of a shock when we got Dorothy and she hid for a week! 

We let her do what she wanted and when she did come out stayed very still and just talked to her. We've only had her 6 weeks now and she doesn't get off my lap if I'm sitting down!

Feels like she's always been here. It might take a while but it can take cats a while to trust, especially adult cats. But you will get there she'll soon learn she's in the best place x


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

LouiseH said:


> we got MeMe when she was two years old. We let her have one of our spare rooms as her safe haven. She darted under the bed and stayed there for several days. I would go in the room and read my book out loud several times a day. I can't remember how long if took but she very slowly came around. I do remember having exactly the same concerns as you though. That was over a year ago and now she pretty much rules the roost in our house. She head butts us when she wants attention and is such an affectionate girl.
> 
> Give your girl time and she will soon be like MeMe.
> 
> It's wonderful that you have given her a new and obviously loving home.


Again, THANK YOU!! I can't believe how great you guys all are!!! I'm definnitely feeling more confident 

I'm getting ready to go to bed and leave Puddles to it now, but I am going to go and sit and read to her for an hour beforehand.

I knew before I took her on that there might be difficulties bringing her in from a home where she was settled and happy, but I couldn't bear to think of her going to a shelter (which she would have had to, as her humans have sold the home she lived in). Having lost Smartie to cancer at 15, and realising how much I missed having a cat around, it seemed such a perfect solution. I reckon I'm just having a wobble and all will be well  Keeping fingers and paws crossed!!


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

kimberleyski said:


> You're doing everything right at the moment as everyone has said. When we got Frank he strolled out if his carrier like he owned the place. So it was a big of a shock when we got Dorothy and she hid for a week!
> 
> We let her do what she wanted and when she did come out stayed very still and just talked to her. We've only had her 6 weeks now and she doesn't get off my lap if I'm sitting down!
> 
> Feels like she's always been here. It might take a while but it can take cats a while to trust, especially adult cats. But you will get there she'll soon learn she's in the best place x


Thank you!!!!!! Am perfecting the art of keeping still and calm, so hopefully I'll have a curious, sociable cat before too much longer


----------



## ella (Jan 1, 2009)

My cat Bibi hid for several weeks under my bed, it's taken over a year but now she trusts me. 

She went missing for ten days a couple of months after I got her, and my vet suggested Zylkene (a supplement, try a quick search on the site) to help her calm down and increase confidence. It worked!

One thing did get Bibi out of hiding- rod toys! I would sit on the bed and dangle the toy down so she could see it, she couldn't resist chasing it, increasing time playing with and talking to her until she would at least tolerate me a bit. Da Bird is a good toy- I can swish it and as soon as she hears it she will run into the room to play.


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Muffin, you are doing all the right things staying calm and patiently waiting for Puddles to come to you when she is ready.  However, make sure she does not go without food for more than 48 hours as this can lead to liver problems (lipidosis). 

It is most likely she will come out of hiding and eat when you have gone to bed and the house is all quiet. So leave plenty of freshly opened tasty wet foods out for her at night, as well as fresh water. Hopefully you will find in the morning inroads have been made into the food, even if she is back to hiding behind the sofa again. 

The reading aloud and the fishing rod or wand toys are definitely recommended. As is a course of Zylkene (a supplement which you sprinkle on food.)

Best of luck


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

Thanks all 

There does appear to be a little bit of progress, thankfully! When I came in to see Puddles before work this morning, I noticed that she'd eaten the Dreamies I'd put out for her as well as a wee bit of food - so at least I'm not fretting so much about that now.

And having come home from work, I was pleased to find even more treats and a bit more food had gone, that she'd used her litter tray, and that she's moved to a new hidey hole (I felt like a real ninny after spending 5 mins talking to the place where she had been, after I peered around the corner to find she wasn't there!!! Cue 5 mins hunting to see where she'd relocated to! )

And even more relief that I wasn't snarled/spat or swiped at when I went to say hello! Not exactly welcomed with open arms, but baby steps forward are fine.

I've been looking at Da Bird and I think I'm going to have to give it a try as I am certain she'll find it irresistible! Wish I'd seen the Zooplus version before I placed my order on Sunday tho - still waiting for the courier to drop that off.

So, feeling more positive today - thank you!!!! :dita:


----------



## Tayto Girl (May 21, 2012)

Thats really good news  Sounds like she is settling in now and hopefully every day you will see another step forward!


----------



## CharlieChaplin (Dec 30, 2012)

This is great news. Fantastic that she has eaten, and great that she isn't hissing/spitting. Just keep up with what your doing and soon I am sure she will be ruling the roost!


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

well, I thought I'd post a quick update and thank everyone for their great advice and reassurance 

10 days in and Puddles is definitely starting to settle in - to the extent where she comes and watches m e on the loo! She's still a wee bit nervy, but is getting braver as each day passes. Today, she went nuts when I brought her Feather Frenzy home - funniest thing ever!! And the fact that she came bouncing to the front door when I got home from work really made m y day!

Only thing that's a wee bit worrying is that I've noticed on two occasions now that she appears to have vomited poo (solid poo, as if she's taken it from the litter tray). I know that there can be behavioural issues behind this, so I'm hoping this will pass, but it's not something I've ever come across before.

Obviously if she does it much more, I'll take her to the vet for a check-up but I've spoken to her previous owners and they say she's never done it before, so I'm hoping it's just a phase related to her settling in here.

Anything I can do to stop her doing it???


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Muffin, as far as I am aware cats _never_ eat their own faeces. The only time a cat would eat faeces would be if she were a mother nursing baby kittens, in which case she would be cleaning up their kittens' urine and faeces to keep the "nest" clean.

Are you 100% certain your cat is actually vomiting faeces i.e. not just 
poo-shaped vomit, but the deposits definitely smell like faeces? The only way I know of this occurring is if there is an intestinal blockage, so food cannot pass through the gut, in which case it gets partially digested and then vomited. But that is a serious condition, which would need veterinary intervention.


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

When I came across the pile earlier, I tried to have a good look, but I don't have the strongest of stomachs! 

The more I think about it, the more likely I think it is that it was just a hairball, as it was dark-coloured (Pudds is black), and didn't smell overly poo-like. Haven't had to deal with hairballs for a while, so forgot that they can be quite "neat"

Plus, Pudds is using the litter tray quite happily and regularly!!! I will deffo keep an eye on her and double-check it's not poo, though.


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Ah yes -- hairballs -- that was what I was wondering it might be! As you say they do get regurgitated as neat little sausage shapes, looking rather like poo. 

If she is using the litter tray normally/regularly then she does not have an intestinal blockage, and is not vomiting almost digested food. And I am certain she is not eating her own poo! 

If it is hairballs then she may need a good groom every day, and maybe some Beaphar hairball paste.


----------



## Jansheff (Jan 31, 2011)

It's lovely reading about the progress she's made. This is when this forum is at it's best, when people come on for advice and they are reassured and helped by people who have experienced the same thing before. Now we need some photos


----------



## marleyboo (Oct 24, 2011)

muffin ! don`t give up whatever you do, when we adopted max he was already 2 years old , we knew it would be tricky.

i guess i didn`t realise how hard, he literally lived under our bedroom for around 6 weeks, i cooked chicken for him and a variety off yummies , he would not eat i was so concerned , gradually he started to eat and i gained his trust by laying on the floor by the bed talking to him offering him food and letting him come to me, a year on and we are inseperable ! 

at one time i considered contacting the breeder and returning him  purely because he was so frightened and unhappy i felt it was me he hated.... i realised it just takes longer for him to adjust.

i am almost certain your cat will come around and pretty soon be part off the furniture!  x


----------



## muffin789 (Jan 28, 2013)

Here are a couple of pics of Pudds to show you how well she's settling in now - it's still slow progress, but she's getting braver and more settled every day!



















And a wee bit of video - this is the point I knew we'd be OK!!

Thanks again to everyone who posted advice and reassurance - we both really appreciate it!!


----------



## spid (Nov 4, 2008)

Aw, she's looking very beautiful there! :001_wub: Glad she is feeling more settled.


----------



## GingerJasper (Oct 29, 2012)

Puddles is stunning. :001_wub: What a great corner you have turned with her. It's a great feeling.

I had the same feeling this morning after waking up to find Alfie asleep between me & OH. When I whispered to OH what Alfie was doing he said he'd been there ages. Jasper was at the bottom of the bed so I think he was missing his 2.30am playmate. Gave up trying to get him to play and fell asleep.

We've only have him 3 weeks and he spends most of his time under the dinning table.

Well done Muffin your getting there


----------



## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

What a very beautiful cat Puddles is!:001_wub: Well done Muffin for helping her settle in so well!


----------

