# Am I to blame - feeding a cat and letting it stay over?



## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

Posted this in another anxiery forum but need some advice from pet owners...

Oh man just had a ear bashing from a cat owner regarding her tabby. Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.Just really shook up by the whole situation, I can feel it festering and my anxiety sky rocketing as I feel like I done something extremely bad and it sort of reinforced me not going out in case I see her again. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, I hope it makes sense but just feel crap now.

However, was what I did wrong?, I didn't mean any harm but he kept coming over and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.


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## Lunabuma (Dec 12, 2011)

I'd be pretty angry if a neighbour started feeding my cats. I'm sure you can make amends with a note through the door to explain your situation, not knowing the cat was owned etc. 

I personally wouldn't rant and rave a someone though - it sounds like your neighbours approach was out of order. Pets can stir up such high emotions though, they are like our children.


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## LittlePancakeTheExotic (Jun 17, 2013)

I don't think you should beat yourself over looking after the little cat; however, for next time perhaps you could ask around the neighbourhood or take it to a vets to be scanned for a chip. I suppose the thing to remember in all of this is that the pets' owner might have been very anxious him/herself missing the cat. You did the right thing by looking after it but there's always the worried owner who might be upset and not see it the right way. 

But like I said, don't be too hard on yourself! Better than ignoring it and letting it starve (if it was a stray for instance).

Happy New Year


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

Thank, she was very upset and I didn't know as I never owned a cat before. Afterwards I was in an emotional turmoil as I needed to speak to someone but I couldn't as my counsellor was away for Christmas. I was so scared I did something wrong, I just didn't know and I was extremely apologetic in explaining it. We don't open the doors any more just in case and we ignore her but she keeps coming back as the owner lets her out at night.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

Lunabuma said:


> I'd be pretty angry if a neighbour started feeding my cats. I'm sure you can make amends with a note through the door to explain your situation, not knowing the cat was owned etc.
> 
> I personally wouldn't rant and rave a someone though - it sounds like your neighbours approach was out of order. Pets can stir up such high emotions though, they are like our children.


I'm sorry, like I said I really didn't know and the cat was there and it sort of uplifted my spirits as he kept coming back. I didn't mean any ill will.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

Gosh Im so sorry you got yelled at for that! Considering the cat could have been off licking antifreeze in someones parking spot or all the other dangers posed to animals at large, Id be thankful that the only harm that came to the cat is that some nice person fed her and offered her a warm place to hang out. 

What is wrong with people? Geez....

How were you supposed to know the cat was owned? You did something nice and kind, please dont beat yourself up!


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## OrientalSlave (Jan 26, 2012)

If your cat has vanished so far as you can tell then yes, you might well be pretty upset if you find out a neighbour has (as you see it) enticed your cat. So that in my view is why she is upset.

It happened to me and worse still when my cat became ill they simply dumped him at the local shelter - their house was only just beyond the area I had leafleted as I didn't know there was a front door where it was. Thankfully he was chipped and I got him back. He wouldn't wear a collar, but I gave them a heads up when one stayed on for a couple of days.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

ouesi said:


> Gosh Im so sorry you got yelled at for that! Considering the cat could have been off licking antifreeze in someones parking spot or all the other dangers posed to animals at large, Id be thankful that the only harm that came to the cat is that some nice person fed her and offered her a warm place to hang out.
> 
> What is wrong with people? Geez....
> 
> How were you supposed to know the cat was owned? You did something nice and kind, please dont beat yourself up!


We do live outside a car park, it doesn't justify it but I just thought it looked hungry and I explained to her we didn't want to steal her as we didn't know about a owner. I thought cats would have a collar or tags?, maybe I been watching too many cartoons. She also lost her brother too whom she can't find, which is a chubbier version of the tabby.


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## GingerJasper (Oct 29, 2012)

You did nothing wrong except feeding a little furry out on a nightime wander. If the owner didn't want the cat to be fed by anyone else she shouldn't have let it out or got it a collar that says 'special diet pls don't feed'.

Not your fault you were doing a kind thing. Well done.


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## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

monsterism said:


> Posted this in another anxiery forum but need some advice from pet owners...
> 
> Oh man just had a ear bashing from a cat owner regarding her tabby. Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.Just really shook up by the whole situation, I can feel it festering and my anxiety sky rocketing as I feel like I done something extremely bad and it sort of reinforced me not going out in case I see her again. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, I hope it makes sense but just feel crap now.
> 
> However, was what I did wrong?, I didn't mean any harm but he kept coming over and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.


Hi 

Sorry you're having a hard time from your neighbor, cat owners can become a little  when it comes to their cats. I know I certainly do.

If you genuinely did it because you didn't think the tabby had an owner then you just need to explain that to your neighbor and just make sure you don't feed it or let it in again. If your neighbor doesn't except that then that his/ her problem. If it carries on then it is harassment.

I suffer with moderate to severe anxiety myself (it's linked to my depression) so I know what it's like to feel how you are feeling. You NEED to go out , staying in is not the answer (hypocrite I know - I stayed in my house for 6 weeks once!). If you don't go out and you let this fester it's only going to get worse. Remind your self that you did a GOOD thing by allowing what you thought was a stray to stay and be fed. You are NOT a horrible person.

x


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## petergettins (Sep 23, 2011)

I'm sure the owner was annoyed, but if you allow your cat to roam then things like this will happen especially if they don't wear a collar. I've heard of cats getting fed by several households every day. You weren't doing it maliciously and you genuinely didn't know it had an owner. There are polite ways of asking someone not to feed your cat, they didn't need to bite your head off. Don't get upset about it. One thing I would suggest though for the future is that you can get paper collars from the RPSCA website where you write on there that the cat has been frequenting your property, put your tel no on & if there is an owner they can get in touch.

http://content.www.rspca.org.uk/cms...goBlobs&blobwhere=1232998019753&ssbinary=true


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

auspiciousmind said:


> Hi
> 
> Sorry you're having a hard time from your neighbor, cat owners can become a little  when it comes to their cats. I know I certainly do.
> 
> ...


Thanks I did try to tell her the second time she came over again, but I think she was emotional and confrontational because of what happened. I tried to explain that it was never out intention to lure her cat away as I didn't know it had an owner, I presumed as mentioned they have a collar or something in case such a thing happens.I have not closed all the doors and windows, I haven't gone of the house yet though I need to but I'm scared I see her again and plus the cat is meowing outside my house which I hope she goes away. Dad is ballistic and very angry at me and I just feel outside of forums I have noone to talk to about this.

Like you I suffer from depression I'm on medication and getting treatment for my anxiety because I don't go out of the house for months. I know its silly but its difficult to explain to people why this happens. I'm just lonely and the cat coming cheered me up as it was like a friend who popped round day after day.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

Thank you for the replies everyone, as sad it sounds I'm getting teary eyed reading them.

EDIT:Cat is back outside meowing, we're ignoring it but will it learn and go away?.


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## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

It might be worth making a loud noise? Clanging pots or even spraying some water at it (not nice I know!) but it may prevent the cat from coming back?

Have you thought about getting yourself your own cat? My animals have all helped me immensely with my problems.. They always seem to know the right thing to do. Something stupid to make you laugh or a cuddle to let you know they are their.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

monsterism said:


> Thanks I did try to tell her the second time she came over again, but I think she was emotional and confrontational because of what happened. I tried to explain that it was never out intention to lure her cat away as I didn't know it had an owner, I presumed as mentioned they have a collar or something in case such a thing happens.I have not closed all the doors and windows, I haven't gone of the house yet though I need to but I'm scared I see her again and plus the cat is meowing outside my house which I hope she goes away. Dad is ballistic and very angry at me and I just feel outside of forums I have noone to talk to about this.
> 
> Like you I suffer from depression I'm on medication and getting treatment for my anxiety because I don't go out of the house for months. I know its silly but its difficult to explain to people why this happens. I'm just lonely and the cat coming cheered me up as it was like a friend who popped round day after day.





monsterism said:


> Thank you for the replies everyone, as sad it sounds I'm getting teary eyed reading them.
> 
> EDIT:Cat is back outside meowing, we're ignoring it but will it learn and go away?.


What a rotten situation...
Is it your dad whos angry? Why?

If it were me, Id contact the owners and let them know the cat is outside meowing and could they please come and fetch her. I really think its HUGELY unfair that these owners not only let their cat come on to YOUR property and bother you, but then on top of that attack you for being kind to the cat.

The more I think about it, the more annoyed Im getting with the owners of this cat. I think Id be calling and saying either come get your cat or Im turning it in to the pound and they can pay the fee to get her back.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

if mine kept wandering over to you for attention, it would be me apologising not the other way around! The cat owner should take more responsibility if he/she keeps letting it out.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

auspiciousmind said:


> It might be worth making a loud noise? Clanging pots or even spraying some water at it (not nice I know!) but it may prevent the cat from coming back?
> 
> Have you thought about getting yourself your own cat? My animals have all helped me immensely with my problems.. They always seem to know the right thing to do. Something stupid to make you laugh or a cuddle to let you know they are their.


She has a camera she says pointed towards our house, so I don't want to risk seen being mean to the cat.

I wish to get a cat but my dad is against it because of the costs which I can understand as we're under strain financially as I' not working. I would love one though because it has helped me not dwell on my depression and anxiety so much as I have someone to look after. However, my dad is not a tolerant man and he has a temper which is vicious at times so I don't wish to get him angry.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

ouesi said:


> What a rotten situation...
> Is it your dad whos angry? Why?
> 
> If it were me, Id contact the owners and let them know the cat is outside meowing and could they please come and fetch her. I really think its HUGELY unfair that these owners not only let their cat come on to YOUR property and bother you, but then on top of that attack you for being kind to the cat.
> ...


he's just outside meowing, is it wrong for me to ask her if the owner comes round again to keep it indoors?. I don't want to tell her to do things but one of the things which upset me was when she brought the cat over she was angry and saw that the cat ran upstairs, saying he doesn't recognise her anymore. Now we're doing everything possible to avoid contact with the cat but I don't want to cause any more trouble but like I said she has lost another cat already so I don't want to get blamed if this ones goes again.


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

That´s what happens when cats roam, they go into properties and some people feed them. Don´t beat yourself about it as you thought you were doing something good. The owner is way out of line coming to shout at you. You do seem like a caring person who might be looking to own your own cat?


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

monsterism said:


> *She has a camera she says pointed towards our house, so I don't want to risk seen being mean to the cat. *
> 
> I wish to get a cat but my dad is against it because of the costs which I can understand as we're under strain financially as I' not working. I would love one though because it has helped me not dwell on my depression and anxiety so much as I have someone to look after. However, my dad is not a tolerant man and he has a temper which is vicious at times so I don't wish to get him angry.


What?!?! Are you kidding me?!!!
Is that even legal?! Arent there like Peeping Tom laws or something? Thats just insane. 
Honestly? Call her (or have your parents call her) and tell her to come get the cat or youre going to call animal control (or whoever the equivalent would be in the UK). Id let an outside source handle this, this woman sounds like a bit of a screwball to put it mildly....


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

they don't cost a lot to be honest. Mine aren't insured, risk isn't high enough as the road is quiet, and feeding them doesn't cost a lot. I don't see a lot of difference financially from not buying their food. But I am in work which I suppose will make a difference. If you are on a low income, you could make use of the PDSA for any veterinary treatments needed, plus most rescues have a fair donation of only £60 which includes vaccinations and any neutering necessary.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

It's not ok for your neighbour to shout at you. Even if they disagree with what you did, they should have explained it calmly and politely.

Anyone who lets their cat out without a collar should be aware that someone else could feed their cat. After all, many cats are friendly and will accept food from people who aren't their owners. There isn't an easy solution, except to politely request that neighbours don't feed the cat.

Also, people who don't know much about cats might feed them saucers of milk, which cats love, but which can give them a runny bum. So as a cat owner I'd really prefer people not to feed milk to my cats! But I wouldn't shout at anyone.

Clearly your heart was in the right place because you thought it was a stray, and it's a shame if you let an angry neighbour scare you so much that you're too anxious to go out. Instead of worrying about whether you did something wrong, remember that your neighbour definitely did something wrong! They shouldn't have shouted at you, and you don't deserve to be shouted at.

What about the suggestion another poster made - could you get a cat of your own? Having a cat can also be very good for people with depression or anxiety


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

Wiz201 said:


> they don't cost a lot to be honest. Mine aren't insured, risk isn't high enough as the road is quiet, and feeding them doesn't cost a lot. I don't see a lot of difference financially from not buying their food. But I am in work which I suppose will make a difference. If you are on a low income, you could make use of the PDSA for any veterinary treatments needed, plus most rescues have a fair donation of only £60 which includes vaccinations and any neutering necessary.


You could look into it, my cat helped me a lot with my depression but if you really can´t, have you considered volunterring at a shelter? they do give a kind of love that is very special


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

merlin12 said:


> You could look into it, my cat helped me a lot with my depression but if you really can´t, have you considered volunterring at a shelter? they do give a kind of love that is very special


This is a great suggestion, and volunteering will get you out of the house


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

merlin12 said:


> You could look into it, my cat helped me a lot with my depression but if you really can´t, have you considered volunterring at a shelter? they do give a kind of love that is very special


I have to look into it, I admit its lonely at home with me and when my dad comes back from work so working at a shelter sounds great. At the moment I have to control my anxiety to a level where I can go out, but I do really want a cat and just have a normal life.

I'm really grateful for the supportful comments everyone, I know this question may have sounded odd but I was at my wits end and I can't sleep because I'm so worried that she may come again or threaten me with the Police. I'm trying to be a good person to myself and my dad who I love lots since mom passed away from cancer but I'm sorry for troubling you all.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Ah, just saw more recent posts.

I'm pretty sure people are only allowed to point cameras at their own property. If she really has a camera pointed at your house (which I doubt unless she's actually quite unstable), you could report her - it infringes your right to privacy.

If your dad has a vicious temper, it's not too surprising you're anxious. When I was in my late teens my dad went through a bad-tempered phase and I was walking on egg shells. So you have my sympathies.

Maybe you could look into the cost of different kinds of cat food and cat litter and present your dad with an informed argument about how much exactly it would cost? It's often easier to discuss real figures than imaginary ones.


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## carly87 (Feb 11, 2011)

Have you considered signing up and volunteering for your local cat charity? You could go do some cat cuddling a few days a week. Not only would it give you your feel good cat fix, but it would give you encouragement to leave your house. A win win for everyone.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

ouesi said:


> What?!?! Are you kidding me?!!!
> Is that even legal?! Arent there like Peeping Tom laws or something? Thats just insane.
> Honestly? Call her (or have your parents call her) and tell her to come get the cat or youre going to call animal control (or whoever the equivalent would be in the UK). Id let an outside source handle this, this woman sounds like a bit of a screwball to put it mildly....


That was what she said when she came round, she's be checking when my lights are on in my bedroom too. Its why I don't turn on my lights at the moment and use the monitor in the dark.

She does seem distressed and I understand as a pet owner why she is upset but I don't want to cause any more trouble that can come back to my dad or any legal issues.


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## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

monsterism said:


> She has a camera she says pointed towards our house, so I don't want to risk seen being mean to the cat.
> 
> I wish to get a cat but my dad is against it because of the costs which I can understand as we're under strain financially as I' not working. I would love one though because it has helped me not dwell on my depression and anxiety so much as I have someone to look after. However, my dad is not a tolerant man and he has a temper which is vicious at times so I don't wish to get him angry.


Their is a law against having a camera pointing towards your house. I understand with your anxiety you don't really want to get into an argument about that though. You could make "snake" noises we call them in our house the "TSSSSSS TSSSS" noise.

Sorry to hear about your dad. My dad was similar when I was growing up (he died when I was 16) I understand why he was like that though, He served in the army for 20+ years and saw some dreadful things. I loved and still love my dad a LOT but in hindsight both my parents issues are contributory to my mental health problems. Moving out was the best thing I have ever done - Not because I hate my mum (in fact I adore her) but her problems and her sadness dragged me down. Might be worth thinking about?

If you definitely can't get a cat/dog then I think working in a rescue would be an AMAZING idea.

I started Uni in September (I applied in 2010 but I pretended I needed the toilet before my interview and ran away , broke down having a panic attack!). This year I got my ass to the interview, did really well and they told me I'd been accepted.. The first day of Uni I absolutely dreaded it.. I needed the toilet every 5 minutes etc.. I'm 3 months in now and I have LOADS of new friends , I smile more than I cry and I even stood up and did a presentation  !! What I'm trying to say is... Get yourself out there, throw yourself into uncomfortable situations and you will feel so much better about yourself! If I can do it.. So can you!

(Sorry - I just saw so many things in what you write that I know I have in myself and just wanted to give you a big virtual hug!)


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

monsterism said:


> That was what she said when she came round, she's be checking when my lights are on in my bedroom too. Its why I don't turn on my lights at the moment and use the monitor in the dark.
> 
> She does seem distressed and I understand as a pet owner why she is upset but I don't want to cause any more trouble that can come back to my dad or any legal issues.


No... no, no, no, and NO. This goes beyond a pet cat issue now and you are being made to feel unsafe in your own home and that is NOT okay.

Let me repeat, you have a right to feel safe in your own home.

In the US this type of behavior constitutes a type of harassment and it IS illegal.
I dont know the first thing about UK law, or who the appropriate authorities would be, but if this is true, IMHO you need to get the authorities involved. What this woman is doing to you is not okay and you do not have to stand for it.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

Aeschylus said:


> Ah, just saw more recent posts.
> 
> I'm pretty sure people are only allowed to point cameras at their own property. If she really has a camera pointed at your house (which I doubt unless she's actually quite unstable), you could report her - it infringes your right to privacy.
> 
> ...


Its one of the main reasons for my depression and anxiety. I used to get hit by him daily and beaten with sticks if I didn't show respect, get good grades etc. Then it got worse as I got bullied in school because I was Chinese and I had no support from home so I had to just endure it.

Regarding costs its something to keep in mind but at the moment I don't want to rock the boat as much as I want a cat. My dad now older has chilled out in age but he's still a mean person when he's in a foul mood and money always is one of the triggers.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

auspiciousmind said:


> Their is a law against having a camera pointing towards your house. I understand with your anxiety you don't really want to get into an argument about that though. You could make "snake" noises we call them in our house the "TSSSSSS TSSSS" noise.
> 
> Sorry to hear about your dad. My dad was similar when I was growing up (he died when I was 16) I understand why he was like that though, He served in the army for 20+ years and saw some dreadful things. I loved and still love my dad a LOT but in hindsight both my parents issues are contributory to my mental health problems. Moving out was the best thing I have ever done - Not because I hate my mum (in fact I adore her) but her problems and her sadness dragged me down. Might be worth thinking about?
> 
> ...


Thank you, its so similar in many respects. I apply for jobs and when I they were interested in an interview I go but then because of the fear and panic I don't turn up for the interview even though I paid for the fare and prepared everything.

Congrats on the Uni front, I done Uni but I wish I could go back as it was one of the happiest times in my life. I had friends, people who cared about me and while I had issues it was generally a nice time in my life. At the moment everything seems bleak but I'm getting help for my condition but I'm finding the drugs can only do so much and getting counselling is a long wait at times.

Thank you for the virtual hug, its one I really do need now.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

monsterism said:


> I'm so worried that she may come again or threaten me with the Police. I'm trying to be a good person to myself and my dad who I love lots since mom passed away from cancer but I'm sorry for troubling you all.


You're not troubling anyone - it's nice to get to know new people!

If your neighbour comes back, say, "Don't shout at me. That's disrespectful." You can practise in front of the mirror  You're allowed to refuse to engage with people who shout at you. Your neighbour needs to learn that she can't just come over and shout when she's unhappy about something.

You haven't committed any crimes, so I can't think the police would be remotely interested.

And sorry to hear about your mom's death. It's never easy.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

ouesi said:


> No... no, no, no, and NO. This goes beyond a pet cat issue now and you are being made to feel unsafe in your own home and that is NOT okay.
> 
> Let me repeat, you have a right to feel safe in your own home.
> 
> ...


Thank you, I think its because my anxiety is making me act this way. Plus the woman has a daughter and I don't want to cause any trouble for her family. despite all this. All she wants back is her cat which I understand.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

I understand you are upset at being yelled at, but the owner was probably worried sick about her cat being lost. Just check out this forum for threads on missjng cats and you will understand what hell she went through.
I do not agree with peolle who say that people who let their at roam have it coming to them. Some cats simply want to go out and that is no reason for someone else to lure them away from home. If a cat looks healthy and well fed he will have a home.
I can well imagine he lifted your spirits. Cats do have that talent. Maybe you should look into adopting or fostering a cat....


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> I understand you are upset at being yelled at, but the owner was probably worried sick about her cat being lost. Just check out this forum for threads on missjng cats and you will understand what hell she went through.
> I do not agree with peolle who say that people who let their at roam have it coming to them. Some cats simply want to go out and that is no reason for someone else to lure them away from home. If a cat looks healthy and well fed he will have a home.
> I can well imagine he lifted your spirits. Cats do have that talent. Maybe you should look into adopting or fostering a cat....


I don't know if you've read the whole thread, but there wasn't any luring. And in my view shouting at people is not a reasonable response, not even in these circumstances. As further posts indicate, the issue isn't simply about the neighbour being worried about her cat.

Of course some cats want to go out, but if they make new friends and adopt other people, it shouldn't be dealt with by shouting. Being upset is not a valid excuse for treating other people disrespectfully.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

monsterism said:


> Thank you, I think its because my anxiety is making me act this way. Plus the woman has a daughter and I don't want to cause any trouble for her family. despite all this. All she wants back is her cat which I understand.


Oh honey, please stop blaming yourself.

You did nothing wrong. Your heart was in the right place, you acted in kindness towards an animal and please dont let anyone make you feel bad for that.

This woman is out of line, you know that though dont you? Your dad is too....

You dont deserve to be treated badly by anyone. NO ONE deserves to be treated the way you are being treated.

Can you step out of yourself for a minute and look at yourself from the eyes of a friend? If this were a friend of yours being treated the way you are being treated, what would you say to your friend? What would you encourage her to do? You deserve no less.

I know its scary, I know change is hard, but the only person who is going to be able to make things better for you is you. Start by being a friend to yourself and finding inside of you the courage to stand up for yourself - in however small a way. Baby steps. But really, try to do something proactive for yourself. It may be simply keeping your light on. Making a commitment to volunteer. Find something small but purposeful, and do it. You will feel so much better, empowered. And then from there you can build up more empowerment. There are a ton of us here who are rooting for you.  Chin up hun


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

Aeschylus said:


> Being upset is not a valid excuse for treating other people disrespectfully.


Exactly.
Or putting a camera on their house.
Or telling them theyre watching when their light comes on.
Or threatening people.


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

monsterism said:


> That was what she said when she came round, she's be checking when my lights are on in my bedroom too. Its why I don't turn on my lights at the moment and use the monitor in the dark.
> 
> She does seem distressed and I understand as a pet owner why she is upset but I don't want to cause any more trouble that can come back to my dad or any legal issues.


Sorry if someone else addressed this, but are there not stalker laws in the UK? Pointing cameras at people's houses to watch them and checking when lights are on to make someone feel like a prisoner in their own home is clearly the sign of a deranged mind and should be illegal if it's not. I'd call the police.


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## cinder (Jun 2, 2013)

*monsterism*, maybe you should call the non-emergency police number and seek some advice from them? It sounds like this has gone way beyond the issue of you feeding someone else's cat. This whole business about her having a camera pointed at your house and monitoring when your lights are on is way out of order and a very inappropriate response.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this on top of your existing anxiety issues.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> I understand you are upset at being yelled at, but the owner was probably worried sick about her cat being lost. Just check out this forum for threads on missjng cats and you will understand what hell she went through.
> I do not agree with peolle who say that people who let their at roam have it coming to them. Some cats simply want to go out and that is no reason for someone else to lure them away from home. If a cat looks healthy and well fed he will have a home.
> I can well imagine he lifted your spirits. Cats do have that talent. Maybe you should look into adopting or fostering a cat....


I know everyone is different, but if my cat went missing and I found out he was safe and sound being well cared for by someone else, Id be eternally grateful to that person for showing kindness to one of my animals. The last thing Id think to do was berate them or verbally assault them.


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

To follow on to this, I don't think the cat was ever lost or missing. It sounds like the "owner" lets it out to wander every night and it heads to the OPs house. So, she's not worried sick about her missing cat at all, she's just mad that someone else is caring for it. Perhaps she might try keeping her cat in at night instead of harassing people with kind hearts.


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## korrok (Sep 4, 2013)

First off, I sympathise with your anxiety issues. I have severe anxiety myself which often keeps me in the house.

Second, you've not done anything BAD. You didn't kidnap the woman's cat. You gave it something to eat, and let it in your house, and while certainly many people wouldn't be happy with that and might be a bit annoyed at the idea, absolutely no one should be yelling at you for it - that is an over-the-top reaction, utterly uncalled for. A civilized conversation where the owner explained why they would like you to stop is all that would have been needed.

Clearly though, if what you say is true about the cameras and the watching the lights, the cat issue is neither here nor there. Your neighbour is nutty, hostile and vicious, trying to intimidate you and have a go at you in any way she can - unfortunately crazies like this just exist. You can either ignore at her and laugh at her, because she most certainly has a screw loose, or if you feel she has gone too far (which I think is probably the case) I would get the police involved. It doesn't matter that she has a family or children - if she's acting like this to you, think how she could be acting to those children or to others.

I would agree with those who suggest that for you, volunteering with cats is a good idea until you can move out and get your own cat. Getting my two has done more for me than years and years of therapy and pills ever did. Cat rescues/shelters always need people who will just spend time socialising the cats, cuddling them etc and the love/company of some non-humans could be hugely beneficial for your mental state. Best of luck.


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## cinder (Jun 2, 2013)

Just another quick point re. the police, I believe that if you ring the non-emergency number they will make a record of the conversation, which could be useful if the situation were to escalate. I've had some dealings with the 101 team at local constabulary regarding a different issue, and they were really friendly and helpful.


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## jaxson (Nov 4, 2013)

Was really not going to post again but i cant stand this. Yes sounds like the neighbout has overstepped the mark spmewhat but the cat is hers. Stop telling the op thst she was being kind and did nothing wrong. Its horrid when ypur cat is being fed by spmepne elde and ypu hardly ever see it ad a result. Also it is irresponsible to suggest the op get a cat when she csnt afford it. Op i hope you can triumph over ypuer anxiety and get a job etc. I really do wisjh you the best.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

@monsterism - I'm really sorry to hear how upset you are. You didn't realise that you were doing anything wrong and did what you did with the best of intentions. The neighbour shouldn't have shouted at you at all but I can understand why she'd be upset. You obviously have a medical condition and none of us truly understand how this affects you. I wouldn't make any further decisions until you've had a chance to speak to your counsellor and she/he can help you work through things. No doubt your neighbour is full of hot air and was just venting at you (it's still not right that she does) but is probably making unfounded threats. 

As for some of the other comments from other posters, I can't believe how some people look down their noses at people who allow their cats to "roam" and say owners deserve what they get. For lots of cats and their owners, it's perfectly natural for cats to go outside. I wouldn't dream of telling you that you shouldn't keep your cats indoors, that's your prerogative.


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## cinder (Jun 2, 2013)

jaxson said:


> Was really not going to post again but i cant stand this. Yes sounds like the neighbout has overstepped the mark spmewhat but the cat is hers. Stop telling the op thst she was being kind and did nothing wrong. Its horrid when ypur cat is being fed by spmepne elde and ypu hardly ever see it ad a result. Also it is irresponsible to suggest the op get a cat when she csnt afford it. Op i hope you can triumph over ypuer anxiety and get a job etc. I really do wisjh you the best.


Jaxson, while I do agree with some of your points I do disagree with others. I do recall having read threads on this forum in the past where members voiced their frustrations with neighbours who were feeding their cats and letting them sleep in their houses. In some of these cases cats were being purposefully lured away from their owners. Yes, perhaps the OP shouldn't have made the assumption that the cat was a stray. But if you're not overly familiar with cats and you have one crying outside your door, not wearing a collar, it's easy to see how someone could think that it was homeless and hungry (we know how persuasive cats can be when it comes to food!). I'm sure the OP now knows what she should do in future if the same situation were to happen again.

While the cat does belong to the neighbour, her reaction is completely inappropriate. She's blown the issue completely out of proportion and, in my opinion, her actions are far worse than those of the OP.

As for people suggesting that she get her own cat, since the OP has mentioned her financial situation most people are suggesting that she volunteer at a shelter. I think other members are pointing out that it doesn't have to cost a bomb to keep a cat as a pet, just to add their perspective.

I do hope that the whole situation dies down, hopefully the neighbour will calm down and realise how extreme their reaction was, and that the OP is able to overcome their anxiety.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Julie100uk said:


> You obviously have a medical condition and none of us truly understand how this affects you.


It looks to me as if several posters really do understand, which I think is great. When I was unwell I was very glad to encounter other people who understood.



Julie100uk said:


> No doubt your neighbour is full of hot air and was just venting at you (it's still not right that she does) but is probably making unfounded threats.


In my view it's much more serious than 'hot air'.



Julie100uk said:


> As for some of the other comments from other posters, I can't believe how some people look down their noses at people who allow their cats to "roam" and say owners deserve what they get. For lots of cats and their owners, it's perfectly natural for cats to go outside. I wouldn't dream of telling you that you shouldn't keep your cats indoors, that's your prerogative.


Just to clarify, I certainly don't look down my nose at people who allow their cats to roam, and I don't think those owners 'deserve what they get'. My previous cats were all outdoor cats; my kittens are only 5 months old and not old enough to go out yet, although they'd love to.

However, I do think that owners of outdoor cats should be aware of the possible disadvantages of allowing cats to roam, one of which is that other people don't always know much about cats and might mistakenly identify a friendly cat as a stray. It could happen to any outdoor cat and needs to be dealt with politely.

So for me the whole issue is about responsibility and respect.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

jaxson said:


> Was really not going to post again but i cant stand this. Yes sounds like the neighbout has overstepped the mark spmewhat but the cat is hers. Stop telling the op thst she was being kind and did nothing wrong. Its horrid when ypur cat is being fed by spmepne elde and ypu hardly ever see it ad a result. Also it is irresponsible to suggest the op get a cat when she csnt afford it. Op i hope you can triumph over ypuer anxiety and get a job etc. I really do wisjh you the best.


Ok, there are several things wrong with this post, first she has anxiety issues so I don't think telling her she did something wrong would help, 2nd of all, the owner should take responsibility for their own cat if it keeps disappearing to another person's house. 
Its not irresponsible of me saying she should have a cat herself when she can't afford it, there are several ways round getting one, and as I've said above, they aren't expensive to feed for low income owners as good food can be sought cheaply. But its the OP's decision at the end of the day.
And last of all, learn to flipping spell!


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

This is going to say stupid but I'm thinking of asking dad to get some chocolate and to go there today and again apologise for the hurt I caused and to update her of the situation. I rather not do this to be honest but the thoughts are just festering and its getting worst more than anything. The words here are comforting and the criticism is valid but I really didn't know what I should have done as the cat was reciprocating with affection and rubbing himself at me when melted my heart. Obviously this was wrong, and at this point I don't want to give any attention to any cats near our home just in case something like this happens again. 

Plus, I forgot to add there is a black cat which the cat has fought with too, as this was one of the reasons so maybe one of the reasons why he came to our house?. 

Again thank you everyone for the positive and negative, I'm going to psyche myself up and go outside and speak to her. I hope she's not angry still.

Again I have to REPEAT it wasn't my intention to luire, steal make the cat love me more or anything like that. I thought I was just being caring but was in the wrong.


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## korrok (Sep 4, 2013)

jaxson said:


> Was really not going to post again but i cant stand this. Yes sounds like the neighbout has overstepped the mark spmewhat but the cat is hers. Stop telling the op thst she was being kind and did nothing wrong. Its horrid when ypur cat is being fed by spmepne elde and ypu hardly ever see it ad a result. Also it is irresponsible to suggest the op get a cat when she csnt afford it. Op i hope you can triumph over ypuer anxiety and get a job etc. I really do wisjh you the best.


This post is entirely unhelpful. While to many cat owners, having someone feed/talk to/let their cat in another home is troubling, it's not something WRONG on the part of the person who does it if they do it with no bad intentions - and especially if they don't have knowledge of pet ownership issues. There are many cases where people "adopt" the cats of others or intentionally try to lure them away and yes, those individuals are doing wrong. What the OP describes - offering some food and attention to what they thought was a stray, with no intention of keeping the cat nor interfering with the cat's routine - is in my opinion not something to get angry at. There is zero reason to blame the OP for what was basically a harmless misunderstanding on their part - and zero grounds to defend someone who was abusive over such a thing.

When living at home with family our cats were always allowed out and I'm sorry but there's no way we'd have dreamed to have spoken to someone who thought they were just being nice like this!


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## oliviarussian (Sep 2, 2010)

Why don't you write a note explaining, apologising and making it clear it won't happen again..... Maybe she has calmed down now and will accept your apology!

If she doesn't then stuff her! You can't do anymore, a mistake was made but not in any way malicious so don't beat yourself up about it anymore


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

Please try to stop worrying, it's done now and hindsight is a wonderful thing! You acted with the best of intentions and you now know how she feels about things. If you can't leave things as they are (and only you know this) then maybe pop a note through her door might be the way to go. I hope you can get some peace of mind either way.


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## OrientalSlave (Jan 26, 2012)

Wiz201 said:


> <snip>
> as I've said above, they aren't expensive to feed for low income owners as good food can be sought cheaply.
> <snip>


They aren't expensive to feed but they can be very expensive at the vets if they get a chronic illness. Insurance isn't cheap either.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

ouesi said:


> I know everyone is different, but if my cat went missing and I found out he was safe and sound being well cared for by someone else, I'd be eternally grateful to that person for showing kindness to one of my animals. The last thing I'd think to do was berate them or verbally assault them.


I think it is a bit like a child getting lost and turning up again safe and sound.
Parents will be eternally grateful nothing bad happened, but they might still scold the child, or the person who let him stay at their place without notifying the parents, out of the sheer stress of their worries.

No-one can say for sure how they will react until they have been there.
I hope I will be able to be reasonable if I find my cat is safe and sound in someone else's house, and let my happiness and relief do the talking and not my worry and panic, but I cannot say for sure that I will, especially if the person in question has done nothing to try and locate the owner, but simply took him in without any thought for another person's feelings.

I have been on the other end of the stick, though. Many years ago we had an unneutered tom visit us on a daily basis, acting like he was starving. He had lots of scratches on his face and his eye was infected. I put up flyers in the entire neighbourhood to find his owner and went door to door with a photograph, but the only reaction I got was from people who thought I was the owner looking for him, and who wanted to claim damages for his spraying in their houses and knocking over precious china. Everyone was convinced he was a stray, and no-one knew where he belonged. I had also entered him into the missing pets records, with no luck. One neighbour claimed he had been left behind by a family that had recently moved out of the neighbourhood.

In the end, I decided to offer him a home, have him vaccinated and neutered and get his infected eye treated. When I let him out again after 2 weeks, wearing a collar with our details, he did not return, and a few hours later, there was a policeman at our door, accusing us of stealing someone else's cat.

I was very fortunate I could prove I had done everything in my ability to locate the owner, and that the owners had never once tried to look for him on the lost and found pets record, even though he had not been home for at least 2 weeks, or I would have been sued by the owners for stealing and spoiling (neutering) their battered, tattered moggy. Still, they spread the word all over the neighbourhood that I was a catnapper. I even gave them their cat's medication for his infected eye, which I had paid for, of course.


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

Aeschylus said:


> However, I do think that owners of outdoor cats should be aware of the possible disadvantages of allowing cats to roam, one of which is that other people don't always know much about cats and might mistakenly identify a friendly cat as a stray. It could happen to any outdoor cat and needs to be dealt with politely.
> 
> So for me the whole issue is about responsibility and respect.


Just what I was about to post :thumbup:.

I'm bone weary of so many folks on the internet crying about people putting them down if they disagree or offer an "alternate reality" if you will. It is normal and healthy for animals to enjoy time outside. However, if you let your pet roam free, you really do need to understand that it's more than likely not going to pass up some opportunistic comforts, like food, scratches, and shelter. (And it's also subject to dangers like poisoning and cars, but that's another discussion).

Case in point--a few years back, a neighbours child opened our back gate and our dog, who was well-behaved and a total homebody but loved everyone, followed him down the street. The child soon lost interest, and there was my Aber, wandering the streets of Nanticoke, PA, having no doubt the best adventure ever and we hadn't a clue. Well, he walked about 6 blocks away and was taken in by some kind people. They fed him chicken and cat food and kept him overnight. We only located him because these nice folks called the SPCA and so did we and we counted ourselves very lucky. If he had been a cat and he did the same regularly, I wouldn't have been at all surprised if he was eating and lolling about on couches.

We try not to feed cats that stop by, but you can't help but wonder when a cat shows up repeatedly and looks a bit scruffy if it's a stray or not, and if it is, it seems wrong to not give it some food and shelter.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Aeschylus said:


> I don't know if you've read the whole thread, but there wasn't any luring. And in my view shouting at people is not a reasonable response, not even in these circumstances. As further posts indicate, the issue isn't simply about the neighbour being worried about her cat.
> 
> Of course some cats want to go out, but if they make new friends and adopt other people, it shouldn't be dealt with by shouting. Being upset is not a valid excuse for treating other people disrespectfully.


I read only part of the thread when I posted because I was on my phone and it is very hard to read the small typing.

I agree that yelling is not reasonable, but in certain circumstances, people simply aren't reasonable. It sounds to me like the neighbour has certain mental issues, herself, and most definitely should not be provoked if it can be helped.

We have had problems with a neighbour with mental issues, too, and being right or being treated unfairly will be the least of your problems if you antagonize them. We had to move, not merely to another house, but to another town, more than 30 miles away, to get away from a alcohol-addicted, psychotic neighbour who terrorized us for 5 years, after we had complained about her playing music at discotheque level right above our bedroom in the middle of the night several times a week. Not only did the noise increase, but she tried to set our flat on fire, cut all the tyres on my car, poured frying oil through our letter box and onto our windows, put glue in the lock of our front door, and much, much more.....

If she is as crazy as you say, just try to stay out of her way and do not provoke her in any way, for your own sake.


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## monsterism (Dec 31, 2013)

So don't get her chocolates then and just avoid her?.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

dagny0823 said:


> We try not to feed cats that stop by, but you can't help but wonder when a cat shows up repeatedly and looks a bit scruffy if it's a stray or not, and if it is, it seems wrong to not give it some food and shelter.


If they are friendly enough to let you handle them, put a paper collar on them with your phone number, so the owner, if they have one, can let you know where he belongs. That way, the owner will also know their cat has aspirations to become a six dinner Sid.

I discovered this paper collar template on the internet last summer, and ever since, I have been advising everyone who has 'strays' visiting to use it.

http://www.rspca.org.uk/servlet/Blo...here=1164732651162&blobheader=application/pdf


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

jaxson said:


> Was really not going to post again but i cant stand this. Yes sounds like the neighbout has overstepped the mark spmewhat but the cat is hers. Stop telling the op thst she was being kind and did nothing wrong. Its horrid when ypur cat is being fed by spmepne elde and ypu hardly ever see it ad a result. Also it is irresponsible to suggest the op get a cat when she csnt afford it. Op i hope you can triumph over ypuer anxiety and get a job etc. I really do wisjh you the best.


Gosh this is a really unfortunate attitude and certainly doesnt help anything.

Im sorry, but this notion that your cats right to free roam trump any other reasonable needs makes no sense to me.

If you want your cat to free roam, thats fine. My cats have all had access to go outside at will, and our current two ferals that we feed and vaccinate never come inside.

But please, do you really think its fair to demand that your cat have a right to come on to my property, poop in my flower beds, leave decapitated birds and half-eaten chipmunk parts on my lawn, and then get uppity when I show the cat some kindness? Come on.....

I suggest if bothers you that much for your cat to be fed by someone else, that you:
- Put a collar on your cat indicating that he is owned and please do not feed him,
- Keep the cat inside and provide adequate entertainment and stimulation,
- Cat-proof your yard so that your cat does not have access to go to someone elses house to be fed,
- Find out whos feeding the cat and have an adult, respectful conversation with them asking them nicely not to,
- Or any and all combination of the above.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

monsterism said:


> So don't get her chocolates then and just avoid her?.


Sending her an apologetic note might be a good idea, it might mollify her, but I'd try to steer clear of her in every other respect. It is very easy to antagonize people with a screw loose, and if she has cameras all over the place, she is probably a bit paranoid.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

monsterism said:


> So don't get her chocolates then and just avoid her?.


I think the advice to call the police non-emergency number and explain the situation to them is the best first step at this point.
If she indeed has a camera pointed at your house and is monitoring your movements, that in itself has got to be illegal....


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

ouesi said:


> I think the advice to call the police non-emergency number and explain the situation to them is the best first step at this point.
> If she indeed has a camera pointed at your house and is monitoring your movements, that in itself has got to be illegal....


It might be a good idea to discuss the matter with the police, but just for their information and to hear what they think of the camera situation.

I don't know what the situation is like in the UK, but over here in Holland, the only thing the police will do is go over to the other party and have a word with them. They cannot intervene unless the other person really commits some crime, and even then, the offenders are usually sent home within the hour. And they will know you have ratted on them.

The police had a file on my problems with my upstairs neighbour as thick as the Bible, but as long as I had no _proof_ she was the one slashing my car tyres, putting glue in my keyhole, pouring oil in my letterbox and down on my windows, and throwing burning things on my balcony, there was nothing they could do. I would have to provide an independent witness who actually saw her do it, or catch her in the act and photograph it..... neither of which I could.....


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> It might be a good idea to discuss the matter with the police, but just for their information and to hear what they think of the camera situation.
> 
> I don't know what the situation is like in the UK, but over here in Holland, the only thing the police will do is go over to the other party and have a word with them. They cannot intervene unless the other person really commits some crime, and even then, the offenders are usually sent home within the hour. And they will know you have ratted on them.
> 
> The police had a file on my problems with my upstairs neighbour as thick as the Bible, but as long as I had no _proof_ she was the one slashing my car tyres, putting glue in my keyhole, pouring oil in my letterbox and down on my windows, and throwing burning things on my balcony, there was nothing they could do. I would have to provide an independent witness who actually saw her do it, or catch her in the act and photograph it..... neither of which I could.....


None of us know if this woman is truly unstable or if she's just a mean bully getting her jollies off harassing the quiet girl next door. 
Personally, I'd rather see *monsterism* be proactive rather than continue the cycle of being treated badly by others. 
A call to the non-emergency police line leave a paper trail if nothing else. IMHO it's a positive step for someone like monsterism who is not used to standing up for herself.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

ouesi said:


> None of us know if this woman is truly unstable or if shes just a mean bully getting her jollies off harassing the quiet girl next door.
> Personally, Id rather see *monsterism* be proactive rather than continue the cycle of being treated badly by others.
> A call to the non-emergency police line leave a paper trail if nothing else. IMHO its a positive step for someone like monsterism who is not used to standing up for herself.


I agree, leaving a paper trail with the police is always good, in ANY situation like this. I reported every incident with my neighbour, too. It provided me with a sense of security that if ever something did happen that could be proven or acted upon, the police would be aware this wasn't an incident, but part of a long existing pattern. And it is good to feel you have actually DONE something about it, rather than remaining passive.

But whether you are dealing with a bully or a madwoman, there is no sense in putting them on your trail unless it improves the situation you are in or if the present situation simply cannot be allowed to continue.

I complained to the neighbour about the noise because I could no longer function at my hospital job due to sleep deprivation and it was putting the patients at risk, but it did only make matters a lot worse for us at the time. Though we finally did decide to flee the town and buy a house that was much nicer than the flat we used to live in, so there was a positive outcome in the end.


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## jaxson (Nov 4, 2013)

ouesi said:


> Gosh this is a really unfortunate attitude and certainly doesn't help anything.
> 
> I'm sorry, but this notion that your cat's right to free roam trump any other reasonable needs makes no sense to me.
> 
> ...


Dont know where you got any of this from! You mske it sound as though i am the woman whose cat the op has brrn finding. I am not"
Dont know where you got any of this from.


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## Lel (Mar 21, 2012)

monsterism said:


> Posted this in another anxiery forum but need some advice from pet owners...
> 
> Oh man just had a ear bashing from a cat owner regarding her tabby. Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.Just really shook up by the whole situation, I can feel it festering and my anxiety sky rocketing as I feel like I done something extremely bad and it sort of reinforced me not going out in case I see her again. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, I hope it makes sense but just feel crap now.
> 
> However, was what I did wrong?, I didn't mean any harm but he kept coming over and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.


I've not read all the replies yet, however in answer to the original question, yes, you shouldn't be feeding any one else's pet and if you though it was stray it could have been taken to vets or shelter to scan for a chip/ put up posters/ look on internet for missing cats etc first it be sure.

Cats will go where food is so unless you are going to take responsibility for a cat long term it really is not fair to be feeding them. Were you taking him to vets? Flea treating? Worming? Vaccinating? If not then why were you feeding him and letting him stay?

I'm sure your neighbour did not know you have anxiety but would understandably be very upset if their pet has been missing for some time only to find someone has been feeding them.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

jaxson said:


> Dont know where you got any of this from! You mske it sound as though i am the woman whose cat the op has brrn finding. I am not"
> Dont know where you got any of this from.


Hi, Im sorry, I really dont understand your post. 
But no, I was not referring to you personally. 
The you I used in my reply to you was meant in a general sense. Sorry for the confusion.


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## auspiciousmind (Sep 2, 2012)

If the cat was on a restricted diet, in that case the OWNER is still to blame!!!!

A cat on restricted diet should not be allowed to roam.. A cat can rip open bin bag to forage for scraps?

At the very least a special diet collar would be necessary which the OP i'm sure would of not ignored as she is a NICE person not an evil cat thief.


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## egyptianreggae (May 26, 2012)

I've had outdoor cats and I know for a fact one of them, Roger, regularly visited other houses- he'd come home not hungry and smelling of somebody else's perfume, faithless so and so that he was! I didn't mind though, he was a handsome ginger cat who became a local celebrity (people used to come into our front garden to admire him) I even saw it as a kind of compliment that other people liked him. I think it's something you have to expect when you have a friendly, outgoing (and out-going) cat. There is no excuse for shouting at you and making you feel awful, anyway, if the neighbour was unhappy they could have spoken to you quietly and civilly to sort things out. I hope you feel a bit better about things now.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

monsterism said:


> So don't get her chocolates then and just avoid her?.


I think that's the best course of action. When people behave unreasonably it's usually best to stay out of their way as much as possible. And given that your neighbour has said she's got a camera pointed at your house and is watching the light in your room, I think it's unlikely you'll be able to win her round. Any further contact from you will probably antagonise her, which isn't reasonable, but then it's clear that she's not a very reasonable person.

If you'd been looking after my cat, I'd be the one giving you chocolates... but sadly I think your neighbour is determined to maintain her anger towards you, whatever you do.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

OrientalSlave said:


> They aren't expensive to feed but they can be very expensive at the vets if they get a chronic illness. Insurance isn't cheap either.


that's why I also mentioned PDSA. Sometimes putting a little money away each month is actually cheaper than insurance anyway.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

Can I make a gentle suggestion?

The OP has been very open to advice and apologetic for not knowing not to feed the cat. 
Additionally she has stated she does have anxiety issues, doesnt have the best situation going on in her life at the moment.

Can we maybe respect the fact that getting in to a heated discussion is probably not going to help the OP or the situation at all, and will very likely heighten the OPs anxiety? IOW, lets not turn this thread in to another anxiety zone for the OP.

JMHO....


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## Lel (Mar 21, 2012)

Wiz201 said:


> that's why I also mentioned PDSA. Sometimes putting a little money away each month is actually cheaper than insurance anyway.


Don't think OP should be getting a cat when she clearly says she can't afford it. Charities like PDSA should be used for people who've fallen on hard times not someone who knows to start with they can't afford it.

As already suggested their are other ways to get involved with animals like volunteering.

Having read the rest of the thread the owner shouldn't be threatening the OP and I agree a politely worded note might be for the best. Doesn't need to be war and peace, or even an apology, perhaps just to say that you will not be feeding the cat any more although the cat is still hanging around and you hope he/she will stay closer to home in future.

As far as those who have said OP did nothing wrong, I don't agree with this at all. I appreciate no malice was intended, however you cannot pick and choose what parts of pet ownership you want to take part in; don't feed a cat and let it sleep in your house unless you are also taking care if it's other needs like flea treating, worming, vaccinations, vet treatment when needed etc. If you think a cat may be stray then check if this is the case and adopt it if you want to feed it and have it in your house.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

I would simply note the conversation with the police on the non emergency number, but not take it any further for now and see what happens if you just ignore her, and the cat. If the cat comes around, just keep it out of your house so she can't come round again for that same reason. 
Keep using your bedroom light, and just try (as hard as it is) to get on with other things. Whether you investigate getting a cat of your own or at least volunteering at a shelter (you could become a cat fosterer eventually if you felt inclined) is up to you, but that's my personal recommendation. I wish you all the best OP.


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## Lel (Mar 21, 2012)

ouesi said:


> Can I make a gentle suggestion?
> 
> The OP has been very open to advice and apologetic for not knowing not to feed the cat.
> Additionally she has stated she does have anxiety issues, doesnt have the best situation going on in her life at the moment.
> ...


I quite agree no need for heated debate however just because someone has anxiety doesn't mean they shouldn't get an honest answer to their question.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

Lel said:


> Don't think OP should be getting a cat when she clearly says she can't afford it. Charities like PDSA should be used for people who've fallen on hard times not someone who knows to start with they can't afford it.


No, according to their website, they will help anyone who are receiving means tested council benefits
https://www.pdsa.org.uk/pdsa-vet-care/eligibility
I don't know whether the OP receives them or not, but its not for people who fall on hard times.
I'm not going to get into an argument about PDSA, the OP can make her own mind up whether she can afford a cat or not.


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## Lel (Mar 21, 2012)

Wiz201 said:


> No, according to their website, they will help anyone who are receiving means tested council benefits
> https://www.pdsa.org.uk/pdsa-vet-care/eligibility
> I don't know whether the OP receives them or not, but its not for people who fall on hard times.
> I'm not going to get into an argument about PDSA, the OP can make her own mind up whether she can afford a cat or not.


Yes, you're quite right, I should have worded my comment better; that is just my view and as you say OP can make her own mind up.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

monsterism said:


> Thank you for the replies everyone, as sad it sounds I'm getting teary eyed reading them.
> 
> EDIT:Cat is back outside meowing, we're ignoring it but will it learn and go away?.


You sound like a kind girl whose actions have been misunderstood...you mention that the cat is put out at night...in this sort of weather she would quite likely look for somewhere warm. I wouldn't have mine out at night anyway, not even in warm weather. Don't get yourself too upset ...it will blow over. One of mine, Ginnie, has moved in with a neighbour...she's been there three years now...she has a collar and ID (in addition to chip) and the guy rang me to say really sorry, whenever he opened his window she was there. So now we share her...if he wants to go away for a w/end she knows she can come back here. I know she is well cared-for. He's happy to have her, she's happy to be there and I can see her sitting on his windowsill. Today I bumped into him in Tesco buying cat food!!


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

ouesi said:


> Gosh this is a really unfortunate attitude and certainly doesn't help anything.
> 
> I'm sorry, but this notion that your cat's right to free roam trump any other reasonable needs makes no sense to me.
> 
> ...


Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!!! If you don´t like a situation you should speak nicely to the person involved and try to explain but above all, if you own a cat and let it free roam, atleast put a collar on it with a do not feed, if not you might find that it has several homes. People are mostly well meaning and have no intention of taking your cat from you.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2013)

Lel said:


> I quite agree no need for heated debate however just because someone has anxiety doesn't mean they shouldn't get an honest answer to their question.


I dont see anyone refraining from giving the OP an honest answer. I was just suggesting that the rest of us might want to try to avoid our own heated discussion out of respect for the OP.


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## NWForest (Nov 26, 2013)

Hi, I found myself in a pretty much similar situation about 4 years ago. I am an old bloke to you (+40) but age is no barrier for a feline in detecting a kindred spirit. These are the things that I identify with in your posts
Anxiety, life events laid me very low, depression , multiple bereavements, job loss and enforced flat move and big health scares all within 1 year.
living on my own in a new unfamiliar place , 2 happy uncollared daily visiting cats lifted me up enough to function for 5 months and I got back enough to some proper existence (no feeding them at that stage as I presumed their own house was within street or two) just watching them visit, groom, sleep, interact was a massive lift for the daily hour or two they chose to stay with me. Later on over the next 7 months this led to feeding and stayinig overnight as the situation changed on their part and your exact situation developed . My later understanding after a lot of head scratching was its time for give back role reversal as I did not offer feeding or staying upfront, infact it sent me off the worry scale when it happened, but I just responded to their need at the time.
You asked will cat go away after meowing at the door? This is a tough one but you asked it. yes, probably if you continually are able to ignore it. My reading of this is you and cat now have an emotional bond due to your caring nature and cat knows it. Cat is not crying to be fed. Probably crying to let you know its there as it enjoys your company and interaction. Your dad doesn't want you to let it in but you feel cruel for not doing so probably? When my visitors cried for 2 weeks outside my house every night in winter(after the first 5 months vists) , even knowing they probably had an owner somewhere, i coundn't take it any more, it was winter and cold as ice and they appeared and cried as soon as my lights went on after coming home from work I usually lasted 20 mins but 19 of that was pure torture. I was on my own and had no-one to ask advice. I was always angry with myself after allowing them in and the upper hand, and would try to ignore them once in , but they detected this I think and just sat by the radiators for the most part of the cold night. Reading between the lines in your situation its a guess that the home situation the 2 cats used to have with this woman is no longer suitable to them at this time and they are both independently seeking other options. Thats just my opinion. For the posters that think wayward cats are just interested in more food , well thats just nonsense, and only applies in six dinner Sid type cats , and they are off as soon at the saucer is finished. When I took one of my visitors back to their old home( after the situation came to a head) , they clawed the nanny at the door who said she was a real 'cat person' , ran out the gate and back up road to sit at my front door. By the way they had a beautiful 3 floor detached house with furnishings to die for and I'd just come from my humble 3 room pokey flat carrying the cat. The only thing I had to give to cats was my complete interest , time and interaction. 

You say you have had 2 visits from the owner already and apologised on both occassions even though on second time the cat ran up your stairs - which is totally lol, sorry about that but it is, cats know best where the kind heart is. I would forget the chocolates , please no need, I understand your want to appease after the verbals from her but there is a balance to be had here. If you feel that she did not hear your explanation out at the time then a letter is advisable, please make it as long and detailed as you have time for. Do not write a short note, that settles nothing. Do not apologise throughout, just give a concise explanation of events and how they moved to the current situation. Mention your family situation and how the cat made lots of things seem better. This woman needs to know how much you cared and were emotionally involved in the cats welfare right from the off, through no want of needing to 'own it' just a sheer human reaction to a little one seemingly in need. 
After that, let it lie for a bit perhaps, but try not to necessarily avoid this person and have it stop you going out, you have nothing to hide from and should feel no shame ( that she is trying to bestow on you through anger ) . I will watch this post and see how things develop for you.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

monsterism said:


> I'm sorry, like I said I really didn't know and the cat was there and it sort of uplifted my spirits as he kept coming back. I didn't mean any ill will.





monsterism said:


> We do live outside a car park, it doesn't justify it but I just thought it looked hungry and I explained to her we didn't want to steal her as we didn't know about a owner. I thought cats would have a collar or tags?, maybe I been watching too many cartoons. She also lost her brother too whom she can't find, which is a chubbier version of the tabby.


You were doing the right thing. Sounds like this person doesn't take very good care of her cats.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

ouesi said:


> What a rotten situation...
> Is it your dad whos angry? Why?
> 
> *If it were me, Id contact the owners and let them know the cat is outside meowing and could they please come and fetch her. I really think its HUGELY unfair that these owners not only let their cat come on to YOUR property and bother you, but then on top of that attack you for being kind to the cat.
> ...


I couldn't agree more. Whoever that cat belongs to, they need to take more responsibility for her. They've lost another too, after all. If the cat keeps coming back to the OPs house, there's a reason for it. Obviously she likes it better there.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

ouesi said:


> What?!?! Are you kidding me?!!!
> Is that even legal?! Arent there like Peeping Tom laws or something? Thats just insane.
> Honestly? Call her (or have your parents call her) and tell her to come get the cat or youre going to call animal control (or whoever the equivalent would be in the UK). Id let an outside source handle this, this woman sounds like a bit of a screwball to put it mildly....


Again, I agree with every word. That neighbor is severely out of line. Call the cops and make a harassment complaint.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

ouesi said:


> No... no, no, no, and NO. This goes beyond a pet cat issue now and you are being made to feel unsafe in your own home and that is NOT okay.
> 
> Let me repeat, you have a right to feel safe in your own home.
> 
> ...


And again. 

I want to add though that those of you urging her to talk her father into letting her have a cat, *I strongly disagree*. A cat should never be brought into a household where s/he is not wanted. Especially in a home where there is already a history of physical abuse. No, no, no, The risk to the cat is too great.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

monsterism said:


> Thank you, I think its because my anxiety is making me act this way. Plus the woman has a daughter and I don't want to cause any trouble for her family. despite all this. All she wants back is her cat which I understand.


If she wants her cat, tell her to keep the cat INSIDE, or build an outdoor cat safe enclosure. It is not your responsibility to keep her cat off your property, it is hers. Good grief.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Jiskefet said:


> I understand you are upset at being yelled at, but the owner was probably worried sick about her cat being lost. Just check out this forum for threads on missjng cats and you will understand what hell she went through.
> I do not agree with peolle who say that people who let their at roam have it coming to them. Some cats simply want to go out and that is no reason for someone else to lure them away from home. If a cat looks healthy and well fed he will have a home.
> I can well imagine he lifted your spirits. Cats do have that talent. Maybe you should look into adopting or fostering a cat....


Did you read the posts. She did not "lure" this cat. She thought the cat was a stray.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

monsterism said:


> This is going to say stupid but I'm thinking of asking dad to get some chocolate and to go there today and again apologise for the hurt I caused and to update her of the situation. I rather not do this to be honest but the thoughts are just festering and its getting worst more than anything. The words here are comforting and the criticism is valid but I really didn't know what I should have done as the cat was reciprocating with affection and rubbing himself at me when melted my heart. Obviously this was wrong, and at this point I don't want to give any attention to any cats near our home just in case something like this happens again.
> 
> Plus, I forgot to add there is a black cat which the cat has fought with too, as this was one of the reasons so maybe one of the reasons why he came to our house?.
> 
> ...


You were NOT in the wrong. Not. One. Bit.



ouesi said:


> None of us know if this woman is truly unstable or if shes just a mean bully getting her jollies off harassing the quiet girl next door.
> Personally, Id rather see *monsterism* be proactive rather than continue the cycle of being treated badly by others.
> A call to the non-emergency police line leave a paper trail if nothing else. IMHO its a positive step for someone like monsterism who is not used to standing up for herself.


Yes. monsterism, please listen to us who are supporting you, not the ones who are telling you you did something wrong. I know that is hard to do with such poor self esteem, but please believe us.

*You did not do anything wrong, you cared for a living thing you thought needed help and kindness, how can that possibly be wrong? 
*
The neighbor's behavior is irrational and out of line and possibly illegal.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

lorilu said:


> And again.
> 
> I want to add though that those of you urging her to talk her father into letting her have a cat, *I strongly disagree*. A cat should never be brought into a household where s/he is not wanted. Especially in a home where there is already a history of physical abuse. No, no, no, The risk to the cat is too great.


I think this is a really interesting point. A number of posters suggested working at a shelter as an alternative; those of us who suggested that the OP get a cat of her own were not suggesting she did so without her father's approval. But the history of abuse is significant, and I know that charities working with abused women are aware of the phenomenon of animal abuse as a feature of domestic abuse (i.e. the abuser is violent to everyone in the household who is vulnerable). So it's not just a risk to the cat; it's also an additional risk to the OP.

In my view, that's all the more reason for the OP to try to escape the situation by leaving home, to live as an independent individual, with or without a cat - although it's incredibly difficult if you're young, ethnic minority, bereaved, unwell, and dependent on an abusive patriarchal parent for most of your emotional interaction.

I don't know any way of dealing with abuse apart from escaping it. But the first step is the hardest; once the survivor is out of the situation it gradually gets better.

Thanks for raising this really important issue.


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

I´m not a fan of keeping cats outdoors mainly for their security and also because a lot of owners don´t take responsibility for their pet being a nuisance to others. However some cat owners do care about their neighbours and don´t have a non chalant attitude towards their complaints, so I don´t want to lump all outdoor cat owners in the same basket and there are a lot of people that love receiving the visit of a friendly cat that has an owner who evidently cares for the cat.
The problem is that a lot of people will feel like giving the lovely kitty something to eat and the lovely kitty who is not stupid will keep going there because he knows he is going to get a fuss and something to eat. A few members have gotten cats that way, after speaking to the owner because the cat decided they liked the new house best so I do get that nobody wants anyone else to feed their cat because he/she has a loving home and abundant food. I think both parties just need to quietly talk about things without getting angry because sometimes there is really no bad intention behind someone feeding your cat and people don´t realize that they can be doing more harm than good. Also, one has to be intelligent with neigbours and be in good terms with them as they can keep an eye on the cat and alert us if something is going wrong. Any reasonable person will understand a please don´t feed my cat but there is no reason to mistreat anyone who does so without knowing the circumstances of the animal.
OP, we learn something new everyday, not all cats wear collars as a lot of them take them off and some owners for safety don´t put them on them, you did not commit a crime as a lot of us would be tempted to feed a cat that spends a lot of time in our garden but you had the bad luck to meet a really crazy cat owner (and not in the good way).

Don´t get a cat now as you don´t seem to have a stable environment to bring it into and I have to think of the cat´s safety but stick around here, you can get your cat fix from us, you can virtually share my Merlin with me and I´m sure you´ll fall inlove with some other lovely fur babies

When you are ready, I strongly recommend you look into being a volunteer in a cat shelter, it is incredibly rewarding and it is really going to help you with your issues.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

merlin12 said:


> When you are ready, I strongly recommend you look into being a volunteer in a cat shelter, it is incredibly rewarding and it is really going to help you with your issues.


I can only agree with that.

It is a scientifically proven fact that people who have cats or interact with cats on a regular basis are healthier than people without cats, both physically and mentally. Dogs have that effect too, but not as strongly as cats.

Cats are highly spiritual creatures, they simply ooze feel good vibes, and they are lots of fun, too.


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## Millyvista (Oct 28, 2013)

monsterism said:


> Posted this in another anxiery forum but need some advice from pet owners...
> 
> Oh man just had a ear bashing from a cat owner regarding her tabby. Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.Just really shook up by the whole situation, I can feel it festering and my anxiety sky rocketing as I feel like I done something extremely bad and it sort of reinforced me not going out in case I see her again. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, I hope it makes sense but just feel crap now.
> 
> However, was what I did wrong?, I didn't mean any harm but he kept coming over and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.


Don't beat yourself up about this. Did the cat have a collar with its name and number on? If not how could you know????

The reality is nobody ever "owns" a cat.. They "own" us! They go to who they like, this cat WILL be back and there is little the owner can do about it. Maybe refrain from feeding it though.

I would say though that you sound like a lovely person to adopt a cat from a rescue centre. The fact that you're so worried about this situation speaks volumes.

Good luck with your neighbour.

Alex


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## Twiggs (Jul 9, 2012)

Jiskefet said:


> I can only agree with that.
> 
> It is a scientifically proven fact that people who have cats or interact with cats on a regular basis are healthier than people without cats, both physically and mentally. Dogs have that effect too, but not as strongly as cats.
> 
> Cats are highly spiritual creatures, they simply ooze feel good vibes, and they are lots of fun, too.


This is nonense. Lots of things can be 'proven' scientifically and still be unrue. For example the link between breastfeeding and IQ.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

Well, healthier in terms of being more relaxed, they say having a cat to stroke is very relaxing, and that goes a long way to improving overall body health as there are a lot of conditions that can be brought on by stress.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Twiggs said:


> This is nonense. Lots of things can be 'proven' scientifically and still be unrue. For example the link between breastfeeding and IQ.


It's a bit more complicated really. The link between breastfeeding and intelligence is quite well established, although there may be confounding factors (perhaps breastfeeding is more common among more intelligent women and their children's inteligence is actually inherited). Good scientific studies aim to rule out confounding factors. The better the study design, the more secure the results, and some studies are better designed than others. So even if we can't say for certain that breastfeeding is the cause of higher intelligence, we can be confident that there is a correlation - pinning down the nature of the correlation is the next step.

Meanwhile, there does seem to be good evidence that owning a cat correlates with better health. I don't know if we can be sure why, but again the link is well established.

Science is the best way of knowing things, although it's important to limit the extent of our claims - sometimes we can observe a correlation that does not reflect a causal link, for example (a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy).

I think it's important to ask questions about what is being claimed because sometimes science reporting overinflates the claims of the actual study. Ben Goldacre's book 'Bad Science' is really good at explaining this stuff, and is fun to read.


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## OrientalSlave (Jan 26, 2012)

Aeschylus said:


> <snip>
> 
> Ben Goldacre's book 'Bad Science' is really good at explaining this stuff, and is fun to read.


He has a website:

Bad Science

However if you think homeopathy works or are a follower of Gilliam McKeith you might find yourself not that keen on the content.


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## lilythepink (Jul 24, 2013)

monsterism said:


> Posted this in another anxiery forum but need some advice from pet owners...
> 
> Oh man just had a ear bashing from a cat owner regarding her tabby. Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.Just really shook up by the whole situation, I can feel it festering and my anxiety sky rocketing as I feel like I done something extremely bad and it sort of reinforced me not going out in case I see her again. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, I hope it makes sense but just feel crap now.
> 
> However, was what I did wrong?, I didn't mean any harm but he kept coming over and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.


I wouldn't be angry at you feeding my cat. I think you were genuine in thinking you were helping a stray.
If this had happened to me, I would have come round with a box of chocolate and told you it was my cat and asked you not to feed it again. 
If you knew this was my cat and you had done this, I would have seen it as a spiteful thing to do and would have let you know about it.


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

monsterism said:


> Posted this in another anxiery forum but need some advice from pet owners...
> 
> Oh man just had a ear bashing from a cat owner regarding her tabby. Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.Just really shook up by the whole situation, I can feel it festering and my anxiety sky rocketing as I feel like I done something extremely bad and it sort of reinforced me not going out in case I see her again. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, I hope it makes sense but just feel crap now.
> 
> However, was what I did wrong?, I didn't mean any harm but he kept coming over and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.


It is a well known fact cats that are allowed to roam have more than one home.

I took a stray in, and because of his condition he was on medication and a strict diet. A neighbour was also feeding him and took him in from time to time. I only minded because I was footing the vet bills, I simply explained to the neighbour his medication and what she could feed him.

At the end of the day if it was raining and he was out and I was at work, I was grateful to know he was inside warm and dry.

tbh if people get upset about their cats having more than one home, then they should imo take full responsibility and keep the cats indoors with access to a cat proof garden or secure cat run.

Keep your chin up, the cat will have loved the attention. Any chance of you getting your own cat or kitten.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Aeschylus said:


> It's a bit more complicated really. The link between breastfeeding and intelligence is quite well established, although there may be confounding factors (perhaps breastfeeding is more common among more intelligent women and their children's inteligence is actually inherited). Good scientific studies aim to rule out confounding factors. The better the study design, the more secure the results, and some studies are better designed than others. So even if we can't say for certain that breastfeeding is the cause of higher intelligence, we can be confident that there is a correlation - pinning down the nature of the correlation is the next step.
> 
> Meanwhile, there does seem to be good evidence that owning a cat correlates with better health. I don't know if we can be sure why, but again the link is well established.
> 
> ...


As far as the breastfeeding thing is concerned, the fact that there is a correlation does not necessarily mean that having received breast feeding does make you more intelligent. It may be due to various causes, and any mixture of them...

1: the possibility of a link between mother's intelligence (or possible socio-economical status as a result of that intelligence) may make her more dedicated to breastfeeding has already been mentioned

2: premature children tend to have underdeveloped brains and suffer more from infections in early life, and many mothers of premature children simply do not produce milk in time, so their babies will more often be fed commercial formula baby milk. So the IQ may be due to a bad start in life rather than the milk as such

3: breastfeeding involves a lot of social interaction between mother and child, which is beneficial to the baby's sense of well-being and stimulate intellectual development in that manner. The fact that breastfeeding is always done by the mother gives the baby more sense of security, as it is always the same person giving them the most essential care. Also, breastfeeding generally takes longer than bottle-feeding, so the duration of the interaction will in general be longer.

4: mother's milk contains a lot of antibodies, so the child will be better protected and it will also stimulate the development of the baby's own immune system, which is also beneficial to its development, both physically and mentally.

And there may several be other links I cannot think of of the top of my head.
But out of the 4 mentioned, there is only one that directly involves the mother's milk itself, and two that deal with circumstances not directly related to breastfeeding, itself, at all.


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## Kyria (Oct 29, 2011)

Both my cats go outside....I can totally relate to this story as I was once that person who fed the stray cat that was outside all day and than before we knew it, he moved in and became part of our family.

I truly didnt know he had an owner and the owner actually lived just across the road. I was very lucky in the fact that his ex owner was a lovely guy who really didnt mind I was feeding his cat and accepted that he had adopted us and decided he wanted to be part of my family. He let us keep his cat...

On the other hand this same cat is the biggest tart you could wish for..he is always trying to get into neighbours houses. A couple of weeks ago he disappeared for 16hrs...I was going absolutely mental with worry. He is getting a little chubster, and I know other people around this area feed him..

I dont mind, thats the sort of cat he is, but saying that, I worry what he is eating too as I only feed both my cats good food.

You sound such a lovely person. Try to find a little cat of your own too. I can honestly say having a cat has truly been a blessing not only to me but to my whole family. They are such funny amazing creatures...Btw, Happy New Year x


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

sskmick said:


> it is a well known fact cats that are allowed to roam have more than one home.
> 
> I took a stray in, and because of his condition he was on medication and a strict diet. A neighbour was also feeding him and took him in from time to time. I only minded because i was footing the vet bills, i simply explained to the neighbour his medication and what she could feed him.
> 
> ...


exactly!!!!!


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## jaxson (Nov 4, 2013)

Kyria said:


> Both my cats go outside....I can totally relate to this story as I was once that person who fed the stray cat that was outside all day and than before we knew it, he moved in and became part of our family.
> 
> I truly didnt know he had an owner and the owner actually lived just across the road. I was very lucky in the fact that his ex owner was a lovely guy who really didnt mind I was feeding his cat and accepted that he had adopted us and decided he wanted to be part of my family. He let us keep his cat...
> 
> ...


Can't believe any of you think this is ok! Feeding someone elses cat is not all right!


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

jaxson said:


> Can't believe any of you think this is ok! Feeding someone elses cat is not all right!


But she didn´t know it was someone´s cat. Most people would not feed a cat that has an owner, it´s a question of letting the person know nicely not to feed your cat.


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

jaxson said:


> Can't believe any of you think this is ok! Feeding someone elses cat is not all right!


will you stop with the negativity please, the OP didn't know any better!


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## lilythepink (Jul 24, 2013)

merlin12 said:


> But she didn´t know it was someone´s cat. Most people would not feed a cat that has an owner, it´s a question of letting the person know nicely not to feed your cat.


totally agree.how could anybody sit back and let a stray starve to death cos they didn't want to maybe upset an owner.

There are no neighbours where I live to feed my cats and seeing as my outies are partial to a rat or 2 then I don't think cheap cat food is going to upset their guts too much anyway if somebody did feed them thinking they were being kind.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

The bottom line is, if you're going to let your cat roam, it is your responsibility to make sure the neighborhood knows this is your cat. It is your responsibility to know where the cat is. 

It is your responsibility.

If you don't want other people feeding your cat, or taking your cat in, don't let your cat roam.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

I think most people are in agreement that the OP didn't intend to cause harm and that the neighbour was out of order for the way she behaved but the fact remains that the OP was feeding the cat and having it stay in her house. I would never feed someone else's cat and certainly wouldn't have it sleep over. it's just not on. If I thought it was a stray, then I'd ask around or take it to a vets to be scanned. Everyone is acting like the cat was being mistreated and being locked out when you know no such thing. My cat always used to slip her colour but it doesn't mean I didn't treat her properly.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Julie100uk said:


> I think most people are in agreement that the OP didn't intend to cause harm and that the neighbour was out of order for the way she behaved but the fact remains that the OP was feeding the cat and having it stay in her house. I would never feed someone else's cat and certainly wouldn't have it sleep over. it's just not on. If I thought it was a stray, then I'd ask around or take it to a vets to be scanned. Everyone is acting like the cat was being mistreated and being locked out when you know no such thing. My cat always used to slip her colour but it doesn't mean I didn't treat her properly.


How you treated her is not what I get out of this post. She was YOUR responsibility. That she "always slipped her collar" is a lame comment. Since you knew she "slipped her collar" it was your responsibility to keep her contained. Your cat, your responsibility. If she went begging to the neighbors after "slipping her collar", and they thought she was a stray in need of help, that's too bad for you.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

You had your opinion and I have mine. And it's other people's responsibility not to steal your cat to take and adopt it for themselves. (Although I'm not suggesting the OP did this). I would not contain my cat, she's does what came naturally to her which was to go outside when she wished to and come in when she wished to. Cats going outside not something strange, lots of cats do it. Just as lots of cats don't go out.


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## oggers86 (Nov 14, 2011)

If someone truly thought my cats were starving then I coukd understand them feeding them. I would hope that they would see 2 healthy shiny cats and wait to see if they stick around before feeding them though. 

I would polietly ask the neighbour to stop feeding my cats but if they continued then I would probably not be so polite and then start keeping them in. 

Unfortunately it isn't just a matter of keeping your cat indoors or in the garden as it really can make them miserable so I would be thoroughly annoyed if soneone didn't stop despite requests and it would be my fault for letting them roam or if I had 2 miserable cats at each others throats because they were forced to be kept inside (I still live in hope that one day they will accept it!)

However that is clearly not the case for the OP. They now kknow the cat is owned and will not continue to feed it. I myself have been guilty of feeding and taking in and owned cat before I realised how it affects the owners.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

lorilu said:


> How you treated her is not what I get out of this post. She was YOUR responsibility. That she "always slipped her collar" is a lame comment. Since you knew she "slipped her collar" it was your responsibility to keep her contained. Your cat, your responsibility. If she went begging to the neighbors after "slipping her collar", and they thought she was a stray in need of help, that's too bad for you.


The fact that someones cat is one's own responsibility does not mean that a person allowing their cat outdoor access is doing wrong and it does not entitle other people to feed them or take them in. There is no law saying cats are not allowed outdoors, and taking responsibility does not mean you have to keep them indoors.
And seeing a cat outdoors toes not entitle you to claim it for your own.

If I park my bicycle in front of a shop, even if I forget to lock it, it does not entitle anyone else to take it.
Same thing.


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## Blackcats (Apr 13, 2013)

jaxson said:


> Can't believe any of you think this is ok! Feeding someone elses cat is not all right!


I don't think anyone here has really said it is okay. People are more concerned for the OP in regards to the camera and are suggesting ways to help with her anxiety, depression and to get the cat to go away without anymore hostility from the owner.

The OP has apologised countless times, is listening to the advice so please give it a rest and stop picking at things. The OP doesn't need to come on here feeling even worse by your comments.

The Cat is no longer going into her house. She listened to the owner and people on here. What more do you want?


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## oggers86 (Nov 14, 2011)

Kyria said:


> On the other hand this same cat is the biggest tart you could wish for..he is always trying to get into neighbours houses. A couple of weeks ago he disappeared for 16hrs...I was going absolutely mental with worry. He is getting a little chubster, and I know other people around this area feed him..
> 
> I dont mind, thats the sort of cat he is, but saying that, I worry what he is eating too as I only feed both my cats good food.


My mum has a cat like that who turned up looking like a stray but turned out to be owned. We kept him but he still went to his other houses to visit and get some food. It never caused an issue as everyone was on the same page. My cats are too pampered for me to regard them in the same way and they are MY cats and I dont want them veing tempted to move out although they get so spoilt here I would be surprised if they found a better home unless they want to live with someone who doesn't smother them every second ;-)


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> If I park my bicycle in front of a shop, even if I forget to lock it, it does not entitle anyone else to take it.
> Same thing.


Maybe it would be the same thing if your bicycle appeared to be hungry and in need of shelter.

But I don't really see how taking an inanimate object is comparable to looking after of a living thing with its own motivations and preferences. Of course cats can be stolen, but I think all right thinking people would agree that the OP didn't steal the cat; nor was she intending to.

Also, if you forgot to lock your bike, I suspect the police wouldn't be interested and your insurance wouldn't pay out, because you'd failed in your responsiblity to look after your possessions. But I still think it's different from the question of feeding other people's cats.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

jaxson said:


> Can't believe any of you think this is ok! Feeding someone elses cat is not all right!


Feeding someone else's cat is not all right when you know it's someone else's cat you're feeding.

Meanwhile, it's futile to expect non-cat owners to have an innate understanding of how to handle a situation where a cat appears to want food. That's why people who feed other people's cats need to be educated rather than berated.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Aeschylus said:


> Feeding someone else's cat is not all right when you know it's someone else's cat you're feeding.
> 
> Meanwhile, it's futile to expect non-cat owners to have an innate understanding of how to handle a situation where a cat appears to want food. That's why people who feed other people's cats need to be educated rather than berated.


As far as I am concerned, I am not berating the OP, I am reacting to the person who is claiming it would be a lack of responsibility on a cat owner's part in general, and their own bl00dy fault for letting a cat outdoors if someone else fed an nicked him.

I hope to come across this person IRL some day and see her leave her purse unattended for a split second. For according to her reasoning, it would appear abandoned and I would be fully entitled to take it.


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## Guest (Jan 1, 2014)

Am I missing something?
Why are we equating what the OP did with stealing??
The cat was always free to come and go, she never stole the cat or claimed him as her own... She fed him and gave him attention when he came in to her garden uninvited, she didnt lure him or deliberately go out and get him. The cat came to her...

Lets also not forget this owner had the cats brother and lost him somehow. 

If the cat was getting out and going to go lick antifreeze or other poisons off the pavement, whos fault would that be?


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

Yes, you are missing something IMHO. As I said previously, but I will repeat again, I believe everyone accepts that the OP did it for the best of intentions and the neighbour was out of order. Some posters seem to think that owners should expect and accept it if it happens to them when the cat has been let out.

As for the anti freeze, by a posters reckoning, the owner of the car is responsible for leaking antifreeze or poison into the pavement!

Edited: as I can't remember who said it.


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## Guest (Jan 1, 2014)

Julie100uk said:


> Yes, you are missing something IMHO. As I said previously, but I will repeat again, I believe everyone accepts that the OP did it for the best of intentions and the neighbour was out of order. Some posters seem to think that owners should expect and accept it if it happens to them when the cat has been let out.
> 
> As for the anti freeze, by a posters reckoning, the owner of the car is responsible for leaking antifreeze or poison into the pavement!
> 
> Edited: as I can't remember who said it.


Well can you clarify for me then, what should an owner who lets their cat roam expect?
I can think of a ton of dangers off the top of my head for free roaming cats, Im not sure why an owner who lets their cat out (Im one of them) would not expect at least one of them could happen to their cat?

IOW, its one of many risks you choose to take when you decide to let your cat out unsupervised is it not?


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

I was being facetious after a precious comment by another poster who said the cat was my responsibility so by the same reckoning it was the car owner's responsibility. Yes, all cat owners take risks when letting their cat out, but I don't think it's acceptable for people to adopt/steal or feed another's pet. I would not do if. If in doubt there is the RSPA or a local vet to scan.

People do steal pets. My friend recently had her cat stolen by someone who took a fancy to her cat. She was accidentally let out by one of her children and she didn't notice immediately as she was going through chemotherapy. It was an indoor Persian and was taken by someone 3 streets away. She leafleted the whole area and informed the vets. Three months later the new "owner" took the cat to be vaccinated as they were going away and scanned it after becoming suspicious. They'd had the cat the whole time. It's probably my friend's fault for getting cancer, eh?


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> As far as I am concerned, I am not berating the OP,


Great! I didn't say you were; I was responding to someone else at the time.



Jiskefet said:


> I am reacting to the person who is claiming it would be a lack of responsibility on a cat owner's part in general, and their own bl00dy fault for letting a cat outdoors if someone else fed an nicked him.


Is there a difference between fault and responsiblity? In my view, if someone else feeds or steals your cat it's not your fault, whereas it is your responsibility (a) to understand what could happen to your cat if it goes out and (b) to take appropriate measures to ensure it isn't fed or adopted by others (e.g. putting a collar on it, or checking up on where it goes, or having reasonable expectations of people who don't know much about cats so that you deal respectfully with anyone who mistakenly feeds or adopts it).

Obviously the perfect situation would be a world in which everyone knew to check if a cat really was a stray before feeding or adopting it, and I'd be happy to get involved in any programme of public education to take a step closer to living in that world. But at present we have to deal with the reality that many people really don't know. So I still think that if you let your cat out it's not your fault if someone else feeds it, but it's your responsibility to know that it could happen and to deal with it appropriately if it does happen. Does that seem fair enough?


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## Guest (Jan 1, 2014)

Julie100uk said:


> I was being facetious after a precious comment by another poster who said the cat was my responsibility so by the same reckoning it was the car owner's responsibility. Yes, all cat owners take risks when letting their cat out, but I don't think it's acceptable for people to adopt/steal or feed another's pet. I would not do if. If in doubt there is the RSPA or a local vet to scan.
> 
> People do steal pets. My friend recently had her cat stolen by someone who took a fancy to her cat. She was accidentally let out by one of her children and she didn't notice immediately as she was going through chemotherapy. It was an indoor Persian and was taken by someone 3 streets away. She leafleted the whole area and informed the vets. Three months later the new "owner" took the cat to be vaccinated as they were going away and scanned it after becoming suspicious. They'd had the cat the whole time. *It's probably my friend's fault for getting cancer, eh?*


Come on... what a mean-spirited leap to make. 

This thread is very clearly about an owner deliberately letting a cat out and a kind person non-maliciously giving that cat attention and food - no attempt whatsoever to steal or falsely adopt the cat.

Your friends situation is entirely different with a house cat that accidentally got out and was deliberately kept from her.

Letting your cat out has its risks. On that we agree. I think Ill just leave it at that.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

We will have to agree to disagree because if she had let the cat out, she deserved it as she took the risk? I don't buy it sorry, it's not acceptable in any circumstances.


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## Guest (Jan 1, 2014)

Julie100uk said:


> We will have to agree to disagree because if she had let the cat out, she deserved it as she took the risk? I don't buy it sorry, it's not acceptable in any circumstances.


Taking a risk doesn't mean you *deserve* the potential consequences.

Getting in a car is a risk, that doesn't mean everyone who gets in a MVA deserves it 

By that logic, the poor gal in the OP deserves to be berated by the neighbor?
Deserves to have a camera pointed at her room and her every move watched?

That's insane.

I simply said that letting your cat out is a risk. That in no way equates to saying you *deserve* to have something bad happen to your cat. And frankly I find that a very mean-spirited way to look at a fellow animal lover.

And let's not forget here, NOTHING BAD happened to this cat. He was/is free to come and go, he was given food and attention. I struggle to see how someone can find so much fault in a kind neighbor giving a cat food and attention.

And now I'm going to take my own advice and not clutter this thread with petty arguments  Peace out


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Jiskefet said:


> As far as I am concerned, I am not berating the OP, I am reacting to the person who is claiming it would be a lack of responsibility on a cat owner's part in general, and their own bl00dy fault for letting a cat outdoors if someone else fed an nicked him.
> 
> I hope to come across this person IRL some day and see her leave her purse unattended for a split second. For according to her reasoning, it would appear abandoned and I would be fully entitled to take it.


You equate a cat with a purse? How bizarre.

However, if I saw a purse sitting alone I would watch it for a minute or two, then if no one claimed it I would take it and turn it in as lost. If I saw a cat who I thought was in need of help, I would help the cat. I have done both of those things.

The OP did not steal the cat, so I can't understand your harping on that. She saw what she thought was a stray, took pity on the cat, and fed her and let her in when she wanted to come in.

You let a cat roam, you accept the risks associated with letting a cat roam. The neighbor is lucky it was a kindhearted person, not some sicko out for getting it's jollies in torturing the cat. That's a pretty big risk too, when you let a cat roam.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Julie100uk said:


> People do steal pets. My friend recently had her cat stolen by someone who took a fancy to her cat. She was accidentally let out by one of her children and she didn't notice immediately as she was going through chemotherapy. It was an indoor Persian and was taken by someone 3 streets away. She leafleted the whole area and informed the vets. Three months later the new "owner" took the cat to be vaccinated as they were going away and scanned it after becoming suspicious. They'd had the cat the whole time. It's probably my friend's fault for getting cancer, eh?


I think anecdotes like this are most helpful when they end with proof, e.g. 'and the neighbours were convicted of theft,' which would demonstrate that the criminal justice system determined that it was a crime and not a misunderstanding.

I hope your friend is doing better now.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

Aeschylus said:


> I think anecdotes like this are most helpful when they end with proof, e.g. 'and the neighbours were convicted of theft,' which would demonstrate that the criminal justice system determined that it was a crime and not a misunderstanding..


Unbelievable, I really don't think this forum is for me.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Julie100uk said:


> Unbelievable, I really don't think this forum is for me.


Nah, it's probably just me. You can certainly ignore me if you find my quest for evidence or my general approach to life too annoying. There are clearly plenty of others who see things from the same perspective as you do, so maybe we're just very different people.


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## sharonbee (Aug 3, 2011)

Sorry I haven't read the whole posts but it is a shame you were shouted at, all my cats are indoor cats but in previous years I have had outdoor cats, I had one elderly neighbour who used to take my cats in, I didn't mind, they would go out of my door and run up her garden path to visit her each morning, she was lonely and my cats brightened up her day, I don't think she fed them but if she did it didn't seem to cause a problem, they still ate at home and rarily had problems with diarrhoea which can happen if they are fed a different diet to what they are used to. 
For me knowing my cats were happy and also making someone else happy made me feel very proud of them. 
Don't feel too upset by your neighbour, you have apologised, that's all you can do, give the cat a stroke when you see it, if you now ignore it the poor thing will feel so confused. Sorry your neighbour reacted the way she did


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## jaxson (Nov 4, 2013)

To all those who have expressed the opinion that those who let their cats wander only have themselves to blame if someone tskes in their cat -

Animal Act 1971 owners are NOT required to keep their cat on their own land

Theft Act 1968 you are not allowrd tp steal a cat. Any straying cat remains the legal property of their originsl owner


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

Its well within my rights to park my car (taxed and insured) on a public road (rather than locking it in a garage at night) but that doesn't mean someone will not try and vandalise it or steal from it, I still have to foot the responsibility if no-one saw the culprit and flagged them up.
Same thing as letting out a cat really (and my cats are let outside, so I know the risks).


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## jaxson (Nov 4, 2013)

No, no, no! People are responsible for their own actions. If you park your car at the side of the road and someone breaks into it then that is down to them not you! I walk past lots of cars and do not feel the need to break into any of them. If i did it would be because i chose to annd my actions would in no way be the responsibility of the person who had parked their car! Why is this so hard for people to understand?


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## Wiz201 (Jun 13, 2012)

jaxson said:


> No, no, no! People are responsible for their own actions. If you park your car at the side of the road and someone breaks into it then that is down to them not you! I walk past lots of cars and do not feel the need to break into any of them. If i did it would be because i chose to annd my actions would in no way be the responsibility of the person who had parked their car! Why is this so hard for people to understand?


Try telling that to the insurance company then  they weren't prepared to help because I couldn't prove it was vandalism when I had a wing mirror knocked off.


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## jaxson (Nov 4, 2013)

Ouch. That can't have been nice. Unfortunetlt insurance companies seem to make up their own rules.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

jaxson said:


> To all those who have expressed the opinion that those who let their cats wander only have themselves to blame if someone tskes in their cat -
> 
> Animal Act 1971 owners are NOT required to keep their cat on their own land
> 
> Theft Act 1968 you are not allowrd tp steal a cat. Any straying cat remains the legal property of their originsl owner


Who is saying anything about blame? No one has expressed the opinion that they "have themselves to blame". What was said repeatedly is that if you let your cat roam, there are certain risks you expose your cat to. Each must weigh the risks and make the decision. The fact that there are risks does not release the pet owner of the responsibility of that pet, once the pet is let out the door. It's still your pet, your responsibility.

This comparing of cats with bikes, purses and cars is so nonsensical. A cat is a living breathing feeling thinking creature, not an inanimate object.

If you let your cat roam, there is the risk your cat will be being fed, stolen, abused, run over, poisoned, exposed to illness, killed.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

lorilu said:


> Who is saying anything about blame? No one has expressed the opinion that they "have themselves to blame". What was said repeatedly is that if you let your cat roam, there are certain risks you expose your cat to. Each must weigh the risks and make the decision. The fact that there are risks does not release the pet owner of the responsibility of that pet, once the pet is let out the door. It's still your pet, your responsibility.
> 
> This comparing of cats with bikes, purses and cars is so nonsensical. A cat is a living breathing feeling thinking creature, not an inanimate object.
> 
> If you let your cat roam, there is the risk your cat will be being fed, stolen, abused, run over, poisoned, exposed to illness, killed.


Everyone knows the risk in their own area best. I live somewhere where it is relatively safe for a cat to wander outside. My cats do NOT wear collars because even safety collars are unsafe. I had a cat injured by her collar and almost had to heve her put down because the wound would not heal and she was so miserable as an indoor cat that it made her sick. A cat from the next street hanged himself on a safety collar.
I take full responsibility for my cats. They are well-fed and receive all necessary medical attention.

But nobody has the right to take them in or keep feeding them unless they have done EVERYTHING possible to locate the owner. If finder, cat rescue, vet and RSPCA cannot find an owner it is another matter, then you may assume its a stray.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> Everyone knows the risk in their own area best. I live somewhere where it is relatively safe for a cat to wander outside. My cats do NOT wear collars because even safety collars are unsafe. I had a cat injured by her collar and almost had to heve her put down because the wound would not heal and she was so miserable as an indoor cat that it made her sick. A cat from the next street hanged himself on a safety collar.
> I take full responsibility for my cats. They are well-fed and receive all necessary medical attention.
> 
> But nobody has the right to take them in or keep feeding them unless they have done EVERYTHING possible to locate the owner. If finder, cat rescue, vet and RSPCA cannot find an owner it is another matter, then you may assume its a stray.


I think we're banning our heads against a brickwork wall here! You have said what I was trying to say!

We all take risks every day, that is part of life and we all do it. I also take responsibility for my cats and they have everything they need. If someone steals my cat, it was a risk but it doesn't make it right. Stealing is wrong, no matter how good the intentions.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Right now I have a cat that no longer comes home because she is being fed elsewhere. She was born feral and I took her from the rescue because I live close to a park where she can live the life she craves. She is 10 years old and all those years she has only come home to eat or if the weather is really bad, to shelter. She has always remained feral at heart. 

But recently, someone living in the retirement home adjoining the park has taken to feeding the 'ferals' who in reality all have a home. So there is no need to feed any of them. There simply are no true strays or ferals in the park, just neighbourhood cats.
But my girl wants to live wild and now that she can feed closer to the park she considers her real home, she hardly ever comes home any more.
She still loves us to visit her in the park, but I wish they would not feed her. She is my responsibility and I want to be able to check on her.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

What people don't seem to understand is that we do not let a cat out because its easier, but because it is better for the cat. Living in a cat-friendly area I made a point of adopting cats that would not be able to adapt to an indoor life. Which means I worry that much more when they do not turn up for dinner.
I chose the difficult cat slave role for myself by adopting cats that need to go out, because they need a home too and I can offer them that kind of environment. But every time one comes home later than expected, I die a little. And the one I see least of is the most precious to me, because this little feral girl gave her trust and love to a human...... ME


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

jaxson said:


> To all those who have expressed the opinion that those who let their cats wander only have themselves to blame if someone tskes in their cat -
> 
> Animal Act 1971 owners are NOT required to keep their cat on their own land
> 
> Theft Act 1968 you are not allowrd tp steal a cat. Any straying cat remains the legal property of their originsl owner


Really??? This Act just simply states the law, it does not protect the cat. I imagine all responsable owners know more or less the áreas their cats roam in and know they are ok.
It is not normal for someone to try to steal your cat anyway but maybe it´s a good practise to get to know the people whose houses they visit, just so they know the cat is not alone, he has food and a good home.
We can only control our actions but not those of others, what does one do if you find out that someone is feeding your cat, you go and speak to them nicely but they say "If he keeps coming I will feed him"?
It isnt always a black or White situation and the cat may choose to change owners and no longer be happy in your home. I think goodwill, a box of cholates for those who receive our feline friends might go a long way. Still, it´s not normal that people want to steal other people´s cats.


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2014)

Julie100uk said:


> I think we're banning our heads against a brickwork wall here! You have said what I was trying to say!
> 
> We all take risks every day, that is part of life and we all do it. I also take responsibility for my cats and they have everything they need. If someone steals my cat, it was a risk but it doesn't make it right. *Stealing is wrong, no matter how good the intentions.*


The OP did not steal the cat.

The cat was/is free to come and go.



monsterism said:


> Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.
> 
> I didn't mean any harm but *he kept coming over *and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.





monsterism said:


> We don't open the doors any more just in case and we ignore her *but she keeps coming back* as the owner lets her out at night.





monsterism said:


> We do live outside a car park, it doesn't justify it but *I just thought it looked hungry* and I explained to her we didn't want to steal her as we didn't know about a owner. I thought cats would have a collar or tags?, maybe I been watching too many cartoons. She also lost her brother too whom she can't find, which is a chubbier version of the tabby.


The OP has a cat who keeps showing up at her house and looks hungry, so she feeds her and gives her attention, shows the cat some kindness, and were equating this to malicious stealing and vandalism? There is NO comparison here.

And I still dont get how a cat - a living, breathing, sentient being, equates to a car, a bicycle, a purse. The inanimate objects arent going to come to you of their own free will, meow at you, look cute, rub up against your leg and make it clear they want attention.

The only maliciousness I see here is that even after the OP has clearly apologized, has clearly shown no ill intent, has clearly shown how upset she is about all this, some of you persist in trying to make her feel like a criminal. Thats just rotten  

Im seething at the thought of what must be going through her head as she reads some of these replies. This is a new member, someone clearly reaching out for guidance, someone open to doing the right thing, possibly a future volunteer. So many opportunities for connection and building relationships here.... How people can have such little compassion....


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## jaxson (Nov 4, 2013)

Well i would say that just about finishes it. 

I dont think you have understood what people have been trying to say. And to a large extent the discussion has been in the abstract and not aimed at the op.


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

sharonbee said:


> Sorry I haven't read the whole posts but it is a shame you were shouted at, all my cats are indoor cats but in previous years I have had outdoor cats, I had one elderly neighbour who used to take my cats in, I didn't mind, they would go out of my door and run up her garden path to visit her each morning, she was lonely and my cats brightened up her day, I don't think she fed them but if she did it didn't seem to cause a problem, they still ate at home and rarily had problems with diarrhoea which can happen if they are fed a different diet to what they are used to.
> For me knowing my cats were happy and also making someone else happy made me feel very proud of them.
> Don't feel too upset by your neighbour, you have apologised, that's all you can do, give the cat a stroke when you see it, if you now ignore it the poor thing will feel so confused. Sorry your neighbour reacted the way she did


This is one of the most open minded and tolerant post I have read from an ex outdoor cat owner regarding friendly neighbours:thumbup:


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2014)

jaxson said:


> Well i would say that just about finishes it.
> 
> I dont think you have understood what people have been trying to say. And to a large extent the discussion has been in the abstract and not aimed at the op.


Then start another thread in the abstract about people feeding cats that arent theirs and debate it to your hearts content.

I dont know about you, but I can feel how upset the OP is in her replies. Reading some of what has been posted on this thread is just going to be further upsetting to her, and to what end? 
What is the point of harping on the whole dont feed someone elses cat? 
She has already said she wouldnt. Many times over.

SEVEN pages ago I suggested we not cause further upset to the OP:


ouesi said:


> Can I make a gentle suggestion?
> 
> The OP has been very open to advice and apologetic for not knowing not to feed the cat.
> Additionally she has stated she does have anxiety issues, doesnt have the best situation going on in her life at the moment.
> ...


But sadly, it seems peoples egos, and their oh so important opinions about feeding outdoor cats trumps simple compassion for an upset gal going through a tough time.


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## LDK1 (Oct 1, 2010)

I just want to say that there has been many many wonderful points, beautifully put, in support of the OP's situation - well done to you all. I wish I was as articulate to post like that but alas, I am not.

I am a bit concerned about the OP - I really hope she is okay.


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## tashi (Dec 5, 2007)

I have to admit I am guilty of feeding what turned out to be someone else's cat. We have a lovely 'fluffy' black cat who spends so much of his time in and around our bungalow the garden and paddocks. Always mousing and didn't seem to 'belong' anywhere. When the weather got cold because I thought he was a stray and probably not much 'on the ground' food I did feed him. It turns out he actually belongs to one of our neighbours, the neighbour was very understanding and I was lucky in that he didn't mind a bit. We have now stopped feeding him and he returns 'home' for food but still 'visits' here for cuddles. He is one brave cat though with 12 dogs here :thumbup:

Chin up chuck you did what you thought was right, I am the worlds worst when it comes to animals I think are either needy or homeless. Matter of fact I am afraid of birds but when my grooming parlour was part of a private pet shop, the owner was going to wring the necks of some of the canaries - yes, you guessed it I brought them all home , along with a few 'out of date' bunnies , which he said were too old to sell !

Luckily my DH just sighs and let's me get on with it.


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

Jiskefet said:


> What people don't seem to understand is that we do not let a cat out because its easier, but because it is better for the cat.


And yet how many stories have we heard and posts have we read on here from cat owners who have said just this thing--that they let the cat out because it is easier and they don't like having the cat around? Not every cat owner is a "cat person", if that makes sense. Some people just have cats or dogs or other pets because it's a thing to do, but they don't really put the time in to even understand the creature they share a home with. So, when one of those pets goes a-wandering and meets someone who actually wants to give them attention and care, what then? Is that new person completely wrong? Or do circumstances change the absolutes that people seem to be preaching in this thread?


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

So, just to take it a step further, philosophically, as this is where several of you seem to be heading in this debate. 

If a cat seemed underfed/uncared for/abused and showed up at your doorstep, what then? Under the absolute, you do nothing because it's not "yours" and let the abuse continue?

You can see where this is heading, can't you?


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## nightkitten (Jun 15, 2012)

Please can you all now start attacking me!!!

I fed Wilbur as he came into my house and he even spent whole nights here with us. After a few weeks I was told by neighbours that he was a stray. He then got ill (after us feeding and letting him in for about 1 year) and we took him to the vet. It turned out that he was registered to an old lady just 50 yards away! He was no stray, she fed him and took him to the vet when he needed to. So he was loved, well fed and never a stray! 

I can take it so please tell me off for what I did back then...


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Aeschylus said:


> Nah, it's probably just me. You can certainly ignore me if you find my quest for evidence or my general approach to life too annoying. There are clearly plenty of others who see things from the same perspective as you do, so maybe we're just very different people.


I think it is very naive to think of a conviction or even a police report would be present as evidence..... There is some justice in this world sometimes, but quite often, there is lots of injustice.

People can steal your stuff, your pets, even your identity, and very often you will not get justice. So a quest for evidence in the sense of justice having been done in such cases is a losing battle.
If you go on a quest, it should rather be to make people see that they have a right to see justice done than to demand proof of justice having been done as evidence of the fact that a crime has been committed.

But this is all part of the tendency of this thread, people start making general remarks about people 'having it coming to them' for 'being irresponsible' in allowing their cats out, and when others defend themselves against such generalisations, they are being accused of making the OP look bad and of defending the particular neighbour the OP is talking about.

The OP made a mistake in feeding and taking in someone else's cat, got treated unreasonably, properly apologized and that should be the end of it.

But that doesn't mean people should be telling cat owners they should accept it as a matter of course that if your cat goes out, other people will start feeding them and taking them in..... that if a cat suddenly disappears because others have 'adopted' him without ever checking if he has a home somewhere, it's their own fault for allowing them out....

And that is what has been happening on this thread.


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## korrok (Sep 4, 2013)

nightkitten said:


> Please can you all now start attacking me!!!
> 
> I fed Wilbur as he came into my house and he even spent whole nights here with us. After a few weeks I was told by neighbours that he was a stray. He then got ill (after us feeding and letting him in for about 1 year) and we took him to the vet. It turned out that he was registered to an old lady just 50 yards away! He was no stray, she fed him and took him to the vet when he needed to. So he was loved, well fed and never a stray!
> 
> I can take it so please tell me off for what I did back then...


No 

Because what several people here are forgetting is that people who do not have pets, or in particular cats who are allowed out, do not realise that they can be causing a problem in any way by feeding, or don't realise the cat has a home at all. You can say the person did something wrong but you cannot blame them, because their intentions were good and they didn't cause actual harm. That is why you talk to them calmly and explain rather than start yelling or scolding.

With all the people out there who do wish to steal or cause harm to cats, you'd think the last people that folks would be getting ragey at are their fellow animal lovers, seriously.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Jiskefet said:


> I think it is very naive to think of a conviction or even a police report would be present as evidence..... There is some justice in this world sometimes, but quite often, there is lots of injustice.
> 
> People can steal your stuff, your pets, even your identity, and very often you will not get justice. So a quest for evidence in the sense of justice having been done in such cases is a losing battle.
> If you go on a quest, it should rather be to make people see that they have a right to see justice done than to demand proof of justice having been done as evidence of the fact that a crime has been committed.
> ...


Gah. Now you are just making things up. :lol:


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## Twiggs (Jul 9, 2012)

To summarise (after 16 pages) for the op

Was it wrong to feed and encourage a cat that did not belong to ypu? 
If we are being honest yes.

Should the owner of the cat rrsponded by abusing and threatening you?
Unequivocally no.

What should you do next?
Don't feed the cat.
Don't stop going outside, that way madness lies.
Do find a way tp fill your time - get a job; find spme volunteer work; start a hobby; sign up for an Open University cpurse and learn something new.

(oh and for anyone who thinks I am being unfair to the op, I am being honest and if she didn't want an honest answer then she should have mentioned that in her first post.)


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Twiggs said:


> To summarise (after 16 pages) for the op
> 
> Was it wrong to feed and encourage a cat that did not belong to ypu?
> *If we are being honest yes.
> *


Speak for yourself. Many of us do not agree so your "we" is not accurate. 

How can it be wrong to help a fellow living being perceived to be in need of help? I just don't get that kind of attitude.

The rest of your post does contain some good advice, except for the snarky "if you didn't want honesty" comment at the end. Again, your honesty is not everyone's.



> Should the owner of the cat rrsponded by abusing and threatening you?
> Unequivocally no.
> 
> What should you do next?
> ...


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Was the OP wrong in the sens that she deserved the treatment she got from her neighbour - most definitely no. She did it out of ignorance and the goodness of her heart, not out of malice.

Was she wrong in the sense that she should have checked if the cat had a home before starting to feed it on a regular basis and even allowing it in, not knowing if the true owner might be searching for it - yes.

Should people be told not to simply assume a cat is a stray because it likes food and cuddles from you - again yes.

Should people be made aware that if they assume a cat to be a stray, they should check lost and found sites and make enquiries in the neighbourhood, and if that is inconclusive, take the cat to a vet or rescue to check it for a microchip - yes again.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

monsterism said:


> Posted this in another anxiery forum but need some advice from pet owners...
> 
> Oh man just had a ear bashing from a cat owner regarding her tabby. Short story is the tabby has been coming over the past few months, we been feeding her and letting her stay recently. We didn't know she had an owner until today.Just really shook up by the whole situation, I can feel it festering and my anxiety sky rocketing as I feel like I done something extremely bad and it sort of reinforced me not going out in case I see her again. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, I hope it makes sense but just feel crap now.
> 
> However, was what I did wrong?, I didn't mean any harm but he kept coming over and we got used to the little fella. If I knew it was owned by someone we would have never done this and cause this upset.


Appologise and explain the situation that is all you can do if the owner can't accept that then you just have to break contact with them. Their is nothing more you can do then that really.


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Jiskefet said:


> Was the OP wrong in the sens that she deserved the treatment she got from her neighbour - most definitely no. She did it out of ignorance and the goodness of her heart, not out of malice.
> 
> *Was she wrong in the sense that she should have checked if the cat had a home before starting to feed it on a regular basis and even allowing it in, not knowing if the true owner might be searching for it - yes.*
> 
> ...


I guess it's a semantics thing. See, I can't see using the word "wrong", because _she didn't know_ to do that.

Now, she does.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

Can I ask hypothetically?
Say a cat shows up at my house - we live out in the boonies, nearest neighbor is about a mile away and I know its not their cat.
Cat shows up, looks hungry, its wicked cold out, cat is outside my window meowing. I check the cat for a collar or other identification, there is none. Its Friday evening, AC doesnt work non emergencies on the weekend, and the vet isnt available to take the cat in for a scan until Monday. 
Are we now suggesting that I ignore the cold, hungry cat for days until I can figure out who he belongs to?
Or wait until I can find the time to run to the vet, also making sure I first get a cat carrier, put the cat in it, hope the cat doesnt go ballistic in the car on the way there. Or call AC and have the cat taken, scanned, and if there is nothing identifying, the cat will be euthanized after the 5 day stray hold. 

OR I can feed the cat, give it a warm place to stay, let him back out when hes ready, free to go back where he came from?

If that were my cat I know which one Id prefer happen to him....


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

It was an honest mistake unless the cat has a collar you can't tell if its owned (unless it was underweight)). If the owner did not wish someone else to look after her cat she should have kept her cat inside.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

Prowl said:


> It was an honest mistake unless the cat has a collar you can't tell if its owned (unless it was underweight)). If the owner did not wish someone else to look after her cat she should have kept her cat inside.


Yes the OP did make a mistake thats clear. However, I don't agree with your last statement. Just because someone lets their cat out it doesn't entitle other people to help themselves to your cat. It's plan wrong.


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

ouesi said:


> Are we now suggesting that I ignore the cold, hungry cat for days until I can figure out who he belongs to?
> Or wait until I can find the time to run to the vet, also making sure I first get a cat carrier, put the cat in it, hope the cat doesnt go ballistic in the car on the way there. Or call AC and have the cat taken, scanned, and if there is nothing identifying, the cat will be euthanized after the 5 day stray hold.


Yes, I believe that is what some are suggesting as to do otherwise would be "taking" their cat, which is stealing and unequivocally wrong.

I know which scenario I would prefer as well. And it's very interesting to me how emotional this debate is for people that they snatched a bait that was not offered in order to proceed down the the indoor/outdoor road yet again and cannot see beyond absolutes into practicalities.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Prowl said:


> It was an honest mistake unless the cat has a collar you can't tell if its owned (unless it was underweight)). If the owner did not wish someone else to look after her cat she should have kept her cat inside.


No.
Unless the cat is underweight or you live way beyond the territory of neighbourhood cats, like in ouesi's hypothetical case, you have no reason to assume the cat is lost or needs feeding.

In the case of a cat turning up miles from the house of the nearest possible owner on a friday night, I'd allow him in and take him to the vet at the earliest opportunity, which in this hypohetical case would be monday. Meanwhile I would check the lost and found sites to see if he has been reported missing.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

Julie100uk said:


> Yes the OP did make a mistake thats clear. However, I don't agree with your last statement. Just because someone lets their cat out it doesn't entitle other people to help themselves to your cat. It's plan wrong.


Its true though and it does happen.

My friend lost her cat that way to a neighbour adopted her cat.
My neighbours adopted also adopted a cat that way all though this cat was actually a stray it had no collar and was very underweight.

If I let my dog roam someone would probably have her.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

dagny0823 said:


> Yes, I believe that is what some are suggesting as to do otherwise would be "*taking" their cat, which is stealing *and unequivocally wrong.
> 
> I know which scenario I would prefer as well. And it's very interesting to me how emotional this debate is for people that they snatched a bait that was not offered in order to proceed down the the indoor/outdoor road yet again and cannot see beyond absolutes into practicalities.


Don't want your cat stollen don't let them roam free!! Also unless the cat if the cat is not wearing a collar or microchipped how is it stealing??

If you found a £20 note you would probably pocket it rather then hand it in to the police.


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## Julie100uk (Oct 10, 2013)

Prowl said:


> Don't want your cat stollen don't let them roam free!! Also unless the cat if the cat is not wearing a collar or microchipped how is it stealing??
> 
> If you found a £20 note you would probably pocket it rather then hand it in to the police.


People should not steal, simple, no grey areas, if you take something that doesn't belong to you it's theft, especially when no checks are made to see if it belongs to someone. You can't equate a £20 note with someone's pet.


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

Prowl said:


> Don't want your cat stollen don't let them roam free!! Also unless the cat if the cat is not wearing a collar or microchipped how is it stealing??
> 
> If you found a £20 note you would probably pocket it rather then hand it in to the police.


Ummm, you do realize I agree with you, right?


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## Twiggs (Jul 9, 2012)

Prowl said:


> Don't want your cat stollen don't let them roam free!! Also unless the cat if the cat is not wearing a collar or microchipped how is it stealing??
> 
> If you found a £20 note you would probably pocket it rather then hand it in to the police.


You have a very odd understanding of right and wrong.

Plus your words are an absolute kick in the teeth for anyone who has had their cat stolen and you really ought to apologise.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

Jiskefet said:


> No.
> Unless the cat is underweight or you live way beyond the territory of neighbourhood cats, like in ouesi's hypothetical case, you have no reason to assume the cat is lost or needs feeding.
> 
> In the case of a cat turning up miles from the house of the nearest possible owner on a friday night, I'd allow him in and take him to the vet at the earliest opportunity, which in this hypohetical case would be monday. Meanwhile I would check the lost and found sites to see if he has been reported missing.


IOW, there are grey areas instead of an absolute if you feed a cat that shows up youre in the wrong?

What if I have a group of ferals that I leave food out for? What if your indoor/outdoor cat helps himself to my outdoor cats' food?

What if I have a bird friendly yard and your indoor/outdoor cat loves coming over and snacking on the birds who frequent my bird feeder? Does that count as feeding your cat too? 
What if I have a horse in my backyard and a healthy mouse population feeding on the grain and your cat comes over to snack on the mice in my tack room? Should I be faulted for providing food and entertainment for the local cats with my mouse population?

At what point do you accept that if you choose to let your cat out, you cant expect to be in control of what food" that cat gets in to? This is not a judgement call on anyone who lets their cat outside - I do. I just dont understand the animosity against someone for doing something as innocent as offering a cat food. 
Considering all the horrible things that people do to cats who show up on their property, I cant believe any cat owner would be anything other than grateful to find out a neighbor was being nice to their cat.


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## Twiggs (Jul 9, 2012)

ouesi said:


> IOW, there are grey areas instead of an absolute if you feed a cat that shows up youre in the wrong?
> 
> What if I have a group of ferals that I leave food out for? What if your indoor/outdoor cat helps himself to my outdoor cats' food?
> 
> ...


Oh for goodness sake!


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## oggers86 (Nov 14, 2011)

Prowl said:


> Its true though and it does happen.
> 
> My friend lost her cat that way to a neighbour adopted her cat.
> My neighbours adopted also adopted a cat that way all though this cat was actually a stray it had no collar and was very underweight.
> ...


Some people will try and steal something they deem worth it which is often why pedigrees are not allowed outside. However it doesnt make it right that people will steal a pet, just the same as anything else.

Moggies are unlikely to be stolen for their value but it is possible that someone will take them just because they can. I think anybody that is genuine would try and find the owner by putting up posters, checking for a chip.

There is a risk of letting any cat roam, theft, injury etc but sometimes we give the cat that option because it is truly the best for them. What happens in these cases? I want my cats indoors for their own safety and my own peace of mind but if in six months they cant adjust I will have no choice to go back to free roaming. I don't deserve to have my cat stolen because I am trying to do what is best for them, however it is a risk that it might happen. Nobody deserves to have their stuff taken from them, be it a bike, a lawnmower or a cat but I understand that we dont live in a perfect world and theft happens.

I think instead of putting the blame on innocent parties we should be educating non cat owners on how to deal with a cat showing up. I for one would be grateful if someone took care of my cat because they genuinely feared for its health and safety but I would expect them to attempt to track me down. If a potential stray cat shows up then it is important to scan for a microchip at the first available opportunity and put up posters to say they had found a cat if there was no microchip.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> I think it is very naive to think of a conviction or even a police report would be present as evidence..... There is some justice in this world sometimes, but quite often, there is lots of injustice.


Yeah, maybe it's very naive. Or maybe it's just technically accurate. In the absence of a conviction there's no proof that the cat was actually stolen. It could have been a misunderstanding. If there was no conviction, and the other party in the anecdote were identified, the post could be considered defamatory.

Of course stealing is wrong, and illegal. I agree with this position.

Of course we shouldnt feed cats if we know they belong to someone else. I agree with this too.

The point at issue seems to be the attitude of the person who feeds someone elses cat  whether they know its someone elses cat and whether they know they should check if its a stray before feeding it.

Insurance companies recognise that despite the illegality of theft there is a risk that your property will nevertheless be stolen. They also expect the owner to take appropriate security measures, such as locking a car  an unocked car is too big a risk, and they wont pay out if the car is taken, although the police will still prosecute the crime.

Intention is central to the definition of theft: if the mens rea (guilty mind, i.e. dishonesty) is proved, the actus reus (guilty act) is established as theft. In England and Wales, if you look after a cat who turns out to belong to someone else, you may be required to give it back, but you wont be prosecuted for theft unless the Crown can demonstrate that you intentionally stole it.

In this case, the original owner got her cat back, with some difficulty:
Owner wins nine-month cat custody battle - Telegraph

In this case, it could be proved that the person who took the cat did so illegally, and she was convicted:
BBC News - MP John Hemming's wife found guilty of kitten theft

So luring a cat that you know to be someone elses cat is theft (a mens rea of dishonesty  if it can be proved that the defendant deliberately lured the cat to his/her home), but feeding or adopting a cat you dont know to be someone elses would not be prosecuted, as there is no dishonesty involved. People should attempt to establish that a cat is a stray before they adopt it, but even if they fail to do so, unless dishonesty can be proved its unlikely to be considered theft.



Jiskefet said:


> But that doesn't mean people should be telling cat owners they should accept it as a matter of course that if your cat goes out, other people will start feeding them and taking them in..... that if a cat suddenly disappears because others have 'adopted' him without ever checking if he has a home somewhere, it's their own fault for allowing them out....
> 
> And that is what has been happening on this thread.


Well, that's not what I've said. I've made it very clear that I don't think it's the owner's fault for letting the cat out. What I've said is that owners are responsible for their cats.

Like many other crimes, stealing is something that seems quite obvious to the victim, but technically its complicated by the necessity of proving that the thief had dishonest intentions. In the case of living creatures such as cats, especially outdoor cats who can roam free, it will always be difficult to establish dishonesty if someone else adopts the animal. This places owners in a very difficult position, especially as many owners consider collars unsafe. If someone else adopts your cat, you can get it back if you can prove it's yours, but it's unlikely to be considered theft in the legal sense.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

All you people who think it right to feed cats that turn up at your door please read my post on page 14. I own a feral. I adopted her from the rescue but she doesnt want to be a house cat. She lives in the park but for 9 years she would come home for food and I could check on her. She shows herself to nobody but hubby and me and I take care of her. But she hates living in a house.
Now some old lady in the retirement home in the park is feeding what she assumes to be strays. My girl now gets food in her park and doent come home any more. I do not begrudge her the free life she craves but I can now no longer check on her health or take her to the vet. She is microchipped and registered to me. No collar, as she almost got killed by a safety collar TWICE. Even safety collars are unsafe.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> Now some old lady in the retirement home in the park is feeding what she assumes to be strays. My girl now gets food in her park and doent come home any more.


Have you talked to the old lady and asked her politely not to feed your cat?


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

Jiskefet said:


> All you people who think it right to feed cats that turn up at your door please read my post on page 14. I own a feral. I adopted her from the rescue but she doesnt want to be a house cat. She lives in the park but for 9 years she would come home for food and I could check on her. She shows herself to nobody but hubby and me and I take care of her. But she hates living in a house.
> Now some old lady in the retirement home in the park is feeding what she assumes to be strays. My girl now gets food in her park and doent come home any more. I do not begrudge her the free life she craves but I can now no longer check on her health or take her to the vet. She is microchipped and registered to me. No collar, as she almost got killed by a safety collar TWICE. Even safety collars are unsafe.


You cant take your one individual situation and from it extrapolate an unbending rule for every outdoor cat out there.

Thats the point, that there are multiple grey areas, there is not absolute right or wrong way to deal with a cat that shows up at your house.

And just as importantly, kind, well-intentioned people should not be made to feel like criminals for showing a cat some kindness.


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## smiler84 (Feb 4, 2012)

I haven't read the whole thread, but personally if someone was feeding my cat because they innocently thought he was a stray then I wouldn't be overly concerned - yes if I knew about it I would politely ask them not to and would let them know he's got a home! But I don't see any justification in going and shouting at someone who is just trying to help. 

my boy is way too antisocial for anyone to want to take him in anyway!


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Aeschylus said:


> Have you talked to the old lady and asked her politely not to feed your cat?


I am not blaming this particular lady. She is more than a little senile and utterly convinced she is rescuing poor kitties from certain death whatever anyone says to her. What I am trying to illustrate is that by feeding cats unknown to you, you can do serious harm to cat and owner, and that, if you DON'T have a screw loose like the old lady, there is no excuse for not trying to find out if the cat has a home before you add him to your menagerie


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> I am not blaming this particular lady. She is more than a little senile and utterly convinced she is rescuing poor kitties from certain death whatever anyone says to her. What I am trying to illustrate is that by feeding cats unknown to you, you can do serious harm to cat and owner, and that, if you DON'T have a screw loose like the old lady, there is no excuse for not trying to find out if the cat has a home before you add him to your menagerie


Yes, no doubt this particular lady is not in the best of health. It's nice that she cares about the cats that she thinks are strays. All the same, it's your cat she's feeding... are you sure she's giving it appropriate food in appropriate quantities? Are there staff at the retirement home you can speak to about it?

It makes sense to me that you can allow for senility as a reason to feed other people's cats. My own view is that kindness is also a reason.

Not sure what you mean about adding the cat to a menagerie - I would expect that people who already have cats (or other pets or any kind of menagerie) would think to check for existing owners. My point is that people who are not cat owners simply don't know - for example they might not even know of the existence of microchips. Those are the people most likely to make an honest mistake.

If the woman feeding your cats has dementia, it's a progressive illness... Do you have a plan about what to do if she becomes too unwell to continue to feed your cat? I imagine you're keeping an eye on the situation?


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## tigerboo (Jan 30, 2013)

I agree with jiskefet basically don't feed any stray animal as you don't no if they have any problems


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## dagny0823 (Oct 20, 2009)

Yes, someone should make an effort to find an owner.

However, it is a huge leap to a conclusion that feeding a cat is taking it. I can feed a cat that shows up, and have done so because it looked lost/hungry/etc. But I'm not adding it to my pets and I'm not deliberately wronging someone. Obviously if a cat shows up and it's sleek, glossy, in rude health and is just making its rounds, then I won't bother with it--maybe give it a scratch behind the ears if it's friendly. I love animals and I wouldn't care if someone petted one of mine if it happened by their house. It sure beats giving it a kick. 

But if a cat keeps showing up, crying, looking less than well-kept, then I'm going to wonder if it is a stray, abandoned, or one of those cats whose owners can't handle having it in the house and just open the door for it to go out and fend for itself all day. There are many people who think this is the definition of "having a cat". Many of those kinds of people will also tell you that keeping a cat is so easy because you don't need a litter box---you just send it outside and it goes where it wants and mostly feeds itself. I don't think these people are even the minority of indoor/outdoor cat owners. 

We have someone who lives nearby--can't figure out who--but they have a gorgeous ginger and white LH male who they let wander in nice weather. He's unneutered, so I'm sure there are lots of his progeny about. He's friendly, so we pet him. He obviously has a nice warm place to sleep and is cared for and doesn't look at all ratty, so we don't feed him, but we certainly do pet him when he's stopping by. He definitely marks his territory---the field next to us along the property line literally reeks of cat pee on hot days. It's vile.

So, here I sit on the fence about the practice of letting cats just roam about because it's natural for them to do so, and everyone who doesn't "own" the cat needs to just accept it and not interfere. I enjoy seeing Mr. Orange stop by. I like to give him a pat--he's a very nice cat. I think it's nice that he makes his rounds and does his little cat things and is living a free unencumbered sort of natural life. However, I worry about him getting squished on the road. I abhor the idea that he's making countless kittens with the other cats that are free-roaming and I find this a terribly irresponsible thing on the part of his owners, who obviously care for him in other ways. And I especially hate the reek of cat pee by my swimming pool and garage, so sharp sometimes that it can nearly make you gag. I hate that there's cat poo out back for my dogs to snack on, which is nasty and who knows what they might catch. And of course that makes me resent the unknown owners who think this is just peachy and natural---they aren't gagging on the smell, certainly!

So, this is a bit tangential to the OPs dilemma (and most of the discussion has evolved to be tangential), but it's a curious debate that is never settled that goes along with her question. When you let a pet you call your own wander about, it does impact your neighbours. Some neighbours won't take kindly to that impact, and might poison your cat for you. Some are nice and will feed it, which obviously deeply offends some people who interpret feeding the cat as stealing it. Some neighbours live and let live, but obviously feel the presence of the wandering pet, whether positively or negatively. 

Personally, I keep all of mine inside. I don't want to have to worry about them meeting unfriendly wildlife, dogs, neighbours, or cars. I would feel guilty about my pet using my neighbours' property as their litter box, absolving me of the least pleasant aspect of cat ownership. I like to know where they are. We are building a cat run so that they can enjoy outside time, but without the risks and "interactions", shall we say, with the neighbours. I don't think people who let their cats roam are necessarily irresponsible and I appreciate they want their cats to enjoy a natural life. However, I do think people who don't neuter, or who are shirking responsibility by letting the cat do business elsewhere, or who just want the cat out of the house because it bothers them, are indeed irresponsible. 

So, that said, to return to the first post. The OP didn't know. The cat was using its wiles to ensnare her affections, to get some love and food. Cats will do that . Should she have checked around? Sure, but who knows if a search would have led to a definitive answer anyway. Is feeding the cat the end of the world? I doubt it. If the owner was sincerely concerned, she would have put a collar or a paper collar on to say there was a food allergy or some other issue. If someone fed my cat and I had let it wander AND failed to somehow designate that all food was off limits (and how can you control that when it wanders anyway? Do you know what your kids are doing every second when they are away from you?) I certainly wouldn't make creepy threats and berate them. If my car (not to compare to an inanimate object, but bear with me) ended up in someone's driveway, maybe it rolled there, but nobody put it there, and they polished it up and filled the tank, I think I'd actually be happy that they did that instead of pushing it out into the street or worse. And I wouldn't feel they stole it. I think I'd thank them for their trouble and make sure my car didn't roll down the street too often (although with the price of petrol, maybe I'd give it a push in that scenario :lol 

There seems to be a confusion in this very emotional topic about the definitions of responsibility and blame, among other things. And a very revealing subtext about absolutes that some ancient Greek philosophers would have enjoyed.


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Aeschylus said:


> Yes, no doubt this particular lady is not in the best of health. It's nice that she cares about the cats that she thinks are strays. All the same, it's your cat she's feeding... are you sure she's giving it appropriate food in appropriate quantities? Are there staff at the retirement home you can speak to about it?
> 
> It makes sense to me that you can allow for senility as a reason to feed other people's cats. My own view is that kindness is also a reason.
> 
> ...


The lady is posing a real problem. Not only because my cat is no longer coming home, but also because she is putting food out 'for the cats' in a park along a river, so she is in effect also feeding the rats.
But short of packing her off to a closed ward of a nursing home (which only the retirement home or the relatives can initiate, and only with the lady's consent) there is little anyone can do about it. The staff of the retirement home cannot police her 24/7, and she does not seem to understand why she should not feed the cats. And she may not even be the only person feeding cats, she happens to be the one I know about.

It is a big retirement home, with many relatively independent flats and apartments. People receive their dinner in their room if they choose not to eat it in the restaurant, and they also have ham, bacon and other things in their own fridge. And there is no-one to stop them from walking to the shop around the corner and buying cat food, either.

Hubby and I go around to the park as often as possible, and sometimes Tosca will show herself. When she does, she is positively ecstatic to see us, hugging our legs and running around like mad, though she bolts back into the undergrowth the moment she spots any strangers. I cannot even tell the feeder or feeders not to feed MY cat, as I am sure they will never set eyes on her, except a silhouette in the dark through the window, maybe. She will wait till they go back inside before approaching the food.
She was born feral and has remained feral, though she loves and trusts us, her slaves.


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## Blackcats (Apr 13, 2013)

To be honest, I am lost on why there is a heated discussion on this thread with some people saying everyone is agreeing that it is fine to feed other people's cats. From everything I have read (Perhaps I missed a page or two. Who knows) I did not see anyone on here agreeing that it is fine to feed another person's cat.

I saw some comments from members saying they wouldn't mind if their cat was fed by someone else provided they knew who it was and what it was consuming. That's surely up to them if they are basing their opinion on THEIR own cat?

I don't think it's right for somebody to feed another cat when it's not there's, if they know it belongs to someone else. A lot of people will believe a cat with no collar might not be owned. I get the reason why some owners don't like collars on their cats but if I saw a cat meowing outside my window, wearing no collar, looking quite thin, I would presume it is a stray and take it in to give it warmth and food. 

Then it would be found posters up around the areas with my contact number. If I got a nasty response, well, I would take it. Because I would have hated to ignore that cat if it was a stray and have it rummaging through bins, etc.


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

Jiskefet said:


> The lady is posing a real problem. Not only because my cat is no longer coming home, but also because she is putting food out 'for the cats' in a park along a river, so she is in effect also feeding the rats.


Yikes! She's probably messing with the entire ecosystem.



Jiskefet said:


> But short of packing her off to a closed ward of a nursing home (which only the retirement home or the relatives can initiate, and only with the lady's consent) there is little anyone can do about it. The staff of the retirement home cannot police her 24/7, and she does not seem to understand why she should not feed the cats. And she may not even be the only person feeding cats, she happens to be the one I know about.


Yes, I can see why it's such a difficult situation to deal with.



Jiskefet said:


> Hubby and I go around to the park as often as possible, and sometimes Tosca will show herself. When she does, she is positively ecstatic to see us, hugging our legs and running around like mad, though she bolts back into the undergrowth the moment she spots any strangers. I cannot even tell the feeder or feeders not to feed MY cat, as I am sure they will never set eyes on her, except a silhouette in the dark through the window, maybe. She will wait till they go back inside before approaching the food.
> She was born feral and has remained feral, though she loves and trusts us, her slaves.


She sounds like a sweetie. It must be very worrying for you, but it's great that you're able to keep an eye on her. Is she one of the cats in your signature?


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

tigerboo said:


> I agree with jiskefet basically don't feed any stray animal as you don't no if they have any problems


Yeah just let the cat starve to death or become feral and overpopulate:mad2:


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## Jiskefet (May 15, 2011)

Aeschylus said:


> She sounds like a sweetie. It must be very worrying for you, but it's great that you're able to keep an eye on her. Is she one of the cats in your signature?


Tosca is a gorgeous little cat. She will be 10 years old this year, and we have 'had' her since she was about 5 months old. She had been caught living wild with her mother and 2 siblings 2 weeks previously. The mother was neutered and returned to the place they caught her, in a polder with several farms, quite close to the river. Which is probably why Tosca loves to live in the park along the river, too.

When we first had her, we kept her indoors, of course, but she has been trying to go outside right from the start, and we had her spayed as soon as possible, just in case. Once she mastered the cat flap, there was no holding her indoors.

In 2009, she disappeared for 2 weeks, and we think she got herself locked in in some shed, and was too scared of other people to try and escape when the door was opened. An animal communicator told me she was in a dark place, which stank like something rotting, and she was hurt on the left side of her face or neck. When we had already given up hope of ever seeing her again, she came home emaciated, with her collar all stretched and stuck under her left armpit. The wound stank just like the communicator described, and stretched from the left side of her breast to the armpit.

She had a rubber collar at the time, which I cut very short, so it would be pulled open rather than slide and get wider. She used to have a safety collar before that, but she once got it stuck on a branch and it didn't break loose, but worked as a noose instead. She almost choked, and if we hadn't found her when we did, she would have.

But this rubber collar didn't slide open when she caught it on something, it stretched, and she put her paw through it. There was a festering wound under her armpit, which wouldn't heal. We kept her in, of course, but even with a cone around her neck, she smashed through a cat flap and broke the flap to get out. I put op posters everywhere, urging people not to approach her, but to phone me if they spotted her. A nurse from the retirement home on her way home from a late shift spotted a feline shadow wearing a cone very determinedly making her way through the park, and the next morning she was home again.

She kept trying to escape, but with the wound not healing and getting reinfected several times, we had to keep her in. She got so depressed and listless we were worried she was losing her desire to live, so I told the vet he would need to perform a skin transplant and close the wound once and for all, or we might have to PTS. It simply wasn't fair, she really pined away.

She cost me a fortune in vet bills, which weren't covered by insurance, but I couldn't care less. The transplant was a success, and my girl was healthy and happy again.

these are some recent threads about her...

http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/332713-sometimes-miracles-do-happen.html

http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/337699-hadnt-seen-tosca-days.html

http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/339921-tosca-came-home-st-nicholas-eve.html

http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/340131-tosca-enjoying-her-new-blanket.html

http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/339071-visiting-tosca-her-realm-pic-heavy.html

http://www.petforums.co.uk/cat-chat/338958-she-finally-going-really-feral.html


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## Aeschylus (Sep 19, 2013)

She's beautiful - I loved the pics of her on her new blanket! I read all the threads you linked to, and I can imagine how excited you must be when she comes home, and how hard it is to see her go again.

Most cats born feral don't have anything like the wonderful life you've given Tosca, so she's a really lucky kitty. I understand why you respect her choice to live in the park, even though it's hard for you. 

I hope she comes home for another visit soon!


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

Lol, meanwhile th OP is MIA


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2014)

merlin12 said:


> Lol, meanwhile th OP is MIA


Can you blame them??


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## merlin12 (Jun 24, 2011)

Prowl said:


> Can you blame them??


Nope but it´s our way, we tend to do that.


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