# lost my boy yesterday



## poochkins (Mar 2, 2014)

Hi all. Not really sure why Im posting. Maybe its just to pour out my feelings anonymously to those who understand. Maybe I think it will help, although I am strangely calm. Sorry its a bit long

I had 2 dogs, mixed terrier siblings - kookie (boy), nibbler (girl). Rescued from a dogs home at roughly 18 months old. My god they were naughty but over the years they calmed and were much loved members of the family. 

10 days ago kookie had problems jumping up and then trouble walking. A trip to the vet ascertained a back or spinal problem, this turned into neurological as the vet continued to watch him as he waited for xray. 

In the short, kookie was referred to Liverpool animal hospital who diagnosed brain inflammation on mri. Not a brain tumour thank god, but after 3 days in ICU they couldnt relieve the pressure and he went into cardiac arrest. We made the call to let him go. The worst moment of my life. We dont know what caused his inflammation but he never responded to treatment despite how hard they tried. He was just 7. 

We had him privately cremated the same day, and went to pick up his ashes today. We took nibbler with us. It was what I felt to be as close to losing a child as I ever want to experience. His casket is simple and first glance had me and kookies dad in tears. How could we swap our beloved furry friend for a box? They gave us a lock of his fur in a keyring, I cant look at that but dad feels comfort from it. 

It's somewhat settling to have him home. The crem was amazing and he was home within 29hrs of his death. I find the box comforting as I see it in my cabinet, im not afraid to look at it, even as heavy as my heart feels. Dad is a little more uneasy, he was the one who took kookie to Liverpool and has bad memories of leaving him there. 

Maybe I had started grieving from the moment he couldn't walk? I dont know but I think having him PTS would have been more traumatic. I miss him despite his naughtiness. 

Nibbler is also calm, very quiet but much more affectionate. She seems to have taken on some of his traits on walks - marking and sniffing every 10 yards. She rarely did that when kookie was here. I think she knew he was poorly. 

I know I will see him some day but feel robbed of the years he should have had ahead. He was very unlucky. In the distant future when Nibblers time comes I will mix their ashes so they can be together forever. I know he's at Rainbow bridge waiting for us and when we get there he'll get the biggest squeeze I can muster. 

Big hugs to those who have lost or are losing your companions. Its a lonely place. 

Pam xx


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## Ceiling Kitty (Mar 7, 2010)

Aw, bless you.  Not sure what to say.

RIP Kookie, and hugs for you and Nibbler xxxx


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## Firedog (Oct 19, 2011)

So sorry for your loss.x


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

So sorry for your loss. It's always hard to say goodbye to a much-loved pet, but especially so when they are so young and you are not expecting to be without them for many years to come. ((x))

RIP Kookie


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## loubyfrog (Feb 29, 2012)

So sorry for your loss.

Sleep tight Kookie.xx


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## Dianne58 (Feb 22, 2014)

It is never easy to say goodbye to our fur baby's I know I have lost 3 over the years  I'm so sorry for your loss  but be reassured that you gave your Kookie the best of everything :001_wub:

Sleep tight little man R.I.P :001_wub: x x x


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## lucylastic (Apr 9, 2011)

Aww, bless you Poochkins. Be assured that we all feel your pain. Treasure those happy memories. 
Maybe when you can, we would love to see a photo or three.


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## 8tansox (Jan 29, 2010)

So very sorry for your loss. xxxx


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## jaycee05 (Sep 24, 2012)

So very sorry for your loss, t is hard to come to terms with especially when they are so young, I am guessing nibbler will feel lonely too, and become more affectionate to you, as my cat did after losing her companion of 14 years, they did everything together. RIP, little boy


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## Roger Downes (Sep 17, 2013)

So very sorry. RIP little Kookie.


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## katie200 (May 11, 2009)

I'm really sorry RIP Kookie ((((HUGS)))


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## branwen (Nov 27, 2013)

So very sorry for your loss..

RIP Kookie...run free at the bridge x.


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## lilythepink (Jul 24, 2013)

so sorry, hugs


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## noushka05 (Mar 28, 2008)

I'm so very sorry for your loss 

Sleep peacefully little fella xxx



.


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## Poppysmummy (Mar 3, 2014)

_so sorry for your loss he'll be in peace now rip little kookie _


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## Yourgifts Ourgifts (Apr 12, 2009)

Pain free little man....


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## poochkins (Mar 2, 2014)

Thanks for your messages. Means a lot. Back to work today so been keeping busy. It was odd to have one pooch greeting me on my return rather than 2, but Nibs seems to be settling fine without her pal. 

Shes been promoted to sleeping in my room (unless it causes issues!) So we get loads of cuddle time. She sleeps better than the kids!
Ill post a picture when I figure out how to do that.

Pam x


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## Panele (Mar 11, 2014)

oh gosh,poor thing you are,i`m sorry to hear that  so sorry for your loss


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## Rosie64 (Feb 27, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss my heart and best wishes go out to you all


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## Polly G (Apr 30, 2013)

So sorry that you have lost your lovely Kookie. Sleep tight little man x


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

So sorry for your loss of Kookie.

R.I.P Kookie and run free at Rainbow Bridge xx


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm so sorry you have lost your beautiful Kookie. He is no longer suffering and sleeping in the arms of angels.


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## JordanWalker (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear for your loss, Pam. I know it's so hard for you to accept but for sure, Kookie is happy wherever he is right now. He already has a special room in Heaven and that's for sure. Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is very had but treasure all those happy memories with him.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

SO very sorry to hear of your loss. You and Nibbler will need to be there for each other, because you will both miss Kookie terribly over the next few weeks and months, and I would think that you will see and hear him - I know that I did when I have lost my babies. It is both upsetting and comforting.

I truly believe that we will meet our beloved pets again one day, but in the meanwhile we miss them - their bad points and their good ones, because that is what made them "them". They are such wonderful individual little characters.

Try to comfort yourself with the thought that Kookie (and Nibbler) have had nothing but love from you, and that you have given, and with Nibbler, continue to give, care and affection that they hadn't know in their former life. You have always doe your best - you have given them so much, and they have given so much to you. Nothing will get rid of your pain, but over time it will become less, and one day you will wake up and Kookie will not be the first thing you think o. When this happens, don't feel guilty - it is just the start of your healing. You will never forget him , and nor will you want to, but the pain will become less, and you will be able to think of him without that dreadful ache you are experiencing now.

God bless, both you and little Nibbler. And I know that Kookie is safe in the arms of God.


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## RubyFelicity (Aug 26, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## rose (Apr 29, 2009)

So sorry. RIP xxx


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## GillyR (Nov 2, 2009)

It is hard, am so sorry. Big loves....love never ends....you will always have the love you felt for them((hugs))


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## Jansheff (Jan 31, 2011)

Sorry for your loss. RIP little one x


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