# Struggling :(



## NAB07 (Jun 28, 2014)

I had to put my 16 year old dog to sleep on Wednesday. It was sudden and unexpected and has been a great shock. I've been torturing myself ever since it happened, going over every last detail of the days leading up to his death, what I could have done better, what I didn't do, whether I did the right thing, even things like did I kiss him enough as I held him while he was put to sleep? Just absolutely torturing myself. I'm more or less come to the conclusion that I did the right thing in terms of ending his pain. I made the decision as he got older that I wasn't going to keep him hanging on unnecessarily like I have done other pets, out of selfishness and denial. 

What is torturing me right now is the fact that I have no pictures of the two of us together. I keep recalling so many moments together that I should have taken advantage of to take a picture, and I didn't. Why didn't I? I was always behind the camera, wanting to capture all the moments and now I have nothing of the two of us together. Why is this torturing me so? I have hundreds of pictures of him throughout the years but none of them seem to be enough. Somehow I've got it into my head that because there aren't any pictures of the two of us together I didn't love him as much, which I realise is nonsense because I've been inconsolable since it happened. 

I've been trying to talk to people about this as it is causing me so much grief, anxiety and upset but all I get is ''you can't do anything about that now'', which is true I know but I just get the feeling I am being a burden and it isn't helping. I feel like i'm going mad. 16 years and no pictures together, why was I such an idiot? 

Please someone help me.


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## Britt (May 18, 2014)

So sorry for your loss 
I lost some of my cats over the years and the pain is still as bad as it was the day it happened. It's like losing a family member.


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

So very sorry hun x.
You may not have any pictures of you both together buy you have the memories in your heart and mind.
Please don't torture yourself with what you haven't got...what you had was 16 wonderful years with your beautiful dog and that is more precious than any picture.
He had you to love and look after him.
We've all been there and it doesn't get any easier but talking about him and posting some pics for us all to see will go some way towards the healing...he will always be part of you, with or without photos.
Thinking of you at this awful time.x
For what it's worth I don't have any of me with our dog, see my avatar pic...he died from a sudden brain tumour aged 11...I don't feel sad about not having pics with him because everytime I see his beautiful face in that avatar I remember the great times we had...you've got me bawling my eyes out now lol.x


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## Sled dog hotel (Aug 11, 2010)

NAB07 said:


> I had to put my 16 year old dog to sleep on Wednesday. It was sudden and unexpected and has been a great shock. I've been torturing myself ever since it happened, going over every last detail of the days leading up to his death, what I could have done better, what I didn't do, whether I did the right thing, even things like did I kiss him enough as I held him while he was put to sleep? Just absolutely torturing myself. I'm more or less come to the conclusion that I did the right thing in terms of ending his pain. I made the decision as he got older that I wasn't going to keep him hanging on unnecessarily like I have done other pets, out of selfishness and denial.
> 
> What is torturing me right now is the fact that I have no pictures of the two of us together. I keep recalling so many moments together that I should have taken advantage of to take a picture, and I didn't. Why didn't I? I was always behind the camera, wanting to capture all the moments and now I have nothing of the two of us together. Why is this torturing me so? I have hundreds of pictures of him throughout the years but none of them seem to be enough. Somehow I've got it into I my head that because there aren't any pictures of the two of us together I didn't love him as much, which I realise is nonsense because I've been inconsolable since it happened.
> 
> ...


I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dog, having had to make the decision and having lost 4 myself over the years I know exactly what your going through it never ever gets any easier.

Even when I have known there is nothing more I could have done, each time I have still found something to beat myself up about, most of my friends have dogs and have lost dogs too, and without exception each and every one of them has also beaten themselves up as well, wondering if they missed something, could have done something or did they make the right decision? I really think its part of the grieving process and that its something everyone or most goes through, saying this I know probably wont make you hurt any less, but people do understand how you feel, or at least true dog people who have gone through the loss of a beloved dos. Its odd too some of the things you do focus on and beat ourselves up about. One of the hardest things to accept is that there will eventually come a time, when with all the love and will in the world and the best vets and veterinary treatment we can afford and give them, there will come that time, when we can no longer do anything for them, and that the only thing we can do is to make the decision to set them free from anymore pain and suffering.

If you can truly answer, and Im sure that you can, each and every day you had him, that he had everything you could have possibly given him, including lots of love and everything he wanted and needed, and never knew a day without anything and knowing that you cared and loved him, then that's the main thing and you cant have done more or given him a better life. It will still hurt and you will miss him, but in time I promise you once you have grieved properly and gotten over the shock, there will come a time where instead of just thinking of the sadness loss and heartbreak you may be feeling now you will think of him and what you shared and remember with a smile again.

You may not have photos of the two of you together but like you say you do have photos of him, and he will always be there in your heart and memories, and nothing or no one can ever take away what you shared for those precious 16 years together.

When I lost my fourth dog last year I found this poem that helped and I hope it will help you too.

*May I Go?*
May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say goodbye to pain filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and living light.
I want to go
I really do.
It's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid,
because I see your tears
I'll not be far,
I promise that, and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you
wherever you may go
Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you too,
that's why it's hard to say goodbye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you'll let me go today
_Written for a beloved pet & friend.by Susan A. Jackson_


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Whenever we lose a beloved pet, we start to say ''what if'' and ''if only''. What if I'd taken him to the vet the week before...if only I'd got someone to take a picture of us together (in you case). It is natural for some people to have feelings of doubt and often guilt to a degree. Your dog was clearly loved every day of his life and in time you will remember the happy things and the many good times you had together.
So sorry for your loss((XX)).


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm very sorry you have lost your beloved friend. When we lose a pet, we all have questions going round in our head about what we did and didn't do, especially if it was unexpected so there is no time to prepare. I have a 17 year old dog so I understand how difficult it was for you. What is important is that you have photos of your dog to look at in the future, even if you don't have one of you together and one day you'll be able to look at them and smile at all the memories which you hold inside. If you are in the UK, and you want someone to talk to who won't judge or say things which you think are unfeeling, you could contact the Bereavement Service of the Blue Cross who are very understanding.
http://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support


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## Judgee (Jul 7, 2015)

One thing that has struck in the last few days is just how everyone, no matter how much they did for their beloved pets always seem to suffer from guilt more than anything else. I too am still really beating myself up about this at the moment and it is hard to live with. I did what I thought I could but it was such a difficult time I know I screwed up.

What I would suggest you think about with all your photos is that you might not be in them but you where there, and for every photo you have he new you were there with him and it made him happy.


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## LunaandSuki (Jul 8, 2015)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. My heart goes out to you during this very hard time. It's so difficult and painful- just know that you are not alone.

I lost one of my beloved cats 5 days ago and I'm really struggling with the grief. Like you, I don't have any pics of us together. I'm beating myself up about the fact that I don't have many recent pics- which is silly as I do- and have also convinced myself that she now thinks I don't love her because of it.

I know these thoughts are completely irrational but I guess that's what grief does to us. We just need to be strong and think that our fur babies would have wanted us to remember the happy memories.


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## Rott lover (Jan 2, 2015)

Time heals all wounds.My question is how much does it take and why does it seem to go so darn slow?


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## Rott lover (Jan 2, 2015)

I am sorry for your loss and hope you have better days ahead.


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## koolchick (Apr 5, 2011)

Firstly if you didn't love your dog enough you would not be feeling so upset now. You will always have memories of you together. It is the stupid little things you miss most when you lose a dog. When I lost my last dog 3 years ago today one thing that upset me most was when my mum was cutting grass on front garden she left the back gate open, something we have never been able to do before or since as we have always had a dog. Of course it was the reason behind her being able to leave the gate open that upset me but it's something you wouldn't think could upset you. Also today been cutting grass and my current dog has annoying habit of dropping his ball in way of lawn mower drives us mad but I know that is something we would both miss if we lost our dog.


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## Rott lover (Jan 2, 2015)

koolchick said:


> Firstly if you didn't love your dog enough you would not be feeling so upset now. You will always have memories of you together. It is the stupid little things you miss most when you lose a dog. When I lost my last dog 3 years ago today one thing that upset me most was when my mum was cutting grass on front garden she left the back gate open, something we have never been able to do before or since as we have always had a dog. Of course it was the reason behind her being able to leave the gate open that upset me but it's something you wouldn't think could upset you. Also today been cutting grass and my current dog has annoying habit of dropping his ball in way of lawn mower drives us mad but I know that is something we would both miss if we lost our dog.


Oliver at the end was drooling something horrible at the end and we used to complain constantly about it and after he was gone i actually dumped water on the floor.It wasnt the same though since it wasn't all slimy.


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## candy1567 (May 4, 2015)

we lost my beloved Fred 3 months ago, he was only 8yrs old but had a spine condition and was howling and crying in pain, i couldn't let him suffer like that so we had him put him to sleep, omg the guilt i felt and still feel. I still miss him he was like another leg even waiting for me outside the bathroom lol.

I have 2 sayings, time is a great healer, and to live in the hearts of those who love you is not to die, the memories you have of your dog will stay with you forever

Although we have now got another puppy Bailey, i still miss Fred, but now i think of him in a more positive way with the fun and antics he got up to and the guilt is now gone as i know he gave us 8 wonderful years and what a difference he made to our lives and us to him.

Take care and remember the good times, for every negative thought you have to come up with 2 positive ones 

Juliex


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## Bisbow (Feb 20, 2012)

So sorry, I know what you mean, the guilt is still there even though you know you did all that could be asked of you. I still feel it for Holly.

I will get better with time, I hope


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