# Puppy, My Dog and me Bonding issues.



## benogden123 (Jan 25, 2012)

Hi

i have just bought a new chocolate labrador male puppy ( 3 days ago) and its 8 weeks old, i also have a female chocolate labrador that is 2 years old.

First of all my 2 year old Bitch seems really sad and upset about the puppy and with me and my girlfriend this is making me really sad and upset and feeling on edge and anxious all the time - to the point that i dont even want to think about the new puppy.

i feel like my bitch Ruby has changed and she will never be back to how she used to be with me and that she hates me because of the new dog.

im finding it really difficult to bond with the new puppy too and dont like it being near me and i try to avoid it when Ruby is around in case she thinks i dont love her.

I thought it would be a good idea to get a new puppy because i thought i would really like it and Ruby would like having a friend to play with because she likes running around with other dogs when we go walking.

i didnt feel this anxious when i bought ruby when she was a puppy and i loved spending time with her ( she was my first ever dog)

i dont know how long it will take Ruby to adjust to the puppy and how long it will take me - shouldnt i feel that bond straight away rather than feel there is an intruder in my life.

I suffer with anxiety in general and am not good with change.

has anyone got any tips of what to do or do people think i should rehome the new puppy.

Any advice would be very helpful 

Thanks


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## EllesBelles (May 14, 2010)

Where did you get your new puppy from? If it was from a breeder, then they will often take puppies back to ensure that they get a good new home, and don't end up in a rescue.

Ruby will, I suspect, get used to having a puppy around. It's a difficult change for lone dogs to get used to sharing the attention, and puppies are hard work!

The bigger problem is that you aren't happy, and you'll need to put in a lot of work, effort and attention with the puppy. If you are worried about doing this, it might be better to give the puppy back.

We can give advice on helping Ruby to adjust, but first, do you want to keep the puppy? I suffer from anxiety too so I know how you feel, which is why its important to decide what you want to do.


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## hutch6 (May 9, 2008)

SNAP!!!

I got my first dog, had him for 18months and then got a rescue to fill the places my initial dog missed with his hair.

At first there was some hostile incidents and bit of what we term as moaning and those looks from my original dog but after a few months they were insepereable to the point where my original protects the rescue. He is relaly gonna miss him when he goes.

It's been a few days and you always think "Wouldn;t it be great if...." then it happens, the balance you have been used to is upset within the first minutes of the additional dog being home and then you get "...oh what have I done". You give it a couple of months and everythign bonds, all of them get along, the personalities come out and you can;t rememebr what is what liek beofre you got them.

With two dogs you want to:

Train Ruby 1 on 1. Have fun with her, train her, spend some time just sat with her and then finish with some fun.

Train pup 1 on 1. Nothing intense just start with the basics etc.

Train them together. Start with getting Ruby to sit, ask pup to do something and then reward Ruby and pup. 

We place so much meaning behind looks that we get from our dogs or how they react to stuff that we think things like "That dog hates me" no it doesn't. It's just adjusting to the new addition and dynamics that's all. 

I have had the same anxious feelings everytime I have taken on a ew dog be it a rescue or a foster but my original dog hasn't changed. He will work with me around new dogs but if I take him out on his own he is just thesame. If anything all of these new dogs having my attention most of the time lead me to givin ghim the odd bit here and there and he is totally different dog.
Before he would take himself to the other sid eof the room to where I was regardless and could only stand being stroked for about 20seconds before getting up, shaking himself and sulking off to another room as if saying "Get off me you big soft badger dirtying me with your stinking human hands!"
He was liek this simce he was 14 weeks old but now he's four (I think) and he seeks me out for a right good rub and stroking session and even growls at other dogs if they try and interupt - "Get off it's my turn you wee shite!"

I can't tell you what to do only you know that and need to dicuss with your girlfriend. Maybe have your girlfriend entertain the pup whilst you spend a bit of time with Ruby and then vice versa so you can sdpoend time with the pup without feeling guilty that Ruby is missing out.


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## Rolosmum (Oct 29, 2010)

I think unless you really are serious about rehoming the pup, which i would do preferably back to the breeder sooner rather than later, but if not -

you need to relax, take time to get to know the pup, dogs are good at adjusting and if your dog likes dogs in the park then there is no reason given time and the same love and care it should adapt to having a playmate at home.

You have two hands for a reason and that is one for each dog, you can fuss the two together, play games with them at the same time, and if you have something like a crate or gates you can separate them for some one to one time also.

I am sure if you relax more, analyse less and learn what a wonderful little dog your puppy is then your older dog will pick up on your relaxed and inviting manor and all will start to settle. Your older dog is probably sensing a reluctance on your part and an anxiousness around the puppy and is therefore picking up on your vibes as a cue for some of her behaviour.

Hope whatever you decide you can all be happy.


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## Barkie (Aug 22, 2011)

It is a huge change when you bring a puppy into an established household. I've suffered with anxiety in the past so I know what it feels like, well, how I felt and how it affected me at least. 

Ruby doesn't hate you, she's just got a new situation to adjust to and as I don't think she would want you to be displeased with her if she isn't sure what to do I'd bet she is waiting for guidance from you. Some dogs are unsure of puppies and want to avoid them to begin with and it doesn't mean they won't get to like them later.

It will be, as has been said by EllesBelles, a lot of work, effort and managing things so that the pup learns how to fit in and so that Ruby adjusts. If you really don't think you can cope with the pressure and it makes you feel very ill now and the breeder will take the pup back that is I think the best thing. If you decide you want to keep the puppy and want any advice on helping Ruby to adjust it's here for the asking.


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## benogden123 (Jan 25, 2012)

Hi

thanks for the reply - no i dont want to give up on the puppy - my anxiety isnt because of the puppy itself.

I feel guilty and as if im being unfaithfull to ruby and that i think she feels like i dont love her. i want to replace etc. Thats what is making me anxious.

The puppy will get the best care and attention, training etc - it wont be neglected. Maybe if i bond with it more so will my other dog.

Its just when i play with the puppy she looks at me so sad?


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## EllesBelles (May 14, 2010)

benogden123 said:


> Hi
> 
> thanks for the reply - no i dont want to give up on the puppy - my anxiety isnt because of the puppy itself.
> 
> ...


She doesn't know how to react to the new puppy yet. Treat the puppy with love and happiness, and she will, too. Then give her lots of fuss, and extra fuss when she interacts with the puppy well.

She's just a bit surprised, that's all.

Now, have you got photos of your doggies to show us?


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## benogden123 (Jan 25, 2012)

Hi

yes i dont know how to get them on though i have used the attachments button and lets see if it works.


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## benogden123 (Jan 25, 2012)

Hi

The first two are of Ruby and the last one one is of Bob the puppy


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## finoni9 (Sep 5, 2008)

We got a rescue dog when Rocky was 2 and he was very strange with it at first and wouldn't go near it.

The strange changing point was when we got the rescue groomed (he came with very long matted hair) and when I brought him back from the groomer, Rocky couldn't keep away from his - was very weird. Just give it time - maybe think of it like having a toddler then a new baby coming home and the toddler having to have time to adjust to sharing mum and dad


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## choclabwoody (Dec 23, 2011)

Hi
What a nice cute puppy you have there, you didn't say were you bought it from.


Colin & Woody


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## Malmum (Aug 1, 2010)

Give it a while. Ruby will take to the pup and love her doggy friend and I bet it won't take longer than a week as dogs like the company of another dog. You on the other hand sound as though you expected everything to fit in place immediately and it doesn't. Try to have a more positive outlook, look at it from the poor pups point of view, taken from mum and siblings to live with strangers and a strange dog. It's the pup you should be feeling sorry for as it didn't ask to come to your home and should be made to feel welcome not like a complete outsider. While you are feeling sad and giving off negative vibes you'll make Ruby feel the same, so it could be you who's causing the upset by not liking change than the pup. If you really don't want it and after three days you haven't given it much chance TBH, then you should see if the breeder will have it back. You're going to have a lot more to put up with once it starts chewing, peeing in the house and digging holes in the garden in the future and really should have thought it through before hand as all the upheaval isn't fair on a tiny puppy  but if you hang in there you'll end up experiencing the joys of owning two dogs and all the fun just observing then brings.


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## newfiesmum (Apr 21, 2010)

sorry to say this, but perhaps if you stop thinking of the puppy as "it" it might help. While you are anxious and don't like the puppy, then your dog is going to pick up on that and start to be suspicious of the poor little mite.

There is no reason in the world why your dog shouldn't bond with the new one, but you have only had him/her for three days, give it time.


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