# heartbroken and devastated



## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

My beautiful dog Jake was my best friend and a big part of my life. He was 15 years old and we spent a lot of time together especially when i finished work. He was PTS on Friday 10th march and i cant stop crying and have a constant feeling of numbness. The house feels empty and wherever i go in the house i can see him. The week leading up to Jake passing he was barking in the night to go out in the garden and to just sit there. He was spending more time outside and lying there. On Friday 10th March i had taken Jake for his morning walk and when we came home he was lying down outside and started to shake. He had done this once the previous day. I rang the vet and was told to bring him. I had to ring the vet again as he couldn't get up. I asked could the vet come to our house and they said no. They didn't have enough staff. My two sons rolled Jake onto the parcel shelf from our car and this worked and carried him into the car. We were all very upset and crying. I booked Jake in and they said they would ring me when it was our turn and we sat in the car park for an hour before the phone rang. My boys carried him in and the vet checked his gums and looked at his eyes and said he was dying. We were crying and devastated. My son rang his dad and he came to the vets 10 mins later. My husband was very upset and i stroked Jake and kissed him on the nose. I went back to the car and my sons and husband stayed with him. I cant sleep and have barely eaten since and it is very difficult in the house. I have cried every day and i don't know how i'm going to get through this. Jake has made such an impact in our family. I will miss all the people i knew on our walks with dogs. My husband is collecting his ashes on Tuesday 21st March and he has some questions to ask. I love you so much Jake, RIP Beautiful xxx


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Very sad 

So sorry for your loss.


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

thank you for your message.it means alot.


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## Char8607 (Dec 4, 2016)

I am so sorry for your loss; I wish there was something to say to help ease your pain which is clearly felt reading your post. 

I hope you take some comfort in the knowledge that he was loved for 15 happy years and hopefully didn't suffer too long before he crossed Rainbow Bridge. He had his family with him when he needed you most and sometimes that is all we can do.

Take care of yourself xx


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

thank you so much for replying.your words have helped alot. no he didnt suffer which is a relief and my sons and husband said it was very peaceful.we are a week on and the. grief is still overwhelming but we are all helping each other.do you have a story or a pet that has passed.thanks again xxx


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## Char8607 (Dec 4, 2016)

Caroline Bell said:


> thank you so much for replying.your words have helped alot. no he didnt suffer which is a relief and my sons and husband said it was very peaceful.we are a week on and the. grief is still overwhelming but we are all helping each other.do you have a story or a pet that has passed.thanks again xxx


I know it sounds a cliché but time does help; you never forget but the pain becomes more bearable (in my experience).

I lost one of my beautiful cats on my 30th birthday in December. Noticed he wasn't well and took him to the vets on 2nd November; in the month that followed it was appointment after appointment until he was diagnosed with heart failure and he went downhill so quickly. He seemed to rally on my birthday (1st December) even allowing me and my partner to go out for a few hours with my mum sitting with him. Then that evening he was breathing so quickly; we took him into the emergency vets and he was happy for us to either leave him there for observation or take him home. We chose to leave him overnight and I never saw him alive again he deteriorated so rapidly and the vet said it was quite distressing for the last few minutes.

I know in my heart of hearts that choosing by chance to leave him there turned out to be the best option for him as if we had bought him home he would have suffered and we would have stressed and panicked and tried to get him back to the vets but nothing could be done. But at the same time I beat myself up all the time; I'd always promised him I would be there for him until the end no matter how hard it was and knowing I wasn't breaks my heart as I can't get out of my head that he would have been scared and lonely and looking for me. He was my best friend and we had such a special bond. I miss him dearly xx


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## Deirdre O'Brien (Mar 18, 2017)

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a much loved pet is so hard because people just don't understand the grief you are going through. It is very difficult.


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## SpencerK (Apr 15, 2012)

So sorry for your loss - I come back to this area of the forum because, after 5 weeks, I still cannot handle the fact that my boy Barns has gone. I would love to say it gets easier, it does not - you can manage the sadness a bit better as time goes on. Just shows what a loving person you are. RIP Jake and Barns. x


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

Char8607 said:


> I know it sounds a cliché but time does help; you never forget but the pain becomes more bearable (in my experience).
> 
> I lost one of my beautiful cats on my 30th birthday in December. Noticed he wasn't well and took him to the vets on 2nd November; in the month that followed it was appointment after appointment until he was diagnosed with heart failure and he went downhill so quickly. He seemed to rally on my birthday (1st December) even allowing me and my partner to go out for a few hours with my mum sitting with him. Then that evening he was breathing so quickly; we took him into the emergency vets and he was happy for us to either leave him there for observation or take him home. We chose to leave him overnight and I never saw him alive again he deteriorated so rapidly and the vet said it was quite distressing for the last few minutes.
> 
> I know in my heart of hearts that choosing by chance to leave him there turned out to be the best option for him as if we had bought him home he would have suffered and we would have stressed and panicked and tried to get him back to the vets but nothing could be done. But at the same time I beat myself up all the time; I'd always promised him I would be there for him until the end no matter how hard it was and knowing I wasn't breaks my heart as I can't get out of my head that he would have been scared and lonely and looking for me. He was my best friend and we had such a special bond. I miss him dearly xx


hi im so sorry to hear about your cat.we had the option to bring jake home but the vet said he would of died in the next 24 48 hours and like you say it would of been more difficult to take him back in a worse state.i think for you it was your cats time and you made the right decision.we only want the best for our pets.my husband and sons stayed with jake i couldnt do it but it was so hard to leave him.it is so hard to live without themand thanks for telling me your story and we get some comfort of our lives with them.thanks again xxx


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

Deirdre O'Brien said:


> I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a much loved pet is so hard because people just don't understand the grief you are going through. It is very difficult.


hi thanks for your post and it helps alot.do you have a story thanks againxxx


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

SpencerK said:


> So sorry for your loss - I come back to this area of the forum because, after 5 weeks, I still cannot handle the fact that my boy Barns has gone. I would love to say it gets easier, it does not - you can manage the sadness a bit better as time goes on. Just shows what a loving person you are. RIP Jake and Barns. x


hi thanks so much for your kind words.it has been over a week now and it is still unbearable.would you share your story about barns and so sorry for your loss of barns thanks again xxx


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## SpencerK (Apr 15, 2012)

Caroline Bell said:


> hi thanks so much for your kind words.it has been over a week now and it is still unbearable.would you share your story about barns and so sorry for your loss of barns thanks again xxx


Hello Carol,
Here is my post about my boy Barns. It's not an easy read. Would just like to say to you, you are not alone in your grief. XXX
http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/...-needs-his-teeth-done.441143/#post-1064765190


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm so sorry you and your family have had to go through this with your precious boy. Its never easy and it doesn't matter how many pets we have, it doesn't get easier. We lost our 17 year old JR just over a year ago and I miss her every day. They are so much a part of the family and leave a huge hole in our lives. Jake had your love and care right up until the very end, he was a good age, like our gir,l so we must take comfort in the fact that they had long and happy lives and were much loved, which some dogs don't have. You would not have wanted to see him linger and suffer. It might help for you all to make a photo book of Jake and talk about all the good things you did together over the years. Time does make things easier. RIP Jake


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

SpencerK said:


> Hello Carol,
> Here is my post about my boy Barns. It's not an easy read. Would just like to say to you, you are not alone in your grief. XXX
> http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/...-needs-his-teeth-done.441143/#post-1064765190


hi spencer thanks for your message and kind words.also thanks for sharing your story about beautiful barns.i read all the posts and found your story very touching.so sorry about your loss and it is 10 days on since jake and nothing feels any easier.the house is empty and quiet and i feel i can see him every were.this is so hard and you feel like you are never going to get through it.how are you feeling now spencer apart from those lovely memories.thanks again


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

Charity said:


> I'm so sorry you and your family have had to go through this with your precious boy. Its never easy and it doesn't matter how many pets we have, it doesn't get easier. We lost our 17 year old JR just over a year ago and I miss her every day. They are so much a part of the family and leave a huge hole in our lives. Jake had your love and care right up until the very end, he was a good age, like our gir,l so we must take comfort in the fact that they had long and happy lives and were much loved, which some dogs don't have. You would not have wanted to see him linger and suffer. It might help for you all to make a photo book of Jake and talk about all the good things you did together over the years. Time does make things easier. RIP Jake


hi and thank you so much for reassurance and kind words.so sorry for your loss with jr.it was such a shock with jake,he was ok in the mor ning and gone in the afternoon.you always expect more time with them.would you share your story about jr.thanks again xxx


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

Caroline Bell said:


> hi and thank you so much for reassurance and kind words.so sorry for your loss with jr.it was such a shock with jake,he was ok in the mor ning and gone in the afternoon.you always expect more time with them.would you share your story about jr.thanks again xxx


Our little girl was called Smartie, she was a rescue dog we had from a year old and she was 17 when she died. She was the gentlest, sweetest dog who loved everyone. The last seven years of her life she had Cushings Disease which is a very cruel disease and robbed her of her sight and hearing. Towards the end she had dementia and, on the last day, her legs collapsed and we knew that was the day. We had to wait until late afternoon before we could take her to the vet to be put to sleep which was agonising. We gave her her last favourite meal, she always loved her food, took her for a last walk round the garden she loved and gave her lots of cuddles and told her how much we loved her. I held her and kissed her while she went to her final resting place. We now have a photo on our wall with her ashes encased at the back. To this day, I miss that little dog more than I can say, she was my constant companion as I was at home most of the time. I just try to remember that we were so lucky to have so many wonderful years when she enriched our lives.


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## jhosk1981 (Feb 21, 2017)

So sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's early, but it will get easier.


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## SpencerK (Apr 15, 2012)

Caroline Bell said:


> hi spencer thanks for your message and kind words.also thanks for sharing your story about beautiful barns.i read all the posts and found your story very touching.so sorry about your loss and it is 10 days on since jake and nothing feels any easier.the house is empty and quiet and i feel i can see him every were.this is so hard and you feel like you are never going to get through it.how are you feeling now spencer apart from those lovely memories.thanks again


Hi Caroline,
I do not want to be depressive; but it is no easier - at the moment anyway - when driving, when in the gym, when in the garden - when walking around work, when in bed, when in the bath I think about Barns, and could get very emotional at any point. He was just such a big part of my life, its hard to move on. I think an issue is, that he was sooo nice, so loving - not an aggressive streak in his body. He would just sit in front of me making cute noises, headbutting me constantly. I would wake up with his paw on my face. No other cat will come close, ever. So its a case of being sad, heartbroken, but knowing you have to get on with life - I have my partner and other cats; lucky, as without those I do not think I would survive, and would not want to either. So, sorry to be depressive, but a man could not have loved his cat more than I did my boy, and will miss him every day till the end.


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

hi thank you so much for telling me your story.what a beautiful name smartie and she sounds such a lovely dog.jake was a rescue and had the same temperament as smartie.so sad she got cushings disease.i can read how much you loved her and how you looked after her so well.also thank you for your advice and kind words it does help.you were so brave to stay with her.it is 11 days since loosing jake and my husband is getting his ashes this week.i have cried every day and find things so difficult.did you get another dog after smartie.i hope you dont mind me asking you this.thanks again xxx


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

hi thanks for replying and i can relate to your post so much.you dont have to be sorry to me as you are expressing how you feel about your beautiful barnes and that is how i felt about jake.my husband is getting his ashes this week but i dont find this is helping me.as you say we have to get on with life as hard as it is.it is 11 days since jake and nothing feels any easier yet.thanks again about your thoughts and how you are still feeling.please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing.caroline xx


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

Caroline Bell said:


> hi thank you so much for telling me your story.what a beautiful name smartie and she sounds such a lovely dog.jake was a rescue and had the same temperament as smartie.so sad she got cushings disease.i can read how much you loved her and how you looked after her so well.also thank you for your advice and kind words it does help.you were so brave to stay with her.it is 11 days since loosing jake and my husband is getting his ashes this week.i have cried every day and find things so difficult.did you get another dog after smartie.i hope you dont mind me asking you this.thanks again xxx


You just have to take one day at a time and accept that grief is normal if not welcome, its the price we pay for loving our pets so much. I cried every day for weeks even though I knew the end was coming so was prepared.

Smartie was my first dog whereas my OH has always had dogs. I have to say the last few years of looking after a disabled dog, day and night, did take a lot out of me because our lives had to revolve around her and I didn't have the energy to put into another dog for a long time. Half of me would like another whilst the other half is enjoying not having such a responsibility. My OH doesn't want one at the moment. We have two cats but I really miss having the companionship of a dog around the place, its a different relationship entirely.

Here is our little girl. Have you got a photo of Jake?


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## Sophie17 (Feb 16, 2015)

When my old dog was pts I felt that I can't cope with heartbreak. I think every day of my dog and I miss her always. As others said time does make things easier. So sorry for your loss.


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

Sophie17 said:


> When my old dog was pts I felt that I can't cope with heartbreak. I think every day of my dog and I miss her always. As others said time does make things easier. So sorry for your loss.





Sophie17 said:


> When my old dog was pts I felt that I can't cope with heartbreak. I think every day of my dog and I miss her always. As others said time does make things easier. So sorry for your loss.


hi sophie thanks so much for your advice and kind words. yes it has been a very difficult time, i have cried every day and i miss him so much.would you like to share your story and thanks again xxx


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

Charity said:


> You just have to take one day at a time and accept that grief is normal if not welcome, its the price we pay for loving our pets so much. I cried every day for weeks even though I knew the end was coming so was prepared.
> 
> Smartie was my first dog whereas my OH has always had dogs. I have to say the last few years of looking after a disabled dog, day and night, did take a lot out of me because our lives had to revolve around her and I didn't have the energy to put into another dog for a long time. Half of me would like another whilst the other half is enjoying not having such a responsibility. My OH doesn't want one at the moment. We have two cats but I really miss having the companionship of a dog around the place, its a different relationship entirely.
> 
> ...


hi aaaaaah smarties photo is lovely.thank you so much for posting one.it only takes special people like yourselves to look after a dog with needs.it does take all your energies out of you.jake would of got on so well with smartie.yes i will post a photo of jake in the next few days if thats ok.i wont forget .ive never had cats but only one dog previous which was 18 years ago.he was called nipper and he was pts at the age of 15 as well.i will be in touch after i have posted the photo .thanks for talking to me xxx


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

jhosk1981 said:


> So sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's early, but it will get easier.


hi thank you for your kind words.its been 12 days today and i hope it does get easier.this is so difficult and i have cried every day.do you have a story that you woulds share.thanks againxxx


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## jhosk1981 (Feb 21, 2017)

Caroline Bell said:


> hi thank you for your kind words.its been 12 days today and i hope it does get easier.this is so difficult and i have cried every day.do you have a story that you woulds share.thanks againxxx





Caroline Bell said:


> hi thank you for your kind words.its been 12 days today and i hope it does get easier.this is so difficult and i have cried every day.do you have a story that you woulds share.thanks againxxx


We lost a family pet a couple of years back, an awesome little man called Mitch (Dachsund) injured his back and lost the use of his hind legs, deteriorated so fast, had to send him to the bridge too soon. Such a heartbreaking time. But life goes on, you never forget, but eventually just remember the fun times you had together. I'm sure there is a bit of him in little Reuben today. Keep smiling x


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

Caroline Bell said:


> hi aaaaaah smarties photo is lovely.thank you so much for posting one.it only takes special people like yourselves to look after a dog with needs.it does take all your energies out of you.jake would of got on so well with smartie.yes i will post a photo of jake in the next few days if thats ok.i wont forget .ive never had cats but only one dog previous which was 18 years ago.he was called nipper and he was pts at the age of 15 as well.i will be in touch after i have posted the photo .thanks for talking to me xxx


hi just wandered do you have an email add.ress and i could send you a couple of photos of jake.struggling to look at them yet but i would love you to see what a beautiful dog he was.thank you xx


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

jhosk1981 said:


> We lost a family pet a couple of years back, an awesome little man called Mitch (Dachsund) injured his back and lost the use of his hind legs, deteriorated so fast, had to send him to the bridge too soon. Such a heartbreaking time. But life goes on, you never forget, but eventually just remember the fun times you had together. I'm sure there is a bit of him in little Reuben today. Keep smiling x


hi thanks for your story and your kind words which do help.yes you are so right it is a heartbreaking time.this is so difficult.thanks againxx


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## maddug2020 (Nov 1, 2016)

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine how hard it would be to care for and love one of my dogs for 15 years for them to pass, I would be heartbroken.
Just try and get through each day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve, it's totally natural.
Think of the happy and funny times and keep your chin up.


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

maddug2020 said:


> I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine how hard it would be to care for and love one of my dogs for 15 years for them to pass, I would be heartbroken.
> Just try and get through each day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve, it's totally natural.
> Think of the happy and funny times and keep your chin up.


hi thank you so much for your advice and kind words.it really helps as we are 3 weeks on now and its still very difficult .we are all supporting each other but the house has never been the same its so quiet and empty.my throat feels sore all of the time and i feel like ive been stabbed in the heart.do you have a story or any pets to share on this forum.thanks again xxx


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## jhosk1981 (Feb 21, 2017)

How r u getting on Caroline?


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

jhosk1981 said:


> How r u getting on Caroline?


aah thanks for staying in touch. its been 3 weeks now and it is still very difficult, the house feels quiet and empty. my husband got jakes ashes over a week a go but i cant look at them yet. sorry to hear about your dog mitch a few years ago. when did you get reuben and how old is he.is he the same breed as mitch. hope you dont mind me asking did it help yourselves to get another dog . thanks again xxx


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## jhosk1981 (Feb 21, 2017)

That's no problem, Reuben was born on Xmas Eve so is almost 14 weeks now, ready to go out for the first time this weekend now all his jabs are done. He is the same breed and I have learned so much about this back problem that is popular with these little long things lol. So no jumping on/off sofas or running down stairs etc.

Mitch was the family Dachsund who stayed with my folks after I left home years ago, so it's not the same really, but it was still really upsetting when he was put to sleep.

Reuben is my first dog since I left home 15 years ago, I don't think you will ever replace a lost pet, but I'm sure a new puppy would keep your mind occupied when you are ready.

Keep in touch x


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

jhosk1981 said:


> That's no problem, Reuben was born on Xmas Eve so is almost 14 weeks now, ready to go out for the first time this weekend now all his jabs are done. He is the same breed and I have learned so much about this back problem that is popular with these little long things lol. So no jumping on/off sofas or running down stairs etc.
> 
> Mitch was the family Dachsund who stayed with my folks after I left home years ago, so it's not the same really, but it was still really upsetting when he was put to sleep.
> 
> ...


hi thanks for your story and advice. i still feel very lost and the pain is overwhelming, i know i have to take each day at a time but things are so hard.reuben is a lovely dog and i hope you will have many happy years with him like we have had with jake.i suppose i was nieve to the fact that you think they are going to live forever and you never think about the end. i know i didnt we were having such a good time every day.please stay in touch and let me know how things are going with reuben thanks again carolione xxx


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## chatterbox @hollywood (Mar 28, 2017)

so sorry for your loss x


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## Caroline Bell (Mar 14, 2017)

chatterbox @hollywood said:


> so sorry for your loss x


hi chatterbox thanx for your message. yes it has been 6 weeks now and it is all still very raw.the grief is overwhelming and i miss jake so much. do you have a story to tell that you would like to share. thanx again .


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