# Temporary Home/Foster for my two lovely oldies!



## Bee1989 (Jan 15, 2017)

Hi there, 

I'm looking for some help/advice as I've been browsing the threads on here for a while and have seen some amazing people offering help to those in need. 

My nephew has developed a cat allergy and my mum wants to move the two family cats out to facilitate having him to stay occasionally. Although there are measures we COULD try to reduce any potential reactions unfortunately it's a no go as mum has been effectively blackmailed by SIL to be and Bro on babysitting her grandson. 

I have always said I would take the cats with me when I can but currently live in a flat with no pets policy and can't bring them here even temporarily. Desperately looking for a new home to be able to take them as I can't bear the thought of putting them in a centre! We only have to serve one months' notice thankfully, but I'm struggling to find a suitable property and time is ticking  

Have looked into a long term cattery near me but even on a long stay it's still £13 per night and would really be stretching me. I would ideally like to find a trusted fosterer in the Herts area to keep them safe for 4-6 weeks from 2nd week of Feb (deadline set by my mother). Have tried local shelters but they only offer support of this nature for certain cases or if the cats are signed over which I don't want to do. Friends and family and extended connections all resulted in no luck sadly. 

Happy to pay costs and cover all food/litter/bedding etc etc.

My gorgeous fur babies are siblings around 15YO (not 100% as they were rescues) big Ginger Tom 'Barney' and Torty 'Kiska'. Both neutered, vaccinated, flead wormed and in good health. They are currently mainly outdoor cats but as you can see love curling up somewhere warm so don't think having them inside would be a problem. 

I look forward to any suggestions you may have. Thanks in advance! B


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hi @Bee1989 and welcome  What gorgeous cats! 

It is very sad indeed to hear that two 15 year old cats who have been valued family members for years are about to lose their home when at their time of life what they most need is stability, security, warmth, affection and a regular routine.  I am amazed your mother can even think of parting with them!

Fostering the cats with strangers is going to cause the cats a lot of upheaval and disruption, and then just as they are beginning to settle in their foster home there will be more upheaval when you take them to live with you in your new place, which might have no outdoor access for the cats. Supposing they don't adjust to be becoming indoor cats - what then?

Normally I would recommend signing them over to a Rescue as the best thing in the circumstances because it would probably involve less upheaval for them. But I'm afraid 15 yr old cats are unlikely to be adopted easily, especially 2 together (and it is important they stay together). They could end up spending the rest of their lives in a Shelter. Not that shelters are bad, but it is not what your cats are used to and tbh I think they deserve better than spending the rest of their lives in a pen in a shelter.

Surely as your nephew is only going to be visiting your mother's house occasionally there can be a bit of give and take? Why should the cats have to lose their home?  . Worse case scenario is the cats would have to go into a local cattery for the duration of your nephew's visits. (Perhaps the child's parents could pay the cattery bill, as they would be the ones benefitting. Seems fair to me. )

Or else set aside a couple of adjacent rooms in the house for the cats to use during the nephew's visits and fit a cheap door across the hall or landing to prevent the cats getting out and the nephew getting in to the cats, so he never touches the cats. Cat allergies are caused by a reaction to the saliva or dander on the fur.


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## Bee1989 (Jan 15, 2017)

chillminx said:


> Hi @Bee1989 and welcome  What gorgeous cats!
> 
> It is very sad indeed to hear that two 15 year old cats who have been valued family members for years are about to lose their home when at their time of life what they most need is stability, security, warmth, affection and a regular routine.  I am amazed your mother can even think of parting with them!
> 
> ...


Thanks so much for your heartfelt reply and taking the time to advise. This message just brought a tear to my eye! I am truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I have tried to mitigate the situation with many approaches such as those you've mentioned. It's all to no avail, my nephew isn't allowed to the house under any circumstances and the threat of asthma has been bandied about which hasn't helped matters. Unfortunately this scenario is based on anecdotal evidence of an allergy- no testing, no consistency in symptoms and no further reactions even to my mums' clothing when she visits my nephew (which perhaps you might expect when his symptoms apparently worsen every time it's mentioned). If it was my house then matters would be different as the notion of giving up beloved pets doesn't compute unless their welfare is at stake. I feel like I'd be letting them down if they were signed over to a shelter

You're absolutely right, they would struggle to find a new home, and moving multiple times is not at all ideal. Fingers crossed we will be giving notice in our current flat this week to move to a house viewed yesterday. Hopefully the stars will align and I can keep them there for just a short time longer!

Thank you again for your understanding, reason and compassion. It's very much appreciated 

B


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Have you tried rescues as well as catteries? 

Many offer boarding and if it's a decent length of time of a few weeks they might be able to help (and shouldn't be busy with boarders this time of year) 

How awful for you - I really do wish you luck in finding somewhere suitable to live with them very soon - your mum should be willing to give you time to do it - it's not as if your nephew's going anywhere is it! (sorry but she's being very unreasonable with such a short time limit)


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## Bee1989 (Jan 15, 2017)

Lilylass said:


> Have you tried rescues as well as catteries?
> 
> Many offer boarding and if it's a decent length of time of a few weeks they might be able to help (and shouldn't be busy with boarders this time of year)
> 
> How awful for you - I really do wish you luck in finding somewhere suitable to live with them very soon - your mum should be willing to give you time to do it - it's not as if your nephew's going anywhere is it! (sorry but she's being very unreasonable with such a short time limit)


Thanks for your message. Haha no you're right, the time constraint is so short it's not easy to find a rental willing to accept pets! In the grand scheme of life a few more weeks won't hurt anyone. I have only gone to the RSPCA shelter we originally got them from who couldn't help in this instance but I shall try others! Thank you


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Good luck Bee. Sending lots of positive vibes to you.  . Please let us know how things go.


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## Bee1989 (Jan 15, 2017)

chillminx said:


> Good luck Bee. Sending lots of positive vibes to you.  . Please let us know how things go.


Will do thank you!


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## Jackie C (Feb 16, 2016)

I am allergic to cats, to the point where I couldn't even pet a stranger cat in the street for a second or two without sneezing and feeling ill. For twenty years of my adult life, I didn't think I could give a forever home to a cat, and it broke my heart. Then Betty came into our lives. She was in such a state: she was malnourished and flea-bitten. We could not turn her away. I pulled out all the stops for her: I washed my hands with every contact, I sprayed rooms with anti-allergy spray, I took antihistamines, and put eye drops in and nasal spray. Plus other things. (I found the eye drops and the nasal spray the best thing).
I managed and eventually got used to her. She was the best thing that happened to us in years and I don't regret a second.

Allergies (obviously not an anaphylatic reactions), whilst pretty crap, can be managed. Before your nephew visits, bed linen can be washed, a room can be blocked off from the cats (where the visitor is going to sleep). Believe me, I know how crap it can be to be allergic! My mum had cats, and she used to wash the bed linen if we were going to stay over. I accepted that Shadow the cat was part the family, no question.

I have complete and genuine sympathy with allergy sufferers, but to re-home 15 y/o cats because of an occasional visitor is cruel. (If the visitor was permanent, that's different). Especially when medication (antihistamines) and barriers (nasal spray and eye drops) are readily available, alongside hand hygiene and washing bed-linen and closing off rooms can be part of the solution. I have stayed at houses with cats and just accepted their cats were there long before I was! _I_ was the guest, not the cats.

Don't get me wrong, I do have sympathy. x I wish you luck.


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## Bee1989 (Jan 15, 2017)

Jackie C said:


> I am allergic to cats, to the point where I couldn't even pet a stranger cat in the street for a second or two without sneezing and feeling ill. For twenty years of my adult life, I didn't think I could give a forever home to a cat, and it broke my heart. Then Betty came into our lives. She was in such a state: she was malnourished and flea-bitten. We could not turn her away. I pulled out all the stops for her: I washed my hands with every contact, I sprayed rooms with anti-allergy spray, I took antihistamines, and put eye drops in and nasal spray. Plus other things. (I found the eye drops and the nasal spray the best thing).
> I managed and eventually got used to her. She was the best thing that happened to us in years and I don't regret a second.
> 
> Allergies (obviously not an anaphylatic reactions), whilst pretty crap, can be managed. Before your nephew visits, bed linen can be washed, a room can be blocked off from the cats (where the visitor is going to sleep). Believe me, I know how crap it can be to be allergic! My mum had cats, and she used to wash the bed linen if we were going to stay over. I accepted that Shadow the cat was part the family, no question.
> ...


Hi Jackie thanks for replying. You poor thing having such severe allergies! I completely agree it's unfair on cats I regard as family members.

The main problem is that my nephew is only 8 months old so parents aren't prepared to use any products/have any testing done on him which I understand to an extent. Baby's mum hates cats and always flinched and shooed them away when visiting. I tried to mediate directly with her on it to find some middle ground and she said amongst other nasty things 'I take a dim view' of anyone who puts an animal first To which I asked if her mum (other Grandmother) would rehome their two dogs if baby was allergic and she said yes without question. Let's just say she and I definitely aren't on the same page! (Perhaps not even reading from the same book ). The whole thing is putting terrible pressure on my mum which I'm desperate to alleviate. I've helped her deep clean the house, stopped them entering certain rooms (they only go in the kitchen and hallway now) washed carpets, curtains, used allergy sprays and wiped down the whole house but they won't even bring my nephew to the house until the cats are out. As an interim I also suggested they could be outdoor cats whilst we find a new place so he could still visit and even that wasn't sufficient!

I have no doubt there are measures that could be implemented to minimise or eradicate a reaction but the threats and ultimatums given by baby's mum and my Bro have sadly forced my mum's hand on this.

Fingers crossed we get the OK on the new house today! 
Thanks again for the advice as an allergy sufferer AND animal lover  
B


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## Jackie C (Feb 16, 2016)

Your poor mum must be devastated. x 

I can understand why Mumzilla doesn't want to give her baby medication. But she should get testing done, for the sake of her baby! The baby could have an underlying condition, such as asthma or allergies to something more sinister with more sinister reactions. IF the baby IS allergic, she could be allergic to other animals, such as dogs, rabbits and horses - I am. 
(Sorry, but if the baby IS allergic to dogs as well, I would laugh for a week, because it would test whether her own mother would be true to her word and get rid of her dogs. I suspect her attitude would suddenly change. Well, I wouldn't laugh for the sake of the dogs, but you know what I mean.)

Sorry, but the baby's mum sounds like a manipulative, selfish b*tch, who believes her precious miracle is the centre of the universe, and the world revolves around her and her brat, and that everyone should capitulate to her. She is emotionally blackmailing her mother-in-law in her deliberate refusal to even vaguely compromise. I really feel sorry for your mum, she is being forced to give up part of her family by this nasty woman. 
You've done everything you can, and given a safe environment for her precious miracle, but it's just not good enough for Mumzilla. It also sounds if it wasn't this, it would be something else, anyway, and I think she's doing it just as an excuse. What does your brother say to all this?

Sorry to speak to bluntly, but this woman is being deliberately cruel to your mum and those poor cats. 

I really hope you can find yourself a place which allows pets, at least your mum can visit and see her furry family members.

Good luck. And good luck in future dealings with Mumzilla, I'm guessing this won't be the last of her manipulating tactics.


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## Bee1989 (Jan 15, 2017)

Hi


Jackie C said:


> Your poor mum must be devastated. x
> 
> I can understand why Mumzilla doesn't want to give her baby medication. But she should get testing done, for the sake of her baby! The baby could have an underlying condition, such as asthma or allergies to something more sinister with more sinister reactions. IF the baby IS allergic, she could be allergic to other animals, such as dogs, rabbits and horses - I am.
> (Sorry, but if the baby IS allergic to dogs as well, I would laugh for a week, because it would test whether her own mother would be true to her word and get rid of her dogs. I suspect her attitude would suddenly change. Well, I wouldn't laugh for the sake of the dogs, but you know what I mean.)
> ...


Hi Jackie, you've certainly hit the nail on the head there! This isn't the first example of manipulative behaviour and agree won't be the last. Sadly her own insecurities overwhelmingly affect her behaviour towards my side of the family. My brother has rolled over on a number of issues I assume because he wants to keep it together for his son's sake as everything happened very quickly - they've only been together for 20 months. 'Mumzilla' (I'm stealing that!) won't allow her son to see my other niece and nephew either despite my sister's impartiality and it's been a roller coaster of melodrama from day one. Sad state of affairs really, impacting on the grandchildren. I'm keen to swiftly resolve the current cat fiasco and wipe the slate clean but fear it won't be the last ultimatum!

I agree testing is of absolute importance to rule out further health issues. Of course upon suggesting this for the benefit of my nephew I was shut down as obviously I was only trying to disprove his cat allergy! Silly me for making such an illogical suggestion !!

Application for the house has gone in so hopefully I'll know within a couple of days whether we get it!


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## Mildred's Mum (Dec 3, 2015)

What a horrible situation for you all- fingers tightly crossed you get the house!


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## lorilu (Sep 6, 2009)

Bee1989 said:


> Baby's mum hates cats and always flinched and shooed them away when visiting. I


Allergy my foot. This is the problem right there. I'd tell the mum to stuff it. They want to dump the baby at grandma's? then they accept that Grandma's house comes with cats.


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Jackie C said:


> Mumzilla


Love this...nice one, Jackie!!


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

lorilu said:


> They want to dump the baby at grandma's?


They should think themselves lucky to have a free childminder so close that they can dump the child there when the fancy takes them. The ones I know of are charging ten pounds an hour; and as far as one can see, they aren't even certain these two cats are causing the problems. They are gorgeous looking cats! I am strongly of the belief that if you never come into contact with cats/dogs/horses etc you are far more likely not to build up any resistance. SIL sounds quite awful. Is the child allowed near the other grannie's dogs? OP's mum should stand up for herself, but is effectively being blackmailed (''you can't see your grandson if you don't get rid of the cats'').
Hope the house move goes thro' OK.


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## Jackie C (Feb 16, 2016)

TBH, I don't think your mum should get rid of the cats. It means daughter-in-law has won. I know it's a case of keeping the peace, I can appreciate that, but Mumzilla will then realise she can say what she wants, do what she wants and get away with it. The DIL just wants a free babysitter, she has no interest in the child socialising with other members of the family, it's clear. They've only been together a short time, and if they split up, you can guaratee Mumzilla will use the poor kid as a weapon, and your mum - regardless of whether she gave up the cats or not - would never see the kid again.

I think the allergy thing is a big pile of bull. I bet the baby sneezed once and she jumped to conclusions. I feel sorry for the kid, it's going to grow up mollycoddled mummy's boy.

As I said, I have allergies to cats. But we always had cats when I was a kid. I was okay as long as I didn't allow them on my pillow or pick them up. We just got on with it. My childhood was enriched for being a cat household, despite the allergies. I SURVIVED!


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

@Bee1989: any news on your situation re accommodation for your two cats?


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## Gallifreyangirl (Feb 11, 2015)

@Bee1989 any more news on the Mumzilla and your house?


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## Muttly (Oct 1, 2014)

What a horrible situation for you Bee. I hope you have got the house you went to see and kitties are coming with you.
Tbh reading about Mumzilla lol, makes me so mad. I would tell her exactly what @lorilu said. Sorry my house comes with cats, end of.

I grew up allergic to my own cat, but I would never have got rid of her, nor would my Mum! She was part of our family. I just had to stop her sleeping on my pillow.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I really hope things are settled now for the cats and @Bee1989 but I agree that no-one would be telling me what I could and couldn't do in my own house and no way would I get rid of my pets to accommodate even my nearest and dearest. If I was in the SIL's shoes, I wouldn't dream of asking my MIL to get rid of her beloved pets either, surely they could stay somewhere else while visiting. Problem is, if you give in to bullying by family, that's how its always likely to be. Such a shame.


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## Lilylass (Sep 13, 2012)

Bee1989 said:


> I have no doubt there are measures that could be implemented to minimise or eradicate a reaction but the threats and ultimatums given by baby's mum and my Bro have sadly forced my mum's hand on this.


Actually no, your mum's hand hasn't been forced - she could quite easily say that arrangements are being made but until a new home is found that you / the cats can go to that things stand as they are - there is absolutely no reason for such a short timescale to have been put on it

What's your SI: going to do - not take baby round and lose her free baby-sitting? I very much doubt it

How happy is your SIL going to be when she sees that she's 'won' and the cats have gone? Wow, sorry but your mum needs to stand up to her and say it's happening but will take time - or she's going to spend her whole life pandering to this woman 

Hope things worked out with the new flat?


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## Calvine (Aug 20, 2012)

Lilylass said:


> lose her free baby-sitting?


At £10 an hour for any other babysitter, I doubt she will want to lose Bee's mum. No word from OP for a while tho' so not sure what's happening.


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