# Guilt over death of stray



## BowieBoy (Jan 19, 2016)

Hello, I'm new to this forum so please forgive me for my first post being a sad one.

This weekend, I took in a stray cat that had come up to our front door - he was yowling for about half an hour before I decided he definitely wasn't going to manage to find his way home and because we live on a main road I didn't want him to get run over as it was night time and he looked very young (a year old at a guess). 

The next morning I took him to the vet but he wasn't microchipped and, although he had a collar on, it had no ID tag on it. The vet suggested I put him back out and hopefully he would find his way back home. I was reluctant to do so but I wanted to at least give him a chance to get home so I put my number on a paper tag on his collar and put him outside. If he had still been hanging around the house when it got dark I had planned to bring him in and start putting posters up to say that he had been found but at 5pm I got a call to say that 'my' cat had been run over and killed on the main road outside our house (5 hours after putting him out - so I guess he hadn't gone far, yet I hadn't caught sight of him all afternoon...). 

I am utterly devastated. I know he wasn't my cat and I only knew him for 2 days so a lot of people may think I'm being ridiculous but he was so friendly and I feel like I let him down. As soon as I opened the door that first night he shot straight to the couch and lay down purring like he'd always been ours. I knew how risky it was to leave him near a main road but I thought that during the day he would be okay and I just wanted to give him a chance to find his way home. 

It's been 2 days and I have been unable to forgive myself for putting him out. I took his body to the vets to be cremated and I just kept telling him how sorry I was but I know it's not enough. He was too young and I made a mistake that cost him his life. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this - mostly I think I just needed to write it out. I keep flitting between guilt and denial - this stupid niggling part of my brain keeps thinking 'what if he came back to life at the vets' even though I know he was dead, he died instantly from a hit to the head, for which I guess I am grateful for his sake. 

I'm so very sorry, beautiful boy.


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## Fluffster (Aug 26, 2013)

What a shame  But don't beat yourself up about it. It wasn't your fault. You did the right thing; someone could have been waiting for him to come home and it was only right he had a chance to find his way. It just seems like incredible bad luck. He died quickly and without pain, and that is something many animals don't have the luxury of. x


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## kimthecat (Aug 11, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear this. Its not your fault in any way . Its shame the cat wasnt microchipped. 
Its very easy to get attached to animals quickly and to feel grief for them .


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## Lurcherlad (Jan 5, 2013)

Very sad but really not your fault. Don't blame yourself.


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## BowieBoy (Jan 19, 2016)

Thank you all for your comments. It really helps to hear from other animal lovers. I know it will just take time for the guilt and disappointment to fade. Like so many animals, he deserved so much better.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm so sorry this happened when you were being a good Samaritan and fully understand how you feel. It wasn't your fault, if anyone's it was the owners who let him wander about without any means of identification. Vets will usually recommend letting them go free so they can hopefully find their way home. It was kind of you to look after him at the end and it really was a tragic circumstance that it happened just when you got to know him. I know you won't be able to forget about this for a while but try not to feel guilty, remember, you were the one looking out for him at the time when no-one else was.


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## BowieBoy (Jan 19, 2016)

Thank you, Charity, I really appreciate your kind words. I just wish the little guy and I had had the chance to start a new life together


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## Chantilace (Jan 19, 2016)

Animals come into our lives for many reasons. Sometimes its cut too short but remember you had an impact on this soul. It wasn't your fault and guilt won't do yourself any good. Sadness is OK though just don't sit in it too long. Bless you for being such a caring and loving being.


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## BowieBoy (Jan 19, 2016)

Thank you, Chantilace. You've all been so lovely, it really helps.


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## Chantilace (Jan 19, 2016)

You are so very welcome!


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## PatchPets (Jan 21, 2016)

I've just registered, and have only just read this sad post, so apologies for coming in late. BowieBoy, the other posters are right - you did the best you could, taking professional advice, and the fault lies with the owners who never bothered to have him chipped in the first place. *You'll* never forget him, and that's important.

You have a gentle heart, and that's a great thing. One day, some wee beastie will be very lucky to be *your* wee beastie, and your lost purry friend will be a part of that.


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

BowieBoy said:


> Hello, I'm new to this forum so please forgive me for my first post being a sad one.
> 
> This weekend, I took in a stray cat that had come up to our front door - he was yowling for about half an hour before I decided he definitely wasn't going to manage to find his way home and because we live on a main road I didn't want him to get run over as it was night time and he looked very young (a year old at a guess).
> 
> ...


You're not being silly at all - I would have felt the same.

You did what you thought was the best thing, as advised by your vet, and who knows? He_ might_ have had a home. Someone _might_ have been waiting for him. It is very sad - I can understand that you must be devastated, but try to put this behind you. Mourn him, and let him go. You did your best, and maybe you could have done better, but almost all of us can say that about some of the rings we have done in our lives. We do what we think is best at the time, and that's all we can do.

I'm holding you and the little cat in my prayers. It's very sad, but now he is where he is safe - in the arms of God, and won't be hungry or cold or frightened again.


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## BowieBoy (Jan 19, 2016)

Thank you all for your kind words. It's been a week and my heart still aches for Bowie (my temporary name for him) but I'm heartened to know all the dogs and cats on this forum have such lovely humans to live with x


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