# Finding it difficult



## pocky (Aug 11, 2010)

I lost my wonderful cat 1 month, 1 week and 1 day ago, and I don't know how to cope.
I have tried to talk to family and friends, but I am finding it really hard to fully open up about it, but I am feeling a little dismissed by them and when I try to talk I am mostly hearing 'when are you getting a new one' or 'I love my pet so much' etc so I feel a bit like people think I am being silly or I did not love my girl as much as their love their pets.
She was my best friend, and I work from home and raised her from a tiny kitten she was like my child and I love her so much she was with me everyday.
I miss her so much, she always made me happy and gave me something to always look forward too. She was only 3 and I was expecting many years together.
I don't want any other cat, I want her. I can barely bring myself to look at her pictures.
Some days are better than others, but today is not a good day.

I hope no one minds me venting here, but I spend a lot of time alone and sometimes I find it easier to talk to people I don't know than people I do.

Rest in peace little Pocky.


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## j4nfr4n (Mar 10, 2013)

So very sorry for your loss. It is still early days and you will be feeling the loss of Pocky and miss her for a long time but it will get better and you will be able to remember her without the hurt in time.
When i lose a loved pet i am very different to a lot of people i find that within a matter of weeks i start looking around the rescues for another dog to love, with it being a rescued dog i find that knowing i am giving a dog a home and lots of love and care it helps as i know the pet i have lost would want this. 
It is not the way a lot of people cope this is just my way.
The other thing i do i always go out and buy a plant for the garden and then that is Zoe's plant or Marcus's plant just to name a couple of the plants that i talk to when i'm feeling down.
You will be able to think of all the wonderful memories you have of Pocky in time and be able to enjoy the memories you have.
Big hugs being sent to you xx
Run Free Pocky xx


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## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

Hey P,

I'm so sorry to hear about your shocking loss, and really do understand your pain. I remember once taking my cat in for a simple operation (being spayed) and she got out a few days later and was hit by a car, she was only 1 and died instantly .

Since then I've lost a few cats and dogs and the pain doesn't ever feel less, infact it gets more intense as I've grown older and more attached but just to know that people are with you feeling what you feel is enough to help you get strong.

Pocky knows you loved her very, very much and you filled her years up with so much happiness and joy and she'll be waiting for you somewhere someday.

Run free Pocky, and hope you feel better soon xxxxxxxxx


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## lostbear (May 29, 2013)

pocky said:


> I lost my wonderful cat 1 month, 1 week and 1 day ago, and I don't know how to cope.
> I have tried to talk to family and friends, but I am finding it really hard to fully open up about it, but *I am feeling a little dismissed by them and when I try to talk I am mostly hearing 'when are you getting a new one' or 'I love my pet so much' etc so I feel a bit like people think I am being silly or I did not love my girl as much as their love their pets.*
> 
> They are being thoughtless - when it happens to their pet, they will realise.
> ...


You will be filled with grief for a good while yet, I'm afraid, and then one day you will wake up and it will not be quite as painful. You will find that even when you feel you have come to terms with her loss, it will wash over you out of the blue, and you will be stricken, but trust me, the day will come when you will be able to think of only the love you shared, and not her sad loss itself.

People telling you to get another are trying to be helpful, but of course you just want your baby back. Perhaps one day you'll be ready for another companion, perhaps not - but that is something that only you will know.

I will pray for you, and for your Pocky. I hope that having companionship on this forum will help you to cope with your grief.


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## JonandSarah (Sep 20, 2013)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I understand totally where you are coming from and can relate to everything you say. 3 weeks ago our beautiful little Snowy was hit by a car. We had to put him to sleep after he fought bravely for a couple of days but just had too many complications. He was only about 18 months old and we had recently adopted from our neighbour who was mistreating him.
We miss him dearly and life isn't the same at the moment. He was like our child and he had such a beautiful character and personality about him considering his first year or so of life was so terrible. It made us that much closer to him I think, we just wanted to give him the home he deserved.
I too feel that people don't understand the depth of our grief. He was our first pet and we were besotted by him and now he's gone and we just have the memories.
I find it helps to look at the photos, to smile (through years if necessary) and remember him. We still talk to him and say prayers whilst looking at the stars, knowing he is up there somewhere. We light a candle every night for him too and when the candle flickers we say that's him playing.
There is nothing people can say to make it better. I know how you feel when you say you want no other cat you just want Pocky, we are the same, we just want our beautiful snowy back.
One day I'm sure we will be able to love another cat as we are cat lovers and we will definitely re-home but I've been told that your first pet is always the special one. Im sure hopefully you will be able to do provide a loving home for another feline friend in your own time too. Read the rainbow bridge poem and know in your heart that one day you will be reunited with Pocky forever. And if you are feeling down just come on here to share your thoughts, trust me it helps to share experiences with others in the same boat. Take care. Run free Pocky and Snowy.


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## sskmick (Feb 4, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and she was very young.

Unfortunately some owners don't bond with their pets, so they see things differently to us. People who don't have pets can be really hurtful.

You need to give yourself time to grieve, its raw right now, in time it will get easier. You will always have your fond memories.

It might help to put photos on here of her, and telling us the antics she got up to - when you are ready and able to do that.

I'm not a heartless person but to some I am, when I lose a pet I do get another as soon as possible, usually within a month. I know the new pet isn't the same but I love the new one just as much because they all have their own little quirks.

A new pet helps me because I have to focus on the new arrival and care for him, plus tbh I can't stand walking into an empty house. 

Keep your chin up and take each day as it comes.


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## Summersky (Aug 11, 2012)

Hello there. 

You did the rght thing by coming on here, where there are many people who understand exactly what you are going through, and how upsetting throw away comments from people who don't understand can be.

Pocky was a really pretty cat, and you are right - you should have had many more years together. You raised her from a kitten - she was your baby. You had a special bond. And it isn't fair.

Everybody grieves differently, and nothing can be hurried. You will go through many emotions, but ultimately, things really will begin to get better, and it won't hurt so much.

Some people find that keeping busy/distracting yourself helps.

At the moment I am sure that she is the last thing you think of at night, and, if you are sleeping, the first thing that hits you in morning will be the emptiness. But time really does heal, and eventually you will wake up one morning and see the sun shining, or hear the birds tweeting, and smile. 

You'll probably then feel guily for doing that though, and "forgetting" Pocky. That's the bumpy road of grief.

But remember, Pocky would not want you to stay sad forever. And I'm sure that she is close by - she may just give a little sign, when the time is right. So don't be frightened to talk to her.

Perhaps, when you feel ready, you can do something in her memory.

We plant a rose and have a solar light for each of our pets that are no longer with us. Some people create a memory box, others a special place in the house, with a photo and a candle. 

You could share some of the things she did, or some photos on here. That way, she will neverbe forgotten. 

Others make a donation (food say) to a local cat rescue. Some volunteer at a rescue, to help socialise the cats - or even foster.

Ultimately, you may come across another cat or kitten that needs you. That could be next month or years away. If that happens, it would never replace your darling Pocky, but it wouldbe a fitting tribute, - and a new start.

If things become overwhelming, please don't sit at home alone - come on here, phone Samaritans, or contact one of the pet bereavement services.

Take care.


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## jill3 (Feb 18, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss of your lovely cat.
Every body is different when it comes to grieving.
I lost my 3 year old Boy suddenly one night and another 24 hours later.
so i can understand the pain and the feeling of loss that you are going through.
I think it's worse when you work from home. Which I do as well.
you are still in the early days of bereavement and like you said some days are better than others. In time you will have more better Days than bad ones.
Sometimes doing something completely different will help like a night class or volunteering for a Animal charity. That way you will meet new people and those that are more compatible with yourself.
You could even try your hand at fostering a cat/ kitten in the future. Meeting new people and keeping busy will help.

I also believe that one Day I will meet up with all my lost puss cats and we will all be together again.


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## koekemakranka (Aug 2, 2010)

Sorry to hear of this devastating loss. It is normal and OK to grieve as much as you need to. May time heal your pain and may only good memories remain.


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## pocky (Aug 11, 2010)

Thank you so much everybody for your kind words, I wasn't expecting such a response and such lovely ones too. I am very touched.
And thank you for allowing me to be so open, I do struggle with this in real life.
I really appreciate hearing all the different ways you have all coped with similar losses, and as much as the subject matter is very sad, there is something nice about knowing I am not alone or weird for feeling like this about her going.
I decided I wanted to keep her ashes, I am not sure but I think I might believe in souls so I didn't like the idea of her being scattered when we might move one day and she would be away from me. This way, as she was mostly an indoor cat anyway, she will always stay with me. I have put her on her favorite spot, a high chair near the window - when the sun is shining I make sure the box is in the sunlight as she loved to stretch and squeak in the sun. 
I would like to add some photos near the box too soon, when I can bring myself to look through them all and choose.

I have decided to add a picture of her to this post, after some encouragement from you all, thank you - she does need to be remembered and photos are a very good way to do that. I have 1000's of photos of her, but this one is special as it was the very last one I took of her so is easy to access without seeing all the other pictures, which at the moment might be too much for me.
She liked to wind herself around things as she dozed, in the picture she is wrapped around a symbol stand, she was so silly and always made me smile.


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## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

pocky said:


> Thank you so much everybody for your kind words, I wasn't expecting such a response and such lovely ones too. I am very touched.
> And thank you for allowing me to be so open, I do struggle with this in real life.
> I really appreciate hearing all the different ways you have all coped with similar losses, and as much as the subject matter is very sad, there is something nice about knowing I am not alone or weird for feeling like this about her going.
> I decided I wanted to keep her ashes, I am not sure but I think I might believe in souls so I didn't like the idea of her being scattered when we might move one day and she would be away from me. This way, as she was mostly an indoor cat anyway, she will always stay with me. I have put her on her favorite spot, a high chair near the window - when the sun is shining I make sure the box is in the sunlight as she loved to stretch and squeak in the sun.
> ...


She was absolutely gorgeous hun and your pain is completely natural.

When I came home from work in June 2011 my dearest friend/cat/best friend of 15 years....had been killed by a Mum on a school run. She hit her, drove off and she stumbled under my neighbours car and died.

I will never ever forget this day and posted a memorial in her memory. Still cry to this day reading it, we will one day meet our friends again xxxxxx

This may help you it may not, but the poem is beautiful

Blue Cross - Memorial details

Bless you hun, hope you feel better soon xxxx


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## Hanwombat (Sep 5, 2013)

I'm so sorry you lost your gorgeous cat. I lost my first cat back in 2009 and it was truly heartbreaking! It does get easier! You may not think it but it does. 

Now I like to talk about him as much as I can because it makes me happy thinking about him.
I have another cat now because from having Arnie he made me want to have another after he died because I just love their company so much

... xx


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## lisa0307 (Aug 25, 2009)

So very sorry for your loss hun...thinking of you at this very sad time.
R.I.P. Dearest Pocky x


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## Summersky (Aug 11, 2012)

That was a lovely photo!! Thank you for sharing.

We have had many pets, but it's no easier when the time ocmes. To begin with, we buried them. But now we too opt for cremation. You can get wooden boxes that stand up - the ashes are inside, and they have photo frame fronts.

Like this.

Sunnyfields Pet Crematorium - Tribute Box

Some people keep some ashes in jewellery too. It's whatever feels best.

I hope that today has been an OK day for you.

Take care.


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## sav37 (Aug 25, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel, my 2 1/2 year old was taken from me on Sunday afternoon, he was hit by car and I can only take comfort in the fact that he would not have known and it was instant. I held him in my arms whilst he was still warm and he was smiling.

We bought both Gizmo (RIP) and Socks in 2011 at 8 weeks old and the boys are brothers who loved each other very much, yes they had there moments but they would play fight very cutely and every day they would wash one another before a paw came out to lovingly say that's enough now 

I am sure Socks is grieving nearly as much as me and last night I decided no more tears in front of him (he would lick them away) instead I had to try and be positive so that he can start to move on.

Although my husband buried Gizmo on Sunday afternoon I had so many nightmares with him in the ground that I took him to the vets to be cremated on Tuesday morning, his little face was still smiling and I was able to stroke him once more. We should get his ashes back next week and I will be keeping them with me until we are strong enough to decide whether to keep them in the house somewhere private or to sprinkle them or to put them in a pot with a special plant. Regardless I do plan to buy a plant in memoriam of my boy and hope to find comfort in that. 

I say good morning and good night to him everyday and not a minute goes by that I do not think about him.

We are planing on getting a new pet (puppy or kitten or both!) at some point but as someone has said to me in another post it needs to be the right time for socks, it certainly wont be a similar looking cat because that would be too hard, I will never forget Gizmo and at the moment I am starting a photo album of the boys from when they were kittens to present day.

I'm also at home all day and I think thats why I feel so empty because my daily ritual of food and playing with both the boys has completely changed as Socks although very affectionate isn't as playful as Gizmo was. I am however trying to keep to the routine and hopefully we will all come through this stronger and ready to give love to another furry friend.


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## Colliebarmy (Sep 27, 2012)

it gets easier but never easy

12 years since we lost our last dog October 17th 2001


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## Cheryl89 (Jun 24, 2013)

sav37 said:


> I know exactly how you feel, my 2 1/2 year old was taken from me on Sunday afternoon, he was hit by car and I can only take comfort in the fact that he would not have known and it was instant. I held him in my arms whilst he was still warm and he was smiling.
> 
> We bought both Gizmo (RIP) and Socks in 2011 at 8 weeks old and the boys are brothers who loved each other very much, yes they had there moments but they would play fight very cutely and every day they would wash one another before a paw came out to lovingly say that's enough now
> 
> ...


So sorry for your awful loss on Sunday hun, thinking of you  xxxx


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## pocky (Aug 11, 2010)

Cheryl - thank you, and for sharing the poem it is very beautiful 
Thank you everyone for being so kind.
Summersky - the tribute box is lovely, we had ours come back in a lovely little wooden box with brass plaque with 'Pocky' engraved, I didn't realise it we would get such a lovely little box. I am going to look for a pretty frame to put some photos in, I will put the picture next to the box I think.
Sav - I am so sorry to hear about your loss xxxx

I have been thinking about possibly getting another cat...but with Pocky, we were given her - we didn't look, we wanted a cat - it was like fate - and she was my dream cat ..the colour and temperament I always dreamed about, her arrival was perfect and seemed like it was meant to be. 
So I feel like if a cat needs me or I am at the right place at the right time - we will help, but I will not be looking.


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## Charity (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm so sorry about your loss, I've lost two this year so understand completely how you feel. As has been said, it doesn't matter how many you lose (and I've lost a lot), it never gets any easier but if there is one thing I have learnt, its that the love I gave to all my cats shouldn't be wasted by my being alone and there are so many other thousands of cats wanting someone to love them. No-one will replace the ones lost but having someone new to love and care about does ease the pain and give you another focus other than the grief of losing them, especially if you are on your own a lot. We got another young puss about six weeks ago and whilst I still feel very sad about the loss of my other two, it makes me feel a lot better knowing I am making this new puss happy giving her a home and watching her run around and play really lifts my heart every day. 

Not only is there always another good animal
in need of a good home,
but we must remember to be thankful 
for the time and love our animals give us 
while they are here.
Take time to enjoy them and learn from them.
As painful as it is to lose them,
they teach us to love unselfishly,
they teach us to live each day to the fullest,
they teach us to grow old gracefully,
and they teach us to die with dignity.
We do them disrespect
to focus only on the sorrow of their death
when they have given us so much joy through their life.
If we wish to honor them,
take what they have given us,
all that love,
and give it back to another animal in need of help.


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## Summersky (Aug 11, 2012)

pocky said:


> Cheryl - thank you, and for sharing the poem it is very beautiful
> Thank you everyone for being so kind.
> Summersky - the tribute box is lovely, we had ours come back in a lovely little wooden box with brass plaque with 'Pocky' engraved, I didn't realise it we would get such a lovely little box. I am going to look for a pretty frame to put some photos in, I will put the picture next to the box I think.
> Sav - I am so sorry to hear about your loss xxxx
> ...


That sounds a lovely idea. I hope you are doing OK.

You will know when the time is right, and yes, it may that a cat in need will find you.

Sav - I am so sorry to read about your loss, and my thoughts are with you all. XX


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