# Confidence...



## JLML (May 12, 2018)

Hello all. I’m new here and have joined to discuss a horsey matter because I have no horsey friend as such. 

I’m currently sharing an OTT TB, the owner has two and I ride the least experienced in terms of retraining. We’ve had an agreement for about 4yrs now. 

The owner took a chance on me. Her horse was jockey-less, and I was the only person to respond to all her ads for a sharer. I wasn’t really very experienced, certainly not experienced enough. But we muddled through and here we are 4yrs later!

The horse has never been easy, but ive had good instructors. And a willing attitude. About 18mths ago, owner moved to a new yard about an hour away, and I continued our arrangement, but she asked me for more money. At the time I was happy to pay as she felt the new yard had facilities that warranted the increase. I would probably agree. 

The horse and I have never truly bonded. It’s been a slog. But suddenly now he’s nappy and the owner refuses to have him checked by vets for arthritis, kissing spines or ulcers (suggestions from H&H forum) as horse is already exempt so much on ins. Owner is convinced I need more lessons. I’d agree. But on this horse I am making one step forward but then 3 back all the time. And it’s ruining my confidence. 

On top of it all, with lessons, diesel and extras, it’s costing me £500pm to share this horse and takes me two hrs to travel there and back without even riding. 

I know having a share is right for me, because ownership is beyond me (I’m in the army and away a lot-which owner tolerates well) but I can’t help thinking this is not the one any more. Am I being terribly unfair? Am I wasting owner’s time? She ‘needs’ my money, and I’d feel awful if she had to lose one of the horses because I left...but I’m really not very happy...she keeps telling me it’s all in my head and I just need to be bolder and more assertive. And get some more lessons. I just want to ride as little as possible. I used to ADORE this horse, but I can’t stand him now ☹


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## Teddy-dog (Nov 2, 2017)

Tbh if I were you I would look for another share. You could have your own for 500 a month!! That’s a lot to pay for a share.

You say you liked this horse and you never truely bonded. Horses take a lot of time and money and it’s supposed to be fun. Go find a share you can have fun on before this horse completely knocks your confidence! It’s a hard thing to get back once it’s lost.

It doesn’t matter if the owner needs your money, as harsh as that may sound, they can find another sharer, or they will need to find a way to pay for THEIR horse.


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## JLML (May 12, 2018)

I mean, when I total up all the costs of everything, that’s how much I’m losing (and that’s what it feels like I’m doing) to be involved with this animal. 

I guess I’m nervous to leave this environment. I’m in Wiltshire and shares where I can do pretty much what I like are hard to come by. And after 4yrs, I’m friends, to an extent, with the owner. She’s a bit bullish, but I have very little else as far as a social life is concerned.


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## Teddy-dog (Nov 2, 2017)

JLML said:


> I mean, when I total up all the costs of everything, that's how much I'm losing (and that's what it feels like I'm doing) to be involved with this animal.
> 
> I guess I'm nervous to leave this environment. I'm in Wiltshire and shares where I can do pretty much what I like are hard to come by. And after 4yrs, I'm friends, to an extent, with the owner. She's a bit bullish, but I have very little else as far as a social life is concerned.


I think that's still a lot of money to be shelling out for something you don't sound like you're enjoying.

You really need to think about your confidence with the horse. It's an easy thing to lose when you're involved in horses and a hard thing to get back. A nappy horse could just be the fact he's nervous in his new place.. or it could be pain related. Is there any reason you can't ride her other horse if that one is better trained?

But, like I said, if you're not enjoying it then I would talk to the owner about it and perhaps cut ties. Just say you don't feel you can deal with the napping and its hurting your confidence. You could go and have some private lessons on a schoolmaster while you look for another share or something and that would help your confidence tons


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## JLML (May 12, 2018)

Teddy-dog said:


> I think that's still a lot of money to be shelling out for something you don't sound like you're enjoying.
> 
> You really need to think about your confidence with the horse. It's an easy thing to lose when you're involved in horses and a hard thing to get back. A nappy horse could just be the fact he's nervous in his new place.. or it could be pain related. Is there any reason you can't ride her other horse if that one is better trained?
> 
> But, like I said, if you're not enjoying it then I would talk to the owner about it and perhaps cut ties. Just say you don't feel you can deal with the napping and its hurting your confidence. You could go and have some private lessons on a schoolmaster while you look for another share or something and that would help your confidence tons


I have actually booked in a lesson with a riding school 5mins from me to see what my riding is actually like...I have a lesson on a riding school horse next week. It's sort of an attempt to gauge whether I'm so completely rubbish at riding, and to have a positive experience. I'm going on Tuesday.


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## JLML (May 12, 2018)

The owner is currently away for a month on a riding holiday. She is paying someone to ride her other horse.


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## Linda Weasel (Mar 5, 2014)

I think it's time you took a step back and had a think....
If you're a rubbish rider then riding a nappy, underschooled horse isn't going to help.
If you're a good rider then not being able to put into place the things that you would want to do, to put this horse right, isn't going to help either. I think you're in a no win situation here.
And £500 a month is a LOT of money for what you're getting.


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## Teddy-dog (Nov 2, 2017)

I don’t think you’ll be rubbish at riding at all. But like has been said, riding a nappy horse isn’t going to help your riding!

I don’t know you, the horse, or the owner. But how well schooled was this horse when you started riding it? Does the owner ever ride it? It kind of sounds like the owner didn’t have time or couldn’t be bother to put in the time to retrain and reschool the horse so they’re expecting you do it, and to pay for the privilege. I might have got the wrong end of the stick though.

I would take a step back and think about what YOU want out of a share. Forget this horse, and if the owner needs you or not, and think about what you would like in a share horse. Then think about this horse, how many of those boxes does it tick? Do you think it has the potential to fill a few more? Or is it going to be a ‘slog?’.


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## RachJeremy (Sep 14, 2012)

I don't think you're being unfair at all... £500 a month is a lot to pay for a share horse! Most of the share agreements i know are around £100 a month... Heck, my old boy i share i don't pay anything for, but i commit my time and i have before done full weeks looking after him and on top i look after another horse. It works for us. 
Different sharers want different things, some want less money and more commitment and some want little commitment and more money... But £500 is a lot. I have two of my own and i am no where near paying that much for them! 

If you have not bonded with the horse, i would suggest cutting ties. As it's not fair on you, especially if the owner isn't hearing you out to call out a vet just because insurance is maxed. I mean yes, the horse could be nappy because it's a new environment... How long has it been since she moved? Horses react differently in different environments and yards. Just the move alone, new place and new horses could make any horse nappy. So in terms of that, she could let him settle more, then call out a vet if nothing changes. As like you say, there could also be a problem going un-noticed by her that a vet can spot or rule out. 

If you're busy with work, i really would suggest just taking lessons or helping out a stables instead. Unless you feel you can commit full time to another share agreement? There are plenty of people out there, and you might find a horse you can really connect with. You never know if you contacted a riding school, they may allow you to 'share' a school horse to give that school horse a break from normal school life. Sometimes it can be really beneficial for a riding school horse to do something a bit different than teach. And just go for a mooch around the country or have a play in a school, rather than just doing around and around. You could really make a horse's life better, and also not have the expensive commitment you have now. 

And i really wouldn't feel bad about it, as i'm pretty sure this woman will get a wake up call when you leave if she struggles to find sharers that are willing to pay as much into it as you do. But if i moved that far away, i wouldn't of expected a sharer to carry on sharing if i moved so far they had to drive over an hour >.<


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## C L F (Feb 28, 2018)

JLML said:


> Hello all. I'm new here and have joined to discuss a horsey matter because I have no horsey friend as such.
> 
> I'm currently sharing an OTT TB, the owner has two and I ride the least experienced in terms of retraining. We've had an agreement for about 4yrs now.
> 
> ...


Of course you're not being unfair, you have to put yourself first, I would untangle your self from this situation and to build your confidence I would have a few lessons at a very good riding school, then when you feel a little more confident you could look for horse share that is is in your favour, £500 is a lot of outlay when you're not feeling as though you're fully engaged with the horse, hope this helps, I hope you find the right horse in the future and never give up on the possibility of owning your own horse in the future.


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2018)

Just browsing.... How did you get on in the lesson? Did you give up this horse, I'm curious?


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