# Why am I the only one who my cat attacks, even though she visibly loves me?



## TodoMM (Apr 30, 2016)

Let me emphasize our relationship: Found abandoned at around 2 weeks of age, when she still needed to drink milk. I bought a baby bottle and researched how to take care of a kitten this small and successfully weaned her a good while after. She has had more human influence than cat influence, so she's a polite little lady. She's currently 1 year old, spayed, and healthy.

(*This part is just to keep understood how she generally feels about me*)
She loves me the most out of everyone in the household. She likes going into my room and simply laying down with me and (since she was taken away from her mother early) likes to attempt to suck on my fingers. That's a bad habit that grew on her, so sometimes I let her, sometimes I dont.
Whenever I get out of my bedroom, she comes up to me and walks beside me. She comes when called (Only by me. She doesnt listen to other people calling.) Lets me pet her at any time, and we play in the afternoon for a heavy hour or less, with one of those cat toys that is a small pole with a rope and a toy mouse attached to it.
If anyone approaches me when I'm holding her, she outstretches a paw at them. Doesnt scratch, just taps them away. She is NOT declawed. If someone hugs me, she tries to push them away or grab my attention.

She's just generally very jealous and clingy.
*(It ends here)*

She does all of this, but I'm still the ONLY ONE who she attacks. And it's for no good reason too-- If I'm on my computer, and she's sitting down beside me, she'll attack my hand or arm. And it doesnt seem playful either: her stance is aggressive, fur on end, and at this point people are starting to ask me if I cut myself.

If she was comfy a moment ago with me petting her, she'll come up and draw blood. I dont understand why she only does this to me and no one else. I'm practically her mother at this point. Can someone help?


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## TallulahCat (Dec 31, 2015)

Does it only happen when you're stroking her? Some cats can become over-stimulated and lash out. It's called petting agression. If it's this I would suggest just stroking for short periods. There might be signs that she's getting overwhelmed like her tail swishing or her ears getting flattened, in which case you'll be able to tell you need to stop then. 

It does sound like she really loves you a lot!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hi there @TodoMM and welcome to the forums 

It sounds as though you did a great job raising the poor little mite from a baby, and as a result she is very emotionally attached to you. Losing her biological mother so young must have been a traumatic experience for her and is evident from your description e.g. she follows you about, wants to be with you constantly etc, and most tellingly of all she likes to suckle on your fingers, that she still feels insecure and anxious quite often.

(Btw, please note that suckling your fingers is not a "bad habit" but is your cat's way of compensating for losing her mother and is her way of comforting herself. Unless you find the habit painful for you, I would always allow her to do it. You can try and substitute a fleece blanket instead, by gently offering it to her to suckle when she is in the mood, but be prepared for the fact it might only be your fingers that she wants).

I imagine you in return are very attached to your cat and you may feel you do not want to share her with anyone else in the house. You may not want to hear this but the fact is it would be better for her development into a well-balanced adult cat if she was not so dependent upon you for everything. And then she would be less anxious when you were out of the house every day, or are too busy with your school work etc to give her your full attention.

What is happening at present is that she is so dependent upon you for her comfort, and as her sole playmate, that she has become clingy and needs your attention 100% of the time, 24/7. When you are out or busy and unable to give her your full attention she suffers from separation anxiety, and this insecurity is what makes her attack you.

If you think about it , [and perhaps start keeping a journal detailing exactly when the attacks happen, and where you had been that day before they happen ], it is possible you will see that the times she attacks you coincide with her being without your company for lengthy periods that particular day. So your cat has had no-one to cuddle her or comfort her when she felt lonely or bored without you. Then you come home and give her loads of attention and play with her for a while, then maybe you have stuff to do, e.g. studying, and so you can't give her so much attention all evening. You have a life after all, you can't live just for your cat 

If there was someone in the house who would be willing to get to know your cat a little and befriend her at times when you are not at home or are busy it would help your cat a lot. But the person would need to be very, very patient and allow your cat to get to accept them gradually, seeing as she has been solely attached to you and no-one else since she was a baby. The person would get your cat to know them and trust them by playing with them using the fishing rod type toys such as Flying Frenzy.

But there will still be times when your cat wants your attention and you are busy. The answer is for you to become more expert in your awareness of the build-up of tension in her before she attacks you. There will be signs in her body language or behaviour that will indicate to you she is feeling lonely or insecure and needs a bit of reassurance from you. Then to nip any possible attack in the bud, you must stop what you are doing for 5 minutes and give her your undivided attention. It will make a difference as long as it is your FULL attention. In time she will learn to trust that when she really needs your attention you are always there for her.

Btw, just a quick reference to declawing, as you mentioned it in your post. I am trusting that you [or your family] wouldn't *dream *of considering declawing your cat because of the attacks. Declawing is illegal here in the UK but I assume not yet banned in your country. I can tell you that removing the claws involves amputation of the last joint of the cat's toes, leaving the cat horribly mutilated, and in pain for the rest of its life when it walks. Also it is worth noting that a cat who has no claws to defend itself with will resort to biting, which is far worse than scratching.

Anyway, I feel sure you are much too kind a person to inflict such suffering on your beloved pet, whom you have done so much for.  But it is worth me mentioning it here for the sake of anyone else reading this thread in future


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## TodoMM (Apr 30, 2016)

Hi, thank you for welcoming me, @chillminx !

I have tried to change her habit from my fingers to something else, because with full grown kitty teeth it does begin to ache. She doesnt budge, but in the end it doesnt bother much besides her drooling over my shirt.

I am incredibly attached to her and a bit protective, but she does get attention from others in the house. The best example is my baby sister, who loves petting her (we've told her to not pull at ears, tail, or whiskers. She just pats the back and head softly. Only when she's annoying my cat does she get scratched, and it's never a serious scratch thank god). Besides that, no one really _likes _it.
My cat, Todo, isnt exactly the prettiest. She's the common grey tabby with brown eyes. She's only outstandingly silver when she's just bathed, and then after a weak her colors dullen a bit again. Me and my sister are the only ones who give her attention; my parents both don't, and our housekeeper only admires from a distance and fills her bowl when I forget to. She also hates strangers (She doesnt bite them. She just avoids them). I dont know of anyone else who could give her attention to make her more dependant of others too.

Even so though, she doesnt get anxious when I'm away. At least, I havent been told about unnatural behaviour, and she's sleeping peacefully on my bed or on a couch when I return. I always give her a lot of attention when I get home; cuddles, scratches under the chin, all that good stuff.

Its actually become frequent enough that I can tell when she wants to attack me. I cant advert my attention from her there at all, but I cant comfort her either. At that point, whether I move or not, she's _definitley going to bite me. _In fact at this point I know how to avoid her claws so I can grab her by the scruff and take her outside, but it doesnt make the situation better. My parents hate how I'm getting scratches out of it and theyre starting to punish my cat whenever they see it happen (usually hitting her with a sandal or yelling at her), which I know isnt going to help her aggressiveness and will just aggravate her even further.

And no, we arent ever going to declaw Todo. Recently moved to a new house, neighbor's cats are enormous pains in the arse (broke into the house, peed everywhere, attacked my dog and cat. I'm pretty sure my cat won!) so she needs to defend herself at night somehow. (We're still trying to manage the situation with our neighbors).


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Hi again, I like your cat's name - Todo means "all" or "everything" in Spanish, (as you may know  ) and I can tell you are devoted to her. 

I wouldn't really expect Todo to show any unhappy behaviour when you are out of the house. Cats often hide how they feel if they are with people they do not have a trusting relationship with. As there is no-one except yourself whom your cat is bonded with (other than perhaps your baby sister a little bit) then Todo would opt for a cat's best way of coping with boredom or loneliness which is to sleep a lot. It is only when you, as her special human/surrogate mother, gets home that she allows her feelings to show.

I am sure you give her lots of attention when you get in - you sound like a sensitive, caring person. The fact is she is a cat who adores lots of hands on attention from you (cuddles, chin scratches, strokes etc), and so there is a specific reason why she suddenly changes from being a loving, friendly cat into an angry one who attacks you. It is going to need a lot of detective work to try and identify the reasons for it, and you are there on the spot to do it, and then post your observations on here so we can talk it through. .

Can I ask whether she is physically in good health as far as you're aware? Does she eat well, and how often a day is she fed? Are you able to feed her a good quality wet food? At one year old she will have a big appetite as she is still growing, so her food should not be rationed. One thing we must rule out is that she is not attacking you because she is hungry often. (it has been known with some cats).

As you probably know one can tell quite a bit about the health of a cat from their deposits in the litter box. So does Todo use her litter box OK? Are her stools firm and formed, not soft or sloppy, nor at the other extreme hard and dry? Does she seem to strain at all when she uses the litter box - if so she could be constipated.

How many times a day does she urinate and are her wees good size clumps in the litter box?

About the bathing - is there a reason why you are needing to bathe Todo ? e.g. is she long haired and her coat is getting messy? Short haired cats do not need bathing except in rare emergencies [such as them having had diarrhoea and got it on their fur]. By bathing her there is a risk the natural oils in her skin will be harmed leaving her skin dry and unhealthy. Even long haired cats should not need bathing regularly. I have never bathed my long haired cat but I do groom him every day without fail.

If Todo's fur looks dull it is due to her diet. Omega 3 fish oil will help. You can add an Omega 3 supplement to her food. It must be salmon oil or krill oil, but NOT cod liver oil which contains too much Vitamin A. 500 mg of salmon oil a day to her food will be enough.

Or instead feed her a portion of oily fish such as mackerel or sardines twice a week. [Make sure there are no bones in it]. In the UK we can buy canned sardines or mackerel in Spring Water. Can you buy these in your country? Do NOT feed canned fish in brine though, as it will harm her kidneys. Don't worry about any bones in canned fish, they are soft enough for her to eat safely. If she is getting adequate fish oil her coat will soon be soft and shiny.

Grooming her every day or so with a brush intended for cats (e.g. one with bobbles on the end of the pins) will also improve the condition of her coat, and will encourage her to groom herself more often.

As Todo was abandoned and thus lost her mother and littermates at the very young age of only 2 weeks, she missed out on the opportunity to be properly socialised by her mother and to learn the good manners she would have learnt from being one of a group of kittens. So you are going to have to be patient to try and train her out of this anti-social behaviour.

You are absolutely correct - your parents hitting your cat is totally the _*wrong thing, *_it will only scare her and make her more aggressive. Please try to get your parents to listen to you and to stop doing it. This is really important, because otherwise whatever good progress you make with Todo will be undone by your parents hitting her.

Also, please explain to your parents that yelling at the cat will have no good effect unless it is done immediately she scratches, not 2 minutes or 10 minutes later. All that will do is make her very scared of your parents all the time.

When Todo attacks you, only you (not your parents) must be the one to immediately yelp "ouch" in a high voice, so that Todo knows she has hurt you. Do not pull away from her if you can help it as this will make her hold on more. Try and stay calm, so you do not add to the tension and Todo's anxiety.

If you really have to pick her up by the scruff you must support her hindquarters or you could hurt her spine. She is too big to be picked up just by her scruff. When you put her outside do it gently, not angrily. She already knows she has hurt you because you yelped 'ouch' at the time, no need to shout at her any more than that.

When you say 'outside' is she used to being outdoors, and is she safe out there e.g. from attack by neighbour's dogs or cats?

The best way to handle Todo's attacks is for you to squeal 'ouch' [as above], say nothing more, but get up and calmly walk away from her and preferably leave the room. No need to shut her in the room. You will have made the point that if she is rough with you she will not get your attention. Ignore her until she has calmed down, and then when she is calm again make a big fuss of her, give her treats, play with her etc. This is known as rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour, so you reinforce the good. Cats can learn this way.

Btw, the best person in the house to make a bit of fuss of Todo when you are out of the house sounds like the housekeeper. If she is a person who likes cats, perhaps you could encourage her to get to know Todo a little?

Another good person to befriend Todo in the future will be your baby sister, when she is older.


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## TodoMM (Apr 30, 2016)

@chillminx

We make sure that her bowl has food for the entire day so she can feed whenever she wants, and we also make sure that the food on her plate doesnt go stale. I'm not sure at what times of the day or night she eats, but I'm definitley sure that she does since the food diminishes from her plate after some time. Times that I am sure that she's eating is when I eat breakfast (6:50 AM) and when we eat dinner (around 7 or 8 PM). She currently weighs 8.1 pounds and is almost exactly 1 y/o and 3 months. She also has short fur that mainly sheds when she's stressed (mostly when getting wet or startled).

She does use her litterbox fine. The only time when she doesnt use it is when she cant find a way to get to it. Her stools are completely solid but not dry. I'm not sure how often my cat pees, since she has the liberty to go outside very often without needing supervision (the backyard is closed in). The clumps are fairly sized though, and she hydrates well.

We rarely bathe her, but once it was an exception because she was smelling funny after getting spayed. Besides that, we haven't seen the need to bathe her, but it definitley makes her fur glimmer.
I dont think her fur is exactly dull. It still has its oils and shines naturally, even if it isn't the pretty silver after a bath. She does groom herself, and frequently too, but I could try to buy her a hairbrush to see how it might affect her. Even if it doesnt change anything, she'll probably enjoy the feeling of it!

My cat doesnt often like going outside. She prefers being inside and looking out from the window-- she's just generally an indoor cat. Todo's safe from the neighbor's cats in the daytime not only because she doesnt really like going outside much but also because there's always someone downstairs in eyeshot of her whereabouts. My neighbor's cats also seem to prefer the night more than the day, so that also helps the situation a lot more. It's only worrying since they manage to sneak in at night, when everyone else is asleep and we're not around.

I'll try to encourage our housekeeper to pet her more and be more affectionate to Todo. She's probably not gonna smother her, but it'll be better than not receiving attention from anyone else at all. My sister's definitley gonna be someone who will hang out with the kitty often, that's for sure!

I'll make sure to try everything that you suggested!


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## chillminx (Nov 22, 2010)

Please let us know how things go?


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