# Possessive Cats????



## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

Right, I'll TRY to explain this in a way that I hope makes sense.... :blink:


Further to the introduction of Abby almost four weeks ago, I can advise that both Oscar & Merson appear to be reluctantly accepting her into the household although no fluffy, curled-up-together moments yet. Last night, all three were left downstairs alone together for the first time and it was quiet & calm. No fur flying or yowling cat fights. (I'm a VERY light sleeper so would have heard if there was.)

Anyway........

Merson is still having hissy fits but not so much at Abby but at ME!!!!!  He'll be really ar*ey with me - hissing & growling - and then give some to Abbs if she is close by. Occasionally the paw comes up too (at both of us!) but 90% of the time, it is just hissing.

Oscar will 'maybe' had a pop at her or 'maybe' not depending on how he is feeling. I can understand him being like this as he is still in his buster collar & that is frustrating him so I think Abby is getting it when he feels grumpy.

HOWEVER...............

When I am out of the house at work, the three of them rub along just fine!!!!  They're not buddy-buddy but there is no hissing or growling and they all walk past each other without any fuss. The ONLY time time we get the bad behaviour is when I'm home. The OH has made this comment a few times now as he has been home alone with them more over the last week. 

I appreciate that the boys were always 'mine' and I was 'theirs' and we were a little unit together until the OH came along 5 years ago. They accepted OH ok but in their heads they were still mine & I was 'theirs'. Merson still gets LOADS more cuddles, snuggles & attention from me than Abby does because I don't want him to feel pushed out or replaced but this puts now me in a dilemma - If I give him snuggles when he is grumpy, he'll think that being a little sh*t is the best way to get cuddles so will keep on doing it. If I reduce the cuddles, he'll think he's being passed over for Abby so will continue to be a little sh*t.

So last night I changed tack and instead of either cuddling him when he hissed or telling him off, I ignored him. I just walked past him and left him to it. I didn't give attention to Abby though, I just walked away completely. Hopefully giving the message that I'm not interested in his bad behaviour & when he does it I will ignore him until he is good again. When he had stopped, and was being quiet, I then gave him a couple of treats. 10 mins later he was being a sod again........

So how do I 'wean' my cats off me or how do I get Merson to stop being mad at me? He is now sporting a nice purple calming collar - which puts me to sleep but not him!!! - and I have two Feliway diffusers on the go.

Sorry for the long post but I was trying to get all the relevant stuff in although I'm sure I've missed off loads.

Thanks for reading and thanks for ANY advice that might help.


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## cazcatz (Jun 14, 2011)

Oooh a tricky one!! Sounds like you are really making progress though, well done  I can't really offer much advice, but all I can think of is they are still vying for your attention as the head kitty (like you guessed)  When you are not there they have established a pecking order and are fine. How about trying to encourage them all to play together at the same time each evening? It might help them interact better and not view one another as a threat. If they are all not getting mummy cuddles, but mutual playtime, it may help?

You'll get there don't worry!! :thumbup:


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## Misi (Jul 13, 2009)

This really made me smile  Cat's are sooo clever and manipulative. I think your approach to ignoring Merson is the right way to go. You just need to stick with it. All the hierarchies will be in a state of flux for a bit because of the new one coming along. I think you're on the right track though. Good luck!


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## missye87 (Apr 4, 2011)

I think this; it's only been a month, go easy!  Some cats it takes months to settle together and figure it all out. Merson better sort himself out as soon he'll end up with me and my mogs and Storm will put him in his place


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

cazcatz said:


> How about trying to encourage them all to play together at the same time each evening? It might help them interact better and not view one another as a threat. If they are all not getting mummy cuddles, but mutual playtime, it may help?


Thanks for the replies, really appreciated.

Unfortunately, Oscar is not a playing cat. He never really has been. Wearing his buster collar right now makes him even less so. Merson sort of plays but only when HE really wants to.

Instead, I have been doing a mutual treat time where some beef is given equally to the three of them at the same time. They will all scoff the beef within about 4 inches of each other and then, 5 mins later, Merson kicks off again!!! 

We're away for a few days next week & my neighbour is coming in to feed them so maybe the time alone, without me around AT ALL, will help to settle everyone down.

It had damn well better or they'll all be relegated to the shed!!!!!!


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## K337 (May 20, 2011)

I had the minature/easier version of your problem when one of my boys (Bloo) returned from the vet. The cat that stayed home (Freckle) would hassle him and chase him away, but only when my husband or I were in the room - around other people they were best friends. If my husband ignored both of them they would settle down, but if I was in the room then Freckle would swipe, hiss or chase Bloo out. If I picked Bloo up Freckle would then hiss at me - same as when I had Bloo's scent on me and tried to rub it on Freckle by picking him up.

I spent a few days trying to 'share scents' and do mutual feedings and treats etc, making sure Freckle had lots of extra cuddles and even spent a night on the couch with him. After confirming that the worst behaviour was around me, I started gently scolding Freckle when he hissed. Rather than a "no" or other words he is used to for specific telling off, I would talk to him and let my tone let him know that he is being bad. Generally this went something like "Freckle! Stop that right now, you know that's your brother and you will be nice" or "Hiss at me again and I will ignore you and you won't get any treats". I was trying for a 'I'm disapointed in you tone' like if I was guilting a toddler for bad behaviour. I also picked him up (carefully scooping him so he couldn't claw me) and ignored his hissing when I smelt like Bloo and told him to stop being such a fusspot. It took a few days but he got over it, and he did throw a few hissy tantrums and stalk out of the room on occasion.

I feel extra bad as we used to think he wasn't a 'lap cat' but while Bloo was away he was super cuddly and wanted to be all over us, so perhaps he was meant to be a singleton cat. But he does love spending time with his brother and I'd prefer him to be a bit upset about not being the only 'child' and having a brother to play/sleep/bathe with for the 8-10 hours a day we are at work then vice versa.

Your situation is a lot more complex and maybe going away will give Merson a chance to settle down a bit. If not it sounds like you will make progress with the treat/food route. I know that in general it takes time and that ignoring a cat is considered the most suitable 'punishment', but I've found it has mixed success with my boys and that sometimes ignoring them doesn't seem to change a thing!

Edit: I should say what I mean by "he got over it". They are back to snuggling up together, bathing each other and playing group games. We all curl up together on the couch or bed and I'm careful to make sure they both get the same amount of attention, and also have a little bit of one-on-one time with me each day


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

K337 said:


> Your situation is a lot more complex and maybe going away will give Merson a chance to settle down a bit. If not it sounds like you will make progress with the treat/food route. I know that in general it takes time and that ignoring a cat is considered the most suitable 'punishment', but I've found it has mixed success with my boys and that sometimes ignoring them doesn't seem to change a thing!


Thank you very much for that. 

TBH, I think Merson is just a miserable, mardy-a*sed, possessive little sh*t but he is MY miserable, mardy-a*sed, possessive little sh*t and I still loves him as much as I ever did. ut:

Even though, right now, he is currently driving me nuts and giving me more grey hairs than one box of hair dye can cope with!!!!!!!! :001_rolleyes:


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## K337 (May 20, 2011)

Isn't that what cats are for? 

My Blooregard likes to pee on the bathmat when my husband leaves it down  If I leave it down he won't touch it, same for guests... Yesterday my husband left it down for less than 5 minutes and he snuck in and did it :hand:

I really hope that leaving them for a few days sorts them out. In a way it's like super-ignoring Merson's behaviour, so all theories point to it working. If not, do your cats like to play with bugs? My boys are super co-operative and well behaved while they are hunting. My backup plan after trying all the normal techniques to introduce them to sisters (when I finally get some little girl kitties) is to let loose some crickets in the house. Those boys will be so busy that they won't care who helps them as long as the crickets get caught!


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## missye87 (Apr 4, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> Thank you very much for that.
> 
> TBH, I think Merson is just a miserable, mardy-a*sed, possessive little sh*t but he is MY miserable, mardy-a*sed, possessive little sh*t and I still loves him as much as I ever did. ut:
> 
> Even though, right now, he is currently driving me nuts and giving me more grey hairs than one box of hair dye can cope with!!!!!!!! :001_rolleyes:


I'll have him  We wouldn't get away with sulking for long with Storm...


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## Myanimalmadhouse (Mar 6, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> Right, I'll TRY to explain this in a way that I hope makes sense.... :blink:
> 
> Further to the introduction of Abby almost four weeks ago, I can advise that both Oscar & Merson appear to be reluctantly accepting her into the household although no fluffy, curled-up-together moments yet. Last night, all three were left downstairs alone together for the first time and it was quiet & calm. No fur flying or yowling cat fights. (I'm a VERY light sleeper so would have heard if there was.)
> 
> ...


This is just what you should be doing chick! It'll take some time but be persistent and the time in between him being calm and treated and starting to be a sod again will increase until he eventually gives up


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## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

He's got mogatude! - no im not much help


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## Myanimalmadhouse (Mar 6, 2011)

welshjet said:


> He's got mogatude! - no im not much help


:lol: Mogatude - I like that, think it should be new word of the day


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

welshjet said:


> He's got mogatude! - no im not much help


Errr No!!! He's just a pain in the a*se!!!!!!   

However, credit where credit is due - last night there was a 90% improvement in his behaviour. A couple of hisses but nothing to write home about.

This evening will be interesting though as the three of them have been allowed to roam loose since 8am this morning with NO-ONE at home!!!  This is the longest they've had together on their own (except at night but we have been upstairs so would have heard any rucks).


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## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

I bet they have all been playing nice, and then you get in ........


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## missye87 (Apr 4, 2011)

welshjet said:


> I bet they have all been playing nice, and then you get in ........


Just to be little sods!  Benji and Storm were a nightmare last night! Have people staying so had to sleep in same bed as hubby, Benji sulked as hubby took his place in the bed, Storm also stayed in the bedroom, and between hubby's snoring and Benji and Storm's playing sessions with the blinds/climbing the ironing board/playing with the catit track/chasing each other and crashing in to the furniture in room or charging across mummy and daddy I think I got about five minutes of shut-eye...


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

welshjet said:


> I bet they have all been playing nice, and then you get in ........


I wouldn't bet on the 'playing' bit. 'Maybe' Merson & Abby but not Oscar.....!! 



missye87 said:


> Just to be little sods!  Benji and Storm were a nightmare last night! Have people staying so had to sleep in same bed as hubby, Benji sulked as hubby took his place in the bed, Storm also stayed in the bedroom, and between hubby's snoring and Benji and Storm's playing sessions with the blinds/climbing the ironing board/playing with the catit track/chasing each other and crashing in to the furniture in room or charging across mummy and daddy I think I got about five minutes of shut-eye...


Oh, you poor thing!!!! 

That'll teach you to have visitors and be sociable!!!!!


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## missye87 (Apr 4, 2011)

MoggyBaby said:


> I wouldn't bet on the 'playing' bit. 'Maybe' Merson & Abby but not Oscar.....!!
> 
> Oh, you poor thing!!!!
> 
> That'll teach you to have visitors and be sociable!!!!!


Yep I'm never doing it again!


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## welshjet (Mar 31, 2011)

missye87 said:


> Just to be little sods!  Benji and Storm were a nightmare last night! Have people staying so had to sleep in same bed as hubby, Benji sulked as hubby took his place in the bed, Storm also stayed in the bedroom, and between hubby's snoring and Benji and Storm's playing sessions with the blinds/climbing the ironing board/playing with the catit track/chasing each other and crashing in to the furniture in room or charging across mummy and daddy I think I got about five minutes of shut-eye...


Welcome - i get this every night arrrgh shadow boxing through the curtains is not funny at stupid o'clock when things go flying



MoggyBaby said:


> I wouldn't bet on the 'playing' bit. 'Maybe' Merson & Abby but not Oscar.....


Aww love him, has he still got collar on or is eye healing now x


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## MoggyBaby (Mar 8, 2011)

welshjet said:


> Aww love him, has he still got collar on or is eye healing now x


He's still got a collar on due to having the emergency staples put in the wound. We're off to the vet tonight to see how the wound is doing and if it has now healed so that the staples can come out. I have a feeling though that they'll be left another week just to be on the safe side.


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