# I've lost my best friend and soulmate to adenocarcinoma.



## Daniel Carter

I joined this forum looking for help. I'm in such a mess. My dog, my best friend, my soulmate, my life had to be put to sleep the weekend just gone and I'm in turmoil.

Jake was my 9 ye old male Chihuahua. He had been neutered when he was 4.

A few months ago I started noticing him taking longer to pee.

It got progreasivpro worse until one evening I had to rush him to the emergency vets. They stuck a catheter in and drained him and explained they were concerned.

I took him to the vets, we went through rounds of treatment and antiinflammatories. As the weeks went on it got worse again until I took him to the vets for a scan.

They could see his prostate was massively enlarged and he had some large lymph nodes. I cling on to hope that it's not cancer and we tried a few other treatments 

On Friday last week he was howling in the garden and wandering around in so much discomfort. I rushed him to the vets who said they would transfer him to a specialist unit.

I get a call the following day telling me to go in. I get there and they give me him for cuddles. There they explain that he has aggressive prostatic cancer and that there isn't anything they can do and that I need to consider letting him go. They were unable to get a catheter in because the urethra was completely blocked and they'd aspirated urine from him via a needle into his bladder.
One vet said we could have debuilkng surgery to reduce the size of the tumour, but she said it was a high risk procedure with a 70 % chance of death as they also diagnosed him as having a heart murmur. They said the tumour would grow back very quickly and that the cancer had already spread. They said if I opted for surgery he'd be in a lot of pain and would be on a cocktail of drugs and that he wouldn't have much of a quality of life. 

He was put to sleep in my eyes Saturday night.

Now I'm broken, thought about suicide. I'm in agony absolute agony to the point where I just don't want to have to live through it.

Did I make the right decision? Why did he get such a rare form of cancer? What's even worse is he was neutered, so why did he get an aggressive prostate cancer?

Why? Why is life this cruel.

I'm in ruin, I just want my boy back.


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## Linda Weasel

We have all been through what you’re suffering now, and know how desperate it feels.

It does get better with time (it’s a cliche but true). You gave him the best life and the best end to it that any dog could hope for. You were unselfish and did what was best; your friend is free now.

One day you will be able to think of the good things you did together, and the funny times.

Grief is hard but you’ll get through it, and probably one day you’ll have another dog that you’ll love; not to take his place but because now you’re one of those who know how amazing is the bond that we can create with these animals.


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## Lurcherlad

So very sorry for your loss 

He sounds like a very loved boy and lucky to have such a devoted owner.

It’s understandable you are distraught at the moment but give yourself time to grieve and process it all.

Jake was one of the lucky ones and you saved him from suffering.

Perhaps a chat with your GP is a good idea if you are feeling so bereft as there is lots of help out there to help us cope with life’s challenges, without feeling alone.

We’re all animal lovers here so understand how upset you must feel and can offer a friendly, sympathetic outlet for you to vent and share.

Take care x


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## Daniel Carter

Jake went peacefully. But he was only 9! 9? why? he was only half way through his life expectancy. I've lost my world, no more cuddles, wet nose, walkies, tiliting head, nothing.

I just can't fathom a life without him. It's just too painful.

I left home and went to stay with parents, I can't process anything. I can't eat, breathe, think.

I just don't see a future now hes gone.

If he'd been older say 14, 15, 16 I could have coped much easier as we would have fulfilled most of his life.

9. Too many things undone.


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## Daniel Carter

My little boy used to love playing boxing with his little paws


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## Tiggers

I understand your grief and darkness. Even though you have been brought to this dark place, time will lead you from it back to the light. I've lost many beloved pets and been brought to the same place at the loss of each one. Bless you, and sending you strength xx


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## [email protected]

So sorry for your loss. No words can lessen your grief. All strength to you during this sad time.


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## Veronica Chapman

Hi Daniel, life can be unfair and cruel. Dave and I are so sorry that you have to put your beloved Jake to sleep.
Your quick actions have saved him from lingering pain and disabilities Daniel. You have given him all the fight against this aggressive cancer and you did the kindest thing in the end.
We too have to put our lovely Bengal Benji to sleep 3 months ago. Not one day do we not miss him terribly. The pain is so raw still. But we remember all the great times we enjoyed together, the funny things Benji used to do. He was a talking cat, used to say words like 'oh' with such expressions if he didn't get the attention and we smile.
Do think of all the lovely things you did with Jake. He is no longer in pain and has gone to a better place. I am weeping with you now, it does get easier a little day by day.
Keep well.
Veronica x


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## Daniel Carter

I keep reliving the nightmare over and over again in my head. He was taken far too young in such an evil way. I'm finding it hard to even string a sentence together. He died in my arms, went limp, left this world. The pain, the pain, I can't cope and I am going through emotional torture. If I didn't have kids I would have probably looked to leave this world myself. It doesn't matter that I am alive, when Jake died, I died inside and i'm a crumbling shell.

No counselling can help, the bond I had was beyond any comprehension, he meant more to me than life.

He was 9, not 14, not 15, he was 9.

He got an aggresive prostate cancer that closed his Urethra, he couldn't pee and in the last day they were aspirating urine from him via direct injection into the bladder. But why, why did he get a cancer so rare, especially since we was neutered, the prostate should have shrunk away and went. How did he get this cancer, why, why did this have to happen.

If there is a god / jesus (which there isn't) I wish with all my heart that they'd die of cancer in the most horrible painful circumstances.

The vets said I did the right thing, but, I read up about dog cancers online and most are treatable. Jake's cancer was relatively contained yet they said surgery wouldn't be worth it? they said he had a heart murmur and had a high risk of dying from the procedure, not only because of the heart murmur but also because the prostate gland has so many blood vessells he would lose a lot of blood during the op.

I inevitably made the decision to put him to sleep because I put my wants and desperations behind what was right for Jake. But I can't help but feel there could have been other options to try before this? he was taken from me.

Robbed. I've been robbed. I'm dead inside, I am going through the worst thing I could ever encounter, now I am just going to wait for death because as far as I am concerned **** life, I am done with this bullshit.

**** Cancer. **** Life.


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## Linda Weasel

Daniel. If this is how you really feel then you need to contact your GP now.

What you’re feeling is grief and guilt, which is something we all feel very badly when we lose a pet; just distraught.

However, I think you’re not managing very well at the moment, and PLEASE look for more help than you can get on a forum.


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## Veronica Chapman

Daniel,
I agree totally with Linda Weasel above text. Whilst it is usual in the bereavement cycle to feel grief, guilt and anger, I think that you are speaking of taking your own life. There are so many issues to discuss here. There are specialised well trained people out there that can help you Daniel. 
Please go see your GP and or speak to the Samaritans.
Please call them on the helpline now.
Veronica, thinking of you and family


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## Happy Paws2

Daniel, after losing Dillon in February I do know how you are feeling, they are such a large part of our lives, we feel as if the heart of our house been ripped out. My OH is still devastated and he still cries for him, It's taking such along time to come to terms that Dillon is not here anymore, but as the days go by it has got a little easier although it still hurts like hell. 

If you need help, as the above has said there is help out there don't be afraid to ask.


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## MrsLB

Daniel Carter said:


> I joined this forum looking for help. I'm in such a mess. My dog, my best friend, my soulmate, my life had to be put to sleep the weekend just gone and I'm in turmoil.
> 
> Jake was my 9 ye old male Chihuahua. He had been neutered when he was 4.
> 
> A few months ago I started noticing him taking longer to pee.
> 
> It got progreasivpro worse until one evening I had to rush him to the emergency vets. They stuck a catheter in and drained him and explained they were concerned.
> 
> I took him to the vets, we went through rounds of treatment and antiinflammatories. As the weeks went on it got worse again until I took him to the vets for a scan.
> 
> They could see his prostate was massively enlarged and he had some large lymph nodes. I cling on to hope that it's not cancer and we tried a few other treatments
> 
> On Friday last week he was howling in the garden and wandering around in so much discomfort. I rushed him to the vets who said they would transfer him to a specialist unit.
> 
> I get a call the following day telling me to go in. I get there and they give me him for cuddles. There they explain that he has aggressive prostatic cancer and that there isn't anything they can do and that I need to consider letting him go. They were unable to get a catheter in because the urethra was completely blocked and they'd aspirated urine from him via a needle into his bladder.
> One vet said we could have debuilkng surgery to reduce the size of the tumour, but she said it was a high risk procedure with a 70 % chance of death as they also diagnosed him as having a heart murmur. They said the tumour would grow back very quickly and that the cancer had already spread. They said if I opted for surgery he'd be in a lot of pain and would be on a cocktail of drugs and that he wouldn't have much of a quality of life.
> 
> He was put to sleep in my eyes Saturday night.
> 
> Now I'm broken, thought about suicide. I'm in agony absolute agony to the point where I just don't want to have to live through it.
> 
> Did I make the right decision? Why did he get such a rare form of cancer? What's even worse is he was neutered, so why did he get an aggressive prostate cancer?
> 
> Why? Why is life this cruel.
> 
> I'm in ruin, I just want my boy back.


Oh Daniel, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend 4 months ago and devastated was an understatement. Grief like this is a journey no one wants to take, and it's the price we all pay for loving our furry friends. You loved Jake with every fibre of your being, and in turn, he loved you just as much. You done the absolutely right thing for Jake, and that was the last act of love you could do for him. I promise that in time
the pain won't feel so raw. The Blue Cross offer great support with pet bereavement, and if you're not up for talking with anyone, you can correspond with them via email. I wish you all the very best. Take care x


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## Veronica Chapman

My husband and I are still here reading about your sorrow Daniel. We are feeling your pain and keep reflecting on the whole event of having to "do the best thing for Benji". I keep thinking what if we didn't do the right thing. The sensible part of me could see that our Benji has lost so much weight and having real difficulty with his body functions. I am absolutely certain now that we have done the right thing to stop his sufferings. So have you, Daniel.
Veronica x


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## Daniel Carter

thank you all. I am sorry for those of you that sympathise because you've had to go through something similar. It's been truly horrific. It's the most agonising, soul destroying, life destroying experience. I am on the edge, not just because I've lost my world but also because he lost the chance of so many more years of life, walkies, love, cuddles, treats, playtime.

I don't know if I'll survive this ordeal. I am just drifting through each day aimlessly.

I've not been able to work properly, I've only just returned home after staying with my parents for nearly 3 weeks and I'm surrounded by his memory and the environment I took him away from before his passing. I miss him too much and I don't think I can endure the pain of being here.

I know loss is loss, but to me, Jake passed at 9, not only was that far too young, he was ripped away so suddenly and because of such a cruel thing.

I'm no longer scared of death, but I am scared to live, scared because day and night I am in so much sorrow.

I miss my boy. I keep hoping to wake up and that this was just a bad nightmare.

I just want to wake up and to see him by my side, please please please...........


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## MrsLB

Daniel Carter said:


> thank you all. I am sorry for those of you that sympathise because you've had to go through something similar. It's been truly horrific. It's the most agonising, soul destroying, life destroying experience. I am on the edge, not just because I've lost my world but also because he lost the chance of so many more years of life, walkies, love, cuddles, treats, playtime.
> 
> I don't know if I'll survive this ordeal. I am just drifting through each day aimlessly.
> 
> I've not been able to work properly, I've only just returned home after staying with my parents for nearly 3 weeks and I'm surrounded by his memory and the environment I took him away from before his passing. I miss him too much and I don't think I can endure the pain of being here.
> 
> I know loss is loss, but to me, Jake passed at 9, not only was that far too young, he was ripped away so suddenly and because of such a cruel thing.
> 
> I'm no longer scared of death, but I am scared to live, scared because day and night I am in so much sorrow.
> 
> I miss my boy. I keep hoping to wake up and that this was just a bad nightmare.
> 
> I just want to wake up and to see him by my side, please please please...........


It's still very early days for you Daniel, filled with horrible raw emotions. You're still very much in shock and disbelief, which is awful. I remember when Lex had just passed, I kept replaying his last moments over and over in my mind, and I couldn't quite grasp that I would never see him again, watch the way he used to love the wind in his face, play in the snow, and take an attack of the
zoomies when he though a treat was on offer. Those days were unbearable, and I just didn't know what to do with myself. Do you have support around you Daniel, as it really is imperative to have someone who will listen. I can't say when the pain will ease, but it will. I know it doesn't seem like that just now, but in time, things will get easier. I really wish I could say something to make you feel better Daniel, but all I can say is I understand what you're going through and you just have to take each day as it comes, feel what you feel and talk about Jake with someone who understands. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Stay strong and be kind to yourself. Take care x


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## Sacrechat

I'm so sorry for your loss. We all ask why, but sadly there is no reason why. It's just the world in which we live. It's the horrible part of having pets we love so much. The pain you feel now is horrific, and I know everyone says this, but time really is a great healer. You will never forget your little boy and through your memories of him and your love for him, he will continue to live with you and one day you will be able to think of him still with sadness that he is gone, but not with the pain you feel now.

I have photos of all my pets on the walls of my living room so even though most have now passed, I can still see them every day. Maybe you should do the same. It helps me to feel like they are still with me.


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## Mrs Brown

Daniel Carter said:


> Jake went peacefully. But he was only 9! 9? why? he was only half way through his life expectancy. I've lost my world, no more cuddles, wet nose, walkies, tiliting head, nothing.
> 
> I just can't fathom a life without him. It's just too painful.
> 
> I left home and went to stay with parents, I can't process anything. I can't eat, breathe, think.
> 
> I just don't see a future now hes gone.
> 
> If he'd been older say 14, 15, 16 I could have coped much easier as we would have fulfilled most of his life.
> 
> 9. Too many things undone.


Pets are no different to humans in that some live to a very old age without illness and others are stricken mid way through their lifespan. It is hurting you so much which is easy to see reading your words. Please keep posting on this forum and let us know how you are as it is affecting you so badly and it is worrying to read some of your comments.

You are among people here who all have tragic memories of losing pets and my own is a recent one. I know nothing seems to help much with sympathetic words but they are sincere, please do not forget that.


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## Daniel Carter

Here I am, it's been nearly 2 months since I lost Jake. I sit here teetering on the brink. If I didn;t have kids I would have let go of life. But, I have to carry on. However, my mental state is getting worse. I simply cannot cope with the loss. I've lost such a huge part of me I can't see a way out. I went to the doctors and it;'s the usual, didn;t care just fobbed me off with a prescription for anti-depressants, what, a tablet to take away the pain? I;m not mentally ill, just so very very heartbroken.

Some people cope with loss, some don't, unfortunately, I find myself in the later category.

I've tried so hard to find ways through, but, here I am at 4:20am, can;t sleep, can't think clearly.

The last 7 weeks have been hell, just utter hell.

I've lost interest in everything, I just feel like a shell.

I'm doing my best to carry on as a Dad, and my kids are my life. But, that aside, I still can't help hurting. I cry and cry. Most people around me don't care, they've seen me sad for this long, they're probably fed up with it by now.

I feel like I have nowhere to turn, no one to talk to.

I just want my boy back.............


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## Mrs Brown

Again so sorry for your loss and to read that you are still suffering so strongly. May I ask are any other family members feeling this loss the way you are or do you feel there is little sympathy around you. I still have waves of sadness wash over me months after losing my last pet and while my family have always known I am cat bonkers they never refer to my loss after the first week or so. I accept this. It was my loss alone.

Life can be cruel in all sorts of ways and losing a pet to some people is trivial in the grand scheme of things but to those of us who are in despair it is just awful.
If it helps to talk at any time then please share as much as you feel you want to. You have so many listeners here who support you.


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## SusieRainbow

I lost my little furry friend last year, a 15 yr ol dachshund - we'd had her 6 years from rescue. Even though she was 15 and had numerous problems it was a shock to lose her and we were devastated, I still shed tears 9 months later.
We now have another dachshund , adopted in May. He's totallly diferent to Tango but is a delight and my other dachshund loves him - she pined when Tango died.
Daniel, I fully sympathise with your pain and agree with others , it does get easier. As for the tablets from your GP no-ones saying they will make everything OK again, of course they won't, but they will help you to process your grief response. You're obviously really struggling, your family need you well.
Please take the tablets, they can take a few weeks to take effect, and please contact a pet bereavement service to talk your feelings through.
By all means come back here to us, we all understand the pain you're suffering, but you do need more structured help than we as an internet forum can give.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are.


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## Jazzy

Daniel Carter said:


> Here I am, it's been nearly 2 months since I lost Jake. I sit here teetering on the brink. If I didn;t have kids I would have let go of life. But, I have to carry on. However, my mental state is getting worse. I simply cannot cope with the loss. I've lost such a huge part of me I can't see a way out. I went to the doctors and it;'s the usual, didn;t care just fobbed me off with a prescription for anti-depressants, what, a tablet to take away the pain? I;m not mentally ill, just so very very heartbroken.
> 
> Some people cope with loss, some don't, unfortunately, I find myself in the later category.
> 
> I've tried so hard to find ways through, but, here I am at 4:20am, can;t sleep, can't think clearly.
> 
> The last 7 weeks have been hell, just utter hell.
> 
> I've lost interest in everything, I just feel like a shell.
> 
> I'm doing my best to carry on as a Dad, and my kids are my life. But, that aside, I still can't help hurting. I cry and cry. Most people around me don't care, they've seen me sad for this long, they're probably fed up with it by now.
> 
> I feel like I have nowhere to turn, no one to talk to.
> 
> I just want my boy back.............


I can relate to what you are going through as I lost my girl at 9 on December 18th last year. She went to the vets in September with a paw injury and ended up coming out with a death sentence. The vet felt something large in her tummy which turned out to be cysts that had overtaken 2/3rds of her kidneys. I also lost my older dog in January last year, he was 13. He went for a dental and his pre op tests came back that his kidneys were bad. We lost him 7 weeks later. Like you I feel worse that my girl was only 9. It helped that we still had her when we lost our older one. Like you I thought of suicide too and if I'd had no family to think if that's what I would have done. It's coming up to the first anniversary of losing her next month, I'm dreading it. I haven't felt able to get another dog yet. I still cry over her and I keep her ashes at the side of my bed where she always slept.


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## Julia Lyon

Daniel Carter said:


> thank you all. I am sorry for those of you that sympathise because you've had to go through something similar. It's been truly horrific. It's the most agonising, soul destroying, life destroying experience. I am on the edge, not just because I've lost my world but also because he lost the chance of so many more years of life, walkies, love, cuddles, treats, playtime.
> 
> I don't know if I'll survive this ordeal. I am just drifting through each day aimlessly.
> 
> I've not been able to work properly, I've only just returned home after staying with my parents for nearly 3 weeks and I'm surrounded by his memory and the environment I took him away from before his passing. I miss him too much and I don't think I can endure the pain of being here.
> 
> I know loss is loss, but to me, Jake passed at 9, not only was that far too young, he was ripped away so suddenly and because of such a cruel thing.
> 
> I'm no longer scared of death, but I am scared to live, scared because day and night I am in so much sorrow.
> 
> I miss my boy. I keep hoping to wake up and that this was just a bad nightmare.
> 
> I just want to wake up and to see him by my side, please please please...........


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## Julia Lyon

Hi Daniel 
I lost my soul mate , best friend and my entire life on Saturday . Dixie was a mini dachshund who was 15 years old . For 15 years we were barely apart . She had good health but died quickly just taking one day . She had breathing problems in the morning. We took her go the emergency vets . She had to stay there as was on a hydration drip and oxygen when she needed it. I wanted to take her home as I had feeling she might not make it. I so wanted to be with her . She absolutely hated the vets . She was shaking all over . They asked us to return at 7pm . We drove an hour to be back prompt at 7 . She was quite a mess . Again I said could I take her home . They said there was a chance she would pull through . We left but had a phone call 10mins later to say she was in cardiac arrest . We arrived to find she was in a coma and then had to be euthanised. Like you I’m so very upset . Despite a husband and daughter I feel the pain is too great . I don’t want to be in a world without her . How are you now ? Are you feeling better ? It’s terrible when you can’t eat or sleep and just want your companion back so badly .


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## Yngrid

Daniel Carter said:


> I joined this forum looking for help. I'm in such a mess. My dog, my best friend, my soulmate, my life had to be put to sleep the weekend just gone and I'm in turmoil.
> 
> Jake was my 9 ye old male Chihuahua. He had been neutered when he was 4.
> 
> A few months ago I started noticing him taking longer to pee.
> 
> It got progreasivpro worse until one evening I had to rush him to the emergency vets. They stuck a catheter in and drained him and explained they were concerned.
> 
> I took him to the vets, we went through rounds of treatment and antiinflammatories. As the weeks went on it got worse again until I took him to the vets for a scan.
> 
> They could see his prostate was massively enlarged and he had some large lymph nodes. I cling on to hope that it's not cancer and we tried a few other treatments
> 
> On Friday last week he was howling in the garden and wandering around in so much discomfort. I rushed him to the vets who said they would transfer him to a specialist unit.
> 
> I get a call the following day telling me to go in. I get there and they give me him for cuddles. There they explain that he has aggressive prostatic cancer and that there isn't anything they can do and that I need to consider letting him go. They were unable to get a catheter in because the urethra was completely blocked and they'd aspirated urine from him via a needle into his bladder.
> One vet said we could have debuilkng surgery to reduce the size of the tumour, but she said it was a high risk procedure with a 70 % chance of death as they also diagnosed him as having a heart murmur. They said the tumour would grow back very quickly and that the cancer had already spread. They said if I opted for surgery he'd be in a lot of pain and would be on a cocktail of drugs and that he wouldn't have much of a quality of life.
> 
> He was put to sleep in my eyes Saturday night.
> 
> Now I'm broken, thought about suicide. I'm in agony absolute agony to the point where I just don't want to have to live through it.
> 
> Did I make the right decision? Why did he get such a rare form of cancer? What's even worse is he was neutered, so why did he get an aggressive prostate cancer?
> 
> Why? Why is life this cruel.
> 
> I'm in ruin, I just want my boy back.


Im so very sorry. today at 1:30 i have a appointment with my digs vet. It will be at this time i will have to make a decision. My dog is BUEATIFUL, Stafford shire terrier, and she has mass cell cancer. Im so broken. We are each others shadows.


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## Yngrid

We need to remain strong!


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## Meowest

Daniel Carter said:


> I joined this forum looking for help. I'm in such a mess. My dog, my best friend, my soulmate, my life had to be put to sleep the weekend just gone and I'm in turmoil.
> 
> Jake was my 9 ye old male Chihuahua. He had been neutered when he was 4.
> 
> A few months ago I started noticing him taking longer to pee.
> 
> It got progreasivpro worse until one evening I had to rush him to the emergency vets. They stuck a catheter in and drained him and explained they were concerned.
> 
> I took him to the vets, we went through rounds of treatment and antiinflammatories. As the weeks went on it got worse again until I took him to the vets for a scan.
> 
> They could see his prostate was massively enlarged and he had some large lymph nodes. I cling on to hope that it's not cancer and we tried a few other treatments
> 
> On Friday last week he was howling in the garden and wandering around in so much discomfort. I rushed him to the vets who said they would transfer him to a specialist unit.
> 
> I get a call the following day telling me to go in. I get there and they give me him for cuddles. There they explain that he has aggressive prostatic cancer and that there isn't anything they can do and that I need to consider letting him go. They were unable to get a catheter in because the urethra was completely blocked and they'd aspirated urine from him via a needle into his bladder.
> One vet said we could have debuilkng surgery to reduce the size of the tumour, but she said it was a high risk procedure with a 70 % chance of death as they also diagnosed him as having a heart murmur. They said the tumour would grow back very quickly and that the cancer had already spread. They said if I opted for surgery he'd be in a lot of pain and would be on a cocktail of drugs and that he wouldn't have much of a quality of life.
> 
> He was put to sleep in my eyes Saturday night.
> 
> Now I'm broken, thought about suicide. I'm in agony absolute agony to the point where I just don't want to have to live through it.
> 
> Did I make the right decision? Why did he get such a rare form of cancer? What's even worse is he was neutered, so why did he get an aggressive prostate cancer?
> 
> Why? Why is life this cruel.
> 
> I'm in ruin, I just want my boy back.


I know it hurts so bad..but you saw how much pain he was in..he would not be the same anymore and you would be miserable seeing him suffer..my cat got hurt my baby my world my traveling companion had to take him in he got worse had a very bad experience I wonder if I should have taken him in ..but unknown if I did not and he dies I would be worse he is with me always


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## crystalwitch

Hi Daniel. I have just been reading through this thread, and am so sorry for your pain. You say that your little dog should have had several more years and you would have handled it better if he had had his full life span. I don't think you would; losing your fur baby would have been just as painful no matter what his age. I hope, now that it is a few months on, that you are over that first raw grief. You will never forget him or completely get over it, but you will get better at managing your feelings. When you saw that he was having problems, you took him to the vet. You followed their advice, and when they told you that there was little more they could do, you held him while they helped him out of pain and illness. The last face he saw and the last voice he heard, were yours, which I believe would have comforted him. I had to say good bye to my little mongrel bitch 23 years ago, but I still remember her as clearly as if it were yesterday. But it's the fun we had together, and the love and laughter we shared that I remember most. For the last 22 years I have shared my home and life with cats, and of course, I have had to say goodbye to most of them by now. It hurts like nothing else could, but I would not have missed one moment of their lives with me for anything. I hope that you are starting to heal and able to remember Jake in the better times; maybe, at some point in the future, you will feel able to open your heart and home to another little animal, not as a replacement - no one life can ever replace another - but as another loved friend.


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## Daniel Carter

I want to die. I can't cope with the loss anymore


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## crystalwitch

Daniel Carter said:


> I want to die. I can't cope with the loss anymore


Daniel, please go and talk to your doctor and ask to be referred for counselling. And call the Samaritans as well. They will listen to you and try to help. Do you have family or friends you could talk to? There are also people trained in pet bereavement counselling - your local vet should have contact details or look online.


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## Happy Paws2

You can't beat yourself up, they are with us for such a short time but we know this when we have them. They break our hearts when they leave us but we have to try and carry on with the happy memories we hold in our hearts and they wouldn't want us to grieve and make ourself ill, remember they are still with us even if we can't see them, I strong believe that Dillon has never really left us and that he's here looking after us as he always did.

Remember we are here anytime you need to talk.X


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## Tanya Cray

hi Daniel 
I know how alone you feel right now. On Thursday my baby girl joined jake. They was both loved so very much and really wouldn’t want us to hurt, 
Rainn was back and forward to the vets for a few weeks with what we believed was joint pain she was a Alaskan malamute at 8 years old she was a older dog and could be expected. She was put in meds which lowed the markers and she started having fits, after a big one the vet decided to take her off in hope it would reduce the side effects and that her joints could be managed. She had blood works taken and nothing showed to say they had any other worries. She never got better went off food and although she was still our girl she lost her sparkle she loved to snuggle you give you kisses paw you for cuddles but that all stopped. It was heartbreaking to watch her slip away from what I was told was pain. On Thursday she started wimpering


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## Tanya Cray

Tanya Cray said:


> hi Daniel
> I know how alone you feel right now. On Thursday my baby girl joined jake. They was both loved so very much and really wouldn't want us to hurt,
> Rainn was back and forward to the vets for a few weeks with what we believed was joint pain she was a Alaskan malamute at 8 years old she was a older dog and could be expected. She was put in meds which lowed the markers and she started having fits, after a big one the vet decided to take her off in hope it would reduce the side effects and that her joints could be managed. She had blood works taken and nothing showed to say they had any other worries. She never got better went off food and although she was still our girl she lost her sparkle she loved to snuggle you give you kisses paw you for cuddles but that all stopped. It was heartbreaking to watch her slip away from what I was told was pain. On Thursday she started wimpering





Tanya Cray said:


> hi Daniel
> I know how alone you feel right now. On Thursday my baby girl joined jake. They was both loved so very much and really wouldn't want us to hurt,
> Rainn was back and forward to the vets for a few weeks with what we believed was joint pain she was a Alaskan malamute at 8 years old she was a older dog and could be expected. She was put in meds which lowed the markers and she started having fits, after a big one the vet decided to take her off in hope it would reduce the side effects and that her joints could be managed. She had blood works taken and nothing showed to say they had any other worries. She never got better went off food and although she was still our girl she lost her sparkle she loved to snuggle you give you kisses paw you for cuddles but that all stopped. It was heartbreaking to watch her slip away from what I was told was pain. On Thursday she started to wimpier a sound I have never heard her do before, she stood up and went in straight line following the units out the back door against the fence down to the gate back up the wall not going round them but trying to go though everything. I got her back in and she had the biggest fit she has ever had she was screaming, I have never heard anything like it. I gave her some meds the vets gave me to help her out of it and called them. She laid on the floor totally out of it seeing her lay there I had mummy guilt like no other to me she was one of my children and I would of swapped in a heartbeat. My husband got home from work and we had the last journey to the vets. We laid her on the floor and for a dog who hated the vets she laid there totally spaced out.
> Why I asked what can be done, surely there was something. I question the poor vet not giving her a chance to answer before I asked something else. I guess I was trying my best to get one more love you one more kiss one more hug one more everything. I was broken and it was the hardest thing to do to lay with her tell her not to be scared and that she was going to be free and not in pain anymore.
> one of the thing the vet said to me just before rainn was put to sleep was the signs she was showing was that of brain cancer and because of the fits she was not willing to do a x-ray as there was a extremely high she would of never come out from that as they are put to sleep to carry it out infact she put her life on her not making it out. I got to be with her at the end as awful as it was, and as broken as I am I was able to talk to her though it and tell her over and over how loved she was.
> I don't believe we let our dogs down seeing how much rainn suffered those last few days it wouldn't of been selfish to keep her going just so I could have her. She was ready and I believe you 2 have been incredibly brave on not letting jake suffer, you was brave enough and strong enough to not let him suffer. Like me your hurting there is nothing to give us comfort right now we are having to learn to live and change our daily routine, and that is super hard. I love the fact your here writing about jake because why your doing that your keeping him alive and that is a very special thing to do. Never stop telling of his story because why you do that his memory and life will live on and that is a beautiful thing to do. May jake and Rainn run in fields together and know my thoughts and strength go out to you. I know I may come across as though I feel at peace but behind this screen is tears and a lady who is so full of mum guilt wondering if there was just one more thing.
> 
> sending so much strength and support your way here if you need to chat x


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## Boxer123

Beautiful girl so sorry for your loss.


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## Tanya Cray

Thank you so much she sure was and always will be I am so numb right now it feels unreal all of this


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## Boxer123

Tanya Cray said:


> Thank you so much she sure was and always will be I am so numb right now it feels unreal all of this


It does get easier overtime you learn to smile again at some of the things they did. You never forget them though. Try and be kind to yourself have a good cry drink lots of tea.


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## Tanya Cray

Boxer123 said:


> It does get easier overtime you learn to smile again at some of the things they did. You never forget them though. Try and be kind to yourself have a good cry drink lots of tea.


Thank you it helps to know your not alone and people get this pain


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## Boxer123

Tanya Cray said:


> Thank you it helps to know your not alone and people get this pain


I lost my girl last year awful time I still miss her so much. The Blue Cross offer counselling which really helped me.


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