# Dog scared by human arguments/crying



## Janey D (Jul 27, 2012)

Hi

We have had our rescue terrier for 2 years and have made huge progress with him. One area that we have struggled with is his fear of shouting/crying or any kind of pushing and shoving by humans that looks like conflict.

Being a terrier he becomes hyped up quickly and if he is scared he wont run away from things but will rush in there and try and warn off whoever is scaring him. On the advice of Blue Cross we try and show him that there is nothing to be scared of. Our two teenage sons know that if they are arguing and the dog rushes in they have to stop, shut up and stand still or sit down and try and look relaxed. The dog will run around looking a bit confused then will calm down.

Last night the boys were disagreeing over the remote control. They werent even really arguing but the dog knew there was something going on and ran into the living room whining. My eldest son sat on the sofa and the youngest went to walk out of the room. The dog stopped in the doorway then lunged himself at my youngest son, nipping him on the ankle (barely a scratch but still). I grabbed the dog and removed him from the room.

One thing I have noticed is that its always my youngest son the dog will run to in these situations, and always has been. My eldest adores the dog, is always fussing over him and playing with him and my youngest son doesnt bother with him as much.

Any advice or suggestions? I do worry that one day the dog will really go for my youngest son, although my husband thinks that this is unlikely. Should we try and work on the relationship between my youngest and the dog? What else should we do. Obviously we could get professional advice on this but I just wondered what other people thought.


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## Lizz1155 (Jun 16, 2013)

Does the rescue that your dog came from offer any sort of long term behavioral support? It's probably worth ringing them up and having a chat. If they don't offer any long term support, do consider roping in the help of a pro (reputable behaviorists come via referral from a vet, and it's normally covered on your pet insurance). Primarily cos we never get to see the severity of nipping/biting behavior via a forum. 

Maybe crate-training would help? It would give your dog a safe space to run to if he feels overwhelmed with domestic arguments; your aim would be to teach him that going to his crate is the default behavior to do if he feels unsure of something in the house, so that you don't actually have to tell him "go to your crate". You could probably also use argumentative behaviour as a cue for "go to your crate", in the same way that people train their dogs to crate themselves if the doorbell goes. (Equally you could do the same training with a dog bed or a mat, depending on what your dog prefers). The book "Control Unleashed " by Leslie McDevitt (sp?) is really good at talking you through how to train "go and relax in this spot" type behaviours. "Crate Games" by Susan Garett is also a god-send for teaching "your crate is an amazing place to be", but also for impulse control. 

Maybe try desensitizing and counter-conditioning your dog to arguments? As in, teach that arguements aren't scary and actually result in fun things happening? Grisha Stewart's "Behavioral adjustment training" book is amazing at explaining how to desensitize and counter-condition your dog to things they're scared of.


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## northnsouth (Nov 17, 2009)

I have had several dogs very sensitive to our behaviour. It was a common comment in our house "Not in front of the Dog". Our BC was so sensitive, He never went for any one, but would shake and quiver as if what ever was happening was his fault. If I sent one of the kids to their room the dog would go to his mat. In some ways it helped to cool arguments as every one loved him so much. It was only with us though. He did not give a hoot else where, unless directed at the kids then he would become very protective.


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## Janey D (Jul 27, 2012)

Thanks both. Blue Cross did say to us that if Bertie has lived with a lot of conflict or physical violence in the first 2 years of his life then his fears are probably going to be very deep rooted. Early on when we realised this was going to be a problem we talked to the kids about it and they said no way would they consider not keeping him. Even after last night my sons were both saying it was their fault.

When I took the dog out of the room I gave him to my husband who sat on the dining room sofa with him. The dog was shaking and trying to bury himself in my husbands lap, poor thing. But there is still a niggling worry in my mind as to whether Bertie would really hurt one of my sons, especially if they were at home on their own and we werent there to intervene.

It strange because at the moment my youngest is playing on the XBox online and shouting at it because he is losing. Bertie is lying in his bed asleep flat on his back with his legs in the air! He seems so tuned into what might be an argument and what is just someone shouting.


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## Burrowzig (Feb 18, 2009)

My rescue dog was also very worried by arguments and fights. None have ever taken place in the home as I live alone, but (after 10 years with me) she's still scared of domestic conflict even though it's only on the TV. Nothing like as bad as it used to be, but still there.


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## Hopeattheendofthetunnel (Jun 26, 2013)

Janey D said:


> Thanks both. Blue Cross did say to us that if Bertie has lived with a lot of conflict or physical violence in the first 2 years of his life then his fears are probably going to be very deep rooted. Early on when we realised this was going to be a problem we talked to the kids about it and they said no way would they consider not keeping him. *Even after last night my sons were both saying it was their fault.*


Whilst I am a bit at sea regarding a helpful suggestion on how to best address your dog's sensitivity to raised, debating voices ....

...I just wanted to say that you clearly raised some very nice young men. What a charming reaction from them to accept responsibility.

If you can raise 2 human boys that well, I am sure you find a successful solution for your furry boy in due course. Perhaps your younger son could do some easy, brief 1:1 fun training with your dog? Flyball, agility, hide n'seek, that sort of thing?

Not a remotely useful post, I know. But I just wanted to say "well done for raising such great kids"


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## LaceWing (Mar 18, 2014)

Even dogs who were not raised in conflict can become upset when two people are arguing or rough housing. I think, as mentioned above, that you could desensitize the dog to a certain point. One way would be to have the boys stand in front of each other, with dog in same room. Boys would start at a low voice, calm, and very gradually escalate. They will notice when the dog alerts, before he reacts. This is the line that first needs to be crossed. Stop, go back to a lower voice and again note when the dog alerts and go back to a lower voice. When he calms, praise him, but don't make a big fuss as you don't want him excited.

Have you ever used clicker? Charge up the clicker and use the above protocol, but click for his calming down. There is even a book you can get, Click to Calm that may help.

I would also have the boys take turns feeding the dog. The dog should sit calmly before his dish is put down.


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## Janey D (Jul 27, 2012)

Hopeattheendofthetunnel said:


> Whilst I am a bit at sea regarding a helpful suggestion on how to best address your dog's sensitivity to raised, debating voices ....
> 
> ...I just wanted to say that you clearly raised some very nice young men. What a charming reaction from them to accept responsibility.
> 
> ...


Thank you, that actually is helpful because some people might read this situation differently and question why we would even keep a dog that shows aggression towards our kids, even if it happens rarely and can usually be avoided! My boys aren't angels but their patience and understanding towards this little dog never fails to surprise me. I also think they have got a lot out of this experience of taking on a rescue dog and working through his problems as a family. Although its not all been plain sailing ..

And Lacewing, thats a great suggestion. I was trying to think of a way of desensitising him so we will try that. And I am going to look up all the books suggested. We havent done any clicker training for ages, it has kind of got forgotten about but its fun to do so will give that a go.


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## Rafa (Jun 18, 2012)

Janey D said:


> Thank you, that actually is helpful because some people might read this situation differently and question why we would even keep a dog that shows aggression towards our kids, even if it happens rarely and can usually be avoided! My boys aren't angels but their patience and understanding towards this little dog never fails to surprise me. I also think they have got a lot out of this experience of taking on a rescue dog and working through his problems as a family. Although its not all been plain sailing ..
> 
> And Lacewing, thats a great suggestion. I was trying to think of a way of desensitising him so we will try that. And I am going to look up all the books suggested. We havent done any clicker training for ages, it has kind of got forgotten about but its fun to do so will give that a go.


I've know many dogs over the years behave this way when humans raise their voices.

It could be that some dogs just can't work it out when two people in the family begin behaving strangely or out of character, which is how a row would appear to them.

When a dog becomes very anxious, or if two people are behaving in an 'unstable' way, sometimes the dog will jump in to try and sort it out in their own way.

I used to have a number of PRTs and two Sons, five years apart in age. My Sons would sometimes get into an argument and it would escalate into a wrestling match. One of my PRTs would watch them and, when it appeared there was a loser in the match, he would bale in and nip them.

It's not really aggression I don't think, it's more caused by tension.

I used to tell my Sons that they needed to be aware that if they fought, one of them would get nipped.


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## Janey D (Jul 27, 2012)

Sweety said:


> I used to tell my Sons that they needed to be aware that if they fought, one of them would get nipped.


Yes thats true, this is what we have always thought and with other issues to work on with the dog we havent worried about it too much. My boys are old enough to know that if they shout and argue in front of the dog he will become very anxious and may nip one of them. We have two dog gates in the house so there is plenty of opportunity for them to go out of the way if they are angry or upset.


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## diefenbaker (Jan 15, 2011)

Set up some fake arguments.. starting at very low intensity.. rewarding the dog as you argue.. to desensitise him. Eventually you should be able to hospitalise each other while the dog sits calmy and uses the remote himself. Happy days.


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